#and yeah my mom was awful to him but he was everyone else’s favorite and there were so many people enabling his hobbies and such

[makkie-is-screaming]

I hate how many opportunities I didn’t get because I was a girl and no one cared about me enough to help me

[oh-no-its-bird]

Similar fic idea to One Step Three Steps, but instead of some random Hatake brat being zapped into modern Konoha from the very early days of the village, it was actually the at the time Hatake Clan Head.

I'm gonna go with the Hatake family tree I tossed into Chasing Shadows for fun, meaning a) the clan head is named Haruka, and b) she's Sakumo's mother (thus Kakashi's grandmother) and Tobirama's aunt

She died very shortly after Tobirama (like a week tops) and the rest of her clan was wiped out pretty soon after her.

(Sakumo was raised by the only other survivor of the clan, an old grandma with poor memory who hadn't been in any state to fight, and who later passed away when Sakumo was still pretty young— so he learned very little about their clan and their traditions, and then passed on even less to Kakashi before he died)

I have literally nothing else for her other than the above, so I guess we'll figure out her character together as we go along

With that said, this is gonna be a long one, so buckle in for

✨️ The Hatake clan head time travels from early to modern Konoha ✨️

Immediately, there's just so much potential pretty much anywhere you drop her into the timeline.

Lets take her from the very first years of Konoha, where they're still lowkey building the village and Madara is still around (bc I love the drama of the time traveler respecting Madara only for the future people to be like "oooo... ok, so bad news actually— Also, you legally aren't allowed to talk good about him for military dictatorship reasons, sorry :(" )

And then we're gonna drop her into kid Kakashi era, with Sakumo still being alive

Right off the bat -> That's Sakumo's fucking mom!!!! Holy shit you guys!!! The last time she saw him he was like a literal infant she JUST recovered from birthing AND NOW HES A WHOLE MAN!!!!

Shes grabbing him by the cheeks squishing him to death, there may be baby talk involved (he's a grown man let him go oh my god??)

If she comes before his mission gone wrong, her presence prevents him from going on it (disaster averted,,, for now) He's currently in the running for most likely to become next Hokage and she's so disgustingly proud holy shit. Her baby!!! Hokage!!!

Maybe have some talk about how that'd make either 3 or 2 Hatake's in office depending on if you count Hashirama as a Hatake (Haruka does not) and how that's kind of bad, right? Only Haruka doesn't give a SHIT about that (politicians hate her and shed hate them too if she didn't enjoy making them suffer so much)

"But Haruka, as clan head aren't you a politician too by default?"

"Haha yeah!! Isn't that awful? (For all of them)"

If she comes AFTER the dreaded mission gone wrong, Haruka is all about backing up his decision (the Hatake are a clan who emphasize loyalty like no other, which is also part of why they took to Konoha's mentality so well)

Shes telling Sakumo he did the right thing and fuck literally everyone who says otherwise. Trust your momma Sakumo, she knows best

Her being there averts Sakumo's death— either bc she manages to keep him going, or bc she interrupts him mid suicide

(I can see Sakumo trying to go through with it specifically bc he thinks at least Kakashi has Haruka now once he's gone)

Also oh my god SAKUMO YOU HAD A BABY??? SHE HAS A GRANDBABY???? AWWW CMERE LITTLE GUY LET GRANDMA GIVE YOU A SMOOCH— OHHH SAKUMO LOOK AT HOW HE STABBED ME OHH WHAT A GOOD BOY, WHAT A CUTE BABY BOY!! CMERE BABY— OHH SAKUMO LOOK HES BITING ME AWWW THATS SO CUTE!! WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? (said like she's talking to a fucking dog)

Kakashi kind of hates her.

There's like a whole big bit about the Hatake clan bloodline limit, which is sort of general wolfy stuff, enhanced senses, some extra strength, etc. And my all-time favorite take, adaptation ✨️

Their white chakra is super flexible, able to adapt and change to fit pretty much any situation —or even other bloodline limits. (Which is why Kakashi not only survived the sharingan implant but came to arguably master it)

Anyways -> other than the white chakra (which neither Sakumo or Kakashi know the details of other than it's their family chakra and its,, white. Exciting, I know), their bloodline limit seems to have borderline dissapeared with Kakashi and Sakumo, due to basically them not knowing how to feed into it / activley supressing it to conform to polite society (unaware that certain impulses aren't actually just intrusive thoughts but actual instinct trying to get them to do things necessary to feed into and reawakened their bloodline limit)

Kakashi actually shows more hints of still having it bc of his age, while Sakumo is very well practiced in accidentally supressing it to conform with general society.

So obviously, Haruka is like "hey guys!! What the actual fuck is this!!" and immediatley (borderline desperatley) trying to get them back to her perceived normal

She's actually REALLY fucked up about all this. Her own son!! Her own grandbaby!! And they don't even eat enough MEAT!!!! This is an actual nightmare, this is like basic baby stuff all the Hatake's should know and she's getting nothing but blank looks and vuagley ashamed guilty stares from Sakumo as she asks if he even takes Kakashi on hunts (he didn't even know that was a thing he should be doing.)

Don't even get her started when she learns Sakumo isn't acting as clan head on the Konoha clan council, holy shit. The Hatake might be a clan of 2 now but they were among the first clans to come to Konoha— she doesn't give a shit how many of them are left, if the number is more than 1 then there better be a fucking representative of theirs on that goddamn council

Funny bit where Kakashi tries to bite someone and Sakumo is telling him to stop bc jesus christ child can you behave for 5 seconds oh god he's so sorry— and Haruka is like, why are you telling him to stop??? This is enrichment for him :)) if there's no blood it's fine, that's the official clan policy for dealing with kids

Haruka... isn't actually a very good choice to leave as your babysitter. If nothing is on fire and no one is dead she considers herself successful.

Sakumo will learn this. In time.

Mmmm bad ending where Sakumo goes through with the suicide. Could be very fun and fucked up n dramatic.

Kakashi doesn't find his father's body first bc Haruka does— or maybe he does but Haruka walks in right behind him and forces him to close his eyes before he can actually see the body.

Fun scene where Haruka is physically wrestling Kakashi away from his father's body, a hand over his eyes as he screams and claws at her, demanding that she let go and let him see his dad.

Can't she smell the blood!? Tou-san is hurt, he needs help! What are you doing!!? Let him go!! Tou-san, Tou-san, where are you? Why aren't you answering?!

He bites her hand in his struggles, so deep that it later scars (just another reminder of the day, oh boy !!)

Haruka getting hit by the fucking brick of reality, straight in the face. She got to meet her son, the only survivor of their clan from her era, just in time for him to die <3

The fic then takes a HARD turn from the silly fluffy fun times of Haruka goofing around telling people to suck her dick if they have a problem with her (which a lot of people definitely do)

-> Right into shinobi politics, political schemes and sabotaged missions and buried clan history galore territory. Haruka isn't ab to take this lying down and everyone's about to get their first look at a grieving Hatake mother in her prime who just lost her baby to the shinobi rumor mill

Before she was kind of keeping to herself just having fun in the clan compound, not reeeally getting involved with any politics or village shit, bc like, she's playing with her family!! This is like her vacation till the time travel is solved and she goes back home!!

But she's not doing that anymore.

Sakumo is gone and Haruka is more than willing to take the seat he chose to leave empty at the clan council. She's about to become EVERYONES problem.

In the bg, Kakashi VIOLENTLY swings between fucking hating Haruka ("You should have stopped him! You should have been there! You should have helped!") to being like, physically unable to be unatached from her (she's waking up in the middle of the night to find him suddenly burrowed into her blankets, holding on to her like he's scared she'll dissapear when he wakes up)

Small soft scene where he's sleeping on top of her and quietly whispers that he's sorry for biting her.

Haruka possibly tries to have Kakashi temporarily drop his training but it's a very hard battle to fight. Both bc Kakashi wants to fight and bc Konoha wants him to fight

Uhh first big scary Haruka politics scene when she puts her foot down and says something along the lines of, "are you telling me here and now that my word as Hatake clan head is not enough to stop Konoha from taking away my child?" And Sarutobi kind of has to back down bc that does NOT fly well with the other clans

Obito and Rin swing by and try to pry at why Kakashi can't fight and she just fucking stares at them and goes, "He's 6."

She goes home and puts her head in her fucking hands. She was promised Konoha was to keep the kids SAFE, that's the entire fucking reason the Hatake agreed to join!!! This is not safe Tobirama, you bitch!!!!! If they send out Kakashi to die, shes going to find your fucking ghost and grind your face into Kakashi's grave!!!!

Anyways, time for my favorite part: politics

Haruka is coming from the early days of Konoha, where the only reason the Hatake even joined the village was, "because my cute little nephew (Tobirama) asked us real nice"

In her mind, she and her clan are still allowed to back the fuck up out of the village whenever she so chooses. She likes it in Konoha, yeah, but they're still free reign nomads and while she'd like to stay and have her clan flourish (which they didn't exactly do and she can literally SEE the way the village destroyed them from the inside out) she and her clan retain the right to leave whenever they want. And if they do leave, other than losing the new friends, it won't exactly be hard on them to get back to the nomad life.

All of that is to say that Sarutobi isn't her Hokage and while she'll be nice and respectful bc she recognizes the position (and her position) when push comes to shove, there's literally nothing they can hold on her to make her bend or break.

Also the last time she saw Sarutobi he was one of her nephews little brat tag-alongs, and she's so fucking bad at treating people their age, doubly so if she knew them as a kid.

It's,,, kind of demeaning actually, she should stop. (She will not.)

Anyways: play into her not just being Tobirama's aunt but also Hashirama's (her sister was their mother) which becomes fun bc Kakashi is her fucking grandkid!! Meaning he's also their fucking cousin!! Politics!! Implications!!!

At least one person is making a "of fucking course the boy genius is related to one of them" joke but like in an angry way (it's probably Obito)

Anyways I started this off with basically nothing for Haruka other than her name and I think she accidentally turned into a real character along the way (inevitable tbh)

Shes a DEEPLY flawed person actually, which I kind of love. She has a habit of belittling people and not treating them their age (absoloutley calls everyone even slightly younger than her 'kid')

Her views of childcare are totally skewed and she should not be trusted with any children other than Kakashi (it's ok he's literally built different, she can provide proper enrichment for him)

Edit: I DIDNT FUCKING MEAN TO POST THIS YET IM GONNA KILL MYSELF I WAS STILL QRITING IM GONNA END IT ALL TUMBLR I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

Shes so fucking full of herself and about to make it EVERYONES problem

[sixosix]

when was it? (when we fell in love)

isagi yoichi x gn!reader, fluff, 2 + 1 fic

you and isagi have been side-by-side for longer than you learned how to walk, and everyone just accepted that you two have been dating. wanting a more romantic approach to tell, you both begin reminiscing to pinpoint a moment in your lives that you two liked the other.

maybe it started when isagi bought a stuffed toy modeled after him.

he knocks, sweaty and smiling when you answer the door. satisfaction rolls off of him in waves, and it doesn’t take an eye like his to figure out who won.

isagi when he’s still riding the high of his adrenaline is a dangerous one. he doesn’t shy away from touch and his eyes are sharp enough to make a criminal freeze. when he pulls you in for a hug, his heavy breathing next to your ear, you ignore the flutter in your chest. he’s just excited, nothing else.

“good game?” you ask, using the towel draped over his shoulders to wipe sweat off his brow.

his eyes screw shut, smiling. “yeah.”

when he frees you from his grasp, you quickly dash back to the kitchen, hoping he didn’t hear the way your pulse jumped when his fingers brushed against your waist. the warmth lingers, enough to make you feel it on your face.

“sorry for the intrusion,” isagi says, and tugs his shoes off.

he always places it right next to your favorite pair of sneakers. on the left, close enough to each other for you to start feeling strange about the sight of it.

you watch him toss his backpack on the couch, and barely miss the moment his face lights up out of the blue.

“hey!” isagi calls out, scrambling back to get to his bag and rummaging through it.

“what’s wrong?”

he plucks out a cotton-stuffed little thing, holding it next to his face and matching the stern expression sewn on.

your jaw drops open a little. “is that an isagi plushie?”

his eyes twinkle. “yes.”

and then throws it straight to your face. with your hands held out from surprise, it collides gently on your nose and slides right off and into your palm. isagi laughs under his breath, apologizing insincerely.

“oh,” you breathe, holding the plushie up to your face.

its blue eyes are wide and innocent despite its expression, as if in awe of you holding it by its little torso. it fits snug in your palm, and you find yourself unable to toss it away.

with a smile you’re unable to keep off your mouth, you turn to face isagi, who’s wearing an unreadable expression on his face.

“you’re giving it to me?”

isagi freezes, cheeks bursting with color. “i bought it for you.”

oh.

“i promise to keep it safe and always with me.” and you’re very serious about it.

“i have no doubt about it,” isagi laughs, his voice soft in a way you’ve never heard before.

oh, you think. his eyes crinkle at the sides, grinning with all teeth and sunshine.

so this is what they mean.

isagi clears his throat, visibly flustered with the pink on his face. it’s near impossible to hide when he’s lying on your lap all comfortably like a cat. “that’s when you think it started?” he shakes his head. “that was only a few weeks ago.”

“w-well it wasn’t like i was that smart to realize,” you argue, huffing. petulantly: “when did you think yours happened?”

isagi’s nose scrunches in a way where you know he’s holding back from the truth. “when you… wore my jersey?”

you give him a blank stare. “don’t be lame, yoichi.”

isagi’s mouth twists, turning away. “when you gave me the ring.”

“i gave you a ring?”

isagi hides his face on your thigh, and keeps his face hidden there. “…when we were six. you found a ring on the bottom of your drawer and gave it to me because your mom said you should only give a ring to someone you love.”

“oh, i wish i don’t remember now,” you say, taken back.

“and i wore it every day because i was proud, but it stopped fitting any of my fingers, so i asked my mom to make it into a necklace for me instead,” isagi murmurs fondly, his fingers reaching out to pull a black string from under his collar and reveal a round little thing.

you laugh in disbelief. “oh, wow. you still kept it all this time?”

it’s tiny, not even a fit for either of your pinkies, proof of its old existence. although the color has washed out, it looks well-kept for a ring that age. like isagi cleaned it every day without fail.

“you can be so sweet sometimes,” you coo, pinching his cheek.

he huffs. “you’re saying i’m not sweet most of the time?”

but that could be a lie, isagi thinks, watching you laugh and continue to play with his hair, recalling more moments that you could have fallen for someone like him. like he deserves someone like you.

his head tips, chasing after your touch, and your smile is more rewarding.

maybe there wasn’t a grand moment one day, where he wanted to kiss you and put a ring on your finger (too) someday. it was just a gradual realization to the point where he could look back to those moments and think that yeah, he’s always been in love.

even before the plushie you keep beside your pillows, before the time his teammates pointed out that you are the most disgusting couple and they’re happy for him. even before when you wore his jersey and his heart skipped a few beats, or before the ring he refused to take off.

he was born into this world, and so were you. you two met, and puzzles just clicked into place.

isagi always looked at you and thought: “yes, this is the person i want to spend my life with.” not a single moment in time, but every day of his life.

isn’t that romantic enough?

yk those oikawa plushies that ppl love to torture for some reason (and i eat that up every time its so funny) on that godforsaken app??? YEAH. i like to think that y/n said to take care of it but they’re tossing it in the washing machine and recording the way it spins around in ridiculous speed 

[galaxythreads]

hi,

I'm fascinated by ur Loki works, and since I'm currently rereading all my favourites I wanted to ask about your general headcanons for Loki, and your opinions on all the movies and appearances Loki had. Basically, could you please talk about Loki, because i feel like my idea of Loki and your idea of Loki are similar. bye!!

"Do you want to rant at me about your favorite character?" I mean. do you want my first born?

general headcanons:

there's this scene in Loki: Where Mischief Lies where Loki has a throwaway line that talks about how it never matters when Thor hits him even if it gets violent and it rotates around in my head like a microwave all the time. Such an interesting concept that Thor took things too far but Loki never said anything because that's Just What Siblings Do TM

Loki's hair is soft to the touch, not greasy, because I will die mad about loki's hair in ragnarok

loki steals clothing. This is something you can see in all my fics, he's constantly stealing things from everyone.

Loki is ace, never had sex, and isn't interested in changing that. I don't think he's aro, I think he is interested in romantic love to some extent, but I think sex is just mid to him

loki's magic pokes at all five senses. It's something you can see, taste, hear, touch, and smell

loki got "food poisoning" a lot as a kid because his body was made for jotun stuff and like. asgard doesn't have that

Loki has a moral code, and there are lines he won't cross

loki doesn't lie that much, people just gave him the name because he's shifty and it was a rumor that was started by thor that he lies all the time

loki and thor's relationship has only gotten more complicated as they've gotten older and they have the brain chemistry to process things better, look at their childhoods and go, uh, bro, wait a minute

frigga wasn't a very good mom to loki, even though she tried

Loki can cook

loki uses magic less now that he's older, not because he's not good at it, but because he just like. he uses more subtle magic, and he doesn't need to turn his magic into a glowy show when he could just punch you in the face

loki is a man of few words

loki being captured and watching him lose his mind is straw that broke the camel's back for Gamora, who left shortly after he agreed to help thanos

loki wasn't mind controlled per se in the first avengers, the scepter was just affecting his feelings, but not more than anyone else? Loki was just genuinely tortured/coerced into this by thanos and they didn't have to force him to do anything. he was too terrified to say no. scepter was just an added bonus to cement the control

loki absolutely has permanent spinal damage from his time with thanos

I have a bazillion of these i could literally go on for ages.

---

thoughts on movies:

Uh. Okay. um. How do I say this without getting slain? I...do not think, objectively, that any of the Thor movies are good movies. I think they have fantastic concepts, and wonderful characters, and I adore poking at them, but I think one of the reasons that they're so beloved is because of their potential not because of what they are. People love thinking about what could have been and what they wished happened, because there's very little that's actually satisfyingly completed about the films.

Because the Thor movies are not...It. You kind of have to go hunting for outside material for pieces to be connected together and thor 2 has lots of issues that not even thor 1 could have dreamed of, and Thor 1 is just. A disaster, narratively. I think Thor 3 is definetly the most well put together movie, which sucks because it's the one that botched the characters beyond repair. You either have good characters and awful story or fantastic story and terrible characters with no inbetween.

Trying to talk about why I don't think the movies are good - objectively, as movies - has never ended super well for me, but yeah, i just. I don't. I don't think they're very good. I can break it down in more detail if anyone is interested, but there seems to exist two opinions on tumblr: you either think thor 1 - tdw is an untouchable master piece or you don't and there's nothing good to say about them at all.

I have endless praise to give the movies, but that doesn't mean I don't have criticisms, because, good lord, they suck in some places. Loki's character arc is the most baffling mishandle of a character that I have ever witnessed, and yes, I mean this from the get go. Connecting thor 1 - thor 2 takes some mental math.

Thor 1: Interesting set-up for Loki's character, I like how careful they are with setting him up to make sure that his arc was clear and the line between victim and villain was really blurred. They did a good job on making him sympathetic, and revealing an interesting concept with him and Thor, even if I don't think it was executed as well as I wanted.

