#i just. i dont wanna go through that again. i cant i cant i cant i cant i. should go watch something to distract myself
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konohamaru-sensei · 2 years ago
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When you smile, I fall apart, and I thought I was so smart.
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knifekris · 3 months ago
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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exoscreamsoda · 5 months ago
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i know next season is supposed to be lestat focused (and im currently having a breakdown imagining him as a rockstar) but i would give ANYTHING to see a glimpse of how louis and armand were living in the current age before they invited their couple therapist. theres no way they figured out how to use the internet to its full potential. did rashid come over one day to set up their wifi and then ended up their little henchman. are their man snacks found on craigslist or something. armand said he didnt want daniel there so i can only imagine louis was annoying him 24/7 while he was trying to read on his kindle in peace 💀 the way louis is so adamant about getting this book made makes me think he was watching tv and one of those reality shows that covers old musicians came on and he saw lestat and started tweaking because no way did he think about old man dan's book out of no where
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kedicatt-cotl · 2 years ago
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Narinder having a mental breakdown for a whole minute
Song: The Truth from 36 Questions
(It has nothing to do with the Baabaa kids AU, the AU Narinder is in a way better place by that plot point)
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get-more-bald · 3 months ago
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the biggest thing about X6 is not that he doesn't think of himself as human (though he doesn't, and according to some it's correct) BUT that he doesn't see himself as a Person
#searching through the X6-88 tag on tumblr has not brought me joy#also. 1 thing about is that i hate hate hate the (i think) canon blue eyes he has. like. for fucking what#1st i saw them on tumblr and thought 'well thats stupid. whyd you give him blue eyes? so hed look special? thats weird. at least its uncanon#also. on god. i saw some post headcanoning the companions' appearances and it was p cool UNTIL they got to x6#and they gave him grey 'almost white' eyes for literally no reason. like if you want to go with the scary factor theres so many ways for it#but no. some people think that blue/grey eyes are sooo special. and for what#<- i have brown eyes but im not just being salty. it really sucks. i dont wanna be the one to call fandom racism but it does smell like it!#also like. i didnt want to go on a stupid tirade about racism in the tags again but the way fandom treats x6 AND preston is just upsetting#other people have made some very good points about it and im not going to repeat them here (also noones gonna read this)#but like... theres 3 'main' black characters that i remember: preston garvey (whom the stron majority of the fandom hates/disliked)#x6-88 (basically the players slave? also hated for being mean and unfeeling (which is justified imo). no quest no freedom no nothing)#and gloria (who i havent met in game but ive heard some actual criticisms of (like. the way shes treated ingame) and noone else talks about)#if theres any other Named and Important characters. sorry but i literally do not remember them#coming back to x6 being justified in being unemotional/mean. he was literally raised this way. he doesnt consider himself to be a person#being he was made that way. he is a Thing and hes meant for one job and hes made to inspire fear#and hes not supposed to have emotions so he just. doesnt. if he does he cant express them anyways#1 if fallout4 was a better written game (or 2 if x6 was white) i think thered be SO much fanfiction about him. the possibilities are endless#i have something brewing in the back of my head. i might start writing even though i suck and its going to be bad#ANYWAYS. general fandom thought on x6 are WRONG and im being a HATER. fuck everyone who doesn't like x6. if you dont like x6 get off tumblr#especially if you like gage but not x6. leave fr#i just woke up wtf am i doingggg
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moonlit-orchid · 7 months ago
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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stormyrainyday · 5 months ago
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this entire year has been flop after flop why am i losing so bad your honor i am literally just some guy
#im yapping u can move on if u dont wanna hear my life story#first i get nuked by stomach pains when i go to visit my friends#something that had been ongoing for years but#my best friend convinces me to see a doctor that year#my condition deteriorates no matter what meds they put me on#i finally get a more invasive exam that shows my intestines were inflamed#i get put on fucking steroids that fuck me up physically and emotionally#i go through multiple med school exams after spending months in crippling pain#pain so bad id be bedridden for hours#got 6 weeks of migraines near daily#sometimes multiple in a day#stressed out of my mind by the time my finals came around to the point that i could no longer bring myself to care#bc i was sure id fail no matter how hard i studied#visit my friends again bc somehow its already winter again#am a nervous wreck all the time and retreat into my phone#but also hate myself for not spending what little time i had fully present#constantly worn out and exhausted bc my meds are barely working#and id found out i was allergic to a lot of things so i was cutting a lot of things out of my diet#lmfao it was so bad my weight still hasnt recovered but yeah i come back i start 3rd year#the toll the last year had taken on my mental health finally registers#i become too depressed to study for my hardest module yet#UGH THATS SO CRINGE JUST SIT DOWN AND STUDY??#but nothing was sticking on god#anyway im sure ive failed#and la salud mental no es bien or soemthing idk i havent taken spanish in 3 years#anyway deep sigh i just stay losing#i cant believe im in like four fucking research projects and classes and trying to work on myself this shit sucks balls#and clinical rotations...#lord just strike me down
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usercelestial · 16 days ago
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it sucks that shitty fans have made it impossible to celebrate canon queer relationships that they don't like and seem to have an influence on which ones get attention on social media. it sucks that it seems like no matter how much tim says he ignores fandom, it stills get to him. it sucks that oliver refuses to stand up for his costars when they're being harassed. it sucks that antis feel like they have the power to ruin good things for other people because they don't gain anything from it. it sucks that we all already knew this would happen because this show never changes no matter what network it's on.
