#i feel so bad about everything i dont know if i have enough energy to catch myself back up to where i was

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[bulldagger-bait]

When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

[juniestar]

Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE

[sleepless-crows]

im doing so bad rn :)

[evilminji]

I got distracted, BUT I REMEMBERED!

The Dr.'s Fenton? Would ABSOLUTELY fight a child.

Specifically, Hatsume Mei. Future CEO of Hatsume Industries! And ENGINEERING RIVAL of their's! They may be new to this whole "support industy" business, but they are SEASONED weaponry makers! And that brilliant little upstart is good! Audacious! A THREAT!!!

COME GET SOME!!! D:<

See, they needed to Move. Things were getting a bit... spicy. They may have made so unfortunate choices, back before they knew the truth about their Son and Ghosts in general.

Ignorance, bigotry, and academic bias are curses in their house for a REASON, after all. They never thought... after all the DECADES of facing it themselves...

Well...

Needless to say, they were, are, and will always BE horrified by how they acted. There may have be a whole host of reasons behind WHY they acted that way. But those WHYs aren't good enough. They should have been better. Done better. They don't offer any excuses, but but they can give an explanation, if it's wanted.

And, together, as a family, they got through Maddie n Jack's horrifying mistakes.

God they don't deserve those kids. Love them to pieces. The things they don't warn ya about parenthood, you know? The mistakes you might make. You think you're ready. Think everything's alright. Then your life's work KILLS your son and brings him back.

And you don't notice.

......what sort of parents DONT NOTICE?

They still have nightmares. Feel sick. God, if they were working in ANY other field. With ANY other materials! If it wasn't SPECIFICALLY ectoplasm? He... he wouldn't have come back. Oh god.

........

So.... so, yeah.

They're working on some things! As a family! Seeing a therapist from the Zone. Lovely... Them? They're a tree person. Neither Jack or Maddie is quite certain what gender pronouns, if ANY, they are supposed to use. They've been defaulting to They/Them just to be safe. Still! Alien therapist! Neat!

But, of COURSE. The BABIES in White throw a FIT. "Wah, wah, wah you've been compromised blah blah blah" oh PLEASE! Just because they've had a little personal growth! And stopped shooting at Phantom in public! And in general! You shoot ONE little Goverment agent for trying to shoot your baby and suddenly YOUR the bad guy!

He didn't even die!

So, yeah, BIT spicy.

Honestly? Feels like a long time coming. They were never very popular. This ultimately just feels like the ends of a road that began in college. Them, the two "crazies" with their backs to the wall, as the government closes in, trying to tear them down for knowing the TRUTH and refusing to shut up about it. Their reputations so deep in the mud, they're tasting bedrock.

At least they are together.

And thank god they've had years to plan for the inevitable.

So? They have the kids grab their go bags and head off too stay with Danny's new celebrity friend from another dimension, Mr Wayne. Nice man, little dim, but since he's willing to open his home to the kids in case of emergency? Perfect. And frankly, as long as Mr. Pennyworth is there, everything will be fine.

Besides! Lil Damian is a very respectful and responsible young man. Tim and Danny may get up to mischief, but they can trust the youngest to put his foot down.

THEM on the other hand?

Not so lucky. THEY have to stay with the house. It's not exactky like they can move the portal after all, it's built in. And this is where the kids grew up! Where Jack and her scrimped and saved, lived out of cars and off nickle noodles, to afford! This is their HOME! And no jack booted THUG is going to take that.

So the kids go first. They go to the command center. Jack takes pot shots while she fires up... THAT machine. The one they wired into the house itself, right along with the Ectoplasmic Shielding. It was all theoretical, once. But not anymore.

Now they have The Zone.

It's been collecting energy runoff from the open gate ever since it opened. Siphoning them into the sub-basment mega batteries. Enough to run two-thirds the planet for the next half a millennia. If only the damn patent office would LET THEM PATENT THEIR WORK-!

But that doesn't matter anymore. No, what matters is checking how full the battery banks are. Decently. It HAS been a while since they've done a controlled drain. Good, that means they have more then enough.

So, with no kids to witness things getting nasty? She pulls out her keys and unlocks the parental commands, flips the the shields to "strobe-kill". Let's see you crowd us NOW fuckers. With Jack freed up to help aim the house? They set to work.

It's... not EXACTLY an exact science, as much as they'd prefer it to be. More of a controlled jump. Set preferences, power jump, hop sideways an unknown distance. Land. Look around.

Is it what you want?

Habitable?

A zombie apocalypse?

Jump again. And again. And again. Until the battery runs out. Then sit... or float...or drift, there, until the batteries refill. You have to be mindful, of course, that you don't lose Shield coverage. Because it keeps the House air tight and together. If you jump and immediately lose power to the shields because you misjudged the energy left in the batteries?

Better HOPE you land somewhere with a breathable atmosphere and no zombies!

And Fentons don't rely on HOPE! They rely on good ol firepower and hutzpa!

Also advanced ectoplasmic scientific engineering! But that was a given.

It... takes a while. They run out of canned peaches. Have to stop TWICE to help cure a zombie plague, since they are the only ones with a still working lab. They were actually sort of joking with the kids about the zombies. Oof. Good thing Ectoplasm eats EVERYTHING. One specialized ecto shot and that disease is TOAST.

Granted, the surviors are all limnal now. But they don't seem to care in the slightest.

Then there was the whole "oop! Planet's gone." Couple of worlds. The one with the crabs. The ocean one. The ice age. The robots. The cartoon horses. The inappropriately dressed high-schoolers with weapons fighting God. The boring one. The one with ninjas...

I mean, they are just NOT having any LUCK!

Okay, next moderately stable world, they are doing a groceries run! A Man can not live off freeze dried meals forever! Well, you CAN. But it's making Jack sad, and frankly that's a war crime. Plus she's run out of tea! AND coffee! A life of no caffeine? She can't endure that.

She's started to eye her son's God awful energy abominations in a can, for God sake! Desperate time's and all that...

