#idk dudes its so hard to see the appeal in some of the choices made

[thisisadonaldduckblognow]

all the rise boys get done dirty on characterization by fandom in different ways i think. (not ALL the time every fanwork etc etc these are just like, trends i tend to notice?) every fandom suffers from losing character nuance.

- leo i’ve talked about plenty on this blog, how some of his canon traits (genuine belief in his skill and cockiness, capacity for joy, his manipulativeness whether for good or ill) seem to get watered down or wiped off the board and supplemented with generic sad boy. his struggles with purpose and identity and not wanting to fail somehow morph into “he hates and completely holds no value for himself”

- donnie’s canon personality gets blurred out and largely replaced with whatever list of Neurodivergent Traits. and i think there’s such a fine line to walk between exploring a character that’s been word of god confirmed as on the spectrum and overwriting what’s canonically there. it’s a hard needle to thread. it also feels like a lot of his canon emotiveness gets left off the table for some reason. bc he does have his moments of flat/deadpan delivery, but a lot of the time he’s honestly very emotive. he has the passion of a theatre kid and the vindictiveness of... also a theatre kid. and the mind of a scientist.

- raph loses so much of his rowdy teen boy energy it’s kind of wild? like interpretations sand off that he’s also impulsive and can be reckless and dumb and LOVES fighting and roughhousing and isn’t the most eloquent person. suddenly there’s this pitch perfect soft boy big bro who would never hurt a fly and always says the exact right supportive thing and singlehandedly raised his 3 brothers (which simultaneously sands off all the nuance of splinter’s issues emotionally connecting with his sons and how that affected all of them). and like i LOVE raph, he’s so full of love and care and anxiety, he clearly has learned to put a lot of work into being aware of his strength and size. but there’s a difference you know?

- mikey is like. where raph gets overparentified by fanon, mikey gets over “family therapist”-ed IMO. the impulsiveness, the goofiness, the powerful emotions including a VERY powerful temper, the flat-out dumb teen boy choices... they get ignored. suddenly there’s this only very sweet and earnest boy who has read a hundred psychology books and runs group family therapy weekly or something. he is crying in his room bc leo and raph are arguing about something. which is so. he IS very sweet and can be very earnest and is full of love! he HAS come in with his opinions and unsolicited advice a couple of times and life coached for the greater good. but there’s a difference between what he does in canon and the role he gets in fanon.

[they-handed-me-the-moon]

Okay I’m gonna do the thing and just get my complaints with the show out, if you’re not interested in reading criticisms (half of which are just being attached to the way things were in the book) please ignore this, I’m going to say all sorts of nice things in a minute. Also please don’t rb this one. If we’ve talked before feel free to comment or disagree, if we haven’t please don’t just this once—I’m usually happy to have people jump off things, but I just got back and I’m not in the mood to start any Discussions just now. Cool thanks!

1. I’m not saying that the show going in for more angst and making some of the central characters more insecure and making Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship more tenuous and uncertain was *objectively* the wrong choice. I mean I could argue that it was but ultimately it’s probably more just different than right or wrong. But it did make me realize how much I had appreciated having a fandom that was built around material that for all its angst potential (which I also enjoyed) was so fundamentally cozy.

2. Yes I am of course going to take issue with Anathema and Newt. For the record I found Newt notably more likable in the show than the book, even if watching Anathema have sex with a guy she had shown no interest in just because a book told her to was even more uncomfortable than reading it. And there was more of a sense of mutuality in the show—partly because of Adria Arjona playing Anathema as genuinely liking and being charmed by Newt at times, and partly because Newt actually does offer her emotional support and contributes to decision-making at several points instead of only with the “do you want to be a descendent for the rest of your life” line at the end. And that’s nice—mutuality in a relationship is important! The lack of it is one of my biggest issues with their relationship in the book! What really gets to me here is that they got to that mutuality not through strengthening Newt’s character but by weakening Anathema’s—by making her more uncertain and insecure so that Newt could sweep in to support her. And look—obviously there’s nothing wrong with female characters having insecurities and needing support, like everyone does. But we’ve got an awful shortage of weird-looking female characters who swagger around with breadknives and bucketloads of well-earned confidence and decide to try and stop the apocalypse without being told because it’s worth a shot, and the fact that they seem to have undercut her confidence and independence specifically so that she would have to lean on the sub-par dude she’s saddled with as a love-interest reeeally rubs me the wrong way. (Shoutout to my brother for pinpointing this before I was able figure out exactly what was bothering me).

3. Okay and while I’m on the topic of Anathema, the way they played up the whole ‘professional descendent’ thing? Hmmmm, not a fan. I think I kinda get why they did it, (it makes her fit more neatly into the ‘people breaking out of their prescribed roles’ theme), but they make it into a sort of ‘chosen one’ storyline where she was ‘fated’ to help stop the end of the world, which is fine, I guess? But to me one of the central appeals of the book is a motley crew motivated not by duty or predestination but instead by love of the earth and plain old selfish, stubborn attachment to the lives they had built there going ‘okay realistically there is no way we, of all people, can keep the world from ending, but I guess we’re just gonna try anyway!!!’ Making Anathema some sort of prophesied savior sort of removed her from that narrative, and reduced the strength of that narrative thread overall.