#going back and forth between if i should just take a break from this show again#my excitement has been completely sucked out after the break up sure but especially after the reaction to the break up#fandom isnt fun because the fans are fucking evil and annoying about everything. the show isn't going in any direction.#grrr idk I shouldn't have expected more but canon bi buck really made me feel like we weren't going back to the days#of one dimensional love interests and storylines that go in circles#we'll see if i watch on thursday. im off so i can tune in at any point.#i want to see buck grieve this relationship in a respectful way but honestly at this point would be be respectful?#would they give buck room to breathe and let him work through his feelings? or will he mention he's kind of sad once and move on#because interviews are bullshit like always so oliver referencing buck coping could just be one scene where he's a little down#they cant treat bisexuality with respect they cant give their characters what they need what the fuck can they do#i dont wanna stop watching this show because i've been here since forever i love it but if no one gets movement#what story am i watching? whats the plot? buck's story just becomes shallow and fans who like b/ddie and ONLY b/ddie#take it as a win because they can keep projecting their vision on to him because he says nothing to prove otherwise#so they just become blank cardboard cut outs of the kind of characters they actually are#i'm tired
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star-fandoms · 1 month ago
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WAKE UP! PIPER REDESIGN DROPPED!!
I know y'all don't even know her cause I never showed her, but she's my Obey Me! MC!! I might drop some old art soon idk I'd have to take a lot of pictures and i don't think i could fit them all in one post LMAOO!
THIS IS HER OLD DESIGN!!
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There's really nothing wrong with her, I just got hit with urge for redesigns seeing other Obey Me! MC's, esp the ones based off the sheep mc. I still might honestly use aspects of this design for the new design.
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imma be SO honest, I did not care for finding a stable outfit design so ignore this outfit, although I do think she'd wear cute and comfy clothes, and she at least always has a bell in her design, the bell is a must. this drawing was more so about her hair and colors(which I just color picked from the Obey Me! sheep mc icon.) I wanted her hair to be the sheep wool gradient and her side buns were inspired by horns. I did want to give her actual horns but she in a human MASSIVE SIGH!! I'll probably still draw her with horns just cause I think it'd b cute but it wouldn't be canon or anything. I also wanna go through and design outfits and new hair styles for her!
I don't have too much figured out for her personality or backstory wise right now. Og! Piper was one of my comfort characters, i have a LOT of art for her(most on paper) and she fit what I was going for but now I'm craving something new and I'm not sure what exactly I'm going for. I think personality wise I wanna do something closer to the in game MC, reckless being the main trait I'm thinking of, I can't see Piper too flirty(at least not on purpose LMAOO), I think she'd be ditzy and kinda out of it, very sleepy all the time, but I still want to keep Og! Piper's nerdiness so that's staying. She's also nosy, like the MC in the game and I can't see her getting scared easily, even getting angry or defensive against those who DO try to scare her(*cough cough* Lucifer *cough cough*) I still think that she's very kind and helpful and I want to lean into that sheep-like personality(I actually pet a sheep for the first time recently, sheep are so cute<3), she's def petty though, she doesn't like being seen as weak either. New piper has a LOT more backbone then og Piper had
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altruistic-meme · 2 months ago
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heyo! it's been a hot minute since that post abt ur living situation after the hurricane(?) and all and just wanted to check in if you were doing ok!! it always makes my day to see you pop up on my dash or notes :D
hi!!! yeah, things have been calming down finally so there hasn't been much to report for me :)
i think i said it a few days ago, but im still without wifi rip. in fact, almost everyone i know is without wifi right now, and a lot are still only getting super weak phone connection at their house. mine works great at home but hardly does anything when im at work.