Zyeyooom!

Thunk!

Which? Is how? The ENTIRE class of 1-H? Turns to stare in ABSOLUTE HORROR at the cackling, head thrown back, hands clawed, mad scientist "it's alive! It's aliiiiiiive" type insanity that is Hatsume Mei and her "this green goo I found from some guys Quirk" powered teleport anchor.

It MADE A HOUSE.

On SCHOOL FUCKING GROUNDS. An ENTIRE house! Is... is that a blimp? That's English right? What's it say?! What the FUCK is that sh- OH MY GOD ARE THOSE PEOPLE!? MEI!!!!!

So begins... the Fentons Beef With A Child™.

Because! Mei will forever more claim! That SHE brought them to this universe with HER magnificent machine! But Maddie and Jack? At first, trying to be nice about it, helpfully point out, actually? No. THEIR house can and does reality jump. THEY brought themselves.

Mei ignores them.

Crows about her magnificent machine. Scoffs about them thinks they haspd anything to do with it.

Oh... oh it is ON, you tiny pink haired little shit!

Does the Japanese Government want to take control of the situation? Of course they do. They want these scientists and they want that house. Local Nedzu's say? "It's nice to want things" :) *sips tea mockingly*

They landed on HIS school's grounds. Finders keepers!

You may say "threat to national security" but HE says "free support gear for the students and security for the school"! Not to MENTION all this delightful FREE clean energy! They are a delightful couple. With a portal to the fabric between realities in their basement!

Not found of the laboratory, but that's a personal issue. The ZONE however? Oooohohohohoho~☆

It? Would DRIVE THE HPSC and Japanese government BATSHIT INSANE that they can't get at the portal? That threats and stealth Heros and every other method? Just... hits a brick wall. A big ol "lol nope!" Meanwhile Nedzu and occasionally random teachers or students are popping in and out of this house they can get into?

Nedzu especially standing just on the other side of the shields going >:3 neener~ neener~ neener~ Ha ha! I could be mature about this but am CHOOSING NOT TO BE!

@legitimatesatanspawn @mutable-manifestation @hdgnj @hypewinter @babbling-babull

[poppy-metal]

Art punishing you as Tashi sits in an arm chair directing him. You're lying over some pillows on the bed sobbing and pleading for mercy as Art clutches his belt tightly in his hand, but there's none in her eyes as she smirks at you. The only word she utters is: 'Harder'

RUFF RUFF

no nice cop <///3 just two mean ones. you probably acted really out of line and usually your testing of the rules just irks tashi - arts always been lenient with you - more than willing to coddle you. most of the time. sometimes you do piss him off though -

thinking you probably forgot to check in with either of them because you were flippant enough to let your phone die while you were out with friends. at a club no less. and it's not like you're not allowed to have fun - but they need to know you're safe. you dont update them and arts sick with worry over it - on the verge of wanting to file a missing persons report and pacing back and forth. tashi's more calm, but worry pinches at her too - she knows you probably just had too much to drink and haven't checked your phone but there's always a chance something bad happened -

you don't text them back until the afternoon the next day - and you already know from the clipped way they both respond you're in trouble. arts never short with you - but his 'Okay. Thanks.' when you finally reassure him you're fine makes you swallow nervously. you feel terrible because you know the kind of person he is and you read back to messages he sent you last night while you were black out drunk and the desperation in them.

the sub has a responsibility, too, not just the dom. by the time you're picked up and brought to their home you're near tears and buzzing with the need to be punished yourself, without prompting. you were so bad. part of the deal of being their sub was letting them know your whereabouts and checking in and you'd failed.

you don't expect art to be the one doling out the punishment, though. he's given you spankings before - though always over his lap and by his hands - warm and intimate and more for pleasure than pain.

you want it regardless - maybe even more so because it's art doing it, knowing you'd worried him the most - seeing the hurt in his eyes under the cool gaze. you know he's genuinely angry with you, which is rare. it makes tashi the one you look to with your pleading eyes when you're gripping the comforter in your hands, the sound of arts belt sending a shiver down your spine.

"color?" tashi asks you - and you make yourself sink into the bed and arch your back, offering your ass and showing you know you deserve this.

"green," you whisper. feel art inhale behind you as he nudges your legs apart just a little. you wonder if he knows the best position to be in from receiving these kinds of punishment himself. everything he learned about domming he learned from his wife, after all. being a switch makes him more knowledgeable than either of you - you, a full sub, and tashi, a full dom - he knows how to wield the belt properly and he knows how best for you to take it.

"you know why you're being punished?"

you nod.

"say it."

shame courses through you. "I didn't check in with you when I should have. I made you worry."

"are you sorry?"

"yes."

tashi crosses her legs. jerks her chin, "tell him."

you glance behind you, meet arts eyes. there's a storm brewing in them - he's angry - that left over fear for your safety transferred into all this pent up energy he needs to release. you lick your lips, mean it genuinely when you say - "im sorry -"

the belt is wrapped around his fist - the metal end gripped in his palm - and that's one small mercy - tashi would have had the metal part the part that lashes your skin - she'd draw blood. nothing about it would draw pleasure - just pain. you have no doubt the beating art is about to dole out will hurt - but you're thankful he still cares enough for you at the moment to not want to hurt you too badly.

his gaze flicks up from your waiting ass to meet your eyes - his jaw clenching. "I don't know if you are." he says softly. "but I plan on making you."

your cunt pulses at that - you turn your face back to the bed and have just enough time to breathe in once before the first hit comes.

the belt is leather - and art knows what he's doing.

it stings immediately - so much worse than his palm does - it jolts your body up the bed and leaves the spot where the belt landed burning when he pulls it back. the yelp that leaves your throat is loud but you just curl your fingers into the bed harder - brace yourself for more lashes to come - for alot more burning to happen -

by the first 5, your body is tense and trembling and by 10, you're actively crying. you stop being able to keep count after the double digits - just choking on whimpers with every smack against your bare flesh - and yet everytime your color is asked, you gasp out "green," you know your limits - you can take this. more than that - you want to take it.

