#i have a lot of emotions about a lot of groups yes for various reasons but like this is different

[hotasfahrenheit]

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

how to make me sob: this entire perfomance

it's so insanely good to see them on stage together, to see GD absolutely light up when Taeyang comes out, to see them bouncing across the stage together, to see that all exploding more with Daesung joining them, to see how joyful they are when all three of them are together. they all look so happy. to be on stage, to be together.

Bigbang was my first kpop group and i have a lot of emotions about them and just

a;lkfja;slkjaf;oew;iajagshdfkjasfhajkshf

i refused to believe it or acknowledge it, but Still Life felt like a goodbye when it came out in 2022.

Home Sweet Home, and this performance, feel like a promise. they feel like triumph. they feel like a door opening.

they feel like another beginning, and i'm so ready.

[prince-liest]

Saw a post recently that rhetorically asked why authors and show writers leaving character sexuality up to interpretation is disappointing when fifteen years ago getting a statement that things were up to interpretation (as opposed to "Definitely NOT gay, you freaks!") was a blessing, and I make a point of never discoursing on the bird app, but wanted to share some thoughts on the subject here - particularly because Alastor is kind of a hot topic on this subject and I think he actually makes for a great example for my thoughts on this.

Honestly, as someone who did live through the "if you think my characters are gay then you're stupid and should die" era, I think it left me with the perspective that even if there is canon sexuality, then no matter what it is, you're free to then do whatever you want in fandom. People might call you a dick for it if you go about it in certain ways, but you're free to do it.

That said... that's not really what wanting canon confirmation is about. It's about having canon representation, especially for identities that we often don't see representation of. For example: Alastor being aromantic is "up for interpretation," and that specifically feels bad when it's explicitly been framed that way as a cop out to appease shippers (per Viv), especially when in canon you can see he's intended to be aroace based off of how Rosie talks about him.

Yes, things are better now than they were 15 years ago... but standards are higher now, too!

And in particular I think that while in 2008 or so, "It's up to interpretation!" basically meant "Yeah, they might be gay but I can't say it," nowadays the meaning has shifted. I see a lot of people chiming into any mention of aroace Alastor with this attitude of "Um, actually, he's NOT aromantic because it wasn't confirmed by Viv (even though he wasn't confirmed to NOT be aro either)," rather than the spirit of "Oh, yeah, he might be aro, that's a valid interpretation!" It actually feels very similar to seeing people go "Well, X is OBVIOUSLY straight (the default) because he wasn't confirmed to like men!"

...in 2008, haha.

Anyway, fandom always feels to me like a 'do whatever you want' zone, but I think just based off of the sheer volume and depth of genuine and heartfelt reactions people have had to Alastor as a character and his portrayal as aroace... having canon representation and seeing yourself in media you enjoy matters a great deal to many people.

I had a really emotional moment when I read my preorder of House of Hades from the Percy Jackson series back in middle school and realized that Nico di Angelo was an actual gay character in an actual real, physical book that I was holding in my hands, not "just" a headcanon from my nebulously safe online fandom spaces, for the first time ever. Similarly, people have been headcanoning various characters as ace for a long, long time, but to me it's never had the same punch to it as it being official when it comes to those kinds of feelings re: representation.

So leaving that kind of thing "up to interpretation" specifically as an alternative to providing representation to a group of people who rarely sees it is disappointing, but it's not for shipping reasons.

[burr-ell]

Conflict, Communication, and Chemistry: A Laura and Marisha PC Appraisal

A couple of people have observed across all three main campaigns that Laura and Marisha consistently make characters that ultimately don't seem to fully understand each other for various reasons, and their characters' chemistry (or lack thereof) is an outgrowth of that. And until recently, I thought that was one of those things that I personally saw but not everyone else was obligated to view the same way—chemistry is often subjective, and it’s for that reason that I tend not to take seriously a lot of the common shipping-based arguments about chemistry.

But in the most recent 4-Sided Dive, Marisha, Laura, and Sam said this:

MARISHA: I have enjoyed…of course, like, delving into the relationship is always fun, but then relationship tension is also fun. LAURA: Yeah, I feel like you guys [points between Marisha and Sam] are really big on—you really like relationship conflict too. You guys talk about that a lot. SAM: Of course. Because I don’t have any in my real life. LAURA: I’m terrified of conflict. That translates to the game as well, I don’t like conflict. SAM: You don’t like conflict? Even in the game, in this dramatic storytelling game that we’ve made together? LAURA: No! I don’t like fighting! SAM: You just want everything to go fine? LAURA: Yes!

And I think that made things click into place for me. This is the reason why their characters have this through-line, because their approaches to conflict bleed through to their character choices. Laura's characters’ issues tend to be internal; they tend not to have prolonged fights with other characters, and their arcs are often person-vs-self stories about emotional walls and struggling with self-centeredness in some capacity. Marisha's characters, on the other hand, are upfront about their problems and are completely unafraid to go toe-to-toe with other party members, and their character development is often a product of a straightforward person-vs-person or person-vs-society story about overcoming their physical obstacles. And it’s part of why their current characters’ relationship has played out in a way that’s strange and off-kilter, because their interactions do not read to me like the players really understood this about each other before the public talk show discussion quoted above.

In Campaign 1, Vex and Keyleth’s relationship is conspicuous by its absence; even within their superficial commonalities, they are not particularly drawn to each other beyond circumstance. Vex is unquestionably the leader of Vox Machina insofar as they have one, and she does this by consistently finding a compromise—when the group is arguing about their best course of action in Whitestone or Westruun or Draconia or the Nine Hells, Vex is the one who mediates and strategizes their way out. She's very good at seeing all sides of an issue, threading the needle, and coming to a decision that keeps the group happy and together. The problem is that she tends to do this at the expense of her personal needs being met; she bottles up a lot of her emotions and issues and she struggles with letting people in, and has to work on not internalizing and holding grudges.

Keyleth, on the other hand, consistently takes stances and isn't afraid to be the moral compass of the party, like when she notices how dark everyone is becoming during the Briarwood arc and fights to correct it. She lets herself feel what she feels rather than pushing it away, which allows her to overcome the physical and mental challenges of her Aramente and affords her more emotional freedom and honesty. Sometimes, though, these traits work against her—she will argue a point and continue to belabor it until someone else steps in; she can be self-righteous due to her own naïveté; and her emotional openness can be poorly-timed and lead her into indecision and dithering. One of the few one-on-one conversations Keyleth and Vex have is after Vex dies and is brought back in the Sunken Tomb, and Vex is quickly exasperated at having to deal with Keyleth’s feelings when she’s the one who died and she’s just trying to piece together what happened.

Vex is often frustrated by Keyleth's hardline beliefs and feelings and has to compromise around them; Keyleth sees conflict in a much more literal way than the internalization and masking that Vex does, and as a result never really digs deeper into who Vex is as a person. By the end of the campaign, they call each other sisters, which I think is appropriate—they're two people who care about each other but have little in common, tied together by the single factor of Vax. Outside of that commonality, there's little reason for them to be especially close the way they are with other members of the party; if there was, they’d have been close at any point throughout the previous 114 episodes.

Beau and Jester form a stronger friendship in Campaign 2, but they seem to understand just enough about each other to get along well while not being able to truly see each other. Jester is cheerful and goofy by nature, but she also projects that particular image in order to make the people around her happy and keep them together. While she will speak her mind, she doesn’t tend to stand at one end or the other of the ideological and political spectrum of issues faced by the Nein and is simply happy to have an adventure and sow some chaos. Even when having difficulties with the Traveler, Jester is willing to work through it and find a solution that works for both of them in order to preserve the relationship.

Beau, meanwhile, approaches the world abrasively and aggressively and is a bit too prepared to burn bridges with people if she thinks they aren’t worth it. While she recognizes the nuances of the conflict between the Empire and the Dynasty, she’s ultimately loyal to the Cobalt Soul’s mission of using knowledge to fight corruption. She’s perfectly happy to butt heads with Caleb or Fjord or Molly if she thinks they’re in the wrong, and her cut-your-losses mentality puts her in conflict with how important the Traveler is to Jester.

