#im taking at least a year long break after i get outta high school before i even THINK about going to college bc otherwise ill die i think

[houseofwolvess]

im terrified to turn 18 next year but also i basically just confirmed with one of my best friends that we're gonna find an apartment together and be roommates so suddenly the future doesn't seem too horrible

[riality-check]

*bites and shakes the bars of my enclosure* APPALACHIAN EDDIE!!!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU GOT INJECT IT STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS IM SO PBSESSED

Thank you so much!! I'm currently trudging my way through chapter 2 of Born to Run, but before that's done, here's some stuff I wrote up from a while ago related to the Munson Lore post.

Basically, if you're interested in Wayne feels, keep scrolling!

Wayne enlists the second he turns eighteen, the last months of high school be damned. It was his plan all along, the only way to get the hell out West Virginia or at least the holler. The war in Korea breaks out around that time, but he still enlists.

If he's gonna die, it ain't gonna be in a mine. He's seen what happens to men down there, sees them come home with coal-stained faces and crooked backs, watches them drown themselves in bottles.

That last one might just have been his pa, though.

Wayne feels bad leaving his mama, but especially his brother. He's only six, and he's already a little too wild for their mama to watch on her own. Over the course of Johnny's short life, Wayne has spent a lot of time makin' sure he stays outta trouble. He's a rambunctious, bright kid. Wayne doesn't know what he'll get into while he's gone.

But it makes him feel better that their old man's been in the ground a year now. It's one less thing for Wayne to worry about, for Johnny's sake.

Wayne goes to Korea, and he doesn't come back the same. He doesn't come back right, and until he can, he decides not to. Christmas cards and a visit once every few months will have to do because Wayne can't do anything more than that right now. He just can't.

It wouldn't be fair for Mama to have to take care of him, now that he's grown. It wouldn't be fair for Johnny to see his brother shaking and crying because of bad dreams, something he's surely grown out of by now.

So, he takes jobs driving trucks all over the country. The hours are long and it don't pay much, but if he's got music on, he doesn't have to think. He gets a pretty good collection of hats going, too. One from every state he's been to. He wants to go to Hawai'i to complete the collection.

It takes ten years for Wayne to piece himself back together. He ain't the same, but he's enough of a person by the time he's twenty-eight that he thinks he can go back for good.

So, he does. He drives back up to West Virginia and sees his mama and doesn't see his brother, who's sixteen now. When he asks Mama where he went, she shrugged and said, "Out."

Wayne does see his wife. Or, well, they're not married yet. They decided to wait until she has the baby so she can fit in her mama's wedding dress.

Rebecca is sweet and pretty and a high school dropout, just like Wayne, just like his brother is, now, apparently. She and Wayne talk for hours, and he really likes her. She's funny and grounded in a way that his brother definitely needs.

They talk until his brother comes back, stumbling in, face bloody. Johnny - no, John - smiles when he sees Wayne, and things are okay for a little while. They all stay at Mama's house. Wayne picks up some odd handyman jobs, Rebecca works as a cashier at the grocery store a mile down the road, and John-

Well, Wayne doesn't know what John is doing. All he knows is that he works odd hours and seems to be gettin' skinnier, but he's putting supper on the table, so things are okay. They're okay.

They're okay until The Fight to End All Fights.

They're okay until he and his brother are screaming, and throwing things, but they didn't hit each other. John swung once, exactly once, and Wayne stepped out of the way. He doesn't swing back, not like Pa would have.

Wayne leaves. His brother does, too. Wayne doesn't see him for years, but his wife calls and sends pictures of their little family.

Wayne isn't sure how she keeps getting his number, even after he's moved a few times. But Rebecca calls at least twice a year, some years more than others. Sometimes, it's a whispered rush of words; others, it's a nice, long, chat, even if her words sound slurred together.

She sends Wayne cards for his birthday and Christmas. She includes pictures of herself and Johnny. Wayne tries not to look at those too hard, not when it's clear that both of them are getting worse.

He does look at the pictures of their kid, though. "Eddie" is the name Becca writes on all the pictures. He's a skinny kid with eyes like John and hair like Rebecca. He's a smiley kid, too, and he always seems to be holding a book.

Wayne wishes he could meet him. But even if The Fight didn't happen, that's just not possible.

Rebecca never gives him a return address.

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

01 - You’re Familiar

This chapters songs:

Daughter Of A Cop; TV Girl

I Hope To Be Around; Men I Trust

Weird Fishes/Arpeggi; Radiohead

—

— Y. L. Perspective

My breath got louder and louder each second I ran. With my bento box hitting my hips, bag tossing around, and my skirt flying up, there was no way things could get any worse.

But luckily just around the corner, I spotted students climbing onto it, which made my feet run even faster.

Near late on my first day? Damn, Y/n, way to start your year.

   Just then, I heard the sharp hiss of the engine, sending me faster towards the vehicle than I had been pacing myself before. But still, the driver was ignorant, obviously not caring how much I needed this. It wasn't like my parents would take me anyways.

"WAIT..! PLEASE WAIT!" I started on the side of the bus, running side to side with the wheels. After a few seconds of loud disruption, it finally stopped. The break was hard, and students inside were heard making remarks of protest.

Sure, I felt bad for the people who had to get a brake check, but I on the other hand was completely out of breath and near dead. Couldn't they spare me?

"I'm, I'm so.. I'm so sorry I.." My breath is short, and loud while I breathe in and out, trying my best to try and explain my tardiness to the driver. He simply sighs, gesturing for me to seat myself already.

While I stumbled down the aisle, I received a few weird glances from fellow students. Some familiar and some new. I couldn't tell if it was because of my reputation, or because I looked like a hot mess. Either way, it was too early in the morning for one to give a damn. And so, I seat myself next to another student, finally resting from the marathon I had just run.

I sighed, rolling my head back, and placed my fingers on my temples. 'I probably look like a mess right now.' I thought, letting out a huge sigh. Once I sat my fingers back down onto my lap, I observed more of the people I was surrounded by.

Some third years I was familiar with, a few that wouldn't dare speak to me, and some that were strangers. Other second and first years I didn't know at all; throughout high school, I thought it'd be best to stay hidden and introverted, especially if I were to become popular in the music industry. Lots of young stars still went to school, and usually got dirt easily thrown onto their title and that's exactly what I would avoid this year.

Bringing me back to reality, I capture a peek coming from the boy I was seated next to. He had fluffy gray hair and seemed just as tired as me. But the bus was so dark, I couldn't completely make out his features.

"Something wrong?" I said to him.

He jumped a little, adjusting his eyes back down to his phone. "S-sorry, I didn't mean to stare. I just- I think I know you from somewhere."

"Lots of people know me, buddy—" I lifted my head, facing him. 'Hey, this guy does pretty familiar. But there's no way I'd forget a face like his. Then again, I have the memory of an 80-year-old woman.' I think to myself, examining his features in an awkward mood.

"Wow, it is you. (Y/n), it's been quite a while!" He smiled widely, reaching a hand out to me. I only froze, too confused to comprehend the situation. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you're doing well!"

"I-Im sorry?" I question, wondering why a stranger would confront me this way. But something was off— I knew him, I just couldn't remember where from. Maybe from previous classes, or from a concert?

He turns slightly, growing a smile on his pale face. "I was trying to figure out if it was you or not, but it is! It's great to see you're better. How are you?"

"Who are you?" I ask back, a bit frightened.

"Uhm, well, I sat next to you in math class during my first year. Remember? I was a little ditzy, kind of annoying, I never shut up about volleyball..?" He asks, hoping to get a hint of nostalgia. "Come on, you've gotta recognize me, right?"

"Wait, Sugawara!" My finger jumps out, pointing to his sitting figure. "I'm sorry I couldn't recognize you! It sure has been quite a while. But I definitely remember you, now! You were one of the people who talked to me during my first year.. thanks for that. Anyways, how've you been?"

"I think that's my line, L/n." Suga pats my shoulder, then places his hand onto his lap. "You've changed so much! I've gotta know how you're doing!"

"I-I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing in your perspective, but thanks anyway. I've been doing just fine." I explain before a yawn escapes my mouth. Sure, this conversation was energetic, but I certainly wasn't.

"Again, so very sorry for being so forgetful. I don't remember much from first year, especially not anything in math, but I sure do recognize you now." I say, hoping my rudeness from before wouldn't have any effect on how he viewed me. Not that I cared, of course.

Luckily, Sugawara was forgiving that day. With a wide grin, he replies, "No need to apologize. People change drastically during high school; we're no exceptions. Although, I would've enjoyed being mutuals with you throughout most of it! I wonder why I haven't seen you around until today... I believe the last time we had talked was around the last day of first year."

"Yeah, we didn't have any classes together. If we had, I'm sure we would have stirred up a discussion. You seem very kind. " I gently smile, rubbing the nape of my neck. I tend to forget any bad memories, and the beginning of high school sure was a fat one.

"What a shame, you too seem wonderful.." He comments, gazing towards me for a split second, before reverting his focus. "A-anyways, it's a bit of a surprise I saw you here. Have you always ridden the bus? I usually take it in the mornings as well."

"I've actually just moved into this neighborhood. My parents work more hours than ever, so they decided it's best if I'm closer to school so that I can get to school and back quickly." I explain, tapping the sage green bento in my lap, before setting it on my side.

Sugawara nods, understanding the circumstances. "That makes sense. I'm sure you'll enjoy it now that you've got a friend in the neighborhood. Although, a girl like you must be quite familiar, right?"

'Is that intended to be disrespectful, or am I just tripping?' I think to myself, asking him to spell out the meaning of that remark. "I'm sorry, what? A girl like me?"

"Oh, crap! I didn't mean that to sound rude— I meant because of your band! I understand you guys are the talk around school, considering you're getting pretty popular in the field."

A sigh of relief leaves my lips, preparatory to my correction. "Oh, my band. I'm not sure I necessarily make friends, more like connections and acquaintances. Only a couple of students know about the band, and usually just the down-low ones. But enough about me, what about you, hm? I assume still volleyball obsessed."

I had obviously steered in the wrong direction with our conversation, for Suga's aura quickly altered at the mention of the sport. "Eh, I'm not as excited about it as I used to be." He says, along with a hint of dissatisfaction in his raspy voice.

"No way. What happened to cheerful Sugawara who asked me, the lamest, to join the girls' team?" I ask, hoping a bit of that childish personality was still inside the older version of Suga. The one which was taller, more masculine, more of a man than before.

"Honestly, can't tell you. 'Teams has been a mess ever since I've joined." He leans back in his seat, stretching his arms out, before placing them around his neck from behind. "We're hanging on my a very thin thread."

"Dang, that really sucks. You never know, things can always turn out better." I say, doing as he did, and resting against the leather seats.

"Yeah, of course. I guess it's pretty hard to keep going after so many fails, haha." A sad chuckle leaves his mouth, as he sighs.

"Anyway, nice talking. I'm outta take a quick power nap; I barely got sleep last night. Mind waking me up when we get to school?"

"Yeah, of course," Sugawara replies. With that, I'm left with laying music in my ears like always, and nodded off to slumber.

—

"Hey, sleepyhead. We're at school," I hear someone say, feeling a tap of a cold finger on my nose. Almost immediately, I shoot up from my position, standing directly above Sugawara while students leave the bus with their bags, having loud discussions of excitement. Was there anything more embarrassing than falling asleep on someone who ghosted you as a friend?

"Dear God, I'm terribly sorry." I panic, brushing down my blue skirt. "That happens on rides, it was a mistake."

"Oh, it's no big deal! Don't worry—" Suga chuckles, standing up from sitting. But before I could let him talk anymore, I started making my way towards the exit of the bus.

"Uhm, I've gotta go! Great talking, though. I'll catch you later, have a good day," I mumble, before frantically leaving the vehicle. 'What a morning.'

— K. S. Perspective

Before I could grant Y/n a polite goodbye, she'd disappeared in just a few seconds. But even so, the measly to,e I'd discussed with her was quite enjoyable. I couldn't believe how much she'd changed.

