#which is crazy considering most of them are not cis and are also bi themselves lmfao

[lesbiansanemi]

I should be getting paid to deal with this bullshit

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

a fic with brendon dallon and breezy is revolting it’s obvious they don’t like b or at least want to do some serious damage to his reputation

i was talking about vices era fic of them, but ok. for goodness sake, their kids used to call b and spencer uncle. the four (her, b, sarah, dallon) used to joke around together sexually, she’s reblogged brallon posts on her tumblr vices and twtl era, and i’ve no doubt she was (is?) familiar with and at least was supportive of fandom’s shipping of dallon and brendon, including threesome things involving her.

breezy even now has repeatedly said she’s talking about zack, not b eg that she won’t speak for b, when she’s discussing zack and management she’s not talking about b, that she stands by most of the zack allegations but implies she’s incredulous about most of what’s being said about b, etc. breezy has also said she’s got a lot of dirt on zack, some of which she’s hinted at, and she could definitely be dragging down zack a lot more heavily and more explicitly than she is eg i shudder to think about how she knows that zack fetishizes amputees, what zack said and/or showed to her. she’s actually exercising a lot of restraint considering what she knows/has experienced, what evidence she still has access to, and the crap she’s getting from much of fandom.

the closest she’s come to saying b was guilty of any accusations was in a private convo (that was posted for a short time before being deleted because breezy asked for it to be taken down) that she had with a woman who claimed that she was talking with b, and had a friend who was abused by b online eg got her to send him nudes then spread them around, gaslit her, told people she was crazy, the sadistic sexual convos she was subjected to, etc. this is the situation that turned out to be a catfisher (probably chelsey) and breezy seemed to cautiously think those two women were credible. which in a sense, they were, because it did happen to them, but not by b. they were abused, and honestly thought it was him, but it was not him. 

hell, when lana (who was casually involved with him in 2007) came out, saying she was talking with b (she later said it was catfishing and not b), that he did the same things to her, etc I went a bit scorched earth on his ass and believed lana, kat, and the others that thought they were talking online with b. because i believed lana and talked to her about it (you can see screenshots online or check out my side of the convo and the parts she didn’t delete of hers after she learned it was a catfisher on my twitter if you want), does that mean i hate b or want to do damage to his reputation? 

lana also says that most of that open letter from 07 was mostly untrue, not written by her, and contained inside jokes that someone who knew both her and b wrote. she did say things with b weren’t great, but isn’t clear on what happened then and wants to let it go. if she did come out with specifics, i would believe her. this is the part of the allegations over this summer that gives me the most pause, i find the most potentially concerning (eg credible, most of the accusations are anonymous accounts that were sometimes deleted the same day or “someone i talked to said this” or from shane morris or things easily debunked or a matter of interpretation/analysis or differences in opinion/politics. there are also some things i find upsetting that haven’t been brought up publicly, aside from me that he’s said) and i wish we did know, but lana’s privacy and life now should be what’s respected over finding out what happened.

i think her views on b are more complicated than people think, regardless of how those people think about her (eg she’s long gotten a lot of flak by panic fandom) or about b (eg if they’re now on the cancel b train or not). the latest dallon has said anything about b afaik is him saying they were still friends, they got along, etc. for one, if breezy hated b she wouldn’t have said this last month. 

(from this screenshot, by a fan of b/panic worried about zack and b’s friendship. i don’t think the original post is up still)

this sounds like someone worried about him, who wished better for him. it also sounds like she’s sad that zack/the situations with zack that breezy and dallon had pushed them away from b. if she wanted b to crash and burn and hated him, she would want b to stay involved with zack, wouldn’t care about the friendships zack had cost him, she wouldn’t think zack was a bad influence on b but just someone who brought out what he truly was or even that b was the bad influence on zack, etc. it also makes me wonder what b would be like had he never met zack and/or have never had him longterm in his life, and i wouldn’t be surprised if breezy wondered the same thing. 

i don’t think it’s as simple as b would be an guileless harmless untouched by internalized masculinity/male entitlement little angel if it were not for zack’s bad influence, but i definitely think b shapes himself, emphasizes certain aspects of himself according to who he is with/is talking to (eg do we think b acts the same with zack vs sarah vs taylor swift vs male friends on twitch. or young female fans vs female fans his own age vs gay/bi male fans vs casual hetero bro-y male fans...? i think not, for better and for worse). and the more one acts like a “typical male” eg sexually violent language, misogynist language, porn, male entitlement, etc the more one becomes one.

also, all sorts of things are being said and spread around now, including the assertion that b regularly exposed his genitals on stage at shows! it’s not breezy’s job or responsibility to go chasing all these accusations down and debunking them. if anything, her doing so would draw far more attention to them. it might even get more people believing he’s done all these things and that these interpretations are accurate eg about g/g/b and how what b and dallon have said about it has been twisted (i don’t think it should be their gay anthem, i think hurricane should be haha, but i can recognize that most of what is said about it by b haters is bunk), how b supposedly fetishizes bi women because he is drawn to them eg openness, knowing what and who they like. (see aside at the end.) i wasn’t going to link to that one and draw more attention to it but it is so patently ridiculous and easily proven to be false i couldn’t resist. this is how easily some people will believe and spread things, and no doubt some people will see that post and believe parts of it, including that one. indeed, they already have.

