#i get really sad when I cant have my windows open

[kingflups]

I don't know if I reblogged the post or if it's buried deep in my queue, but that post that's going around that's like,, how long have you been depriving yourself of good things, yes you get little treats but do you spend twenty dollars on something you dont necessarily need but would genuinely be nice for you just to have? The example the post gives is a rice cooker and I always thought it was a silly thing to get because I can make rice on the stove? But the post cracked something in me (and maybe it has something to do with my mental problems acting up thank you January please send the sun back thanks)

Anyway i do a lot of rice dishes because they're easy and I usually have eggs dried chives and something else in the house but for whatever reason, the last few months, i just cant bring myself to make rice. So I bought a rice cooker

I used it for the first time and I nearly cried today. It was just nice, it's such nice rice, and it's easy it's so so easy

[hoe4sports]

So Long, London

Leah Williamson x reader

A/N: Please be sensitive about this. This is how i grew up and I’m going through a rough patch with my mother. This is based on «So Long, London» by Taylor Swift. Feel free to listen to the added song as you read this for extra feelings. Even if you dont like her, take a listen.

Summary: You grow up with a mother that refuses to work. You have to leave football to pay rent at 11. Your mother tells you that life is supposed to be hard. Until one day, Leah’s dad tells you that it’s not supposed to be this hard.

Warnings/triggers: Angst. Childhood poverty. Verb abuse.

I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist,

I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift,

Your hand was trembling on the door handle. It was hard to sort out if it actually was your hand that was trembling from nervousness or your whole body from exhaustion. Tears pressed on your eyelids, but you knew better. Your lungs opted for a deep breath to stop the shaky breaths that had been running wild since you started walking back home from work.

It was cold outside. The kind of cold that leaves your body shivering so bad that when you finally get inside, it feels like your core is frozen. God, you think. You are so tired. Yet, you cant seem to enter your own house. Well, it’s not really your house. It’s your mother’s house that she rents. Actually, she rents but you pay.

You take a deep breath before pulling yourself together. Building up your invisible shield to protect you from your own blood. Not physically, but mentally. “Just one more month”, your mother says. She says that every month. And every month, you believe her. The believing her is what keeps you going. “Just one more month, then you can focus on middle school again.” That’s what your mother always say. She has been telling you that for years. You continue to believe it. Maybe she will try to get a job next month. Except, she won’t.

“Life is supposed to be hard” is what your mother would always reply like it was the solution to all the problems in the world. To her, it was. To you, it was the cause of all your problems. You are only 11. You are supposed to be playing in the sun with your girlfriends from school. You are supposed to be chasing your dreams with your team. You are supposed to like to dress up in pretty dresses. You are supposed to go to tournaments with you bestfriends, Leah, Ella and Alessia. You are supposed to be free from adulting worries. You are supposed to be a child. But you cant. Your mother refuses to work, and your baby sister needs roof over her head. And your mother refuses. So you work. Because it’s just, one more month.

You are lost in your thoughts when your hand opens the door startling you. Your feet step inside the hallway, but it feels like your head is still outside. Like it’s floating away like a balloon, a million miles above your house. Your trembling hands puts your backpack down before it quietly unzips your coat. It’s soaked. But that is expected, you have been walking with the news paper for hours. The shoes on your feet gets neatly put away in the shelf. But you stop. You take them and the coat with you into your room, not wanting to take up too much space.

When you make it to your bedroom, you feel safe. It’s not really a bedroom, it used to be a pantry but it fits a bed and a small desk. It’s sad that it doesn’t have windows, but you like it regardless because it keeps the cold somewhat out. The coat gets put up on the pole of your bed and the shoes gets put next to the wall. You take your backpack off and place it down infront of you. The coldness of your hands are still present, but it’s okay. Life is supposed to be hard. You unzip your backpack to find the contents soaked, again. Your belly hurts. You promised your teacher to keep your books dry. Now, they are ruined. They are falling apart at the seam. You try to place it on your desk, standing up while you spread the pages hoping it will dry. Maybe you can try to glue it close when you get to school.

The door creaks and your head freezes. “Did you make any money tonight?” Your mother asks. You nod before emptying your pockets. 110 punds. Your shaking hand offers them to your mother. She smiles. She always does when you give her the money she needs. “Thank you, don’t stay up too late” she says as she leaves the room. You cant help but frown. You are so painfully tired. You get up at 5 every morning. You walk your neighbour, Mrs. Tiller’s dog for 5 p every morning. Then, at 6, you walk to school. You reach school just before 8. Your mother used to drive you. Then when she couldn’t afford the car, you catch the bus. But the cost of tickets rised, so now you walk. School is over at 4 every day. Then you walk home. Usually, you are home around 6.30 because you are tired. It forces you to walk slower. Sometimes you stop and sit on a bench to rest. Around 7, you head out to give out the news papers for tomorrow. There was no routes available close to your house, and most people won’t hire an eleven year old. So you take what you get given. From 7 to 11.30, you walk with the news papers. Sometimes, you get tips, explanations if it rains or if you are sick. Because people feel bad for you. But you don’t care, because life is supposed to be hard. Your eyes are tired as you try to do your homework from you soaked books. You end up sitting at your desk, close to falling asleep. But, it’s okay, you think. It’s only for one more month. Expect, it isn’t.

And you say I abandoned the ship,

But I was going down with it,

You are now 14. One more month, your mother still says. Every time you tell her that you feel like you can’t catch your breath. Just one more month. You now know that’s not true. That it’s forever. But you smile and keep quiet. You never make a fuss. You pretend to believe her. As long as you pay the rent, your mother doesn’t care. But, life is supposed to be hard, so it’s okay. You skip school to work at the local gas station. But your mother doesn’t know that you work there. She thinks you still walk with newspaper. It hurts to lie to her. She likes you, she says. But, she loves your sister.

Your mother hates lying. She yells at you if you lie. But your boss is your friend Leah’s dad. He gives you one check a month. Just enough to cover the rent. But he pays for your football with your friends. And he sneaks you cash when he can. That way, your mother doesn’t get suspicious. It hurts to lie, you think. It makes you feel on edge. Like you are always on guard. Like someone will come rip it all away from you. But it’s okay, life is supposed to be hard.

One day, you come home from work and from practice. You make sure to not come home too early. So you wait at the field, not wanting to cause any suspicion in your mother. It’s the same routine still. You come home, bring your clothes to your room, your mother comes in to ask for money and then she leaves.

One day, that goes all wrong. You come home too soon. You don’t mean to come home too soon, but you do. The exhaustion is ripping you apart and you need to sleep. So you sneak into your room with your clothes. But you forgot to change out of the pair of hand-me-down shorts Leah’s mom gave you and you are still wearing Leah’s brother’s old club shirt. It makes your mother furious. She tells you that you are an awful kid. That you are irresponsible. That she wishes someone could come and take you away so she doesn’t have to deal with you. And you don’t say anything back, you keep your head down and let her tell you how awful you are. She forces you to change and she then takes your shorts and t-shirt away. Then she slams the door shut. And she doesn’t talk to you for weeks.

After pleading your mother to speak to you, to aknowledge you for weeks. She looks at you with disappointment in her eyes. You try to explain. Football is the only thing that brings you happiness. And your coach says that you have real talent. That you might make it. Your mother tells you that might dosent get you anywhere. That football is for immature children. That you need to be a responsible adult and work. You nod. But, you aren’t an adult. You are a child. You are 14. But, life is supposed to be hard, your mother says. And you quit football. Because life isn’t supposed to be fun. Life is supposed to be hard.

My white knuckle dying grip,

Holding tight to your quiet resentment and,

My friends said it isn't right to be scared,

Every day of a love affair.

You keep the schedule. Work-School-Work. Until you are 15. One day, you get called to the front desk. You feel scared. Maybe your mother finally got someone to take you away? So you could stop being a burden. For a split second, the thought of someone taking you away, relieves the heavy feeling you have in your gut. Maybe, just maybe, things will be better, you think. But, you find your old coach at school, Leah’s dad. Rather, he manages to pull you out of your class to talk to you. The sight of him makes you want to cry. You want to ask him to take you away. To find some other family that you can live in. Maybe one of the group homes you learn about in social studies isn’t that bad. But you lie. You tell him, The joy you felt playing football is gone. And you haven’t been able to feel that kind of joy since. But you tell him that it’s okay. That life is supposed to be hard.

He frowns and shakes his head. He says that life isn’t supposed to be this hard. That kids needs to get to play and have fun. That you aren’t supposed to work when you are 11. That your mother is supposed to be working. You think about believing him. That his word might be true. But you remember. Your mother warned you. That people will try to convince you otherwise. So you shut him down. You tell him that you just don’t life football anymore. That it’s boring. But all you want to do is cry.

You turn your back to him while he calls your name. But you continue walking all the way down the hallway. To the left and then up the stairs. To the right and to your classroom. You quietly slip into the room finding your seat, doing your best at being invisible. Leah furrows her brows at you and tries to whisper something about what happened. You try to smile to her, but it dosent look real. Not at all. You can’t really smile anymore. Because you are so tired. You work all day and do homework all night. Your grades suffers from that. But, you think that it’s okay. Life is supposed to be hard, you think.

A week later, after working a night shift, you go back to school. Still in the same clothes as yesterday. When you get into your classroom, you slip quietly into your spot next to Leah. She smiles at you. And you try to smile back. But, you are just so tired. She asks you if you are okay. And she knows about your mother. She asks if your mother is being tough on you. You think about telling her the truth. But you just shrug. You smile sadly at her, and tell her that life is supposed to be hard.

