#i just have a lot feelings rn
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Instead of writing a fanfic like a normal person this oneshot turned into two separate, contextless things,
#sorry itās how my brain works (sometimes can only see things in terms of tv scene-)#tumblr exclusive video fancyā¦#dcmk#my art#(quietly coughing and spluttering) OK alright I can feel the creative brain explosion slowing down. geez#coughs.#nyways. weird that there hasnāt really been a main case where poison is involved in a certain way#If I watch my own scribbled boards for too long im gonna get too embarrassed to post. Send post#Subarus hair is still infuriating by the way like take that off your normal hair is easier. The beanie is easier#you like Have to have the side corners on this haircut or it doesnāt look right#anyways. shiho ptsd moments I think she kind of gets irritated that shinichi doesnāt react the same so when he does she gets like#weirded out and vindicated and a little protective. Like woah wait. Love that you understand me rn donāt like that you feel bad I am goingā¦#toā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦. ssssssssssit here about itā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.. uhhhh. do you want. a rubix cube to get your mind off it#I donāt want to talk about my feelings I just want you to get it. you donāt wanna talk about your feelings either which isā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦. Hmmmmmm#I like her. love of my life miyano shiho#masumi sera#conan edogawa#ai haibara#akai shuichi#let conan swear. HE SWEARS A LOT BUT LET HIM SWEAR IN ENGLISH I KNOW HE KNOWS THEM#man needs his emotional support akai family they like him#rigorous trials to being approved by the akai matriarch but everyone else likes him already and have already picked him up multiple times#and shuichi would let him swear
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes āohhh yeah bc pinkā#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going āwhat about the pink onesā on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other āqueerā folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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Coming back from thy break with an ookie spookie eye straining Narinder :)
color palette used:
#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl fanart#cotl narinder#cult of the lamb narinder#cotl the one who waits#cotl toww#cw eyestrain#cw bright colors#mewnie art#Had a lot of fun with this! Been having an artblock so it feels nice to actually make a finished colored piece#also yes I am AWARE i fckin FORGOR his cuffs on his hands but like. Those chains took so fckin long#and I had already rendered his entire hand ;w;#maybe he's not in the void rn and he's just wearing this collar and chain for fashion or for kinky reasons you dont know#I could have prob worked even more on those chains but the clothes are already lacking in detail and itd prob just make that worse
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kissed by a bullet
#it's 1904 john <3#maybe i'll tell people more about him in the future#and about 1904 javi too because they live in my head rent free and i have a lot of art with them#but for now i wanna keep them as my dearest secret for a bit<3 (btw hi lucas ily)#anyway#i love him#kissing him as we speak#barghestland#rdr2#rdr2 fanart#john marston#art#artists on tumblr#tw animal death#tw gore#tw blood#not much but just in case#it feels like im not out of artblock yet it's hard to draw rn:(((#but im trying !!!!!!!!#im trying ok !!
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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
#terri#niart#got my wisdom toofies out#well 2 out of 4#still got stitches#idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless#also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash#i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet#I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for#the difference is like night and day#old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day#new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day#i am sobbing#the right people are out there#don't lose hope#i've never felt this platonically loved honestly#also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd#just#a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out#this piece was such a strain and i just#don't have patience for art rn#this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers#i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh#ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH#i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now#Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man
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With this absolute unit I declared that my entire savings to pull Eternal Knight sebek is gone
#mod posting#i love birthday bloom cards#if i could i would have pulled everyone's#i pulled sebek bcs he has duo magic with trey & i use trey a lot#i pulled ortho bcs he has duo magic with sebek & i kinda use sebek a lot too#i pulled trey bcs his card is just beautiful#i don't use floyd a lot but bcs he has duo magic with ortho & has healing attribute i was like why not#i use ortho a lot#thankfully he came home in one 10 free pull#and then jade#i didn't plan to pull him i hardly use kalim to activate his duo magic...#but then i saw that one of his dialogue mentions trey saying happy birthday to him at the corridor#AND I SPENT FIVE 10 PULLS TO REEL HIM IN#WHICH IS THE LAST OF MY SAVINGS FOR ETERNAL KNIGHT SEBEK FHSHS#i feel like i saw a rerun for eternal knight sebek much after the first pulling event so...#maybe i'll have the chance to pull him after saving some more in the future??#i don't know#i wish he would come home in first 10 pulls bcs that's the only thing i have rn#WHY HIS EVENT JUST WON'T COME SOONER#I TRIED SO HARD TO CLUTCH ON MY DIA SAVINGS FOR SO LONG#BUT IT HAS BEEN SO HARD SOO HAARDD I TELL U SEBEKK#the only good boi in this entire unit is floyd#ths others are quite a nightmare to pull#trey and jade especially i believe#the halloween rerun was hard to passss#i love the outfitss
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i think people really do lack the understanding of just how much representation matters.
