#i just wanna move out but i dont have money and i cant work bc im meNtaLly iLl so im stuck here! :)

[jacklesraised]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

[itsalwaysdark]

okay sooo 1. once little man is done with my laptop i need to do the ssn shit bc i have the letter 2. in an hour i need to switch my laundry to the dryer and at Some point i need to sleep preferablyyyy i oush as long as i can its been 28 hours i Think? since i woke up i dont avtually remember its all kind of a blur i do have a headache and my fuckshit tooth is bothering me but whatever . once i get the ssn login thing done im pretty sure i can get a new card like right away and then once that gets here i can go and get my permit And by then my new glasses will be here which is epics and ummm at some point not today bc im tired and have a headache aka not at my best. so once those 2 things r not the case i need to do the science and math ged practice tests ive been putting them off bc im scared ill do bad SKULL.but i need to get those done ... and omce i have the permit and everything thennnnnn i can go do my actual proper ged tests and once those r done ill have my ged and an id and thus can start applying for jobs again And ill be so brave and ask my mom to teach me how to drive . YIPPEE

[desire-mona]

heard we were making house ocs and ive had a dingus floating around in my head since january so i FINALLY got around to actually making a proper ref sheet. i present my silliest

Dr. Nanette "Ninny" Amesbury :3

more under cut !

big warning lore n backstory n stuff is very bare bones and not all the way there cuz im #lazy

birthday is vague but lets go with ~35 circa s2

if i had a nickel for every oc i had who had absent parents and was raised catholic by their grandparents, id have two nickels. unintentional that it happened twice i sorta forgor the other one's lore for a bit and now its stuck so ummmmm sorry laney. wont be going into childhood bc i havent come up w that yet and honestly i dont care to!!! yada yada yada catholic guilt but not in the chase way bc she hasnt left the church n likely never will

ummmm relationship chart + template

lets just quick go over some relationship highlights cuz some are def more important than others

wilson: mr president a 4th ex wife has hit the james wilson. when were they married? ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 😁

but they were married for like. 3 years? YES it ended bc he cheated but nin also wasn't the best either her ass was literally never ever there she was ALWAYS at work (like more than normal doctor amounts of at work - only came home to sleep and even that was only 4x a week(also worked at a different hospital))

tw suicide for next part bee tee dub

a big part of the beginning of their relationship was (big surprise) wilson's attraction to what he THOUGHT was neediness but was literally just nin wanting (and trying) to kill herself lol. once the magic of all that went away (perceived independence thats rly just #bottling shit up) he was just kinda like oh :/ its not cool to have a mentally ill wife anymore :/ i was expecting ramona flowers :/ or whatever. so infidelity impact font, hijinks and moving away for [amount] years ensue before nin being hired at ppth as the head of pediatrics. brief fwb situation w wilson Again b4 she finds out shes a lesbian at the end of like. s2.

oh yeah she also tries to kill herself again once she figures it out (see catholic guilt mention) but its cool she lives

cuddy: GAAAAAYYYYY GAAAAYYYYYYY GAY!!!!! DR AMESBURY WANTS TO FUCK THIS WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its one sided tho boooooo cuddys briefly like Wait ? just b4 nin moves away at the end of s6 roughly but shes already. thats done its not happening.

kutner: dont even fucking talk to me. i dont wanna talk about it. im gonna talk about it.

so kutner (like the slut that he is lowkey but society isnt ready for that) asks nin out just after he gets hired and shes like ermmmmmmmmmm! but sensing his loser aura she (still deeply closeted) is like hey haha i dont swing that way sorry !!!!!!! but its ok they become super mega best friends and get nerdy together

i like to think they listen to weird al together OH YEAH NINS THE BIGGEST WEIRD AL YANKOVIC FAN IN NEW JERSEY

and then nothing bad happens!

if youve seen this post about the little writing things kutner got after he croaked then hooray here's nanettes

they make me so fucking upset.

anyway as i stated above nin moves away after s6 for a bunch of reasons. 1) thanks obama 2) a big part of what contributed to her suicidal ideations n such was the fact that deep down she didnt ACTUALLY know what she wanted to do w her life. u may be like she doesnt. want to be a doctor ? NO she doesnt thats just what she did to get money to eventually do what she wants. whatever that is. something something feeling lost in life and unable to reach a goal when u dont even know what the goal is something something. also persistent depressive disorder but like spoon in kitchen.

idk what shes gonna end up doing after she moves but id imagine she shows up for house's funeral so i cant just be like lol nobody gets to know! im thinking painter but idk IDK guys her lore is ROUGH

thats it if u have questions ill answer thanks

[dhampir-dyke]

..

