#i joke about killing myself that day
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so f1 and the eras tour both end on december 8th
just in case you were wondering about the date of my suicide, now you know
#i joke about killing myself that day#but if lando wins and she sings long live i fear it will not be a joke anymore#even if max wins i fear it wont be a joke#say goodbye to me specifically#luckily liverpool plays everton the day before so were good there#but the chiefs do play so there's still time
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heyyy don’t mean to bother you but did you know that um. You, now - the ones listening to my idling progress from back home in Glottage - you’re telling yourselves; Val cannot possibly be growing angry over something like this. How dare she? The hypocrite. How can this thing, this monster, this battle-saint, possibly find any kind of righteous anger in her twisted and repurposed heart for the lives of the fallen foe? How does our terrible Val think she can justify any kind of anger at the sight of the flattened and buried corpses of enemy civilians and enemy children, when we’ve already been listening to her murder police officers, soldiers and townsfolk single-handedly in turn? How can she be furious when we’ve heard her butcher her way through the little old ladies of the CLS in the hopeless effort to murder her own faraway mother? (Mockingly) See? You can be sacred and yet self-aware. Yes, I am culpable. I am dreadful. I have been responsible for great atrocities and I will commit a great many more before I’m done. And still - I am growing furious, as I walk through the devastation of this town. Because the wound of Sutler’s Weald is not like any wound I would make. It’s clumsy, it’s crude. It’s thoughtless. I begin to tell myself, as I walk - I wouldn’t have murdered them like this. I would have been kinder. I would have killed them quickly or gracefully, and there would have been beauty and strangeness in the manner of it. And even that’s all deception, even if I had been cruel and slow and lingering in the massacre of these innocent people, upon my whim - I would at least have looked them in the eyes, and I would have borne the weight of my cruelty. If they’d asked me to, I could have killed this town beautifully. And I’d have borne witness to the horror, and I’d have rejoiced in it - and it would have been considerably less vile and ugly than this. The ones back home, the ones who are listening in, I don’t think they know what they’ve done here. The line of connection between the victim and the victimiser, the sacrifice and the god - it’s long, and tangled, and indistinct. A god should not be able to avert her eyes. What a terrible thing it must be, to be monstrous and not even know it. And even if all of this is lies, even if I am just as bad and just as careless as the people back home who did this to Sutler’s Weald… …well, then, let me hate them, pure and simply, for being just as bad as me, because people - -people should be kinder than the gods that eat them. The town square is largely intact. A few burning cars, a single shrine and statue to some goddess of victory, her snapped-off arm raised in imagined triumph. I sit down upon the pavement in the ruined heart of the town, and I tell the dead people of Sutler’s Weald beautiful lies. I tell them that they survived, in their hundreds - miraculously and inexplicably, dodging the bombs. Not a single victim, not one death. An act of divine mercy. When that doesn’t work, I tell them that they were buried properly, according to whatever rites or customs they happen to cherish. When that doesn’t work, I try and turn them into my mother again, in the hopes of making the dead people hateful to me. When that doesn’t work, I tell them that I’m sorry. I tell them I wish they still had ears to become all the wondrous imaginings I had in store for them. I tell them… …that all things considered, they deserved a better avenging and foreign god, a better tormentor, a better oblivion, than the one that was forced upon them. (With cold fury) I tell them- I will find a way to give them something better.
#SORRY for the wall of text but i thought about val siltverses for to long and felt blood slowly begin to leak from my ears#you understand. anyways pov i show up in s3 i have absolutely soul-crushingly devastating worldbuilding implications attached to everything#i do i inflict twisted body horror and mommy issues on the citizenry i do a whole bunch of war crimes like actual for real war crimes not#in a hahaha joke way like actual for real on screen war crimes and i’m also kind of a walking war crime/act of state-sanctioned violence/#victim of the system/perpetrator of the system myself and i get the best monologues in a show that’s made up of 80% monologue by volume and#then you think about me for the rest of your life.#‘If they’d asked me to I could have killed this town beautifully.’#‘What a terrible thing it must be to be monstrous and not even know it.’#‘people should be kinder than the gods that eat them.’#ALL BANGERS ALL THE TIME SHE LITERALLY NEVER ONCE MISSED!!!!!#one day i will attempt actual valnalysis but it will not be anytime soon i fear because i literally cannot think about her for to long.#silt verses chock full of the characters of all time bc i don’t think she’s even my real favourite out of all of them that honour goes to#carpenter or paige depending on the day. and yet she absolutely haunts me.#*stares in podcast rambling*#tsv#the silt verses#tsv s3#val tsv#tsv spoilers
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And look, I know I'm focusing on fun fun fun fun fun, but it helped because uh, the things that have come out about Yoon Suk-yeol's coup attempt are frightening and frankly more insane than you can even imagine.
