#i hate her more than i hate anyone else
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konigceo · 8 months ago
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imma be spilling some of my lore to u guys !!
tw: uhh none really. just horrible friends and horrible people :3
ok so basically i have this friend, we're gonna call her w, and she's been my friend since like 6th grade, she's my bsf. i moved middle schools bc she was going to another middle school and i literally do everything with her.
then in 7th grade i met this girl, lets call her m. i became friends with her and me, w, and m have been a trio since then. but this year, w and m became friends with 2 other girls, lets call them k and n. i knew k and n since last year. we had a few classes together. i was actually kind of friends with n at the time. we weren't best friends, but i trusted her.
m and n have a few classes together and that's how they became friends. same with w and k. they also had a couple classes together. n and k are best friends btw, they've gone to all the same schools. anyways, me, w, m, n, and k now all become friends.
i have a little bit of history with n tho. last year when i was dating my ex, i was friends with n (like i mentioned.) i trusted n and saw her as a friend, so i told her that i was dating my ex (lets call him s.) obviously i was wrong in trusting her, because she told my entire grade that i was dating s. (s was kind of popular and i wasn't, so it was kind of a big deal ig. i was an ugly loser back then lmao)
because n told everyone a SECRET, a secret that i told her to keep to herself, i didn't trust her anymore. now back to the present.
this all took place in novemeber/december of last year. anyways, k was dating a girl i knew, lets call her z. k and z dated for about 2 months before breaking up. i won't go into the specifics, but they broke up because k acted like she was dating n instead of z. mind you, k and n were best friends, and n even had a crush on k last year.
i'm friends with z, and she told me more details, but the point was that n was a homewrecker. and i honestly agree with her. n has trouble keeping things to herself and has trouble respecting people's boundaries. i really didn't like n now, not only because of the shit she did to me, but also the shit she did to z.
now, i told w and m all of this, since we were all friends. i told them that i wanted to drop k and n, especially since no one else liked k and n at this point. they were really rude to everyone else they used to be friends with. but w and m said no, and that they wanted to stay friends with k and n until they did something wrong to them.
and i was pissed at this point. but i just told them that they could stay friends with k and n, but that i wouldn't be friends with them. so i'm not. i'm trying my best to avoid k and n now. i'm spending my breaks with z and her friends, c and d. they're really nice, and i really like z a lot.
but now i have a problem. z told me that m has a crush on k, and that's why m was gonna keep on being friends with k. so i confronted m about this. i asked her if the reason she wouldn't drop k was because she liked her. and m said it was true, and that she didn't only like k romantically, but also as a friend.
now i'm fucking pissed. i'm so fucking tired of telling m the same thing over and over, that k and n are bad people, that i don't like them, that OTHER people also don't like them. that we're the only people friends with them. and m doesn't care. and i'm fucking pissed.
i'm thinking about dropping m and w. but it honestly isn't that easy. i've been friends with m and w for so long, and they know everything about me. they know my secrets, they know about this blog, everything. and i'm fucking terrified that one day, when i eventually drop m, that she'll tell someone about this blog, and that i'm a fucking loser who writes porn on the internet. i'm fucking terrified.
my parents have been thinking about moving, so that's good. i really hope that i move. that way i'll be able to get away from m and n and k. i still feel really bad though. i've been friends with w and m for so fucking long and the thought of dropping them is still so scary. i don't wanna be friends with n or k, but i still wanna be friends with w and m. especially w. she hasn't really done anything wrong, even if she doesn't care that n and k are bad people.
i don't know what to do now. i think the best for now is to move away and forget about everyone.
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lmao thank you for reading this far guys !! i'm just really stressed with school work and this whole friendgroup thing. i'm so sorry for the lack of fics. i can't promise you guys anything, and i'm really sorry. i'll try to get back on track soon enough. thanks for all the support :)
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anders-hawke · 2 months ago
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“I’ve always liked Lady Whistledown,” Penelope said, her chin rising until her bearing was almost regal. She looked to Cressida, and their eyes caught as she added, “And it would break my heart if it turned out to be someone like Lady Twombley.”
