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cissyenthusiast010155 · 2 years ago

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Infiltrate My Life ~Captain Phasma xFem Trainee!Reader

May the fourth be with you all!! I just needed an excuse to write another Fic for Phasma lol. Smutty Fic for Star Wars Day 😘🏳️‍🌈🖤

Mommy…Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: NSFW, 18+!!, implied masturbation, smut, thigh riding, spanking, spanking kink, mommy kink, implied pain kink…?, implied future smut, etc.

Enjoy (;

You barely dodged a yet another swing, that Phasma sent your way.

You two had been sparring for hours by now.

You looked at the clock and it read 11:30pm…

You were a panting mess.

While the Captain was still energized and swinging at you.

You had been assigned to her as your training mentor, and unlike a lot of the other senior imperial staff, she took it seriously.

Physical Training every morning at 4:30.

Dieted Breakfast at 8.

Stealth Training at 9:30.

Dieted Lunch at 12:30pm.

Weapons Training at 2:30.

Gear Analysis & Training at 4.

Dieted Dinner at 5:30.

Sparring Session at 8.

She worked you around the clock, and still managed to get all of her other duties done with nothing short of perfection.

~~~

When you had first met Phasma, you were immediately intimidated and a little scared.

And when they paired her as your mentor, you were at odds.

You had been picked up to be a covert operative, and the First Order had given you an Imperial Trooper Captain as your mentor…

But as soon as the Captain laid out her expectations, you quickly realized how serious and skilled she was.

She could without a doubt train an assassin.

~~~

Phasma threw another punch, but this one you didn’t dodge in time…

Her fist collided with your face, causing you to stumble back and fall on your ass.

You groaned in frustration.

You would never beat this woman…

“Again.” Phasma ordered.

You huffed, rubbing your nose slightly and then realizing your nose was bleeding…

Oh well…

you thought as you got back up, your breathing labored and your body sore and aching.

Again and again Phasma struck you down, until she had decided it was enough for today.

“You can go. I expect you here at 4:30am sharp.” Phasma commanded, before leaving you on the floor of the sparring ring.

You groaned again in frustration, smacking your hand against the mat in anger but quickly recoiling in pain.

You winced at your bruised hand, as images of Phasma pinning you down flashed in your head.

You sighed, feeling your core tense and heated as it usually was after your more intense sparring sessions.

You just couldn’t help it…

Sparring Sessions we’re the only time that Phasma ever took off her entire armor.

Or at least the only time in which you were ever present…

Every time she shoved you to the ground, brushed against your shoulder, pinned you to the floor, or just touches you in any way, sparks of electricity were sent or your core.

You knew this was dangerous…

This was not the business for developing feelings.

But you couldn’t stop what you felt.

So you suppressed it.