4. Oh and I think I’m in the minority here but I also did not enjoy the kids getting stabby with the horsepeople. There were some great elements to the scene for sure, but that just didn’t feel good to me. The children felt a little more ... protected from enacting that kind of violence in the book, and while there could be legitimate reason for changing it, on a thematic level it also took attention away from the whole ‘power of human belief’ thing, so it felt unnecessary and weaker as well as harsher.

5. I’m not ... actually particularly bothered by any of the changes to Aziraphale? I mean don’t get me wrong I do miss him being a much more overt bastard who is comfortable in his own skin, who collects blasphemous Bibles and is rude to  customers and still walks around with his sanctimonious Holier Than Thou convictions because he is THE WORST. But tv Aziraphale is still a proper bastard, even if you’ve got to pay attention a bit more to see it, and I do rather like the way his softness is in itself framed as a rebellion against Heaven. So yeah, I think the changes they made worked and were compelling, and I don’t really have comprehensive complaints about his character. HOWEVER I did not like him indirectly killing the executioner. Having a scene where he indirectly but intentionally causes a death was a good idea in concept, but to my mind it was the wrong circumstances, wrong target, and wrong tone for the scene. Still, it doesn’t bother me that much because it just felt SO off that it feels kinda laughable and my mind just cheerily decided that the filmmakers were misinformed and that did not actually happen.

6. Crowley’s changes I’m having a bit of a harder time reconciling myself to, although I’m having a bit of a hard time pinpointing why? Some of the changes are of the ‘I don’t prefer the change but that’s more personal preference and attachment to my initial vision of the character than critique’ variety, like the ways in which his fear manifests less as anxiety and more as anger in the show. But if I had one central complaint (and this might sound weird at first) I think it would be the way that his world is reduced to Aziraphale. And okay, let me explain—I’m not complaining that their relationship was more emphasized in the show, which I actually loved, and also this is probably a bit hypocritical coming from me when 80% of my posts are about their relationship. The thing is, I find romances more interesting and compelling and moving when both parties have defined personalities and interests and attachments and character arcs outside of one another. And Aziraphale did have that—arguably he has a more defined and complete arc than in the book, in fact. And Crowley definitely has a defined personality. But besides the Bently, what does he love? What are his interests? How does he feel about humanity and the earth? Why does he prefer the earth to hell beyond ‘hell sucks’? How does he feel about his fellow demons? Why does he want to save the earth? Does he care about saving the earth, or is it really only about saving and being with Aziraphale? Idk, I’m exaggerating a bit here, and certain answers to these questions can definitely  be inferred. But I miss the Crowley who loves humanity in all its mess, who finds in it an alternative to the restrictive roles demanded by heaven and hell alike, and who has his own arc of going from knowing that he is harming humanity but not doing anything about it, to facing Satan with a tire iron because Aziraphale convinces him to face up to the harm he has caused and do something about it, even if the odds are impossible.

7. I cannot BELIEVE they took out Tim.

8. And I’m running out of steam here so I’m not fully going into it, but it did feel like the show lost a bit of its sense of the earth in all its disastrous glory. I mean, there are plenty of stories that compare Heaven and Hell, but part of what set Good Omens apart for me was the particular way it triangulates Heaven vs Hell vs earth. I haven’t read enough similar fiction to know if it does this in an especially complex or unique way, but what comes of it is this gloriously defiant optimism. The show goes further into Heaven vs Hell (which I enjoyed) but it felt to me as if the earth was a little (although certainly not entirely) lost in the mix.

9. Also definitely not a fan on how hard Crowley pushes for child murder as long as he’s not the one doing it, but so far as I’ve seen the fandom has chosen to collectively forget those lines in favor of ‘you can’t kill kids,’ ‘I’m not personally up for killing kids,’ and THE LULLABY, so I’m the end those lines aren’t anything like the disaster they could have been. Good going, folks.

10. There are of course big-picture things like racism and sexism and homophobia that are. there in varying degrees. Not necessarily more than average, though that’s an even more depressing sentence. But for some of those things I’m not the best person to dissect them, and for the rest I’m tired and I don’t wanna.

11. In conclusion I have a pithy line that encapsulates what I’m having a hard time adjusting to in the show, but I’m pretty sure the first clause would annoy one half of the fandom, and the second clause would annoy the other half, so I’m gonna to cut my losses and shut up now.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[sweetnestor]

12 Days | Chapter 8.2

Two guys that lowkey hate each other are forced to walk in each other’s shoes in order to learn a lesson.

***in collaboration with @themarkiplierexperience

lmao soz its not actually x reader we’re just desperate for attention haaaa

previous

“I want to ask what the origin story behind this is, but I think I’m better off not knowing,” Tom typed. He attached a “selfie” wearing a bright blue shirt with the word “Wowie” printed on it in a strange fashion. Then, he sent the whole thing to Ethan.

He did see the other texts from the boy that he received the evening before, but Tom was dying to show this to him now. He finally had a look at what Ethan’s “merch” was like. To say he was not expecting “wowie” on a t-shirt was an understatement. Why “wowie”?