(Just to keep the record straight, the bit about the DPRK uniforms is complicated because it hasn't been confirmed but hasn't been debunked yet either: x. We'll know for sure once the investigation starts.)
#sorry to include a thread that doesn't link to sources but TBR is credible#despite my personal feelings about the person who made it#and i just don't have it in me right now to track down all the sources#which goes what i usually do but it's past 2 AM right now and i kept sleeping at...4 AM for [mumble] days#anyway we were making jokes about YSY and honestly they were on point#but it could have ended VERY BADLY and it turns out it was in the works for a while#it wasn't a spur of the moment thing#once again i need to emphasize how this could have been catastrophic#had something gone wrong or had the soldiers been more on board#instead of being confused and lied to or disobeying the orders#and how korean citizens didn't know how things would turn out when martial law was declared#they couldn't assume 'oh lol we'll be fine' which some USians kept alluding to which is so offensive beyond belief#'this would never happen in america because the police/military would shoot and injure/kill people!'#um. please look up protest history in korea lol. but i'll refrain from ranting about that again#because i already made a long af post about it last week so i'm not going to repeat myself#anyway....i just can't wrap my head around this and it's been days since this was uncovered#the fact that martial law was declared was unbelievable in the first place but ALL OF THIS?!?!!? DERANGED
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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his eyes are sooo sparkly i could actually cry he is literally the prettiest man in the whole entire universe. the universe itself lives in his eyes
#[💒] — june.txt#no like u dont get it im not joking rn there are literally tears in my eyes#i love love loooove dark dark brown eyes like theyre so dark they look almost black. theyre so so so fucking pretty theyre my favorite#im literally gonna throw myself into the ocean and drown in the sea of my tears#june opened pinterest and went down an emotional rabbit hole sorry guys#look at how beautiful he is. iam going to kill myself with a rock#everyone leave my blog i need a moment alone with him#i am going to stare into his eyes for eons. for all of eternity#sitting at my laptop tears rolling down my cheeks 468 pinterest tabs oepn#hes so stunning i am going to commit an atrocious crime#hes so gorgeous do u see him. do u see him. look at him right now#dont even ask me about his moles i dont have the emotional stability to start like please i cant. only one facial feature per day#so. unfortunately i Do have to go die now .goodbye#[🐈] — jun visuals
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"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"
#tw suicide#i wish i was joking#i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me??#said something to the emergency room psych#she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended#she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds'#i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i#could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence#is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts?#this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he#could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs#i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the#boy. i have confided in her before she's great)#she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m#to see the psych and escalate care#but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly#it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan#i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access#i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't#there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that#makes sense#ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD#personal#puddleglum hours
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yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit
i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.
i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.
this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them
#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist#but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all#those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again?#(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do)#BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit#like TENFOLD now#it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode#plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am?#also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism?#it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always#the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn#it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself#this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry#this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past#this is another reason I fucking hate florida#because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment#and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that.#all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid#and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again#tw vent post#tw racism#tw past racism#but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again#fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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I should be getting paid to deal with this bullshit
#fandom lesbophobia and misogyny tied in with the PETTIEST discord drama blown so far out of proportion. dawg…#‘pls explain idk how we were lesbophobic uwu’#idk you attacked a bunch of sapphics and said they were transphobic and biphobic which then spiraled into spreading rumors about them being#abusive and alcoholics and calling them slurs#because they made ‘I hate men’ jokes and didn’t like your dumbass m/f ships and headcanoned a character a lesbian lmfao#also because one of them was supposedly transphobic on a VC but the apparent victim doesn’t even remember it like LMFAO?????#which is crazy considering most of them are not cis and are also bi themselves lmfao#which I EXPLAINED#but it’s still ‘idk how we were lesbophobic a day misogynistic pls explain’#I’m killing myself this is so stupid#like do you think I’m dumb. do you think I’m stupid#this is batshit#this is why I don’t do fandom discord servers yall are insaaaaaane#idk what’s worse#if this was done knowingly and we’re just playing dumb#or if we actually ARE this dumb and don’t think any of this was rooted in lesbophobia#which had been perpetuated SO hard in the more standard fandom lesbophobia and misogyny ways#not to mention the transmisogyny but I won’t get into that…. lmao#anyways#every day I wake up to more DMs and I want to SCREAM#I just wanna peacefully go into work and live my life man it is NOT my job to coddle you#because you got caught being shitty lmfao#fuck off#kaz rambles
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redditors and fakeclaimers in general are losers. you could be the "perfect" archetype of a system and theyd still find a way to fakeclaim you, dont take their opinions to heart. its rough, and easier said than done, but YOU know your experiences better than some asshole on one of the social media apps.