Unfortunately for you, that meant your mind only brought it up more…

So every night, once Phasma had ended your session, you were finally able to relieve the painful ache in between your legs before going to bed.

~~~

The next morning you dragged yourself out of bed and into your training clothes.

You were tired and your mind was still fuzzy.

Today was leg day, so your mourning training would be in the weight room.

No one was awake at this hour, let alone lifting weights, so you walked the corridors in silence, which made you only more tired.

You entered the weight room with a yawn to find Phasma in her sparring wear still, leaning against a wall with a wicked smirk on her face.

You closed the door.

“Your late.” She sneered.

“Sorry… What will it be this time?” You mumbled.

Whenever you were late, Phasma would punish you with intense physical regimes…

“Something new…” Phasma taunted with that devilish smirk.

“Ok…” you said, not understanding what was going on with her.

“You know, I have to do security camera checks every few months. I did one last night.” She purred.

This was a new tone…

“Oh?”

She didn’t usually make small talk…

“Yes… And I saw something interesting…” her eyes twinkled with a new, dark substance.

Your stomache dropped.

She knew.

She had to know.

You hummed in response, not being able to form any words as your mind was spiraling.

“So today, we will be trying out a new punishment…” Phasma tauntingly purred.

You gulped.

Her tone sent shivers down your spine and sparks to your core.

“Yes Ma’am.” you whispered.

“Oh no, that won’t do… What was it you called me last night and the many nights before that…?” She wickedly toyed with you.

She’s seen the other ones as well…

You were so Fucked.

“I asked you a question, trainee.” Phasma jeered.

“Mommy…” you whispered, eyes glued to the floor and an intense blush scoring your face.

But this wasn’t satisfactory for Phasma.

“Look me in the eyes when you tell me what you call me when your hand in inbetween your legs and your screaming my name in pleasure.” Phasma lustfully commanded, her eyes now completely dark with lust.

You whimpered and looked into her hungry, lustful eyes, “Mommy…”

Phasma hummed and proceeded to straddle a weight lifting bench.

“Bend over Mommy’s lap.” She ordered.

“I… what..?” You breathlessly stuttered.

Phasma darkly chuckled, “Make Mommy repeat herself again and your punishment will be far worse…”

You audibly gulped, making Phasma grin at the effect she had on you.

You immediately went over to her and practically collapsed over her lap, your wobbly knees giving in.

Phasma then pulled down your pants along with your knickers and spread your legs so that your ass was raised her for her.

“Count. If you stop, forget, or miscount, Mommy starts over. Understand?” She jeered.

“Yes mommy…” you whimpered, wiggling your ass slightly in anticipation.

“Already so needy aren’t you, slut?” Phasma tauntingly purred.

But before you could say anything—

Smack!

Phasma had smacked her hand against your ass, hard…

You yelped and jolted forward a bit, “Fuck! One…”

“One what?” She sneered.

“One Mommy…!” You immediately replied, hoping she still counted that.

Her hum of approval told you that it counted.

Whack!

“Two Mommy!!” you yelped, your ass turning a blush pink color.

Crack!

“Threeeeeee fuck Mommy…!” You groaned.

“Such a slut…” Phasma chuckled.

Thwack!

“Four Mommy please…!” You mewled, your ass approaching tomato redness.

“Begging will get you nowhere, not when your being punished…”

Snap!

“F…FIVE Mommy!!” you cried out, the sting becoming harsher.

“I can already see your glistening slickness, slut… Is that all for mommy?” Phasma taunted.

Smack!

“Six Mommy yes yes all for you…!!” you cried, tears starting to well up and trickle down your face.

Phasma hummed in delight.

Whack!

“Sev—Seven! Mommy please Im… I’m sorry please!!” You stuttered in a cry, burring your face in her lap to muffle your sinful sounds.

But Phasma was quick to pull your head back up.

“No no slut… I get to here you…” she wickedly purred.

Crack!

“Eight FUCK Mommy!!” you cried, your voice going shrill.

Wetness was dripping down your inner thighs at this point.

Thwack!

“GOD please Nine Mommy…!!” you screamed.

“God won’t help you now…” Phasma chuckled, “Last one if your good, slut…”

“I’ll be good so good please mommy please!!” You plead.

Smack!

“TEN MOMMY!!” you cried out.

Phasma then started to rub your red, raw ass lightly, causing you to let out a breath of relief.

She then lowered her lips to the shell of your ear and whispered,

“If you ever touch yourself without my permission again, I’ll bend you over my lap and spank you in the dining hall in front of everyone…”

You gulped.

“Yes mommy…” you choked out, your voice strained.

You squirmed in her lap, suddenly feeling extremely desperate and in need of relief.

Phasma darkly chuckled at your efforts, and she easily picked you up to straddle her thigh.

Instinctually, you bucked your hips against the blondes toned thigh.

But she stopped your administrations.

“Tell me what you want, slut…” she purred in your ear.

“Wanna Ride your thigh and cum on it… please mommy…?” You whimpered, desperate for some friction.

“Alright, slut… ride my thigh…” she permitted.

But you didn’t ride her thigh, no…

You rutted against her thigh.

Fast, sloppy jerkings of your hips as you desperately fucked yourself on her thigh…

You fell apart in minutes.

Your body spasming and collapsing on top of Phasma.

“Thank you mommy…” you mumbled.

Phasma chuckled and rolled her eyes, “If you ever call me that when it’s outside this scenario, I will kill you myself slowly and painfully.”

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sandersstudies · 1 year ago

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Vent post: currently my life looks like this.

I work 4:30am-1pm at my job that pays me actual money.

Saturdays are the only day that I have off every week because I’m contracted to teach class 10-11:30 which functionally looks like 9-12. Next semester I’ll start an afternoon class 12:30-2. (I’m compensated for this time.)

Three days a week I’m at the high school from the time school ends until 5 assistant directing their high school production. (I’m being paid out of the director’s pocket for this as the school is not compensating me until next year.)

Five nights a week I’m directing youth theatre for the community theatre 6pm-8pm (which functionally looks like driving there directly from the high school at 5 and closing up the building around 8:30.) (I’m compensated only by a grant that mostly goes toward covering set and costume expenses.)

And then I go home and pass out to wake up at 4.

I am exhausted. Wishing for $100,000 deposited into my bank account so I could quit my day job.

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walkingintheheartbreaksatellite · 2 years ago

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(They Long To Be) Close To You {1}

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Part 1- Sunflower Vol. 6

(No mention of pandemic.This starts as Harry writes Harry's house)Y/N lived a simple life. She worked and she loved what she did. She loved her family and she was happy. She didn't think she needed anything else. But one day, on a flight to a new adventure, she meets the one person she never expected to meet.

Fic warnings: mentions of past trauma, smut later, age gap (8 years), will leave warnings every chapter.

June 2020

It started in the early morning. 6:45 am to be precise. It was a chilly Gallup morning, and the balloons were going up, as they always did that early.

Leaving the house as soon as she could, starting the 20 minute drive to work like she did every day. Arriving at work with no problem, she was immediately called into her boss, Sofia's office.

"Y/N/N, could you come in here for a sec? And close the door?"

Y/N's pov

I slowly walked into Sofia's office, closing the door behind me and sitting down.

"Did I do something again?"

The older woman chuckles and shakes her head.

"No. But I wanted to talk to you. Do you remember when Alexander said we were expanding into Europe?"

I nod my head, briefly remembering the conversation.

"Well, they want you to go with a few drivers and go to London for a couple months to start up the first branch.Your position would be my current one. The company is paying for your living space and travel, you are responsible for anything else. Interested?"

Wow. That's... not what I thought she was gonna talk to me about.

"U-um yeah I'd love to! When do I leave?"

She smiles.

"At the end of the month. You'll be in charge of everything and everyone there. I know you'll do great."

I smile and thank her.

After that, the month flies fast. I pack what I need and it's shipped to my new flat and anything else goes into my mom's garage. On the day I leave, I meet the 2 drivers coming with me, Jackson and Adam, at the airport. At 4:30am.

It's already too early and I need coffee.

"You guys ready for this?"

The two men tiredly nod and we trek to our gate after checking our bags. After about 30 minutes we begin boarding our flight. The attendant scans my boarding pass and gives me a bright smile, definitely too bright for how early it is.m

"Miss, it seems you've been upgraded to first class due to availability. Enjoy your flight!"

Adam, Jackson and myself just share a look and proceed ahead. I find my seat and holy crap it's nice. They find theirs in economy and we part ways. I take my seat and pull out my iPad, briefly starting to get some work done. The plane takes off and soon we land in LAX.

The flight is a straight trip but I guess they had to pick up more people. I decide to put my work away and watch Demon Slayer instead. I pay no mind when I see from the corner of my eye, someone take the seat next to me. Jackson comes over to me to chat for a minute at that moment as well.

"Hey Y/N/N, do you have all the addresses for where we are staying? Ryan forgot to send it to us."

"Yeah. We're all in the same place, just separate units. We'll be fine."

He nods and then briefly looks at my screen.

"Really? Demon Slayer again?"

I flip him off and he laughs before he returns to his seat. After a couple minutes, the person next to me finally speaks up.

"Is it good? What you're watching?"

I take out my headphones and turn to the stranger, about to reply, when I see his face and my mouth drops.

"I-I um yeah, it is. I like it."

He smiles and holds out his hand to me.

" I'm Harry."

I smile and shake his hand.

I'm pretty sure he could tell I was shaking.

"I-I'm Y/N. I-It's nice to meet you!"

He laughs and I swear I could just die after hearing that sound.

"Y' must know who I am."

I nod and blush.

"I love your music. Always makes me feel better and brings a smile to my face."

He smiles.

" 'M glad to hear that. I love makin' music and gettin to share it. 'T means a lot t' me that it helps so many."

I nod and we talk for a bit.

I don't think I've ever actually had this meaningful of a conversation with anyone before.

"S'what are you watchin? Looks interesting."

"Oh, that? Oh it's just an anime that I like. I've seen it multiple times. I guess I just like watching it."

I giggle and he smiles, filling my stomach with butterflies.

"Would y'mind if I watched with you?"

I nod my head and hand off an AirPod to him, moving my iPad in the middle so we could both see and I hit play.

Somehow, through the flight, we finished season one and part of Mugen Train before we finally land. And I don't think I have ever been more disappointed. We both got up but before he walked away, Harry turned to me.

"I don't usually do this, but I want to see you again. Would y'want to maybe... exchange numbers? J-just as long as you promise not t'give it out...?"

Holy shit holy shit ho-ly shit.

"Y-yeah I'd love to! And I'd never do that! That's a betray of trust and that's one thing I refuse to do to anyone!"

He smiles and takes my phone, putting his number in it.

"Text me love. I would love t' get coffee with you sometime."

I smile and nod, waving him goodbye as I wait for Jackson and Adam to meet me up front. I see them come up and Jackson is grinning and wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Shut it Miles. I don't want to hear it."

The two men laugh as we make our way out of the plane to baggage claim. I look around briefly for Harry and obviously I don't see him, causing disappointment to show on my face. I decide to pull out my phone and text him.

Y/N- Hi Harry! It's Y/N!😊

H-Couldn't wait, could you love?

Y/N-I could've! I'm just waiting at baggage claim and the two idiots I'm traveling with are teasing me!😒

H-Yeah? That's not nice. Should I come steal you away?

Y/N-Ha! As much as I would love that, I have to get the three of us settled in and dispatch them. Maybe coffee tomorrow?

H-Sounds great! I know a great place! I'll text you the address! See you tomorrow,love!

Y/N-See you tomorrow❤️

>>>————————————->

Waking up early the next morning sucked.

My alarm wakes me up at 6:30 as-per usual, but my jet lagged body did not agree with the new time zone. I had worked late, only getting to bed at about 2am, which would've been 9am my time.

I get up and take a shower, the hot water only soothing my aching bones for a short time. I dry myself off and make my way into the bedroom where my unpacked suitcases remain. I start to open them, only grabbing what I need.

I pull out a bright floral sundress, a pair of strapped sandals and the only other purse I packed.

I quickly get dressed before doing my hair and putting on just a little bit of makeup when I hear my phone ping. I look down at it to see a text from Harry and I smile.

H- Good morning, Y/N! I can't wait to see you!Meet me at the Abbey Road Cafe. I'll be there waiting! x

I blush and finish up before grabbing my bag and leaving. It's only about a 10 minute walk to the cafe and I manage to get there without getting lost. I head inside and find Harry in the back at a table. He smiles at me and stands up and he gives me a hug.

"You look beautiful! I'm feelin' a bit underdressed!"

Panic flashes in my eyes and he shakes his head with a small laugh.

"I'm only teasing! Really, you look amazing. Shall we get some coffee? Thought we might get some brekkie too before heading off."

I smile and follow him to the register.

"Order what you'd like. My treat!"

I frown and start to argue.

"Oh Harry, I couldn't ask you-."

He laughs and shakes his head once more.

"You didn't ask, I offered. Please?"

I sigh and nod and turn to the barista.

"May I please get a hazelnut espresso with oat milk? And.. a breakfast croissant?"

She nods and typed it in to her POS before turning to Harry, who smiles.

"A black coffee please. And a breakfast croissant as well."

She nods and he quickly pays and we stand off to the side to wait for our order.

"So, how was your first day in your office yesterday? Get settled in already?"

I sigh and only shrug.

"I suppose so. It's so nerve wracking. I was kind of thrown into this and while I'm grateful for the opportunity, it's a lot more responsibility than I had before."

He nods and gives me a small pat on the back.

"I'm sure you'll get the hang of it quick, yeah? Y' seem pretty resourceful, like you catch on quick."

I plush and grip my bag in embarrassment. We get our order and sit down at the back table, talking as we eat. We finish quickly and dispose of our trash before heading out.

"So you haven't gotten a chance to see any of the sights yet, right?"

I shake my head with a frown.

"I'll be here for a couple months so I'll have time but I would definitely like to see them."

He smiles and nods.

"I had a thought- I know the big sites and exciting.. But would you like to see some of the hidden gems of London?"

My face lights up and I nod enthusiastically.

"Please! I'd love to!"

He smiles and holds a hand out to me. I blush and hesitantly take it, butterflies filling my stomach as he laces out fingers together. We take the tube down to Little Venice and my mouth drops at the view.

"I-I've never seen anything so beautiful before..."

Harry smiles and leads me down a pathway.

"I thought we could take a kayak ride. Is that something you'd want to do?"

I nod and smile. We head over to the dock and board one of the kayaks, sitting close together.

He holds tight onto my hand as we travel down the river, making small talk.

>>>———————————>

1 Month

The next time I'm able to see Harry in person, he's walking through the doors of my office building with a plastic bag in hand and a smile on his face. My eyes widen as he walks through the dark doors and into my small office, shooting up from my chair in surprise.

"Harry! What are you doing here? Did you not see my text about lunch?"

He smiles and nods as he sits down in the chair in front of my desk, dropping my bag on the mahogany surface.

"I did. You said you had too much to do. So, I brought it to you."

He opens the bag and begins to place containers on my desk before pulling out a few bottles of water, and to my surprise, a bottle of Dr. Pepper.

"Harry... Where did you go? This looks incredible!"

He laughs and shakes his head. He walks away for a moment, to the break room I imagine, before coming back with some napkins.

"I didn't actually. Went to Whole Foods and Sainsbury's and bought the ingredients. Took maybe 2 hours? Hope it tastes good, haven't made sushi in quite a while."

He hands me a pair of chopsticks and opens the containers, my mouth watering at the sight.

"California Rolls? How did you know?"

He chuckles and he takes a roll and dips it into the cup of soy sauce he brought.