even when tashi bites down on her lip and suggests art do it harder - and art obeys - you don't tap out. you very nearly do - feeling like if he hits you just one more time he's going to split your flesh and you'll never heal - never be able to sit comfortably again in your life - but you've had worse - you've taken and survived worse - and despite the pain - your cunt stays throbbing -

it's not fun - it's a punishment - a real one, a correction you'll work hard not to have to endure again - but you do endure.

when it's done - and the belt clatters to the floor and your art comes down and he's kissing the side of your neck and your cheek and turning your head so he can see you, glassy eyed and flushed - "did I do good?" is all you want to know.

he kisses your lax mouth. none of the tenseness he carried before is there anymore - worked out of his body - his hand cards through your hair so gently. "you did amazing, baby." another kiss. "so good. tashi's getting something for the pain now, okay?"

you hum, stretch toward him like a cat and he lets you nuzzle him - you stay on your stomach because you know moving onto your back will just make your ass scream right now - so you rest your head in arts lap as he strokes your hair for you. murmurs about how beautiful you are and how proud of you he is. he's in awe of you, really.

your tears dry up quickly, only to prick back up again when tashi rubs ointment on your tender ass - so fucking sore and her voice is soft when she says "this will help soothe the burning feeling. it's gonna hurt to sit tomorrow, maybe for a couple days. but I'm going to take care of you - we both are."

if there's one positive from having your ass beat it's this - the aftermath. being treated like a utter princess - not like you aren't always spoiled, but they don't let you lift even a finger the next couple days. you spend most of your time in either arts lap - or curled up against tashi - she even gets you a special heating pad for your butt that feels really nice. it aches a little too much to have sex - the bouncing of your ass back against flesh as it smacks would irritate your skin too much, but that doesn't stop art from eating you out so gently it makes you cry - doesn't stop tashi from rubbing your little clit and pressing her favorite vibrator against you - doesn't stop art from rubbing the head of his cock through your folds, telling you all the ways he's gonna fuck you the second you tell him it doesn't hurt anymore -

you might cave a day earlier than you should - just because the ache of your tender ass bouncing on and off arts strong thighs is a kind of pain you adore.

[austinsastrology8991]

Saturn the father you always wanted and always have. Saturn in da houses, and why your life sucks. Im blunt here so don't complain don't read if you can't handle the reality of saturn. Saturn in the first house - okay you don't like to try when you present yourself, you think people should just instantly respect you because youve been through many trials in life... well people usually dont know how to talk to you because you have a stick up your ass. Saturn in the second house - everyones greedy, but when you are, its not cool. Well it isn't because when you are greedy you act like a goblin. be more mature its okay to be greedy but your acting like its a virtue stfu. Saturn in the third house - everyone thinks your dumb af, and you are only because you lack confidence to drive your points home. you just need to learn how to communicate better, your not dumb but you act like a dumbass. Saturn in the fourth house - sad boy/girl now everyone knows you had a rough childhood but would you grow up already, everyone else has but your still stuck being sad about how life has treated you (or your momma/dadda) grow up your not getting any younger you can't change the past stop wallowing. the past has taught you well, use it to your advantage or let it hold you back. Saturn in the fifth house - pretend players who get played everytime. Always gotta pretend like they are fun but whenever you do try to have fun with them they are annoying. yes you could be fun in the bedroom simply because everyone knows your too sensitive to break someones heart... because your heart is the most broken. Saturn in the sixth house - the real try hards always putting in 100%. suck ups to there boss or whoever is above them. but when there authority disrespects them they go rogue and try even harder just to spit in there boss's face. i respect it because i got cap here Saturn in the seventh house - if your a bad person good luck in this life, because your karma is received ten fold by your partners, they always like to complete your karmic cycle because thats just how it works idk. so better act right or your partner will ruin it before you ruin yourself.

Saturn in the eighth house - will do anything to get to the top. no pain is too painful. well it all is, but the ends justify the means. when they put there foot down the whole room shakes. so when your making a move make sure its the right one because your power plays are on display for everyone and itll make or break you more than the other placements. Saturn in the ninth house - lazy asses, always looking for an easy way out. they know what the right thing to do is, but the likelihood of them doing it is never. its because saturn restricts there luck/ mind and they just have woe is me energy and its annoying make better choices, and if you dont stop crying about it. but if they act right saturn blesses them the fuck up. Saturn in the tenth house - okay these people think they are better than everyone and deserve everything, but they never receive the applause they crave. its never enough even if the whole room is looking at them they suddenly don't want it anymore. there karma everyone can see, and if its too good it feels like a curse, and when its bad and reality comes crashing down they just want to hide but they cant. own your life or it will own you. Saturn in the eleventh - there community will give them there karma, always these people dont have a place where they feel safe. because they never make anyone feel safe around them, then cry when no-one gives them that favour. stfu and treat us better and maybe we will do you better. Saturn in the twelfth - okay apparently this is where saturn is in its joy, and i guess its because god/ spirits judge you. and i guess thats a good thing because if anyone should judge you its him. except the pain here is you have ultimate freedom, you rarely get signs on what to do. will you make the right choice or the wrong once? well they are lucky because they always get there karma quickly so they can always recover fast. but these people struggle to empathise because they don't feel the energy of the room. sooooo just grow up you got the best saturn, and your karma resides is in your empathy. disclaimer - saturn wants you to be the best. and no one is.... so i like to think if you want a sense of direction (where are you going wrong) look at the saturn house and if you are successful congrats your doing saturn right. but be careful he always thinks you can do better, and he loves to humble you. so be-careful out there.

