#FEEELINGS i say
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When you smile, I fall apart, and I thought I was so smart.
#fairy tail#jellal fernandes#lucy heartfilia#erza scarlet#gray fullbuster#natsu dragneel#juvia lockser#jerza#jellal x erza#nalu#natsu x lucy#gruvia#gray x juvia#natsu doesnt look great im sorry i just cant get his hair right#alos im sorry for hamilton posting in 2023#but it was spooking my mind and i had feelings#FEEELINGS i say#please let this post go through i dont wanna have to type all of the tags out again its too much#there arent even fairies in this show!
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#ran out of tags LOLLLL#and then .at least on fords end . be able to witness the moment of collapse . in which all his ‘righteous’ feelings r sucked out like a#vacuum or some star collapsing on itself bc not only is he like . having to come to terms w his own flaws#and the insidious like . stomach churning guilt associated w that but also the panic and fear (realized#w the portal or bills deception) into looking outwards and having that silent ���oh’ moment where its like yeah#thats why he left . why wouldnt he#GRAAAAA LIKE I WANT DESTRUCTIONNN I WANT THINGS 2 FALL DOWN SO HE CAN FINALLY REBUILDDD#let me innn😭😭😭😭💥let me in to the self reflection those thirty years😭😭😭💥💥💥💥💥#who did you meet that reminded you of himm😭😭😭who wronged u in similar ways who gave u a reason to be betterrr whoo what did you see#and when you finally came back what did u FEEEL .. and dont lie and say there wasnt that wisp of nostalgia laced arnd ur heart#girl…..talk to me focus on me u know me u know these things#stanford pines#gravity falls#sry for taggingn these i need it for my own blog i prmmy i need to reference this . i will#ok im back bc i read fords end snd i want to rip my hair out bc fiddleford has such good ‘collapse’ imagery too#like we liteally got the soc of the blind eye videos . HIS DOCUMENTSRYYY#oohhhits rly over for us (me) now (and stanford and fiddleford.and stanley bc i feel bad excluding him💔)#only talking ab ford bc i need a reason to connect it to stan bc im sick in tbe brain and i need the familial conflict aspect too#but fidds .. ur misery does not go unnoticed by me ‼️#anyways. ik i said idc if they didnt get back together but the beauty of multiplicity is also liking the idea#HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHlike whenb im over the conflict im like dude they went through so much tgether it must be nice to find urself in the#familiarity again. uugughh.AUUUH./
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repeatedly saying "he should be at the club" to my friends about caduceus solely because he is like the firbolg equivalent of 24 , knowing full well he hates that shit so much
#cad in canon: leaves the tavern because he got overwhelmed and also he hates alcohol and only pretends to drink it to not be rude#me: omg... hes 24. he should be at the club.#kiddo say#i feeel wobbly fr#😵💫#head hurt#my bodyparts all taking turns hurtng it seems like#my hip joints yesetseraday and now this#yknow what ill leave that spelled like that . sure thing brain#actually msotly my hands
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Curly hair don’t care ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#what do we thinnnnk? how do we feeel?#I used to NEVER let my curls out or even let my hair grow this long and natural#I dyed it constantly and now I only let it be natural#as that one funny girl says: IS IT EATIN? OR IS IT STARVIN?#blasian#gay#me
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Sorry I'm standing on my little Billy Kaplan soap box rn but I'm in IB Global Politics and I hate this class and I'm bored so I'm yapping about my absolute fav comic book character that the MCU is irreparably fucking up
#He will never be the same again#there gonna change his comic art#i feeel it in my bones#say goodbye to comic canon#and their going to make Tommy inherent Pietro's personality#because they can't access Pietro due to the whole fox thing#AND LIKE YEAH TOMMY IS A LIL BIT PIETRO#BUT HES NOT THE SAME#ARGHHHHH#I HATE YOU MCU#I HATE YOU SO MUCH#Mcu#billy maximoff#Billy Kaplan#Marvel comics#Marvel#comics#comic books#tommy shepard#tommy maximoff
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if you're wondering how i'm taking mizu5
the answer is "badly"
#i feel really sick#idk i already explained my thoughts as best as i could on twt and i'm really upset and it all just kind of hurts rn idk if i can reiterate#four years of build-up right into a devastating cliffhanger that quite literally removes mizuki from the game's real world#and changes her menu sprites and voicelines#and of course the most pressing concerns were not really addressed#and it's just oging to be like this for at least a month#and after all this they're going to segue into akito5 vbs beach episode or whatever like ??????#FUCK YOUR STANDARD EVENT SCHEDULING. FINISH THIS MESS RN HOLY SHIT#i say mess i don't know if it's a Mess (BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING CLIFFHANGER) it might still turn out well#but sitting with this is making me feeel fucking horrible i can't do it#i don't think i've ever experienced a media going from a source of comfort to a source of discomfort in the span of like 3 minutes#whiplash#i genuinely. hhhhhhhh I FEEL SICK AND THIS ISN'T A FUNNY HAHA JOKE#if i knew how to let myself cry i'd be crying a lot rn#sega pay me for emotional damages
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Her arm changes every time I try to draw it
#i think I drew it “backwards” but it's... eh#whatever#i keeep saying I'm going to study anatomy or whatever but I never do#but i am trying to make some details at least somewhat consistent betweeen dooodles?#and some things unique betweeen bionic arms y'know#most of the time I've beeen drawing them prettty smoooth so maybe i can have one with more biomechanical guts y'know#idk#it feeels like things would get pinched in the joints if they were open or whatever#but i am just rambling#that curved plate or whatever is unique to iannna but i haven't drawn enough prosthetics to reallly show it#so yeah#artlung#traditional art#ianna Ankarian#colonistlife#not rimworldy enough to put in the actual tag i think#just scifi
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the thing that fucks me up about rereading instructions for dancing is trying to pinpoint when it is that derek becomes obsessed with stiles and realizing the answer seems to be always. from the beginning. the moment they met. that poor bastard. he probably should have tried to be a little nicer about it, though, saved them both some hardship.
