#theres a lot of other reasons why it all happened so im not like grasping for explanations. just a curiousness | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

void-chara · 2 months ago

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#if you have specific questions feel free to ask me!! i think i have a pretty good grasp of s4. especially late s4#tho i do agree the whole thing is very confusing..#< prev#hi void! ^^#id rewatched s4 like three times already#and were there any secret agreements between havocs after spoke got an op#for example a reeeally big chunk of spoke and vis stories contradict each other#its more just that different out-of camera moments are explained in ten different ways all of which can be wrong#did parrot actually lost all of the hearts before the wormhole and if no why the fuck he said that#or how big part of ourples vs zam problem were just straight up misscomunications and geniune mistakes#did vi actually believe in what he had said and how little of the power he really had?#or what exactly had happened between havocs on the dupe war under the rug#like i can answer to it by myself and have very valid reasons to think in one way or another but ill never be sure#some of it could be already answered like on twitter discord or just in vods i havent watched idk#messed up with the tags a little lol

erm. i may have overestimated my ability to help.. it has been longer than i realized since i rewatched most of this stuff...

so, off the top of my head, i cannot recall any extra agreements between spoke and parrot after spoke got op, beyond just the "if you survive i show you the control room" stuff? im pretty there were a few times when spoke did things to help parrot during wormhole, but that was just to draw things out and make it more interesting, not based on any agreement as far as i can recall. not confident about this tho, if anyone wants to correct me here then feel free

in general when spoke and vitalasy contradict each other with video explanations, i am more inclined to believe vitalasy, because spoke is well-known to lie and misrepresent things for the sake of making a good video. lots of lifestealers do it, but spoke is one of the worst offenders imo. im pretty sure in spokes explanation stream he did after the wormhole video, he said outright that there were things he lied about in the video for the sake of a better narrative? could be misremembering tho, i dont think i ever rewatched that stream after the first time i saw it live. i know theres at least a few things where the timelines and events spoke states in his video blatantly contradict things shown on stream, or more subtly contradict what i assume to be the truth based on other stream things.

i. dont think parrot lost the hearts before the wormhole? i am pretty sure he was giving them out to 3ht during the event, and they had a lot, which is why later in the event spoke banned the heart items? i cant remember anyone saying parrot lost the hearts prewormhole(tho i do believe you that someone did) and i dont feel like rewatching videos rn to check, who said that?

purpleduo zam miscomunications! oh boy i do know plenty about this i think. vitalasy did in the book lie to zam about there being a bedrock farm in the end, but i also find it easy to believe vitalasy forgot, or copypasted something in the book wrong, and genuinely believed later on that he had been honest with zam.

vitalasy was most honest with zam(most honest in that this is the thing he lied to zam the about the least, and most honest in that zam is the one he told the most about this compared to what he told the wormholers) about his motivations for the wormhole project, which were that he wanted to do this to help save minecraft. i cant remember exactly how much he told zam, but he was definitely pretty honest with him about it.

as for how much power vitalasy told zam he had, iirc he said a bunch of contradicting stuff? im pretty he would talk about him being in charge of and able to reign in ash and spoke, and make sure they didnt cause too much trouble, and then also other times talk about how he couldnt control them and shouldnt be blamed for their actions. i think it is true that this was originally vitalasys project, and before spoke got operator vitalasy might have been able to stop him. after spoke got op, i dont think there was anything vitalasy could have done, but i dont think spoke had it yet when zam was still on eclipse fed and so vitalasy wasnt at the time wrong in saying he could do something. but, also, i dont think vitalasy ever actually would have tried to stop the wormhole. he wasnt lying about his ability to reign in spoke and ash, he was lying about his intent to do so. this had been vitalasys goal for months, since before the season started, it was too late to back out now. if he stopped, everything hed done would have been for nothing. he had to do this, in his mind, for the good of minecraft as a whole. he compromised some aspects of his plan for zam, but i dont think hed ever have actually tried to halt the whole entire thing. what he wanted to do was stop spoke&ash from doing things so early and clumsily, not stop the project entirely. When he says he has influence over this project, what hes lying about isnt that he could do something to change it, maybe even stop it, but rather the lie is that he ever intended to stop it at all. it isnt a lie about his power so much as it is a lie about how he intends to use it.

all of this contradiction is further complicated by vitalasys choice to play a character in lifesteal. lifestealers dont really do character/creator divides, at least not very strongly. but vitalasy wanted to pull off the wormhole project, and he also wanted to tell a story about fighting the wormhole. character!vitalasy is very distinct from vitalasy-the-player, in a way that doesnt really work on lifesteal. so when he says he has influence over this project, and its for the greater good, this is vitalasy the player talking, and when he says he wants to stop this too, hes trying his best, but theres nothing he can do, that is c!vitalasy. but lifesteal doesnt really do characters, and if you know that someone else is part of something, and they say over and over that they arent, then you arent gonna think theyre playing a character who has access to less information, youre just gonna think theyre lying. aaugghhg its so. man. oiugh. s4 vitalasy. anyway yeah. vitalasy(the player) did work with spoke to bring about the wormhole. and vitalasy(the character) did try to fight against the wormhole, try to stop it. and this distinction makes it complicated to define what counts as him lying.

havoc dupe war. errm. well. yeah spoke and parrot staged that and then didnt include staging it in their videos because the story worked better without that information. bacon mentioned in s5 on a zam stream that this is what happened, heres a link to where they talk about it [link] link should take you to the specific timestamp, but if i did it wrong, go to 2:50:45

sorry if this was not super helpful, i probably should have tried to rewatch vods or something to help with my answers, but alas, i am too busy for all that. sorry if i got something wrong, if anyone wants to correct me on anything then feel free

it feels like i still have no fucking idea what had actually happened in s4.

#lifesteal smp #or if you have more specific questions on spoke & vitalasy story contradictions i can try to answer those #just lmk what specifically you are unsure of

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kaitcake1289 · 2 years ago

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i love your MQ art so much and i love seeing it in the tags! how have you been liking S3 so far?

first of all thank you so much anon! secondly you did not ask me to rant about this season but its the perfect opportunity to so forgive me lol

so far this season has unfortunately felt really off for me (save for the first 2 eps + most of the christmas ep + sarian) and now this may just be me being overly critical since these characters are so near and dear to me but here are what i think are some of the main flaws with this season:

the constant metaverse and nft promotion. this one is the most evident and the main reason why the first half of this season feels like a miss for me. it becomes a problem when every single character is shown openly endorsing anything crypto related, even characters that would realistically never in a million years like nfts (rachel mythic quest im looking at you) and the one character who is at all negative about nfts gets sent down to the basement never to be seen again. they even state in show how nfts have done explicitly good things! (giving carol a promotion) now i understand that this may have some part to do with ubisoft's involvement in the show and how pro-nft they are but if they weren't gonna do a fair honest critique about the subject of nfts/the metaverse i'd rather them not do it at all!

scrapping the foundation made in season 2. now listen i really didn't like them basically throwing away rachel's writer arc, brad's reserved janitor act and hera entirely AND HEAR ME OUT it could've worked a lot better if they stretched out this development over the course of the season but it all just feels soooo rushed. like take hera for example, the decision for poppy to give it all up could've had a much better effect if the game was shown more to be a primary focus of the season (an issue that's the next point) to up the emotional attachment the audience can foster for the game, theres so much they could’ve shown of poppy genuinely pouring her heart out into the flawless system shes constructing all to the build up that thats all the game can really be, a system, missing that it factor. with brad he essentially reverts back to the HOMIE with extra steps in less than 3 episodes, which is a bummer since seeing brad coming into the season humbled, confined to a role with significantly less power could've built on that fear, that grasp for control and even his raw power, HOMIE or not. with rachel as well scrapping her writer arc felt forced especially after the heartfelt speech she gave to see her giving up essentially because she wasn't excelling right away

too much happening and yet not enough somehow???? episode 3 and 4 especially feel really short to me like they feel like filler which i would be okay with but as the season stood we had also so many arcs being set up, janitor brad, david being in charge, grimpop, and a whole movie but it felt like all of it was the B plot for me at least

I'm not saying the season doesn't have things it does right; jos character this season has been the funniest shes ever been + some bits were really funny + the christmas episode and sarian helped me like the season a lot more (mostly bc those eps were detached from the main plot and were about the characters) and the cast stay stunning but yea. im curious to know others thoughts on the season and whether you agree though!

tldr more like midthic quest am i right /hj

#mythic quest #asks #anon im so sorry to just spring this on to u but ive been bottling this up for a bit 😭#kaitlinshottakes #poppy li #brad bakshi #jo mythic quest #rachel mythic quest #david brittlesbee #mythic quest spoilers #mythic quest season 3

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americxn · 4 years ago

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heeeyyy ive been thinking abt colin a lot and wondered like how it would be to have make up sex with him? After they had a huge fight then they have angry sex and then (still rough and hot) make up sex in the morning?

Im not sure if theres a difference between angry or make up sex but yeah

Hot Tempered (Colin Zabel x fem!Reader)

wordcount: 5.1k warnings: NSFW, penetration, giving and receiving oral, swearing, verbal arguing and a little bit of physical conflict

Yours nails scraped harshly on the surface of your kitchen table as you snatched up your phone, Colin’s face frozen in an irritated frown as you glanced back at him. His chair scuffed against the hard wood of the floor as you spun on your heel, heading for the door and the stairs beyond. “Y/n.” Colin’s voice was rough as he called after you, his long strides closing the distance between you as he reached out for your arm. “No, Colin.” You spat, whirling on him and wrenching your arm from his grasp. “I’m done talking about it, just fuck off.” His face fell, all of his agitation dropping from his features at the ferocity with which you cursed at him. Your anger doused any guilt that should have swarmed you as the creases of annoyance on his face instantly smoothed over, his arm falling limp at his side. “Sleep down here.” You ordered firmly, turning once more and making your way to the stairs; your footfalls were heavier than intended. Shoving the door to your shared bedroom open with a shoulder, you flopped face first on the bed, gripping your pillow and smothering your face into it. Tears of hot frustration leaked from your eyes, dampening the fabric beneath your face as you clutched onto it, replaying the screaming match that had just occurred between you and your fiancé. It was undoubtedly the worst argument that the two of you had ever had.

From below, you heard the front door opening, closing harshly a second later. You lay on the bed for several long minutes, the pillow clutched to your face staunching the flow of your tears. Only when your phone buzzed beside your head did you lift your face out of the confines of the pillow, the sudden light burning your teary eyes as you glanced at the screen as it lit up with Colin’s name.

I won’t come to you until you’re ready to talk. Message me whenever that is.

You chucked the phone to the bottom of the bed with a soft sign, rolling onto your back and rubbing your hands over your face. Why did he insist on always being so patient? For whatever reason, his generous offering of space refuelled your anger, anger that was perhaps directed at yourself this time. Another hot tear squeezed its way out of your eye, rolling down the side of your face and disappearing into the hair at your ear. Swiping the wet trail away, you pushed yourself off the bed, storming for the bathroom and wrenching the faucet of the shower, causing scolding water to pour. You didn’t allow the water to cool, shucking off your clothes and stepping under the steaming torrents; it hit your skin in fiery relief, leeching some of the anger from your body and carrying it up into the space of the bathroom as steam, condensing and dripping in cool droplets off the mirrors and windows. You emerged from the shower half an hour later, the adrenaline of your argument having worn off entirely, a heaviness settling over your body in its place. Your clothes remained in a heap in the centre of the bathroom floor, the fabric dampened slightly by the clouds of heat from the shower. Sleep tugged at your eyes and you glanced at the alarm clock on your bedside table: 23:17. You obeyed the heaviness of your eyelids, allowing it to steer you towards the bed, flopping down onto its softness once more, the sheets cool against your warm skin, a comforting embrace in the place of Colins.