the truth is a lot more complicated than b is the best innocent angel vs is a sexual predator, breezy is a truthtelling queen vs horrible vengeful bitch dragging even b down, although i think it’s clear i like breezy and find her very credible. hell, if she disclosed things about b i’d believe her, but she has been clear that she’s not talking about him eg the gaslighting post. i’d default believe anyone who put their name and/or face to accusations involving them by default, with an open mind to more evidence coming forth to support or discredit the allegation. it’s sad to see that the only person actually trying to delve into these accusations is really, really wrapped up in b and seeing him as a pure angel. (and i thought i was unobjective and too “my sweet soft innocent lil boy” about b.) most others just... accept them, either to disbelieve it all or to believe it all as The Truth. we don’t even know if someone who is the age they say they are is behind them. for all we know, a 40 year old man mad that his daughter is obsessed with b could be behind those twitter anon accusations. hell, chesley or another stalker/catfisher could be behind some. shane morris could be lying (which is likely), or could have been duped himself. we don’t even know *who* made those accusations, let alone have had a fact checking process to verify them (indeed, we couldn’t have for the most of the assault accusations, eg the anonymous accusers are unknown so can’t verify that they were where they say there were). samantha has done some good work around this, and seems to be the only one trying to do fact finding work, but again, is the opposite of impartial. it would be good to see an impartial, proper fact checking source do what they can around this.

---

(everyone has preferences ffs. i prefer bi men. does that mean i fetishize bi men? i honestly think a lot of teens and early 20s people think having sexual preferences or orientations around others’ sexual orientation, sex, personality, body types, etc is somehow bigotry and fetishization inherently. that a man being attracted to heavier/curvier women over thin is BIGOTRY AND DEHUMANIZING FETISHISM HOW DARE HE. that a woman only wanting to date other lesbians, or fellow butches, or... is BIGOTRY HOW DARE SHE. lesbians are such oppressors!!! that everyone must be open to being attracted to, dating, having sex with, etc everyone, and only maybe gender preferences or hard lines is ok, and gender is understood to be what someone calls themselves, with some fashion thrown in. and of course, phallocentricism, being into dick only, etc is still mostly ok, and males get to have a sexual orientation if they say so eg can only be interested in females not males, eg (to use the lingo so it’s understood) trans women are allowed to say they only want to date/have sex with “cis” women, or men can say they’re only into “cis” women. but females? how dare they. everyone knows females are supposed to be uwu soft subby bisexuals/pansexuals into personality and open to everyone who wants them and not have boundaries or a sexuality, sexual orientation of their own... my dear sweet summer children... 

it’s also interesting that this belief goes hand in hand with being against the evil bigotry of kink shaming. so male sadism is a-ok, no matter how extreme, damaging, injurious, violent, cruel, etc as long as he can get someone to comply, but a woman only being into other females and vulva? genital fetishist!!! suddenly, kink/sexuality shaming is a ok)

[theloveliestpartsofasexuality]

Being Out

So, it has not escaped my notice that it is Coming Out day. Here’s some general advice that I’ll try to aim at everyone. Before you come out:

Make Sure You Feel Safe: Feeling nervous or getting anxiety about coming out is common, normal, and completely understandable. Especially if you’ve never come out to anyone. However, don’t come out to someone you know or strongly suspect is unaccepting to your identity just for the sake of coming out. It is not your responsibility to change anyone’s bigoted mind. If you don’t know if it’s safe to come out, try telling them you met someone who was whatever sexuality or gender you want to come out as and ask what their opinion on that hypothetical person is.

For example, I knew my mom was homophobic thanks to my cousin who came out before me by bringing her girlfriend to Thanksgiving dinner. At the same time, I knew she wouldn’t kick me out or scream at me if I did come out, she would just say stupid things and try to get me to date guys anyway, which she did and still does to this day. However, when I said a friend came out as asexual (as it happens, they actually had and I was talking about a real person that my mom knew), she said that they were a freak and needed to by institutionalized and taught to like sex. So, you know, I’ll never be telling her what I personally consider to be a bigger part of my sexuality. So, keep in mind that just because someone isn’t a dangerous person to come out to die one identity, doesn’t mean it’s safe with another.

Start With Other Non-straight/Non-cis People You Know: Even if these people don’t accept your particular identity, they are still the least likely to out you to others. Chances are, they will accept you, and if they don’t know much about your identity, they may ask questions. These questions may turn out mildly offensive, but they probably don’t mean to be offensive and do actually want to learn. Unless someone is being outrageous, try to give the benefit of the doubt to begin with. You also don’t have to teach anyone and can always ask that they look up answers themselves.

Another example: when coming out as ace to my bi sister, she told me that asexuality is not biologically possible or natural since humans feel the need to reproduce. I asked her if that sounded similar to anything straight people said about non-straight people. She said, “Oh.” She then said that she used to think she was asexual, but in reality she just hadn’t started to experience sexual attraction yet. So I was probably just too young. “I’m older than you,” I pointed out, “And in college.” She said, “Oh.” We had a lot of those “Oh” moments in the following couple weeks. She almost thought I was crazy at first and asked a lot of questions rooted in prejudice, inaccuracies, and on multiple occasions assumed she knew my sexuality better than me. She wasn’t actively trying to do that though, so it was pretty easy to get her to understand, especially since she was bi and could see similarities into how she was thinking and how straight people think about everyone who isn’t straight.

Come Out Gradually: Don’t tell everyone at once. You want to have some people on your side should things turn foul in some of your circles. Say, your parents kick you out, but you have an older sibling who already supports you and you know you can stay with them. Or one of your friends turns not-so-friendly and starts harassing you. You’ll want to have other friends to turn to who already know about your identity.

Don’t Tell Coworkers: They’re gossipy assholes, and your boss is most certainly an asshole who will hear about it.