This difference is thrown into especially sharp relief not only by how they deal with their respective fathers, but also the response they think the other should have. Jester wants to reconnect with the Gentleman and for him to repair his and Marion’s relationship, while Beau has fully written off Thoreau and has no interest in reconciling. Jester is upset at Beau’s suggestion that she just forget her dad and not put effort into someone who won’t do the same for her, while Beau is less than impressed with Jester’s suggestion that Thoreau really does care about her and it might be worth it to patch things up, and the upshot of it all is that the way everything plays out makes it clear that both of them have badly misread the other’s situation.

Beau, like Keyleth before her, doesn’t seem to understand that Jester is masking a lot of insecurities and wants someone to see her for who she is and not an idealized version of her; Jester actually stops confiding in Beau after Beau tells her she doesn’t need Artagan and that she’s the actual god. Jester, meanwhile, is unwilling to set aside her dreams and fantasies and is at her happiest when she can roam and adventure freely, something for which Beau would not set aside her responsibilities and beliefs in the mission of the Cobalt Soul. They’re still good friends, but going their separate ways is a benefit to both of them.

And now we have Imogen and Laudna, whose relationship felt lacking well before it became romantic. A lot of time and energy has been spent by multiple people trying to articulate exactly why that is, and there are many reasons—Laudna’s concept seems better-suited to a short form narrative and it took about 60 episodes for her character to stop feeling entirely superfluous; the relationship lacks any substantive conflict or disagreement and the supportiveness feels more like a mutual security blanket; they seem to have little in the way of an actual dynamic outside of melodramatic plot moments. But the relevant issue here is that Laudna is, for all intents and purposes, a yes-woman who supports whatever Imogen wants to do simply because Imogen wants it (a trait that notably does not carry over to anyone else in the party—she is completely unafraid to delve into negative emotions and traits with Ashton and Orym, both of whom are played by people Marisha has historically worked with to produce some of the best relationship dynamics on the show). If Imogen wants to run off and live in a cottage or join the Vanguard or commune with Predathos or not commune with Predathos, Laudna will uncritically encourage her no matter what, because per Marisha’s words on the Laudna playlist, “Laudna will protect and attack anyone who tries to fuck with her girl”. Part of Laudna’s core concept, baked in from the beginning, is the belief that Imogen “deserves the world”. Between these two players, the one who enjoys conflict is playing a character who will do everything in her power to shield and soothe the character being played by the one who hates conflict. The result feels less like a healthy supportive relationship and more like a recipe for enablement.

When episode 77 came out, I commented that for the first time I actually started to feel something—anything at all—about Imogen and Laudna, and it’s because I started to get a sense that there might be some real potential for tension and tragedy. And now—between Laudna imploring Imogen to move on from her if she dies, Marisha seeming to suggest at one point that Laudna may not have a future at all, Imogen admitting that she’s outright disgusted by Delilah, the disconnect between the players’ approaches to conflict, Imogen (and Laura, out of character) being shocked and horrified by Laudna absorbing the soul of the Willmaster, and Laudna now intentionally working with Delilah in order to protect Imogen—I’m starting to wonder if their relationship may indeed be on a collision course.

Now this could end in multiple interesting ways: Imogen could be driven away from Laudna, who is slowly consumed by Delilah; Laudna could choose to sacrifice herself to end Delilah for good and Imogen is forced to move on; Imogen and Laudna could Thelma and Louise their way off a cliff; or maybe someone just points out how unhealthy this all is and they start to be more honest and less codependent and their relationship improves after a lot of hard work. But something has to happen. 

Laura and Marisha have, multiple times now, been asked questions about Imogen and Laudna’s relationship that they have answered with varying degrees of “we never really talked about it”, sometimes referring to in-game conversations and sometimes not, and that is both unsurprising and a bad sign of things to come. I don’t know exactly how much out-of-game conversation happened between previous canon relationships that Laura and Marisha have played, but this one desperately needs it—because for three straight campaigns, all we’ve seen is every indication that these are two players who are uniquely ill-suited to play a romance the way either of them would want to.

[destinyc1020]

VENTING COMING THROUGH.....

I'm sorry, I don't usually turn political on my blog, but I just have to say something. I'm having a real PROBLEM with the rhetoric surrounding the topic of "DEI" in this country right now, and the automatic ASSUMPTION that just because someone is a poc, and they are in a role, they are a automatically a "DEI Hire", and automatically were not meritorious of the role that they are in.

Saying that "we're going to bring things back to people being hired due to merit" gives off the sly implication that poc are INHERENTLY inferior and not deserving of the roles they are in, and that a white person is automatically ALWAYS deserving of the role. When truth be told, most poc feel as though they have to be 10x better just to even get a foot in the door or a seat at the table. That comment about "merit" doesn't sit right with me for various reasons. It's the implied assumptions and the underlying cloaked racism that lurks beneath that statement that annoys me.

The assumption that merit = "No diversity, equity, or inclusion" is just a really DANGEROUS way of thinking imo.

It's the assumption that getting rid of DEI is automatically going to eliminate those who are not of "merit" (READ: People of Color), when actually there are MANY poc who ARE of merit, and most DEFINITELY deserve the positions that they are in.

It's also the assumption that just because a corporation is trying to include diversity in their hiring process, that the person they hire (whether it's a poc, a woman, someone with a disability, a veteran, a member of the LGBTQ+, etc) is AUTOMATICALLY not deserving of the role, and that doesn't sit right with me at all. 😠

DEI is NOT about hiring people JUST for diversity's sake. It's about hiring HIGHLY-QUALIFIED people who just so happen to be not part of the majority group. It's about allowing people in those positions (yes, even women) to have a fair chance at roles, promotions, and EQUAL PAY.

It's about NOT allowing the color of someone's skin, their sexual orientation, their ethnic background, their religion, their race, their gender, etc. affect your hiring decisions and your promotion decisions.

How "DEI" got turned into "oh they just hire anyone who checks a box and the person doesn't have any real skills or merit" is beyond me. Don't fall for the propaganda!! Don't fall for the okey-doke!

Lastly, I will just say this: I want to specifically give a big hug and some love to any of my followers who may be in the DC/MD/VA area, or who just work for the Federal Government (or USED to work for the Federal Government) at this time and may be directly affected by the recent decisions of the govt. I am SO sorry for what you all might be going through, and the tremendous amount of stress that a lot of you must be feeling in those areas. My heart goes out to you..... STAY STRONG! 🥺

This country is terribly SICK, but we cannot heal it by being divided. There's just no way. You know the saying.... "United we STAND, divided we FALL". Yet, we have someone in office who is trying his hardest to increase the divisions in this country ten-fold and is playing to people's emotions all for selfish gain and power. DON'T FALL FOR IT!!

Stay Strong Everyone....Stay Strong my fellow Americans..... 💪🏾 This is going to be a VERY tumultuous next few years. 😔

[ddvauconspiracies]

First thing I’m going to share my thoughts on is Martyn. Yes I know that he has not appeared in the AU yet but I believe he is a key component to help us predict what could happen in future chapters. First of all: He gets a lot of attention from Doody in forms of fan art proving that he is a big part of the story. Here is some reasons why I think this.

Why would he get his own emotions chart like HG/Scar and CG/Grian? Doody would only do this if they had to draw Martyn a lot/or he is really important to the story. We see him show up a lot in various forms of fan art from @kitsuneisi and @xmaruu11. Now that I proved that he can help predict future chapters let’s do what I made this blog for, creating and sharing conspiracies! Now, on the emotion chart of Martyn above we can see under the ‘pain’ one he is holding a double sided axe. “Shroom? What is so important about the axe?” Well, I did some digging into Doody’s posts and found this little goodie, a small spoiler for future chapters.

In this drawing we can see Martyn with the same axe looking at Ren. What does this mean? Well it could be a few things. (You can always dm or ask a question if you think I missed something) We already kind of know that Martyn is a part of the vigilante group so why does he have to attack/kill ren?

Ren plays a role with the emerald soldiers. This theory seems pretty far fetched and I don’t really believe this is the case, but I’m going to share it anyway because I believe in evidence. It is pretty obvious that the vigilante group’s worst enemy is the Emerald soldiers so It does seem justified for them to attack someone working with them.

Martyn is being punished by the Mimic. This one is going to sound weird at first but hear me out. It has become pretty obvious from Doody that there may be some…cute little feelings floating around between them. How lovely, and the mimic being the silly little stalker he is found this out. Martyn does something the Mimic calls a ‘big no no’ and the Mimic finds and kidnaps Ren to punish Martyn. The stuff in the middle that could have pissed the Mimic off I will be making another post about those conspiracies so just sit tight.

