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Yes.

When your Husband is extremely tall, no nosense man, so you have to use work related issues to pspspsps him to your kissing level 😂

God I love these two so much...

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Reblogging this only to say I am geniunely retarded.

I was so confused how you would hold a match between your fingers, like, a gladitorial match.

Re-blog this if:

- you’re gay - can read - support gay people - want to hold a match between your fingers as you wander the halls of an ancient castle because it’s your only source of light amidst the ghosts of people long past - are an antelope - or want a chocolate bar.

No one will know which applies.

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Initially posted on greensquareanon. Moved here because that blog was getting cluttered.

Mind if I add on to this?

Semi related but I always thought a potential "use" for Konrad would be one of those anti poaching people who guard endangered hunted animals, he gets to roam large areas and kill people in the name of justice. But it seemed a bit "demeaning" for a primarch. So I guess that in a setting where he wasn't that much above everyone else but still allowed for the casual violence of warhammer that would be perfect. Plus he can roam the place at night. That or he's an overzealous warehouse night guard who stabs teenagers for doing graffiti.

In terms of "realistic" day jobs:

(Warning this got both depressing as hell and slightly political in that it was drawing parralels to the current online landscape. Turn back now if you don't want the illusion shattered)

Konrad Curze: Not a job but Konrad is suffering from untreated mental health issues and is one of those people in some cause or another using it as an excuse for their violent impulses. He would be right at home with that tumblr user who tried to feed someone a needle for drawing rose quartz skinny. The cause itself dosen't matter, Curze is equally likely to flay a white person alive for saying "nigga" in a song as he is to flay Rosa Parks alive for not sitting at the back of the bus. He may or may not actually belive in the cause he is supposedly "championing". Or rather, he may have started out geniunly beliving then it slowly became just about the violence. A consistent abusive parent throughout his childhood is too "personal" for him. He's been in and out of foster care.

Definetly doxxes people online.

Because I'm writing a sympathic version of him I'm going to say he's abused and traumatized, not inheriently evil. He will be given the help he needs and will redeem himself. (Note, not saying abused traumatized people become violent, I'm saying that's what caused HIS violence).

Angron: Angron in his tragedy would be one of those people who do motivational talks about escaping "the streets" but depending on whether or not he got the equlivant of the butchers nails he would fall back into it.

Lorgar: Lorgar was raised in Khor Pharons predatory mega church. Depending on how you view his character arc he will either become a geniunly benevolent religios figure or continue the predatory mega church.

Perturabo: Perturabo works a dead end tech job and has geniunly good ideas on how to improve what they're doing to actually save lives/the enviorment/whatever but never speaks up. Will get outraged when someone else gets the promotion, depending on wheter or not he works in the same industry that someone may or may not be Dorn. And/or perty does awful bitter "self help" podcasts

Gman: Privileged and born into a good family, but unlike what tumblr may tell you that didn't make him evil, is geniunely kind hearted. Will get into a prestiqous school and get a high paying job. The recession hits and now he's trying to get his company to actually help people.

Mortarion: I actually have fuckall idea. All that matters is he ends up mirroring his parent(s) and being bitter forever.

Corvus Corax: Might be an entertainer. Either way is definetly a political activist. Once again the "what Curze could have been".

Alpharius & Omegon: Prank show idea is perfect.

Out of curiosity, what do ya'll think the primarchs jobs would be in a modern setting? Totally asking for a friend, no nefarious reasons

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can you guys watch my squab for me im gonna go on my smoko

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This picture, but it's baby Konrad, still not knowing how to walk and talk, crawling up to a recently killed person and curling up next to them, to soak up what little of the warmth their corpse still has and to pretend like he is being held by a loving parent.

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new booty shorts meme idea

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we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

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This explorator is blessed with multifunctionality

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@avggendelmain YOU.

Summary: Curze's pinky is gone. I wonder what that could mean?

Word Count: 842

Content Warnings: Konrad FUCKING Curze, Body horror, mention of cannibalism and all that jazz, reader is SASSY this time around holy shit, what he's planning is as much of a shitshow as it can be with this man, war criminal uppies

Image Credit: @squishyowl (new dividers eeee)

"Your finger," you started, looking at the missing pinky on his left hand. Your eyebrows furrowed, and your mouth hung slightly open. He was standing in the doorway and leaning on it with his right arm. He had a devilish smirk on his face, trailing his left hand up and down his hips as if he wanted you to notice the missing digit.

"What about it?" he asked, his sharp teeth bright against his pale face. He was wearing a simple tunic and linen pants with pockets, along with a bright red cape that contrasted the darks of his clothes. It was a very fancy outfit for a man who typically walked around naked.

