#i just think im too disabled for people a lot of the time. even if i get a long with them a lot i eventually get too tired
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disabled and spoonie cad headcanon important 2 me because you just know tmn would be like thats ok we're going to take turns hanging out with u and do silly thinks like read spellbooks outloud for background noise or a silly dance for entertainment and because theyre all burdens on eachother and all help eachother so its ok . and then if its characters you can make it like, people dont get tired of u for being too disabled for them . win
#big big long sigh#kiddo say#i jsut think To me . post campaign cad jsut kind of collapses a bit. like combo of exhaustion catching up on him and that thing#when u let yourself be disabled and then all the things you were pushing through are too hard after and its like Oh Shit .#i just think im too disabled for people a lot of the time. even if i get a long with them a lot i eventually get too tired#and then thats a no-no to people . cant go out cant speak im too too tired and also dizzy again
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people donāt get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things arenāt worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because theyāre things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. iām at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but iām a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. itās not āoh but i can push through itā because i canāt without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I canāt think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely donāt know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers donāt have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice iām making thatās true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ābut you are making choices about your lifeā when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i canāt go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isnāt freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I donāt go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still canāt. good days just mean i donāt want to lie down on the pavement when iām going somewhere#I just. I donāt magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately itās#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because thatās all logical but thereās no way to explain what itās doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i donāt react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and itās only getting worse#I canāt even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isnāt counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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I always have to remind myself that I donāt need to push myself to make art, and I donāt need to apologize or feel bad for not making a lot of art. art is something that should make me feel happy, so if Iām pushing myself to the point of not enjoying it anymore, then I should just stop and calm down for a second. and take some time for myself. Art wonāt disappear, it will always be there waiting for me again, its okay for me to take some time doing others things sometimes.
#sorry this is a bit negative. most of the art iāve been making latelyis personal/ocs so i dont post it here and thats been stressing me out#since im scared a lot of people are expecting things from my art that i cant give#my art changes a lot because i get inspired by so many things each day. and a lot of my designs are personal and mean a lot to me#so seeing other people like them is both a happy thing for me. but also so scary.#most people i see post art in fandoms im in will post so much of it so often#so i think i subconsciously think that i have to do that too. Make a bunch of art super fast and i HAVE to post ALL of it#but from the things that disabled me to just. that not being how i do things. i cant keep up with that#art takes a long time for me to feel happy with. And i dont always have the motivation or energy to finish all my drawings#Or even do things past a messy sketch#so i keep most things to myself for one reason or another#i dont know it just feels like everyone needs to have things ānow now now. fast fast fastā nowadays.#or else the stuff you make isnt worth it. or isnt as good as everything else. In the case you make art late into joining the fandom#I think someone called it fast consumerism? or something? But yeah its just#bad. i dont like it at all#sorry for the long tags. i might stop posting as much art for a bit so i can take some time for myself.#go outside more. learn a new hobby. maybe even join a club or something#if you read through this hi. feel free to ask for my toyhouse if you want to see my ocs or whatnot.#I was very lax on checking my grammar here. not sorry this time. im getting seen for dysgraphia and im tired and need a break#myposts#rambling
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#im gonna get existential here and then reblog a bunch of shit so that neither myself nor anyone else has to see this#if any of my buddies happen to see this#this is your warning#i wouldnt wosh this mental spiral pn anyone#you eber think about how one day yoir eyes are gonna close for the last time and thats it?#no reincarnation no waking up in a new world even any dreams of a fictional reality will end once braon activity dies#and that list blink cojld happen at any moment#because i think about it! i never want to its practkcally intrusive thoughts at this point#but i do! against my will!#kinda makes it hard to sleep cause im suddenly too scared to in case i sont wake up!#and what have i even done with my life? not a whole lot#im never gonna leave my mark on history or even on my family tree#i am utterly average and ghats pkay not everyone ks gonna be exceptional with a story#but god damn ive really not done much and theres things ive wanted to do and havent and i coukd easily get on with ot#if i wasnt such a procrastinating pussy#also probably cant get legally married cause unofficially disabled people cant get married unless they want to be financially fucked#so yknow just trying to sleep so i can enjoy my date tomorrow with my fiance and my brain is pulling this shit#likely because ive been in canada nearly 7 months and i still have found a job and probably wont#and also i turn 30 in 3 months#i know i know 30 isnt old but my brain gremlins are rioting and im having a jard tome wrangling them#its hard being away from my support system#im across the world from the people i could seek a hug from#fiance fights this with logic but thag gends to just make ghis worse#and we both run warm so we cant really cuddle for long without bkth of us overheating#so yeah. brain is braining and im tired but cant sleep
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spending the small hours of the night thinking about how hdb views the mere act of caring for him as inhuman.
#like. even the kindest doctor i have ever had let me withdraw from multiple antipsychotics mood stabilizers and antidepressants alone#trying and failing to figure out how to taper down safely from the internet. most things suggested getting smaller scripts filled#our society wasnt built for people like us. it is so so tiring to be poor and disabled in this world and its tiring to love someone who is#so eventually we're abandoned. the people who loved us get tired of it. especially once youre safe enough to stop posturing#to admit that everything hurts and you dont want to get out of bed or you cant pick up the dog or youre just too fucking tired#because youre no longer what you were. these things constantly change you.#yes i loved to swim and to ice skate and to climb trees and sit and survey the world around me. no i cant do that anymore.#does it make me less interesting? does it make me harder to love?#how much is changed when im sitting on the shoreline and youre in the ocean?#this got away from me. it feels hard to be loved in a body like this-in a mind like this. it must be saintly. angelic. innocentic. to do so#tomorrow night is my favorite holiday but it leaves me thinking a lot about devotion#about ruth clinging to naomi- the realization that what you have found would destroy you should you lose it.#where you die i will die and there i will be buried may the lord deal with me be it ever so severely if anything but death separates us#it's so hard when the thing that separates you is your punishment already#dream dora talks about his depression and how he gets too sad and phone dora tells him hes drunk no matter what he says#the resentment of his mental illness and addiction. his poverty too- i doubt the line where she calls him a poverty-stricken fuck is real#but the emotion behind it was definitely in her#all of the reasonings my ex fiance gave for leaving boiled down my mental illness (blatantly said it a couple times too)#but ik physical disability stuff bothered them too#it's fucking hard#the parts of you that everyone resents are finally accepted and embraced and then used to blame you for the end of something#yes of course there were things i did wrong as a person and things harry did wrong as a person.#that doesnt stop the things about ourselves that are already distressing from being paraded as a moral failure by someone we trusted#all of this to say. sometimes it feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop.#humanity has abandoned the poor disabled addicts of the world. when will you? it's inhuman to care. history shows that to be true.#idk. i have to be up in 3 hours. im sure ill have more coherent thoughts about this after work tomorrow. rn I'm just. here's a mess lol#or maybe not! i have to put the finishing touches on my cheesecake before sundown.#ill make dinner and celebrate shavuot with my sister who is still a human despite caring for me#and things will be. as they are. or ill rotate these thoughts in my head and wont be able to fall asleep all night and ill ruin tomorrow.#who knows!