My personal favorite reason, this one seems the most far fetched out of all of them but it is fun to think about. What if Ren is a part of this third party, a cute little plot twist @xmaruu11 threw into the writing. A party that is not the vigilantes or the emerald soldiers, but still pisses the Mimic off to have Ren punished for it. Another post will be made about this going into more detail about my three conspiracies. If you have your own about this DM ME! I would love to include all of them. No idea is a bad idea! <3 -Shroom, the conspiracy theorist.

(Just a reminder the AU and the art included in this is made by @xmaruu11 and @kitsuneisi

[everyones-favorite-butchboy]

wheres my fucking raestar x reader fic. reader thats masc and uses he/him but its still a lesbian/sapphic polyamory. screw that. wheres my raestar. bbrae is cute and all but honestly it gives annoying little brother to me. robstar is alr. idk shipping robin with his teammates feels weird for some reason. idk feels like hes the mom friend that doesnt date in the friend group because those are his children (not actually but yk what i mean). if you do ship bbrae or robstar or whatever i dont really care. its not that big of a deal, just fictional blorbos so please dont start the whole shipping discourse. thats not the purpose of this. im just indulging a little cuz im feeling sad. i love raestar. i remember as a young lad feeling like they should kiss. fuck im a writer. im gonna write some quick lil headcanons. maybe a blurb or two. cuz i love the bubbly pink femme x sarcastic goth femme. theyre so cute.

headcanons for my favorites… RAESTAR! (lmao it kinda looks like the bi flag. bi4bi????)

starfire doesnt understand homophobia or have any concept of it. raven however is very used to being insulted and called slurs and is vaguely closeted because of this.

also because of ravens powers being so connected to her emotions, she is absolutely pissed when she realizes she likes starfire. its incredibly inconvenient to like someone on the team.

starfire is the first to confess because raven thinks that if she represses it enough itll go away.

SOMETHING LIKE THIS

“Raven, may I speak with you?”

Raven raised an eyebrow and floated to her door. It opened with a whoosh and she saw Starfire standing there, looking particularly nervous. Raven’s own feelings of nervousness bubbled and she tried to push them down, tilting her head and clearing her throat.

“What is it, Star?” she internally cringed at the annoyance in her voice. Starfire flinched too.

“I was wondering if you wished to join me in the painting of the toenails. I believe on Earth it is called a ‘girl’s night’,” her musical voice sounded, lighting up Raven’s unused heart with its gentle notes. An emotion started to stir in the recesses of her body and something on her bed started to move as well.

“No,” she deadpanned, listening to the object thump against her covers. Starfire looked like a kicked puppy.

“May we partake in the human sentiment of the date another time then?”

“Date? You said this was a girl’s night.”

“Are they not the same? I wish to hang out with the girl I have a… ‘crush’ on.”

Various crashings sounded from the inside of Raven’s room. Her face grew hot and her palms sweaty.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” she choked out as she slammed the door. Starfire, however, was fast enough to stop her. The door shook in the girls’ opposing grasps.

“A ‘crush’ is someone that gives you the flying butter in your stomach. You also partake in the ‘daydream’ about them. Although I fail to see the reason for naming them in such a way. I do not wish to crush you.”

Raven stared at Starfire with wide eyes. More stuff crashed in the background.

“I can’t afford to have crushes, Star. You know how it affects my powers to feel things.”

“Is that why your possessions are flying around your room?”

“Yes,” she spoke through gritted teeth. “Leave. Now.”

“I do not wish to hurt you, Raven.”

“Then leave! I can’t control it around you,” she sounded like she was in pain. Just as much as Starfire was. Her grip on the door tightened and it started to crush under their combined strength.

“I can help you.”

“Yeah, by leaving.”

Starfire relented and released her grasp on the door. It slammed shut and she sighed, feeling tears well up in her eyes. She looked at the crushed blue rose in her hand that she had found for Raven. She dropped it in the stoop and left, crestfallen.

yk, that nice angsty bullshit.

but eventually they do get together. theres a lot of mutual pining beforehand

when they are together starfire indulges on petnames. some from her home planet and some from earth. sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, honey, etc. although something tells me its more of a “Earth-born natural sweetener”, “sugary flavored chest muscle”, “bee vomit”. yk how she is. of course theres the “rae” maybe “rae-rae” when shes tired or asking for something

raven doesnt do petnames. the closest is calling starfire star or kori. maybe beloved or love in private.

raven, however, does find starfire’s use of petnames really cute tho.

i feel like raven is the flustered one. she blushes and stutters way more than starfire

starfire painted her nails blue and painted raven’s pink or purple

and maybe with a butch!reader in the mix… this is going to be very self indulgent btw.

you’re probably taller than raven (5’4”) but shorter than kori (5’9”) (at least i know i am)

the three of you stay up late chitchatting and goofing off. granted raven probably sits there only smiling or laughing a little but thats okay.

lets be real. theyre probably both autistic. and you probably are too. yall help each other during meltdowns or nonverbal episodes. sensory stuff yk

they do the femme girlie stuff like go shopping and you follow them and carry their bags and give them advice on different things.

you and kori have figured out raven’s microexpressions and know when she likes something so you plot together to get her presents

raven and you also plot together to get kori presents

they plot together to get you stuff as well

i feel like you and kori got together first (given her adversion to feelings) and then raven got invited. multiple times. by kori.

the three of yall meditate together and raven reads outloud to you and kori when yall wanna sleep

you have matching bracelets with purple, green, and wtv your eye color is

just some ideas. i dont invite discourse; healthy and productive conversations only. if you have things to add go for it. i reserve the right to delete anything sexual tho.

[raileurta]

Prime kids redesign

Miko

Age: 16

She/they

Has Adhd with a bit of the spicy sadness.

She's the group’s muscle and emotional support! Miko fights using a combination of MMA inspired kickboxing and parkour. Her confidence combined with her spunky attitude never fails to lift the group's spirits!

Deceptixons beware! She won't hesitate to fight dirty to get one over on you

Raf

Age: 12.5

He/him? (Doesn't really know or care)

Was born with a weak left leg and needs a cane to walk.

Raf is the techno brainiac in the group. While physically he may be weak his hacking skills are second to none; even among Cybertron's best he would be considered a genius. Raf has skipped 5 grades already and has won multiple technology based tournaments. Ultimately though he's still very young and it will show.

His alias (. ) is wanted in 10 different countries for various hacking related crimes.

Jack

Age: 15

He/him

CPR certified.

The group's braincell singular braincell aka the responsible one. Jack is the only one holding the others back from committing various crimes usually being related to murder. He knows how to keep a level head and has the groundwork of a great leader in the future.

Has two jobs currently; one at a car repair shop and the other at a fast food joint.

Explanation under cut

Miko's my favorite of the bunch so I really wanted to do her justice. I gave her a more punk type of aesthetic without trying to take away her colors. Since she can be very reckless sometimes I would imagine she has a lot of injuries and scars from her adventures. (I also made her interested in kemonomimi because why not 🤷)

The doll on her hip is a reference to Bulkhead; all the kids have something that reminds them of their guardian if you look for it. She's also the oldest because I thought it would be more interesting despite being older she's less mature than Jack.

Thought it would be interesting if Raf had another injury or condition that impacts him. I know genius with a physical disability is overplayed sometimes but it's a good trope. I wanted him to be a little cuter since he's the baby of the group so I gave him some freckles. He also has red eyes because it looks cool and it would link back to his poor eyesight. People born with red eyes usually have pretty bad vision problems.

He has some headphones to listen to music when he's being a nerd and carries his laptop in his bag along with other things.

Visually Jack is quite boring in the show so wanted to add some extra color to him. I was tempted to go a more emo route but I felt that didn't fit him. He gives off “I get bullied vibes” (canon) so I gave him a black eye and a loner feel.

His hat is a gift from his dad before he left for some extra angst.

If you have a sharp eye you would notice that all the kids have stars on them and are injured in some way. The reason for this is I thought it would be cute if the bots refer to them as starlight or other star related nicknames. Plus these guys are in an alien war they're going to get hurt eventually.

I didn't mention everything so you can find things for yourself.

