#so yknow just trying to sleep so i can enjoy my date tomorrow with my fiance and my brain is pulling this shit

[some-random-fandom-chick]

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[starlesseyes]

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[rek1s-headband]

I'd really like to see some headcanons for a polyamorous relation between y/n, kaoru, and kojiro because I just want these boys to hug each other and me.

Thanks for the request! This was fun to write, because I too would love to be sandwiched between these two. Enjoy!

➯ random boyfriend headcannons

➯ characters: cherry x joe x reader

➯ warnings: none! Just fluff for now. I do swear a bit in my work though, please tell me if this is an issue!

-Yall literally take turns annoying the shit out of each other around the house. You’ll sit on the counter while Joe attempts to make dinner, you and Kaoru mixing his spices around and sticking labels on the wrong packets. You’ll rest your head in Kaoru’s lap while he attempts to get some calligraphy work done or make some adjustments to Carla, Joe talking the ear off him while he tries to concentrate.

-Joe has caught you and Kaoru in the parking lot of a McDonalds on more than one occasion.

-You and Kaoru will go on “dates” to Joe’s restaurant while he works, and pretend you have no idea who the man in front of you is. The two of you will go so far with it too. Joe has had to sit through “birthdays” (yours wasn’t for another eight months), marriage proposals(the poor man had to bring the two of you cake), fake breakups where one person would storm out and cause a scene in the restaurant, the list is endless.

-On the other hand, you and Joe will go to Kaoru’s exhibitions, and absolutely mortify him. The two of you will be shouting various words of encouragement(?) at him, while the poor man just tries to do his work. Yes you’ve gotten a few stares. Yes you’ve been kicked out by security on multiple occasions.

- “WORK THAT BRUSH BABY” “WRITE MY NAME😩” “GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME WE WERE JUST BEING SUPPORTIVE”

-Idk how many of yall have seen that tweet where someone got a label maker and labelled everything in their pantry stupid shit like “mini bagels” (Cheerios) and “ghost broccoli” (cauliflower) but that’s 100% something you and Kaoru would do just to piss Joe off when he’s trying to cook.

-The three of you regularly make shitty edits of Adam in those ghetto clouds every time he gets into a new scandal and make memes out of pictures you take of him every time he shows up at S.

-Joe would carry you around this house at his side and ask you stupid questions while you reply in a robot-like voice to mock Carla and piss Kaoru off

-“Hey Clara(cause yall are original), can you tell me where Kaoru is?”

-“Hello Joe, Kaoru is in the corner reading a book like a little nerd”

-He acts like he hates it, but you and Joe find it hilarious, so even he can find himself smiling at your antics.

-The three of you will sit in a line sometimes, you in Kaoru’s lap, and him in Joe’s, and yall will just sit and braid each other’s hair while watching TV. Sometimes you and Kaoru will take turns trying to put mini braids in Joe’s hair, sticking bows and clips in it anywhere they’ll stay. The two of you have given Joe hair extensions before, and he absolutely adored them.

-Joe and Kaoru are already awful when it comes to skating together, so if you can skate, you can imagine the absolute chaos the three of you would cause at S. Instead of acting like a mediator, you’re just as much of a little shit as them, yelling stuff like “BEAT HIS ASS” or “place your bets now folks!” If you’re not joining in on the fighting as well.

-The three of you sleeping can go one of two ways.

-One, a triple spoon(I’ll let you decide who’s where, maybe you swap) or yall will just be overall comfortable. No kicking or shifting in the night, just pure peace.

-Two, an absolute free-for-all of limbs and heads. Maybe your head will be on Kaoru’s chest, maybe your foot will be in Joe’s armpit. Someone nearly always ends up without a blanket, or on the floor.

-Carla has a charging port in your room, and when she randomly says stuff in the middle of the night you’ll shoot up in bed, scaring the shit out of yourself and the other two. That place quickly becomes a panic room of “WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING” “THAT DAMN ROBOT” “the forecast for tomorrow seems to be cloudy, with a chance of rain.” “BE QUIET CARLA” “sorry, I couldn’t find anything for ‘night garden’, would you like me to search again?” “CARLA”

-Joe is awful for snoring. You and Kaoru will take turns beating the shit out of him with a pillow until he shuts up long enough for the two of you to fall asleep. If he doesn’t stop, you need to violently shake him to make him wake up, this man is a DEEP sleeper. He does that dad thing when he wakes up yknow the big inhale through the nose and the bleary eyes.

-Your house is decorated from top to bottom with artwork. Most of it is because Kaoru liked how it looked, other times it’s simply because you and Joe thought it looked funny. You’ll have various pieces of art hanging in your house that Kaoru thought you and Joe just liked the look of, when in reality the two of you thought it looked like a dick.

-idk how many of yall have seen that TikTok (if not I’ll link it here) where they’re ordering McDonald’s and start fighting in the front of the car while one person vibes in the back, but yall have done that multiple times unironically. I’ll let you decide who’s where, because it changes OFTEN.

-Your birthday cakes are always TOP NOTCH. Joe pours his absolute heart into baking them, while Kaoru helps decorate it and make it perfect for you.

-The three of you are banned from Target because you and Joe decided to mess with the kids toys and set off an alarm.

-Yall regularly do that thing where two of you will be together and the third (usually Joe) will come up to you and start screaming like “HOW COULD YOU?? I LOVED YOU AND YOURE OUT HERE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? GO TO HELL.” And storm off.

-Yall fight over the front seat of the car. Like, the two who aren’t driving are sprinting towards the car, shoving each other out of the way like little kids. Yelling “shotgun” means nothing to yall if u manage to get there first. Whoever’s driving won’t unlock the car for ages, letting the other two battle it out watching from a safe distance.

-The three of you had to make a chore list because of how petty you were. Once the trash went without being taken out for like a week because you’d just keep piling shit on top, trying not to make it collapse.

[lesbianmarrow]

ok gonna write my post about legends of tomorrow 6.08 “stressed western” SO quick bc i wanna get to sleep early. this episode is a decompression episode which allows the characters to process stuff from the previous episodes while setting up stuff for later episodes. these decompression episodes arent usually my favorites but theyre necessary and since its a legends of tomorrow episode of course its gonna be enjoyable no matter what. this one isnt like a standout episode or anything but i liked it alright and it was cool to see david ramsey in a silly mustache :) 

the sara ava stuff felt a little bit um not the best? it’s very sweet how sara blurts out that shes a clone alien hybrid, of course she cant keep anything from ava. but their agreement to not tell the team for now bc they wanna try to be “normal” felt obviously doomed to fail, and this whole “normal” idea is something we’ve already seen before in the episode where they have their first date. so i feel like they should have learned that lesson by now. still it’s very nice to see ava being so supportive and even a little bit nervous about making sara feel welcome bc she cares about her so much. ava’s anxieties over sara being part alien now and therefore different was something that did work for me. it just felt very real. because its one thing to say you’ll love her no matter how she’s changed but it’s another thing to see those changes in action. it’s just very human of ava. i like how it sort of escalates from seeing sara eat too many cherries to seeing sara survive being shot in the head. it was a very badass scene of sara taking all those bullets. i just know keto shimizu or someone in the writers room took inspiration from wolverine weapon x bc not only was sara kidnapped and experimented on to give her new abilities but also now she has a healing factor and can survive all these bullets!!! i liked that ava was so horrified at seeing sara maimed in that way even though sara was fine. again yknow thats something i can emotionally connect with. but then at the end when they were like well i guess we shouldnt have tried to be normal i was like yeah no duh you already knew this!!!!!! i just wish that part had been framed in another way. 

i like how nate is like lets do a nice regular classic kind of legends mission to get sara back in the groove and they do a wild west mission. because to us the viewers it does evoke the past wild west episodes and so it does have a classic feeling. i think that’s fun. i also enjoyed how nate expressed his frustration and how he felt like he wasn’t getting enough respect or recognition for keeping the team together when everything had been falling apart. even though it was a ruse to lure the alien it still was how he felt and i had been wondering if the show was ever gonna recognize just how taxing it must have been for nate to be everybody’s rock for that stretch of episodes. so it was nice to see. hes still not my fave but i can appreciate him. i also enjoyed the zari behrad sibling bickering, so cute. i dont really care for this behrad astra flirtation but we’ll see how it goes. 

the spooner astra stuff was nice. kind of funny how nate calls out the trope-iness of putting the 2 characters who dont like each other on a mission and by the end they will be friends. since spooner and astra are the 2 newest characters it was a little tricky for me to totally grasp everything that was going on with them, just because i don’t know either of them that well, but i enjoyed their sniping at each other and i really loved when astra finds out spooner lost her mom and her whole demeanor kind of changes. i love when astra is kind of being hard on spooner and judging her because she sees herself in spooner and she’s hard on herself. and spooner reminds astra that shes not in hell anymore and she shouldnt be acting like she is. i like that they bonded, it’s kind of a fun contrast since their personalities and aesthetics are so different. i think they should be besties. 

okay thats all last thing i wanna say is i bet sara is one of those girls who can tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue

[softboywriting]

Go The Fuck To Sleep | Shawn Mendes

Summary: You and Shawn make some big decisions. [established friend/relationship] [non au] 

Word Count: 1.7k

|Masterlist In Bio|

The second day of Shawn being home from tour you show up at his apartment. You're a good friend, well, better than good. You and Shawn have history, a long history. On and off dating, deciding to be friends, hooking up, both wanting more but never finding the right time. Things are complicated. It's just after eight and you've got a bag in hand with a wrapped present for him. You knock twice and wait. He's awake. You didn't text him before you showed up, but you know how he is. 

"Hello?" Shawn asks, opening the door to see you standing there. He grins. "About time you showed up."

"I've got things to do that are better than babysit you."

"Babysit? I'm a baby now?" 

"You've always been a baby." You shove his chest playfully and he backs up to let you inside. You pass him the gift from your bag and he turns it over in his hands curiously. "Open it."

"What did you get me?" He mumbles, tearing off the paper and revealing a copy of Go The Fuck To Sleep. "Wh-"

"You need to sleep." You look him over and then grab his jaw in your hand. "It looks like you haven't been getting any rest and frankly you look like shit. You look old."

Shawn's face drops and he stares at you, hurt in his eyes. "Take that back."

"No. You just don't want the truth."

"I'm fine."

"You're exhausted. When did you last eat a full square meal? When did you last eat three meals a day and snacks? Shawn, you're killing yourself." 

He walks past you and into the living area. "I didn't think you'd show up and berate me."

"Well someone oughta because you obviously aren't doing shit about it yourself." 

"You think I don't know?!" He rounds on you, walking back angrily and meeting you halfway. "You think I have no idea that I've lost ten pounds? That I forget to eat because I'm too busy and I'm stressed out? Do you really think I don't notice that I'm not getting enough sleep? Because trust me I know." His voice falters and he clenches his jaw, trying to hold himself together. 

You lay your hand on his chest and his heart is pounding wildly. "I'm here to help you."

"How?" He sighs tiredly. 

"By staying with you and making sure you're okay." You slide your hand up to cup his cheek. "You're home now, you don't have to work or stress about anything. Your only obligation is you." 

"I'm so tired," he says brokenly. "I'm so, so tired."

"I know. Why don't you go lay down and close your eyes? I'll make some food for you to eat for the next few days." 

"But I don't have anything."

"I'll order groceries for delivery." You push him toward the couch. "Relax. I swear I'll handle everything."

Shawn grabs your hand as you move to turn away to raid his kitchen. You raise your eyebrows and he pulls you toward him. "I don't know what I'd do without you." He says, hugging you tight. 

"You'd survive. Just barely." 

"Yeah, just barely." 

_____________________

Three hours later and you've got Shawn's fridge and freezer stuffed with everything from a veggie tray to muffins and chicken tortilla soup, a specialty of yours. You've even portioned everything out, knowing he usually follows a pretty controlled diet. He's passed out on the couch when you go to check up on him. He's so cute, mouth hanging open, plush lips a little dry. You wonder how long it's been since he slept this hard. 

Another half an hour passes and you keep busy by tidying up a bit. You don't want to turn the TV on lest you wake him and you definitely don't want to run the vacuum or anything. In the end it doesn't matter because just as you settle down at the other end of the couch he sits bolt upright and looks around as if he has been punched. 

"Whoa, hey, are you alright?" You lay your hand on his foot and he jerks it away. 

A second passes as he gains his bearings. "Where...h- oh. I'm home." He flops back and slaps a hand over his heart. "I was having a nightmare that I was still on the bus and we crashed. I saw my apartment and for a second I thought I died and ended up here or something." 

You chuckle softly. "No, you're not dead."

"How long was I out?" 

"A few hours. I made food, probably enough for the week." You scoot over and take his feet onto your lap. "I'll stay the night if you want."

"Please? I've missed you. When you're around I feel normal, like I don't have to be someone that people expect me to be." 

"Being on tour is that bad?" 

He shrugs. "It gets to you after a while. Most days I'm fine, things are great. But then I start to shut down and spiral. It's...hard."

You pat his legs and sigh. "Well the tour is over. It's done and you're home and it's time to be Shawn again." You mutter softly to yourself. "My Shawn."

He sits up and smiles shyly. "Your Shawn? Are you trying to tell me something?" 

"No, what, well...I guess?" 

