#i feel like life would be so much easier if time just stopped

[wolvietxt]

🌀 quiet confessions w/ logan howlett.

logan wasn’t one for feelings. he’d spent most of his life keeping them buried deep beneath a thick layer of gruffness and blunt words. the world didn’t care about emotions, and neither did he. it was easier that way, safer. but then you came along - soft-spoken, gentle, but fierce when it mattered. you were like sunlight breaking through the cracks in a storm, and no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, you were slowly but surely wearing him down.

at first, he hadn’t even noticed the shift. small things, like how he always found himself giving you the last of his food or offering to carry your bags even when he didn’t have to. it wasn’t anything huge. nothing that screamed “soft spot,” just little acts of consideration. but then he started to catch himself, noticing that his tone with you was softer, the words gentler. when you needed space, he gave it to you without asking. when you needed reassurance, he found himself offering it, even if he didn’t know exactly what you were looking for.

it started small - just a few lingering touches when he handed you something, a brush of his hand against yours. but over time, it became more. it wasn’t intentional at first. it wasn’t like he planned it, but slowly, he realized that when you were around, he wasn’t as gruff. when you spoke, he listened. when you laughed, it made his chest tighten in a way he couldn’t quite explain. and the more time he spent with you, the more he found himself looking out for you, noticing when you were off, when something was bothering you.

he would catch himself watching you when you didn’t know, just observing the way you moved or the way you smiled. there was something about you that made him forget the world around him, like nothing else mattered when you were near. but the hardest part, the part that really threw him off, was how he started to feel different when it came to you. not just in the way he treated you, but in the way his thoughts lingered on you when you weren’t around. it was subtle at first - just a fleeting thought when he was on his own, imagining your smile or the way your eyes lit up when you were excited. but it grew. and that made logan uncomfortable.

he hated how much he liked it. hated how easy it was to slip into this new version of himself when he was with you. how much he enjoyed seeing your eyes light up when he said something, or how you seemed to calm just by the weight of his presence. logan had never been one to believe in ‘soft spots,’ but for you, he’d begun to feel like he was in uncharted territory.

it was one night, after a quiet dinner and an easy conversation, that he really started to feel it. you were sitting beside him, the two of you watching the flickering light from the fire cast shadows across the room. he wasn’t used to being so… comfortable. but with you, it felt right. when you shifted closer to him, leaning your head against his shoulder, he didn’t pull away. instead, he let his arm fall around you, pulling you in just a little tighter.

"you alright?" he asked, his voice unusually soft, the words almost a murmur. there was a tenderness in his tone that surprised even him, and it left a strange warmth spreading through his chest.

you nodded, your breath warm against his neck. "yeah, just… being with you like this is nice," you said, the words quiet, but they lingered in the air between you two.

logan let out a low breath, the weight of those words hitting him harder than he expected. he’d never been the type to say things like that, not out loud anyway, but when you were around, he found himself wanting to be more than just the rough-around-the-edges guy he’d always been.

he hadn’t meant to speak, but the words slipped out before he could stop them. "i don’t want you to think i’m just lookin’ for a way out of this," he said, his voice a bit gravelly with the hint of something else, something that made his chest tighten. he wasn’t sure what he was saying, but it felt important, like this was something that needed to be said. "you make me want to be a better version of myself."

there it was. the truth, spilling out without him meaning it to. he turned to look at you, his gaze searching your face, as if hoping you understood what he was trying to say.

your eyes softened, a smile playing on your lips, and you reached up to gently cup his jaw, the warmth of your touch sending a rush of heat through his veins. "logan," you whispered, your voice barely a breath against his skin, "i know."

the tenderness in your gaze caught him off guard, and before he could say anything else, you leaned in, your lips brushing against his in a kiss that was slow and deliberate. it wasn’t just a kiss - it was the kind of kiss that held everything unsaid between the two of you. everything that had been building for weeks, all the softness, all the quiet moments, all the subtle shifts in the way you looked at each other.