That's about it for my take on them and as an extra here's the gacha version of IRL me:

(Yes I do need to wear an eye patch unironically for eye related issues)

[transiently-yapping]

why are you scary? because you have strong opinions that make mine look badly formed. but also because sometimes you give strong masculine energy which contrasts with most of your other posts (?)

i mean all of this in a good sense. maybe scary is the wrong word. maybe it's respect (?)

don't judge me. i'm so glad i'm anon rn.

what if i told you i already knew that and knew why you found my confident mannerisms scary and i just pretended to not be aware of it to make you write it out and have a think?

the reason i am so sure with my opinions is because i have spent an insane amount of time and we are talking years meticulously recursively shaping them as to get closer to an ideology which soothed my mind with existentialism, at one point i was anything but confident, but that made me scared about everything, it made me ask questions and then made me spend the time needed to answer those questions, which took 2 years to properly happen and then another 2 years to cross question what i had thought of and keep coming up as correct of an answer as i can

clearly you are someone who possesses that free thinking spirit and ability to not let traditional norms bound your thoughts, i.e being open minded, a person like you is extremely valuable in a world where people dont care to think, where the ego and the lack of thinking out the box (which here is the fact that small things dont matter and letting yourself worry about day to day problems detracts from the inevitability that is death) is straight up not found in the majority of people which grows insecurities and various mental health issues in everyone around us, this can be elaborated and connected to the fact that we are being whose only purpose is to prove to existence that we are good at surviving and have developed a mind which progresses faster than evolution can catch up but i wont go into that here otherwise this will be way too long

getting back to the point, my character displays someone who understands these things atleast more deeply than the general populace and thus is way more at ease with what he does because he has a relatively well framed ideology to check every action with, this scares people because this innate confidence is hard to find, its hard to shake away from people too and if this is cultivated within everyone on earth then atleast i believe that we will be way more peaceful and able to progress and prosper at a faster rate than what meaningless infighting caused by close mindedness and failing to understand who you are yourself causes

again this is scary because this kind of thinking and understanding the why of existence shakes up social hierarchy its the root cause of change and whenever revolutions have happened across the history of the world there has been an instillation of this belief in the revolting group

getting actually back to the point for real this time, because you have even taken the time to question this and stalk me to some extent i appreciate and understand how you think and i really like that sort of personality, dont be scared to ask questions if you want to tackle those insecurities, but yes the answer to those questions will most likely will come off as crazy if you allow close minded thinking to make you not explore your thoughts

as for the masculine energy part, its probably because its not fun for me to limit myself to only one way to express myself

i dont find joy in judging people because that is letting emotions control your fundamental ability to understand a situation properly

i promise i dont bite and i love answering questions especially related to sociology and those which seek to answer fundamental truths of life and death

and thanks a lot honestly, for being so curious because people like you who are approaching critical thinking for themselves remind me of the idealism i used to possess at one point

[moonstruck-poet]

For All Time

Pairing - Loki x fem!reader

Summary - the reader was Loki's bestfriend since childhood until teenage and he was in love with her but maybe they were just never meant to be.

Warnings - death

Requested by - @akshinayak I reaally hope it was good enough and tysm for the request!

They say breaking up with your partner hurts the most. That's not true, Loki thought to himself. They say falling out of love hurts the most. That's not true, he thought.

"What really hurt-" he whispered to himself and clenched his jaw. His crown of long, black horns feeling a lot burdensome. "-Is knowing that you would've had a chance, would've had a future together. But you didn't. All because of your own selfish reasons and insecurities".

He scoffed, leaning back onto his new throne, one that he ironically had no intentions of wanting and gripped the handle.

The frustration about himself melting away to make way for deep, agonizing pain and heartbreak as he caught onto a thread of your lifeline.

Loki's lips were tightly pressed together when he decided to watch over you, something that he had done last night itself. He couldn't help himself, seeing as your condition was deteriorating day by day.

With a deep sigh leaving his lungs, he closed his eyes, head leaning back against the throne as a certain memory drifted into focus. Putting everything else on hold.

"Fancy any one of them, do you?" Your playful voice asked when he looked at various pictures of princesses.

"Absolutely not," he slammed the last one on the table.

"Pity. I would've loved to see my best friend getting married".

Best Friend. He gritted his teeth, running a hand through the long locks and looking out of the window. That's all he would ever be. A best friend. Nothing more. Never.

Despite being able to sense emotions and read people well, the God of Mischief failed to recognise your feelings. He somehow never took notice of your lingering touches, of your constant staring and looking at him as though he had hung the stars."

Do you have anyone in your mind Loki?" You asked quietly and stood next to him. His emerald irises clashing against your golden-brown ones. "You can tell me, you know?"

You. Its always been you.

He wanted to scream it out loud, wanted to yell and make the whole world know the fact that it was you whom he had fallen for.

"There's no one," he answered abruptly and completely avoided your gaze, and in the meanwhile also not noticing the way your eyes seemed to dull.

He had loathed himself for every passing second after that incident. How different would life have been had he confessed his feelings right then?

He would still have to go through everything, but at least he could've had you right by his side. And that alone would've made all the difference in the world.

He swallowed the misery before regaining control and finally looking at you from high above. But in an instant his facade broke, face contorting in pain upon seeing your weak and frail body. A startling contrast to the strong and regal woman that you had once been.

"Oh my love," he whispered to himself, his eyes raking over every little change that had taken place in the short course of twenty four hours.

You had injured yourself, heavily. A group of oursiders had somehow managed to invade your territory, catching everyone off guard and naturally you had taken the lead.

Fighting alongside Lady Sif and your husband, Alvis.

Another painful wound struck his heart when he saw the said person entering your room, his face drowned in sorrow and desperation.

"How are you, my queen?" Alvis sat down next to her.. Next to his queen, Loki said in his mind.

"I am fine," you smiled back, your expression the epitome of exhaustion.

"Rest, yes?" He said and took her hands in his, caressing the skin. "I will be back soon enough, have to go through some work".

Loki watched as you barely managed to nod, he watched as your loving husband pressed a kiss on your forehead, something that he was supposed to do.

A harsh breath escaped his throat and he let go of the branch, his heart not being able to see its other half being in immense pain.

He had no rights, absolutely none to want himself to be in the place of your husband. He was selfish, arrogant, entitled, pessimistic whereas Alvis was the complete opposite.

You had found yourself a man who loved and worshipped you exactly the way you were supposed to be. He could've never been able to do that. You deserved someone so much better than him. Always.

"Would it be so bad, hmm?" You questioned softly, searching his eyes for an answer.

"I fail to understand what you are talking about," he muttered and looked anywhere but at you.

"I think you understand perfectly enough".

He didn't answer and walked away, because what else was he supposed to do?

"Is the idea how us getting merried so bad that you can't even look at me?" You asked, a small smile on your face.

"I did not say that".

"You surely implied that".

"I-" he cut himself off and turned to face you, his expression holding anger. "I do not wish to get married," he stated, his eyes glaring into yours but you were barely fazed.

"Okay," was all you could say and Loki immediately noticed the way your face changed drastically. You tried to offer him a smile, but for once he saw right through that.

"Okay," you repeated again, backing away from him, taking one step at a time which lead to a huge barrier between the two.

He merely watched you leave, rooted the spot. He probably didn't know it, but he had lost you at that moment. Not as friends no, you would always continue being friends. No one in the universe could possibly break one of the strongest bonds between two people.

"I love you," he whispered to the now empty room, falling down to his knees as a lone tear slipped down his cheek. "Always".

Loki let out a bitter laugh at the memories. Out of all the things he could've said, he uttered the most bitter lies.

He was a changed man now. He replayed all those moments in his head, being able to see all the chances that he had lost. Seeing just how hurt you had been from every selfish comment he had made.

What would he give to go back and change everything instantly.

It was unfathomable, the amount of love his entire being held for simply one person. Nobody ever came close, and never would. He may have been a narcissist, an arrogant liar, a tricking asshole.

But there was one thing that nobody else could do other than him. And that was to love you, adore you in such a way that a mere hiccup in your life caused him pain. To care for you like you held his lifeline in your rough, scarred, but soft hands. To want you in a way that nobody had done before.

Because that's how Loki has. If he loved someone, he loved them enough to terrify himself about the lengths he would go for, namely for the person's happiness.

He had done so countless of times for you, and unknown to him, you had cherished every single minute of those special occasions. Keeping them so close to your heart that they bloomed whenever you were happy and blocked your breathing when you were devastated.