He pulls his feet off your lap and shifts around so he's sitting beside you, thigh pressed against yours. "You know that I'm down literally whenever you are. I'm off tour now and I've got some time we could...y'know...finally do this."

"I know...I just...I-"

"You're nervous." 

"No, well yes, but that's not it." You let out a shaky breath. "I want to tell you something."

Shawn slides his hand over yours and threads your fingers together. "Anything."

You squeeze his hand tight, closing your eyes as if bracing for an impact. "I got the job."

"The job?" 

"Think about it."

He pauses and suddenly it hits him. "The job! The producer gig! You're producing for Big Box records! When do you move out to LA? Are you gonna move? Oh my God I'm so proud of you!" 

You grin big. "I actually have a proposal, um, you know how you got that place out there last year in Teddy's neighborhood?" 

"Yeah, yes oh my God yeah you can stay there."

"Thank you, actually I mean that was part of my proposal but it wasn't all of it." You shake your head. "I shouldn't even bring this up. I wasn't going to say anything and it sort of came out. Nevermind. It's fine, thank you, I'd love to stay at your place out there." 

"No no no no, hey, what's up? What aren't you telling me?" 

"Nothing, it's fine we'll talk tomorrow. You should sleep."

"I'm not going to sleep when you have my brain going a mile a minute now. Tell me, whatever it is, I can handle it."

You sigh. "I got the job because...because I said I could get you to consider signing with Big Box. They want you really bad and I know your contract is up in a few months and so do they. I'm sorry and I understand if you hate me, I just wanted this job so badly I used your name and I shouldn't have."

"No...no actually uh, I've been thinking about signing with a new label." He runs a hand over his hair and yawns. "There's been some things going on that I'm not comfortable with, some ideas being tossed around. I'd like to get out before it's too late, yknow?" 

"Shawn you can't be serious."

"I am, I'm so serious. We've always been on the same wavelength. I'm not mad that you used my name to get a job, I told you that you could ages ago. I didn't expect this but it's fine. It's time, like I said I've got some concerns right now and I've voiced them and things aren't being done to change anything. Five years is enough, I've got ideas and a vision for my music and if I can find that in Big Box Records I will." 

You pull your hand away from his. "This isn't a spur of the moment decision! You can't just jump in head first! What if-" 

Shawn grabs your face and kisses you, lips pressed hard to yours. "I'll go wherever you go. I'm so tired of being alone it's killing me and you're the only person who I've ever loved that wasn't family. This is our moment, we've waited for three years for the right time. If this isn't it then I don't know what is. I promise I'll meet with the execs and I'll do the whole song and dance and jump through the hoops. If it works out then it works out with the label, if not then I'll do everything I can to help you find another job."

"Shawn..." You press your forehead to his and his eyes roll back for a moment as if he's fighting sleep. "What if we're not right for each other? What if this is a mistake?" 

"Three years has been plenty of time for making mistakes. If we were going to fall apart it would have happened by now. If you're ready, I'm ready. Let's make this happen."

"It's a big deal...are you sure? Are you even awake enough?" 

He cups your face in his callused hands and focuses on you as best he can. "I've been sure about two things in my life. Playing music and wanting to wake up with you every day. So I'm asking outright, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yeah," you laugh softly. "Yeah I will." 

Shawn wraps his arms around you and pulls you on top of him as he lays back. "God I've waited forever for this."

"Not forever, only a few years." You fluff his hair. "You really need to get some more sleep. I know we're making big decisions here but you are going to lose your mind if you keep yourself awake any longer."

He closes his eyes and smiles. "I think I can finally rest." 

"Mmm. Good." You kiss his nose and he scrunches it up before his face relaxes and you're sure he's passed out. "I love you bud, now go the fuck to sleep."

End

——————–

Thank you so much for reading. Please reblog and share if you read/enjoyed it. -A

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics.*****

[jay-cult]

Homecoming

Aka, SJ finally makes a movie fic.

Have this little 1200 word oneshot that was inspired by my life currently! I’m in a crisis that’s for sure. Anyway, enjoy :3

Totally PG and also there’s Jaya in it as usual so heads up.

-

Homecoming

  god, I’m done for>

  <f dude

  <f

  Jay put down his phone and buried his face in his hands. He couldn’t believe it; junior year of high school had already sprung upon him like a pouncing leopard. Just yesterday he must have been a bumbling freshman, papers flying, late classes he felt like disappearing away from.

  But that was, after all, a good thing… it wasn’t exactly why he was headfirst in a problem... the biggest problem ever in his life.

  The phone face down on the bed he was sitting on buzzed. Picking it up, he stared at the notifications.

  <idk man. we can try to help

  <yea

  He sighed. Cole and Lloyd were nice to say the least. But Jay was sure that nobody he was good friends with had any experience with girls besides Kai, and well. He’d be sent to hell by the red ninja himself if Kai ever found out about his “motives.” Zane wasn’t much of an option either, since he had a hard time understanding how to talk to even close friends.

  Jay laid down fully clothed on the top of his bed, staring at the ceiling. He reached to his desk and for the hundredth time that day double checked if maybe this time, the paper seemed okay enough to give.

  Jay grabbed the paper and read it over again.

  “Hey there Nya! It’s me, your cool friend Jay :3 you’re going to the homecoming dance right? Don’t suppose you have a date? If not we should go together! Please give this back with an answer :)”

  Jay picked up a pencil from his desk and reluctantly erased together. It made it sound a lot cheesier than he had intended.

  He still decided it wasn’t good enough, and smacked it back onto his desk.

  ill see what i can do tomorrow. after that ill need a FULL advice session>

  He looked at the clock. 10:30 pm often marked the time for a sleep attempt before a school day began. Maybe he could get away from this nightmare for a few hours.

 -

  Jay downed the last few sips of his coffee and bolted out the front door. If he didn’t leave now, traffic would envelop him like a swarm of wasps. His backpack bounced on his back as he ran to his bike, his scarf flying in the wind.

  “Have a nice day at school honey!” He heard a shout from the door.

  “I-I will, Mom!”

  He climbed onto his bike at lightning speed. Multiple times in the past he had asked his mom why he wasn’t driven to school or took the bus; every time the answer was “You need your exercise to grow up big and strong!” He thought about the computer sitting on his desk that held a much-procrastinated driving course as he sped out of the driveway and into the fray of the road, helmetless.

  Minutes later he pulled his bike into the rack, panting. He was early enough to calm down. Jay wearily like so many repeated times before walked up the steps into the school building, going through the assignments that were due in his head for the fourth time that morning.

  The school was in its one-week-before-a-dance state. Naturally, it was full of idiots, chatterboxes, and nervous wrecks that were even more active than during finals. He walked down the halls into his first class.

  He looked down one hall and saw a sophomore boy in glasses strumming a guitar and looking up at a brown-haired girl, singing a home-posal. “You’re tall and white and pretty, you’re really really skinny…” he sang.

  Yeesh, I don’t even wanna know what’s going on over there, Jay thought.

  Classes went by in the slowest fashion ever. He saw a friend in them here and there. Finally, the lunch bell gave its holy ring, and he slung his backpack over his shoulder and drowsily snuck out of class.

  He saw Kai and Nya casually hanging out together in a corner, probably waiting to meet up with their other friends. Before he knew it, his body was turning in their direction, going Mission: executed mode.

  “Hhey, you guys!” He smiled nervously, beginning to shake a bit. Nya raised a hand and smiled. Kai looked at him with what was probably pity.

  Nya was typing away at her phone. Jay wasn’t sure what for.

  “So it’s just wild that we’re juniors now, huh?” What am I doing?!

  Kai nodded. Nya looked up. “Yeah, that’s so crazy! It doesn’t feel like it at all.”

  Her eyes gave him a warm welcome before darting back to her phone again. It made him shake a little more.

  “Yeah, and th-the dance is coming up and all and…. I dunno… we’re so old now, I think yknow, it’s time for me at least to make the most of it. I-I kinda want a date, haha! Just because we’re older and all and I don’t wanna waste the dances. And all.”

  Nya stayed in silence, an uninterpretable silence.

  Uh oh. ABORT MISSION. ABORT.

  Kai looked up at Jay with a look that definitely spelled disappointment. “Like the homecoming dance?”

  Jay stared down at his own feet. “Uh, yeah.”

  That’s it, I’m outta here.

  “I’ve got a teacher I have to practice work with,” he lied. He waved goodbye and walked away a little too quickly.

  Not saying he hid in the bathroom for the rest of lunch, but he totally hid in the bathroom for the rest of lunch.

  The rest of the day was even slower, and as Jay finally slid off his bike like jelly and unlocked the front door to his house, he was mumbling to himself, “Yeah, that’s it, I give up, not like she even would say yes anyway, it’s better to just leave the situation alone.”

  The door creaked open and Jay was suddenly looking into the faces of four disappointed teenagers. Even Zane was peeking out the doorway with an obviously sad face. Jay looked up and was staring into the eyes of the tiger on the face of the lion. Kai.

  Run.

  Jay whipped around and started bolting across the street without giving a second thought to look for cars, but a robotic arm extended and grabbed him by the back of his shirt. It pulled him in swiftly, and the door slammed behind him. Jay was released and fell flat on the floor, his keys sliding across the wood.

  He sat up, rubbing his head and staring again at Kai. “...It’s not what it looks like?”

  “It’s exactly what it looks like,” Kai sighed, his palm on his forehead.

  Zane smiled and took up a chipper voice. “Dude. That was just sad!”

  “The face doesn’t really help, Zane,” Jay said.

  Cole and Lloyd looked at each other somewhat guiltily. “It’s ok Jay!” Lloyd smiled reassuringly. “Plus it wasn’t even my idea so haha don’t be mad at me! Ow!”

  Cole had smacked him on the back, signifying he should get silent.

  “You have a lot to learn about my sister,” Kai looked at Jay. He reached out a hand to the blue lump on the floor and smiled.

[glamrockmonarch]

We Are The Lovers - PresentDay!Brian May (Fluff/Smut)

Requests: “Omg I’m a sucker for your older Brian! Could you maybe do something about Brian dating a younger woman who maybe had a kid from another relationship. I don’t even like kids but older dad bri is the sweetest, especially when you’ve written your previous blurbs! Yknow or something really smutty because countryside was bloody amazing! :P I love your blog so much, a definite favourite! XxxX” - Anon

“Okay but can we talk about reader taking care of the 7 musical fox cubs with present day!bri” - Anon

A/N: I put these two requests together simply because I could not help myself the mushy feeling that it brought into my heart. Also, Imma toot my own horn: this is cute af (although I did not proofread because ugh).

You held the little brown cub in your hands and stared down at Danny, your four-year-old son. He is quite inquisitive at the moment, his mind seemed to be more and more awake with every passing day and you sometimes had to make up explanations for his weirdest questions. Lucky for you, you had met Brian the year before and hit it off. Brian was now your boyfriend and although Danny had not spent much time with him, they liked each other, and Brian being a bright mind himself was fascinated by your son’s curiosity. In the past few days, you had been busy working so your son had stayed with Brian a few times during the afternoons, both of them getting to know each other better since you decided to introduce them a few weeks before.

Brian proved to be a wonderful man, and you trusted him to watch your son when you knew his own father would not. It broke your heart, but Danny was so young he could not yet realise how much his father rejected any type of contact with his son. You were just happy to have such an amazing man as Brian in your life who would listen to your son’s rambles and respond with some of his own, somehow Brian still kept up with the childish games, making your son laugh and more than often surprising him with incredible tales.

You were impressed a few days before when you arrived at your boyfriend’s place to pick up your child and found Brian holding a sleeping Danny.

“I showed him to make a stereoscope,” Brian had whispered with Danny fast asleep on his shoulder, Brian’s hand on your boy’s back.

Of course, when you arrived this morning at Brian’s place you were not exactly expecting him to have fox cubs curled up in his kitchen. Danny ran right up to Brian as he usually did, he also looked forward to seeing your boyfriend - at age four he was already on his way to learn how to play the piano, so meeting Brian made him realise he could also play the guitar. You were not too enthused by the prospect of loud evenings at home when he turned thirteen and “you just don’t get it, mom!” became a thing.

For now, Danny held a small furry cub in his small hands, cupping them, too scared of squeezing the animal too hard. This was something else that Brian had started teaching your son; animals are friends. And one must always watch out for his friends. Therefore, Dan was over the moon about the prospect of 1. being able to help save some cute animals, and 2. see something considered more of a baby than himself.

Brian brought a pair of bottles and handed you one of them while helping Danny feed his cub.

“You said they were red,” Danny accused your boyfriend, looking up at him.

With a side smile you looked up at him only for long enough to see him smile with that sort of satisfaction that seemed more personal than shared, he nodded and his curls bounced, he tilted his head to see Danny’s y/e/c eyes.

“They really don’t look it, do they?” Brian paused to watch Danny shake his head, “well, that’s because they are cubs, too young, Dan, to even open their eyes...but they will turn this beautiful ginger colour!”

“Their hair changes?” Danny stared down at the cub in his hands, then turned to look at Brian, “did your hair change too?”

You felt slightly embarrassed listening to the girly voice of your only son, too young to see how that could potentially be offensive. And still, Brian knew how children were and he enjoyed this dynamic with your little one, always curious he sometimes made odd deductions, trying to make sense of the world on his own - mostly getting it wrong but never failing to try.