like, chappell roan. not only is she an out and proud LESBIAN, but i just saw a interview where she opens up about how she is also demisexual. that truly struck a chord with me personally, because iāve been struggling with figuring myself out in those terms and just hearing someone talk about it, knowing iām not alone in my feelings and that itās okay, really does help.
representation MATTERS. DIVERSE representation matters.
#honestly this isnāt even the biggest example#like i could talk abt this topic for hours#the live action little mermaid for example#the whole streamer sketch thing that happened recently#just like so much.#i just wanted to talk abt this because itās somethn iļæ½ļæ½ve (like i said) have been struggling with#also why i believe in being true to yourself and expressing that truth#cus you never know who needs to hear that#like by living your truth you may unexpectedly help someone else find theirs#and i think thatās beautiful#thatās a lot iām sorry šš#iām feeling thingsā¢ļø rn#chappell roan#representation matters#lgbtq community#lgbt#demisexual#lesbian#demiromantic#<< me (maybe. probably)#(still figuring it out)
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We need candy Marshall and vampire Gumball!!!
Waow okay anon imma give you a lil concept, sorry for making you wait too long š„¹
My current takes on Candy Prince Marshall Lee and Vampire King Gumball
#heavy on concept bc i'm still pondering Gumball's design šļø#there's a lot of red here mhm h idk how to feel#i don't know how to draw armor SHHHHHHHH#but i still want Gumball (Gary?? Gareth??) to have it bc he's a little paranoid about getting staked by surprise so he just always wears it#I like Marshall and his Marshmallow hair š„¹ Don't believe his lies tho he only has pointy ears because he modified them himself š#But at least Marshall Lee is able to have ear piercings in another universe#Speaking of universes.. these two don't share the same universe hgyhjhhj I definitely should've mentioned it the first time-#I only said I already had some swap concepts in mind.. and they're a bit different.. so yeah this is technically a crossover then š«“#back to the fun facts Marshall Lee is called Marshmallow King. Because Vampire King.#I want to give Gumball a crown but i ran out of ideas for a nice one at the moment š«“ I might give him a similar one to the VK#For now he just has an all time low pride lmao#Another fun fact Gumball's armor is based on PB's armor outfit (ā ć»ā āā ć»ā )#uhhhh what else.. i think that's all i have to say about them rn I hope you like it š«¶#fionna and cake#gumlee#marshall lee#prince gumball#swap au
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all the rise boys get done dirty on characterization by fandom in different ways i think. (not ALL the time every fanwork etc etc these are just like, trends i tend to notice?) every fandom suffers from losing character nuance.
- leo iāve talked about plenty on this blog, how some of his canon traits (genuine belief in his skill and cockiness, capacity for joy, his manipulativeness whether for good or ill) seem to get watered down or wiped off the board and supplemented with generic sad boy. his struggles with purpose and identity and not wanting to fail somehow morph intoĀ āhe hates and completely holds no value for himselfā
- donnieās canon personality gets blurred out and largely replaced with whatever list of Neurodivergent Traits. and i think thereās such a fine line to walk between exploring a character thatās been word of god confirmed as on the spectrum and overwriting whatās canonically there. itās a hard needle to thread. it also feels like a lot of his canon emotiveness gets left off the table for some reason. bc he does have his moments of flat/deadpan delivery, but a lot of the time heās honestly very emotive. he has the passion of a theatre kid and the vindictiveness of... also a theatre kid. and the mind of a scientist.
- raph loses so much of his rowdy teen boy energy itās kind of wild? like interpretations sand off that heās also impulsive and can be reckless and dumb and LOVES fighting and roughhousing and isnāt the most eloquent person. suddenly thereās this pitch perfect soft boy big bro who would never hurt a fly and always says the exact right supportive thing and singlehandedly raised his 3 brothers (which simultaneously sands off all the nuance of splinterās issues emotionally connecting with his sons and how that affected all of them). and like i LOVE raph, heās so full of love and care and anxiety, he clearly has learned to put a lot of work into being aware of his strength and size. but thereās a difference you know?