He was lost in thought, but a sudden tug in his chest pulled him out. Loki frowned at the strange feeeling, his intuiton telling him something terrible had happened.

His breathing quickened as he gripped the branch, your branch, noticing the fading green light causing sweat to erupt on his forehead and neck.

"No, no no no," he chanted, feeling as though the world had collapsed upon seeing the scene in front of him. "No," he whispered, heart slowly but surely shattering.

He watched Alvis, tapping your cheek frantically and gently shaking your body as he yelled for the doctors to be brought. "Stay with me, my queen. The doctors are coming, please, stay with me!"

Sif was on your other side, holding one of your hand in hers, pressing the back to her lips. "I'm sorry," she whispered in between tears as her body shook.

Your face, Loki saw and swallowed. It was still as beautiful as ever. Those golden-brown eyes that made him catch his breath everytime he glanced your way, those sharp eyebrows arching whenever you narrowed your eyes playfully and that gorgeous smile that you presently held.

"I'm okay," you croaked out, "I'm alright".

The two people surrounding you simply cried harder at that, bowing their heads and pressing the back of your hand to their temple. Their way of paying respect to the bravest warrior they'd seen.

Loki's chest felt empty, as though his heart too was slowly dying, following his soulmate to the afterlife. Silent tears were flowing down his cheeks without a halt. There was only one thing he could think of to do now and he did just that.

Your eyes were half open, understanding that your end was nearing soon and you didn't have any regrets. You had lived a beautiful life inspite of the hardships.

But then a sudden warmth made you open your eyes completely for one last time. Your head tilted to see the rays of light gushing in through the open window, bathing your entire body in its glow.

You didn't fail to notice the green tint that was present and your heart skipped a beat, despite already being in a fragile state. "Loki," you whispered, your voice barely audible but the one who needed to hear it heard his name clearly.

And you took your final breath, a content smile on your face as your eyes closed.

His soul shattered next, everything suddenly feeling cold all of a sudden as he slumped back in his throne, breathing heavily and swallowing harshly.

"Rest easy, my love. I will love you, for all time, always," he said to the skies.

===============================

[bonefall]

Are you going to do anything with the group of cats in the Sun-Drown Twolegplace from Sunset? I always hoped they’d come up again in a super edition or something, and as far as I’m aware they didn’t. I think they’re neat

You mean the group from Sunrise? The group of cats who previously followed Sol, but had since learned their lesson?

Jingo (leader)

Hussar

Speckle

Pod

Fritz

Jet

Pepper (Jet's littermate, killed by dogs)

Chirp

Merry

Frisk (Speckle's child along with 3 unnamed siblings)

These ones?

Unfortunately it's very likely they're going to get elbowed out of BB because of the Sol reduxes I've done. He isn't JUST some cat anymore; Sol is a god and its vessel is Harry. So there wouldn't be a scene where they go and meet these random cats.

In general I tend to avoid the various "random" cats outside of the Clans. Imo, I find it somewhat frustrating that canon has such a HUGE cast of various Clan cats, but every 3 books we get a ton of one-off outsiders who are never relevant ever again.

Like Cody for example, in TNP. Yes Cody is cute, but they couldn't have Leafpaw grow close to like, a WindClan elder escaping the poisoning? Or just, Ferncloud, who's going through a lot right now? Show us some more details about Ashfur who's about to be a major romance option for Squilf? You don't have any arc for a side characters you could use this time for?

You couldn't pick a character with some kind of legitimate emotional connection to their ANCESTRAL HOME BEING BULLDOZED?

Idk, it often annoys me. It's an extension of how some of these books feel packed with filler and dead-ends.

BUT, I do try to build outsider groups when possible, so Clan cats aren't totally alone in the world.

If I could figure out a good reason for them to exist without it being distracting (for example I would get frustrated if I had to set these characters up during the Salt Patrol episode instead of building up the massive apprentice generation) I wouldn't be opposed to them being here.

I could also repurpose them elsewhere, if I do end up making a Hengest Culture. I can bookmark them for that. Jessie is going to eventually return to Hengest after cat-divorcing Bramblestar, they could show up then.

TL;DR Unlikely I'll need them, but I'll keep them in mind.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I've asked myself many times over the course of three years about how would I react to information that comes to contradict a specific image I have about people. And the answer would differ, more or less, depending on a myriad of factors, such as my mental wellbeing, my attitude toward the fandom, the group, the members, etc. The truth is, I only knew how I would respond the moment it happens and I was pleasantly surprised in a way. I see it as a sign that I'm doing better or at least I'm on the path of doing better.

These are things that I didn't want to allow to come to surface in the way I used to handle the BTM blog. Perhaps because the point was to create a platform in which I could offer the rational, researched perspective which I considered to be the correct one. I'm not retracting any of that. I still believe that it is possible to offer a more complex perspective if I can back it up with knowledge from various fields, but it was also one of my defense mechanisms.

Without expanding on the personal reasons, it has become very easy for me to separate my rational and emotional side. So much, that even when I should be staying in the moment and let my emotions take space, I can't really do it, I need to come up with a rational explanation so it can make sense. I then applied this to BTS as well. I couldn't just say I like this group when someone would ask, I would have to tell them about all the studies I read and how my fascination is mostly intelectual, when in truth it was both. I used to talk about jikook only in the context of analysis, be it GCF through semiotics or various types of interpretations when it came to their performances or fandom reception in terms of their dynamics. It had to be in the context of rational fascination and curiosity because I was merely trying to justify myself on why I care that much about two strangers that I look at on my phone. Again, my intellectual curiosity is real, but that has always been only one side if the coin, but it was one that I pushed.

It's about shame actually. I can't actually accept that I have such an interest. It doesn't fit with the idea I have of myself. And sometimes I don't like it because it makes me question my intellect, my critical thinking. How can I be so good academically and at the same time I fear that I've fallen into a fandom trap? I'm smart, right? Right?

I'm sure a lot of people have dealt with or ar going through this process of cognitive dissonance. How does one deal with the mere idea that something they believe in based on their understanding of the world, their ability of decoding (not in a conspiracy sense, but in a Saussurean way) can turn out to be wrong? We see something that resembles a specific behavior that we are surrounded with our entire lives, sometimes we ourselves engage with, but we've identified it wrong on others? Of course, it's through the visual medium, one that is edited. It's a puzzle with large chunks missing, but we're getting a general idea of it. But we can be wrong. So how do we deal with that? Well, I don't have a correct answer.

Me in 2020/2021 would have been more affected because my mental health was not good. I was functionally depressed and I clinged so much onto BTS, Jikook and the small community that I found myself in at that time, that I would have felt a lot more torn than I am now.

A couple of years later and having to actually go through a situation in which my understanding of people's relationship might not be accurate, I realized I'm fine. And I think it's because it made me really register just now that I finally learned how to have fun with it. It took me three years. By having fun, I mean genuinely being able to simply enjoy the little things. I'm still on the path of not being ashamed for liking kpop or spending time talking about the dynamic/relationship of two people.

What prompted this post was reading what is currently being written in the jikook tag. Yes, I had this big introductory chunk that perhaps people won't bother reading, but I'm doing it for myself. If I can't be honest while writing stuff into the void for strangers to read, then what is the point?

I get frustrated very easily. I like debates and contradictory points of view, but not always. And that's because I like to be right. Almost all the time. So when I see something that I believe it lacks logic or I find it absurd, then my fingers are itching. I don't comment or DM people, I can control myself. I'd rather get out of the app and do something else.

What I want to say is I was surprised at how much fanfiction is being written. More that usual. Shipping contains a big deal of fanfiction by its nature. Gestures and events taking place at different times are interpreted and having information added that fills the gaps. People do that because they have to make sense of what they see.

They like to make relationship timelines. They speculate on first kisses and first sexual experiences. That's their imagination. None of us has any way of knowing. The element of fiction is heighted when people feel like they are losing control of the narrative. When they are unsure of what they are seeing. Which is what usually happens in the shipping community on a yearly basis. Anons flooding the bloggers' inboxes because they need confirmation or they didn't get any ship content in a month or two which means something is wrong.