Long ago, the beginning of high school, Y/n was the type of girl you could barely see, as if she were invisible. I think the only reason I ever even noticed her was because we were seated next to each other in math class, and she immediately caught my attention. But thank goodness I had at least tried making an effort to talk to her, or else we wouldn't have had our conversation this morning. But it wasn't her fault she was so gloomy; supposedly she had lost someone close to her the year before.

Although our talk was brief, it still meant a lot to me. Especially since I was informed that she was finally happy. Looking down at the seat she used, there was a small box with a handle at the top, and a few anime stickers covering it.

'Is this what was making that loud tapping noise on the way here?' I asked myself, examining the box more. Small initials marked 'Y.L.' We're at the bottom, informing me it was Y/n's. At first, I considered handing it to our bus driver, but for the few years I've known him I learned he doesn't return lost things. And so, I leave the bus with it in my hands, ready to start my morning.

"Suga!" I hear a familiar voice call out to me. Looking up, I see my friend, Daichi, and another fellow behind him, Tanaka. The two of them jog towards me, with their scarfs unfolding in the wind. Both I had met in volleyball, and they've been my buddies ever since.

"Hey, Sugawara!" Tanaka exclaims, roughly slapping my back. The bento tosses in my hands, thankfully not spilling onto the floor. Unfortunately, he notices the box and snatches it right out of my hold. "Wow, feeling a bit girly, are we?"

I laugh in response, quickly taking it back. "It's not mine, it belongs to the person who sat next to me today. Hopefully, if I see her again I can give return it."

"Hopefully?" Daichi teases, as we all begin our walk towards the school doors. "Do you know her name?"

"Yeah, her name's Y/n. Know her?"

He lights up at the mention of their name, replying "Oh, I know her! That girl you never shut up about I in first year, correct?"

"Ha, yeah."

Tanaka doesn't understand, digging deeper into the situation. "What?! I've never known good ole' Suga to genuinely have feelings for a girl, unless it was some fling."

"I don't! I used to. There's a difference." I say, as we enter the building.

"If she rides your bus, then why don't you just give it to the driver? She'll probably go looking for it later at the end of the day. That is unless you wanna see her again.." Daichi teases me.

"You see, I would. But the bus driver is sort of a thief, and this girl has had a rough morning as it is. I just wanna be nice." I explain to him. Though a part of me did want to see her again and hope that we could talk longer than we did before.

"Sure you do," Tanaka says, patting our backs. "Listen, this is my stop. I'll catch you guys at practice?"

"Sure thing, bye." We say our farewells, and make our way towards the third-year halls. "What about you, Daichi? Got anything exciting happening this hour?"

"If stressing about volleyball counts, then yes! Most definitely.." He says, clearing his throat. "Watch, like, two people show up."

"Actually, Kiyoko informed us in the group chat that we've got at least four! That's better than last year, right?" I try my best to cheer him up, but it only made him even more nervous. I couldn't blame him. Too much was even more of a burden, but too little was a disappointment and would leave us exactly where we left off.

"It's okay, Suga. I have a lot of faith in our team. I know it's been rough lately, but as long as we try our best, we'll work this out." Daichi smiles, turning towards a separate hallway than mine. "I'm off to homeroom. See you later!"

"Yeah, see ya!" I'm left by myself, giving me more time to focus on what should happen today. - 1st, I have to go through each class and say hi to a couple of familiars, and hopefully not see anyone I've had a conflict with.

- 2nd, I had to give Y/ns bento back to them, but that could only happen if we happened to have a class with each other before, or if we had the same lunch.

- 3rd, volleyball tryouts were this afternoon. I had to make sure and represent myself as a role model, and make it clear I was vice-captain. I wanted nothing more than for the new players to feel safe.

But internally, I knew none of those plans would work out. Especially if I wasn't focused on them. Currently, all I could think about was Y/n, and how refreshing it felt to be around her again. When I was first around her was at the same time when things in my life started to fall apart, and my little crush on her made me feel better about it all. I guess you could say she was my comfort corner, even if she talked to me only once or twice during the week. And sometimes on her bad days, I would be able to at least get a laugh out of her, even if it meant making a complete fool out of myself.

All I wanted was for her not to harm herself or feel lonely, which took a quick turn towards me once the year had ended. Not only had my thing for her end, but my family soon fell apart after my mother had passed away. Of course, I still had my responsibilities like volleyball club and helping my younger sister and my father get through it. But it seemed that everyone would do their own thing, so I did the same. And for a while, I was lonely and didn't cope with the loss very well. Just like Y/n, I distanced myself.

This went on throughout my entire second year of high school, while she on the other hand started to get her life together. She started her band, made and covered a couple of songs, and finally healed from her hard year. Honestly, I didn't even really believe that she was in such a good state, but I was proven wrong today. Ultimately, she truly inspired me to pick myself up and start fresh. And now that she popped up so suddenly, I was back to square one.

'It's been a while, Y/n'

—

HEYYY SHAWTYYYS.

Give me notes.

SO, I've finally rewritten the first chapter of my fanfiction!! It took a while, but I did it. If you didn't know, I started this story about eight months ago, and I had no writing experience. Now that I'm reaching the climax of this story, I decided I should edit the chapter, especially since they sucked ass! Nothing much was changed, just far more detailing and extra feelings.

Overall, thanks so much for reading the first chapter. Please vote if you enjoyed it!! It helps others know that it's worth reading. And if not, no worries. Thanks anyways. I love you all so much!

- your friendly Suga simp

[leossmoonn]

hii congrats on 1.4k!! can i request 🔮 for male marauders and golden trio era? my pronouns are she/her, i’m gryffindor, i laugh in situations i shouldn’t be laughing at, i’m very friendly and i act the same around a person i know for 5 minutes and a person i know for years, i’m loud when talking, i’m too kind for my own sake, i get annoyed easily but everyone says i’m funny then, i get nervous easily especially around a person i like and i get especially loud then, i love nature and swimming and i love dancing but i’m really bad at it,, thank you!!

thank you so much! yes yes of course!

male marauders ship - james potter

when james first heard your laugh, he immediately fell in love. he was in detention and had heard your laugh from outside the classroom. you were walking through the halls w marlene and dorcas as you all had a free period. james turned his head and fell even more as he saw your face. he then realised it was you, gryffindor prefect and top of all your classes. sirius had always thought you were a know-it-all, but james thought you were funny and pretty and he was determined to get to know you better.

so after detention, he went to his house to find you. luckily, you were studying w remus and lily. he walked up to you all suave and gave you a little smirk, to which you reacted by just staring at him while sweating profusely. little did he know, you also liked him. but ofc he didnt know that, not yet, so his smile faltered and he gave you a warm, polite smile instead and said “hi, y/n. i’m james potter. we have potions and DADA together.” he held his hand out for you to shake and you stared at it for a good few seconds before laughing. youre like “y-you, you know my name? ohmygod, haha- WOW. s-sorry, i-i’m not usually this um, giggly. HAHA” and james just grins and says “no worries love. do you mind accompanying to hogsmeade this weekend” and youre like “… alright…” and james is sooo happy hehe. “it’s a date!” he exclaimed before running up to his dorm to find sirius to tell him the good news. the wait for the weekend was painful for both of you, but def worth it.

you met him at the gates, looking beautiful as usual. james complimented you like 100 timed in the first 5 minutes, you were grinning like a child who just got their christmas wish. you two strolled around the town, james ending up buying everything for you 💀. you open up to him pretty quickly and you two bounce from topic to topic seamlessly. at the end of the night, you two were at hog’s head and (ik this sounds like a muggle thing but shhh) they had karaoke night and lily and remus sung a duet, to which james pulled you up from your seat in surprise. at first you're confused and are like "wth???" and james is like "dance with me, darling!" and you're like "HAHA NO" and james frowns and asks why and you pull him close and say "i'm horrible at dancing, james. althought i will admit, i love it," you chuckle. and james is like "perfect! here, i'll teach you, m'kay?" and you're not so sure but yk james won't let up so you follow him to the dance floor.

he puts your arms around his neck and he puts his hands on the middle of your back, not too high, not too low, and you two start dancing. james at first is impressed and is like "you're not half bad, l/n." but he's spoken too soon bc you then begin to step on his feet as you two sway faster. and he's like "OW OW OW!" and you pull away from him and is like "ah im so sorry. i didn't mean to :((" and he just shrugs, "it's alright. no worries. here, lemme teach you". and he takes you in his arms again. "just follow my lead, okay. relax and just feel the music. if you panic, just stop, look at my feet, and regroup, m'kay?" and you nod tentatively and he smiles and you two start swaying. for the first 3 minutes, your eyes are at his feet, watching his and making sure you don't trip again and hurt his toes. and a few minutes later, you are dancing like a pro! (you step on his feet still... but only a few times so its not that bad hehe).

male golden trio ship - fred weasley

fred made smth blow up in hagrid's face (bless his soul) and the whole class went silent except for you. fred and george were laughing, but they were keeping it quiet while you were literally honking. your whole face gets hot with embarrassment as you realise you're the only one laughing and everyone is staring at you. you look down in shame at your desk as you feel everyone's judging eyes on you. well, not everyone is judging hehe. hargrid ends up taking 15 points from your house, 10 for the prank, 5 for you laughing (oops...). hagrid continues class and everyone goes back to paying attention to him except for fred. he's staring at you the whollleeee time.

you're two grades below him (u two are 5th and 7th year but ill age u up to 16 instead of 15 since he’s 17:)) so honestly he's never really noticed you outside of the common room before. you are friends w ron tho so ofc he knows of you and has seen you around the school, but he's never really paid attention to you before until now. and he glad he finally did because you are gorgeousss. after class, he ends up approaching you and ofc you're starstruck bc your best friend's cool, funny, hot older brother is talking to you.

he's like "i noticed you were laughing at my prank. you think that was funny?" and his tone kinda makes you scared bc he's really serious, but you end up nodding really slowly. his serious face breaks into a happy one as he says "great! at least someone was amused. say, you're friends with my baby brother, right?" he asks. and you're like "um... yeah..." and he says "great! well, why don't you take a break from hanging out w my loser brother and hang out w me tonight? george and i are planning a few more pranks." your jaw drops to the mf floor and youre like “uh. um yeah… s-sure” and fred’s like “😁😁😁 GREAT. see u then, l/n!” and your heart goes 🦋🦋🦋 and youre like “alright.. see you then”

so like you tell your friends, harry ron and hermione, abt your plans and harry is like “cool cool. tell us how it goes!” and hermione and you are giggling abt you hanging out w a boy two years up from you. and ron’s like “yeah whateva. have fun ig🙄” and hes just jealous bc his cool olders brothers are stealing his best friend but you reassure him you’re still his bff and youll hang out w him after/the next day. A

NYWAYS so it comes time and you step into the common room, confused as there was no one there. so you go and sit on the couch to wait but as you sit down, fred’s face immediately emerges from nowhere and you literally trip over and fall into him (which youre freaked out bc you cant see his body) but the invisibility cloak drops and he puts his arms around you quickly and holds you up just as your abt to fall. and your faces are literally like millimeters apart. and you think youre abt to kiss but fred pulls away and helps stabilize you before grabbing his cloak. youre like all shy again and he just smiles and says hello and sits down in the couch. you follow him in suit and he explains what the invisibility cloak is. then he gets out all his toys and prank stuff and you’re honestly really interested and you even give him ideas for new pranks and yk he likes you like 1000 times more hehe.

you two end up talking for a few hours and you emerge out of your shell and fred is very happy bc he now sees like the real you. a few hours later and your curled up on the couch, head on his shoulder and youre about to fall asleep (super romantic). fred then mentions george and youre like “oh wait. how come he isnt here?” and fred’s like “hes w angelina. his gf” and youre like “oooh” and then you boldly ask “do you have a gf” and you lift your head up from his shoulder and your face is so close to his, not as close as before, but you can feel his breath on your lips. and he looks you in the eyes and is like “no” and youre like “do you like anyone?” and as he speaks he looks down at your lips, “yeah. i think i do” and you think you know its you bc well like, how can you not in this moment. and youre like “who?” and hes like “you” AND THEN (im sorry this shit is so long but im living the dream) he leans in and your lips touch and you kiss and its all 😍🦋😏😁😋😩🥰��😽👻. lol anyways you pull away and are like 😳 and fred is like 😏 “ill see u tmrw right?” and youre like “y-yeah…” and you watch as he stood up and collects his stuff and leaves you. once you know hes gone, you stand up and start squealing and jumping around hehe and you run upstairs to tell hermione.

next morning, fred finds you at lunch and asks you point blank if you wanna be his gf and youre like “yes duh.” and you two then become official! so even tho fred is a prankster and is always carefree and stuff, he does have a compassionate side that comes out when he feels need be. hes so supportive too and he treats you like a mf queen. he’ll literally buy you anything and will do anything for you. he also plays jokes on u which you get him back and hes very impressed w your creativity and boldness.

so during breaks and summers, you visit the burrow and you two often hang out outside near the willow tree in their yard. you two also go swimming in the lake (let’s pretend its a big lake not a pond lol). its super nice and relaxing especially on like 90 degree days where you two are melting. you two always are splashing each other and laughing loudly. sometimes you two just cuddle and drink pumpkin juice and talk about what fred is gonna do now that he’s outta school. tbh youre afraid that once you go back to school and youre apart, youll grow apart, but fred always assure you two that you wont bc you two are soulmates <3

hope you enjoyed this!

join my celebration!