[sughuru]

you, me, and the sky above

- gojo satoru x reader

In the quiet stillness of the night, you find yourself waking to an empty bed, wondering where Satoru disappeared to. As you search for him throughout your shared home, you discover him staring into the dark sky, his eyes revealing the weariness from a challenging mission. 

genres/warnings: angsty, fluff, hurt/comfort

notes: hello hello this is my first post on this acc so if you'd like to read more of my work, come check out my other works! my first language isn't english so don't mind the grammatical errors, sorry! :') anyways i love satoru sm u dont understand

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—

You woke up to the bed being empty and cold. Strange, you could’ve sworn Satoru went to bed with you last night. You grabbed your phone to check the time, reading 3:02 AM. It's barely three; where did he go? You got on your feet and slowly dragged yourself out of the bedroom to look for the man. 

“Babe?’ you called out, flicking the light switch on in the bathroom, assuming he went to the toilet but there was no one. Then to the kitchen it was, maybe he needed a cup of water–But that wouldn’t make sense; he always has a cup of water by the bed in case either of you wakes up feeling thirsty. Perhaps he went out for a run, or was it an emergency mission; still, he would’ve told you. Just when you were about to give up, you noticed him.

Satoru, your boyfriend, staring out into the dark sky. What was he searching for? Upon closer inspection, you noticed the dark circles around his eyes, his eyes were slightly puffy, his blindfold dangling loosely around his bare neck.

Surprisingly, he didn’t sense your presence, he always managed to notice you but tonight, his thoughts seem to be elsewhere.

"Satoru," you said softly, approaching him cautiously. The moonlight highlighted the contours of his face, and you could see the weariness etched into his expression. You knew about how exhausting the mission was yesterday, even his facade wasn’t strong enough to fool you. Yet, you didn’t say anything, not wanting to upset him any further.

"Is everything okay?" you asked, your concern evident in your voice. Satoru turned to you, and for a moment, it seemed like he hadn't expected anyone to notice his silent contemplation. His eyes, usually vibrant with energy, now carried the weight of unspoken burdens.

Satoru hums in response, a quiet one. Usually, he would whine about how the higher-ups made him do such a tough mission or how he has to work overtime, missing out on spending time with you. Tonight, he just stayed silent.

"I didn't mean to worry you," he said, his voice carrying a weight you hadn't heard before. "I’m sorry.” he dryly laughed, plastering a smile on his face, except, that smile didn’t reach his eyes. You frowned, realizing that he wasn’t letting his guard down anytime soon.

"Don’t," you responded gently, your hand resting on his.

Satoru took a deep breath, his gaze shifting away for a moment before returning to meet yours. “I just... I needed a moment,” he admitted, his voice soft but laden with sincerity. “The mission, it hit me harder than I thought.”

For a moment, Satoru's shoulders relaxed a fraction, as if the weight he carried had found a temporary respite. "The mission...it took a toll on me more that it should have, I-”

You squeezed his hand, offering a silent reassurance. "You don't have to go into details if you're not ready. But know that I'm here to listen whenever you're ready to share."

The two shared a moment of peaceful silence.

You prompted gently, "Is that why you're awake?" 

Satoru shook his head, his gaze momentarily dropping. "Bad dream," he admitted, the vulnerability in his voice belying his usual confidence.

Your heart sank at the revelation. "Satoru-" you whispered, tightening your grip on his hand. 

Satoru sighed, and a playful glint entered his eyes. "What happened to 'you don't have to go into details'?" he asked, a lighthearted tone replacing the previous heaviness in his voice.

You couldn't help but smile at the sudden change in atmosphere. "Well, you know me," you replied, matching his playful tone, "I can’t help it, I’m nosy.” she pouts

Satoru chuckled as he pulled her into his arms tightly, “come here, you’ll get cold.” He looked up at the stars again, admiring them. You couldn’t help but admire him. His blue eyes, they always shone brightly even in the darkest of nights.

"Come on," you said gently, offering a reassuring smile. "Let's head back inside. We can talk more if you want, or we can just sit in silence. Whatever you need."

Satoru's grip on the balcony’s railing loosened, and he followed you back into the warmth of the indoors. As you closed the door behind you, you couldn't help but hope that the darkness outside wouldn't linger within him for much longer.

“I love you, you know that?” he smiled, this time, reaching his eyes. You smiled back, “I love you too.” 

Satoru’s blue eyes that were dulled moments ago, now sparkled with hope and love once again. Leaning in, you pressed a soft kiss against his forehead, a promise of warmth and solidarity.

[despairots]

uhmuhm! can i be smile anon!!

i have a silly request, you dont have to write if you aren't taking requests but like,, gojou with like some kind of makima vessel reader

like how they would get along and stuff ^_^

#BITE ME, g. satoru!

you weren’t known by gojo until you were introduced. surprisingly enough, he wasn’t the only one with charming eyes (and terrifying powers).

content warning: swearing, r! has makima’s abilities and eyes but they don’t necessarily look like her, gender neutral! reader, r! wears a white button up with a black tie, a black blazer hung around their shoulders, black dress pants and a bandage wrapped around their neck (honestly like 15! dazai), etc.

authors note: u absolutely can!!! <3 my requests arent open but i really liked this request :3 im sorry if this is bad or not exactly what u want but i tried :( and so sorry this is late!!

knowingly enough, gojo satoru was known to be charmed and blessed with eyes that most people swoon for ever since he was a child. not only blessed with charming eyes but finally born with both limitless and six eyes, the first one in 500 years.

because of that, he was spoiled rotten (how horrible!) but no one can deny that he didn’t deserve it. after all, after 500 years of the gojo clan producing, they finally got a kid who changed the balance of the world.

after he turned the rip age of 28, he noticed a person always wake by his classroom with a man beside them. the one thing that caught his attention, was the energy they gave off.

not once did he notice the eyes that pierced through his black blindfolds.

the first time he was formally introduced to them, was that one time where nobara was introduced to megumi and yuuji. he didn’t notice it as first but he realized you were the person walking pass his classroom all the time.

time for the friendship headcanons!

at first, gojo’s first impression of you, was how calm and collected your composure was with some joking antics here and there. you were mostly there just in case gojo wasn’t able to be there with them.

