#i have an idea of how it will all end as well but thats still being hashed out
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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would i be considered a lunatic if i said that horror's story could be read as a parallel for SA. Hear Me Out: (obviously be careful for reading this bc like,,, sensitive topic)
i feel like the largest parallel could be the actual event of getting his eye taken. a part of his body is "taken" and literally or metaphorically horror was pinned down and forced to give up his body (even worse considering that a literal part of him was PULLED out with a foreign object designed solely to hurt HIM SPECIFICALLY). it's digusting and horror claws and fights his way out to prevent it but unfortunately it still ends up happening no matter what he could've done. no matter how many backup plans or extra contibutions or begging or fighting he did. which like. sounds honestly pretty simple to the reality of victims of SA. that hopelessness of knowing that even if you did as much as you could, covering up, devoting yourself to a life of chastity, not hanging with people like thay, there's still a chance that something bad could happen and all of a sudden everyone's out to get you and how could they just stand by and do NOTHING while you were left to suffer and defend yourself
which leads onto the next point i wanna bring up which is horror's rage immediately after getting his eye stolen. his anger at the betrayal is (very justified my boy did nothing to deserve this) solely about him and his bodily autonomy. undyne (and alphys ig,,,,) couldn't consider ANY other possible solution than to deprive him of his autonomy and decide to just take what they wanted from his body??? AND THE FACT THAT ALPHYS SAID THAT HE MIGHT AGREE TO GIVING UP HIS EYE? it's giving very much so "oh it'll feel good so don't worry" type shit or whatever (horrortale alphys i DONT like you). a betrayal at the hands of someone you trusted a lot about your bodily autonomy? it just gives off that sort of parallel
and the sheer anger and fury that horror felt and enacted on alphys and undyne and everyone else at the CORE just like DUDE. that is a type of anger that only comes out when you've been deeply wronged. sometimes when a horrific experience like getting SAed happens you just wanna explode and drag down everyone around you and ESPECIALLY the perpetrators no matter how much you rationalize. you can have as many people as you want try to convince you that revenge and being hateful isnt the way but it doesn't matter because they havent been wronged the way youve been. horror deserved to be that cruel because undyne and alphys were just as cruel back to him, so he'll be the same and return it 10fold (he probably wasnt even out of bones when he decided to turn them into chips he just wanted to make it a point that he didn't even need to use his full strength to hurt the guards. horror could've EASILY killed alphys but no he wanted it to hurt for her so she could live a life of eternal suffering and fall to her lowest and to ESPECIALLY hurt undyne. because they deserve to suffer just as much as he did if not more for the crime commited against him)
a betrayal as bad as alphys's is only worsened when she tells him that she doesnt regret a single thing about using him for the underground. that has to be the single most infuriating thing for horror to hear because WHAT DO YOU MEAN alphys doesn't regret a thing? that's exactly what some people gloat about after doing terrible things; they try to sweep it under the rug as nothing that bad or justify it OR JUST STRAIGHT UP ADMIT IT!!! nah horrortale alphys deserved to suffer idc
and back onto that feeling of wanting to kick and scream and drag everyone else down with you after being left so used and betrayed due to getting SAed: i know it was bad that horror tricked snowdin into eating humans it was TERRIBLY BAD but really horror was just operating on anger and spite and the need for vengeance. nobody in snowdin ever did anything to hurt him (and i'm sure horror knows that considering he definitely regrets what he did) but to him maybe they also should feel the pain he feels so they can all relate. so that they can't try and fight against him when he says his side of the story and say that undyne was right with what she did. that maybe he wouldn't feel so absolutely devastated after what happened if he saw everyone around him suffering too, and maybe JUST MAYBE he'd get a bit of something back from his sacrifice that he never consented to
i KNOW i'm not reaching with this but idk if i phrased it the best. but to me horror's story really does genuinely parallel to one of an SA survivor's: the betrayal, the anger, the feeling of loneliness and isolation and just feeling absolutely used for a simple thing as your body. chapter 4 of horrortale really is amazing storytelling and so is horror (he was reasonable in what he did IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS he might be WRONG but it was reasonable. i love horror sans)