There's this understanding that the shipper/supporter is delusional while the one who stops shipping is the rational one. From what I've observed throughout time and mostly now, that is a false distinction. The so-called rational fan makes use of fiction just as the shipper. The difference is in purpose. One talks about why the supposed romantic relationship is real and the other tries to refute that. But both categories seem to need fiction in order to build their arguments. That is because none of them have access to someone's private life and relationship, so the gaps need to be filled with speculation. There is no right or wrong version here, despite how much the idea is being pushed. And me writing about this won't make a difference. It's simply how the fandom works. The one who position themselves on the side of anti-delulu will always be seen as the less crazy one. The similarities will fade for the collective consciousness of the fandom.

I think it's difficult for a lot of people, regardless on which side they find themselves on, to accept that the option of simply not knowing is enough as well. Or knowing, but without getting anal about it. But it's hard and they write posts after posts, anons are sending asks over asks because there has to be a firm answer. Only a few allow themselves to be in between lines.

I'll bring back something that I always used to say. Shipping and involvement in the fandom is a lot more about us and less about the people we're talking about. It's about fullfiling some needs, of needing a community, of focusing on the idea of love. Those things can still be done in a way that still makes the experience enjoyable. But not everyone can and I'm not blaming it.

There's a way to just like how people behave with each other and imagine things without adding so much weight to it. Regardless of the true nature. It's our imagination, there's no need for a moral inquisition to tell anyone how to think or that they should stop thinking a certain way. Touching some grass is a cliche and an expression I ended up hating, but I do believe that being connected to discourse on a daily basis can really alter our sense of reality and what we consider to be real issues. We really should pay more attention to that and take some distance if necessary.

[mareastrorum]

love your blog <3 youve inspired me to go back and watch campaign 2 again! however im now trying to avoid posts™ about it so that i dont remember everything that happens before i get to it. in the future would you mind adding a tag for all of c2 so that i dont have to block each episode indvidually?

Firstly, thank you very much, and I hope you enjoy C2! Unfortunately, I don't think I could come up with a method to incorporate a tag for that purpose and actually do a good job of using it to help you avoid reminders that way.

I mean this without any malice: if you or anyone else wants to avoid spoilers/reminders about C1 or C2, you should not follow my blog until you have finished your (re)watch. My current-content posts will show up in the various CR tags (critical role, exu divergence, c4 episodes once they begin, etc), and that's probably the best way to engage with my blog if you want to avoid prior campaign stuff.

The key hurdle is that I've never tagged in a way that purely sorts content by campaign. An art piece that spoils C2's ending is just going to be tagged "critical role fanart" in addition to the episode (if it's a specific episode event) and character names. Other content (commentary, gifs, screenshots, etc.) is tagged "critical role" and perhaps episode or character names. I also only typically tag by campaign party (vox machina, the mighty nein, and bell's hells) if the post references everyone as a group, and I instead tag individuals if it's anything short of the entire group. The reason I adopted that method of categorization is simply that these characters and groups can come up in other contexts, so I never found campaign-specific tags to be helpful.

In addition, I've only ever spoiler tagged stuff for approximately 1 week after airing (I did it a little longer for the C3 finale), and all my other tagging is either purely categorical or my own commentary. Like, the issue is that the tags themselves are probably going to include spoilers even when the content of a post or reblog doesn't. Since my tagging is otherwise categorical, I don't want to add something like a "c2" or "c2 spoilers" tag to a post that's solely about EXU Divergence, but I happened to reference a C2 character or event in the tags. I also don't want to commit to not referencing prior campaigns in the tags because that's my usual method of adding commentary and engaging with other blogs.

Further, it's going to be a tag that applies to almost all my reblogs or posts about CR content in Exandria. Because of the nature of C3's plot as a culmination of Matt's worldbuilding in the prior campaigns, a significant number of the posts I would make or would reblog about C3 will likely include spoilers about C2. This is especially likely for me because I adore villains, and my absolute favorite villains are the villains of the final C2 arc. That's as spoilerific as a post can get about that campaign. I can't even reference names without spoiling.

So, again, I totally get why you made this request, and I've got no ill will towards you. It's just that I doubt I could do a good job of tagging spoilers for past campaigns in a way that both (a) actually helps you avoid spoilers, and (b) doesn't require me to either miscategorize via tags or abstain from commentary in the tags.

I don't interpret any emotional or social consequence to other people's decisions whether to follow my blog. I know of several users that don't follow me but still check in on my posts. I reblog a lot, and that tends to destroy curated dashboards, so it's the most common reason someone would not follow me despite an interest in my posts. Others only want to browse specific tags in my blog and don't care for the other content (I see you people I follow who aren't mutuals and only ever like/reblog stuff about one specific C2 character and have never bothered with C3 or C1, and yes, you're only one of them, and yes, you all like different characters, and yes, you'd all loathe each other's takes). There's a lot of people who engage with my blog without following it or checking all of its content.

All that is to say that I don't think I could achieve what you're asking of me, regardless of what method I attempt. I do want you to enjoy watching C2 (it's my favorite campaign!), so if encountering spoilers is probably going to detract for that, I kindly suggest you unfollow me until you finish your watch. I'm not going anywhere, and I'll show up in the CR tags for current content, so it's not like you'd have to abstain entirely. I think that would be the most effective and consistent way to avoid C2 spoilers from me, and you could always follow me again once you finish.

You're also welcome to DM me if you have specific questions or just want to chat. I hope you enjoy C2, regardless of what you choose!

[rayssyscourse]

DID is a rare disorder. Except, on tumblr and discord, it isn't for some reason. There are statistically too many people, mostly young teens to early twenties, who have self diagnosed with this disorder. I do not think they are intentionally faking, to be clear. I think that those ages have more turbulent emotions and struggles with identity, and that likely the rampant misinformation being spread online has made them feel connected and seen by the "symptoms" they've read about. Most of you folks would benefit from roleplaying! It really can be therapeutic and it kind of is what y'all are doing anyway, even unintentionally. It's just sad seeing so many people identitying so hard with something that they just do not have. I've already seen people dealing with the embarassment and fallout of having to admit to themselves and others that they do not have alters, or amnesia, or anything like that. None of them were faking on purpose! They really thought they had DID! But they didn't. And neither do the vast majority of people online: it's why there is so much discourse. People cannot agree on what DID is because they are not reporting consistant experiences. No other disorder has discourse this bad online, discussed as if it were a fandom. I just wish this could be talked about more without people getting defensive. It might help some of you youngsters out.

Okay, I've got a lot of thoughts on this. I just want to start this by saying that I think you have some valid concerns and are making some good points, but the delivery is just all over the place and I think it's coming across as trying to make points that you don't intend. So for a while here I'm going to nitpick at your phrasing or comments, but just know that I'm not doing it to be mean or because I think you're totally wrong or whatever; I respect your viewpoint regardless and appreciate you sending it in, and am not trying to frame you as being bad faith or absolutely wrong or whatever. :)

First, to get this out of the way, I don't know if the "you" is supposed to be me or just the community in general, but if it's me, I do not claim to have full-blown DID, because I... don't have it. My psychiatrist, primary care provider, several therapists, and various psych evaluators over the years have confirmed that I a) have dissociation issues, b) have several distinct parts (headmates), and c) have these issues due to trauma, and have chosen not to diagnose me with DID because I do not fit all the criteria. That's about as specific as I'm going to get, but just know that everything I say or claim about myself is because that's what my doctors told me.

One thing I take issue with in this ask is the "you should try roleplaying, it's what you're doing anyway". I don't speak for anyone else, but last I checked, my amnesia, derealization, and cognitive dissonance doesn't really sound like a roleplay to me. It's also just a toxic mindset overall to get yourself in that people with certain issues are "probably just roleplaying". Same with the "arguing like it's a fandom" thing--first of all, syscourse isn't usually confusion about what defines DID, at least right now syscourse is mainly origin-discourse and the relationship of plurality to dissociative disorders. Very few people are arguing about what defines DID, and those who are are usually speculating about a heavily-underresearched disorder and possible causes and effects and stuff. Also, I feel like it's kind of just disrespectful to equate people's real illnesses, struggles, and identities to 'fandom discourse'.

Also, not to "um actually" at you, but the statistics you appear to be referencing are skewed. Yes, DID is a rare disorder. Yes, you will find lots of people talking about it on Tumblr. System communities and adjacent communities will inevitably have rates of dissociative disorders that appear disproportionate when compared to that of the general population because that is what they're there for. People form groups based on shared experiences all the time, thus different communities are going to attract people that share common qualities with their members. This is like going to a clothing store and complaining that there's too many clothes and not enough groceries as compared to the general store down the street. Like, yeah... that's because it's tailored to a more specific group; it's not meant to be representative of the general public.