When you get to work that night, Leah and her dad is there. You light up. Are you working tonight, you ask. But you know the answer. She dosent work. She doesn’t have too. She focus on football. On getting better. On being a child. Leah’s dad shakes his head. He says that it has gone on too long. That you need help. That your mother needs help. You feel offended. You don’t need help, you think. You pay the rent, you think. You are responsible. But when you want to argue with him, Leah looks at you with her warm smile. She asks if you want to sleep over. And you think about it. Your mother wouldn’t know. But you have work, you tell her. She looks at her father, he says you can have the night off. You can’t afford that, you say. But he smiles, he says that he will make sure you get pained. So you agree. To go home to Leah and sleep at her place.

When you get to her house, it’s like you want to cry. You get a warm bath with bubbles and bathbombs. As you dry off, you smell dinner. Her mom has made your favourite. Spaghetti and meatballs. Red sauce. Salad and garlic bread with Parmesan. You look at the dinner on the plate and you dig in. The feeling of being full is something you don’t really get a lot, so you feel tired and warm and fussy. You and Leah go to bed in her room. But before you do, Leah needs to go get her backpack from the car. While you wait, her mom pulls you aside. She tells you that you can always tell her if you need help. If you need somewhere to stay. That she thinks of you as her second daughter. And if it wasn’t for you being so full and warm and fluffy inside, you would’ve gotten angry. But you don’t. You thank her. Then Leah comes back and you go to her bedroom. Her nice room with soft carpets. And curtains. And a nice mirror with lights on them. She even has a big bed with two nightstands. You borrow some soft pyjamas. They look brand new, and you decline. But Leah says it’s okay. That she can get new ones. So you accept. Leah has already fallen asleep. So you scoot into her for comfort. Her soft snores are comforting, you think. And you cuddle up to her. She wraps her hands around you in her sleep. Like when you were kids. She’s still your bestfriend. You close your eyes. But you hear the door of Leah’s bedroom going up. You open one of your eyes slightly. Just enough to see, but not enough to let them see that you are awake. It’s her mom. She comes in. She kisses Leah’s forehead. She moves around to your side and kisses your forehead too. Then she wraps the comforter around you both. Just like she did when you were kids. But you still are kids. You feel confused as you lay there with closed eyes. Maybe life isn’t supposed to be this hard.

The next morning, you get ready together. You get another shower and you borrow some of Leah’s clothes. They are nice and warm. You don’t really have warm clothes anymore. It’s too expensive. But Leah’s parents takes care of her, and of you. Her dad has already turned on the car to warm it up before he drops you off at school. When you stand in the kitchen, waiting for Leah. Her mom looks at you with tears in her eyes. She tucks your hair behind your ear. And you feel the tears pressing too. You throw yourself around her. She hugs you back as you cry. And she holds you. You look up at her while you shake. You both know that you are not going back to your mothers house. But you don’t know what to say.

Maybe life isn’t supposed to be this hard, you say. And Leah’s mother understands.

So how much sad did you think I had,

Did you think I had in me?

How much tragedy?

Just how low did you think I'd go?

Before I'd self-implode,

Before I'd have to go be free

You sit across from your mother. It’s an office. It’s bright and white and clinical. You stay with Leah’s parents now. And you don’t work. But you play football again. Your mother crosses her arms as the therapist talks. You look down at your shoes. The eyes of your mother is burning into your chest. You feel a cry gather up in your throat. And you want to run away. To hide. To never come back. A part of you wishes you never asked for help. But a part of you knows that, if you didn’t get help. If Leah’s mother didn’t help you. You wouldn’t be here’s

She’s making up things, your mother says. You don’t bother arguing. You just stare at the floor while your mother takes a verbal stab at you infront of the therapist. She’s irresponsible, she’s says. Ungrateful, she says. The anger is building up in her voice. And you feel scared. Like when you were 11. And walked the streets to hand out the newspaper. In the middle of the night. To pay rent. But you don’t say anything. You just look at the therapist. She raises a brow at you. And you nod.

The therapist smiles and stands up. A second later , Leah’s mom comes into the room. There aren’t any chairs close to you. But, she sits next to you. Moving the chairs around, arranging for you to feel safe. It’s nice, you think. Leah’s mom is perfect. She is kind. Helpful. And she won’t say mean things about you. Not even when you aren’t there. Her hand takes yours. It’s magical, you think. You feel safer. Warmer. Stronger. Just as if her hands have superpowers.

The therapist continues on talking. You can’t really underatand everything. You are just tired. Even though you have stayed at Leah’s for a few weeks, you still feel tired. Leah’s mom got worried, so she took you to the doctor. You hadn’t really been there before, but she came with her. The doctor did tests and took you blood. Then he told you that you were burned out. That he was pulling you out of school for a few weeks. That you needed to do something fun. Fun to you was football. Or used to bed but it was too late to play now. You got scared, but Leah’s mom said that she was gonna take care of it. You felt scared to believe her, but you did. And she took care of it. You got a tutor that helped you better your grades. You started football with Leah, and you loved it again. You feel like you might die if you have to go to your mother again.

The therapist talks. Leah’s mom says that you are kind. That you help out at home without being told to. That she sometimes stops you from overworking yourself. That she reminds you to be a kid. That you are respectful. And polite. And, easy to love. You feel warm inside when Leah’s mom talks about you. But you can see your mother’s face when you look up. She is angry. Her face is tight. And she’s smirking at you in a way that scares you, like payback.

The therapist then talks to you. He asked you questions and you don’t really know the answers to anything. You shrug and hold on to Leah’s mom. To comfort. To her love. The room is silent as you mother looks at you. Leah’s mom looks at you. The therapist looks at you. You gulp before looking your mother in her eyes. You hold Leah’s mom tight. Life isn’t supposed to be this hard, you say.

You swore that you loved me but where were the clues?

I died on the altar waiting for the proof,

You sacrificed us to the gods of your blues

You stay with Leah’s parents. Permanently, you decided. You get new clothes. And a bedroom with fairy lights. And carpets. And a desk. And a big bed. And clothes. And cleats and workout clothes. Even a new phone and a computer for your school work. You like it, but you feel scared. Maybe this is too much, you think. Maybe you are too expensive, you worry. But Leah’s mom reads your mind. She assures you that you deserve a space for you. That you need things. A room. Clothes. That you deserve dignity.

Life gets better from here. When Leah celebrates her 16th birthday with your 16th birthday, you feel sad. You don’t know many people. But you are happy for Leah. Because her family is coming over with gifts for her. You decide to wait upstairs as you sniffle before putting your new summer dress on. It’s pink and it’s the nicest dress that you own. The only dress you own. You hear Leah callling from downstairs, and you feel embarrassed that you made her wait for her gifts so you hurry down. But you stop mid stairs. Leah’s family has gather at the bottom of the stairs. They have gifts and cake and balloons in their hands. And they all yell, surprise! It makes you confused until Leah comes up and grabs your hand. She tells you that it’s your gifts. Your cakes. Your ballons. And your family. You feel grateful as you tear up. You blow your candles for the first time ever and her family hugs you. It feels safe. It feels like home. Home with Leah and her family.

She’s your bestfriend. But after your birthday party. You lay in the big swing in the garden together. Looking at clouds. Hearts. Starts. Balls. Cats. The skies has shapes. You haven’t really noticed it before. Leah grabs your hand as you both lay there. And you grab hers. It feels safe with Leah. She has been your bestfriends since you went to kindergarten together. But that changes. Leah kisses you. And you kiss her back. And suddenly, you are girlfriends.

At night, you get your makeup off and put your new soft pjs on. You start to think that this life is good. This is how life was supposed to be. And you feel like you might have accepted it. That it’s okay to feel happy. That this is what a family feels like. You start brushing your hair before preparing to braid it. You sit in the chair watching your hands brain in the mirror. You hear your phone buzz, and you look at it. It’s your mother. For the first time in a year. And you spiral. Immediately bursting into Leah’s room and her arms. She holds you tight. Her mother brings tea and you watch a movie together. Eventually, you pass out from exhaustion. And Leah, deletes the message. Leah says, life isn’t supposed to be this hard before she kisses the top of you head keeping you safe.

And I'm just getting color back into my face,

I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place,

For so long, London

You are 17 now, and you finally got an offer to play for a club. You and Leah, got an offer together. But you don’t know how to feel. You are leaving to play. Leah is playing for Arsenal. She has been for a year. You got accepted into the girls under 18’s squad, but you made big progress. You didn’t think that it could be this good, that you deserved a life like this. But here you are. Leah’s mom and dad comes to every game. If you and Leah play at the same time; they split up so you can have someone there for you. You are scared to admit it, but you love it.

But now, Barcelona is knocking on your door. Leah’s door aswell. Leah has set her heart to leave. Barcelona is the greatest women’s club in the world, and she is one of the greatest players of her age. You are not there yet, but you get there eventually. But you don’t know that yet.

You feel scared. If Leah leaves and you stay behind, then she might break up with you. But she reassures you that she won’t. Because she loves you. And she chose you. Then you feel scared again. If Leah leaves and you stay behind, then where are you gonna stay. Leah’s mom laughs and says that this is your home too. That you can stay here for as long as you wish before you grow up. She says that you can go and come back if it gets too much.

That makes you feel safe. Leah’s family makes you feel safe. Her dad helps you make a decision. He tests your speed. Your strength. Your one vs one. Your dribbles. Your shots. Your agility. He watches Barcelona’s games on the tv with you. You analyse the team together taking notes to see if it matches with your current shape.

After a week, you call Barcelona back. You hang up after the call feeling empty as you walk down stairs. Leah sits down in the living room with her mom and her dad. They all look at you. Her dad looks worried. Leah looks terrified. Her mom smiles at you, like she always does. Always creating a safe heaven for you.