Avengers 1: adore poking at Loki and Thanos's relationship here. I cannot get enough of it. I like writing with the avengers mostly because of all that didn't happen in the movie that I wished had. There's so many narrative secrets that don't get addressed or glossed over and I just want it picked apart

Thor 2: i enjoy seeing Loki and Thor working together, Loki's deteriorating mental stay in prison is always fascinating, and generally tdw is my favorite movie and portrayal of loki. It's what I usually base all my fics off of is how he acts in this movie. 10/10, will sing praises

thor 3: my loathing for this movie has shriveled considerably since i saw it the first time, but i'd still be hardpressed to say i liked anything they did with loki's character. Loki is self-sabatoging constantly, and his character makes no sense whatsoever. he is the village idiot, and like, i'm not really into that.

Infinity War: Honestly, i'm just gonna say it - i really did like what they did with loki in this movie. Like yeah, I wanted him to help and be an important part of the story, yeah, of course, but I also appreciate from a writing perspective what a powerful move killing him off before the credits was. Loki was the Big Bad of the first avengers and murdering him set the stakes amazingly. It carried Thor's entire arc, and it felt like a shroud that was layered over the movie. I know a lot of people didn't like it, but I appreciated what they did with it, and I like the tragedy.

---

Appearance:

not a single scene in ragnarok with him it it did not make me want to chew off my foot, his character design was awful. I will never understand why everyone was drooling over the black suit, it looked like it was bought from walmart and then the wrinkles smoothed out with a flat iron. His hair is greasy af for no reason, all of his clothing looks cheap and ugly. there's nothing impressive or visually interesting about him. the choice to remove his colors so hela can take them will never not be annoying to me even though hela is my baby child

thor 1 has the best hair, in my opinion, but he also looks stupid as hell in his armor. loki's design, to me, works best when it has long lines and it's flowy and/or soft. visually nice:

and like the reason it's visually nice is because it's soft and doesn't make me notice tom hiddleston's hips. The moment i'm aware of his hips i get irritated as hell about it, because idk man, loki just. he does not look good when you're aware he has hips. tom hiddleston is like fine, somehow? i don't know why it doesn't bother me when he's wearing whatever he wants to - i also just like. do not care - but with loki i'm just like. oh good LORD stop making me aware of your hips.

It's why i can't stand his ragnarok suit but would sing praises over the thor 1 one.

It's something that's just like. confounded me forever, because i don't even know why it bugs me so much, but every time i see his TVA outfit, thor 1 armor, or that stupid ragnarok suit i want to shoot a canon ball into the sun.

Give the man a suit coat or do not put him in a jacket. loki has lots of skills but pulling off a jacket is not one of them.

He needs to look haunted, like, in general. Or like an 18th century tired man. it's integral for his character to me.

things that make galaxy happy:

loki soft hair

loki having suit coat or suit coat equivalent

things that will send her into a ranting, unwanted, nitpicky rage

loki greasy hair

loki dressed in jackets

[yuridovewing]

How did you make Rainflower worse? I'm really interested.

Rubs my hands together. I made that woman RANCID (Putting this under the cut because I predict it’ll get long and I wanna throw up a CW for abuse of power, child abuse, victim blaming, humiliation, and ableist abuse. Also disclaimer: haven’t reread Crookedstar’s Promise in a minute, and I want to, so this is subject to change)

Razorverse Rainflower… or as she’s properly called… Rainstar.

Just gonna plagiarize @/bonefall’s structure and stuff here lmaooo. Gonna list what I don’t care for about the canon version, what I’d like to do but am not sure how to go about it exactly, and what I know I want to do.

Canon:

-So, Rainflower. We all know her, she’s The Bad Mom. The one who renamed her son something ableist for the purpose of humiliating and disowning him. The one who never apologized, barely made any attempts to support him further, and fucked up Crookedstar’s self esteem and drove him into Mapleshade’s claws.

-I don’t have an issue with her being portrayed like this at all. Rainflower herself, as she’s presented in the book in a vacuum, is fine. I’m very anti “oh lets never talk about serious topics in kids content” because that’s an easy slippery slope into book banning to me. Her actions are portrayed as horrific, and if I remember correctly, Crookedstar doesn’t forgive her. No reconciliation. With several kids properties (and WC itself if we’re being honest) making plotlines about how you have to forgive your abuser or you suck, that’s honestly sort of refreshing. You’re not obligated to forgive your mother because she’s your mother. Fuck that. The ableism adds a whole extra layer to this as well because while I don’t remember specific caretaker abuse in the book, plenty of victims have spoken up about relating to Crookedstar. She really is the recipe for an intentionally awful character.

-That being said… man, it’s kinda weird how this random ass queen apparently has the power to rename her child something derogatory in the eyes of their god and the leader who is in charge of all this is like “yeah sure okay”, and everyone else is like “oughhh that bites! ah well though what can ya do? sorry infant, we’re cool with calling you a slur forever” and that is never addressed or seen as weird and we’re supposed to love all these other characters and see them as role models for Crookedkit.

-It makes RiverClan look Pretty Bad, Dude. Which would be cool if it was intentional-there’s actually a line in Cats of the Clans that implies Crookedstar struggled because of societal expectations, not just his mom’s disowning. I kinda wanna reincorporate that. Like, Rainflower isn’t just One Bad Mom, she’s a product of her environment, she has a clique of cats that think just like her.

-Also… while I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing in a kids book, yeah, Rainflower is pretty flat. Not completely- my best friend read the book recently and he actually made a great point that Rainflower’s kind of a bad mom even before the accident because she brags and brags about her kids, but doesn’t really look out for them, which makes them get hurt. She thinks her kids fart rainbows until one of them makes her look bad, after which she disowns and treats him poorly. But aside from that… there’s not much to her. She gives birth in a storm and has sentimental names because of that, she is a doting mama until she isn’t, and you could also say she’s vain.

-Again- all that is perfectly fine.

-But… and this may read as a little controversial to the fandom crowd… I like to add a bit more meat to abusive characters.

-Not necessarily by making them sympathetic, although that’s one way to do it if done properly and with the tact and attention it deserves.

-But I want to make them read more like people. People who have families and friends, who have hobbies and favorite foods and silly weekly routines. Who have fears and anxieties, who care deeply for the ones they love. Who are charming and well liked.

-Because abusers are not identifiable at a distance. They’re not always obvious. They’re not ugly, or constantly acting like douchebags.

-A lot of abuse falls under the rug because of the abuser’s status in reality. A man that beats his wife could have his family rally behind him because… well, they grew up with him. That’s not who he TRULY is. What did the wife do to provoke him? No no, this man also has an important job, he has a lot of connections and people willing to stick up for him. “I’ve talked to him before and he was just the nicest man! He would never do anything like that. Maybe he was just having a hard day. His job is so hard, you know!”

-A mom who stalks and beats her kids? Well, she’s so sweet in public! She tutors the neighbors kids, you can’t possibly expect us to believe she’s hurting her own! They must be problem children anyways if she has to keep her eye on them.

-That aunt who emotionally abuses her nespring? Well, she’s got such an important job higher up and she has connections (and eyes) everywhere! There’s no escape no way you could expect us to believe that such a helpful person could be so cruel!

-(And in cases of romantic relationships there is typically victim blaming in this line of thinking. “How did you not know they were abusive? Surely you noticed SOME of the signs? You’re not innocent here. You chose this. You can’t expect me to be sympathetic.” This doesn’t apply to Rainflower, but since I’m talking about fandom abuse, I think it’s worth a mention.)

-These people can’t be abusers. Because they’re human. They’re loved. And if that’s true… doesn’t that mean you and I are also capable of abuse? That people we know and trust in real life could be abusive? People we look up to? No, no. Of course not. Abusers aren’t human. And as long as we slot them as inhuman entities, as Other, that means we could never become like that. Ever. Anyways, I just got done rewatching all the silly pirate movies, he’s so funny and charming! How could that evil inhuman bitch EVER think he abused her? She is a demon who should rot in hell for making me feel bad about my best celebrity friend. She should’ve just put up and shut up.

-(Really hope it’s obvious, but I know what fandom I’m talking to, so I’m gonna slap an /S here for that whole paragraph)

-And I can’t help but see parallels of that when I look at fandom and you have people going “you’re an abuse apologist if you think this abusive character had a backstory or motive!” or “This comic is bad because it portrays an abuser as having a pleasant relationship with their sibling!”

-The reality is that no one is born evil. No one crawls out the womb ready to commit war crimes or whatever, no matter what Warrior Cats tries to tell you.

-A big thing that allows abuse to fester is power. Familial abuse is so common because the children are under the care of the adults around them that have every right over their autonomy. Becoming a parent is to have power over a small, vulnerable person… and so of course, that creates an environment where the adults are practically welcome to take advantage of that.

-Of course someone might not notice their friend is a child abuser. Their friend probably doesnt have intoxicating power over them, so they don’t see that behavior. And if that friend somehow does hold power over them… well, all the more reason not to rock the boat, right?

-Okay I’m rambling at this point so let’s bring it back to Rainflower. I’ve seen a couple people try to flat out woobify her, which is something I don’t particularly care for personally, but it’s led people to be kinda volatile to those who do try to add… More, to Rainflower. “Oh, you must do that because you don’t think her abuse is that bad!” Even when that’s not at all what people are saying.

-Rainflower isn’t real. The way she’s handled resonates with people, and that IS real, and should be respected. (Again- I’m not saying it’s bad to portray her as pure evil. I’m sure that’s liberating for some people who grew up with a parent like her! Different strokes for different folks)

-But that doesn’t mean we’re not talking about fiction at the end of the day, and no, we are not toning down abuse by daring to ask why Rainflower is the way she is.

-And that’s what I’m gonna ask.

What I’d Like to Do:

-So, Rainstar is leader now. That’s my answer to the awkward way the original renaming is handled.

-I like readings where she’s thoroughly punished, or that Hailstar was biased in her favor and had to be humbled for it later. But I felt particularly spiteful about the “Listen to your leader no matter what or you’re a heathen!” law they’ve only recently let up on (only to mock the change if I’m reading it right) and I was like. Actually let’s play around with that.

-The idea here is that Rainstar is someone who uses her power to abuse those around her. She doesn’t really need to be leader to abuse Stormkit, she has structural power over him as his mother and a warrior, but I wanted her to be leader because… jesus christ can you imagine having your abusive parent be your leader as well? The one who decides what route you take in the clan? Who has autonomy over you for battle patrols? Who can humiliate and punish you with no repercussions? Where your clanmates sticking up for you could be systematically punished for doing do?

-I still need to figure out the timeline here. If she dies at the same time as in canon, how long this goes on for, all the cats that are Team Crookedjaw or Team Rainstar, etc. I’d like him to still have good moments to breathe in between all this, like Brambleberry is still important and advocates for him a lot, his friendship with Willowbreeze and his brotherhood with Oakheart, the barn cats are still helpful to him after he returns. I do think she dies relatively early though. Crookedstar becomes a leader very young.

-Basically though, the idea is that Rainstar is a perfectionist that’s intoxicated on power. Growing up, she seemed to be a perfectly kind warrior. She and Shellheart were a great couple and she was excellent friends with Hailstep and Echomist, even if she could have a competitive streak.

-But… her grandfather was Appledusk. Who died at the serial killer Mapleshade’s claws before he met his kits. Who was also a codebreaker, and implied to have not been the best mate to Reedshine.

-Though the clan forgave him, there was a pressure on his lineage to not repeat his mistakes. After all, if he never had an affair with Mapleshade (broke our wonderful code!) this may not have happened.

-Applefrost and Duskwater made it as top standard warriors, with Duskwater having been deputy before she retired. There wasn’t a single blemish on their records.

-Rainflower felt this pressure throughout her life. She felt confined to clan life, doing whatever she was told. If she was told to jump, she asked how high. She was perfect. A model warrior for the apprentices to look up to. Always smiling and happy to join patrols, attend festivals, taste test meals, etc. She was just what she needed to be… with no room to breathe. No room to fail.

-And of course, because she’s just a cat, she did fail. Like taking too much food at mealtime. Or falling asleep during her vigil. And when she did, it was scandalous. She was berated by her former mentor and parents, cats whispered about how clumsy she was, how she probably couldn’t be leader after all.

-Rainflower would recover, as would her reputation. She climbed the ranks with a raised head and tail. Never faltering if she could help it. Gathering several loyal supporters.

-When she finally became leader though, it was like some of the pressure gave way. She still followed the code, still did her part, she was still exceedingly popular and was responsible for very smart negotiations with the other clans, even managing to work through a sturdy alliance with Heatherstar.

-But… she had more agency atop her clan. Sure, she still couldn’t fail, not ever. But if she had to, say, give a warrior humilating tasks for speaking to her in a tone she didnt like, she could. If her mate and deputy, Shellheart, did something she didn’t like, she could leverage her power over him, with the clan’s support even.

-It was only a matter of time before things got worse… When Oakkit and Stormkit were born. Duskwater died in the storm around the same time they took their first breath. Applefrost had died years prior. Rainstar took pride in her kittens, but the pressure was on once again- never fail. Don’t make us look bad. Don’t make me look bad. If you fail, then I have failed.

-And when Stormkit cracks his jaw that fateful day, he failed. She failed.

-She saw him as a humiliation. Something to be ashamed of. Perfect Rainstar’s son, disfigured.

-When Brambleberry informed her that he would be permanently disabled from now on, resentment began to brew. Even though Stormkit was still healing, she became colder and harsher to him. Propping up Oakkit as her golden child, her winnings. And putting down Stormkit as her failure, something to be ashamed of.

-She essentially dehumanizes Stormkit (and Oakkit to an extent). They are extensions of her. They are something to be idolized. They are something to throw around when you need to release stress. And that’s just what she does when she renames him Crookedkit and decides to keep him a kit forever.

-He doesn’t even get the privilege of being an elder. Elders gave something to their clan and are honored and supported since they’re frail now. Crookedkit didn’t do anything worthy, he acted like a child, and ruined himself, so he gets to stay a child. Forever.

-Crookedkit was unfortunately subject to a lot of public humiliation and pressure during this time. (I’m wondering if Shellheart still dumps Rainstar here. Their mateship is dead either way, but he also probably still tries to suck up to her to keep his deputyship. Kinda torn on whether he flipflops between supporting Crookedjaw or Rainstar because of it… Leaning towards him being just on Crooked’s side, but I also like him having to be a tiebreaker between Brambleberry and Rainstar)

-When Crookedkit is denied his apprentice ceremony for several moons, he runs away to the barn, where he gets properly trained. This is a wip, I wanna reread the book and see how they handle this in canon, but these cats stick around for the rest of his life. Bonefall even had one go back with him in Better Bones, so I think I may take a page out of his book and do that too. (Maybe with a different cat though lol) They remain a support system for him.

-Oakpaw also deals with similar pressure, as well as his mom worshipping him (and knowing he’ll be humiliated like his brother if he “fails”). As a form of escapism, once Crookedkit runs away, he repeats history and starts a secret friendship with Bluepaw, the troublemaker ThunderClan apprentice.

-There is that divide in the clan still. Several cats were indeed outraged at Crookedkit’s treatment… but what can they do? Rainstar will punish them if they help. And she has more supporters than not, for one reason or another, whether it’s her former mentor (undecided, he’s an elder I think) or her friend Hailstep. All of which vouch for her, claiming she has the right to handle her son and clanmate the way they want. And besides… he can’t even eat right, how will he be uuuuusefullllllllll

-Oh yeah there’s also the whole “this society is pretty ableist and is unaccommodating to disabled people” thing. Crookedkit struggles to eat! He deals with pain in his jaw all the time, he slurs his words and cant pronounce certain things. Like in canon, he finds support for this in the barn, not in the clan.

-After he comes back for some reason or another (WIP), he’s nearly full grown and imposing, and now that hes uuuuusefullllllllll (so now he’s ok) Rainstar does relent and let him be an apprentice. But his apprenticeship is long and grueling. She refuses to let him go to gatherings, she constantly attacks him over his training and hunting, she gets pissed if a border patrol sees him, she has him perform tasks that upset his jaw (like helping with construction).

-Crookedpaw is freed, however, when dogs are found in the territory. The two major losses? Shellheart and Rainstar. The deputy and leader.

-And a squirrel with a crooked jaw was found on the freshkill pile.

-(with a note that say “Shadey says hi!!! xoxo kys”)

-To say this caused outrage would be an understatement. Crookedpaw would be going from apprentice to leader! He’s underqualified! Forget not having an apprentice- he’s been one for years!

-But. StarClan’s will can’t be denied, Brambleberry says. (Unsure how much she Knows.)

-So Crookedpaw becomes Crookedstar. A false prophet leader.

-From there I think he’s like a proto Onestar? No civil war but he does deal with a ton of pressure and the psychological weight of having to lead the cats who enabled his mom to hurt him. Still figuring out how he was a leader… but he is kinder to his family. He vows to never leverage his power over Silverkit, ever.

Other Stuff I’d Like to Change But I Dunno How:

-God I hate the ableist names so tbh I’d like to nix that here. Make Crookedstar an honor title like in BB (I really like honor titles so I wanna try them out myself) But I don’t quiiite know how to make it work in this context.

-I think I’ve said this before but I want Mapleshade to have haunted Rainstar too. Maybe put some ideas in her head and made her insecurities worse. My only thing is that I dunno how much influence Mapleshade has at that point. I think Crookedstar was where she upped her game and got more power.

Okay if you read all of this, bless you, thank you <3 this took me a minute so I appreciate it. Also if anyone has any tips or criticism I’d welcome them! Especially on all the abuse talk, some of it came from my own feelings and experiences but I would hate if I funked up the wording or misunderstood something. We’re all capable of harm after all and I am not exempt from that. Also if any of the talk was upsetting, I’ll go reblog some kitten pics as a detox.

[pastriibunz]

me and @local-soda-can are gonna start outlining Nerdy Prudes Must Die Kai soon and here are a few ideas I had for that

can you guys tell i love inserting Kai’s name into the titles???

Kai comes in before/after/during literal monster holding a map of the school (the police or something forcibly enrolled her and now she has to go to school) and she’s just completely confused and lost

Max does the whole “this is my hallway!!” thing and Kai’s like “fun fact I literally do not care” and he pisses her off so much she kicks him in the balls- she meets the rest of the prudes while on the run from various teachers who’re trying to expel her or something

Kai was in the Waylon Place night of the prank to try and relax and get away from the chaos of Hatchetfield. There isn’t a sign of anyone breaking in bc Kai knows how to pick locks. Kai hangs out there a lot.

She walks in on them looking at Max’s (almost) dead body and is like “woah you guys killed that guy!!! ö haha I’m gonna go call the cops on yall I’m OUT!!!”

…Grace then blackmails her into helping bury/hide the body because she threatens to pin everything on Kai (bc Kai breaks in and shit)

Theres this scene with max and kai im making into a comic that has something to do with snickers and it needs to be real because it’s silly and also it makes way for this idea:

Kai hangs out with Max’s ghost a lot and she vents to him about how much she hates the prudes, how she wants to get back to Unington, and other shit

They like sending videos to the prudes group chat (that Kai was forcibly added into) that make it seem like Max is about to kill Kai and she always texts the dumbest shit after like “phew!!! made it out okay!!! gee, let’s hope that doesn’t happen again!”