[jubilantwriter]

Jaspvid Week 2020: Day 3 - Summer

fuck it at this rate i’m just gonna be posting late never get a night shift job y’all

(AO3)   @jaspvid-week​

You Can't be Traumatized if You Don't Go to Summer Camp

Summary:  They met by an ice cream truck as children.  And since then, it’s been a tradition for them to meet up and buy ice cream together.

Word Count: 5088

Jasper loves summer.  Summer means no school, no homework, and no teachers to be bummed out by!  Since he's eleven now, he thinks that maybe his mom will let him go to the community pool more often, since he can totally swim by himself without her worrying that he'll go to the deep end and drown.  

He's too rad for that anyways!  And since summer vacation started, he's been having fun watching the Saturday morning cartoons and hanging out with his friends whenever they want to come over and play.  With the heat bringing it's A game this year though, more and more of his time is spent just lounging inside his house, trying to beat the heat with his mom's rotating fan.

In fact, here he sits, mouth wide open as he makes a long "ahhhh" sound at it, giggling as the fan messes with his voice.  Although summer isn't always about having fun and playing with his mom's fan and going swimming at the pool.  He keeps his ears perked as he waits for a special kind of song to start making its rounds around the block.

And sure enough, the musical notes of a familiar tune rings throughout the neighborhood, and Jasper is already making a mad dash to his mom for some sweet, sweet cash.

"Mom!"  He waves his hands back and forth to get her attention.  "Mom, the ice cream truck!"

His mom smiles, having already heard the tune and pulling her wallet out of her purse.  "Alright, hold on."  A few dollars bills are handed over as Jasper grabs them eagerly.

"Rad!"

"But only buy one, okay?  Dinner's coming up soon."

"Okay!"  He dashes out the door just in time to see the ice cream turn the corner onto his street.  "Hey!"  He waves his hand in the air, flagging down the ice cream truck as it continues past his house.  It slows to a stop as he chases after it when he notices another kid peek his head out.

Red hair.

Green eyes.

And the scariest frown he's seen.

He smiles as he waves at his neighbor.

"Hi, Davey!"

"Don't call me that!"  David yells as he slams his front door shut, disappearing back into his house.

"Jeepers, man."  Normally, all the other kids would feel put out by having their neighbor slam a door shut at them, but Jasper was used to it.  It was pretty rude yeah, but as long as Jasper kept his distance, David wouldn't start throwing rocks at him!  It's a good thing Jasper is a quick learner, otherwise there would have been a lot more rocks in his future.

"Hey, kid."  A man with a scraggly looking face rolls down the window.  The ice cream man!  "You wanted somethin'?"

"Sure do, mister!"  Jasper looks over the ice cream choices on the side of the truck.  There were ice cream sandwiches, drumsticks, those push pop thingies, the faces with bubblegum eyes, that frozen lemonade stuff in a cup that tastes okay he supposes, and-  "One bomb pop!  Please!"

"Sure, which flavor?"

"The one that looks like a rocket!"

"Red, white, and blue, comin' up."  Jasper waits patiently as the ice cream man disappears for a minute before reappearing with the cold treat.  "Here ya go.  One American ice cream."

"Is it really called that?"

"Nah.  That's a dollar."  Jasper hands over the dollar and grabs the frosty treat from the man as he sits on the sidewalk.  As he unwraps the popsicle, the ice cream man grunts in surprise.

"You want somethin' too?"  Jasper looks up and sees David standing not too far from him.  He's biting his lip, fists buried deep in his pockets as he glares at the ice cream on the truck.  "Gotta pay up, kid."

"...Not if I take it first!"  Jasper watches as David runs and leaps at the truck's window, grabbing onto the ledge as the ice cream man looks unimpressed.

"Nice try, kid."  He flicks off every single one of his tiny fingers, making David land on the ground with a soft "oof!".  "Maybe come back with a dollar, and I'll give ya what your bratty heart so desires."

"Whatever!"  David stands up quickly and stomps his foot.  "Ice cream is for squares anyways!"  As the ginger stomps off, Jasper wonders how many times David's tried to pull that off.  He gets up and walks back to the truck.

"Hey, mister?"

"Whatcha want, kid?"  The ice cream man eyes him from the window.  "You better eat that quick 'fore the sun melts it."  

"Oh I will!  It's just, um," he digs around in his pocket and pulls out another dollar, "can I have another one?"

The ice cream man takes it slowly, looking between Jasper and a door that slams shut yet again.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."  Technically, Jasper wasn't breaking any rules.  He grins up at the man brightly.  "Umm, can I have..."

Actually, which one WOULD he like?  It's not like Jasper knows enough about David to make a good guess.  All he knows is that David is grumpy, hates people, sasses adults, and is an overall menace to everyone around him.

But he's also seen David out in the rain, with no umbrella or raincoat to speak of, just picking worms off the sidewalk and tossing them into the grass.  He's seen David yell at bullies, aim only for the legs in dodgeball, and even sit next to a crying kid silently just so he wouldn't be alone.  

Jasper points at the vanilla bar with the hard outside.

"Can I have that one?"

"Sure, kid."  The ice cream man disappears and comes back with the wrapped treat, but he looks hesitant to give it to him.  "Are ya sure...?"

"Totally man!  My mom says that if I treat people the way I wanna be treated, I can make friends way faster like that!"

"That's one way to do it, I guess."  The ice cream man shrugs as he hands over the treat.  "Better give it to him before it melts then."

"Will do!  Thanks, mister!"

The ice cream man waves as Jasper runs to David's house, sticking his melting popsicle in his mouth as he knocks on the door.  The door creaks open slowly, a single green eye peeking out suspiciously before he spies Jasper standing on his doorstep.  Jasper pops his popsicle out and grins.

"Heya, broski!"

"Oh, it's you."  Ouch.  "What do you want?"  Jasper waves the wrapped treat in front of David.

"I did something totally wack and got an extra by accident!  And I'm only supposed to have one ice cream before dinner or else my mom will totally wig out, so I thought maybe you'd like it?"  David stares at the ice cream with a suspicious squint.

"...Why are you giving it to me?"

"Because you're the only kid I know in this neighborhood!"

"Liar."

"Okay, maybe I know a few other kids, but you were closer!"

"What's the catch?"  David glares at Jasper, holding onto his door tight.  "I take the ice cream and then what?  I gotta give you my allowance?  Beat the snot outta someone?  Be your friend because you're a weird loner?"  

Well, Jasper's not exactly a loner, but he wouldn't mind being friends with David if he'd just stop being mean for a second.

"It's just ice cream, dude.  Take it or leave it."

David swipes the bar from his hand and slams the door in Jasper's face.

"Nice!"  The ice cream man calls, laughing as Jasper walks away with a huff.

Well.

At least he took the dang thing. 

////

The ice cream truck comes again, and this time, the man grins as Jasper points at an ice cream sandwich.

"Gonna get a second one too while you're at it?"  He points to a door cracking open, and a familiar tuft of red hair peeking out.

"...I dunno, maybe."  Last time didn't work out so hot.  Maybe David just doesn't want friends.  Maybe he's the loner.

And Jasper's fine with that.  It's not like he has to be friends with David anyways.

"Who knows, kid?  Maybe he's like a stray cat.  Gotta be nice to 'im and bait 'im 'til he comes out."

"You just want my mom's money."

"Absolutely, now are you gonna buy another one or not?"

"I said I dunno."  Jasper huffs as he waits for the ice cream man to give him his sandwich.  As he takes it, he hears the door shut and he turns to find David no longer hiding by his door.

"Looks like the runt went back into hiding."  The ice cream man hums to himself as Jasper unwraps his treat and starts to munch away.  A bright look comes across the man's face as he ducks into his truck as Jasper watches curiously.  When the ice cream man resurfaces from his searching, a yellowish cup is held in his hand as he shoves it at Jasper's face.  "Here, kid."

Jasper scrunches up his face.

"I don't want it."

"Nah, kid, it's free."

"I still don't want it."

"Look, I got a whole bunch of these laying around 'cause kids don't want 'em as much as the other stuff I got.  So why not throw it at that kid's face so you're not wasting your ma's money and I'm gettin' rida stock I don't need?"

"I don't want him to hate me more than he already does!"

"Can't get any lower than rock bottom, kid."

Oh, he'd beg to differ.

But the ice cream man tosses him what was essentially frozen lemonade, but not like, the good lemonade, but the lemonade that was just pure lemon juice with some water, maybe even too much water, mixed in, and then they put it in the freezer, and then put that ice block into a blender, turned it on high, and poured the goop into a cup to be sold to children who actually knew what good lemonade tasted like.

And this was not good lemonade.

Jasper barely manages to catch it as it smacks into his chest.

"Good luck, kid!"  The ice cream man salutes him before rushing off into the driver's seat to drive away.

"But I said I didn't want it!"  Fruitlessly, he yells at the disappearing ice cream truck, groaning loudly as he clutches this awful excuse for a lemony treat.  What was he supposed to do with it?  

...

Well, he could actually give it to David.

Maybe he was into this sort of stuff.

Frozen, bad lemonade.  That was kind of like shaved ice, but not really.  The outside of the cup sweats in his hand, reminding him of the hot temperature.

Maybe he wouldn't care?  Maybe he'll take it because it's so hot out and use it as a, like, ice pack or something.

His feet are already walking him to David's door, and after cramming the ice cream sandwich in his mouth, he once again knocks on the door, but with less enthusiasm this time.  David opens the door, but he looks only a little surprised.

"What do you want, Jasper?"

Oh, he knows his name?  

"Uh, here."  His words are muffled around the sandwich, but David takes the cup regardless.

And scrunches up his face when he sees it.

"Ugh!  I don't want this!"

"Me neither!"

"It sucks!"

"I know!"

David blinks, as if registering that Jasper was actually agreeing with him.

"So why are you giving this to me?"  Jasper swallows a bite of his sandwich and shrugs.

"I dunno, maybe you can like, use it as an ice pack?"

"Pfft."  David snorts, which makes Jasper perk up a bit.  "As if.  This thing'll only last for a few minutes."  

"What are you gonna do then?"  Jasper watches as David wipes the sweat from his brow, frowning as he stares down at the cup.

And sighs dramatically.

"Guess I'll eat the dang thing."

"...You sure?"

"Well it's not like I have a choice."  Jasper expects more bite to his words, but the ginger merely says it with a tired reluctance he doesn't expect.  "Thanks, though."