“Yes!” Brian laughed, your red face turned to look at both males, you watched Dan’s face show an obvious shock while Brian laughed at the peculiar question. “It used to be so dark, almost black!”

Danny, whose hair was a dark shade of blond, just like his father turned to you.

“Mama, is my hair going to be white like Brian’s?” He asked you, his neck bending a funny way.

You shook your head and smiled up at Brian before turning back to your son.

“No,” you played a little bit with your son, “it will be red - like the cubs’!” You insisted.

Brian laughed with you at the expression of pure despair that located on your son’s face. It might have been a bit cruel but your son was so sweet and positive he immediately turned his frown upside down and turned to Brian.

“That means I will get a crown! Like, like...Harry!” He nodded enthusiastically, now excited about the prospect of getting ginger hair.

“I think this one has had enough, Danny...let’s feed one of his sisters, shall we?”

For the better part of the afternoon the three of you sat in Brian’s kitchen to babysit the cubs while Anne got there to pick them up, she was supposed to take them for the night and then pay a visit to the vet in the morning to make sure they were all alright, you could already tell that Danny would not take it well when he had to say goodbye to his sisters and brothers future gingers.

You offered to make dinner while Brian finished feeding the cubs with the willing help of your little boy, although he did not want you to do it on your own you had no problem finding your way around his kitchen. Placing pans on the stove and finding everything you needed in the fridge you stole glances at the two sitting on the floor with the furry animals.

“Why not, Brian?” You thought, “as if I wasn’t already in love: you’re good to Danny too!”

For Brian it was not intentional, he genuinely enjoyed the company of your son; seeing the little boy understand him more and more every time they met.

By the time Anne came and picked up the little fox cubs, Danny was ready to turn in for the night; after having dinner all three of you, the day seemed to have drained his young body of all energy.

As Brian’s friend left, you sat back at the dinner table with your son, pulling him on your lap and allowing for his little arms to wrap around your neck as he cuddled with you, nuzzled in your hair on your shoulder, he fell asleep quickly after proclaiming his admiration for Brian.

“I like Bri, can we hang out tomorrow too?”

This made you laugh, so you nodded and kissed his forehead. “You’ll have to ask him, but I think he would love to!”

The sweet boy pouted and searched for your cheek, kissing you loudly before settling in your arms, feeling loved and safe.

Danny often reminded you of his father, but it was days like this when you saw him as the different person he was; the man he would someday become. You could see him growing closer to Brian, looking up to him and learning with him. You liked this warmth that spread through your chest when Brian came back in and you had your hand on Danny’s messy hair, your cheek against his forehead.

“Is he out?” Your boyfriend wondered.

Smiling you mouthed a yes, not daring to move yet.

“A sweet kid,” Brian praised.

Your boyfriend started picking up the plates and taking them to the kitchen. After he put everything away he came back and leant down to press a soft kiss against your temple, his hand squeezing your shoulder with a tender touch.

“We should go,” you whispered, reaching up and placing your hand on his still on your shoulder.

Brian sighed and looked back at the hall leading to the door. “I’ll just get my jacket.”

“That’s okay, I’ll take an uber.”

“No.”

He stood his ground and left you to get his black jacket on; coming back holding both yours and Danny’s. He watched you get up from the chair and wrapped your jacket around your shoulders and covered part of Danny’s body with it as well.

“Thanks,” you mumbled at him, giving him a toothy grin.

Brian rarely drove his car, so you took it this was a sort of special occasion. You had to sit Danny in the backseat to secure the seat belt around his body, much to your surprise he did not wake up. Riding in the front next to Brian you picked up a light conversation, joking and laughing together while he drove.

“Alright, alright, next time you have to cook!” You teased him after he told you about his mother’s cooking skills.

“No, no...I wouldn’t do her any justice, love.” Brian patted your knee.

As his fingers lingered on your exposed skin, you brought your hand on top of his and giggled.

“Should’ve thought of that before telling me!”

Brian turned his hand around so your fingers could intertwine and you looked back at Danny for a moment, checking on him.

“He wants to hang out with you tomorrow.” You wiggled your brows at Brian and heard him chuckle. “Maybe you could come at...let’s say six?”

“Yes, of course.” Brian smiled, trying to hide his enthusiasm and failing to do so.

Arriving at your place Brian picked Danny out from the seat and carried him inside while you opened and held the door open for him. Closing it carefully behind him, you pointed the way to his room. At last, Brian placed your son on his own bed and you took off his size two sneakers, placing them on the ground before pulling his pjs out of one of the drawers with Brian watching you, helping as he could. Your boyfriend picked up the dinosaurs pjs and warmed them up in his hands while you got Danny out of his little jeans and jumper.

“Thanks,” you said to Brian as he handed you a warmed up pair of pants.

“You know, I am a parent too.” He reminded you.

You rolled your eyes at his comment, it was not like you could forget with all what was being said on the press about how you were younger than his youngest daughter and all…

Kissing your son’s cheek you pulled the covers over his body and wished him sweet dreams. Brian watched your every move, admiring you and taking you in. It had not been long that he was presented to this side of you: the motherly one. He was completely lost in the tenderness of your eyes when you looked at your baby boy; the boy was bright as a red light. Brian was taken aback by some of his reasonings, he was not a bad kid only a curious confident one; which was not always easy to deal with...but entertaining for sure.

When you stood from the side of Danny's bed Brian kissed his palm and pressed it gently on the kid’s forehead. How could he not? The boy was making it hard for him not to spend the entire day by your side.

Stepping out of the dark child’s room, you waited for Brian. Opening your arms you invited your boyfriend in for a hug once he closed the door behind himself. With your arms wrapped around his shoulders, you smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“I think you have made a little friend, Dr. May,” you squeezed your lips together to stop from laughing.

“I think I have!” He pecked the tip of your nose. “Goodnight.”

Brian kissed you again, his arms still wrapped around your waist, although this time you felt attached to him, refusing to let him go, heat spreading from within your stomach as you felt lips move against yours ever so slowly. Following his lead you slid your hands down his neck and followed the line provided by his unbuttoned shirt, tickling him with the tips of your fingers.

Recognising the need in your kiss, Brian pulled you closer, sneaking his hands down your back until he reached your butt and squeezed you against him, making you whine.

“Don’t leave,” you mumbled against his lips, barely opening your eyes with your nose grazing his as you felt your heartbeat quicken.

Unable to resist, Brian tilted his head and captured your lips in a new hard kiss. He slid his tongue inside your mouth and made you weak in the knees.

Stepping back in the direction of your room down the hall, you slipped from his grasp with swollen lips.

“You coming?” You asked him playfully.

Brian followed as you turned around and made your way to your own room, throwing your jacket away on the floor as Brian closed the door behind you, locking it just in case. You went to your dresser to take your earrings off and step out of your shoes, only for Brian to come up behind you. His hand pulls your hair to the side and he starts kissing your neck, now touching your sides and pushing his body on yours, his growing erection pressed against your arse. You tilt your head to the side and finish taking the earrings and bracelets off in time for his hands to come up and squeeze your breasts. You had only slept together a couple of times, but you already knew that he could get quite dominant if he meant to. Seemingly, tonight he was going for it.

“You’re so soft,” he spoke on your ear and you were left with nothing to do but let him feel you up in front of your dresser mirror.

You gasped at his touch once his calloused hands went under your skirt and squeezed your butt, reaching up you tangled your hands on his hair and arched your back against him. Brian’s hands followed the line of your panties and then he sneaked his hand inside them, his fingers brushing right over your clit, your legs almost giving out as he went further and slid two fingers inside your wet pussy, pumping them rather harshly as he watched you in the mirror. Eyes closed and mouth hanging open.

“Brian…” you felt your own juices coating his fingers as his fingers fucked you.

Brian kissed your shoulder and you touched his cheek, a miserable moan escaping your lips as you tried to stand on your feet the whole time.

“Feels good?” Brian bit your shoulder. “Does it feel good, love?”

“Yes…” you had to support yourself on the dresser when he slid his thumb across your clit, his fingers still working your pussy. “Brian-yes!” You felt yourself edging closer as he curled his fingers inside you, playing with you a little rough. “I want you, I want you so bad...Bri…” You admitted.

“Show me.”

Brian watched in ecstasy as you started to come undone under his touch. You opened your eyes and found him staring, you stared back into his dark eyes as he brought you closer to the edge, and finally, you bit your lip as you came, aware that you could not get too loud with Danny in the house.

Brian took in a deep breath as you clenched around his fingers and he loved the feeling, knowing he was making you feel this good. He let go of you and watched as you turned around in wobbly legs; you kissed him and sucked on his bottom lip.

“Can I make you feel good too, Bri?” You started undoing a couple of buttons Brian actually buttoned that morning.

With a smile you pushed his shirt off and pushed your dress off, letting it fall to the ground and pool around you as you took off your bra and watched Brian take his pants off. You climbed on the bed and pulled the covers away so at least those would be at the feet of the bed and wouldn’t be stained with your body fluids by morning. Brian dropped his underwear along with the rest of your clothes and climbed on top of you, kissing your back and leaving a trail up your body with his lips. You turned and faced him, eager to take off your panties, you kissed his cheek and neck as you wiggled out of the little pink underwear, now soaked by your previous orgasm. You watched Brian lick his lips before kissing you, returning the gesture he bit your lip and made you moan when he pulled your legs apart and teased you by sliding his cock along your slit. You wrapped your legs around his waist and put your arms under his, brushing his back with your fingertips as you arched your back, giving him good access to your neck and breasts. Brian gave your neck small playful bites and left open-mouthed kisses along the valley of your breasts before taking his cock in his hand, driving it right into your wetness, he pressed his nose against your cheek and reveled in the feeling of your tight pussy around him as he sank inside you in a single hard thrust, your moan lost in a gasp as you felt him fill you up. With little time to adjust you dug your nails on his back and kissed his cheek and chin as he pulled almost all the way out, thrusting his hips right back into yours, picking up a steady pace soon, leaving you moaning and gasping for air, your hips jerking up to meet his, your body felt hot and his skin on yours was the sweetest burn of them all… You hooked your leg to his hip and felt your toes curl in pure pleasure as his cock brushed against your most sensitive spot, somewhere so deep inside you your first instinct was to clench around him. Brian moaned along with you, feeling close, encouraged by the quiet sounds leaving your mouth, you just felt so good wrapped around him. So warm and welcoming.

“Bri, don’t stop, I-” you slid your hands down his back and tried your best to pull him closer to you, wanting nothing more than to have him buried inside you, fucking you so well, you threw your head, “‘m cumming…”

“Yeah?” Brian remained relentless in his ministrations, “cum for me, love.”

Brian breathed heavily against your neck, his hips losing their regular pace as he too neared his own orgasm; he kissed your collarbone and pulled your hips forward as he fucked you through your high, feeling your walls clench and release and clench again around him. So perfect he could not help himself, he emptied his seed inside you.

Your hand dragged up to his shoulders and you cupped his face with one hand, watching his face as he came, his cock twitching inside you still; his eyes were closed and his mouth pouted the form of a little “o”. You kissed the corner of his lips and felt his lips look for yours, letting him find them you kissed again, your bodies brushing against each other for a moment longer before Brian pulled away and rolled away from you on his back so he would not crush you under his weight when he collapsed, exhausted as he was.

After a few minutes catching your breaths, Brian rolled on his side and kissed your shoulder, seeing some marks left by himself all over your body.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, getting up and going into your bathroom.

Brian helped you clean up and after throwing the paper towel away, he came back to bed, holding you in his arms as you rested your head on his chest.

“I’m so glad I didn’t give up birth control…” you mumbled half-jokingly.

“That’ll be two of us.” Brian agreed, his thumb caressing your skin as it went back and forth.

“Only two,” you tilt your head back and look up at him, “Danny has been wondering if I’ll “get him” a brother soon.”

Brian simply chuckled. “What have you told him?”

“I offered to take him to the movies instead,” you smile and laugh, covering your face for a moment, “he forgot everything about it!”

Brian laughed along with you, pulling you closer to him. “I tell you, wonderful child!”

[loveseungs]

stray kids reacting to you kissing their jaw

goodness i died at these but this one’s for you, @ anon who requested this

➻ chan - “are we still on for tonight?” - chan saw his phone light up in the corner of his eyes and his heart clenched. it was 6pm and he was nowhere close to finished with the newest song. - after finishing a phrase, he pulled his phone and called you - ring... ring... - “chan?” - “hey, love...i’m calling to tell you that i don’t know when this song’ll be finished. i’m so upset. can i book you first thing in the morning? are you busy?” - a hint of disappointment was evident in your voice. “are you sure you’re not busy in the morning?” - he jumped a little in his seat. “this is so unfair to you, i am so going to make this up to you. 8am good?” - “good night, channie.” - beep - chan frustratedly ran his hands through his fingers, typing away. if only he could do everything at the same time, he would. - his thoughts raced from you to chords to disappointing you to a sick new melody as he worked on the riff of the newest stray kids song - but the thought of being unable to push through with the plans he promised made him feel so terrible - reaching out for his phone once more, chan thought of telling you he was dropping by tonight with food and your favorite movies - you didn’t let him. within seconds, you burst into the studio - “what are you—“ - “here. if you’re going to skip out on date night, you better make the skip worth it,” you huffed, placing a cup of coffee and a box of takeout on his table. - shocked? he was FLABBERGASTED - “but i—“ - you shut him up with a kiss on his jaw, roughly touching your lips right there for a second. “would you just finish up now? you need to sleep soon, so you don’t look like a zombie when you meet me in the morning.” - chan fought the urge to explode in ecstasy. - “you light up my life.”