.

[doegirldaydreamer]

Diary entry #3 - 22/01/25

Soo.. yk how i said i was gonna take a little break so i didnt burn myself out?? Yeah.. no (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) but forreals tho today was actually really nice and like.. i barely even needed to romanticise it so obvi im posting about it bc i cant shut up!! Also i didnt actually take notes today so im going off memory so this is probably shorter.. also i might stop w notes bc i feel like i get nervous that ill forget sumet soo.. testing my memory idk!!

Anyways! Abt today! It actually didnt start really well bc firstly its my mums bday and i literally told myself the second id wake up id tell her happy bday and i completely forgot and i feel so bad she deserves the world honestly. Promising myself to spoil her next bday when i have a job bc.. maybe i like spending money a little shhh.. Anyways i also forgot to study for my exam in the morning and even left my notes sheet at home. Not that it rlly mattered bc i had the exam first period and didnt have time to look anyways. But still jdjdjdjd.

Also i was in a rlly nasty mood today for some reason </3 Like i was super pissy and snappy and idek why. Like im not near my period or anything.. maybe bc i didnt sleep as much as i probably shouldve.

Okay anyways period one!! Which was the exam.. but actually it wasnt that bad bc R my pookie was in and shes doing it w us. My other friend forgot his earphones tho.. which tbf was probably for the better bc i literally have like a 10 second attention span. But i actually think the revising worked bc i got a lot down and i actually remembered some stuff!! I would revise it more but also ive sorta moved on from the bit i can revise for and onto the like.. critical thinking stuff kinda. Anyways I helped out R with hers a little which like.. i dont think is allowed but also were both clueless so i prolly wasnt much help anyways..

Okok then period two englishh!! My teachers daughter had an assembly at school that she performed in and miss told us abt it and it was sosoosos funny 😭😭 Firstly they sung the london bridge song like 5 times so its like.. lets calm down a little. Giggle fr though basically they were talking abt firemen using hoses using erm.. a.. peculiar action!! Possibly may have involved swinging ones arms infront of yourself… and she was telling us abt how her husband was trying really hard not to laugh and bc she had her school high vis on she had to like tell him off gigglibggg!!

Otherwise it was pretty chill honestly. Like i didnt even realise the girl i used to be scared of wasnt here until miss did the register and its like.. is this recovering?? We were also just doinf like an article thingy which wasnt great but also totally couldve been worse. We were either meant to go with like funny or serious and i just kinda went serious bc like.. idk im not putting effort into being funny let me live </3 giggke fr though its like hard to be funny when asked i think? Not sure. I did call dogs pudgy pooches tho which is a win to me.

Noooow break! Tbh it usually kinda like blends together for me bc its always just me and my friends yapping lol. One of us did get a waffle tho and he shared it w me and i kinda dreaded it for a sec. I still ate it tho which is something i guess? I just feel bad bc like its his food. But also i dont wanna refuse bc ik its sorta sending me back down that hole and uthhggh. Its just hard sometimes. Itll get better eventually.

Anyways, on a better note!! Period three which was biology! I was kinda spaced for a lot of this giggles. It was nice tho i chilled out and sorta talked w the girl next to me?? And I accidentally told her a wrong answer but she wasnt like horrible about it. So maybe ill live giggle. Also the girl i thought they might have beef w kinda seemed like.. less put together? And idk it made me feel a little bad. Like she was bad to me but also it’s probably hard for her idk.

Then period 4, which was maths as usual. Miss wasnt in AGAIN which like.. i feel abandoned </3 but forreal not much happened again. I got through like all of the sheet we were doing which i was acc a little proud of honestly. Also omg i need to say something that i feel kinda bad abt bc im scared of like spreading rumours but apparently a kid one seat over from me has nits?? Like ppl have seen them and everything. And im so fucking scared of getting them theyre actually ny worst nightmare ever they freak me out so bad. And like.. if u cant get rid of them bc ur situation or something thats one thing but like!! Please dont come into school w them?!!? Or anything infectious at that?? Pls!!