in general, gojo thought you were trying to compete with him because of how you came close to strongest sorcerer (selfish).

i don’t have a grasp understanding of how you two became friends, actually… i don’t think you would necessarily be friends, more like people who trust eachother, have eachothers back and holding respect for each but at the same time, you two don’t trust eachother.

it’s a weird friendship, though, sometimes you two got along, talking and joking around. the next thing you know, you two are ignoring eachother like you never even knew the other.

the concept of friends didn’t scream anything to you, friends didn’t come close to you with how you picture him. in shorter terms, you saw most people like pawns, a means to your plans. gojo was just there.

most of the times, he annoyed you a lot, you could see the way nanami didn’t want to step an inch to gojo (considering how he’s younger than gojo, yet looks older then him. how odd?).

despite everything you two go through as teachers and partners, there are no growth in your “friendship”, as both of your students call it. it’s not what you’re expecting but from the beginning, gojo has had an off feeling about you.

the first time gojo witnessed your technique, was during the shibuya arc; where he massacred a bunch of transfigured humans. you were there helping him, after all, what type of person would you be?

as i said, even though you’re not necessarily friends, you two still have eachothers back.

development!

when time passes, there was a feeling in your stomach whenever you would hang around with gojo, that shoko would explain to you as ‘fondness’.

he was starting to look more like a friend than just a pawn, a nauseous (that didn’t change actually). though, he doesn’t automatically get a pass because the two of you started to call eachother actually friends.

the trio saw the way you two were always with eachother, technically glued to eachothers side and always being there for the other.

gojo, still ever being hungover his ex, saw just a glimpse of him in you, that was partially the reason why he grew closer to you but at the same time, he grew worried that something might happen to you.

without a doubt, even though he’s a complete cocky, egotistical, idiot of a man, his one weakness is his big heart. that’s the first thing you noticed about him. it wasn’t his looks, his energy, or how he was the strongest, it was his big heart that he so desperately tried to hide away.

there’s development to both parties.

you, started to think of him like an actual friend, someone you cared about, and no doubt about it, someone you would sulk over if he ever disappeared.

gojo, who— praying to the lord— for once, will try to get over his ex when he’s with you, there’s something about you that makes everything that’s happening disappear, he needs comfort, you provide that to him.

relationship!

oh boy. why would you ever date him?

how did you even start dating him?

yet again, i don’t have a grasp understanding on how the dating started but i could give a brief explanation of how the feelings developed from there on.

the fondness you get from being around him developed into something where, if he ever got hurt or someone said something to him, you would go ballistic.

he’s someone you genuinely started to cherish and for someone to say or do anything to him would send you to a toxic state. it’ll have him a lot of time to convince you not to harm this person or curse.

eventually, the feelings than letter on developed into, again, what shoko would explain to you, as love. you had rejected the idea of love for ages because you thought you weren’t able to ever feel it. gojo proved that wrong.

gojo’s a nauseous to be around, but knowing him for quite some time made him into a pleasing nauseous. gojo started to pick up that your starting to enjoy bringing around him that he started to tease you about it.

you wouldn’t lie and say the teasing was annoying, it was but it wasn’t the same annoying as before.

when gojo started to fall for you, he quickly tried to bury it before it got out of hand. remember that breakup scene at the kfc? yeah… he doesn’t want that again. let alone fall in love again.

he already lost geto, he can’t lose you. everything he’s ever loved and didn’t want to lose, is lost the moment he gains it.

though, he’d drop signs, massive signs or just small signs, they’re there. even though of what i just said, he’s whipped for you. so down horrendous, my lord.

when you two do get in a relationship, gojo’s touch starved and it shows. he needs to have some sort of contact with you or he’ll sulk in a corner. for a matter of fact, if he doesn’t get atleast 5 kisses each day, he’ll ignore you out of spite until you do kiss him. that’s when he gives you a kiss attack.

i won’t go deep into the intimate details, you can dream about those yourself but i will say, he’s fucking crazy in there (and so are you!)

you’re absolutely spoiled by him, he loves you so why not just give you everything. regardless of that, he knows both of you don’t have enough time, so he tries to make it count by making you happy.

he loves the sparkle in your eye when he surprises you with gifts you adore.

the same goes for you, knowing he’s touch starved, you try and shower him in affection as much as you can before the two of you depart on missions that don’t involve you two partnering up.

knowingly enough, pda is a must in the relationship. though, gojo will stop if you don’t like it, he’s a dick but he’s a good dick (no pun intended).

even though, there’s not enough time and both of your lives are on the line since you’re jujutsu sorcerers, you’re both grateful you had enough time to confess.

oh, and gojo swoons over you, annoying megumi when you’re not there.

[ronkeyroo]

A positive Update

Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍

Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...

2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...

It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.

From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.

Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...

I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.

As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.

I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;

THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.

So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)🧡

I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!

Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh

[matchakuracat]

chronically ill/physically disabled people, how do you deal with doctors appointments? what do you say/do to advocate for yourself? im autistic and not diagnosed with a chronic illness yet and i really struggle to know what to say to get them to listen to me and understand so that i can get the help and care i need. even if i bring someone with me, they also need to know what to say and i don't know anyone who understands well enough to explain to the doctor for me, which means that i have to tell them what to say before going. but that's the problem since i just don't know.

i have chronic joint pain that ive had for years but has only gotten worse over time. i also have hypermobile knees which are the worse they've ever been right now. i'm chronically fatigued and barely have the energy to eat and do basic hygiene. i have a few friends that i talk to fairly regularly and im very thankful for them but i still struggle so much with maintaining a social life when i cant even maintain my own physical wellbeing. i only go outside when i absolutely have to/when my pain is low enough and i have enough energy. on average i probably leave my house about once or twice a week, usually to go to medical appointments, to an internship i have once a week or to go grocery shopping. i usually try to do both at the same time if i can (like going grocery shopping after my internship) but most of the time i have to ask my parents to get me groceries since i dont have enough energy to. all i want is to be able to go outside just to take short walks and enjoy nature and the fresh air but i can't do so without the right treatment/a mobility aid. everything im doing right now is bordering the line of too much. im constantly tired and overwhelmed and everything feels like a struggle, even the smallest tasks most people do everyday without thinking twice about it.