— Chapter 11, ROMANCING MISTER BRIDGERTON
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ratcandy · 3 months ago
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words cannot describe how happy i am that heket remains lamb's #1 hater in the entire world even after her cleansing
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soyboywenzie · 8 months ago
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i think we as a fandom need to talk about the fact that the targtower children’s resentment and disdain for rhaenyra is not just the work of viserys lack of parenting but due to everyone else too.
it’s from otto doing everything in his power to stop rhaenyra from getting the throne so his blood can get it, not because he thinks aegon is or would be a good king, not because he thinks his grandson deserves it, but because his blood would take the throne, not rhaenyra’s, not daemon’s. HIS.
it’s from alicent’s every conversation on screen with aegon revolving around rhaenyra. how, in ep.6, his mother stops his session to tell him he needs to be better to his brother in public so we can be a united family against her, how if rhaenyra takes the throne, she’ll have no choice but to kill them to keep her throne, how in ep.8, alicent is mad at his continuous behaviors but only this mad because rhaenyra is about to be in town.
the talk before his coronation is explicitly about how much his father wanted rhaenyra on the throne, how he had twenty years to change it and never did. it’s about alicent telling him not to not be swayed by judgements to kill rhaenyra, how above all the terrible she’s done, she still his sister. yet no one has ever acted like she is.
it’s from aemond’s eye being taken out and it ending with his mother yelling at rhaenyra about duty and sacrifices, how she can do all and never get in trouble, how she does as she pleases and is happy, yet she, the queen, is dutiful and isn’t. aemond’s eye is used to get back at rhaenyra, his mother is mad that his eye is gone but it’s more because RHAENYRA’S sons took it then it being taken at all. how he has to soothe his mother even if he’s the one bleeding.
it’s from criston cole bullying and tormenting rhaenyra’s sons because they are rhaenyra’s sons. It’s about them being lesser because they came from her indecency, them being worse because they came from her. her sons being lower than them because of them being a direct connection to rhaenyra and him feeling mad about not being the one she choose.
the targtower children entire world revolved around rhaenyra. it wasn’t just viserys who preferred her, everyone did! rhaenyra’s stepmother would rather fight her than love them! their mother’s sworn sword would rather mess with her children as an act of vengeance than genuinely be interested in them, their grandfather’s every political move was to stop her husband from being near power. love or hate, those children never had a chance to see rhaenyra on their own before or after Driftmark.
their father, her father, loved her more. their mother, her stepmother, hated her more than she cared for them. their grandfather, who has no connection to her, would rather deal with politics through them against her than for them. their mother’s sworn sword, who was rhaenyra’s sworn sword first, hates her more than he likes them.
these kids, again, never stood a damn chance!!
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moeblob · 1 month ago
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Rey, who is in my very biased opinion, one of the funniest "girls" I have because she's just a guy, truly. Like Rey is just short for Reynold because he was recruited by a a goddess to help the hero she selected and the hero is conveniently Reynold's younger brother. So he agrees to help under the condition that the goddess gives him a female body for the other world. She's like "really odd flex but whatever" and gives him a female form and he's like "you know. I can't really blame anyone but myself for not specifying 'please don't turn me into a Lisa Frank personification'."
