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burr-ell · 9 months ago

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Conflict, Communication, and Chemistry: A Laura and Marisha PC Appraisal

A couple of people have observed across all three main campaigns that Laura and Marisha consistently make characters that ultimately don't seem to fully understand each other for various reasons, and their characters' chemistry (or lack thereof) is an outgrowth of that. And until recently, I thought that was one of those things that I personally saw but not everyone else was obligated to view the same way—chemistry is often subjective, and it’s for that reason that I tend not to take seriously a lot of the common shipping-based arguments about chemistry.

But in the most recent 4-Sided Dive, Marisha, Laura, and Sam said this:

MARISHA: I have enjoyed…of course, like, delving into the relationship is always fun, but then relationship tension is also fun. LAURA: Yeah, I feel like you guys [points between Marisha and Sam] are really big on—you really like relationship conflict too. You guys talk about that a lot. SAM: Of course. Because I don’t have any in my real life. LAURA: I’m terrified of conflict. That translates to the game as well, I don’t like conflict. SAM: You don’t like conflict? Even in the game, in this dramatic storytelling game that we’ve made together? LAURA: No! I don’t like fighting! SAM: You just want everything to go fine? LAURA: Yes!

And I think that made things click into place for me. This is the reason why their characters have this through-line, because their approaches to conflict bleed through to their character choices. Laura's characters’ issues tend to be internal; they tend not to have prolonged fights with other characters, and their arcs are often person-vs-self stories about emotional walls and struggling with self-centeredness in some capacity. Marisha's characters, on the other hand, are upfront about their problems and are completely unafraid to go toe-to-toe with other party members, and their character development is often a product of a straightforward person-vs-person or person-vs-society story about overcoming their physical obstacles. And it’s part of why their current characters’ relationship has played out in a way that’s strange and off-kilter, because their interactions do not read to me like the players really understood this about each other before the public talk show discussion quoted above.

In Campaign 1, Vex and Keyleth’s relationship is conspicuous by its absence; even within their superficial commonalities, they are not particularly drawn to each other beyond circumstance. Vex is unquestionably the leader of Vox Machina insofar as they have one, and she does this by consistently finding a compromise—when the group is arguing about their best course of action in Whitestone or Westruun or Draconia or the Nine Hells, Vex is the one who mediates and strategizes their way out. She's very good at seeing all sides of an issue, threading the needle, and coming to a decision that keeps the group happy and together. The problem is that she tends to do this at the expense of her personal needs being met; she bottles up a lot of her emotions and issues and she struggles with letting people in, and has to work on not internalizing and holding grudges.

Keyleth, on the other hand, consistently takes stances and isn't afraid to be the moral compass of the party, like when she notices how dark everyone is becoming during the Briarwood arc and fights to correct it. She lets herself feel what she feels rather than pushing it away, which allows her to overcome the physical and mental challenges of her Aramente and affords her more emotional freedom and honesty. Sometimes, though, these traits work against her—she will argue a point and continue to belabor it until someone else steps in; she can be self-righteous due to her own naïveté; and her emotional openness can be poorly-timed and lead her into indecision and dithering. One of the few one-on-one conversations Keyleth and Vex have is after Vex dies and is brought back in the Sunken Tomb, and Vex is quickly exasperated at having to deal with Keyleth’s feelings when she’s the one who died and she’s just trying to piece together what happened.

Vex is often frustrated by Keyleth's hardline beliefs and feelings and has to compromise around them; Keyleth sees conflict in a much more literal way than the internalization and masking that Vex does, and as a result never really digs deeper into who Vex is as a person. By the end of the campaign, they call each other sisters, which I think is appropriate—they're two people who care about each other but have little in common, tied together by the single factor of Vax. Outside of that commonality, there's little reason for them to be especially close the way they are with other members of the party; if there was, they’d have been close at any point throughout the previous 114 episodes.

Beau and Jester form a stronger friendship in Campaign 2, but they seem to understand just enough about each other to get along well while not being able to truly see each other. Jester is cheerful and goofy by nature, but she also projects that particular image in order to make the people around her happy and keep them together. While she will speak her mind, she doesn’t tend to stand at one end or the other of the ideological and political spectrum of issues faced by the Nein and is simply happy to have an adventure and sow some chaos. Even when having difficulties with the Traveler, Jester is willing to work through it and find a solution that works for both of them in order to preserve the relationship.

Beau, meanwhile, approaches the world abrasively and aggressively and is a bit too prepared to burn bridges with people if she thinks they aren’t worth it. While she recognizes the nuances of the conflict between the Empire and the Dynasty, she’s ultimately loyal to the Cobalt Soul’s mission of using knowledge to fight corruption. She’s perfectly happy to butt heads with Caleb or Fjord or Molly if she thinks they’re in the wrong, and her cut-your-losses mentality puts her in conflict with how important the Traveler is to Jester.

This difference is thrown into especially sharp relief not only by how they deal with their respective fathers, but also the response they think the other should have. Jester wants to reconnect with the Gentleman and for him to repair his and Marion’s relationship, while Beau has fully written off Thoreau and has no interest in reconciling. Jester is upset at Beau’s suggestion that she just forget her dad and not put effort into someone who won’t do the same for her, while Beau is less than impressed with Jester’s suggestion that Thoreau really does care about her and it might be worth it to patch things up, and the upshot of it all is that the way everything plays out makes it clear that both of them have badly misread the other’s situation.

Beau, like Keyleth before her, doesn’t seem to understand that Jester is masking a lot of insecurities and wants someone to see her for who she is and not an idealized version of her; Jester actually stops confiding in Beau after Beau tells her she doesn’t need Artagan and that she’s the actual god. Jester, meanwhile, is unwilling to set aside her dreams and fantasies and is at her happiest when she can roam and adventure freely, something for which Beau would not set aside her responsibilities and beliefs in the mission of the Cobalt Soul. They’re still good friends, but going their separate ways is a benefit to both of them.

And now we have Imogen and Laudna, whose relationship felt lacking well before it became romantic. A lot of time and energy has been spent by multiple people trying to articulate exactly why that is, and there are many reasons—Laudna’s concept seems better-suited to a short form narrative and it took about 60 episodes for her character to stop feeling entirely superfluous; the relationship lacks any substantive conflict or disagreement and the supportiveness feels more like a mutual security blanket; they seem to have little in the way of an actual dynamic outside of melodramatic plot moments. But the relevant issue here is that Laudna is, for all intents and purposes, a yes-woman who supports whatever Imogen wants to do simply because Imogen wants it (a trait that notably does not carry over to anyone else in the party—she is completely unafraid to delve into negative emotions and traits with Ashton and Orym, both of whom are played by people Marisha has historically worked with to produce some of the best relationship dynamics on the show). If Imogen wants to run off and live in a cottage or join the Vanguard or commune with Predathos or not commune with Predathos, Laudna will uncritically encourage her no matter what, because per Marisha’s words on the Laudna playlist, “Laudna will protect and attack anyone who tries to fuck with her girl”. Part of Laudna’s core concept, baked in from the beginning, is the belief that Imogen “deserves the world”. Between these two players, the one who enjoys conflict is playing a character who will do everything in her power to shield and soothe the character being played by the one who hates conflict. The result feels less like a healthy supportive relationship and more like a recipe for enablement.

When episode 77 came out, I commented that for the first time I actually started to feel something—anything at all—about Imogen and Laudna, and it’s because I started to get a sense that there might be some real potential for tension and tragedy. And now—between Laudna imploring Imogen to move on from her if she dies, Marisha seeming to suggest at one point that Laudna may not have a future at all, Imogen admitting that she’s outright disgusted by Delilah, the disconnect between the players’ approaches to conflict, Imogen (and Laura, out of character) being shocked and horrified by Laudna absorbing the soul of the Willmaster, and Laudna now intentionally working with Delilah in order to protect Imogen—I’m starting to wonder if their relationship may indeed be on a collision course.

Now this could end in multiple interesting ways: Imogen could be driven away from Laudna, who is slowly consumed by Delilah; Laudna could choose to sacrifice herself to end Delilah for good and Imogen is forced to move on; Imogen and Laudna could Thelma and Louise their way off a cliff; or maybe someone just points out how unhealthy this all is and they start to be more honest and less codependent and their relationship improves after a lot of hard work. But something has to happen.

Laura and Marisha have, multiple times now, been asked questions about Imogen and Laudna’s relationship that they have answered with varying degrees of “we never really talked about it”, sometimes referring to in-game conversations and sometimes not, and that is both unsurprising and a bad sign of things to come. I don’t know exactly how much out-of-game conversation happened between previous canon relationships that Laura and Marisha have played, but this one desperately needs it—because for three straight campaigns, all we’ve seen is every indication that these are two players who are uniquely ill-suited to play a romance the way either of them would want to.

#cr meta #critical role

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raileurta · 28 days ago

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Prime kids redesign

Miko

Age: 16

She/they

Has Adhd with a bit of the spicy sadness.

She's the group’s muscle and emotional support! Miko fights using a combination of MMA inspired kickboxing and parkour. Her confidence combined with her spunky attitude never fails to lift the group's spirits!

Deceptixons beware! She won't hesitate to fight dirty to get one over on you

Raf

Age: 12.5

He/him? (Doesn't really know or care)

Was born with a weak left leg and needs a cane to walk.

Raf is the techno brainiac in the group. While physically he may be weak his hacking skills are second to none; even among Cybertron's best he would be considered a genius. Raf has skipped 5 grades already and has won multiple technology based tournaments. Ultimately though he's still very young and it will show.

His alias (. ) is wanted in 10 different countries for various hacking related crimes.

Jack

Age: 15

He/him

CPR certified.

The group's braincell singular braincell aka the responsible one. Jack is the only one holding the others back from committing various crimes usually being related to murder. He knows how to keep a level head and has the groundwork of a great leader in the future.

Has two jobs currently; one at a car repair shop and the other at a fast food joint.

Explanation under cut

Miko's my favorite of the bunch so I really wanted to do her justice. I gave her a more punk type of aesthetic without trying to take away her colors. Since she can be very reckless sometimes I would imagine she has a lot of injuries and scars from her adventures. (I also made her interested in kemonomimi because why not 🤷)

The doll on her hip is a reference to Bulkhead; all the kids have something that reminds them of their guardian if you look for it. She's also the oldest because I thought it would be more interesting despite being older she's less mature than Jack.

Thought it would be interesting if Raf had another injury or condition that impacts him. I know genius with a physical disability is overplayed sometimes but it's a good trope. I wanted him to be a little cuter since he's the baby of the group so I gave him some freckles. He also has red eyes because it looks cool and it would link back to his poor eyesight. People born with red eyes usually have pretty bad vision problems.

He has some headphones to listen to music when he's being a nerd and carries his laptop in his bag along with other things.

Visually Jack is quite boring in the show so wanted to add some extra color to him. I was tempted to go a more emo route but I felt that didn't fit him. He gives off “I get bullied vibes” (canon) so I gave him a black eye and a loner feel.

His hat is a gift from his dad before he left for some extra angst.

If you have a sharp eye you would notice that all the kids have stars on them and are injured in some way. The reason for this is I thought it would be cute if the bots refer to them as starlight or other star related nicknames. Plus these guys are in an alien war they're going to get hurt eventually.

I didn't mention everything so you can find things for yourself.

That's about it for my take on them and as an extra here's the gacha version of IRL me:

(Yes I do need to wear an eye patch unironically for eye related issues)

#I would have love to see an episode of Miko going off on Jack's bullies since she's a pretty protective person.#tfp #transformers tfp #transformers prime #miko nakadai #tfp jack #tfp miko #tfp raf #Jasper trio #jack darby #rafael esquivel #transformers: prime #transformers #autobots #cybertronians #gacha life 2

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moonstruck-poet · 1 year ago

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For All Time

Pairing - Loki x fem!reader

Summary - the reader was Loki's bestfriend since childhood until teenage and he was in love with her but maybe they were just never meant to be.

Warnings - death

Requested by - @akshinayak I reaally hope it was good enough and tysm for the request!

They say breaking up with your partner hurts the most. That's not true, Loki thought to himself. They say falling out of love hurts the most. That's not true, he thought.

"What really hurt-" he whispered to himself and clenched his jaw. His crown of long, black horns feeling a lot burdensome. "-Is knowing that you would've had a chance, would've had a future together. But you didn't. All because of your own selfish reasons and insecurities".

He scoffed, leaning back onto his new throne, one that he ironically had no intentions of wanting and gripped the handle.

The frustration about himself melting away to make way for deep, agonizing pain and heartbreak as he caught onto a thread of your lifeline.

Loki's lips were tightly pressed together when he decided to watch over you, something that he had done last night itself. He couldn't help himself, seeing as your condition was deteriorating day by day.