i hope you have a good day :>
Thank youuu
I feel like the whole “fakers/disordered” shit is very similar to the whole “truscum/tucute” arguments on tumblr/reddit that went on in the late 2010’s
#rusty speaks#system tag#love notes#they have a very similar vibe#Ik this is probably gonna be reposted to some subreddit(s) but idc at this point#the arguments on whether certain systems are faking their symptoms or not is stupid as fuck#like y’all don’t know someone’s day to day experiences other than what they post on social media#like yeah I make joke posts about my disorder and so do others#that doesn’t mean I don’t experience the disorientation and anxiety and anger and distress that others with the disorder feel#also I’m cross faded as hell again so I’m more honest that usual#I felt so anxious and stupid switching out with my Husk alter last night while at my friend’s place#I was trying to signal to my bf that we switched but he wasn’t getting it until we locked in enough to text him what was going on#I still feel so bad about telling a woman during an NA meeting “wow! you’ve been sober longer than I’ve been alive!!’’#and hearing “you’ve already told me that’’#shit made me wanna kill myself highkey#anyways toodles or whatever#I need to start writing in a diary again low-key
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My brain is too full of show. But alas, the homework :(
#I think I have to kill myself to get out of this assignment. only half joking but I’m working on it.#I thought it was a group assignment but apparently it’s not and my shit ass brain isn’t capable of this#I have so many things to do that I’ve just been fully shut down for two days now#and I keep trying to do things to make it easier and nothing is helping this time and it’s really worrying for me#but I’ll persist. probably. even if I have to keep sobbing on my floor three times a day.#if only I could think about the show I might be able to scrape up a morsel of happiness
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Every year, I tell myself that I should really consider taking off work for Father Brown premiere day, and then it comes around and I forget to do it, and I spend all day thinking about how I would so much rather be sitting cozy under a million blankets and going back to Kembleford than being forced to do boring work things.
#father brown#honestly i miss the old release schedule model#i loved having just a nice little ep to look forward to every day for two (and sometimes three) full work weeks#now they just put them on iplayer all at once but only air one a week#so its the worst of both worlds#i either watch them all at once b/c i have no impulse control#but do so with the understanding that the fandom may be pacing themselves w/ one a week instead#OR#i force myself to slow down but am grumpy about it#b/c for years the bbc would give me the perfectly prescribed little dose of serotonin in early-jan just when i needed it#the old system was great; why did they change it#an ep a day for 2-3 weeks was just the best way to pace it#i know there's a former higher up at the beeb that just hates the show#b/c it's much more expensive to produce than the average daytime show --even it more than makes up for production costs#by being the single most exported show from the channel to foreign markets (yup even more than doctor who)#so i can't help but wonder if the new release model is an attempt to kill the show by some other bitter exec#well jokes on them cause it didn't work last year and i pray that it won't work this year as well#am a bit worried about the sister boniface spinoff's future ngl#i think i did hear that it was getting an s3 and i think britbox funding it rather than the been directly does help it#but still a bit worried
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If I could change one thing in my life I'd make it so no one ever commented on food
#elias.zip#im so fucking tired of it!!! joking or not its fucking degrading. just constantly. i get it im so fucking unhealthy all i eat is processed#chemical slop thats gonna kill me at 30 and im the unhealthiest person in the fucking work#world* you dont need to fucking remind me every goddamn day. even the comments that arent bad still make me feel likr shit for eating!!! i#already feel really bad about how poorly i eat. i literally cannot fucking starve myself more basically over this kind of comment.#like damn!!! i sure do have a lot of body issues for someone whos skinny WHY am i even complaining in the first place likr i used to fucking#hate my stomach and its noy when#even* big and i think its gone down bc i eat even less now!!! i cannoy make ANYONE happy no matter what i do or what i cook its always comme#nt comment comment in everything i fucking do. i swear to god im never going to fucking recover from living with them. i would've run away i#f i grew up with them im serious#negative#ihateithereihateithereihateithere#nothing's working out. i csnt make friends. i csnt keep them. im a fucking deadbeat im just like my dad in every conceivable way no ones pr#oud of me no matter what i do and i fucked myslef from any opportunity i had to get out of the system what is the fucking point#i jsut dont knoe anymore!!!!!! its not like the Future even looks good or that i see myself anywwhre but in the exact same spot because all#i ever fucking manage to achieve is self sabotage and whining about how no one loves me. god!!!!!