Halfway through editing this video, Tom kind of despised Ethan… and he definitely hated the word “Wowie” with a burning passion. It wasn’t all bad, though. Tom had spent the day with a funny pair of people: Parker and Andrew. He didn’t have to consciously act like Ethan to get along with the pair. They were so graciously weird that seeing their friend act out of character was considered normal for them… if that made any sense. The three of them, along with Amy, made a video together that was about this awful blue t-shirt. A promotional video, and instead of having a whole filming crew complete with camera men and editors, it was all self made. It was impressive, don’t get him wrong, but Tom only thrived when he was on camera, not behind the scenes.

It was a minute and a half long video, yet it was taking ages for him to put it all together. Not to mention, Tom was awaiting an update from Ethan about Zendaya. Earlier, he had said that she wanted to talk, and god knows what that was supposed to mean. On top of that, Bella was getting a little harder to handle.

Tom had invited her to come along to shoot the video, but she had gotten immensely sheepish and timid when she heard about the people who would be joining them. She made an excuse about having emails to answer and business Skype meetings to have. She only returned to his apartment after hearing that Parker, Andrew, and Amy had left for the day, and even then she just stayed in the living room while Tom finished the video. Weird, but whatever.

A few hours later, Tom could say he was proud of what he had created. The video was very sarcastic, and kind of funny, but it got the message across: “Buy this ugly ass shirt.” Really, he didn’t see the appeal, but Ethan’s fans sure did. The shirt had been on sale on Ethan’s merch store all month, and as of today, there were only ten days left to buy it. Tom learned all of this through Parker, who had a hand in running the store. Thank god he wasn’t left in completely in the dark.

Thing is, Tom easily learned about different aspects of this kid’s life. He knew the girlfriend, a good amount of the friends, and just enough about his personality to get by. The hard part was the YouTube stuff, because everyone around him assumed that he knew what he was doing. They all assumed he was Ethan. How bizarre would it be if Ethan just suddenly asked for help on the basics of editing a simple video? How long would it be for someone to figure that this wasn’t Ethan, that it was somebody else? What would they do, besides throw him in an asylum?

A knock on the bedroom door snapped Tom out of his thoughts. He pulled off his headphones and granted access.

Bella came in, an unreadable expression on her face. “Hey…”

“Hi, love,” Tom greeted, turning in his chair to face her.

She stepped in, looking around the room as she tangled her fingers together. “I don’t mean to interrupt you, I’m just…” She sighed. “This is really stupid, like really stupid…”

“Oh, how bad could it be?” he asked, putting on a kind smile, despite how nervous the sudden tension made him.

Bella picked at her nails to fill the silence. But she finally asked in a soft voice, “why didn’t you ask me to be in your video?”

Honestly, Tom had been hoping she had that conversation with her real boyfriend. Even he found it weird that the “talking to women” bit from the video starred Amy. Why not Bella? It probably wasn’t something to fuss about, but the girl’s nerves radiated for miles, it made Tom himself feel like he had done something wrong. He didn’t even know how to respond.

“I mean, you and Parker came up with the video idea like what? Two weeks ago,” she rambled, “and you guys came up with the ‘talking to girls’ thing and your first thought was Amy? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I-I mean she did come up with the shirt design…”

Ah, so that was the culprit.

“I-It’s not that I wanted to slap you - uh, fake slap you for a video,” Bella went on, her voice getting shaky, “i-it’s just you didn’t think to ask me, I don’t know. Am I freaking out over nothing?”

“You freak out over everything,” Tom said without thinking. There was a small pause before he turned back to the computer.

“I know, it’s what I do,” Bella said, not seeming offended by that statement. “It probably wasn’t a big deal. I shouldn’t have bothered you, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Any other thoughts, concerns?” It was half sarcastic, but she took the bait.

“I’ve been… having dreams…”

Ethan was supposed to know that tone, what that particular phrase meant. Tom, on the other hand, was clueless.

“Naughty dreams?”

“No.” Bella’s tone was serious now. She paced around the small recording space, still picking at her nails. “Bad dreams. I’ve had dreams like this before… Ethan, please don’t make me say it.”

It had been five days since the switch, five days of being this girl’s boyfriend, and Tom was getting more and more impatient.

“Don’t talk about it then,” he said with a shrug. “If it’s really that scary, or disturbing, or whatever it is... then you don’t need to speak of it.”

Again, it was silent. Tom definitely said the wrong thing, but he didn’t know how to handle a girl with anxiety. He could barely handle Zendaya, even though he hoped to fix things with her.

“You’re probably right,” Bella spoke at last. She turned on her heel towards the door. “No one wants to remember that time, especially me.” She stopped at the doorway and looked back at him. “Oh, and I just figured out why I was freaking out over Amy. It’s been almost a year since Mark left me for her.”

Whoa. What would Ethan say to that? What would Ethan think about his girlfriend mentioning her ex?

Speaking of the ex, Tom’s phone dinged on his desk. Mark had texted him. Admittedly, Tom wasn’t really texting anyone consistently apart from Ethan. He had also ignored Mark’s texts from the other day, so there was a chance he wasn’t on good terms with the boss.