When Colin returned home, creeping warily up the stairs and softly pushing open the door to your shared room, it was almost two in the morning. He had gone to the office, taken his spare keys and lounged at his desk for hours that seemed to stretch away into eternity. His anger at you and your unforgivingness had long since softened, dripping away into pools of regret and willingness to compromise; he couldn’t even recall who had started the argument and what is was about. But looking at you now, your naked body stretched out atop the covers, your torso expanding with each laboured breath you took, any thought of the argument slipped from his mind’s grasp. Tugging off his coat, he hung it on the back of the door, reluctant to take his eyes off your sleeping frame for too long, your arms grappled around your pillow, your body softly curving across the bed. On tiptoe, he approached you, sitting gently on the bed beside your waist. Your eyes were closed lightly, your lashes fluttering slightly in sleep and your mouth cracked open in a soft part. He exhaled through his nose, rubbing his hand on the thigh of his jeans to ensure that his palm was somewhat warm before placing it tentatively on your waist. When you didn’t stir, your laboured breaths unfaltering, he began to move his hand down to your hip and up to your rib, trailing his fingertips along your sleep warmed skin tenderly. When you finally stirred, a small noise cracking out from the back of your nose and your legs shifting, you forced open one eye to see Colin surveying you carefully. You pulled open your other eye, blinking at him in an attempt to clear your sleep fogged vision; his lips tugged upwards in a small, surrendering smile. You let your eyes fall shut once more, sighing through your nose before shifting onto your back. Colin’s eyes dipped once, taking a thirsty scan of your exposed body before going back to your sleepy face, his smile widening when you held out your arms to him. He accepted, shuffling forwards before folding over you in an embrace, smiling into your bare chest as you folded your arms around his shoulders. You savoured the feeling of his hair brushing softly against your collarbone, sighing into his weight and allowing your eyes to drift shut once more. Colin’s head shifted, his cheek coming to rest on your chest; your skin was warm and soft beneath him. He allowed more of his weight to spread over you, your hips pressing into his as he flattened himself fully onto you. You cracked open one eye as he fell still once more, his breath coming out hot on your skin. You were glad he didn’t say anything, content to bask in his presence and indulge in his warm weight on top of you. The room fell into silence once more, sleep crawling back into your reach. You grasped for it, your arms slackening in their hold around Colin’s shoulders. The shift of his head against your skin pulled you away from the desired slumber once more, Colin turning to press a kiss to the space just above the valley of your breasts, his lips warm as they brushed against your skin. You stayed motionless, hoping that he would think you were asleep and let you be. But of course, he wouldn’t let that happen. He repeated the simple action of pressing a kiss to your skin, this time with more persistence. He lifted his head to regard you when you remained immobile, a small frown painting his forehead with creases. “Y/n?” You opened your eyes as he addressed you directly, glancing down at him. “Yes?” You muttered, your bad mood threatening to take over once more with his persistence. You just wanted to sleep. “Are we going to talk about it or...?” “Honestly, Colin. I would rather not.” You responded flatly, shutting him down. He pushed himself off you at you short reply, sitting back and running his fingers through his hair. “Well I want to talk about.” He pushed, his voice gaining a shade more strength. You surveyed him blankly before rolling onto your side, turning away from him and bringing your legs up to your chest, allowing your eyes to shut once more. “Y/n. Are you serious? I left the house for god knows how long; I’ve given you space. Talk to me.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” You uttered, voice muffled by the pillow you had buried your face in. “Well I do, goddamnit.” He spat, his prior agitation returning in hot waves as you continued to dismiss him. Led by his fresh anger, he reached out, taking ahold of your forearm and pulling harshly, forcing your body to twist in his direction. Your eyes filled with furious surprise as he made you turn to him, recovering a second later and ripping your arm from his grasp. “Fuck this, Colin.” You spat, sitting up and scooting to the edge of the bed. Your feet brushed the floor as you made to push yourself to standing but Colin was too quick, a potent wave of utterly irritated disbelief filling him; wrapping his arms around your torso, Colin threw you back onto the bed, the sheets soft against your skin as you landed, Colin moving to kneel by your chest. Your glowered at him, pushing yourself onto your elbows. Colin’s face intercepted your path, appearing before you, an angry hue staining his cheeks. “Why are you being like this?” He demanded gruffly, your noses close to touch him. “I’ve told you that I don’t want to talk about it.” You ground back, standing your ground, refusing to balk from his mounting fury. “So what? We’re just going to pretend that it didn’t happen?” He challenged, his dark eyes boring into yours intensely. It wasn’t often that Colin presented this side of him to you, the side that had drawn so many confessions from suspects in his line of work. “Yes. Yes we are -” “No, we’re not.” He cut you off, his nose brushing yours slightly as he leaned in even closer, his upper lip curling into an enraged snarl. “You don’t get to just tell me to fuck off and then refuse to speak to me about it.” You fell silent at his words, realisation of how unreasonable you were being washing over you. But you could’t back down now, your pride wouldn’t allow it. “I can do what I -” Colin’s lips crashed onto yours, your noses fully pressing against each other as he closed the small distance between your faces, stealing your next words as he cut you off once more. A small squeak of surprise emanated from the back of your throat as Colin, instead of pulling away to continue round two of the argument, titled his head to deepen the kiss, running his tongue along your lower lip once in warning before flooding eagerly into your mouth. The kiss was demanding and punishing, roving thoroughly around your mouth, your tongue struggling to keep up with his as he ran is across your own, making strokes across the roof of your mouth with the tip, drawing shudders from your naked body. He leaned in more, his hands finding your shoulders and running down your spine, meeting at the small of your back and lowering you fully to the bed. His hands trailed to your hips as he lifted a leg, shifting to straddle you. You were torn between shoving him off and gripping onto the front of his shirt to pull him closer. Settling on the latter, you reached for the soft fabric, your fingers grappling into the material and tugging, forcing his lips to form a tighter seal around your own. He groaned at your roughness, one of his hands moving slowly up from your hip, across the plane of your ribs and around the curve of your breast to your throat. He pressed his thumb into the hollow of your neck, sighing at the pulse he found fluttering there as you lifted up your hips slightly beneath him, silently screaming your mounting need at him. His thumb remained at the base of your throat as his tongue made another thorough sweep of your mouth, your hands releasing the front of his shirt, only to attach to the buttons holding it closed, fumbling with them in your feverish need to have his bare skin against yours. Colin’s annoyance was only mounting with your drawn out kissing, your fingers stumbling in their hurry to free him of his shirt. He pulled away suddenly, your head lifting off the pillow of its accord, trying to follow his lips. Sitting back on your hips, Colin’s face was flushed with a rosy hue as he ripped apart the last of the buttons that you hadn’t been able to undo, both of your uneven breathing filling the room as you lay beneath him, reigning in your impatience and watching as he started on his pants. The clacking of his belt as it was pulled it undone drew a quiet groan of anticipation from the back of your throat, the subsequent sound of Colin’s zipper drowning out the weak noise. He fell back down onto you, one of his hands spearing into the pillow next to your head, the other reaching down to wrench his pants down his legs, taking his underwear with them. His hand fell onto your upper thigh, his eyes flicking to bore into yours as his made a tantalizing trail with his fingertips up the inside of your thigh to your aching core, allowing his nails to dig into your soft skin ever so slightly. You let out an unsteady exhale as he drew a line straight through your awaiting cunt with a single finger, letting out a stunted groan of approval at the wetness he found there. You braced yourself for his engorged cock as you lay still beneath him, staring up at him as he made another exploratory sweep of his finger through your folds, your juices gleaming on his fingertip when he pulled his hand away. You opened your mouth, readying to scold him for suddenly taking so long when he sat back, providing you with the view of his swollen cock curving towards his stomach, its head purple and weeping creamy precum. You arched your back slightly in a gesture of indignation, pushing your tits up in the hopes of luring him back down on top of him. Instead, much to your annoyance, he pushed himself to his knees. You could’ve drooled at the sight of his cock bouncing slightly with the movement, your hands coming to cup your own tits as your tongue made a sweep along your lower lip. Colin, who had taken a second to admire your body below his, the goosebumps smattered across your skin, your hair fanned out across the pillow beneath your head and your eyes, lustfully dark and still half-lidded with sleep, reached down, taking your waist in his hands and pulling you up, twisting your torso. He manipulated your body, forcing you face down on the bed. You immediately lifted your hips up, waving you ass in a beckoning gesture as Colin settled back over you, aligning himself with your entrance, his tip pushing in ever so slightly. He paused here, causing you to hiss in impatient agitation, your arms lifting to gather the pillow beneath your head under your chin, arching your back in order to give him better access. Your face buried into the pillow with a deep, placated groan as he finally pushed himself all the way into you. Pulling out immediately, Colin sunk himself back into your cunt, taking his time to fill you thoroughly before setting about fucking you at a steady pace. “Oh god.” You gasped when Colin began to thrust at an established pace, hard and deep, drawing out of you slowly, only to slam his fullness back into you. “Oh fuck.” The intensity with which he immediately started to fuck you made your fingers and toes tingle, your pussy being gloriously stretched open. Your moans were broken and breathless as Colin pounded furiously into you from behind, small sounds of pleasure squeezing their way through his tightly gritted teeth as he took you thoroughly. You groaned, your fingers gripping onto the pillow beneath you as he repeatedly slammed into you with such force that your body moved up the bed, the covers creasing around your body. His hands quickly looped under your thighs to pull them up, positioning you so that your ass was in the air but your chest and face remained pressed into the bed. Your the muscles in your back strained, aching slightly at the harsh angle that Colin positioned you into but the dim pain barely registered as he continued to pound into you from behind, pushing your body further and further into the mattress with each stroke. “Oh. Oh, Colin.” You groaned luxuriously, your name on his lips only fuelling him to go harder, faster, deeper. Just when you began to gasp, slightly overwhelmed by the pleasure that he was abundantly giving you, tears pricking at your eyes, Colin, with a shuddering breath, released your upper thighs and planted his hands onto the hot skin of your back, his fingertips digging into the planes of your back, his nails clawing into your skin. You squeaked his name as your pleasure began to mount, each one of his frenzied thrusts ripping a layer from the ball of ecstasy glowing in your stomach, the release hidden at the centre Colin’s goal as he pushed you further and further to climax. Your eyes rolled shut, tears of utter pleasure burning them as you bit down on the pillow, your pleasure building, building, building, Colin’s thrusts punctuated by his own rough groans of gratification as he, too, neared climax. Your body went rigid beneath Colin as your orgasm slammed into your body, sending waves of unforgiving pleasure rippling through your entire being. You almost screamed at the force of your climax, Colin muttering encouragements through gritted teeth with each forceful slam of his cock into your pussy. Your fingers fell away from the pillow you had been grasping, grappling with the sheets pooled around your writhing body instead as you gasped for air, Colin’s hand coming around to grab your chin, forcing your teeth to release their tight hold on the pillow and holding your face so that your neck was craned upwards towards the ceiling. You couldn’t seem to gain control of your eyes as they rolled back again and again, each of Colin’s thrust punctuating the aftershocks of your orgasm as you struggled to come down from your high. But he didn’t stop. And it was all you could do but keep gulping down breaths of air in time to his wild thrusting, his hands settling on your hips to pull you further onto his cock. Your fingers shook from where they clenched the bed sheets pooled around you, your legs trembling so violently that it was a miracle you didn’t collapse fully onto the bed. Your gasped moans turned into high-pitched whines, the sudden sloppiness of Colin’s thrusts as his hips snapped relentlessly into you signalling that he, too, was dangerously close to coming undone. He grunted your name and with one last punishing drive of his cock into you, he fell forwards onto your body, his teeth finding the side of your neck and clamping down as he spilled into you, rocking his hips in order to draw out his pleasure. You were whimpering, his moans loud at your ear, muffled by the tender skin he held in his bite. He released his hold on your hot skin as the last of his seed shot into you, taking a shuddering inhale and moving his lips to press a kiss to your shoulder. You were still heaving down gasps of air when he pulled out, your head falling back onto the pillow beneath you as he released his hold on your chin, collapsing away from you and onto his side of the bed. Your back gave out, your ass bouncing slightly as it, too, fell onto the mattress. You turned onto your side, your mingled wetness coating your thighs as you moved, staring at Colin with hooded eyes. He offered you a tentative smile. You returned it, reaching out a hand and taking his, squeezing his fingers affectionately. “Fuck you.” You breathed at him, playful intent sparkling in your exhaust clouded eyes. “Yeah, fuck you too.” Colin offered in response, bringing your joined hands up to his mouth and brushing his lips across the back of your fist. “Sorry.” You added quietly, your blinks slow and heavy as you struggled to keep your eyes open, sleep beckoning you to fall into its embrace. “I’m sorry, too.” Colin agreed, reaching over to pull your body to his, peppering your face with kisses before untangling himself from your hold and standing, retrieving his shirt from the floor before pacing for the bathroom.