#my characters#ya know since i draw daily idk if ill do any challenges this month#i know theres a LOT of them out there but i might hold off and do huevember as a challenge and let this month just be chill#for what its worth he only asks for a female body because his baby brother (like 10 years younger than him)#commented ONE TIME ugh its so weird to have you dote on me like this#why couldnt you have been an older sister or look less suspicious#so when sent to help his brother hes like RIGHT GOT IT GIRL TIME LIKE THE MOST LOGIC COURSE OF ACTION#then does a really good job at helping the hero and then gets abducted by the demon army and#as rey keeps challenging the demons checking on him in the dungeon (who are all very kind?) to just interrogate him already#and they just ask why would they do that? they just wanted her outta the way for a bit#cause they dont actually want to hurt anyone and then the demon lord keeps personally visiting rey and continues#to point out how she gives him a headache and how the core is different than the shell#and so then he offers to revert rey back to his original form and reynold immediately accepts#and so now hes just a guy again surrounded by v nice demons#and hes like please just be mean ive been trained to handle violence you have to stop being nice#im not used to nice ok you have to be mean or else im going to develop stockholm syndrome#and the demons are just ?? we dont .... dont know.... what that is.......... what.....#then he gets engaged to the demon lord and all is well ! he becomes the trophy husband to the demon lord#and the world is saved (it was never at risk)#i have a lot of love for the idiots in this plot#because reynold and sascha are literal husbands thinking oh no my beloved husband is only married out of convenience to meeee#and solei is the goddess who recruited him and is so mad that reynold is more of a gremlin than sascha#like why is this mere mortal somehow worse than THE DEMON LORD how in the world#and reynold runs around just adopting all of the demon army and is like yeah#ill be the trophy husband with a hundred kids and a hot 7ft tall demon husband who can change into a huge dragon#and hes really content in this role!#but for a while he does appear as rey and hates how much of a highlighter he is
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makotonaegiunderstander · 7 months ago
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something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.
“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”
#makoto naegi#Danganronpa character analysis#Danganronpa#danganronpa thh#danganronpa future arc#I fucking love Makoto Naegi man.#I think there’s a fine line of nuance to Makoto that’s easy to miss bc he doesn’t really make it known#he’s not a pushover and he’s not overpowered. he’s a people pleaser but he will say what needs to be said#he’s an immovable object and the exact opposite of Junko but he’s also just a normal guy who’s optimistic and (un)lucky#he isn’t invincible but he has immense power to his words the same way Junko did#if anything his superpower is being kind above all else. he’s compassionate to some of the worst people in the world.#he was even conpassionatr to an extent to Junko. he didnt want her to kill herself despite everything she’s done#and he still acknowledges that for years she was a classmate and friend.#I do think the more he learned abt what she did the more he’s come to actually hate her though#post the first game he always refers to her without a suffix to her name which is one of the most subtle rude things you can do#it means you have zero respect for the person you’re referring to#and he speaks about her with some venom he doesn’t use for anyone else in the future arc#he’s not incapable of feeling negative emotions#I really liked the future arc scene bc it showed that Makoto DID experience enough despair to have overcome him if he didn’t refuse#and that it still affects him deeply. people treat him like he’s either this perfect ideal Chad or this baby chick who’s so delicate#and no one really focuses on how makoto shoulders so much and yet is still vulnerable.#honestly that guy was DUE for a mental breakdown even without the tape. it would have happened eventually#I actually wrote one based on him finally hitting a breaking point after giving so much of himself away and keeping nothing for himself#that his issues that he shoves down constantly finally can’t be held down anymore. Hajime helps him bc he knows how that feels#it was a LONG time ago that I wrote that but honestly if I can remember where i was going w it I might finish it#it was initially an rp but I could make it a fic#anyway. the point is Makoto is SO much more complex than people give him credit for#the most fundamental thing about him is that he’s normal and that’s ok! that’s what helps him rise!
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constantvariations · 7 days ago
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Blake literally watches Fennec rush at Ghira and doesn't call out to warn him that the platform will fall once she pulls Ghira out from under it
So when Ilia tries to murder your parents, she's still capable of redemption, but no one else is worth trying to save? Or are you only willing to extend the effort if girl make sad face :(
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nixie-deangel · 2 months ago
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Because I'm s sucker for kid fics and really interested in the Jake's family idea.🍼🍼🍼 🍷🍷🍷. Great work!
🍼 non navy bradley/fighter pilot jake as parents - hangster
“Are you being good for daddy, sweetheart?” Jake can’t help but stare in wonder at seeing his little girl so big. All of five years old and Jake feels like he’s missed everything. “How’re you likin’ school? Makin’ friends?” He grins playfully at Bradley, who lets out a snort of laughter. “Good!” Emmy chippers happily, grinning big, showing off the gap in her teeth. “Daddy said I had to be good and go to school, otherwise the Navy would keep you way longer! So I’m being extra, extra sweet and good, papa!” She flashes Jake her brightest grin, before frowning slightly. “Don’t like school though. Mrs. Amy always ends reading time too soon.”
