#i hate the culture of independence

[xerospaced]

There's this guy, Dr Russell Barkley, he does talks on ADHD. I've come across a fair bit of his content on various platforms.

Every time I see one of his videos I end up in tears. Usually within the first few minutes.

He speaks very plainly and clearly about the function of ADHD. He presents a realistic picture of what is happening and what is required.

I came across this one:

In typical fashion, I found myself crying within a few minutes.

Because other than schooling I have never had a support system. I have never had a single person in my life really hold me accountable. I have never had anyone work with me to create some kind of structure or consistency.

Everything he said, even within the first minutes, resonated with me so deeply. Because I honestly have no idea if I can do this alone. And it scares me that I might wind up getting nowhere because I am lacking in support.

ADHD is manageable. But it is damn near impossible to manage alone.

I just don't know where to go from here.

[dykedvonte]

An independent Courier would actually hate being in charge or enforcing standards in New Vegas. At least in my mind.

They made Vegas independent but I feel like that playthrough/style so clearly makes it apparent it isn't for them. They are making Vegas a place where people can live freely, like how House genuinely didn't care what people did but without the behind-the-scenes Big Brother surveillance he did. Having every family, faction, and other influence group or person comes to them about alliances or rules would be draining, and boring, one note.

In an independent Vegas, The Courier is also Independent. They like getting rid of lines and borders that impede freedom, they like to help give people the tool but I don't believe they want to be the one to shape it.

[lunarian-anarchist]

I can't believe that it's just now occurring to me that my mom hasn't made any real changes. She's just putting on a mask and hoping I'll stay. I feel like such a moron.

All my life; my mom has bad mouthed my eldest sister Nicole and always told me how amazing I was, how I was G-d's gift to her, how I was her last chance at being a good mom and she told me all these things when I was as young as 6 or 7. What's really interesting to me is that she rarely ever mentioned her middle child Sarah and when she did; it was usually only in conjunction with my eldest sister and how they both sucked because neither of them speak to her.

Why do I find her lack of speaking about Sarah interesting? Because according to both Sarah and Nicole; my mom repeatedly sabotaged her relationship with my middle sister even though said sister was much more forgiving and actively sought her out.

But what's really REALLY pathetic on my part is that I didn't realize that she only started to "change" once I told her that I wasn't going to speak to her once I left. This happened about 2 years ago and it happened after my step dad said something hurtful and she basically prodded me to answer whether or not I'd stay. Not what she could do to better herself or how I was in pain but "Are you lying to me? Are you lying to me until you can leave? Are you planning on leaving? Please tell me how to fix this"

But this isn't anything new because something similar happened after I was baker acted because I was suicidal. When they visited me in the hospital; I told them I was tired of being beat and I hate them. The beatings stopped after that and until last Saturday; neither of them put their hands on me.

Then going back to two years ago; I told her that I wanted her to respect me like I respected her and suddenly she was much more supportive, suddenly more loving, suddenly paying more attention, suddenly wanting to spend more time with me, suddenly respecting me.

It's like she hears "ok ok ok so THIS is what I need to do to keep her here with me"

[learningfromlosing]

Happy fourth of july if you're not american here's what being american is like

[eileennatural]

i say this w complete sincerity. i really do think that the reason so many british people are always mad at americans is bc they really do think we're still like. basically the same country. like you're mad that we pronounce words differently or eat different foods ? Of course we do. because we're different countries. hey man it's been over 200 years. its normal that our cultures have diverged somewhat, and it's okay. sorry you lost the war but it was for the best <3

[bisexual-yuri]

not one of my kids emailing me a MONTH before school starts asking if there will be any exams the first week of school like honey please throw your school chromebook in the east river and go to the park and play a made up game with your friends i didnt give summer homework on purpose please be a child please be free

[tomwambsmilk]

Last post I prommy. But it seems to me that Netflix falls into the same category as Uber and AirBnB, where the business model is to stay unprofitable until you put the competition out of business, and then jack your prices up and your product quality down because you’re the only option and you can. Except, while Netflix put its original competitor out of business (Blockbuster), it accidentally inspired a ton of new competitors before it could reach the point of recouping its initial losses, and then it was screwed. Anyways that’s why you should always be skeptical of ‘disrupters’