i have almost only had bad experiences with doctors and other medical professionals like physiotherapists, which has given me a lot of extra anxiety on top of my already pretty bad social anxiety. i really struggle to make appointments and even more so to go to them, and when i bring myself to do so i really struggle to express myself and explain how i feel and how i want them to help me. i almost always get shut down and offered no actual help with any of my problems. i just don't know what to do anymore.

if anyone has any advice i'd really appreciate it. i know that i can't give up because my life right now without accommodations is too miserable, but i also don't know how to move forward.

sorry if this was hard to understand. i really tried my best to explain but im having a bit of a hard time expressing myself right now due to feeling worse than usual.

[aihaitahm]

Hellooo!!! This idea has been stuck in my mind for the past week. But what would be your headcannons for maybe the Honkai star rail characters: (Kafka, Gepard, Jing Yuan and maybe Welt) dating the reader who’s an Aeon! Or Is a godlike being like the aeons!

hsr characters with aeon! gn! reader

a/n: im really busy !!! sorry also i didnt make reader a “specific” aeon aka theyre “aeon of ___” for ur imagination!

characters: kafka, jing yuan, gepard, welt

kafka

the type to always brag about you. literally praises you and would not shut up about her aeon significant other and everyone gets annoyed. dont get me wrong, you are more than your godhood/aeon-hood. she loves you for who you are and thinks she is very lucky to have you. could name every good quality about you.

can be a bit possessive when she sees someone flirts with you. would literally cling on you and kiss you on your cheek. she chuckles at your flustered expression because shes always so clingy yet you never fail to blush and get shy. how can someone as powerful as you be putty in her hands? though she does get a bit playful and flustered when you scold her jokingly while using your authoritative voice. (she finds it so hot)

thw type to be your number 1 defender. would literally outsmart every debate everytime it was something bad about you. she loves you a lot and if some comments or rumors bother you, she would take care of it just for you and would treat you to make you feel better.

her pet names would be mostly “dear, babe, love” or if shes trying to catch your attention something like “my pookie wookie god/goddess~” literally anything super cliche and something to tease you.

gepard

would be a bit clueless about your identity when you introduce yourself to him for the first time. or if he did know you, he would be shock to why an aeon, an attractive one is talking to him. he is just a mere captain afterall. would be the most respectful when speaking to you even though you said its okay to be casual.

in a relationship, talking and cuddling with him makes him so shy and red. please dont tease him… he will explode. though seriously speaking, he likes the aura or energy you give. he feels at peace and would always wanna be in your touch.

asks about your aeon-hood a lot due to his curiosity. loves listening to you talk about it and he loves your voice. he would to talk about yoh to serval a lot and his big sister just smiles and would occasionally fake cry/sniffle knowing her brother is growing up.

he may get a bit insecure sometimes when he thinks about the fact you are a very respectable aeon while he is just a human captain. you reassure him that you love him for being gepard and him being captain of the silvermane guards is already enough responsibility.

jing yuan

is very curious about your nature. during his first encounter with you, he immediately felt magnified by your appearance and presence. he talks to you in a very respectable, calm manner but inside he is freaking out. would play it cool because he is a confident general.

fast forward! he has a bad habit of staring at you fof too long. heart eyes everytime. he loves everything about you and the fact you are an aeon makes him even more in love. loves it when you nap with him and it makes him feel more connected to you.

would spoil you with gifts, with affections, with everything… he claims he is just making his offering to his favorite aeon (you). loves mediumish pda with you and always holds your hand, if not your waist.

if jing yuan loves you, so does mimi and yanqing. you all become family to his eyes and he loves how absolutely down-to-earth you are, how you treat everyone equally regardless of status. you all would find time during the week and eat together and talk about anything.

welt

at first, he knows who you are and is quite nonchalant to you. he is the type to question your intentions with him since you were being friendly towards him. he tries to not think about you but he finds it really hard not to. doesnt know what to draw? maybe he should draw you. how though? what. why is he thinking of you?

when he gets into a relationship with you, he would paint you a museum of you and occassionally drawings of you both. he is more softer with you and quite affectionate but he still has to get used to physical affection sometimes.

enjoys deep talks with you. he is truly impressed and admires with all the knowledge and wisdom you hold. loves going into deep subjects and you challenging him his views sometimes. may talk to you about the stuff he read on facebook (hes an old grandpa after all LOL) and asks what you think about it.

dislikes getting teased by the astral express crew but he appreciates the support from everyone. would sometimes ask them what to give you whenever its a special occassion but always ends up making a portrait or drawing of you.

[elulsdr]

WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU?

PILE 1 PILE 2 PILE 3

hey guys, it's my first pac ever so i would love to have your feedback. this pac also has random messages too rather than what do people think about you.

it's mainly about the messages i got. i hope it resonates⭐️ (i swear i'm better at personal readings LMAO)

PILE 1

people think you're very self oriented and love to have the power over them. maybe you have leader qualities and they can see that. i'd say they think you're more likely to choose logic over emotions. they think you're def the overthinker one. they know you know you're worth and know when and what to say something. they can feel that you like to be seen as cold hearted and powerful. in your head being numb equals having power. people think you're very materalistic as in, whatever you wear you make it seem expensive. people think you're very soft inside but don't let a lot people in. sometimes they can sense that deep down you're really insecure and they can see the other side of you. where you're not sure of anything you do, you don't trust yourself enough. sometimes you come off as really complex and a lot. you seem to be stuck on something. you want to let it go but can't really do it cause you get used to it. so that's why people can sense your imbalance energy. you could be indecisive or air headed these days. still, people know you have the strength to get over it. you could intimidate people at first but when they see the real you -which you dont show it to many they love it. maybe you got hurt on the past, that's why you put a mask like that. you could be very obsessive, and passionate about the things you love. you come off as competitive too.

