#i feel stuck and lost at the same time
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i feel so miserable rn
#my bf is in college and im so fucking jealous#i feel a little Bitter almost#because my life is going nowhere right now#im still here im still miserable in a house that im weary of living in#im only getting poorer#its impossible to get a job try as i kight#i feel stuck and lost at the same time#i need to DO something but everything i set out to do i feel like i fail somehow#i get too tired and just lie down and never get back up#i just want to do sokething#i want to study science for my funeralcare career#and i want to go to a university#i want to just leave here and DO something be with other new people im so tired of being stuck here#and seeing my friends get out and do stuff#and my boyfriend get out and do stuff and its all paid for#i just feel bitter#i dont know how to fix it#cynfael speaks#vent#ive been inside just painting all day#im so So tired#im seeing him tomorrow ill feel better soon#i just feel jealous and bitter
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IDK who needs to hear this, but Egon and Ray aren't the only autistic og ghostbusters
Peter is too
Your telling me this man with two PhDs related to psychology, who always has the exact right thing to say to manipulate a situation to his favour (when it's a planned/known situation), but cocks up massively when it's an unknown situation, who has a massive reaction to getting slimed (more so than the others), who would rather joke all the time than take a situation seriously because wtf should he say
you're telling me this man is neurotypical?
nah
Winston's the only NT in this group (idk how he deals with these weirdos (affectionate))
#rambles#ghostbusters#the real ghostbusters#to be specific i guess#peter venkman#egon spengler#ray stantz#winston zeddemore#i've encountered a few autistic people like peter#it's mainly the focus on business and the intense interest in studying people and behaviour and the mind#but he gets so irritated and angry when he gets slimed#the same way i feel when oil or glue gets stuck on my skin#“but he's so good at social situations-” but that's just it!#he is!#because he studies people - studies their reactions - their interactions#a business chat always goes the same way so he can plan what to say to get the best thing out of it#when he flirts with women it seems to be the same way each time - like he's planned it - because he thinks it'll get a reaction he wants#and i dare say that Peter masks a lot more than Ray and Egon. i mean he was a probably more of a cool slacker type at uni and got on well#with more popular students (sorority house students? idk im not american) and yknow it was the 70s! couldnt exactly be fully himself#idk where im going with this - ive lost my train of thought#but yeah#peter is autistic as well and i'll die on this hill
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there���s something i feel i can remember..! i don’t want to forget what’s going on. i don’t want to be trapped like this. and i tried again, and stanley pushed a button. is it over? i’m going back. this is more important than you can ever know. this isn’t a challenge, it’s a tragedy. what else is there? what came before this?i can’t lose myself in the stretch of emptiness between you and me. the end will be here soon. very soon. i can wait. i wish you to feel afraid as i do. i’ll give it all up, i’ll burn my story to the ground! it was the only thing in the world that was mine and you’ve run it into the ground. the end is never the end. i can’t quite recall, but i believe my story took place in an office building… is that correct? do you remember? it’s all determined? why don’t i get to decide? why don’t i get a say in all this? the end is never the end. the story needs this. it’s all out of my control now. just your decision as to exactly when you’re going to make me suffer, to leave me all alone. the end is never the end. i know you too well. i need this. and stanley was happy. i will be laughing at every second of your inevitable life from the moment we fade in, to the moment i say “happily ever after”. and stanley was happy. i wanted us to be happy here. and stanley was happy. the story needs you. it cannot exist without you. and stanley was happy. take as much time as you need. and stanley was happy. this is a very sad story about the death of a man named stanley. and stanley was happy. i did enjoy telling his story. so very much. this is the story of a man named stanley. i hope you like it. i hope you understand it. i hope you set stanley free.