[unopenablebox]

yuletide discord server is really not succeeding at feeding me [social writing activity emotion that leads me to write] and i am instead wasting hours on [nonendorsed fic community server/archives] and it is making me irritable and also causing me to write using weird syntax as displayed here and i had like six hours to write my evil yuletide fic and didn't >:(

[faggling]

realized that as far as I know my abuse primarily started after 9/11...much to think about

[bijoumikhawal]

Mmmmm writing this story has just made me repeatedly run around the fact that there's no such thing as a pre-colonization way of writing about Copts even in fantasy

[cesium-sheep]

apparently when he was given baseball tickets for whichever gift holiday (I think it was for his birthday from his mom) he was given two tickets. which, if it's from his mom, like. I know that game girl. I see that. but it's not my circus so like whatever, I still get to see baseball and I don't have to be more than distantly polite to you either.

[titleknown]

While I really hate the narrative of "tech bros" because of how it conflates shitty CEOs with non-shitty base-level programmers, and how it conflates Dunning-Kruger-y early adopters with people who Know Their Shit about computers...

...On the AI art issue, I will say, there is probably a legit a culture clash between people who primarily specialize in programming and people who primarily specialize in art.

Because, like, while in the experience of modern working illustrators a free commons has ended up representing a Hobbseyan experience of "a war of all against all" that's a constant threat to making a living, in software from what I can tell it's kinda been the reverse.

IE, freedom of access to shared code/information has kinda been seen as A Vital Thing wrt people's abilities to do their job at a core level. So, naturally, there's going to be some very different reactions to the morality of scraped data online.

And, it's probably the same reason that a lot of the creative commons movement came from the free software movement.

And while I agree a lot with the core principles of these movements, it's also probably unfortunately why they so often come off as tone-deaf and haven't really made that proper breakthrough wrt fighting against copyright bloat.

It also really doesn't help that, in terms of treatment by capital, for most of our lives programmers have been Mother's Special Little Boy whereas artists (especially online independent artists post '08 crash) have been treated as The Ratboy We Keep In The Basement And Throw Scraps To.

So, it make sense the latter would have resentment wrt the former...

[bouquetface]

Astro Observations 3

Accuracy influenced by ENTIRE natal chart.

Mars Aspect Asc.

- Acting independently. Respecting independence in others. Dislike copycat & weak behaviours.

- Entrepreneurship indicator. Leadership positions in work and relationships. You take charge.

- Having more enemies than friends. People have strong reactions to you. Lust or Hate. You bring out competition in others.

- You have to fight throughout your life. People sub consciously want to fight/challenge you.

- Strong body. Athletic body. A fire in you. Passionate and driven person.

- Be cautious of relationships where people want to tame you. People want submission from you. They both like and dislike your independent fiery nature. Be cautious of violent partners. Seen way too many with mars ascendant conjunctions deal with violent partners.

- Competitive person. May enjoy physical hobbies. May actually enjoy verbal altercations. Fan of watching a ports or likes playing sports. MMA fan.

- Prone to acne. Prone to accidents - cuts, burning self, etc. May have to go through a surgery. Cosmetic or needed. Mars can cause “cuts” to your body.

Accuracy influenced by houses & signs.

Venus Aspect Asc.

- Dimples. Pleasant person. Enjoy taking care of yourself (shower routines, self care routines, skincare routines, etc.)

- Will lie to keep peace and appear polite. Fake smile. Fake “thank you”. Fake “Good luck”.

- It’s not talked about enough but you can be very envious of others. Wondering why someone else got the compliment and you didn’t. Fake “happy for you”. You can be envious of other’s beauty without seeing your own.

- And others can be envious of you. People just assume you only got things because of your appearance.

- Having admirers. Yet, if afflicted in natal, you probably don’t get approached. For ex: Strong Mars or Scorpio placement aspects makes you appear intimidating. Perception of you changes drastically to stuck up bitch instead of cute girl.

- Two types of venus asc people: Fashion loving or Comfort loving. Depends on entire chart.

- Often, love specific brands. Have an eye for style. Appreciate good marketing.