They laugh their asses off about it

Kai has no friends during the run of NPMD

she hates the prudes for getting her involved in a manslaughter/murder,

she has no clue if max is her friend or if he’s only keeping her around for the snickers bars,

And everyone else is too in love with afraid of her to even get near her

It kinda hurts but she’s learning to deal with it

KAI RIZZ KAI RIZZ KAI RIZZ

that shit is STRONG guys

she got that Wattpad MC rizz

she does not want it-

she is either oblivious to it or painfully aware

no in between

She’s been bunking with Paul

They met on the street and they talked for a bit and Kai was like “yeah my hotels about to kick me out lol” and he was like “oh you can stay with me”

He doesn’t know why he said that, maybe it was just meant to be.

Anyways Kai agreed and Paul is the biggest dad ever

He asks her how school was and he cooks dinner for them and they snuggle on the couch and have movie nights

They have to share a bedroom but he got her dividers and turned the bottom of the closet into a hangout nook for Kai so it’s like she has her own little room

everyone keeps dragging Kai everywhere by the wrist- she does NOT wanna be there-

Kai keeps talking to the audience in front of everyone and she interacts with the audience a lot

For example, she crumples up and tosses her map to someone in the audience and finger guns and winks at them afterwards

She gets like a gazillion love notes a day-

she gets so angry she just eats them-

nobody knows why and they’re just like:

“Aw she’s silly :]”

“I LITERALLY HATE ALL OF YOU”

“I’m soooo in love with her :3”

“IM GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU”

in the words of my pal:

“she’s so perfect :3333

(she is going to go feral-)”

All of Kai’s classes have at least one prude in them

Kai kinda wishes she had friends and tries to talk to people, but she’s so autistic, socially awkward, and anxious she either ends up shutting down, staying quiet, or insulting them

Kai goes to the sports games purely for the food and hides in the bathroom the entire time (the crowds and lights overstimulate her)

Kai hangs out at beanie’s a lot

She’s still Emma’s favorite customer.

She accidentally calls her Mom a lot.

Emma loves it every time.

It often goes uncorrected.

If Kai is alive for homecoming, she’s going there WAY overdressed-

she’s been homeschooled the majority of her life and has never been to a school dance-

she’s only been to like high class galas/parties so she thinks it’s like that

spoiler alert it is NOT

Kai is aware she’s in a musical

she really doesn’t wanna be in one but she knows

sometimes you can see her groovin uncomfortably to the music in the background

That’s all! Idk if I’m gonna script this one out as, like I’ve said before: TKWDLM has a special place in my heart and I’m not ready to move on

plus I’m still super hyperfixated on TKWDLM-

oki that’s all for now bye bye :3

[r0binarellan0]

{ LOVESICK }💋

Finney Blake x Reader

Finney Blake never really noticed any girls before, he only ever started liking Donna because she was the only girl who was actually nice to him. Well one day, that changed, you had just moved from Michigan because your dad got a promotion from his job.

You were new and all alone, no friends, no other family, just you and dad, forever and always. When you arrived at school, you were really nervous, everyone knew each other because they had been together since pre-k. You arrived to your 1st period class, nothing special, Science, you walked in and everybody’s eyes went on you. A shiver ran down your spine as the teacher introduced you to everyone, you felt unwelcome, the girls started giggling, and the boys looked at each other funny as to make fun of your presence.

All but one boy, he was quiet, and you could tell he didn’t have many friends, you even thought you saw him turn red when looking at you up front, which didn’t bother you. He had curly brown hair that framed his face, and he wore a denim jacket with a striped shirt underneath, you also noticed him fidgeting with a little toy spaceship in his hand.

You sat next to him and took a notebook out. You saw him look over at the drawings you had made in previous days, they were of planets and stars, which fascinated you. He looked in aw at your book, cautious of what to say.

“I like your drawings” He said with hesitation.

“Thank you, i love space” you told him

“Really? me too! i love looking at the stars from my sisters telescope” he said excitedly

You found his passion sweet, you always wanted to find someone else who liked the same things as you.

“Hey, i was wondering, do you think you could show me around school, i don’t know where my next few classes are, and i could use some help” you were desperate for some help, but didn’t know who else to ask.

“Yeah, sure, i don’t really like my next class that much anyway” he said with a slight smile.

you waited until the bell rang, anxious about him walking you to your next class.

[TIME SKIP TO AFTER SCHOOL]

you walked home still thinking about Finney, he was kinda cute if you’re being honest with yourself. You found it cute that he liked space more than you, you could imagine his room, covered in glow in the dark stars, and space decals that covered his walls. You liked that someone else was as weird as you.

Later in the day you got a phone call, you didn’t know who would’ve gotten your number but you answered anyway.

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/n, it’s Finney, from 1st period”

“Oh hey! What’s up?”

“Well i was wondering if you wanted to come over later and look through my sisters telescope with me when it got dark, i heard there’s gonna be a meteor shower tonight and i want you to come, are you free?”

“Oh yeah, i’m free, let me ask my dad, one minute”

you yelled across the house to your dad, “DAD!! can i go to my new friends house tonight, there’s gonna be a meteor shower!!” he responded fairly quickly, “yeah that’s fine honey, just be back at 10!” you were pleased at his answer, you pulled back to the phone.

“He said i could go, what time do you want me to show up?”

“maybe 6 or 7? My dad will be inside for most of it, he doesn’t really like visitors.”

“Oh okay, that’s fine, what should i wear?”

“Doesn’t really matter, whatever you wear will be fine”

“Ok! See you later! Bye!!”

You hung up before he could say anything else.

[TIME SKIP TO YOU GETTING READY]

You decided to wear a brown sweater and some worn out jeans your mom gave you a long time ago, you put your hair in two braids and put mascara on, you also put on some of your favorite strawberry lip gloss, it was pink and sparkly, and it tasted so good.

you got his address and walked over there, you knocked on the front door, and a man with dark brown hair and a full beard answered it, he was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt.

“Hi, I’m looking for Finney, are you his father?”

“I am, and who might you be?”

“I’m Y/n, i’m Finney’s classmate, he asked me to come over to watch a meteor shower”

“Did he? that’s nice, we’ll come on in, have a seat, i’ll call him for you.. Finney! You have someone here for you!”

“Coming!!” He called from down the hall, he came running down to see you on the couch playing with your hands.

“wow Y/n, you look… really pretty”

“Really? Thank you!” you could feel your cheeks and ears heating up, it felt nice to be complimented, especially from someone you wouldn’t mind liking you.

“come on, I already set the telescope up outside”

You got up and walked outside to the sun already setting, you saw a blanket had been laid on the grass in his backyard. You saw a girl come out of the back door, she had long dark brown hair that was put into two pigtails, she was wearing a rainbow striped shirt and worn jeans with grass stains on the knees.

“Finney! I told you, stop using my telescope without my permission!”

“I know Gwen, but we have a guest, and i wanted to show them the meteor shower that’s happening tonight, so can i please use it, just for tonight?” He said with a slight pout and a hand to hand grab.

“Fine. But only for tonight.” She said sternly. She walked back inside the house and left you together, alone.

When the time came, it was already 8:30 pm, the meteor shower was about to begin, you and Finney had been laying on the blanket that had been set up outside and talking about you and your past. You felt as if he understood you, and didn’t try to judge you based off of your looks like others did.

You found him looking at you while you talked, he couldn’t take his eyes off you, he was admiring your features as you talked about the stupidest things, and you noticed.

You turned to face him and could see his face turn bright red, you knew, he liked you. He turned away quickly and laid on his back to distract himself from you. You scooted closer to him and laid your head on his chest, not knowing how he would respond. You could feel his body stiffen up. To your surprise, he pulled you in a little closer, which made you giggle into him. He defensively asked,

“Why are you laughing? Did I do something wrong? Did i make you uncomforta-”

Before he could spit out the last word of his worry, you pushed your lips against his and shut him up, before he could ruin the moment you both were having. When you pulled away, he was red and flustered, he didn’t know how to react, he liked it, but couldn’t handle it, he covered his face and hid from you. How cute.

You hugged him and laid back down with him to watch the meteor shower start to begin, you knew this would linger in his mind for days, weeks, months even, you knew he was in love with you, i guess you could say he was lovesick.

(Sorry this story was so long, i wanted to give a good story since i haven’t posted in months, if you like this one, give feed back, i would love to hear how i can get better, bye!!)

[juniperwoodwell]

Reunion pt.1

Phillip Altman X F! reader

Word count: 6k

Warning(s): Cursing, Smoking, Kissing, implications of masterbation, Phillip- because...well it's Phillip.

Prompt: "Why me? "Why not you" (Will be in bold)

Prompt Exchange

A/N: This fic is part of the Prompt Exchange I am doing with @kylowritten, Go check out her fic as well! Oh, and this is part one, don't worry there will be a second chapter.

"Aw, come on, Y/n, it's a high school reunion! You should come to visit! You don't actually have to go, but you could come over to my mom's place for dinner and meet my kids!" Wendy tried her best to persuade me, but I wasn't so sure; high school wasn't my best life. It had its moments, but I only really had Wendy and Judd. I sighed. "I don't know, Wen.." "Judd and Phillip will be there." "At the reunion?" "No, dork. At dinner. Judd is visiting the same weekend, and Phillip has been dying to see you again." I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Oh Yeah?" "Of course, Y/n. He absolutely adored you when we were younger. Don't you remember me telling you that he'd used to ask when you'd come over?" "Ooh. Yeah, but he was such a little punk" I heard Wendy's laugh crackle over the phone. "Yes. You're right but still. We all miss you." "Wendy, you saw me last month." I tried to reason, but I knew Wendy wouldn't let me live it down if I didn't go, so we chatted awhile longer about everything and anything then I booked my tickets for home.

I swiftly knocked on the door and took hold of my duffle bag; I heard a loud, deep voice yell from inside the house, "I'll get it!" It sounded familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

My heart seemed to stop when the door opened, and the owner of that voice appeared in front of Me; my eyes were wide with surprise, and my jaw fell slightly. "P-Phillip?" I asked, His smile was big, and his eyes shone excitedly. "Y/n! No way! It's been forever" He yanked me into a hug, and his figure towered over me as I hugged him back.

"I know. I'm sorry, I know I promised to keep in touch but with my job and all that...I got busy," I apologized as we pulled away from the hug; he shook his head. "No, I understand, Y/n; you have a life of your own." He smiled at me again; when did he get so handsome?

As we walked into the house, Phillip excitedly pulled me into the house, and we went to the living room. "Look who the cat dragged in!" Wendy and Hillary. Their mother. They were sitting on the couch; Phillip took my bag from me, telling me he'd put it in the spare room. "Oh- Phillip, I was going to get a hotel." I didn't want to burden their mother, but she stood up first and pulled me into a hug "Y/n, Honey. You're like a daughter to me; I couldn't live with myself if I let you stay in a hotel. The guest room is all yours." I signed softly into the hug and nodded, pulling away. I thanked her. Wendy was next to hug me; her hugs were always tighter than everyone else's. "You came; I'm so glad! Wanna meet the kiddos?" She asked excitedly,

This whole family was always energetic. It was a good change from my usual dull and stressful lifestyle. I arrived a day earlier to spend as much time with my friends as possible. It'd been about five years since I'd seen them, excluding Wendy. She always found a way to visit me—no idea where she gets the time.

Phillip returned downstairs; his footsteps were loud as he practically ran down the steps. "Hey, so. How have you been, Y/n?" He plopped down onto one of the armchairs; Hillary rolled her eyes with a smile as she guided me to where she had sat on the couch. "Let me get you something to drink," I thanked her as she walked into the kitchen. I looked at Phillip. "I've been...busy, But good." He nodded; that smile never left his face.

Hillary returned with a glass of grape juice; I looked surprised and thanked her. She still remembered my favorite drink. "So, Since it's been so long, Y/n. Do you have a boyfriend? Maybe a Fiance?" Hillary asked, a mischievous smile on her lips. I smiled and played with the rings on my fingers. I looked over at Philip, who seemed tense, then at Wendy. "Uh. No, I haven't dated anyone since Anthony Kennet from high school," I laughed, Wendy joining me. "Oh, he was horrible for you! I don't know how you managed to snag the hottest guy in school." I rolled my eyes at her comment. "Okay. First off, Wendy, I didn't Snag him. He actually liked me, he was nice, but he wasn't-" "The best in bed." I swatted her arm. "No. Well. No, that's not the point here. He wasn't a good communicator. It never would've worked" I heard Phillip scoff, but I didn't turn to look at him. "Well, if it did, you'd probably be living in Tampa with five kids" My eyes widened at Wendy's words. "He's got five kids!?" She nodded. "Geez... Dodged that bullet" "You don't want kids?" I looked over at Phillip and tilted my head. "What? No. I mean, yes, I want kids, just not five of them. I'd probably be alright with three." Phillip nodded, the ghost of a smirk on his lips. "So, where's Judd? I thought you said he'd be here?" "Oh, he's gonna be late. He'll hopefully be here before dinner."

We had some friendly, casual conversation before Wendy had to help her daughter, and Hillary went to the kitchen to make dinner. Leaving me alone with Phillip. "So. How have you been, Phillip? Last time I saw you was at your high school graduation." I watched him scrunch up his nose and scratch the back of his neck. "I-I've been good. I've been working with Paul at the store; I got a place all to myself now." "You still getting high and chasing after girls?" He rolled his eyes. "No." "Phillip. I know you. I'd be disappointed if you weren't still your old self" "What? A screw-up?" I looked at him, shocked. "Phillip Altman. You are no screw-up, you made mistakes, and that's okay. What did I always use to tell you?" "Mistakes make are lessons; learn from them," he sulked out. "Yeah," I smiled at him. "You wanna go outside?" "Sure."

We went out to the back patio and sat across from each other at the table. Philip pulled out this pack of cigarettes and shook it to get my attention. "Oh, no, thank you." "You stopped?" "Well...Kinda" I lifted my sleeve and showed him my nicotine patch. "I had a bit of a scare last year...The doctors said I had lung cancer, but it was just a machine failure. So I've been trying to stop. I do still kinda want kids, y'know... without defects." I laughed dryly, and he nodded understandingly as he lit a cigarette. I watched him quietly as he blew the smoke from his lips. I leaned back against the chair and looked up at the sky; it was around five o'clock the sun was beginning to set. "How long are you staying for?" "Hmm? Oh, um, until Monday. My flight home is Tuesday morning" "Why'd you decide to come in today? The reunion isn't until Saturday, and it's Thursday." "Your sister insisted I come and stay awhile, and I need a vacation..."

I rolled my neck and met his eyes; he smiled that sweet, crooked smile. "What?"

"Nothing..." He shook his head and looked away, taking another drag. "No, it's definitely something, Altman." I sat up in my chair and put my elbows on the table. He groaned, knowing I wouldn't let it go. "You...You just haven't really changed." I faked offensive "What's that supposed to mean?" "I don't know, I just...I missed you. And our talks, you and Wendy, were my favorite people growing up. I really miss it when you'd come over after school and play video games downstairs with me or when you'd teach me how to draw. I miss you, Y/n."

As I stared at him, guilt rose in my chest.

 I must have been zoned out long enough for Phillip to notice. He got up and crouched beside my chair; his hand grasped mine, making me return to reality. I looked at him, then his hand on mine.

I bit my lip and looked down.

I left my hometown to pursue my dream, but when I failed, I was too ashamed to come home, so I went into reception, and that's where I've been for the past few years. I didn't realize how much this affected my friends and family until now.

"You zoned out. Did I say something wrong?" I looked back at him and smiled. "No, Philly...I just got hit by a startling realization." I chuckled then lifted my free hand to his face and brushed a stray strand of hair behind his ear; he smiled back at me, but from the look in his eyes, I could tell there was a hint of concern. He leaned into the warmth of my hand and gave the one he was holding a gentle squeeze. "I really meant it, though. I miss you" "Yeah, I miss you too." He squeezed my hand again and then stood up; when did he put out his cigarette? "I think mom's almost done dinner. We should go in" He tilted his head towards the door, and I followed him inside.

A knock on the front door interrupted my conversation with Wendy as we waited for dinner. It was Judd. "Hey! Look, who decided to join us," I said as he walked into the kitchen. "Y/n? Goodness, you've grown up." I laughed and hugged him. "I look the same, Judd. You, on the other hand," I teased, causing him to roll his eyes.

A few more welcomes were given out, and Hillary had put everything on the dinner table; I sat across from Phillip, and Wendy sat to my right. "So... How's the job going, Phillip?" Judd asked, and Phillip shrugged. "It's good, Exhausting but good. I mean, Paul can be a pain in the ass occasionally, but we're not butting heads as much anymore." "That's better than good, Phillip. You seem to be maturing," I say, making Wendy laugh. "Maturing? Phillip? Oh Gosh, I hope so; it's about time." He groaned; I looked over at him; His shoulders seemed to slump as he ate. Gently I tapped his leg with my foot, and he looked up at me.

"I think it's great that he's finally able to stand on his own and show that he can care for himself. I haven't been around for a while, but I have seen a tremendous change." As I spoke, I kept my eyes on his with a smile.

That seemed to bring back his confidence and goofiness; even though Phillip's siblings could be tough on him, they loved him and were proud, but sometimes he needed someone else to believe in him.

The rest of the dinner went by with a calmer air and laughter.

Hillary decided to go to bed right after. Phillip and I volunteered to wash the dishes so Judd could relax from his flight and Wendy could put the babes to sleep.

"But you're right; I guess I didn't realize how much I depended on their opinions of me. Especially Wendy's. It just crushed me a bit when she said that." He paused and passed me a plate to dry. "I'm the family screw-up trying to redeem himself, but it's hard when I feel like no one actually believes I can do it. I know it's kinda like the boy who cried wolf story but still..." His voice began to break, and he stopped moving; his hands rested in the soapy water.

I felt something bump against my hip. Did I zone out again?

"What're you thinking about?" I looked over at Philip, who was washing the dishes beside me; he must have bumped me. I held a plate in my hand while drying it. I bit my lip. "About you," I admitted; he looked at me with his brows raised in surprise, then went back to washing more dishes. "Me? Why?" He asked, "I was thinking about what Wendy said at dinner. It seemed to kinda...deflate you." He chuckled and shook his head. "You read me like an open book. You know that, Y/n?" "Mm..Do I? It must be because of how long I've known you, I guess" "So. What about it?" "I don't know; it's just...I feel like you don't believe in yourself as much as you should, and your siblings' opinions of you are more important than yours." He had just about dropped a plate into the sink when I finished speaking. "Fuck. Is it that obvious?" I shook my head. "You're psychic, I swear..." "You used to say that all the time when you were a kid." I laughed out

"You are not a screw-up. Do you hear me? There is absolutely nothing wrong with making mistakes. You don't see how amazing you truly are, but I can. And I wouldn't call that a screw-up." His eyebrows were furrowed when I spoke. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to my level, his head nuzzled into my neck, and his arm wrapped around me in a tight, almost bone-crushing hug. "If anyone screwed up, it'd be me," I mumbled to myself, but it caused him to pull back and look into my eyes; he didn't say anything, but his expression said enough. "I should have never left." Our arms were still around each other. "Why do you say that? Don't you have everything you wanted? You have your dream job and live in the big city like you always wanted." I sighed, pulling him into another hug. My head rested against his chest. I stood there for a moment, thinking about his question. I hadn't told anyone yet. Not even Wendy knows. I looked up at him and met his gaze. "No...I blew the job on my first week, and I live in an apartment with three roommates. I work as a receptionist at a hotel across the street." His expression didn't really change from the one earlier, but he pulled me in tighter "Why did you never come home...?" I laid my head back against his chest, and he placed his chin atop my head. "You should understand better than anyone." I muttered, "Everyone was so excited for me, and I made the promise to my parent's that I'd come home successful and make them proud." My words made his hold on me incredibly tighter. "Oh- Phillip. You're gonna squeeze the life out of me." I wheezed out, and he chuckled, letting go of me, but he locked his fingers together as they were around my waist, Only letting me go so far. "What're you trying to do" I laughed, looking at him. He shrugged. "Thought maybe if I hugged you tight enough, all that pain and guilt and feelings of failure would be transferred to me." he smiled softly as I continued to laugh. "Oh Philly, If that were possible, I'd never let you take on all my pain" That look is back, His furrowed brows and slightly pouty lip. I removed my arms from around his neck, placing my hands on his face. "I'm okay. Okay?" I nodded as I spoke, then turned out of his hold; he was quiet the rest of the time we did the dishes. I told him I'd put them away and that he should go to bed. But instead, he went outside.