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Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist
1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.
Example:
Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."
Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"
This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.
Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."
Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"
This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.
Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.
To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.
2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.
For example:
Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"
Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."
Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making YOU uncomfortable?
3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.
For example:
Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."
Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."
This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.
4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.
For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.
5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.
6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.
For example:
Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"
Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"
Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.
7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.
For example:
Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."
Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"
This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.
Hope this helps, stay punk.
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two worlds collide | LN4
lando norris x actress!reader / smau ficĀ
fc: madelyn clineĀ
warnings: none, i just enjoy overindulging with fluffĀ
i got so carried away with this but honestly iām proud of it so i hope you enjoy. also obx is one of my favourite shows which is why i decided on mads as my f/c so i could incorporate two of my passions !!Ā
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ā° ynismylife: BEATS ME, I WOULD DATE HER IN A HEARTBEATĀ
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caption: made it back home in enough time for the race šļø
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šcharleston, north carolinaĀ
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y/n seen out with madison bailey the other night. happy to see the two outer banks co stars hangout even during their time offĀ
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caption: where could we be going now @yourbestfriendĀ
ā° yourbestfriend: AH YOUR FANS ARE GONNA GO CRAZY WHEN THEY SEE US THIS WEEKENDĀ
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šlas vegas, nevada Ā
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thanks y/n for being famous and taking me with you to cool events š°
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ynfan: AHHHH THEYRE IN LAS VEGASĀ
user2: wish my best friend was famous, must be niceĀ
ynislife: wait does anyone know if the grand prix for f1 is happening this weekend too? cause y/n is an f1 fan and thAT WOULD BE SO COOL IF SHE WENTĀ
ā° f1fan: yes the vegas grand prix is this weekend !!Ā
ā° ynislife: omg OMG omg OMGĀ
yourusername: youāre welcome, no one else iād rather have by my side š
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user7: y/n travels a lot and still manages to look like that? what is her skincare routine š©
ā° user1: I WAS WONDERING THE SAME THINGĀ
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caption: this weekend is one for the books i can already tell š¤©
ā° f1: cant wait to see you in the paddock !!Ā
ā° yourbestfriend: super excited !!Ā
ā° redbullracing: thanks for joining us as a guest of red bull :)Ā
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what a great weekend in las vegas full of so much excitement with both of our drivers making podium, getting to see lots of stars come out & once again securing another win under our belt towards that final championship. keep up the good work everyone š
#RedBullRacing #LasVegasGP
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ynfan: omg omg omg omg she met max ????
f1fan: Y/N WITH MAX WAS A CROSSOVER I NEVER REALIZED I NEEDEDĀ
f1updates: people in paddock this weekend said Y/N was so happy to be there and was so grateful for the opportunityĀ
yourusername: thank you again for having me. its a weekend iāll never forget !Ā
ā° redbullracing: thanks for accepting our invitation, hope to see you around the paddock more often !Ā
ynismylove: is no one talking about lando being in red bullās likes ?? is that normal ??Ā
ā° verstappenmaxfan: im not too sure now that i think about itĀ
Max was quietly scrolling on his phone after the Las Vegas grand prix, enjoying some down time before the final race of the season . He was just absently looking on tiktok when he received a phone call from none other than Lando.Ā
āLando, mate how are you doing after the Las Vegas grand prix?ā Max asked, knowing Lando had been taken to medic after his nasty crash at the recent grand prixĀ
āIām good, still a bit sore but Iāve gotten the clear to race in the upcoming race so Iām looking forward to thatā Lando explained āThats not why Iām calling thoughā he continuedĀ
āOh. Whatās up then?ā Max asked slightly confusedĀ
āY/N Y/L/N was at the Las Vegas grand prix and you met her? How was she? She got invited by Red Bull, how did that work? Is she as pretty in person as she is on social media?ā Lando rambled onĀ
āLando take a breathā Max chuckled āBut yes she was there, invited by Red Bull. I think they just reached out to her and asked if she wanted to come. How is she? Dude I donāt know, sheās nice, kept thanking everyone for the invitation, she told us sheās a massive F1 fan which was coolā Max answered the boys questionsĀ
āAnd as for her looks, I have a girlfriend however yes she looks the same in person as she does in the mediaā He rolled his eyes even if Lando couldnāt see him. āWhy are you so curious?ā He asked his friend trying to understand where all this was coming fromĀ
āSheās been one of my biggest celebrity crushes and I was so looking forward to hopefully getting to meet her when I found out sheād be there but then I crashedā He chuckled slightly at how much he sounded like a little kid āThen I saw you met her and just wanted to see what she was likeā He explained to MaxĀ
Max let out a laugh before answering the younger driver āWell Mate, you should have McLaren invite her to the final race of the season, this way youāll get to meet herā Max suggested āIm sure sheāll accept, I believe she said filming for her show hasnāt started yet so sheās availableā He explained to LandoĀ
āOhhh maybe Iāll mention it to the admin teamā Lando said more as a thought than a concrete response āAnyways I have to go, Oscar and I are filming a PR video. Thanks Max, see you in a couple daysā Lando said before hanging up before Max could say anything elseĀ
Max just laughed āBye to you toā he said out loud before going back to scrolling on his phone.Ā
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ā° yourusername: they said i could bring a +1, you can still come š„ŗ
ā° yourbestfriend: i have back to back shoots or else i would š„ŗ
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yourusername posted on their story
caption: another day, another f1 race š§”
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ā° mclaren: so happy to have you join us for the last race of the season!Ā
yourusername posted on their instagram Ā
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thanks mclaren for inviting me this weekend especially for the last race of the season. i had such a pleasure getting to meet everyone. cant wait for the 2024 seasonš§”
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ynfan: OMGGGG SHE WENT TO ANOTHER RACE AND THIS TIME SHE WAS INVITED BY MCLARENĀ
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mclaren: the pleasure was all ours, hopefully we get to see you in our garage more often, orange seems to be your colour š
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ā° user4: wait is this lando flirting?Ā
ā° user14: LANDO NORRIZ MAY ACTUALLY HAVE RIZĀ
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ā° ynfanforlife: omMGGGGG WAIT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT LANDO DID IN ORDER TO WIN OUR GIRL OVERĀ
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yourusername posted on their instagram Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
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my life recently on film šļøĀ
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ynfan: OMG OBX X F1 CROSSOVERĀ
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yourbestfriend: crazy time in sin city š°š¹šŖ©
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chasestokes: living ur best life miss y/nĀ
ā° yourusername: you know it š
f1wagupdates: i know sheās not an official wag but can we make an exception cause i need to see y/n at more racesĀ
ā° user4: AGREED ^Ā
ā° ynloverr: A MOOD !!!Ā
oscarpiastri: youre such a vibeĀ
ā° yourusername: thank you thank you, i tryĀ
ā° landonorris: send me the film pics, i need them for the .jpg accountĀ
ā° yourusername: you got it !Ā
landonorris: i feel so honoured to be featured on hereĀ
ā° yourusername: you should, only the people i really like get postedĀ
ā° landonorris: is that you admitting you like me? ive been swoonedĀ
ā° yourusername: š
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landoobsessed: OMGGGG THESE PHOTOS ARE STUNNINGĀ
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oscarpiastri: its giving soft launchĀ
ā° landonorris: no its notĀ
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ā° yourusername: nope..im goodĀ
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caption: this is the best youāre gonna get with a soft launchĀ
ā° oscarpiastri: is it a soft launch if youāve already posted her on the .jpg account š¤
ā° landonorris: get outĀ
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certified lover girlĀ
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landoandynaremyparents: PLEASE JUST TELL ME YOU AND LANDO ARE DATING SO I CAN REST IN PEACEĀ
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ā° landonorris: OSCAR GET OUTā¦againĀ
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kissed by the sunāļøš
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ynisthebest: CāMON ARE THEY SERIOUSLY NOT GONNA CONFIRM THIS, ITS SO OBVIOUS THEYRE DATINGĀ
f1fan: I JUST WANT WHAT THEY HAVEĀ
ā° ynfan: YOU AND ME BOTHĀ
landonorris: wait when did you take that photo ?