#i'm sorry if this is like kinda not srs enough for this topic just know that this came from a place of genuine relation to horror#his story resonates a lot to me about my own personal experiences and the anger and betrayal i felt myself#and i just wanted to point out the similarities i saw 🙁#i think that maybe even without realizing it that he might feel replused at sex and especially the intimacy part#touching his eye socket or head wound is like reliving the entire situation over again and he does NOT WANT THAT AT ALL#its a part of his body that he cant just get rid of because it's necessary which SUCKS#the snarkiness that horror has against undyne even after 7 years is so real#you NEVER forgive your abuser in that situation. i know damn well that the grudge will continue to last on for many more years to come#one day horror and undyne might be able to make up and coexist but horror wont ever be able to TRULY forgive her#a part of you changes viscerally for the worse when you go through something so traumatic#and i think horror's outburst fits that change a lot. it seems almost sudden how quickly he goes from sans to horror#and even though he was still spiralling before the CORE he probably wouldn't have changed so drastically without a betrayal THIS bad#he better get the BEST potential ending in horrortale or else i will RIOT#if aliza doesnt save horrortale and give them all the freedom they DESPERATELY NEED#SAS pls SAS pls don't doom them even more than they already are thats all i need#this metaphor is made even worse with my idea that killer or dust pull him around by the eye or skull#probably not dust (when he's calm (when he's not all boundaries get thrown out the window)#but with killer probably. he doesn't particularly care about what horror wants or keeps to himself#if it gets a barely amusing reaction then sure whatever. horror gets unreasonably pissed anyway for someone who just got his eye taken#in fights they could make it a point to hold onto his skull near the eyewound as tightly as possible#just to make it HURT. dust wants horror to remember him with as much hate as he does for undyne#killer does it to get him to remember that moment except this time no he can't fight back. just to keep him in line#it sucks i know but this trio was never truly made to improve eachother. they were made to drag eachother down worse than they already are#tricule analyze#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv
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it just idea .......
#not art (yet) babeyy#had the thought of '' ogh hyperfem barbarian!fig'' the other day and. well thats another design set#and adaine's our Hoodie Kid™ this time#but the specifics of these silhouettes are kinda tricky#esp. with adaine and like. how to differentiate her and gorgug (who still wears a hoodie the normal way in freshman year)#still straight up have No idea what fabian and kristen look like yet...#they and riz are like the self-seekers coming into this freshman year and riz true to form looks like Nothing. just Absolute Squat#so it makes a Little sense if they go that way too. but thats like. idk I dont foresee that being visually interesting#no actually I dont think I can make kristen look like just some guy if I actively try. so we'll see about her#just thinking a little bit abt adaine showing up at school with a bag full of clothes she can change into so shes not wearing#the damn hudol uniform the whole day. but no second pair of shoes so she's wearing That with the mary janes#fig offers to switch shoes with her every day at school until adaine ends angwyn's life#(still gotta actually put it down on paper but I dont think fig stays hyperfem the whole way thru I think kristen is her awakening to#more aesthetics. which is funny bc I think kristen is the most Character character of them all. shes like naruto shes got a closet#of just the same pieces)#(this is a liittle bit informed by my exmo friend's stories. but also its an adhd thing sometimes. from experience)
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I have created an au that is so self indulgent. It is called "Starboots"
the tl;dr is that Puss made the wish for his 8 other lives back, and the Star decides to interpret that desire... liberally, to say the least. Longer explanation is under the cut.
The Star, in reaction to Puss's selfish desire, decides to grant his wish by imbuing him with its own power. This creates eight extra "lives" for him, but simultaneously binds him to itself and the Dark Forest, making him the a new immortal embodiment of the Wishing Star. He can only return to his 9th mortal life by granting eight true wishes; Peering into the hearts of people who enter the forest, creating paths for them that will heal their hurts and leading them to the things they truly need. Essentially, by giving others a new lease on life, he gives up his own, one by one.