You gulp. Leah asks you, did you decline, she says. You swallow as you sight. Tears starts to press on your eyelids and your phone feels like it burns holes in your pockets. Leah takes a step towards you. You can see tears in her eyes too. You let out a breath and look at her.

Life isn’t supposed to be this hard, you say. I am going with you to Barcelona, you confirm and Leah breaks out in a huge smile. She pulls you in for a hug. Her mom and dad hugs you both at the same time. Your mom and dad hugs you both at the same time. A family hug.

A moment of warm sun,

But I'm not the one,

So long, London

You stare at your bags. You stare at Leah’s bags. Your dad looks at the bags before he starts shuffling them around to fit into the trunk of his car. Somehow, he makes it happen. You have dinner together for the last time. Spaghetti, meatballs, salad, garlic bread with Parmesan. Your favourite. It feels like the end of an era. You feel stronger now. Like you have grown into a woman. You have more respect for yourself now.

After dinner, you all drive to the airport. Ready to take on the world together. You and Leah, in your new apartment in Barcelona. As you pass through busy London streets, you pass people. Elders, youngsters, families and kids. You pass stores like Claire’s and primark. You pass a football field with little girls playing football. It makes you smile. You think about how one of those girls might be the next big thing. How all they need is one person who believes in them. One person to change it all.

You look over at Leah who is asleep. She always does this, falls asleep in rides. Trains, cars or planes; she always falls asleep. You grab your phone and go to the message section. You decide to type in a message. The message is to your mother, former mother. You tell her that you are moving to Spain. To play football with Leah. That your parents are diving you to the airport. That you hope she rottens away alone. And to never contact you again.

As you press send; you block her number. You look up when it’s done feeling 100 kilos lighter. Outside, the rain suddenly dries up and sun breaks through the heavy sky. You lower your shoulders as you breathe in the London smell for the last time, at least for a while. It’s good. You know that this is the start of your life. This is you prioritising you. That this is what you need. A place to call home, that doesn’t have any memories of your former mother.

At the airplane, you get to sit next to the window. You put your phone in airplane mode and watches as the flight takes off. The trees becomes small underneath you. The houses becomes like small sheds. The horses looks like grains of rice and you look over to Leah who is fast asleep holding you hand. You smile as you turn your head back to the window. The sun is shining more and more as you move higher up. You look at the familiar landscape while it disappears and whisper underneath your breath,

So long, London.

[mikobeautifulheart]

Hiii (’◡’) I really liked that fan fiction of choso where he's jealous over the kitty but I think it would be so cute w nanaaamii plz plz💗(*ˊᗜˋ*)

Ahhh thank you for reading my fic (and liking it) 🥰.

Here we go

Jealousy

Tw: none, just fluff. But not edited.

FEATURING: NANAMI

It all started after a hard day's work. Another overtime.

Nanami sighed as he turns the key and steps inside your shared apartment, he really needed to just feel you right now.

"I'm back." He mumbled kicking off his shoes.

He dosent hear you move or respond...weird. He walks into the living room, sunlight comes in golden rays settling on your sleeping figure. His mouth upturns into a smile.

Until it dosent.

There on you peaceful rising chest was a white fluff ball, it's form also rising up and down. It took his spot.

Feeling something around you, your eyes slowly open to see a very exhausted Nanami.

"Welcome back Kento" you say sleepily sitting upright the white fluff now in your arms.

"What do you have there?" He asked.

You were to tierd to tell how he asked the question. Was he upset? Angery? Hard to tell.

"Oh this guy. I found him on our window sill this morning and he was injured."

Right on que the cat lifts one of its paws up revealing a small bandage wrapped around it.

Kento thought a vain in his head was going to burst when the cat turned to face him only to snuggle right under your face and reveal its big blue eyes.

There was something wrong with this cat. Cats don't just show up injured on a 6th floor apartment window. Cats don't smirk and hit people's nerves.

And most importantly they shouldn't look like a carbon copy of a white haired co worker that passes him off.

"He looks better already." Kento mumbled glaring at the cat.

"You know I actually have a cut here to" He said lifting his shirt up only too show half of his torso with a deep wound on one side.

"Oh Kento, why didn't you go to Shoko?! She would have foxed this in a minute!" You said putting the cat aside and getting up to grab your patch up supplies.

"She was on break and I wanted to see you." He sighed.

"But I see someone beat me to it." He glared at the cat.

You brought over a box and started attending to the wound.

"Kento what if it got infected? What if you made it worse? You cant just ignore this like it's nothing!" You said as you finished disinfecting it.

He only watched as the cat jumped off the couch and weaved between your legs.

"Aww isn't he the cutest." You said looking down at the cat.

"If you say so darling. How long is he going to be here anyway, i'm afraid his owners might begin to miss him"

"Actually he's a stray, he doesn't have anyone Ken, isn't that sad!"

"mm very, what do you suppose we do about it?" he asked glaring into the cats back.

"We should at least look after him until he heals, and I know this apartment doesn't allow pets but I spoke to the land lady and she said I can keep him here until he's better" You beamed only making him sigh.

He can't make you sad when you were this excited about having a cat, TEMPORARILY.

"Okay. We can keep him for now, but I need to rest and that means me and you. No cat."

The cat meowed loudly from the other room.

"I mean it."

"Okay Ken!" You said just glad you could keep the cat.

THANK YOU FOR READING ♡

AUTHOURS NOTE: Tehe thanks for the request anon and sorry it took so long :( have a good whatever time.

[itztim3todi3]

Hello! Can I request the dorm leaders from TWST's reactions to being happily dating a male reader, but then one day the reader is cornered in a high place by someone from their dorm, who starts going off about how he doesn't deserve to be dating their dorm leader, which prompts the reader to try to leave, but is roughly stopped by the other student, causing him to lose his balance and fall off the edge to either die or be severely injured on the ground below?

ғᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ sᴋʏ

Ooooo love this. very big-brained anon

Requests | Open (read rules on pinned first)

Fandom(s) | Twisted Wonderland

Platonic or Romantic? | Romantic

You didn't know how this happened, you were simply cleaning the windows and this student came up behind you, a student from your boyfriend's dorm. They seemed mad as they almost scolded you for touching their dorm leader, for simply being with him. And before you know it, your surroundings were blurring past you as you plummeted towards the ground.

Riddle Rosehearts

when he finds out what happened to you, he's fucking pissed

he's storming through the school demanding the student to come forward, the one who did this to you

later when he's in his room everything comes down like a avalanche on him and he breaks

he's ugly crying and screaming as loud as he can

he's clutching his head as he things about you dying, how much pain you must be in, how scared you must have been

he doesn't ake the news that you're on the verge of death very well

his health weakens, he starts showing up late to class or not at all, he's starting to fail his classes and he's falling asleep in said classes

he just broken and its obvious that he's not doing well

Leona Kingscholar

when he finds out what happened to you he's marching down the hallways looking for the student

he can smell their scent on you from their hands pushing you back as you tried to leave, he can smell them and he's coming after them

they're going to be gone by the next 15 minutes once he finds them

after that he just goes back to his room and stays there

he doesn't leave at all, he's missing all his classes and he's barely eating

he's terrible he cant sleep he get nigjtmares of you dying, of watching as you fall and not being able to do anything

he loses a lot of sleep and energy

he can barely leave his bed

Azul Ashengrotto

hes frozen, hes having a hard time processing the information he's received

he demands floyd and jade get that student here immediately

he's blackmailing them till the end of time and making them give over their life

he's pissed yet he can't show his anger

he's stuck in his office worrying over you as you lay in the nurses' office

he buries himself in work and such, to get his brain off of you

he's just trying to cope with this but he doesn't know how to besides doing work

he cant sleep he cant eat and he barely show his face around school and the lounge

Kalim Al-Asim

hes calling in all the best doctors his family doctors he's spending as much money as possible to get you better fast

he's a lot less happy and positive

ofc he still has his positivity about the situation but this has taken a large toll on him

he has a hard time falling asleep and eating, he's not used to doing it without you it doesn't feel right

he cries at night, he's not a loud crier (my hc) so hes just sits in his room as he hugs a pillow and just lets it all out

he tries to stay positive he really does, but he just can't stay so positive for so long

jamil is the one who takes care of the student who did this to you, he will nit allow himself to see kalim so sad

plus they hurt you, he doesn't like that

Vil Schoeneit

hes worrying hes crying hes all over the place he's trying to hold everything in

but once he's alone hes broken down in tears he's falling to the floor he's just gone

he's lost it a bit he's mad he's terrified he's disgusted he's everything all at once

he just wants the student gone he wants them away he just wants them dead

he's a lot more stressed hes not as neat as before

it shows, but no one says anything, they know how important you are to him

Idia Shroud

hes even more stressed

hes staying up for longer times, more days playing games watching shows trying not to cry hysterically

he's not showing up to class w/ his tablet he's not answering anyone

he hasn't left his room in forever

he's worried but he's trying not to make himself worse by going out of his little bubble

to get him to sleep Ortho has to knock him out or he passes out himself

he's blackmailing the student finding evyerhting he can about them

he's not leaving them alone until they're crying and running and screaming for their mom

he's pissed and sad he wants to die but live he's this he's that

Malleus Draconia

its thundering instantly, he's pissed hes sad its going to flood

they have to evacuate the school as malleus is flooding it and setting things on fire with his lightning

however no matter what the nurses' area is not getting destroyed or touched in any way

you're in there hes keeping that place safe from himself and others

he cries he does he has his students track down the one who pushed you off

hes dealing with them himself

hes calling his personal doctor from his home

hes giving you the best treatment he can

almost overblots

[hibiscusfairys]

🐞 draco malfoy ; unrequited love, part 5 (hufflepuff fem reader)

♪ a lots gonna change : weyes blood

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

♡ warnings: angst

tagged: @miawastakens @watercolorskyy @pinkynecktie

also to the last person who requested to be tagged, im so sorry but i cant seem to find your blog when i try to tag it :(

by the way a reference to the last chapter, i realised adrian pucey is two years older than harrys year, so for the sake of it not being weird just pretend he was a year older than us

☆

You cried all night.