➻ woojin - you had a rough day - by rough day i mean rough week - you were just so angry at everything and irritated and - ugh. you were so tired - so exhausted. if you could sleep and wake up in a different place in life, you’d gladly take the offer - but that wasn’t (unfortunately) how life worked and the next best thing to do was to call kim woojin - you call, he delivers - within a flash he’s at your doorstep, a plastic filled with food in one hand and a big teddy bear on the other - Thank Everything For Kim Woojin - he quickly wrapped you up in blankets and cooked your fav instant noodles - “okay, so i brought my teddy bear but listen. you’re borrowing, okay? no one knows i have this. you can’t let anyone know, and you gotta be really careful,” he instructs, handing you the big plushie - What did you do to deserve this soft man - He made his way behind you and slinked his arms around your waist as you hugged his prized possession - Enveloped in a comfortable silence, you decided to look at Woojin just for a bit - WRONG CHOICE - he looked down at you with such gentle eyes and you just. you kissed him. right there on his left jaw, allowing your lips to linger for a second longer than necessary - his grin??? almost as big as the teddy bear - actually you couldn’t tell the difference between the man cuddling you and the bear you were cuddling - “you should do that more,” woojin comments nonchalantly, even if you feel the erratic drumming of his heart beating a million miles per minute against your back. - with a twinkle in your eyes, you answered, “i should.”

➻ minho - minho’d be doing something silently, like playing on his phone or eating a snack - then you decide to peck him right there on his jaw - he becomes so smug about it - he gives you that MinhoTM smirk and leans in close - “you wanna kiss me elsewhere, too??” - THE TABLES HAVE TABLED U JUST WANTED TO SMOOCH UR BOY BUT HE HAD TO BE SO HECKN EXTRA - lee minho wants to play THAT game?! FINE - you held his chin and tilted it towards you - holy heck where’d that confidence come from - “the question is, minho, do you want me to kiss you elsewhere?” - all smugness has been lifted. lee know does not know what comes next - he is melting.

➻ changbin - u asked changbin to sing for you because u rlly, rlly like his singing voice - so, despite his embarrassment, he sang a lil’ something - his voice was like honey n u could not help but be entranced - so u kissed him gently on his jaw - his jAW, WHICH BY THE WAY IS SO SHARP IT COULD CUT YOU IM SURPRISED UR LIPS AINT BLEEDING READER - he yelpED A LITTLE READER UR TOO SHOCKING - “AISH!!” he shouts, looking at you with pink ears “DONT DO THAT!!” - he attempted to hide under the protection of his cap, but u caught him stealing glances at you - you giggle a little because you were so soft for this soft boy

➻ hyunjin - hyunjin’s such a hardworking boy and he was doing the thing where he practiced rapping with a pen in his mouth - you were working quietly beside him as he continuously practiced - then he decided to practice his vocal part, too - HOLY MCHECK u were not ready when his sweet voice danced to the melody of skz’s new song - his voice has significantly improved and it sounded so smooth - he looked like an absolute angel, and you really could not tear your eyes away from him - so u kissed him on the jaw, a subtle yet cute place to kiss him - A GOOFY SMILE MADE IT ON HIS FACE and as soon as he finished his part, he stopped the music and turned to you. hyunjin peppered your face with soft kisses with his soft lips

➻ jisung - yknow whats fun - goofing around with ya boi j.one - so when han jisung asks u to go on a park date u agree - when you saw him waiting on a bench, you waved and approached him with a smile - HE LOOKED SO GOOD - he was wearing a trench coat and a rlly nice shirt bc korea’s cold like that - so anyway u two started on your slow walk around - you guys talked about so many things! updating each other, talking about the rest of skz, music production for him, your work and home life, etc etc - then u saw a pile of leaves and holy mcheck u! were gonna Do ItTM - u let go of jisung’s hand and jumped really high - rustle rustle~ - THE CRINKLING OF THE LEAVES MADE U SO HAPPY - you called jisung over to join you and he did. in a few seconds u guys were kids again, jumping in piles of leaves - his smile was like sunshine - that’s when u pulled him close and pecked him real quick. on his jaw, too! - HE YELPED A LITTLE AND FOR ONCE, THIS LOUD AND SILLY BOY WAS SILENCED - you giggled and watched him try to process what had just happened but really he was frozen

➻ felix - y’all were chillin in at your place in the evening - it was a slow and laid-back night - but even so, you and felix very much enjoyed each other’s company - “i’m kinda hungry,” felix said, looking up from his phone and into your eyes - you reciprocated his gaze and asked, “well, what do you wanna eat?” - “is it weird? i want cheese, crackers, and wine” - you laughed. “we’re not even allowed to drink that, are we?” - felix pouted. “yeah but like, maybe a small sip? i just really think it goes well with the whole cheese and crackers thing.” - you gave into that terrible pout, and i say terrible because u practically died @ it. - when u returned w/ felix’s strange request, there was some calm music playing on the speaker - after taking a bit of his cracker and sipping a swig of wine, he looked at you again. this time, he stood up - “dance with me?” - wow that was cheesy felix lee but u cannot resist him - he led you as you danced around the small living room space, pace steady - his stare was so gentle. you dared to study his face, and you could not help but land a kiss right there on his jaw - felix broke into a very big grin and gave you a little twirl - then, he dipped you and kissed the top of your nose - it was so incredibly cheesy, but you secretly adored it.

➻ seungmin - school was finally over and u were so glad - it had been a long day, but it was coming to an end - you waited for seungmin outside his classroom and when he came out, you waved - you two had a daily routine of walking to the train station together, so you often waited up for each other - not like u had a crush on him too but - you two were casually conversing until u reached the school building’s exit - the sky was darkening and u knew what was up - y’all rushed outside before u got caught in the rain - but then it started drizzling - you didn’t make it past the school gate when it started pouring. luckily, you two were able to run under a shed - “seungmin, please tell me you have an umbrella” - “looks like we’re waiting here” - “seungmin!” you shouted. “i can’t! i have a family event after this.” - “are you kidding?” his eyes widened. - “no!!” you shook your head. - he took off his blazer and draped it over your head. then, he grabbed your wrist and started bolting in the direction of the train station - screw it. you ran as quick as your legs could take you, and you let out an ungodly scream while at it - when you reached the station, breath hitching and your clothes drenched, you both let out a laugh and headed to the platform - while waiting for the train, seungmin felt a tap on his shoulder coming from you and he turned around, only to be kissed softly on his jaw - he felt his cheeks warm up as you shoved the blazer he’d let you borrow back into his hands - “see you tomorrow, seungmin.”

➻ jeongin - jeongin invited u over to jam with him at his house, so u agreed caus music’s The Best !! - hanging w jeongin’s the best - anyway, when u arrived, he greeted u with an ecstatic face and ushered u inside, where it was warmer !! - you two sat in the living room, making urselves comfy - so like, before anything, you two decided to talk about each other - jeongin convinced u to do those friendship tag things u see on the internet where u ask questions and try to answer for the other - after much laughter and playing around, jeongin grabbed a guitar and started to strum a couple of notes - n suddenly your voice found into his, waltzing to the serenade of the guitar - READER BOTH OF UR VOCALS + THE GUITAR = a pOWER DUET - n u were so heckn proud u decided to record it - so, as he shuffled beside you to get close to your phone which had the mic, you noticed that goodness he was really good looking - and you couldn’t really hold back i mean who wouldn’t kiss yang jeongin - so, with utter care and gentleness, you planted a kiss on his jaw, grinning as his ears turned a concerning shade of pink - HE WAS FLUSTERED but he also did not want to be CuteTM at that moment so with all his strength mustered up in him, he looked at you and said: - “Wow, was I really that irresistible?” - YANG JEONGIN STOP WITH UR DUALITY U LOSER - after being unable to come up with a coherent response, he kissed you back on your jaw - “...damn jeongin... my voice is going to shake during the recording... you monster.”

--

thank u for reading i hope u all have a swell day !!

[blissedoutphil]

Dan the Personal Assistant Part 5

Dan has to submit an application video to be an assistant for a company President, Mr. Lester. But what happens when he accidentally sends a wrong video?

4118 words of Dom!Phil, sub!dan, fluff and..angst? idek

~Part 4~

~Part 6~

or read on ao3!

Dan felt so restless. He would’ve gone to the club again, but from the incident the past week and how it just reminded him more of Phil, it clearly wasn’t a good idea.

But the problem is that everything was reminding him of Phil now. He didn’t know how he’d let this happen to himself. He tried watching an anime but stopped when he ended up imagining how much better it would be to watch it while curled up against Phil instead. He tried making a cup of coffee but accidentally made it with two sugars even though he prefers his with only one. The worst part of all of this was that he couldn’t even get off anymore because it just doesn’t feel as good without having Phil’s permission first.

He couldn’t believe that he was actually looking forward to going to work. After giving up trying to watch some shows, Dan had spent the rest of his Saturday mulling over the conversation Phil had with his colleague. He wished he could meet Phil’s old assistant and ask him about his experience. Did the old assistant also accidentally form a weird obsession over Phil? Perhaps he had quit to regain the ability to go about his daily life without having Phil on his mind 24/7.

The next morning Dan decided to go out for a walk to clear his mind. He stopped by the bank and let his jaw drop for a bit when he saw the ten grand newly deposited into his account. It didn’t feel like a month had gone by already, and he still somehow hadn’t believed that Phil would really pay him that much for just sitting around most of the time.

He tucked his hands into his coat pockets as he walked through a park, letting the breeze mess his hair up a little. He hadn’t been to the park this early in the morning since, well, ever. He used to sleep well into the afternoon on weekends, but he can’t even do that anymore since he’s so used to his weekday schedule already.

Dan sat on an unoccupied bench and decided to people-watch to hopefully keep his mind off his fucking boss. It was a nice day, the sun was out but the gentle breeze kept it cool. There were quite a few people in the park, many jogging and cycling, some just taking a stroll like him. Some people were laying on the grass having picnic brunches. He smiled as he watched some carefree kids running around playing tag.

Dan’s eyes laid upon a couple having a picnic. They were sat really close together, the girl almost on her partner’s lap. She was giggling as he tried feeding her a slice of cake. The guy looked absolutely smitten by her laugh. As she got the cake into her mouth, he managed to kiss her nose, causing her to laugh even more and swat his arm playfully before going for a proper kiss.

Usually Dan would look away in jealousy because he wished he could be happy and have cute dates with someone too. But as he turned away this time, he realised that he now had in mind who he wants that someone to be.

Dan groaned, startling an old lady walking by. He got up, deciding to leave the park, leave the happy kids and the happy people picnicking and the disgustingly cute couple on their stupid date that he wishes he could also have with Phil.

He walked past a coffee shop near the park. It always smelled so good, but it was a rather expensive little place. He always told himself that he’d try their coffee one day when he could finally afford it. He stopped in his tracks and decided that today would be that day.

The smell of coffee and cakes was even more enticing when he stepped in. The shop looked really cosy and there weren’t that many people inside, just a few enjoying a book with their coffee. Dan thought that this was actually a really nice way to spend a Sunday, rather than sleeping a hangover away after clubbing on a Saturday night. Perhaps his clubbing days should be replaced with coffee shop days. Especially since he could afford expensive coffee now.

He ordered his usual go-to drink to see if this place was really worth the price, or if it was just an expensive Starbucks. As he turned away from the counter and looked around to find a seat hidden in a corner where he could enjoy his drink without being seen by the world, his eyes landed on an all too familiar face.

Just as Dan thought, Am I really getting so bad that I’m hallucinating him right now?, Phil looked up from his laptop. His eyebrows shot up, mirroring the shock on Dan’s face.

But Phil’s shock was quickly replaced with a warm smile, and he beckoned Dan over to his table. Dan bit his lip, wondering if it was a good idea to sit with his boss, especially when he’s trying to not think about him. But Phil actually looked excited to see him, and he found his legs bringing him closer to Phil’s table before he could even think.

“H-hi Sir,” Dan said shyly.

“You’re not working right now, you don’t have to call me that!” Phil chuckled as he cleared his papers to let Dan place his coffee on the table.

Dan felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment, but at the same time he somehow felt it wrong to call Phil anything other than that.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” Phil said, smiling as Dan sat down.

“Me neither, you come here often?” Dan answered.

“This is my favourite coffee place!” Phil nodded, adjusting his glasses that were slipping down his nose, “I love it here, and I usually spend my weekends here if I have work to do, it’s so conducive.”

“You gotta work on the weekends too?!” Dan asked incredulously.

“I lead a boring life, I know,” Phil said almost regrettably, “but I don’t hate my job, so I don’t mind. Do you come here often too?”

“It’s my first time here, actually,” Dan replied. He couldn’t believe the coffee shop he’d always wanted to try was Phil’s favourite shop. Of course it was.