The only way he can communicate with the outside world is via the map, with the exception of Death. Though their conversations over time become less hostile and more introspective, the wolf is a constant reminder to Puss that even if he manages to escape his fate of being the Star, Death will still pursue him in the end.
Kitty and Perrito are not aware of what happened to Puss, only that he made the wish and then they woke up somewhere else, with the map missing and the entrance to the Dark Forest having vanished. In their time away from Puss they become very close, forming a "crime duo" in which Perrito uses his friendly demeanor and smooth talking to gain intel, and Kitty does most of the sneaking and stealing. The only tension in their relationship is when they talk about Puss. Kitty believes he ran after the wish was made, and she wants nothing to do with him anymore for it. Perrito does not agree, and secretly searches for map in the hopes of finding any lead. Which he finally gets a whiff of 8 years later...
There's more stuff but I am still developing some aspects of the au. Just know my aim is to examine the concept of "selflessness", and explore what it means for a life to have value.
#puss in boots#puss in boots the last wish#starboots au#i have an idea of how it will all end as well but thats still being hashed out#just know my aim here is not to say puss ''deserves'' any of this#this is an au about regretting bad choices so much you feel too trapped by the consequences to heal from them#and its also about me designing and epicy cool outfit for him. look at him. he may be depressed but he can still slay#cal draws stuff
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Making sparda an overbearing, dominating figure with a soft spot for family and general neutrality on humans is good, but i think super happy funtime guy sparda who is incredibly enamored with his family and outwardly super duper nice (almost appearing and sometimes is naive or gullible) to humans but when alone or pushed in just the right way he morphs into that nearly cruel and dark figure he was considered long ago, is better. :)
#i love nice guys with darksides ig#that idea that time love space and all forms of care and feeding can only abate the true nature of an animal#that in the end he can mask it all he wants with human emotions like love and happiness but that he is still a demon and that#there are still many things he cannot let go of or change no matter how much time passes#i like to think it caused him great pain. i like to think that embracing humanity caused him so much internal grief and struggle#this is edging on implying he wished he were a human instead but I don’t think thats true. i think it came up when hu#-man issues arose like eva being pregnant or even before that bc it would have made things easier. not better per se but def easier#but he is also proud of the being that he is as well which again comes back to that internal struggle he must have experienced#idk lol#dmc0#dmc#devil may cry#stratatata#using this as a gen tag when i say smth#ignore this im just talking out my ass fr
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#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#good heavens.... .#lobotomy corporation spoilers#SOMEHOW#lobotomy corp spoilers#carmen lobcorp#listen. i have an explanation okay. it doesnt make sense but it was funny in my head#adam has an earing. thought it would be funny if it was just from ayin . is it? not quite sure#text explanation carmen wanted to do diy piercings in the outskirts and ayin went 'nuh uh safety issues' before caving and#making her practice and do it first on him to make sure it goes well and taken care of correctly before she does it on herself#thus the one ear piecing is born. the alternative joke was that it was just clip on. am i going to question the clothing? nah#mind fuckery the facility is made outa thay too. could that also be for the earing and tatoo? yeah. is it more funny to me thos way? yeah#no idea how the hell adam speaks by the way we ball w that . tatoo is just a sharpie as well dont know why there would be any way to put ink#to skin in an efficient manner. besides mind fuckery which is also totally acceptable but null for the sake of shitty comedy#adam lobcorp#ayin lobcorp#thats it. yup. the only spoilers i have is ayins appearance and name actually. only thing i knew going in. so i suppose this will do#(im procrastinating day 49 i know i can do it but im in agony thinking abt it)#also thought it funny at the idea of an piercing made by carmen's hands ending up being used by the facet of A that is carrying out her will#even still even if it is in the most absurd and irrational way possible. wanting to give freedom and realization and the ability to not#have to just survive but be free to live inside the world with their desires and wants in the most 'purest' and 'strongest' form for all#even if it is a SHIT PLAN!!! established broken man whayever ill bully adam regardless
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hm.