You didn’t know if whether you had swayed him, or distanced him from you even more. Each passing thought that involved him had only provoked your yearning tears. By the end of the long evening, your pillow was wet with the heartbreak and sadness you wept for him.

You were stupid enough to believe he was for you. The muggleborn girl and the pureblooded boy with a family full of blood supremacists which he was surely influenced from — yeah, right. What a foolish imagination you must have.

Dawn had rolled around, and your quiet sobs had eventually stopped and morphed into your sleep. The bright light of the sun shone through the fogged window, reflecting onto your hair. Your yellow duvet covers were spread everywhere, and the mascara you had worn from the ball before had stained your pillow like watery, black ink.

You rose up from your slumber, increasingly light headed from all the thinking you had been doing all night. It was time to finally get on with your life, and leave this all behind. Your feelings for him would have to disappear, soon enough.

Your ball dress was still on, and was crumpled from the action of tossing and turning restlessly in your bed.

A letter was positioned unknowingly on the windowsill. You noticed that the window door was open, the cold air hitting your face like a vent. You saw that a midnight feathered owl with amber eyes as bright as streetlights perched on the sill, looking at you with its pupils dilating.

Eagerly, you opened the letter, hoping it to be from your parents. They had only just figured out how to use the owl. But the envelope looked too classy, too posh even. Nothing like the basic white envelopes you’d usually see.

It had a certain family emblem on the black seal.

Ripping the top of the envelope, you lifted the mysterious letter from the pocket. You had almost instantly recognised the handwriting, as you had seen it in your potions class not too long ago. It was Malfoy’s.

The words were carefully carved with ink on the parchment, and ink smudges seemed to be far less of a problem for him to prevent than it was for you. Using a quill and proper ink was still something to get used to, even if it had been 4 years. You anxiously let your eyes scan the page, a lump forming in your hoarse throat from all the sobbing. To….

I apologise for my previous behaviour last night

I understand that I may have upset you. This is quite new to me actually. I’m too wrapped up in myself to recognise others problems, if I am being honest.

However, while I still stand by what I said about us not working out, I do want to create a compromise with you. And before you ask, I’ve dealt with Astoria. It was entirely difficult for me to tell her. And to be honest, I am feeling quite down. But I’m still so confused on where my heart is leading and I don’t want to lead her on either. She’s one of the only people I care about. Except for my family and some others which I won’t name.

If you are so desperate, it will have to be a hidden secret between us. If I ever eventually decide to let myself love you, while the guilt might weigh heavily on me, I am not afraid of it. It is quite dismaying knowing that you aren’t a pure-blood like I am, but I want to learn to be more tolerant at least. And I’ll try to be more open. But don’t let a word slip out. I’m sorry if I am asking much. I should really not ask you of anything, but I can’t help it. I’m still adjusting to this. I thought it would be so easy, love. But it’s not. Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people. But I don’t want to label you as wrong. Rather — unexpected. My family will surely be disappointed, so it’s why I’m so hesitant. But it’s a risk I am willing to take for my heart to finally be at rest. It has been tugging on me for weeks.

Do answer me later. Moreover, maybe I can explain it to you better in person.

Draco Malfoy

You saw your tears melt onto the paper. Different emotions poured through you like a rainfall, you felt excited and happy, but also unnerved. It disappointed you that he couldn’t accept you in the first place.

You found out your quill and a pot of ink.

To Malfoy,

Thank you for your letter. I am glad that you’ve explained to me your feelings. Sometimes writing it down makes everything better.

But please, do accept me as I am. I don’t want to pressure you into doing something you won’t find comfort in. Plus, it would put me in danger too. I don’t know what your family is like, but I don’t want to entrust them just yet.

However, I do feel similarly. Maybe we could try it.

I’d be glad to keep it a secret for you.

From…

You finally signed your name in one swoop of your quill.

“Hopefully..” You say to yourself, handing the addressed envelope to the messenger owl.

☆

thank you all so much for reading this fic, i appreciate all the support youve given me so much and im excited to write more future ones for you soon ♡

also im sorry if the ending seems quite rushed, i had no idea what to do and i didnt want to keep anyone waiting too long :( ill try to improve on this in the future and hopefully, not pressure myself too much with releasing chapters

[milkteahood]

Can I make a weird request. Kinda like a next day after intimacy with brahms, it just the roles switched and brahms having to take care of the reader cause the cant walk. I just think it be funny and fluffy. Also he doesnt know many chores so the next day it be up to us to clean up 😂

Note: I haven’t realized I have so many requests in my inbox since I was not here much, so my apologies for the delay lol anywayyyyy I love this idea

days with you

Brahms x reader

As the morning sun broke through the window, you found yourself gently rolling over and away from it. Although it wasn’t long until an arm wrapped itself around you and pulled you closer. Brahms pressed himself against your back, his nose nuzzling your hair. It was quite cute, you thought to yourself, that even in his sleep, he can’t stand being too far from you. As you slowly opened your eyes, and the soreness hit your body, you started to recall the events that brought you into this situation.

Your memories were slightly foggy, maybe due to the lack of feeling in your legs, or maybe you were still too tired to think straight. Either way, you didn’t care too much, for even the little clarity you had that early morning was enough to fill your stomach with butterflies.

“No Brahms! How many times do I have to tell you? Throwing tantrums isn’t going to make me want to help you with any chores!” you yelled around the room, hearing his footsteps in the walls.

He didn’t talk much, not when he was angry anyway. After some years spent together, you decided it was time he learns how to do chores himself too. Initially he didn’t take it well, but it was understandable, all his life he had people do things for him. After a while though, he started to help, he realized it made you happy and realized that the happier you were, the more you will praise him and do what he wants.

“Stop acting this way! I’m tired too! And I’m done with your crap!” you yelled again, but this time, there were no footsteps. Was he ignoring you? The thought of it made you even angrier and for once, you weren’t going to go after him. And so you didn’t. You continued with your day, with no Brahms in sight.

As the night approached, you started to feel bad and worry. He didn’t come out for dinner, didn’t come for a shower, didn’t come in the room as you were changing. You realized he was probably really sad or really angry and you didn’t know which was worse. Either way it was you who’d have to deal with the tantrums. But to his credit, ever since you two became a thing, he has tried to get better. Which is why he didn’t break half the house in rage, but preferred to keep his distance.

You decided you had to find him. Both of you had a whole day to cool down and it was time to talk. As you made your way through the walls and to his old room, you found him sitting on the bed. Even with his mask on you could feel him stare right into your soul.

“Brahms..” you said.

“Leave.” he responded, his deep voice filling the room.

“I’m not leaving until we talk” you stood your ground.

He didn’t respond, just stood up and started to talk towards you. “Leave” he repeated, heavier this time. Yes, he was trying to intimidate you, you it was having the opposite effect. He stood there, towering over you. It was moments like these your height difference hit you. You just kept looking at him and you could feel him tense up. Was he really that angry with you?

Without realizing, your hand ended up resting on the side of his mask. But it was just for a moment, because he grabbed your hand and pushed it away. You looked at your hand and then at him again, even in his anger he was still being gentle. You didn’t want to keep poking the bear, but you also didn’t want to leave things as they were, so, in a very little thought decision, you ripped his mask off and kissed him. Your heart stopped for a second, lips on his, not moving at all. You only felt yourself breathe again when he kissed you back, although it was a very angry and eager kiss. His big hand holding you by the back of your head, keeping you in place, while your arms wrapped themselves around his neck. The kiss was hungry, full on emotion, and you knew in that moment you weren’t going to be able to walk the next morning.

“Brahms..” you said, rolling over to face him, gently tracing his features with your finger.

“Hm?” he mumbled, in a mix of child like voice and adult.

“It’s starting to get late, we should get up”

“I don’t want to, Y/N” he responded with the voice of a child.

“Well, I’m hungry” you pleated, giving him a smile.

After some back and forth he stood up and you did too, or better said, you tried too. Because the second your legs were forced to support you, they gave up on you. As your body met the floor, Brahms turned to you worried and kneeled down.

“Y/N?” his voice was concerned, eyes widened, looking at you

“I’m fine... I can’t feel my legs..”

He looked at you for a while, worried at first, not knowing what was wrong. As he saw you rub your lower abdomen, it hit him, and worry turned into a smirk as he helped you up and back in the bed.

“Rest” he said, and kissed the top of your head.

“So you’ll do the chores today?” you smirked, getting comfortable again, almost rubbing it in his face that he did it to himself.

As realization hit him, he bit his tongue. He was going to have to do the chores himself. He knew how to do his chores, but he had no idea about yours. He didn’t know white clothes shouldn’t be washed together with red ones, so now he got himself a few pink shirts. Nor he had any idea how long you’re supposed to cook something for, granted, a little burnt and crispy meal wasn’t gonna kill anyone.

Brahms didn’t go a few hours before coming back into your shared room and pick you up, still completely naked, and carry you downstairs. He didn’t say anything but you knew he needed help. The day consisting of him carrying you around and you pointing out to him how everything needed to be done, trying not to think too much about the rest of the messes you would have to clean up the next day.

You tried your best not to chuckle when he did something stupid, you knew that would hurt him. Instead you opted for encouragements, seeing that always worked with Brahms. The more you praise him, the more likely he is to do what you want. It kept him happy and gave you some peace.