🍷 Jake's family causes the hangster break up
“You don’t really think he’d be happy, having to actually settle for you, do you, Bradley?” Bradley flinches back startled at suddenly hearing Jake’s sister just behind him. Spinning on his heel, he stares wide eyed at the younger woman. “Wh-what?” He watches as she scoffs, rolling her eyes before moving around him to get at the fridge without having to come close. “Jake. You don’t think he’ll actually settle for you. You’re just a stop of fun for my brother.” Flinching again at the snide tone, Bradley huddles into himself and mutters out a soft ‘excuse me’ before making a beeline back to Jake’s bedroom.
Make Nixie Write This Weekend!
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outlying-hyppocrate · 11 days ago
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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asanjou · 6 days ago
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my brother is having an anniversary party tomorrow night which i have to go to even though i will be dying on account of not having slept enough all week and also because ill be doing kendo for like 8 hours straight beforehand. and it would be fine except my mother will also be there so im gonna spend the whole time getting microaggressed about being on hrt
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lolalvrrgurl · 6 months ago
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Vi would be the one who threatens and kills the cockroach (because imagining her fighting with it is funny, like cmon, she would put that shit in its place), then there's Caitlyn screaming and cheering for her in the background like the good girlfriend she is, then after Vi saves their lives she gets a kiss because she deserves it
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glacialswordsman · 2 months ago
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#☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⸺ behind the scenes. ⊰ ooc ⊱#me thinking about everything with hsr yaya when he's a mourning actor#the loss of his mom and gallagher and misha and how he leaves penacony to grieve among the stars#how his songs have gone from something festive and cheery and fun to melancholic and grieving#how he sings and sings and sings until his voice goes raw and he loses it. only to repeat this whenever his voice recovers#but it's never the same as it used to be anymore due to how much he's damaged his vocal cords#how he fucking HATES the nameless & acheron. how he trusted lumine with his whole heart.#how he told her about his mother and her being a self-annihilator and the dream is basically her hospice.#only for him to lose her forever. how albedo reaches out to kaeya as a memokeeper. tries to be there for him while recording memories.#but yaya is just so jaded and numbed. he's tired. he's lost so much. he can't lose more if he keeps himself away.#he doesn't care if everything was for the greater good. what good *is* the greater good if he cannot keep someone for once.#and then i think about yaya and haitham. because holy shit ven has filled me with brainworms on their potential dynamic.#how haitham & yaya understand each other more than anyone else. how yaya is able to navigate convos with haitham just fine#and even finds him to be hilarious with his humor even if most people dont get it. dont get haitham.#how haitham can see yaya's masks and his different smiles. his different personas.#how haitham would know khaenriahn and would speak it with yaya and how much it devastates yaya in the best way.#how they send each other little gifts. how they sign off their letters to each other.#how they think of each other in their day-to-day lives#how *liberated* they both feel being near someone who understands them while also being afraid of being known#i just. im IN MY FEELINGS#IM GOING TO FUCKING SCREAM
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poorlittleyaoyao · 2 years ago
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The other thing with Qin Su is that she's let down so profoundly by everyone around her, who all keep information from her For Her Own Good but also (even moreso) out of fear for themselves. Madame Qin never tells her--ostensibly out of fear for Qin Su's reputation, but also out of fear for how Qin Cangye will react and/or how Jin Guangshan himself will react. Jin Guangyao himself never tells her--also ostensibly out of fear for Qin Su's reputation, but also out of fear for his own standing and, again, how JGS would react. Bicao never tells her--again out of fear for Qin Su's reputation, but also out of fear for repercussions from Madame Qin for breaking her confidence, or from Qin Cangye for keeping the secret in the first place, or even (once more!) from perennial source of angst Jin Guangshan.*
Like, that is three people who could at any time have clued her in, and they didn't! They made the decision for her! They all have compelling reasons to have made that decision,** but it's still a betrayal of trust. She must have felt so alone when she got that letter. And when her husband's response to all of this is to tell her not to worry about it and neither confirm nor deny murdering their son, and the rest of the gentry seem thoroughly uninterested in her behavior, and she doesn't have much of a family network left***... is it any wonder that she's feeling so desperate in that moment that stabbing herself seems like the best option? Everybody's preoccupied with something else up to and beyond the moment of her death, and it's awful.