PILE 2

oooh my broken heart pile.. if you recently gone through a breakup, doesnt matter if it's romantic or friends. people see youve been thru ALOT. you show it to everyone whether youre aware of it or not. people can sense the broken energy. you keep trying to explain your feelings? or what happened between you and the other person and they're like, can she move on already?? but it's cruel to think like that. cause i feel like this relationship somehow connected to your inner child. maybe the relationship helped you with healing your inner child that's why you felt those emotions that hard. people think you're sensitive and a romantic. everything i said was in the past, your energy now seems very refreshing and stepping ahead. also i have a really bad headache rn, are u ok? take care of your health and make sure you sleep enough. you have many sleepless nights. anyways, people see your steps to a better life. although you might got addicted to the new me concept and ignore everyone who tries to help you or tries to talk to you. you're like, i don't want your help i've been by myself all this long i can take care of myself from now on. they are a bit annoyed by this. they think you're a bit stubborn. DEF a hopeless romantic. don't try to burden everything and try to move on with your life asap. take your time to heal. and take people's help -only the ones who really care tho. aww i just got the 3 of swords. pls keep your precious heart safe bby. your love is enough and you will find someone that loves you as much as you love them. (wow pile 2's photo says the exact same thing, i didnt mean to do that lol)

PILE 3

hey pile 3, why do you feel so alone even if you're out with your friends? you like to ask people for advice but somehow you don't trust them as much as you trust yourself. i mean good for you but people -maybe your friends can tell that you're faking your feelings sometimes? maybe you feel the need to be happy around everyone even if you feel like shit. they can tell that. there's this person you are stuck on. it seems like you arent able to let them go. people really wonder about you guys. you could be a heartbreaker too. you and your friends are sarcastic people. people could get annoyed by the fact that you guys have fun lol. people think you have it all and you will have it all. they dont like the fact that they cant get a piece of you, your space, your time. it's like, there are people who want you but you got someone else on your mind who you seem to cant have. you like to learn more and more. you're very smart and people like that. but there's just this unknown people love about you. you have the friends, you have the grades, you have the face but what is it that makes you sad(?) and broken? people wonder the shit out of this lmao and you don't give them a chance to understand it. you tend to zone out a lot during the day and your thoughts makes you go nuts. people just seem to curious about you. they don't know enough. the more you don't give them the chance the more they wonder. people feel that you have tons of other shit to do than answer their questions. they know they don't deserve to steal your time like that.

[killallxys]

I feel saying men are inherently biologically horrible is kind of a cop out. They are not nor do they want to change. There is no biological push because they've got big enough brains to handle to not do it. Somehow certain men are able to hide their nature or be weaker and more timid yet hold those values. It's not biological it's simply put socialization. That's not to say we should start pulling out the red carpet and start "oh but he's a victim too". Bullshit. He's no victim. I can understand women who are traditional pushing this but no it's not the same.

Men actively search and destroy other men. They love heiarchies.

Women who do this are just infected by it. Same for ego, fetish, and etc.

Men are not victims to their nature. Saying that affirms the whole well he's a man how do you expect for him to react when you're dressed up like that.

In fact that makes them worse. They actively know and are not slaved chained to their instincts. Testerone usage is just for mating and fighting. That is it so when a male is out of place in nature and beats a female, it is because that male is a failure in those areas.

Males yes have this surge of hormones but are somehow chained yet not chained enough to be able to get creative with it.

Either way even if it was biological, you can always condition them. I'm not saying therapy I mean literal conditioning. If a wolf can become a chihuahua then a man can become decent.

the patriarchy is and by men.

The patriarchy isn't somehow natural aspect. It is engineered otherwise there wouldn't have been a gap in history of women living in matriarchy.

Anyways I feel when males are stated to be inherently horrible, it just washes out everything. If men are to be like this then why should we have any other attitude other than indifference? He's a man it's in his nature. No it's not he's been raised in a misogynistic society and loves it, doesn't even know he loves it. He is no victim nonetheless.

Men are not helpless testerone rage monsters. No they are willful ones.

Men are not inherently bad

However no man...no naturally made man is good

Theyre all disgusting not a single one has done something in recognition of the female sex as human...no...bare minimum.

Somehow they are able to feel bad about banging a pot or pan on accident yet not for women

No man in the past was good

No man right now is good

"OH well if you say that why not date one now"

No man exists right now with bare minimum capabilities and beyond.

No man exists in this world our world like this.

No man.

I would enjoy a relationship with a adult human male in our world but unfortunately not one capable exists.

4B global ＼(^^)／ I hope for extinction unless something changes at the last minute. By that I mean men stop with everything.

However not all men will change...men right now none will change. If one does, why should we clap.

Also many will need to be lost in genocide which is good. Men will not stay sat they will eventually start fighting back with full force and so will be killed. Too many alive. Bombs away

Letter bomb+

Anti war because of men

But not for women

It was not women who started ww2, committed genocides and wars in south Sudan, or cut off women's breasts.

It was men

I agree. These smeglets say "biology" and play victim. Although I understand that women who say it don't want to deal with men anymore. And even if it was biology, subjugating women is wrong and they should be killed. Just how it is natural for virus to infect and kill but we didn't put hands on chin and said "it's life" but killed the virus.

Its kinda stupid to waste energy chaging them. They enjoy the power dynamic. They won't care bout us.

We aren't on 4B because we need to teach those men a lesson. We are on it because men are a lost cause. They dont want to change (even when they can) and actively hurt women.

The best thing possibel as of now is stop birthing males. Either a daughter or an abortion. Also men are going extinct soon. Or if you wanna speed it up, let's start killing moid's. Because the end goal of feminism is to liberate women and make oppression a thing of the past, does t matter if that means men must die.