 It broke my heart to see him like this; this wasn't the usual Phillip Altman I knew. No, this was someone entirely different, someone I didn't know...maybe I would have if I'd never left.

I pulled his hand from the water and turned him to face me; he wouldn't look into my eyes, so I placed my hands on his face to make him,

 When I finished putting everything away, I joined him. "So. Little Altman, do you remember any of my impromptu astronomy classes?" I asked quietly as I sat beside him; he sat in one of the outdoor dining chairs, a cigarette between his lips. "Hmm? Maybe? " He took a drag from it, then put it out. "I remember Orion, big and little dipper. The open cluster called p- something" "Pleiades" "Yeah, that. I think I remember where the other eight planets are." I smiled at him, "I bet you don't remember the names of the stars that make up ursa minor" "Is that a challenge? Y/n. The little dipper is my favorite constellation." "I know. So yes, it is a challenge."

Philip stood up and walked back into the house to turn off the backlight. When he came back out, he had two blankets; he laid one down on the grass and then called me over. He sat down after me and wrapped the second one around our shoulders. We sat with barely an inch between us.

"Okay. So. Let's start with the trapezoid part first. The biggest star is Kochab, below that is Pherkad, and right of that is Eta Ursae Minoris. Above that one is Zeta Ursae Minoris. Now for the tail, we have in order starting with Zeta, it goes to Epsilon Ursae minoris, Yildun, and ending with my favorite, Polaris. The North Star. " Each time he'd say a different name, he'd point to the exact one, Not missing a single beat.

But I wasn't really paying attention, I suppose; I observed him. He's so much more grown-up...It's almost like he's a different person now. A heavy sigh left my lips, catching his attention. "Did I get something wrong?" He asked as he looked down at me, our eyes meeting briefly before I inhaled sharply, then looked up at the star-covered sky. "No, you did amazingly. You've always been good with astronomy." "It's only because I liked my Tutor. She was always more interesting than Mr. Elks." My eyes met his again, they were playful, but something sad lingered behind them. "I guess I was pretty great; Mr. Elks was a bore. He never made it fun and always made us do written projects instead of fun physical science." I groaned out, rolling my eyes. "We made a...Uh, what do you call those things? You put them above baby cribs." "A mobile?" "Yea, a mobile, That's all we got to do, and it's still hanging in the classroom." I laughed. "I should sneak you into the reunion so you can go snatch it and put it in your bedroom" "Oh, you should! That's a great idea. Plus, you are allowed a plus one." He wiggled his eyebrows; I was about to say yes, let's do that. But then, something painful struck my mind.

-What would people think if they saw that I brought Phillip as my plus one? Would they assume we were together or something? We're almost seven years apart. Gosh, would people see me differently if they thought I was dating my best friend's baby brother? What if-

"Y/n/n?" His voice pulled me out of my overthinking, and quickly, I stood up. The cold air erupted goose bumps along my skin. He looked up at me, surprised.

"S-sorry. I totally would, but. It just might not be a good idea. Um, I think I should go to bed. I'll see you in the morning-" Philip's larger hand grabbed mine quickly, causing me to fall into his lap. My face flushed a soft red as I looked into his eyes. What is happening? This is the annoying little punk who would always try and start a fight with me or make me look at his baseball cards with him. Why do I feel like a teenage girl with her first crush?

"I know you...You're probably thinking that if you took me to the reunion, everyone from your class would think you're dating me. Or that they'll think you're some creep that's into guys almost a decade younger than you. But would that be so bad?" I gasped at his question; he held onto me by the waist, his eyes bore into mine, a look of something new in his eyes. Something that I knew from other men but not him.

He leaned in and slotted his lips against my own. They were warm; he tasted like honey and cigarettes; my mind felt fuzzy as I returned his kiss. But the moment ended as soon as it started, I pulled away. It felt like a bucket of ice-cold water was dropped onto me. "S-sorry...Phillip. I-" He shook his head. "No...I get it. Just had to kiss you at least once in my life." I looked at him, startled. Like a deer in headlights, "What? Is it that surprising to find out I like you? I kind of hinted at it earlier." I shook my head, still sitting on his lap. "No...Um, I just assumed it was like a sister kinda like?" I admitted, and it was his turn to shake his head. He chuckled. "Yeah, No. Y/n. I've had a massive crush on you since I was in like middle school. I mean, I always knew nothing would ever happen between us, but I figured maybe one day I'd kiss you."  I fell silent for a few moments; he allowed me some air to process this new information. He stared up at the sky before he spoke. "How about this, Since I know you'll probably be overthinking it for a while. I'll mark this off on my bucket list, and you can forget it even happened." He looked back down at me. I nodded in response. "Yeah. That...might be a good idea." soon after, we decided to go back inside and go to bed.

But I don't think either of us slept that night. How could I forget about it? It was such a wonderful, albeit short, Kiss. I could still feel the warmth of his lips long after I got up the next morning.

"Good morning, everyone. You're all up early." I said as I walked through the kitchen; there was a small assortment of breakfast foods spread across the countertops. "Where's Phillip?" Wendy asked, "How should I know? He's probably still asleep." I responded as I grabbed a bowl of cereal, "Could you go wake him up? He'll be less cranky if you do it." I sighed, yea...now I know why. "Sure. He needs to get up anyways." I feigned annoyance, but in truth, my body was screaming at me to just avoid him. Damn it, Phillip, why'd you have to kiss me and make things difficult.

Reluctantly I walked up the stairs, I stood in front of his door, but as I was reaching up to knock on the door, I heard this soft, muffled sound that sounded very close to a moan. I blinked a few times at the door, my hand still raised. I listened and heard it again. This time it sounded like my name. No... He's not. Is he? I stifled a groan before I pounded my fist onto his door, "Hey! Get up. Your family wants you downstairs to eat breakfast." There was silence behind the door; good. He needs to be startled. Punk. Then I heard some shuffling. The door opened to find a half-naked Philip Altman. His torso was toned and bare. His breath was heavy as he spoke, "Okay. I'll be down in a minute." I crossed my arms over my chest, and I could tell he was struggling to avoid looking at my chest. But then again, so was I. I cleared my throat and turned away. The door closed loudly; I heard a thump against it, then a low, groaned-out curse as I walked down the stairs.

"Why exactly are they having the reunion at the school?" I asked once I returned to the kitchen and sat down across from Wendy at the dining table. "Oh, Apparently, they got the idea to recreate our senior prom. So the school is allowing us to use the gym for the event." I scoffed. "Why senior prom? That was the worst thing to ever happen in school." "For you, maybe. But others actually enjoyed it." "Yeah, well, the others didn't find their boyfriend getting head from the cheer captain." "Woah, okay. Language, got kids here, Y/n," Judd calmly scolded, "Sorry. But still. Senior Prom was the worst night of my life, and honestly, I don't want to relive it."

"Then don't go; stay here with me and babysit." I hear Phillip say as he sat down in the seat beside me. "No, Phillip. She has to go, she already agreed, and I won't let her back out." I rolled my eyes; I felt Phillip bump his knee against mine, and I bumped him back; this was something we often did when I'd come over for breakfast before school; it makes sense now why he'd always sit beside me. "Do I have to wear a dress then?" Wendy shrugged as she ate, "It's optional, but they did mention that they'd prefer if you wore formal clothing. I know Teddy Fredrickson is taking Lindsey as his date, like during prom, they said they're going to wear the same things they did that night." I grumbled as I ate my cereal; Phillip glanced at me, and he tapped my foot with his. I looked over at him, and he seemed confused. "Lindsey is the one I found Anthony with. She was dating Teddy in high school." "Oh, It turns out that he knew they were hooking up, but he didn't care; they got married two years ago and have a kid." I raised my brows in surprise at Wendy's comment. "Huh. Who did Anthony marry then?" "No clue; she didn't go to our school, But she is coming as his plus one." I nodded and finished off my bowl, lifting it up to drink the milk. I wiped my mouth and stood up from my seat. "You wanna go shopping, Wendy?" I asked as I put my bowl in the sink. "Oh, yes, please." "Oh, why don't I drive you two around? That way, Judd can get a break from us, and Mom can enjoy some much-needed time with the grands." Phillip offered, I was about to recline, but Wendy beat me to the punch and accepted his invitation. "Well, we can't take your Porsche." I said as I started ascending the stairs, "No, but we could take your old Camaro." I gasped at Wendy's suggestion, "I doubt that thing even runs anymore! Dad probably keeps it in the garage." "Uh, no, actually. He lets me drive it when mine is in the shop. She purrs beautifully." Phillip corrected, I rolled my eyes and nodded. "Alright, go get her then." I hear a triumphant cheer downstairs.

Ah...My old 1969 Chevrolet Camaro Z/28, it's very, very old. My grandfather bought it when he first moved here from the city with my grandmother and ten-year-old dad. That car was given to my dad when he turned sixteen then my father did the same with me. We never treated it like it was a special display piece. I'm not even sure how much of it is still its original self. It's been in a lot of accidents, and my grandfather was a mechanic, so he would always put it back together each time. My father followed in his footsteps. I wonder how Phillip got ahold of it.

"Wendy, how much longer is he going to take?" I asked her as we stood outside on the porch; she shrugged and held her little girl. Hillary came out and took the child in her arms just as Phillip was pulling up to the curb. "You girls coming or what?" I flipped him off, making him burst into a fit of giggles; walking over, I leaned in to peer my head into the open window to look at him. "You're a little Punk; you know that?" I smirked playfully; he smiled and leaned over the passenger seat, his face close to mine; I could feel his breath against my lips, he glanced down, and I followed his eyes as he began winding the window back up. "You little!-" I backed up away from the car; I could see him snickering. I huffed and pulled the door open, "Brat." I muttered as he pushed the passenger seat down. "You know it, Y/n. Always and forever" I didn't miss the long stare he gave my ass when I climbed in and sat down. I swatted his arm. "Ow, what was that for." "This morning," I said as calmly as possible. I looked into the rearview to see his face flush deep red, "Y-Y/n, I can explain-" He mumbled out but was cut off by Wendy, "Explain what? And why is your face red? Are you drunk already?" I laughed quietly. "I found him hiding a pack of cigs this morning when I went to wake him up." Wendy nodded as she got into her seat in front. "That's not unusual, but why is his face red." "I guess he's just not used to my teasing anymore." I shrugged.

Phillip drove us around town to every little store we wanted to see, but now it was just him and I in the car; Wendy wanted to go into a children's store, but I wasn't very interested in it at the moment.

I leaned in between the front seats and rested my elbows on the center console. "You should probably start explaining." He looked over at me with wide eyes. "Not so cocky today now, are we?" "Well, there's a difference between last night and this morning, Y/n." I hummed and looked out the windshield. "How so?" He cleared his throat and pulled out a cigarette. "For instance, I planned on kissing you. I didn't plan on you hearing me rubbing one out the thought of you," he spoke as he lit it. Damn, how could he be so blunt? "If you get caught, own it," he muttered, and I smiled at him. "Is that a common occurrence then?" he shook his head. "It's usually not you I think about, but that kiss has me all fucked up," he admitted as he blew the smoke out of the open window. "Maybe it's best we both try and forget it happened so we don't have another accidental occurrence," I suggested, but he didn't seem to like the idea. "Fuck no. I've waited for that moment since eighth grade. It'll be fine. This morning was a one-time thing. I promise." "Good." I sat back in my seat and watched him from his side mirror.   Wendy came out not too long after, scolding Phillip for smoking in the car. "where to now, ladies?" he asked.

I should never have said anything. Because now I'm trying on dresses.

"Meh, Purple isn't really your color." I hear Philip say as I take a slow spin. He decided to join us with the excuse of needing some air conditioning. "Yeah, he's right. Try the blue one on. I'm gonna go look for a pair of shoes, so Phillip, let me know what you think." Phillip gave her a thumbs up as I turned to go back into the changing room, the long floor-to-ceiling curtain returning to its closed position when I pulled it closed.

"They were right, the purple isn't my color, but I doubt raspberry blue is going to be any better," I whispered to myself as I slipped out of the dress; as I was fixing the spaghetti strap on my shoulder, the curtain opened, I turned to the entrance and was about to speak, but Phillip slipped a finger to his lips, a smirk hiding behind it. His eyes selfishly took their time scanning my body. The dress was a blue, belle Swiss dot, twist front tie, backless wrap, cami. It was very pretty, but I didn't feel it suited me well, and his eyes only caused my insecurity to grow. I was never a fan of dresses or showing too much skin, so having someone stare at me was nerve-wracking. "Holy-" Philip breathed out, his hand falling to his side; he took a step closer, almost close enough for us to touch. "What..? does it look dumb?" I ask as the strap slides down my shoulder; he's quick to fix it. His fingers seemed to burn against my skin. He breathed out a quiet laugh. "No. Damn...You just look so pretty. It took my breath away," I rolled my eyes and shoved his shoulder gently. "No, I mean it. Come on, spin. Let me see you." He requested, taking a step back. No one had really ever spoken to me like that...That honestly. Anthony was my only long-term boyfriend, and he was only a sweet talker when he wanted something. Phillip was sincere, and it made me happy; I did as he asked. "So?" "You look hot. Like, really Hot. You'll Make Anthony Kennett wish he treated you right." I laughed and turned around to the three-piece mirror that stood almost as tall as me. I played with the skirt of the dress, and again the strap fell; I went to fix it, but Philip did it first, his front pressed to my back, leaning down slightly to place a kiss on my bare shoulder as he fixed the strap, he pulled back and adjusted them both, then his eyes met mine in the mirror. Darkness filled them, something I think I could get lost in if I wasn't careful. Looking away, I cleared my throat. "So, you think I should get it?" he nodded. "Definitely." I smiled at him, and he left the changing room.

"Did you find one?" "yeah, I'm getting the blue one." "Oh yeah? What made you pick that one?" "Revenge." Wendy looked at me, surprised, but I just smiled at her.

We spent the rest of the day just enjoying our time and taking a nice drive around; we didn't get home until four-thirty. Just before dinner. "How was your shopping, girls? Did you find anything nice?" Hillary asked as we sat down at the table. I told her I'd show her my dress after dinner, and Wendy told her about everything she had bought. After dinner, it was the same routine as the night before.

"About earlier, I meant everything I said. It's a one-time thing, and you looked beautiful in that dress. Not saying you aren't beautiful now...because you are," I looked over at him when he paused, his eyes gazing into mine. "You're always beautiful." My breathing hitched, and I dropped the plate I was drying; it fell to the floor between us and shattered. "Oh, Shit!" I cursed, jumping back, Phillip laughed as he crouched down to pick up the pieces, but I swatted him on the head; he looked up at me and cocked his head to the side. "Don't pick them up with your bare hands, Idiot. Let me get a broom." I walked over to the pantry to grab the broom and helped him clean up the glass. As we finished the dishes, I turned and leaned my back against the counter, drying off the last glass before setting it on the counter; I watched Phillip put away stuff on the higher shelves that I couldn't reach. "Hey, Thank you." "Hmm? For what?" he asked "Your kind words. I'm not used to it." "Yeah, I got that when you dropped the plate," he teased, turning around to face me.

He stood only a foot away from me. "I can't take it," he admitted with a sigh. "Can't take what?" "You." He took a step in, his hands resting on the counter on either side of me, caging me in. I swallowed the lump in my throat and asked, "Why me?" He smirked at me, "Why not you? You have me wrapped around your little finger; you've been playing with me all day. I expected the whole crush thing to go away after the kiss. I know it's only been one day, but I crave more...More of you." I gasped at his words; his breath fanned over my face. He smelled like smoke and strawberry dish soap. It was intoxicating. "Phillip-" "I don't care." He leaned in closer, his nose nuzzling against my cheek as he inhaled, "You need to stop worrying about what others will think. It's not like it'd be Illegal if we hooked up, Y/n."

His hands lifted from the countertop and found their places on my hips; I leaned into his touch. It was warm and inviting, but that little bug in my mind wouldn't keep quiet. He's right, It's only seven years, and we're both adults. It's not illegal. But he is my best friend's little brother; I grew up with him. It's wrong, No matter how much I want it.

 I put my hands on his chest and pushed gently, but he didn't budge; he just pulled his face away to look into my eyes. "Y/n.." he breathed out my name, his gaze was heavy on mine, and I shut my eyes. I was conflicted, and I knew he could see it. I felt his breath against my ear before he spoke softly, "No one has to know." His hands squeezed my hips to emphasize his point; my breath hitched when I felt him kiss that spot behind my ear.

He pulled back, and his warmth was gone. "Open your eyes; look at me" I shook my head; he lifted a hand to my face, gently rubbing his thumb under my eye; he leaned in a kissed me. It was sweet but electrifying; my eyes shot open he pulled back only slightly. "I'm not some little kid anymore. I'm a man now" I smiled at his words, and he gave one back, his hand sliding back down to my hip. "Oh, there you are, finally leaving your shell, huh?" he asked, and I rolled my eyes playfully. "You're right. You're not a kid; You're different now."

"Damn right, I am." My hands were still on his chest; I looked down at them and then slid them around his neck, pulling him into another kiss. It was heated and passionate he pushed his body against mine, deepening the kiss; his tongue grazed my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I didn't stand a chance once his tongue slid against mine; I moaned softly into the kiss. I felt his grip tighten on my hips, then slide up my sides. Finding their way under my shirt, pulling and kneading on any skin they could find. It felt wonderful, he knew what he was doing, and it gave me some comfort as I threaded my fingers through the dark locks of hair at the bottom of his neck; I gently pulled on them, causing him to groan; his hands slipped from under my shirt and back to hips. Carefully, he lifted me up and sat me on the counter; his body stood between my thighs. The kiss never faltered, only growing more passionate with every peck and graze, every nip or clash of teeth. Gently he bit my lower lip, pulling on it before letting go and kissing me once more. I sighed against his lips; my breath was heavy and labored.  "Y/n dear! Are you going to show me the dress you bought?" Hillary yelled from the living room; Phillip and I pulled away quickly, startled by his mother. "Shit-" He whispered as he helped me down off the counter. We could hear her footsteps approaching. I fixed my shirt and hair quickly before grabbing a hand towel, pretending I was drying my hands. "Yeah! Just a minute!" I turned to Phillip, who had begun to walk outside. "Where are you going?" I asked him quietly, "I'll be out here when you're done. kay?" I smiled, and he returned it; nodding, I turned around to go into the living room. "Let me just go and put it on real quick," I said to Hillary, "Alright! I'm excited to see it."