You were awoken the several hours later by the watery light of the morning filtering through the blinds of your bedroom, Colin’s body a warm presence behind you. His arms were twined around your abdomen with his face buried in the crook of your neck, his puffs of sleep infused breath settling onto your skin. You shifted slightly, bunching the covers up beneath your chin with a sigh of contentment and pushing your body further into Colin’s. He stirred at this, the steady rhythm of his breathing interrupted as your movement dragged him from his deep sleep. His arms tightened their looping hold around your abdomen and you turned, craning your neck to plant a kiss on the top of his head. Pulling his face from your neck, he offered you a sleepy smile, his eyes barely cracked open against the natural light infiltrating into the room. “Good morning.” You mumbled, your breath stale and voice weak from lack of use. “Morning.” He murmured back, his chin settling onto your shoulder as he gazed at you. You smiled sweetly at him, disrupting his hold on your waist to move onto your back, Colin drinking in the view of your side profile that you offered him. A dim ache glowed from between your thighs, an ache that you savoured, your eyes fluttering closed with a soft sigh as you recalled the ferocity with which he had fucked you. Your lower lip caught between your teeth at the memory, Colin’s curiosity peaked as he tracked the movement. “What are you thinking about?” He mused quietly. You turned your head to look at him, debating whether to lie or expose to him how much you enjoyed the rare appearance of his rough side the night before. “I’m thinking of you fucking me.” You shrugged, forcing a shade of feigned innocence into your tone. Colin drew in a breath, his eyes opening fully at your words. “I’ve been thinking about that too.” He admitted in agreement. You snapped your head to his, your neck stiff. “Really?” You asked. Colin nodded, the full weight of his chin settling into your shoulder as he relaxed fully into you. “Did I look pretty from behind?” You pressed quietly. Colin lifted his head to survey your full face. You settled your head further into the pillow, blinking easily up at him. “You looked very pretty from behind.” He confirmed, his morning voice rough and low, coming out almost like a purr. You reached up, running your fingertips softly down the side of his face. “I want to do it again.” You admitted, your eyes flicking from his eyes to his lips. His low chuckle of response sent sparks of arousal skittering through you, drawing some wetness to gather between your thighs. “Where are your manners?” He tutted playfully, moving swiftly to straddle you once more, the covers lifting around his shoulders as his hands found your face, cupping your cheeks in his sleep-warmed palms. “Please.” You added, allowing your gaze to become doe-eyed as you stared up at him. His lips curved into a small smile, his head cocking slightly to the side as he lowered his face to yours, catching your lips in a fleeting kiss. You melted into the kiss as his hands moved from your face, trailing lightly down your sides before settling on your hips. Disconnecting his mouth from yours, his moved his lips down to your chin, pressing several kisses from there to the hollow of your throat. You tipped your head back, exposing the column of your throat to him, gyrating your hips slightly under his weight as his allowed his lips to venture further, his kisses becoming hot and open-mouthed as his cut through the space between your breasts and to your bellybutton. You shuddered beneath the soft brush of his warm lips, his tongue making occasional contact with your hot skin as he made a meandering track downwards, pausing every now and then to latch his teeth onto you, sucking your skin into his mouth. Your breathing became ragged as he reached your mons, kissing and nipping at the space just above your ever wetting cunt with maddening leisure. You reached down, allowing your fingers to tangle in his short hair and tugged persistently at the roots; the desired effect was achieved: Colin groaned, his breath hot on your skin, and detached his mouth from your mons, glancing up at you before repositioning his head and licking a long stripe up your aching centre. “Yes.” You groaned in blissful encouragement, the second stroke of Colin’s tongue causing wetness to pool, coaxing an aching sort of pleasure to spread across your cunt, your folds swelling in response to his ministrations. His hand settled onto your lower abdomen, holding your hips still as he buried his face into you, unleashing himself with ravenous intent on your clit. You mewled with pleasure, the sudden barrage of his tongue on your clit sending strong jolts of satisfaction through the entirety of your body. “Oh god.” You moaned, breathless as Colin continued to lap at your cunt, sucking and nipping at your clit. His fingertips nudged at your entrance and you attempted to push your hips up into them in encouragement, Colin’s low groan at your desperate efforts causing you to gasp and fall limp under him as the sound rumbled through your pussy. He pushed two fingers in, curling them instantly and expertly brushing the rough pads of his fingertips against the spot hidden within you that had your toes curling. You moaned his name, your pent up sexual need following last nights rough fucking of reluctantly proposed apology growing with each flick of his tongue and curl of his fingers. Colin’s cock twitched in response, his name falling from your lips fuelling him to push another finger inside of you, thrusting them in and out of you at a steady pace whilst his tongue worked tirelessly on your clit, each stroke, circle and carefully calculated nudge of his tongue adding fuel to the glowing bundle of pleasure forming in your lower abdomen. You tugged on his roots in needy encouragement, his generous attentiveness of your pussy both not enough and too much. “Yes, yes, yes. Colin.” A wave of heat rolled through you as your release neared, Colins fingers quickening their pace in your pussy as his tongue maintained its steady lapping at your wetness. “Colin,” his name was a drawn out moan falling from your lips, your head turning to the side, pressing your nose into the pillow beneath you. He hummed onto you, the pace of his fingers slowing as he held them deep inside of you, twitching and curling his fingertips. Your eyes rolled at the intense sensations that his change in technique sent sparking through you; the sudden tension that settled over your body only spurred Colin on, his fingers remaining buried deep within you as his tongue worked fervently, licking you closer and closer to your release. Your head tipped back, pleasure pooling in your loins. “I’m gonna cum.” You announced on a breathless groan. At your words, Colin groaned his approval, his fingers once again quickening their pace, curling and twisting within you. He indulged in the string of continuous moans that fell from your lips, savouring the feeling of his tongue running across your clit as he finished you off, your body bowing entirely off the bed as your grip in his hair tightened, a wave of considerable pleasure slamming into you. His name was a drawn out moan on your lips as he licked you several more times, helping you through the orgasm that had your eyes rolling and your toes curling. Your thighs clenched deliciously around his head, Colin’s own moan of satisfaction vibrating through the electrified surface of your pussy. When your body collapsed back onto the mattress, the pupils of your eyes re-emerging with a gasp, Colin gripped onto your thighs, pulling his head from your heat and gazing upon your sated body, the scent of your arousal drifting up to meet him from between your thighs. You glanced down, the sight of his swollen lips coated with your cum causing a ball of fresh need to form in your lower abdomen. You blinked slowly down at him, a satiated smile spreading across your face. He grinned up at you, moving to cover your body with his once more, your hands falling onto the pillow at either side of your head as his lips met yours, the taste of your own musk coating his lips and tongue being passed onto your own. Pulling away, he placed a loving kiss on your nose, grinning down at you. “Do you forgive me now?” Reaching up, your brushed the short strands of dark hair away from his forehead before answering. “I forgave you as soon as your cock entered me last night.” You mused softly, his eyes gleaming with arousal as they bore into your own. “Likewise.” He agreed, lowering his face to yours once more to lay a tentative kiss to your lips. Your hands found his shoulders, your lips curling up against once another as you pushed, Colin aiding you in flipping him onto his back and allowing you to straddle his torso. Permitting your fingertips to trail down the strong planes of his stomach, you leaned in, nipping at his earlobe before whispering, “I need to make sure that you fully forgive me.” Drawing away, Colin’s eyes were alight with aroused curiosity, pulling in a sharp breath when you moved further down his body, ensuring that his clothed erection scraped against your still throbbing heat as you positioned yourself on his thighs, pulling his cock free. Colin gazed down at you, raising his arms to tuck them under his head, your hand closing around his shaft. You ran your thumb along his slit, gathering the bead of precum that had formed there before lowering your mouth to him.

taglist: @kitwalker02 @three-eyed-snail @forevercountess @kitwalkerangel @milly-louise @thecountessesglove @undeadcortez @kitwalker64 @samsassinparvismagna @xmaximoffic @divineruler @liandav @tatesweaterweather @evanmybeloved @tatelangdonsupremacist @ikkleroniekins (let me know if you want to be added or removed <3)

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bansheeoftheforest · 3 years ago

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Uh, is there still an angst break? Ignore this ask until your ready if so 👉😎👉

What was the au where Jekylls pushed down the stairs and experiences a skull crackening again? Oh well but I've been thinking of a branch of that where Jekyll doesn't know hes dead like all day. I also cant remember if that was already discussed or not

The lodgers patch him up, he complains of a headache, and goes on his merry way! He's confused why all the lodgers are so nervous and being nice to him all of the sudden, why creature is looking at him with a stange mix of empathy and pity. He was told he fell down the stairs, fell unconscious, and obtained a bit of an injury. He cant fathom why Frankenstein is "The only doctor who can treat him" why he has to constantly go to her for checkups. Why Maijabi is suddenly following him practically everywhere.

Hyde squeezes back control for a moment and tries the potion but it doesn't work. Maybe a bit of pain but certainly no transformation. Jekyll assumes his injury or whatever medication they're giving him to treat it somehow negated the effects

Jekyll complains about "suddenly blacking out" the lodgers know its because his soul is slippery. They tell him it must just be a side effect of the injury and not to worry

How long can they keep it secret from him? When does he find out? Does he? Does it get to be years only for him to realize that he hasn't aged? That he still needs checkups from Frankenstein? Does he learn sooner? Does a lodger crack and say it? Does he rot? Does he notice how so very cold he is. How animals act around him? It's all very interesting,,

I actually did think a bit of Jekyll's kidnappers for the amnesia kidnapping au! When drawing that lil sketch of Henry and O'Leary meeting Robert I had considered making it so O'Leary was suspicious of Lanyon like "Oh theres no news anywhere of someone matching Thomas' description who's missing. But some random people walk up claiming to know him? Begging to take him back with them?" And he'd think they were the kidnappers. But ultimately I decided against it as I felt Lanyon and Rachel were pretty clearly, genuinely concerned for "Thomas" :p

I tried playing assassins creed once, the first(?) one. But the controls were confusing and everything was sorta thrown all at me at once, and I got bored of it quickly

But! I went to the store the other day and just so happened to notice Syndicate was being sold for 15 dollars 👀 So I bought it because funky Victorian assassins and your influence! It's a bit less confusing then the first ac game I tried but why is going down or dropping so hard bdksnks. I'm having quite a bit of fun! If you dont count my rage and annoyance-, the B button refuses to cooperate with me unless I'm looting corpses >:(

The b button being the bane of my existence aside, I AM having fun! I like the funky outfits and I want to play as the girl twin (evie?) forever because her clothes are good and shes better at attacking than jacob(?) For some reason. Probably the stun her weapon has? Oh well! I have not unlocked any new outfits yet, nonetheless I wish there were more.

Also! I was thimking, and my current quests are taking place at 1868? Did I get that right? And Jekyll is like 35 in 1885. So in game he'd be 18! An au like I believe you mentioned sounds very interesting 👀 but I must play more to know what's going on and daydream about it

That would be the resurrection au <3

But god, I really like that branch! Especially combined with the hc that he can't feel pain bc the HJ7 and the transformations made him immune. Frankenstein patched him up and made fleshweaver to heal the crack in his skull but it still has to be bandaged, he surely broke a few bones, yet all he has to do is to be careful because it doesn't even hurt. He doesn't even realize how severe the injuries are because it doesn't hurt, it very well might just have been that he accidentally slipped at the bottom of the staircase and accidentally hit his head on the railing during his fall, rather than getting physically pushed and flying down the stairs, shattering his skull upon impact with the marble floor. Y'know what would be extra fun? If he only starts getting a bit suspicious about how severe the injury was once he realizes his lungs stop breathing for minutes at a time when he gets distracted, or his heartbeat stops dead in his chest. I know that that's not how biology or even creature works but lets say the HJ7 is funky, Zombie Jekyll my beloved. Perhaps he would only fully grasp what had happened once he blacked out too much and 'passed out', but his soul slipped out enough to leave his body unconscious on the floor while his soul/ghost was just... Watching. And it's not until Maijabi (who, as you said, follows him everywhere) immediately calls for more Lodgers saying that Henry's soul is getting unstable and Frankenstein's lousy job is starting to shine through that he fully understands that it was not a mere hit to the head. Or maybe it is when days, weeks, maybe months has passed and the headache never goes away, he only feels how his body starts feeling so much more... Fragile and delicate, that the guilt has eaten Helsby up alive and he corners him and spills everything, knowing he is going directly against what the group agreed to but not being able to keep it a secret much longer-- or maybe Creature would tell him immediately, once Henry is, for once, alone perhaps days after the initial accident. He cannot see Henry struggle to understand what is going on when he already knows what's happening to Henry, his mind, and his body. He doesn't listen to the plan that Frankenstein and the Lodgers has set up and immediately tells Henry the first moment they are alone. That would certainly be horrifying, I can only imagine how the Lodgers would find Henry after that, once he actually knows and manages to process everything. He would be so mad, not only to have been killed in the first place, but also because he was robbed of an afterlife because the Lodgers were selfish and could not accept the consequences of their actions. He would be mad, he would be so pissed and I have no doubt he might actually be mad at Maijabi too for even agreeing to help Frankenstein and the rest of the Lodgers. That anger would not stay long, though. That anger would soon turn into misery and sadness and paranoia so even as Henry has tried to push Maijabi away, Henry still ends up on his doorstep begging him to help him make sure he is not rotting, because no matter what anyone says, he is sure he can see rotten spots and patches on his skin and he is just so scared and jdhfjsdfdsfsfs... <3