ā° yourusername: when you had a zoom call with the team & you thought i was napping š¤
ā° landonorris: youre sneaky, i love itĀ
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obxloverr: goals, actual goalsĀ
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caption: when she makes you dinner >>>Ā
ā° oscarpiastri: when are you gonna start calling her your girlfriend publiclyĀ
ā° landonorris: when weāre both ready, its fun doing this and seeing how people react, yourself includedĀ
ā° oscarpiastri: šš
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ask and you shall receive; yes weāre dating š§”
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landonorris: now i can publicly comment on how much i adore youĀ
ā° yourusername: youre such a simp, i love it, never stopĀ
ā° landonorris: donāt plan on itĀ
ā° oscarpiastri: not looking forward to third wheeling once the season starts up againĀ
ā° landonorris: HAHAHA that sounds like a you problemĀ
ā° yourusername: OSC IGNORE HIM, WE LOVE YOUĀ
ā° landonorris: BABEEEEE
yourbestfriend: can he fight ? cause if he hurts you, i go full bestie protective modeĀ
ā° yourusername: HAHAHAH i appreiciate you, more than you knowĀ
ā° landonorris: i donāt plan on hurting her, you have my word š«”
ā° yourbestfriend: good answerĀ
ynfan: THEY REALLY ARE THE CUTESTĀ
f1wagupdates: NEW WAG, I REPEAT NEW WAG ADDED TO THE LIST!!!Ā
user4: CANT WAIT FOR THE Y/N PADDOCK CONTENT ONCE RACES STARTĀ
user15: IāM SO HAPPY FOR THEMĀ
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found my other half š«
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yourusername: never met anyone more into film and photography, other than myself..š
ā° landonorris: thats why we work š
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ynfan: STOPPPPĀ
maxverstappen1: siri play mastermind by taylor swift
ā° landonorris: STOP GET OUTĀ
ā° yourusername: wait WHAT DOES HE MEAN? TELL MEĀ
ā° landonorris: no
ā° yourusername: pleaseeeeeeee
ā° landonorris: respectfully, noĀ
ā° yourusername: š
You looked up from your phone, eyeing Lando across the room also on his phone āwhat is Max talking about?ā You asked him this time in personĀ
āNothingā he said not looking up from his phone
You got up, going to sit next to him āBabe, cāmon Iām sure it is nothing, I just want to knowā you explained, you were just curiousĀ
Lando looked up from his phone meeting your eyes āOkay fineā he said as he locked his phone and turned his body to be facing you āIts really not a big deal but before you and I met, even before you got invited by Mclaren, I reached out to Max cause I had seen at the Las Vegas grand prix you met eachotherā he started
āAnd I was kind of upset, maybe even a little jealous that I crashed out and didnāt get the chance to meet you, so I called Max and asked what you were likeā He chuckled to himself, it sounded funnier saying this out loudĀ
āOkay but why were you upset you didnāt get to meet me?ā You asked, not fully understanding what he was getting at
āYou were one of my biggest celebrity crushesā He told you a small blush appearing on his face āWhich is why when I didnāt get to meet you after Vegas, I may have mentioned to someone on the admin team to reach out and invite you to the last race of the seasonā He finishedĀ
āWait so you already had a crush on me before we even met? Lando thats so cuteā You smiled at him āI get why Max commented that now, you really were the mastermind, Iām impressedā You smirkedĀ
āReally? You donāt think its weird or anything?ā He asked for reassuranceĀ
āNot at allā You told him, moving closer to him on the couch āIf you hadnāt have done what you did, who knows if weād be here right nowā You explained smiling at him, Lando returning the same smileĀ
āI cant imagine not having you in my lifeā He exclaimed, playing with the rings you had on your fingers āThe feelings mutualā You told him leaning in and giving him a quick kiss on the lips before pulling back and cuddling into his side enjoying this moment.Ā
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landonorris: i donāt plan on it, youre stuck with me š„¹
ā° yourusername: sounds good to meĀ
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ynfan: mom and dadĀ
f1fan: endgameĀ
ynislife: our girl found her happily ever afterĀ
obx: y/n we couldnāt be happier for you and feel free to bring him around once filming starts, maybe we can sneak him in as a cameo š
ā° yourusername: OMG DONT TELL HIM THATĀ
ā° landonorris: WAIT FOR REALĀ
ā° yourusername: no theyāre joking..
ā° obx: maybe we are, maybe we arenāt, who knows š¤·š»āāļø
ā° obxfan4life: the obx admin knows what the fans wantĀ
f1fanxobx: THE F1 X OBX: CROSSOVER OF THE CENTURYĀ
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that was so fun to write, i hope you enjoyed it !!
feel free to comment thoughts and/or make requests !! š«¶
#ssprayberrythings x formula one#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando norris smau#formula 1 x reader#formula 1#las vegas gp 2023#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 smau#obx instagram#obx#madelyncline fc#f1#f1 fanfic
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I was wondering if I could ask for some fluffy (+ nsfw if youre comfortable) headcanons about recovered/rescued curly x reader? Iāve seen very few fics about him and Iām so madly in love with him (particularly how ladonb.kokosa on tiktok draws him).