- Hiding true feelings behind a smile. Feeling the need to hide negative feelings to keep the peace.

- Generally popular. Charming. Polite. Good at making others feel comfortable.

Accuracy influenced by house & sign.

Uranus Aspect Mars.

- Unpredictable anger. Quick & easily angered. Irresponsible and reckless when angry. Quick to act on anger. The kind of person to reveal the truth when angry. Uncontrolled anger.

- Have to fight for freedom. Rebellious.

- If you don’t have scorpio placements, you likely dislike merging with groups and partners. You maintain independence and individuality. Trendsetter not a follower.

- Initial response to commitment is to run. May be due to bad experiences in witnessing or being in relationships.

- May have grown up in an unstable environment and/or unpredictable parents. Constant change is your normal.

Accuracy influenced by houses & sign.

Venus Aspect Jupiter.

- Good fortune. Wealth indicator. However, overindulge can be a problem. Generally, always have money when needed despite spending carelessly.

- Good humour. Social. Popular. Love of life.

- Finding yourself very lucky throughout life. House & sign can tell you more. If opposition or square, this can be people perceiving you as lucky. People refusing to see/understand your hardships.

- Having to go through many relationships before finding the right one. May love love.

- Having strong beliefs toward love/relationships. Strong beliefs in spirituality or religion.

- Exotic looks. Attracted to exotic looks. Attracted to learning about foreign cultures or religions. Attracted to foreign people, places and travel.

- Partners tend to have something big amount them. Ex: Physically a tall or big person, big families, big social circles, big in business, etc.

- You or partner can have unfair expectations. “It’s okay when i do ___ but you can’t that”. Ex: Spending

- Possible problem: lazy when it comes to anything that is not self serving. Enjoy comfort and luxury.

Accuracy influenced be entire house and sign.

Moon Aspect Asc.

- Very reactive to your environment. Sensitive. Moodiness.

- At an older age, often develop a routine. They become very attached to their routine. Feeling out of control when things don’t go according the plan/routine.

- However, depending on signs and house, may be very adaptable.

- People may see you as gullible/naive. May encounter people who try to take advantage of your perceived innocence. Especially in youth.

- Youthful appearance. Full cheeks. Full lips. Big watery eyes. Expressive features - difficulty hiding the feelings.

- Difficulty being vulnerable. Fear of being seen in a negative way. Deeply affected by outsider opinions.

- Protective of loved ones (siblings, parents, lovers, friends). If harshly aspected, people may feel suffocated.

- You make people comfortable. Big sister energy. Animal lover.

- You look so much like your mom. Your Mom deeply affects how you feel about yourself. Your mom can be controlling. Your mom is a big part of your life or she wishes to be. If negatively aspected, your mom sub consciously wants to live through you.

Accuracy influenced by house and sign.

Mercury Aspect Venus

- Appreciation for literature. May like to collect things like novels.

- Your words put people at ease. You can phrase harsh truths in a pleasant way. If not afflicted, you may dislike arguments and debate. Lying or staying silent to avoid a fight.

- If not afflicted, a nice voice - singing or speaking. Nice handwriting too.

Accuracy influenced by house and sign.

Sun Aspect Pluto

- Psychoanalyzing yourself and others.

- Will experience traumatic situations. High chance of encountering narcissistic personalities (in friends, romance or family)

- People will view them as the villain in their stories. You may identify with villains in stories. Female rage. Questioning whether you are the villain. Feeling gaslit by the lovers, family, etc.

- Gravitate towards dark experiences and people. A conscious effort must be made to avoid the dangers & darker side of life.

- Powerful people. Gain or are born with power/status. This intimidates others. Your presence provokes negative reaction.

Accuracy influenced by house and signs.

[astrocafecoffee]

Astro observation (part 2)

✨ For entertainment purposes only, enjoy ✨

✨ MASTERLIST

✨ ASTRO OBS. (PART 1)

🔥 Taurus sun individuals usually eat slowly and savor their food enjoying each bite. They dislike being rushed during meals.

🔥 Sagittarius rising peoples thrive on variety in their excercise routine. They might regularly switch between different types of workouts to keep things interesting.