"You mentioned it the other day that you were craving some. Thought I might make some. There's also some fresh fruit and veg. Some veggie pot stickers too. Oh, and how could I forget-."

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a small blue package. Oreos.

"Thought you could use these too."

He smiles and hands them to me with a smile and I blush.

"Are you a mind reader? I was just thinking last night how much I wanted some to go with my glass of milk! You are seriously amazing."

I'm not sure if I see correctly or not, but his cheeks tint as if he was blushing, and he lets out a small laugh. We continue to eat and chat until we finish. With a light kiss to my cheek, he leaves with plans to go to dinner later in the week.

4 Months

"Harry, really. Where are we going? It's 11:30! It's almost midnight!"

He laughs as he pulls me along the dark streets of London until he stops in front of a building.

"What is-."

I raise an eyebrow at him and he just shakes his head before opening the door and pulling me inside. He heads down a hallway and reaches a door, pushing it open before pulling me inside.

"A studio? Why are we here?"

He pulls me over to the grand piano in the corner and sits me down on the bench, before sitting down next to me.

"I just finished a song for the new album. I haven't played it for anyone outside of the band.. I wanted to play you some of it."

He turns to look at me and tears swell in my eyes.

"Really? You want to play it for me. I'd love to hear it."

He smiles and scooches up close to me before turning back to the piano. He positions his hands and begins to softly play and sing.

Holdin' me back

Gravity's holdin' me back

I want you to hold out the palm of your hand

Why don't we leave it at that?

Nothin' to say

When everything gets in the way

Seems you cannot be replaced

And I'm the one who will stay, oh

In this world, it's just us

You know it's not the same as it was

In this world, it's just us

You know it's not the same as it was

As it was, as it was

You know it's not the same

He removes his fingers from the keyboard and turns his head back to me, only for a look of fear to appear on his face.

"Why are you crying? Are you okay? Do you-."

I sniffle and shake my head before wiping away my tears with the sleeves of my cardigan.

"I-I'm fine. That was just-. That was amazing Harry. You really are so talented. That wasn't even the whole song and you already have me pulled in. It's gonna be an amazing album. Album of the year, I bet!"

He blushes and wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side.

"That's definitely too soon to think about. But thank you love, I appreciate you saying so. Now, how about a late night snack? Then I'll take you home?"

I giggle and nod before standing up. I hold my hand out to Harry and he takes it with a smile. We walk out of the studio hand in hand in the dead of night, only our laughs echoing the streets.

7 Months

"A movie? You want to go to the cinema?"

I nod with a big smile.

"I haven't been since I left home! I thought it would be fun! Please!"

I pout and he sighs before giving me a small smile and nods. I squeal and jump into his arms, laughing as he catches me.

"What movie did you have in mind?"

I loop my arm through his as we begin to walk towards the nearest theater and I think for a minute.

"I was thinking like an action movie. Marvel if possible. Ooo! Black Widow! Black Widow is in theaters!"

Harry laughs and wraps and arm around my waist as we continue to walk.

"I guess that's the one. You really that into Marvel?"

I give him a look of shock and almost disgust.

"Sir! How many tattoos do I have?"

"16..."

"And how many of them are Marvel tattoos?"

"4..."

I give him a nod and he bursts out laughing, squeezing my waist as he pulls me along.

"You're too much Y/N M/N, you know that?"

I laugh and nod as we walk into the theater.

"Ohhh I'm so excited! I'm still sad over Natasha so if this doesn't save my fragile heart, I don't know what will."

He laughs and we walk in, taking our seats.

>>>——————————>

"Okay, I'll be honest, that was an amazing movie."

I leap in excitement, struggling to contain all my energy as Harry laughs at my child-like nature.

"Amazing?! More like the best movie of the year! Kick ass cast! Florence was 100% the comedic relief I needed! But ooo that scene at the end! She's going after Clint! That's crazy!"

He laughs and pulls me to his side as we walk through the night, laughing and enjoying our time together.

9 Months

It's been a couple months since I met Harry. And everyday with him is amazing. We both work quite a bit but still manage to see each other a couple times a week. Earlier in the week, I received a phone call from one of the corporate bosses.

I've been instructed to go home soon. With the hiring of more staff, I'm not needed and they want me back in my old position... And now I have to tell Harry.

I'm waiting for him at our usual spot and I see him come up to me. I stand up and meet him halfway, walking into his warm embrace.

"Missed you love."

"Missed you too."

He caresses my cheek and kisses my forehead. I can only force a small smile.

"You okay, love? You look a bit down."

"Y-yeah I'm fine. But we do need to talk."

He looks at me with concern as I lead him to our table to sit down.

"So you know how I've been telling you how well things have been going with setting up the new branch?"

He nods his head in acknowledgment.

"Well... it's done. There's new staffing and multiple drivers... so they want me back home."

We sit in silence for just a minute.

"When... When do you have to leave?"

"In 3 days...Look Harry... I don't want this to be the end of whatever this is between us. I like you. And these past couple months? You've made me feel so alive. I've never felt this way before...I know this sounds corny but I don't want this to be the end if you don't..."

He pauses for a minute before he bursts out laughing, leaving me in shock and confusion.

"How do you always seem to take the words out of my mouth?"

He pauses for another minute before continuing.

" Of course I still want to see you. I love spending time with you, Y/N. We'll work it out somehow."

He takes me out of my chair and hugs me tight. He pets my head and I start crying.

"Shhh. It's okay love. M'not letting you go that easily. You're stuck with me."

I begin to argue with him, tears falling down my cheeks as my vision blurs.

"But I'm gonna be in New Mexico! And you're still trying to write your album!"

He gives me a soft smile and shakes his head.

"You're forgetting about something though."

I just look at him in complete and utter confusion.

Those are the facts though... how could I be forgetting something?

"How often have you FaceTimed your mum just this week?"

"I don't know- probably like a good couple dozen- ohhhh! Duh!"

He laughs and hugs me tighter, resting his head against mine.

"I know it's not ideal, but we'll make it work. And I'll come visit you of course. Can't go long without my muse, now can I? I'll never get the album finished without you."

I blush and bury my head in his chest, causing him to chuckle.

"I'm know you would do an amazing job finishing it. You don't need me for inspiration Mr. 'I like to write songs about sex'."

He chuckles and lifts my head up, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

"Of course I do. I've written 2 songs already. Because of you. So I definitely need you. Stop thinking so little of yourself."

I nod, tearing up a little.

"Will you come see me off?"

He smiles and lifts me up.

"You really think I wouldn't? I'd never give up the chance to see you, even if it is goodbye."

He kisses my nose, making me smile.

"Let's go get you packed up, yeah?"

He grabs my bag and leaves a tip for the waiter.

"Wait, you're gonna help me pack?"

"Course I am. Gotta get my time with you while I have you. And besides, we need to finish Edens Zero, don't we?"

I chuckle and nod my head.

As excited as I am to go home to my family and my regular day to day life, I hate that I have to do it without Harry there with me. These past couple months have been amazing and he makes everything more fulfilling.

Heathrow Airport

I woke up early this morning and I'm not ready to leave. Harry came to see me off though. I take his hand and pull him off to the side.

"Something wrong love?"

I take a long deep breath.

"No... I just. I want to tell you something. I want to get it off my plate before I leave... Harry... I love you. And I know this is probably way too soon to say but- I just wanted to tell you. And I totally understand if you-."

Before I can finish, he grabs my face and kisses me. I close my eyes and focus on the feeling of his lips against mine. After a minute or so, he slowly lets go and he lets out a light chuckle.

"Sometimes... I swear... you talk so much that no one can get a word in."

I blush and bury my face in his chest until he pulls me out and places his finger under my chin, lifting my head up.

"I love you, Y/N. I mean it."

I start to tear up a little.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"Dunno, because I am an angel."

He batts his eyes at me and flashes that smile that I love so much.

"Oh hush. I try to be cheesy and you decide to be cheeky."

He chuckles and hugs me, not letting don't let go until they call for boarding for my flight home. He kisses me once more and I let the tears fall down my face.

As soon as we let go, he wipes my tears with his thumb and smiles at me.

"Promise to text me when you're home?"

I nod my head and give him one last hug before I let go, letting the tears fall.

2 Weeks Later

Things have gone back to normal for the most part. I'm back to doing my old job. It hasn't been too bad. But I miss Harry like crazy. We FaceTime at least 3 times a day and talk on the phone almost every second.

He's been singing me to sleep recently and honestly I always wake up refreshed in the morning because of it.

Right now, I'm sitting at my desk, entering orders, when I see a name flash across my phone screen. I smile and answer.

Y/N- Well hello there, handsome!

H-Hi love! What are you doing later this week?

Y/N -Oh, you know, the usual. Working and going to my sisters this weekend, at least I think so. What are you up to?

H-Oh, you know, just planning a trip to go see my favorite girl this weekend.

My eyes go wide.

Y/N-REALLY?!

He laughs.

H-Really... Mum and Gemma wanna meet you. So... they were going to come with... if that's okay...

Y/N-I'd love to meet them! But isn't it too soon? I mean we haven't even made anything official...

H- That's what I said! But according to Gem, I refuse to shut up about you so they are insisting on meeting you.

I let out a little chuckle.

Y/N- I guess if I'm meeting them, you should meet my mom and my sisters..

H-We'll be in Thursday. I'm booking hotels for mum, Gem and Jeff.

Y/N-I'm sorry... are you expecting to stay with me?

H- I mean-

I let out a loud snort.

Y/N- I'm kidding. Of course you can stay with me. But it's only one bed so you can sleep with me or on the couch. I'll ask for Friday off and see if Sofia will approve it.

H-Don't worry bout that. We'll probably sleep Friday and explore later.

Y/N-Text me your flight details and I'll come get you Thursday after I get off. I can't wait to see you!

H- Me too love. I love you

Y/N-Love you too Harry.

We hang up and I get back to work, never letting the smile leave my face for the rest of the day.

>>>——————————->

What did you guys think? Let me know!

WC 4290

Tag List

@be-with-me-so-happily @swiftmendeshoran

@babyiamperfectforyou @freedomfireflies

@kaminokatiee @harrysmimi

@violetsandfluff @fruitmans @fruitmansrecs @strwbrrydaydreams

@rafaaoli @novalunosising

#walkingintheheartbreaksatellite #harry styles #harry styles x reader #fanfiction #wattpad #harry styles fanfic #harry edward styles #harry styles x reader fanfiction #harry's house album #solo harry #Harry styles fluff #Harry styles smut #harry styles x reader fluff #Harry styles x reader smut

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ivys-head-is-spinning · 26 days ago

Text

A cute little something I just wrote.

A day in the life of a student

It’s 7am. My alarm rings and I wake up, exhausted. I feel like I barely slept. Maybe I didn’t. I close my eyes again and set my alarm for another half hour.

It’s 7:30am and my alarm rings once more. I wake up this time and force myself to sit up as I sigh. I stand up and leave the comfort of my bed.

I throw on clothes, I force down breakfast, and I walk out the door.

9am, the bell rings and I want to go home. Gym first period. I’m too tired to put any energy into whatever we’re playing today.

10:20 am. the bell goes, I change my clothes, and it’s off to English class.

It’s 11am and I’m counting down the minutes to lunch. I don’t have any friends in this class and I’m starving. and bored. I sit and wait as time seems to still.

11:40 and I’m walking to where my friends and I eat. Suddenly my appetite is gone but I manage to eat. This way no one will think anything is wrong. everything’s so dull these days my noodles taste like nothing and my pudding has lost any sweetness. I listen to the conversations like an outsider, wishing I were anywhere else.

It’s 12:40 and turns out elsewhere is worse. I’m trying to answer this science question but the teachers moving so fast I can’t process what I’m reading and as I’m in the middle of almost, almost solving this problem, she calls on me. I admit to not having finished feeling like an idiot and she moves to the next, smarter person.

It’s now 2:30 and I’m falling asleep in my business class. 45 minutes and I’m free.

Finally. 3:15 and I’m free. But I’m not because I’m staring down 10 pages of homework and I feel my will to live slip away.

It’s 4:30 and I should do my homework but I’m too tired to move from scrolling through instagram and lying on the floor

It’s 4:45 and I need this work done

It’s 5:00 and I really should start before dinner

It’s 5:15 and I need to get up

And 5:30 and I just want to cry I’m exhausted and my stomach hurts but this homework needs to be done.

It’s 6:00pm I have one question done and it’s dinner time.

It’s 6:45 and my family is fighting and I’m trying to get this work done.

It’s 7:00 and I’m back on my phone.

It’s 9:00 and I’m finally done and I need to shower

It’s 9:30 and I’m picking out my clothes for tomorrow

It’s 10pm and I’m on my phone scrolling.

It’s 10:30 and I should get ready for bed

It’s 10:45 and I’m lying on my bed staring at the celling. I’m too tired to brush my teeth. I’m lonely. I’m tired. I’m done. I want to give up. There’s no point to any of this I’ll never be anything anyways. I’ll never be good enough.

It’s 11:30 and I get up and I get ready for bed.

It’s 12:00 and I get into bed. Either I fall asleep out of exhaustion or I lie awake for hours, trying to just get my brain to shut up so I can sleep.

It’s suddenly 7am and I have to do it all again

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djs-sideblog-for-pog-trains · 4 months ago

Text

Friends (that we made up for along the way) Chapter 9

heyyy. so i totally forgor i never posted everything i wrote of this? which is kind of wack? so. i had 2 more chapters in my pocket, ch10 feeling like an ending of sorts, but yeah. the last chapter? gordo has a breakdown. this chapter? eddie and duck gossip. and duck does smth nice.

@mean-scarlet-deceiver tagging u as thanks 4 the encouragement <3 and i cant rly remember who was super into being tagged for this fic

Characters: this chapter: Gordon (mentioned), Edward, Duck

Relationships: platonic gordon&edward a major focus, some possible allusions to 2x3, this chapter features edward&duck

Genre: Human AU, hurt/comfort

Chapter’s Wordcount: roughly 1800 words [under the cut]

Chapter Warnings: Food/eating food.

Chapter 9/10?

The next day, Gordon was back up and at work without a single word spared to the night before, despite how Edward tried to bring it up.

The new routine Edward had been enjoying recently, now that he didn’t exactly have (or despite his arguments, need) constant care, was that almost everyone had been dropping in on their breaks to check on him. It left Edward with a steady stream of visitors throughout the day until Gordon got home for the night.

Which was good, especially today, because it was going to give him something else to think about instead of sitting there, stewing over the night before like it would make a difference.

Thankfully, his train of thought was derailed by a cheery knock at the open front door.

“Hullo, Edward!”

Ah, yes, Tuesday, 10:30am. That meant it was time for Duck’s weekly visit.

“Hello, Duck,” he called warmly from where he was in the kitchen. “I was about to make tea!”

“Oh, lovely,” Duck smiled, pausing the doorway to take off his cap, a caketin tucked under one arm. “I’m parched.”

Edward laughed at him, and with Duck’s help set some of the nicer china out on the table for the two of them. Duck had revealed tin full of lemon cupcakes that he claimed Oliver barely had to help make (though Edward could tell their cooking apart fairly well by this point, and these had definitely had a very strong guiding hand from Oliver to not be bad).

“So,” Edward settled back in his chair as Duck poured the tea for them. “How’s working on the mainline again been treating you?”

“Well, it’s certainly been a while,” Duck rolled his eyes. “But it hasn’t changed. Same old fusspots bossing you around. Same old frantic, ever-shifting timetabling. It’s a wonder you don’t all fall over all the time.”