You Can Come Out Through Your Remationship: Got a partner who is your gender or clearly isn’t the opposite gender? You’ve gained yourself some automatic support and, when coming out to family, they are less likely to make a scene in front of your partner. Not a guarantee, but rather a safety net. Your relationship will also solidify to people that yes, you are serious. Not that you should need anything more than your word, but people are stupid and like to think they know you more than you. So, coming out this way can remove doubt.

You Don’t Need To Come Out: while being in the closet sucks, if you don’t feel safe, don’t come out. You’re out to yourself, even if you are currently unsure of your identity, and you are the most important person when it comes to your life. Don’t feel obligated to come out just because we designated a day to do it. If it gives you the courage to do it, then that’s great. But if it makes you feel pressured to do it, then do your best not to feel guilty for not doing it today. You aren’t doing anything wrong by not coming out to anyone. You can come out whenever you want to. Through a joke, a casual mention, as a revelation, or a quick admission. However you want. If you want to bake a goddamn cake that says

I’m Gay

in rainbow icing and is both filled and topped with skittles and rainbow sprinkles, then go ahead and do that. Just feel as comfortable and safe as you can while doing it.

[ceciliatan]

Writing the Other: Conflict and Inclusion Panel Discussion Recap from #ICFA40

Writing the Other: Conflict and Inclusion ICFA 40 Panel with JR Richard, Keffy Kehrli, Usman Malik, K. Tempest Bradford, Nisi Shawl

This panel did not have a description in the online schedule, but I marked it of obvious interest to me! What follows in this post is my attempt to capture what was said. I believe I caught about 60% of the remarks, so this is not all of it, and sometimes I may have mis-typed, mis-heard, or misunderstood what was said, so please do not take these as direct quotes. They may be paraphrased. Please check with the individuals here before you quote them based on this pseudo-transcript.

The panel began with the panelists introducing themselves:

Nisi Shawl: I am a writer and editor, and increasingly this year a teacher! And I coauthored a book called Writing the Other with Cynthia Ward. I teach classes on Writing the Other with this woman to my right…

K. Tempest Bradford: I am a sf/f author and I’ve been co-teaching for Writing the Other workshops, and I admin the classes we don’t teach ourselves. We’ve been doing this for 4-5 years and it’s my fault Nisi is teaching more classes!

Usman Malik: I am a writer of sf/f, subspecializing in horror.

Keffy Kehrli: I am a sf/f writer and I only have shorts stories out. And I edit Glittership, an LGBTQ magazine We dont restrict to LGBTQ authors, so I get a lot of people “writing the other.” I’m also getting PhD in genetics so if I space out I’m probably thining about genes.

JR Richard: I’m a sf/f writer and playwright and I teach creative writing, playwriting, design, and slam poetry to school age children.

Nisi: The first thing I wanted to ask the panel for are some examples of inclusion and conflict in writing the other.

JR: I think that for me, it’s about educating ourselves: as someone with privilege and someone not with privilege—I am female and queer and I go by she/they, but I’m white. And in a previous panel someone said writers go “oh, I have awoken! so now I have learned and it’s done!” And that’s not how it works…? You are always evolving and learning. I have learned what is my lane and what is not my lane. I have learned when people are faking it. I am also Jewish and just read a musical that was written by people who aren’t Jewish and they got what a mitzvah is wrong. Being wrong can be hard for those with privilege. Conflict is hard for people with privilege to accept. When they say “I don’t even see color, I don’t care if people are pink and blue…” they are skirting a conflict that makes them uncomfortable.

Nisi: But do you have some examples?

Keffy: Specific works to cite… I’m trying to think. I tend to forget things that really piss me off. So I have trouble citing examples. There are two things I see a lot when it comes to conflict and inclusion. If you’ve read a lot of sf/f—especially older stuff even beyond just Tolkien—a lot of the models you get for conflict in fantasy works tend be to problematic. They tend to include the other as the enemy. So if you base inclusion on how you read it as a kid, it may be problematic to start with. Tolkien is a great example of how not to do it. The second thing is if you have come up with a villain and you realize you have a very white, straight story, and now you decide oh, I’m going to make this character black, you will possibly run into a very serious stereotype without having realized it. If you put in a queer character without considering how the intersection of that identity with stereotypes you will run right into a problem with them. I see it in submissions where someone decided to make a character queer without seeing how it impacts the story.

Usman: My thought process over the last few years has been A) when I write a story I don’t write the other, I write ME. But you need people who have lived that role. If they write that story, they write about their own experience. That is your cement block for me. We need representation in every sector you can think of, every art. B) Great writers or anyone worth their salt are trying to be authentic. Authenticity is the heart of all good art. It doesn’t matter if you need to know intersectionalism — it’s great if you do, but you don’t need to know any of that if you are working with authenticity and honesty. I have a story set in inner Lahore, Pakistan. I have lived in Lahore, Pakistan, but not in inner Lahore where my parents had lived. So I went back home and visited people there and then I wrote that story. Those are my people and I still felt I had to go and study them. In the Internet, in what I call the Troll World, the ones who are complaining are inauthentic to what they are doing. They are bad writers. That’s how I think about it.