“Hey look man, I don’t know what’s going on with you lately, but I need an answer. Are you going to be returning to work anytime soon? Or do we need to make a public statement that you don’t work for me anymore? I’m not trying to put pressure on you, or anything with malice. I just need to know what’s going on business wise.”

Public statement? So the fans knew Mark had editors? And there had to be something said publicly when something changed behind the scenes? Is that how YouTube works?

“I think my girlfriend is hung up on you, you’re the last person I need to see right now,” Tom typed for literally no other reason except to see if it sounded like something his other half would say. He chuckled to himself after deeming that it was too ridiculous and out of line and went to delete it…

You know when you mean to do one thing but instead do another? Yeah, Tom somehow mixed up the ‘send’ key and the ‘backspace’ key, and well…

“Fuck!” he snapped, sitting up in his chair, watching as the angry text sent. “No, no, no, no! Shit!”

Oh god, Ethan was so fired.

~

Tom didn’t have the heart to tell Ethan about the wonderful conversation he had with Mark following that text. He read through the messages he received while he was editing over and over again just to avoid telling him what went down. Ethan seemed excited to be in Montreal.

“So guess I have a workout tomorrow morning? Wish me luck bc I’ll actually die.” That’ll be fun to hear about, but it didn’t settle the knot in Tom’s stomach.

“I’m almost ok with the switch if it means getting to stay in this house dude it’s so nice?? I’m never leaving.” Tom was not okay with the switch. He wanted to be in that house right now, leave Ethan with the mess that he made.

“I finished the wowie video. I hate the word wowie. Please never say it again,” he typed and sent before reading the rest of the texts. He noticed that Ethan will either be completely silent, or send multiple texts at once. No in between.

“Also,,,,, fuck kinda friendship you got with Harrison? You give each other lap dances???” Ethan asked. Oh no. Oh god. “Not judging, just wish I’d known you were rejecting zendaya for ur best m8 lolol.”

Tom literally groaned out loud and palmed his forehead. Then, he frantically sent, “IT WASNOTHING WE DONT SPEAK OF IT SHUT UP.” No way he was getting into that with this guy. He wouldn’t understand.

The next message didn’t help very much. “Speaking of Daya, we talked today. She asked abot how you feel and what you thought you 2 had going on. Made it clear it was her choice what happened, but that you’re just friends? Idk man how DO you feel?”

“Anyway, the videos were good. Much better than Tyler’s first edits for sure. Good job, I’m impressed.”

“Shooting starts tomorrow so I’m off to learn everything there is to know about acting…….. By watching some movie wiht the guys, gn.”

Tom sat there for a few minutes, trying to word any of the thoughts in his head. Why couldn’t have Ethan made the Zendaya decision for him? He seems like a nice guy, he’s had a girlfriend for six months, and she didn’t seem tired of him!

“I’ll deal with her when we switch back… by the way when are we gonna switch back??? Anyway, have a good night mate, have a pint for me!”

_____

tag list: @beardedsteveslut @marie-is-in-the-dark @ohsnapitzmoony

_____

next

[survivor-guyana]

Episode 12 - "tbh I totally forgot we were playing Fans vs Favorites." - Jones

So here I am. Maynor got blindsided, TJ had an idol and didn't tell me about it, and I've been on the bottom of 3/4 merge votes (I don't count Unanimous bc that's a twist so we HAd to work together) everyone has basically lied to me at some point, and all of my relationships are fractured in some way or another. Alyssa gave me her explanation why everything went down the way it did: She heard that TJ babbled to Jess that Aidan was going against Alyssa/Devon/Jess, so they confronted him with this information and flipped back to the otherside (alongside dani obviously.) HOWEVER Alyssa believes that TJ and Maynor were the ones campaigning against her, and didn't think I had anything to do with it at all (hehehehe), but because the "majority alliance" had been worried about TJ having an idol, their only options were either me or Maynor. Alyssa then told me that Aidan had been trying to throw my name out all day, but she kept me safe (HEHEHEHE) so boom.  This also lead me to the realization that TJ doesn't really trust me and he never did. If he did, he would've been able to confide in me if he found the idol (which he did) and he DID, in fact, leak to the other side that Aidan/Dani were flipping (when he said he hadn't heard anything at all). If TJ told the truth about the situation, I do think Maynor and I wouldn't have tried as hard to save him, and Maynor would still be in this game. I told him i would tell him if I heard anything, but he's most definitely on the bottom, and i most likely will be voting him out if he doesn't win immunity. (hopefully he doesn't, if he does, it's either me or chelsea.) after all of this information was being processed in my itty bitty brain, I most definitely had a mental breakdown. My brain stopped processing everything that came to mind all together. and all I could do was draw a blank and laugh to myself. I was hopeless, there was no plan moving forward and I was trapped as a "goat" once again for the eventual winner of Tumblr Survivor Guyana: Fans Vs. Favorites 7... who am I kidding? Guacamole Jones doesn't just give up that easily. Aidan and Dani had expressed that they wanted to flip before the whole TJ fiasco. If I can find a way to separate myself from him and squeeze my fat ass into any cracks i can, then I will. but it will probably end in me having to do a bit more exposing to Aidan about Alyssa. (specifically about her leaking info to me.) If I can get them to my side, I have them as allies, and I also have Chelsea. so hypothetically that would be 4 ( + 1 with Aidan's vote steal) vs 3, and we can easily sweep the majority. obviously this is an act to save myself, however, this may mean more to me than that. When I said that I wanted people to play their own games, I actually meant it. Everyone deserves to fight for their spot in the game, and should fight for their case to stay. Right now it feels like everyone is playing into Alyssa's hand, and i'm not here for it at all. so i'm gonna try to do something about it.

