#I’m killing myself this is so stupid
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I should be getting paid to deal with this bullshit
#fandom lesbophobia and misogyny tied in with the PETTIEST discord drama blown so far out of proportion. dawg…#‘pls explain idk how we were lesbophobic uwu’#idk you attacked a bunch of sapphics and said they were transphobic and biphobic which then spiraled into spreading rumors about them being#abusive and alcoholics and calling them slurs#because they made ‘I hate men’ jokes and didn’t like your dumbass m/f ships and headcanoned a character a lesbian lmfao#also because one of them was supposedly transphobic on a VC but the apparent victim doesn’t even remember it like LMFAO?????#which is crazy considering most of them are not cis and are also bi themselves lmfao#which I EXPLAINED#but it’s still ‘idk how we were lesbophobic a day misogynistic pls explain’#I’m killing myself this is so stupid#like do you think I’m dumb. do you think I’m stupid#this is batshit#this is why I don’t do fandom discord servers yall are insaaaaaane#idk what’s worse#if this was done knowingly and we’re just playing dumb#or if we actually ARE this dumb and don’t think any of this was rooted in lesbophobia#which had been perpetuated SO hard in the more standard fandom lesbophobia and misogyny ways#not to mention the transmisogyny but I won’t get into that…. lmao#anyways#every day I wake up to more DMs and I want to SCREAM#I just wanna peacefully go into work and live my life man it is NOT my job to coddle you#because you got caught being shitty lmfao#fuck off#kaz rambles
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I imagine Cat and Laila forcing Jean to create a twitter account and then he’s like ??? about how it works like a lil 19 yo boomer he is
wait this is so funny to imagine him being literally clueless as to how social media works
#I want to make more but this is SO STUPID#I have to stop myself#Jean Moreau the social media inept king#Jean Moreau#tsc#jeremy Knox#also I tried to google informal french and I did study french for 5 yrs but I’m so sorry if it’s wrong French ppl don’t kill me#mine
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I think the only reason Six didn’t straight up murder Dean in the Sierra Madre was cuz they were dissociated 95 percent of the time. It’s a miracle neither of them mauled the other
DM Six below the cut :3
They’re down two limbs cuz of Lanius,,,, I have a comic regarding their fight in the works but yeagh.
Also I feel like they’d be having constant migraines and bloody noses in the Sierra Madre,,,,, awful combo of the Cloud and brain damage. Other fun fact I think they made an Awful leg prosthetic via Ghost Person leg and a medical brace or two. When in Rome I suppose
#my art#oc: six#Dean is actually like my favorite character in the DLC outside of God…. I hate his smug gay voice <3#I fucked up my first playthru and locked myself into killing him so I ofc had to replay several hours to Not Do That#I love saying ‘I think’ or ‘id imagine’ like bro. ur the one in charge here#another fun fact I thought dean’s last name was pronounced ‘do-mean-o’#idk why. domino is obviously the correct choice I’m just stupid ❤️#fallout new vegas#fnv#dead money#fnv dead money#fnv dlc#dean domino#courier oc#courier six
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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I hate how many opportunities I didn’t get because I was a girl and no one cared about me enough to help me
#My brother got so much that I didn’t#and yeah my mom was awful to him but he was everyone else’s favorite and there were so many people enabling his hobbies and such#He molested me AND my sister AND my cousin but everyone brushed it off and defended him#I worked my ass if in school and no one gave a shit but he’d get an A n my dad would buy him expensive video games#he got to play sports and go places#I got to act as my parents therapist and take care of my younger siblings#He threatened to kill himself over a petty argument and my dad talked to him kindly#I almost killed myself and my dad said horrible things to me bc if it#my brother never did shit around the house and no one ever said anything#I was majorly depressed and struggling to get out of bed and was called lazy and selfish#Until I started neglecting myself to take care of housework and school work#I still get shit for sleeping too much when in reality I just can’t sleep at night and it makes me crash at weird times#sorry I’m being stupid and whiny over dumb shit#screaming
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being a character is so embarrassing. Yeah sorry I’m them you can kill me now
#lemon man talks#My irl friends would bully me for this#Anyways I’m actually feeling embarrassed about this but what can I do man#It’s not!! My fault#Specially bad when you see people mischaracterize them or see people hating over them#It feels directed at me and I can NOT deal with people hating me both as The Character and whoever the fuck I’m supposed to “really” be#This is so stupid irl friend that follows me please don’t see this please#I’m gonna kill myself or something
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This drawing’s a fucking NIGHTMARE !!!!!! But I like her face here.