Tempest: There are a lot of conversations about authenticity but also Own Voices writing, people writing within their own identity category. They are from the identity and they are writing that identity. But there becomes a conflict in which their authenticity is challenged by people whose idea of that identity comes from inauthentic things! (laughter) Kate Elliot gave a really great lecture on this about a review of Ken Liu’s book Grace of Kings. This one reviewer was like “when I set out to read this, I thought I would find an authentic experience of Asian culture, like what I saw in a movie I saw one time.” (audience groans) They have this view of what is “authentic” which is often a stereotypical or really offensive view, and if you do anything else, the audience is very against it. This also causes a problem with people who are trying to write the other and have actually learned the lesson and are doing it well. Say they write outside of their racial cultural whatever, and it’s very nuanced and layered and great, and they send it to an agent or editor. They get told “but you’re white, so you can’t write about Native Americans or black characters” or whatever. Or the editor will say this is not realistic because the black people are not in a gang. The Native Americans are not alcoholics. You didn’t write those stereotypes, but because it’s not what they expect they think it’s wrong. So the conflict comes when what do you do when your editor tells you something like that? We tell them: don’t let them make you put racist nonsense into your book. You may need to call an expert in the subject who has some clout. This happens a lot.

Nisi: I think, Usman, you do write the other when you write someone from a different economic class. You also wrote about orphans. Those are not you. But I take your point about your representation of the other. Recent someone was telling me how “diverse” the cast was from Crazy Rich Asians and I was like: it’s not diverse at all!

Tempest: They’re all Asian! Using the word “diverse” to mean “not white” is every problematic.

Nisi: Who is writing what and who’s including whom—in their anthologies and their publishing stables—those are questions we’re asking.

Keffy: I can say for Glittership I try to be as inclusive as I can, but it’s always a caveat because you can’t be perfectly inclusive. Because there are a limited number of stories, but there are an unlimited number of intersections. Usman gave a perfect example. It’s OwnVoices because it’s Pakistani but it’s not OwnVoices because it’s not inner Lahore. I have one benefit over anthology editors in that Glittership is ongoing, whereas an anthology is out. If you fucked up and put no women in it you’re stuck with it. Inclusion is a process. I’m always trying to reach out to people I don’t have represented. Sometimes though they send me something that I just don’t like. I try to write the nicest rejection letter I can so that they’ll send me more. One of my problems is that some of the groups I don’t have enough fiction from is that I don’t have enough authors sending them to me. Part of it is that there’s a perspective that LGBTQ fiction is very white and that you can have all the types of queers as long as they’re white. I have to be very specific I want more writers of color.

Nisi: But can you clarify? The authors you reach out to are …?

Keffy: I don’t publish any fiction that isn’t queer. There are many authors who I would love to have, but they haven’t written anything fitting for my magazine. I will literally just email people and say “yo, send me stories.” It’s so easy for poeple to get into the idea that if they don’t see a story from people like them, then they think they shouldn’t send theirs either. Sometimes as an author you don’t want to try. No one wants to get the rejection that is like “well, but none of them are drug dealers.” That’s rejection and getting stabbed in the heart. It’s on ongoing process. I go through Fiyah Lit Mag and email all their contributors “Hey got ay queer stuff?”

Tempest: I really feel like in sf/f we have a giant problem where there are not enough editors who are not white cis men. This is especially a problem in anthologies. Most of the major year’s bests are compiled by white cisgender men. The exceptions are like Ellen Datlow, which is great, she’s there because of her seniority, but sometimes there’s not a lot of new people being brought into that. Every time I hear about a new years best it’s edited by John Q Whitefellow. When it comes to talking about stuff like World Fantasy and them not inviting and black people or women to be guests of honor for example. They just invite NK Jemisin and if she says no, they just go back to John Q Whiteguy. They say there aren’t enough others around. (They’re wrong.)

Nisi: When I edited an anthology, Nalo Hopkinson was asked to do it first. And she said no, you should ask Nisi instead. One thing we can do is keep pushing off the requests to someone else you know. I have edited three anthologies now and helped edit a few others. I make a spreadsheet and I track where are things coming from, what races are they, are they bi or queer or cis, et cetera. I don’t go for a quota but I am very conscious with trackable data about who I am getting.

Tempest: It’s good we have some editors who make an effort to understand things outside their understanding. I think Neil Clarke and John Joseph Adams do a good job with that. JJA does a good job because as the SERIES editor for a year’s best he brings in annual editors who are from more diverse points of view. He’s had Charles Yu and NK Jemisin. And then that influence rolls on.

Keffy: I do see a definite impact of my identity on my submissions. I see many more trans and nonbinary stories and authors than I did at Shimmer magazine. There I saw many women who were driven by the female editors there. As a transman I know that is impacting who feels comfortable submitting to me. But so is the fact I’m white. People want to hope they’re sending to a warm, welcoming place for them.

JR: The situation in my hometown in the theater community is very segregated. Nebraska has about a million people and it’s ridiculously segregated. There was busing when I was in school. I produced a show called Woman in Omaha. The show had women each given 5 minutes to do a thing under a pink tent. I told them I went to Omaha Central High School and I haven’t done anything at The Union, which is in the middle of the black area of town. Me and my husband were the only two white actors they had that season. I asked my friend Beau if she would co-produce with me. Most of the theaters in town will completely whitewash a cast. The white producers keep saying [non-white] people don’t show up to auditions. But it’s because they think they won’t be welcome in that space. Denise Chapman tells a story that a guy came in to audition with his dreads inside a hat like he was trying to hide it. She told him, look be yourself, and he just began to glow once he could be himself. I think A Woman in Omaha was really great and a moment of intersectionality. Anoterh example, we were doing Bubbly Black Girl Sheds Her Chameleon Skin; it is all about being a black woman in musical theater. And in the Q & A after this white woman in the back stood up and said “well, but why aren’t all of you auditioning at the Playhouse?” It’s because the Playhouse’s idea of being inclusive or adding diversity is to do The Color Purple and Raisin in the Sun.

