#i had a lot of thoughts and feelings

[buffyspeak]

forgot to say this earlier but izzy was v cute on her date with charlie <3 like he’s sweet and all but idk i just got really choked up about “i don’t really do this” and how smiley and giggly and happy she was. because like!!! she Does Not! has not, ever! she does flings and hookups and casual relationships with the understanding that it’s not long-term partnership, even if it’s ongoing and has genuine feelings attached - and to be clear, none of that is bad! she very clearly enjoys it! there is not one right way to Do Relationships! but whatever feelings one may have about the doylist Why of it, she very clearly does long for some sort of relationship that happens to be out of her comfort zone. she begins to feel that she needs something that she is not getting from the kinds of relationships she has historically been in.

raphael was fully the catalyst btw. and while his asexuality is about him first and foremost - i think the fact that he cares about isabelle inn some capacity, has feelings for her, and sees her value outside of sex made her reevaluate her priorities in relationships. Things (TM) got in the way, but izzy says to clary that what she almost maybe had with raphael made her realize that she wanted more. (again, ‘more’ is not an ideal word, just the one she used becaue it is hard for people, writers of this show included, to conceptualize that casual relationships can be meaningful in their own way. but she very clearly is wanting something different than what she’s ever let herself pursue.)

it’s kind of why, on a narrative level, i get why simon is a good match for her, even if i generally agree that how it happens feels forced and rushed. (aside from that just being book!canon, which i do not really subscribe to dhdhdh.) like. it was never going to work with charlie because she would either have to bring him further into her world - which would endanger him and therefore she would not do - or keep seeing him but keep him in the dark about the shadow world. which she quickly realizes is unsustainable. (and would probably still endanger him if she kept on tbh).

simon’s a good balance because i think he embodies a lot of what draws her in about charlie. they’re both kind and treat her with a kind of gentleness few do. (her brothers of course, but that’s a) a different dynamic altogether and b) muddied by the fact that they’re all soldiers together and can’t always afford to be gentle.) simon, i’m willing to bet, would take her on lots of cute dates. like!!! simon just represents humanity in Such a Specific way, in perseverance, in loyalty, in still having passion for things like music and video games. and despite her flaws, i think one of izzy’s best traits is that she sees the value in this more than most of her people do, she’s drawn to it, she understands that the joy of the mundane world is what they’re actually protecting, what they’re fighting for.

and simon can be all that to her but still will understand when she has to cancel a date because patrol is going long or whatever. lmao.

(okay this is already so long and windy and going a million directions but. here’s the thing i don’t doubt that izzy has genuine romantic feelings and love for simon. i try to take it in good faith when it’s clear characters are written as having feelings for each other. it just occurred to me that how hopeless and lowkey depressed or at least… somewhat despondent and apathetic about her future prospects izzy seemed at the start of s3 is bc. idk how many options she felt she had? like. idk. as established, mundanes are just… not super viable. other shadowhunters are…. largely probably not willing? for better or worse, she has the lightwood name, and it’s tainted. also, i’m shot back to season one where maryse told izzy that she couldn’t do the arranged marriage because no one would have her because of her past relationships with downworlders. and while maryse was being undoubtedly cruel there, i also don’t think she was like, wrong. narratively it would always make the most sense for her to ‘end up’ with someone from the downworld but even then…. public shadowhunter/downworld relationships are shown to be rare!!! alec and magnus are a Big Deal for a lot of reasons and this is one of them!!! and many downworlders (for good reason!!) would have a lot of trouble trusting a shadowhunter in a capital R Relationship. so while there may have been downworlders who were willing to interact with izzy - who would like and respect her, even ! - i find it likely that given all that and her past reputation, many would probably only be willing to engage in a casual dynamic with her. which is no longer what she wants!

so izzy’s somewhat depresso espresso moment in the show is caused because she knows she wants to make a change in the way she does relationships and she’s also incredibly aware of how, like, there are Several Obstacles.

but again on the sizzy front this is not actually a bad thing for them because. simon is in a really weird but good place in terms of. he knows about the shadow world and can relate to izzy on that level. but he is also literally still So New to the shadow world that he has no preconceived notions of her. he meets her with no expectations, good or bad, of what it should mean that she’s a lightwood or a shadowhunter. the first three people he meets from this world are izzy and her brothers, two people that love her to death, and even though at this juncture simon does not care much for alec or jace, he is a smart and observant person. he knows how much they love her. he was always a little pre-disposed to eventually love her too, i think. he sees her as a more complete person than many do - he sees her (eventually) as a badass shadowhunter and a terrible cook and someone who’s scared of rats and doesn’t know how to do pinky promises and loves her family more than she knows what do with. he just sees her and yes, loves her, eventually, but i think what’s maybe more meaningful to her is honestly that he LIKES her, just, as a person. not just because she’s hot or strong or a lightwood (*which certainly feels like the only reason her parent’s care, at least sometimes) but because she’s Izzy.)

[hinamie]

picked up an old pen

[lazylittledragon]

ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????