With a deep sigh leaving his lungs, he closed his eyes, head leaning back against the throne as a certain memory drifted into focus. Putting everything else on hold.

"Fancy any one of them, do you?" Your playful voice asked when he looked at various pictures of princesses.

"Absolutely not," he slammed the last one on the table.

"Pity. I would've loved to see my best friend getting married".

Best Friend. He gritted his teeth, running a hand through the long locks and looking out of the window. That's all he would ever be. A best friend. Nothing more. Never.

Despite being able to sense emotions and read people well, the God of Mischief failed to recognise your feelings. He somehow never took notice of your lingering touches, of your constant staring and looking at him as though he had hung the stars."

Do you have anyone in your mind Loki?" You asked quietly and stood next to him. His emerald irises clashing against your golden-brown ones. "You can tell me, you know?"

You. Its always been you.

He wanted to scream it out loud, wanted to yell and make the whole world know the fact that it was you whom he had fallen for.

"There's no one," he answered abruptly and completely avoided your gaze, and in the meanwhile also not noticing the way your eyes seemed to dull.

He had loathed himself for every passing second after that incident. How different would life have been had he confessed his feelings right then?

He would still have to go through everything, but at least he could've had you right by his side. And that alone would've made all the difference in the world.

He swallowed the misery before regaining control and finally looking at you from high above. But in an instant his facade broke, face contorting in pain upon seeing your weak and frail body. A startling contrast to the strong and regal woman that you had once been.

"Oh my love," he whispered to himself, his eyes raking over every little change that had taken place in the short course of twenty four hours.

You had injured yourself, heavily. A group of oursiders had somehow managed to invade your territory, catching everyone off guard and naturally you had taken the lead.

Fighting alongside Lady Sif and your husband, Alvis.

Another painful wound struck his heart when he saw the said person entering your room, his face drowned in sorrow and desperation.

"How are you, my queen?" Alvis sat down next to her.. Next to his queen, Loki said in his mind.

"I am fine," you smiled back, your expression the epitome of exhaustion.

"Rest, yes?" He said and took her hands in his, caressing the skin. "I will be back soon enough, have to go through some work".

Loki watched as you barely managed to nod, he watched as your loving husband pressed a kiss on your forehead, something that he was supposed to do.

A harsh breath escaped his throat and he let go of the branch, his heart not being able to see its other half being in immense pain.

He had no rights, absolutely none to want himself to be in the place of your husband. He was selfish, arrogant, entitled, pessimistic whereas Alvis was the complete opposite.

You had found yourself a man who loved and worshipped you exactly the way you were supposed to be. He could've never been able to do that. You deserved someone so much better than him. Always.

"Would it be so bad, hmm?" You questioned softly, searching his eyes for an answer.

"I fail to understand what you are talking about," he muttered and looked anywhere but at you.

"I think you understand perfectly enough".

He didn't answer and walked away, because what else was he supposed to do?

"Is the idea how us getting merried so bad that you can't even look at me?" You asked, a small smile on your face.

"I did not say that".

"You surely implied that".

"I-" he cut himself off and turned to face you, his expression holding anger. "I do not wish to get married," he stated, his eyes glaring into yours but you were barely fazed.

"Okay," was all you could say and Loki immediately noticed the way your face changed drastically. You tried to offer him a smile, but for once he saw right through that.

"Okay," you repeated again, backing away from him, taking one step at a time which lead to a huge barrier between the two.

He merely watched you leave, rooted the spot. He probably didn't know it, but he had lost you at that moment. Not as friends no, you would always continue being friends. No one in the universe could possibly break one of the strongest bonds between two people.

"I love you," he whispered to the now empty room, falling down to his knees as a lone tear slipped down his cheek. "Always".

Loki let out a bitter laugh at the memories. Out of all the things he could've said, he uttered the most bitter lies.

He was a changed man now. He replayed all those moments in his head, being able to see all the chances that he had lost. Seeing just how hurt you had been from every selfish comment he had made.

What would he give to go back and change everything instantly.

It was unfathomable, the amount of love his entire being held for simply one person. Nobody ever came close, and never would. He may have been a narcissist, an arrogant liar, a tricking asshole.

But there was one thing that nobody else could do other than him. And that was to love you, adore you in such a way that a mere hiccup in your life caused him pain. To care for you like you held his lifeline in your rough, scarred, but soft hands. To want you in a way that nobody had done before.

Because that's how Loki has. If he loved someone, he loved them enough to terrify himself about the lengths he would go for, namely for the person's happiness.

He had done so countless of times for you, and unknown to him, you had cherished every single minute of those special occasions. Keeping them so close to your heart that they bloomed whenever you were happy and blocked your breathing when you were devastated.

He was lost in thought, but a sudden tug in his chest pulled him out. Loki frowned at the strange feeeling, his intuiton telling him something terrible had happened.

His breathing quickened as he gripped the branch, your branch, noticing the fading green light causing sweat to erupt on his forehead and neck.

"No, no no no," he chanted, feeling as though the world had collapsed upon seeing the scene in front of him. "No," he whispered, heart slowly but surely shattering.

He watched Alvis, tapping your cheek frantically and gently shaking your body as he yelled for the doctors to be brought. "Stay with me, my queen. The doctors are coming, please, stay with me!"

Sif was on your other side, holding one of your hand in hers, pressing the back to her lips. "I'm sorry," she whispered in between tears as her body shook.

Your face, Loki saw and swallowed. It was still as beautiful as ever. Those golden-brown eyes that made him catch his breath everytime he glanced your way, those sharp eyebrows arching whenever you narrowed your eyes playfully and that gorgeous smile that you presently held.

"I'm okay," you croaked out, "I'm alright".

The two people surrounding you simply cried harder at that, bowing their heads and pressing the back of your hand to their temple. Their way of paying respect to the bravest warrior they'd seen.

Loki's chest felt empty, as though his heart too was slowly dying, following his soulmate to the afterlife. Silent tears were flowing down his cheeks without a halt. There was only one thing he could think of to do now and he did just that.

Your eyes were half open, understanding that your end was nearing soon and you didn't have any regrets. You had lived a beautiful life inspite of the hardships.

But then a sudden warmth made you open your eyes completely for one last time. Your head tilted to see the rays of light gushing in through the open window, bathing your entire body in its glow.

You didn't fail to notice the green tint that was present and your heart skipped a beat, despite already being in a fragile state. "Loki," you whispered, your voice barely audible but the one who needed to hear it heard his name clearly.

And you took your final breath, a content smile on your face as your eyes closed.

His soul shattered next, everything suddenly feeling cold all of a sudden as he slumped back in his throne, breathing heavily and swallowing harshly.

"Rest easy, my love. I will love you, for all time, always," he said to the skies.

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#loki #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki x female reader #marvel fanfiction #loki fanfction #loki angst #loki x oc #loki x reader angst #loki laufeyson #loki odinson

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ddvauconspiracies · 9 days ago

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First thing I’m going to share my thoughts on is Martyn. Yes I know that he has not appeared in the AU yet but I believe he is a key component to help us predict what could happen in future chapters. First of all: He gets a lot of attention from Doody in forms of fan art proving that he is a big part of the story. Here is some reasons why I think this.

Why would he get his own emotions chart like HG/Scar and CG/Grian? Doody would only do this if they had to draw Martyn a lot/or he is really important to the story. We see him show up a lot in various forms of fan art from @kitsuneisi and @xmaruu11. Now that I proved that he can help predict future chapters let’s do what I made this blog for, creating and sharing conspiracies! Now, on the emotion chart of Martyn above we can see under the ‘pain’ one he is holding a double sided axe. “Shroom? What is so important about the axe?” Well, I did some digging into Doody’s posts and found this little goodie, a small spoiler for future chapters.

In this drawing we can see Martyn with the same axe looking at Ren. What does this mean? Well it could be a few things. (You can always dm or ask a question if you think I missed something) We already kind of know that Martyn is a part of the vigilante group so why does he have to attack/kill ren?

Ren plays a role with the emerald soldiers. This theory seems pretty far fetched and I don’t really believe this is the case, but I’m going to share it anyway because I believe in evidence. It is pretty obvious that the vigilante group’s worst enemy is the Emerald soldiers so It does seem justified for them to attack someone working with them.

Martyn is being punished by the Mimic. This one is going to sound weird at first but hear me out. It has become pretty obvious from Doody that there may be some…cute little feelings floating around between them. How lovely, and the mimic being the silly little stalker he is found this out. Martyn does something the Mimic calls a ‘big no no’ and the Mimic finds and kidnaps Ren to punish Martyn. The stuff in the middle that could have pissed the Mimic off I will be making another post about those conspiracies so just sit tight.

My personal favorite reason, this one seems the most far fetched out of all of them but it is fun to think about. What if Ren is a part of this third party, a cute little plot twist @xmaruu11 threw into the writing. A party that is not the vigilantes or the emerald soldiers, but still pisses the Mimic off to have Ren punished for it. Another post will be made about this going into more detail about my three conspiracies. If you have your own about this DM ME! I would love to include all of them. No idea is a bad idea! <3 -Shroom, the conspiracy theorist.

(Just a reminder the AU and the art included in this is made by @xmaruu11 and @kitsuneisi

#ddvau #ddvau cuteguy #ddvau grian #ddvau hotguy #ddvau mimic #doody ddvau #martyn ddvau

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bonefall · 1 year ago

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Are you going to do anything with the group of cats in the Sun-Drown Twolegplace from Sunset? I always hoped they’d come up again in a super edition or something, and as far as I’m aware they didn’t. I think they’re neat

You mean the group from Sunrise? The group of cats who previously followed Sol, but had since learned their lesson?

Jingo (leader)

Hussar

Speckle

Pod

Fritz

Jet

Pepper (Jet's littermate, killed by dogs)

Chirp

Merry

Frisk (Speckle's child along with 3 unnamed siblings)

These ones?

Unfortunately it's very likely they're going to get elbowed out of BB because of the Sol reduxes I've done. He isn't JUST some cat anymore; Sol is a god and its vessel is Harry. So there wouldn't be a scene where they go and meet these random cats.

In general I tend to avoid the various "random" cats outside of the Clans. Imo, I find it somewhat frustrating that canon has such a HUGE cast of various Clan cats, but every 3 books we get a ton of one-off outsiders who are never relevant ever again.

Like Cody for example, in TNP. Yes Cody is cute, but they couldn't have Leafpaw grow close to like, a WindClan elder escaping the poisoning? Or just, Ferncloud, who's going through a lot right now? Show us some more details about Ashfur who's about to be a major romance option for Squilf? You don't have any arc for a side characters you could use this time for?

You couldn't pick a character with some kind of legitimate emotional connection to their ANCESTRAL HOME BEING BULLDOZED?

Idk, it often annoys me. It's an extension of how some of these books feel packed with filler and dead-ends.

BUT, I do try to build outsider groups when possible, so Clan cats aren't totally alone in the world.

If I could figure out a good reason for them to exist without it being distracting (for example I would get frustrated if I had to set these characters up during the Salt Patrol episode instead of building up the massive apprentice generation) I wouldn't be opposed to them being here.

I could also repurpose them elsewhere, if I do end up making a Hengest Culture. I can bookmark them for that. Jessie is going to eventually return to Hengest after cat-divorcing Bramblestar, they could show up then.

TL;DR Unlikely I'll need them, but I'll keep them in mind.

#Better bones au #I need to make a tag for other cat cultures #Hengest

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 1 year ago

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I've asked myself many times over the course of three years about how would I react to information that comes to contradict a specific image I have about people. And the answer would differ, more or less, depending on a myriad of factors, such as my mental wellbeing, my attitude toward the fandom, the group, the members, etc. The truth is, I only knew how I would respond the moment it happens and I was pleasantly surprised in a way. I see it as a sign that I'm doing better or at least I'm on the path of doing better.

These are things that I didn't want to allow to come to surface in the way I used to handle the BTM blog. Perhaps because the point was to create a platform in which I could offer the rational, researched perspective which I considered to be the correct one. I'm not retracting any of that. I still believe that it is possible to offer a more complex perspective if I can back it up with knowledge from various fields, but it was also one of my defense mechanisms.

Without expanding on the personal reasons, it has become very easy for me to separate my rational and emotional side. So much, that even when I should be staying in the moment and let my emotions take space, I can't really do it, I need to come up with a rational explanation so it can make sense. I then applied this to BTS as well. I couldn't just say I like this group when someone would ask, I would have to tell them about all the studies I read and how my fascination is mostly intelectual, when in truth it was both. I used to talk about jikook only in the context of analysis, be it GCF through semiotics or various types of interpretations when it came to their performances or fandom reception in terms of their dynamics. It had to be in the context of rational fascination and curiosity because I was merely trying to justify myself on why I care that much about two strangers that I look at on my phone. Again, my intellectual curiosity is real, but that has always been only one side if the coin, but it was one that I pushed.