Hhhhn okok anyways. Lunch! They were doing like lower school cakes (w the like white frosting ykwim?) and mt friend gave me some and it was like really good. Also my old maths teacher is gonna help us by giving us some papers and textbooks to practice w which honestlt i need rn. Also we were joking about my friends sneaking out and helping me cheat an exam by like sending light codes giggle i love them. Also omg those annoying kids came up again and its like.. leave us alonnneee omg do u actually have no other friends to bother?? Does ur year hate u that much??? Sighh anyways yeah. Omg and when we were talking another kid (our year) whos apparently like really creepy and harrassy came over and my friend got nervous.. like i thought he was just annoying not like.. a predator 😭

But anyways. Now period five which was chemistry. Honestly it was pretty easy bc were mostly revising so i could chill for a little. The mz kid did get like sorta told off tho bc he was being insistant about calculators or something which was like.. omg ty for saying somehtingndjdjjfn. Alsosooso a girl in the class who i thought was popular but like.. i think people really dont like got caught on her phone and got a dt for it and she was like really nasty abt it to the teacher and i feel bad.. like i thought she was nice but damn girlie u dont need to be on ur phone 24/7 even im not! Idk i cant really say much i just used to get embarrassed when i got caught so.. i dunno!

Buuttt something new today! I went to this like afterschool english help thingy for poetry bc my friends go! I was gonna go last week but i couldnt get permission. I got to go today thoo! It was actually rwally chill and i sat next to one of my sorta friends i dont get to talk to much which was nice! And theres a lot of like loud kids there but theure surprisingly like. Listening?? Idk it was nice to see they actually kinda care and theyre not just loud and mean. Also we were talking abt this at break but one of them is actually really smart and i did NOT expect it bc he always used to fuck around in lessons and its like!! Respectt omg. Also hes really religious (muslim) so its like he actually seems like a really nice person. Which was a nice change!

Aaanndd now afterschool! Ive literallt just been hanging out and girlblogging and reading fics giggle. I do kinda have maths hw to do thought which is just tijtjgjjg. I dont have to do it today technically but also i probably wont wanna tomorrow so.. productiviy idk. Anyways im eating a pizza rn which is amazing and im like pure hanging out. Also i wanna like expand my wardrobe for like punk rock gf vibes tbh because im feeling that vibe so hatr rnrnrnn!! Ong also lastly my package still isnt hereee crying.. its like two days late now. Litro brokenhearted.

Okayaya forreals giggle thats it for today!! Im gonna forreal try not to write another entry tmr honestlt bc i really need to not burn mtself out today was just funn!! If u made it here, ty for reading gorgeous!!

Rue, signing out 𓂃۶ৎ

[sugar-omi]

Incoming ramble I wanna hear you’re thoughts on this cause it’s been on my brain for a little bit and it’s got me in my feels

K so I forget if it’s in the step 3 prologue or in the Drive moment but either way when on the topic of Cove leaving for Nevada every now and again and choosing how your MC feels about it there’s the option to choose that it makes you sad and nervous specifically because the little 8 year old in you (who remember was probably HORRENDOUSLY lonely) was scared that Cove was gonna leave and never come back

Now that option alone already gets to me (cause I relate to it hard cough cough) but just imagine the MC actually confessing to Cove about that fear!! Obviously the MC doesn’t want to make Cove stop going cause yknow he’s literally going to see his own mom but MC also can’t deny that there’s that sad lonely little kid inside their head who just doesn’t want to be left alone again so they’re kinda just stuck in the dilemma. But soon enough after feeling well enough to admit it they finally tell Cove about it and get to actually work it out!!!

It just- AUGH ITS GOT ME EMOTIONAL MAN I CANT-

cove would actually feel so relieved omg bc it makes him sad too and he misses you, ofc ik he says that no matter what but I think he also worries abt leaving n nevering coming back

very traumatized from the move after his mom n dad divorced n he tried to run away bc he missed krya, yk 😟

reassures you that he'll always come back, and that if that did happen he'd prbly try to run away to see you LOL

would offer to take you with him!!! if you're dating ofc you need to work it out w his mom a bit more than necessary but she wouldn't mind if you stayed over or came to hang out w them

I imagine krya spends a Lotta time at work anyway since she can't be on leave the entire time he visits, so she'd be relieved that he has someone to keep him conpany

he talks abt you so much anyway, it's like you're basically there w them already

if you can't or don't want to go with him, he'd video call you sm more

sends lots of pictures n texts and voice messages

tells you basically everything abt his day and sends gm and gn texts

NO VOICE MESSAGES

omg...

coves sleepy, raspy voice saying "good morning" (

sounds like this, would even call you sunshine like sonny did!!!😭😭

I'm falling apart

mmm if he's gone a long time he'd prbly even come see you, or meet you half way

which is stressful bc he has a long drive but he would bc he's crazy abt you

omg gives you a shirt of his.