[madamemiz]

sad: falling out of a hyperfixation

tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it

[technically-human]

Part two of the reverse verse is here! The reverse boys meet the original boys. They're not really getting along as well as I had hoped...

Again, this was a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are and they asked for angst/funny vibes... I think it's mostly just angst though. Oh, well...

Part one

[ducktracy]

there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love

[sophfandoms53]

Anyway shout out to Dewey who constantly looked like he was having the worst time of his fucking life in the pitches

Just an 11 year old pissed off at the world it seems😭

[everchased]

at least it'll be wonderful while it lasts.

(a little post-game downtime discussion, when they have the time and space to talk about these things. also in my canon, scratch gets to stay. :/)

[yaolmao]

simp

[infinite-beginnings]

The line when Charles said, "Edwin's told me loads of stories about Hell," and him seeming to know he'd find a map in Edwin's book always hits me hard.

Now I acknowledge Charles might’ve been posturing to reassure the Night Nurse he could navigate Hell, but let's assume this fact was real.

Because that means that Edwin felt comfortable enough to talk about all of his trauma to Charles. He mentions Hell a lot in passing in front of the girls, but he never goes into specifics. However, it seems as if he actively told Charles quite a few details about Hell. I also noticed that Charles is very calm when he's going to find Edwin. Yes, he's studying the book a lot, but he is also navigating the space with a certain amount of confidence. I'm sure it's partially due to Charles' tendency to do things without thinking and project confidence. But also, it seems as if he might have at least a very basic level of knowledge or familiarity with the levels of Hell based on the stories Edwin told.

I think this is probably another reason why Edwin struggled to believe the fact that Charles had faced abuse in his past and never shared it with Edwin. Because Edwin was always up front and honest with Charles. He told him the very first time they'd met that he had just escaped Hell. I'm sure Edwin did not want to relive his memories of Hell, and maybe it took him decades to feel like he could share. But I bet when he started talking about it with Charles, he felt relief. Because sharing your trauma with someone who accepts you and loves you no matter what is always a relief after holding it in and pushing it down.

So I just imagine Edwin feeling that relief after sharing his stories from Hell and feeling closer and more bonded with Charles because of it...and then he finds out that Charles has this huge amount of trauma from his past that he has been keeping inside. It probably breaks Edwin's heart that he hadn't been able to offer Charles the same relief he'd felt.

And yes, Crystal mentioned that Charles was probably denying the trauma even to himself. We all know that Edwin knew something was off with Charles and that he was probably frustrated in himself because he hadn't been able to figure it out, but Crystal apparently had.

But I also think there might be another level to it. The boys have been solving cases for 30 years. I find it hard to believe that they never had another case involving abuse or at least someone with a controlling personality that would've reminded Charles of his father. Maybe Edwin thinks back to a couple of those cases and how Charles was acting strange and withdrawn during them and realized he'd missed a huge clue about how his friend was feeling.

All those years of sharing his stories from Hell and being comforted by Charles and Edwin hadn't been able to do the same. Edwin is definitely hurt that Charles didn't feel like he could confide in him and heartbroken to think about how much pain his friend was going through alone.

[minimujina]

wanderer in his season of healing makes me so happy. i love that he is safe enough to become softer again, that he is regaining some of his previously “weak” attributes and finding peace with them. he is becoming measured and introspective, and thinking before he speaks, perhaps a result of both his healing and his melancholy; i think it’s beautiful that he is finally able to safely feel his sadness and process the things that have happened. he is simultaneously finding peace and feeling all the difficult emotions he previously consumed with anger. it is painful, but right.

his sense of humor is still intact, certainly rough around the edges as you’d expect, though much less biting than before. it’s easy to tell that most anything aggressive he says is a front, a front that he is no longer concerned with presenting as absolute truth. perhaps the front is his sense of humor, and his affection is all thinly veiled behind jabs and sour grumbles—he is not willing to divulge the intimate details of that, however, preferring to leave it up to interpretation.

i just think of him and his healing and i feel like if he were to fall in love, it would be such a sweet and gentle and quiet sort of thing, just like his newfound peace. he ponders over many things, brooding by himself as much as he can, though he occasionally allows space for others to brood with him. that, i think, is something unique he may grow in. there are people who cannot tolerate strong emotions in themselves and certainly not in others—but he is the kind of person who can. he is the kind of person you could sit with and exist in your sadness and just be sad, and that’s okay. he’s not offering words of comfort or anything, but he doesn’t need to. anything he’d say would be useless anyways, he knows what it’s like and knows that a presence is enough and existing in your emotions safely is enough. he can appreciate someone who is straightforward about feeling unwell, who doesn’t seek pity, who is alright with sitting in the mud. he will gladly sit with you, then, as long as you don’t expect him to get all mushy about things.

he would do well falling in love quietly, not having to beat around the bush. naturally, pieces would fall into place, and he’d find himself yearning to be in the presence of another in a way he’d never before experienced. he had never really wanted to be around anyone, had never sought out anyone’s presence. but once he has been treated gently, has fallen softly into the arms of a likened soul who has the patience and understanding to touch his rough edges without recoiling, he finds his third space being with this new safe person.