It's about shame actually. I can't actually accept that I have such an interest. It doesn't fit with the idea I have of myself. And sometimes I don't like it because it makes me question my intellect, my critical thinking. How can I be so good academically and at the same time I fear that I've fallen into a fandom trap? I'm smart, right? Right?

I'm sure a lot of people have dealt with or ar going through this process of cognitive dissonance. How does one deal with the mere idea that something they believe in based on their understanding of the world, their ability of decoding (not in a conspiracy sense, but in a Saussurean way) can turn out to be wrong? We see something that resembles a specific behavior that we are surrounded with our entire lives, sometimes we ourselves engage with, but we've identified it wrong on others? Of course, it's through the visual medium, one that is edited. It's a puzzle with large chunks missing, but we're getting a general idea of it. But we can be wrong. So how do we deal with that? Well, I don't have a correct answer.

Me in 2020/2021 would have been more affected because my mental health was not good. I was functionally depressed and I clinged so much onto BTS, Jikook and the small community that I found myself in at that time, that I would have felt a lot more torn than I am now.

A couple of years later and having to actually go through a situation in which my understanding of people's relationship might not be accurate, I realized I'm fine. And I think it's because it made me really register just now that I finally learned how to have fun with it. It took me three years. By having fun, I mean genuinely being able to simply enjoy the little things. I'm still on the path of not being ashamed for liking kpop or spending time talking about the dynamic/relationship of two people.

What prompted this post was reading what is currently being written in the jikook tag. Yes, I had this big introductory chunk that perhaps people won't bother reading, but I'm doing it for myself. If I can't be honest while writing stuff into the void for strangers to read, then what is the point?

I get frustrated very easily. I like debates and contradictory points of view, but not always. And that's because I like to be right. Almost all the time. So when I see something that I believe it lacks logic or I find it absurd, then my fingers are itching. I don't comment or DM people, I can control myself. I'd rather get out of the app and do something else.

What I want to say is I was surprised at how much fanfiction is being written. More that usual. Shipping contains a big deal of fanfiction by its nature. Gestures and events taking place at different times are interpreted and having information added that fills the gaps. People do that because they have to make sense of what they see.

They like to make relationship timelines. They speculate on first kisses and first sexual experiences. That's their imagination. None of us has any way of knowing. The element of fiction is heighted when people feel like they are losing control of the narrative. When they are unsure of what they are seeing. Which is what usually happens in the shipping community on a yearly basis. Anons flooding the bloggers' inboxes because they need confirmation or they didn't get any ship content in a month or two which means something is wrong.

There's this understanding that the shipper/supporter is delusional while the one who stops shipping is the rational one. From what I've observed throughout time and mostly now, that is a false distinction. The so-called rational fan makes use of fiction just as the shipper. The difference is in purpose. One talks about why the supposed romantic relationship is real and the other tries to refute that. But both categories seem to need fiction in order to build their arguments. That is because none of them have access to someone's private life and relationship, so the gaps need to be filled with speculation. There is no right or wrong version here, despite how much the idea is being pushed. And me writing about this won't make a difference. It's simply how the fandom works. The one who position themselves on the side of anti-delulu will always be seen as the less crazy one. The similarities will fade for the collective consciousness of the fandom.

I think it's difficult for a lot of people, regardless on which side they find themselves on, to accept that the option of simply not knowing is enough as well. Or knowing, but without getting anal about it. But it's hard and they write posts after posts, anons are sending asks over asks because there has to be a firm answer. Only a few allow themselves to be in between lines.

I'll bring back something that I always used to say. Shipping and involvement in the fandom is a lot more about us and less about the people we're talking about. It's about fullfiling some needs, of needing a community, of focusing on the idea of love. Those things can still be done in a way that still makes the experience enjoyable. But not everyone can and I'm not blaming it.

There's a way to just like how people behave with each other and imagine things without adding so much weight to it. Regardless of the true nature. It's our imagination, there's no need for a moral inquisition to tell anyone how to think or that they should stop thinking a certain way. Touching some grass is a cliche and an expression I ended up hating, but I do believe that being connected to discourse on a daily basis can really alter our sense of reality and what we consider to be real issues. We really should pay more attention to that and take some distance if necessary.

#m thoughts #jikook #kpop shipping #bts shipping #fandom discourse

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rayssyscourse · 4 months ago

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DID is a rare disorder. Except, on tumblr and discord, it isn't for some reason. There are statistically too many people, mostly young teens to early twenties, who have self diagnosed with this disorder. I do not think they are intentionally faking, to be clear. I think that those ages have more turbulent emotions and struggles with identity, and that likely the rampant misinformation being spread online has made them feel connected and seen by the "symptoms" they've read about. Most of you folks would benefit from roleplaying! It really can be therapeutic and it kind of is what y'all are doing anyway, even unintentionally. It's just sad seeing so many people identitying so hard with something that they just do not have. I've already seen people dealing with the embarassment and fallout of having to admit to themselves and others that they do not have alters, or amnesia, or anything like that. None of them were faking on purpose! They really thought they had DID! But they didn't. And neither do the vast majority of people online: it's why there is so much discourse. People cannot agree on what DID is because they are not reporting consistant experiences. No other disorder has discourse this bad online, discussed as if it were a fandom. I just wish this could be talked about more without people getting defensive. It might help some of you youngsters out.

Okay, I've got a lot of thoughts on this. I just want to start this by saying that I think you have some valid concerns and are making some good points, but the delivery is just all over the place and I think it's coming across as trying to make points that you don't intend. So for a while here I'm going to nitpick at your phrasing or comments, but just know that I'm not doing it to be mean or because I think you're totally wrong or whatever; I respect your viewpoint regardless and appreciate you sending it in, and am not trying to frame you as being bad faith or absolutely wrong or whatever. :)

First, to get this out of the way, I don't know if the "you" is supposed to be me or just the community in general, but if it's me, I do not claim to have full-blown DID, because I... don't have it. My psychiatrist, primary care provider, several therapists, and various psych evaluators over the years have confirmed that I a) have dissociation issues, b) have several distinct parts (headmates), and c) have these issues due to trauma, and have chosen not to diagnose me with DID because I do not fit all the criteria. That's about as specific as I'm going to get, but just know that everything I say or claim about myself is because that's what my doctors told me.

One thing I take issue with in this ask is the "you should try roleplaying, it's what you're doing anyway". I don't speak for anyone else, but last I checked, my amnesia, derealization, and cognitive dissonance doesn't really sound like a roleplay to me. It's also just a toxic mindset overall to get yourself in that people with certain issues are "probably just roleplaying". Same with the "arguing like it's a fandom" thing--first of all, syscourse isn't usually confusion about what defines DID, at least right now syscourse is mainly origin-discourse and the relationship of plurality to dissociative disorders. Very few people are arguing about what defines DID, and those who are are usually speculating about a heavily-underresearched disorder and possible causes and effects and stuff. Also, I feel like it's kind of just disrespectful to equate people's real illnesses, struggles, and identities to 'fandom discourse'.

Also, not to "um actually" at you, but the statistics you appear to be referencing are skewed. Yes, DID is a rare disorder. Yes, you will find lots of people talking about it on Tumblr. System communities and adjacent communities will inevitably have rates of dissociative disorders that appear disproportionate when compared to that of the general population because that is what they're there for. People form groups based on shared experiences all the time, thus different communities are going to attract people that share common qualities with their members. This is like going to a clothing store and complaining that there's too many clothes and not enough groceries as compared to the general store down the street. Like, yeah... that's because it's tailored to a more specific group; it's not meant to be representative of the general public.

Another thing is the whole "but what if you end up being wrong?" thing. I get where you're coming from--I have been in a place before where I thought I had a disorder and was then told I didn't have it, and it was genuinely difficult, because I thought I had an important aspect of myself figured out, but it turned out that I didn't. Self-discovery and identity are hard things, and you are absolutely right that the teens and early-twenties are the most turbulent time for developing one's identity. This is why I discourage jumping to conclusions about one's mental health or identity--and a lot of people in this community do the same. I don't think it's wrong to self-diagnose because self-diagnosis is the first step in a hell of a lot of actual diagnoses, and there's a million reasons why someone might not want or be able to access the medical care required to get a diagnosis. Obviously, it requires immense research and understanding, and personally I think it's harmful to self-diagnose with zero intention of ever seeking help, etc. And yes, people can be wrong, and it can be hard to admit that. But that's true of literally everything. It doesn't seem right or fair to me to immediately shoot down people who think they might have a legitimate illness "in case they might be wrong and feel bad about it". Furthermore, whether you like it or not, we kind of have to take people at their word when they tell us what they're experiencing. If they say they're experiencing plurality, who are we to tell them "no you're not"?

All that said, you do have a point that online spaces and unqualified people spreading misinfo can be very damaging to people and make them more confused, not less, about their identities. But I think the question we're asking shouldn't be "how can we stop this", it should be "how can we help these people?". Diagnosed or not, disorder or not, plural or not, we should support people when they say they are experiencing something confusing or difficult.

That's not to say that I think you don't want to support people; from the way your ask was worded at least, I don't think you're arguing from bad faith or malicious intent. But I do think a lot of your points are misguided.

Regardless, thank you for the ask, and I hope you have a lovely day! <3

#syscourse #rayssyscourse #syscourse hot takes

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eviltothecore13 · 1 year ago

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...Did I just see someone, in 2023, claiming that the Wesker project was "a CSA allegory"?

I mean, at least they're not claiming that it's definitively canon that he was actually sexually abused, but...

*Why?*

Like. The thing the Wesker project is most obviously an allegory for is the various kinds of indoctrination that bigoted groups use to convince their members they're superior/entitled to greatness/etc because of their race or nationalitity or anything else (not that I'm saying Umbrella or Wesker work along racial lines at all, because we know they don't, but *as an allegory*). I can't find *anything* explicitly stated in canon that is about sexual abuse, but I can find a lot about indoctrination and raising him to believe he was superior--and a lot about him being incredibly privileged all his life with phrases like "the best education money can buy."

There's no *need* for anything remotely resembling sexual (or physical) abuse to take place in Wesker's backstory. (Or emotional abuse of the "you're worthless, you're pathetic" etc kind I sometimes see depicted in fics--again, the point of the project is to convince him he's *superior!* And its canon result was someone described in official materials as "confident", who genuinely believes he's superior and is never shown to doubt himself! I do think his upbringing was emotionally *distant*/not focussed on emotions because it was only concerned with success and power and that he wasn't close to anyone except Alex and later Will--but the idea of him being constantly berated and mocked and bullied just goes against both the goals of the project, and the effect we see it's had on him. Being mocked and insulted throughout your childhood does not generally *improve* someone's confidence or their opinion of themselves!)

The goals of the project are to create someone who is physically strong and capable (note, it does NOT say anywhere in canon that he was exposed to any of the viruses, or physically experimented on in any way, until 1998--it says there were "tests of endurance" which Alex according to the English translation viewed as "hellish", though in the Japanese files it's more like "rigorous training to improve their mental and physical abilities". Either way suggests more an elite/extremely challenging and difficult perhaps military-esque physical training program, rather than "strapped to an operating table and injected with stuff". Prior to 1998 there is *zero* canon indication that he was anything other than human with a lot of training physically.), highly intelligent, academically successful, ruthless, ambitious, a good leader, and fully convinced of the ideology that they are superior beings and the majority of people are inferior etc.

Starving someone, beating them, sexually abusing them, keeping them *so* isolated that realistically they would panic in a social setting/struggle to hold a conversation rather than being a highly charismatic and confident master manipulator who's very skilled at figuring people out and getting them on his side (like, I don't think he was around people enough to *form close relationships* with anyone other than Alex as a child, but he needs to have had a reasonable amount of interaction with a variety of people to develop the skills at leadership and at manipulating people, deceiving them, gaining their trust, getting them to like him, etc that he canonically has to a high degree! he is not going to acquire those skills if he is locked up in a cell in an underground lab), are all either unnecessary or outright counterproductive to these goals.

We know that, on average, even though only 13 of the hundreds got past the final stage of selection (and yes, it is confirmed to be multiple stages of selection and not "they're the only ones who survived to adulthood" as I've seen some people claim) to be given the virus, the Wesker children were generally more successful than the average person. (We can tell this just because 13 out of a few hundred were considered just as good as Wesker--who got a PhD at 17. That is more people, in the space of a short time, getting a PhD at 17 than IRL achieved that through *the entire 20th century*. And the people who did that IRL weren't doing intense physical training on top of that... or for that matter learning to become leaders or master manipulators. The project wasn't successful at creating loyalty or obedience to Spencer, but it *was* successful at seemingly everything else.)