I think Curly would feel guilty about dating and sex because of his disabilities, inaction, and trauma but the reader is still head over heels for him anyway ā¤ļøāš©¹
recovered/rescued captain grant curly headcanons.
sfw/nsfw ā lowercase intended ^_^
g/n reader - no pronouns mentioned
requests are open and heavily encouraged, i write for every mw character ^.^
notes; i daydream about this exact curly too!! oh god i love this artist.. writing this in the perspective of you were his spouse previously. let me know if youād like it if you met him afterwards :)
these r also a bit short so maybe a part 2 if iām up for it/anyone else would want it. not proofread i never will sorry. this is my 3rd post today i am insane and happy to write!
.. nsfw section is written from the perspective of me, a girl, so sorry men if you cannot relate or feels it doesnāt apply to you too much. i try my best as a non-writer haha. minors donāt read that part thank you pleaseā¦
here he is in his late forties - early fifties.
SFW
ā he feels an intense amount of emotions knowing you waited as long as you did for himā that in those 15-20 years he was gone you didnāt move on *at all?*.. to come back in the state he was in, he felt a lot of guilt.
ā he feels even more guilt when you saw him in said state, and still stayed with him throughout the multiple surgeries and months in the hospital.
ā that smile of yours always cheered him up. and your reassurance was most comforting. he was lucky to have you as you are lucky to have him.
ā curly felt as if heād have to overcompensate for lost time. heād plan dates, give you flowers, gift you chocolates or candies you liked. small things like that. he did it often pre-crash but he now does it enough to where itās still a little special when he does.
ā it would take him a long time to tell you what happened, truly. for legal reasons iād assume heād have to tell government officials, the media, or some kind of authority what had happened ā but the details of it, id take a lot of time for him to speak about. heād have to speak to a therapist about it first.
ā when it came to his inaction, that and the immense survivors guilt he likely holds, he would be scared youād leave. heād be upset if you tried to justify his actions too. he knows what he did was wrong. and he doesnāt need you or anyone to tell him otherwise.
ā iām sure curly would donate a lot of the money he receives from media attention, that or encourage people to donate to charities that focus on gender based violence or sexual assault victims. he feels owed too. itās the very least he could do now.
ā back to his relationship with you.. sometimes all he wants is you. sometimes all he wants is to cry in bed as youāre there with him. your mere presence, all of you, is a huge comfort for him.
ā he loves that youāre still your happy, old self. and he understands, heād probably be happy too if someone you thought was dead just came back.
ā if i recall correctly, he was in that state for 5 months? most of the time, if anya wasnāt there replacing his bandages or nursing him- he was most likely alone. he doesnāt like the thought of that. and therefore doesnāt want to ever be alone again.
ā if youād allow him, he wants to feel you all over. not in a sexual way. he wants to touch your arms, your fingers, your neck, your cheeks, your face. the feeling of you in his arms feels like gods blessing im sure.
ā heād ask about you. heās so excited too. he wants updates to your life, your family. what do you like to do now? whatās changed since? do you still like this and that?
ā he feels upset that he missed out on those parts of your life, but at the same time he knows that you probably kept him in his heart all those times without him.
ā help him get back into his old hobbies!! keep him physically active. update him on all the video games heās missed, all the movies heās missed. movie days are probably his favorites. keep him busy.
NSFW
minors do not read
ā i believe a strap-on device has to be used, or toys. he is open to all, but heād enjoy using his hands to please you. it feels more intimate and close. he loves nothing more than touching youā in any way.
ā he is old, ok. he lacks stamina, 1 round is enough for him- as long as itās enough for you. but he is very experienced.
ā hand holder!! he loves to hold your hand during sex.. this is canon. i am wrongorgan. heād rub your palms as you shake, asking āis this okay? does that feel good?ā .. please reassure him he thinks itās the sexiest thing ever.
ā uses your facial expressions to reassure himself. he thinks itās cute when you bite your tongue to suppress your moans. or when your face is all flushed and sweaty. that means hes doing a good job.
ā eye contact.. please make eye contact with him. he does struggle a bit with loving himself (especially assuming this is a 1-3 years after he was rescued), but as long as you love him then he shouldnāt have reason to worry.
ā loves it when you place your hands on his face, caress his jawline as he fucks you slowly. i think he also likes it when your hands scratch his back. again, it tells him heās doing a good job.
ā i think itās obvious with the way i write him but he loves talking during sex. i mean, he likes incoherent noises too- just as much as he does talking. but your words mean so much to him. and thereās just so much he wants to say.
ā like.. āgod, youāre so cute. have you always been like this, sweetheart?ā !! he is a gentleman, ok?
ā he still prefers a dominant role. he is a service top if iāve ever seen one. even before the crash, sex is all about you, you, you, then maybe him.
ā for the first few times he would be extremely careful and gentle. intimacy is not something he likes to rush. after he gets a bit more comfortable heād be open to exploring again. like you did as younger adults, but still. heās old and youāre probably old too ^.^
ā feels like he has to make up for all the times you were probably lonely, sexually, the time he was missing.
#curly x reader#mouthwashing x reader#captain curly#mouthwashing#captain curly x reader#mouthwashing fic#curly headcanons#curly grant x reader#grant curly x reader#mouthwashing game#curly fluff#post crash curly#post crash curly x reader#nomnompyon
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in defense of kabumisuā¦ā¦..
addressing things I see people say about why kabru being shipped w mithrun is ābadā or why their canon relationship ādoesnāt mean anythingā while also clearing up misconceptions of the characters some fans have
listen it keeps popping up and I just gotta do this or my brain will melt (if you donāt see it around then god I wish that were me) thereās an age gap!- erm thereās also an age gap in farcille (ily), the most popular ship in the series...also chilchuck looks like a kid but a lot of fans recognize him as a dilf because of his relative age, so there should be no age gap discourse among adult characters because it feels so conditional tbh
kabru taking care of mithrun is racist!- marcille likes to take care of others as well. is that sexist, or just an aspect of her character?