I think it slides so quickly from fear and annoyance that Stiles will steal Scott away to 'Oh no, oh fuck,' I'm not even sure Derek knows himself. Poor guy hamstrung himself by starting out with the 'I'm going to scare him away' mentality then wondering where the hell that went and trying to find it again through almost every subsequent interaction (while something so much bigger and so much worse - Derek's Thoughts™ - completely eclipsed it). Meanwhile Stiles also helps cultivate Derek's dickish-ness by assuming that original motivation to be his only interest in him at all, essentially until the moment Derek tells him he's in love with him.
Which is hopefully why it seemingly comes out of left field for Stiles and the reader, because that's what I wanted.
#i mean you should definitely think: uh ohhh derek caught feeelings before that moment#but since it's stiles and scott pov - they are the bright spots in each other's worlds so they are the focus#and occasionally derek will come along and glow around the edges and distract stiles a bit but that's all he is - a momentary distraction#and he's still that when he finds out that scott may be stiles' bright spot but they don't want each other the way derek wants#and so he blurts out 'i'm in love with you' before someone else shows up to want the same way he does#and since we've been in stiles' head and only gotten to see the moments that define him and derek is in so few of those#he's COMPLETELY thrown for a loop because what do you mean?? how could derek be in love with him??#how could stiles be all his defining moments and NOT know it y'know?#(because if you got instructions from derek's pov stiles wOULD BE so many of them)#and realizing they are in different places by a lot but not wanting that to mean they can't be anything more to each other says#'give me a chance to catch up' which in my mind is the only thing and the perfect thing#that was the very first scene i wrote for that fic actually - it changed almost ENTIRELY before the end but that line stayed the same#i just love the idea that you can be totally oblivious to something so defining for someone. that people can be such enigmas#inject that shit directly into my veins pls and thank you!#sorry i just love that dynamic so i can yammer on for DAYS about it lol#thank you for the ask and yeah you're pretty dead on about that haha#instructions for dancing#sterek#teen wolf#!ask
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guys go read haikyuu. or watch it, whatever. just please. haikyuu
#i know i hear you but you only THINK you dont care about volleyball#you'll change your mind i promise#the manga is complete and beautiful and satisfying and cathartic and full of joy and love!! you will not regret#if youre even very mildly interested or looking for something new i hiiiiighly recommend#watch the anime first if you want too its great!! then come be annoying with me on my sideblog when the new movie#comes out this year!!#nothing specific even prompted me to say this lol im just having feeelings#and this is my apparently semi annual attempt to convert everyone into being haikyuu addicts lol#x
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words dont look lkie words anymore .
#iev been triyng to fighure outjf what mke is saying<3333#i have half a sentnece👍👍👍👍👍and i feeel myeslf slippingh away .