As the day went by, your legs started to feel better and so you tried to help him here and there. Ultimately you found yourself in bed again, his head nuzzling your chest. You gazed at him, taking in his features and your nails gently scratched his back. Being around Brahms did have its ups and downs, but he was trying and he was slowly getting better and that’s what really mattered to you.

[redwolfstabs]

I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM. BARE WITH ME. PLEASE.

ahem- y’all remember that post I made about Sam turning 18 and going to find Billy? Listen to this shit- [apologies if I can’t write Sams character well- I will be trying here though.] [Survivor au so Billy and stu are like.. kinda popular, blame River for that idea.]

-

Sam stares out the taxi window, blinking slowly. She made the decision to come here, but now that she was here all she wanted to do was run away.

The taxi driver was talking, but the words faded in the background and Sam couldn’t hear them. She just fumbled with her money, gave it to him as she muttered a thanks and stepped out the car.

She stood in front of the house for a good minute before walking up the path that leads to the door.

It was a beautiful house, with a fence in the back. It looked like the kind of house she would see in the movie ‘Stab’, but it was really pretty.

She breathed out slowly as she knocked on the door. There was barking inside for a moment, and she didn’t have to wait long for the door to open.

“Can I help you?” She looked at him, her dad. Billy Loomis- she’s seen pictures of him before, but now that she was actually here in person she could see a few similarities between them.. it was.. strange, to say the least.

“You’re.. Billy Loomis, right?”

He sighs, and leans his head on the doorframe. “Listen kid, I don’t do autographs, I’m not giving you some free shirt-”

Sam shakes her head. “What? No- no I’m..” she pauses, for a soft moment before finishing, “I’m Samantha? Sam Carpenter. You’re my dad.”

Billys brown pinch together and he shakes his head. “Uh huh- nice try.”

“You fucked my mother! You’re my dad, she talked about you a lot. We can get a dna test if-”

“Did I just hear you have a daughter?” Someone else pops up behind Billy, holding a cat in his arms. Sam recognizes him, that’s Stu. Stu Loomis, Billys husband and friend during the murders of ‘96.

Billy elbow Stu in the stomach carefully, “go away” he mutters softly.

Sam looks between them both, and then she sighs. “My mom was Christina Carpenter, you don’t remember her?”

“Not in the slightest.” Billy sounds almost like he’s hissing it at her, but it doesn’t want to make her back down in any regard. Instead, it makes her want to stand taller.

“Wait-” Stu talks, and he looks at her now. “Christina Christina.. Dude!” He looks at Billy. “You don’t remember her? You guys had sex at my party- pretty sure it was like.. roughly around September?”

Billy blinks at him, then shrugs. “I wouldn’t know, pretty sure I was drunk that entire time.”

Sam feels something curling in her stomach when she fully realized he had no idea about her. She doesn’t know why, but it makes her feels almost sad. Maybe she should’ve expected that, but she still had a little hope that maybe.. maybe he would know.

“You were in fact very drunk, now that I think about it,” Stu confirms with a nod, then he’s looking at Sam.

Sam looks at him back, and he seems nice enough. At least, he seems nicer than Billy.

“You here by yourself?”

Sam nods. “It’s like.. kinda my birthday? And I wanted to know who my dad was- I can probably just” she makes a slightly annoyed gesture with her hands. “Call another taxi and leave though-”

“Absolutely not.” Billy shakes his head. “No way- look..” Billy sighs, rubbing his face. “You can stay for a while, if you want- we have the room and I guess..” Billy does a hand gesture as well, and Sam realizes that’s something she does a lot. She must’ve gotten that from him. “It might be nice to get to know you.”

Stu smiles. “I get to be a dad!”

“Aren’t you already a dad?” Sam and Billy say together, both pointing to the cat. Then they’re looking at each other, before Billy laughs.

“Oh I see. You’re both going to Gang up on me now.” Stu shakes his head. “That’s gotta be a Loomis thing.”

Billy looks at Sam with a hum, “Whatdya think? Team Loomis?”

Sam smiles just a little and nods. “Team Loomis..” she almost whispers it, not being used to say Loomis in reference to herself. But something about this feels.. right. It feels like a home, something she rarely experienced back with her mom.

"Happy birthday, by the way."

She smiles just a little more. "Thank you," She utters, and she feels a warmth in her chest. Maybe this time, she'll be able to feel like she belongs in a place. A place to call home.

____

AHHHHH. I cannot stop thinking about a different au where they meet, it makes me bonkers.

Anyways- Tag list for all my cool friends !!

@koyarkive [ik you don't know scream 5 but its writing so here cap'n] @smashlovesscream @fantasylandbitch @blackwolfstabs

[yeonjun4beagles]

drunk(in love)

a/n: hi hi ^^ this is actually based on that little snippet of drunk yeonjun from suchwita hahahahah i cant resist writing cuz really, he is so cute >< so enjoy reading~ reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated! also this is my first attempt on crack (?) so i don't really think it turns out well but wtv ( ;´･ω･`)

you've been friends with txt for quite some time now and really, you've had your fair share of drunken experiences with all of them. well, except for yeonjun. you really wonder why he's never really get drunk in front of you? does he feels uncomfortable? does he not trust you? or is he scary when he's drunk? sad? clingy? you can never guess.

and today you'll get the answer.

you're going over to their dorm tonight for games night and you've asked for soobin's help (well, not really help, soobin just have to make sure yeonjun drinks a lot today and that's not really hard for him) for your agenda.

"y/n noona!!", hueningkai squealed, getting up from his spot and throwing himself over you, almost making you both fall down. "you big puppy, missed me much?", you said as you ruffled his hair, the younger boy just grinning from ear to ear.

"oooof looks like you guys started early without me, huh?", you asked, sitting down across from soobin and yeonjun, the former giving you a knowing nod. the latter however kept quiet, his cheeks rosy from the alcohol. "now now guys, what about we play truth or dare?", beomgyu suggested, grabbing an empty bottle and putting it in the middle of the circle. oh, don't you love it when everything is going your way.

after a few rounds, you grew frustrated, the bottle never landing on that one particular person you're hoping for. at this point, you already has to drink beomgyu's 'concoction of love' as what he likes to call it, taehyun has already somersaulted from the table, beomgyu having to post video wearing ugly wigs, soobin and hueningkai choosing the safe choice of truth which leaves only yeonjun having not done anything.

"okay hyung, i am just gonna give you two choices, truth or dare", soobin said, holding the bottle and pointing it straight at yeonjun's face. the older boy whined, definitely not liking that he has to choose. "truth" "okay, confess your undying love for y/n".

soobin's requests surely had yeonjun suprised, his droopy eyes almost budging out, "that's not fairrrrr", yeonjun turned to soobin, shaking his shoulders and kicking his feet like a child.

oh wow this is certainly not like what you imagine drunk yeonjun would be, all his coolness flew out the window, leaving this cute child in front of you. you're certainly not complaining tho, reaching into your pocket and getting your phone, recording this precious gem.

"what's not fair? you did choose truth so don't be pussy now, hyung", soobin laughed, passing the bottle to yeonjun. he then grabbed the bottle, tapping it as if it's his mic, ready to speak. "ahem, mic check, okay", yeonjun straighten his back, adjusting his imaginary tie before he speaks. "tooooo my beloved y/n, my sparkling blue spring, i am soooo soooo grateful to have you, my goddess in my life", he slurs, his hand making theatric gestures. "youuuuu really make me feel like i'm human, not just an idol people look up to.... how do you do that? making my heart all flowery when you talk to me? ahhhh you really are amazing~ you should open a flower shop, y/n", yeonjun grinned, making the whole room laugh at him. oh he's so gonna regret this when he sobers up.

"let me show you how much i appreciate you with this dance i make for you", yeonjun suddenly stands up, almost stumbling into the table before soobin manage to catch him. "okay now that's enough, hyung. let's go sleep", soobin sighed, practically having to drag yeonjun's ass to his room.

"Y/N DONT LEAVE YETTT COME TO MEEE", you can basically hear yeonjun's whining from his room. now, you really know why he never gets drunk in front of you. such a cutie.

before leaving, you quickly sent the video you recorded to your group chat, knowing how embarrassed yeonjun would be when he woke up.

and as expected, the next morning the house is filled with roars from yeonjun and soobin, the older one chasing the other around the house for a beating. "COME HERE, CHOI SOOBIN, YOU UNGRATEFUL KID HOW DARE YOU!"

[breezy141]

☽☹︎ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐬 - 𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 ☹︎☼

summary: you were on the run, not for humans but from monsters.

warnings: the thought of this made my heart kinda cry. mentions of suicide kind of, swearing.

“run! don’t stop!” abby shouted behind you, there must have about 3 hordes behind the both of you, you were alone. clearing out areas was definitely dangerous but never did you ever think it would end up like this.

the bite on your ankle was burning, gushing of blood, stinging, everything bad you could think off you felt, guilt, sadness, hopeless.

“on your right! there’s a shack!” you looked over and ran, you waiting for abby at your entrance ready to close the door and block it. as she ran past you slammed it shut, she pushed a cabinet over the door.

“abb-” she cut you off “oh my god, what do we do love? there’s gotta be a way out of this” you continued to call her name but she was talking over you “abby!” you shouted, she turned around.

“im so sorry, you need to go. go right now” abby looked at you confused “i got bit, o-on the way to our last area where i got grabbed. abby i’m so sorry, you need to go right now” she shook her head “no..no no y/n stop don’t do this to me, please baby” she cupped your face, looking into your eyes, tears threaten to fall.

“i’m really sorry, i don’t know what to do. im so scared abby, i don’t want to do this, i-i don’t want to turn into one of them please abby” you sobbed against her chest, she held you close. crying with you.