Another thing is the whole "but what if you end up being wrong?" thing. I get where you're coming from--I have been in a place before where I thought I had a disorder and was then told I didn't have it, and it was genuinely difficult, because I thought I had an important aspect of myself figured out, but it turned out that I didn't. Self-discovery and identity are hard things, and you are absolutely right that the teens and early-twenties are the most turbulent time for developing one's identity. This is why I discourage jumping to conclusions about one's mental health or identity--and a lot of people in this community do the same. I don't think it's wrong to self-diagnose because self-diagnosis is the first step in a hell of a lot of actual diagnoses, and there's a million reasons why someone might not want or be able to access the medical care required to get a diagnosis. Obviously, it requires immense research and understanding, and personally I think it's harmful to self-diagnose with zero intention of ever seeking help, etc. And yes, people can be wrong, and it can be hard to admit that. But that's true of literally everything. It doesn't seem right or fair to me to immediately shoot down people who think they might have a legitimate illness "in case they might be wrong and feel bad about it". Furthermore, whether you like it or not, we kind of have to take people at their word when they tell us what they're experiencing. If they say they're experiencing plurality, who are we to tell them "no you're not"?

All that said, you do have a point that online spaces and unqualified people spreading misinfo can be very damaging to people and make them more confused, not less, about their identities. But I think the question we're asking shouldn't be "how can we stop this", it should be "how can we help these people?". Diagnosed or not, disorder or not, plural or not, we should support people when they say they are experiencing something confusing or difficult.

That's not to say that I think you don't want to support people; from the way your ask was worded at least, I don't think you're arguing from bad faith or malicious intent. But I do think a lot of your points are misguided.

Regardless, thank you for the ask, and I hope you have a lovely day! <3

[multi-fandom-bullshittery]

Oc asks 22, 23, 24 and 25

👹 for Fracture and Genesis of them all

(I am so good at being patient MUAAAHAHAHAHA)

Served up on a silver platter!

[22] Do they have nightmares, and if yes, when did they start and what are they usually about?

For: Fracture

Yep. They used to be a bit more uncommon. A good portion of them revolve around his fear of rejection. He sees a group of people, he tries to talk to them, and when they turn to him, they're faceless. They jeer at him and mock him, and suddenly he feels so much smaller than them, and the dream makes it look like that too. He tries and tries to be funny, to make small talk, to come up with anything he might have in common with them, but they just hate him. He tries to run away, but the floor disappears in front of him, and he falls into a pit of darkness. Then he wakes up.

He also has nightmares about the Parasite and what it makes him do. Usually he's watching himself as he (the parasite) feeds.

These dreams evolve after he gets settled with the S.Q. to involve them as well, in both nightmares.

[22] Do they have nightmares, and if yes, when did they start and what are they usually about?

For: Genesis

Genesis struggles to sleep most of the time. What with the constant pain and fear, sleep doesn't come easily. When it does find sleep, it's woken up intermittently when the various pains in its body flare up.

And with the S.Q. it doesn't really want to sleep anyways. For the first little while, it's afraid of waking up in the Labs again, like it was all a dream.

But when it does sleep well, it's usually hopped up on painkillers or sedatives that make dreaming.. difficult.

[23] What was the worst, the darkest period of their life that they have been through?

For: Fracture

The "current" part of his story, most likely. Abandoned again, struggling with the Parasite and everything that comes with that, and trying to adjust to the Status Quo.

Trust issues, a healthy amount of paranoia, guilt, depression, everything... yeah, he's not having fun.

Just kidding :)

It's a good answer, and the 2nd in line, but no.

It's when he begins losing his sanity.

[23] What was the worst, the darkest period of their life that they have been through?

For: Genesis

It's time in Nexus Labs was definitely the worst part of its life. The way its life ends is a good contender, but at least then its surrounded by people that care about it, and it goes painlessly and comforted.

But its days of being an experiment...

That's something no one should have to experience.

Treated like a lab rat, no longer a person, just a test subject. Fear disregarded, ignored, or worse. Not even a proper bed to sleep on, or any belongings to call its own. The bare minimum of nutrients needed to survive. Just sleep, eat, injections, repeat. Until it looked like a monster, unrecognizable. And that was just another reason to be mistreated. Crippling, unfathomable pain, completely ignored. Basic tasks like eating becoming nearly impossible. An endless cycle of fear and pain.

[24] How hard it is for them to not allow their emotions to cloud their judgement?

For: Fracture

Depends on the emotion. Fracture can usually manage anger, fear and positive emotions fairly well, keeping a level head. But more complex feelings, like the need to be accepted and liked, or the fear of rejection... he definitely struggles with those. If he even slightly feels the need to fit in, that will direct all of his actions until he's removed from the situation.

[24] How hard it is for them to not allow their emotions to cloud their judgement?

For: Genesis

[25] Do they have fears and phobias, and if they do, do they usually keep it to themselves or talk about it openly?

Since fear is the primary, default emotion for Genesis, and that's a survival thing, it definitely dictates almost everything they do. But, y'know, since its main fear response is freeze.. what they do because of it isn't much. So it's complicated. It does make it a lot harder for Genesis to trust people that mean well, which can sometimes piss people off. The first few days with the S.Q. were rough because of this. Before Doc really understood why Genesis acted the way it did, he got annoyed with it easily for how much it shied away or flinched from him when he was just trying to figure out the situation and help.

For: Fracture

Fracture's most obvious fear is his fear of abandonment, but there's a lot that goes into that. It also encompasses his fear of rejection, his fear of failure, his fear of setting expectations he can't live up to... yeah. Those are the existential ones. He's also afraid of the parasite, and of what he'll become because of it.

The "normal" irrational one? He fucking hates wind storms. They really freak him out. He doesn't even have to be outside in teh wind, just hearing how string the wind is from inside is enough to make him jumpy.

He denies all of the above vehemently.

[25] Do they have fears and phobias, and if they do, do they usually keep it to themselves or talk about it openly?

For: Genesis

Genesis is afraid of everything and everyone.

But more specifically, scientists and doctors. Freaks the hell out about anyone wearing one of those white coats. Also terrified of needles to the point of hysteria and becoming completely irrational and inconsolable for a time. Anyone it trusts tries to approach it with a syringe? Trust immediately broken. Doesn't matter how careful or gentle they are, doesn't matter what's in the syringe, doesn't matter if they're trying to help. And it takes a damn long time to earn that trust back.

Genesis is also afraid of thunderstorms and strong winds, along with most new experiences.

It's definitely not something Genesis could hide if it tried. It's out there for everyone to see.

[agentnico]

The Bikeriders (2024) review

Norman Reedus shows up for only 5 minutes and yet still has more dialogue here than in the entire 11 season run of The Walking Dead.

Plot: Over the course of a decade, a Midwestern motorcycle club evolves from a gathering place for local outsiders to a sinister gang, threatening the original group's way of life.

My screening was not full on this one, but of the people that were there it was primarily older women. I was wondering why this was the case until an arms naked Austin Butler popped up on screening and began flexing over a pool table, and I could literally feel the audience around drooling and then some. But in reality the target audience for this film are men, and more so men who love/ride motorbikes. As The Bikeriders is a deconstruction of coolness and biker culture as a macho posturing that is really an incredibly fragile ecosystem of male relationships and values. But there are so many cool bikes in this, and a lot of scenes involve guys just sitting around a bar endlessly chain smoking and chatting crap. For one I absolutely dug the sound design. Of course it could have been the good sound system of the cinema I was in (the Everyman) but I felt every rev of the engine. The sound is so forceful, it’s like being caught in a carburettor of a Harley Davidson. This partnered with a fantastic music soundtrack as it freewheels you through the many hits of the 60s and 70s, from The Stooges to The Shangri-Las, the sound is this movie’s secret weapon.

This movie is very much a guys hang-out sesh, and yes there is a loose narrative reminiscent of Goodfellas and even Tom Hardy’s Legend, but overall this is Jeff Nichols’ generalised outlook of the motorbike culture from a individual who seems absolutely infatuated with this community. As much as I loved the feel of this film and I was never actually bored at any moment, due to the structure of it all there wasn’t a single character I cared about. They’re all macho guys trying to showcase how badass they are, but essentially that’s all they have to them. The performances across the board are all engaging, but the reason we connect with them is purely cause we’re fans of the actors themselves. Austin Butler is a modern day movie star through and through, and since Elvis he’s been effortlessly cool non stop. Tom Hardy puts on a strikingly thick Chicago accent and again, is great to watch. Michael Shannon and Norman Reedus show up with crazy hair-dos and messy almost-barbaric physicalities, and Jodie Comer is a stuck in a narration bit and her character essentially only works as a romantic foil to provide the movie with some limited emotion, which is what it lacks.