#the stanley parable#tsp#tsp narrator#tspud#the ramblings of a lunatic#guys when they replay the stanley parable after forgetting just how royally fucked up it is#like. nobody i know gets it. nobody REALLY gets it#they don’t know… they don’t know..!!!#becuz DUDE. this game drives me INSANE.#you’re going to forget everything. you don’t want to forget anything.#everything will happen again so you’ll never forget. you will never grow as a person because of this.#THE CYCLE! GUYS! THE FUCKING CYCLEEEE#narrator how does it feel. being the truth. when there is no truth. unreliable but the only reliable source#being in control but not of yourself. living but never remembering.#stuck in your time and your mind no matter what you do no matter what happens you will never remember!!!#you will never be able to learn! you will never be able to change it!#you won’t even remember that you wanted to! you won’t remember that you need to!#you won’t remember what you gained or what you lost!#and you’ll forget your own story one day!#you are a showcase you are a short term memory loop put on display for people to gasp at and play with and make money off of#he knows that too!! but he doesn’t at the same time!!!!#he will remember and then forget over and over and over#but we get to remember everything#and he would never understand any look of pity sent his way#help? i don’t need help. what is there to help me with? i have everything i need here. my story and my protagonist.#but ohhhh… ohhhhh buddy. you will never know#he will literally never know#and it drives me fucking insane.
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"The outer reaches of space remain unexplored by humankind to this day, but its greed is relentless. We grasp and yearn and hunger for knowledge— answers to questions we cry out into the endless void expecting to understand, expecting the stars to respond. The stars will not, but one day something else will— and we will not like what it has to say." — Rome Solomon, Beyond the Exosphere (1965)
taglist (opt in/out): @shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart, @vvanessaives, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman, @celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister, @killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree
#obscura#edit:rome#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#ok so. ok hi. red and i made a new universe hi. sorry. morris quincy victor and eleanor belong to them the rest belong to meee :3#the pictures i used are basically the patron saints of their occupation / line of work! so that's not what they look like#anyway it's a mix of paranormal stuff + lovecraftian horror + sort of zombies :^)#they're like. the domains of lucifer (demons) behemoth (zombies) and leviathan (the eldritch horrors that happen in space and oceans)#who are like. the three evils that torment the mortal realm#it's all in a historical setting kind of parallel to our world? so a bunch of historic events are the same but it's like#a little bit more advanced with technology but at the same time it's not. it's Just A Little Different y'know#rome's sister went to space for a mission and just straight up went missing which prompts him to become an astronomer#and he's the first one to start speculating the existence of leviathan as eldritch god#morris is a technician at the academy who has an angel stuck in his computer#eve is a nun and herbalist who witnesses the influence of behemoth firsthand through some sick travelers#that she and the other nuns of her convent take care of#anatoly and quincy are both from different space missions who end up as the only survivors who are not basically a plant#the other two survivors have secretly been replaced with some sort of parasites. annihilation style if you've seen that movie#eleanor is a demonologist and works together with her brother victor who's her cameraman#clarence is a blind psychic who lost her sight because of an angel trying to warn her and in return got her psychic abilities#and lazarus is one of the two most famous demonologists in the world but his wife (the other one) passed away#so now he's alone and since he's not from an upper class family like his wife was he's not all that loved as she was#there's a lot going on but it's SO fucking fun to work on so far. feel free to send any asks i would love to explain more :^)#if you've made it this far also hi i love you. kiss for you
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Soulmates AU in which your soul is bounded to your soulmate's soul.
What does that mean exactly? That when you die, if your soulmate is still alive you can't move on. Instead your soul is stuck by your soulmate's side until they die too, so the two souls can become one in death. Depending on how strong the bond between the two is, one could see (and even interact!) with their deceased soulmate.
Now this but, you know by now, JeanMarco. With Marco waking up and the first thing he saw was Jean's terrified face while looking at the dead body- Marco's half eaten dead body. He learns it pretty quickly that he can't leave Jean's side, bound to follow his best friend around. He also learns that is possible for Jean to see and hear him during the ceremony of burning the fallen soldiers during Trost ; it lasted so little, too little for all the things Marco wanted to say. If he knew Jean was listening from the beginning, he would've started with exposing Reiner and Berthold right away. By the time he took notice that not only Jean was looking at him, but listening too, it was too late. Every other word from him was meet with silence, unheard by the living.