🔥 Capricorn rising peoples might enjoy dishes like roasted meats , stews and well balanced meals that provide both comfort and nourishment.

🔥 Sagittarius sun - very good in mathematics and calculation.

🔥 Groom conjunct your vertex/ Hera asteroid in draconic synastry can indicate they being your spouse/ you have a soul tie with them.

🔥 I have seen many Libra 12th house peoples often have people pleasing tendencies and have problems with creating healthy boundaries.

🔥 11th House mars people's communication style with friends can be direct and assertive, which can sometimes come across as agressive if not managed carefully.

🔥 Mercury in its debilitated sign ( Pisces) individuals may struggle with tasks that require precision, detailed analysis or strict logic.

🔥 I have seen when someone's 9th lord in their 12th house or vice versa , they often marry people from other states, cultures, and countries .

🔥 Aries moons can be quick to anger but also quick to forgive and forget.

🔥 juno in 7th house of Groom persona chart means your fs is your wish fulfilment, ( dreams come true 👀)

🔥 Virgo placements may excel in stock market.

🔥 Aries placements tend to tackle problems head on with immediate action. They prefer to address issues rather than letting them linger or escalate.

🔥 water placements are obsessed with beaches and coastal environments , where Earth signs with mountains.

🔥 I have also seen this many water placements either love water areas or hate it. There's no in between. I have seen cancer moons/ Pisces rising peoples having thalassophobia.

🔥 in Vedic astrology, Rahu in 7th house / rahu conjunct Venus/ rahu conjunct 7th lord indicates foreign spouse.

🔥 Webb asteroid in natal 11th house is self explanatory 🙃.

🔥 prey Asteroid ( 6157) in 4th house individuals often see their home as refuge where they can shield themselves from outside world. If it's negative side manifests in someone's life then there might be themes of feeling vulnerable or taking advantage within the family and home environment.

🔥 Gemini placements individuals are often misunderstood by peoples.

🔥 cancer moons emotional up and downs can weaken their immune system , making them more vulnerable to infections.

🔥 Scorpio placements likes to feel in control of their surroundings and emotions and they fear situations where they feel powerless.

🔥 Aquarius mars peoples value their independence highly and can be quite stubborn about doing things their way.

🔥 Jupiter in Aquarius people may involved in activism , volunteering or supporting charitable organisations.

🔥water moons , Capricorn placements often prone to depression.

🔥 Venus in Capricorn peoples may fear being vulnerable or getting hurt , which is why they often appear guarded more in relationships.

🔥 Aries mars often have fear of rejection . If they sense any hint of rejection they might quickly pull back or move on to avoid facing their fear.

🔥Pluto in Sagittarius peoples maybe fascinated by esoteric subjects, occult and hidden truths. This interest in the mystical and unknown can lead them to explore astrology, tarot or other metaphysical studies.

🔥 Asteroid Medusa conjunct midheaven in natal chart means this individual's career may dealing with controversial and taboo subjects , leading to transformation and growth. They could work in fields related to psychology, healing, crisis management or any area that requires confronting difficult truths.

🔥 Asteroid Born conjunct juno in synastry suggest a relationship that feels spiritually significant , with a strong sense of being " meant to be" or karmic linked.

🔥 Hera asteroid conjunct sun in synastry means the Hera person might view the sun person as an ideal partner, seeing them as someone can commit to for the long term . This aspect can indicate a relationship that has potential to lead to marriage or a deep , committed relationship.

Thanks for reading 🖤

- piko ✨

[bunnis-monsters]

Legend of the Drider(Pt2)

Male!Drider x Fem!Reader

Kofi Request

Pt 1

summary: the aftermath of mating with the drider of myth

wk: 800+ words

Life with your drider lover was surprisingly… fulfilling,

After successfully being able to carry his clutch of eggs, he was happier than ever with you. Since mating with you, he had been treating you like a princess.

No… a queen.

Although he had already mated with you, the creature was a traditional man, going about the courting process one normally would in his culture.

The first thing he did was find an abandoned cabin. You needed somewhere safe and comfortable to live, especially as the fall started to change into the unforgiving winter. Being high up in the mountains meant it was rough, and he wanted his mate to be warm and happy while carrying his clutch.