“I imagine it’s harder without… a couple of regulars,” Edward picked his words carefully as he accepted the cup and saucer Duck passed over. He took it from his friend just in time, as Duck seemed to flinch at the comment, before covering it up with a quick smile.

“Yeah,” he just said instead. “But we’re managing. Even if they all seem to want to run around like headless chickens instead of, y’know, working.”

Edward smiled, and sipped his tea, nodding his thanks as Duck took out one of the cupcakes and placed in on the little plate in front of him too.

“Tell me,” he finally said as Duck settled back with his own cup of tea. “How’s Gordon doing?”

“Gordon?” Duck echoed, pausing to muse over his teacup. “He… seems alright. A little quiet, I suppose. Looks tired, but he always seems to, nowadays. Why?”

“No reason,” Edward lied through his teeth.

“Eddie.”

Edward had chosen the wrong time to go for a drink. He choked on his tea, quickly setting it down as he cleared his throat, before shooting a look at Duck.

For most people, it got serious when the full names came out. For Edward, it always seemed to be the other way around. Though not many dared to pull the nicknames out on him; Duck was always that bolder sort of friend.

Duck shot him a look over the rip of his teacup in return, one that made Edward smile but also made him sigh tiredly, and his hands moved, needing to fiddle. He started to peel the paper off the cupcake on his plate as he formulated what he was going to say.

Duck watched him, sipped his tea, and waited.

“I’m afraid to say something,” Edward finally started, “because I know Gordon holds his… shall we say, image very dear, and you are most certainly prone to gossip.”

This time, it was Duck’s turn to look abashed.

Edward picked at the cupcake, watching it crumble between his fingers, before seeming to jolt back to himself.

“Sorry,” he shot Duck a hasty smile. “I… I have a lot on my mind.”

“I’ll say,” Duck set down his teacup. “You only go straight for character assassinations when it’s serious.”

And Edward snorted at that, but shook his head. “Can I trust you to keep a secret, Duck?”

Duck swallowed hard. “…I, uh… yes?”

“Oh, how you fill me with confidence,” Edward said lightly, before shaking his head and popping one of the larger chunks of the cupcake he’d incidentally torn off into his mouth, taking a moment to enjoy it before centring himself again. “I’m just… worried.”

“About Henry?”

“Of course. But also… well, about everyone, in that regard, but… in specific about Gordon.”

“Right.”

“Last night I saw the strongest emotional reaction I think I’ve ever seen out of him in years, maybe ever? And he refuses to talk about it.”

“How strong are we talking?”

Edward picked up his teacup again, rolling it carefully between his hands, debating whether he even cross this bridge at all.

One look at Duck’s earnest and serious expression was enough to sell him on it.

“He cried,” he said softly. “I think the stress of everything caught up with him, of the extra work and my accident, and Henry’s accident, and…”

Edward let out a sigh, trying to let the ever-present tension between his shoulders go with the release of breath.

“He cried,” Duck echoed. His eyes were wide.

“…And you know how Gordon is,” Edward reminded him sharply. “So, Duck, please-”

“I won’t tell,” Duck cut him off. “That’s a Great Western promise. I wouldn’t actually… Oh smokeboxes, that is a lot, isn’t it?”

“I’m afraid he might be hurting himself,” Edward said. The one thing about talking with Duck was he always felt he could speak freely, even if it might get repeated, though Duck was usually a fairly good judge of what should and should not be passed on. “…Taking on too much work, not getting enough sleep, not eating, constantly trying to take over from others. I think it must be because he doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt, but…”

Duck’s eyes went unfocussed, like he was quickly thinking back to the last few weeks.

“I’m afraid you might be right,” he agreed, his eyebrows furrowing. “That explains a lot. He’s been fairly short-tempered, too. I just assumed it was him being his usual cheery self, but… Hm.”

“Hm,” Edward echoed.

“I’ll keep a closer eye on him, then,” Duck nodded resolutely, before tapping the side of his nose. “Not a peep from me, though.”

“I appreciate that,” Edward said with a smile, and he took a moment to take another drink of tea. “I must admit it, I’m struck with particularly strong bouts of… well, I have no better word than helplessness at the moment. I can only heal as fast as my body can, but I just want to get back out there and be useful. At least you all can bury your worries in your work. All Ican do is sit here.”

“…Sounds excruciating.”

“Oh, it is,” Edward laughed, and with that sombre comment, it struck Duck just how much older Edward looked now from the first time he’d met him. “It is.”

--- --- ---

Upon returning to work later that day, Duck was crossing the platform with his head down, caketin tucked under his arm once more, mulling over the conversation he’d just had.

He was mulling over it so hard that he didn’t notice his direct collision course with the subject of his mulling. That is, in layman’s terms, he ended up bumping right into Gordon.

In Gordon’s defence, he looked pretty preoccupied as well, and now Duck had half-a-reason of knowing what with. Duck steadied himself on Gordon’s arm without thinking, shouting a little as his hat fell off his head.

“Oh!” Gordon exclaimed. “Apologies, didn’t see you down there.”

Duck would have normally taken that as a mild sort of insult. This time, he took a breath and let it slide off his feathers.

“Quite alright,” he said, as Gordon stooped to fetch his hat for him. “Can’t say I was looking where I was going either.”

Gordon handed it back to him, and Duck firmly reintroduced his cap to his head. Gordon then politely nodded at him and moved to step around him, and Duck was struck with the full-body urge to say something.

But what? He didn’t want to let the cat out of the bag, especially so soon.

“Hey,” he said instead. “Tell you what, you look like you could use a pick-me-up.”

Gordon paused, and shot him a very funny look.

“I, uh,” Duck fumbled. “I have, uh, these. Oliver helped me make ‘em, I made them for Edward for our morning tea today and he insisted I take some home.”

“Sounds like Edward,” Gordon’s lips tweaked up into the ghost of a smile. “How is he?”

“Well enough, all things considered,” Duck said, bobbing his head as he quickly cracked open the caketin again and offered its treasures to the big man before him. “Go on.”

Gordon looked down at the tin, before glancing up at him.

“Are you…?”

“I’m sure. And they do actually taste alright, I promise.”

Gordon almost smiled again, before hesitantly taking one.

“Um, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Duck smiled, putting the lid back on and tucking the thing under his arm again. He graciously didn’t mention he could hear the rumble of Gordon’s stomach from here. “And, um, thank you.”

“…You’re welcome?” Gordon looked confused, cradling the cupcake in his hands like he was half-expecting someone to take it away from him.

“You’ve been doing some of my jobs for me, while I’ve been, uh, preoccupied,” Duck scratched the back of his head and laughed as best he could. “Thanks. But I think I’m well enough to be back on my game. I’ve got it from here. But thank you.”

“…Okay,” Gordon said. “You’re welcome, then. And… um, yes. Okay.”

Duck gave him a salute and a grin that he hoped didn’t look as forced as it felt. “Well,” he said as brightly as he could manage. “I got a train in a few minutes. I better go make sure everything’s, uh, in order.”

“Of course,” Gordon replied, his eyes drifting to the baked good he’d been gifted. “Safe travels.”

“You too,” Duck nodded back. “Enjoy.”

And before this interaction could possibly get more awkward, Duck promptly turned on his heel and booked it as fast as social conventions allowed, only looking back from the safety of his own engine cab.

Gordon glanced around the platform, and seeing that no one was really watching him, peeled back the paper cup and taken a bite. And it was satisfying to see a ripple of poorly-hidden delight cross his face, before Gordon turned to walk back to his own train, and Duck couldn’t see him anymore.

Baby steps it was, then. He could do that.

#ttte #ttte humanized #ttte fic #ttte gordon #ttte edward #ttte duck #friends (that we made up for along the way)#friends (that we made up for along the way) chapters #dj's writing #me when the old men are awkward <3 #dfkgjhdfg augh im almost mortified to post writing again. anyway it's like midnight. here u go.

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up-in-space-reading · 4 months ago

Text

Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 9: It's Snowing

pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago

word count: 3458

warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff

read on ao3

Average Weekly Screentime masterlist

Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.

authors note: N/A

Unnamed Chat

[10:30am, Monday]

Jake: hey ter what do u do when ur scared

Terry: Um.. Terry: I don’t know if I’m qualified to give advice about this

Jake: idk if i can ask amy out

Terry: Ah, right. Now this I’m more qualified for Terry: If you think that taking a risk this big comes with not being scared at all then I’ve got bad news for you man

Jake: shit.. for real?

Terry: Real Terry: If you try and plan too much or overthink then you’re gonna psych yourself out Terry: Just ask her when you’ve got a moment alone

Jake: we just had a class together alone and then walked to the next class together alone.. Jake: and i still couldnt do it

Terry: Give yourself a pep talk right before you hang out and when you’re all pumped just go for it

Jake: hmm okay Jake: i can try

Terry: I don’t know what else to tell you, this isn’t a dip your toe in and check the water kind of situation

Jake: ur right ur right

Terry: Best of luck, it’ll be fine

Jake: thanks ter

Terry: And if it all goes wrong then you can listen to Taylor Swift and cry ;)

Jake: im gonna kill gina

He’d already spent all weekend making himself feel guilty that he hadn’t asked her out yet, and his determination was waning each day that passed. All of Saturday he kept thinking how he should’ve asked her on Friday, and how he should ask her today instead. Then when Sunday rolled around he kicked himself for not asking on Saturday, and over again by the time Monday came around.

The excuse he made was that he didn’t see Amy in person on the weekend, so how was he supposed to ask? He couldn’t text her, he was a gentleman and wouldn’t do Amy the dishonour of asking her out via text.

Sunday night he tried to hype himself up that he’d ask on Monday, then he saw Amy on Monday morning for their classes that day and once again the cowardice took over. They had come so far since their toleration of each other a year ago, Jake was so scared to ruin it all.

The two of them sat in their classes, Amy took diligent and detailed notes as per usual while Jake tried to keep up with her. But he couldn’t stop the smile creeping across his face knowing that Amy would automatically make a copy of her notes to give to him, and how he found hers to be less confusing than his own disjointed notes.

Everything was colour coordinated between topics and headings and classes, she would use the copier in the library so Jake had the pages too, she even started sending him the ones she typed up. He had mentioned once that he felt bad, like she was doing all the work and he just benefited from it.

“Notes are nothing, you have to actually complete all the assignments I’m just giving you the information told to us written down. Besides, I like doing it” was how she had responded matter-of-factly, as if it wasn’t the biggest thing in the world that she went out of her way to help him.

How he probably would need to repeat classes and would be stressed from head to toe if it hadn’t been for her just giving him notes. But the pages also felt like parts of her, her handwriting and always correct grammar. The colours of her specific highlighter set which Jake would borrow to colour in the pictures he drew in the corner of his copies when he was bored.

She had woven herself so easily into his life and Jake was in no way eager to untangle himself.

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[03:26pm, Monday]

Cameron: Phone break over Cameron: Back to the essay plan

Ferris: 5 more mins???

Cameron: You’ll feel bad about yourself if you don’t do it

Ferris: uuggghhh ur right

Cameron: I know I am, now look up from your phone and talk to me like a normal person

Ferris: u got it

“When was the last time you ate?” Amy asked seemingly out of nowhere when Jake had put his phone down.

“Uh I don’t know, like one-ish” Jake answered, confused.

“Have this” Amy reached into her bag and pulled out a granola bar, handing it to Jake.

He held it and just stared at it, unable to form words at the gesture.

“You focus better when you’re not hungry” She answered his unasked question while returning to her studying.

“Thanks” He said quietly, opening the bar and eating it.

He ate the granola bar and mused on the metaphorical weight of it. She had it in her bag just for him, he knows that because she doesn’t like this brand (he had to listen to the five minute long rant about it) so she had it just for him. She knew what helps him focus, although now his mind was transfixed on a damn granola bar so much he barely had room for essay plans.

Finally, after at least 20 minutes of mild crisis and definite overthinking he’d hyped himself up, Amy wouldn’t have brought a granola bar for nothing and she wouldn’t copy all her notes for nothing, and she wouldn’t help him for nothing.

She wouldn’t spend nearly five hours with him on a Thursday evening while they had dinner together and laughed and told stories for nothing. She didn’t even suggest inviting their friends to dinner.

Jake cleared his throat.

“Hey Ames, can I ask you something?” He tried to mask the nervousness in his voice.

“Yeah sure” She didn’t look up from her book but her pen did notably stop moving.

“I was just wondering if-“

He was cut off by the sound of a phone vibrating against the table, Amy’s screen lighting up with the contact name ‘Mom’. She quickly pressed a button to stop the vibrating and let the call go to voicemail.

“Sorry about that, go on” She said hurriedly, now looking at him directly.

“Um I was just gonna ask-“

Her phone started vibrating again, same contact name and Amy groaned in frustration this time.

“Sorry I’ve gotta take it, she’ll just call again if I don’t” She was holding her phone, annoyance written all over her face at having to take the call.

“That’s fine, go ahead” He smiled at her, not quite reaching his eyes, “tell her I said hi” He joked, making her laugh lightly before she got up and walked off to go outside, answering the call on her way out of the library.

Jake sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, he rubbed a hand over his face and groaned in frustration probably a bit too loudly for library etiquette. The confidence was gone, when she got back he was going to brush it off and move on.

So much for psyching himself up over a damn granola bar.

Jimmy Jabbers

[08:10am, Tuesday]

Pineapples: good morning sluts

Queen G: whats got u in such a good mood

Pineapples: idk just feel like today is gonna be good

Mr Grapes: Love that energy! Today IS going to be a good day

Four Eyes: Good morning!

RoRo: i am not on board with this energy

Queen G: yeah idk about this

Pineapples: u two are no fun

RoRo: good

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[08:55am, Tuesday]

Ferris: i hate to do this to u but im gonna be late to class

Cameron: Seriously?? Why??

Ferris: thought i had time to go get coffee but the coffee shop did not have time for me

Cameron: Fine, I’ll let the professor know

[09:10am, Tuesday]

Cameron: You can’t show up to class late bringing coffee for both of us!

Ferris: but i did and u cant do anything about it Ferris: and i havent gotten a thank u yet

Cameron: …Thank you Jake

Ferris: ur welcome! Ferris: now stop texting me ur distracting me

Cameron: Oh my god

She was embarrassed he had walked into class late, sat down next to her and handed her a cup of coffee in front of the whole class and professor. Amy didn’t want that kind of attention on her during class, the only attention she wanted was when answering a question correctly.

But she couldn’t stay mad for long, he had bought coffee for her too without her even asking. The coffee wasn’t the only thing warming her up on what was a severely cold morning, her heart over the moon at his thoughtfulness.

Jake wouldn’t have just bought her a coffee for no reason, right?

The lesson continued on and Amy was thankful for the distraction, getting to focus completely on her notes and the work assigned instead of Jake. Although, he was always there even if she didn’t realise it – the smell of his cologne mixed with coffee on his breath, his foot almost touching hers as they sat next to each other and the occasional bouncing of his leg which caught her eye.

They walked out of class together and as Jake told her about the coffee shop situation, she decided that today was the day she asked him out. She had to do it before she lost her nerve or was left alone long enough to over think and talk herself out of it.

She swore she was going to do it, they walked all the way to Amy’s next class together. He had just followed her there, despite not having the next class together. There was finally a break in the conversation.