i think there's still a handful of people i know without power still, but most of us seem to have finally gotten it back! my coworker was yelling at me cus of how soon i had gotten my power back while he had still been waiting for his (he finally got it back a few days ago)
but yeah :) im still super anxious about every hurricane i hear about right now, and bc of altered work hours this week and my drs office closing early on fridays i still haven't figured out my medicine situation, but im less anxious about losing my power again and finally feel comfortable getting cold/frozen food again!
also still sad about the damage everywhere but that's not going away any time soon, so it's a grief ill have to learn to live with
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pup-pee · 2 months ago
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my father telling me how scared he was when i ran away from the house but i cant express how scared i was 2 b in the house
hey, whats up w/that?
#whenever we ‘hang out’ he likes 2 make the topic as depressing as possible by always talking abiut the past#& it is the most annoying shit ever i will not lie BC I DONT WANT 2 TALK ABOUT DEATH & THE ABUSE EVERY TIME I SPEAK 2 U#yk? thag makes sense in my head#anyways he started talking abiut how terrified he was when i had ran away multiple times a couple yrs ago & when i say a couple i mean#i have no idea how long ago bc memory is a bitch#but it had 2 b like middle school - sophmore?#multiple times & like i just wanna shake him bc LITERLLY WHAT & WHO DO U THINK I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM#GODDAMNN I H8 BING THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE WHO CAN EXPRESS EMOTIONS & NOT LET THEM EFFECT HOW I VIEW THE OTHER#‘oh u ran in the park u ran in the park’ i didnt run in the fuckinggppaaarrkrkkkk AAAAAAAAAA I MET A NICE LADY WHO HAD A GOAT IN THE#SPARTMENTS I FRIECIENTED OFTEN WHEN I WAS YOUNGER#i cant express how safe the goddamn goat lady & her kid made me feel vs my parents who started hunting 4 me#like ive been dragged home so many times im not going through that shit again#i miss the goat the mom & the kid we were just chilling @ like midnight 4 a bit#did this turn in2 a vent? idk#i do this a lot ill prolly delete this soonish when im kore calm#bc rn i want 2 chuck bricks in my laundry machine & watch them fly out & hit whatever#im going back 2 watching anime if i have 2 talk 2 1 other person i will actually explode#like irl person not online the silly gay ppl in my phone r super cool & amazing & i love them#im srry 4 bing a dick btw#i cant explain it i mean i could but i cant im just my brain is telling me eveyr1 h8s me & MAN i h8 it when it does#so im just frightened & by golly & am i havign a cheery time yipyipyip#typing in tags is sm easier than in a post bc i dont think most ppl read tags lol#the more i think about my past the more i wonder wtf am i doing here#bc how did i even get out of the house in the 1st place & then ontop of that was able 2 hide#like what……#bc they were fucking grabbing me n shit & they have CARS like i didnt go in the park i walked the sidewalks HOW DID I MOT GET CAUGHT??#MULTIPLE TIMES??? LIKE I ‘ran away’ MULTIPLE TIMES#i didnt exactly run away tho bc i didnt want them 2 file police shit i didnt eant 2 deal w/that & also hirt the pll i stayed over w/#so i always went back. obviously blehhh#ug hj hhhh my heads hurting again this is like the 4th day in a row :((
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ashfdhfgdsfk · 2 years ago
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might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by
#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it#txt#el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg#putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now#nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left#would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck#shit im so hurt this is the worst#trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds#tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself#and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again#but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg#and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what#and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide#like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort#this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG#denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf#i feel sick#feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out#god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit#and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh#i could really go for a hug right about now s'all
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enden-k · 1 year ago
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refraining from drawing now to force myself to play through the genshin event until im done, so i can freely browse through my dashboard/tl/ao3/tumblr inbox/my fridge again without untagged spoilers
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arolesbianism · 3 months ago
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Earlier I encountered another fun isat glitch while fighting the king but this time instead of Odile crashing my game she decided to just stop taking damage and tbh that's how it should be all the time. About to take damage? Don't.
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sk3l3t0n444 · 1 year ago
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yk the depression is hitting hard when you dont even have the energy to watching you favorite movies :(
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the-trails-we-blaze · 4 months ago
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I finally finished the latest patch, and WOWIE!!! (thoughts will go into tags)
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