The cabin wasn’t anything special, and you’d have to do some renovations before it would be livable. Thankfully your mate had collected many trinkets, coins, and random wallets containing large sums of money. It was a courting present to you, and it all went to repairing the cabin.

Once it was livable, he was determined to keep you under him and warm at all times. He was almost like a cat, trying to lay in your lap and rub his scent on you.

“Heavy…” you whimpered, causing him to slowly skitter back a bit. He lowered himself, sitting on the ground so his torso was level with you on the couch.

“Better?”

You nodded, kissing his cheek.

Sex was a common occurrence, and he had the strange urge to tie you up and stuff you full of more eggs. He knew you were already carrying his clutch, but the scent of your pregnancy hormones made him go wild.

Feeling his fangs press against your neck, you let out a soft mewl. He loved giving you a low dose of his aphrodisiac venom to make you squirm while he pushed his cock into you.

His hands stayed on your belly, rubbing gently while he kissed the bite marks he had left on your neck, lapping up the little pinpricks of blood.

“Such a sweet thing… how I adore you.”

He was soft and sweet with you, always making sure your pregnancy cravings were taken care of and you felt loved. His heart swelled with pride to see you so content and well taken care of, proving that he was a good mate and providing you with everything you needed.

It was easy to take your college classes online, and even though your lover got a bit sulky when you said you eventually wanted to follow your dreams and become a photographer, he did everything in his power to make it happen.

While your babies grew in your belly, your lover began producing tons of spider silk. He confessed that he learned to knit from one of the females, and started making little sweaters for all of your babies.

Some baby driders came out fully independent, which made you sad to think about. You had severe pregnancy hormones and you wanted to mother some baby spiders damn it!

He reassured you that his species required motherly care, and that because he had mated a human, the babies would be more human-like.

The cabin became less like a place to live in and more of a home. Your lover hunted at night, and slept through most of the day. He was such a clingy thing, curling with you and whining if you got up to pee at night. He hated being away from you for even a second… especially as his paternal instincts started kicking in.

Recently he had been aggressive towards any other creature that dared to come near the cabin, and started building a nest out of his silk webs so you’d have somewhere comfortable to give birth.

As your due date drew nearer, he grew more possessive and territorial, making sure to scent and mark you. It wasn’t often that you had any time for yourself, he was inconsolable when you experienced even the slightest pain.

“I don’t want you to be in pain, love. I’m so sorry, I know it’ll hurt to give birth… I wish I could make it all go away.”

He was with you for the whole process, his hand in yours as you gave birth to 3 healthy drider babies. They were small, with the cutest little spider legs and chubby cheeks. Each fussed and cried as they entered the world, already seeking comfort from you, their mother.

From that moment on, everything seemed to click into place. Your little ones nursed as you teared up a bit. You had brought these little ones into the world, and your lover couldn’t be more happy with it.

“Do you think I’ll be a good mother?”

Your question was met with a chuckle. Your love leaned down to nuzzle against you, his eyes half lidded with contentment.

“I don’t think so, I know you will.”

——————

NSFW TAGLIST: @sunset-214 @strawberrypoundtown @avalordream @icommitwarcrimes @bazpire @im-eating-rn @anglingforlevels @kinshenewa @pasteldaze @unforgettablewhvre @yoongiigolden @peachesdabunny @murder-hobo @leiselotte @misswonderfrojustice @dij-ology @i8kaeya @lollboogurl @h3110-dar1in9 @keikokashi @aliceattheart @mssmil3y @spicyspicyliving @namjoons-t1ddies @izarosf1833 @healanette @lem-hhn @spufflepuff @honey-crypt @karljra @zyettemoon1800 @exodiam @vexillum-moeru @imperfectlyperfectprincess1 @binnieonabike @enchantedsylveon @mysticranger575 @readeryn68 @danielle143 @kittenlover614 @filthybunny420 @annavittoria-mm @makimamybelovedwife @blubearxy @omglovelylaila @toocollectionchaos-universe-blog @fruk-you-usuk-fans @wil10wthetree @hammerhead96-blog @slightlyusedfloormat

[3liza]