Isn't until the 57th expedition outside the walls that Marco learns that he can interact with Jean too, touch him. In his panic after Jean's failed attack on the Female Titan Marco didn't think and went straight to his best friend's side, touching his shoulder while looking for any injuries. Jean's eyes went straight to the place Marco's was touching, looking confused- until he followed the arm and saw Marco in front of his very own eyes. And just like everything, it lasted too little for Marco's liking. The Female Titan took hold of Reiner, crushing him in her hand, and Jean could no longer see him.
It was later, much much later than either of them would've liked, for Marco to understand how everything works. To know that he could only interact with Jean when his mind was filled with thoughts of Marco. By then Jean already began to move on, the secret of Reiner and Berthold's true selves already out. So Marco could only watch, unable to be there for his other half- for Jean.
And it was when they saw the ocean for the first time that Marco understood why he was truly stuck by Jean's side. When he saw his best friend having fun with the others and realized just how much he loves him. When he realizes that all he truly wants is to be by Jean's side, the way they promised each other to do during their training days.
Edit : Think of Ben and Klaus Hargreeves for easier visual.
#Jean starting to think of Marco less and less until he becomes a mere memory in the back of his head#While Marco keeps thinking of Jean more and more hoping for at least one more second together#Marco telling Jean to calm down while he's attacking Annie in her crystal and that being the only reason he even stopped :)#Them having so many small moments but Jean thinking he lost his fucking mind#Sometimes Marco's voice would tell Jean to dodge or something and Jean would hesitate one second- just for it to be the right call#Marco yelling 'Jean! Look out!' when Gabi gets inside the airship and Jean looks towards the entrance but is too late-#Gabi already shoot Sasha by then#Marco feeling SO GUILTY over it because he couldn't warm them sooner#But also Marco and Sasha chilling together because Sasha couldn't leave Connie's side either#And her describing to him all the food Niccolo has cooked for her! The taste and the different textures and the bright colors!#'Of course I love Connie! He's my other half my twin! You must love Jean very much too to be stuck by his side all this time!'#'Of course I do. He's my other half too. My everything' and that's when they realize that their situation isn't the same#That Marco's love for Jean wasn't the same as Sasha's love for Connie#anyway#aot#jean kirstein#jeanmarco#aot jean#marco bodt#marco bott#snk#aot marco#jean kirschstein#soulmate au#JeanMarco Soulmate AU#I mean it can be platonic if you truly want. But I don't want to so there's that lol#Hesitate no second*
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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Good evening to everyone except the person who decided to have Haru disappear from the home screen after finishing the game
#no thank you!!!#that shit hurted#i actually teared up#he waved goodbye then faded away :((((#i'm really stupid so kouichi's route left me more confused than anything#aniki is alive apparently???#i feel bad for bunbun#i hated him at first because journalists are usually scum but then he grew on me#he's the sad wet cat of the game#ryu's route was my least favourite‚ then kouichi's‚ hiroyuki's and maki's is my fav#idk what my problem is with stuck up dudes with glasses who lost their younger sister to sex trafficking#first fujieda now ryu#kouichi's route had some great moments but the final rape scene + the fact kouichi thought haru might be his son the whole time is kinda...#not my cup of tea#also kouichi's son was kidnapped when he was 6‚ that's more than old enough to have like‚ recognizable facial features??#how can he not know for sure haru's definitely not his son?#on paper hiroyuki's route seems like it would be my least favourite#two guys the same age who immediately get along with the bottom being a virgin blablabla#sounds boring when put like that but they turned out to be extremely cute and uuuh piyoshi has a really cute voice#boy was i glad to be home alone when playing his route because that guy is LOUD#i'm at 97% and am missing quite a few CGs so i'll go through it again then once i'm done‚ time for lkyt i guess#also want to go back to room n.9 real quick because i don't think i got 100% on it either#parade#blvn
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Reading the Stormlight Archive is so dangerous if you live in the Midwest because when the weather inevitably goes to shit you’re just not gonna be able to help yourself from making the corniest jokes imaginable. Like. I need a swear jar for everstorm references
#I’m sure people who live in Hurricane/Typhoon areas feel the same way#but also Sanderson is from Nebraska so like. he gets it#I’m not even gonna lie though some parts of WoR were like. borderline triggering#not that I’ve had that bad experiences like I’ve never lost a house or anything#but that time I got stuck out in a storm with sirens on and everything like got to me a bit actually
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giving ffxiv another go on the free trial weeee
#i'd played for a few months at some point had a ninja character and i remember having a lot of fun#i lost interest after a bit though and that account is pretty much Locked unless i pay for the subscription which. lol.#so i started a fresh account all new characters#so far i have an arcanist elezen and a lancer lalafell so i'm not stuck in just 1 playstyle the whole time#like if i don't feel like playing arca i can just switch to my tiny guy and get some melee action going#+ since they're new charas i'm gonna be in The Same areas for a while so... bit of limsa lominsa bit of gridania for variety#fuck ul'dah gkfjdjd i hate its layout#if i can ever afford the full version i wanna make a bnnuy guy
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guys i made a mistake.