Nisi: Which is like 60 years old. Let’s talk about is conflict inherent in inclusion? Does inclusion automatically mean exclusion?

JR: I hope inclusion doesn’t mean exclusion! I think it means I can walk into a room with people of diferent faiths but all have a respect from what each of us are doing. Discomfort in inclusion, when you have grown up as white as the default in Omaha, Nebraska, it can be uncomfortable to step out of that and realize white is NOT the default and then be scared to mess up and not be inclusive. If you’re not uncomfortable in a situation either you are not pushing yourself enough or you are comfortable in your little box.

Keffy: I think conflict is inherent in inclusion but it’s also just as much in exclusion. Conflict that has been externalized I brought inside and you have to deal with it. I think that’s where a lot of the discomfort comes from. It’s not about whether black actors get in the door, it’s about whether they’re being treated correctly once they’re inside. That’s part of it. It’s a reframing of the conflict that already exists. I don’t think inclusion automatically means exclusion, but sometimes inclusion just moves the exclusion line elsewhere. Like with the expanding acronym of LGBTQ etc where do you cut off the letters? Who is left off when the bus leaves the stop? I try to be aware of that. Being a queer magazine there are people who don’t think they’re being excluded.

Usman: Exclusion versus inclusion — usually exclusion is a variant of colonization. If someone is doing that, the end result is always supremacy of some sort. Whether it happens by set mechanisms or systemic change, conflict is going to happen. The other thing is you know we were talking about editors and submission before. ICFA and the sf/f world is very different from the MFA world and the horror world. A horror antho came out by a well-known, big-time writer and I was reading the TOC. Out of 27 stories, one was by a woman. That editor is a friend of mine. I brought it up, and he came on my page and got mad. I don’t think people are deliberately being evil. But people are too arrogant to admit that things should change. There is a lack of humility on the people who are perpetuating the system. Even in the LGBTQ community there can be that arrogance. Another thing when you are a 16 or 20 year old brown kid sitting out there, they don’t know what we’re talking about. This is a very European and North-American centric discussion. We are already excluding 90 percent of the world.

Tempest: Then people who are rarely excluded claim that inclusion makes them excluded. Like if there is a “slot” for a woman in an anthology they feel that slot might have been taken away from them. I had a conversation with a co-worker that every country has one representative in the U.N. He felt America should have a bigger say. But why? Why should that bother him? I was like: what are you talking about. Of course it should be one each. But he was thinking America is the best, we deserve more etc because that’s what he’s been taught. So in his mind automatically America should get more seats in the UN. But in anthologies they’ll say yeah these are the “best” even if they haven’t made any effort to reach out to other cultural contexts. They’ll say “You can’t ‘exclude’ these (white authors) because that’s exclusion!” There’s a weird sense of fairness to these people. When I did the reading challenge. This one guy was like “oh you’re right I’ve only read one women in five years!” But when I suggested he read only women for a year he was like “But that wouldn’t be fair!” like that was going “too far.” As if one year versus five would swing the balance too far toward women even though he just admitted that only reading one woman in five years was too little.

Nisi: I was doing a reading at a place in New Orleans through a college there. We went to a home in a neighborhood. Outside black kids were playing with their bicycles and baseballs and the organizers told me I want those kids to come to this reading because I don’t want them to think this isn’t for them.

Keffy: Many things have been improved by the Internet. In the days of postal submissions I would not get stories from Nigeria. So there is more outreach than there was. But I run into the problem that there are countries where if an author sent me a story they could be putting their life in danger. The Brazilian elections recently, they elected an extremely anti-queer president. He’s Super-Trump. But right after that, I went through my submissions and I had submissions from Brazil. There are people who are going that far to get their message out. Most of the people of color who send me things are part of a diaspora in some way, and rarely from the indigenous countries. It’s hard to reach out.

Usman: I think the organizations are very smug. SFWA and the others, they feel they are doing a lot of outreach. They don’t get a lot of funding. Arts have lost their funding. But we have Codex and SFWA and ICFA, but how connected are we with the rest of the world? When is World Fantasy going to be “World” Fantasy? It’s taken ten years for the most briliant writer in India to get a reprint into Nightmare magazine. The way we know about Vandana Singh and Maryanne Mohanraj is because we’ve MET them. They’ve been at the cons. What about all the out of the country writers?

Nisi: Yeah. A lot of the people I know are from Clarion West.

Tempest: But that’s where the whole rolling down the hill thing happens. You open the door a little wider each time. But for people outside the US it’s a different trajectory. The staff on the Writing Excuses cruise give a scholarship for writers of color. It’s a networking opportunity. We have all these people now in our network. Con or Bust is another organization that was started because of POC being economically disadvantaged.

Nisi: I tried to talk about this in an essay I wrote called “Unqualified.” One way you are made to feel unwelcome is by a high economic bar. Lowering that bar proves you are welcome. One who is really reaching out is Neil Clarke who is reaching out to people of different nations. About the cascading effect of when you open opportunities to clueful allies, if you open up to people of color, then again we can further that. Alex Jennings, Ghita, all of these are people stamped with the approval of science fiction credibility, and they can now open the road further for other people.

JR: I also want to talk about elitism here in the US that I see a lot of with my students. I run a playwriting workshop in a special ed program. Often they have never had a creative writing class of any kind, ever. I also work in low income public schools. A lot of the time there are refugees or kids in low income families and there is such a gatekeeping. You have to have a cover page. You have to use Times new roman font. Etc. Stories are rejected for these gatekeeping reasons. I have one refugee kid from out of the country and he had written a beautiful story. He had written it on his phone. We had to figure out how to get it off his phone. We had to figure out how to get it out of there and reformat it and all these things (and then it wasn’t even accepted). I went to an MFA program but not everyone can do that.