“Uh Jake?” She tentatively approached.

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to know-“

His phone pinged with a notification, and she just about wanted to destroy every phone in existence.

“Sorry just a sec”

“No problem”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen quickly, eyes going wide as he began swearing under his breath.

“Shit, I’m late” He shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked back up at Amy, not noticing the way her next class were filing into the classroom, “What were you saying?”

He asked her to continue, and Amy wanted to so badly but he was late and she was nearing to be late. The moment had gone and she’d lost her steam.

“Don’t worry about it, get to class” She shook her head and smiled, trying to play nonchalant and being thankful that Jake didn’t seem to notice.

“Okay, see ya”

Amy said goodbye back as Jake started to rush away towards his next class, once his back had turned she deflated and sighed before walking into her next class. Once again, grateful for a distraction from Jake.

To make Amy’s luck even worse, her and Jake didn’t get a moment alone for the rest of the day. Charles joined them to study and then he and Jake had dinner together – Amy was invited, but after the failed attempt earlier that day she wasn’t in the mood to socialise.

That evening instead of studying she spent her night getting lost in a book, a romance one where she childishly pictures her and Jake in the positions of the main characters. She goes to sleep hoping tomorrow she’ll have the courage to ask him- tell him how much she wants to be with him.

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[08:35am, Wednesday]

Ferris: hey uh will u have a spare minute at all today? Ferris: i know we dont usually study today but yeah

Cameron: Um I’m not sure, I have a few classes and then I’m having a meeting with one of my teachers

Ferris: meeting??

Cameron: I wanted to discuss some of the syllabus for this semester and this is the first chance she’s been able to fit me in since we got back from holidays

Ferris: ah ok fair enough

Cameron: Why do you need a minute? Is something wrong?

Ferris: no nothings wrong i was just wondering :)

Cameron: Okay, have a good day!

Ferris: i will try

As it turns out, Amy didn’t have a spare minute all day.

Jake was fidgety all day, he had woken up and decided once again that today was the day he was going to ask her out – but he’d thought that for the past two days and so far hadn’t been successful so the hope was dwindling.

He ran into Gina at the coffee shop who said he probably didn’t need any more caffeine judging by how nervous he looked.

“What do you mean?” He asked with an offended look on his face.

“You have the same look on your face when we’re in line for a rollercoaster” She had responded.

“How do you even remember information like that?”

He order was called out and Gina waited until he was standing next to her to answer.

“Because I’m a good friend and you always look so scared before a rollercoaster it’s a bit funny” She smiled deviously upon saying her last point, “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

Gina’s order was called before he could answer and when she had picked it up she dragged him to sit down at a table together, Jake has resigned himself to the notion that he wasn’t getting out of this conversation.

“So spill, you never keep secrets from me” She punctuated her sentence with a sip of her drink.

“I know but I dunno if I wanna tell you this one… yet” He fidgeted with his cup on the table, not being able to hold eye contact with Gina for too long.

“Alright fine. It’s nothing bad, is it?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No it’s not bad, it’s actually pretty good but I’m just feeling… a lot” He had trailed off, unable to find a better word for the tornado of thoughts and emotions he felt on a daily basis.

“Well I’m here whenever you need” There was a few moments of silence between them as Jake gave Gina a smile that showed he understood her.

“Now that the gross stuff is out of the way I gotta tell you about my date on the weekend”

“I don’t know why you dragged yourself into Sasha’s business but I need to hear all about it-“

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[05:25pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: hope ur day hasnt been too hectic :)

Cameron: It kind of has unfortunately Cameron: Sorry for not being able to chat more

Ferris: thats okay

He was lying on his bed and wondering what to do, he hadn’t seen her all day or spoken to her much and it made him miss her. Finally, he was fed up with being scared, Jake gave himself a pep talk.

You’re gonna tell her and it’s gonna be fine. If she doesn’t like you back then that’s okay, you will just pretend it never happened. If she does like you back then… we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it. You are not a coward, you aren’t your father, you can ask out the girl you like. It’s not even that big of a deal- except that it kind of is- but it isn’t so its fine. You can do this Jake Peralta, don’t be a coward.

A newfound excitement surges through his body and without much further thought he’s slipping his shoes on and leaving his dorm in a rush. He all but runs through the building to get outside, hoping the frosty air will cool him down a little as adrenaline pumps through his veins.

He exits the building and the first thing he notices when he gets outside is that it’s snowing, lightly falling and probably getting caught in his hair. He pays it no mind as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and begins typing furiously, not bothering to look where he’s going – he knows the way to Amy’s dorm like the back of his hand.

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[06:23pm, Wednesday]

Ferris: r u in ur dorm? Ferris: can i come over? Ferris: draft message: plea

He wasn’t able to finish his frantic messages as he bumped into someone also walking down the path looking at their phone. Without thinking Jake’s arms go to steady the person he bumped into, ready to apologize profusely and keep speed walking to Amy’s dorm.

Upon looking up at the person who’s shoulders he now had a hold on he realised he’d bumped right into Amy. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold, a scarf wrapped around her neck and Jake noticed how pretty the snow looked as it fell into her hair.

She instinctively reached out for him to steady herself, her hands settling on his biceps and Jake felt like his skin was on fire despite the harsh cold. Amy breathlessly said his name as they stood there holding onto each other and not moving.

“Where were you-“

“What are you-“

They had both started speaking at the same time and then stopped to laugh at the mistake.

“I was on my way to your dorm” Amy spoke first.

“I was going to your dorm” Jake responded in slight disbelief.

Her eyebrows rose in surprise at his explanation, and her lips were slightly parted as if about to say something but not knowing what.

“Why?”

That was the response she had finally settled on and Jake swore there was a look of hope in her eyes, her hands holding onto his arms just a little bit tighter. He knew it was now or never, and how could he lie to her any longer. Amy was all he wanted.

“I was coming to see you, to ask you on a date, and- if you’d be interested- ask if I could be your boyfriend”

It was rushed and frantic sounding, but Jake smiled the whole time because it was finally happening and as he said it Amy’s face didn’t turn into one of disgust but something softer – one of relief and joy.

“That’s a bit of a coincidence then” She joked, earning a laugh from the both of them.

“Oh” was all Jake could manage in that moment, trying to process how Amy was on her way to ask him out.

He immediately felt so silly for all the hesitation and trepidation he had been feeling, he was scared for nothing. Amy liked him back, Amy had been rushing to ask him the same question he wanted to ask her. He wasn’t being rejected.

“Well in that case-“ He was able to speak now that his brain had caught up, and pretended to kneel down, Amy still holding onto him.

“Don’t you dare kneel” She scalded him, but there was no bite or malice behind it as the smile spread across her face gave her away.

Jake laughed and stood again, using his hold on her shoulders to bring her closer and carefully sliding his hands down to her waist.

“Amy Santiago, will you do me the pleasure of being my girlfriend and going on at least one date with me” He looked into her eyes, trying to stop tears of joy welling up in his.

“Jake Peralta, I would love for you to be my boyfriend, and I will happily go on a million dates with you”

They both laughed again as Jake brought his forehead towards Amy’s, touching lightly with their noses so close he could feel the heat coming off her. He didn’t know why they were laughing, nothing particularly funny had happened but he supposed this is what it’s like to be so happy you don’t know what else to do.

But he knew what else he wanted to do.

“Can I kiss you now?” He asked quietly, so only she could hear.

“Please” Her response was immediate, no hesitation and Jake could only guess she had been waiting a while for this moment.

He leaned in and pressed their lips together, and it was everything Jake had imagined it to be. Her lips were soft and she tasted like how her lip balm smelled. Amy’s arms moved to wrap around Jake’s neck as she fully leaned into him, while his wrapped around her back to hold her even closer.

Jake could feel her smiling into the kiss and couldn’t help but smile back, when they finally pulled apart he was out of breath and trying to figure out whether it was all a dream.

Amy placed one more kiss to the corner of his mouth and finally Jake could confirm it wasn’t a dream.

authors note: Another chapter out so quick because the passion with which i wrote this section is craazzyy! last chapter i said there would probably only be one more but that was a lie! This is probably the second last chapter and i'll have one last one to wrap it all up!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was so fun to write and i'm really happy with it! Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos - i'll have the next chap up as soon as I can <3 <3

#alice writes #jake peralta x amy santiago #jake peralta #amy santiago #gina linetti #rosa diaz #charles boyle #fluff #college!au #bisexual!jake peralta #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #multi chap #average weekly screentime

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bristolianbackpacker · 7 months ago

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Day 2 - Buenos Aires

Ben wakes up at 4:30am but Jack manages to sleep until a more respectable time. First stop of the day is to go to Western Union to collect some Pesos. The money situation here is complex and bizarre but basically because of the high inflation and Argentinians distrust of their own currency they have limits on how many USD they can buy. This has created a black market (called the Blue Dollar) for exchange which charges them a higher rate but works out good for tourists. Rather than doing this and having to bring USD notes we opted for a Western Union transfer which currently gives an even better rate than the Blue Dollar.

Once we managed to find the store we collect our wads of notes and stash them in our backpack and head off to try and buy a Subte (subway) card. This proves more challenging…the station has run out and we need to get to the city for our 10:30am walking tour. Overhearing our confusion in trying to understand the station staff, a kind stranger helps us out in translation. It turns out we need to walk 4 blocks to another station, and the kind stranger who lives in New York but is originally from Spain is also heading to the same walking tour and needs a card too. So we head off with our new amigo on a mission to find one of these elusive cards. 20 minutes and multiple enquiries later and having paid more than we should have we are finally proud owners of a Sube card.

We make it to the start of the tour Teatro Colón - a very impressive building. This is more the Buenos Aires I was expecting. Our excellent guide takes us on a three hour walking tour of the Recoleta and Retiro areas…some of the wealthiest areas of the city that were developed during the early 1900s. The architecture continued to impress with all of the palaces from wealth aristocratic families lining the streets.

We have a 90min stop for lunch before our second walking tour this arvo - perfect for a long lunch we think. There is a restaurant near to the end of our tour that was recommended to us so we head there. We opt for the set menu lunch - red wine, empanadas, a spring salad, coffee and ice cream.

After an hour we realise that 90mins is not that long to get through all of that and we rush down as much ice cream as we can fit before dashing for a bus. Everything in BA seems quite spread out and taking the Subte isn’t usually the quickest method. We wouldn’t normally opt for a bus but it’s apparently quicker than an Uber, the traffic is heavy and there is a protest near the end of the trip against privatisation of the biggest bank. Whilst it seems quite big it’s nowhere near as big as the one a few days earlier related to cuts to public education that drew 500k people onto the streets. We end up being 10mins late but they haven’t started yet.

The afternoon tour is quite different to the morning tour - it starts at Congress and covers Palacio Barolo, Evita, the Mothers of Plaza de Mayo (who bravely protested against the military dictatorship to find answers on their missing children), the Argentinian economy & political situation and ended up at Casa Rosada (Pink Government House).

Lots of steps later and still jet lagged so we needed a nap to be able to make it to dinner at a respectable time in Argentina.

We head out for dinner in Palermo at 9pm and have our first steak. It’s easily one of the best steaks I’ve had. It comes with egg, provolone cheese, potatoes and other fried veggies and a salad. All washed down with a bottle of Malbec. Not the healthiest dinner but delicious! We go to pay the bill but I’ve realised that I brought $10,000 instead of $100,000 so onto the credit card it goes - oops.

Next we head to a bar where we bumped into a guy from our afternoon tour - another New Yorker! After chatting for a while we don’t get back home until 1:30am 😴😴😴

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just-an-english-guy · 2 years ago

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Top Surgery/ Recovery Experience

I’m currently 3 days post-op from having peri with Mr Kneeshaw and his team in Hull so I thought I would write about my experience. This is everything that happened across the last 4 days from travelling up to Hull to surgery and my stay in the hospital to the journey back home. Apologies for weird layout, I’m on mobile.

I was scheduled for surgery on the 8th of March at 7:30am so my partner and I travelled up the day before by train and stayed in the Ibis near the station. We arrived at about 9:30pm as we left Cardiff at about 4pm due to me only being able to get a partial day of work. The train journey up wasn’t too bad, we had reserved seats that were close to each other (not always next to each other due to how busy it was but that was ok). We made sure to pack everything into one suitcase, one backpack and one small gym bag that was used as my overnight bag while in the hospital so that my partner could carry everything back on his own after surgery. As I wasn’t allowed to eat anything past midnight we stayed up pretty late to eat before going to bed. I was also rather anxious too so I wouldn’t have been able to sleep right away. Ive never had any kind of surgery before so I was worrying about what could happen and what it would feel like for a few days before which lead to several nights of not sleeping well.

On Wednesday we woke up at 6am, I had my final shower for a few weeks which I did take my time with and savour. It's only been 3 days so far and I already feel disgusting even though my partner has been helping me wash with baby wipes every morning since getting out of the hospital. Since my overnight bag had already been packed I didn’t need to do much in the morning except make sure my phone charger was added to it. In the end, I only ended up taking my dressing gown, slippers, a pair of joggers and a button shirt to wear as pyjamas and my phone charger. We left the hotel a little later than we had planned so we had to run to the bus station so that we would get the bus in time.

Hull does have a lot of buses that go to the hospital which is very good. We got on the 105 at 6:40 and we ended up getting to Entrance 2 of the hospital at about 7:10. We had to ask where ward 16 was at the main reception as the signs didn’t really make it clear but it wasn’t far and we arrived at the ward at about 7:20am.