"Oh uh, sure, duderino."  He expects David to slam the door in his face but the boy just... keeps it open.  "Guess I'll see you around?"

"Whatever."  David shrugs as he pops the lid open.  "See ya."  

He walks away from David's house and doesn't hear the door close.  When he makes it to his own house, he looks over to where David's house is and sees the boy sitting there.  Quietly eating his treat in the open doorway.

And Jasper swears.

He's eating it with a smile.

////

When Jasper approaches the familiar ice cream truck, he can hear two voices yelling at each other near the truck's window.

"You tellin' me this is all two dollars?!"

"I said count 'em, you gigantic square!"

"Uhh...?"  Jasper walks up to find David gripping the edge of the window from where he hangs with a snarl.  The ice cream man glares back down at David as he holds a fist full of coins.  Oh.

"It's two dollars!"

"Quit jerkin' my chain!  As if I'd believe you!"

"Can I count?"  The two of them turn their heads to Jasper as he sheepishly rubs his arm.  "I mean, if I count them in front of you, it'd save you the trouble and prove Dave- David's telling the truth."  The ice cream man rolls his eyes but hands the change over to Jasper regardless.  And so the brunette carefully sorts out the assortment of change, and holy cow, he can see why the ice cream man was angry at first.  It's a big mess of nickels and pennies and dimes, with maybe one quarter in the mix, but he counts out the change dutifully, carefully, and out loud so that the ice cream man can see his work.

"...and two dollars."  He gathers up the change and holds it up to the ice cream man.  "David was telling the truth."

"I told you, you big doofus."

"Watch it, kid, or else I'm taking your money and drivin' away."

"That's stealing!"

"As if you haven't tried stealin' from me before."  But the ice cream man disappears and comes back with two drumsticks.  "Here, your ice cream."

"Yessss!"  David takes them both, before turning to Jasper and handing him a stick.

"...Huh?"

"Here."  He shoves it into Jasper's hand and looks away.  "For the other times you got me ice cream."

"Oh!  You didn't have to-"

"Later, nerd!"  David runs off and into his house, slamming the door shut as he leaves Jasper in the dust.

"...Are you two friends now?"

"Uhh."  Jasper looks down at the drumstick in his hand.  It's the usual kind - vanilla, coated with chocolate and nuts.  He unwraps it and gnaws on the outer shell.

Sweet.

"...Maybe."

"Huh."  The ice cream man sounds amused as he reclines against his window.  "That was quick."

////

It becomes a routine.

Everyday, the ice cream man comes.  Sometimes it'll be Jasper who meets him first.  And sometimes it's David.

But there's an unspoken rule between them.

They have to wait until the other shows up before leaving.

It's like a meeting place, but with a guy who brings the meeting place to them.

Normally, they just buy the ice cream and part ways back to their houses.  

But sometimes...

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"What?"

Jasper and David sit on the curb, the ice cream man already driving away as they eat.  It's too hot to stay indoors, so they find themselves having a rare moment outside in the sun.  Jasper wouldn't mind staying quiet, if only for the fact that David bites down on the bomb pop like it's candy and crunching away at it in his mouth.

Just watching him eat it makes Jasper's teeth ache.

"Biting down on it!"

"No it doesn't."  David chomps down on it again, making Jasper cringe. 

"My mom says that biting ice cream like that can hurt your teeth."

David snorts.

"You're just a chicken."

"Am not!"

"Then do it, chicken."

Jasper looks at his own popsicle.  He doesn't want to hurt his teeth, but he also doesn't want to be called a chicken.  David grins slyly as he nudges Jasper.

"Chiiiickeeeeen," he goads.

"I'm not a chicken!"  Without a second thought, Jasper bites down on his popsicle and crunches down on the block of flavored ice.  It feels as though the ice is freezing his teeth all the way down to his gums, and it sort of hurts, and sort of doesn't.

It's still not pleasant though, so he chews through it quickly.

"See?"  David nudges him again with a lighter grin as he goes back to polishing off the popsicle.  "It's not that bad."

"Ugh."  He determines not to do that again.  "I think I'll pass on eating popsicles like that ever again."

David snickers but doesn't push him.  Instead, they both kick at the asphalt beneath their feet and take in the rays.

////

Summer comes, and summer goes.  They go back to school, pretend they don't know each other asides from a neighborly nod, before continuing on with their lives.

But when summer returns, they find themselves meeting up back at the ice cream truck.

"Wanna try these ones?!"  Jasper excitedly points at the pastel-looking ice cream bars on the truck.

"Are you getting it only for the colors?"

"Why not!"  

"That's dumb.  You're dumb."  

"You just don't wanna admit you wanna try the cotton candy one."  Jasper teases the ginger as David rolls his eyes.

"Whatever.  I'll just take the watermelon one."  

"Well, I'm taking the cotton candy one, 'cause I'm not a chicken."

"You take that back."

"Are you kids gonna pay or what?"

"Here you go, mister!"  As the ice cream man hands them their treats, the two of them sit back on the curb, kicking at the asphalt as they get used to each other yet again.

"You think his menu ever changes?"

"Nah, he seems too lazy to do that."

"But what if something new comes out?  Like a tubular kind of ice cream."

"He already has a tube-y ice cream."

"No, like tubular!  Like wicked?  Gnarly?"

"...I hate you so much.  Just speak like a human!"

"But I am??"  David yells as Jasper laughs.  "Take a chill pill, man!  It's how everyone speaks nowadays!"

"That's a lie.  A big, dumb lie that only a square would make."

"Calling people a square is sooo outdated, Davey."  The nickname slips out before Jasper can stop himself, and he slaps his hand over his mouth in shock.  "Oh, no, I'm sorry!  I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine."

And he blinks.

"...Huh?"

"I said it's fine."  David kicks at the asphalt, keeping his eyes away from Jasper's as he bites into his ice cream.  "...I'm okay with you calling me 'Davey'."

"Are.  Are you sure?"

"Yeah."  David shrugs before turning to face Jasper.  He looks uncertain, nervous even as he twirls the melting treating between his fingers.  "I mean, we're friends, right?"

And he blinks again.

Mouth slightly agape. 

He must have taken too long to respond because suddenly David's ears are bright red as he stands up abruptly.  "Wh-whatever!  If we're not friends, just say it-!"

"We are!"  Jasper stands up just as quickly, a giddy grin making it onto his face as he makes to hug David, only to remember the sticky ice cream in their hands.  "We're friends!"

It's David's turn to blink as he registers the words Jasper says.  And then.

He smiles.

A real, genuine smile.

"...Cool!"

And when summer inevitably ends, he hopes he'll get more than a nod from David as they pass each other in the halls.

////

Summers come, and summers go.  As they pass each other in the halls, Jasper goes for a high-five that David avoids, only to punch Jasper (lightly) in the arm later.

They sit next to each other at lunch, Jasper sharing his snacks with David as the latter pours over Jasper's homework as Jasper explains each problem to him.

They become an odd pair, the two of them.  David's bristly exterior is immediately softened when Jasper is nearby, and Jasper's mood lightens considerably no matter the problem he has to face as long as David is there with him.

People often ask him if he hopes to make David a more cheery person by sticking with him.  After all, Jasper is all smiles and bright colors.  But Jasper just shrugs, saying he likes David the way he is.

If David changes, then he'll still like him.

Because David is David.

Just like how Jasper is Jasper.

Some things about them will change, Jasper knows that's inevitable.  Habits change, opinions change, outlooks change.

But some routines never change.

They're fourteen as they wait for the ice cream truck together, sitting on Jasper's front lawn as the cool grass stains their shorts.

"Aren't we too old for ice cream trucks?"  David is lying down besides Jasper, his eyes closed as Jasper drops torn up grass onto his face.  Jasper giggles as David swats halfheartedly at his hand.

"Nah."  

"We could be doing something else.  Like playing games.  Or eating ice."

"Only you would eat ice."

"Yeah well, maybe if you didn't think your teeth were so fragile-"

Jasper rolls David over, the other boy squeaking indignantly as his words are muffled by the dirt and grass. 

"UGH!  JASP-"  And then a familiar jingle rounds the corner.

"Oh it's Mr. Kevin!"  Jasper bounces to his feet and dashes away to meet the familiar driver.  "What's up-!"

David comes up from behind Jasper and grabs him in a headlock, already yelling at the amused man as he pulls out a few bills.

"HE WANTS THE LEMON ICE!"

"HEY-"

"Whatever my loyal customers want."

"HEY-"

////

A few more summers come and go.  Puberty is wack.  High school is wack.  Preparing for college is super bogus wack.  But David isn't wack.

If time could stop for just a moment, just so Jasper could have more seconds in the day to relish those moments of happiness that escape them more often than not, then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't feel as though everything was falling through his fingers so quickly.

Things change too quickly.

Times change too quickly.

Even old routines, that one routine he'd grown to depend on every summer.

That began to change too.

As the two of them wait for the ice cream man, a man who has slowly begun to fade from their lives as the times change, Jasper finds himself clutching desperately to the past as his feet tap nervously against the grass.  He can feel David's eyes on him, watching as his best friend slowly unravels before him.  With a sigh, David leans against him, forcing Jasper to a halt as he forces the teen to lay down in the grass.

Up above them, the clouds roll by peacefully, completely unbothered and untethered to any sorts of worries.

"...You think he's gonna come by?"

"I don't think he's got enough customers to justify it, Jasp."

"...Bummer."

"Hm."

They continue to watch the clouds for a while, Jasper's disappointment settling on his face as he wonders if he took his childhood for granted yet again.  A finger prods his cheek, and he turns to see David's green eyes.  Calm.  Relaxed, even.  He's mellowed out throughout the years, but he still wears a frown most days.  He's grown up a lot since he was that mean, bratty kid next door.

"You want ice cream that bad?"

"It's not that."  Jasper bites his lip.  He's kind of embarrassed actually, wanting to stick to this routine for so long.  David's probably long since gotten tired of waiting for the ice cream truck, especially during these recent years as the man showed up less and less.  But he never complains or goes against Jasper's wants, and instead plays along patiently as Jasper continues to cling.  

"Then what is it?"

Is it hard to explain?  Or is it just embarrassing to say?  He looks over to David, and there's understanding in his eyes as he props himself up, waiting for Jasper to choose his words without any rush.

How lucky was he to keep a friend like David for so long?

"We stuck together because of the ice cream truck."  David's eyes widen as the words sink in.  Jasper laughs, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck as he looks away.  "I dunno it just- I'm probably just tripping over this for no reason, dude, sorry-"

"It's important to you."  Jasper feels David lean against him as he thinks out loud.  "I don't think it's wrong that you're upset about it."

"...But it's a dumb thing to cling to."

"Not really.  We became friends because we kept buying ice cream together.  I think that's pretty meaningful."  David rests his chin on Jasper's shoulder as they continue to sit, waiting for nothing to arrive. 

"Is it bad that I miss it?"

"Nah."  

The breeze ruffles their hair.

"...What do you think Kevin is up to?"

"Probably selling drugs."

"Davey!"

"What?"  The ginger laughs, puffs of warm brushing against Jasper's neck as he gradually calms down.  "I'm right."

"You don't know that."

"Maybe."  

Jasper closes his eyes.  It's hot out, but he doesn't mind David sticking so close by.  It's comforting, actually, feeling his warmth like this.  Like, no matter what, even if the ice cream truck doesn't come by anymore, David doesn't really need a reason to just come by and sit next to Jasper and do nothing together.

At least that won't change.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Let's do something next year."

"Like what?"

"Something new."  David turns his attention back to the sky and reaches out towards it.  He tries to grab a cloud, but it floats away from his hand.  "I've always wanted to go camping."

"But we don't know anything about camping."

"We can practice."  David pulls back just enough to look Jasper in the eye, bright eyed at the prospect.  "We got a whole year to prepare, and we'll be graduating soon anyways.  Why not do something special for that summer?"