- mikey is like. where raph gets overparentified by fanon, mikey gets overĀ āfamily therapistā-ed IMO. the impulsiveness, the goofiness, the powerful emotions including a VERY powerful temper, the flat-out dumb teen boy choices... they get ignored. suddenly thereās this only very sweet and earnest boy who has read a hundred psychology books and runs group family therapy weekly or something. he is crying in his room bc leo and raph are arguing about something. which is so. he IS very sweet and can be very earnest and is full of love! he HAS come in with his opinions and unsolicited advice a couple of times and life coached for the greater good. but thereās a difference between what he does in canon and the role he gets in fanon.
#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#idk this is not a very eloquent rundown its very hard to explain exactly my vibe#ig the long story short is i feel like a lot of their most interesting and fun qualities get left in the dust#mikey as family therapist is getting under my skin the most rn i think its just so.#for as much as it seems like his brothers try to shelter him (esp raph with his overprotectiveness)..... i just dont see it#i dont see his brothers and definitely not his dad putting their issues on him like that...#him dragging donnie into that one dr feelings session and dragging draxum into a new moral alignment were different#than 'yeah everyone tells mikey their stuff and he has to do the labor of helping with it'#like it just doesnt vibe for me#i think he is very emotionally OPEN on all levels compared to his family#i think he is more likely to share when HE struggles#i dont think raph or leo is sitting with him at 3am like 'it all started when i was 4 and accidentally broke a plate' or what have you idk#it's all so ymmv i do just scroll past stuff i dont vibe with i dont drop hate on it i just#idk dudes its so hard to see the appeal in some of the choices made
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idk who needs to hear this rn but i know i did when i was first starting out on this blog so here it is: the experience of engaging with fandom becomes exponentially more enjoyable once you realise that nothing you post or think about really relates to dnp as human beings in their real lives. the awareness of our parasociality is actually so critical to the enjoyment of *gestures broadly to the tumblr phandom ecosystem* this, at least imo. because once i understood that this idea of dan and phil that i interact with, analyse, discuss and make jokes about is, in fact, just an IDEA, a semi-fictional semi-embellished PRODUCT that they have both put out into the public as professional comedians and personalities - i became free to completely enjoy it for what it is. a thing that's MEANT to be analysed, and joked about, and obsessed over, the same way someone can obsess over a book character that's been intentionally crafted for a specific purpose and nobody gives a damn about it.
the difference lies in how we actually CAN'T detrimentally affect a book character by shoving our obsession in their face, whereas in fandoms of real life people that is an actual danger. and that's where the awareness of our parasociality with dnp comes in again, and where we have to draw the line ourselves.
but on YOUR side of the line, ie where dnp won't venture, where you're not harming anyone? you can have fun. and it's okay
#again just my opinion#but this is something i personally needed to hear when i started out#and is maybe also pertinent to all the discourse happening on twt rn? idk enough about that tho#as usual if you have a diff opinion etc i am all ears <3#and i know dnp do genuinely care about us and share a lot of themselves with us. but i feel like keeping yourself aware of -#- the ELEMENT of fictionalisation that they have to put themselves through to have a properly healthy relationship with their followers#is good and makes the whole thing better for you! and all of us. just imo#dan and phil#dnp#phan#rambles
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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
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"I'm the dog they put with cheetahs to keep them from going crazy in captivity" x "I'm the cheetah that is threatening to go crazy" 4 ever
(I make a webcomic about them)
#GODDDDDDDDDDD I love them#theyre so.....#I just.#good. theyre good#I need the comic to come back NOW...#no I dont. I havent finished enough yet#I've finished 7 episodes so I gotta make 3 more minimum but 8 more ideally. which is. a big gap..#anyways I got up early to draw this cause I couldnt sleep#and someone shared it in a server I'm in and I was like. oh I have to#but now I'm super tired and I can sleep#so good night. enjoy my beautuful art of my beautiful vampires#'good ngiht' it is 10 30 am.#sleep. she betrays me yet again.#anyways working on coming back working on kickstarter stuff working on book 4#working on commissions working on my patreon...#work work work work#trying to be forgiving of myself LOL working like 50-70 hours a week and still feeling like its not enough#imagine if I WASNT on meds rn. I'm focusing better and there's still just way too much sheesh#super need some support but also I'm chillin#I was assigned an editor and she has not given me a single note#so I'm like uhhh. rlly feeling aimless and lonely#I'm doing very good work its some of my best stuff#but...#yeah. idk. just a lot HAHAHA#but I got like 45 mins to do a quick drawing#for my mental health...#time and time again#adam and steve#ttawebcomic#adam