Sexual and physical abuse *do not* make the victims more successful on average than people who were not abused. They tend to lead to children doing *less* well academically (very hard to learn when under stress and even more so if also in physical pain, difficulty concentrating, memory issues--trauma can lead not just to memory issues *about the trauma* but memory issues about all kinds of day-to-day things...), being physically weaker and less healthy (chronic pain etc from injuries, stress affecting the immune system, shorter and skinnier if they didn't get enough food or if stress affected their appetite etc--note that both Weskers we see are above average height, in Albert's case above average height and muscular even pre-virus, in Alex's case the virus only slowed the progression of her illness and didn't give her superpowers so likely also didn't make her taller, so she is naturally 5ft10 despite having been chronically ill for much of her life... not exactly looking like childhood malnourishment here...), being less confident, socially awkward or anxious or struggling to interact with people (Wesker spent most of his life in leadership positions and was able to get everyone at STARS, without exception--and including people like Chris who generally have problems with authority--to like him and place absolute trust in him), and often burning out/not achieving much later in life because they lack motivation that isn't based on fear of punishment (Wesker is certainly motivated, and has had an extremely successful career and is then very successful with most of his evil plans once he gets into the whole supervillainy thing).

Sexual and physical abuse do not make people stronger. They do not make people more confident. They do not make people more successful. The Wesker Project *did* succeed at doing all these things.

(Yes, some real-life educational/training programs with the stated goal of making people more successful or stronger have had incidents of sexual abuse, because predators join the organisation and exploit their position... but it isn't *beneficial to the program's stated goals*--all other things being equal someone who was abused will generally struggle more to be successful than someone who wasn't--it's a failure of the program, not a case of the program working as intended... the Wesker Project was scientifically designed to set these kids up for success and power and we know *it worked*, not simply in the sense of success in a narrow area like a sport at the expense of a lot of other things, but in terms of being extremely skilled and successful at a huge variety of things and extremely adaptable and fast-learning.)

If you want a villain whose primary purpose in the plot is to be someone you're meant to feel sorry for, or who hates themself, or is depressed, etc... there are so many others in various works of fiction. Wesker is not that character and twisting him into it just seems to be making him into a different character entirely from the one canon portrays.

I know some people just don't care about canon-compliance--not just because of things like people saying "his confidence is fake and would collapse at the slightest challenge" when the official RE4 book (not a noncanon novelisation like SD Perry's nonsense, official canon content) calls him "a confident man" who likes a challenge (and it's not from his POV but from a factual/unbiased narrator), but because I've encountered some *really odd* canon-breaking things in fics that weren't tagged as AU at all. (One of the most nonsensical-seeming to me, and I wish I could spoiler this like on Discord because it does need a tw but uh... tw self-harm... had Wesker portrayed as having frequently cut himself throughout his life, including frequently doing so at STARS, including only a few weeks before the Mansion Incident, explicitly described as cuts on his wrists and forearms... even though *his sleeves are rolled up in RE1* and *you can see there are no scars there*... those kinds of scars can take years to fade, and again, Wesker was physically human at this point, they are not going to vanish in a few weeks.) But I do wish stories portraying Wesker as some kind of angsty victim had a single clear AU tag on AO3 so they could all easily be filtered out when I'm trying to find canon-compliant fics.

This is why most of my Wesker fics have been delayed for a while, I just find this fandom so frustrating at times because half the Wesker fans seem to be fans of a very different character... it's exhausting and makes me feel as if no-one actually appreciates the character I love, as he is depicted canonically in the games I love...

#tw abuse #tw csa mention #tw self-harm #tw fictional abuse #tw fictional child abuse #not every good villain story has to be a story of trauma and abuse #sometimes an interesting and complex character can be made #from a story about entitlement and privilege and arrogance and power #even if the resulting character is less palatable #less 'sympathetic' in a conventional 'oh poor thing needs a hug' sense #resident evil #wesker #albert wesker

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agentnico · 5 months ago

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The Bikeriders (2024) review

Norman Reedus shows up for only 5 minutes and yet still has more dialogue here than in the entire 11 season run of The Walking Dead.

Plot: Over the course of a decade, a Midwestern motorcycle club evolves from a gathering place for local outsiders to a sinister gang, threatening the original group's way of life.

My screening was not full on this one, but of the people that were there it was primarily older women. I was wondering why this was the case until an arms naked Austin Butler popped up on screening and began flexing over a pool table, and I could literally feel the audience around drooling and then some. But in reality the target audience for this film are men, and more so men who love/ride motorbikes. As The Bikeriders is a deconstruction of coolness and biker culture as a macho posturing that is really an incredibly fragile ecosystem of male relationships and values. But there are so many cool bikes in this, and a lot of scenes involve guys just sitting around a bar endlessly chain smoking and chatting crap. For one I absolutely dug the sound design. Of course it could have been the good sound system of the cinema I was in (the Everyman) but I felt every rev of the engine. The sound is so forceful, it’s like being caught in a carburettor of a Harley Davidson. This partnered with a fantastic music soundtrack as it freewheels you through the many hits of the 60s and 70s, from The Stooges to The Shangri-Las, the sound is this movie’s secret weapon.

This movie is very much a guys hang-out sesh, and yes there is a loose narrative reminiscent of Goodfellas and even Tom Hardy’s Legend, but overall this is Jeff Nichols’ generalised outlook of the motorbike culture from a individual who seems absolutely infatuated with this community. As much as I loved the feel of this film and I was never actually bored at any moment, due to the structure of it all there wasn’t a single character I cared about. They’re all macho guys trying to showcase how badass they are, but essentially that’s all they have to them. The performances across the board are all engaging, but the reason we connect with them is purely cause we’re fans of the actors themselves. Austin Butler is a modern day movie star through and through, and since Elvis he’s been effortlessly cool non stop. Tom Hardy puts on a strikingly thick Chicago accent and again, is great to watch. Michael Shannon and Norman Reedus show up with crazy hair-dos and messy almost-barbaric physicalities, and Jodie Comer is a stuck in a narration bit and her character essentially only works as a romantic foil to provide the movie with some limited emotion, which is what it lacks.

The Bikeriders is a perfectly enjoyable crime drama that is an entertaining time, but also boils down to kind of nothing. There’s not much meaning to be found here besides the classic “let’s be cool”, however as a jacket wearer myself I got a big dig at seeing the various outfits and leather jackets characters were wearing. Essentially you won’t be disappointed when seeing this on a Saturday night, but chances are you will forget quite quickly.

Overall score: 6/10

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amoonytalks · 2 months ago

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0.2 - trying to start a conversation about love and failing miserably

It's 3 o'clock (afternoon) as I write this. I have been procrastinating for days now to start putting this post together, even though I have some bits of it well established in my head and the only thing left to do is to actually sit down and write it. Its a mix of procrastination and not at the same time, but I think the context in general is useless here. What matters is that I'm writing now, if it really matters, if someone is really going to take the time to read a random girl complain about love.

Love. Its probably one of or my favorite subject in the world. I cant explain it, but I have always been fascinated by all the issues surrounding love. We tend to be dazzled by what is unknown. Not that love is actually unknown to me. In my depressed daydreams, I sometimes thought that I didnt deserve love, but nowadays I recognize that I have been and continue to be surrounded by it. Love is in the little things. We have a habit of trying to define simple things in ways that are mostly unnecessary, and love is one of those things that, despite being everyday and natural, trying to put a definitive concept on what love is seems offensive, because love can be many things. If I were to ask a group of different people what love is, we could analyze how each person tends to have a unique vision for various reasons. That is what fascinates me. Love is something Im so curious about that I can hardly help the excitement I feel when I'm asked to talk about it, and I even end up stumbling over words trying to put something together that makes sense to others.

On this blog, we'll still be talking a lot about love, in all its forms and colors. You can be sure of that. But the kind of love I want to talk about today is romantic love. I'd also like to make it clear that if you came to this post expecting an in-depth, scientific analysis of love, sorry, but you can leave. This blog is more about the daydreams I have when the night turns into dawn and baseless philosophical theories. It's more about me than anything else. But I still talk because I believe that somewhere in the universe you would read this and identify with it, or at least welcome it. I have a lot to say and little to add, perhaps.

Im 16. Im still a teenager, going through moments that are probably less stressful than the hormonal upheaval that a 13-year-old goes through, but which are still a bit complex. Nowadays I have a group of friends who make my school career less hopeless than it could be, and honestly, even though I'm not the friendliest person in the universe, I feel comfortable with them. Not as comfortable as they probably feel with each other, given the variety and ease with which they deal with certain subjects, but there is still a sense of comfort, I guess. Anyway, whether you are 16 or not, it's not hard to imagine that there's an incessant search by people in this age group for love. My psychologist says that all our feelings are much more intense at this stage, and love is not so different. Passion, fever, everything is much more intense now than for people who have lived longer.

But its just that in this part of life there we have a false feeling that we had experienced every possible emotional level, but love can be seen very new, because you will rarely truly experience it at a young age. As we grow up, our feelings become more complex, but in contrast, we become more & more mature in dealing with them. But, this is in theory. In practice, we are still the same star mass we were when we born, just with more experiences. But experiences dont always form maturity in certain people. Look, its easy just analyze the amount of ignorant and immature beings we find out there, on the streets, on television and even in positions of supposed power (yes, elon musk. I'm talking about you. you're like a cry baby. or as clarice lispector would say: you're like a hair in the soup). This ignorance is projected into various scenarios, affecting the world in a certain way.

Well, we are still talking about love. We all know that immature people end up hurting people, and you probably know (or you are the person) who has already had a major disappointment in love. They say that breaking a heart in love is one of the most painful feelings in the world, just like losing a piece of yourself. That sounds crazy to me. Dont get me wrong, if you are that person with a broken heart, I would never take away the value of your feeling. Its not crazy that you feel bad about having your heart broken, what I find crazy is the fact that someone, in their merely human and mortal existence like you, can hurt something as precious as a heart. If I were to elaborate further, I would add that my perception of romantic love in certain scenarios is closer to pain than to a positive feeling. Im not going to go into depth, at least not in this post. But if you are wondering why my view is supposedly pessimistic (it's not), know that I say this without ever (fortunately) having experienced disappointment. But if you're the person who had your heart broken and found my speech unfortunate, if it makes you feel a little better, know that I've never experienced romantic love. In any way.

It was because of this that I had the idea to start writing this post while doing the dishes. Its not something unknown or that I suddenly discovered, but it still left me in a state of shock for a few seconds. I'm pretty sure that I'm still very young and that love will still come, but it was a strange shock to realize that among all my friends and acquaintances at my age, Ive been lucky (or unlucky) enough never to have been graced by romantic love. On the other hand, whenever people ask me if I ever liked someone, I say yes. But the reality is that I havent really feeling the feeling of what love is suposed to look like. I have come very close to it, so close that remembering the feeling causes me distress. Because it was painful, like I have already say (but I have that pessimistic view of love even before that). It was like having my pharyngeal pathway blocked by thorns. This whole thing about love not hurting is a lie. Love hurts, just like all other feelings. Even joy can be painful, because while you're feeling it you know that it's going to end and one day your happy moments will just become memories. That could be considered pessimism, but I see it as a way of facing reality.

I believe that never having felt love is also a bit of a misnomer. Everything I know about romantic love comes from stories. And trust me, I have heard a lot of them. As I said at the beginning of the text, Im completely obsessed with this subject, and I think part of this interest started when I saw people talking about it so much. Im curious by nature, but for as long as I can remember I've had people around me treating me like some kind of therapist, what creates a feeling that they can be free to tell me their most secret confessions. Also, It must be because Ive always been an extremely considerate girl towards others, in the sense that Ive always been very fond of being silent and consequently thinking too much, what creates in me a feeling of empathy. The more you think, the more you acquire the ability to be a good analyst. Analytical people give good advice, apparently. I leave that as a tip to make life easier. The more you analyze, the more you know, the more you know, the easier it is to deal with the world. But knowledge, like love, can be very relative.

“The more I knew, the more I wanted to know. He had mad appetites that grew more eager as he fed them” - the portrait of dorian gray (book good as hell)

It's already 6pm. I had more to say, but this text has tired me out. Ivee realized that I go round in circles for too long and in the end I dont even know what Im getting at. I think its because this is still my first post, so unfortunately I still feel a bit stuck… But let's get back to it, so you will have to follow me to know what my big conclusion would be.

Actually, you don't have to. There's no big conclusion. Thats exactly what love is. You start trying to fit words together to try to explain it and in the end you get nowhere. Or it would, if I wasnt so tired. Tomorrow I have a chemistry work at school to present, so I could use that as an excuse, saying that Im only going to close my computer to study. But I definitely wont. I hate chemistry and Im going to study what I need to 5 minutes before my presentation. Normally Im very involved in schoolwork, but this time Im not in the mood for several reasons. One of them is that I have lost patience with my more intimate relationships at school. The same subjects tire me out. Talking for a whole morning about love and sex has become quite exhausting… What the hell?