BUYS MATCHING SHIRTS

omg and asks you what you're wearing every day until you say that shirt n he wears it like "omg!!! what a coincidence!!!!" babe we know u did it on purpose PLEASE

sends you flowers

n by send you flowers I mean asks his dad to pick up some flowers and deliver them to you

sends his dad money too but cliff would prbly pay for them once or twice bc he thinks this is so chge n send the money back to cove so cove is like "dad!!!" n just makes an order on his card bc his dad is so stubborn😭😭

cliff is actually in love w your guys relationship he's so happy,,, pls

I should write some hc's on how cliff feels abt you guys dating bc my man's is so happy!!!! pls. OK anyway

OMG YOU VIDEO CALL N EAT TOGETHER

will ask what you're eating n have the same thing if he can

OMG HE PICKS UP ONE TIME AND HE'S RUNNING ACROSS THE STREET N HES LIKE "WAIT DONT EAT YET I GOTTA PICK UP THE FOOD"

n you can just see his chin, the sky and then it's like kinda black n then for some reason u can see the floor and then he's like "sorry" and he starts running back to his car AGAIN

and so he delicately places the phone down n is panting n just goes, "sorry. I'm ready now" *throws his head back* "omg gimme a minute... man. climbing thru your window really came in handy"

KISSES THE SCREEN

big "mmmmwaahhh!!!"

or tiny "mweh", no in between

falling asleep on the phone too

WOULD TUCK THE PHONE IN.. OMG STOP IT

he's totally normal abt you I swear

[ningningkittie]

kinda .. worried nd anxious bc.. my mom nd sister are looking at apartments. nd they found two that they might get (if theyre lucky it's sooo hard to get an apartment nowadays). theyre going to a showing on monday. and idk.. im just anxious bc what if my mom gets that apartment? then she nd one of my sisters will move out in april. only 2 months :( at least these apartments are muuuch closer than the others they've looked at. these ones are only a 15 min walk away so it's not too big of a step. bur im still scared abt not living w my mom. esp now when my physical health is awful nd my mental health even worse. ofc i also hope for it bc we live in a bad situation that cant keep going, nd i dont wanna see my mom drown. but yeah selfishky im so scared bc i wanna live w my mom. but they just kinda decided that my sister will move out w her. so idk im just scared bc i dont have ANYONE besides my mom. and im waiting for surgery nd being stressed abt school nd i have no friends nd no job no money and no fkn idea how i'll make everything work. so that she might move out so soon is terrifying to me :( i hate everything rn lmao

[gabapentinblues]

1.4.2025 nightly journal

felt really awful when i woke up this morning. i hate waking up recently, been staying up later and sleeping later. i just feel so horrible when i wake up, like the day and just being conscious and being myself is just so crushing.

i wrote morning pages today and sat with my sad lamp on for a little bit, drank black coffee bc im out of oatmilk. had a protein yogurt for breakfast and took a shower, didnt wash my hair tho bc i dont wanna rinse all the color out of it too fast.

i didn't clean up or anything before i left. i will have to tomorrow. i'll also probably need to go to the store and drop off my rent check. hate that paying rent is a thing, we all just deserve places to live.

bitterly cold outside today. had to walk several blocks to where i parked my car. im behind the building right now so i'll have to remember to move in the morning too.

drove out to visit friends, we got brunch at a diner and i gave them bracelets i made. vi had to go to work so caddie and i went to the movies to get out of the house, then went to the mall. i got a candycane scented candle and some lotion.

it was nice to chat w caddie and spend time w her. i helped her pick out some new clothes and we talked about break ups and frustrating communication issues. i just always seem to end up feeling empty no matter what i do.