👆the full STUPID GAYASS IDIOT THING!!!!! that I will keep fixing and fixing and fixing. Until I DIE!!!!!! AND I STILL HAVE TO DRAW AGNES. and the blood. AND THE FUCKING MEAT ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#diary#my art#oc tag#oc: mary#HER LEFT HAND. THE ONE THAT’S ON HIS WAIST??? A NIGHTMARE#I DON’T KNOWWWW HOW TO DO IT#LIKE I’M AWARE THE ANATOMY IN GENERAL SUCKS BALLZZZZZ BUT OH MY GOD‼️‼️‼️#I’m about to kill myself but whatever. I’m still gonna finish it because I’m FUCKING STUPID and I LOVE my OCs#the canvas is also bigger to the sides. Like horizontally I mean#and I keep having to tidy up my layers cuz there’s so many empty ones for NO reason. Other than my stupid.#I GET UP IN LIKE THREE HOURS. PLEASE. PLEASE DANTE LET’S GO TO BED#YOU CAN’T DO THIS…..#I have a disease
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you know the oblivious pining in in memoriam would be hilarious if not for the horrors of war and its impact on the human psyche
#they’re so stupid (affectionate)#henry ‘I would rather kill myself than tell my best friend I’m in love with him’ gaunt#sidney ‘everything I write is about you but it’s ok that you don’t feel the same way it’s totally fine’ ellwood#in memoriam alice winn
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how to email professor about them being disrespectful of ur time and to please post assignments not 24 hrs before they’re due
#posted two assignments this (sunday) morning due tomorrow (monday) night despite us only having#lecture once a week on tuesday nights#bitch u should have assigned this LAST WEDNESDAY!!!!#i have already planned everything i need to do for the next 48 hrs and ur stupid fucking policy research paper proposal#cannot suddenly take top priority bc u assigned it last minute without any mention in class#meanwhile i have actual big girl classes to worry abt like this fuckass biochem exam. do u want me to kill myself BE HONEST#i’m so pissed i’ve had this prof before and she’s so fucking disorganized and incapable of explaining herself it makes me want#to tear out my hair#lucky me she is also one of my advisors now 😁☝️ according to the email i got yesterday#not for long tho i’m requesting a new one asap i CANNOT give her any morsel of responsibility for my career#I NEED A GUN#the gun is for myself fbi i am not making a threat. obama voice let me be clear
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okay what i have to say is lowkey embarrassing but i wanna bitch and it’s probably only embarrassing to me bc im shy about this stuff anyways the moral of the story is i wanna bitch and u should probably just ignore me. god bless
#honestly halfway through the wedding i did see this guy i thought was rlly cute#like. REALLY cute (so fucking embarrassing)#but i’m too shy to talk to hot people and i’ve never approached anyone before and no one’s ever approached me so i don’t know what to do#idk how to talk to people to begin with let alone like. try to flirt or something#but as the night went on (this is so embarrassing) for some reason i literally couldn’t stop looking at him (kill me)#and he probably definitely noticed me looking at him so he probably thinks im some like. crazy creep or something#but like usually when i see someone attractive im just like oh wow and admire them from afar#but i COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT HIM! WHY! and for some reason i felt like i just really wanted to talk to him#but i didn’t know what to do! i just felt this urge to go try and start a conversation but i just. i couldn’t#and every time i thought i would work up the courage either my sister or my grandmother would come back and hover over me#and i didn’t wanna be like ‘sorry gotta go i need to go embarrass myself in front of this cute guy’#OR he would get up and start taking pictures again. it’s like he knew#he wasn’t even the official photographer he was just one of the guests who clearly wanted to take photos of his friends wedding. which like#is so endearing to me. he has HOBBIES. WOW. (kill me)#idk j can’t even put everything into words i just feel like screaming into a pillow AAAAAAUGHHH#i felt like i was in hs again there was a point i even excused myself to step outside just because he was out there#but he was talking to some old lady. so i was just sitting outside in the grass moping#i feel so stupid i dunno. why am i so worked up about this. i had a few opportunities to approach him and i didnt. because im an idiot#i feel like i’m down so bad which is so STUPID because i don’t even know his name and ill never see him again in my life#so it doesn’t even matter! and every time im like oh oh well it was just random infatuation clearly it wasn’t meant to be#but then i just get upset and all blushy cause he was SO CUTE! and i wanna know more about him! why!