No more ice cream trucks.  No more sitting around.  But something new to fill in the void.

It couldn't hurt, right?

"Yeah."  He smiles as David returns with his own grin.  "Let's try that out."

\\\\

Summers come as they are wont to do.  And they leave as they tend to do.  The ice cream truck never comes back.

But that's okay.

David brightens up significantly as they begin camping, and Jasper wonders if he'd been holding his friend back for so long, making him wait for trucks to come when it was clear they needed to move on.

And yet.

He stood by him the entire time, waiting until Jasper was ready to let go.

An unspoken trust.  With unwavering understanding.

Camping is alright, he supposes, but David loves how the trees surround them, how the birds sing above them, the way they come across streams and rivers as though they were new discoveries.

Camping is alright.  But David's happiness is worth so much more.

"Jasp!"  David pulls him along to the nearby clearing, their campfire crackling softly as he points up to the sky.  "You don't get to see stars like this often!"

"...Yeah."  He watches as David stares up at the night sky, so unlike the boy he grew up with.  It's a side of him he's rarely seen before.

And he thinks that it's a shame that they never got to explore this side of him sooner.

Wouldn't that have made David happier?

David turns to Jasper, head tilted to the side as he catches his friend staring.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Oh, uh, nothing."  He looks away with a blush, scratching at his cheek as he looks for something to distract David with.  "Oh yeah, we should make sure the campfire doesn't burn down anything, right?"

"Oh- yeah!"  David rushes back, already worried as Jasper laughs.

This.

This is different.

But it's a good kind of different.

"Hey."

"Huh?"  David looks up from where he sits by the fire, watching as Jasper plops down besides him.

"Why do you like camping so much?"

"...I dunno it just."  He shrugs, smiling wistfully as he watches the fire.  "I mean, I used to camp a lot with my dad.  Before he left."  

Ah, right.

"Wouldn't you hate camping then?"

"I mean, I did.  For a long time, I did."  David laughs, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he talks.  "But then, you became my friend.  And we grew closer and.  I just wanted to do something with you.  Something that we could claim as our own.  Sure, there was that whole ice cream thing but.  That could only last for so long, and when it ran its course, I saw how you were struggling to just.  Wrap your mind around losing something that was so us.  And I wanted to do something.  Make a new something.  And.  Camping was the only thing I could think of."  He shrugs as he turns to face Jasper, the brunette wide eyed as the ginger grins.  "It just felt... right, you know?"

"...God."  Jasper shakes his head, laughing as he does so.  "You're amazing, you know that?"

"Only because you stuck by long enough for me to be amazing."  David nudges his shoulder playfully.  "...Hey."

"Hm?"

"Thanks.  For actually, um.  Being my friend."  David looks down as he speaks.  "It couldn't have been easy."

"...Nah, thanks for letting me stick to that ice cream schtick for so long."  Jasper bonks his head gently against David's.  "That couldn't have been easy."

"It's whatever."  David bonks back with a smile.  "I mean, as long as I got to spend time with you, it was worth it."

...Yeah.

It was, wasn't it?

He smiles as their fingers brush together.

Yeah, maybe camping was just alright.  If it'd been with anyone else, he'd be pretty indifferent and distant throughout the whole affair.

But.

With David?

Like when they were waiting for the ice cream truck together, the sun beaming down above them, feet kicking playfully at asphalt as they listened to the sounds of the birds chirping in the distance.

Sitting here, by an open fire, underneath the stars and listening to the songs of the crickets and the hoots of the owls.

Just like then.

Just.  Existing next to each other.

It just.

Feels.

Right.

[cheaper-by-the-half-dozen]

on Im sitting here bored and waiting for time to pass.  I cant go to bed until like midnight because I forgot to take my morning pills and didnt take them until noon.  I have to take them 12 hours apart so it looks like a late night for me, at least I can sleep in tomorrow.  Because of my previous manic episode November/December they added Zyprexa.  I started seeing things...crumbs growing legs and walking across my table or moles on my body turning to bugs and burrowing into my skin.  Yikes that is fucking hard.  My doctor wants me to keep taking it, shes saying the reason I am seeing things is because I am extremely triggered from Delilahs death.  I mean shes not wrong.  Delilah my two month old niece died a month ago tomorrow. I miss her.  I miss my brother.  He is so broken.  I never got to hold Delilah I never got to meet her because of the pandemic.  Her death came 2 weeks after the death of my moms husband.  (Not my abuser).  My therapist thinks its normal that I am having such an intense reaction to all this.  I dont know yall, this sucks though. My legs are on fire.  I decided this year to use lent as my own little time to challenge the fuck outta myself.  So I am following the low carb/high fat plan on itrackbites and I am walking 5 miles every day during lent.  I am also completely off facebook for the next 40 days.  Theres other things like an unpacking challenge and declutter challenge.  I am on day 3 of 5 miles per day and my legs hurt so bad.  I know I should take a rest day but I told myself I would do it every day so I dont really wanna break it.  If my legs hurt too much tomorrow I will decide then.  Until that decision is made I am popping pain relievers (advil) and telling myself ‘no pain no gain’ or whatever that saying is.

Jeff and I started a new little date night thing.  Its more of a family night thing but its mostly just for him and I. We started the Marvel franchise in timeline order.  We have watched Captain America, Captain Marvel and today we watched Ironman.  Jeff has seen all of them, I havent.  Captain America and Captain Marvel were new.  I loved Captain Marvel.  I still think Captain America is overrated lol.  Idk why.

I downloaded the Peanut app and have met two friends!  One is an hour away and doesnt drive or anything so I am not really sure how much we will hang out.  The other one lives behinds the boys’ elementary school.  I am really excited to actually hang out and see if we click as well in real life as do in text.  She seems awesome.  I feel like once Covid is over we will know a couple people.  We will see. My sister and I made plans for our families to spend Easter together.  My niece (the one who was paralyzed in the accident) is at an incredibly high rate for death due to Covid due to her injuries.  Finn is high risk/immunocompromised.  We both spend all our time in social isolation (no one in or out, grocery deliveries)  We get together a couple times a year after we take covid tests.  We havent seen her since mid-january and I miss her and my nieces and nephews (and her husband) terribly.  So they are gonna come spend Easter weekend here and its Santanna’s birthday on Easter.  I am excited.  She has 5 living children and my 6, it turns out to be a fun time.  I will have a huge Easter Egg hunt and goodies bags for the kids to be given to them on Friday night.  So, I have that to look forward to.

My brother started dialysis last week.  My heart breaks for him.  He is in high spirits and my mom says hes really making progress as far as learning the machines.  I am so, so proud of her and the work she is doing for him.  She buried her husband and her granddaughter and was told her sons kidneys were in total failure and he needed dialysis in a fucking month dude.  She stands facing the storm unwavering.  My mom and I have our issues but I cannot help but look at her and think maybe, maybe I got my strength for her and the long line of Elliot women who came before her.

Not really sure what else to put here y’all.  I really would like to get back to using tumblr as a place to brain dump but its probably still really fucking toxic so.

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Summer’s Child

Summer’s Child Chapter 5- Angel of The Morning

Hey doll’s, its been a little break from all the gorgeous content, and im withering on the vine! Where oh where is the music. (Just Kidding, Jeff, take your time Harry-not really, but ok....) Special thanks to @emulateharry, and my true loves- @dirtystyles and @bleedinglove4h

May 1969

He just wanted to wear his dad's good suit. That's all he wanted. It would have made this simpler and definitely lessen the humiliation he was feeling.

Harry was stood in the Sears suit department watching Jillian make ugly faces at all the drab suits.

"Not one of them can be a color?" She'd looked at Harry standing there holding several checked jackets and sighed.

"I'm really fine with grey or blue." He'd shrugged. Those were colors. And as for the plaid in his hand, his dad had several tweed coats he was  pretty sure he'd grown into. He was as tall as him now, maybe a hair taller. Or his hair ''twas taller. And a little broader. His posture was just band, mostly because  he wanted to fold in on himself like a dinner napkin a lot of the time. Like right now. Not only was he going to Prom as her and Will's third wheel. He was going to stand out like the star in a play if Jillian got her way about his attire. He was really more of a background character.

Harry was elated when Jillian just huffed and took all the jackets out of his hand and gave him the blue suit. He'd been eyeing it for a while now. It was not navy, decidedly, but it was blue. Blue was safe, but it had small details he liked, the lapels and the flares leg. It was, well, groovy would be Jillian's description, was.

"You sure your don't want to try on the green suit?" She picked up the mossy suit one more time.

Harry wasn't sure what the difference was between a blue suit and a green one, the green just seemed, loud. "I think it's a little much." He narrowed his eyes behind his glasses at the fabric.

"But it's corduroy." She smiled like that made the difference. It did, just not the way she thought it did.

"Maybe that's why I think it's a little much." He inclined his forehead at her.

"I think you play it too safe." She shrugged.

He very much did play it safe. Not just with clothes. But, "the pants of the blue one are belled." That seemed relevant and like she needed a reminder.

Jillian trilled her musical laugh. "Oh, alright, I dig it. We have reached your limit on cool. Go try it on." He walked into the dressing room and could hear her giggling outside.

"What are you plotting?" He nearly tripped over his own pants, thankfully since he couldn't afford a suit and extra pants, when the corduroy hit his head.

"I wanna see you in it. You're gonna look groovy. Your eyes will be green like jade man!" His heart soared. "Trina Lewis said she's just noticed how pretty the color was the other day, when you were cleaning your glasses." And it sunk.

"Who's Trini Lewis?"

"She's in English with us. And Trina, doof." She laughed. "She moved here last year. Kinda quiet really curly blonde hair, brown eyes."

"Where does she sit?" He didn't care, he was simply stalling.

"She sits one back and two over from me, so three from you." That's why he'd never noticed, he looked forward in class, certainly no further back than Jillian.

"Why are we talking about Trini—"

"Trina." She giggled.

"Trina, any how?" He stepped out in the blue suit expecting to continue sparring with her.

She was quiet. It was strange, so Harry only caught a glimpse of himself before he redirected his attention to her. Jillian's eyes always took up a bit more than their fair share of her face, or he focused on them most to avoid looking at her mouth.

Sitting on the round tufted avocado stool, they were shooter marble big. And her mouth was caught on whatever explanation she was gonna give about the blonde in their English class. Trini? It was hard to remember anyone else's name when she was looking up at him, especially like that.

Something broke when she blinked, the moment, his heart, it was hard to say. "What?" He finally asked to break the tension. The hairs on his arm were standing on end.

"Nothing," she swallowed loud. "where are your glasses?"

"Oh, I took them off to get my sweater over my head, forgot to pop them back on."

"Your hair looks different too. I um," She fidgeted with her hair, "I, um, didn't know it had gotten so long." It sounded like a compliment, though the words weren't complimentary exactly. He'd take it. He wasn't sure about the way she was gazing at him; it looked like she'd been staring at the sun, like when you see black spots because you stared too directly.

Seemed fair, he often felt like he watched her like the moon through a telescope trying to map her geography.

His hair was longer than normal. It seemed fashionable, though he still did it in his usual fashion, so no one had noticed, he just pushed it back after showers. He wasn't sure it was worth it, the growth. Plus, his hair was getting hard to pomade so he was just about ready to cut it.

Harry was pretty sure he'd let it go until it touched his shoulders now.

Jillian loved long hair, he knew it. It was a very uncommon sight still in their small town. It might have been his unnamed motivation.

"Yeah, I thought I'd try it." For California. But he still hadn't had time to share with her. They hung out, not as much as they used to, and her mom was having a long stitch of singleness, so Jillian slept at home. He hoped to tell her. He'd hoped to continue planning together. He wondered if he hadn't been able to get it out because he was afraid she'd changed her mind. Time had passed, and well, Will. Will was still around, but Harry still hoped for forever. And that meant California, just the two Of them. Her eyes said maybe

He had a little hope, maybe they could find some sweet romance after all.