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i never should’ve learned that groupie testimonial. If i hadn’t then maybe i would have lost this lame ass obsession
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rrrrrrrrr im so frustrated with my writing. its just been weeks of struggle and whyyyy. idk i think i need to rework or rethink what im going for with this one or something, its like i can feel the threads of the themes i wanna do are sooo close to tying together but it just isnt quite reaching yet and so it reads like a stilted bland mess but the more i stare at it the further away it feels aaah
i know it can get there i kNOW it can, the ending and like aha moment is so cleaaaar that i think its almost too solid and thats why my beginning feels so fucked—like i just keep asking myself 'well if hes gonna get there in chapter 5, whats stopping him from getting there now in chapter 2??' i tHOUGHT i had reasons but now that im there i just keep instinctually writing him to have the connecting/realization moment anyway and like. if that's how it is then what even IS the story??? i need a break
#leaving for my parents for christmas tomorrow and while its always a little lowkey stressful there esp during holidays#itll be nice to at least have a different stress than this one for a few days lmao#mandatory writing break coming at a good time ig#anyway a lot of the real problem is that a big reason i wanted to write this fic is bc i wanted to explore tsukkis mental space during#the ball boy arc bc i feel like its an interesting transitional time for him in terms of like being after his big moment but then#he slightly regresses in that post match bathroom scene until yamaguchi sets him straight and like. i love just how furudate is showing#that growth isnt linear and so i wanna explore how tsukki would feel during the camp (which he didnt seem stoked to go to)#and in contrast with hinata who couldnt go but weasels in anyway and like how does tsukki deal with#that intensity of stupidity and passion in regards to how he feels about his own relationship to volleyball now#like i dont think its a straight line from blocking ushijima -> admitting yeah sometimes volleyball is fun#i think theres some wavering in there and oooo i wanna explore it but FUCK its hard??#why furudate why does tsukki deny extra practice the first night of rookie camp but accepts the second night??#i know why he accepts night 2 im excited abt that. i'm big time struggling with pinpointing why he says no night 1 in a way#that doesnt come off like 1 hes fully regressing 2 like im having him say no purely bc thats how it is in canon so magical ~plot reasons~#truthfully furudates reason is probably just 'was funny to have tsukki and kunimi say no in unison' and it isnt out of character for#tsukki to say no either but i also can feeeel it i can feeel the threads of a solid character developmental reason that will fit with#all the OTHER stuff im also trying to do lmao#i just need to piece it together in the right way in the right order and right emphasis#and its so cloooose rn but ugh it just feels wishwashy atm#and so. i struggle lmao#eesh anyway fun tag rant yay#heres to hoping not thinking about this for a week will help#x#....who wants to take bets on whether ill delete this later lol
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I CUT MY HAIR SHORTIE SHORT AND I NO LONGER FEEL HUMANELY rather I FEEL VERY VERY CHARACTER-ESQUE
#idk how to say it#but it feeels SO GOOD#it gives me a sense of confidence and slayyy-ish vibe#i loveeee it
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Do I go to my bullshit 'disciplinary hearing' stoned as shit
#.txt#i think it would be funny#its like. idk what are they gonna say in there#'hmmm are you gonna do it again? do you feel REALLY bad about it? do you feel terrible and like shit and will never do it again?'#like what are we even doing here#youre gonna guilt me into not smoking weed? youre gonna talk it out with me???#the fundamental issue is that again. its not about the rules its not about the laws its not about right or wrong#its about the fact that theres a moral premium placed on sobriety ESP as it relates to weed#its just inherently wrong to smoke weed bcs its not abt law its abt order and power#the point is that the system doesnt criminalize weed through laws that say weed is illegal#it criminalizes weed by doing THIS#by giving the power to specific people to carry out 'justice' it now means that justice isn't written down it's interpreted by cops#and because cops are just protectors of the status quo and private property that means the interests of the status quo and private property#are really what governs the land#not whats just or moral or correct or wrong its abt what the cop is feeeling like at the moment#catch a cop on a bad day and theyll write a ticket they wouldnt have written on a good day#catch a cop who just happens to be one of these 'individual racists' and theyre enforcing laws other cops wont#the system is so busted and corrupt and unmonitored#all justice in america is unequal justice
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this is like so embarassing imo like i don't care when otjer people have this issue but i find it so embarrassing when i have it. like. i have a hard time talking to people and continuing conversations because i usually am really nervous when it comes to conversations especially irl because i feel like whenever i have convos with people i sometimes feel like time is running out and they want me to just respond to them because they don't really care about what i have to say and so i usually zone out and don't even . take in information..
it's not because i want to but i learned this as i grew up with my parents because they tend to ignore me wjen i was talking as a kid and don't even get me started on having conversations about how i feel or my opinions. we never had any of that ever and they didn't even allow me to hang out with irl friends so i literally had nobody i could even talk to like that and now i have to deal with it as an adult and it's like so fucking embarassing because people just have it so easy to hold conversations and like maybe i'm a little too hard on myself who knows but from my perspective i feel like i look like a loser and i'm always the one who just observes other peoples conversations because they have it. so easy. to just do this. naturally.
i don't know if anyone is going through a similar thing as me i really hope so because i feel so lonely and literally everyone has such an easy time it seems. and if they are nervous in conversations they seem to deal with it much better than me. i'm trying not to just dissociate and i'm trying to be more present because i don't even wanna be like this i just always learned to just live like that . joker giggle . OK my breaks almosr over
#it just feeels like. i can't even think about what o want to say.'properly. it feels so like. i'm Fr Running out Of Time#AHHHHHBFNFBSHGH. ok that's all
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good thing i am tall its optimal for lily headpats
me receiving head pats in bed w my 9-year-old teddy bear like im going to DIE any day now jfskdlffv im so dramatic but also so serious WHAT is it going to take to go away!!! >:((
#my fever also goes out of control the second i let up on paracetemol#it keeps climbing to like 39.4 etc and my mum gets so worried#good news is i dont feeel it anymore LOL#bad news is i am forever so waterlogged from chugging gallons of water w my antibiotics paracetemol and phlegm medicine and let me just say#what the HELL is in that phlegm medicine#IT IS SO BAD. OBJECTIVELY.#but its okay im so darling even when sick :)))
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