#i haven’t felt like this in FOREVER i just feel so stupid for even feeling this way#i know ill be fine in a few days or something but im just like. i wish i could have at least spoken to him once#sigh. idk what’s wrong with me#maybe he’s already dating someone anyways all the cute people seem to already be in relationships#except ME im the only one left. who am I supposed to date!!#i want to jump out the window#snow.txt
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Ngl ppl who keep going on and on abt how jd was an abusive piece of shit are equally if not more annoying then ppl defending him
“ waaa waaa JD is an abusive asshole who treated his brothers like shit and exploited them “ I mean you aren’t exactly wrong but shut the fuck up anyways
#I legit hate most of brozone bc of this stupid ass fandom I’m so sick of them#Bruce and Clay are on thin ice#but fuckkk I hate JD and I hate Floyd and I wish they didn’t exist I wish brozone never existed#btw Branch doesn’t count as Brozone#I wish the third movie was just abt Poppy and Viva#and have the person kidnapped be a snack pack member or smth idk#I fucking hate this fandom but I can’t leave bc I’d rather kill myself than interact with the cookie run fandom#and I hate the splatoon fandom too#and the other things I’m into either have fandoms I don’t wanna deal with ( Pokémon )#or they’re so small/niche#and I don’t rlly have any non fandom ocs / stories to hyperfixate on#cosmic rantz#dreamworks trolls
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You lost true friends due to being a crazy person
Uh ma’am this is a mdcdonalds…
#you told me you hope i get raped again told me to kill myself and called the cops to my house#you threatened my family you lie about everything you copy my posts word for word and post them like u wrote them😂😂#you have now spent EIGHT YEARS obsessing over and stalking me#you made fake accounts and sent yourself all the awful shit you said to me then posted it everywhere telling people that it was me… LMFAO#you have the maturity of a fuckin stump evidently even now EIGHT years later#I’m in your head rent free and I don’t want to be#we were never friends… LMAO ????#why would I EVER EVER want to be your friend. be fr.#this is a wild thought process like be fuckin serious☠️#you’re so pathetic#I’ve had to block like twenty ip addresses because you will not fucking stop obsessing over me. I know I’m sexy but this shit is just weird#Olivia you look so beyond stupid lmfao#get some fucking help#you’re fucked
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ok so man that i hooked up w like 2 weeks ago that i wanted to see for like dates: cancelled. i’m bored of him 😭😭😭
#stream#ALKSALKSALKSLAKSLAKSLA#like ok#he needs to let me know like EARLIER than 30 MINUTES BEFORE to see me#& u need to not have like#an hour SHARP to leave like i need more than an hour IF IM HOSTING !!!!! like i want ATTENTION after#+ i would’ve cleaned everything like an insane person#‘like an insane person’ u mean ‘bc ur an insane person’#anyway#i haven’t showered in days bc i’ve been compulsively cleaning until im so exhausted that i just pass out#like literally everyday#but i mean there’s no reason for me to leave the house bc u gotta clean & then i can’t have anyone HERE bc i got SHIT TO CLEAN so they don’t#DIE FROM ILLNESS & DISGUST & MY DIRT (a quarter of a piece of a small leaf that was tracked in at the door)#ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSL but ok what’s so fucking funny is that IF SOMEONE ELSE says like ‘i’m coming over at 5’ & it’s like ‘10a’ i will#LITERALLY get everything done so fucking quick like i will be SONIC & then im right there ready to go like :D#ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLA but if ive to do it for ME irs like wow this is agony im going to die i should kill myself bc ur such a wreck stupid#anyway maybe i should talk to the therapist abt this bc it does Not Seem to Be Healthy#so he will be like ‘we’re going for about 2 tomorrow :)’ at like 1p that day & i agree then he doesn’t message me until like 1 saying ‘i’ll#be free in an hour x’ like#like i sent questions to him like ‘so what do u think abt xyz’ would u do xyz like gaming or whatever u know then he answers them the whole#next day idk it’s like ur literally expecting me to drop everything to suck ur dick for 30 mins & that’s just#it ain’t it#like ALSKALSKLAKSALSLAKSLAKAS at this point i’m just going to block him next time he does that 😭😭😭#probably never going to see him again i’ve never seen him since the first time#literally i was like ‘hey i’ll be free …’ for like 1.5week & then just gave up on that bc he never was or wouldn’t respond until late like#girl …. this is BORING ur DULL u don’t even DO ANYTHING as far as i KNOW 😭😭😭😭 he’s always like ‘at work :)’ ‘watching tv :)’ ‘cooking :)’#that’s it#like …. ok
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positivity cancelled i hate my life again
#i forgot how much of a DRAGGGG the middle of the semester is#and it’s so fucking hot still that i think it’s actually starting to affect my outlook on life like i need SEASONS are you kidding me#i moved here so i wouldn’t kill myself from seasonal depression in the pnw and now i just wanna kill myself in a different way like .#ok it's not nearly as bad lets be real but im still annoyed#also fall semester SUCKS bc there’s no mid semester break. only stupid thanksgiving#which is literally a week and a half before winter break anyways like what’s the POINT#and i’m just horrifically bored. yeah it’s the boredom again. always#maybe i should get in another lesbian situationship turned unbearable short lived relationship just to feel something#or maybe i should just be normallllll and make more friends and plan more things to look forward to but no.. that would be silly 😐
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Looove feeling like a fucking child whenever I talk to kids my age ebecause I always feel like I’m either talking about my toys or like they’re better than me because I spent a majority of my childhood trying to make myself just as smart as everyone else because I genuinely thought I was stupid and didn’t deserve to live
#I wasn’t stupid I was like 10#god it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t fucking talk to people#I make my voice sound to nice I make myself talk quiet I don’t know how to respond#I don’t want everyone to hear me so I practactly whisper I don’t even say hi I just nod or wave#I love being autistic this is just the one thing I hate abt it is how fucking different you are from everyone else#I think differently I know that I don’t know how to navigate smth like this I always make myself the dumber or the less knowing one#I make myself think I’m a manipulator because I try so constantly to make people like me by making myself look like a ‘nice person’ like how#an animal plays dead or shows its stomach to say ‘oh don’t kill me I’m not a threat haha you want me around’#my therapist said I should try looking into psychology collage or smth she said I’d be good at it#I just think about how I think too much#my grades are shit I don’t wanna be in college for 8 years because my teacher said I’d be good at a job#then again I think psychologists make a lot of money and that could help with the art stuff#like Helen Highwater being a lawyer and doing all this crazy art shit on the side#fuck man what the fuck am I doing goodnight
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he literally said he thought abt being in a real relationship in the beginning but once he got to actually spend time with me and get to know me he realized he absolutely didn’t like me romantically anymore and never wanted to be with me but continued to lie and use me for months.
#like i’m gonna fucking KILL MYSELF#it’s not even funny anymore when does it end#i thought this time would be different 😭 how could i be so fucking stupid#</3 posting
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