kabru isnāt treated like a servant, waiting on mithrun hand and footā¦I mean he gives mithrun a foot massage but no one told him to do all that lmfao
he's also not the only one to care for mithrun. pattadol is shown to worry for him and milsril was the one to start taking care mithrun in the first place after heā¦...yāknow. speaking of which-
they probably met when kabru was a kid!- neither of them showed signs of recognizing each other the entire time mithrun was introduced nor when they were together. and im pretty sure KABRU of all people would show some kind of recognition if they'd met before. it's kabru!!! the people person!!! mr. "i-noted-down-50+-characters-in-this-dude's-backstory-for-fun-and-actually-enjoy-social-gatherings"
you would think some kind of memory would come back to him especially after hearing mithrunās backstory if milsril had even told kabru about him as a kid. but nope. itās just fan speculation unless there's a side comic suggesting otherwise that i haven't seen
mithrun doesn't care about kabru, his shapeshift double looked like shit!- it's obviously because of mithrun's (then) lack of desires that it looked like that, but they really grow on each other
i think it's safe to assume it'd look more like kabru after they spent so much time together (also laios can barely even remember kabru's name..also saw his face multiple times and didnāt recognize him when they talked for the first time)
mithrun is racist!- heās actually the least likely character to be racist since he lost his desires and that includes a desire for superiority over others. he even calls his past self out on that part of himself. the other elves in that side comic were being just as racist to shorter lived races but just didnāt use āoutdated slursā
(unfortunately literally every main character in dunmeshi is at least a lil prejudiced, but I believe itās worldbuilding and a sign of the times rather than a reason ryoko kui is giving to hate each character)
taking care of others is a pain in the ass!- saying this as a reason kabru and mithrun shouldn't be together is basically saying disabled people shouldn't be allowed to have romantic relationships because they're a "burden"...if someone is actually willing to put in the work, then let them be.
that's not even all of their relationship, mithrun is the fighter of their duo and kabru would've been killed by the shapeshifter or something if he'd fallen down the hole on his own since he sucks at fighting monsters. mithrun helps collect ingredients for cooking every time, too (barometz fruits and griffin egg). he pulls his weight and then some!! i feel like people forget that part of mithrun a lot somehow.
+senshi literally cooks for everyone all time. it's kind of an important aspect of the narrative.
+also, while it is a popular fan thing I see around that kabru handfeeds mithrun, he literally never does lol this is mithrun using his own hands to eat:
also here we have him washing his own body
just saying because people like to treat mithrun like a baby even though the narrative respects him as a capable adult who also has special needs because of an accident. heās captain for a reason
kabru hates taking care of mithrun!- not exactly, he was initially surprised and put off but got used to it quickly. iām sure heās grateful for all the times mithrun saved him from a monster and teleported them out of danger as well
he even starts doing āunnecessaryā things for mithrunās comfort and safety like when mithrun pushes himself too hard fighting, even after his mission to take care of him was complete when the canaries came back
here is even kabru resting while mithrun keeps watch (mithrun let him sleep for 5 hours before waking him up from the nightmare earlier, too):
there's nothing more to their relationship!- they actually have had a very tight and consistent dynamic since they met and they incite the most change within each other by the end. kabru is the one who inspires mithrun to create new desires so he doesn't waste away, and mithrun is the first person we see kabru being genuine with and it leads him to be more honest with others by the end instead of tiptoeing around everyone all the time (that mask was also the reason some ppl initially disliked kabruā¦)
kabruās relationship with mithrun is honestly so important for his character and vice versa, but itās often disregarded because of one over exaggerated aspect of it (an aspect that isnāt even the first way they interact with each other) or because people want to just straight up ignore it for some reason š„²š„²
kui dedicates many panels to them that don't particularly serve the narrative as a whole in order to demonstrate this and i think that's pretty significant
you're taking this too seriously!- as if i'm the first person in the world to be crazy about a ship or the characters š i love analyzing text and it's upsetting to see them mischaracterized when kui lays out the characters so clearly and deliberately
also they end up touching each other like all the time and have the kind of canon validation most ppl can only dream of lol i feel so insane look at this:
and this is just when they're first getting to know each other cuz there's a fuckload more
kinda hard to explain how i don't actually need them to get married or whatever but i'd die on this hill for them and i enjoy their dynamic immensely
haha you thought you were reading ship discourse but it was actually a character analysis š¤Ŗš¤Ŗš¤Ŗ
also donāt somehow take this to mean I think anyone has to ship them, I just need everyone to understand these accusations kind of donāt make sense especially when they can also apply to other pairs or characters
bonus kabru just looking at mithrun:
#dungeon meshi#kabumisu#kabru of utaya#mithrun#dungeon meshi spoilers#i'd rather be able to enjoy their dynamic without feeling like i have to explain it but i keep seeing the same takes i cant do this anym-#i feel like i advocate for kabumisu so much because i see so many people mischaracterizing kabru to make l4bru work like how they want#by saying heās obsessed w laios because he thinks heās hot..but he was curious about his autistic behavior and eventually thought his lack#of malice would make laios the best candidate for becoming dungeon lord to prevent another utaya tragedy. tho eventually he doubts that#not that i care that he's shipped with laius. i just want ppl to see kabru for who he IS bc some still think hes nothing but a shady bicth#i think that's best shown through his dynamic with mithrun (other than his own words of course) so i want ppl to acknowledge it properly#like idk if I can trust popular fan interpretations of the characters or relationships anymore after the shit with toshiro bro šš#not trying to attach kabruās entire being to mithrun or anything either just..saying#hm i feel like the way i worded all of this will make some ppl mad. not my intention but whoops#anyways has anyone drawn ship art of senshi and mithrun yet? anyone?
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everyone arguing with material analysis/assertion about how art is a "luxury" has rarely if ever spent rent or food money on art, if they even pay rent or buy their own food, and if they did that would be considered extremely dysfunctional, and thats what i/we mean. artists are not providing a necessary service.
our plane crashes in the Andes and you are not particularly excited about my "can draw that Playboy centerfold of Marge Simpson from memory" like that is not an essential survival skill. lots of extremely skilled workers work in luxury artisan and craft jobs, it's not an insult to say even a very famous and very talented and influential artist is not producing a commodity necessary for the furtherance of human life. none of us are doing that, no matter how we stretch and strain the definitions of "essential" or even things like "morale" or "group identity". i will burn my copy of Finnegan's Wake to stay warm and thats what it comes down to.
i get foamy crazy snarling and biting about the idolization and obfuscation of what artists actually do because it is a labor issue! the public conception of artists as people possessed of a divine talent they dont consciously work to develop like any other skill, and the public idea that we are simply pleased and privileged to make art all day and "not work", something people say to my face every time i get asked "what i do", is largely responsible for the absolute dogshit reality of how subsistence and working class artists have to survive. we usually dont have health insurance unless we're so poor we qualify for medicaid AND live in a state that will enroll us. most of us are too disabled or crazy to go to a real job every day. most of us have tried, over and over, to enter the normal workforce, and have failed, and been forced to develop alternate skills that allow us to make rent in the ten hours per month we're actually functional. many of the artists i know work from bed because standing up is dicey. this has been turned into a charming eccentricity of famous artists and writers instead of people wondering why a person would need to stay in bed all day and take the enormous bother of bringing their stupid pens and paper and writing board or typewriter or whatever to their bed instead of just getting up and getting dressed and going to work. ive done this, i spilled ink in my sheets. its a huge hassle.