Buckle up bitches, it's "Tea-Time" with Jess.

Today's Topic is: "Another round, another mess".

I'm going through some SHIT.

The last couple of rounds I've been trying to do the whole "let's minimize Jess's threat level" and that shit isn't working out. I'm ironically getting credit for moves and taking out people who I can honestly say I had no say in whatsoever. I've literally done nothing in this game except be a NUMBER. The only move I've made? Is getting out Sammy but I don't think I can take FULL CREDIT FOR THAT.

So I'm kind of annoyed I'm getting way more credit than I deserve because I've been down this path before. People are using myself/Alyssa as their shields and making the moves they want to do because they won't get the blame BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT: Alyssa and I will. That'll get us taken out of this game within the next couple of rounds GUARANTEED.

I've compromised so much in this game. I basically screwed my relationship with TJ up. That shit sucks but as a player he's DANGEROUS but he was my kind of dude? Hopefully he can see the numbers/odds are stacked against him and he'll have no choice BUT TO WORK WITH ME. So let's pray that happens or else big yikes x10000.

On the next next subject that is ANNOYING ME TO NO GOD DAMN END.

J-O-N-E-S <INSERT KERMIT HANGING HIMSELF MEME HERE>. I don't get the appeal as her as a PLAYER. I get the appeal for her as a PERSON OUTSIDE OF THE GAME..... she seems awesome, relatable, funny.

HOWEVER IN THIS GAME SHE'S: Messy, annoying, and CAN NOT BE TRUSTED.

YET..... the person I consider my #1, the person who I've basically fucked up my game multiple times for bye putting my foot down every time someone tries to take her out.... STILL FUCKING TRUSTS HER?! <INSERT I DON'T UNDERSTAND DANCING GIF HERE>. I DON'T G-E-T- I-T. Jones went around last round spreading Alyssa's name. I'm almost 99.9% CERTAIN. It's so obvious she threw fucking Alyssa under the bus with the Dani vote. That shit came out when Maynor wasn't even ON. HOW DOES SHE NOT SEE THIS?!

All signs are pointing to Jones selling Alyssa out. Detective Jess will take a look at the EVIDENCE: 1. Maynor was not on when TJ was spreading the fact that Alyssa threw out Dani's name. 2. Alyssa only told Maynor/Jones about the Dani vote (50% chance Jones did it.. YAY MATH!). 3. JONES ADMITTED SHE KNEW MAYNOR THREW HER UNDER THE BUS BUT DID NOT TELL HER? LIKE WHAT KIND OF CRACK IS SHE SMOKING?! 4. We've shaded Jones twice in a row with a vote. Of course home girl doesn't TRUST YOU IN THIS GAME. 5. Jones was M.I.A yesterday however, in the main chat she said she'd be ON.

Alyssa not believing Jones had anything to do with her name going around last vote is something I can't look past. I'm at a loss with what to do right now.

ALSO them adding me to the GOLDEN QUEENS when I SPECIFICALLY asked them to do it after this game is SO SUSPECT. All of a sudden I fucking tell Alyssa I'm doubting Jones... I get added to a casual chat with Jones?! I don't fucking understand these people. How obvious do you think this is? Do you think I was born fucking a second ago? I'm just-

D O N E

This stage of the game is crucial for me personally. I don't believe the F5 will consist of myself, Jess, Alyssa, Dani, and Aidan. I think that Dani is over-paranoid more often than not, and Aidan will be smart enough to not let his advantage go to waste.

I am trying to plant a seed in Alyssa's head that we need to flip on Dani and Aidan at the F7, and hopefully she bites the bait. If this works, maybe we can boot Alyssa and leave Jess scrambling? I would rather sit with Dani and Aidan in the F3

I’m over like, 80% of these people. They really think they’re being “slick” or “sneaky” or “good at the game” just because they’re being vague with me? That’s 👏 not 👏 how 👏 I 👏 ROLL 👏 HONEY 👏👏👏 like HONESTLY did they really think I wouldn’t realize I’m getting voted out? Ofc alyssa wants to go to the end with most of these people, it’s bc they’re so obviously bad at being slick. ON TOP OF ALL OF IT you think you can get away with being “sneaky” after you blindsided me NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT 3 FUCKING TIMES? Lied to my FACE??? Okay. Sure. Play like that. God, these people are really playing into alyssa’s hand, huh? Do they not want to play for themself for once? That’s literally the only thing I want from everyone. Actually that’s not true but its fine. I want them to be HONEST AND TELL ME IM BEING VOTED OUT. AAAAAND I want them to play for themselves. Like play the fucking game or don’t sign up for it imo. I’m over it. Thank god people like Aidan exists though. He seems like he’s genuinely ready to fuck shit up, and I’m just excited to call him and expose the fuck out alyssa. Hell, even if I get voted out, I trust him to go against the grain and actually take a stance. He’s the hero of the season for a REASON lmao. But yeah I’ll keep y’all posted, but It looks like I’m getting 8th place! Which !!! Doesn’t!!!! SOund!!!!! GOOD AT ALL!!! Last time I found out I wasn’t getting voted Johnny as worried about my mental well being. Let’s just,,,, hope for the best this time LMao