Once we arrived they showed us to my room. They are all privet rooms with their own bathrooms which is very nice. While we waited for Mr Kneeshaw and his people to come to see us several nurses came around with things for me. They gave me a gown and a pair of compression stockings, and then someone came over with the evening meal menu for me to select what I wanted to eat in the evening. The food options were more extensive than I was expecting which was nice. Mr Kneeshaw came round shortly after to talk me through the procedure and to draw on me. We agreed on my nipples being in a slightly lower position than the average cis guy's nipples as my nipples sat kinda low anyway. I knew this would be happening when we discussed it in my initial consult back in August 2021 and I'm happy with it since it's not a big deal for them to be slightly lower than average to me. I then got changed into the gown and stockings and a nurse collected me from my room at 9am. They let me keep my own underwear on with the gown which I was thankful for. My partner left the hospital when I was taken down to the theatre as he wasn’t allowed to stay while I was in surgery. He got the bus from the hospital back to the hotel and waited for me to let him know I was awake.

When they took me down I had to sit in a little waiting area for a few minutes while they got my paperwork. After confirming my name, date of birth and allergies for the 10th time that morning they took me into the operating room. It was very cold there. I was in a thick fluffy dressing gown and I was still starting to shiver. They got me to lie on the table and gave me a warm blanket so that I wasn’t as cold. The people were all lovely and chatted with me as they got me prepped for surgery. They put a sticker on my glasses so that they knew they were mine before taking them off me. The anesthesiologist put the cannula into my hand which didn’t hurt that much but still wasn’t pleasant and then they gave me the oxygen mask and told me to take some deep breaths. Apparently, the anaesthetic was a multiple-part thing but I only saw the first part get put in as I was unconscious before the guy could even finish his sentence about what he was doing.

I woke up in recovery at 12:30 roughly, there was a clock on the wall in front of me so that was the first thing I saw. People are right when they say it doesn’t feel like any time had passed. It felt like I had blinked and, at that moment, had gone from the operating table to a bed in recovery. It was a little disorientating but since it had already been explained to me that’s what it would be like it didn’t take long for my brain to catch up. When I woke up I wasn’t in pain at all and I didn’t feel sick either, something they told me would likely be a possibility. I just felt a little sleepy. They took me back up to my room not long after I woke up and gave me my phone as I had left it on the bedside table. I text my partner to tell him I was awake and that he could come and see me now. Because of how far away we were staying and the bus times (it takes 40 minutes roughly for the bus to get from the bus/train station to the hospital) it took him about an hour and 15 minutes to actually arrive but that was ok because I knew he would be on his way so wasn’t worried. After texting him I called the nurse to help me get up to use the bathroom. As it was my first time standing after surgery she helped me get up off the bed and into the bathroom. I felt a little weird about having her there while I used the bathroom so I told her I would be fine on my own and she agreed to wait outside to help me back into bed after. It was difficult at first trying to sit down on the toilet since my legs felt really weak and I couldn’t put any pressure on my arms either to help lower myself. I got there eventually though and it was easier to get up after than it was to sit down. The nurse helped me back into bed and I slept for the remainder of the time before my partner arrived. About 5 minutes before he turned up a nurse came in to check my blood pressure, temperature and pulse rate so I was awake when he got there. Oh, I should mention that when I got up to use the bathroom they gave me two fabric bags to put the drains in and hang around my neck. These make walking around a lot easier.

Mr Kneeshaw and his team came to see me at about 4pm. He very briefly undid the post-op binder to check my chest was ok and he even quickly took a picture for me. I asked since I couldn’t get the angle myself to do it. After that, he put the binder back on tight and told me I couldn’t take it off at all now until my drains came out the next Friday. He said that everything went well with the surgery and looks good so left me to rest for the evening. Roughly every 2-3 hours someone would come in to check my blood pressure, pulse rate and temperature, this continued all the way through the night altho I didn’t mind too much as they were always polite about needing to wake me up.

After Kneeshaw had left, now that the binder was on slightly tighter than it previously had been I felt a little bit of pain down the centre of my chest. The nurses gave me paracetamol but told me I could have tramadol too if the pain got any worse. Luckily it didn’t and the paracetamol was all I needed. My partner stayed until about 6pm and then left so that we could both get some sleep. I spent the rest of the night in and out of sleep with the nurses coming in every few hours. At one point in the night, at about 1am I thought I could feel liquid dripping down both my sides so I called for someone to check I hadn’t dislodged a drain. I couldn’t feel any pain though but at the time I thought that was because whatever pain medication they gave me in the operating room was still in my system. Two nurses came to check on my dressing and it turned out it was just sweat I could feel and my drains were perfectly fine. The room was incredibly hot in the hospital and the blankets they use are extremely good at keeping you warm. No matter what I did in the room I was still too hot so in the end, I had someone turn the fan on and then I used the blanket to cover me from the waist down only so that I could sleep without melting.

I was woken up again at 6am by someone who emptied my drains for me. He did show me how to do it but because I was still half asleep I wasn’t really paying attention. At roughly the same time another person wanted to check my blood pressure again and after they had both left I went back to sleep. I was woken up again at 7:30 by someone letting me know breakfast was on its way and asking what I wanted. I ended up having a bowl of Weetabix at about 8am with a glass of milk. After I had finished my breakfast I went back to sleep but that didn’t last long as at 8:45 roughly I was woken up again by another nurse wanting to change my bedsheets and give me a fresh gown. I got the option to stay in the bed while they changed sheets or sit in the chair, I opted for the chair as I could walk around a little anyway and staying in the bed just seemed like it would be weird and uncomfortable. The nurse helped me get my slippers on and get into the chair before she changed all the sheets for me. She also helped me into a clean gown which I am thankful for as moving my arms wasn’t very easy at the time. I slept again until Ralph, one of Mr Kneeshaw's team came in to check on me and see if I could be discharged. He said that everything looked good and I could go back to the hotel when I was ready.

Because of the way the hotel bookings worked we had to change hotels on Thursday as the Ibis didn’t have any space for us for Thursday night. The split booking was the cheapest way to do things and since travelling alone was costing a fortune we decided this was the best way to do things. Due to the difference in check out/ check in times my partner was set to come to the hospital with all our bags at about 12 and then we would be able to check in to the new hotel at 3pm. When I explained this to Ralph and the nurses they said It was perfectly fine to wait until the afternoon before leaving and I couldn’t leave without my partner coming to get me anyway.

My partner arrived shortly after 12. He helped me eat some lunch as I was still having trouble lifting my arms enough to reach my mouth with a fork and then he helped me wash with baby wipes and get changed into the joggers and shirt I had bought with me as pyjamas since I never ended up using them as such and just stayed in the gown while in the hospital. I asked for someone to come and show us how to empty & reseal the drains again as I was half asleep when they did it in the morning and my partner needed to know anyway. After we were shown that they handed me my discharge papers, an information leaflet about the drains, a sick note to give to my work and a feedback survey to fill out. I completed the survey while my partner made sure everything was packed up and then we left. We got a taxi down to the hotel as we both thought getting on the bus might have been too bumpy for me to handle at the time which im grateful for.

We checked into the Gilson Hotel, close to the train station when we got back to the city. I hadn’t really looked up the hotel before booking it as my only priority at the time was making sure It was close to the station and cheap. It had stairs leading from the entrance door to the reception, with no lift. While not ideal this wasn’t too much of a problem as I could walk up the stairs, I just had to do it slowly and one step at a time with a little pause in between each one. There was a lift from the reception to the other floors though which was good. We were on the 2nd floor but since there was a lift it wasn’t an issue. I didn’t know the layout or design of the hotel before I booked it and it turned out that there were two steps in order to get up to the hotel door from the hallway. Again not ideal but not a massive problem for me. This hotel definetly isn’t accessible though.

Sleeping in the hotel was a little difficult, the bed was low down which was great for getting up and down for me since I am rather short but it also had really thin pillows which made it difficult to prop myself up. We ended up using 3 pillows to create a slightly slanted back rest against the headboard, rolled up my jacket and put it under my left elbow to keep my arm propped up since that was the only comfortable position for it that didn’t hurt and I used only my dressing gown to cover me up since the hotel room was even hotter than the hospital room was.

After a somewhat uncomfortable night where I only slept for about 4-5 hours I woke up and my partner helped me empty my drains at roughly 8am. We were told to do them once every morning at roughly the same time and keep track of what comes out so we measure the ml of each one with a little jug and keep a note of it. We had breakfast and then discovered that the snow had caused mayhem with our travel plans.

We needed to be back in Cardiff by 5pm as we had a house viewing scheduled (I know, it’s a really awkward time to be doing this but our Landlord gave us notice to leave on the 28th Feb so time isn’t really something we have on our side for this situation. We did try arranging the viewing for before we left but unfortunately that just wasn’t possible). Anyway because of the time restraints and our tickets being valid only on off-peak trains we had planned to get the 10:23am train which would have gotten us back in Cardiff at 3pm. Unfortunately, this train was cancelled and the train before it wasn’t considered off-peak so we couldn’t get on that one. This meant that we had to get on the 11:26am train from Hull and that we had lost our reserved seats. This wasn’t ideal but it would still get us back just before the viewing so that’s what we did.

Since it was such a long trip the journey was split into three trains; Hull to Sheffield, Sheffield to Bristol Parkway and then finally Bristol to Cardiff Central. Hull to Sheffield was fine, we sat in priority seating since I struggled to walk long distances still at this point and definitely couldn’t stand up for long periods of time. The plan was to do this all the way back to Cardiff however unknown to us at the time a lot more trains had been cancelled which caused issues later down the line. Sheffield to Bristol was packed. I mean truly rammed. When we got on people were already standing in the walkways because there were no seats. Since I needed to sit down my partner had me get on the train first and basically b line for a carriage to find a seat. When I got on there were no seats at all. I tried asking several people who were sitting in the priority seats if they would mind giving up their seats for me and explained my condition and that my original train had been cancelled so I no longer had reserved seating. No one would allow me to sit. My partner was still out in the walkway by the doors with the bags since he couldn’t get through, not that there would be much point anyway. After asking a few more people if I could have their seat and being told no the train started to move so I gave up trying to find a seat and shuffled back to my partner. He wedged our suitcase between the wall and one of the internal carriage doors and had me sit/lean on that while keeping his arms around me to stop anyone from knocking into me while the train was moving. After about an hour a lady who was also in the doorway section with us spotted someone getting up from their seat in the other carriage to get off at the approaching stop and told us so that I could go and sit down. By the time I had gotten there though someone else had sat down in that seat and put headphones in. Luckily another lady offered me her seat when I explained that I had just had surgery and needed to sit down. I was very thankful to her and we chatted for a bit. The seat turned out not to be her reserved seat either so she warned me that someone might try to claim the seat later. When the train got to Birmingham a lot of people got off and I saw the display screens say there were two available (not reserved seats) opposite the aisle where I was so I decided to move into one of them so that there wouldn’t be a problem if the person who’s seat I was in did actually come to claim it. Since so many people got off my partner was able to make his way into the carriage now and I text him to let him know the seat next to me was available and asked him to bring some painkillers as I was in quite a lot of pain at this point. He came and sat down and gave me the tablets and then a lady came by claiming I was in her seat and that I had to move. I was a little out of it because of the pain I was in so all I managed to say was that I couldn’t move as I had surgery. The lady wasn’t happy with this and insisted it was her seat, even though there were many other empty seats in the carriage. My partner looked at the display unit and pointed out that it was still showing as not reserved and then when that didn’t seem to change the situation he lifted one of my drains out of the cloth bags the hospital had given me and showed it to the lady saying again that I had just had surgery and there was no way he was moving me now. She went to sit in one of the other vacant seats after that. It was a pretty easy journey from then on. I was in a lot of pain though from when I had been standing up so I had more painkillers and then ended up sleeping for a good chunk of the journey. My partner woke me up a little before our stop in Bristol and then helped me off the train. Bristol to Cardiff was pretty uneventful, we sat in priority seats again and it only took about half an hour to get to Cardiff. We got an uber home from the station since we were both very tired after the day of travelling.

I have to keep the drains in until Friday next week when I go back to hull to have them taken out. The post op binder has to stay on for 6 weeks however after the drains come out I will be able to remove it for a few minuets every couple of days to wash, whereas right not I’m not allowed to remove it at all. I was told I could return to work after two weeks and could drive again after the 2-3 week mark if I felt like I could handle the seatbelt against my chest. I can also start exercising again lightly after 6 weeks.

Recovering is going to be a long process but I’m so glad this finally happened. I’ve been waiting over 4 years since I was first referred for top surgery and honestly it was worth it. I feel so happy that it’s finally here.

#ftm #transgender #transman #transguy #personal #top surgery #mr kneeshaw #top surgery results #top surgery recovery #my experiences #trans #trans man #gay ftm #ftm transgender #transmale #gender affirming surgery #chest surgery

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espithewarlock · 11 months ago

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Some end-of-2023 asks that didn't get asked but I'm answering them anyways! Some are from AO3 Wrapped and some are from the more general 2023 reblog.

How many works did you publish this year?

20! It's so much more than I thought I would post, let alone write!

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Bittersweet, That Glitter (aka, Dragon!Pierre) by a long shot. I love the fantasy & worldbuilding and it's some of my best stuff. (I also loved dropping it on Sol unexpectedly and having her start shouting at me within a minute of posting it. Seriously, AO3, you chose then to be speedy with email notifications??)

What work of yours has the most hits?

My Pierre/Charles/Max Soulmark AU. Probably because it's one of the few chaptered fics that I have and probably because it's lestappen tagged. Of my oneshots, Omega!Pierre just beats OnlyFans!Charles by a few hits.

What work was the quickest to write?

I started Take, Take Me Over at 6:30am, wrote 1.9k words, edited, and posted it by 8:30am. (Then I went to the gym and found the perfect song inspiration. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

What work took you the longest to write?

Another Deep Dive All The Way Down (aka, the Carlando Coffeeshop AU that's a companion to Mermaid!Charles) probably had the longest time start to finish because I kept procrastinating writing the ending.