Love… I genuinely couldnt care less. I lie. I genuinely couldnt care more. Because talking and listening about love every day is definitely taking its toll on me. These days I've started to crave love more than anything else, because it seems so good, the new always seems either good or scary. And when it becomes scary, I feel angry, because instead of making fake scenarios like the ones I usually like to make alone in my room, love comes up like a damned curiosity and Im left trying to dismember a feeling that seems impossible to understand, and not knowing something causes me either stress or fear. I know I shouldn't be afraid of love, but just knowing doesnt make me stop feeling it.

Knowledge is relative. Love is relative. And what could be more interesting than relative things? I wish I had more time to study about love, but school drives me crazy with its unfortunate content load. Anyway! As soon as I have more time, I'm going to study love from a scientific point of view and form my own philosophy. And I will write about it. But until then I will write about other things, obviously, but in my view no other post would be cooler than one about love. Or maybe. I have several ideas.

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callisteios · 2 years ago

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I ended up with "god of longing for connection", which is funny given my current situation (housing/attempting to get comics into animation etc) and I'm noticing that some others are getting deep sea god (when they're actually studying the deep ocean as their major) etc... so my q is, are you somehow an ancient greek oracle pointing things out using modern technology to see what the mortals do with this knowledge? (Also thanks for a fun quiz)

you're going to get a long answer for no other reason than I'm at work and I hate my job. sorry

like way to long. i am so sorry.

So.

personality stuff

I'm going to say that first and foremost I am a massive skeptic when it comes to stuff like personality types, astrology etc. I think a lot of these things are people making very broad statements which many people identify with and become more convinced of their reality. a messy rabbit hole. I'm hardly the first to say this so lets move on

I also am a massive fan of personality quizzes (done well) and things like tarot ( i literally love doing tarot readings does anyone want a tarot reading). so not super well meshing opinions you may say?

yes.

however. i make them fit like this. I don't think all people can be split into 12 or 16 or whatever number of groups. I do think there are many shared human experiences and emotions. I know that most people taking my quiz are of a smiliar age and mostly western. This means we have even more shared experiences in this very global world.

I also know that from a lifetime of studying people and trying to understand their motivations (thank you autism (in case you couldn't tell)) I have got reasonably good at understanding various types of feelings and states people experience. and yes i suppose 'types' of people.

From this observation I have understood that (on top of us living in a very similar/global environment) we all (not all but basically all) go through the same emotions at some point during our lives.

From this experience and my understanding of our shared reality and feelings it is not exceptionally hard for me to then craft a quiz and retroactively apply the answers.

Example:

I'm going to give an example here because I feel my explanation has got incredibly rambly. Uh spoilers for my god quiz

Let's look at this result: the sky and the earth (because it's one of my favourites)

the first thing i'd say about this is that it's literally based on one of my favourite songs of all time. written while the author was in a mental instition no less (stream dory previn). so i am hardly the first to identify this 'type'.

When i look at this result and am assigning answers for it, several things about it stick out to me. Its main focus is the in between feeling, the longing for more spirtuality but also a desire for the physical and real. while at the same time feeling as if those are very confliced desires. there's obviously more to it but i can only hold so much info in my brain.

i think this is a state many in modern society will experience as we live in such a new and confusing and separate world. i am exposed to more of the world every day, and yet i feel as if i understand it less. the opportunities for me to truly experience the natrual are few and far between. i want to crawl around upon the earth. i want to see the stars and be enlightened.

knowing this i will say

does someone who is sky and earth want to be a god?

(this was the hardest question for literally every type btw.) here i'd say yes. because only something divine can be two opposing concepts surely. surely to know the sky and earth is an impossible goal for a mortal.

ok moving on (im not doing this for every quesion, don't worry, just a couple more to hammer home the point)

this one was harder. i was torn between fruit, dedicated to one issue, and drowning. I think all fit but went for dedicated in the end

for this one i knew i was using a picture of an iguana and i thought iguanas come from deserts so i chose desert. they're not all hits

this one was so easy. to me the confluence of rivers, bringing together something that's normally apart. that felt like the duality of sky and earth to me.

basically the exact same thing as above with mutilation.

i chose the painting of the building surrounded by people. i felt like this building crushed between the sky and the earth, looked upon by passers by, felt like a monument to the dichotomy. when i am feeling sky and earth i feel like the building, i cannot move or touch or really experience. i am just stationary watching it all move around me

So you see. I have identified here an emotion which i felt, which i have witnessed others feeling. i have identified the likely responses i believe a person in this state would give and i hope for the best.

Tarot

OKay you definitely get the point bt now. but i am nowhere near done, i mentioned tarot earlier. there was a reason for this beyond me wanting to do more tarot readings.

I think even though im good, i am really not that good. one thing i have noted over doing many tarot readings is that often the subject needs incredibly little input from the reader. oh, they may need your help guiding them towards the symbolism on the card, but once they've got that they launch into an explanation of how this answers their question.

Because I Always make sure they ask a clear question. this to me is the most important part of any kind of reading or quiz. you want the person to think about this themselves and then perhaps help them to the conclusion. once they're at the results screen/have a card they already have some idea in mind. it doesn't matter if they were expecting something a bit different, this is just a vehicle for their own self truth anyway.

ok im done.

i am a god

woah woah woah. im not done though. you're talking to a classicist so ive GOT to address the oracle comment. my favourite oracle of delphi theory is that the oracle's chamber sat above some kind of natural gas deposit, this gas was possibly hallucinatory. The oracles would get high and then deliver prophesies. I believe that if you combined my observation with powerful drugs I could come up with prophesies like "if your empire goes to war with another empire a great empire will fall ;)". Therefore, yes i am. and i'm taking requests ;)

tldr? uh. i take very universal feelings, use some skill to present those to people most likely to identify with them, they do a bunch of the work

/tldr i am a divine prophet and would like my place at a nice temple and access to good drugs asap

#you can take brackets out of my cold dead hands #i have many asides and i find them the neatest way to do this #please do not kill me and take my brackets #this is not to say i dont believe in the more mystical aspects of tarot and other forms of divination.#i do not think self relflection and divine providence are incompatable #i feel like i similtaneously called myself a fraud and way overstated my abilities #so hopefully we land on a nice centrist everyone hates me #using the tags as footnotes her #important to note: i think you will see far more people saying my quiz was good than saying it was bad and they didn't relate because most #who don't simply won't interact #ok #done #ask #ninjakittycomics #wait not done #i need to say sorry again #to you and my followers #i need to stop writing horrifically long rambles to every question #well i say need. ill never stop. but ill never stop being sorry #sorry if you read all this #to my point about people not agreeing with results #see everyone reacting to getting tech company campuses/made up finance things. my 'meaner' answers #they definitely don't agree (mostly) though i would say in some cases that's because people don't like reading bad things about themselves

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st0rmyskies · 2 years ago

Note

I’m new to the LU fandom, I really love the series but I’m kinda confused about the whole link/link shippings. It’s not something I have a real issue with as long as the links in question aren’t related by blood or anything, but I’m really confused how the ships came to be????

Wildlight especially because yes, there’s definitely chemistry and a deep bond between them, but I’ve never thought about their relationship going beyond that and into sexual????

I always kinda felt like they’d be queer-platonic, like, they’re so close their relationship can’t be defined as purely platonic but it’s not sexual. There’s a lot of love and affection but it doesn’t fall neatly into romantic either?

They’re just. Two people who really care about each other and want to enjoy their time together while it lasts to the fullest and just. Experience life with the other by their side.

Mostly I just feel really confused and like I’m lacking a lot of information. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense or seems rude, I just don’t understand in general, and thought maybe you could provide some insight???

So I, for example, don't like mango. Some people love mango but and think apples are boring, and I would clutch my pearls about that and go on a 40 minute tirade about how apples are the shit. The same can be said for shipping. When it comes to ships, both with regard to types of ships and pairings, a lot of it comes down to personal preference. It's as simple as that.

That's the main idea here, anon. There's not any information you're missing. The rest is under the cut for specifics about Wildlight and other Linkships.

No matter how you ship Wild and Twilight, with even the various flavors of queerplatonic or simple friendship being considered "shipping" of sorts for the purposes of this conversation, as you said: it's obvious that the two of them have chemistry. They have history together. They look to one another when Time says cryptic shit like two siblings wondering if that lore drop from dad was true or not. Twilight scolds Wild for getting himself injured in defense of Wind and Wild doesn't hesitate to give it back to him a bit. In the most recent arc, while everyone on the team is affected by Twilight's injury in one way or another, Wild is the one who loses his mind a bit over the whole thing. Their bond runs deep.

Like you, there is a huge group of fans who look at that relationship and enjoy that flavor of queerplatonic rep. They choose to ship Wild and Twilight in that way, and that's cool. But some of us look at the same relationship and prefer to explore the spicier side of things under the same context, and that's cool too. There was recently a text post I reblogged that went something long the lines of fic writers "using preestablished relationships to give sex [in their works] emotional context." Without having to write thousands of words of backstory to get two people together, sometimes we as fic writers lean on the source material to establish the soft stuff so we can get right into the more hardcore fare. It's a fun little thought experiment to consider how two characters like Twi and Wild who have such obvious caring for one another in canon might engage with one another behind the scenes.

The same can be said for characters who don't seem to have a whole ton of on-screen chemistry, as it were. Sky is very obviously in love with his Zelda, and that's part of the reason why he was the focus of the poly!Sky series. Because yes, SS Zelink is adorable, but what if Sky wasn't limited to that relationship alone? How would his relationships look like with Twilight, with Warriors, with Time? For me, it's a fun exploration and skill-development exercise to write believable romantic and/or sexual relationships that you wouldn't expect in-universe, especially since they firmly aren't established in the source material.

I, for one, also enjoy exploring both healthy and unhealthy sexual relationships through fiction. By far, my favorite kind of couple to write has to be the train wreck: those who bring out the worst in one another and have incendiary chemistry in the bedroom. HSH WarrTime falls into this category, and Twilight/Dark does too in a different sense. It's that journey from "Omg this would NEVER work" to "Dark has one person and one person only he will behave for" that never fails to hook me.

In the end, it boils down to the same reason why most restaurants have such a diverse menu. Some people prefer one flavor of cooked-up relationships, others may prefer another. Some of us change tastes depending on the day. And maybe in relationships that you personally don't see romance or a sexual connection, to someone else it looks plain as day.

And that's all totally okay.

#stormy asks #anon asks #linkshipping #link/link #oh and dont get me started on the whole 'blood related' thing #that feels like a whole nother rant

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knightyoomyoui · 1 year ago

Text

Chaeyoung x F Reader - "Something Just Like This"

FINALLY, THE LAST ONE-SHOT TO END THE SET 5 LINE-UP. I know this is the last, but sorry if this may suck, because I wrote it in just one go and it lacks editing. I'm still struggling with my lack of interest in writing these days and it's more difficult to cope if you're also battling with your poor mental and emotional health condition (yes, i'm currently having anxiety and panic attacks again because of being depressed from my personal matters) while stuck in a tight schedule full of stressful tasks both in campus and home. This one also lacks deeper research, but I still did some for basic infos that might help me with executing this concept that I input in this story. I needed it because it's the first time I'm doing this type of relationship-origin in romance. Despite of the cons and flaws, I still poured all the best that I have to write this story. Again, I'm sorry if I'm not updating often now like I've been doing since last year. Things has been pretty rough for me so far. Anyway, enjoy reading and kindly donate to my Ko-Fi account here if you liked it! I'll appreciate any amount of support from you guys. Thanks and see yall again on the Set 6 line-up!

ko-fi.com/knightyoomyoui

To serve and to protect is the golden rule of a cop's duty.

For Son Chaeyoung, who has been working as a correctional officer or a warder for short, that apply much to her position.

She had to endure regulating and guarding the various behaviors of the prisoners that come and go around the place where they are locked up for the bad deeds they've done.

It was getting boring, in honestly speaking, with just standing and walking around most of the time every day to watch over prisoners who mostly couldn't care less about her.

Thankfully, she's not the only one who suffers in this particular line of work. There are colleagues of hers who can sympathize with her and could help each other to lessen the gloomy mood and at least search for a way to cheer themselves up during their duty.

Chaeyoung could tell that she has a lot of fellow officers here with whom she has gotten closer. She wants to be humble, but she knows that the reason she can attract others is because of her nice personality and... Well, yeah, her beauty that others seem to see is what separates her from them.

Chaeyoung doesn't have any interests in love life as of the moment, but she could admit that she's looking for someone who would like her not just for her qualities but to acknowledge that she's worth a meaning in her life.