when you pulled back, logan’s heart was pounding, his breath coming faster. the look in his eyes was darker now, something almost feral stirring beneath the surface. "damn it," he muttered under his breath, the words thick with desire. his hand cupped your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek as his gaze locked onto yours. "i didn’t think i’d feel like this, but hell, i do."

you smiled, a mixture of warmth and mischief lighting up your expression, and you leaned in again, capturing his lips in a kiss that was anything but slow this time. it was hungry, desperate, and everything that had been building between the two of you came to a head in that moment. logan’s grip tightened around you as he kissed you deeply, his tongue brushing against yours with a fevered intensity that left no room for hesitation.

he didn’t need words anymore. not when his actions spoke louder than anything he could say. he was falling for you, and he knew it now. and there was no going back.

🌀 logan howlett : @notacleangirl, @v3lv3tf0x, @dugiioh, @whxtewolf, @rooroen

@lemoanaid, @correnz, @coocoocachewgotscrewed, @ohmystvrk, @y08h

@lovely-liliacs, @california-boys-and-sun

taglist form linked in pinned post :3

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Overtime

This is the second prize in my giveaway for my follower @l3rittany. I hope you enjoy it! TW: Sexual references, AFAB Reader, Clingy, Missed communication

When Charlie offered you the job, you took it without question, with no idea that your ‘boss’ would be the fearsome radio demon himself. You thought you were just helping out an old friend who has done a solid for you once or twice. No idea that your soul could lay in the balance of another life or even its death. However, you would never revoke your word, so slacks and blouses became your life as the hotel's office coordinator. 

Working under Alastor wasn’t that bad; in fact, it was the best work you had ever had. He was precise and articulate with his needs, allowing you to get things done effectively while maintaining your personal life. Not to mention that the hotel had a cast of colorful characters that helped keep the days light and going, something you were grateful for on the more task-filled days. 

You wouldn’t say you were anything like Alastor; you were the polar opposite, as Charlie felt you would compliment Alastor's style, maybe even loosen him up while he helped you maintain a schedule. However, your differences did nothing to stop the growing butterflies you got as your years working with Alastor passed. Such differences only spurred your dream of a long-lasting relationship with the deer man. 

You knew your desires were nothing more than a dream, but time passed, and familiarity was bread. Before you knew it, you and Alastor worked in a tandem like no other. The seamless work between you two only led people in the hotel, and even hell itself, to assume something more was between you. Who is to say there wasn’t more between you two as time passed? Because what you saw as just Alastor being a gentleman of his time, he saw as courting his prized possession. 

Your hard work, dedication, and steadfast loyalty were all Alastor needed to know you were perfect for him—someone who strengthened his weaknesses and he yours. After a year of working with you, he was pleased when a docile routine started that led to these growing feelings. Alastor wanted nothing more than to hold, touch, love, and be with you—something he assumed you also wanted at the same time. 

Alastor only let you touch him after year two of working together. This was his way of telling everyone he was taken. He even went as far as not letting Rosie be all over him as much. However, you see it as Alastor closing off again. You felt lucky that you were still one of his few trusted companions. 

In year three of working together, Alastor began to buy you small trinkets he thought would better your outfits, compliment your eyes, or even make work easier for you. You were one to believe this was just his way of helping you out. A boss looking out for his best employee. Nothing more or less. 

What finally sent Alastor over the edge was year four when he asked you to accompany him to a formal Overlord event. This was going to be his time to debut you and him. Show everyone in hell who you belong to. He had survived years of you being everything he could want, and here he would let everyone know who his powerful love companion was. However, he didn’t expect to see you outside your usual work attire. 

You had gone all out for the event, wanting to make Alastor proud and fueling the fantasy that he adored you as you did him. You wore a dark red dress. The bodice wrapped around your neck with silver tendrils akin to deer horns. The waist was high, showing your curves that led to a high slit just above your thigh. You wore striking silver heels, which made you the perfect height for him. 

All the effort you put into your look was beyond what he had imagined, and Alastor was foaming at the mouth. He had never had these emotions before you entered his life and was starving for you. He wanted to hold you, kiss you, devour you. Everything he knew he could have after he debuted you tonight—his pretty Doe. 