#if you find yourself worried that growing in faith will remove parts of your personality becayde you might suddenly lose interest in#what makes you you#thats something you really have to like Investigate. deep down. because in the end even if you change a bit you will be Better. l#like you will be where God wants you to be#the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked etc#like i GET IT but also . growing in faith doesnt make you a Totally Different Person it doesnt take away all your interests#maybe it changes how you interact with them and the importance you place on them but like#me being more spiritually mature than i was a year ago doesn't mean that im not interested in poetry anymore or i dont like all the media#im invested in anymore#EVEN when i felt called to stop listening to secular music#i was like oh well ill just be boring now#no girl theres worlds out there of good music by christian artists you just gotta find it#anyways. this is rambly#i cant really make this concise#but really like. sometimes you gotta reconsider your priorities#God created you as you are WITH your personaliyy#sure we were born in sin etc but your personality being sanctified does not mean that you will lose it#yk#anyways#reminds me of this story abt a guy asking an older brother about if he should be listening to secular music#and the brother was like . ok well first off answer me this#if God told you to only listen to ska music for the rest of your life would you listen#and the guy was like ?? what??? no???#and the brother was like well then you still place your preferences higher than Gods#kind of silly and i do still think theres nuance in the music thing#but like. Yk. The Basic Idea
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plane scene is so funny cause why is mine a sleeper agent that wakes up whenever daigo is mentioned
can’t wait to see it in dragon engine :3
mine has been the winner for Funniest Character Imaginable for 15 consecutive years and i have yet to see anyone come close i fear
#snap chats#originally i wrote 'funniest character alive' and then remembered. HAH im so funny //throws up//#all my fave charas know how to do is get crazy on planes over men they love its disgusting#utterly hilarious cause after making the last post i went on twitter and they mentioned ANOTHER plane scene i throw up over#diff franchise so not important it is just SIMPLY funny how coincidences work and further confirming I Have A Type#BUT NO BACK TO MINE IT'S STILL SO FUCKIN FUNNY I HAVE TO REWATCH IT#i have to replay it .... all of y3 ...#if anyone remembers my friend from college and how we used to stream she asked me if we could stream#and i was like 'girl i havent streamed in Fuck Ever huh' and yk what maybe i'll stream y3 with her#at the very least ill stream y3 for myself ... legend mode .....#ive beaten y3 legend mode one (1) time and it was the worst experience of my life because if its not shadow the hedgehog#i am not good at the game i am playing !!!!!!!!!!! it'll be funny tho#i remember wanting to do a y3 drinking run but i told myself id stop drinking so i simply think. i will substitute drinking for hot sauce#its an idea im ironing out and i also have to like. properly set up a twitch- or maybe ill stream through youtube#ive always liked youtube streaming more ... at least as a viewer#these are all details for plans i will not be enacting literally any time soon can i stay on topic#the topic being i love mine. i love that plane scene forever the casual Whats Goin On Here :)#and he is the embodiment of :) in that scene casue :] is gen friendly but :) has an underlying aura of Im Going To Kill You#thats him in that scene. and i love him. for the third time. im ending this post now forever and always stan mine#if and whenever y3k comes out i cant wait to see !! but i personally believe that's well and away from us at this point#not impossible since they did mention it but yk. i dont think itll happen within the next year or two#maybe next five or ten realistically. if that jVLAEKJVLAEKJ ok bye fr now
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"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die
#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf#because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game...#to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series#anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know.#well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years#fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself#but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary#and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS#so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it!#anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post#MY POINT HERE. my point here#IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY#its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again#and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w#she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all#and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations)#so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭#my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only#anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level#and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game.#this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change#anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat!#imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level#I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post#anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today#scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died#muffin mumbles
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I’m just gonna write a little thing! A little thought for Bloom, nothing too intense, just so I don’t forget it!