I feel very defensive about the "goth is bougie" shit because it is historically incorrect, yes, but also and more personally, because it just erases the generations of goth kids who grew up in trailer parks and project housing or just straight up homeless, helping each other out.

it's specifically such a supportive subculture for poor and neglected kids and I really fucking hate that this has been revised and erased. juggalos and goths are very culturally close and many subcultural people are both, and juggalos have the same (and, I would argue, even better defined) culture of collective support. the Skids in Letterkenny are not made up for the show, that's just a real type of rural subcultural person. this has also been forgotten in the interim but in the 90s and 00s we didn't even really refer to OURSELVES as "goths" very much except in a joking way. goths had regional endonyms (like "skids" or "trenchies") even if they could all go to a convention or a club in a city and in that context be all called "goths" together, once they went back home they would go back to being whatever the locals called them or whatever they called themselves. this is a whole linguistics and sociology subtopic that's out of scope for a Tumblr post but is sort of related.

my point is that people who wore actual rags, and sharpie instead of nail polish, and wet n wild eyeliner instead of black lipstick, and dyed their hair with markers or food coloring or kool-aid, were and are the core of the goth scene. the majority of the pictures the mallgoth blogs are posting are from catalogs, fashion shows, costume events, yearly balls and fetes like Wave Gothik Treffen, and other places where people save up literally all year, or many years in a row, to put together ONE outfit. and there's nothing wrong with that, personally I'm proud and pleased that our hard work is being recognized and preserved. but just like formal studio photographs from the Victorian era, it is not representative of the daily or even weekly (for clubs) reality of people in the scene, some of whom were completely out of goth clothing during the day or week just to fit in at work or sometimes just to get along without being bothered at home by family members who thought the Cure was Satanic.

the people who RUN the scenes, the promoters and DJs and gogo dancers and independent designers and people who run the mailing lists and websites, the people who organize the room parties at conventions, and yes even most of the original Burning Man camps like Thunderdome, they mostly live in poverty. especially if they're young. when people organize club nights and shows, they're lucky if they break even. I wasn't aware of any of this until I started working at DNA Lounge in San Francisco, which hosts one of the oldest goth nights in the country, Death Guild. I got to know the owner of DNA well enough to find out about the financial reality of the entire scene, even the people who own the means of production and the actual property in this case, and it's not lucrative. I mean, it sometimes is, if you're running a bar for normal people and have investment captain etc, but the majority of legit subculture economics is just barely breaking even. every single event is 90% volunteer labor.

the issue of labor is maybe the confusing thing for the zoomers who are confused. goth outfits take actual physical work. maybe the Aspirational Spectacle of Labor that makes up most of TikTok has made it appear unreal to the audience rather than something you can just sit down and do?

it takes forty seconds to make the fishnet tights into a shirt. you don't need instructions, you really can just look at it and figure it out. then you think, hm, if I can make fishnets into a shirt I wonder what other things I can turn into something else. your brain will amaze you. my mom would save her tights from her formal work outfits for me when they got holes or whatever and I would just go crazy with scissors and safety pins. lots of young designers are getting attention for this layered, tights-n-pins look at the moment and it really is a fantastic aesthetic but I wonder if people think there's something special about the people who make these clothes? there isn't. you can just do it at home while you watch trashy youtubes.

one time, around 2008 or so, @gothiccharmschool and I were at the photoshoot for tabletop RPG Unhallowed Metropolis. we were there with a bunch of local goths to all make the pictures for this book together. we had all brought tons of our costumes from home to cobble together outfits for the book illustrations, and there was a moment when I just handed Jilli a pile of black skirts and some pins and said hey Jilli, could you please make me up a bustle skirt for this model real quick while I shoot these other models? and of course she did, and they were beautiful, because she knows exactly what she's doing, and because that's all a bustle is: it's a way of bunching up a skirt with another skirt. you can do it at home. you don't need instructions or to hire a seamstress or watch a video. you can just look at something and say hm does it look like a bustle? let's drape it and play with it and pin whatever works. and then you wear it for the photoshoot, or to the club!!! and then next week you pin it a different way and it's a cape instead and you wear it again!!!!!!!