"It looks really nice." Jillian finally said. Her voice a little higher than normal. There was a pause. "You know, I thought you'd grown out of your curls." She gestured to the mirror and rushed through the next question. "Do you like the blue?"

Harry realized the mirror was still there and looked at himself. He looked really tall in these bell bottoms. He supposed he was kind of taller than most of the boys at school. He'd need a boot, maybe with a bit of a heel, he may have a loafer that would work. The shirt was a bit ruffly. "I like the blue, maybe not the shirt. The pants are groovy." He put his leg up to let the flare open. "Do people grow out of their curls?" He ran his hand through his hair, ruffled it up. He could feel her eyes and it was such a nice boomerang of his feelings and attention on her; he preened a little.

"Should I try the green?" He walked a few steps closer to peer at his eyes. He never really thought about their color, he supposed they were really green. He was partial to blue, blue eyes and the blue sight. He hunkered down next to her, sitting on his heels, and bumped her shoulder. "Or have we found the one? Though I'd prefer a different shirt."

She kept her head forward and he was slightly miffed she didn't slide her forehead over his. He thought about breathing her condensed breath on his bench seat in January a lot. That was a sense memory, it smarted that it was coupled with silently committing to friendship for life. If she would just turn to him now, maybe....

"I think the shirt makes it, but the flares are far out  enough for me.  You should try the green, at least see how it looks." He rolled his head to the light and stood up. She wasn't gonna breathe on him, despite their earlier moment.

He sighed. "Ok." Once he got in the room he looked at his choices. He was already exhausted, and this was his first suit. "How many dresses did you have to try on?"

"Oh, I'm gonna wear the dress you bought me. The pink one?" She sounded nonchalant on purpose, it didn't quite work.

"Are you supposed to do that? Rewear dresses to big events?" He had money from his dad for the suit. Started checking price tags. The blue was more than the brown. But the green was most expensive.

"I just really like the dress."

He barely had the shirt on when he stepped out. And Jillian swallowed once her gaze reached his face while he was buttoning up. It had started at his navel where his fingers had fumbled. He needed to see her face. He felt like there were things she wasn't saying. He knew there were, but if she bit her lip or cut her eyes away quick, he'd know she was lying.

She did the second when he got the jacket on. "Listen, go get some dresses. Look at the sale racks, or we can try Mel's again."

"The pink was a treasure find, Harry."

"There's gotta be a better thrift shop here in Syracuse. We could try another one. I'll get the blue instead of the green, then I can use the difference in cash to pick it up for you?" He just felt like she needed a new dress.

"I don't care if people notice Harry." Did he? Maybe. He already heard troubling things about her. The high school rumor mill was very busy trying to figure out what Will was doing with Jillian 8 months on. They figured he hadn't gotten what he was after. What Jillian was trying to get outta Will was less discussed. Everyone assumed his family's money and social status, but Harry confused them further.

Jillian still rode to school with Harry often, or had since they'd made up, and she occasionally ate with him in the library. The supposed triangle made people feel sorry, for him.

He'd heard back up boyfriend a time or two again. It always felt like a slap. May always feel that way.

But that wasn't Jillian, that was just high school dicks.

"Don't you wanna look? It  couldn't hurt."

"I'll look, if you wear the ruffled shirt." She turned her face sideways, her cheekbones shone fetchingly, even in the harsh department store lighting.

"You drive a hard bargain. But I'll do it." He wanted to reverse their positions of the last hour. It seemed like she saw him anew today. He looked at her new with each day. In pretty dresses couldn't hurt, they were memories he could hoard up like treasure. Her in her prom dress, his date or not, smiling at him and pleased with herself.

"That's not the whole bargain. I also want you to ask Trina to the dance."

"The dance is in a week!" He squawked and was getting back into his own clothes. He forewent the sweater vest. He was hot from all the changing so much his hair was definitely curling up from the damp, so he just pushed it back and over. "Won't that offend her?"

He had no excuses for why he left the glasses off. He'd never even realized how green his eyes were, either.

"Nah, she's not got a date, it'll give her a reason to buy a dress. She wants to go. She wants to go with you." They were walking out by now. The line had been minimal and they'd only done quick pleasantries while they were embroiled in their current debate.

He opened her car door. And she slid in and reached over to unlock his. Harry thought about it as he walked around. He was sure Trini was nice, Trina, and it would save him from an awkward dynamic. When they were all around each other, Will mostly ignored him, but Prom was long compared to moments at Dairy Barn or in the halls. That may be nice.

The problem was, he wanted to go with Jillian. Even as the strange tripod that she, he and Will had developed. She was changing their dynamic. It was disappointing, but he was sure she envisioned some double date scenario. A partner of his own may distract him from her and Will kissing. Or whatever. He could see the merits of the idea more and more. Harry was ready to agree, but needed to confirm the terms.

"So," he looked at her across the bench seat. He felt taller when she looked him in the eye today. He was gonna have to put the glasses on to drive, but he was gonna wait until the engine purred to life. "If I ask Trina to the dance and wear that ever so slightly cheaper suit with the ruffled blouse."

"It's not a blouse." She insisted.

"It's a blouse." He kept talking, over her interruption and through his grinning teeth. "Then we can search some thrift shops and find you a dress? A new one?"

She chewed her lip. Jillian wanted to say no, but she also wanted him to go with Trina, or she really liked the blouse. He wasn't sure which. "Yes." She said and screwed up her mouth like she'd eaten a load of salt and vinegar chips, which he loved and she tolerated. She'd liked the Worcester chips his dad got when he went to New York and found a specialty shop much better. They could get them next month before or after The Beach Boys show.

He'd also heard there was gonna be a big music show nearby this summer. Maybe they could go? He'd ask her after he got her in a dress. Though questions usually preceded gowns.

"I would shake your hand, but I'm driving." He looked at her grinning. "Can you be trusted?"

She just stared at him and he was confused by her mood.

"Can we listen to the radio?" She leaned forward without him saying yes. That was the obvious answer. They sang together, always. He headed to the area around the university. He remembered there being a charity shop there with good stuff.

She was singing softly to "The Zombies." He got caught up in the moment of it, and his voice dropped off the chorus. She could carry it. The lyrics carried his away. This was a season; winter was ending and they were headed for years long spring. He was just about to tell her. All his plans. He wasn't sure why he hadn't yet. Every time he went to share, he found himself saying something else. Like he was sure that forever didn't extend past August and she was really just shining him on until she could leave. That she was gonna marry Will in a year and have a baby, like so many girls they knew, or the worst. That she wanted California on her own, and only faux planned with him to placate him. He hated being placated.

He really hated thinking these thoughts.

Maybe that's why he said, "what color dress you gonna get?" Instead of anything important, everything important.

She looked at him then, in that way she had. Like he was made of glass, but she'd only reply to the reflection, blurry on top. Not what she saw deeper. He appreciated that she didn't force candor, it seemed she always knew without him saying.

"When you thrift shop, you can't be as picky. It'll do if we find something that fits and is somewhat appropriate."

"Appropriate?" He laughed.

She rolled her eyes. "For a dance."

"I feel like it's the only time they let you guys dress in anything remotely inappropriate." He glanced quick to catch her expression. He had the mirror, but in motion was better. "Remember last year when they got you for that mini skirt?"

"Ugh, it was not that short."

He bit his laugh off. It was pretty short. He zigged to a new subject. "How's this place look?" He gestured at the store he had in mind. The front window was full of shawls and bell bottoms, a tie dye tapestry peaking out behind.

"Far Out, Hardy!"

"You haven't called me that in forever." He jumped down and lit up further when she slipped her arm through his. She was touchy like when they were younger today. After her dad left, well, it was nice for it to be back.

"You haven't earned it! When was the last time you found me pretty Beetles?"

"I find you Beatles albums."

"Not as good," She shook her head and bowed  like the Hare Krishnas in Central Park when he opened the door for her.

"That's not what you said when I found Sgt.Pepper early for you."

"Well, maybe that one should have gotten a Hardy."

"Your giddy scream was enough." They'd made it to the dress section while they were bantering.

It looked like a pastel bomb went off. There were a lot of flounces. Jillian stayed away from the most complicated pieces and chose darker colors. It surprised him.

The black dress was drab and everything was so low cut, she'd claimed even on prom night they'd kick her out.

She might have even been right, he was almost hyperventilating and shifting his erection to his waistband after that dark blue one shift dress. He didn't know people who weren't Cher wore necklines like that. Jillian was not shaped like Cher. Harry had wandered to distract himself from seeing her in anything else that would make him feel like he ran the hurdles in gym. It was in a random spot he found her dress. It was white, with ruffled cap sleeves and little hippie flowers. The front wouldn't get her kicked out, but it would set his heart to racing.

Will's too.

But it was too beautiful to not bring it to her.

Jillian's eyes widened, it was his favorite face, when he surprised her with something she loved. She was the great gift giver and he tried to get on her level every birthday and Christmas. He'd succeeded a few times, The Beach Boys tickets, the headband that looked just like the one the girl on the cover of Life had worn when they put out the issue on hippies. Her bike when he'd fixed it after she thought it was broken for good at 11.

This was better. Because she slipped the dress from his fingers like it was worth rubies, not $4 as the tag said. She held it lightly, but immediately walked into the dressing room. His eyes widened in a mirror image of her in Sears when she walked out of the dressing room.

"Wow." Was all he could muster. "You look....."

"Yeah?" It's groovy?" She looked like she believed it, and just needed him to back her, like he always did.

"It's far out, Jill." He called her that when he was overcome. Or she was crying. She looked a little misty. He swallowed over the lump in his throat. "You can wear some flowers in your hair too. You'll look so pretty. I'll go look for some."

He found some fake potted plant for .25 and took off buds. He wasn't sure how she'd do it. But he could see the halo of white flowers around her face. It was a window to his future. This dress, flowers in her hair, the alameda county court house.

"How's this?" He held out the handful of flowers and she looked up. He wanted to receive that benediction again and again. Harry didn't know she liked getting flowers, he'd never given her a living thing as a gift. He would now. He'd bring her real flowers home when they had a place. He liked learning new things about her.

"Perfect, they're perfect." She took the buds and pulled her hair up messily, the silky tresses falling through her fingers and the band she had. The hard green parts of the fake petals stuck in between and stayed for put for enough seconds to get an idea of what she'd look like Saturday. Harry stood behind her and gazed in the glass with her.

His heart pounded, and if she was facing him, he was sure he wouldn't be able to keep from kissing her.

"Do you think Will will like it?"

The bubble filling where his heart should be burst. He rubbed over his chest to warm the ice that comment induced, and did what best friends do, "How could he not? You look like an angel."

"An angel of the morning?" She grinned. He wanted to return it. They'd sung it en route. Before the suits. It was hard to smile back though. She always looked like an angel in the morning, especially in the morning. But, was she asking because of Will? Because he might see her just after dawn?

"An angel at anytime." He assured her. Will was staying in New York. And they were going to California. He was gonna give her the dream, he reminded himself. God he loved her and was so scared she was gonna spend the night with Will. Like really spend the night, not just share a bed, no matter how small.

It was prom. There was a strange expectation. Lots of the boys had been talking about the hotel rooms they'd gotten. The dance was all the way in Syracuse, at the college. A couple groups were staying in the dorms or frats with older siblings. He hadn't heard Will talking about hotel rooms, but Steve was, and his plans for it. Though to hear him tell it, he'd had his girlfriend in his truck many a time.

It always made Harry grit his teeth.

Especially when Steve talked about Jillian's tits and Will smiled and laughed. He'd seen Will give an approximation with the cupped palms of his hands and say, "She goes crazy," and lick his lips that time.

Harry couldn't tell that to Jillian, about Will talking about her like that, not without ulterior motives. It was her decision anyhow. And he couldn't bring himself to ask about it. They didn't talk about her and Will, not really, just surface stuff. Though he spent plenty of time worrying about it, and loathing himself for it. Fear and loathing in New York.