1000 words later? Whoops
Writing below the cut, major spoilers for the end of Heart of Thorns and implied End of Dragons spoilers but nothing explicit from EoD :]
Bloom
“Kill me, Commander.” Trahearne could hear his own voice tremble, as horror overtook his dear friend’s face. Around them all, their friends— Rytlock, Caithe, Canach, Marjory, Braham— were exhausted. Worn thin by the fight against the jungle dragon, both physical and within the Dream.
“What? No! Mordremoth is dead. We destroyed its mind from the inside.” The commander protested, their fingers curled around the hilt of Caladbolg.
“But I still hear its voice.” Trahearne looked down at his hands, twisted and blighted as they were. His body was not his— he was corrupted. It was only cruel fate that he had kept his mind this long. Or perhaps something more sinister.
“Mordremoth is alive. One last hateful vestige… a terrible seed, planted deep in my mind.”
Trahearne’s hands curled into fist, as he took a deep steadying breath.
“You must kill me, Commander, before that seed grows. Before… before Mordremoth reclaims what it has lost.”
He reached out now, hands on his friend’s shoulders. The tears streaming down their face broke his heart. He did not want this. He didn’t want to hurt them, to see them suffer so.
Trahearne wished there was another way.
“What is left of me can’t survive on its own, my friend.” He croaked, and felt the Commander tremble beneath his hands. Were they always so small?
“Strike now or—“
Against his will, a rage rose up. A sick bile that boiled in his stomach and burned through his chest as his mind lurched.
Through his mouth, Mordremoth spoke.
“I am the future! I am this world! You cannot destroy me!” The dragon roared, hands tightening around the commander.
“Run while you can!” It took everything he had left to force his fingers to uncurl, to release the commander even as the dragon wanted to tear them to shreds to be remade anew.
Caladbolg flashed in the corner of his eye.
“No!” The commander yelled. Strike true my friend! Trahearne wanted to yell. But he couldn’t, and his mind went dark.
There was no great explosion. There was no dying scream.
If you asked those present what happened, none of them gave any concrete answer.
Canach hesitated to answer, but would confirm that Mordremoth was no longer hounding his mind, or any of the sylvari.
All Rytlock would say was that the confrontation wasn’t pretty.
Caithe mourned Trahearne, in her quiet and melancholic manner, and asked not to push the matter further.
Braham would scowl, shake his head, and shove his way past, unwilling or perhaps unable to describe that final blow.
Marjory Delaqua, normally so elegant and clever with her words, who could see the twists of a plot before anyone else— when she was asked, she could only shake her head and reply ‘I don’t know’.
The Commander didn’t answer at all, because no one was able to find them to ask.
Eventually, researchers at the newly established lab of Rata Novus confirmed what the entire world held its breath to hear.
Mordremoth was dead. He had to be, to explain the slow steady trickle of magic escaping the jungle, supposedly as the dragon… decayed wasn’t the right word, but it conveyed the idea well enough. It was a slow death, they said, not quite the explosive reaction from Zhaitan, who had gorged itself on magic before its death, but a gradual decay. It changed things, about magic, about how the people of Tyria and the soon to be established Dragon’s Watch understood the flow of magic around and through the Elder Dragons. But it was dead.
It had to be.
He woke up. His body ached, as it always did, as he woke. A consequence of being too bigsmall. He stirred slowly, limbs stretching out and tail dragging behind. He had buried himself beneath massive vines this time, the weight of them both familiar and restricting. These conflicting sensations, the constant disagreement with himself… it was the only thing he could rely on. Even his name escaped his memory, although he could hear whispers of it on the edges of his mind.
Traherdremaneth.
It didn’t matter, really.
He moved slowly, not truly wanting to rise, but knowing he must.
He was something in between, and there was no stillness for him. No place of his own.
His one companion, if you could call it that, would be upon him soon. A dogged purserer, both a thorn in his side and a trusted ally, trailed behind him. For a time he thought they left him— and the feelings that had wrought left him stationary in a deep cave for nearly a week before they had reappeared.