I. Dont. Like. Sneaks. In touchy subjects, i was voted as the person who has no idea what's going on, but apparently TJ made a chat with everyone but Dani, Aidan, and I to keep himself safe?? I have talked to him every day at some point and I'm PISSED that he tried to make a chat to potentially target one of us three (who AREN'T EVEN THREATS) to keep himself safe. I will work with anyone who stays loyal and doesn't make everything a shit show, but when you talk to me all the time and go behind my back........ bye. If he stays, he has some explaining to do. Maybe he *knows* i wouldn't vote for him and doesn't see why I should be in on the chat, but in this case, I SHOULD have been in on it. If I find out that he wants to target me, haaaaaaaahahahaa.

I guess 5th and 8th isn't the worst record ever... It just sucks this is how it's going to end.

I think TJ is finally going home since we kinda forced him to use his idol last tribal. Idk I’m tired

Hi so Aidan is literally the love of my life?? We’re actually on the same page/have the same allies and whatnot, so I’m feeling a lot better knowing that we’re allies. We basically agreed that TJ is too much of a fucking mess to keep around right now, so if we get him out then we’ll still have majority on the rest of the group!! So woohoo!!! Also? TJ proposed that there’s an all fans alliance and tbh I totally forgot we were playing Fans v Favorites. Just Bc aidan specifically wanted to target alyssa the round before. But legit,,,, why wouldn’t you target alyssa is my question??? Um but yeah I wouldn’t be shocked if i got votes tonight, but we shall see?? Hopefully I live to see another round, but right now I wanna fuckin sleep

Okay #2. TJ seems to think that Jess and Devon would vote Dani with me and him which just isn't true. I will not vote Dani because she hasn't caused any issues for me or made me feel threatened. TJ making his chat in the first place tells me that he was perfectly fine if me, Dani, or Aidan went home, but I guess as long as someone else said the name, he wouldn't get as much shit for it. He has really put a target on his back by doing this and I am a little bit hurt by it. But contrary to TJ's belief about voting tonight, we're not as divided as he thinks we are.

Me this round:

Very happy that I have immunity again but I already know that people are going to start saying I'm an "immunity threat" and it's going to annoy me. People look for ANY reason to point a target on anyone and I'm sort of expecting it? I'm already preparing responses for those kind of things.

Today was interesting because TJ was apparently desperate and making pleas to everybody that could listen (which somehow excluded Dani, Chelsea and I) but he eventually made his rounds to Dani anyway. I'm really hoping that he goes tonight because he tanked his whole game and I want him to feel EMBARRASSED and DEVASTATED for even daring to cross me in the way he did. If he listened to me and just followed my lead then he'd still be in the game WITH an idol. Thomas Pascucci is a passive aggressive little snake who loves to play the victim... but I'm hoping as we move into the 7 things get interesting.

I had a good talk with Jonesy today that confirmed a lot of my suspicions and she told me that she wanted to get out Alyssa. I was shook because I thought they were close, which they are, because I had heard she was in her confessional or something. I don't care but this anxious bitch better not be trying to play me either... but Devon seems to want to make a move too because he mentioned something about me/Dani/him needing to decide the next move. I feel like something ALWAYS goes down at 7 in Survivor history so I think everybody is anxious going into this next vote. My talk with Jones also brought my trust for Jess into question... there's a lot she kept from me (and a lot I kept from her, I do admit) but she's equally as messy but I think getting rid of Alyssa will force her into my back pocket more.

At this point there are a lot of small sub groups and alliances and deals and I don't even have an idea who the jury would love or hate. I like to think I have a good shot but it might be my ego... it's all going to be based on who tries to CLAIM different moves I think, or who gets crazy at this point in the game.

In regards to Devon I trust him more now after this round. I think he's more committed to the Massholes F3 than Alyssa/Jess but I'm not sure. I want to get on a call with him and feel him out. Maybe I can offer an F2 to him to ensure his loyalty.

But I also want to go the distance with Dani/Jess. It's a very complicated game and I feel like every boot looking forward needs to be INTENTIONAL. The endgame is near and I'm nervous but at least I still have my Opal Idol. I don't want to fuck up using that either.