Ooooooohhh, I was actually daydreaming about this just this morning! Granted, I woke up at 5 and began to daydream to fall asleep quicker but I still like the thought of O'Leary being suspicious of Robert/Rachel/Jasper/the Lodgers bc he is protective of 'Thomas' and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him and especially with the idea that Henry still has hallucinations and they both think he was abandoned by his family, left to rot at a mental asylum. O'Leary might very well think that it might be Henry's friends and family that dumped him that Henry had 'escaped' the hospital and that's why they knew he was missing since the Asylum itself obviously wouldn't have posted the news... I really liked Jeks idea, okay? Like a lot, I absolutely love it <3

Oh, the oldest AC game I played was Unity bc it was free after the Notre Dame fire, and I can confirm, I played 15 min and could not get through it even if i would have wanted to, it absolutely sucks so i have no doubt the older games are just as frustrating <3

BUT!!!! I'M SO GLAD MY CORRUPTION IS SPREADING AND YOU BOUGHT AND PLAYED IT AND ARE ENJOYING IT SO FAR!!! Trust me, Syndicate truly is an absolutely amazing game and is definitely one of my top 3 games of all time. I sometimes play it w my friend watching me play and trust me, I know that rage of trying to do smt but the character does smt else... or you try to do smt but the game doesn't react and you miss your chance... Oh well, still a wonderful game <3

My friend loves to play as Evie as well but I'm definitely playing Jacob every chance I get and I honestly get a lil pissy when I have to play as Evie bc I always prefer to play male characters, plus, I just like Jacob better bc he is a sweetheart. He is also canonically bisexual as hell!!! Have you met Abberline yet? The police officer? Him and Jacob together is one of my fave ships for the game. I also bought the ultimate/golden/whatever name it was edition so I had a bunch of extra outfits, I love the sherlock holmes outfit for Jacob but my friend keeps bullying me for it </3

Honestly? The time difference is the bane of my entire idea for the au bc if it's during their time Henry hasn't even graduated yet, and definitely not well-known enough for them to actively meet for whatever reason, and if you use the timeline for the jack the ripper dlc (in 1888) a lot of... Less than pleasant things happen so it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for a crossover to happen at that point but maybe it's just bc im a pussy and refuse to play the dlc. Rn, while imagining the au, I just imagine the 1868 timeline to be the same as the TGS timeline. I like to imagine the Frye Twins hearing about Henry and the Society and promptly breaking into his office to ask him to make poison and stuff for them. I also have a feeling that Jacob would flirt wildly with Henry and that Henry would be less-than-amused. It would also be a very fun thing with the fact that there would be two Henrys, with TGS Henry Jekyll and AC Syndicate Henry Green, soo... XD

#Man I really want to hear your journey through syndicate!!!#Oh man I cant wait until you meet Maxwell #and Crawford for that matter #he was the guy I based the crawford in the fic off of bc i had no idea what else to do <3 #OHH there would also be a lot of mixup with Lucy Thorne and TGS Queen Lucy #oh i can imagine them being rivals #that would be fun <3 #ask #darling-dolly-darlene #banshees au #resurrection au #amnesia kidnapping au

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a-slut-for-smut · 4 years ago

Note

what are your top 10 relationships in aot?

Hmm very interesting question anon- thanks for asking! Idk if i can really rank them since i only have the one OTP, but i can certainly give my 2 cents on the most popular pairings, according to the interwebs.

2 things to keep in mind:

i dont hate/dislike any pairing. I dont care enough to waste energy doing so. I like what i like, other people like what they like- simple as that, i cant understand why its so hard for ppl to grasp this concept

You may be wondering about my recent tag usage because ive been tagging a lot of diff ships- mainly for my anti-SNK139 shitposts. Just had a wild idea that maybe- JUST MAYBE, we could all put aside our differences and just have a laugh at our shared misery. Because idk how any of us are supposed to be happy with this ending. I mean, upon reflection I see what Isayama was going for, but idk its just tough to swallow unlike Levi's fun juice. Which, in my opinion, should be taken as a compliment- the man set the bar so high with the previous arcs that our expectations were thru the roof despite a rushed final arc, and he just...missed the dunk? Anyway hot take, i know.

Ok i digress- to the ask, in no particular order:

Levihan

Cute ship, very fluffy. Who doesn't like best friends to lovers trope? And theres no denying they have mutual respect for each other, which is a huge kink of mine. Honestly, its hard for me to ship a pairing if it isn't evident. That said, does this pairing get my ovaries going? Eh, not particularly but i still likies

Erehisu

I was behind this ship mainly because i was sold on Eren's "Walter White" villain arc. What better catalyst for a dramatic change in character than if their child was involved? The idea that Eren went full Hitler because he got Historia preggers and wanted the child to grow up in a "free" world? What parent wouldnt sell their soul for that goal, given the world they live in? And Historia- grappling with the knowledge/morality of Eren's plan but for the sake of the child? Prime for character development. Not to mention all the blatant crumbs. But Isayama went NOPE.

Eremika

Oh boy. So, firstly, i would have readily accepted this ship if Isayama laid off the one-sidedness a bit. But he didnt. And while im sure there are instances that can be interpreted as mutual affection, i dont see how that excuses all the times Eren snapped at her/just generally annoyed with her attentions. Like, we dont know his POV at all until the very end which retroactively you can say, oh he didnt want to cause her future pain? But by then its too late for US. And in the end (im not clear on this tho/too lazy to check) was it ever made clear to Mikasa that he reciprocated her feelings? Im prob biased/self-projecting here, but I would NOT have stuck around on the off-chance that the dude is faking his disinterest?? Even if he did save my life and is my childhood friend! You dont owe someone love because of that, but because of how you mutually treat one another. Anyway i woulda taken the fucking hint and moved onto Levi's dick, i would never put up with that nonsense

Eruri

These 2 are bonded, to say the least. They hold each other in high regard and i love that about any ship. Good stuff.

Ereri

Doesn't do much in the ovary-dept for me relationship-wise, but man, this ship is popular for a reason. The fanart for this ship is TOP TIER

Yumihisu

Again, they regarded each other highly and theres no denying they deeply cared for one another. Sometimes love doesnt give a shit what genitals you happen to have, why cant ppl understand this? We all got hearts and souls, that counts for something??

Aruani

The energy for this ship is a little tepid for me. Maybe because her ass was stuck in a crystal 70% of the story, but i liked pre-crystal annie alot. If anything, i preferred her dynamic with Eren more, mainly because Eren respected her so much and she contributed a lot to his character growth in the first arc. Just my preferred dynamic for a ship. Also she kicked his ass so much i was beginning to think he was into it

Jeankasa

Dont mind it at all. I think it lacks a certain degree of intensity that i prefer in my ships, but theres def mutual respect there and im all for it.

Jeanpiku

Thought this was a cute ship that came to bloom in the later chapters. its intriguing dynamic- falling in love with the (former) enemy kind of way.

Rivamika

Uh. Where to start. Actually i wont because this post is long enough as is. Just peruse my blog if you're actually curious ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

#thanks for the ask anon #replies #tagging because i dont know where anon is asking from?#i hope i dont regret tagging this

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99adelheid99 · 4 years ago

Text

cool so since I’m procrastinating anyways on my school work im just going to write a character study on beast! dazai

because I re read it and im sad and asagiri just loves to make everyone suffer

so spoilers for the beast au

((BTW IM SO SORRY TUMBLR MOBILE ISN’T LETTING ME CUT THE POST TO A READ MORE SO IM GOING TO TRY TO DO IT ON MY PC AND HOPE IT WORKS IF IT DOESNT IM SO SORRY;;;; ))

asagiri has already decided to make dazai a tragic character and break our hearts once, but he decided to also rip them out and spit on it.

in the canon world, we see dazai struggle through depression. ever since he was young he found there was no value in living as he says to mori in the fifteen arc. he tries throughout his life desperately to understand just why humans strive to live, why they fight so hard for their lives and work hard to live life to the fullest.

it’s no different in the many other worlds The Book had created, and that lonely hole in his chest is probably much bigger.

as explained by dazai in the light novel, the power of The Book does not effect him because of his ability, since The Book itself is an ability, dazai naturally cancels it out. because of this, dazai can practically “read his own memories” from the canon world. so he knows everything that happens in the original universe, that goes for every single dazai in every single au. every single one.

this in itself is probably one of the saddest things. if people not understanding dazai didn’t hurt enough in the canon world, imagine how horrible it is that the beast! dazai had suffer with this knowledge alone, because as mentioned, it’s not wise for a lot of people to know about The Book since the world they reside in will become unstable, and have a chance of disappearing.

at the end of the light novel we also learn of dazai’s plan. why he captured gin, and why he wanted to bring akutagawa and atsushi together.

it was for odasaku.

because dazai has the memories from his “original” self, he remember odasaku. he remembers how he died, he remembers that they were best friends, he remembers how odasaku was the only person who understood dazai to his core, he remember how much odasaku means to him.

but odasaku of this world doesn’t remember it at all. because to him it never happened. there is only the beast world and the beast world alone.

this is where the angst hits (harder lol)

dazai figures out (at some time idk when) that this is the only universe that odasaku survives (im not sure how exactly, im assuming he can read the memories of the other dazais? Idk)

he remembers odasakus passionate of becoming a writer, he remembers odasakus determination not to kill just so he could write his own novel.

and because I really do believe dazai has a heart shrouded in all that darkness, dazai wants the best for odasaku, dazai wants to make it so odasaku can continue to survive and write his novel.

so dazai being dazai makes this extremely elaborate extra ass plan to make sure it happens.

dazai knows that this world has a chance of disappearing since every time something is written down in The Book in any other au (I think? I believe it can be any one of them not just the canon one) The Book doesn’t create it out of nothing exactly, but borrows from other worlds to create what is written in the book to reality.

dazai’s afraid that this world might cease to exist, and if it does odasaku won’t get to write his novel in this only universe he survives in, odasaku won’t he happy and dazai doesnt want that.

now extra ass osamu here uses a lot of cruel tactics to get to his end goal, and it isn’t right at all, but I still have to sympathize because its just so painful lmao

during akutagawa and atsushi’s final battle, dazai goes to the lupin bar where he meets odasaku for the first time in this world. I feel like dazai fought with himself a lot not to visit odasaku during this time, probably wanting to do nothing else but to run to his old friend that he missed so damn much. and I think he couldnt resist in the end, I think he desperately wanted to see him one last time because from the very beginning he knew his own fate.

one of the many (lol) things that hurts me during this meeting is how dazai immediately jumps happily into conversation with odasaku when he sees him, how he invites him quickly to sit down with him (in which odasaku does but doesn’t sit right next to him, which seemingly hurts dazai, ouch my heart) and how he picks up conversation that dazai would normally have with odasaku in the real world, asking him if anything interesting happened to him that day or telling him about new suicide methods he tried, which leaves odasaku heavily confused as he kind of awkwardly replies to each question.

now because the pov during this scene is in oda’s, we don’t get know exactly what dazai is thinking, but oda describes his posture and reactions well for us to take a guess of how hard it is for dazai to not have probably the most important person in his life not know or care about him.

dazai tightening his grip around his glass, or dazai looking like a happy child in one second to trying to compose his emotion with a small smile in the next, these reactions happen when odasaku keeps bringing up how he doesn’t know dazai and how confused he is. and dazai trying to hold onto something, someone, who made him so happy. trying to ignore the pain he feels and grasp on to the good memories he has but odasaku doesn’t.

and then there’s the part in the bar that asagiri decided to write because he’s a writer and like all authors, lowkey likes to see his audience suffer.

when dazai calls oda by his nickname odasaku once again trying to get him to understand him, the man replies:

“Don’t call me Odasaku. There is no reason of an enemy to call me that.”

yeah I cried

I cried a lot

dazai’s reaction didn’t help either.