[winniethewife]

Jewels made of stardust  

(Poe Dameron x OC! Rhoswen Jewelace.)

Chapter 2: We were young and so inspired

Last chapter ~ Next chapter

Words: 922

~Three years before.~

Poe and Rhoswen sat on the cliff side looking out on the ocean and into the stars. They sat almost close enough to touch but they weren’t. He looked over at her, her red hair pulled back into a ponytail, her Emerald eyes sparkling in the moon light, her lips parted ever so slightly in awe of it all. She was so damn pretty, but she was his new generals adopted daughter and somehow that felt off limits.

“Do you ever think about what you’ll do when this is done?” Rhoswen asks as she continues to look out at the stars.

“Uh…no, not really… I’m a here and now kinda guy.” He admits as he looks away from her and out on the water. She laughs at his response.

“Yeah, I get that…I donno, I know my mom wants me to lead, do something maybe with politics, y’know become a senator or something.” She runs her fingers along her arm as she speaks

“But what do you want to do?”  Poe asks with curiosity in his voice, He looks back at her. He would never understand what it’s like to carry the burden of being part of a family with a heritage and lineage like hers, even if she was adopted into the family, it was a pretty big deal to be the child of heroes, probably a lot of pressure.

“Me? I just…I want to see everything the galaxy has to offer, I want to see it all…” She looks over at him surprised to see him watching her, a smirk appears on her face.

“That sounds…perfect.” Poe says quietly

“Well, I could use a co-pilot…”

~current day~

Poe sat with Finn in the mess hall as he pushes his food around.

“You’ve gotta eat.” Finn chided Him as he looked at his food like a sad little mastiff

“I’m not a child Finn…I can figure it out.”

“figure out how to eat? I donno how you’re alive if you haven’t figured that out.”

“Oh ha-ha very funny Finn.” Poe glares at his friend.

“What? I’m just trying to help.” Finn says defensively. Poe sighed and set his fork down.

“I’m sorry, it’s really not you. I just…” His sentence trails off as he sees a red haired woman walk by…its not her and he doesn’t hide his disappointment.

“Its like you want her to walk in here and keep fighting.” Finn chuckles as he sees where Poe was looking.

“Look if we’re fighting we’re talking and that’s better than nothing.” Poe remembers when she wouldn’t even look at him after their big blow out, he felt like he was drowning, at least if they fight, he feels like there’s a chance to survive. Finn shakes his head at his friend and focuses back on his food. Poe knows he doesn’t get it. No one does. Poe gives up on food and leaves the mess hall to try and clear his head. He knows he’ll probably fall back into his normal routine, the only thing that keeps his mind off…everything… Do his reports, go to the cantina, pick up some girl or guy, sleep with them, leave by morning. The Dameron special.

~

Rhoswen sat on her bed her head in her hands, she was so done with today. So done with everything. Nothing made sense anymore. Every damn day in the galaxy made less and less sense. Her father was dead, her brother killed him, and since then she pushed everyone as far away as possible. She couldn’t lose anyone else. It was too much a risk. Then hearing a light knock on the doorframe she looks up. General Leia Organa, Or as Rhoswen knew her…

“Mom… I’m really not in the headspace for another lecture.”

“I’m not here to lecture. This time.” Leia says as she comes to sit by her daughter.

“I’m not sure I’m in the mood for motherly advice either…” She mutters. Leia laughs.

“Well, which would you rather get, a lecture or motherly advice?” Leia asks with her signature smile on her face. Rhoswen sighs.

“I guess I’ll take the motherly advice, Just don’t count on me putting it to use.” she replied with a grimace as she looked at the woman who had taken her in at a young age, and had become her mother.

“I wasn’t counting on it. You were always stubborn, you learned from the best.” Leia says as she put a hand on her thigh. “You don’t have to fight him every step of the way you know? You two used to be close, you practically begged to be on Black Squadron-” Leia was trying her best before she was interrupted

“That was before Starkilller…”

“I understand that…”

“Look Mom, I understand your concern, but I just… after that big fight we had, we both said things that we can’t take back… I don’t think Poe and I will ever recover from that, but that’s for the best, I’m much more Solo than Organa, I do better alone.” She says as she gives Leia a sad smile.

“That’s the thing, Solo’s were never actually very good at being alone, they were just very good at pretending they were.” Leia squeezes her thigh slightly as she returns the smile.

“Well, I’m gonna keep pretending for now…but thanks.”

“Any time…” Leia stands up and starts to walk to the door before turning to her daughter. “Poe…he reminds you of him doesn’t he?”

“With every breath.” She admits

“Me too.”

~

Masterlist

Tag: @femmeanonymelives

[shmowder]

Hiya! Back for round two of sharing my patho characters as i actually changed my mind I do feel comfortable sharing one of my patho self inserts (My self inserts aren’t one to one projections of me for the most part just bits and pieces!!)

This one’s Name is Falin dankovsky, Falin is only a year younger then our dear bachelor and is our very own bachelors lovely spouse their relationship is very stable and loving even if both are very work focused they will always find some time for the other even if it’s something as minor as just sitting in silence, and in the later days of the game their relationship is the only thing keeping the other stable as the common thought is “I need to keep him alive…I will die for him if needed” they absolutely fight over petty things though they love eachother but will argue over things that seems utterly nonsensical to anyone who isn’t them.

Falin is a psychologist! And one of the healers, who really wants to help everyone he comes across he hasn’t become jaded with his job if anything he is far too empathetic towards people often leading him to be pulled into rabbit holes in order to help the sick. He does however often act before thinking and has difficulties asking for help meaning issues that could easily be solved linger for days since he can’t properly advocate for himself. But he is a good listener and offers advice/ solutions to others when he can even if it causes him issues later on, he unfortunately kinda has a martyr mentality where someone must be willing to sacrifice themself to help others and it has to be him nobody else is allowed. 

Falin’s reason for being involved in the main plot is he got a letter asking him to get a man with the last name Stamatin declared mentally sound so he may be executed for a murder which he’s like I can look into it sure but I’d prefer if we got him institutionalized and maybe not murdered for his crime?, Falin leaves for the town a day after Daniil leaves meaning the bachelor has no clue the other is in the town at all until the morning of the second day.

Once falin gets off the train someone attempts to murder him however only succeeds in giving the psychologist a minor concussion, Falin ends up waking up in a grave meeting Clara who claims that she’s his younger sister she tells him ‘we are both born from the same grave’ Falin is like yeah sure why not? I believe this weird child in this graveyard…why shouldn’t I? And then she drops on him “oh you can do miracles too btw” then immediately peace’s out and falin’s like….huh? What the hell does she mean? But falin learns quickly that his blood can reverse death! So the issue is he can’t cure the plague in someone until after they’ve passed and even then that runs the risk of bringing them back completely wrong! But another issue is the question of is that what the dead what have wanted?

Then here’s some Other important character notes: Falin is a trans man which causes him to be slightly paranoid around others due to the fear of people finding out this and turning on him so he is constantly keeping a balance act of hoping nobody notices why he doesn’t have facial hair, why his chest seems rounded and why his voice is so high. he also is borderline so that doesn’t make his fear of others turning on him any the better as Falin is constantly convinced everyone will leave either due to his status as a trans man or because they secretly hate him without knowing that….please get him onto some meds he needs them badly…he’s just having an awful time all around. The only other characters he actively is friendly towards is Daniil, Clara, anna and Eva. with Clara their dynamic is very much so two siblings constantly fighting over literally everything with where their only argument to the other is to the lines of “well I’m older!” And “Well I’m moms favorite so I get to cure the plague” I also want the meta reason for them being siblings being that their dolls were marketed as siblings kinda like Barbie and her sisters or something similar? If that makes sense?

He’s either neutral to everyone else or they are actively hostile towards him, The kains and the Stamatins are ones who are most hostile towards him for obvious reasoning however after Falin’s ability is exposed the kains want him to bring back Simon and aren’t above using the only family Falin has as leverage to get that goal. He actively believes the mistresses as well as why wouldn’t he? Both he and his sister make similar claims so why shouldn’t he believe them as well?. The house he places the most respect into would be the Saburovs for fairly obvious reasoning but he’s very snippy with Alexander at times since falin doesn’t do well with male authority figures at all (it’s the daddy issues!)

During day 5 to day 10 he gets his period leading his exhaustion meter to deplete further his dialogue with others get more snappy and the hunger meter drops quicker, he also has less blood to spare on those days so you can’t bring back any dead bounds and once those bounds are dead for longer then two days they are completely gone meaning Falin can either bleed himself utterly dry or can risk failing others, oh and if he bleeds himself too much he passes out and gets a lecture from Daniil when he comes too. Not overly sure on what his ending would be but it’d probably be him siding with either Daniil or Clara’s way of going about things and aiding their ending.

Oh one bonus thing for fun! Falin and franziska would met a couple times and Falin thanks her for being kind to Clara and gives her some ammo and an egg as a small thanks for being nice to his younger sister but overall they really aren’t overly chill with eachother on account of dankovsky and Franz praying the other dies every single night before bed.

-immune anon back again! Submitting another one of my own character sillies! I do apologize for how long this is lol once I get rambling I can’t stop rambling!! :P

Welcome back! And with another amazing OC, banger after banger I swear.

It's very sweet that their relationship is stable with the Bachelor; Daniil isn't the easiest person to get along with, let alone share a life with. He still deserves love like anyone else, both of them constantly putting in the effort to ensure each other's comfort and needs are met is the epitome of love.

And only one year younger! Does that mean they met in university 👀 or high school sweethearts? I love relationships that are built on friendships.

Fighting over petty things is just Daniil's love language dw, he is just built like that. Happy to see Falin give him a taste of his own medicine too.

God, it's genius how you weaved him into the story! Alexander just sent a letter to the first psychologist he got recommended because he's still not over how Peter weaselled his way out of punishment.

The both of them having no idea they're going to the same place. Daniil is on one of his work trips to meet a supposed immortal man after an old colleague, Isidor Burakh, sent him an invitation offering arrangements.

While Falin received a letter asking for a psychological evaluation of a man whose last name sounds really similar to that famous architect who built the Capital bridge.

THE CLARA SUBPLOT I CAN'T

IT'S SO FITTING OF HER

-

Falin: So how are we siblings?

Clara: Wouldn't you like to know, miracle boy.

-

I absolutely adore the meta reason of them being siblings! They come in packs! Do not separate!!! oh, my heart, that's so precious. Even tho they just met, they feel this connection as if they've known each other from a long time ago.

Maybe the toy set was marketed as the "Miracle siblings!" or something. The two sandcastle kids took it literally but then had a fight and separated Falin and Clara.

The "I'm mom's favourite" line took me out.

Finally, some bpd rep. God I relate to him so much, that paranoia really never goes away and it blends itself so well with your own thoughts that it's hard to separate the shadows from the truth.

Bpd is also a personality disorder, rather than a chemical imbalance in the brain like depression. Meds can't "cure" it, only lessen the symptoms. It's a learned pattern of behaviour that one must unlearn.

Why do I feel Alexander would be lowkey touched by someone being snippy with him in a daddy issues way? Sure, he will never show it, but at least he got to experience the equivalent of being a dad dealing with a moody teenager for like a couple minutes. He would never tolerate any disrespect towards his wife, however. Falin is welcome to blame and curse him out as long as Katerina's name stays off his tongue.

There is a symbolic parallel between him bleeding himself out to bring people back to life, equating his blood to the worth of gold, then being hit with his period, preventing him from using his miracles for a while.

It's having a choice that's the moral. One was him giving his blood out of his own agency, taking it out of his own body and using it for good.

The other was blood forcibly being taken out from him in the form of a period. Suddenly that blood is draining him and exhausting, removing all his agency as he has no choice but to endure it. It especially hurts more with how much he is worried about others figuring out he is trans.

The one thing special and extremely helpful is being twisted and weaponise against him, threatening to expose his identity while stealing away his magic.

I'm glad to see Falin and Franziska are friends! or at least know each other. I love when OCs are connected and have intertwined stories.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

🎁🎁🎁 Make Good Ones

A SNEAKRET SANTA GIFT DRABBLE

A/N: Merry December and Happy Holidays, everyone! Don’t mind me, I’m just here to leave another gift under the tree. These are my way of giving back to some of the lovely content creators here whose work brings me joy. I tried to personalize them a little bit for each person they’re dedicated to, but they’re just as much my gift to anyone who has ever shared their work or who has ever read mine. Thank you for being lovely <3 

Gift Tag: @something-tofightfor​ - Who gave this response when I asked her “Joel or Jack” -  “I hate you for making me choose.” - I know, it was rude of me. But I was preeeeeeetty sure which way she was going to lean, so when the answer was Joel this basically started writing itself. The prompts I chose to work in for this one were ornaments, wrapping paper, & Christmas tree. Rachael, your Joel is so incredibly special, and the way that you write him - and all of your characters - is a huge inspiration to me as a writer. I have you to thank for introducing me to this fictional (pixel) man in the first place, so I truly hope you enjoy these few thousand words about him at the holidays. Thank you for being so goddamn wonderful. I frickin love you! 

WC: 3,198 

Warnings: canon typical angst, discussion about loss, no actual spoilers though, and it’s overall a fluff. This is stand alone and is not connected to Survivor Blues or anything else I have written for Joel. 

It had started off as a simple question one night at the end of November - you asking Joel what his and Ellie’s plans for Christmas were that year. He’d told you that they were going to have dinner with Tommy and Maria on Christmas Eve, but that the following day they had no plans, so you had invited them to your place, telling him that the holiday was your favorite and that you would love to spend it with the two of them. 

It had turned into something more when he’d surprised you by asking you why it was your favorite holiday.

That was a story that revealed far more than the actual answer to his innocuous question, but as the two of you lay together on your couch one night, a fire that he’d built warming the space and soft music coming from the record player in the corner, you decided that there was no one else that you’d rather tell it to. “It’s a long story,” you said with a sigh, leaning into him. “You sure you want me to-” 

He answered by kissing the crown of your head and mumbling, “I’ve got time.” Alright. You relaxed into him as he shifted his legs so that you could fit between them. He asked, so… so here goes.  

“So, my grandparents had one of those old bottle brush looking things from the 70’s.” You scoffed, shaking your head. “You know, those silver ones that looked more like pipe-cleaners than pine trees?”

You felt the rumble of his chuckle against your back as it left his chest. “Yeah, I remember those.” His work-worn fingers slid over your knuckles and you spread yours to accommodate them, letting him drag you closer as he tightened his grip. “Pretty sure our Grandma had one, too.”  

He kissed your temple, the bristle of his facial hair gently scraping your skin, his warm breath fanning over it. You closed your eyes at the sensation like you always did, focusing on the way you felt the rise and fall of his lungs, the steady thrum of his heartbeat at your spine. We’re alive. We’re here. We have this. You swept your thumb over his pinky finger and let out a hum. “Did she?” You laughed. “I think everyone’s did.”  

He snorted. “Probably. It was what was popular then, right?” 

“It was,” you agreed. “Though I really don’t know why. They were so… goddamn awful, Joel.”

You could still picture it standing in front of the window, your grandpa’s recliner moved into the corner so the tree could take center stage in the small living room. All the ornaments your mom, your aunts and your uncle crafted and collected as kids were mixed with antique baubles and retro style glass starbursts, and keepsake frames with old photos secured to the faux branches with red ribbons. Combined with the hundreds of brightly colored lights that used to captivate you every time you saw them, the tree - despite being a hideous thing on its own - always seemed beautiful and magical to you in your memory. 

As his gravelly laughter settled down, you opened your eyes and sighed. “But my cousins and I loved going over there around the holidays. We were all pretty close in age and for the most part we got along and…” Your throat suddenly became tight, but you swallowed and kept going. Because I want him to know this. Want him to know me. “And we loved looking at all the old ornaments. Some of them we’d even take off the tree and play with.” 

Joel let out a burst of air through his nose that you felt against your scalp. “Oh, I bet your grandma loved that.” 

The visual of the woman raising her arms and her voice in utter disapproval from the kitchen doorway while the eight of you scattered away from the tree in a fit of giggles was one that you were happy you could still so easily recall. We were trouble. Sorry, Nana. 

Deep down - even then, as she shook a wooden spoon in the air - you knew she loved the trouble you all caused. 

“To be fair, she just didn’t want anything to get broken or for any of us to cut ourselves on shards of glass that was probably decorated with toxic paint.”  

The tip of his nose trailed over the side of your head, and then he dropped his lips there as he spoke. “Sounds about right.” 

You hummed at the way his words vibrated through you, adding to the warmth of his body wrapped around yours, and though you would have liked to stay in that position - and in Joel’s arms - indefinitely, the next part of the story you were telling was the most important, and you wanted to look at him as you told it. Squeezing his hand before you loosened your fingers, you turned in his hold. Early on in your relationship, and before you could even call it one, if you would have moved or shifted away from him the same way that you just did, he would have pulled away. He would have taken his hands off of you, possibly would have even left the bed or the couch under either under the assumption that you wanted to get away from him, or that he shouldn’t want to be so close. Now though, after almost a full year of being with him, he hardly ever pulled away. And I never want him to. 

You settled yourself so that your back was against the couch cushion and your side was pressed to his chest, and you waited for his arms to fold around you before continuing. “We weren’t really interested in the fragile ones though. She had this set of little… they were Santa’s reindeer, and they were all wearing knit sweaters with their names on them. You know, Dasher and Prancer and…” You trailed off, circling one wrist to imply the rest of the reindeer and Joel nodded. “Since there were the same number of them as there were of us, we used to all claim our favorite one and-” You laughed, even as the memory began to stir something bittersweet in your heart, shrugging away the thickness in your throat. “I don’t know what we did, really, just… played with them.” 

Joel’s dark eyes, brightened by the orange glow of the fire light, never left your face even as you took a pause to wet your lips and blink back the tears that you knew would eventually end up falling. Even though it’s a funny story it’s… I miss them. But it was one that you wanted and needed to tell. The point of making memories is to keep them alive. The motion of Joel’s roughened thumb sweeping across the strip of your waist that was visible between the hem of your shirt and the top of your sweatpants grounded you enough to keep going. 

“One year, I think I was nine or ten maybe? My grandma noticed that Dasher was missing. She had all of us turn the house upside down looking for it. Then she had us all turn out our pockets and-” You laughed again, but this time a stray tear did make it past your lashes, rolling slowly down your cheek. I’m not sad though. “Well, long story short, one of us stole him.” 

Moving his hand from your hip to your face, Joel used his knuckle to wipe under your eye. “Lemme guess,” his expression was softer than it usually was, even as he narrowed his eyes. “No one ever fessed up.” 

You pressed your lips together and shook your head, even as his palm curved around your cheek. “Never. We never found out who took him. But-” You raised one eyebrow. “It’s a good thing one of us did, because about three years later my grandparents’ basement flooded, and all their decorations got ruined.” 

Although you were all happy and relieved that your grandparents had been able to get to safety before the storm had gotten too bad, it was a sad time for your family because of the loss of so many heirlooms and keepsakes. “That’s shitty,” Joel mumbled apologetically, lips dipping into a frown. 