As you took his arm, he felt at ease, a sense of calm washing over him. He felt complete; for once in his life, someone was there with him, accepting him. Smiling softly at you, he led the way to the party that would change the fate of your relationship for life. 

As you arrived, it was clear to everyone how Alastor was displaying you. He was showing that you were his and not to be messed with. Vox was pissed, Val was confused about how he got such a beauty, and Camilla was just tired of all the pissing contests everyone seemed to want to have. However, it became clear through small talk and idle chatter that maybe you and Alastor weren’t entirely on the same page.

When Vox cornered you in hopes of learning secrets about Alastor, you kept calling him boss and friend. When Zestial talked to Alastor, he called you his partner and lifemate. When Val started hitting on you, you turned Alastor away and laughed it off. Alastor was fuming and promised to make a hit on the moth later. 

Your relationship with Alastor was very confusing for all parties involved. Then came the events behind the party: people bidding on land for their claims. All Alastor cared about was the hotel's land; as he put it, ‘I can take whoever else’s land I please when I need it.’ However, you were guessing you were brought here to help with the budget and make sure he didn’t spend too much. 

As the bidding continued, you kept running off numbers to Alastor, and he was starting to get the bigger picture. You weren’t here to be his date but to be his work partner. Then it dawned on him, even if you had died eons before he did, even if you knew of many different customs and cultures. Was it possible you didn’t realize he was courting you? 

As the realization hit, he began laughing to himself. However, the laughter started to grow as he disrupted the entire ordeal. You had no idea he was in love with you, absolutely infatuated. You knew not of his desire to mate with you for life. He was baffled and honestly not shocked, as this was you he was talking about—his diligent little doe who was so good at work but oblivious to his advances. 

He finally understood why you never returned the advances or reached out for him or got him anything. You didn’t realize he wanted you and you alone. He hummed, satisfied with himself for the deduction. Even if he interrupted the party, he didn’t care because now he had a new goal: to get you home and show you how much he cared about you. 

Time ticked slowly; you had grown worried over the silent and now brooding Alastor. His laughing fit had caused everyone to be concerned, worried he would start an all-out brawl. However, he quit and was silent for the rest of the night. He kept you close to him; however, his arm never left your waist, allowing butterflies to flutter in your stomach. 

Once the evening ended, he didn’t stop there. The gentleman in him led you to your room, a soft butterfly kiss to your writs, palm, and cheek. When he pulled away and was greeted by your red face, that was all the confirmation he needed. You felt the same way; you were too shy to admit you loved your boss. Smirking, he allowed himself into your room. 

“Four and a half long years, Dear, and you are informing me now through your reactions that you finally feel the same. Tsk, Tsk, no, you have always felt this way, haven’t you? You are just too shy to admit it.” He looked at you longingly, craving your touch, which he finally had permission to have. 

“Al, where is this all coming from,” You were shocked, to say the least, a dark blush covering your face as he caged you in slowly into your room. 

“I have given you hint after hint, day after day, year after year, about my affection and adoration of you. However, it seems I wasn’t forward enough. So let me try again, yeah. " That sentence alone was all it took. In your brain, you wanted to shout no, that you are just boss and worker, but in your heart, you wanted to scream yes repeatedly. 

Your heart won over as you nodded subtly to his advances, allowing Alastor the right to do everything for you. He quickly pulled you in and accepted the first of many kisses. He was gentle and soft with you. He wanted to do this right, not rough at first. He heard stories, both alive and dead, about those who rushed in and didn’t appreciate all they had. 

Despite his hate for touch, he needed yours now and more than ever. He needed to feel all of you and know you genuinely knew how he felt. His heart was so full of love for you over the last five years that he needed you to know that you were his everything. This love filled him with a yearning for you and only you.

His lips are gentle against yours, each kiss stealing your breath away again and again. You hoped from here on out that they would always feel incredibly soft when he's wrapped around you like this, arms holding you in a soft but tight embrace. He had you melting in his hands.

His movements were slow, as if you have all the time in the world, an eternity, to make each other feel good. He slowly laid you down on the bed, your dress hiking up with your body. Slowly, he began to spread your legs and place himself between them as he hovered above you.