The young man suddenly seemed to have trouble breathing…He fought against something invisible.

in this world, dazai probably mastered concealing his emotions (he does in like every world, but he’s much more grim in this one so) he put up this wall and put on a mask for everyone but odasaku, he let his wall down and odasaku didn’t acknowledge it, didn’t bring him some sort of comfort like he did in the canon universe. not intentionally of course, not because odasaku was cruel, but odasaku didn’t know dazai as anything else but his enemy. for all he knows, dazai could be trying to manipulate him.

theyre enemies. they could never be friends in this world. but dazai seems to still try, even a little.

in the end, they part ways. dazai putting on that mask once again, and acting like this whole meeting didn’t just destroy him. because it would be worth it in the end, odasaku would live, be happy, write his novel.

dazai would suffer, but that’s okay. odasaku hates dazai, but that’s okay.

because odasaku is alive. odasaku is happy. and to dazai that’s enough.

we get to the ending that no one wants to read because we’re already in pain and we know asagiri is waiting there with a shotgun to deliver the final blow.

dazai arrives after akutagawa and atsushi’s fight to reveal his reasoning behind his plan. how atsushi and aku have to work together protect The Book to make sure this world doesn’t disappear just for oda, and he mentions how no more then two people can know about the existence of The Book also for the protection and stability of their world.

atsushi decides to so some quick maths then, and realizes in horror that dazai has slowly made his way to the edge of the building.

he pleads with dazai to not do it, but theres obviously no stopping him.

and in that moment I believe for the first time in a long time dazai is truly content.

the hatred towards him is heavy, but it doesn’t matter to dazai because odasaku is safe. he completed his mission.

dazai planned all of this from the very beginning up to his death. now, arguably, despite dazai’s heartwarming end goal he was still an awful person. he was abusive and manipulate. he hurt and killed others to get what he wanted. he was not a good person

but he suffered so much for the sake of one person, he knew his ending wasn’t going to happy, but the end goal was enough. the end goal made it worth it.

osamu could never tell anyone about his pain, not even his best friend. he had to instead put on the mask of the cruel boss of the port mafia. people either had to hate him or fear him. no one could ever love him, no one could ever care for him. and osamu knew that. from the very beginning. asagiri truly wrote a tragic but beautiful character.

now if you’ll excuse me im going to go cry :)))

#i cried while writing this #im so sorry #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd beast light novel #bsd beast #beast dazai #character analysis #oda sakunosuke #odasaku #bsd odasaku

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roccomoon · 3 years ago

Text

a birth anniversary noticing

7.22.21

1036am

if you’re reading this, maybe you know me, maybe you don’t,

maybe you care, maybe you don’t,

theres no way i could know,

so i don’t really care,

but i do appreciate the energy,

and attention,

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its my birthday today, and im writing this,

typing it,

reflecting on how it feels,

an anniversary that notices when i first breathed life into this form,

it brings something tender, vulnerable, and sensitive out of me,

i woke up this morning, sat up, checked the time, and closed my eyes,

i sat until it felt i was ready to open eyes, i checked the clock,

20 minutes had passed,

all i saw was who i am, and how that wants to be,

how it already is,

but honestly, how that isness wants to be expressed,

theres so much i want to do,

and yet,

only ever one thing to do, that does all things,

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i remember being a young human,

feeling like i was just overflowing with a world inside of me,

it seemed like my dad was really important to a lot of people,

people showed up to his concerts and they cared about the things he said,

they cheered and applauded ,

i wanted that,

i tried to do it in sports,

and failed,

for the past 10 years,

I’ve really been doing my absolute best at creating meaningful art,

and admit-tingly , it always feels really nice when people care,

when they care enough to pay close attention,

when their attention is on me,

when i am in the center of someones attention,

and they’re absolutely focused on my expression,

performing music on stage,

acting in film,

seeing someone really grasp a tech idea that can be a huge business,

it feels really nice,

to be really seen and heard,

and felt , and noticed, and understood,

i guess i don’t need it,

but i actually do,

i have God’s love pouring through me,

and in many ways, that is the end all be all,

it is enough, but as my sadhana deepened,

i realized it was actually a bizarre western roman catholic christian trauma distortion to act like you don't need attention, or want to be the center of attention, or the center of your own galaxy, .. a star.

the west actually, because of toxic christianity mostly, has developed some kind of weird anti ego - egohood...

its like an ego complex about being anti ego...

like its frowned upon to want the spotlight or something...

but as sadhana deepened, and the Parusharthas unlocked much that was suppressed, ... i ... as i actually am, was unlocked, ... and allowed,

:{}|:{}:}|}:}|{:}:}|:}:{|}:}{:{}|:|{|{:{}|:|:|:{}:}:|:{:{|}:|{}:}{:}:|}:|}:{}|:}{:{|:{|}:

there, here, is presence, that could go unnoticed by others, for centuries,

but i , rocco, now with integration, noticed,

that i actually need to be noticed,

i sat with this, and observed the reality,

i need it,

its not just a want,

it is a literal need. not just human. but a meta-physical need,

of every soul,

to varying degrees,

some more than others,

karmic structure is just as real as physical skeletal structure,

its about potential , and potential being wasted,,,, is sad,

the All is sad when such occurs,

so,

i need to be noticed,

in my growth and evolution,

it confirms that its happening,

and i only discovered this because i did my best to become invisible,

totally avoided my calling, and that "wanting" to being seen,

heard,

felt,

witnessed,

as a kid on tour, i practiced being invisible,

then in art, i wanted to become invisible so the art was seen, but i didn't get in the way,

but that was all still woven with fear of being seen,

for being seen as being the greatest living thing in existence,

which , i am,

i am literally the greatest living thing in existence,

not stuttering,

clarifying ,

i , am , the , greatest, living , thing , in , existence,

...

and i want, which is predicated on a need,

to be witnessed in that,

witnessed as attention, attention as awareness ,

awareness as love,

of, and for my evolution and expansion,

and not from lack, but from having,

from abundance,

from being, ,

its not just a want,

its an actual human need,

that i acknowledge is sacred, and actually of divine accord,

why else would i be beaming with these desires,

to be seen and heard,

for no reason?

or for the one and only reason.

sat. chit. ananda.

:{}|:{}:}|}:}|{:}:}|:}:{|}:}{:{}|:|{|{:{}|:|:|:{}:}:|:{:{|}:|{}:}{:}:|}:|}:{}|:}{:{|:{|}:

i remember being backstage, and getting in the way one time,

we were on tour with kiss, and lynyrd skynyrd,

and i got in the way,

these dudes were pushing huge container things on wheels down the hallway, and i think i was walking while playing pokemon on my gameboy... and my dad grabbed my arm tightly,

and in my eyes, told me to never get in the way like that,

always be aware and cognizant of what's happening around me,

so i did,

that wasn't the first time that happened,

but it was the last,

i was never in the way again,

well, there were probably times, but since then i have been keen on not being in the way if i don't have to be,

since then, i love being against a wall,

or in a corner,

so i am able to see everything that is occurring around me,

i love being able to see, everything, clearly,

even in life, if i go days or weeks without being on top of a mountain, or on a big wide open road, it feels like claustrophobia,,, like i need to see evvvvverryyyything around me... its like a clarification of where i am in relationship to everything around me... and what all those things are...

theres this scene in one of the jason bourne movies where he basically flexes as to how aware he is... he's like... theres 3 dudes over there... one just got divorced... 2 are well trained... then there 4 other dudes over there... one likes pickles... etc etc... its like a sherlock holmes thing too... who is another one of my favorite super hero style reference points amongst the all.

:{}|:{}:}|}:}|{:}:}|:}:{|}:}{:{}|:|{|{:{}|:|:|:{}:}:|:{:{|}:|{}:}{:}:|}:|}:{}|:}{:{|:{|}:

it feels like that's what happened for several years,

i moved to la,

and just disappeared,

i needed to get bearings on who i was in relationship to literally everything else in existence.

i dissolved most the friendships i had from high school, and became a loner, and nocturnal,

i had actual human friends still, but now something changed,

and i was inward almost seemingly more than i was outward,

my friends were people who i didn't even know,

kid cudi, yeshua, tesla, einstein, thelonious monk,

artists, legends, great ones, channels,

and as i became more and more alone,

i became more and more aware of what i wanted to do with my life,

i wanted to channel the infinite into the finite,

and i although i thought i didn't need anyone to notice,

i realized, after a while of no one noticing, i did.

so if you're reading this. thanks.

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the i am witness seamlessly bright in awareness at these words,

as they move through my fingers and appear on the screen,

when i watch them appear on the screen,

it feels like a mirror,

to me,

that’s how it feels,

i had these sensations inside of me,

and they were just sensations,

but not i am typing those feelings,

and they show up as words on the screen,

that’s pretty cool,

i guess that must be what my dad feels when he plays the guitar,

they were just feelings and sensations inside of him,

and then , because he is a master craftsman ,

he is able to become a channel, and fully express himself into that form,

i feel that when i write,

i feel that when im acting, when the camera is on,

or even on stage,

i feel that when im performing a piece of music i really care about,

i feel like i haven’t felt that in a while with music honestly,

it feels like i got away from just being my most ridiculously authentic signal there,

and i wanted to be cool,

cool feels like death sometimes,

sometimes its nice when it happens, but sometimes it just doesnt feel like who i am,

i don’t think I’ve ever felt cool acting,

i don’t feel like like that’s what its for ,

for me,

i love feeling the feeling of completely disappearing, and feeling whatever is that, fully,

and not having an opinion about what the feeling is,

terror, horror, anger, jealously, hatred, pain, sorrow, torment, love, joy, bliss, fun, happy, friction, confusion, lostness,

whatever,

as long as im feeling it fully,

then i call that “perfection”,

i call that “missing out on nothing”

i call that “fully reflective”

im writing a book about it actually,

its called “moon theory”

“missing out on nothing” means nothing is missing,

when nothing is missing everything is perfect,

resistance-less-nes-

the state of no resistance,

wu wet, zero point, crystallinity , buddhic emptiness,

perfectness,

my version of it,

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…

so im sitting here,

writing this,

and noticing what is present for me,

and the other things i would like to be present,

that feel like, because i don’t see them outside of me,

but feel them within me,

they are missing,

but they are only missing from the outside,

they are present on the inside,

and that feels nice to distinguish,

they aren’t actually missing,

they are loading,

so they are coming,

coming into existence,

growing from thought, to feeling, to experiential manifestation,

from the inners of my inner awareness,

to the palpable touchable holographic matrix i access through senses,

that’s basically where im at right now,

nothing is missing,

but i notice what i would like to add to what is present,

i knew this last year too, but it was less accessible ,

less tangible,

as clarity,

:{}|:{}:}|}:}|{:}:}|:}:{|}:}{:{}|:|{|{:{}|:|:|:{}:}:|:{:{|}:|{}:}{:}:|}:|}:{}|:}{:{|:{|}:

last night my mom said that jesus is the only way to God,

that made me sad ,

cuz yeshua literally came to me and said that not true,

he said folks misunderstood his teachings, and ran with em,

he literally said that he is the crystal soul self,

which all are, and so all can get to God,

and his teachings have been horrifically, violently misinterpreted,

he told me this,

and it feels sad sometimes when those closest to me don’t notice who i am,

it feels sad sometimes when it feels like those closest don’t see me,

or , like they haven’t taken the time to realize who and what i am,

that’s okay though, it gives contrast so when there is the feeling of being super heard, seen, felt, and understood, its clearly noticed,

i know who i am,

and amongst all the things pouring through me,

and into the holographic field of reality,

i am glad to be this one,

with the awareness i have,

,,,

enough thoughts for today,

:{}|:{}:}|}:}|{:}:}|:}:{|}:}{:{}|:|{|{:{}|:|:|:{}:}:|:{:{|}:|{}:}{:}:|}:|}:{}|:}{:{|:{|}:

i phase out of rocco,

rocco’s eyes glaze over,

rocco looks up,

the channel opens like a flower,

we see rocco looking up to us,

we receive him with love,

he asks us,

what else should he write,

what else should he share with those who will read this,

he feels like not that many people will read it,

and so he feels less important,

because he compares himself to others so quickly,

we reassure him that is not appropriate ,

for the time will come ,

when everyone pays attention,

he feels our reassurance,

the reader wonders who is We,

we are rocco’s guardian guides,

yeshua is here,

gautama is here,

arch angel michael is here,

quan yin is here,

thoth is here,

gabriel is here,

st. germain is here,

melchizedek is here,

abraham is here,

ra is here,

we are rocco’s channel prism guardian gateway keepers,

rocco feels slightly scared to share this right now,

and we reassure him it’s okay,

for he is emptying into the infinite,

and dissolving into resolution,

you reading this is a sacred witnessing of a human beings dharmic resolution,

rocco looks up to us with a prayer hand emoji,

we look to him with the same,

this is enough for now,

thanks for reading,

thanks for paying,

thanks for your attention,

thanks for all you are,

ase, aho, amen, amun,

ra,

co,

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remade-stopframevevo · 4 years ago

Note

idk if i've asked you this before buuuut do you have any ocs you want to talk about? doesn't have to be a wc oc :0

okay ive been saving this ask for when i have a grasp on how i wanna answer it and who with and Now is the time. also i dont have any ocs other than my warriors ones and my fursona so this is all you get lawl

this is hopeheart (she/her molly, full name hopeheart marigold), shes a groveclan warrior(? shes probably a warrior +hunter because she likes hitting things but for context i have different roles for jobs that require physical labor eg hunting, den construction, battles. you get the idea). i deprived her of her signature groveclan flowers in this pic because ive been awake for a number of hours and just drew this pic for the sake of the ask

the rests under the read more cuz this got really long

she has two sisters, hickorybranch and leopardbelly. she’s also rainwatcher’s (groveclan deputy) adoptive sister in that she adopted rainwatcher when he was a baby (moreso that fawnstar passed rainkit onto hopes mother after banishing rains biological mother, noticed hopes mother didnt particularly care for him, adopted rainwatcher themself, but hopepaw decided to keep him much to the dismay of her mother and sisters).