“Yeah, it was.” You sighed. “But then that next Christmas, Dasher showed up on their new tree.” 

Blinking away another few tears, you broke into a smile as you recalled what it meant to everyone - your aunts and uncles, your mom and grandparents, you and all your cousins - to see that silly little deer, his sweater slightly pulled and one hoof a little dinged up - amidst all of the new filler ornaments your grandma had gotten until they could replenish their collection. That was such a good day. 

Joel gave you a small grin, the lines and shadows on his face seeming to fade as he did. “I’m glad it made its way back.” Oh, just wait, I haven’t even… “You ever find out who took him in the first place?”

You shook your head. “Nope. No clue. No one ever confessed, and if anyone knew who did it, they didn’t rat them out.” 

He hummed. “Somthin’ to be said for that.” 

There is. You agreed. We always had each other’s backs. “When we all got older, after…” You took a breath. “After our grandparents passed away, we decided that every Christmas we should take turns putting Dasher on our tree. We’d pass him off at Thanksgiving on years that we all got together, or else we’d mail him to each other a few weeks before Christmas.” 

“That’s a nice tradition.” 

“It is, Joel. It’s…” You turned your face away, just for a second, to pull yourself together. I should just… show him. When you turned back towards him, you saw the question in his eyes. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.” You leaned in and dropped your lips to his cheek, just above the line of his beard, and then you stood from the couch.

He didn’t say anything as you padded over to the hall closet, the only sound in the room coming from the shifting logs in the fireplace and your socked footsteps on the hardwood, but you felt his eyes still on you even as you opened the closet door. Reaching up for the highest shelf, you pulled down the cardboard box that was there and took the small reindeer from it. You turned it over in your hand, feeling the stitching that read the animal’s name, poking at one of the points of its antlers, and then you closed the closet and brought the figurine out. 

“Well, shit, is that…” He nodded at the anthropomorphic reindeer that you held, one arm over the back of the couch as he watched you reenter the room. 

“Yeah,” you confirmed, your voice catching as you came back to sit next to him. Bending one knee, you drew that leg up under you and handed the ornament over. 

As soon as it was in his hands, you realized that while you’d displayed the ornament on your tree every year since you’d arrived in Jackson, Joel was the first person that you actually shared its story with. As he looked more closely at it, turning it in his hand, the firelight glinted off the broken face of his watch, and you were reminded of the night that Joel had shared the item’s importance and meaning with you. Seeing both his watch and your ornament, relics of your former lives side by side like that, hit you hard - but like the memories connected to Dasher, the wave of emotion wasn’t painful or sad. It was deep, and it swelled in your chest, but it wasn’t trying to drag you down. It just means… You swallowed, looking up at him as he continued to stare at what he held. It means we know each other and that’s… He finally blinked, his focus shifting up to your face. That’s everything. 

You cleared your throat and Joel leaned forward to gently place the ornament on the coffee table. His newly emptied hand came to rest on your knee, and you glanced down before placing yours on top of it and continuing on. “It um… 2013 was supposed to be my turn to have him.” You sniffed, took a breath and let it out slowly. “Wasn’t expecting to get anything in the mail until closer to Christmas, but then the first week of September I got a package from my cousin Devon.” You could still see the swirling letters of her handwriting on the note that accompanied the small box on your doorstep. “She had just taken a job offer in Toronto and she was moving up there at the end of the month, but-” 

You didn’t have to finish your sentence. You both knew how September had ended that year. 

So you didn’t. At least, you didn’t finish it the way Joel expected you to. “But she didn’t want to pay international shipping rates to get it to me if she waited until Thanksgiving.” 

That was what her note had said - a joke, but also the truth - along with the phrase they all always included when Dasher got passed around. Make good ones this year. 

“So that’s… this little guy is my thing. My thing from before. My…” 

“It's the thing that reminds you.” He cut in, saving you from having to find the words to describe how much this inherently worthless ornament made from plastic and yarn actually meant to you. “Reminds you why you keep fighting. Reminds you of… of things worth thinkin’ about.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, swiping the heel of your palm under your eyes. 

Joel reached for you then, drawing you close to his chest and wrapping you in his arms again, and you let him. You laid your cheek on his shoulder and felt his large hand cradle the back of your head, and then you felt his lips at your ear, your name coming from them. “Thank you for tellin’ me all that.” You kissed his neck in response, targeting one of the freckles there. “So Christmas is big for you, huh?”

You gave a small laugh that you knew he both felt and heard. “Christmas memories are big for me, Joel, but…” Picking your head up, you looked at the man that you had fallen in love with over the past year, hoping that you got to spend countless more holidays with him. “But yeah, you could say that.” The story finished, your history shared, you turned your body and took the same position that you were in when you started the conversation, Joel following your lead and tucking your spine to his sternum. “That’s why I conserve Christmas lights. I’ve found a few strings of ‘em that still work while out on sweeps and supply runs but I know eventually I won’t be able to find functioning ones anymore so… I only use one or two strands on my tree every year so I can make them last longer.” 

Joel let out a breath in an amused huff. “Can’t have a tree with no lights, right?” 

“Right.” 

That had been the end of that conversation, and shortly after, that night. Both of you had fallen asleep on your couch in front of the fire, only making it into the bedroom when Joel woke you up in the middle of the night. 

So when he brought it up again with just two weeks to go until Christmas, pulling a small oddly shaped and crudely wrapped package from his pocket after shedding his jacket and hanging it next to yours on the hook, you titled your head to the side in question. “Joel? What’s…” 

“I know it’s not Christmas yet, but this is… this is part’a your gift and it’s…” He handed you the package, the paper crinkling as it passed from his grasp to yours. “I wanted you to have it now.” 

His eyes darted to the tree that you’d set up in the living room. It was just the top few feet of a tree, really, since you only had a handful of things to hang on it - a few photos you’d managed to save through everything, some pinecones and cinnamon sticks you’d bundled together with ribbons and string, strands of buttons you’d found, one string of multicolored lights, and of course, Dasher the reindeer. 

You glanced down at the wrapping and immediately had to laugh. “Let me guess. Ellie helped with this?” 

Joel shrugged somewhat sheepishly. “Well I wasn’t able to find any Christmas wrapping paper and Maria didn’t have any so I asked her if we could make this work and…” He trailed off as you ran your fingers over the drawn on Santa hats and holly wreaths that Ellie had used markers to add to dinosaur themed birthday wrap. “We had to make do.” 

You felt your heart flip as you laughed, shaking your head and taking your bottom lip between your teeth. “It’s perfect. Very festive.” 

“Well, aren’t you gonna open it?” He crossed his arms and stuck his chin out at the package you held.

“Alright.” You carefully slipped your finger under the paper and lifted it, not wanting to rip it and ruin Ellie’s work. I can definitely add this to the tree somehow. You thought of Devon’s message and the instruction to “make good ones”, and you couldn’t think of a better memory to add than one that would mark the addition of Ellie and Joel in your life. 

But that thought was quickly paused when you pulled the gift from the paper and saw what it was. Oh, Joel. You sucked in a breath as the pieces of wood in your hand clanked together. Oh, he… he- “Did you make this?” The words were barely a whisper, but even if he hadn’t heard the question you already knew the answer. He did. He carved these. He- 

“Yeah. They’re… Can you tell what they are? Ellie said she could, but I don’t know if-“

“Lights.” The breath you sucked in shuddered as you stared at the string of small hand-carved and painted wooden bulbs in your hand. He’d shaped them to look just like the old fashioned ones that your grandparents had and attached five of them together to mimic a whole strand, knotting them off so that they stayed in place and didn’t slide along the “wire”. Oh, Joel, you… 

“They are.” Tears spilled over your bottom lashes as he brought one hand up to rub at the back of his neck like he did when he was uncertain. “I wanted to make sure your tree always had lights on it, even if you couldn’t replace the real ones anymore. I know it ain’t the same, but I-“ 

“Joel.” He stopped talking and stepped closer to you, hands going to your waist. This. This is a good one. “They’re not the same.” You raised onto your toes to nudge the tip of his nose with yours, and then you left a kiss to the scar that crossed the bridge of it. “They’re better.” 

.

.

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[aceontheline]

I Have Some Thoughts

T//W: I talk about some bad past relationships—

So. Bryce Pinkham's voice really SHINES through here. I admire the emotion he put into some of the verses here in the song. At one point during it, it sounds like Stolas is about to break down crying... You can HEAR it in Bryce's voice.

Bryce is a man with quite the musical range & I think this song shows it off more than anything else he's sang thus far. Maybe tied for the lullaby for Octavia.

.... Past Bad Relationship Talk under the cut

I can relate a bit too hard to this song. I've been in both character's shoes here.

I've been in Stolas' shoes when I was giving everything I could to my partners & they gave nothing in return, or very minimal. I was always wondering if it was something wrong with me or... "No! It's me. What am I doing wrong?" Like no girly... It wasn't you. I was almost never you. You gave 120% and they maybe gave 10-15% on a good day.

Also, I feel like I am currently in Blitz's shoes. Everyone in my life shows me love in some manner, like Stolas. But I back away and become very distrusting. Because love was almost always conditional for me...

"Why are you showing me love? I don't deserve it" is the common line.

OR

I'm in Blitz's shoes mainly cuz once someone shows me love, I'm immediately not trusting it.

"Walls you put up just to live"

... That line hit ESPECIALLY hard for me. Because yeah. Due to these past awful relationships, I put up walls to make sure I wouldn't be hurt again. Blitz put up his walls after his mom died in that fire & him + Verosika's relationship. Not to mention the clear favoritism from Buckzo (his dad) toward Fizzarolli...

Yeah, this song made me FEEL things.

[genuinerio]

CHAPTER II. The Weirdo On Maple Street.

She’s A Rainbow ↠ 「 STEVE HARRINGTON 」

PAIRINGS: Steve Harrington (eventual love interest), Jonathan Byers x sibling!OC, Joyce Byers x daughter!OC.

WARNINGS: the following mentions of both the usage and talk of drugs.

WORDS: 7, 203.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the gifs used nor original plot lines of Stranger Things however, I do own the storylines of my OC, Nadine. Italics are both Nadine’s thoughts and memories and third chapter for “Oh, Darling,” is in the works, thank you everyone for being patient. Also, I am extremely sorry for such a long wait as I had been very conflicted on a particular storyline of Nadine’s that happens in this chapter but since I could no longer decide on the storyline, I decided to scrap the whole thing and start over. Another thing is when it comes to my writing, I can be quite a perfectionist. Happy Stranger Things Day! Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading!

Monday, November 7th 1983.

WAKING UP TO A THROBBING SENSATION OF AN AWOKEN HEADACHE, Nadine who was stretching out her arms while she remained sitting up in bed, had begun to notice her picture frame; a picture containing of her and her family. It wasn’t Jonathan nor Joyce that she had noticed in particular but of her dear little brother, Will that her face immediately fell into glumness. Getting out of bed, Nadine grabbed a bottle of painkillers and carried on with getting ready for a new day. Looking around her bedroom, she had glanced at her Norman Whiteside poster, who was one of her favorite soccer players that she had received as a gift from her brothers and to whom was quite cute had she added. As she kept glancing away, she noticed her portraits, majority of them having her family as the subject for her artwork, her family being her biggest support whether it was with her art, her soccer team or simply grades. But this particular art piece, irked Nadine because it was one of Will that she had painted of him as he had modeled for her to paint.  

While changing out of her previous clothing and into new clothes, Nadine had kept thinking about her brother and where exactly he had gone. She couldn’t help but feel immense guilt based on the fact that if she hadn’t been busy that night, he wouldn’t had been missing.

This is all your fault, Nadine. Will is missing because of you and everything is all of your fault.

Trying to shake the toxic thoughts in her mind, Nadine had begun to carry on going downstairs only to foresee her mother and Jonathan sitting down to eat breakfast, “All right, Mom. Breakfast is ready.”

“What? No, be careful of the poster.” A distraught Joyce had commented to Jonathan. As Nadine carefully walked into the kitchen, understandingly not wanting to be there, she couldn’t help but feel awful for her mother’s current mental state.

“Yeah, okay. All right.” Jonathan had placed the breakfast plates in front of Joyce, “I can’t eat.” Jonathan had attempted to get his mother to eat, “I just need you to eat, Mom.”

“Listen. Listen, the Xerox place opens in, like, 30 minutes.” Her mother mentioned sniffling as Nadine sat down at the table. “Yeah.”

“And I don’t want you to go alone and I don’t think Nadine will be able to go with you since she has soccer practice.” Joyce had mentioned as Nadine forced herself to remain silent but nodded in acceptance, “No, we know. We told you, we got it.” Jonathan had mentioned as he and Nadine were aware of Joyce’s fear.

“So, I’m gonna have Karen take you, ‘cause I should be here.” Joyce had informed Jonathan as Nadine nodded her head, “Actually, I think I can go, instead. I’ll just explain to my coach that I have something else going on.”

“But Nadine, this game is really important for the team.” Joyce had tried to explain but Nadine cut her off trying to reason with her mother, “Yeah, but finding Will is way more important for us, for me.”

“Okay.”

“We need to make, what, 200, 300 copies? How much is a copy?” Joyce had asked both of her children, “Yeah, okay. Okay, Mom. Mom.”

“Ten cents? If we... ten cents-“ Joyce had begun to stammer as Nadine and Jonathan tried to calm her down, “Mom. Mom. Mom!”

“You can’t get like this okay?” Jonathan had advised as him and Nadine had comforted their mother as she begun to stutter, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No? It’s okay.” Both Jonathan and Nadine had stated, only for a knock on the door to remove them from the comforting of their mother, “We’ve been waiting six hours.”

“I know. I came as soon as I could.” Nadine immediately recognized that voice once she heard it, Hopper. “Six hours.”

“A little bit of trust here, alright?” Hopper had motioned as he shut the door once Nadine had walked carefully into the living room trying to get information but not being assumed to be eavesdropping. “We’ve been searching all night. Went all the to Cartersville.”

“And?” Her mother had asked, looking at least a little grimmer of hope that Will would be found, “Nothing.” The word that had caused Nadine to drop her head down in a complete distressed state.

“God.”

“Flo says you got a phone call?” Hopper had commented, trying to place Joyce’s mind on newfound faith, “Oh yeah.” Joyce had remembered throughout her sniffles as all four of them walked to the wallphone in the living room.

“Storm barbecued this pretty good.” Hopper had discussed as he held onto the burnt phone, “The storm?” Joyce had asked, believing the cause to be completely different. “What else?”

“You’re saying that, that’s not weird?”

“No, it’s weird.” Hopper had freely admitted, “Can we, like, trace who made the call?” Jonathan had asked as Nadine joined in, “Contact the provider? Or something-“

“No, it doesn’t work like that. Now, uh, you’re sure it was Will? Because Flo said you just heard some breathing.” Hopper had suggested but Joyce stood her ground and insisted as her voice began to break, “No. it was him. It was Will. And he was scared. And then something-“ Nadine and Jonathan both immediately began to comfort their mother.

“It was probably just a prank call. It was somebody trying to scare you.”

“Who would do that?” Jonathan had wondered, “Well, this things been on TV. It brings out all the crazies, you know. False leads, prank calls, uh...”

“No, Hopper, it was not a prank. It was him.” Joyce declared, believing she knew exactly what she heard but unfortunately, Hopper didn’t believe so, “Joyce.”

“Come on, how about a little trust here?” Joyce demanded of Hopper, “What, you think I’m...I’m making this up?”

“I’m not saying that you’re making it up. All I’m saying is it’s an emotional time for you.”

“And you think I don’t know my own son’s breathing? Wouldn’t you know your own daughter’s?” Joyce had declared in a fit of protest, something that had irked something in Hopper as Joyce continued to sniffle.

“You hear from, uh, Lonnie yet?” Hopper had asked in a moment of tension as he began to move into another position of the room, “No.”

“It’s been long enough. I’m having him checked out.” Hopper mentioned as he placed his sheriff’s hat on his head and began to walk outside, “Oh, come on! You’re wasting your time.” Joyce reacted as she sighed.

Nadine had swept her mother into a hug as she began to mumble comforting words and the fact that Will will be found soon as Jonathan followed Hopper outside, “Hey, Hopper. Hopper. Let me go.” Jonathan began panting walking up to Hopper’s police truck.

“I’m sorry?”

“To Lonnie’s. Nadine could overhear Jonathan’s plea as she heard his conversation with Hopper, “You know, if Will’s there, it means he ran away. And if he sees the cops, he’ll think he’s in trouble. He’ll.:. He’ll hide. You know, he’s good at hiding.”

“Yeah? Well cops are good at finding. Okay? Stay here with your mom and Nadine. She needs you, she needs both of you.”

As Jonathan had walked back into the house, Nadine had walked towards him, “Jonathan? Are you going to visit Lonnie?” Something that she immediately knew was true and despite the trauma that Loonie had put her through, she loved her dear brother and was willing to suck it up and find him at all costs.

“Yeah, want to come?” A nod of Nadine giving Jonathan a yes of confirmation because despite the two not being as close, Jonathan still believed that he should include Nadine in any searchings for Will because he is both their little brother and they care deeply for him.

As both Jonathan and Joyce had left for school and work, Nadine had opened the cabinet found within the kitchen only to find multiple bottles of medication. One in particular, her ADHD medication, something Nadine had been diagnosed with since she was a young girl considering her hyperactivity, easily distraction and infamously, her exaggerated emotional responses.

Despite advised not to over do it, Nadine when the girl ran out of various of drugs, like heroin or speed, she would turn towards popping multiple tablets of her ADHD medication as an exception of an excuse for a drug induced high.

Eventually, grabbing her backpack, Nadine had left to attend school; something that she had admitted to being awfully early to this particular morning than most of other times. Arriving to Hawkins high school, she was immediately greeted by her closest friends, Steve whom with being the kind friend he is had often walked her to her first period class considering the fact that he wanted to make sure she was alright.

Sitting throughout her first period class, Nadine couldn’t help but feel so overwhelmed with thoughts about Will and the guilt she placed over herself. This is all your fault, if you had stayed home that night, he wouldn’t have gone anywhere. Trying her best to control her mind to think about a different topic, she just couldn’t. The girl couldn’t help the heartbreak within herself as she processed the theories on where she and Jonathan could find, where they could possibly find him.

The ringing of the school bell had echoed throughout her brain had awoken her back to reality. “Nadine, I need to talk to you.” Gulping her breath at Mr. Carter’s words, Nadine slowly walked up to his desk, the girl hoped that it wasn’t anything nerve wracking because she was already going through so much as it was already.

“Nadine, you’re failing my class and I need you to begin to put the effort into your work.”

“I’m sorry Mr. Carter. I’ve just had been going through a lot, with my family and my brother’s disappearance with soccer practice...I-.” Trying to explain her reasoning of failing his class, Nadine was cut off.

“Nadine, now, I understand. Tell you what, I’ll give you an exception but please, catch up. Alright?”

His words had comforted her and she deeply needed this opportunity because she couldn’t let her family down. Her family was already going through so much and she didn’t want to put more stress on them than there already was.

“I have soccer practice after school and then after that, work but I guess, I could tell my coach that I need to take the time to study. I’m sure he’ll understand.” She was indeed correct, Particularly, Nadine’s coach was an understanding man and someone who Nadine had valued as a father figure besides Hopper of course, considering they were more like her father than Loonie ever was.