"Um, I think this is the one. I'll go pay." He reached to the top of her back and took the tag off.  His finger tips coasted over her skin for just a pleasant second. He ignored the chill bumps that rose. He must have startled her. "You look beautiful." He said as he left.

He was blinded by her smile and nearly crushed the little handwritten tag on his way to pay for that dress for her to go to a dance with someone else.

But he dreamed of her wearing it with real flowers in her hair and saying loving words and long term vows to him as sunlight broke through fog.

The week was a bit of a blur. Trini, no Trina, said yes, she squealed and hugged him. There were tests and end of year activities, and it felt like the ending of a movie you knew had a sequel. He was really excited for the next chapter.

He felt like a new man. Looked it, too. He was only wearing his glasses in class and had let his growing hair loose. His physics teacher didn't recognize him on Wednesday. Which made him both really confused and a little smug.

His da had stopped him on Saturday. "You lost your glasses then?"

Harry'd quirked his head to the side and pulled them from his jean's pocket and slipped them up his nose.

"No?"

"Good. You wear them to drive?"

Harry had nodded.

"Good. It's nice to see your mother's eyes." And he'd taken his mug of tea and hid out from all the emotion in his study.

That was when he was leaving to get Jillian from the early shift at work. They were getting ready at his house, he'd drop her at Will's and then find Trina's house on the way. Shouldn't be too hard, their town only had one stop light.

He gave her the bathroom. The spicy smells coming from under the bathroom door where new and altogether pleasant. He knocked. "New perfume?"

"Um, yeah. Will bought it for me. Its Opium."

"It's nice." He complimented and leaned his forehead as softly as possible against the wood grain.

"It's alright. I miss my Love's." He'd bought that one birthday, liked the powdery scent . It just seemed like Jillian to him. He missed it too.

She'd been in the bathroom, long after he was in his suit. The new look was easier, he didn't have to pomade his hair and try to subdue it. He just let it curl around his ears and neck and forehead. He needed to get in to splash on some after shave, for scent, he'd never really needed to shave. Harry didn't want to rush her, but..... He listened to small movement and soft sighs. He was just about to say something, then.

For a second, he thought he heard a sob. "You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah." Her voice was thick. "I keep having to redo my eyeliner. I wanted to try that Sharon Tate thing. It's hard. I'm frustrated."

Over explaining, not a good sign. "Can I come in."

"Um no, I'm in my underwear."

Harry groaned, but bit off the sound. "Did something happen?"

"My um, my mom, she didn't come home last night. I guess I'm a little worried." Her voice sounded close.  Like they were both speaking through the hinges.

"Do you want to go by and check on her? Or.." he squared his shoulders. "Or we can drive by the bar?"

"That's, that would be really good, Harry." She opened the door and he almost fell in. Jillian peeked at him, and their faces were so close. "Thanks." She kissed his cheek and her breath smelled sweet. Even over the strong perfume that didn't fit her.

"We need to hurry then. I don't want to be late to Trina, seems rude." His voice was sheer, thin as the overlay of her dress.

"K, I'll hurry."

"Leave the eyes alone." They were misty, it would run. "You look perfect."

She nodded and smiled. Then closed the door softly. He could feel the grain of the wood on the heel of his hand when he placed it there.

She came out 10 minutes later. He wee'd and splashed on his scent. Well, His dad's.

He was trying to push down the ruffles when he came out.

"Stop that!" Her laugh tickled his ears like questing fingers under blankets. She re ruffled him.

They needed to get out of here, all her casual affection was affecting him. He couldn't take it.

It was worse when his dad insisted on pictures, like they were going together, like she was his date. Like it was his dream.Standing behind her, with his arms around her waist, her unfamiliar smell going to his head and her bum resting too close for comfort on his pelvis, he focused on his anguish, and the periodic table, so he wouldn't embarrass himself.

"You guys look lovely. That will be a framer." He swore his dad was crying, in a very British way. He was fussing about behind him with the camera at his desk.

"We're going da." He tried to get his attention. Get him to turn around. So he could check his hunch.

"Oh, quite right. Wouldn't want you to be late. Have a good time. Don't worry about curfew." Harry's mouth dropped open. "Enjoy yourselves."

He was keeping his eyes firmly on the road. Though he could feel Jillian's on him. His dad looked, funny. He had never seen him so emotional. He let his mind run on that while the seat he'd for her parent. Jillian got uncomfortable and quiet when her mom let her down. He let her feel it. He'd snap her out of it after they figured out what exactly was going in. He kinda knew where she was.

Jillian's mom wasn't at their house.

But her beat up pick up was outside the VFW she sometimes called work.

"Look, she's just down the pub. It's ok. Do you want to go in so she can see you?" She really should. If only to shame the devil for probably not even knowing it was prom.

Jillian scanned parking lot. Her gaze stuttered over a black camaro at the end. It looked very familiar, but Harry couldn't place it.

He went to switch off the engine. Jillian grabbed Harry's wrist to stop his motion. Another casual touch that felt committed, and said, "no, I don't want to be late for Will."

"You don't think your mom would want to see you?" She didn't deserve it, but it would be merciful.

"If it was important to her, she would have helped me get ready, instead of not even coming home." Her face had the blank look it got when she shut down. Jillian wasn't always merciful.

He knew better but, "But."

"No, Harry. Let's go." He eased his foot off the break and obeyed.

She didn't touch him again, just kept her hands folded on her lap. There was a corsage on the seat. It wasn't for her.

He watched her walk into Will's, but didn't see the corsage, a pink set of carnations, until he and Trina arrived at the dance.

He wasn't sure why he was surprised, but Jillian and Will sat at another table altogether than him and Trina. At first, embarrassingly, he felt close to tears over it. Suddenly, his dad's reaction made sense. He wished he had a desk and camera to fuss with. He consoles himself with reason.

It made sense, both Will and Jillian on court, it was closer to the stage, he reminded himself. He told himself this while he put a smile on like a kid pastes cut outs on a test page.

They didn't win, and he didn't like who he was that he felt a swelling in his chest at it. Despite Jillian's crestfallen face. It was one of the few moments he was surprised about one of her reactions. A few months ago he would have been surprised she cared to win at all.

It was the second to last dance when he saw Jillian coming towards him. He had to admit, he had had a lovely time with Trina. They could be good friends, even if he hadn't been in love with someone else, he believed he would have felt the same.

He hoped.

"Trina, do you mind if I cut in." She'd tapped his date's shoulder. He'd kept turning his date from 'take time to know her' to 'angel of the morning.'

Both described Jillian to him. But he was glad she got to dance with him to the latter.

He spared a second's thought for Trina, but he was pretty sure she felt the same, about them being better suited as friends. She was chatting with Simon, from history, he thought. Then dancing.

He had tunnel vision he guessed. For lessons at school. For Jillian now. For California in three months. "You having fun?" He opened with, as formal as his ruffled shirt.

"Yeah, I guess. I'm a little sad we lost." She screwed up her face in a way that told him she was as surprised as him.

"I saw that!" He made a face at her.

"I know. I'm surprised too. I didn't even know I wanted to win."

"Well, I've won. Since I get to dance with the prettiest girl here. Real prom queen."

She blushed. She rarely did that near him. It somehow changed the color of the lights above and her dress below. Everything glowing a soft pink.

"What's going on after this?" Harry wasn't really sure of after dance procedures. This was only his second. The last one she'd left separately, and this time they hadn't attended together.

"Oh, some party upstairs." Jillian explained.

"Here? At the hotel?" Wow, some people lived completely different lives.

"Yeah, I'll bet you can come. I'll ask Will." She offered.

He wanted to go, just to extend this night, with her and that dress and the rose glow. Even if it was with two other people between them.

"Yeah, ok."

Which was how he found himself watching Steven Adler get increasingly drunk and obnoxious.

"Hey, what's your name?" He'd asked about an hour into hotel time.

"Harry, Harry Styles."

"Who invited you?" He said like the words meant nothing to him. Although he'd suggested at one point they, meaning the football team, tape Harry's butt cheeks together, to see if he lived up to his name. Apparently it would hurt a lot more if he was hairy Harry.

They'd surrounded him in the shower. He hadn't been Hairy enough to bother, and the dick jokes had run to awe. He didn't have a comparison.

Steven has known his name two weeks ago.

After that, Harry kept himself to himself. He hadn't seen much of Jillian. But Trina seemed happy, hanging on the couch with a beer in her hands and chuckles in her mouth.

An hour later, Trina was ready to go. And truly, Harry was too. But, he needed to see Jillian first. To make sure she wanted to stay, here, at the hotel, with Will. Where everybody had an agenda for after the dance.

He was going from room to room in the hallway the athletes had seemed to have planned to take up. All the doors were opened and people spilled out. None of them Jillian.

It took him 20 minutes of panic to find her. She was coming out of the last room. Her cheeks were tear stained, and her eyes were bloodshot. Grass maybe was his first thought. He knew she'd been experimenting, that they had talked about.

"Harry!" Her voice broke with relief and over a sob like wave.

"Jillian!bWhat's wrong?"

She just shook her head. There were too many people around.

"Where's Will?"

Her chin lifted then. "In his room, alone." The last word was so final he just paused, and moved into a new paragraph.

"Let's find Trina. So we can get out of here?"

Jillian bit her nails near the elevator bank, looking toward the end of the hallway and back to the room across from it where Harry had left Trina. He could feel her eyes on him as he searched.

Luckily, his date was where he had left her. Talking to classmates and smiling drunkenly.

"Hey, you ready?"

"Yeah, let me grab my purse. Everything cool, man?"

"Yeah, fine. Just late." He demurred.

The ride home nobody spoke. Too tired or caught up in their emotions. It was half an hour and the girls were drooping on each other's shoulders when he reached Trina's.

She was past the turn off for Jillian's, and he hoped nobody noticed. He tried not to think much about it. But, he wanted to ask his best girl where she wanted to go. And he wanted to know why she'd not been in the party rooms, why she left Will, and most importantly why she'd been crying?

He hugged Trina at the door, and they decided to go bowling together the week after. "You should ask Jillian." Trina had said as he headed down the walk.

"Yeah, if she's off, and not with Will." He'd shrugged as he turned back with his hands in his pockets.

"No, Harry." She leveled sober eyes on him. "You should ask Jillian, whatever it is you need to ask her. Forget Will." She suggested and grinned drunkenly before swaying through her door and closing it too loud for 2 am.

Ask Jillian. Forget Will.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

This COVID

Unfortunately, the nurses and doctors are the ultimate victims and the worst part of the disease is their PTSD.

They, like most military, police, firefighters and EMT, sign up to risk their lives to HELP and SAVE others.

And they can't. This disease isn't intended to but is a by-product or side effect to cause them their own destruction of self, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

We have a website set up for them for their mental health -- it wasn't active.. Tree just activated it for y'all.

I apologize for that. So many people are calling them heroes and trying to lift their spirits and it is hard for them.

Like y'all...

Picture this...

Standing in a mass grave, trying to find a body still alive you can save... Help.. A mass grave... So I'm talking hundreds of dead bodies and then y'all be all parade and smile and have fun.

They're too busy trying to find a way to help. Trying to find that one breath from a body in that mass of bodies piled knee high.

They look up "oh them jets..." Same time that happens more bodies are being thrown down in that mass grave So they waist high...

By then them Jets have left just a cloud of memory

It doesn't help... Then they chest high with dead bodies... And they're getting buried alive trying to find a way to help.

Do you see what I'm saying? Can you feel that?!

Then they like man I gotta get outta here before I die myself, being buried alive....

Then who can help them? Is there someone strong enough to pull them out, to SEE THEM before the bodies are piled over their heads??

Doctors and nurses have committed suicide. Because they can't handle it.

Because what has happened... Is this is like a reverse WWII... Hospitals are now Nazi Concentration Camps. And the nurses and doctors are the Nazi just watching every one die.