hopeheart is actually half-floodclan (i havent thought about who the other parent is but its not particularly important anyways) which is very obvious to Everyone by how shes built. groveclan cats are commonly built like how windclan cats are in canon, while floodclan cats are built like fucking walls to compensate for their territory. her sisters got luckier than her and took after their groveclan mother but hopeheart got....herself...we still love her though its okay 💕.. hopeheart is literally built different

additionally, hopeheart was given her prefix by her mother in a “maybe this is a good thing. maybe this isnt so bad and maybe in fact this child will make things better” way wrt the floodclan thing. everyone thinks songbird caused some kind of curse by naming hopeheart like this, because since gaining sentience hopeheart has done the exact opposite. hopeheart is very snappy, very irritable, and very loud in a “everyone knows shes coming even when shes 20ft away” sense. shes not an angry person by any means and doesnt act out because she feels like it or wants to be mean or whatever, but moreso out of a strong dissatisfaction with clan life to a literally depressive extent. she cant understand why a bunch of rules made up by a bunch of stupid dead people years and years and years ago are so important. nonetheless, shes very headstrong about her opinions and views to an almost unintentionally irritating extent. she actually tried to run for deputy when the opportunity arose (more for a desperate want for a change of scenery than actual desire to become leader) but lost almost immediately.

she’s not necessarily unpopular in her clan, she’s well-liked and definitely not a bad person; she’s very loyal and cares VERY deeply about her loved ones - but her lack of respect for authority and the code, and her depressive states, can be frustating for others because of a lack of understanding of how to help her or how to “deal with” her.

speaking of a lack of respect for the code: she’s been indefinitely banned from gatherings for getting caught with her thornclan girlfriend, honeyblossom (they/she nonbinary, i already posted a pic of her like 3 days ago so i wont repost it). a good majority of groveclan residents were already aware of the situation (with mixed opinions; towards her and towards fawnstar for just actively letting it happen) although the relationship had been kept from thornclan as much as possible, with fawnstar going as far as to make excuses for them, because thornclan is a horrible fucking place to live and everyone who lives there wishes the punishment for breaking the code was just something normal and easy like public execution. that being said, at some point hopeheart and honeyblossom got a little TOO public about it during a gathering (which admittedly was likely hopehearts doing, honeyblossom is far too anxious and scared to ever initiate anything even if the only thing watching is a bird), catching the attention of swanstar, thornclans leader. fawnstar and hopeheart were able to effectively defuse the situation and brush it off as “oh theyre just friends. its fine dont worry” but the second the gathering was over fawnstar immediately barred hopeheart from attending a gathering for the foreseen future, for her own sake and honeyblossoms, in his words. feel like it goes without saying that this mixed with the “fuck the code” attitude she has, hopeheart is in fact not fawnstars biggest fan (not to imply fawnstar gives a shit about the code at all either, but theres like a specific level of feeling betrayed wrt that fact that hopeheart goes through)

and to use my “speaking of” transition again, speaking of fawnstar haters; shes close with one of the medicine cats of groveclan, marbleheart (they/them, nonbinary), who she has a vague adoptive familial relationship with. im also using this as an opportunity to show what i mean when i say “hopeheart looks very different from other groveclan cats”

quick marbleheart facts time: marbleheart hates fawnstar for reasons undisclosed, mostly in a “scared animal backed into a corner that chooses fight” way but also a years-long growing resentment way. marbleheart has virtually no family left (still deciding whether i want to keep their niece an existing character or not but anyway) given the brother that left years ago and the two dead mothers. hopeheart is the closest they have to a living family.

they arent particularly fond of hopehearts relationship with honey but theyre not confrontational about it, theyre more apathetic than a lot of other cats are. they’re also a lot more empathetic towards hopeheart’s state of mind than a lot of other groveclan residents, despite the completely different personalities and clashing views toward the code. although marbleheart accepts the code and almost enjoys it as a way of structure and guidance in life, they can very easily empathise with how hopeheart views it as a kind of cage and does their best to support her when she needs it.

oh also marbleheart and hopeheart having the same suffix was completely accidental but also i think its cute considering their relationship lol

..........................*deep heaving sigh* but anyway i think thats all i have on her right now. like i know theres more and i could expand on more about her and her other relationships but im kind of worn out talking about hopeheart, and marbleheart was the last thing i had in mind to talk about, and i dont really feel like wracking my brain trying to think of more things to bring up. like now i say it i am thinking of other things but ill save it for now. thank you for the ask i could talk forever but this post is already long lawl

oh also shes a trans lesbian lol

#oc #long post #like really long post #ask #skinwretch

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tigerdrop · 4 years ago

Note

What is your Benrey’s motivation for everything that happened in Black Mesa? Getting Gordon’s hand cut off, trying to kill the Science Team, etc. Was it all a game to him and he didn’t realize the seriousness of it to the others? Did he actually want to kill them but is chill now?

oh man i have thought about this anon. way more than perhaps i should

so, you know, initially his motivation is just doing his job. you see a guy with his dick out and without the credentials to be where he is, you do your job and ask for it. but at the same time, hes also literally been described as “openly lustful” after gordon by WRTV, and i think that plays a factor here too - benrey keeps following him b/c he just plain likes the guy. how he actually expresses that desire notwithstanding

but then u get into the betrayal and the final boss fight and everything. and my long-winded and unorganized rationale for all that stuff is: what i think is that benrey is, you know, self-aware as the title implies, and he knows that hes got a part to play here. hes kind of “supposed” to be the bad guy. and at first he has fun playing the game - he really gets a kick out of making gordons life difficult and stressing him out and scaring him a little sometimes. its all games to him! and if theres one thing benrey makes clear, its that he just wants to play games with people, whether its video games or thinly-veiled power play games. he likes pushing gordons limits and seeing him get all fuckin sweaty and anxious and hearing him yelp with surprise. you know, for normal reasons.

but at the same time, he also really seems to like making gordon laugh, and theres a constant push-pull between these aspects of him. benrey doesnt have a very high level of emotional intelligence/awareness/whatever you wanna call it, and he processes his feelings for gordon much like a fuckin kindergartner pulling their crush’s pigtails. benrey likes being mean, he likes being obnoxious, and he likes being condescending, that much is all true. but its all in service of one thing: getting a rise out of gordon, b/c he fucking likes the guy and likes having his attention, whether its positive or negative. (although judging from how much he goes out of his way to do silly shit to make gordon laugh, he really likes the positive stuff, too.)

(on a side note: its really, really funny how much more/harder gordon laughs at benreys jokes than anybody elses. he clearly likes benrey a lot, at least to an extent. like, whenever theyre underwater and theyre all going BBBBB, gordon only really laughs when benrey does it, and he only plays along and makes the noise himself when benrey does it. thats fucking cute, man)

its also worth pointing out that for all that benrey gets in gordons way and makes life difficult for him, hes also pretty protective of him and tries to be helpful in his own way. see: benrey stepping in to “protect” him from the other security guard at the very beginning, and leaping into action to shoot shit to protect gordon, and pulling him up from the ladder when gordons struggling to get out of fucking sewage, and attempting to help out with puzzles. he also gets jealous of other people being the target of gordons affection/attention, too. honestly benreys just really fuckin capricious, but at his core he does a lot of the shit he does b/c he really likes gordon. even if that manifests as him being a condescending asshole who does shit specifically to piss gordon off or scare the daylights out of him (b/c, at his core, he is also kind of a creep.)

he doesnt really seem to understand the consequences of his actions and the games he plays a lot of the time, either. at his core i dont think benrey wants to hurt gordon for reals - he sounds genuinely surprised and upset that the military was cutting off gordons hand. and he was probably Actually Unhappy to see gordon being in severe pain like that. thats not fun anymore, right, thats not playing the game that benrey wanted to play. my understanding is that he sold gordon out because he knows the part hes gotta play, right. somebodys supposed to be the “bad guy”. whether hes being pushed into it by gman or for whatever other reason. he just.......never anticipated that it would lead to that, i think. the entire science team was shocked at gordons hand getting cut off, too, and honestly theyre all culpable for what happened to gordon! they were all conspiring for one reason or another, whether deliberately or through being tricked into it

as like further justification for that idea, benrey intermittently forgets what the deal is with gordon missing his hand, like at the end of part 3 where he sounds genuinely worried about what happened to gordons arm. and he also doesnt really seem to “get” what the deal is with people being dead - stuff cant really hurt him, and he expresses surprise and confusion during part 4 when they keep running into dead scientists. probably all he really “gets” is that humans are supposed to have all their body parts, and theyre supposed to be, you know, alive and well, but his grasp on the concepts of severe bodily harm and death is.......loose at best. along with his grasp on “human concepts and needs” in general

and honestly during part 4 i get the vibe that benrey doesnt.......actually want them to get to the end. he doesnt want to have to be the big bad boss. he keeps trying to get them all to turn back and go back to black mesa proper. and hes really dialed up to 11 during this part, both in terms of being an obnoxious obstacle to gordons goals and in terms of doing as much as he can to be cute and nice and make gordon laugh. its really pointed IMO. like, the conflicting goals of thinking, “if i get in his way enough, hell give up and he wont go to xen and have to fight me” and also “maybe if im really nice to him and make him laugh a lot, hell listen to me and we wont have to fight”. hes really wringing the most that he can out of their interactions before they have to fight each other. unfortunately for benrey, that gives off some really mixed messages, and thats just not gonna work

theres also the bit during the final boss fight where gordon cant find the last passport, and benrey just so happens to pull one out and be like “oh nooo haha you mean this one? you better not shoot it and beat me”. which really hammers home the point that he doesnt necessarily want to be the big bad evil guy, and he doesnt really want to kill gordon. but he has to play the part he was given. all he really wants is to be friends, and also to suck gordon freemans dick. (why not both?)

but at the same time, i imagine that benreys really confused and unhappy by the mixed messages that gordon gives him, too. benrey sounds so like........genuinely sad and dejected after gordon gets mad at him during part 4 over the events of the past day, focused on benrey alone. benreys probably really stressed out by all of this. he just wanted to be gordons friend, but gordon keeps taking out all his anger on him. and gordons mad at him for killing people, but gordons killed a bunch of people too. he doesnt get why the rules are different for gordon or why the rules keep changing or why gordon keeps getting mad at him and then laughing at his jokes like it’s nothing. the whiplash is probably hard to deal with and might well contribute to him being like “you made me bad!”

anyway god that is. so much to read and isnt super organized. tl;dr benrey may be mean and obnoxious and outright malicious at times, but not b/c he hates gordon or actively wanted to severely hurt him/kill him. hes just kind of a fucking creep with an alien sense of morality and a poor grasp on how humans work

thanks 4 reading,

#asky #careposting

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bowtied-pasta · 5 years ago

Text

I know you would have prefered anon, so I did it for you! 🤗

I went back and forth with @creepy-bi-day about this exact thing because I am a simp for this dude, so I will be partially using an idea that we talked about together.

Noah panics as he makes another god awful loop on the boardwalk from hell and is faced with the Observer standing there, about 20 feet away.

He waves and begins slowly walking toward him, an unnerving smile on his face as he begins to laugh.

Noah startles and starts to move backward, not taking his eyes off of the creep as he gets ready to bolt, until the being drops. Fainting and hitting the boardwalk as the world around them seems to waiver, like the heat you can see coming off of a surface in summer.

His head starts to hurt the longer he continues to stare at it, and he has to shut his eyes, his body feeling out of place and unwelcome as the world around him gave way.

Until it stopped, and he cracked open an eye to see that the world looked normal. He was out.

He laughed as he couldnt believe his eyes. Walking forward as he heads toward the parking lot where he’d hopefully still find his car, until he realizes that the Observer was still laying on the boardwalk infront of him.

He freezes, waiting for movement, and flinches as the being groans. Working to make his way up into a sitting position. Looking around at his surroundings and freezing once his eyes land on him.

“Uh..... Hi. Would you mind telling me who I am?” He says, and his head tilts a bit to the side, confusion apparent and eyes wide.

Noah fumbles. What the fuck do you mean you dont know who you are? Theres no way this could be.... theres no way he has one.

He laughs as he stumbles away from you, shaking his head in disbelief at the luck he had. The Observers soulmate, that bastards soulmate, right here in front of him. And they had no idea what was going on. How perfect could this be?

The person infront of him stood slowly, taking a cautious step toward him. “Are you okay?”

Noah recovers quickly, knowing he would miss his chance if he didnt pull himself together and do what he needed to do. “Ahaha.... yeah. Im good. Its just... weve both been waiting for this kind of thing to happen. Just didnt expect it now. Gave me a heart attack when... Kevin.... dropped like that. Thought I was gonna have to call 911 or something.”