and artists play along with this mystique because people dont want to buy paintings from sadlords! they want to buy paintings and books and marge simpson nudes from cool guys who get a lot of chicks and wear rockstar outfits and party a lot, because of the transitive properties! of course!!! this is basic marketing!!!!! and if the artist doesnt play along they turn into Sad Story Artist where they're doing emergency commissions and posting about how sick they are all the time. this is not cool or fun or sexy. it's a sand trap and its very hard to recover from. im struggling with this right now!
famous and successful artists and writers are constantly ending up 60-90 years old with cancer and multiple sclerosis and dementia, being the subject of some sort of public, last-ditch, humiliating GoFundMe because painting paperback covers fr 60 years means you dont get a pension, you often dont even have kids who can take care of you, you dont have life insurance, you dont have health insurance. 'died penniless and alone' is one of the stereotypical artist endings for a reason, that is not fiction. this happened to more artists than i can list on two hands. look up what happened to Peter S. beagle, the guy who wrote The Last Unicorn. you write a book like that you should be set for life, right? NO. thats not how it works
i'm not saying 'all artists are disabled and working class or poor' because that isnt true, observably. nepo babies and trust fund artists exist, obviously. but they take an outsized portion of the spotlight when the public thinks of the concept of "artist". they are not actually the norm. the average artist is probably making under 40k and living in extremely precarious circumstances and has had periods of homelessness, illness, extreme debt and/or bankruptcy.
this is true even for the 'successful' artists. having one or two or ten good projects and being a household name does not save you from just not having the safety net provided by a normal career path. i was very close with a major, famous 2000s network television creator and team that you have heard of. they won awards, they changed culture entirely, they were a big deal. one of them was turned down for a half dozen projects by the same network that made millions or bilions on their franchise over several years (each pitch is completely unpaid btw, imagine carefully preparing a PowerPoint for morons for months at a time for no reimbursement and thent he morons ask you if you can put a teenage witch looking for her lost cat in the alps in it and you're like, haha, well, it's a 4 part hard sci fi miniseries set on Europa and takes place entirely inside a pressurized lander settlement, i mean Ridley Scot said he was interested already and he pitched a bottle episode about a carbon monoxide poisoning, soooooo....and the executives look at each other and they're like "it's jst not really what we're looking for right now, thanks for coming in" and you go to coffee bean and tea leaf and kill yourself and thats sort of what its like. i made that example up it didn't actually happen i'm using an illustrative example), worked on a canceled film, and just. gradually ran out of money. thats what happens. that guy ended up slowly selling off all his belongings, getting roommates in a one bedroom apartment, and then eventually having to just live on a friend's couch for years. famous guy. you probably know his name. another major member of that same team ended up in GoFundMe/commission hell for years (might still be there) because they had to take care of their two dying, dementia patient parents by themselves. these are people who go to GenCon and sign autographs for four hours at a time. THE PUBLIC IS NOT AWARE OF THIS SHIT and i'm sick of it. im sick of going to a gallery opening night ("vernissage") and drinking bad wine and having a guy with an email job that pays six figures and benefits tell me being able to push "undo" on the computer is cheating. that's a real example, that has actually happened to me. more than once.
artists currently have zero labor protections whatsoever. all of us are undercutting each other in an unregulated market and relying on welfare and private insurance and not having families or buying houses. zero security until we get so old all our illnesses and dysfunction finally ground us permanently and then we get turned into a charity case by fans (humiliating) or just fade away into ghosts and die
whats my punchline? idk i dont have one. it's possible and likely that any given artist you meet is permanently in precarity and will be until they die, even the famous ones. the culture of selling art demands that artists do not admit to this in public unless shit gets really really bad. i guess my point is you should know this, as a person who looks at or listens to or reads things that people have made for your amusement, not for your survival
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This is so transphobic like what the hell is this
āScreenshotā
āScreenshotā
[Image Id: A large addition to a tumblr poat reading "Also if I'm going to be honest, passing as a man is also just easier than passing as a woman. The rules to being a man and passing as a man are much more lenient than being a woman or passing as a woman. Trans women have to worry about shit like "I need to wear an outfit that distracts people from the fact I have an adams apple, and not allow people to see that I have shoulders, and learn makeup and basically become a voice actor and etc. and maybe I won't be called a man today" (and if you pass too well and the wrong cis guy feels guilty about being attracted to you, you get murdered meanwhile if you're a trans guy and you wanna pass as a man, you gotta like have short hair and hide or remove your boobs and at this point you can already just go to the grocery store and most people will see you as a man. Once you get facial hair and a deeper voice, most people will just see you as some guy. Like I don't understand why transmascs insist on this idea that they could never really pass. Like the idea that trans man who passes is almost far-fetched. Weird as hell." End Id]
Lets upack this shall we?
1."Passing as a man is easier than passing as a woman"
No it's not. The rules to being a man and passing as a men as strict as lots of rules for women. Have you ever seen a cis guys who fails to pass? They're called names, theyre physically beat, and theyre often ostracized from their cis peers just as fast as any trans person. Cis boys cant even pass half the time by the rules they made. Quit fucking lying about men just magically having it so easy.
Your experiences as passing as a man aren't universal and if you've never passed as one what makes you think it's fucking easy?
Also god forbid you're a black man, or a black man who is into something deemed feminine. Shit I've seen guys call black men women for wearing a damn hair bonnet.
Oh not to mention I'm only a man to transphobes when they can call me a "dangerous black man" only to switch back to tryibg to detransition me by saying "you can just be a masc girl!"
2.Adams apple
While you have to hide yours, I have to wear shit that distracts people that I *don't* have one. Cause, and I know this is wild, if they expect you not to have one for being a women, what do they expect me to have for being a man? Hmm? And if you're a man who's adams apple never came in? I've seen them called girls to. Shit I've heard a guy called not manly for missing his, and he was still in puberty!!
3.Shoulders
While you have to hide you shoulders, I have to do whatever I can to have the.. small shoulders on men? maybe if youre in a "non manly" field like music or art, but I do gym work. I better look likeit regardless of the disability that effacts my muscles growth and development or I am called maam by every guy there. Which sucks btw.