What’s your shortest work of the year?

I wrote exactly 1,016 words for the short-fic prompt challenge, Trading Controllers, and I'm impressed at how much story I squeezed into just over a thousand words.

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

I'm sitting at 2,307 while I'm writing this and that is simply insane! I'm done posting Coffeeshop and I'm hoping to get a few more on that one since it's now 100% complete. Honestly, the fact that over two thousand people have liked my stuff enough to say they like my stuff is incredible!

Which work has the most comments?

By sheer number? Soulmark AU at 66 comment threads, but that averages to 3.9 per chapter. Mermaid!Charles has 4.1 per chapter, for comparison. Of my oneshots, Nymph!Pierre has 8 (including an ESSAY that makes me 🥰), Baker!Pierre has 7, and OnlyFans!Charles has 7.

What do you listen to while writing?

I actually usually listen to Twitch streams. The video game music + the commentary/content gives me something to flip back to while I'm thinking over story ideas and doesn't pull me out of the writing flow like listening to distinct songs.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

It's so hard to pick just one! Here's some of my favorites: 1. The 'little squid' bit from Nymph!Pierre 2. The whole meet-cute scene from Baker!Pierre (+ Kimi's "But that did not go well") 3. The line from Dragon!Pierre after he leaves ("Now that he knew the warmth of Charles' hands, of his mouth, on his body, there was no way the sun could compare.") 4. The absolute heartbreak of Pierre saying goodbye to Mermaid!Charles 5. OnlyFans!Charles pointing to himself ("what a coincidence! I also like your shirt.")

Talk about a new friend you made this year

Literally everyone in the Calamar's Club, but especially Logan & Sol. Sol for being the sweetest person ever, letting me be insane about dragons, and inviting me to the server after seeing me shout into the void for friends. Logan for dragging me into the chaos, the constant encouragement of everyone, and for making me melt every time they react to anything I post.

How was your birthday this year?

Excellent! I visited my sister, went to her wedding dress fitting, and we saw the musical Six! It was my first time seeing it and it was AMAZING.

Favorite book(s) you read this year?

The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune & The Near Witch by VE Schwab

What are you excited about for next year?

Posting my PWFE fic, meeting up with a local-ish fandom friend, and hopefully planning my first overseas trip!

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

Read your fucking comments, Espi! You could have been making new friends and having fun conversations all year and you were too much of a coward to try that until ~September~. Most of them are lovely and you should ignore the ones that aren't!

Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

Yep! I resolved to start lifting at the gym (instead of just doing cardio) and I've made pretty good progress! Going to continue into next year for sure!

#Espi answers asks!#or really non-asks in this instance #ao3 wrapped #2023 asks #get to know your fanfic author!

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jenniferdiazisatransgirl · 9 months ago

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Mental Health Update

So as my boost in activity the past day might suggest, I am starting to feel a lil better mental health wise.

Can’t remember if I went into it and the reasons why my mental health took such a downturn, but at the beginning of this month I had a falling out with a friend. Someone I considered a close friend. And like it hurt quite a bit, brought up a lot of insecurities and past traumas and I guess caused a lot of introspection. I mean the introspection definitely led to the realisation that I’m straight, lol.

The beginning of this month I had started to feel like I was like back at square one with my sense of community though. Which when I really look at it I’m not.

I have a roommate I get on with really well, I have my best friend @cryptidwrangler and like I am in the midst of starting a new career where I have the opportunity to build a new sense of community.

I was actually meant to go to the LGBT+ Staff Network’s drinking social on Friday, but sadly there were train strikes. Hopefully I can go next month instead. And maybe in time I can get over my shy nature and start attending other stuff.

Like I work at a university now and there is a lot going on and a lot you can get involved in. I’ll be honest, even though I’m now there as a member of staff, there is definitely this feeling of being back at university. Like there’s loads of staff networks and activities, activities that are for both staff and students, a HUGE gym - this gym puts the gym facilities at my former university to shame, a staff counselling service, loads of leisure facilities. It is kinda awesome and if I hadn’t been so depressed the past few weeks I would have probably been enjoying it more.

I’m kinda realising it has been like nearly 4 weeks since my mental health got bad. That’s not good.

I am starting to feel better though.

I should say work is taking up a lot of my energy though and I am using the weekends to replenish that. In time I should start getting a bit more balance like being able to work from home some days. For now I am working on campus every day of the week though. I’m leaving home at like 5:45am and not getting back till 6:30pm and that has been this past few weeks where I was in a department letting me work 8am to 4pm. Next week, I’m helping my manager till she can find another department to place me in and she wants me in 8:30am to 4:30pm. I plan to ask her depending on what I’m doing if I can do 8am to 4pm, as it is better for me getting home. But we’ll see. I might not be getting home til 7:30pm for the next few weeks though.

I kinda have a bit of a weird job right now though. I’m part of this training academy and we spend 3 weeks training and then we get put into these placements while our manager finds us a permanent role. I just did a placement in Student Funding and my manager has lined me up another placement while she finds me a permanent deployment. She has said that placement is going to take a few days to a few weeks to get the details hammered out though, so I’m just going to be helping her with some stuff while she gets that sorted, lol.

But this is kinda leading into an update on the blog. I don’t think I’m gonna have the energy to watch Season 2 of Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur right now. I do have the Thursday through till the Tuesday of Easter Weekend off though at the end of this month. So 6 days. I’m having my hair done on Good Friday and trying to possibly meet up with @cryptidwrangler, as I haven’t seen him since April.

During that 6 day break though, I will start watching through Season 2 of Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur and posting my thoughts though.

And in the meantime, I’ll likely be a bit more present giving my random thoughts on other stuff. But hey, if you want to spoil Moon Girl S2 for me feel free if there is anything you think I might find interesting ahead of time. I’ll try and post my thoughts with the very limited information I have right now, lol.

But anyway, I am feeling a bit better and should start being a bit more present 😊

#my life #blog announcement #miscellaneous

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elizabethplaid · 9 months ago

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feb 15 notes, part 2!

Today's a game of good-news/bad-news, but I'm feelin' pretty chuffed (not my usual slang, but it feels right). Notes from earlier in the day are here.

Starts with some bullet-points, then into slightly longer discussion of the near-future.

G- Was in bed and horizontal before 7:30am, phone down before 9am

B- Woke up a couple-few times, maybe got 4 hours of sleep total.

B- Woke by realizing I was picking at my skin in my sleep

G- Put on lotion instead of picking at my skin more, to help me calm down. Somewhat helpful? Clearly, I need to stim, but I need it in a more positive sense than picking.

N- Up and out of bed around 1:30ish. Little jittery but mentally fine.

G- Used acetone to remove my nail polish, then clipped my nails. It's been like 3-4 weeks since the last clip. (Should help with picking, I hope)

N- Nearly out of acetone. Considering I got that big bottle 10+ years ago, that's pretty good. Will need to get another bottle of that and maybe some non-acetone nail polish remover, specifically for non-hobby use.

G- Our late-xmas Amazon order items are arriving. Today was a new camera remote (for the dslr) and a Breaking Benjamin cd

------------

I plan to knit this evening, hopefully catch up with the YT videos I've been avoiding. (I'd wanted to be in a certain mindset while making the bracelets, so I limited what I'd watch during those instances.)

Need to revisit some of last night's music. There was a fun compilation of 90s music, and a few songs were delightful nostalgia. Got misty with a few, too. Those and the ASMR thing from earlier are things I want to make separate posts about. Not quite a "crying log" like @champagnemanagement does, but at least wanting to note things for this time period (eg February, the time I've set aside for mental health).

I've asked to have stew for dinner on Sunday. That day marks 11 years since mom has passed. I had some metaphoric connection of her passing/my grief and stew, but I've forgotten the exact words. It's a comfort meal; it's got more veg than other things I eat. Dad was always more of a cook than mom. He likes to do all the work for this meal, but I enjoy getting to chat with him while he chops veg and such.

Phone friend has expressed interest in visiting, which I've mentioned to dad before. I hope to discuss these plans with my dad, while he's busy prepping the stew. I think dad and phone friend would get along well in person. But we're gonna hang out in Ellsworth for this visit, rather than hanging out in my town. (I still plan to inflict the "Pledge of Allegiance" Burma Shave signs on them, muahaha.)

Amid all our texting, I've had some good insights - stuff worthy of recounting to my counselor. So I'm thinking of taking screenshots, then transcribing the images. I have another week until the next session, so I have time to at least skim for notes. I like having that record, for better recollection and processing of info for later.

Revisiting older notes from previous years earlier has been helpful. Certainly gives me perspective and comfort about how far I've come. When going through some books a couple days ago, I found my copy of Steven Levenkron's "Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation", including some notes I stashed between the pages. I'm curious to observe my growth since those days (ie 2009). Though I didn't cut, my skin-picking has been similar.

I know that this isn't LiveJournal, and I don't reveal all my thoughts and secrets like I used to on that platform. But I hope some of these discussions might help others, as I have been helped by others' writings over the years. The shame and stigma of mental health adventures will still linger, even as our cultural understanding develops over time. Sharing these bits of our inner-selves with others gives me hope that we'll be okay in the end. Progress is progress, even in tiny bits and steps.

#daily notes #mental health

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misscammiedawn · 2 years ago

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Charmed! Recap Day 4 (Saturday)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (you're reading it!) Part 5

AAAAAAA!!!!

I bolted upright, terrified and activated.

“It’s okay, Cammie. It’s 2023. You’re in Annapolis. It’s Charmed. You’re in a hotel room. It’s 2:30am. Everything’s okay. Go back to sleep.”

Puppet and Sleepyhead take such good care of me…

I fell back asleep. I wasn’t even certain that moment had happened, but my journal notes said “panic attack in middle of the night?” And I asked Sleepyhead, who told me her version of that event.

I woke again at 7:30am, took a test and got myself dressed for first event of the day…

Yoga with Copper!

A presenter I had a firm connection to ran the class and it was nice to have an event with Copper. The two of us remained close during the event and did our best. I’m a bendy bitch but my reach is kind of limited.

The presenter was another person I really wanted to catch up with this weekend as we had a friendship built up from when we both lived in the same state. Alas, this was not the best time for it as I had a 9am coffee date scheduled with Daja and Nath…

Charmed! Outfit 5: Miss Dawn's Default Attire For those who want to look exactly like their Tumblr avatar.

Which I dressed up for in my “Miss Dawn Default Attire”, which is the outfit all of the online art depicting me wears. Well. Most of it. Some of it has the red magician’s outfit I wore at Beguiled.

For the Starbucks run, Daja wanted to ensure I got to eat a proper breakfast and was eager to get some time with me and her Lady at the same time.

Unfortunately what didn’t work out with our plans was that the first Positive COVID test of the convention had been announced and it was someone both Puppet and Tigress had spent time with. Puppet, for a few minutes while masked and Tigress while eating lunch.

Though it broke her heart to do so, Puppet opted to remain in the room until 48 hours after exposure to take a PCR level test to confirm she was safe to continue enjoying the con. Good news is that I am posting this on Tumblr a week later and all of Oikos have received negative PCR tests. None of us got sick.

But I at the time I was worried about a LIFE CHANGING appointment which would not have happened if I got sick. COVID anxiety played a big part of my weekend.

The knowledge of that important appointment meant Oikos needed to discuss how to handle this. We decided that masks should remain on during demos and classes, no inviting people outside of our bubble into rooms (Daja/Turq are inside bubble) and any major play required tests before hand if possible.

Sleepyhead was booked solid for the entire day full of demos and fun. I was OVERJOYED that she was getting all of that…

Though I will write a little more about that later…

I pulled into the tail end of the hairplay demo class and sat next to Daja who cuddled me close and ensured I paid attention, even going as far as to forbid the nuzzle trigger from working for the next hour. She was interested in my reactions. The way I gasped and whimpered at the wall slams, the way I shied up at the neck nape grab. How I giggled and enjoyed one of the presenters hamming up her role and another turning himself into a wall for the demo bottom to be slammed against.

There was a Kodak moment in there. You had to be in the room. Or the online stream.

Hairplay is always a highlight for me any time I go. Daja was in Toppy space and was being playful. My reactions must have been feeding her.

“And, sweetling, when the next demo happens you’ll feel whatever happens to the demo happen to you.”

I whimper just to remember.

The presenter was showing off his D.A.N.G.L.E the most advanced hairplay tactic where the hypnotee goes limp and their whole weight is held up by the hair pull and…

In 2022 I wrote:

"Eventually Daja’s second demo came about. The Directed Angle Neutral Grip Leverage maneuver. Dangle. A tall grip where the subject goes limp in your group and is held up by their hair.

Daja later told me she went as limp as she felt safe to but she knows her body.

I know how gorgeous that looked. Outside of skill level, but I wanted that. I wanted it. I.

I wanted it."

Daja knew this and wanted me to FEEL this… and feel it I did.

Mmmm…I…

Oh… *whimper*

I just

*Whimper*

I felt it…

The class ended and we decided to go up to the room quickly before the Topping Is For Everyone class and my own Communication With Deep Self class.

I was feeling a little destabilized so told Daja that I’d be looking at my tablet, but I’d be in the room and present as she taught the class. I sat in the corner of the room because the person sitting next to me in the front row was enjoying a teaching lunch and I still had hospital stuff in the back of my mind.

It was a good class. Last time I attended it Miss Dawn was eager to learn all the ways that Daja enjoyed topping and use her own tricks against her. Those memories made me smile then as they make me smile again typing.

EnScenic reached out to me via Discord to say that she was looking to give me a gift and that we should meet up. I told her my location and she said she would stop by.

Daja spoke about how seeing Captain Marvel helped her utilize Carol Danvers energy to overcome any social programming about manifesting her power. She said that she is beyond needing that, but outright said “I have nothing to prove to you.”, which reminded me of a brat taming scene I had done with her once, and that made me smile. I love her so much when she’s bold and strong and sure of herself. I always love her. But my heavens that glow when she is firm and certain in her conviction and determined.

I am still beyond smitten.

She went over a little bit about the vampire fantasy which was going to end our weekend and how things were looking from her perspective.

I simply couldn’t wait. The way Daja went through my fantasy list and wanted to make them all a reality was just—

I cannot even begin to find words for how honored, flattered and overjoyed I am by everything from the weekend.