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also this is the reason why i hate the whole discussion about "oh can we still say hermaphrodite in science discussions" because like. you all do not fucking understand the weight of the word. what it feels like when someone calls you a hermaphrodite when you are fearing for your fucking life. the amount of times i had to call myself a hermaphrodite because no one fucking knew what intersex meant but i needed to find a way to disclose that to clients so i didn't end up assaulted again when they were surprised. you don't know how much i fucking hated myself for that and what that was fucking like to experience at 16. like. that is what that word means to me! that's what i think of when i hear it! lots of other intersex people have their own stories, their own ways this slur was weaponized against us and written down in our medical records and a million fucking things. so i really don't want to hear from dyadic people who have never had this slur used against them about how hard it is to find an alternative word and how they just really really need to be able to still say it because of all the scientific discussions that are happening all the time or whatever. literally fuck off i don't care
#personal#actuallyintersex#intersex#h slur#rape tw#intersexism#sorry i'm in a fucking mood and i have no patience for endosex/dyadic people rn#i just don't think you all understand what this is like. i really don't think you do#anyway i love reclaiming hermaphrodite. hermaphrodites with attitude is so powerful and such abeautiful#part of intersex history to me#and that's also true!!!! but endosex people need to not fucking say this shit so causually#okay to reblog but i have no patience for dyadic people being silly on this post. i really don't#also i feel a lot more okay and have a lot more connection with other ppl who this slur has been used to target even if theyr'e dyadic but#that's not what this post is about
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i want jamiazu + idikei to go on a double date so badly i think the vibes would be So Very Turbulent
#twisted wonderland#twst#jamiazu#idikei#idicay#cereal tries to draw#i love any fanart of board game club and their bitch ass crushes jdslhffkjg teeheehee#cater and jamil can get along fine but board game club is incapable of behaving#they have to drop everything to bully the shit out of each other given the chance!!!#jamil does this with azul also. tbh i think it would be a war immediately and caters like HaHa Oh My GOd. ??!!?#cater actually it's hard to say bc sometimes hes like HUH!!!! CHILL OUT!! but other times hes a shady little freak of a guy and enables#things so like whose to say. maybe if hes in a silly mood he would join idia and jamil and it would be 3v1 rip azul it was nice knowing u#the rng of if they get peacekeeping caycay or mischievous caycay#it feels like it has been a While since ive really sat and drawn them...#i have had a lot going on <///3 and then all draw time is spent on art fight rn but. small break For Them#do u even understand me. do u see my vision. i want to put all four of them in an escape room#bundle them together and observe them under a microscope#god i just LOVE how any time someone in twst talks about another character it's always either like#yes this is a good respectable classmate of mine who i admire. or I HATE THAT BITCH HE FUCKING SUCKS ASS ACTUALLY!!!!#and then the haters are like best friends who hang out always jfdksljflkshg#but theyd rather DIE than ADMIT IT!!!#bitch boys who only respect each other when they dont know each other too well ig fjldksfh#board game club being god tier haters nonstop of each other is so fucking funny im literally obsessed with whatever they have going on#anyway!!! I WANT THEM TO HANG OUT MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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calatheaās breezy artsy loft on sagebrush šļøšØ
#i canāt remember if i have ever posted this room#still doing lots of stuff on sagebrush rn#acnh#acnh interior#sagebrush#calathea#feeling like i want to redo this room#same everything just flip the color palette
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Really wish aro and ace weren't so closely packed together all the time, like I get that a lot of people are both but I really think its important to talk about them as two separate things as well and not just as a package deal
#just having a lot of thought rn#aromantism is very rarely talked about alone outside of aro/ace conversations#and if i had heard of it earlier in my life it would have helped a lot#instead of feeling like i was broken or weird and grasping at straws about something that came so easily to my peers
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