DRUNK CONFESSIONAL WOOOO

I keep thinking to myself "how the fuck did i make F7?" because part of me is like,, genuinely shocked i've made it this far? It doesn't really feel real? But then I like, remind myself of where I started in this game and how it got me to where I am now. And THEN i started thinking about Ko Chang, and then I keep thinking about how much I've grown since then? last time around F7 I was like,, cowering in fear that the majority alliance would destroy me? or something like that? it was a few months ago i just remember crying a lot. BUT WOW!! I really did it huh. Final 7. I feel like this time i'm actually comfortable enough to like,,,, do things now. I'd like to say I set myself up pretty nicely? My talk with Aidan was really successful and we're gonna try taking out Alyssa this round with Dani and Chelsea. Worst case scenario - we still have Aidan's vote steal. If alyssa wins immunity - we'll probably go for Jess? we haven't really talked about that yet? but oh well. we'll have to wait and see. hopefully my 14/20 in the spelling bee is good enough <3

Twelve Hours Later........

Wow 👏 love it when 👏 the one thing 👏 that I want to 👏 NOT 👏 happen 👏 FUCKING 👏 HAPPENS 👏👏👏 So like ok alyssa won immunity and I was THJS FUCKJNG CLOSE KM GONNA PISS MY PANTS ok ok besides the point everything’s fine it’s totally fine we’re all fine hahahahjaha But ummm I already talked to Aidan about what we should do and I think we’re both in agreeance that Jess should go? I think she’s the next best thing behind alyssa. Plus even if she doesn’t go,, I want her to HAVE VOTES LIKE !!!! JOIN THE CLUB!!! But also,, part of me is worried that i’m getting played. While I think aidan’s a genuine person when it comes to wanting the big threats out - how am I supposed to know if he thinks I’M one of the big threats, yk? But I do genuinely think he wants Alyssa/Jess/Devon out before anyone else. Even if that eventually leaves me vulnerable at F4, that’s fine. I can always go on an immunity run or smth if I ever become good at comps :)

But rn,, in the words of Jonathan Stockton: “I’m going to kms”

Dear Jones, If there's ONE thing I've learnt in this game..... it's to NEVER trust a girl who cries more than a pregnant lady.. ever.

Your crocodile tears don't phase me one bit. I've been saying for a while now that you're sketchier than a crackhead in an alleyway.

Your attempt at screwing me over was expected.. Your attempt to screw over Alyssa.... now that shit hurts. That's your BEST FRIEND Jones.. someone who literally has vouched for you to SOOO many people when they were coming after you (me included).

I HONESTLY WANT YOU GONE LIKE.... YESTERDAY.

No amount of dad jokes or Kermit memes are gonna get her out of this mess..

However, I do have ONE LAST DAD JOKE FOR YOU.

Me: Jones, I'm on I'm the jury. Jones: Hi I'm on the jury, I'm dad.. oh wait.

Sincerely, Jess. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The fact that Aidan hasn't come to me yet with the fucking lies Jones has been spreading is concerning. I can't try and save his ass now because of that. I want to save him but how the fuck do I try and defend the guy who is paranoid about me? I could sell out Devon but that does me NO GOOD right now.

7th here I come?!

I feel like every round I say something to someone I risk getting exposed. LIKE ???? Ik I said I felt okay before but I feel like I’m /too/ okay if that makes sense. I told Aidan that his name and Chelsea’s name was thrown out there by Devon. He THINKS that Chelsea’s the one who threw it out there though. Which ISNT how it was supposed to work!! We had a plan to get out Jess what are you dOING!!! NOW aidan’s gonna go to Devon to see where he heard it from. Like???? Might as well just call me out for being a snake now before it’s too late :) why’d Alyssa have to win immunity. She’s the only person who COULDNT WIN!! Why? Bc I HAD TO WIN OR ELSE ID BE DEAD. THIS ISNT HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO WORK IN MY FANTASY!!!!!  But,, at least it’s not my name out there. Better anyone else but mine :0 so I don’t think my name will come up? I think the only person who came up with my name was Aidan, and now he’s like,, my new best friend? So yeehaw that’s nice. ,,,,, hopefully The Godfather— I MEAn alyssa doesn’t catch on to my snakiness.

Ugh this group is so nice and there is no particular person that I want to vote out over the other. Devon and Jones seem to want to vote with me and Aidan has talked to me a bunch. Aidan has been my social game person meaning he gives me info on people and has helped me a few times with staying safe and making moves. Last round, he told me about the chat that TJ made which I would have never known about if he didn't tell me. It wasn't a huge deal because people didn't respond and ended up voting him anyway, but still! Knowing that TJ voted me and was potentially targeting me with other people before tribal was information that I needed and Aidan provided. Even though the vote was unanimous, it was still a good thing to band together with him and Dani to make sure a few others were on the same page for the TJ vote.

Now that TJ is gone, I honestly do not know who to vote next. Do I vote Aidan because even though he has been super helpful, he is still a social threat and is killing challenges? Do I vote Dani because I have talked to her least? Do I vote Jess because it would break up the suspicious Jess/Alyssa duo? Do I vote Jones or Devon just because? I don't know what's going to happen tonight because people might have idols to use (or maybe not!) At this point in the game, I'll be sad with whoever goes but I'm ready to vote anyone who isn't me. Maybe that makes me a huge biotch, but it will get me to where I need to be, especially because I haven't played my best game this season. If I do go home tonight, I'm just happy I made it into the single digits :)

So like, I'm finally coming back around to potentially work with Devon, Jess, and Alyssa which I'm happy about because with me, we are the majority this round. At first I wasn't completely against voting Jess, but after hearing that my name was out there and reaching out to Devon, I needed to talk to Jess and see what she wanted to do. Then, Devon told me that if I want Aidan out, going to Jones and Dani isn't a great idea (since they are probs working together), so I needed to tread lightly from then on out. Thank god I never initially gave a clear answer to Jones and Dani on who I definitely want gone because Aidan might have a vote steal and will come for me or all of us lmfao.