Attempting to wash her worries away, Nadine had started to play with her fingers as she walked into the school’s hallway. Walking towards her friendship circle but in a slower manner to collect her thoughts, she could overhear Steve mention to Nancy, “My dad has left town on a conference and my mom’s gone with him, ‘cause you know, she doesn’t trust him.”

“Good call.”

“So are you in?” Steve had asked to a confused Nancy, “In for what?”

“No parents? Big house.” Carol informed to Nancy, “A party?” A gullible Nancy questioned which had caused Nadine to want to stop and facepalm right in the middle of the school hallway.

“Ding! ding, ding!” Carol teasingly mocked as Tommy chuckled at the joke.

“It’s Tuesday.”

With Steve trying to convince Nancy to attend his house party despite her unawareness that they don’t care that it’s a weekday to throw a party. “It’s Tuesday! Oh my god.” She could hear Tommy mocking Nancy’s remark.

“Come on. It’ll be low key. It’ll just be us. What do you say? Are you in or are you out?” It was clear that Nancy would need to think about this situation a bit more.

Finding her friends including Nancy and Barb in the hallway, Nadine had quickly been alerted of a house party that Steve would host whenever his parents were out of town which was a lot. “Dean, Steve is throwing a party tonight since his parents aren’t home, you coming?” Carol had mentioned, calling Nadine out by her nickname that her closest loved ones would call her.

“Definitely!” Nadine was known to be quite the socialist, quite opposite to her twin brother who was a very introverted boy. Most people were surprised to find out that they were twins nor even related because their differences overpowered their similarities the two had shared. “But wait. I just realised I can’t!”

“What? Why not?” Both Steve and Carol questioned in unison, “I have ‘work shift’ tonight and I can’t call it off because my family and I really need the money. Even if my boss is a a fucking asshole.” Nadine applying air quotes to the words of the work shift because it wasn’t always a work shift but rather, her own personal hell but she couldn’t pass this up either unfortunately.

“Nadine. Your boss is full of shit, why do that to yourself? I’m sure that it won’t matter if you miss one shift. Besides, your boss is not really giving you a work shift but rather, his only way to take advantage because he likes to take advantage.” Tommy advised, which caused Nadine to roll her eyes. She was no doubt aware of this but she didn’t want to put anymore stress on her family than there already was already.

“Wow! Thanks Tommy, for such comforting words. Besides I know that, if my family finds out though, then I’m so screwed. My family is going through enough as it is.” Nadine’s sarcastic comment failed to give her a grimmer of comfort like it always had this time at least.

“I think I can attend afterwards but can we please talk about something else, please?” With those words, her wish was granted as Carol looked beyond her, “Oh, God. Look.”

A phrase that caused Nadine and her friends to turn around only to see that her friends were now placing all their attention into watching Jonathan as he plastered the “find Will” posters that him and Nadine had spent the previous night creating.

“Oh god. That’s depressing.” Nadine pressed her tongue to her cheek in a fit of anger. Despite her friend’s treatment to Jonathan, Nadine had vowed to never treat her brother in the way her friends do because despite them being at complete odds and regardless, he is still in fact her brother and that’s something that will never change whatsoever.

“Should we say something?” Nancy asks while giving a quick glance at Nadine, “I don’t think he speaks.” Shaking her head at the annoyance, Nadine mentioned to Carol, “Fuck off.”

“How much you want to bet he killed him?” Tommy’s words is what immediately enraged Nadine as she clenched her jaw but tries to remain silent in a calming manner but that does not stop her from speaking in a furious state, “Shut up!” Steve motioned.

“Fuck you Tommy, I will beat the shit out of you if another word comes out of your mouth like that again!” Her words causing Tommy to raise his hands up.

A tensed up and protective Nadine had mentioned, something that her friends may have not gotten an answer to but Nancy was surely aware of that statement considering she was aware of the girl being a Byers child as Tommy raised his hand in a supposed defenceless manner.

Despite her strained relationship with her twin brother, Nadine no doubt still cared deeply for her family and still defended them too particularly Jonathan whom her friends would pick on.

Holding her binders in her arms, Nadine had decided to ditch her friends in order to help her brother in posting find me posters onto every place and every wall they can find only to notice that Nancy was following closely behind her.

Standing close by to Jonathan, she took some posters of Will and assisted him in plastering them as she heard Nancy, “Hey.”

“Oh, hey.”

As Nadine could overhear Nancy trying to make conversation with Jonathan, she couldn’t help but think that despite her dislike of Nancy, this would make Jonathan’s day especially since he’s harbored a crush on her since childhood, “I just…I wanted to say, you know, um…I’m sorry about everything.” As Jonathan and Nancy glanced back at Steve, Carol, Tommy and Barb.

“Everyone’s thinking about you. You too, Nadine.” As much as Nancy tried to make nice with her words, Nadine despised pity and constant sympathy and would rather just ignore it altogether despite people deeming her as heartless and not caring about anyone but herself.

“It sucks.”

“Yeah.” Jonathan sadly said as him and Nancy stared at one another.

“I’m sure he’s fine. He’s a smart kid. She could overhear Nancy reassure Jonathan alongside herself but the conversation between the two was interrupted by the school bell ringing.

“I have to go. Chemistry test.” Nancy had chuckled in explanation.

“Yeah.”

“Good luck.” The girl had hoped for them both.

“Thanks.”

“Hey, Nadine!” Overhearing and recognizing the voice of one of her teammates on the school’s soccer team, Marlee which caused the blonde to turn her head.

“Hey, Marlee! What’s up?” Marlee was a teammate and classmate that Nadine was close with and among the nicest of their team, some were also nice but not as much as Marlee.

“We’re going to meet at the gym, this time at 3:30. Don’t be late because coach Johnson will be scolding.” Her teammate had teased but Nadine had just remembered, “Shit! I can’t! I have something to do today plus work.”

“But, what about our big game? You’re one of our best players and among coaches favorites plus practice means a lot to the team.” Marlee had tried to get Nadine to reconsider to no avail.

“I know, but, what I have to do is more important. I tried to telling him but could you because I couldn’t find him?”

“Yeah, sure.” Marlee nodded as the two shared a hug in reassuring, “Thanks! You’re the best.”

Glancing at Marlee and Nancy walking away, she noticed Steve was waiting for her, “Come on, Nadine!”

“I can’t, I got to go.” She could tell Steve didn’t quite understand what she meant, “Don’t worry. I’ll see you later!”

As she turned back to Jonathan and overhearing over the intercom, “At 8:00 pm. tonight, there will be an assembly on the football field. In support of Will Byers and his family. All are encouraged to attend. Volunteer sign-ups for search parties are still available in the office.”

Hearing that caused Nadine to subtly shake her head, as much as she loved her brother, she hated the once again feeling over people constantly comforting her. Her and Jonathan left the school and went on their way to their estranged father, Lonnie’s household.

Silence within sitting in the car with Jonathan on their destination to Lonnie’s as she fiddled with the radio felt uncomfortable to Nadine, the eldest Byers children didn’t have much in common like they used to nor discussed greatly either, the two were simply on completely different pages and paths now. Despite how badly, Jonathan wanted to deny, he felt Nadine was now, one of those jerks that consisted of Steve and their shared friends.

Looking up and glancing at one another before staring down as the song, “Should I Stay or Should I Go,” began to play on the car’s stereo. The song from The Clash had embarked a shared sweet memory between the two and their little brother. A bittersweet feeling of reminiscing about said memory brought a smile to Nadine’s lips.

She remembered, walking inside her home after a long tiresome shift and on her way to her bedroom, Nadine felt she was over it. Since, her room was after Will’s he noticed her heading towards it but called out as he was listening to a song with Jonathan. “Nadine, over here.”

The lyrics from the song echoing throughout the hallway, “Should I Stay or Should I Go.”

Will had called out as him and Jonathan were listening to “Should I Stay or Should I Go.” And he wanted his sister to join them. “What’s up?”

“Listen to the song with us.” As much as she was exhausted from her shift, she still enjoyed hanging out with her family, especially Will as they were all very close family. In doing this, she joined.

Walking into and sitting in his room, she noticed Will and Jonathan bobbing their heads, a clear sign of them enjoying the song. Jonathan questioned, “You like it?”

“Yeah, it’s cool.” Will had confirmed, “What do you think, Dean?”

“It’s one of my favorites. Definitely.”

Responding back to their brother, “All right, you can keep the mix if you want.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. All the best stuff’s on there. Joy Division, Bowie, Television, The Smiths. It’ll totally change your life.”

“Totally.”

Nadine had agreed as she pointed out, “Bowie and Joy Division are the best though. You’ll enjoy them in particular among the others too.”

In an uncomfortable position, they could overhear their mother faintly, “Where the hell are you, Lonnie?”

Joyce muttered indistinctly, “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear it.”

Noticing her brother’s sad expression, she sat on his bed and attempted to comfort him, “Don’t be sad.” She had motioned for Jonathan to shut the door, “This is ridiculous! I’m so sick of your excuses.”

The music continued to play but as they stayed inside, Jonathan lowered the volume. “He’s not coming, is he?” Will’s questioning of them both caused Nadine and Jonathan to share a glance, “Um, let’s not talk about that.”

“Do you even like baseball?”

Will had denied, “No, but… I don’t know. It’s fun to go with him sometimes.”

Nadine had asked, “Come on. Has he ever done anything with you that you actually like?” Jonathan had added on, “Yeah, you know, like the arcade or something?”

Will tried to recall, “I don’t know.”

Nadine had insisted, “No, all right? He hasn’t. He’s trying to force you to like normal things.” In stating this, Jonathan had added on advising, “And you shouldn’t like things because people tell you you’re supposed to. Okay?” A nod in agreement had pointed towards Nadine’s similar thought, “Especially not him.”

“And Will, there’s nothing wrong with liking the games at the arcade or playing Dungeons and Dragons.” Nadine had encouraged, “And hey. I’ll play it with you once I get home. I may not be as good as you or Mike, Lucas and Dustin though.” She could tell Will had appreciated her offer and could see him taking up the possible offer at some point.

Turning the conversation, Nadine had asked, “But you like The Clash? For real.”

“For real. Definitely.” Will’s confirmation had made Nadine smile, another thing that they’d all enjoy together as siblings. Raising the volume of the stereo, they all started listening and enjoying the music once again.

Removing themselves from the memory was the time, they finally arrived at Lonnie’s neighborhood. “You see his house anywhere?” Breaking the silence, Jonathan had asked as they glanced out of the car window in search of his home, “Not yet.”

Stopping on the side of the road, they made it to their father’s home. Nadine couldn’t help but feel a tad overwhelmed, she no longer had a somewhat good relationship with Lonnie anymore and was a bit nervous to see him, This is it. She had thought. With the two walking up to his front door, Jonathan had peeked into the front room as they could overhear music playing, echoing through the house. Sharing a gaze, Nadine had knocked.

They could hear footsteps walking towards them and a voice, “Yeah?” Opening the front door, the woman noticed the two, “Can I help you?”

“Uh, yeah. Is Lonnie around?” Nadine replied first, “Yeah, he’s out back. What do you guys want?”

“To look around.” Not caring about approval and just wanting to look for their little brother, the two stormed inside, “Hey, what do you guys think you’re doing? Hey!”

“We’ll be fast.”

“You take this side, I’ll take this one.” Nadine told Jonathan as they searched calling out, “Hey, Will? Will!”

“Will, you here? Will!” Banging on the door and searching every room in the hallway, Nadine was surprised when hearing a grunt. Jonathan was held against the wall with Lonnie near by. “Get off!”

“Damn, you’ve gotten stronger.” In a realization, Lonnie had observed not only that Jonathan wasn’t as easy to push around but also, that his little girl, Nadine was there. With perceiving him coming towards her, Nadine denied, “Don’t touch me.”

Wanting answers between all three, the woman asked, “Will someone please explain what the hell is going on?”

Lonnie had announced in introducing, “Jonathan, Nadine, Cynthia. Cynthia, this is Jonathan and Nadine. My two oldest.”

“Come here.” Her father tried in an attempt with a hug but she nor Jonathan were having it, “Get off us, man.”

Wondering around Lonnie’s new home, she took a look at all these he had in the living, the stereo, the photographs and the alcohol. Besides a huge amount of usuals within drugs, there were many times that Nadine also had drank alcohol especially with her friends, seeing most times as an alternative substitute when she ran out of drugs.

“Jonathan, Nadine, let me show you something.” Lonnie called out, the two were both a bit unsure with following him but did so, nonetheless. He showed them his new car, “Take a look at this beaut. Should’ve seen it when I got it. Took me a year, but it’s almost done.”

Once Lonnie caught a glimpse at Jonathan opening his trunk, he asked, “Really? Want to look up my ass, too?” Rolling her eyes, Nadine understood Jonathan’s reasoning to do so, “There’s no harm in looking, is there?”

“I told you both, the same thing as I told those cops, he’s not here and he never has been.”

“Then why didn’t you call Mom back?”

“I don’t know, I just… I assumed she just forgot where he was. You know, he was lost or something.” Scoffing as his excuse, “Bullshit! Mom would never forget where any of us where.”

Ignoring his daughter’s response, Lonnie told, “That boy never was very good at taking care of himself.”

“This isn’t some joke, alright?” Jonathan pointed out, “Yeah, I mean, there are search parties, reporters.”

“Hopper’s not still chief, is he?”

“Tell your mother, she’s gotta get you both out of that hellhole. Come out here to the city. People are more real here, you know? And then, I could see you both more.”

Neither of them believed any of Lonnie’s words, he didn’t give two shits about either, “What, you think I don’t want to see either of you?”

“We know you don’t.”

“See, that’s your mother talking right there. Does she even know both of you are here?” Their silence confirmed his suspicions, “Oh great. So one kid goes missing, the other two run wild? I believe that about Nadine, but not you, Jonathan. But that’s some real fine parenting right there.”

“You know what, fuck you! Since when do you suddenly care about us and about being a fine parent, anyway?” Nadine suggested as she mockingly chuckled to which Lonnie heard, “Look, all, I’m saying is, maybe I’m not the asshole, all right?”

“Here! In case you forgot what he looks like.” Nadine shoved a have you seen me poster of Will to Lonnie’s chest, “Let’s go, Dean.”

On the car ride back to Hawkins, Nadine numerous thoughts throughout it all. The blonde haired with hazel eyes girl had felt like her past and mistakes overall were coming back to haunt her. She hadn’t mentioned this to anyone but the past few days that Will had been missing, she had been dreaming of him.

“Nadine, Nadine!” The Byers girl felt a shake which snapped her out of her head’s mind. A confused glance on her face proved to Jonathan how engrossed she was in her thoughts, her own little world, “Huh?”

“We’re here.” She fluttered her eyes while raising her head as Jonathan pointed to the building of her workplace. Letting out a groan, remembering that her shift starts in just minutes from now.

Huffing in annoyance when the thought of her boss came up as she stared at the sign that read, Bradley’s Big Buy which was a supermarket in the small town of Hawkins. As much as she appreciated the money that she received from this particular job since it not only would help her mother and the rest of her family but support her addiction and supply her with drugs. However, she hated her coworkers, specifically the male ones since they were so grossly disgusting.

“Let me know if you need a ride home.”

Nodding at Jonathan’s words, she took her bag, turned around and walked inside as Jonathan drove off. The coworkers had acknowledged her presence, “Hey Nadine.” But the girl paid no mind as she wanted to finish her work shift and make it to Steve’s party in time. After working for an hour with stocking items, a coworker to which Nadine remembered his name was Thomas was standing in front of her holding a broom.

“Here.” Handing her the broom as she stopped, “You sweep the floor. This is a women’s job, anyway.” The tone in his voice let alone his sexist words left such a sour taste in Nadine’s mouth that resulted in a clear disgusted reaction, “You can do something else to clear your time. With me, doll.”

“I’ll pass.” Feeling defeated, Nadine accepted her fate. She didn’t even want to work today but she knew it was the best thing, her family needed the money let alone the fact that they were going through such a devastating time and it distracted her from the disappearance of Will.

Eventually with noticing the clock ticking and getting closer to the time of Steve’s party as well as the sun going down, she realized that her shift was coming to a close. Nadine headed to the back room as she prepared to grab her things before realizing that Thomas’s backpack was open as well as the fact that his wallet was there in an open area for anyone to take.

Well, just do it! Payback for what he did.

In his wallet was a two hundred dollars, she knew that it would help get her another supply of drugs. In no more hesitation, Nadine took the money and put it immediately in her bag as she turned around, said her goodbyes for the day and walked outside.

Outside was a pay phone near by to the store and with remembering Jonathan’s words, she called to no unfortunate avail with a huff, Nadine thought of another person to call. Steve.

Dialling the numbers and tapping her foot on the concrete, she hoped that he would answer and after a few rings, he did. Thank god.

“Hello?” An uncertain tone in his voice as he was unsure who was calling, “Hey, Steve.”

“Oh hey, Dean. What’s up?” Steve felt more comfortable in his response considering he knew who he was exactly talking to now. “Nothing much. Um, I was wondering, could you give me a ride?”

“Yeah, sure. Where are you?” The boy agreed with no second thought.

“I’m outside of Bradley’s Big Buy.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He assured, “Sorry, my brother and I carpooled today and he has the car.” Nadine began, “He’s not answering and I don’t know where he is.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Steve was a very understanding and sweet friend when it came to Nadine as he would help her with whichever problem she had and would consistently come to her defense, everyone would typically tease him with nicknaming her as her knight in shining armour.

The two were always believed to be more than what they actually were and for the first time that year, the people might’ve actually been correct as Steve and Nadine had shared a kiss which ultimately led to questions, assumptions and eventually denial.

In realizing that their accidental romantic interaction was a pure mistake, Nadine had decided to ignore it and pretend it never happened which perhaps hurt Steve more than he led on considering their unexplained feelings for each other. He had chose that the best choice for himself was to move on which he had by engaging in a relationship with goody two shoes, Nancy Wheeler.

To say that Nadine wasn’t as equally disappointed with Steve’s decision would be a lie but the girl was able to hide her feelings more easily and in pretending that she wasn’t badly affected by his choice. She was hesitant of Nancy but still remained a supportive friend.

Nadine decided to make a quick stop to the local store nearby in order to distract herself as she waited for Steve. Strolling along through the lonely aisles, she grabbed herself a pack of cigarettes and a beer while also making a short conversation. Because, she was known to be a frequent customer and the guy who owned the store liked her, he had no issues with her purchasing substances despite the high chance risk it could cause.

By the time that she was done, Nadine had noticed Steve’s car in the street. Immediately thanking him for giving her a ride as they headed towards his to hangout along with their mutual friends, “Thanks, Steve. I owe you. I just.”

Nadine had tried to explain her train of thoughts but it felt too hard to explain, “My brother said he’d give me a ride once I called but nobody’s answering back home.”

“Don’t worry about it. Hey, how come I’ve never met your brother before?”

Trust me, Steve. You’ve met him, alright!

Her eyes had widen, the girl felt so trapped. What was she going to say? Yeah, it’s Jonathan, the guy you and Tommy constantly tease.