“Oh! And you got the caramel macchiato? Good choice, that’s my usual drink,” Phil smiled as he looked at Dan’s drink.

It was then that Dan noticed that Phil also had a caramel macchiato. Of course, Dan thought. Again.

“This is my go-to drink when I try new coffee shops,” Dan explained, “to see if it’s any better than Starbucks.”

“It’s definitely better than Starbucks are you kidding me,” Phil said indignantly, as if comparing this place with Starbucks was the worst insult he ever heard.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Dan said before taking a sip.

Phil was eagerly looking at him, waiting for a reaction. The drink was really good, way better than a Starbucks. He could’ve maybe had a better first try of it if he didn’t have his boss staring at him with a “I told you so” look on his face.

“It is good,” Dan admitted, half wanting to smack the smug smile off Phil’s face and half wanting to just get up and leave before he fell further for that beautiful smile.

“Right?! I can’t go back to Starbucks ever since I tried this,” Phil chuckled.

“Yeah you’re right,” Dan smiled, ignoring how the butterflies were rioting in his stomach.

Being with Phil like this felt so different than being with him in the office. For one, Dan wasn’t naked. Phil didn’t have the dominant aura about him that he has in the office. And Phil never wore glasses at work, so this was the first time Dan saw him with them and he never thought it possible for Phil to look any better than he usually does already. Plus, they’ve only ever had one proper conversation that didn’t involve sex before, during that one lunch time. So this still felt new and weird to Dan. But it was a good weird.

Dan looked up and saw the barista smiling fondly at him and Phil from the counter. She seemed happy that Phil finally had company here. Dan wondered how many times she’d made a caramel macchiato for Phil, how many weekends she’d observed Phil sitting here alone. He wondered how many times he’d stopped by this place and inhaled the scent of coffee, only to walk past without realising that Phil was inside.

It was all getting a bit too much for Dan. He just wanted to take a walk to get his mind off of Phil and yet here he ended up with Phil right in front of him.

“Well I should uh...” Dan mumbled as he tried to get up, “don’t wanna bother you, I already do that enough when you’re actually at work.”

“You’re no bother, Dan! You can sit here, I don’t mind. In fact I’d love the company, it’ll be just like at the office. Without the, yknow,” Phil winked as he ended his sentence.

Dan knew he wasn’t working at the moment, but he found himself sitting back down anyway. He denied his mind telling him that he’d do anything Phil asked of him even without any pay.

“If you’re sure,” he said, to which Phil insisted that he’s sure.

Dan sat back and sipped on his coffee for a bit while Phil’s attention went back to his laptop.

“How long do you usually stay here?” He asked after a while.

“Depends on how much I have to do,” Phil replied, “I usually come here in the morning and go home at like 4 or 5.”

Dan thought his own life was dull, but Phil definitely beat him at that. He didn’t voice that though.

“Do you not wanna do other things, though? Relax a little on your weekends,” he replied instead.

“Of course I wish I could,” Phil smiled a little sadly.

Dan bit his lip, no wonder Phil needs a personal assistant in his office. He made a mental note to give Phil an amazing blowjob that he definitely deserves tomorrow.

“What about you? Headed anywhere after this?” Phil asked.

Dan had thought of leaving as soon as he was done with his coffee, but he suddenly found that he couldn’t bear to leave Phil be lonely here.

“Nahh, not today. I can keep ya company,” he said, leaning back into his seat.

Phil smiled and thanked him, looking genuinely appreciative. Dan wanted to kill all the butterflies inside him.

Dan felt comfortable just sitting there scrolling through his phone, listening to the taps of Phil’s keyboard. It was just like a normal work day, except he had clothes on and people around them. It was rather surreal how calm he felt now that he finally had Phil in front of him, compared to earlier in the park and the day before when he only had Phil in his mind.

Dan still hadn’t forgotten the incident with the other colleague on Friday though, and he decided to stay until Phil was done so that he could finally ask him about it.

“I can’t do anymore today,” Phil lamented, sighing when he saw that it was only half past 3.

“Was I being distracting?” Dan asked, trying to be cheeky but also apologetic if he really was a distraction from Phil’s work.

“Maybe,” Phil smirked, “but it’s not you, I’m just tired today.”

Dan felt like he had to help Phil relax, but he wasn’t working. So he just nodded sympathetically, not really knowing how to answer Phil.

“I guess I’m gonna head back home now,” Phil said, rubbing his tired eyes.

Dan was disappointed that yet again he didn’t manage to ask about the Friday incident.

“You got any dinner plans?” he asked on a whim.

“I was just gonna order some takeaway maybe,” Phil considered.

“Would you wanna, uh, have dinner together maybe?” Dan asked in a rush, surprised that he actually had the guts to ask.

Phil stared at Dan in what seemed like surprise too. Dan started to regret asking, because why on earth would Phil want to spend even more time with him when he probably just wanted to go home and rest for whatever little time left of the weekend he had before having to see him again tomorr-

“Yeah sure,” Phil smiled a little.

“O-okay,” Dan blinked, honestly not expecting that answer.

“You got anywhere in mind?” Phil asked as he packed his stuff.

“Not really...” Dan mumbled.

All the places he frequented were probably far too low-class for someone like Phil, who doesn’t even step into Starbucks anymore.

“How about that takeaway you were thinking of?” Dan suggested in the end.

Dan wasn’t sure where the line was between them outside of work and whether going to his boss’s home would be crossing it. But he remembered that they had a lot of favourite games and shows in common, and if he regarded Phil as just a friend then it could possibly be a fun and chill Sunday night.

But when Phil didn’t answer, Dan regretted his suggestion again and started rambling.

“I know it’s weird to ask to go to your home sorry about that maybe we could go-”

“No no it’s not weird, I’d like that actually,” Phil interrupted, “we can catch up on the new Game Of Thrones too.”

Phil drove them to his home, and Dan never felt more inadequate. And he’d been naked in an office for a whole month now.

He just wasn’t used to such a high-class life - he’d never even owned a car before - and Phil’s car was so luxurious that he felt out of place. Phil’s home was a whole other matter, too. It was the penthouse apartment in a building about a half hour ride from the coffeeshop.

Dan marvelled at the interior of Phil’s home. It had a minimalistic interior design, and glass walls similar to the office. It looked so clean, as if it was barely lived in.

But as Dan stepped further in and observed more, he realised that beyond the sleek design of the home, Phil’s endearing personality shone through in unexpected ways. There were googly eyes stickers on the switches, and a whole shelf of dvds, video games and even board games stacked up next to the television. Random knick-knacks like a dog bookend, a spiderman on the cord of the blinds and a dinosaur lamp all stood out and yet fit perfectly with the overall design of the home somehow. Dan thought about how this would’ve been the way he’d decorate his own place too if he had the money.

“Welcome to my home,” Phil proclaimed, “Make yourself comfortable, I’ll order some Chinese.”

Dan awkwardly sat by the edge of the couch, almost feeling like he had to take his clothes off or something. He realised he’d never been clothed when alone in a room with Phil besides his interview.

Phil set his tv up and they started watching the new season of Game of Thrones while waiting for their food. Dan kept stealing glances over at Phil, feeling a little anxious. But Phil didn’t seem awkward or tense, so Dan tried to just see the situation as being over at a friend’s, not at a crush’s or a boss’s home.

When dinner arrived and the show went on, Dan started relaxing more. He actually had fun; he’d never watched his favourite show with someone else before, and it was fun to be able to discuss the show with someone who was equally invested in it.

The takeaway was amazing, too, unlike any of the cheap ones Dan was used to. He finished his noodles so quickly that Phil joked that he should’ve ordered more. Dan just blushed, he hadn’t realised how hungry he was until he started eating, especially since he missed lunch to accompany Phil.

It soon got harder for Dan to concentrate on the show with Phil sitting so close to him. They had both ended up slouching, and their shoulders were almost brushing each other’s. Phil didn’t seem bothered, but Dan swore he could feel sparks every time his shoulder lightly bumped against him, or when his knee brushed his thigh.

“Is that a Starbucks cup on the table?!” Phil exclaimed.

Dan turned to him in shock at his sudden reaction, but was even more surprised when he realised just how close he was to Phil. The last time he could feel Phil’s breath on his face, they almost kissed. But of course Phil didn’t that time.

But Phil didn’t move away this time. Dan could see the twinkle of excitement in Phil’s eyes.

“Shame they don’t know what good caramel macchiato is,” Phil joked instead.

“Didn’t know they even had Starbucks,” Dan joked back, but he was rather distracted by the pretty lips right in front of him, so close to his.

Dan noticed that Phil followed his line of sight before he promptly turned back to the tv. Dan didn’t know if he’d imagined Phil stilling before turning away, but he did know that he should’ve seen that coming. Still, he felt a pang of disappointment. Once again he had to remind himself that Phil didn’t want any of that romantic shit. Phil just wanted company and a good fuck. He wasn’t paying Dan to be his boyfriend, damn it. In fact he wasn’t even paying Dan on weekends, it was his own damn fault for suggesting dinner together.

“Can’t believe they left that in,” Phil chuckled, sitting up straight with his eyes trained on the tv.

They didn’t really speak after that, Phil concentrated on the show and Dan let his mind wander. Dan didn’t pay attention to the show at all, instead wondering how the hell he got into this situation. His life was pathetic as it is without having an unrequited crush being added into the mix, thanks. And a crush on his boss of all people. Whom he worked for as a personal slut. What is his life.

Dan wondered if in another universe, they’d find each other in different circumstances and they’d be good friends. Or more than friends. But he’d take their current unusual arrangement over nothing.

When the episode was over, Phil spoke up first. "Thanks for accompanying me today, even though you’re not being paid.”

“It’s alright, I would’ve been alone anyways. It was fun hanging out,” Dan said honestly.

“I’m glad you enjoyed dinner, and didn’t think this would be weird or whatever,” Phil smiled.

“Guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked when Dan didn’t continue the conversation.

“Does the office think it’s weird though?” Dan asked belatedly, surprising himself again with the way he was running his mouth today.

Phil looked puzzled for about two seconds before masking on a neutral expression.

“No I’ve told you, you weren’t the first,” Phil answered slowly, careful with his words.

“Then why was that guy so worked up on Friday?” once Dan started with his questions, he wouldn’t stop.

Phil sighed a little. He’d hoped that Dan would forget that little incident by now.

“Don’t worry about anything, okay? You only work for me, you don’t have to concern yourself over others outside our room.”

“I just wanna know why he seemed upset that you got a new...assistant,” Dan pressed. It had been eating him up all weekend, and he took advantage of this moment to say what he wanted to while he wasn’t serving Phil.

“Because clearly the first one didn’t work out so he was just concerned that things might repeat again,” Phil replied thinly, not liking how Dan was prodding on this topic.

Dan’s face softened. Whatever the first assistant did wrong, he wanted to be sure that he won’t do it. He wouldn’t want to repeat those mistakes for Phil’s sake. He just needed to know what the mistakes were in the first place, but he could sense that Phil was almost done having this conversation already.

“I’ll make sure that this will work out for however long you need me,” he assured Phil.

Phil’s guarded stance seemed to wilt a little at that. He smiled a small, sad smile, as if he was touched that Dan was so willing to stay.

“I promise things won’t repeat if I know what...things...I should avoid doing,” Dan worded his sentence carefully, leaving it open for Phil to discuss instead of forcefully asking him about his former assistant.

“Just keep up with what you’ve been doing and how you’ve been behaving and you’re fine. You’re a good boy,” Phil answered.

Dan melted at the last sentence. He blushed as he murmured out a thanks. He was so easy to distract, but he wanted Phil to stay on topic.

“But why didn’t the first one work out?” Dan asked again, more direct this time.

Phil was keeping his expression well guarded, Dan wasn’t sure if he was sad or angry. But his answer just confused Dan even more.

“Things don’t always go as planned, I guess, and we just have to learn that that’s life. Accept it and move on.”

“Did he hurt you? Is that why your colleague was so concerned?”

“There are some things you don’t need to know and you just have to accept that, Daniel,” Phil snapped.

Dan sat back a little, not expecting Phil to raise his voice or show his dominant side.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” he uttered, already feeling ready to accept a punishment for speaking out of line even though he knew he wasn’t working.

Phil sighed again. Half of him did feel like just going full Dom to stop this conversation, and he could see that Dan was already starting to be submissive just from his tiny outburst. But he can’t do that. He can’t take advantage of Dan like that when he wasn’t working for him right now.

“I already told you, you don’t have to call me that today.”

Dan just bit his lip and stared at his hands, trying to think of how not to end the good day on a bad note, but coming up with nothing.

“Look, I’m sorry Dan. But like I said, you don’t have to concern yourself with things that don’t concern you, alright? If there is a need for you to know something, I’d tell you. Just do what you gotta do, which is what I tell you to. And I’m telling you to stop worrying over nothing.”

It didn’t seem like nothing to Dan, and he still wasn’t convinced that Phil’s conversation with his colleague on Friday didn’t concern him. But he didn’t want to frustrate Phil any further, so he decided that it was enough for tonight and nodded in agreement.

“Okay. Let’s just forget this, I didn’t mean to ruin the fun we’ve been having,” Dan said guiltily.