Nisi: Not everyone can take 6 weeks out of their lives for Clarion even if they get a scholarship.

Keffy: There are such problems with so-called standard manuscript format. I don’t really care. I get things in all kinds of fonts. It’s in Word. I just change it. There is no standard anymore. With postal submissions there was a high barrier to entry. But do any two magazines have the same format now? I had to copy my whole story into a notepad file to submit it in plain text into on magazine’s submission form… I decided never to do it again. Some of it is just… ugh. The thing is, I didn’t know anything about any of this until I started going to conventions. I would go to panels of editors, some of whom will remain nameless, but they would go on these tears about the (sarcasm) horrible things writers did like using the wrong font and how can anyone take that writer seriously? I have anxiety disorder so I was so worried I didn’t get absolutely everything right. I was afraid I didn’t speak the right lingo. So I am trying to make my submission handle-able for me and my co-editor. We have a submission form to make it doable for us, but it’s important when you are curating anything which things are really barriers to entry.

Tempest: What information someone has access to so often gets brushes aside. Someone types something into the Internet and they don’t know where they land has the wrong information. There are a lot of scammers out there. The people who get taken advantage of is because they accidentally landed in the wrong place. They weren’t dumb or not savvy. The only reason I know anything is I once opened the right promotional email and ended up here instead of the wrong place. and it must be even easier to land in the wrong place if you’re not from North America.

Keffy: Like JR said, there are a huge amount of places where they don’t have computers but they all have mobile phones. There are kids right now writing full novels in the back of the English class on their phone.

JR: There was a teacher at our school who was holding back giving notebooks to the kids because they had to “earn” them. Me and my boss were so mad at that. They are only reading white men from the 1930s and so if we go into the class and we say we’re going to write poetry they go “yuck! ugh!” because they think of writing as something that is for “him” and not for themselves. And I say no, we’re going to write what YOU want to write.

Nisi: OK, let’s open it to questions since we’ve got 45 minutes left. Oh no wait, only 15 minutes left! Where did the time go!

Tempest: We got talking.

(Then came questions from the audience but my fingers are cramping so I’m going to stop typing.)

from cecilia tan https://ift.tt/2Hp1KkE via IFTTT

[syntaxeme]

Name: Natalie “Nat” Cordova

Callsign: Estrella Flux (formerly Firefly)

Species: human (mutant)

Age: 19

Gender/sexuality: cis bi girl

Ethnicity: Mixed Latina. Her father is Mexican, and her mother is Cuban (grew up in America; her parents immigrated before she was born).

Alignment: Chaotic Good 

Body: 5’ 7”. Medium brown skin, notably darker than Myles as she spends more time in the sun. Her freckles aren’t as numerous as Myles’s, but they’re there if you look closely. Pointing them out or complimenting them seems to embarrass her, because she knows it means you are looking closely. She’s slim, almost lanky, like her brother, but with more muscle; think gymnast. She doesn’t have much going for her in the T&A department, but it doesn’t really concern her. She feels like her body fits her perfectly. She has numerous scars, all earned in various ways but for the same reason: her overconfidence outmatched her skill/control. She kind of likes them, though. The only one she doesn’t like is a particularly nasty gash down her left temple and cheek, and she’s always used her bangs to try to cover it up.

Body language: What’s the opposite of “ladylike��? That’s what Nat is. Maybe it’s intentional, maybe it’s subconscious, but she can often be seen taking up as much space as possible, stretching her legs out open instead of crossing them, lying out full length and taking up two seats on the bus, etc. Her stance is very firm, not to be shaken; as previously mentioned, she is incredibly self-confident. She has no qualms about making eye contact and will not back down if pushed. The only time she may not be quite so immovable is during an especially manic spell; for that period of time, she’ll become more hyper, restless, almost jittery, and she’ll feel she needs to constantly be moving.

Hair: Thick, black, wavy. Since disappearing out of her family’s life, she’s cut off practically the entire length of it, something she didn’t dare do while in school. The sides and back are buzzed short, but the top still has some length so she sort of has bangs to hang over her forehead. 

Eyes: Very light, very bright blue; they mark her as a mutant right off the bat to anyone who knows what they’re looking at, especially when the rest of her is so dark. When they moved schools in the seventh grade, she started wearing brown contacts so people would stop staring and teasing her. They’re deep set and slightly narrow.

Powers: Energy manipulation. Her control applies to several kinds of energy: potential, kinetic, thermal, radiant, and electric. To be clear, these are the types she’s learned to work with; it’s possible she may learn to do more in the future. She’s tried to work with sound and found that she can’t; that’s Myles’s territory. Because energy can’t be created or destroyed, she’s only able to transfer and convert the energy in question. This means she’s able to transfer live electric energy from one device to another or sacrifice heat energy to create light, etc. The larger the conversion, the more concentration it takes from her. She does have a great deal of stamina, however, having built it up over the years, so she’s capable of some pretty impressive feats when (let’s say) fully-rested. Because her abilities are so versatile, it would be very easy for them to become dangerous in the wrong hands. Nat tries her best to prove that she’s worthy of them and that she can control them. She does, however, question whether that’s true herself.