#aka i scrolled through the entire becker siblings tag again on a whim and now im shinjichairpose.png#i dont even have specific thoughts theyre just rotating in my brain now#theres like. very small tidbits that i have stuck in there currently#like their weird thing with control(because i am thinking about that 24/7)#cyrus who needs control vs fawn who defers to it vs river who hates it#how they did that i dont know but im going to take a wild guess and say that its Very unhealthy#and also their relationship to both ortegas#i guess thats only tangentially related to the becker siblings but also like. the ortegas talking about the siblings together#getting drunk and grieving together and trading stories and blaming eachother for letting them die#getting out of their posthb messes because they dont have any (becker) siblings to depend on anymore so theyll have to settle for eachother#also in the survivor!river au im specifically haunted by the fact that river 'does not include ricardo in the package' when julia-#becomes his sibling#the resentment from All sides there??? holy shit#thats gotta blow up eventually right#like i can see ricardo feeling extremely guilty about river but at the same time???? him getting Angry#that river has the Audacity to steal his sister and not even treat him any better for it#so what if he lost his siblings? doesnt mean he has the right to have ricardos#Really funny fucked up reflection of fawns beef with julia but this time its the other way around#.anyway. <-experiencing normal thoughts and emotions#cyrus becker(s)#nmoc: fawn becker(s)#nmoc: river becker(s)#keeping up with the beckers#pulp speaks
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//love the random urge to reset/delete everything
#🌊 | outside the ship / ooc#🌊 | stuck in my datapad / mobile#[ this always happens when I stare too long at my asks that I failed to reply in time ]#[ I wish my brain could make it easier for me to just. be fast. be super fast. never procrastinate and just go write-- ]#[ I'm tired of living the same of loop of promising to get to stuff and then never get to it because of a sudden blank in my mind ]#[ I even lost a few mutuals because of that! because I procrastinated/disappeared for so long that they decided it was better to leave ]#[ they /are/ in the right to softblock me ofc they are. but it still hurts me a bit because I feel like I didn't try enough and that sucks#[ it makes me scared since everytime I dont write I feel like I need to always explain and apologize over and over and over again ]#[ I really miss having my own phone... I really do ]#tbd.#vent tw#[ I promise to delete this tomorrow ]
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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scrolling through instagram and it's making me want to die
#i know instagram doesn't represent ppls real lives#but that doesnt change the fact that i don't have many friends who care about me#and almost everyone my year is graduating and celebrating#i am so fucking lonely. i don't think any of my school friends miss me#24 days self-harm free but i might say fuck it and relapse tonight#why though? i guess i just need some way to express how im feeling inside. or maybe it's to punish myself or because im feeling worthless#it's been over a year now since i first reached out to professionals for help for this depressive episode#over a year and im still as lost as ever. i know im doing so much better than i was but i still feel so awful every single day#i feel like i still need to be doing a lot better before i can go back to school#i feel so stuck and hopeless. i know I've made so much progress but i don't feel as if ill be able to make anymore progress#i feel like I've hit a wall and ive tried everything#my therapist told me to just keep eating sleeping and getting movement in everyday and be patient#ive been going on walks every day for like 2 weeks now and i dont feel any difference#seeing my psychiatrist wednesday and im hoping she will have an idea of what to do#i hope it's not just slightly adjusting my meds or even just trying a different antidepressant (not many left i haven't tried)#i also worry that im not bad enough for more intensive treatments like ECT or ketamine#if she tells me that i just need more therapy or another group i might just fucking end it#idk like i kinda feel like im fine and there's nothing wrong with me but at the same time i always am feeling so fucking depressed#i have had so much improvement but honestly part of me wishes i was still actively suicidal#idk what to do
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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot
#digi discusses#the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it#did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it#the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off#becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him#but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory#the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE#its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too#every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry#every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning#being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye#oxenfree II spoilers#yeah there's the essay. just took a minute#i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home#he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better#what a liar he would still do it now#EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again
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well folks its been a good two months of denial but i am finally ready to admit that the reason everything sucks is because of major depression relapse. if i werent so depressed id make this everyone elses problem by projecting it on to blorbo but alas
#taylor.txt#incapable of making this not a joke but i do have to say it kinda sucks#like obviously ive never been 100% free of my depression probably on account of it developing when i was a Child and then not getting any#treatment or even really any sympathy for until i was in my late teens but. BUT. even my historic mental breakdown 2 years ago didnt really#feel like depression. like yeah i was sad and hopeless but this is very different. sad and lethargic more so. simply too tired to be lost i#despair. which is i guess a good thing because it means its easier for me to fix. its just that right now im kinda stuck in it#i dont know if id say ive experienced major depression since my first year of uni#thats why ive been denying it all this time despite it being pretty…glaringly obvious#anyway. good news is im meeting with the prof of one of the classes im currently failing this week#and now i guess i kind of have an idea of what to tell her because all this time ive been struggling and i havent understood why#the content makes sense. i understand whats going on. but my memory has gotten so bad recently and the energy required to do my assignments#has been way too much. and im past my limit on that at this point unfortunately. like yeah shes probably gonna tell me well that sucks but#theres nothing i can do to save your grade and thats fine but at least i know even if it was a Me Problem that i let myself get depressed#again in the first place being actively depressed is a major barrier that i at least know isnt 100% me being an idiot with a bad attitude#i will struggle to the finish line but i will make it there. even if i fail a class or two in the process#and regardless of if it gets better i will finally go see my therapist again in the new year </3 something obviously led to this so whos to#say it wouldnt happen again if i just let that fester. whatever it is#also writing has been tough for the same reason school has been tough but its still happening and i will do more of it when school is over#i PROMMY
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byan "i thought being a vampire would be sick as fuck but instead it's turned my life upside down, caused me to lose the few safety nets i actually had, and somehow given me less freedom where i thought it'd give me more" byun
#yes I'm still stuck on fledgling verse ok don't look at me#I JUST...... i have a lot of feelings about them discovering that becoming a supernatural creature is not as neat as they thought#I mean it's not like they made the choice themself or anything... but u know...#they had their hopes after the shock of their embrace wore off#but then it turns out they have trauma over the event??? and now they have to leave everything they knew behind???#gotta figure out everything for themself and have no stable place to live so they're at risk of dying EVERY DAY bc of the gd sun#somehow they've become even more of an outsider & now they've got a hard time trusting other vamps bc most consider them better off dead#they're isolated and traumatized and overall just Not Having a Good Time#they're so ANGRY but at the same time so CRIPPLINGLY DEPRESSED that on any given night they're either breaking shit & getting into fights#or they're having the most impossible time finding the will to crawl from their hiding place to feed themself#and don't even get me STARTED on instances where they've lost control & hurt someone they care about UGH#yeah....... i love this verse it's so deliciously angst lmao#all this to say I'm gonna try to poke more of the prompts for it in my ask today#once I complete the last two full name prompts ofc uvu#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ verse: fledgling.#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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