The stranger infront of him seems to accept this as truth, good. He can get them to trust him faster if they were gullible. Better to keep them out of the loop. That way, he can find the location of a possibly depowered Observer, and take advantage of his vulnerable form.

This is, of course, assuming the Observers powers were bound to his chosen form. Its the best shot hes had all this time and he’d be damned if he didnt take it though.

“Alright... and you said his name is Kevin? Good to know. Well, we can head to mine so we can go back to our own bodies. Or, if thats inconvienient for you, we can just wait wherever this is-“

“No,” he cuts them off. Setting his horribly thought out plan into motion. “We can head to yours. Faster that way. He always had a horrible sense of time and direction.”

They give a small nod, taking the information easily, not having any reason not to trust the man infront of them. “Cool. We can head that way whenever. I’m... not really sure where we are, but I know my address. Of course. So I can just enter it in the gps and we can go off of that.”

“Sounds good. Just gotta stop by my place for a few things and we can go.” He says as he moves in the direction of his car once more, moving a bit faster than normal.

You sigh, the form of your soulmate an odd thing to experience first-hand. Nothing could have really prepaired you for what waking up in another persons body would entail, but you were just glad you would be able to get back to your own body soon. That is, if your soulmates friend, Noah, would hurry up and get out of his house.

You were shocked when he finally did, revealing he had cleaned himself up and was carrying a bag. Locking up his house and looking around multiple times before getting back in the car.

“Was getting worried for a second there, thought I would have to come get you.” You laugh a bit, trying to lighten his mood as he appeared to be anxious for one reason or another.

He was silent as he put his bag next to him on the floor of the drivers seat. An odd place to put it, and it was probably uncomfortable, but who were you to judge.

He pauses to look over at you, seeming to contemplate his answer before starting the car. “Uh.... yeah. Sorry for taking so long, just had to make sure everything was still okay. I actually havent been to my place for awhile. Family stuff.”

You take the information easily, nodding your head to his words as he starts to drive, following the gps commands to turn.

You wake up as the car comes to a complete stop, and being turned off. You gues you had fallen asleep during the drive over and now felt bad for Noah. You look out the windows at your neighborhood, a cloudy night making everything appear dark and ominous, but being familiar with the area you felt nothing but comfort with the view.

“Oh good, we made it to my place. Im sorry I fell aslee-“ you cut yourself off as you turn to look at Noah. Finding a gun pointed directly at your head.

“Get out of the car.”

You freeze as your hand slowly moves toward the handle of your door, unbuckling yourself with your other hand.

You stumble out of the car, mind still on autopilot as you watch Noah get out of the car, walking around it to grab you and position the gun closer to your head.

“Im sorry. Im sure youre a great person, but it has to happen this way.” He says as he forces you to walk toward your front door, waiting for you to unlock it and open it, taking a cautious step inside and closing the door behind him with his foot omce you both make it in.

He backs himself up to the door, grabbing you and keeping you secured to him with one arm while his other hand holds the gun to your head. “Come out you fucker! Its time!”

You wait in silence, tears streaming down your face as you begin processing just exactly what was going on. And you crying become audible as you see your soulmate walk around the corner in your body. Face blank with boredom, as if expecting this occurance and taking it in stride. Like he had planned for this.

“Well, Noah. What exactly do you plan to get out of this? You know I cant be killed.” You hear your voice say, your body taking a step closer and setting Noah off.

Noah whips the gun toward your soulmate, making you unfreeze and grab his arm. Moving it away from your soulmate, and causing Noah to misfire. The bullet going into your wall.

“NO!” And with that, he seems to disappear. His grasp on you having gone loose before he did, and he had seemingly been trying to keep solid contact with you.

“Well. That was interesting. Cant wait to play with him myself, but that will have to do for now.” You turn to look at your soulmate again, feeling odd to look at your own body like this, and feeling confusion and awe.

“I.... what was that? Where did he go? Why did he want you dead? Is your name even Kevin? Who are you really?” Questions just kept spilling out of your mouth, one after the other, until he got tired of it apparently.

He moves toward you, his hand grabbing yours as your faces are brought close together. His free hand under your chin, keeping eye contact with you as he does so. You never thought your eyes could be so pretty to look at, but then again, you had never seen them as a different person before.

“Close your eyes, little one, youre very likely to faint again.” As he says this, he closes the distance and seals your change back with a kiss.

#the observer #soulmate au

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janexeu · 4 years ago

Text

though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, JANE MÁRQUEZ is actually a descendent of HYPNOS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-SIX year old DEMIGOD ELEMENTARY EDUCATION MAJOR from NEW ORLEANS, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite SACRIFICIAL & STUBBORN.

( she’s b-b-b-back on her bs : katya ! tis uhm ,,,, a lil bit of a chonk of an intro but ill try 2 b cute w it. any time u wanna yeet jus peep the gif again & forgive me bc Look At Her ! )

POWERS ( more info here )

hypnokinesis — p much made her a glorified babysitter w lynch-esque wacko dreams. it got stronger naturally as she got older, but jus w herself n eventually the ppl shes real close w. its also gotten a lot better since comin to eonia

seeing gods in dreams — she doesnt hang out w em every fridays at tgifs but like ,,, if she had Pertinent Questions she cud smhw make it happen. found out abt her being a demigod at age 10 when she met hypnos

memory retrieval — shes got great memry of her own but bc she knows it can help w grief n all that, shes been learnin in eonia how to do it 4 others if they mayb wanted it

BIO POINTS

her single ma died during childbirth so jane's been in the foster care system since 5ever. attempts at reunification nvr worked out but thankfully she got real lucky w her group home and foster families. twas stable enough to not emotionally scar her even further but the instability of it all was fosho a big ol’ lot and has influenced her rigidness in sum aspects of her life

she lived p much as a mortal even tho her powers r a lil freaky. never went to camp but it worked out bc all her abilities r internal and cannot be Perceived by others. she had a talk w hypnos abt what 2 do n he mentioned camps but also gave sum monster avoidance tips ( like rarely use ur powers, maybe learn self defense, yada yada ) n she jus ,,, did that so she cud continue livin real normal w the mortals. logistics of camp stressed her out esp bc shes livin w non-family n stuff yk it was All Too Much, miss her w the added demigod stress tyvm

got married at 23 to her childhood sweetums luis, but he ,,, died abt a yr later fr a car accident. coma for 2 weeks n jane p much slept the entire time in his hospital room, visitin his dreams n talkin to him. twas a life support sitch so they eventually decided to pull da plug whch was real sad but like she's processed it 2 da best of her abilities. her powers helped a lot in the coping too n she visits memories of him in her dreams smtms when it gets real sad then shes ok again bc life goes on n life is pretty uwu

bc of her bg round kids of all kinds, shes always been passionate abt em. always takin babysittin/tutor gigs and went to community college so she cud teach n then worked as an elem teacher. only started considerin goin 2 eonia 4 postgrad when she had a student who showed signs n strugglez of bein a demigod. she eventually got to talk to their godly parent 2 confirm n she was shocked pikachu meme, real concerned for all those youngins who hav no clue what to do ! or how to cope ! bc they cant facetime w the olympians lyk she can ! so cue her discussin eonia w luis a lot then a year after the accident, broke out the pro-con list again. took abt *checks watch* another yr til she finally decided to zoom 2 athens but then whoosh she did !

PERSONALITY

yearning ? idk her — shes can be a bit of a take it as is typa chick. can be a lil literal jsksj not dumb but like ,,, def doesnt read into things enuff to pine n long n year yk. some things might def fly over her head. she says Yes To Serotonin in this house. she dk the the mitskis n the sikens n the carsons ; its all mary oliver up in this joint. we just tryna luv life n be grateful folkz

le freak, say chic ! — control freak, that is. growin up in an unstable envi meant shed cling 2 stability n independence, wrvr she cud get it. so when it comes 2 the way she does things, she can be real a heel digger. also bc she has 2 deal w kids yk so it can b A Lot n shes v stern lyk dat. ofc she wont infantilize the eonians .,,,. or will she ? big sis vibes outta control. she means well tho always always means well. itll also b v hard to get her 2 giv up on sum1 bc life ? she luvs it n knows u can too

changes by david bowie — is decidedly skipped on the playlist. she doesnt like change !!! i mean she knows its inevitable but still not entire unavoidable. ever since she got out of the system, shes had a partner n her own way of doing things n its been workin out so why change it yk ? she says time may change me but jokes on u i can sorta trace time

rip but im different — this goes out to all em whores in this house. she respectz ur hustle but like ,,,, not her thang. girl doesnt even get drunk when she drinks bc she doesnt rlly drink sksjsk doesnt like the taste of it, big baby ! but like she's Lived, its more like. ok tried it, not for me. thanks tho. also for all the meanies in the house, y’all perplex her. shes empathetic n wont show the judgement but smtms shes lowkey lyk .,., ur how old n u had all this goin 4 u n ur still so rotten ? how u actin like a 7yo w a trantrum ? scratch head, make it make sense

at least u tried — dad jokes, bad puns, tries to be big jokester but isn't funny. she's pretty tho so she gets away with it. idk wht else 2 say ur honor. shes the type thatll embarrass u w affection

well that was Awkward — probably sum1 abt her if they see her actin a Fool bc shes in a foreign sitch or topic. when shes a fish outta water then she can be so ! easily ! flustered ! which is p much her in eonia. shes not new new but theres way 2 much godly shennanigans for her to wrap her head ‘round n sis has never gone to camp so its ice bucket challenge level shock from time to time still w da magics n lore

til death do us part — yknow when death cab for cutie said i knew that u wer a truth i wud rather lose than 2 hav nvr lain beside at all ? how abt when they wrecked me by rudely sayin love is watching sum1 die ? yes ? no ? nywy thats jane 4 ya. if she loves then shes in and if shes in then she is all in, luke danes stylez

was that a vivid enough picture or did i just word vom the same things agen n agen sjksjs jus know shes cute n sweet if a lil frustrating n annoying bc shes stubbornpants mcgee. may or may not have a slight compulsion to help fix other ppl ..,,.. someone set her str8 n tell her fix u by coldplay isnt it !!!

OTHER INFO

5′9″ born 4 october 1994, virgo sun n moon

not a freshie ! idk how long her program is but like ,,, lets ignore that 4 now ok jus kno that she been here a while

yogi & boxing enthusiast back at home. hc her mans got real into the martial arts w her when hypnos told her she gotta learn how 2 defend so that was one of their things : bonding by workouts so jane cud protecc herself if need be

her maiden name’s jane fulton. got her mommas surname but the name jane ? thats some jane doe bs some rando picked out for her which she hated at first but then seeing tarzan made her go hmmm, ok bet !

lgbtq+ alliance president ! identifies as pan

she met her late hubbie when they were abt 7ish, real friends 2 lovers cuteness. jane was there for him throughout his entire coming out & transition ergo her passion for the community esp queer kids bc she was That Cis Ally for her mans. wears her ring as a real lowkey necklace now

shes also real passionate abt sleep. will ask u how did u sleep last night p much every day u see her bc ppl spend like half their lives asleep catherine ofc shes gonna ask

her fave thing abt eonia ? the whole siblings bit. shes had 2 make do w what she got n build a family from scratch so this ? she luvs it a lot let her give u kithes hypnos babies

shes p well versed in the greek thingies but only thru the knowledge mortals gets + dream info. after her realizin who she is, all things ancient greek jus sorta became her niche interest ykwim ? shes not like Super Learned abt it more like ,,, ok i gotta at least make Sum sense outta all this, gotta learn what i can. imagin how embarrassin it wud b 2 see a god in ur dream n then go : sorry to this man. nope. not jane, not her, nuh-uh

luv languages : words, acts of service, physical touch !

useless hcs but she loves disney sfm ok. smtms dresses up as princess tiana for bday parties n shit bc shell do nythin 2 put a smile on the kids n babs faces

ya like jazz ? bc jane surely does ! adores motown & 60s music. nina simone owns her. no one drag peggy lee from 101 dalmatians ! not an important hc but i jus wanted to quote my bubble butt winged bee lover barry

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

children ! infants ! babies !

demigods that make her scratch head damn u live like this ? but also wud knife emoji to protect n care for. shes not the oldest on campus but shes been livin independently p much her entire life so she finks shes got a tight grasp on the myth that is Adulting

srsly tho the Big Sis vibes is off the charts w this one. shell perserve u dumdums

baddie influencies !

convince her 2 get drunk at a party ! bc she never does. convince her to maybe try drugs ! or go hook up ! do smths impulsive idk jus smth new !