*I do find it interesting that JGY himself never throws Madame Qin under the bus, at least not in CQL canon. He could have said "well! if her own mother didn't tell her, how could you expect me to?" but he doesn't! He brings it back to his father and simply says that Madame Qin feared to come forward sooner/more publicly because of JGS.
**Obviously JGY's the most culpable in CQL canon; regardless of when you they may have first had sex, he very much sleeps with her after he knows the situation (despite his own discomfort, which makes this an absolutely wretched plot point from every angle). But even there, he's not the only one who has the information.
***What happens to Qin Cangye anyway? Is her dad in all but genetics still around? What does he think about this?
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deepseawave · 3 months ago
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
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#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻‍♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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a-shadowedvales · 6 months ago
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when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.
when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.
#study‚ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal.#IF U SAW ME POSTING THIS YESTERDAY. no u didn't.#i wanted to change things again (who is surprised!!) and decided to just rewrite it all rip.#me taking a few weeks off from this blog and then coming back with a brand new terry / jane hc? more likely than u think.#purely self indulgent too i might add!#every day i battle with making my terry portrayal canon to jane's timeline so jane can have her mother in every verse not just#selected ones.#but. her not having her mother is ultimately important to my writing of her and sfjasfjas >:( hate myself for it.#so here be a brand new addition to my timeline that gives jane SOME time with her mother!!! bc i need it for my mental health.#i imagine when terry dies her body turns to smoke in the void. almost like what happened to billy when jane was spying on him.#and he stopped her connection and faded in front of her.#and jane also visited terry a lot in the void because it allowed her to see more memories of her mother.#i hc that she had a real grasp on that before s3 when she looks into billy's memories.#terry (even in her catatonic state) WANTED jane to see what happened to her in hawkins lab.#so she'd want her to see the good stuff too. her childhood. andrew. her grandmother that raised her and becky.#all the good memories!#so when terry dies jane loses all that completely.#which leads to jane grappling with the conflict of whether or not she should have kept visiting terry in the void which eventually led to#her death.#because if she hadn't connected to her. she'd at least be able to look back on all those memories.#jane becomes obsessed within those months and barely speaks to anyone else.#in any free time she has. she's in the void with terry.#her own physical body grows very weak after a little while but she pays no attention to it and even gets into heated arguments with becky.#because becky is jane's carer and needs her safe and healthy. needs to look after her.#but jane is so adamant about the fact that this is her MOTHER and she's finally able to speak to her.#UGH i have so much to say abt this actually i sense a brand new addition to my timeline coming on.#ANYWAY. i'm emotional about them that is all.
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martyrbat · 1 year ago
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its so funny recognizing yourself in your parents and by funny i mean im going to be sick
#i hate my mother. i love my mother. i will always be her child. i will always be a stranger. i hate my mother. i love my mother.#like same woman who points a gun at me on the regular and mocked and laminated my suicide note when i was a kid to pass out at a family bbq#and the same reason i have such bad body image issues and chemical scars and burns.#but also. thats my mother. its the same woman who married a stranger because her two kids were homeless under a bridge after#my bio dad stole her car. its the same woman who held my hair back when i was sick as a child. who made cookies when i was depressed.#its the same woman who i had to talk down because she wanted to kill herself before she hit me and called me weak.#i miss my mother. i dont know if i ever had a mother. i love her. i need to move and never be around her.#its so difficult when you KNOW she has mental illness that runs in the family too. i know what impacts her behavior and how alike we are.#i know its not an excuse for the consistent abuse she still puts me through. i know this. i know i shouldn't feel guilty for my feelings.#i dont know what my feelings are.#i hate my mother to the point ive tried to kill myself to not be around her. i love her more than anyone else.#when your mother is a prophecy of all you might be as youre a reflection of all she could have been *family guy death pose.jpeg*#anyways. sorry for the rant heehee i am normal and going to bed before i craw out my skin and into some yellow wallpaper ^_^
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