im trying so hard to beat this depression. i called my mom while i was driving home and checked in, said im trying to take care of myself. i don't know how i'll ever make it out of this and feel like my life is something i actually want to have. i feel like im just marking the time and filling the days for now.

today might be the first day in weeks i end up not self harming, although i cant say that for certain and i cant say that i care to stop either. but maybe. im trying to smoke less weed too, so often i just feel guilt and regret and like im trying to escape. my whole life just feels like searching for escape routes and ways to numb.

im back home now, drank a late night monster. gonna probably stay up for a bit. burning my new candle and gonna use my new lotion. just spending money on things to not feel empty.

today im grateful for the sun being out, having the money to fill up my gas tank and pay my rent, movie theaters, diners, cigarettes, shopping malls with friends, disappearing into the night, drive thrus, late night conversations, feeling less lonely for a second, feeling like things might end up okay for a moment, peppermint candles, spearmint lotion, face wash and warm blankets

[bpdbunnyy4ngel]

my middle sister is moving in the beginning of november. this is a very weird situation since me, my mom and my sisters have all lived here for every moment of our lives. none of us want to live in this place. and it is t healthy to live inside the walls that traumatized and fucked you up. we were never able to heal here. but to me, esp having avpd, i end up in some sort of stockholm syndrome state. i dont want to leave here, even if it is all i dream of. i dont want my mom or sisters to leave, i want to always live with them. and we all think that if we lived somewhere else, and had moved from this bad place years ago, we wouldnt have these issues. not to this extent. but everything here has gotten toxic, unhealthy, dysfunctional and infested. it only keeps degrading year by year. but still. i am so scared. scared of change. especially when i feel im getting left behind, because i am the biggest failure out of all of us. my mom is taking university classes, and she is stressed but she still manages. my sister who is moving is doing so bc she has started university. my youngest sister has been working since she finished high school, and now has a high paying job (even if she does work so fucking hard and gets absolutely used by her shitty awful boss who talks bad about her to her face, she got this particular job bc like one of the higher ceos is one of her old schoolmate's mom. and bc my sister contacted her she talked to her mom and then my sister got this job). they do have it hard - as they tell me. im not the only one struggling. but my avpd is a disability. like i cannot function properly. and then i beg for help from the health care, but they tell me im too high functioning. i wanna cry. idk what to do. what if i end up homeless? what if i just cant do it? and im starting to lose sight of what "it" is? i dont get it i dont get it at all wtf?

anyway so yeah... my mom is so sick of this place that they've decided that she will stay here sometimes, and then stay at my sister's place sometimes. so it will be a huge change. she wont be here as much. and i have to be alone..... bc me and my youngest sister arent talking. and i am too deep inside an anxious state that i cannot deal with it or try to fix it i just cant. but also i have to like talk to my social worker and see if i can get more rent money bc my sister isnt living here anymore. only that is too much for me. i just cannot be a person i cannot. i cannot. i wanna die. like everyone only thinks im pathetic and stupid but why am i like this? i never asked to be like this. i WANT to live, i WANT a life, but i cant. i dont know how. i hate it i wanna cry because i dont wanna die but it seems like the easiest thing to do.

[sootends]

oh my god i hate my friends partner so much i wanna hang w him more but not when THEY are there.

theyre not funny, they never have anything interesting to talk about- all they ever do is interupt conversations so they can talk abt themself, they are somehow both too friendly and too mean, ugh i just dont jive with them. theyre not a bad person i just dont like being around them at all. and i hate it bc theyre attatched at the HIP to my friend who i DO want to see. i think i just need to be honest with him like bro i love u and i dont mean to disrespect ur relationship, i wanna hang w u more but i cannot stand ur partner.

in all honesty i think they should break up. i dont understand why theyre dating in the first place, TO ME it feels like a relationship of convenience. they dont go together like that, but maybe im seeing things.

their partner keeps talking about having a nuclear family and................. idk how to describe my feelings about this. they keep idolizing the nf sayin shit like "it worked out great for me and my family!" like they didnt rely on maids and nannys, PLUS they keep semi bragging about how my buddys gonna be a dr and theyre gonna be rich and i HAAAAAATTTEEEE IIIITTTT shutupshutupshutuplpshutup HE IS NOT UR PERSONAL MONEY DISPENSER he jokes about it enough that its uncomfortable. theyre from a different socio-eco class u kno? money means smth different to them. it fucks with me.