He was slow to undress you both. He started with you, eager to see you bare before him. To feel your soft skin against his own. He gently slid your dress off with your heels, peppering your body with soft kisses. Soon, he was stripping himself of his suit, leaving him just in his briefs above you. Both of you are enamored at the beautiful sights before you. “May I touch you…I am new to this; I only know what I have heard and seen a few times.” You gave a sweet, simple nod to him as his lips moved downwards to meet with your clit.

He makes sure there’s a pillow under your head so you can remain comfortable under his tongue while you place one under your hips to provide easier access to him. As he dived in, it was a sweet release for you both—the feeling of one another's skin as well as the pleasure building from his menstruations.

You sighed deeply, your hand coming to his head, shoving his face deeper into you. You needed him more, all of him, and Alastor was ready to deliver. He held you close, enjoying your taste, scent, and desire for him—something he was so eager for and so needy for. He wanted to love you right, as any gentleman should. 

“Al…Oh, Al fuck….Al, I am going to,” As you began to cum you could feel his horns grow more. Holding on to them, you rutted against his face, chasing your high. As the white behind your eyes pulsed, Alastor was relentless, ensuring he cleaned you thoroughly before pulling himself up. 

As he hovered above your face, covered in your slick, he held your hands above your head softly. He kissed you deeply, smiling at you, allowing your taste to fill your mouth. His kisses moved from your lips to your cheek to your chest, then your hands, and he peppered you with love and adoration. He was going to worship you and you alone. 

As you whined for me, he couldn’t help but chuckle. Gently, his hands caressed your body as you wrapped yours around his neck. Eager lips conjoined as you two kissed once again. He was sure one day he would devour you, but for now, this, this was his heaven. Maybe Charlie was right. A soul, even one taken by another, could be redeemed. 

Gently he pulls away and removes his briefs, his cock spriging free. He was eager and ready. Inexperienced or not, he knew one essential thing: a woman should always be pleased first. He smiled gently and lined himself up. When you nodded again to him, he slid in, panting with each inch that passed through you. He immediately loses himself the moment he feels your warm, wet, gummy walls squeezing and sucking him in.

"Oh fuck," He breathes, pelvis connecting with yours as he entirely sits inside you.

You're nose-to-nose, chest-to-chest, trapped under him with willowy arms on either side of you, and there's absolutely no space between you once he pulls your legs up to wrap around his hips. He needs you as close to him as possible. Your breaths mingle as he's working your insides, your nose scrunching and eyebrows furrowing with each deep thrust.

You can feel each throb and pulse, the tip of his cock kissing gummy wet walls each time he buries himself inside you. Alastor is enjoying your every reaction, committing each face and sound to his memory for later. Every sigh, gasp, and sweet moan of his name boosts his ego. He's taking care of you because he's making you feel like this. No one else can or will.

"You make me feel so good, Y/N; I need more of you, all of you," He leaned over you, entering you even more deeply. Each thrust hits a new and unexplored spot that sent you squeezing down on him ."You make me feel so good, sweetheart. My Doe.. my sweet Doe."

It's so intimate and romantic that it makes you needy throughout your act. It makes fireworks go off in your stomach. Each kiss is electricity, each thrust is a new breath of air, and each sound is your symphony.

"Alastor-" you hiccup as you look up at him through bleary eyes.

"Yeah, sweet girl? What do you need?" he had all his attention on you, nothing else. All Alastor ever cared about was you.

“More.. please, I need more.” Your pleas didn’t fall on deaf ears as Alastor moaned softly, repositioning you.

His hands quickly move down and grab your hips. He positions them higher, the new angle making him thrust right up against your G-spot, going a little faster than before. As soon as he hears your cries, he falls to a stable rhythm and has your eyes rolling back, gasping for air and making all those perfect sounds.

“Yeah, does that feel good? You like when I’m deep in you like this, fucking you just how you dreamed?” He asks, his voice starting to shake slightly. But you can’t respond. Not when your vocal cords won’t let you, preoccupied with your cute whines and mewls, you do your best not to be too loud for the courtesy of the other hotel residents. All noises resembling speech are mindless babbles, too hung up that you finally have Alastor as much as he had you.