He didn’t want them close, he knew that much, but they were one of the few things he had, a consistency. He couldn’t see them well, not with the distance between them, but he could always make out the broken blade at their hip. The one that made the scar across his chest ache.
He wondered what would happen if he let them get closer. Would they strike? Would they know him?
They were his enemyfriend. What would they make of him? Caution kept him at a distance from them.
The longer he was awake, the more memories he could half-remember.
The Orrian landscape stretches out before him and it reeks of his sibling, twisting beneath the dirt. The undead don’t notice him, not yet, and he can take a moment to look closer at the coral. It was neither alive nor dead. Not unlike himself and yet so different to him or anything he had ever encountered before.
He missed his siblings, their quiet talks among the then empty roots, among safe coils with their constant presence around him. They were too distant to feel or simply gone now and it unnerved him. This was wrong. Perhaps they could help him make it right.
There was one other thing, other than his sort-of companion and his unsteady roiling mind, that remained constant. And this was the true constant. A steady beacon, that he could not see or hear, but simply felt in a way that he could not describe. A magnetic sort of pull that had him orbiting closer and closer.
It drew him in, out of the depths and dark underbelly of the jungle and the cave systems, towards the strange golden stones, the elegant walls meant to keep out creatures that wished to destroy the beacon. He was not welcome there, not yet, even though he meant no harm. He just needed to be closer.
He didn’t know how he knew that. He just knew it.
#gw2#guild wars 2#batsy writing#bloom my beloved#i should sort out a proper tag for him#the bloom dragon feels too generic but I hesitate to tag it trahearne#even tho technically it is#in a sense#gw2 spoilers#should include that one#im on mobile and i wrote this on google docs in uhhh#two hours? two and half? give or take#tumblr doesnt like my formatting at ALL lmao#i will tag this but with#trahearne#gw2 trahearne#tho bc he does technically appear as himself. briefly#during the painful bit#that dialogue i did go to the wiki for to make sure i remembered it right#so thats. anet dialogue w some batsy flavor for the actions#i tried to keep the commander vague bc i still have no idea who bloom has as a commander#and if ppl wanna imagine their commander w bloom in the meantime then go for it#i used dyraoi for that one drawing but she doesnt fit bloom as well as i hoped#so he continues to just have vague commander shape#which#is a fun challenge#to write without giving too much detail about them#this could be so much longer but i both reached the end of my train of thought and havent decided how i want to handle some stuff#me? rambling in my own tags? more likely than you think#if youve made it this far in the tags hi
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Ngl youtube videos suddenly got me slowly turning into a Justin Russo hater.
#like mainly later seasons him#early seasons him is fine#but like i guess plot wise you could argue he becomes more iffy because you know the competition will be soon#and justin does want to become the family wizard#as for some reason this show still never fully tackled the fucked up shit of the idea that wizard siblings have to grow up studying magic#only for one or two or whatever number siblings to lose it to one sibling in a competition#like stevie was the closest we got to that#but like it still dont make it less bad with how justin was#like the worst example i can name is him literally refusing to save alex whose his sister btw and shes always dropped shit to save him#because he wants to project onto her that she purposely fucked up his chances to get back into the competition via#pushing the students to take the test only for them to be failed because bad guy being bad guy in reality#and basically blames her for the failure and such as a result and acts like its all an act when she is mad on the students behalf and shit#and his students have to drag him kicking and screaming just to save her from the bad guy's shit#and there's also the competition itself where harper and zeke get grabbed by a creature during it#but alex has to convince her brothers to save the two and thats just cold already on justins end with zeke#but cause they took too long they all lose the competition and magic#and both brothers especially justin proceed to treat alex like shit even during work hours meaning#fucking over family business just to get at alex#and when the dad ultimately almost sells the place justin STILL blames alex#like she was the only one working fully max was being max and justin was being a little bitch to her#aka the infamous refusing to make her orders only max's and when he does he throws the sandwich at her#and cause she was holding drinks at the time and didnt see it coming the drinks went on a customer#and also throwing table trash into her already full bin shes carrying around while cleaning tables#and therefore messing it up for her like#and alex's logo...well from sounds of shit thats just justin again being a hateful bitch to his sister with zero consquiences#even one commenter pointing how he sadistically smiled while telling her all her friends hate her#like dear god if the show was doing this to make everyone root for alex its working i hate later season justin#gonna be interesting if hes matured or not as an adult
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose 😔✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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Recent commission I did for @adony-eets-bugzz of their guinea pig, Chobonnie.