“Oh, um.” Nadine hoped that she could find a way out of this conversation and to come up with an excuse but eventually deciding upon a half truth. “We’re not that very close.” To be fair, it wasn’t a lie considering her and Jonathan were no longer that close like everyone refuses to accept especially their mother.

Before Steve could answer any more questions, Nadine was thankful to point out that they finally arrived at Steve’s home in which Nadine ran outside to greet her other friends. In the backyard, she could overhear rock music playing.

Grabbing a beer, she headed outside to Steve’s backyard to catch up with her friends despite it only being a few hours since school, “Hey, Nadine!”

In trying to rid herself of the guilt and shame that she felt towards herself because Nadine couldn’t help in blaming Will’s disappearance upon herself. She truly felt like if she had been there that night, nothing would have happened.

The sound of Carol shrieking as Tommy carried her above the pool, teasing her as if he was going to drop her in while he counted, “One! Two!” Had removed her from her thoughts, “Dean! I need some help here! Should I drop her in?”

Tommy had asked Nadine before he continued on to which she playfully smirked, jokingly saying, “Why not?”

“Nadine!”

“Three!” With a chuckle, Tommy carried on as Carol warned, “Stop it, Tommy, no! Don’t!”

Tommy laughed, “You’re such an asshole, Tommy.” Carol had mentioned as she pushed him. “And you.” Carol pointed towards Nadine, “You shouldn’t have told him!”

Nadine had raised her hands in an apologetic manner despite her and Tommy sharing a laugh in unison over the manner.

Seeing Steve opening a can of beer, she alluded to him, “I’m going to need more than one, Steve. I had the worst shift.”

“Yeah, coming up.” Steve went back inside, bringing more cans of beer out.

“Your boss giving you problems?” Carol had asked, initiating an all too familiar topic, “When is he not?”

“Why don’t you just quit?”

“I can’t.” Nadine struggled to find the words, “Even if I wanted to, it’s just not a good time. My family is going through a lot right now.” A statement to which only Nancy was well aware in what she meant.

Thankfully, Steve had brought Nadine her beer by this point. She watched him as he quickly drank his beer to the neck in which she noticed seemed to make Barb uncomfortable. Nancy, however was impressed.

“Harrington, let’s make a challenge.” Something that surely got Carol and Tommy all riled up, “Uh, I don’t know.”

Steve was uncertain, Nadine teased him, “Why? Pussy?” The girl’s words an attempt to get him interested as Steve shrugged, not caring about her words. Nadine was someone who could at times be very competitive when she wanted to be and this was her moment.

Nancy nor Barb didn’t notice the flirtatious behavior between the two but Tommy and Carol, whom were both good friends with the pair definitely did.

“Fine.” Guilted into the peer pressure of his friends, Tommy and Carol tracked them once the two each got a can of beer. “And I win!”

Steve exhaled as he came into second place, Nadine laughed as she sat down on the chair next to Steve’s, “Is that supposed to impress me?” Nancy had asked Steve as he sat down with his cigarette in his lips, “You’re not?”

“You are a cliché, you do realize that?” Nancy had remarked in a response. “You are a cliché.” Noting as Steve continued while lighting his cigarette, “What with your grades, and your band practice.”

With a laugh, “I’m so not in band.”

“Okay, party girl. Why don’t you just, uh, show us how it’s done, then?” Once Steve placed his lighter down, Nadine grabbed it to light her own cigarette as she mumbled, this is exactly what I needed to herself.

Steve handed the knife to Nancy as she agreed to prove upon him, “Okay.” Standing up, he had preceded to give her directions, “You gotta make a little hole right in.” Not giving him a chance to finish his sentence, Nancy cut him off, “I got it.”

“Yeah, she’s smart, you douche!” Tommy, who was cuddling Carol had said in defending Nancy as she cut a hole, Nadine was surprised that Nancy was at this party, let alone chugging a beer despite her relationship with Steve as she was always someone who was a “good girl.”

“Chug, chug, chug.” They all chanted, the friends all laughing and whooping in unison as Nancy threw the beer she just finished. Nancy just barely noticing her deserted friend had asked her, “Barb, you wanna try?”

“What? No.” The wary redhead denied, instantly. Nadine understood since she always saw Barb as very introverted, “No, I don’t want to. Thanks.”

“Come on.” Trying her best to convince her friend, Steve joined in, “Yeah. Come on. Yeah.”

“Nance, I don’t want to.”

“It’s fun! Just give it a.” Barbara cut her off, “Nance.” But despite how many times she’d deny, Nancy still tried, “Just… Just give it a shot.” Giving her a beer can, “Okay.”

Barb stood up, holding the knife and preparing to cut a hole, “So, you just…” Tommy had chuckled, “Gnarly.” In which Nadine mumbled, “Shut up.”

“Are you okay?” Nancy questioned as Barb had accidentally cut herself with the knife, “Do you need us to bandage that up?”

“Yeah.” Barb excused the cut, in what Nadine believed was a way to make it seem as not bad of an issue, “Barb, you’re bleeding.”

“I’m fine. Where’s your bathroom?”

“Oh, it’s… it’s uh, down past the kitchen, to the left.”

Steve showing Barbara inside on where to go, “Okay, thanks.”

Nadine brought her cigarette to her lips as her friends chuckled, as if this wasn’t a big deal, “Oh.”

The smoke from her cigarette exhaling throughout her mouth, she recalled, “This is the good life.” The girl was at a high chance of being intoxicated but she didn’t want anyone knowing that.

Carol and Tommy chuckled at her words before Tommy randomly pushed Carol who was standing by the pool nearby in as she screamed.

“Oh my god! What the hell, Tommy?”

Nancy and Nadine both couldn’t help themselves in laughing as Carol continued to yell, “No!” Once Tommy jumped in.

Nancy shrieked as Steve pushed her in, “Whoo!”

“Dean, you’re next!” Nadine pleaded with Steve as she tried to convince him otherwise as he tried to trick her into thinking he wouldn’t but yet he did push her in, “Steve!”

Jumping in himself, Tommy laughed. Nadine laughed as Steve came near, pretending to give him a piggyback ride while in the pool.

Eventually, after some time in the pool, they all decided to leave the pool and head inside as Steve handed Nadine a towel as she shudders, “I’m freezing.” Carol noted, “Me too.”

“Hmm… well, I hear his mom’s room has a fireplace.” Tommy remembered as he walked upstairs, “Are you kidding?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Okay, well, you know, you are cleaning the sheets.” Steve had advised the two. “You both all right?”

“Yeah.” Her and Nancy said in unison. “Steve, you mind if I take a shower?”

Steve shook his head no to inform Nadine that he had no issues, “Come on, let’s get you some dry clothes. You can borrow some too, Dean.”

Mumbling a thanks, Nadine headed upstairs but despite no longer being around them, she could still overhear the conversation between Nancy and Barb. “Nance.”

“Barb. I’m fine.”

The words that struck her is when Barb told Nancy, “This isn’t you.” Those words were burned into her mind, she could remember the time when Jonathan said those words to her. He always believed that Steve was the time she became someone new, someone he didn’t recognize especially considering they were so close as children.

She let the water run over herself, Nadine had various things running through her mind, Will being the main one. The girl hoped this party would distract her from her troubles but she isn’t so sure and as of now as she stares in the mirror, she’s unsure if she recognizes the person that she is.

Changing into Steve’s hoodie and sweatpants, Nadine decides to leave earlier than usually. Not wanting to cause a scene or interrupt, Nadine heads out back to which she comes across Barb. A mysterious noise that sounded like the mixture of a growl and shriek echoes throughout the backyard to which Nadine wonders, “Where’s Barb?”

Maybe, she just went home.

[tracing-rivers]

for the "not from the us" asks

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language?

11. favourite native writer/poet?

26. does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? what do you think about the portrayal?

27. favourite national celebrity?

Merci pour cette ask ^^

10. Most enjoyable swear word in your native language?

Nothing like a good "putain" ("fuck", literally "whore") to punctuate a sentence.

And "sa mère" ("their mom"), short for "sa mère la pute" ("their mom the whore") which stands for "whoopsies" in my mouth. (Many of our slurs are sex work based, that's why it's called SWearing).

That said, I've also trained myself to "zut et flûte" ("dang and flute") mechanically now. Sounds more professional at work.

11. Favorite native writer/poet?

Pierre Corneille. Read Le Cid, putain, I'll never say it enough.

26. Does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? What do you think about the portrayal?

Y'all have a thing about frogs uh.

And you need to understand that France is not entirely Paris (specifically the cute little cobblestone streets of Paris). And Emily in Paris is not accurate btw it's so fucking stupid (besides the McDonald's at Saint-Lazare station is so much "fancier" than the one on the Champs Elysées if that's where you put your standards, get your facts right).

(Also, history time, there's a lot of stray bullets towards France as a whole in American media. The thing is, those jibes are a fairly recent thing, cause we used to be your liberty buddies. We free you from the British, you free us from the Germans, tit for tat. But then George Bush Jr wanted to invade Quwait for oil and our gov was like "excüse moi you can't juste blatantly invade a country for resources that's our thing" and Bush was like "aw but I want to" but the French vetoed him so, much like a 13 yo going "you're not even my real father!!1!1" after his dad wouldn't let him get a tattoo of Bart Simpson's ass, Bush mediatized a whole anti French propaganda campain. I assure you that all of the jokes against the French that you've seen on TV in the past 25 years are the result of this campain. So yeah, I don't really care about criticism that comes from the same place as freedom fries. (Which are Belgian btw. Fries are Belgian.) Everyone else gets a pass though.)

27. Favorite national celebrity?

Well that's extremely broad. We've got a lot of those but I don't really have strong parasocial feelings about anyone.

Okay, uh Philippe Poutou, for comitting to the bit of telling it like it is and barely being a politician as a result.

And I want to snuggle in front of a fire with Pierre Niney but who wouldn't. And nail entire cast of The Three Musketeers (2023).

And Joueur du Grenier on Youtube, look him up, a lot of his videos come with subs. He's got the Nostalgia Critic style, and he's the last of the big French Youtube Pioneers to still do quality stuff.

[invisiblegarters]

Never Let Me Go Ep 10

Time for some angst on V-day! I am ready for it.

Oh. We're starting with Palm in the bath before Nueng left. Okay

then.

It's really sad that Palm is what? Eighteen? And he's sitting there berating himself for being unable to protect anyone. It feels like he wrapped so much of himself up in being able to take care of Nueng in particular that he doesn't know who he is outside of it.

Nueng is making sense here. Palm can't make protecting him his whole life. I don't actually blame him for taking off, to be honest. It's cliché but it also kind of feels like for the first time Nueng really is thinking about someone else first? He can be frustratingly selfish so this is actually a good thing in a way, although I'm not entirely sure just not being around Palm will keep him safe at this point. Kit has to know who he was with this whole time, and there's still the matter of all the dead people on the island. I expect he'll be back sooner than later.

Also, I'll admit I'm looking forward to watching Nueng face off with Kit. I do feel like he's got the sheer guts to do it, if maybe not the business acumen just yet.

Oooh, I do like that Nueng is pretending not to be onto Kit. Kit playing the concerned uncle cracks me up.

See, Kit should have endeared himself to Nueng from the very beginning and not been so blatantly after the business. If he had done that, maybe Nueng would have gone to him when everything went to hell in a handbasket and not immediately known that he could be the only one behind his mom's shooting. Ah, well. I don't think Kit would have been able to do that long term anyway.

Oh no, Tanya! I've missed her. But also I can't help but wonder how much an actor makes to just show up and pretend to be in a coma.

I am such a sucker for clothes sharing.

Look at Nueng learning how to be a real boy! Washing clothes and everything. They are ridiculously cute together when they're not busy being angsty little balls of angst, I will give them that.

Aw, okay. I will admit Nueng curling up on Palm's bed with his shirt got me.

Oooh, Nueng clearly means business now. He's got the leather jacket to prove it.

BE NICE TO CHOPPER, NUENG.

(I feel like he's not going to be nice to Chopper and it is going to annoy me)

Yeah, he is most definitely not going to be nice to Chopper. Dammit Nueng, he's a sweetheart, do not alienate him.

Okay, no. What is with everyone blaming Chopper for his dad? Okay, I know why. He's easier to get at. But he's so kind hearted that watching people go at him for not standing up to his father when none of them have either just bothers me. I admit that I'm biased though, and there's also the chance that if people keep pushing Chopper and telling him that he's just as evil as his old man by association that he might take the path of least resistance and decide screw it, I'll just be what everyone assumes.

I don't really believe that, but there's always the possibility.

Chopper is still my favorite. Be nice to my favorite, people (spoiler: no one is going to be nice to Chopper this episode).

Okay, Palm I think it's great that you trust Nueng but maybe do that when you're not on the back of a moving motorcycle.

Holy crap, is that a set of stairs in a Thai BL that can't kill you? What even is this?

Oh it's in the school. That makes sense, carry on.

Good for Ben for apologizing. It's a little too late, I suppose, since Nueng is way less vulnerable right now. I have to say that I like the way that Phuwin is playing him now. I don't think that the hard shell is all that thick, to be honest, but I like that he's visibly much harder than he used to be.

But I am glad that Ben is owning up to his own cowardice. I was feeling less than charitable towards him last week because I dislike anyone who hurts Chopper on principle (it’s not that complicated) but I admit I am kind of into how what he let happen with Nueng is sort of shaping everything he does now. He seems almost desperate to make up for it, which makes me wonder how long he’ll wait for Chopper to take care of Kit before he does something extremely dumb. 

I also like that he didn’t claim to still have feelings for Nueng, which was another worry of mine. 

Speaking of people hurting Chopper...we all knew that Chopper's dad was gonna go after Ben the second Chopper refused to toe the line. That poor kid. I worry about him more than I worry about just about anyone else. He’s more isolated right now than even Nueng. 

UGH CHANON. Why is your only thought about Palm wondering why he isn't taking care of Nueng? Can't you be a dad for five seconds, please? Like, a real one who's first priority isn't someone else's kid?

No, of course he can't. It is deeply ironic to me that Chanon basically sold himself to Nueng's family to save Palm's life, and now he expects Palm to lay that same life on the line for that family.

Palm's back! New that that the separation wasn't going to be for the whole episode. If Palm yells at him and really means it I will be so happy. Yell at him, Palm!

Nueng, do not offer to pay him off. My god.

Palm: I have a literal tattoo of your name on my body; we’re never breaking up.

Okay, the fact that Palm has been stalking Nueng this whole time and his bodyguards haven't even noticed is hilarious. Or maybe they were like "this kid seems fairly ineffectual, no threat here." Ha.

So Nueng's whole family just really sucks at hiring bodyguards. Where the hell were they while shady dude was just openly taking photos? Hire better people.

But also, I don't get the sinister music there. Of course Kit already knew about Palm, although I guess he might not have known just how close they were getting.

[eolewyn1010]

Dragging Frankenstein - Chapter 6

Victor's got mail, so let's forget all about that patchwork guy stumbling around!

Oh, so we can blame Elizabeth that Frankenstein sr. never came over to the university to slap some sense into his dumbass son. Greeeeaaat.

And how she gets whiny that someone else gets to take care of her sweetie Victor, as if he wasn’t basically her older brother. *sigh* EVERY WOMAN IS A MOM: 4

…this gets a double count because she talks about Victor’s siblings also as if she were their goddamn mother. EVERY WOMAN IS A MOM: 5

Plus, she always uses “we” and “our dear children”, as in, she as a parental figure together with what his her adoptive father and was already a pretty old partner to his actual wife. INCEST VIBES: 6

This family, I swear to God.

“My trifling occupations take up my time and amuse me, and I am rewarded for any exertions by seeing none but happy, kind faces around me.” …No, this sentence doesn’t drive up a particular count; it just legit makes me wanna slap Mary Shelley across the face. Woman, your mother fought for occupations that didn't have to be trifling, and for more meaningful rewards than other people's happy faces!

“Let me tell you about Justine who lived with us for years and whom you should therefore know well enough!” Another bit of this strange introducing-life-details-to-someone-who-should-already-know-them. Justine has been around for years even before Victor left???

But then, we quickly need to introduce her so she can die tragically.

“…through a strange perversity, her mother could not endure her.” I. I don’t know what to do with that sentence. Link it back to Justine being her father’s favorite, swallow down the bile, and set a count, maybe? INCEST VIBES: 7

“The republican institutions of our country have produced simpler and happier manners than those which prevail in the great monarchies that surround it.” – Huh. I’m genuinely interested in dissecting this alleged correlation.

“Justine, you may remember, was a great favorite of yours” – then WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU NEED TO REMIND HIM OF THAT???

“Justine was the most grateful little creature in the world” – y’know, it really undermines the importance of human dignity for everyone when Elizabeth makes such a point of how kind it was to let Justine partake in education etc. and how fucking grateful she is. Then it’s obviously not the self-evident course and you very much do make that distinction between “your equal” and “servant”, don’t you?

“her disposition was gay”, “restore her gaiety”, “I love her tenderly”, “she is extremely pretty” – aw, they were girlfriends. (Yes, I know that’s not what that word meant then. Let me have my fun.) DAS GAY: 16

“She was a Roman Catholic […] and her confessor confirmed the idea” – Elizabeth being a judgy Protestant, I guess.

Justine being sent back into an emotionally abusive household sucks. Poor girl.

And then the bit about William. I literally cannot even. “He has already had one or two little wives, but Louisa Biron is his favorite, a pretty little girl of five years of age.” WHAT. Yeah, yeah, play-dating among children, fine, except – William is eight, iirc. How many eight-year-old boys hang out with five-year-old girls?? What is the power dynamic there??

And why on earth is it necessary to apply this kind of vocabulary? “LITTLE WIVES”??? “HE HAS HAD [them]”??? “HIS FAVORITE”??? What the actual FUCK? What is this? Stop fucking sexualizing children hanging out with their playmates!

This paragraph made me hate William, seeing as it’s all Elizabeth tells us about his behavior / personality. Everything else is how nice he looks, fuck off.

And then it’s some city gossip and she’s finally done. Whew!

“In another fortnight I was able to leave my chamber”, “the sight of a chemical instrument would renew all the agony” – Victor is a real wimp. Kiss that career farewell, I guess.

Also, I’m amazed that his professors at university remember him enough that he gets to introduce Henry. Didn’t he, like, ghost them all two years ago?

I hate Victor’s attitude about his professors. Oh, how dare they torture him with talking about their subjects of expertise! IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: 6

And “M. Krempe was not equally docile”. Docile? That is your professor, you twat, not your servant!

Henry wanting to study Arabian, Persian and Sanskrit makes me love him a little more, ngl.

And… of course Victor is brilliant at those, too, and studies along with Henry even though that stuff doesn’t interest him. He’s just an all-around genius, I guess -.-

“How different from the manly and heroical poetry of Greece and Rome!” …Force him to read some Ovid and Aristides, see how he likes it.

“I felt this delay very bitterly, for I longed to see my native town and my beloved friends” – sure you do, buddy. How much time is passing!? Victor is just dawdling, I swear.

“I became the same happy creature who, a few years ago, loved and beloved by all, had no sorrow or care.” I SO PRIVILEGED: 6

But at least “Henry rejoiced in my gaiety.” *immature snicker* DAS GAY: 17

Time for the shit to hit the fan.

And after this long chapter with a whole lot of Nothing happening, the next one, where actions have finally consequences and conclusions are drawn, is really short. Pacing, Shelley!