I told Jones that I wasn't totally against voting Jess and told Dani and Jones that I wanted to vote with them, just to give them the idea that they would have majority with Aidan....(but I'm not. I am so sorry for flipping on y'all.) I feel awful lying to people because I hate being completely blindsided and not knowing who to trust, but I am doing this vote for me to help MY game.

I feel so dirty with this vote because I know I am going to lose trust in Jones and Dani, AND Aidan if this doesn't work and he ends up staying. I am the swing vote though and so I feel like I have a lot of pressure on me. Do I vote with Dani, Aidan, and Jones to get Jess out? Or do I vote with my Hosororo people and vote out Aidan? Jess is not a threat to me, because I feel like we play a similar game but I may talk to more people. She seems more predictable imo than Aidan. Aidan however, has won multiple challenges, has a killer social game, and poses as a much bigger threat to me if I was to make it farther in the game with him.

I need to vote to benefit myself for this round and that means I need Aidan gone. I am not good enough to win in challenges against someone like Aidan but I think I *might* have a chance if he gets voted out this round.

I lost immunity by ONE and I'm pissed because now I'm a ball of anxiety and mess. I feel like fucking Jess the way I think I'm going home.

Right now I think it's going to be a straightforward Chelsea vote but stranger fucking things have happened? I'm expecting something wild to go down but my senses aren't tingling that something is happening /to me/ so I'm likely gonna save my Opal Idol for next week which is the last week that I can play it!

I don't know how I feel about the game going forward because there are a lot of deals and I think people trust me but I'm not sure. I'm really solid with my Massholes F3 but also my sub deal with Jess and I really trust a majority of this game. Other people? Not so much.

I think if Chelsea goes we'll definitely have an interesting F6 round

Confessional #3 because things can never just be simple. I ate a bowl of ice cream so now I'm all sugar and FIRED UP. You know what? I'm not feeling so bad if Aidan goes home tonight because apparently he wanted me out and thinks it's gonna be a 6-1 vote against me. Tbh I'm pissed lmao. Devon is telling Jones to vote me so that she doesn't suspect me and Devon working together, so I'm not reaching out to her or Dani anymore until they come to me. Devon doesn't think that Jones will vote for me but honestly who knows? Jones also thinks that I would vote Jess so I can't be too mad if people turn around and vote me. This is probably the round that best describes the "outwit" portion of the game because we're down to 7 people and half of the tribe had their names going around (me, Aidan, Jess, even Dani because Aidan tried to bait me into saying I would vote her.)

JESUS. Now Devon's name has been brought up. Devon told Jones that maybe I should go to get rid of any suspicion that I am working with him, but now apparently Jones told Aidan we should vote Devon..... I'm literally shook by how many names we have filtered through. Who knows, maybe this will be a 6-1 vote for me and I'm going home.

If I go home tonight, I'm telling them in my final words that I had an idol but didn't think I needed it this round, so I gave it to someone else.... and to have fun figuring out who it is :)

I'm literally? so fucking mindboggled right now? i don't know whether I should feel sick or not. like,,, I thought Aidan and I were "on the same wavelength" or something like that. suddenly at 9:45 (15 minutes before tribal might i add) he's just like "we can't do this" like??? YES WE CAN!!! THIS IS THE ONLY LOGICAL TIME TO USE THE FUCKING VOTE STEAL!!!!!!! IF WE USE IT AT F6 WE CAN ONLY TIE IT, BUT IT'LL BE USELESS BECAUSE WE CAN'T USE THE STEAL IN A FUCKING REVOTE!!! THERE IS!!! NO POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!! literally,, if I knew the temptation was a fucking vote steal and I knew I'd end up in THIS SITUATION RIGHT NOW then this wouldn't be an issue. I sound like an asshole. but oh!! my!!! GOD!!! YOU SAY YOU WANNA MAKE A MOVE!!! THSI IS THE FUCKING MOMENT!!!! MAKE THE GODDAMN MOVE OR YOU'RE GETTING PICKED OFF IN THIS FUCKING GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I really can't believe this. and I thought I had hope. sorry i'm so fucking pissed i'm probably gonna lose chelsea over this. this is not her time to go. I fucking hate this. everyone in this game needs to step the fuck up and i'm angry. i'm probably gonna regret this tomorrow, but i don't fucking care.

We were gonna get alyssa out this round for being shady with jones. But she won the immunity. Now we are getting Chelsea I think. I was going to make a video but I’m so tired.  Loool sorry

Aidan has been bothering me about flipping the votes over and over again from Chelsea to Jones to Jess

I know this is coming to the end, so big moves NEED to be made. I'll be throwing Chelsea a bone of trust and see if she grabs at it. If all works well, maybe we can get the most powerful player out of the game??? Last male standing