This is the first commission I've been able to do in almost a year or more, so it was really a delight to work on!! Especially as it was not only different from what I normally draw, but it felt good to work on a very sentimental piece for someone.
Always a great day when both you and the commissioner are real happy with a piece.
#guinea pig#scenery#nature#flowers#recall draws#commissions#i have no idea what to tag this as tbqh#on god. at first i was gonna be like omg this is the first scenic piece ive done in forever but i literally did art fight this year#but it still feels good to have done it and for it to have turned out well cause i havent done a fully shaded scenic piece#thats new for this last year or so#it was p technically challenging with the grass and flowers as well as figuring out how to draw a sunset without any airbrushing#but it all came together in the end!#extremely happy to have been able to do this for the commissioner and hope it serves em well
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so it's like this.
you're young and you're scared and you're trapped in the feywild (happens to the best of us) with the love of your life. You're a half-elf and she's a fullblooded elf but you don't think about it very much because you're barely surviving day to day. And you get offered a deal to get yourself home again, and you take it. And the price of your freedom is that you leave her still trapped there, alone.
And then five years pass. And you age a century in that time, and you grow, and you change, and you find her again, and you're still in love, and you meet people, and you lose people, and you love them too, and you learn, and you start wanting a future again, and caring again, taking care of yourself, taking care of other people--
and after all of that, at the end of things, you find out the man responsible for all of the misery in your short, sad life has cast a spell which gives him complete control and ownership of you- mind, body, and soul (again. this happens to the best of us). And you are given the choice to stay under his thrall, and live a thousand years-- or to age and die, like humans do, and to be free of him.
And the love of your life is there, and you're married now, and she's still a full blooded elf, and you're still a half-elf, and you think about what that means a lot more than you used to.
And still, after everything you've learned-- you choose your freedom. You choose leaving her behind.
#dnd#dungeons & dragons#ttrpg#you understand why i am insane. about my dungeons and dragons character#the way that this all started because 'she' (clone. its a long story) wanted to be free from her small town & her family's ideas of her#and so she inadvertently left THEM all behind too.#like bro watch out i think the cycle is repeating itself!!!!!!!!!#honestly girlie has to learn that passing out of someone's life is not always a betrayal#like she NEVER got over it!#giving pesche a whole speech about how loss leaves a hole behind that is filled in by rage & grief & impulse & violence like#ok. well. loss is inevitable and i think you have a very fucked up way of looking at it that despite all of your personal growth has maybe#only gotten worse over time because now you have things you care about again?#like i think she made the right choice for herself.... if the lesson she had 'learned' was to subjugate herself to Ohdran for 900 years in#the name of not 'leaving people' again. that would have been tragic. learning that love is good and precious and it matters even though#you are inevitably going to lose it. thats the real lesson. and she is learning it. she HAS learned it! she's never going to hide herself#away from the world to avoid losing people again. but she hasn't like... attached the lesson to herself yet lol. 'i accept i might lose my#friends & even though it breaks my heart im still glad to know them. if i leave people (read: LITERALLY DIE) im evil tho.' girl...#i was pretty bummed about it at the time like we have been 3 years on the endless train of suffering cant she just have a happy ending.#one thousand years of elf marriage.#but this is cool too like MAN the kind of organic storytelling moments that evolve out of ttrpgs are so crazy. we couldnt have planned this#and yet. perfect full circle moment.#mm campaign#it's alive!#harris#fisher
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