4. Makeup and voice acting:
Trans men also are regularly advised to wear makeup that masculinizes them and do voice training. thats some of our oldest passing tips. thats litterally never been unique to trans women. what the FUCK kinda of implications are you trying to put out here?
5. Murder:
Hey did you know cis guys will murder trans men bc they were attracted to them and then found out they werent "real men" and then kill them. shit cis women also kill us if they find out they were attracted to us and we aren't their ideal man anymore. do u know how men who hear im butch and into women behave?
Fuck right the fuck off trying to tokenize the murder lf trans women while throwing trans men murders in the "that doesn't happen" bin.
6. How many times have we said short hair and no boobs dont fucking automatically gets us gendered correcly!! We have voices that have to be trained, we have muscles were expected to build,and some men even watch the way you walk to guess if you have a dick or not.
Listen to any trans men. any of us for five minutes. those things do not making an easily passing trans man fuck you for lying about our experiences as not a trans man.
7. "You gotta like have short hair or remove your boobs"
Untrue! just Untrue. we also have to preform the rules of manhood really well. ive seen beareded transmen clocked for like so many different other reasons and you wouldn't listen to those men if it would save all trans people lives forever. cis men constantly dig at other men presentation to keep each other in line. Its a regular for them.
Also: not all of want to pass with those features. I deserve to have long hair and not bind and still pass as a man and you suck for defining everything around passing.
8. I don't know why you insist on this idea that trans women never really pass without obscene work (when ive met trans women that admit they have it easy by throwing on a dress and wearing her hair down) and that all trans men who have ascess to transition magically do pass (When multiple of us transitioning have said we dont)
If we can't talk about the ones who don't pass then you kinda can just sweep away the idea we don't face discrimination or danger and that's getting us killed actually.
None of us have said we can all never really pass any who say they can't are usually speaking on their own experiences. Because you want us all to pass so bad you don't care that we don't, and that it gets us backlash and hurt.
Also, if you ever read this, kiss my black ass and go reevaluate what makes you think you should speak on experiences that aint yours as if you're the one with the Hard Cold Facts.
#transandrophobia#transphobia#this is just fucking piassing me off#why lie#just talk about your own experiences and stop pretending they cant apply anywhere else#this took me way to long to get back to#thank u to the person who did the image id for me it helped a ton#has id#anti transmasculinity#transmisandry
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Saw a post and it really got me thinking.
The post was talking about why donāt lower support needs, higher masking individuals even believe that higher support needs, low masking, āseverely autisticā people, exist. And that got me really thinking. Because, I do think they know we exist. I just donāt think they want too.
I donāt think they want to know we exist. They know we exist, but keep us on the back burner. They live in ignorance bliss of us. I have what some people would think of as severe autism. Im nonverbal (although nonverbal later in life. But outside people donāt care about that. They see nonverbal as nonverbal), Iām intellectually disabled, need help in everyday life, etc. but Iām in the middle. Iām moderate support needs. To me, Iām not severely autistic. But to society, I am considered and seen as severely autistic because society doesnāt have the understanding of moderate autism yet. They donāt understand it. And Iāve seen more times than I can count that severe autism doesnāt exist. Not because they donāt believe in severe autism the label itself because itās āharmfulā but because they donāt believe that itās just caused by autism. They often believe thatās itās caused by comorbidities. Like ID, or cerebral palsy, or apraxia/dyspraxia, or mobility issues, or genetic conditions, and so on. Although none of this is bad.
They believe that autism itself canāt create severe autism. Whichā¦isnāt true. Before, it was believed that severe autism was the only type of autism. That it was the only type that existed and if you werenāt severely autistic then you werenāt autistic. Then more research happened, then social media happened, and now..white, lower support needs, high masking, late diagnosed individuals are the majority of whatās being centered. And, that isnāt bad. We need awareness of all autism. But when one type of autism gets centered, it becomes a problem. It becomes the new norm. It becomes what everyone expects out of autism now. Which, isnāt true. Autism all of all types and traits exists. Autism of all support needs exists.
When people say severe autism doesnāt exist, theyāre ignoring and saying that a BIG percentage of autistic people donāt exist. Theyāre saying that we arenāt real. That we arenāt on the internet, or in the communities they live in, or in their schools, or whatever. Weāre everywhere. Severe autism is still a thing. It isnāt a misdiagnosis. It isnāt from comorbities, although if someoneās autism is more severe from comorbidities then that isnāt bad.
I think a lot of people need to be more aware of severe autism. And not just severe autism like me or my mutuals, or the people you see here on tumblr. But the ones with even MORE severe autism. The ones who live in group homes, residentials, institutions, and so on. The ones who arenāt on the internet. The ones who arenāt here blogging about their lives. We need to be aware of them too. We need to believe they exist, and believe that their autism is real.
Donāt erase severe or profound autism.
#zebrambles#autism#actually autism#medium support needs#actually autistic#nonverbal#actually nonverbal#high support needs#severe autism#long post#autism acceptance month#autism awareness month
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heya, this might be too much for a single post, but i would delight in a ramble about the overlap between dwarfism and disability (whether or not you/the community as a whole generally consider it a capital-D Disability or if theres more nuance like with the autism or HOH/Deaf communities where it just Is and folks feel the the struggles with outgroup folks are like, culture clashes, or perhaps a secret third thing?)
similarly, id love for a ramble on the overlap between dwarfism and queerness, especially The Genders. i have ehlers-danlos syndrome and theres a huge number of us who are trans or nonbinary, to the point where masculinizing hrt is (anecdotally) understood to be a bit of a treatment for some symptoms. i know theres a lot of overlap between queerness and disability as a whole, but so far the couple of artists with dwarfism ive found and followed are all some flavor of trans or nonbinary, so id love to know if thats as common of a thing in your community as it is in mine
dwarfism is for sure underrepresented in discussion about both disability and queerness, and as a disabled queer person they are so intertwined in my head, and im forever curious about other folks experiences so your thoughts are appreciated!
Hello!! I love these questions!!
Firstly, yes, I do identify as being both a little person and disabled, but that isn't the case for everyone with dwarfism. Though dwarfism falls under the classification of a physical disability, not all little people find it physically debilitating. For me, my Achondroplasia dwarfism has resulted in sleep apnea, arthritis, chronic pain, hearing loss, limited mobility and dexterity. I cannot walk long distances and I use multiple moblility aids (wheelchair for long distance, rollator most of the time, and cane for short distances or around the house). My disability is dynamic, meaning that my ability changes day to day depending on pain levels, spoons (unit of measure for disabled energy), and activity.
Being that I am both a little person AND noticeably disabled, I have experienced ableism within both the abled community and the LP community, which is something I don't often talk about. I've been in situations where I feel alienated from my own community - additionally for my queerness. When you exist at the intersection of as many things as I do, you experience many flavours of ignorance and discrimination from the very people who should accept you.