Background: Since the age of thirteen, Nat has been doing hero work with her parents and her twin, Myles. She was advocating for them (her and Myles) to join in the hero stuff since they were ten, and their parents insisted that they weren’t old enough (heroes can’t become officially sanctioned until they’re legal adults). They changed their mind about that when the twins were captured by an enemy and held hostage. This was when Nat got the scar on her face. She tried to fight their captors, using her powers, but since she had no training and not much experience controlling them, she pretty much got the shit kicked out of her. But she kept Myles from getting hurt, which was the important part to her. After their parents rescued them, it was clear to everyone that they needed to be taught how to defend themselves. That quickly led into them becoming involved in the work itself.            Nat took to hero work easily, as it gave her an outlet for her practically-boundless energy. She did have some extracurricular gymnastics to occupy her, but learning MMA from her mother was even better. Learning to control her powers was also very intellectually stimulating for her; it led to her developing an interest in physics, which entailed a lot of research on her part. Through study and practice, she’s gotten very good at precisely controlling her power. The idea of justice is also very appealing to her; she can’t stand to see people get less (or more) than they deserve.            At around sixteen, Nat began experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia: she started to see and hear things that others didn’t, started to perceive others (outside her family) in ways that weren’t accurate, and developed the powerful believe that she was “supposed” to be enacting justice where it hadn’t turned out naturally, that it was what she was made to do. She was diagnosed at age seventeen, but she had a mortal fear of medication for it. They were told that her condition could be managed, so her parents let her choose to do so.            She doesn’t hallucinate “normal” things, like everyday conversations or images that could easily be real; they’re almost always fantastic enough to make her question them right away. This leads to her often asking those around her for reality checks, e.g. “are you seeing this happening right now?” Her auditory hallucinations are usually very clear and easy to understand, most often insulting her decisions and telling her that other people can’t stand her. They don’t really have distinct, recurring voices that she’s noticed.

Personality: Outgoing, playful, confident. She’s a bit cynical, a bit sarcastic sometimes, but rarely in a way that’s meant to be hurtful. She doesn’t see any reason to be rude to others unless they started it. She’s generally very friendly and likes attention, likes making friends. For the most part, she’s pretty open about her mental condition and doesn’t mind talking about it. If people look at her funny when they find out, she doesn’t care; she does want to be liked, but some other person’s approval isn’t worth lying about who she is. Ever. It’s not uncommon for her to have mood swings that are difficult to explain to other people (not that they happen for no reason, but the reasoning wouldn’t make sense to most others).

           She has a habit of speaking and acting without thoroughly considering the consequences; she sometimes needs to be reminded or informed of a potential problem with what she’s doing/saying/planning in order to rethink it. Sometimes she listens, usually if it’s in regards to other people’s safety or wellbeing. If her own ability is being questioned, however, she instead feels the need to prove that she knows what she’s doing. She rarely worries about her own safety, as one of her persistent delusions makes her feel like she’s pretty much invincible. The only time she really questions herself is when her naysaying voices are being especially persistent.

Misc.:

She’s fluent in both English and Spanish. I think she prefers Spanish, and she probably has several Spanish-speaking friends. Usually if she’s speaking privately to someone in her family, it’s in Spanish.

Nat is as contemporary as one can possibly be. Her pop culture interests are all 100% modern, and she doesn’t really care for “deep” shit that has to be deciphered. She wants music that’s fun to dance to, often with sexual and/or aggressive lyrics (Ke$ha is one of her favorites), she wants movies that are fun and engaging to watch (art films and anything depressing are o-u-t), and she has an easier time getting engrossed in a comic book than in a novel. Comics led her to manga, which led her to anime, so she likes that, too.

She uses the words “schizo” and “psycho” to describe herself on occasion, usually in a negative way. However, she will not stand for the word “crazy.” Hearing it in passing (e.g. “the traffic here is crazy”) bothers her, but hearing it directed at a person, especially herself, makes her absolutely furious, which quickly leads to her being aggressive and physically violent toward the person who used it. “Loco/loca” will get a similar reaction.

Clothing:

Civvies – Cut-off shorts, crop tops and bralettes, sneakers, whatever allows her to move most easily. She has no issues with showing skin. She hates dresses and skirts. Just. Hates them with a passion. They inhibit her movement and make fighting difficult, especially long ones, so she avoids them whenever possible. She likes boots and jackets. She likes the colors blue and green. And she loves galaxy print. Or anything to do with stars.

“Work”

Her theme color is cobalt blue. She wants to look cute and flashy, but functionality comes before anything else. Meaning nothing strapless, nothing restrictive (like tight leather pants), nothing she’ll have to worry about slipping or coming off, etc. For some reason, peplum shorts are really speaking to me. And a ¾ sleeve crop top. Maybe with some fun sheer details.

In order to leave her fingertips and palms to be exposed (for whatever energy-based purpose she may need) but not cut up her knuckles, she wears knuckle guards like one would use for boxing.

Her mask is the opposite of what most heroes wear; rather than covering her eyes, it covers the lower half of her face (from her nose down). When she’s working, she doesn’t bother with her contacts (unless it’s a sudden, spur-of-the-moment thing), so her eyes don’t look the way they normally do, so she figures this is okay. 

Visual refs: 

[connorsok]

Examining my sexuality after finding out I'm trans

After finding out I'm a trans guy I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I might not be bisexual. At least in the way I always thought I was; As in being attracted both sexually and romantically towards men, non-binary people and women. I've recently been finding myself moving further from being attracted, in any sense, towards women and even more attracted towards men and androgynous/masculine NBs.