“no, y/n please you can’t do this to me. i cant feel that feeling again” she whimpered “i am so sorry, i love you abby. please tell owen, mel and m-manny i’m sorry” abby pressed her forehead against yours. “i don’t know what i’m going to do y/n”

“you’re going to go back, tell everyone, say i went in a good way, d-don’t tell them the truth but them three. you are going to continue to be the wonderful person you are, work as hard as you usually do, be the abby that i know” she shook her head. you pulled the necklace from your neck and gave it to her “please don’t forget me abby”

“i could never” the sound of the door getting hit by the hordes made you both jump “you need to go, please” you begged for her to jump from a window or something like that. she nodded, she gave you a kiss and with that she left. you stood in the centre of the room tears streaming down your cheeks.

[3 DAYS LATER]

abby made her way to the shack, mel, owen and manny following behind. she stopped before opening the door, her eyes started to water “abby, i’ll go if i have to” she shook her head “no, you guys stay here” she opened the door and breathed out heavily, she found your lifeless body. slumped up the corner, gun in hand.

a note had been placed next to your arm, she walked over to it. she tried her hardest not to look at you, but she couldn’t help herself. there you were, skin had turned so dull, eyes began to darken, the bite on your ankle had turned a funny colour, it was covered in pockets of puss and dried up blood.

she picked up the note and it read

abby, i hope you find this letter but at the same time i hope you don’t. i don’t want you to see what i look like, i don’t know what will happen, if i still turn into one of them or if i made it out in time. telling you what happened was the worst thing i’ve ever had to do, i know what you have been through and i hate myself that i told you in a way that i did. i hope to be able to watch over you, and guide you in a way. please don’t think of this moment ever again, i want you to remember me, but remember the great memories. i love you abby, i want to write more but i’m afraid those things will get in and tear me up. i’ll see you in heaven my darling, goodbye. -y/n

she folded up the letter and put it in her backpack, she took yours as well. she studied you, she remembers your laugh, the way it sounded, it was contagious. she remembers how your eyes would light up when you saw her or alice. she remembers the freckles you had on nose and cheeks, they would darken when being in the sun for a certain amount of time. she remembers the way you used to say her name, it rolled off your tongue so perfectly, it was something she loved.

“i love you y/n”

________

i’m crying :3

[girlsbeingtheirbestself]

HOW TO STOP SITTING IN BED AND ROTTING🎀🫧🎧🌺 (with as little effort as possible)

hey again guys!

so my last couple of posts have been on this same topic but they are quite big things to do if you are in a proper rot or have adhd or depression or anything so here is an easier way toease yourself out of a rot.

right now i want you to make your bed. it doesnt have to have cute pillows stacked up or anything just make it. then get in the shower and put it at your fav temperature and sit or stand under it and let the water wash away any of your worries, tiredness, sadness and rottenness. you dont have to wash if you dont think you can but if you can use all your favourite products and wash your hair! now im so proud of how far you have gotten already! ok next i want you to brush your teeth and have a glass of water. i bet you are feeling fresher already! when you come back in your room, open your curtains and open your windows to get some air in. take deep breaths. now choose you comfiest but cute and presentable clothes and favourite underwear and change into it. then whatever the time is ;whether you will be having lunch, breakfast or dinner, cook yourself a nutritious meal even if its just pasta with some veggies please don’t just grab a bar or a packet of crisps. take the time to cook an easy meal. then wash up. don’t think of it as a chore, play your fav music and sing and dance while washing, splash bubbles 🫧 and smile. then go for a walk. just a short one to take fresh air and get out. now if you are feeling tired again just keep away from your phone. next you can grab any old notebook and write down whatever apart from things to do with stuff that makes you tired, rotten , stressed or sad. write a letter to your sibling or things your happy about. now cuddle your pet if you have one then make a hot water bottle and a cup of tea/ hot milk/ hot chocolate then cuddle up on the sofa and watch your favourite show. you have done so well! im proud.

now i want you to get a good early nights sleep in your clean tidy bedroom and wake up in good time tomorrow morning for another day of joy and happiness 💓. i know its cringe dont come at me! also if your bedsheets are dirty and you really cant wash them then just brush away the crumbs at least. and if your room is a tip, start by putting your washing in the wash basket and putting the dishes downstairs and wash them if you can. worry about the rest tomorrow ok 💓 im here if you need to talk guys!

alr im so so sooooo proud of you and im going to sign off now because you need to try do this! ok? xoxo

[therealpontius]

Just for tonight… pt2!

Plot: bam takes you out to relive your teen years

Warnings: public nudity, drug misuse, alcohol, mention of death

This ones more sad and short i guess i kinda vented through it 😭

It was 1:50 now and you started changing into thicker clothes to shield yourself from the cold. Bam had sneaked out to get his skateboard, he would be back in ten minutes. God you felt alive again, like a child sneaking out for the first time. A loud wolf whistle sounded from outside your window and bam stood with a backpack and his skateboard in hand. You grabbed your camera and your skateboard you barley knew how to ride in your bag and climbed onto the roof that sat below your window.

"Hey bambam" you greeted him, hopping off the roof "hey y/n y/n, i know where to go follow me" you pulled out your board and followed behind him, you could ride, just not do tricks "supprised you can still ride" he shouted behind him, no doubt waking up a few neighbours "same to be honest" a laugh escaping your lips.

"DICO" bam shouts, next minute dico stands out of the shadows waving "hey shit heads whats going on?" The blunt balanced in his mouth and the lamp post that shon brightly was the only things lighting him up " what are you doing?" Bam asked, you stopped your board next to him, using his shoulders to get you off it "just hanging out with frantz in the skate park, we have weed"a devious smile spread on his face, that wasn't unusual though "cmon y/n" bam took your hand and led you over the small hill in the darkness to a small skate park where you could see frantz lying back on a bench, a cloud of smoke drifting away from him "frantzy we have visitors" fratzs head turned fast at the mention of his name "oh hey guys!"

The atmosphere was AWKWARD, bam skated around while you sat inbetween frantz and dico who were cracking jokes to eachother and reminiscing on childhood 'dramas' that werent so dramatic anymore "oh god i wish i had past me's struggles" frantz laughed passing the almost finished blunt to dico "speaking of past dramas and struggles... y/n! Hows that nose doing?" Wow dicos using your name for once "dented, look" dico and frantz both squint at your nose "still small but you can see the stiches, neat" frantz speaks softly "yeah it was a bugger to deal with" the silence was undoubtably awkward again "im sorry for calling you fattie i thought you found it funny" "ofcourse i didnt you idiot" you both laugh awkwardly "so y/n, where did you go?" "Delaware" they both tilt their heads in confusion "yeah ive got my own apartment and i play the electric guitar in the local pub" "when are you going back?" You paused a little after frantz question, god you didnt want it to be true "tomorrow..." "yikes..."

Bam returned, out of breath and smiley "cmon y/n follow me" you followed him and waved goodbye to frantz and dico. He led you to a flat ground and took his backpack off. 3am it was, Cold but the sky was slowly getting lighter and the air was crisp "finally old enough" bam says pulling his backpack off his shoulders, sitting down after it. You sat too, confusion on your face visible "drink! Here i know ciders your favourite" bam passed you four big bottles of cider before pulling his own drink out "bam thats too much! How much?" He flings his hand your direction "forget about it, i owe you it anyways" you open your first cider and put it to your mouth, the bitter yet sweet alcohol swimming down your throat "i guess so. So what have i missed with you bam, whats been going on?" He stared at the sky with a unreadable expression "im miserable, utterly miserable" bam flumps down onto his back, you following after him "you know i got a ton of money, chicks are coming for me left and right yet im still not happy. Is there something wrong with me?" You giggle slightly at his dramatic tone "no bambam nothings wrong with you. Close your eyes and think of what you REALLY want, then tell me." "I cant do that its embarrassing" "bam we might never see eachother again, try it" he goes silent for a minute giving you time to gulp your cider

"Fuck fine okay" you lay back down next to him and he closes his eyes "i uh... um... i kinda want... you?" A army of guilt stabs your heart, god why didnt you just wait at west chester "im sorry bam... you got me for tonight" "just for tonight?" "Just for tonight..." suddenly he pounces on you, kissing you like he was starving. Without words you both take off your jeans and shirts KNOWING what was about to happen  "are you okay with this bam? I mean like public" you where down for doing it anywhere but bam was more private, he didnt like anything out of his comfort zone "its going to be okay, im going to do things how you wanted them" he moves his body so that he was kneeling between your legs handing you a bottle of cider, getting his own too "cheers" with that you both downed as much as you could, putting the bottles down carelessly and continuing the kiss, the strong taste of cider from both your tongues making the experience so much better.

*CRUNCH*

Both of you froze as you head leafs and branches shuffle arounf, the sound was far enough but it soon became closer "quick! oh shit" bam whispered frantically, shoving his clothes on, you started too aswell "WHOS THERE?" You hear from behind you, a deep manly voice followed by a flash light that shon on the both of you. Bam had packed the drink back into his bag and got his skateboard ready, you had everything on but your shirt, failing to find it "FUCK" you screamed, picking your board up and the shirt that conveniently hid under it.

You both ran for your lifes, giggling like the kids you once where "BAM MY SHIRT!" He turned round and his face dropped "oh my FUCKING GOD" you both continued to laugh, running through the streets that where dimly lit by the years old street lamps and the moon that went down slowly untill you met a black alleyway "how the fuck did that happen" he says breathlessly "i couldnt find it!" You shoved it back on and stopped for a breath too, god that was fun.