That being said, I have also had the privilege of meeting other little people who are trans, queer, and nonbinary like I am. Our community is incredibly diverse, but spread along the globe. It is easy to feel a profound isolation, but the internet has provided me with a means of connection which I greatly appreciate.
Disability and queerness is something I discuss in depth in my public speaking roles, as I deeply value intersectionality in education and activism (I hope to share some of my talks as I record them in the future!).
I am forever painful aware that ableism is alive and will within the queer community - even when "all are welcome", we are still an after thought. I really urge my fellow queers to think beyond our own community to bipoc and disabled folks, otherwise you're really just dipping your toes into radicalism. Read more books by black disabled trans women of colour, and expand your thinking. (Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk lol)
I can't really speak to hate from the other direction, as all of the disabled folks I know on a personal level are also queer. Though I will say that I certainly receive queer-phobia from older (white) disabled folks - in my experience, when white folks become disabled with age and have not faced any other injustice in their life, they can be very hateful.
This has been quite a post, so I hope I've answered your questions in full! I would be happy to discuss it more if not/answer other related questions! Thank you so much!
Elliot (they/them)
#asks#intersectionality#queerness and disability#disability and queerness#queerphobia#ableism#disability awareness
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trying to be more accepting of the likelihood I am autistic, I feel ive been having this constant back and forth conversation with myself for the past 2 years about it. "you can go to school, be a therapist for people, run errands, win awards, and somehow fit 2 jobs into all of that" and I use that as proof that I am NOT autistic...however, realizing i lose an entire weekend for a trip? distress. fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and leaves me trembling, crying, and forced to recover? oh boy i wonder why that happened. feeling confused and like i'm constantly missing something when people express themselves in class or in the workplace? hm, it's almost as if I struggle to not take their language literally.
i don't think i've ever been allowed to be "disabled" by whatever neurodivergency and its symptomology, like, ever. god speed any other neurodivergent children of immigrants, but i don't feel allowed to let any cluster of disturbances or schedule changes or social conundrums disable me. I mean, they can affect me privately, where I am forced to stim and cry and process all on my own. But unfortunately i cannot look like the misshapen freak I feel I am, or well, as least not appear so in a socially unacceptable way.
it's funny i carry so much shame. i am unmasking in ways i never thought i could. i am allowing myself to take things literally with people, and I am allowing myself to ask more questions. "what did you mean by that?" "why did you use that word to describe that?" "can you rephrase that?" it's funnier that I am at such a queer and neurodiverse internship; nearly all of the other clinical staff have some sort of diagnosis (usually adhd/ocd/with flavors of trauma), and we all serve a population of the queerest and most neurodiverse students. i feel SO happy when I see a student and they refuse to make eye contact with me, because I take it as an invitation to NOT look them in the eye too! i tell students during our sessions feel free to stim, here's a weighted plushie you can hold, sit where you like, would you like to pace, should I dim the lights? it is even funnier that i am a neurodivergent clinician working with neurodivergent people, and half the time I dont even follow the same advice I give my clients!
i worry about what my life will look like when i've graduated. my master's will say, "hey, this guy is a clinical social worker and is now ready to be your therapist! or caseworker! whatever they have you people do nowadays!" and I don't think i feel ready to enter any workforce. how on earth will i manage my life and wellbeing doing this 40 hours a week? like wtf? ugh.
i dunno. these r just rambles and perhaps im just seeking some sort of comfort from other autistic people, especially because it feels like i have very few autistic people in my life. i know a lot of the validation i seek will be "resolved" if i seek out an official diagnosis, but I don't have time or $ for that. nor do I think I want one for a number of reasons. I should just continue working on my own self-esteem when it comes to most likely being autistic.
oh well
#muerto talks#sorry for long ramble#been having lots of autistic thoughts#been making less eye contct stimming more in class#showing up in what feels comfortable to me#ive also been frustrated becaus realizations r slowly processing and i feel really fucking silly and dumb rn#because im only just now putting up hints together#whatever i think its dumb to make the autistic guy have to pick up all these social cues and hints even tho people wont just say something#but yeah either way im actually feeling really good at my internship#i think my neurotype gives me an advantage in a lot of ways#do i get triggered still like yeah#but it wont him me until well after a session is over#but whatecer#would love to hear from other autistic people who work or go to school n stuff like that
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anyways it sucks that nano said that about ai generated writing but im broke so im not gonna be giving them money in either case.
my approach to this is going to be: in my creative writing class, one of our midterm grades is to compete in one of three writing related contests, one of which is NaNoWriMo. HOWEVER, since our class has a high percentage of disabled people (both physically and mentally) who are incredibly prone to burnout when it comes to participating in traditional NaNo, our teacher (also disabled so she Gets It) edited the challenge slightly this year to make it easier for us to participate.
instead of writing 40,000 words in one month, our goal is to write 10,000 words a month for four months, starting in August and ending with 40k at the end of November. this is much more manageable and realistic for us, it still provides a challenge, and it also means the participants write an entire novel in four months, which is still a big deal for obvious reasons especially considering the majority of the class are very much amateur writers.
i've adopted this much more relaxed model while writing salt & the sea and will probably continue to use it next year regardless of if our teacher keeps it in the rotation for our midterm grade or not. if traditional nano has been too exhausting/intimidating for you in previous years for whatever reason like it has been for me, you're welcome to join me in participating in this unofficial offshoot of it!
another thing: i am a fast writer. i write a lot and i write very quickly. however, due to burnout, depression, the time of year that NaNo happens in, and a couple other things, 40k words in one month is a goal that i simply cannot hit in any way without hurting myself a LOT right now and that's okay. Reaching a goal means nothing if you destroy yourself in the process of getting there. It's okay to make a huge challenge easier for yourself in order to accommodate for your own disabilities, workflow, etc. or even just so that you aren't put off trying in the first place!
I don't have a name yet for this edited NaNo challenge and it probably won't go anywhere which is okay but I'm thinking of referring to it as Mini NaNo, Mitosis NaNo, or something else that preferably emphasizes it's an unofficial offshoot of the challenge.
(my) monthly goals:
Start: Aug 1st (you can dust off an old draft or concept if you'd like)
August 31st: 10,000 words
September 30th: 20,000 words
October 31st: 30,000 words
November 30th: 40,000 words
Current word count as of Sep. 2nd (started this draft on May 30th, I know, I cheated a bit): ~19,000
wish me luck!
#ray's tag#writing#nanowrimo#mini nano#mitosis nano#this post is also us procrastinating on writing this chapter btw ORZ i swear i'll add a couple more paragraphs at least today!! i promise!!
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