“It’s alright, I understand. I did have fun anyway, it was nice hanging out with you as a pal rather than an assistant,” Phil chuckled a little.

“I could always be in your office as a pal,” Dan joked, trying to lift the mood back up.

“Nahh I still want my good boy in the office,” Phil smirked, getting up.

Dan tried his best not to look too flustered by that statement as he followed Phil to the door.

“Goodnight, and don’t be late tomorrow!” Phil warned with a cheeky smile before closing the door behind Dan.

Dan stared at the door for a while, in disbelief that he’d just spent almost the entire day with Phil. He’d like to call it a date, except his feelings were definitely not being reciprocated. Plus he almost ruined it towards the end. His curiosity about Phil’s past assistant only increased after that conversation, but he just had to listen to Phil and accept that he didn’t have to know everything.

He mulled over the day’s events as he headed home. Other than that conversation and the almost-kiss again, he did have fun with Phil. Even the moments when they weren’t talking and were just being comfortable in each other’s presence. Sure it wasn’t a cute picnic with cake and sitting in each other’s laps giggling about nothing, but it was still better than spending the day alone doing nothing but thinking about him.

Dan hated to admit it and he’d been in denial for a while, but he was well and truly falling for his boss.

~Part 6~

tbh wanted to have smut in this chapter but idk what happened I somehow ended up with this. I hope you liked it, I know non-smut isn’t my forte lol so I was scared they’ll seem out of character compared to the previous chapters but I tried :x

[howlingwind]

01. what’s your name/alias you go by ??

my name is jeff !! lmfao (i don’t let memes die) it’s not my real name but i’ve gone by cody on tumblr for a long time

02. what’s your age ??

twenty. jfc i’m old. but also apparently a fetus??

03. what’s your zodiac sign ??

aries, which couldn’t feel further from correct lmfao

04. what’s your ethnicity ??

uhh mostly italian & sicilian, but you could probably point to any white place in europe and i’ll have a little bit of that in me. i’m also 1/16th native american but it’s such a small amount and sadly i don’t even know which tribe to learn more about them.

05. what’s your nationality ??

‘murican

06. what’s your favorite band and/or musical artist ??

i’m super indecisive about everything, so it’s difficult for me to pick faves (as you’ll see in a sec) but… mac miller,  post malone, johnny cash, eminem, tenacious d, colter wall, kehlani, bruno mars, snoop dogg, elvis presley, justin timberlake, sublime, the rolling stones, etc etc there’s probably a lot i’m forgetting tho. i like most types of music except country. well, modern country anyway.

07. what’s your dream job ??

uh, i don’t have one? i mean yeah, i’d love to be a writer, or game dev, or a narrative director on a game, or direct, write, or act in movies or television, but like…i could live without any of that stuff. i just want to make a decent living, be able to own a house, not completely hate my job. yknow, not a glamorous life but a good one.

08. what’s one place you would love to visit ??

idk there’s a lot of places i’d like to go, but i’d most like to visit alpha centauri, even tho that’ll never happen lol

09. what’s your favorite tv show ??

i can’t pick that! but i love a lot of shows. general hospital, lucifer, the 100, supernatural, stranger things, izombie, south park, legends of tomorrow, once upon a time, arrow (at times), dragon ball, big brother, riverdale, chilling adventures of sabrina, that 70′s show, the ranch, umm… i could probably keep listing forever.

10. what’s your favorite movie ??

hmmmm, again i’ve got a list but… joe dirt, the new guy, why him, the waterboy, 50 first dates, all the spider-man movies, thor ragnarok, man of steel, 21 jump street, 22 jump street ,and a fuckton more lol 

11. what’s your favorite song ??

constantly in flux, but the current faves are — creep by radiohead, stay by post malone, no below by speedy ortiz, unshaken by d’angelo, cruel cruel world by willie nelson, wanksta by 50 cent, shooter by lil wayne & robin thicke, stressed out by 21 pilots, self care by mac miller (along with practically everything on his final album), and i will always, un-ironically love only in america by riff raff. he’s not the greatest ever but that song is hilarious and always puts me in a good mood.

12. what’s your favorite sport ??

can i say rocket league? lol

13. what’s your favorite food ??

pizza, unquestionably. cereal is a damn close second tho. or pot stickers. damn, i’m hungry… 

14. what’s your favorite face claim to use ??

typically, i’ve always really liked using paul wesley, chris wood, and matt daddario. i’m using lindsey morgan for the first time now though, and i really like her as an fc too.

15. what’s your least favorite face claim ??

to use?? um pretty much any singer or model just bc their resources aren’t too great. i really didn’t enjoy using pete davidson as much as i thought i would, either lol

to see… uh probs emma roberts or andy biersack. emma for obvs reasons but also bc i once had a really bad experience with people using those fcs. idm people using whoever they feel like using tho.

16. what’s your favorite character of yours to play ?? which do you think you’re most like ??

oh man, uhh i really enjoy writing chrissy & theo. they both speak to me. but tbh i’m not much like any of my characters? i’m boring af so i tend not to make any like me lol. i am kinda like theo in the sense that i’m quiet, and really just try to be a good person. other than that i’m most like jason solely based on the fact we’re both human lol

17. what’s your sexuality ??

danversexual. attracted only to fictional danvers women, examples including carol, kara, and alex danvers.

lmfao but nah i’m just a boring straight boy. well, like 99.9% straight. jensen ackles makes me question shit.

18. what’s the last movie you saw in a cinema/theater ??

captain marvel (thanks to dani lol). only two months late but it was worth the experience haha.

19. what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had ??

thankfully i’ve never really hurt myself too terribly except for a broken wrist, but between the ages of 10-17 i’d occasionally hurt my back by sitting weird, usually in an attempt to play video games without the glasses i desperately needed lol. once when i was like 11 i laid belly down on the couch with my elbows up on the arm of it for like three hours, which messed me up for days, then a few other times i hurt myself, but another bad one when i was 17, i had my back curved while sitting and propping my laptop up on my knee, tried to move and literally just cried, crawled on the floor, and laid there all night until i forced myself to move in the morning. lol luckily it hasn’t happened since i lost a little weight.

20. what’s a random or interesting fact about you ??

uhm, nothing? i literally can’t think of one, i’m dull af. i uh.. i replaced my own cpu cooler once? lmfao

21. do you listen to music while you write ??

sometimes. a lot of time i just like the silence or ambient background noise, but if i’ve got a fitting playlist for the vibe of what i’m trying to write, i’ll use it!

22. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer ??

i’m a never writer, apparently v___v but lol ideally a night writer, my best work is between the hours of 12am & 4am, but my sleeping schedule is so inconsistent, and so is my dad’s who spends literally every waking moment of his telling me different stuff he wants done, so it’s tough to hit that sweet spot. i write whenever i get a chance tho.

23. have you ever roleplayed intoxicated ??

lol nah i’ve never even had a drink. like what teenager doesn’t have a drink at some point?? i told you i’m lame.

24. what language or languages do you speak ??

english, barely. and assassin’s creed 2 taught me some italian swears. and ac: odyssey has had me occasionally dropping “malaka” bombs since the day i first played it haha.

25. how long have you roleplayed ??

officially, about 9 years. i started at 11 on myspace, rping dragon ball z stuff. but basically about 12 years, if you count how from the ages of 8-11 i’d put an anime pic up on my myspace, pretend i was older, and talk to roleplayers i didn’t realize were roleplayers lmfao.

26. favorite roleplay genre ??

i like pretty much anything, tbh. as long as it’s well thought out, has an interesting plot, or whatever. sometimes it doesn’t even need that, it just needs to catch my eye or line up with something i’m looking for. but yeah, supernatural, multi-fandom, sci-fi, romance, town rps, high school/college rps, anime rp (well, pokemon mostly), harry potter… i’ve done it all tbh and don’t particularly have a favorite.

27. one sound you hate & one you love ??

the sound of cotton stretching is the absolute worst thing to me. or scratching cotton. idk, it just sends chills up and down my spine and makes my hands feel weak lmfao. i’m weird. i really love the sound of rain, or fire crackling, or like “ambient” harp or ukulele music.

28. do you believe in ghosts ??

short answer, yes. long answer… i’m pretty sure i was friends with a ghost girl as a kid?? like no joke, even looking back at it through rational “adult” eyes, i’m still convinced. my fam moved into a new apartment, and pretty much right after that i started having dreams about a girl my age at the time (11-12). i’d never seen her before but the dreams would be like just conversations, like i was visiting a friend or something. i don’t remember them much, but i do remember the feeling of someone else in my room all the time, like you know how if someone else is around you just know even if you’re not looking at them? like that. there was even one night i was getting in bed, laid there a minute, and then i could have absolutely sworn somebody came in the room and sat down next to me on the bed because i felt the bed sink a little under their weight, but i looked and no one was there. i had a really vivid conversation/dream/thing that night. then a few nights later, for the first time since moving there i didn’t have one. the next morning my dad was really freaked out and said he fell asleep in the chair, but woke up and couldn’t breathe, and felt cold little hands over his mouth. he rationalized it as just waking up from a nightmare but i didn’t think so, so that night when i went to sleep and saw her i got really upset, yelled at her for it, and woke up right after. then i never saw or heard anything even remotely similar again, like she left or disappeared or something. it’s so weird, and i know how crazy it sounds, but yeah. don’t get me started on the topic of ghosts lmfao. THEN AGAIN, like a year later we had a carbon monoxide scare, but i really doubt the two were related because that would mean there was an entire year that we were breathing it in and the monitor didn’t do anything lol

29. do you believe in aliens ??

no alien story, thankfully, but it just makes no sense not to believe in them to me. like, we probably don’t have them on earth, and we’ve probably never encountered any, but it’s as close as you can get to a mathematical certainty that there’s some other life out there in the universe.

30. do you believe in true love ??

like, people who are just meant for each other, like romantic soulmates? nah not really. but i believe that two people can grow to truly love one another. whether it’s based off an initial attraction/infatuation, or a friendship, or both. i’d actually argue that’s a simple explanation of the biological science behind the feeling of love, but that’s an essay i’m not gonna write lol. but there’s apparently a lot of different types of love, so i guess “true love” is suggestive? 

also slightly unrelated but i don’t-quite-believe-in-but-am-open-to-the-idea-of soulmates, not necessarily as two souls who are just meant for each other romantically and always end up together, but more as two or more souls that gravitate toward each other to make up the important people in each other’s lives, like family members, lovers, or close friends. but that’s more of a theoretical idea/possibility than an actual belief of mine.

31. do you hold grudges ??

um, yes. lol i try not to, and i really do want everyone to be their best/happiest selves, but some people man… some people can take a long walk off a short pier lmao

32. do you have any obsessions right now ??

PO KE MON GOTTA CATCH EM ALLLLL. also… life is strange (thanks dani lol). supernatural. stranger things (thanks dani & steph) the 100 / clexa / becho  (thanks steph). lucifer. captain marvel (thanks dani). the song “creep” by radiohead and all its covers (tom ellis, haley reinhart, etc). cyberpunk 2077 (thanks dani). as you can see, i’m easily influenced lmfao.

33. do you drive & if so, have you ever been in a crash ??

nope i don’t drive, precisely because i’d definitely end up in a crash lol

34. do you like the smell of gasoline ??

uh that’s a big fat no from me, chief

35. do you prefer writing fluff, angst, or smut ??

i like it all equally, i think. i just really like writing & rp in general. i did run a smut rp once in the past tho. it gets old quick tbh and is the one of the three i can live without lol

36. are you in a relationship ??

bahahahahahahaha no.

37. grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what is the 17the line ??

❝  “and why would that be?” kronos’s golden eyes glittered.  ❞

— the last olympian by rick riordan.

38. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

1. season of the witch – donovan 2. riot van – arctic monkeys 3. busta rhymes – qveen herby 4. der kommissar – after the fire

also i gotta cheat because it’s too perfect that the next two are

5. stay – mac miller (one of my favorites ever that i forgot to mention above) 6. only in america – riff raff (i just love this ok. the video is hilarious but tw james franco for those that don’t like him)

[peridipshit]

EDIT: IDK HOW TO MAKE A READMORE ON MOBILE SORRY FOR A WALL

hey hey guys ive been super inactive and theres a reason for that and that reason finally worked out and i cannot fucking begin to explain how good it is ghjklljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjklhgfhjkl

read more for a super lengthy overshare of angst and ecstasy

i kno w its fuckin long, its not for anybody but myself bc ye i have adhd myself and dont know how to read sh i t and dont expect anybody to have the patience for this

so, if i start at the beginning, ive had, the hardest period of my life starting around fall 2016. ive been in community college for about 4 years now, and i dont want to list all of the things ive done because it wouldnt reflect the mental emotional and physical exhaustion ive put myself through for all of this work. and all this time i thought it would amount to nothing because a lot of what i was supposed to be doing was pushed away out of fear. i filled up my time with a million impressive things that i genuinely loved and enjoyed, but knew it wasnt the actual work to get into the universities i was so desperate for. i pushed,, all my applications to the week or day before the due date. i had to give up three out of seven universities because of the deadline pressures. 

but my main school, the one that i returned to as the ideal place, but a laughable pipe dream, was the one i worked the absolute hardest for

i needed to do two different applications with a total of uh, 8 or 9 essays? the first round of 5ish essays i submitted the day before, and then the second application, i started the week before and completed the essays and storyboard, and hit the submit button 2 minutes before the deadline. i had two winter semester classes (which both kept me under a no-sleep schedule) and i juggled the application work by night. i ended up with like 3 total hours of sleep in that week. i almost gave up like three times but i remember crying after finding this song which coincidentally reflects the acceptance into the university im now somehow attending. it was the moment to myself that i decided i wanted to push through and grow up

the third round where i almost gave up was when my professor couldnt recieve my emails and i had no other way to contact him during the winter. i came to his office the week school started in spring with a deadline of three days to get my letter completed, and he submitted it an hour and a half before the deadline. i spent that weekend convinced i would just take another year at community college and at home and prepare myself more. i cried after checking my phone when i was walking out of Black Panther because he hadnt submitted it with less than two hours left before my application would have been thrown out. he submitted once i got into the car and refreshed the tab

last month i got an interview with the school of my dreams. i looked up the real statistics and they choose 30 transfer applicants for interview and accept 15. that moment was a rush of disbelief and brief sobbing as i realized that maybe im not crazy and not stupid and maybe just doing good things

that was the longest week of my life, but it wasnt a nervous thing at all. i knew i could nail an interview, it just was practicing. i spent each car ride to school talking to myself for 30 minutes. 

i literally could not have done anything as amazingly as i did in that interview without my friend’s help (hey dude), i was literally hearing that skype notification and have never had my heart pound as hard in my life. two seconds thinking about my friends and everything theyve done for me was like, a reminder that ppl care and have my back and istg that power of friendship anime bs is real my dudes and i couldnt ask for better people in my life 

i rocked it like some kind of word virtuoso person and waited a month for a notification

limbo is wierd

i spent so long knowing i was so, close, but not in a place to celebrate

the day i found out was Of Course as wild as it was, where i was having a panic attack out of everything in the morning that accumulated, i was like near crying in class because the prof was kinda yelling at me and i almost lost my project and had to run about a mile in heels to look for it and i was being hit on by a guy twice my age and i had 2 hours of sleep

but????????? i got into ucIa in their theater film and television school, which is harder than any ivy league school. me and 14 other transfer students. 92 total undergrads in that entire film school. ill be nineteen into my junior year. ill be at the heart of the industry going into animation and able to do practically anything. 

a n d i learned that not only my tuition room and board will be covered, but likely a ridiculous amount beyond that too.

i just. got to a point in my life last year that i knew that i was setting myself up for failure and i thought that if i wasnt improving i was failing and so i put so much onto myself in terms of working that i literally had no time for myself. no time for anything leisurely and no time for shows or movies or games or even friends. the only thing i felt like was my escape was cosplay and i still had that shamed by my family for wasting money and time. i of course had many moments and opportunities to do a few things that i regard very fondly, but overall i had no time to genuinely reflect on the damage that everything had caused. it felt like i had no time to cry ultimately, like some kind of hamster wheel of responsibility and fear. im still recovering now, and i want to be better. i want to do my best for myself and everyone around me. and i want to become someone that can be healthy and be myself. and yknow what im pretty damn proud of where im already at right now 

trying hard to keep coherency but i gotta wake up at 5 for an 8am class tomorrow so this is a lil rushed. its probably corny as hecc, but hell i feel just ok for a second and thats nice. i would never have gotten here with the support around me and like, my friends and family have done so much for me and i could write ten of these rambles on each one of you. you care about me and i care about you guys beyond anything these words can express. (*cough*quinn keira kevin cece*cough* not to say everyone else i know hasnt impacted me because gOd so many lives have done so much for me, i just, hey, love yall) 

my life is finally feeling like something big, ive never believed in the destined for greatness thing, ive just felt Capable of greatness and afraid beyond words of wasting it. and i want to be great for me, i want to be great to others, and i want to be great to the big picture. 

just, holy fuck i love you guys so much and thank you 

things are finally looking ok and i would repay you guys back in to the fullest extent of my hearts adoration and appreciation

[thatonelucky]

Twist of Fate (Pt 3)

Hey guys! I’ve been writing a ton over the past few days and caught up! (Finally.) I hope you enjoy this! If you haven’t seen part 1 or two then click below!

PART 1 : here

PART 2 : here

               Jughead tried to stray his mind away from wondering what the two girls must be talking about in the other room. Loud giggles erupt from behind the closed door every so often which only adds fuel to the fire burning a hole through his mind. He tried to distract himself by playing Fallout 4 with Archie. It kind of helped, but he'd much rather prefer it was just him and Betty right now.

               Don't get him wrong, he loved Archie and Veronica, but there's only so much he can take. Living with the two of them as a couple for almost a year was sickening enough. He needed a well-deserved break. Plus, a large portion of him wanted to get to know Betty more. What are her interests? Where's she from? Does she like the gherkins in her burger?

               Betty and Veronica, were in actual fact, talking about how their lives have been this past year. Betty spoke about her parents and how they always demanded perfection. How she loved her parents yet how her parents hated her. All she wanted to do was pursue her journalistic dreams but her parents wanted her to be a big shot lawyer in Riverdale. Betty didn't want to stay in Riverdale.

               She spoke about Kevin and how she missed him. How he saved her from the darkness that her parents engulfed her in. How she had to leave him behind. He was planning to visit soon but a large part of Betty still felt guilty. Veronica listened and she understood. She didn't ask too many questions as she already knew most of it. She was considerate and thoughtful.

               Soon enough, they got onto the subject of how Veronica's been. Thus delving into the love story of her and Archie escalating from just friends to something a lot more. The story was cute. They had been roommates for a year prior with Jughead but on the 2nd year they started to get these feelings that they didn't understand. That was until Jughead caught them shirtless and heavily panting with bee stung lips in a closet. Apparently he was furious. Betty wondered why. Did he like Veronica?

               "But yes, that's been the dramatic rom-com called "my past year". Now, it’s no Nicholas Sparks movie but I can assure it's just a riveting." Veronica winked over at the blonde who was sprawled out next to her on the cream carpeted floors of Betty's new bedroom. Betty was burning to ask a question about Jughead but decided against it. She barely knew the guy.

               "How's your brother doing? What was his name again? Wasn't it Sythe?" Betty giggled out, trying to deter asking any questions about the broody beanie boy in the other room. She had her time to ask him questions himself. Little did she know, Jughead was 'Sythe' or more accurately 'Forsythe'. Veronica visibly stiffened. She knew she should tell the truth the Betty but she also knew that Jughead would kill her, he didn't want to talk about his family to new people. So she did what any good sister would do and she lied through her teeth.

               "It's Forsythe. And our very own Holden Caulfield is in Paris at the moment on a photography retreat. When he comes back I'll be sure to introduce him to you. After all these years I bet you're desperate to see the other half of my gene pool." Veronica aimlessly babbled yet pulled it off exquisitely. Betty smiled goofily but before she could say anything more, there was a soft yet firm knock on the door. Jughead poked his head through the gap.

               "Hey, I'm gonna start cooking early. Ronnie are you and Arch gonna stay?" He gave Veronica a stare that Betty couldn't quite understand but Ronnie sure did. Squeezing Betty's hand gently she whispered a goodbye, dialing her number into the blonde's phone. She stood up quickly, patting down her dress and sauntering towards Jughead. She pressed another quick kiss to his cheek before ruffling his hair through his beanie and making her way into the hall.

               "I think me and Archibald are going to make a move. If we don't leave now we'll miss our reservation at Per Se." Veronica walked to the door, calling Archie to join her . He did as requested in record time. Jughead low-key chuckled at how whipped his best friend was. "Juggiekins, B, I'll see you very soon. Text me!" Ronnie shut the door behind her and silence fell over the two new roommates. Betty was the first to break the silence.

               "So, Juggiekins." Betty smirked, finding heavy humor in the ridiculous name the raven-haired girl had given him. Jughead playfully scowled over at her, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing. "Wanna start on making that dinner you promised me?" Jughead nodded slightly, stalking into the kitchen with Betty in tow.

               "Yknow, I don't like that nickname. But it's endearing and it makes her happy so I just withstand the slow crushing of my masculinity." He smiled to himself. The memory of their first meeting was one that both Jughead and Veronica treasured deeply. It was the first time Jughead felt cared for. Like someone actually wanted him around.

               They'd first met after Hiram had carried Jughead bridal style through the family home and straight into the guest bedroom. Jughead was delirious, all he could feel was a warm sensation being thrown over him and a something wet scrubbing at his face. Hiram had called a doctor but meanwhile, Veronica and her mother were hydrating and trying to feed the young boy. Hermione was heartbroken to see a young child, around 15-16, looking so malnourished and abandoned.

               "It's okay, sweetheart. A doctor is on his way. You're safe now." Hermione cried, softly holding the young boys hand and giving it a small squeeze. Veronica didn't know how to react. She too was heartbroken, but was he going to die? She didn't even know his name. "How could anyone neglect such a precious child." Hermione has tears streaking down her face at the thought of Jughead dying. Veronica came around the other side of him, grabbing his other hand into hers. He was so cold.

               "What's your name?" Ronnie spoke quietly to the disorientated boy who was lying before her. He tried to speak but his voice was raspy and broken. She wanted to cry. You hear all these stories about watching someone at the brink of death and the horror stories about neglected children. Yet, with living in the upper east side, Veronica never thought she'd have to experience it first-hand. Jughead tried again, only croaking out a small whimper that Veronica understood as 'Jughead'. She smiled warmly through the tears. "Well, Juggiekins, isn't that a spectacular name for a spectacular soul."

               The memory never failed in making Jughead smile. Veronica had always taken care of him, always protected him. She and their parents saved his life. His 16 year old self was lucky to have made it, according to the doctors. They stated that it was a miracle. And he couldn't disagree. The Lodge's were a miracle that he never deserved. He finally had a family that loved him. It was all too good for him to believe. Even after they had shown him the adoption papers, he waited for them to leave. But they never did. 8 years later and he called Hermione 'Mom', Hiram 'Dad' and Veronica 'a pain in my ass'. But a nice pain.

               "What're you so giddy about? I'm only making lasagna." Betty smirked over at Jughead, ripping him away from his thoughts. He hadn't realized he'd spaced out until he saw that Betty had already gotten everything out. Jughead poked his tongue out childishly as Betty had done earlier that day. He enjoyed this. They seemed to be getting on well already.

               "I was just thinking about how empty I feel without food in my stomach right now. And I thought we clarified this Betts, any food will make me giddy." Jughead grabbed a slice of cheese and ate it slowly. Betty wasn't mad about the nickname he'd given her. She actually liked it. Maybe he was accepting her after all. She stole the cheese from Jughead's hands, holding it behind her back with a cheeky grin. Before he could protest she shushed him.

               "Now, Juggie, we need to lay down some ground rules. Rule one, don't eat all of the food before we make the food. That's it." She nudged him playfully, placing the cheese into his mouth. He flushed a soft pink, chuckling at her actions. He believed he could last with not eating all of the food. He had self-control. He could do this. He's a man.

               Later on that night, after Jughead had broken the one rule and eaten most of the ingredients, they both sat watching re-runs of 'How I Met Your Mother' until around 11pm. They'd gotten to know each other a lot more. Jughead still held back the necessary details but other than that, it was going great. Fate had surely thrown a curve ball called Veronica, but Betty knew that was some sort of coincidence. She threw a cushion at Jughead's head, who was sat on the opposite side of the couch falling asleep.

               "I'm gonna head to bed, I've got a busy day tomorrow." Betty stood up, sleepily rubbing her eyes. She had a job interview she was preparing for. It'd be her first journalistic job and she was more than excited. Yeah, she'd helped her parents at the Register but that wasn't a real job. This was going to be, Betty was sure about it. Jughead rose too, stretching and yawning.

               "Got a hot date?" He wiggled his eyebrows, obviously teasing. That didn't stop Betty from going bright red, arming another pillow to throw at him. She would've told him that it was a job interview, but she didn't want to jinx it. Plus, he borderline refused to tell her where he worked. So she had every right to keep it to herself.

               "Something like that. Night Juggie." She yawned, walking past him and into her newly decorated bedroom. She heard a faint "Goodnight, Betts." as she closed her door. Their newfound nicknames made her smile. She really had hope for this friendship to blossom. After that, Betty easily settled into her fluffy new sheets. Drifting off into the land of sleep that Betty wanting to divulge herself into, she thought of Jughead and their first day together.

               Jughead was quick to fall asleep too. He sent a quick text to Veronica once he'd made it into the security of his bed. He texted her inviting her and Archie to the apartment tomorrow for dinner. He didn't want to be alone whilst Betty was out on that 'hot date'. Jughead wasn't bitter, but he was slightly bitter.

I hope you all enjoyed! Remember that my asks are always open if you wanna send in prompts or just talk! Feedback is always appreciated.