[polyestercleaner]

HIIII I KNOW U HAVE MANY REQUESTS BUT 😞😞 maybe ryan x reader where reader is struggling with ED?????

YEAAYYY RYAN REQUESTS

|Summary: You've always despised your body for what it looked like. Your eating disorder consumed you for many years. Espically when no one is around. But now that you have a lover full aware of it. Things eventually get better each time your down deep into that hole.

|Content Warning: Fluff, angst, Eating disorder

Your body has always been the bane of your existence, you've always looked down and frowned at what you saw. Today was no different, ryan has been on tour for what feels like a decade now, and now that you have nothing else to do.

your brain began to flood with those thoughts you've been pushing away. When ryan was here reassurance was enough to keep you eating 1 to 2 balanced meals when you can. Despite not being in such a low weight. Ryan did infact worry. You pulled yourself out of your bed. You haven't eaten for 3 days, by then the hunger completely vanished.

Your energy crashing down and your body nothing more than a hollow shell. Your eyes spoke the truth. Dark circles underneath your eyes and a slumped walk. You pulled on a pair of shorts and a shirt on your body after stepping out of the shower. The kitchen fell empty after Ryan's leave.

You couldn't wait for life to come back into this house. But you knew this wasn't going to fix you so easily. You sighed as you sat on the chair, cup of milk in hand that you've already counted the calories for. On usual normal days, when things aren't so bad. You find yourself counting calories way less.

But on hollow days when there's nobody around, and there's nothing to do. Your brain falls back into its only sense of control. It's only sense of security. And you can't seem to slip out of it until you know for sure. That your not alone. And even then that state of mind is always there, always letting you know that you should count those calories and burn them off. You took a sip from your drink as you walked off.

Pacing around thinking about what you should do for today. But once again, whatever you thought of was weighed down with the feeling of this low level of energy. Everything felt blurry, nothing made sense.

Your brain felt like it was eating itself out of hunger. And yet that stomach of yours had not felt what hunger feels in a day or so. You decide to slip back into bed, and prayed that ryan would walk through that door... your eyes felt heavier than ever. Slowly closing as you drifted into a state of sleep...

and before you knew it, that gentle voice was back again. Ryan shook you gently. Rubbing his hand on your shoulder. Just the fact you heard his voice made your brain perk up. "Hey.. why are you still asleep pretty girl" those names.. that smile.

You opened your eyes to him sitting next to you on the bed, "what's wrong are you fel-" despite being so exhausted, you used all that energy you had to pull your body up and embrace him with a hug, you pulled him down, laying back down as he hovered over your body, laying on top of your chest as you begin to cry. Those cries you wanted to let out from all the frustration. Those cries you've mustered up because all those bad memories and bad days.

"Hey hey.. your okay.." he whispered into your ear.. you felt relief and sadness, maybe even happiness but you knew for sure you felt safe. He pulls off of you, laying next to you on the bed, on his side. You turn to your side aswell. Facing him as you struggle to keep yourself together.

"Whats wrong? You know you can talk to me right." You covered your face with your hands as you sobbed, pulling your legs to your stomach. "Dont look at me, I look horrid." "No way.. not a day have you looked horrid baby"

He gently pulled your hands off, you looked at him, sniffling as you struggled to stop those hiccups that washed over you each time you cried. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." He stroked your face, brushing those tears away from your face, he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer as you breathed in the scent of his clothes, ryan never failed to smell good, let alone look good, but the smell of him.

Just assured you even more that you weren't hallucinating from all that brain fog. "Have you eaten?" Your snapped back into your senses and you knew for a fact you can't lie if you wanted things to stop being so bad. You felt your throat close up for a minute.

Your lungs felt like they collapsed. You breathed in the scent of his shirt one more time before replying. "I haven't....in a few days.." deep down you knew his fear simply intensified. His worry getting worse. But he didn't let go. If anything. His grip around your body tightened.

And he held you impossibly close. You closed your eyes and let your thoughts wonder for a bit. "You're gonna be okay.. yeah? You'll be okay. I'm here." You barely noticed the fact you began crying again. His hand rubbed at your back. "Let's get you something to eat yeah?"

You nodded, but in the back of your mind you wanted to yell. You wanted to run away. No way were you gonna eat. Not after this progress not after the control you felt. You wanted to refuse letting go of the only thing you had control of.

But your forced a nod despite that. Ryan was infact, very dear to you. You made your way downstairs following ryan as he made his way to the kitchen. Rummaging through it in a desperate act to find something to eat. "There's barely anything. How about pizza?" He turned to you.

A smile, you can never get enough of. It's contagious. You smiled back. And even though he knew you might not want to nod for that. That smile was enough to let him know you were willing to try..

"Come on, one more slice yeah?" He urged you, chewing at his own pizza before swallowing. You went as far as eating two. That was enough for you. Despite it not being the best choice of food after not eating for 3 days.

You felt better knowing things might be fine after a while. "You're still exhausted?" You put the crust of the pizza down. "Yeah, even though I slept it wasn't really....without you? You know.." he smiled at you. Closing the lid for the pizza box. "I'll come to bed." You nodded. Getting up and making your way to your bed.

You pulled your shirt off of you. And your shorts off. Slipping on a tank top you always sleep in and headed to bed. You slipped the blanket on your body.. this was the safest you've ever felt. The best you've ever felt.

Ryan grunts as he slipped into the bed, covering both of you once again. His arms found your waist and he pulled you closer. Your back against your chest. "Ryan."

"Mhm?" You blinked awkwardly. Unsure of what you actually wanted to say. "Am I making your life difficult.. for being. This way?"

"Your making my life impossibly beautiful. And full of emotions so good I never thought I'd feel. Okay?" He kissed your cheek. Shoving his head in the crook of your neck. You smiled to yourself. Letting the exhaustion take you out again. But this time. You were in the arms of someone you loved. And that felt much less lonely.

|Ryan they could never make me hate you.