You spent the next two hours drinking the rest of your ciders and taking photos of bam trying to skate untill the sun came back up. The fact that pedestrians started walking by made you realise that it was time to go, tome to say goodbye to westchester, to bam “bambam…” “yea babe?” God hes got far too comfortable “i need to go home now”

His eyes got watery and he faced away to hide from you “ill take you, lets go”

The skate home was sad, no words where spoke and bam done none of those unnecessary flips that are only just to show off. You got to your bedroom window and he just stood. He wasnt the man you met two days ago, he was the boy you knew six years ago again. The same expression on his face when you would be upset with him or when he had a bad day and came for you for hugs and a cheering up. The morning breeze blew your hair gently, it all seemed too perfect, perfect weather, perfect breeze perfect couple or so someone passing would think. “I need to go bambam” he just shrugged his shoulders and kept his head facing down “enjoy delaware” “i will…” with that you climbed back to your window, no goodbye.

Your parents woke you up at 2pm and you said your goodbyes, you knew once you left it was never going to be the same. Next time you see your dad it would probably be at your moms funeral and the same with everyone else is this ‘perfect’ town.

The car journey home was grim, no music, no dancing, no goodbye.

1am. you sat in your bed, you werent exactly sad but you felt empty like westchester was the reason for that huge hole in your hard that was never filled.

*tink*

*tink, tink*

You opened your blinds to your window hoping that the magpies werent banging there beaks off it again

“Hey sunshine! Wanna let me in its fucking freezing out here?” “BAM!”

@randomqueero :)

[tonberry-yoda]

Hii first of all i hope youre doing great! Make sure to drink water‼️

So i saw that your requests r open but idk if u can do matchups so feel free to ignore this if u dont

But if u do, i was wondering if u could do a jjba matchup from parts 2-7 (any gender idm)

Some info ab me:

Im agender but i use any pronouns, im aroace (! Aroace ppl can still feel romantic feelings js limited, just letting u know bc ppl get confused🥲!)

Id like the matchup to be romantic and some characters i wouldnt rlly like u to include r stroheim, kira, pucci and funny valentine

Okay lets get to the main stuff

My personality is pretty confusing even for me tbh

I can be very serious at times but i can also be very js energetic and yk goofy ig? My energy gets drained quickly after that tho so yeaah

I get told pretty frequently that im harsh but im just honest🤷‍♀️

I prefer saying whats objective and truthful rather than sugarcoating stuff

I can be very supportive tho dont tske this the wrong way

Im an ambivert and idk if yk mbti but since it might help im an Intj e3

Also im a night owl so yeah i love staying up and stargazing from my window💁🏻‍♀️

As for how i act in daily life well, i always try my best to get everything that im assigned done and most of the time i do. I strive for perfection and success in whatever i do and i am very ambitious🏃🏻

At times tho i feel like i need breaks so once in a while i like to just stop and relax, to do absolutely nothing

I like to read books every now and then but i dont have a good attention span and i zone out A LOOOTT

Not just while reading, if im doing anything at all ill just zone out eventually

I really enjoy being in my head with my own thoughts its like my safe space even if its not safe ykwim

Im just a very brain-ish person yk i like thinking i spend hours in my head its like my comfort place

I also like being productive it makes me feel alive

Like doing stuff

Im also a result/success oriented person so yeah

Also other than reading im also into make up and i like to listen to music if u consider that a hobby

I have a very mixed music taste but my friends say its good

I really like lana del rey and indie music but I also love rock and grunge like ac/dc, nirvana, pearl jam etc.

I also listen to stray kids sometimes their music is cool (kpop) but i also listen to j-pop and classical music (ascends me to heaven fr)

I also listen to 90s hiphop. Yeah.

Thats a lot of stuff I KNOW but i told u its a mix

As in fashion i dress either very y2k-ish or like my friends always tell me i look like those 2 girls from mean girls (my clothes)

I like to dress coquette-like though too!

Id also like to be a gothic lolita but i cant so thats sad

I also have brown hair and brown eyes and im average heigthed

My friends say i have the best style so yeah

I dont really have a type but i do have a preference for either people who are like me bcz yk they get me

But i also like funny people like very energetic funny people

We can be like sun moon dynamic idk😭

I like every love language ngl

I have a slight preference for gift giving though

I mean thats the one i use so

The fic is up to u idm what it is

Tysm for ur time, ik that was a lot, feel free to ignore if u dont feel like it have a nice day/night <3

notes: omg hi!! I am finally doing your matchup <3 I feel like it has been in here forever omg. but i am so glad im getting to it today!! i literally have the PERFECT character for you tee hee so let's jump in <3

the character I chose for you is...

GYRO ZEPELLI!!!

you and him have a very similar personality. you can both have a serious front, but goof off with each other, which is the most fun

it makes you a super successful couple too because you both know when it's joking time or not

though you will find him making stupid jokes more often than not

he likes that your harsh/honest

it just really shows that you know who you are and you cant take certain stuff

it just means your strong-willed and that's what he loves about you

there is nothing wrong with being harsh and he tells you that all the time

you and him are very supportive to each other and it really helps the relationship grow

i feel like gyro is honestly a morning person, so you wont find him staying up with you late that often

so while he sleeps next to you pet his hair

but he will 100% stargaze with you while you talk about life and cuddle

you get shit done and that's what he loves about you

and when you two are together, you're literally unstoppable tbh

as ambitious as this man is, he is also lazy, so he will ask you to just sit and cuddle him so you can take a break

and who are you to deny gyro??? i would cuddle in those arms any day

doing absolutely nothing sounds amazing to him, so please stay wrapped in his arms

just know he will fall asleep

since you love reading, but zone out a bit, this man will read to you

he loves to read to you

even if you zone out, he will catch you up

he overall just enjoys reading out loud a lot, so you're going to hear a lot of it

while you're just thinking, he'll be right beside you

you are your own comfort space, but you begin to feel that he is becoming your new one

he is also a mixed music dude, so yall listen to whatever

HE LOVES THE WAY YOU DRESS OMG

literally force him to dress up to and you will be walking ICONS

do his makeup

LITERALLY

he loves when you make him all pretty

he'll braid you hair if you braid his

he is super energetic and funny, so you have the literal perfect man for you

and he will provide every love language, just expect a lot of words of affirmation from him and way too many cuddles

and if you give him gifts, he gets all flustered and blushy

and then he'll get you gifts too :)

and now for your fic :)