After the class EnScenic stopped by and handed me a hand drawn image of a Dalek yelling FRACTIONATE - FRACTIONATE!

I near died laughing when that image was posted online. Apparently EnScenic remembered my reaction because she went through the effort of bringing it to the con and hunting me down…

So many people did so many nice things for me this weekend…

I— I’m so happy to be part of this community. I’m finally home. I finally came to the party. I’ve always been welcome. I’m here. I’m happy. I’m home.

I want to hug every single person. Just squee about what they all mean to me. How humbled I am by their encouragement and acceptance. I may have cried again. I don’t know. I was all over the place.

After a quick lunch it was time for my class, Communication With The Deep Self.

Daja and Copper were in the audience as well as a Twitter community writer of whom I have great respect and admiration for and the gentleman who was being an issue on the Discord, along with a group of folks he seemed deeply engaged in conversation with, hyping up Ormund as the best hypnotist.

The Zoom coordinator hopped on and began to start the intro schpiel, it was quite loud. Loud enough that Daja plugged her ears.

It did not seem to dissuade the disruptive party from a conversation. They even seemed to be standing up and testing balance or measuring feet size. I was not certain. I was simply bewildered. I could not understand what I was seeing. The class had started. Please sit the ever living fuck down you *intruder*.

The class went okay. I feel I gave a better version of the talk a year ago, but I was discombobulated and in the wrong headspace for it. Dawn would have done a better job of it.

I recall explaining the concept of the mirror lake trance I use on Sleepyhead versus the “Ceiling Unlimited” version that I use on Daja. The concept is a complete and utter tranquil state of peacefulness. I used it on either of them to try and induce Esdaile. Succeeded in both cases.

Copper told me that I had misinterpreted the meaning of Ceiling Unlimited, but it’s okay because it likely matches the meaning of the Rush song I was pulling from.

I wish I had a better recollection of the class but it was a blur. I do not wish I had a recording for that one. Still wish I had one for the Presence class.

It proves that I need to tailor my output to be more akin to Presence.

Daja and I returned to the room and had a few quick scenes. I was still riding a bit of Top energy from the class and so did my absolute best to pounce her, pushing the “feel me” trigger as far as it could go. I was feeling fair triumphant but Daja appeared to be a loving brat and proved that she is not the only one who can stretch the “feel me” trigger.

As I pulled her in with a “Daja, Kiss Me!” And a Freeze, I enjoyed keeping her at the egde of my range. I then hypnotically bound her wrists to a surface and released her. Hung right outside of her ability to reach me.

“Feel me make you kiss me.”

…!

That!

She!

….!!!!!

UNFAIR! TRICKERY! THIS IS MUTINY.

And that is how Daja successfully flustered a Fae.

And then made her sweetling go deep.

I tend to write “eclipse” as a descriptive in prose. For when someone stands above someone and engulfs their entire vision. To block out light and make the entire world a single focus that is the person commanding your attention.

Daja eclipsed me in that moment. She was delighted by how my eyes rolled up and asked for permission to take the photo above.

We paused for food and enjoyed a quick date before moving on to evening events.

With that, we prepared for the soiree. This was when the blue fire scene had been scripted to have happened, so I simply skipped the ceremony and used the forehead press to have her get dressed and pulled on my own outfit:

Charmed! Outfit 6: The Soiree

For lovely queer ladies who are going to the ball to flirt.

As we left the hotel room there was a Moment which feels too private for me to truly intrude upon. But Daja and I got to be there for a friend. I’m glad I was there. I am glad I could be of assistance…

Once that I accompanied Daja to the Soiree room but did not have much time to enjoy the queer ambiance as Sleepyhead showed up looking for me.

She did this because she is a good Dolly.

Earlier in the day she and I had discussed hitting the vendor’s hall together. I wanted to get her a lovely birthday present. That was always on the cards. My presence with her in the vendor’s hall was no longer a request, though. It was a neccessity.

See… while I have been off attending Topping Is For Everyone, teaching Communication With The Deep Self, having coffee and subs and curry— Dolly, sweet little thing she is, had been keeping herself VERY busy. Dollification class, fractionation class, memory play class, hypno-roulette…. she had been demoing nearly constantly since 10am.

I posted this on Twitter and I find it to be the most accurate representation of how Saturday was for Sleepyhead:

And so I hooked her arm and lead her up the stairs. I was in my most fancy outfit, wearing heels and a swooning blissed out dolly was leaning against me barely lucid enough to do more than sigh and murmur when I softly asked her to stay with me and follow along.

The vendors room was a very small part of my weekend. I doubt it lasted more than 30 minutes and yet I was able to fit in quite a number of potent memories. From bumping into a number of folks I had longed to speak to all weekend while dressed up in my best; to taking my sweet girlfriend around each stall to examine the wears while softly teasing her with little promises of what each item could be used for.

It is rare for me to get these pure dominant moments where I get to embody the style and grace of a Top in a non-scene space. She was so very sweet and tender and her passion for hypnotic trinkets was so refined. Every book on sale she owned. Literally every single one.

After a full cycle we discussed what she enjoyed and went back to look at the ones that she had her eye on. A necklace with a near Disco Ball level of sparkles surrounding it. “We’ll take it.” And I paid while she admired. Then another trinket, a sibling of the bottle I uncorked earlier that weekend.

I tipped Linny $10 extra for being responsible for my best scene of the weekend. I feel it was more than well earned.

Feeling dominant and confident, I lead Sleepyhead back to the room so she may enjoy a little more of her hypnotic reverie. Puppet, who was now taking her PCR level test, was still confined to the room. As I settled down, Puppet explained that Sleepy was intending to go stay with someone important to her and needed to prepare for that. The test pinged negative and I proved to everyone, including myself, that Bad Pain Days have incredible highs as well as lows.

See when I’m in a BPD day I am so overwhelmed by my own emotions that I cannot filter or apply appropriate levels of reaction to things. Typically this is set off by upset, paranoia or frustration.

It can also be sparked off by moments of love, moments of relief, euphoria. Even as I skipped through the day there had been several moments where I had cried and been torn asunder by raw emotion.

Puppet got the negative. Sleepyhead had the Most Perfect Day Ever.

I broke down in happy tears. Blubbering that I was so worried about Dolly.

About this time. Saturday night of Charmed! 2022, Puppet and I knelt side by side in front of our Goddess and were asked to, under no compulsions and free of any influence, give ourselves to our beloved Goddess.

That memory means the world to me. It was *special* it was *important*. But it was in the Oikos living room, in the light of a make-shift studio I created for the occasion. It was lovely. But it was not the plan.

It would have taken place in one of the classrooms. Surrounded by loved ones. Witnesses who loved Goddess. Witnesses who were overjoyed to see Puppet and I’s big moment of accepting our collars.

Omicron crushed that dream. Just 3 weeks before the event and that impacted all of us in ways we’re still not fully over, yet. When Beguiled happened, Puppet and I went rogue. We needed to be there for our sanity and mental health.

Sleepy refused to go. She couldn’t handle another dream being snatched away.

I was carrying so much worry that Sleepy’s anxiety would keep her from enjoying the con, but here she was, fractionated to oblivion and with even further evening plans. Puppet was not going to be confined any longer.

It turned out okay. It was alright. Thank heavens. It was alright.

I love them both so very much. I love them and I’m so glad they got to have this and no one can take it away from them this time.

So fucking happy.

I returned to the Soiree to finish up but it was *loud* in there. I sat on the outskirts of the room and chatted mildly with Joy but Miss Daja informed me that if I was uncomfortable, I should leave. She was proud of me for speaking up for myself earlier in the day, she wanted to ensure I was always rewarded for speaking up and seeking my comfort.

So I slipped out… around about the same time another friend from the local hypno-community did.

This person was someone I’ve not seen since March 2020. She was a member of the HYPE monthly hypnosis meet-up in Grand Rapids.

We bonded a little bit over old memories and for a brief moment I felt calm and comfortable. Like I *could* just start up conversations without shyness or feeling stupid.

After she left I confessed this feeling to Kitty Sylvie who was door dragon for the moment.

And then I started crying again.

Because Sylv said such kind words about my presence in the community, especially online and then Psy just appeared out of nowhere backing them up and I was just left without words. Two lovely humans who I trusted and wished I were better at being open, casual and conversational with.

Perhaps in another world I would have stayed in that hallway. I would have opened up and made a connection with two people I actually *do* desire to know better. I would have channeled some of that adorable cuteness or that flashy performative charm or my level serious empathetic conversational energy.

In this reality, I let the tears win and I retreated to the room. There I ran a hot bath to activate physical extreme stimulus. Unlike some of my friends who go through this, I couldn’t be feeling rope bite tonight. Nor would I seek it.

Some music and heat will do the trick… and they did.

Daja IMed me to let me know that not only had the soiree ended pleasantly and she had met up with Tennfan. Thanks to some banter during the Topping Class she discovered that Tenn had enough training to handle drops and falls and things that Daja had assumed no one in the community was physically capable of doing with her other than the ONE PERSON SHE WOULD NEVER EVER EVER.

I was summoned to meet them after Daja had run a scene and listened to them chat a bit. Tenn is one of the 5 major asexuals in the community who I find trust and kinship with.

Tenn and I really need to build a rapport and just get to talking. I may have to be the one to throw the first signal.

But that chat we all had was really nice. Really really nice.

Apparently the topic did not elude my devious Faelike nature because once Daja was free we snuck into my room for another scene. Puppet was enjoying post-quarantine freedom and Sleepy was away for the night.

Dawn *pounced*. To the point where Daja once again had to invoke the pact the two of us had made.

Sometimes I worry about going too far; understanding that, Daja made a promise that she would enforce our agreed upon boundaries if I do, so I can let go and enjoy the moment.

She enforced them then. I am glad she did. There is a certain level of “out of control” where I essentially hit trance state and for lack of better wording, my voice in Dawn’s actions goes away. It’s a liberating moment, especially when I think about it in her headspace, but it’s like throwing away the safety and I’m terrified of breaking something when I lose my over-controlled behaviors.

Daja is supplementing that and makes it easier to feel no fear. I am grateful to her for that.

After the scene was ended, I settled back to Camden space and cuddled her. I was still a little caught up by how INTENSE the day was and bemoaned how I hated that I cost her spoons to deal with. Spoons she needed for running classes and meeting partners and traveling.

Daja just told me I refill her spoons. She feels energized when we talk. When we play. When we’re together like this.

…what do I even say to that? I was lost for words. Well… most words. I had a few left.

“I believe you.”

Daja tucked me in again and fed me a chocolate. We had another day of fun and games. Tomorrow would be the vampire scene. Tomorrow was worth looking forward to.

Part 5

#charmed recaps #hypnosis #hypnokink #hypnocons

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alwaysahiccupandastrid · 1 year ago

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It would happen to me that I spend a month and a half job hunting only to then get two jobs in the same week, both of them full time and highly demanding.

So basically I interviewed for a bakery retail assistant role and an unqualified nursery position, and after trial shifts for both I got them both, which I was shocked by. The timing of it all is so unfortunate; the nursery interviewed me last Friday and then invited me to a trial on Tuesday afternoon; the bakery then wanted me to come in for an interview and trial shift on Monday morning and so I agreed in case the nursery one fell through. The bakery offered me the position first on Monday, literally five minutes after my trial ended (god knows why since I felt awkward and didn’t know shit), and so I - rather stupidly - accepted it over the phone and started on Wednesday so I could still do the trial; I thought that I would get an answer about the nursery on Tuesday so I could have the chance to take it while still having the back up choice. Lo and behold, the nursery has accepted me and wants me to start next week, meanwhile the bakery has already put me on the rota for the next week and a half.

And now I’m stuck.

The nursery was my first choice, to be honest, and while I had been hoping to step away from childcare after working in schools and at daycare camp for the past few years, it would be with babies through to pre-school, which is a group I’ve not worked that much with (though I am good with babies it turns out). I have experience in this field already which helps.

The bakery job is selling bread/cakes/coffee as well as prepping sandwiches, cleaning etc. As I’ve discovered over my last two shifts there, I’m fucking abysmal at making sandwiches, keep forgetting things etc., but because it’s only my second shift I figured it’s just a matter of learning.

Hours wise, the bakery is 40 hours over five days, the nursery is 38 hours over five days (3 10 hour days + 2 half days of four hours); the bakery job means doing 6am-2:30pm/6:30am-3pm or 7:30-4pm, and while Sundays are off it means working Saturday with a day off during the week, which is a problem because in November I have a Saturday filled with pantomime performances (three of them!). Meanwhile the nursery is Monday-Friday, and the hours would for a full day would probably be something like 8-6:30 or something(?), meaning if I have a rehearsal at either 7:30-9:30 or 8-10 (evenings), I’ll have very little to no time to prepare or get my stuff ready etc, let alone eat anything, plus it doesn’t fit with performance days where I have to be in by 6pm.

I’m having to get up at 4:45am to every morning, so doing that and then having to stay awake until 10-11pm on days with rehearsals is AWFUL.

The benefits at the nursery (free gym membership, 40% off food/drink, discount at the salon/spa facilities on site) outweighs those at the bakery (free coffee/lunch), and the nursery pays 40p more per hour than the bakery.

The bakery at the staff are just, to my knowledge, so fucking nice most of the time despite me being useless and older than them, the manager is nice, and if I leave them it leaves them in the lurch and understaffed, which is so unfair on them. I don’t really know the staff at the nursery that well but I don’t think they’re horrible tbh, though they seemed absolutely exhausted and done by the time I went in for my trial shift on Tuesday afternoon.

The nursery wants me to start next Monday, but the bakery has a two week notice period so I would have to talk to both places and apologise profusely to work something out. If I don’t work the notice period then I could end up not being paid for the 34 hours I’ll have worked by Saturday evening.

I don’t want to go into childcare for the rest of my life, quite frankly, but the nursery has offered to pay for me to earn a qualification in childcare so long as I work a year afterwards (if I left before a year I’d have to pay them, which I suppose is reasonable), which would then mean I could be paid more in the future as I’d be a qualified childcare worker and not just an unqualified glorified babysitter.

They have a ball pit, a bunny and two Guinea pigs at the nursery - which I know aren’t for ME necessarily but I would get to go in the ball pit with the kids and see the bunny/animals so that’s a bonus

Travel to either isn’t really an issue as they’re both close, though the bakery DOES mean walking 40 minutes at 5am to get there while it’s dark in the winter

So… yeah. I’m feeling quite torn and lost right now, and I have no idea what to do.

#I just needed to rant #I’m up in less than 3 hours so goodnight #tbd #jobs #job hunting

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