(Note this is an EXAMPLE for the mind to grasp understanding -- i am not stating the doctor nor nurse ARE Nazi. I am merely making a reference to WWII and gas chambers and so on so people can get the visual understanding of the power of COVID and the pain of people that are opposed to Nazi. When she said "This is Real" it is where my mind went -- to the Holocaust which i know a lot about. I studied it on my own many times in my life. To understand how one person could take over the world. I did. In high school, my Oklahoma History teacher even took away my books because i would ask way too many questions about killing of Native Americans and i would say "but how--" and she said that i had a problem with focusing on the wrong thing and i said "but its happening in our world today!! Politicians and Governments!!" She took away the stack of books i had checked out on WWII and took them to the library and i followed her like pulling her jacket and shirt to stop her. She told the librarian I wasn't allowed to check out anymore books like that because I was a teenager and had unhealthy worries in the world. I burst into tears. "Obviously i have to save the world Because of people like you who won't take it seriously!! You're a Hitler yourself!! And you! I'll talk to you tomorrow!!" I spat to the teacher then librarian. And took off to my last class of the day. The Librarian know who i was and how i had spent hours in the library everyday during lunch and had told her how i said i wanted to compare WWII to the way Native American were treated in Oklahoma. And she printed a list of all the different kinds of books i checked out. Including kindergarten picture books for my own enjoyment. And the teacher apologized. She asked if i wanted to apologize to her for calling her Hitler. I said "not yet" eventually I did. In front of the entire class with an entire one and one eighth of a page of written materials comparing and contrasting her to Hitler and people we read about. I said "in conclusion, she may been an Army woman helping people make long disateraous of what they call walks. Of what i call pilgrimages, across many of what we now know are states, but not to be in charge but to be a comforting vessel during maritime war. A war that was unnecessary on water as it was on land and that is my meaning of using water words instead of land Because indeed i think she is a person we can trust but she may also be one of those people to set off a cannon to a far away ship until she finds out the truth of who is in it. But she certainly isn't a Hitler or someone that would order Native Americans to do the undeeded... She would be one of those to walk aside all Native Americans, help pass out blankets and medication. And so as she has apologized to me for firing up that cannon while I was away at sea to do ky research of course, i shall apologize to her for being upset she did and calling her the worst name possible. Which wasn't bitch. Nor ass hole." 10th grade, y'all.)

It is the worst possible place for a nurse or Doctor that signed up to be a comfort and to SAVE lives to be. The worst possible place.

And i can't help them... There is on the now activated website -- there is a place where they can request military services to come in and relief our nurses and others on the front lines, including police.

You just merely request how many and of what capabilities you need. So if you need just CNA (our hugest amount) or RN or PA or DR or so on and so forth.

They have their own pay scale thus allowing the people being substituted for to receive a special type of paid leave. The military can stay in one place at one time up to 9 weeks.

So also a rotation of 9 weeks on. 9 weeks off.

I apologize i thought it was already set up and available for all. But apparently things wanted to be done differently to try it and see how it works.

Now first is HOSPITALS. Basically if your name has the word Hospital in it. Then you're available. BUT you must have an EMERGENCY ROOM (ER) to qualify.

Now systems... Like Lovelace in Albuquerque has like 4 or 5 ER departments. So they go to the MAIN hospital first Then two weeks after rotate in at say the Heart Hospital then after two weeks the Woman's Hospital then a smaller so on and so forth.

Presbyterian, would begin at MAIN then go to Kirkland then so on and so forth.

This way if someone doesn't want to be treated by military. They have options of seeing regular doctors at the main stem branches.

Also it doesn't have to be a 100% but it can be a 25% so 25% of people take off for 9 weeks. Then another 25% take off for 9 weeks. And so on... So you'd have use of the military for 36 weeks.

It is a charity service.

I recommend that y'all cut hours. So a 40 hour nurse goes go 20 hours -- but stays at full time pay and benefits.

As part of our program, the healthcare and other workers MUST remain fully paid while taking time off. Otherwise we cannot assist.

It is for their hearts, their souls and their tears that we supply such a charity. Thus we cannot create more tears, more heartache nor more stress for these people.

So when making plans, hospital executives, please do keep that in mind.

Also for hospitals that refuse to relieve their workers, we have a system set up so that a nurse/doctor/etc can find a suitable replacement of higher quality according to paper. Similar but more advanced to the system that is used to place substitute teachers to teach hundreds school children per one jr high or high school day. And if the hospital rejects the substitute, then we have a system set up to sue the hospital on behalf of the staff. This system is only provided when a main hotspot refuses help.

Such as NYC. However NY has accepted thousands of National Guard already and Idk what exactly is occurring there but we have many side hospitals set up there.

So this is Never Before Seen shit since the Native American's Massacres (that's why i kept getting in trouble in Oklahoma History... The word Massacre.. Dude... I wasn't gonna pretend it didn't happen, Land O´ Lakes, where's our Indian Lady? The farmers didn't kill her, you did. -.-) and definitely not seen while we had this great amount of technology available to all.

So never before seen shit is gonna occur. I'm like yeah this is what will work professionally. And if they can't come up with something better and reject me, then I'll sue and ill win because they don't care and we got documented workers all over social media crying their eyes out.

She is the first African American I've posted but I've posted at least 4. Crying nurses. And i skip over a lot. I keep scrolling past a lot. I scroll past more than Y'all know that i Don't mention.

But her... She made me want to cry just like all the others. And Just like the others, i had dry eyes. Because we worked and worked and worked till we were all bawling our eyes out, taking heart medicine, whether like mine or just for heart burn. Even the little kids. I can't cry anymore. We made the solution for what and when the emergency pandemic would occur.

Hospitals have lost people due to suicide.

It is now time for me to step in. Or we will not have a doctor or nurse that is both alive and recognizable, they will be destroyed -- inside out -- starting with their hearts of mind.

I have had PTSD due to death of a stranger. I was only 18. And i hated myself for over 10 years.

So im gonna break out one day and call you all stupid for attempting to heal evil.

Because that was what I needed. And no one ever told me. And i got back lash. And i know that every single nurse and doctor that was working as hard as they could -- they needed to vent and hate. And i could be that person.

I smiled. I checked in. "Do they still hate me?" Yes "Good"

I know it helps a heart be healthy to have a place to throw hate. And i knew i would be safe from harm. While hate was thrown at me.

Then i took away me as that object of hate. And still healthcare workers are suffering and they're killing themselves. (They'll get to heaven if they deserve. A nice little break for them. Then they will come back when our other dead does. If they are deserving, if Earth is where they Belong. Otherwise they went directly where they Belong for Eternity)

So a quick fix band aid isn't it. It is as far as we predicted - a reverse WWII.

the sick going in... And causing innocent pain.

Instead of the innocent going in and dying by the professional purposely killing them.

This is the complete opposite.

Jack told me "quit hating on these nurses and doctors!"

Because i would scroll past and say "these fucking nurses. Dam it"

I'm not hating them. I'm hating their situation. I'm hating their inability to cope. Their inability to cope is because their inability to cope is due to their deep humanity... It is a character flaw. It is a curse and a blessing. It is the deepest and most difficult of work to breech that muddy waters, dig deep and find a bridge to drag up and build, there is one there in their souls.. But it is buried deep under much chocolate and flowers and all things good...

Unfortunately while being buried under dead bodies its nearly impossible to fix that bridge. Find that way to overcome the desperation, the HORROR their job has become

Even taking a break can sometimes not help... Sometimes it doesn't. But we include self care and encouraging messages from our military teams that substitute while the people take their time off.

Military are far more apt to be able to deal with dead. Military teams sign up knowing they must kill at certain times. They have a different view of death. They accept it and understand it.

A nurse or Doctor they fight it, that is their job. That is their souls and every hope they have in the world is to save lives.

Military, their job, is to make the world better.

Right now, military is just a better fit.

It's different types of brains. It is just different.

And I am sorry. And unfortunately I do know. I have killed a lot of people by hand, kidnappers caught in the act. I killed Pablo Escobar. Then I got amnesia. And I loaned my friend $500 to bail her boyfriend out of jail. It ended up in a suicide of someone he ratted on. I never got over that. It took a very long time. He was a criminal, yes. But I just never got over that loss of life. If I had never bailed him out... That one guy would still be alive.

So I am very sensitive and very understanding of these healthcare crying and not handling their jobs and killing themselves.

I fully understand it. So yes I will sue on behalf of staff that cannot get relief. I will fight and punch until those hospital executives come up black and blue saying "ok im sorry im sorry we can have substitutes and pay full prices for our staff to stay home and rest"

I may have forgot myself... Prior to age 15... But I remember since then. I know how I have suffered and why.

So I am extremely complex to know and understand.

It doesn't matter if you understand or trust me.

You must care and take a leap of FAITH and not one of suicidal consequences, hospital executives.

Because I understand being buried under dead bodies that I feel responsible for. Hating myself. For something that was never my fault and something I did to be nice. Naïve. I fully understand.

And its revolting, now looking back all I put myself through.

And I swore one day... I swore and I swore. I promised myself. One day im gonna use this all for good. That I can forgive myself.

I already did. I realized I'm not the one that needed to be forgiven. And I'm okay. I'm doing great.

But I remember and I will never forget those sleepless nights... The intense fear I had of myself and of doing anything for any reason. I was terrified. What if I go to the store and I effect someone?

What if I get in a car wreck and hurt some one?

I was terrified. Had I not healed thanks to JJFU. Some one I knew and trusted making guns and I said to him everyday for weeks "how can you make guns knowing someone could be hurt? Don't you think you will feel responsible if someone wrote to you and said a kid was killed with one of your guns? An innocent child playing by accident?"

He said "let me get back to you"

And one day he simply said "i can't control what other people do. If they don't lock up their guns or weapons and ammunition seperate. I can't control what a kid does. I hope no one ever gets hurt wrongly and unjustifiable with a gun i produce and make by hand. But, Sabrina, i can not control what other people do. And it isn't my fault what happens after the guns leave my hands and enter another's"

And this air i had been holding in since I was 18 years old just went out of my chest. And i started crying. And crying and i cried for days.

And he said "why are you keep crying? Who are you crying for?"

And I said "i am crying for ME"

"But why?! What did you do to someone so bad?!"

"Cause I hated myself for something I couldn't control.I hated ME. I refused to Love Me. I refused to Trust ME. And now I can cry for me because of what I Lost because I was an ignorant fool, to care too much beyond my control."

3 years later my friend was murdered. I could had prevented that, too. But I didn't get PTSD. Instead i chose to love him and be proud of him. And love us both for doing what was best for us.

I have both the obituary of David Galloway and Justin hanging in my kitchen. One gave me PTSD. One could have. I look at them both. And I say "I love me. But I can love you two and you can love me because I never wanted either one of you to be hurt"

Or I'll walk by "I can imagine you two are fine where you are today. Sorry I'm busy. But I hope you're happy and okay"

One is Zulululu and one is Human. The Zulululu, I got PTSD. He was a selfish drug addict that killed himself leaving behind two kids and a wife just because he didn't want to go to jail. The other was murdered and the last time I saw him, he asked to live with me. The latter should caused my PTSD. HE DESERVED MY PTSD.

But I didn't.

So military is better equipped to handle what is occurring in hospitals. Nurses do need time off even if the military does just set up new temporary hospital

Healthcare workers NEED treatment for what they have seen and gone through.

And I will fight for every single one to get the help they deserve and the time off they need.

Because I know they deserve it. I know they need It. I know how dangerous it is to overlook a simple day in the life of what they have had in the last few weeks.

Throwing them parties. Its kind, and it's sweet.

But it doesn't help anything, it doesn't help anything when the anguish and the PTSD has already set in. Sometimes it makes it worse..

So yeah I get pissed off they're not being helped and it comes out wrong.

So now its time to do it right.

This nurse asks y'all to stay home.

So y'all tell her you will if you will, tell her you can't because you got to go to work and you tell her where (like Gas Station, not the whole address) and y'all be responsible for you and your actions..

We can't control the world. But we can work together to make it better.... Right...?

I think so.

Or we're all gonna die trying.