You stayed up on the edge of your shared bed with Gyro and watched the stars from your window. You lived in a nice enough area to see all the stars and you were very thankful for that. You couldn't go to sleep, so you decided to open the window and get a breath of fresh air along with your view. Your boyfriend slept quietly next to you, his arms hugged around his own lanky body. You watched his breaths for a moment. In. Out. In. Out. You smiled and ran your fingers through his long sandy blonde hair before looking right back to the window. "Darlin?" You heard from Gyro, making you jump. "What's up?" You asked, seeing his long arms stretch in front of him as he sat up. "Can't sleep?" He asked, avoiding your question. "No, not really. Just wanted to do some stargazing." "Come here," he said, patting his chest. You gladly laid your head on your chest, having an even better view of the stars as he petted the top of your head until he fell back asleep.

~~~~~

matchup rules | pinned post @tonberry-yoda

[cant-reed]

dude i be pressin buttons n shit. like i dont think i've been playing the game's objectives for the last 15 minutes im sad i lost my baby boys my funny inline skates [seriously why did i only get those in the tutorial?? the body should've like, still had those on when he fell into the river?? am i supposed to have a way to swap to those still????] but i fucking love this board bro. and on-foot too. i am unironically just running around this giant open space hitting buttons trying to figure out trick timing bc the window to link these actually feels really tight. im not getting it down pat perfectly but i wonder if like. this will come naturally eventually or not. bc its not like jsrfmp timing where like, if you hit it consistently in 4/4 you'll be fine but it aint like. i dont think there are cancel windows. like in strive or nothin im having a skill issue but i cant wait to get over it so i can start finding better lines thru this area. i wanna hit all the little dudes.

[gorey-maiden]

Slashers react to you having a panic attack-

Michael:

you where home alone while Michael was out doing whatever he does, you where sitting on your bed waiting to get a massage from your dream college you sat there anxiously your hand playing with the hem of your sweater just then you heard a sing for your laptop you clicked on the email and began to skim over it to get straight to the point "we're sorry to inform you" is all you had to read you fail, tears began to fall down your cheeks as you start to shake "I try so hard am I just stupid?..." you ask yourself as your thoughts swirled in your mind and throat became sore shaking you were startled by the sound of the bedroom door creaking open, you look up to see your boyfriend standing there tilting his head "oh hey love-" you hiccup and wipe your face forcing a sad smile he walks up to you and sits on the edge of the bed he puts a piece of your hair behind your ear looking at you with concerned eyes "uhm its stupid I-I just got rejected from my college" you say looking at your hand with embarrassment he pulls you in close and leans you on his chest, you listen to his heartbeat calming you down who knew Michael had a heart.

Thomas:

you were standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes while waiting on dinner you heard screaming coming from the front door Thomas comes walking quickly down to the basement with a girl over his shoulder and a guy being pulled by his hair you've had a bad past with loud noises and confrontations so you hated it luda gave you a worried look noticing the quickening of your breath and the stressed look on your face she give you a nod and you go upstairs to the bedroom that you and Thomas shared, you sat on the bed with your legs crossed under you and a small blanket over your shoulders "damn it (y/n) wait cant you stop being so sensitive" you thought as you clasped your hands together leaning them on your forehead closeing your eyes tight trying to block out the blood curdling screams coming from downstairs, after that didn't work and you started to shake you flop backwards and put a pillow over your head the muffled sounds seemed to help not knowing how much time had past you felt a presents beside you, you raise the pillow enough to see Thomas looking at you with worried eyes he wipes your cheek not even knowing you had been crying "I'm fine huh just a little overstimulated" I say with a soft laugh but he didn't seem amused, he walk to the other side of the bed kick off his shoes and joining me the pulls me to lay myself on top of him he rups my arm and plays with my hair "I love you tommy" I say nuzzling into his neck.

Billy&stu

you were sitting at your desk studying for your final exam before summer break you've been very stressed out all night staying up until 1am trying to figure things out "shit shit shit what if I fail my parents are gonna be so mad I'm gonna have to start the whole grade over again" you think as you start to shake and cry, you try to get up to get some fresh air but instead sliding down the door of your bedroom laying on the cool floor, you had at thought and pulled out your phone shakily and called up your boyfriends knowing they where the only thing that could help "hello? (y/n) is everything okay" billy says you called him knowing stu is probably over at his house like always and stu never picks up the phone "n-no please come over I really need you two right now" I say sobbing into the phone "okay baby we'll be over right away" he say hanging up the phone a few minutes pass and you hear taps on your window you go and open the curtains seeing your teo dorky boyfriends crawling on the over hand of your house, you open the window "thanks for coming" I say huging them when they step inside "aw pup its alright we'll always be here" stu say huging you back tightly, they pull me over to my bed and throw the sheet over us they squeeze you in the middle and cuddle you till your hearts content after telling them what's wrong.

Jason:

you where taking a stowell as you usually did since it was boring when jason would go and set traps, where walking in the main part of the camp when you see a truck of teens roll up you were confused on how they got in since the gate was rushed shut "hey sweetie what's a cutie like you doing in the dangerous woods" a sleazy guy says being out of the car along with his other friends "yeah why don't you join us we'll show you a good time promise" another guy say closing close to me grabbing my arm "No I'm fine thanks" you say trying to pull away but the guys try to grab you and pull me towards the car you punched a in the face and knee a guy in the stomach running from the group hearing them laugh, you run to the share cabin and sat on the couch feeling the bruises of where the guys had grabbed you, you start to shake and bawl your eyes out you look up the see Jason standing with his machete dropping out to the floor and quickly walking over to you he sits by you puting you on his lap cradling you , you see him sign "are you alright?" "yeah I'm okay what did you do with them" I say already knowing "I saw them hurt you so I hurt them 10× more" he signed noting his chin on the top of your head "I love you" you say hugging his neck, you could feel the blush radiating off of him.

[kiroonsmoon]

🍕 🍀 🧠 🍩 fae siblings and luci..

(This is so fucking LONG)

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

Oh god I don’t know. This is honestly something I don’t think a lot of for my ocs. I feel like Fate’s and Calamity’s favorite food would be something that was originally from their homeworld. What is that? I don’t know! I haven’t thought about it much other than fae cuisine has a lot of fruit and vegetables in it and is usually very sweet.

It also something they cant probably ever have again. Aevium is a very different world from their homeworld and have very different plant life that doesn’t exist in the other so yeah. Sad moment there.

Lucifer’s is a lot less deep. He probably likes something simple like Dino Chicken Nuggies lmao.

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

For Fate, the ending of V13 lmao. I usually like to play as the canon MC. Yes they’re usually blank slates but I find enjoyment in taking the canon playable character (or one of them) and seeing how I end up perceiving them and creating my own interpretation. It’s why I don’t have MC ocs for Reborn/Desolation and Decibel/Robin with my own interpretations are the canon main characters of Reborn/Deso of my own personal oc verse. Originally I was doing the same with Alain, then the whole Chapter 15 ending came and threw that out the window. I got really really interested and invested in the relationship between the interceptor and the host which slowly led to me creating Fate! So yeah Fate, and by extension Calamity, wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for Rejvu’s crazy twist lmao.

Calamity came from the random thought I had. Does the interceptor have any family? Yes I get they’re meant to be a player insert but like, we have our own family. How would they feel if they suddenly disappeared from their family? How would the family members be affected? So yeah, Calamity was inspired by this thought I had lol.

Lucifer was just inspired by the Renegade route existing. I like evil paths, but I can’t really see Fate going down Renegade unless she was physically forced into it. I also wanted to explore a different way canon pokemon games insanely young protags could be shaped by their experiences.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

My favorite thing about Fate is probably the fact she remembers her past along with being a completely different creature from a human and coming from an entirety different world. I absolutely love to explore that part of her and how she interacts with Rejvu’s characters and the world and compares it to her own. She’s adjusted a lot by this point in the story but she will always feel like an outsider. Her in act 1 more focuses on her desire to try to get home to her world and Calamity and reactions to the world but after her death in Valor Mountain she began to believe she was truly stuck and just try to find her way to live in this new world.

Calamity same as above, I like to explore his reactions to a world completely different from his home world. But I also like how extreme his reactions can be when it comes to something he cares about (in the case of the story Fate). He can get very much tunnel-visioned if he sees/perceives her being in danger. When Fate first went missing Calamity instantly was on trying to find her, much to his detriment. He rarely slept, was much more snappy and just wasn’t taking care of himself. Once it was discovered it was most likely she got caught in a portal he goes on to open a dimensional portal despite it being a federal crime in his world, can cause insane amount of damage, and has a very high chance of death on the OFF chance he could find Fate again. This also leaves him extremely susceptible to manipulation from Clear and Kieran. He’s not a bad guy by any means, but he doesn’t see how his actions hurt both himself and the one he’s trying to protect.

Hmmm I don’t really know about Luci? I like a lot about him don’t get me wrong but I have a hard time to pin down a favorite for me to talk about. I like it all, I will vibrate extremely no matter what you ask me about him. He’s a brat, he’s a villain, he wants to destroy the world, he believes life is nothing but suffering, he is in no way kind to those who aren’t his pokemon but he’s also just a 12 year old kid, he loves dragon types, he loves to talk about them, he’s smart, he loves to play and just be a kid, but he can’t do that, he’s the interceptor, he was abused, he had his childhood taken from him, he’ll never get that back, he believes he was betrayed by the only people who cared, he’s scared of opening up because he believes he’ll just be betrayed again, he believes everyone is using him, he’s died multiple times in excruciating ways, he just wants to rest, he genuinely thinks what he’s doing is right for the world. Even after the reset his actions as the Interceptor before will still forever haunt him too his grave. HE MAKES ME SIFNSJBDJEBFJENWA.

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Hmm Fate is hard to say, probably at this point Team Xen in general. They are actively trying to do something dangerous that they need to stop. She does got personal beef with Aurora though lmao. Aurora always likes to jump in and absolutely CRUSH Fate with her birds. Along with being the Deathwing to actually kidnapped Fate and Aelita, yeah her and Aurora got a bit of a rivalry going on. I wouldn’t say Fate has an arch-nemesis yet though…well….not yet anyways.

Calamity’s arch-nemesis at this point is just- Fate’s entire friend group in general. Like I said he’s being manipulated by Clear and Kieran to think that they are harmful to Fate, and Calamity is in no mental state to pick out truth through lies, he just wants his sister back. He’s had the most interaction with Ren though, as he joins Kieran in tag teaming Ren when Fate is unconscious at the house in the past. Calamity being unable to get Fate just made him extremely upset and frustrated. So yeah, I’d say at this point Calamity hates Ren the most of everyone which is…ironic given Ren is Fate’s best friend.

For Luci I’d say anyone against his goal in destroying the world. I would’ve said Madame X but after learning Nancy was a black box and created just to love him Luci felt really betrayed and has very complicated feelings in Nancy. He doesn’t like Madame X by any means but he’s willing to work with her right now. Not gonna stop him from being a brat though.

[dearsaki]

journal from tumblr tasks. 5 nov and i’m 25.

i dont know what to write, i don’t know how to write without wanting burning all papers. i don’t use paper. because probably i’d burn or destroy after write it. why i hate it too much? maybe because it reminds me of my past self. she did her best, but i hate it. i hate things everything about it.

i bited all my nails, they are aching and bleeding all weeks. i looked them and sighed. do you know this feeling?

sorry dogs are barked from outside, my awful focus broke for a sec but i’m here.

this feeling, you know when you live same day and you try to change but it doesnt work. same pain caughts you over over again. nadia and alan probably could understand me. looking my awful fingers reminds me of that feeling. burn out. helplessness. sickness.

will it ever be good? or is this just life? but not for everyone and some people have so much worse than you- and some of them better - a shit loop.

i dont know what i’m writing and i don’t know where im going to add this. will i be write again? no promises.

i took shower, it’s november and it’s cold but still i’m sitting with my wet hair and window is open because i need that cold air. mentally i need that even if i feel really terrible. it’s my reassure friend. also i have vanilla tea by twinnings. my last tea packet. because of tr president i cant buy another packet of him. when he’s gonna die btw?

i think i only have cold air, wet hair and vanilla tea for save me for tonight. i shouldnt forget song. sun and moon by mage.

my poor fingers, my poor heart,

and my poor life.

sometimes all air like sadness, all room full of sadness with darkness. and i can’t breathe sometimes.

how to fight with loneliness? it’s funny like if i wasn’t lonely all long. i was. so why is still scary? maybe this is how should be.

oh also do you know i think i have highly ocd. you tell. fear.

all the symptoms, slepping issues repeating same words and wishing not bad things happens to us is ocd.

when will i feel peace?

i drink my tea and wishing good things happen to my lovely sister. seeing her sad makes me so bad. you know there is quote from a post “god eats my heart like a pomegranate in front of me” and when i see her sad i feel this a lot.

i want to write more, i wonder is my english enough for this. you know i used to write journal in my native language but i think that part of me died.

i wish i can sleep easily but morning also scary for me. darkness is everywhere and i don’t know where i can escape to.

slyvia plath, i’m thinking you tonight.

i need father. i need mother. i need some older, wiser being to cry to. i talk to god but the sky is empty.

augh.

sometimes it feels like all my dreams are just miracle things if they happens to me. so impossible things. i don’t know. my heart is tired.

i hope everythings gets better soon.