gl tho bc shes not rlly ,,, easily influenced But she can b reasoned w ! in general i fink its just gonna be a fun dynamic if y/m knows how to coax sum wildness outta her or w/e bc thotty yummy theyre hotty yolo rzning jus wont do w this gal. will most likely get argumentative like a big ol momma hen but if u win then ur winning big

Sleep Now or forever hold ur peace !

idk sum1 she helps w their messy sleep ? shes def not super public w it, surely knows her other siblings r Better at it but if y’all are close, she probs enjoys doin it 4 ya. she runs her hair thru fingers a lot when she does it. like a lot a lot unless u tell her to get lost

lover boi, lover gorl, lover enby !

she can be a lil traditional when it comes to how she views rels. she wants all that meetcute courting bs ! no gender roles tho n u best be sure shes not constantly comparin w her late hubbie ,,, but she jus wants smth magical n 2 be wooed again yk ?

so yea ,,, crushers mayhaps ? sum1 who is tryin 2 woo her ? sum1 she had a meetcute w and now janes got lowkey heart eyes for em ? idk lotsa possiblities but pls keep in mind she is not good at the flirtings so hav mercy on her

eonia tour guide !

or jus friends who like ,,, constnatly fill her in w all the godly stuff n whatnot. years of not goin 2 camps mean u miss out on a lot ! explore ruins w her n get her info her mortal educ didnt make her privy 2 yk

head real empty atm i will think of sum n let y’all know when i do, but give us all the conekshunz. friends, enemies, the usual bit, lgbtq alliance peeps, lmk whats up whats done whats cookin we want it all

( shes p much a new muse n da result of me tryna bring in an emotionally healthy kid to this sad sad university. janes in a v good well-adjusted place rn n is my therapy muse bc that other bitch m** is a messy handful. but wbk life aint linear so mayhaps shit’ll hit da fan or one of y/m will ruin her lmfao press f pls ! but also color me eyes emoji bc we love to see it )

#euintro

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alwaysanotherrainbow · 5 years ago

Text

my boyfriend never texts first

Remus just wants to not be the first one to send a message every once in a while. That’s not too much to ask, right?

relationship: romantic remrom, background remy and emile (also romantic)

warnings: major character death, extended mourning (secondary warnings- brief discussion of religious holidays, brief underage drinking mention, a lot of all-caps) notes: unrelated, human, hs/college au. virgil, emile, and remy are here too. If you need anything in the secondary warnings (or one of those latter three characters) edited out, please let me know and I can put that up for you!

____________________________________________________

Remus always texted him first. Always. It didn’t matter the situation, didn’t matter the time date place name face. Who what when where why. It first started when he texted hi roman :) when they first got phones; for whatever reason, Roman just never texted first. Either he’d call or they’d talk in person.

No matter. Remus could cope.

May 1:

8:37 PM tody i saw you by my locker 8:39 PM *today 8:42 PM why didnt you say hi?

May 2:

9:30 PM a teacher talked to me today 9:30 PM wanted to talk about how i’m doing after 9:52 PM well you know. he’s a sick bastard

Really, it wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? He just wanted to see him text first once in a while! May 7:

3:32 PM: by the way idk if you got this last time 3:36 PM: my class ring size is the medium 3:44 PM: hopefully you order it by the deadline :P 4:03 PM: no idea when the deadline is 4:20 PM: bLAZE IT 4:24 PM: sorry i have like 0 money so i got it from the consignment shop 4:31 PM: i hope you like synthetic rubies!! leaving them with ur dad 10:40 PM: update. i cried for four hours with your dad.

June 2:

7:30 AM: gRaDuAtIoN dAy!!! 7:32 AM: there’s cookies in the reception menu 7:35 AM: snickerdoodles your favorite [eyes] 10:02 AM: i’m getting some for u 10:05 AM: [kissy face] 7:40 PM: the announcement was Weird 7:43 PM: anyways i have the snickerdoodles (Remus couldn’t go over to where Roman was staying, so he left them in the living room. He knew Roman would appreciate them. Hopefully he’d come over (wait, probably not, given...))

Well, actually, he could understand why he never texted first. June 11:

12:14 PM: roMAN 12:16 PM: [Attachment: Remus_Picani-Kleitman_Acceptance_Letter.pdf] 12:18 PM: YEAHHHH 12:24 PM: I’m sure you got in too SEND ME YOURS WHEN YOU GET IT 12:32 PM: WE MIGHT SHARE A ROOM YEA 12:35 PM: [Attachment: celebration.jpg]

Everyone was probably saying that he ought to just move on, but to be honest, he couldn’t... Actually, to be honest, no-one had told him to move on to his face yet. In fact, everyone was surprised he was doing so well, given how bad the circumstances were! The situation was stressing him out so much, even his dads were gently advising him to rethink things. (Well, that was part of the territory with one of them being a therapist and the other being a barista.)

“I got y’all some kouign-amann from the cafe,” said Dad, putting it down on the counter. His shirt had SLEEP scrawled on it with a Sharpie; it was the one that Remus had made for him as a joke. He still wore it. Huh.

“Sweetie, what’s a queen amahn?” asked Papa.

“It’s a... er, it’s like a... this is kinda like a croissant that had dreams of a muffin tin and salted caramel. One for you, babe.... then one for Doodlebug-”

“Can I leave some for Roman?” asked Remus.

They exchanged a glance.

“Of course you can,” said Papa with a smile. “Your candle’s on the table. Also, I got the news about being accepted into university? Good job, kiddo. You know, that was your father’s alma mater.”

“Are you sure you want to go to school right away after...? No problem taking a gap year.”

Papa glared at Dad. “Be nice.”

“I’m sorry, Remus, it’s just...” Dad put down his coffee. “If you’re not ready, if you need more time-”

"I’m sure,” said Remus with a grin, trying to get rid of what he just remembered. “Trust me.”

“Please find a good way to put away the snickerdoodles, they’ve been there since last week!” shouted Papa.

June 12:

12:12 AM: its twelve twelve make a wish 12:15 AM: hey when does your phone bill go out? 12:20 AM: im just saying that would Explain some things 12:22 AM: i know your dad pays Everything like a year in advance 12:34 AM: tell him i say hi 12:34 AM: 12:34 MAKE A WISH

July 12:

3:30 PM: guess who’s a double major in bio and theatre!! 3:32 PM: marine biology babey 3:53 PM: it’s good for the SOUL 4:04 PM: this cute octopus reminded me of you by the way 4:10 PM: [Attachment: for_roman]

August 14:

6:24 PM: moving in is the Worst 6:32 PM: by the way i got a single 6:35 PM: no roommates 6:41 PM: still have the bunk tho 6:44 PM: also got ur favorite pillo

August 30:

2:12 AM: roman it is like two o’clock in the morning what the Heck are you doing here, 2:15 AM: if u see me wave Hi 2:32 AM: ok >:c 2:42 AM: dont mind Me just studyin on top of the planetarium 3:15 AM: tbh i didn’t even know we go to the same campus? haven’t seen you around or anything 3:17 AM: shit phones gonna di

September 28:

2:20 PM: i failed my test 2:22 PM: idk what to d 2:24 PM: *do

September 29: 7:30 PM: remember that octopus you gave me that eats negative emotions? 7:32 PM: it works!!

October 3:

1:10 PM: You’d like the theatre program, really 1:15 PM: just so u know they’ve listed your name as an ‘honorary member of the class of’ 1:19 PM: that’s really nice of them. idk if your dad knows

October 23:

9:45 AM: i had to explain one of our inside jokes 8( 9:52 AM: i can’t Explain the deodorant thing that was One Time 9:55 AM: also why i’m called The Duke 9:56 AM: its bc you said it. not my fault 9:58 AM: its still cute pls call me that still 9:59 AM: pancake brunch pancake brunch pancake brunch October 31: 6:12 PM: sun’s down! joyous samhain 6:15 PM: i remember when you sewed me that octopus btw, the one that eats ucky feelings 6:19 PM: how long did it take you to get the laurel sachet into it?? 6:34 PM: also thank you thank you thank you for helping me find a friendly church to celebrate all saints day 6:47 PM: that year was a NIGHTMARE because you forgot to get your white candles and carnelian, and i forgot my holy water, so we were driving around town like Madmen 6:59 PM: it was worth it though 7:03 PM: i left you a script, i think you’ll like it.

November 9:

11:19 PM: i miss you so so much.

November 10:

12:20 AM: ignor this i drank like 12:24 AM: a lot 1:15 AM: i’m sorry i should’ve been with you 1:22 AM: i shouldve been there With You. 1:45 AM: but i wasn’t 2:20 AM: i didn’t know thered be a 4:11 PM: shit i just saw these. Sorry to bother you December 2:

10:10 AM: hey roman, been a bit. yea sorry about last time. too much of the Alcohol 10:13 AM: gonna go over to my parents’ house 1:00 PM: if you wanna come over, you can. dad’s making snickerdoodles and papa’s gonna watch atla (yes i still have that dvd you got me do not @ me it’s with your candles on your table just like everything else) 1:03 PM: that was on the dot, i’m happy.

December 21

8:34 AM: hey, it’s snowing 9:13 AM: couldn’t help leaving you some hot cocoa. and snickerdoodles of course 10:12 AM: i love you Remus went to go help his dads with making breakfast, but by the time everyone was done cleaning and they had finished watching some shitty Hallmark movie, he remembered that he had left his phone upstairs. Going upstairs and looking at it, he felt something in him break.

[2 Unread: Roman <3, bf’s dad]

10:22 AM, Roman <3: Why are you texting this number? 11:15 AM, bf’s dad: Remus, disregard that last, I’m so sorry. I just found his phone and I saw only the recent message first

The phone started ringing. Remus answered it as quickly as he could.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Sanders I didn’t know that someone was actually getting these messages I thought the line was out,” he said within a few seconds before the person on the other side sighed.

“No, it’s quite all right. And Virgil’s all right, by the way, if you prefer. I... I was just looking through his things for the first time. You know, it being a holiday and all... Memories, things like that.”

“Yeah, I understand.”

“I just turned the phone back on, I’m getting a lot of messages.”

“Oh.” Remus stared at the wall, trying to come to terms with everything. “Well, I--”

“I’m not going to stop paying for his phone. I’m sorry, I just... I still have his voicemails on it, and I can’t stand the thought of it going offline either.”

“Right, I... I listen to it too.”

“I happened upon the last one he sent to you.”

“You looked at the messages?”

“I only looked over when I stopped getting new ones, but I saw the last question he sent you. For your ring size.”

“Yeah? He asked my ring size so that he could--”

“There’s no easy way to say this, but.. I found something of his. Can you come over?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t, but can you please tell me what it was? Please?”

“I really think I should tell you this in person.”

“Please, Mr. Sanders. Please, I... I can’t manage that.”

He sighed. “All right, Remus. I found an early acceptance letter to SJAU, and... and a ringbox.”

Remus felt his grasp on the phone grow weak. It fell onto the bed, Mr. Sanders’ voice still clear.

“I think he was going to ask for you to....”

“No, we... We were just out of high school, I-- that doesn’t make sense.”

“He always was one for those romantic gestures. There’s some poems here, too. A life-plan. I’m not sure exactly what malacology is, but--”

“Mollusks. Like octopi and squids.. Sorry for cutting you off, what was that?”

“Some of it’s in your handwriting, but one of the entries is ‘ask him’, for the day after... you know.”

God, he could hear his sad smile through the phone. He knew exactly how Mr. Sanders looked right now just talking to him, probably wearing that hoodie that was too big on him, in a dusty room full of things that used to belong to the most vibrant person that Remus had ever met.

But then Roman had died.

He was the most wonderful person, and he had just died.

“I’ll come over to deliver the ring to you. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s... that’s fine. Uh, call my dads first, though. They’re still not convinced I’m doing okay.”

“I understand. I’ll talk to you later, Remus.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sanders.”

The line went dead in his hands.

Remus held himself and wept.

December 28:

12:30 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: Mr. Sanders, would you like to come over for our New Year’s party? 12:34 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: It’s a tradition we had. You don’t have to if you’d rather not. 12:45 PM, Virgil Sanders: I’d love to go.

January 1:

12:00 AM: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! 12:05 AM: [Attachment: :)] 12:07 AM: we are all smiling in this photo and for that i think we deserve a hug. 12:10 AM: this rings the most beuatifl thing i’ve ever fuckign seen. thank you,, 12:14 AM: never gonna get rid of it <3 12:16 AM: it looks Good on my finger 12:30 AM: jsyk your dad’s asking my dads for the kouign amann recipe 12:32 AM: thats a pastry, i left those for u a while back 12:39 AM: okay i’m crying a bit but honestly, i love u 12:44 AM: I love you so so so much, Roman

Somewhere out there, whether it was from some wonderful paradise or beyond the veil or even only in wishful thoughts, Remus knew that someone was saying I love you too.

#remrom #remrom writing #my fics

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