The Bikeriders is a perfectly enjoyable crime drama that is an entertaining time, but also boils down to kind of nothing. There’s not much meaning to be found here besides the classic “let’s be cool”, however as a jacket wearer myself I got a big dig at seeing the various outfits and leather jackets characters were wearing. Essentially you won’t be disappointed when seeing this on a Saturday night, but chances are you will forget quite quickly.

Overall score: 6/10

[amoonytalks]

0.2 - trying to start a conversation about love and failing miserably

It's 3 o'clock (afternoon) as I write this. I have been procrastinating for days now to start putting this post together, even though I have some bits of it well established in my head and the only thing left to do is to actually sit down and write it. Its a mix of procrastination and not at the same time, but I think the context in general is useless here. What matters is that I'm writing now, if it really matters, if someone is really going to take the time to read a random girl complain about love.

Love. Its probably one of or my favorite subject in the world. I cant explain it, but I have always been fascinated by all the issues surrounding love. We tend to be dazzled by what is unknown. Not that love is actually unknown to me. In my depressed daydreams, I sometimes thought that I didnt deserve love, but nowadays I recognize that I have been and continue to be surrounded by it. Love is in the little things. We have a habit of trying to define simple things in ways that are mostly unnecessary, and love is one of those things that, despite being everyday and natural, trying to put a definitive concept on what love is seems offensive, because love can be many things. If I were to ask a group of different people what love is, we could analyze how each person tends to have a unique vision for various reasons. That is what fascinates me. Love is something Im so curious about that I can hardly help the excitement I feel when I'm asked to talk about it, and I even end up stumbling over words trying to put something together that makes sense to others.

On this blog, we'll still be talking a lot about love, in all its forms and colors. You can be sure of that. But the kind of love I want to talk about today is romantic love. I'd also like to make it clear that if you came to this post expecting an in-depth, scientific analysis of love, sorry, but you can leave. This blog is more about the daydreams I have when the night turns into dawn and baseless philosophical theories. It's more about me than anything else. But I still talk because I believe that somewhere in the universe you would read this and identify with it, or at least welcome it. I have a lot to say and little to add, perhaps.

Im 16. Im still a teenager, going through moments that are probably less stressful than the hormonal upheaval that a 13-year-old goes through, but which are still a bit complex. Nowadays I have a group of friends who make my school career less hopeless than it could be, and honestly, even though I'm not the friendliest person in the universe, I feel comfortable with them. Not as comfortable as they probably feel with each other, given the variety and ease with which they deal with certain subjects, but there is still a sense of comfort, I guess. Anyway, whether you are 16 or not, it's not hard to imagine that there's an incessant search by people in this age group for love. My psychologist says that all our feelings are much more intense at this stage, and love is not so different. Passion, fever, everything is much more intense now than for people who have lived longer.

But its just that in this part of life there we have a false feeling that we had experienced every possible emotional level, but love can be seen very new, because you will rarely truly experience it at a young age. As we grow up, our feelings become more complex, but in contrast, we become more & more mature in dealing with them. But, this is in theory. In practice, we are still the same star mass we were when we born, just with more experiences. But experiences dont always form maturity in certain people. Look, its easy just analyze the amount of ignorant and immature beings we find out there, on the streets, on television and even in positions of supposed power (yes, elon musk. I'm talking about you. you're like a cry baby. or as clarice lispector would say: you're like a hair in the soup). This ignorance is projected into various scenarios, affecting the world in a certain way.

Well, we are still talking about love. We all know that immature people end up hurting people, and you probably know (or you are the person) who has already had a major disappointment in love. They say that breaking a heart in love is one of the most painful feelings in the world, just like losing a piece of yourself. That sounds crazy to me. Dont get me wrong, if you are that person with a broken heart, I would never take away the value of your feeling. Its not crazy that you feel bad about having your heart broken, what I find crazy is the fact that someone, in their merely human and mortal existence like you, can hurt something as precious as a heart. If I were to elaborate further, I would add that my perception of romantic love in certain scenarios is closer to pain than to a positive feeling. Im not going to go into depth, at least not in this post. But if you are wondering why my view is supposedly pessimistic (it's not), know that I say this without ever (fortunately) having experienced disappointment. But if you're the person who had your heart broken and found my speech unfortunate, if it makes you feel a little better, know that I've never experienced romantic love. In any way.

It was because of this that I had the idea to start writing this post while doing the dishes. Its not something unknown or that I suddenly discovered, but it still left me in a state of shock for a few seconds. I'm pretty sure that I'm still very young and that love will still come, but it was a strange shock to realize that among all my friends and acquaintances at my age, Ive been lucky (or unlucky) enough never to have been graced by romantic love. On the other hand, whenever people ask me if I ever liked someone, I say yes. But the reality is that I havent really feeling the feeling of what love is suposed to look like. I have come very close to it, so close that remembering the feeling causes me distress. Because it was painful, like I have already say (but I have that pessimistic view of love even before that). It was like having my pharyngeal pathway blocked by thorns. This whole thing about love not hurting is a lie. Love hurts, just like all other feelings. Even joy can be painful, because while you're feeling it you know that it's going to end and one day your happy moments will just become memories. That could be considered pessimism, but I see it as a way of facing reality.

I believe that never having felt love is also a bit of a misnomer. Everything I know about romantic love comes from stories. And trust me, I have heard a lot of them. As I said at the beginning of the text, Im completely obsessed with this subject, and I think part of this interest started when I saw people talking about it so much. Im curious by nature, but for as long as I can remember I've had people around me treating me like some kind of therapist, what creates a feeling that they can be free to tell me their most secret confessions. Also, It must be because Ive always been an extremely considerate girl towards others, in the sense that Ive always been very fond of being silent and consequently thinking too much, what creates in me a feeling of empathy. The more you think, the more you acquire the ability to be a good analyst. Analytical people give good advice, apparently. I leave that as a tip to make life easier. The more you analyze, the more you know, the more you know, the easier it is to deal with the world. But knowledge, like love, can be very relative.

“The more I knew, the more I wanted to know. He had mad appetites that grew more eager as he fed them” - the portrait of dorian gray (book good as hell)

It's already 6pm. I had more to say, but this text has tired me out. Ivee realized that I go round in circles for too long and in the end I dont even know what Im getting at. I think its because this is still my first post, so unfortunately I still feel a bit stuck… But let's get back to it, so you will have to follow me to know what my big conclusion would be.

Actually, you don't have to. There's no big conclusion. Thats exactly what love is. You start trying to fit words together to try to explain it and in the end you get nowhere. Or it would, if I wasnt so tired. Tomorrow I have a chemistry work at school to present, so I could use that as an excuse, saying that Im only going to close my computer to study. But I definitely wont. I hate chemistry and Im going to study what I need to 5 minutes before my presentation. Normally Im very involved in schoolwork, but this time Im not in the mood for several reasons. One of them is that I have lost patience with my more intimate relationships at school. The same subjects tire me out. Talking for a whole morning about love and sex has become quite exhausting… What the hell?

Love… I genuinely couldnt care less. I lie. I genuinely couldnt care more. Because talking and listening about love every day is definitely taking its toll on me. These days I've started to crave love more than anything else, because it seems so good, the new always seems either good or scary. And when it becomes scary, I feel angry, because instead of making fake scenarios like the ones I usually like to make alone in my room, love comes up like a damned curiosity and Im left trying to dismember a feeling that seems impossible to understand, and not knowing something causes me either stress or fear. I know I shouldn't be afraid of love, but just knowing doesnt make me stop feeling it.

Knowledge is relative. Love is relative. And what could be more interesting than relative things? I wish I had more time to study about love, but school drives me crazy with its unfortunate content load. Anyway! As soon as I have more time, I'm going to study love from a scientific point of view and form my own philosophy. And I will write about it. But until then I will write about other things, obviously, but in my view no other post would be cooler than one about love. Or maybe. I have several ideas.