AGAIN IDK WHY THEYRE DATING my buddy refuses to spend any time and his partners place bc theyre a HORDER and theyre messy as fuck and idk what he expects is gonna happen if they move in together???? like bro this isnt kust going to go away- they are expecting u to work while they stay home u srsly think theyre gonna keep the house clean???? they dropped 200+ dollars on FACEPAINT!!!! FOR A SINGLE EVENT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND they have a MASSIVE tchochky collection that they cant even show to ppl bc all of their shit is still wrapped up bc as soon as they buy smth it goes into The Pile and is never seen again. AND they wont accept any help in cleaning up like....

its so over lol. i love them dearly but im waiting for the day they end it

[winderlylandchime]

We are on 3x06! 1/2 ‘HE IT PUTTING THE DRUGS IN THE TUSHY AGAIN!’ ‘Wait why are cops outside the clu- EW EW EW EW EW EW EW WHY WOULD THEY SHOW ME ETHAN AND JUSTIN IN THE TUB?!’ He put his hands over his face and fake gagged, now he knows how i feel. ‘I know another cool game you could play Justin, it’s called GO BACK TO BRIAN! Please tell me this concert is the thing that takes him OUT OF MY LIFE. Oh god *pauses tv fast* what if he stays around for another season?! I CANT DO THAT. He wishes Justin could be there? Why cant- oh right he’s straight now..A RING?! HE GOT HIM A RING?! Justin wipe that look off your face, Brian got you school tuition’ ‘what the fuck Brian? HES WORKING WITH A COP? Why are we getting so political? Ha brian hates it! Just like i do! Call him a twat and move on, HES ACTUALLY GOING TO WORK WORK WITH HIM?’ He paused the tv and went out to smoke. He is clearly feeling a certain way about Stockwell/Brian. ‘MY ASS he built model airplanes as a kid. (Stockwell says he doesn’t mind the truth even if Brian uses it as an assault weapon)…oh damn that’s actually kinda good description of him at times but i don’t wanna agree with a cop so fuck you. DUDE STOP HELPING HIM WIN VOTES! WHAT THE FUCK? I get he loves money and power and its his job or whatever but this is just ew. There’s no way he’d help him, i mean he hates *points to himself* heteros’ ‘AH ITS BRI AND JUSTIN!! no he saw the ring, BRIAN I SWEAR IT MEANS NOTHING! HE KNOWS ROMANCE, he just struggles with it.‘ ‘fuck even Bens intervention is boring. MIKE DONT FALL FOR THIS BULLSHIT.’ ‘BRIAN CMON WHY ARE YOU HELPING A COP? I mean i know we all have our flaws but i thought we agreed his was dancing?! (Brian tells the camera guy to keep filming stockwell bc abs) ha! His whole work strategy is “make it gay” respect. (Stockwell looks back at Brian after he calls him tom cruise) Is he gay? He gives of a *does the gay wrist bent thing* certain vibe’ Justin and Daphne show up during the interview ‘COUSIN?! GIRLFRIEND?! COUSIN?…Daphne hate him even more now, please. YES DAPHNE, BRIAN NEVER DID THAT! YES HE DID HAVE HIS ENTIRE FUTURE CAREER AT- ARE YOU DUMB?! DID WE FORGET PARTNER, VERMONT?! Go Daphne!! HE ALMOST DIED!!! YES DALHNE HATE HIM! BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!’ ‘AH JEN! MY GIRL JEN! She’s so pretty, why cant i get more of Jen? (ted and ems neighbor describes the neighborhood) fuck, I wish Brian was here, he would actually vomit at the idea of living in a place like this.’ ‘Okay who cares about Ben, give me Brian!’ Literally a second later stockwells ad shows ‘OH COME ON! I cant have a god damn thing going for me on this show! HE IS LITERALLY DESCRIBING BRIAN! THIS MAN WOULD HAVE A HEART ATTACK IF HE KNEW THE REAL BRIAN! BRIAN CANT YOU SEE THIS BULLSHIT, oh please turn him into a joke Bri! bullshit! How can he not see that he is literally against what and who Brian is’ the scene where Ben pushes Brian is about to happen! ‘Oh Benny Ben, you got caught! Wait why did his dad say 3 times 7? He made him do math? What an ass. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?! HE JUST PUSHED HIM! AND CALLED HIM A WHORE AND IS ANGRY THAT HE ISNT POSITIVE?! DUDE FUCK YOU! DONT SLUT SHAME! We’re all just vibin *does that surfer/thumb-pinky finger symbol with his hand* and you are ruining the vibes! WHY WOULD THEY IMMEDIATELY AFTER SHOW ME ETHAN BLOWING JUSTIN?! SO I GOTTA SEE BRI GET HURT PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY? *mocks Ethan in a childish voice* it was the interview. Well congratulations sherlock! You sure are one step away from being the new cop in town (justin asks if from now on itll be lies and immediately pauses tv)WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! I thought that was some shit only Brian could do, oh wait no. Bri AWAYS TELLS IT HOW IT IS! please go on a world tour, i will literally buy all the tickets just for you to go. HE HAD AN AMAZING LIFE WITH BRIAN! He is so jealous of Brian, its sad. I swear he competes with him every second of his day. I get Justin needed a new boyfriend or whatever for some reason that im sure is *waves his hands* somewhere BUT DID IT HAVE TO BE ETHAN?’