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Not me having a breakdown past midnight because I have to go back to work Monday and I don't want to.
#misc#what if the concept of working didn't exist uh?#joke aside#i hear older people close to retirement saying they don't want to work anymore#and im like that in my early 30s lmao#and i can't publicly that i don't want to work#cause it's not socially acceptable#but it's the truth#i haven't done shit to find any other job#because in all honesty#i feel no desire towards any work whatsoever#i don't care about discovering x or y#it's all shit#anyway#this just hit me randomly right now#my brain reminded me of that#i mean every time it's hard#it's hard when it's after a break week where i did absolutely nothing whatsoever and come back with guilt#but it's hard after travelling too#starting to think travelling is just the more expensive adult version of escapism#like i don't want to kill myself anymore#but i like to absolutely forget i have a shitty life anyway for a few days#and i had a good time#(well not this week I'm just sick for the whole week)#but i am hitting the wall of reality#and the guilt will come too cause yeah i haven't cleaned my shit#and i absolutely don't want to come back to work#but i haven't done shit to put myself out of this situation#cause this requires working somewhere else#short story long story there's no possible escape road
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"i just dont understand how a sane person could think of this" in response to a perfectly cute little piece based on a silly little image. i am attacking people with hammers
#shit like that sorta hits close to home i literally got called mentally unwell for similar stuff like having anthro cat ocs#bc ''if you were normal you wouldn't think of that stuff you'd think of normal kid stuff''#its soul sucking. i know thats a lot but its genuinely crushing.#its such an anti art attitude. only ever create things that are comfortable to the masses and fit within every single norm#never think outside of the box. even for silly things like a dog ponyo reference. thats Too Much. kill it. no human could do it.#it reminds me of when my aunt sought out my fanfic . net profile when i was in middle school with my pokemon and wc fics#and she made sure to loudly make fun of it at a party and talk about how it ''made her want to vomit'' bc it was so weird#and i needed to be checked out bc no normal kid would act like me. and that indirectly led to me deleting the entire account#bc i felt like a genuine fucking freak. it made me feel so insecure abt my art it made me so anxious to create#to this day i struggle with posting my writing specifically beyond stray ideas bc im worried itll pick up and people will say im a freak#and basically prove them all right#its a mindset im still trying to break down and its something my moms at least apologized for and im STILL affected by it so deeply#so it pisses me off so bad to see it repeated online even as a joke. especially when its used to harass people.#i feel like i need to tone myself down and make palatable art. but to some people that means the tamest shit ever like no anthro dogs#the only art allowed to exist to these people are those fucking eye doodles you make in math class and even thats a stretch
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there are two wolves inside of you: one feels impending doom at the thought of tomorrow’s race. the other feels immensely hopeful that oscar will get his first win tomorrow or at the very least a mclaren 1-2. you are a formula one fan.
#i’m literally about to fucking throw up#this race doesnt even start for another 8 hours but i feel actually sick#like this is keeping me up#(yes i have a TOTALLY normal and healthy relationship with this sport)#you guys literally dont even understand the ways of which i need oscar to get his first win tomorrow#like i can literally feel it in my bones i just KNOW he can do it#like i know he can and i really feel like tomorrow is the day for it#however i am very very scared that the more i keep thinking about it and saying it the more i am jinxing it#like i’m literally imagining everything that could possibly go wrong#but i’m also beautifully imagining the way that oscar is going to get a perfect start and overtake lando (so sorry lando)#and build a big enough gap to where he can win the race#i need the mclaren pitwall to lock the fuck in today like i am nowhere near joking when i say i will start hysterically sobbing#if they fuck it up#alternatively i will start hysterically sobbing if oscar/lando wins so really theres no winning for me in that sense#but also i cannot even imagine the amount of pressure that both lando and oscar must be under right now#like i do not know how they do it because imagining it is further making me sick#me when i develop an anxious attachment style to two drivers and also an entire sport#lol#didnt have that on my 2024 bingo#anyway so im lraying to fucking god that the race goes okay because otherwise im killing myself#and i think i am perfectly valid in saying that#im also getting lunch with my two other friends who watch f1 a few hours after the race tomorrow#so regardless the race is going to be talked about but it will very much vary oh whether or not its good or bad#anyway im going to stop talking about this now because ive been doing nothing but talking about it all day#and i like genuinely need to shut the fuck up#SO i am going to hopefully go to sleep#we’ll see how this ends up going for me#lacey talks
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