I know that I'm still bisexual considering I'm attracted to multiple genders but I feel considerably less bi knowing that I am no longer — or never was — attracted to women. I understand that is a completely off way of thinking about it but internalised biphobia (like any internalised bias) is hard to get rid off and out of your head.

I think the thing I'm most afraid of is the fact that I've been lying to people, including myself, that I've been attracted to women when in fact I might never have been.

A reason that might be for me being 'attracted' to women in my childhood (which is the only period in my time I've been attracted to girls/women) is that because I'm a boy I should be attracted to them just like all the other boys around me. Most of the girl crushes I had were crushes other boys around me had or were very traditionally masculine in the way they presented themselves or, in cases of fictional characters, had male love interests which either I also had a crush on or I looked up to (example: Hans Solo, Aladdin, Beck from Victorious, literally any of Barbie's S/Os).

Or, another reason, might've been to distance myself from being viewed as 'feminine' (a very flawed reason but bare in mind I was 14 at the time I came out). I remember not being comfortable with the straight or lesbian label so I decided I must be bisexual and in turn decided I must also be attracted to women if I am bisexual.

I don't know, it's just so weird coming to the realisation that I might not be who I thought I was this whole time? It's something so small but it's kinda impacting and has made me reanalyse all of my thoughts before I came to this conclusion.

It's insane how much I've been pretending my whole life: being autistic and having to hide who I am to conform to other people's expectations, to just a few months ago realise that I'm actually a boy and not genderfluid (or a cis girl) and now just finding out that the sexuality I've been so closely holding onto for the past four years isn't even what I thought it was.

It's crazy that I'm now only seventeen and truly discovering who I am. It's weird and uncomfortable to still be trying to figure out my identity when so many people my age have already discovered theirs.

Anyways, sorry about this rant. It's a full ass character study I know but I kinda had to just talk about it and hopefully other people will find this helpful or reaffirming. Deuces ✌🏻✌🏻

[ungracefulace]

This is a mess lmao... first of all youre literally arguing that asexuality isnt even a sexuality now. Being attracted to no one isnt a modifier. If anything, from what I was saying than ones non aro orientation would be the modifier. Asexuality is just attraction to no genders, lack of sexual attraction is just another way to say that

Im not a homophobe, I just have an understanding of heterosexism. Homophobia exists and kills, no one is denying that. Im just saying that the definition of homophobia is discrimination against gay people, its not the system that oppresses people who arent straight. Its heterosexism, this is a well documented concept. Read a book, dude.

Anyways queer people exist. There are people who identify as queer, theres literal history behind it. Theres a reason the term genderqueer exists. Faggot isnt an identity. These arent comparable.

Transphobia, like homophobia is the discrimination and prejudice trans and gay people face, respectively. Cissexism is the system that puts trans and nonbinary people at a disadvantage. Cishet aces dont face transphobia! Neither does literally any other cis person, so no clue why you specified cishet aces.

Cishet aces do oppress people on the basis of them being cis and het. However they are still asexual. Asexuality is a marginalized sexuality and as such all aces are still marginalized regardless of other identities. You can disagree but thats just... factual information.

Im not saying you "owe me a reply", dick. Im just saying its really ignorant to wait so long and still not actually read the shit youre trying to argue against. I mean, I read anything I respond to, even when its rude or when the person has no clue what they are actually talking about. Call me crazy, I just think it makes more sense to read an argument when you are arguing.

Regardless of if some kinksters or whatever are trying to say that they are queer because of that, it doesnt change the fact that asexuality is a marginalized SEXUALITY and those things arent sexualities or gender identities. Being ace is nowhere near a kink, and youre a shitty person for acting like the 2 are the same. LGBT+ places ALREADY HAVE ACE SPACES. Your little pissy "those darn aceys pretending to be queer" argument is nice and all, but it doesnt change the fact that they are literally already included in a lot of stuff. Kinksters arent (even though there are things that focus on kink for LGBT+ and queer individuals in our spaces) because its not a fucking sexuality.

Also... youre mad at me for stating a fact. Whetger you like it or not, if a cishet REALLY wanted to sneak into a queer space, they would not be calling themselves something most cishets literally dont even know about. They would say they were gay, or bi. They might even say they were trans depending on where they wanted to go. There is literally nothing stopping cishets from doing this accept for the fact that they dont like being LGBT+, because literally no one that isnt connected to the community is clamoring for oppression. Its not a fun thing, especially un places where its illegal to be LGBT+. Only thing your little hate crusade against aces would do is take resources away from asexuals, who only want them because of the shit they're facing for being asexual.

Homophobia and transphobia have overlap, but they are fundementally different things, and a lot of the overlap is misdirected. Someone treating a straight trans man as if they were a lesbian and being homophobic is based off misgendering. Dudes, even straight trans dudes, arent the target of homophobia or lesbophobia. Someone assuming a trans woman was a gay guy is misdirected homophobia, because thats not what they are.

All in all, half of your points are you genuinely not understsnding whats being said. Which is funny, but also really sad considering you only dont know because you refuse to actually look shit you want to argue about up. While you technically dont have to, ut would be great if you could actually listen to what I'm saying before responding! Common courtesy goes a long way

Straight trans people don’t fully access straight privilege.

Cishet polyamory people are still discriminated against and therefor dont have “full” straight privilege bc of marriage and adoption discrimination.

Straight trans people still aren’t gay.

Cishet polyamory people still aren’t LGBT.

So I dont see why saying cishet aces aren’t LGBT is so controversial. You experience discrimination, great. It still doesn’t make asexuality inheritely LGBT bc cishet aces don’t experience homophobia and transphobia and still have straight and cis privilege.