Justin wipe that look off your face, Brian got you school tuition IS SUCH A MOOD. Tuition >>>> cheap tacky ring

I am living for his reaction to Stockwell. He's so right.

Even Ben's intervention is boring - LOL

His reaction to Daphne is everything. We love Daph.

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?! HE JUST PUSHED HIM! AND CALLED HIM A WHORE AND IS ANGRY THAT HE ISNT POSITIVE?! DUDE FUCK YOU! DONT SLUT SHAME! I couldn't have said it better myself. I have probably screamed the exact same things at my screen.

Did it have to be Ethan - YES! this exactly. They were cruising for a break up, fine, I get it, story arc etc. But Ethan is so unbelievable. Also your brother screaming about how Brian always told the truth. I am dyinnnngggg about it.

[cryoriku]

feellikeimgonnaconstantlythrowupallthetimmeeeee never emotionally got to recover from my last situation bc the person just wanted to pretend like it didnt happen instead of resolving it and didnt realize because we just numbed tf over it but that entire safe space feels fucked plus a lot has changed in the small time we couldnt talk to anyone really and i chase it but i cant keep up to stay relevant and cool and funny and we're blurring as hell and work is FINE but my stupid mentally ill brain is breaking from working full time (which would be bad enough but also all the training is done from home) i wont stop shaking and i just wanna cry but we move out soon and need the money. im venting so much on here and i don't want to be but without a safe space and without a therapist (because my stupid boss won't give me a schedule to even make appointments in and when i make them ahead of time she gets upset) i have nowhere else to go. i dont expect people to reply to this i just need it out. this is so miserable. none of our interests are engaging or comforting us right now either.

i wish id never left florida. i have less here than i had there. i wish i stayed and played as some bimbo at a bar in the keys until some rich man swooped me up and told me he wanted to take care of me. i probably wouldnt then if all my needs were met but if i ever had to go inpatient then i know i could without actively making my situation worse by devoiding myself of money that couldve went to food or rent.

i dont want to die. i want to disappear. but i think its gonna only get harder to keep myself alive. its cruel to say this because i know how emotionally abused and controlled we were as children but it feels almost sick in retrospect knowing then how suicidal we were when we had food on the table and hot showers and no bills and now. no because we didnt even get that bc of roxas's consistently borderlining ed i swear was spurred by our parents comments and having our near naked body checked to make sure we werent cutting or hiding anything (yeah, dont let your suicidal baby get therapy or comfort them or anything, take away their phone and friends and invade their privacy nonstop because fear and deprivement will DEFINITELY make it better)

our youtube career better kick off as soon as we are in an apartment and start paying the bills because . hey! have i mentioned being demiromantic sucks ass! its 7am. i have got to stop typing. im going to get food or keep sleeping.

edit: i decided to lay in bed longer then birthgiver entered the room and im reminded i dont have room to have mental illness i need to grow up and get the fuck out of this house because i cant keep living like this her not gonna say more on this or im gonna explode.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[houseofwolvess]

im terrified to turn 18 next year but also i basically just confirmed with one of my best friends that we're gonna find an apartment together and be roommates so suddenly the future doesn't seem too horrible

[giverofempathy]

.

[atlasbeetles]

money is the root of all evil