She was walking with other police officers outside of the prison block to greet the new convicted people that were brought here by bus.

They watched them hop out one by one before the assigned member who will be in charge of organizing them instructed them to fall in line first.

"Alright, listen up. All of you were transferred here in Seoul Metropolitan Prison Camp, and this is where you will be placed in jail permanently, meaning that you will stay here depending on how long your granted sentences are." The leader of the correctional officers team, Boo Seungkwan, introduced

"As you all see, these cops will be in charge of monitoring your cells, so don't do anything stupid that might increase the length of your time here if you all want to leave and start another life, unless you still have one." Seungkwan points at the officers who are grouped on the other side.

"Now follow them, and they will be directing you all into your respective blocks. Move."

All of them start to walk side by side with the officers as they start their responsibility of keeping their eyes on these prisoners.

"I hope many of these newbies won't add up to those who are pain in the ass, Chaeyoung heard her colleague named Lee Youngji blurt before releasing a sigh. She didn't respond in words; just a stiffled laugh was enough for the latter to notice.

They were slowly presented to their new cell block, and we gave them their prison attire to change into.

At the West Hall, where Chaeyoung and Youngji are assigned, they split the six remaining inmates into three each.

With the last one, Chaeyoung looked at this person. She was a female, and it was a bit strange why she was giving out a smirk at the good cop.

"Inmate number 2129, name YN/LN, guilty for arson, hmm." Chaeyoung reads her information from the document papers she's holding. "Follow me."

"Your voice is mellow" the inmate said out of the blue. Chaeyoung slowed her footsteps.

"Pardon?"

"Yeah, I'm right." YN seethed. "You sound way less authorative. than those fellow peeps like you."

"Do I need to be harsh on you?" Chaeyoung tilted her head and raised her eyebrow.

"Oh, nope. Sorry." She shook her head.

"Good. Then stay quiet if you don't want me to show you how cruel I can be." Chaeyoung warned. "My day's getting real fine so far, and I don't want someone like you to ruin it."

"Yes, boss." YN taunted as she raised her handcuffed hands slightly.

They were inches away from their destination. Chaeyoung was about to head forward and release her keys when YN spoke again behind her, disregarding her threat just few minutes ago.

"One last thing, uhm... can I ask something?"

"About?"

"What inspired you to be a cop?"

"To capture criminals like you. Is that even hard to tell?"

"Wow, I'm offended." YN touched her chest, pretending to be hurt.

"Ofcourse, you do." Chaeyoung went in front of the cell door and inserted her key there to open.

"That's what you think." YN shrugged. "But honestly, I just asked because... you look just way too beautiful to be a cop, though. There's more out there who could-"

"Look, Ms. LN. I've heard many people try that same old lame move they've been doing on me and they all just failed. I don't give a damn if I choose this job, because this is my dream and I won't just give in to others who dictate what my life should be." Chaeyoung faced YN and applied a slight ferocity to her tone.

The latter wasn't terrified but rather impressed that this cute officer could indeed show a different side that gives her at least a fitting characteristic of being a cop.

"I didn't mean it to be that, I swear. I'm just saying the truth...." YN defended, trying to calm down Chaeyoung, yet it didn't work out so well still.

"Did you even hear what I told you that you should shut your mouth?" Chaeyoung crossed her arm. "Your first day here hasn't even starting yet and you're being arrogant already."

YN gaped her mouth, about to speak but choses not to in the end.

"Good. Prove me different, would you?" Chaeyoung rolled her eyes before opening the cell.

"This will be your section for now on. If you need anything or whatever you do there inside, I have to remind you that I will be the one in charge of you among others here with you in the hall. Now, go and change up." Chaeyoung instructed before she closed the door, leaving YN inside still standing in the middle of an average space room holding her attire.

"She'll believe me someday." YN popped her mouth before she heads to her bed and lay there to rest after a long ride.

Meanwhile, Chaeyoung who returns in her spot, placed down the papers on her desk and sat on her chair.

She glanced up at YN's room and shook her head as she sighed, with the inmates's compliments repeating in her head.

--------------------------------------

The next day, Chaeyoung escorted YN to the visitation booth when she received a visit request from a person who might be close to YN in her personal life.

She informed YN and walked her through the room. Opening the door, she urged YN to enter and leave her with her visitor for some alone time to discuss whatever they might have privately.

For YN, she stood in the room and recognized the guy sitting on the opposite side behind the plexiglass.

She sat on the chair and grabbed the telephone, pressing it on the speaker just like he did to hear each other's words when they spoke.

"I never thought that it would come to this moment where I would be seeing you in those inmate clothes, sister" her brother Insoo, said. "I know how terrible of a sister you are, but going through the point where you could actually commit a crime? Not surprising, but interesting for you."

"That's bullshit, Insoo-ah" YN said. "You really believe their accusations against me? You know that I don't play with fire; the hell I would dare to cause such destruction of a property by burning it down!"

"People can change, YN, and so can you" Insoo replied. YN scoffed, looking unbelievably at her older brother. "I don't know what has gotten into your mind, but have you really ever thought of what this would bring to our family? Now that you did it, you scratched and tainted the reputation of our name; even our family, who worked out to make us relevant, was affected by it!"

YN didn't say anything, she lets her brother to continue as she kept on listening to her manipulated remarks. "They're so disappointed of you, sister... and even me. This is a serious mess you've caused for us, and do you really think that you'll make us clean it for you?"

"W-where are you going with this, Insoo?"

"I came here today to tell you that our parents decided not to take any legal actions in attempt to grant your request of proving yourself not guilty in your case."

YN's eyes widened, petrified at the information given by her disrespectful brother.

"N-no..."

"You've caused them enough burden and headaches through these years, YN and it's normal for them to be tired of dealing with you."

"Don't tell me you have become one of them, Insoo-ah..."

"I already did."

YN's heart cracked. The trust and support she was expecting to receive from them despite all the mistreatment she's been getting from her rich family since her childhood has vanished completely.

At this moment, she truly felt that she had no family to live with anymore. She doesn't know, though, if it's like they're the ones who don't exist or if it's her now who is being appointed to be responsible for any of this.

"I never liked you, YN. I never even wished to have a sister like you, Insoo said. YN's eyes became watery at the painful words she'd been getting from the sibling she cherished the most, even though she wasn't being reciprocated after every effort she had to make.

"And now, I sincerely do think that our parents made a good decision by keeping you here. Because, after what you've done, you have proven yourself that you don't deserve to be my sibling and to belong in our family, let alone to have a criminal like you."

YN wants to respond, but it's as if the words filled with rage, disbelief, and torment were stuck in her throat. Only her desperate pleas were able to be released from her mouth.

"No, p-please. Insoo, don't. W-why are you doing this to me?!" YN leans forward and clasps her hands; her position clearly defines what a begging person would look like.

Teardrops began to run down her face, brought on by the simultaneous collapse of everything she'd built for herself because the one thing she was once treating as her source of inspiration and strength now turned out to be her weakness and the cause of her destruction.

"You simply deserve it; no further explanations are needed. Actions speak louder than words, and that is where you are mistaken, YN, Insoo commented. YN noticed that he didn't call her "sister" for the first time, signifying that his intentions of getting rid of her from his connection for good were serious.

"Take this as the last time you will ever see me, YN. This is enough for me to see you pay for the sin you've committed."

"Insoo... Insoo-ah!!! Come back! P-please... save me... get me out of here, I'm your sister for fucks sake!!!" YN stood from her seat and shouted at Insoo, who took his way out of the room. She slammed her hands on the table and placed her head down on it as she cried terribly.

Chaeyoung opened the door when she heard a knocking signal. A messed-up look from YN is what greeted her, and that piqued the curiosity of the cop.

As they arrived back at the cell, after Chaeyoung unlocked the door, she wanted to at least ask the inmate what happened to her.

It's not that she's concerned about her; she just wants to know why, since this is the first time she's seen YN with this broken demeanor after weeks of her stay in prison.

However, she failed to do so when YN immediately went to her room and crashed her body against the bed. Chaeyoung was about to say something but decided to just give her some space since she might need it a lot.

And she was right; after she closed the door and locked it, she was about to walk away when she heard some heavy sobs from the inside, focusing her attention more on the prisoner's poor condition.

The next day, Chaeyoung saw YN sitting on one of the benches alone in the yard, surrounded by a crowd of other prisoners just doing their own business, whether chatting with their cellmates, playing sports, or just enjoying the fresh breeze of air like YN is doing, even though the word "enjoy" doesn't seem to apply to what Chaeyoung is witnessing.

YN was just staring at the grassy land, spacing out from the unknown. Chaeyoung predicted that what she encountered yesterday during the vaation must left some heavy thoughts to cloud her mind deeply.

It kinda haunts and makes the officer uncomfy, again she doesn't know but who cares? That's her prisoner and it's her duty to ensure that they are in proper condition.

"You look lonely."

YN raised her head up to see Officer Son standing beside her, clutching on her pockets. That didn't lasted long as she just returned it back on her leg.

"Could I provide some way to fix that?"

"Why would you bother anyway?" YN asks. "I thought you wouldn't care about me, just like anything I've ever known and encountered in my life."

"You're under my supervision, YN/LN, so it's my responsibility to assist you."

"How so?" YN blurted. "If I tell what I want, and that it to bring the people I've lost in my life to come back, would you do that for me?"

"What is going on, YN? Why did you have to mention them?" Chaeyoung stepped closer at YN who is now trying to shift herself to the side, flinching at the presence of the cop.

"This has something to do with yesterday, doesn't it?"

YN didn't reply for a second there as she remained staring down at the grass. Chaeyoung thought that she still couldn't make it so in respect, she grabbed a bottle of water and gave it to YN.

"Take it."

"For what?"

"Give yourself a break for now", Chaeyoung said before YN finally took a sip and capped the bottle. "I know what happened might be too personal for you, but if you're having any struggles, I'm just right here for you to lean on and open up whatever you've been carrying deep inside of you."

YN sighed and tightened her lips, keeping her eyes focused on the other prisoners around her. She sensed Chaeyoung about to turn her back and walk away when she finally spoke, preventing the latter from leaving too soon.

"My brother just visited me yesterday. He told me that they weren't going to do any solutions for my sentence."

Chaeyoung turned around and looked at her, wiping off tears in her eyes with the back of her hand. "I feel betrayed, disheartened, whatever you want to call it. I never would've expected them that they would just drop the ball and never pick it up again. I was rather telling myself that maybe someday, everything's going to be alright and they'll get to show me that they do indeed care for me despite how they've never been expressive for me all these years."

"But now, I just learned that I've been making myself like a fool for believing something that will only remain in my imagination. They really don't care about me, and never will be. Seeing how they're just completely fine for them that I get to spend 2 years of my lifetime here in prison for something I didn't do." "You didn't do it?" Chaeyoung furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait... YN-"

"I don't know if you have forgotten that not all people who get convicted in the world were guilty and masterminds of the crimes that were committed. There were others too who got victimized and blamed in order to save their selfish selves, picking any innocent person that is unaware of what's going to happen for them."

"I didn't, YN. I know and I have encountered other colleagues of mine who shared their own stories about them experiencing one."

"Then I guess you have your own story to tell this time."

Chaeyoung looked intently at YN.

"YN, you're not who I think you are... don't you?"

YN smiled and shut her eyes. "I'm actually disappointed that although you've known the fact, you couldn't resist assuming others that they're criminals just because they're wearing these sinner's clothes, just like what you did to me these past few weeks." She glanced at Chaeyoung after, her lips formed straight in seriousness.

"L-look, YN... I'm sorry, but the evidence that was presented against you in the court that led you here just proves that you were behind the arson. That won't grant you what we call "guilty until proven innocent". That's why you're locked up here at the moment, and that's why I don't see any mistake for us to call you a criminal because that's what the judgment provided us to know about you."

"So it looks like I do deserve it; I'm sorry if I blamed you, off-."

"No, don't mind it. I have a fault here too. I should've been mindful." Chaeyoung shook her head. "But please, tell me. If you're really not the one who did the crime, then who do you think it is?"

"I have no idea." YN shrugged, her voice raising a little. "All I know is that detectives and other police went to my house and sent me an arrest warrant saying that the evidence they caught in the scene all leads to me. And I was wondering how I would cause a fire if I didn't even know what place that was, and not to mention, those things they saw were stored in my garage."

Chaeyoung nodded as she took in YN's summary of her mind. "So you're saying that if that wasn't you, then somebody did that fire on the hardware store and they used your things, am I correct?"

"Y-yeah."

"Then in that case, the real culprit is still roaming around out there, enjoying the life of being unruled within the justice system, Chaeyoung said. "Do you plan to reopen the case?"