Part 4

[jess-oh]

Reflection

ahhhhhhhhhhhh. i forgot to bring my Bible down so now I can’t do my QT here :( i do hope i find the willpower to prepare a smoothie for tomorrow morning, do the dishes, take a shower, and do my QT before i decide to sleep. this probably isn’t a good idea working so much when i have work tomorrow but im in that productive kind of mood! and yes, it’s my fault that i started so late but it’s okay! bc im here now and i at least want to work on it a lil more. i already got some ideas i actually like rolling into my portfolio, i started drawing more thumbnails, i got my 3 typography examples done, i started drawing my didot thumbnails but ended up getting sidetracked. but i did draw a bunch of boxes for it which is good! i do want to do a few more quick sketches for typography and then focus on my research papers tomorrow along with the design for graphic design. actually, i probably wont have time tomorrow since im hanging out with my roommates and going out to dinner with james, moon-hee, and others from downtown. and i know i could just skip out on that but i do want to do it. and then on saturday we’re checking out a couple different apartments and i so badly wish i could just stay home and rest and work all day on graphic design and typography but unfortunately, i cant. im definitely going to be staying up late the next few days as a result to make for the lack of time. 

but here’s what i really want to talk about. i had a really good conversation with shar today and i was open about my depression and how i’ve actually been feeling so bad about myself recently but then im so conflicted bc i want to share what ive been struggling through w/ others but i just dont think they’d understand. and it’s been such an unbelievable blessing to be able to talk to shar about everything thats been going on and my worries and concerns and dreams and hopes for the future and even though she cant fully understand, she does listen and does genuinely care and want to be here. i can see it in her heart. and i also know that just bc of who shes surrounded by, sometimes she can become corrupted but at the end of the day, she really is a good person and is really trying and i can see that whenever she does have some unhealthy habits like gossiping, it’s coming from a place of love and care. and i do really appreciate that and i do want to make more of an effort in sharing and being open and knowing that i am allowed to rely on God and other people and I don’t want to fight this losing battle alone. Because I won’t lose without the help of others. I don’t want to keep killing myself over this any longer. It is honestly so hard. It is. And it’s so terrible to feel so alone and so bad about myself. But if we’re being attacked this hard, it means we’re doing something wrong. And we are. Sharlene and I have been keeping each other accountable and being more open about our faith and we started a conversation with Mulan, Claire, and Dana. And I’ve been making conscious efforts in really investing into the freshmen at Lakeview and I don’t always feel like I can be open about myself to them bc I want to be their spiritually leaders but Sharlene did remind me that I really admired P. Billy and P. Daisy for being so honest about what was really going on in their lives. And that just made them better leaders in my eyes. And I do want to adopt that mindset too. i know that it is still so incredibly intimidating and scary to be so open about my faith at a school as liberal as Columbia but yknow what? It’s college. No one really knows what theyre doing. They just know that theyre searching and Sharlene was right, we’re planting so many seeds even in just discussing our relationship with God out in public, even if we don’t see it. There was someone that was having a bad day and felt encouraged by our passion for the Lord. There was someone that was wrestling with the Devil and won bc of something we said. And I know that I’m still having a really hard time letting myself cry and really let go and let myself be affected in front of Shar right now but it is something I’m working on. And I do notice how often I’m laughing during dark or heavy situations in an effort to lighten the mood and avoid feeling so bad but I do want to be able to just let myself go and not be able to distract myself with my laptop or phone or thoughts or anything. I just want to come before the Lord and give it up. I just want to pray. 

I just imagined praying really hard for Dana and I do want to do that for her soon. Whether it’s at the retreat or when she leaves or before or whenever. But i just want to let her know that God loves her so much. And every time he sees her making an effort to come out to church or reach out to Him or share about her experience w/ the church, He sees that and the biggest grin grows on His face in excitement for his daughter that is on her way to coming home. He sees her. And he wants nothing more than to just embrace her in His open arms. My main goal for this coming semester and just for this whole year has been making sure Dana has a solid foundation and faith with Christ before heading out to Korea. So even when she is alone and struggling, she will know who God is in her life and just really be able to let go and give it all up to Him. I’m human and imperfect but He is a God that does not judge but rather, loves unconditionally. And despite all her sins and drinking and dating and everything in between, He still loves her and is just waiting so patiently for her to come home with open arms. I do truly believe that. And I really hope she can make it to the lock-in. I don’t know what it will be like but I do want to pray for her. 

But yeah, it was just so nice talking to Shar today. But onto my day:

This morning I woke up at 7:45am by my weirdly very quiet alarm and reset the power in my room. Then I headed off to typography and had a pretty good time with Sara and this new girl I just met today and my stomach was having some issues for the most part, it was just a nice and pleasant experience. I had a good first day and good end to the week. Then I finally got my pizza bagel and the cashier was kind enough to save one for me yesterday, just in case :’) Oh yeah, I also asked a bunch of people last night for my defining characteristics and I got some pretty interesting responses. For one, I found out that Andrew wasn’t mad at me and instead, just lazy. And maybe also depressed but that’s just speculation. Now we’re talking again and I’m happy. But he actually wrote me a very kind letter which I was not expecting. I thought everyone would just give me a list, haha. So I was pretty surprised when people like Andrew and Jeanne actually gave me words of affirmation instead. Jeanne is always so supportive of me T v T

I am so cold down here, omona. But I’m listening to my Christian music still and even started to sing along and it just felt very normal and natural. This is who I am. A person that really loves and believes in God and wants to serve Him with their entirety. I do. 

But after eating my pizza bagel, I headed up to work and stayed there for a while and it was a pretty good shift! I enjoyed talking with Ari and Tess and briefly Michaela. Michaela even brought me fries :’) Cleaning and everything was pretty nice and fun though! It was a long shift but I got to finish my annotations  and everything else went pretty smoothly. I might actually draw my thumbnails at work tomorrow so I’ll have something to do. And then...I will work on graphic design, hehehe. 

I’m really bad at reaching out for help and even just praying about it lately and confessing it to God. I think I just need to be ready and willing to let go and take that jump and risk everything for Him. I know that I felt like that before and even though my heart is filled with so much fear right now, I know that it will be so much better once I give everything up to Him. I felt that joy before and there’s nothing like it. 

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

1/14/17, 5:41am - can’t sleep

too much stuff on my mind. and a bit of a headache. I know I said I’d quit this thing, but I can’t. but as far as I’m concerned, if I’m going to cop out of that I’m at least going to swear off the kiss-and-tell braggadocio though. And tone down the negative vibe. 

This aboutta be some feelgood shit up in here. 

I mean not everything’s going great. To be totally honest I still have literally no idea how this financial situation is going to work out. But I’m sure it will.

But my friends have been so good to me. I love them all so much.

Need to start with the excellent gourmet kingdom dinner that I went out to with the smash fam on wednesday. Lucas, Corey, Dylan, Patricio, Clem, Jwilli, Spencer all treated me. Fuck I hope I’m not forgetting someone lmao. I know I’m forgetting like one or two mofukkas. I wasn’t going to go ofc, but since I wasn’t going to go because money was tight they offered to pay for my meal and I reluctantly accepted.  [as much as i’d do it for anyone, I still feel a little bothered accepting these kinds of gifts from my friends. I don’t really feel like I can’t take care of myself or something, I just feel like I... shouldn’t. Because if I can’t plan on coming out of my own financial problems how can I plan on paying them back and how can I accept a gift in the first place then?]

Thursday I got to team with Ian, and it was some of the most fun I’ve ever had playing in tournament. We DOMINATED the winners bracket of that tournament. only lost one game and had some of the filthiest combos I’ve ever seen in my life. Just got cold waiting for grands and didn’t play as well. Was so much fun though, really made me happy to have poured so much time into practicing. Just gotta keep doing better.

After the tournament a whole ton of people came over to my place to play for the night. Can’t even get into it but it was great. in all I played from 4pm until 6am and only stopped because I got a splitting headache and felt like I was going to die finally hahahah... Probably should have gotten some dinner or somethnig lmao.

I was supposed to try to play with Kevin today, but instead I spent the day with Weilin. Him and a few people had crashed at my place, so we went on a mini road trip to take Decker back to greensboro. We spent a little time trying to get his phone fixed, spent some time trying to find me new pants, ate some delicious gyros and had a long car talk about hentai and the pursuit of happiness and financial goals and life and melee and everything, man. So glad that happened. 

We met up with Arun, Arvind, Irene, and Broscious to eat at Bali Hai and do an escape room out at durham. Got a huge ass plate of meat thanks to weilin covering for me, and had a great time solving the 90′s themed puzzles with the gang. We tore it up, too. Only got stumped by a cd in a book and a madonna song hahaha. Those guys are all some smart motherfuckers, I’ll tell ya whattt. And while we waited for this safe to unlock me and Broscious got to slam down some Pogs and mostly just slap them around on a table hahahahaha. I was supposed to go to a party tonight that my old pokemon go team was throwing to celebrate Kelly turning level 40, but there was no way I was gonna pull myself away from those guys for anything. We spent a couple hours playing board games and talking/gossipping/catching up and getting cookout. Excited as fuck to do it again tomorrow.

But the real reason I’m writing this post is because Irene wanted us to do this neat little thing that was admittedly a little lame but amazingly feelgood and really made me happy. I think she called it a compliment circle, where we all had to think of at least a compliment for each other, and we took turns doing whatever the opposite of a roast is. I really don’t want to forget any of the things that they said, because it’s not often that people go out of their way to give you honest totally-for-nothing compliments, yknow? They’re not verbatim because my short term memory sucks, but I’ll do my best here.

“You’re the best.” “you have a beautiful smile and jaw structure and face and eyes and you’re just a great looking dude and if I were a chick I’d date you and if you were a chick I’d date you, and if we both were chicks I’d date you.” “it seems like you always have a lot of things messing with your life, but despite that you’re always a great person to be around. you never seem to let things get to you and you always have a smile on your face and you’re never a downer.” “you do a lot of things for your friends and the melee community and just people in general. you never really seem to expect anything in return and I don’t think that gets brought up much.” “You make me push myself to be better.” “I like your nose” (weird. broscious, you don’t read my blog, do you??) “you’ve got a really warm personality and do a really great job of including everyone when you try to talk to them and like in the puzzle room.” “You’re always there for me, even at times when nobody else was.”

goddamn, man. I don’t even care if it’s narcissistic to put those down here. I have to put them Somewhere. Literally shed a tear writing them down, I feel so good about all that shit. It really couldn’t have come at a better time with everything hitting the fan and all of my self image issues recently. Maybe they knew that. 

What I didn’t think to tell them then was that it’s friends like them and everyone I hung out this week and everyone in my life that cares about me still that make my life so happy in the first place. It’s like... when I finally get to be in a room with people I know and can enjoy their company it’s like all the bullshit that exists outside just isn’t important anymore. Relaxing by talking and playing games is so fucking wonderful.

Speaking of my issues again, might as well follow up on new years goals and self improvement stuff.

Feeling much better about my teeth. Got my cavities filled (I had fucking TEN), got my teeth cleaned for the first time in years, I’ve finally got this image out of my head that my crowned tooth looks dead. Forreal, idk if it was the cleaning, or just talking to the dentist about whether they think it matches and then thinking about it, or what the deal is, but I Swear ever since I decided it wasn’t worth having my crown replaced again it’s looked better. Matches color better and more consistently, doesn’t look off balanced, I just look good. I really want to blame it on the cleaning but maybe it really was just a mental thing... Idk. I’m just happy my teeth are finally healthy, holy shit thinking about my mouth too hard the past couple years has been horrifying. Right now my gums hurt because I flossed for the first time in forever. Might be why I can’t sleep, but starting good habits.

Don’t know what’s up with my weight, haven’t been keeping track of that yet.

Have been doing Great about drinking water. Have only drank soda on a few occasions at all, back to living on powdered lemonade like I said I would. Probably should still be drinking more, but off to a great start. Still haven’t been on reddit since the new year (though I don’t think I wrote this resolution down), but still passively start to type it in the search bar sometimes. Shit’s difficult. Progress on my septum is put on hold for now, family doctor is waiting to refer me until I have a followup visit with them about my lab work. Supposedly I had “small red blood cells” so like either dehydration or anemia. Probably both lolll. Hopefully not something more serious, but who knows. Been taking a multivitamin daily. Been spending less money lmaoooo.  Haven’t been cooking for myself the past few days but DID start doing that finally. Just gotta keep it up.  Still no good on exercise. Still haven’t bought a pack of cigarettes. Smoking a lot of that pipe tobacco, but it definitely doesn’t make me feel cravings like cigs do. Pretty great there.  Started goofing around on tinder again just to get that out of the way. Got a few matches, but I’ve been sandbagging this game really hard lol. e.g. I’ve been a lottt more picky about who I swipe, way too detailed about how nerdy I am in my profile, and not playing with it all that much tbh. I.e. doing all the things that are probably healthier dating habits but are def not anything close to how you need to play tinder to be successful from what I’ve ever experienced. That being said I’ve already partially rediscovered my hatred for it and think it’s a waste of time, but whatever. Not entirely motivated to meet new people right now anyway, so even if I’m not exactly happy to be swiping through a couple dozen people without matching I’m definitely not let down either. It just doesn’t feel like the right time for me, and also I totally wouldn’t have money for dates now that I think about it lmaoo. Last thing I’m gonna mention is that I haven’t been fucking with my fingers nearly as much. Just lost my week-or-so streak I was on, fidgeting in the car today, but def doing a lot better.

Everything’s doing a lot better. I’m still totally fucked, but I feel pretty great and I’m doing pretty great and everything’s going to be even more great soon enough.

#pogchamp [6:52am. never gonna sleep oh god rip hahaha]