and despite his reluctance to be anything but mysterious and nonchalant, i believe wanderer in his healing season would become quite the romantic. not in the sappy sense, but in the quiet love sense i’ve been talking about. firm and protective, subtle and gentle, almost gentlemanlike if it weren’t for his falsely rotten attitude he enjoyed projecting. romantic in a princely way, in a reverently respectful way, in a grotesquely wholesome way.

only the most chaste touches and kisses; he’s still getting used to affection, and would abhor pda. in private he’s much more open to being touched, because he is safe. if he is not safe, he is deeply conditioned to be conscious of his vulnerabilities, and it’s something that will take a lot of time to override, if even at all. but it’s a massive and beautiful step that he is even willing to receive affection at all, that he would want it from a partner in any amount.

hates eye contact, likes playing with hands. likes tracing veins and creases in skin and freckles and scars; he finds them fascinating, as he has nothing of the sort on his artificial body. one of his unique ways he shows affection is what could be called “studying” you. he likes to brood (with you there; perhaps it could be called parallel brooding) and take your arm and trace all the splotches, imperfections, veins, tendons he can find. he likes to touch more than he likes to be touched i think. perhaps he becomes amusingly selfish in this way. perhaps he is more averse to receiving than giving the affection because his disgust towards himself still lingers. perhaps he still has harmful core beliefs to unlearn.

i think he is full of a love that is strong and quiet, a love that he gives so sparingly, and only in pieces, never all at once. unless, that is, someone comes along and manages to drag it all out like a magnet—his carefully crafted exterior is in pieces, just like that! but oh, once someone is in possession of his love, he begins to know them so intimately, more intimately than he lets on. he so deeply knows who he loves and he knows how to give and to take action and so he does it, silently, for he is adept at perceiving the needs of his loved ones. reading body language and facial expressions is second nature to him at this point; nothing can get past him.

he studies you wordlessly with the expression of a cat who loves and reveres its human, except it’s the kind of cat who believes it owns the human, not the other way around. you’re his responsibility that he has taken on like an extension of himself because he loves you, and you have loved him, and now he hardly wants you out of his sight. his journey of rediscovery and learning self acceptance has been mentally and emotionally arduous, but ever since you came in and made loving him seem so easy, he’s felt much more at peace, and has had the capacity to reflect and process with much more freedom to sincerely feel.

stupid fictional character i hate him i hate him so much he is not real and i hate him

[misterpseudonym]

you said forever / tell me why can’t you stay?

[cubbihue]

Does Timmy have any regrets about becoming a fairy? Does he ever wish he never done it? Or at least wait until he was older?

The closest Timmy's ever gotten to wishing he had never done it was when his wings were growing out. He immediately felt guilt when he remembered about Peri. Timmy doesn't believe in having regrets. The only way through is forward, and the only way out is up!

If presented with a redo, Timmy would do it all over in a heartbeat.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[blended-ice]

What if they made it a pair skate?

[dykedvonte]

Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.

We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.

Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.

He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?

I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?

[1000sunnygo]

Law is a lovable character. But I think it blinds people to his flaws.

If Kidd's defeat is considered karma for his bad decisions and bad leadership, the same applies to Law. In fact, in some ways, Law did worse than Kidd. Heart pirates were the least prepared for the race to claim One Piece.

Without Law, Heart pirates had no name and no face. It wasn't because they worked as a team, I think there was an intention to keep them under a veil of protection. Law's appearance contrasted the rest of his crew mates. He pulled the world's attention towards solely himself, perhaps so his friends could mix within the crowd as civilians when he's gone..

Similar to Luffy, Law wasn't particularly looking for strong people. Now take Usopp as an example. He was a regular village boy with great sharpshooting skills. Roughly, he had the same starting point as Penguin and Shachi, but now he's leagues above them bounty and achievement-wise. Straw hats' journey had a clear aim to be the very best, each of them faced the worst adversaries and grew as the crews of the future Pirate king. Penguin and Sachi, on the other hand, spent over a decade with a Captain who they believed was aiming for a great treasure, when in reality, the Captain was stuck in his own world. He was fighting a lone battle with his friends completely left in the dark.

The lack of transparent communication weakened the crew's foundation. They were sheltered by an overprotective captain, it stunted their growth. In fact, it was simply dishonest of Law to lie about his ambition.

Law's detailed background wasn't decided back then, I think we can overlook this one. When Oda drew the panel above, I'm pretty sure Law in his mind was a much more grey character.

Kidd pirates knew what Kidd wanted. They joined their Captain's reckless adventures willingly and gleefully, Kidd never let them feel like a burden. Zoro and Killer could fight beside their captains on the rooftop, but Bepo - a polar bear mink with a great potential - wasn't ready to be there.

Law realized his goal to claim One Piece only a few days prior to leaving wano, and instead of taking time to grow as a team, he marched ahead to join the flow. I don't think he had many options, but it doesn't hurt to acknowledge his shortcomings.

At the end of day, Blackbeard can't be blamed for playing the game like a pirate. The fault was Law's. His crew was trained to tame the depth of the northern sea, not to find their place in a titan's battle royale.