"I... I don't know." YN sighed, gripping at the wood of the bench tightly. "I've lost hope anymore, Officer Son. My family turned their back on me, and for sure everybody who knows me will surely do the same. You don't know how influential they can be."

"Officer, it's too late for me. I feel like this is my fate. Where I belong to. I know that I was never technically a part of their family, sharing their blood, but... it troubles me that if they didn't care about me, why they'd still take the decision to adopt me when I was a lost child."

Chaeyoung was astounded at YN's reveal of her backstory, shedding more light to make herself more understandable.

"You know what, I should stop this. Whatever happens, it will all be left for me to deal with it. This is my karma for being ungrateful."

After their conversation, YN stood up from her seat and walked away with her head lowered. Chaeyoung watches her disappear, with an obvious sight of concern and pity present in her face, after discovering the facts that YN has never given a chance to be explained and defend herself.

----------------------

Each day that passes, YN and Chaeyoung's closeness grows, which begins to capture others attention, mostly from the prisoners, where they earn teases from them.

However, they both also receive some discrimination, mostly from the cop's low perspective towards YN being a criminal and for Chaeyoung seemingly losing her focus on the real deal of her duty by being affectionate towards prisoners.

There's one time where Chaeyoung is patrolling around the blocks when her fellow cop approaches and joins her on the stroll, only with the intention of attempting to hit up the young lady.

She feels immensely harassed by him with all the force insists and weird flirty acts. Chaeyoung tries to decline and separate herself from her co-worker, but she just can't let go and arrogantly proceeds to irritate her.

Chaeyoung is doing her best to hold on to her stability and not cross the line and risk her job for a scumbag like him until YN suddenly shows up and confronts the cop.

"Couldn't you hear what she's saying? How many more times would it take for you to leave her alone?"

"Shut up, prisoner. This ain't none of your business here. Cops talk." The male cop smirks smugly at her as he presses his biceps closer to Chaeyoung, who begins to shiver in a mixture of frustration and disgust.

YN noticed Chaeyoung's discomfort, which motivated her to help this poor woman more. "Oh really? From the looks of Officer Son, though, she looks like she doesn't want to see you disturbing her. Are you even aware, or are you just pretending to be blind?"

"Last warning, get out or I'll throw you back to the cell where you belong."

YN sighed and looked at Chaeyoung, who just shook her head and silently signaled her to not go with it, but she just glared back at her and stared at the perverted cop dead in the eyes.

"I've been giving all my respect to all of the officials doing their duty to manage this place, but of course, just like everybody, I have an exception, and I do it especially for people like you who couldn't understand what consent is."

YN stepped closer and stood toe to toe with the male cop, keeping Chaeyoung close to her with his hand on her wrist.

"Get your goddamn hands away from her." She gritted her teeth as she hissed.

The male cop's lips twitched and rolled his tongue before he gave Chaeyoung a headbutt, making the girl dizzy as she landed on the floor.

"Come here, you piece of shit." The male cop tugged YN's hair and dragged her closer to him.

"DO. YOU. KNOW. WHO. YOU. ARE. CURSING. AT, YOU. BITCH!" The male cop is slapping YN harshly both in her left and right cheek with every words he pronounce.

Chaeyoung shouted for help, drawing all the prisoners and cops attention to the fight that was happening.

They split them apart from each other. The male cop abusing YN furiously sweeps away all of his colleague's hands from touching him in an attempt to calm him down before he walks away and glares dangerously at YN's attack state.

The cops who helped YN escorted her to the medical room to get her wounds and bruises treated.

The nurse was about to apply aid to YN, but Chaeyoung interrupts as she enters the room, saying something to the nurse before she leaves, leaving the two alone.

"You're supposed to guard there; w-why are you here?"

"I can't be calmed knowing I had somebody used herself in defense for me to be protected." Chaeyoung said. She pulled the metal cart with tray filled with medicines in her.

"Let me treat you by myself. Take this as my repay atleast for what you've done for me." Chaeyoung said as she reached for the cotton and betadine liquid to pour into.

"You don't have to do that." YN groaned as she felt the aching part had pressure applied to it. "I can't just stand there and watch you working with passion just to get disrepected and sexualized."

Chaeyoung smiled at YN's remark. "Thank you for that, seriously."

"You should do something about that guy. You can't just let him get away with it."

Chaeyoung went silent, trouble plastered in her look.

"Why? What's with the tense?"

"I don't have much evidence to prove. He might spun around the story and make himself a victim."

"The CCTV's?"

"The CCTV's range of view doesn't reach in that area, YN." Chaeyoung answered.

"Well I guess I have to do it myself." YN said before she winces in pain. "Ow ow aish..."

"Stay still, I know it hurts but you won't heal if you allow me." Chaeyoung then wheezes after.

"Why? What's so funny, huh?"

"I don't know... I just find it funny that you're more scared of a cotton getting damped in your wound than receiving a bunch of heavy blows from a well-built guy."

YN rolled his eyes and nudges her lips. "Stop teasing me."

Chaeyoung laughs and continues to wrap the wounds with gauze properly. "Now, now. We're almost done so be chill."

"But I just find something funny too."

"What's yours?" Chaeyoung asks.

"You even made an effort to come here and do the aid by yourself when all I needed to be fine and ease my pain was to hear your soothing voice and see you unharmed by that pervert."

Chaeyoung paused at her movement and slowly made contact with YN's eyes, viewing her as she reacted speechlessly. She saw her smile developing while she wandered around her features.

"Believe me or not, but I meant what I said before. I'm not the type who focuses only on the outside, but you're just pretty; it's so unavoidable.

So thank you, Chaeyoung. Thank you for always making me calm when you're near."

Chaeyoung was only able to nod before she finished her treatment for YN; the lack of words dealt by her fluttering and appreciative remarks is what sent her conscience to go crazy.

She declared that the wounds in her face were now treated. Before she's about to go away, YN halts her for one last message before they end seeing each other for today. "About your problem, I got your back, Chae. I'll volunteer as the witness if it requires one."

"B-but what if they won't believe you?" Chaeyoung worried. YN can see the hopelessness in her, exactly the same as what she's been going through.

But YN didn't focus at that, there's this difference that she spotted which was more important for her to based on.

"Then I will keep pushing forward until I make them be, because you have a chance and you have the right to grab that, Chae. I don't want you to end up like me."

As Chaeyoung left the room, she sighed and stroked her hair stressfully as she makes her way back to her station.

She is beginning to become impatient and irritated at YN's negative insights.

"You keep saying that to yourself, why have you given up already?"

She knew it wasn't over for YN yet, and if that prisoner has lost its way to search for a solution down the road, then she doesn't want her to remain like that forever. Now she is convinced that she was just left there abandoned by the people she considered her loved ones.

"Hang in there, YN. It's my turn to get you out of your misery" Chaeyoung confidently said to herself as she quickened her pace of walking.

She has found you in the middle of your unfair fate, and all that she needs to do is lead you the way and take you as your sign of escape.

------------------------

The harassment complaint that Chaeyoung has filed against the male cop was approved as the final decision despite its attempts to reverse the suspect's blame and disguise himself as non-accountable.

It wouldn't be successful if it weren't for YN's voluntary act to state everything she witnessed during that scenario. The proof was strengthened when Chaeyoung's friend, Officer Lee Youngji, joined YN's goal to save and make Chaeyoung's side represent herself as the victim.

In punishment, the cop was stripped of his badge and position and fired. The chief made one last reminder and advice to everyone that they won't tolerate this shameful and disgusting act, and if they caught anybody, they better report it immediately for it to be discussed.

Chaeyoung thanked YN and Youngji for their assistance. The desire of hers to hug YN just like she did to Youngji is strong, yet unfortunately, she has to cover it up to make herself less suspicious.

In a gesture of gratitude, she only patted YN's shoulder and shook hands with her.

A few months later, Chaeyoung and YN both confirmed on their own that they are falling in love mutually, but with the same issue, neither has made the first move yet.

They both know that it's illegal for a cop and a person deprived of liberty to be in a relationship with each other inside the prison, as stated in the rules.

They were keeping it disclosed to the others so nobody could identify it and possibly report it to the higher-ups, so YN and Chaeyoung have no other choice but to hide their feelings and act like nothing's been going on between them.

It was hard when they always saw each other with their hearts shouting for one another's name, but for the sake of their safety, Chaeyoung and YN would do it all so none would face the consequences that would put them in a tough situation.

Aside from that, YN was baffled when she received another notification that she got a visit from someone after months of last seeing her brother.

She was unsure whether they changed their minds or if it was a different person this time who managed to pay a visit for her.

Entering the visitation booth, she was stunned to see a familiar person who appeared in her sight.

"YN!"

"C-Chaewon?!" She said in disbelief.

Rushing through the chair, she took a chair and sat in front of her bestfriend who just returned from abroad.

"OMO... W-WHAT HAPPENED? I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE SEEING YOU AGAIN BUT IN A WRONG PLACE?!" Chaewon exclaimed. "Why are you in jail?"

"Chaewon..." YN began to cry, she placed her hand on the glass in which Chaewon placed hers directly into the reflection.

"Take it slow, you have the time." Chaewon comforts her poor friend, frowning at the sight of her being devastated.

"T-they didn't took you away from me, right?"

"Huh? Wh-what? Who's they?"

YN pauses as she sniffs at her tears. "Mom, dad, or my brother. Did any of them tell you anything wrong about me?"

"I-I mean, they told me that you committed arson when I tried to meet them after I couldn't meet you at your house. I went here to confirm it straight at you, YN. My guts are telling me not to believe them immediately."

"No, don't! Just don't listen to whatever they say, Chaewon. Please."

"I didn't, don't worry. I know you aren't capable of doing that. You're not the YN I know that they believe you to be today." Chaewon relaxes her. YN was at least uplifted that a miracle just unexpectedly came to her, something she never knew would happen.

There was still at least one special person out there of hers who never lost their trust and loyalty for her, and it was stupid for her at the same time to not show the same positivity as her best friend.

"Just tell me, specifically. It might be not everything, just... give me atleast idea of what happened to you and why I have to witness my friend locked up behind bars."

YN sighed and wiped off the remaining wet stains around her face. "I-I feel like somebody framed me up, Chae."

Chaewon also perceives the same thought but she kept on listening. ""I didn't burn a property, Chaewon. I swear, but the evidences that were attained to the crime scene were all connected at mine. And I do admit, those are my belongings but I don't know how it just magically appeared there."

"So you mean, there's somebody out there who did it in actual but it uses it to cover her violation?"

"Yeah."

"And who do you might think it'll be?" Chaewon wondered. "Did you have any altercations with somebody?"

"No, I didn't."

"Whoever did that to you must've held a huge amount of pent-up anger and hatred; that's why they chose that idea to get back at you" Chaewon explained. "That could be the reason for you to request revisiting your case. Do you have plans to?"

"I was... but I lost hope when I thought nobody would ever help me get out of here."

"I'm both sorry and glad to hear you like that, but what matters now is that I'm here to take back my friend."

YN's eyes widened as Chaewon announced that without hesitation.

"Let's file a request with the court, YN. It's not too late for you to flip the tables around and retrieve your justice back."

As they ended their bittersweet reunion, YN emotionally bid goodbye to Chaewon for today before she returns to the hallway.

Chaeyoung pitifully smiled at her. "How did it go?"

"I still have a chance, officer, YN stuttered as she tried to control her tears from escaping again. Chaeyoung was astounded to hear a positive note from YN about herself for once.

"What do you mean?"

"My friend from the States came back to see me, and she wants us to file a request with the judge to reinvestigate the case."

Chaeyoung was delighted at the news brought by that friend of hers. She got curious about who that might be. Her feelings had no involvement with this; it was just the perfect timing for her to propose her plan.

"Great for you! I hope this time, it's you who will win the fight you never wanted to be in."

YN smiled and nodded before she walked away. Chaeyoung felt refreshed; it had been a long time coming to see her full of bloomy mood, and she wished it wouldn't stop immediately because YN... is her source of energy for working every day.

As she disappeared to the distance, Chaeyoung enters the other side of the booth and requests to the guard to hand her the logbook.

She searched through the recent notes and there, she got what she wanted to find.

"Kim Chaewon...." Chaeyoung muttered as she saved her contact number on her phone.

-------------------------------

"Are you Officer Son Chaeyoung?"

A woman who is almost the same height as her, sporting a short black hair with bangs, striped t-shirt, cargo pants, and sneakers emerged beside her as she carefully peeked at Chaeyoung who is sitting comfortably outside of a cafe.

"And you are Miss Kim Chaewon, right?"

"Yes." They bowed at each other for respect before they also exchanged greetings to each other.

"How did you get my number, if I may ask?"

"The logbook you signed in when you met YN/LN." She clarified. "She's your friend, right?"

"Yes, officer."

"Just call me Chaeyoung. No need to be formal."