"It's..." you trailed off, folding your own hands over your stomach. You felt yourself moving slowly over, as if you weren't in control of your own footsteps. Soon you were inches away from him.

"Go on, spit it out," he said. He drummed his remaining fingers against himself before kneeling down. Even kneeling, he was the taller one.

"It's gone." You grabbed for the collar of your shirt with one hand, shakily reaching out to his with the other.

He grasped your hand, hard, and a shiver went down your spine as he all but confirmed your fears. His smallest finger was gone. Your look of primal terror was met with a calm smirk, teeth disappearing behind faint lips.

"It'll grow back," he mumbled, pressing into you. He got up and walked forwards, prompting you to walk backwards and fall onto the hardwood floor. He leered above you. His long hair framed your face, and you felt his breath hot on your cheeks. "There is something more pressing at hand."

"More pressing than losing a finger?" you asked, quirking an eyebrow at him. You've seen him eat people, flay people, and generally do multiple unkind things in quick succession. Some of them were in your name. And in your right mind, you knew that sassing him would be a bad idea. But nobody in their right mind courts Konrad Curze and lives.

"More pressing than that," he says, clearing his throat and moving off of you a little bit. You panted, exhaling deeply.

"Who died?"

Konrad let out a little chuckle, turning into a hearty if off-putting laugh. He threw his head back, and your expression turned into one of bewilderment. You felt your heart pound in your chest. Someone definitely died, and Konrad definitely had a hand in it, if an incomplete one.

"Konrad, cut the shit and tell me who died."

As Konrad composed himself, you propped yourself up on your elbows behind you. He smirked at you again, and you two made uncomfortable eye contact before he spoke.

"Nobody died, my beating heart," he said quietly. He straightened himself out and reached inside his pocket. Inside was a pale box; it may have been completely white had it not had little scars hatching it. There was a beauty mark, for lack of a better word, on it.

"That's skin," you stated.

Konrad's smile widened. "Do you know whose it is?" he asked, his other hand grasping for the side of his shirt. Your mouth opened slightly.

"Konrad, keep your shirt on. It'll heal faster." You felt the words tumble out of your mouth before you could do anything about it.

Konrad huffed. "You're no fun," he mumbled, before he stood up. He offered a hand to you. "Take it, and stand."

You quirked an eyebrow at him, taking his hand. He pulled you up, standing himself. He towered over you, relishing the moment before he knelt in front of you. His cape folded against the ground, and he looked down at you with pitch black eyes. He grabbed the top of the box with the other hand, and you knew what was going to happen.

"You are my heartbeat," he started as your eyes widened. "you are the red in my veins, the taste of iron in my mouth. I don't think I could be anything without you. So please," he said, before saying your name. He opened the box to reveal red muscle encasing an off-white band that was perfectly your size.

"Will you marry me?"

Your mouth hung open again before hesitantly reaching out to take the ring. "Konrad..." you began as two of your fingers grasped the smooth, dry material. "You already know the answer." You took the ring, and put it on your finger. As expected, it was perfectly encased.

You grinned and opened your arms up to him. He wrapped his arms around you, dropping the box to the ground as he raised you into the air. You laughed, relaxing into his touch as he spun you around. He pressed his head into your shoulder, where your skin was exposed right up next to the neck. He grazed his teeth against you in an almost-kiss, and you wrapped your arms around him.

"Don't worry," you said. "You won't hurt me."

Taglist: @bispecsual @justeverythingnothingelse @bleedingichorhearts @nekotaetae @historitor-bookshelf

And also @whorety-k because they inadvertently helped me write Konards better :)

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AWWWWWWW

when i was 9 i was banned from editing the muscovy duck wikipedia page because i kept editing any mention of the flavor of their meat to say things like “they taste like dirty dishwater” because i had pet muscovy ducks and couldn’t bear the thought of them being eaten, so i tried to run a smear campaign on duck meat

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You're telling me I can ward off the terminally online, "the media you like makes you evil incarnate" discourse addicts of this site users who sent someone death threats for drawing rose quartz skinny just by mentioning Harry Potter?

I don't support any of the hatred of men or harrasment of trans people that self procalimed radfems stand for but the above kind of tumblr user outnumbers them so much I might just post harry potter as a fucking talisman. Atleast while mentioning that I do in fact condem those things. Hopefully that can reasure the sane people who legit just don't want harrashment against trans people while the people who have a meltdown about a franchise they heard was bad tm online and don't listen to words can just leave.

Edit: Already seeing this exact kind of people in the notes

Me instantly blocking people that have their hogwarts house in their bio

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Why'd you have to make him hot in this op. He looks like he would sonorously tell me things....

Kibellah and the patron saint of those who serve the darkest of Emperor's hypostases.

Yes, yes, The Traitors were consigned to oblivion and all that, but... ;)

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