"Oh uhm... yes. YN's my friend since we were in high school."

"Okay." Chaeyoung nodded. "You're the perfect person would could take my favor easily." "Uhm, why did you brought me here and meet you up? I'm curious."

"I know that you want your friend to get out of prison, so is YN and...

I am too."

"Y-you?"

Chaeyoung nodded. "Yes. YN has turned out to be my friend there. She has done so many nice things for me, and I'm here to return it all back, and I need your help just as you need mine."

Chaewon stayed silent; she only narrowed her eyes when she spotted a bit of an intriguing word that Chaeyoung used there.

"YN told me that she's going to continue insuing a request for motion to reinstate to the judge, and I support her for that. I couldn't help her for that because I have to remain anonymous or else I'm done" Chaeyoung elaborated.

"But, I could help her by providing the best of the detectives who can help her revisit and investigate the case again, which will eventually grant her a non-guilty decision. All I need to know is... do you accept my offer?"

Chaewon bit her lip as she processed it in her mind. Chaeyoung has effectively presented herself as a useful ally here who sets up a deal with her on her agenda to help YN reward her freedom.

Without showing any pride or doubts about the mentioned proposal, Chaewon spoke out shortly enough to prevent the officer from wasting more time.

"I accept."

-----------------------------

The judge approved, and the reinvestigation went smoothly with the help of Chaeyoung's friends she recommended from the police district in her hometown, Detective Kim Dahyun and Detective Chou Tzuyu.

Every detail that they collected was being updated to Chaeyoung so that she could tell YN, who can cooperate by helping the team expand and clear all the confusion that might be a barrier to their progress.

On the final day of the trial, Chaewon was about to enter the waiting room with cups of coffee in her hand when she captured Chaeyoung peeking at the door.

Intrigued by what she's watching, she found out that her eyes are locked on YN, who is silently praying near the window.

She slowly poked the officer's shoulder to avoid her being startled and cause the inmate to halt her prayer.

"How long have you been watching her?"

"N-not that long." Chaeyoung swallowed, side-eyeing in a glimpse of shame in her part.

"Hmm. Okay." Chaewon nodded, pursing her lower lip.

They both continue to monitor YN who is now viewing the scenery outside.

"You're doing this for her, but not only because of what you told me, do you?" Chaewon said from behind. Chaeyoung glances to the right where she easily heard it.

"How c-could you tell?

"I'm a psychiatrist actually. I'm on my vacation for 3 months here in South Korea that's why i'm here... temporarily." Chaewon revealed. "So yeah, I could depict whether a person is lying or not. I suppose your mannerism is twitching your upper lip when you do."

Chaeyoung opened her wide widely as she turned around and looked at Chaewon in shock. The latter just grinned and shrugged.

"Looks like I hit the bullseye with that."

"Don't tell her please." Chaeyoung bowed her head.

"I won't, but why?"

"I'm about to tell her myself, but I'll do it on the right time. I'm prepared, but I much prefer to do it at any place where we both can feel that we're free from anything. Away from a bunch of judgmental and rude people. Where nothing could hold me back from saying that I love her too."

A few hours later, the trial has reached its conclusion, but with a breathtaking twist for anyone who is present in the court.

Just as the judge declared the win for YN's side, implying a non-guilty order for her, the two detective buddies of Chaeyoung arrived at the scene to make a shocking statement.

It was found out through a series of tests that the new fingerprints, footprints, and cctv footage they gathered, which were absent from the previous investigation, all pointed to the sole person that Dahyun and Chaeyoung forcefully brought with them to show anybody that the accused is indeed innocent.

It was none other than YN's stepbrother, LN In-soo, who plotted and performed the crime against her.

He was about to sneakily escape the country when the team chased him all away to the Incheon International Airport when the experiments that were conducted from him matched positive to what they received in the materials he used on burning the said establishment.

Instead of being completely happy that she can now walk out of prison, it was mixed with devastation and anger that the only man she considered special in her life would be able to do this to her unmatched to how she looked up at him throughout their childhood days.

"I TREATED YOU LIKE MY REAL BROTHER! WHY DID YOU, MOM AND DAD INCLUDED ME TO BE PART OF THE FAMILY! JUST SO YOU CAN EMOTIONALLY ABUSE ME MORE THAN WHAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH WHEN I WAS ABANDONED BY MY PARENTS?!" YN shouts and tugs the shirt aggressively at her brother who is the real criminal and the mastermind of one of the worst happenings existed in her life while the guards tried to seperate them apart from each other.

Based from the interview, they have learned that Insoo did it so that he can get rid of her stepsister for good. He never wanted a sibling to be a girl, but he had no choice before but to get along with his parent's plan to let YN in their family so that they could make their grandparents proud that they had finally found a granddaughter to cherish.

That's why when YN entered in their life, Insoo felt like everything has been disrupted for him, starting from his grandparent's attention, the priorities, and the popularity among others who knew about their family's background.

So he came up with a plan that perfectly describes his cold-hearted personality with a cruel intention... and that is to destroy YN and reclaim everything he lost. He was the man behind the hooded and tracksuit wearing figure caught in the camera invading the front of YN's house from the hidden smart cam in one of the houses in the neighborhood.

Unfortunately for him, karma always prevails in the end and that led him to replace the spot intended for him to receive in the first place, not by his innocent step-sister who did nothing wrong with him or even dared to try it.

Meanwhile at the prison camp, YN has finally said her goodbyes to all of the inmates she had gotten close to, including Officer Youngji and Detective Dahyun and Tzuyu.

She had one last person to see which she saved because she always thought that she is the best amongst everyone.

Chaeyoung was sipping on her coffee as she reviews all the punishment of the newly arrived inmates when she saw YN walking towards her, now wearing a civilian attire with a backpack behind her.

She didn't forgot that it would her release today, she just wants to distract herself from thinking about it because she couldn't help but to sad not seeing her frequently around here anymore but still, she's happy that she finally made YN get the fate she deserved to have.

"Officer Son", YN called her.

"What happened with our agreement that we shouldn't be formal with each other?"

"Sorry, but I just want to call you that one last time for me to say my farewell properly as your inmate." She chuckled, rubbing her nape shyly. Chaeyoung grinned at how cute she was.

"Goodbye, Officer Son." She bowed in front of her. Chaeyoung hesitantly did the same, as her smile was about to shrink, but not until YN followed up with one more thing to say.

"But... as for you, Son Chaeyoung, the one whom I met as my best friend in this crowded, unreal place, I have to tell you something that is much better than saying goodbye."

She reached for her hand and squeezed it. Chaeyoung just had the biggest blush and the fastest heartbeat she ever had in her lifetime.

"I'm in love with you. It sounds cliche, but I meant it with all my heart. You were the first one who kept me calm and fought through all my negative insights just to shed some light of positivity for me to realize that it's not over for me yet. As long as I'm living, there is no end until time says so, and I thank you for making me realize it again without denial. You gave me hope and chances I thought I would never get when I went through this state that I thought I lost everything meaningful in my life... but then it all changed when I met you. My life was all dark until you showed up, and it was all yellow because you gave it color."

Chaeyoung cried at YN's heartfelt and sincere message. She gripped her hand more, and she cuddled it near her face, allowing YN to help her wipe off her tears.

"Don't cry. I didn't say goodbye to you, Chaeyoung, because I knew this wasn't the last time we'd meet again."

She pinched her cheek before she started to twirl her body around and walk away from Chaeyoung, who was left blossoming and touched by the confession she had been waiting to hear.

MORE THAN A WEEK LATER

YN parked her car and greeted the guards before she entered the facility.

Bringing the gifts with her, she enthusiastically walked to the help desk to state her concern.

"Good morning, I'm here to visit Officer Son Chaeyoung, please."

"Oh, uhm... you're looking for Officer Son?"

"Yes. Is she here?"

"But... maam, she left the camp last week." The policewoman said. YN was surprised at the news.

"Wait, what? T-then may I know where is she stationed now?"

"No, maam. She wasn't moved. As far as I know, she resigned from her position."

YN's mind went blank as she became clueless on where she could find Chaeyoung and return to her as what she was aiming to do once she got released, with the problem being that she didn't get to save her phone number before she left.

Back at the new house where she's currently residing and start a new life being away from the reputation of her family, acquiring a new surname for her to use legally.

She went inside, and it was still the same; everyone was preparing for the party they organized for today.

"You're back! And... what's with the pout, bestie?" Chaewon asked Chaeyoung, pointing at her with a pack of spaghetti noddles she's holding.

"I didn't get to see her, Chaeyoung said lamely. "She wasn't working at the camp anymore."

"Ahhhh... okay." Chaewon nodded, looking uninterested at Chaeyoung's reveal. "Anyways, get some rest, and we'll be about to start soon." She quickly rushed to the kitchen.

"What's up with her? Does she care about me getting sad that Chaeyoung's not around anymore after all she has done for me?" YN muttered at herself before she slumped her body on the couch.

Half an hour later, the celebration for YN's new home began. Chaewon's family joined, and even Detective Dahyun, Detective Tzuyu, and Officer Youngji paid a surprise visit to check on YN and enjoy time with her.

YN appreciated their presence but the thought of missing Chaeyoung still couldn't make her be in ease.

She approached Dahyun, Tzuyu, and Youngji wjo are now eating their respective foods in one table.

"Uhh hey guys, I just want to ask if have you guys know where Chaeyoung lives?"

"Yeah, we do." Dahyun said. "Why?"

"I want to visit her. I went to the camp earlier and I just found out that she wasn't working there anymore so I'm just curious and concerned for her, you know." YN explained. "Can I get her address?"

"No, why should we?"

"Pardon?"

"Why should we give it to you? So you can waste your time finding her?" Youngji answered.

"Huh? Ummm guys, I don't know why you guys are acting weird too li-"

"Shush it, YN. Let us finish, okay?" Tzuyu interrupted. That effectively made YN quiet as she observed the strange acts of her friends. "Again, why should we tell you her address and let you waste your time looking for her when you can even meet yourself right here today?"

They all pursed their lips in one direction. YN furrowed her eyebrow before she turned around and followed what they were referring to.

Her eyes landed on the familiar figure standing meters away from her at the gate. It slowly walked straight towards her, which was then followed by her own footsteps.

They did it until they shrank their gap, where they can now see their faces closer and more visible to admire.

"Looking for me?" Chaeyoung smirked, her hand hands behind her back and stared deeply at the gasping YN who is seeing her in a different new look. "I'm sorry if i'm a bit late. I had to try some clothes in my closet."

She was wearing a red dress, black heels and a new short haircut which she stylized it with blonde color, looking even much mesmerizing than her being in her police uniform.

"Chaeyoung." YN breathily said. "I-It's fine, you picked the right choice and it looks perfect on you."

"Hi." She grinned brightly.

"I-It's fine, you picked the right choice and it looks perfect on you."

"I'm sorry too if didn't gave up an update about what happened to me. Well, I wanted to make my surprise live up to its term."

YN understood it. "Can you tell me now?"

"Ofcourse. If you are thinking about the possibility of it, then you are correct. I was resigned from my job."

"Why?

"I made a violation and the chief discovered it when somebody went to report at her that caught me involving myself in Dahyun and Tzuyu's investigation without permission. She gave me 2 months of suspension in return."

"B-but the helper said you were fired?"

"No, I didn't. Nobody except those three in the back knew about exactly what happened." Chaeyoung clarified.

"You only got suspended though, so why did you resigned?"

"I already achieved my dream, and 10 years of service was enough for me to step out. I just had another new dream to live on, so I sacrificed one for it."

Chaeyoung grabbed both of her hands and watched their own pairs lock into one another's touch satisfyingly. "I said before to myself that I would only do it when both of us are now free from anything.

Where nothing... can hold me back from telling you that I love you."

Chaeyoung held YN's back of her head and pulled it closer for her to press their lips together for a much-awaited kiss. All of their friends cheered at the back as they watched this happy ending that they were all anticipating.

"For the first time in my life, I had to let my heart choose itself what lies ahead of me, and I finally did it. I thought you'll be just like one of them who only cares about 'what' I am but never at 'who' I am but instead you turned out to be someone who made me feel how valuable I am by cherishing how small things I've done could mean a lot already to you even though I knew I could've done better. I got what I'm finding for, and it was something just like this, YN." Chaeyoung softly said, her hands sliding up and down on YN's shoulders. "I told you, I never fully regret what happened to me, because if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be able to meet the person who was ready to risk and join me wherever she wants to go. If that's what you desire... then I wouldn't mind follow you along, Chae." YN said heartfully. "Let's continue to make hopes and enter opportunities for the future together."

They both kissed passionately again with their own initiative, as it lasted a little longer than the previous.

Breaking their moment for a while, they nodded and grinned before deciding to return to their friends and join them celebrate this special day they're having.

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