“Shhh, I know. I know, my Doe,” His voice is so quiet and sweet that it almost makes your stomach sick. “Just sit there and take it like the good girl you are. That’s all you have to do.”

The way he is making your pussy flutter makes your stomach flip from hearing his deep moans; he makes your clit ache with need, begging for some friction right about now because all you can think about is cumming around his thick cock. You need to cum so bad, and Alastor, unbeknownst to you, can pick up on it.

 He notices the way you squeeze around him relentlessly, the way you go a little quiet as you try to focus on your orgasm. All gentlemen knew one cardinal rule: Your lady needs to feel good first.

“Open your eyes, dear. Let me see how pretty you look.” You take a moment to process his words before your glossy eyes barely flutter open again. " That’s a good girl. Keep those beautiful eyes on me.”

You feel his hand gripping your hip snake between your legs and down to your wet heat. It was only then that you took notice of the lewd, sloppy sounds coming from the both of you, your combined wetness and sweat creating a loud slap every time his hips met with yours. 

The pad of his thumb gathers some of that slick before pressing against your swollen nub, in turn making you jolt under him. He methodically works your clit in rhythm with his thrusts, and with how worked up you already are, you feel your nether regions burning. You glance down at his hand, working you so effortlessly. The way his cock disappears inside you, taking him so well. Suddenly, you feel so close. So fucking close.

“Please cum for me,” The way he said please and in such a soft tone made you unravel completely. You nodded, the tears welling in your eyes, ready to fall. A grin formed across Alastors face, not his normal one, a new one meant just for you.

“Cum for me, dear; I can feel you are holding back; release for me; let me make you feel good,” He leaned down to pepper small kisses along your soft jawline as his fingers on your clit quickened.

“Al…Al…AL Fuck… I-I’m gonna cum,” You managed to choke out, feeling his hips stutter as your walls pulse around him.

“Let go, sweetheart. Make a mess for me, I’ve got you.” The way he said it so lovingly made you go insane. Was this what you were missing out on for years? You could have had this all along. Why did you wait till now? How foolish were you? 

You feel your hips buck helplessly under him, a cry of pleasure getting ripped straight from your throat as you cum on his cock, your cunt pulsing and gushing around him. Hot tears roll down your flushed cheeks as you bury your face into his neck. Your hearing goes a little fuzzy, but you can make out his lengthy groans as he keeps pounding into you. You writhe in overstimulation below him before his hips stutter again, burying himself inside you with a harsh thrust as his seed shoots out, filling you. 

You sniffle into his neck in the aftermath. You hear him mutter a few soothing words as his lips touch your skin again, but his words fall on deaf ears as you try to catch your breath. Alastor and you were one now; no need for a soul contract. You were just one complete person.

“I love you, Y/N, only you, be my girl,” With a gentle nod from you and a quick soft kiss, those were the last words you could hear before falling asleep in his arms.

[theother-victoria]

all hearts as one beneath the sun

SYNOPSIS: before kakavasha dissolves into the nihility, there is one hope he has to let go of. may you meet again in a kinder world and under a warm sun.

CHARACTERS: kakavasha, aventurine, dr ratio, aventurine's family,

TAGS: angst, no comfort, established relationship, mentions of suicide, 4k+ wc,

TAGLIST: @mitsvriii, @harque, @hazyue, @gabile18, @khoncore, @moineauz

NOTES: sobbed to "had I not seen the sun" the entire time I was writing this I love making myself cry w my own work

special thanks to @akutasoda, @tragedy-of-commons, and @https-sourlimes for proofreading this! love u all <33

link to the playlist

Aventurine was mildly surprised when he received word that he would be handling the Penacony mission. Why him, of all the Ten Stonehearts? Surely someone more capable such as Opal would be trusted with a mission of this caliber. 

He only realized why when he pried further into the details. 

Penacony was a death trap. With so many powerful and important people gathered in one place, one wrong move on his part would spell his end.

He chuckles sardonically. Figures. They’re sending their most suicidal employee out for a suicide mission.

As if to rub the situation into his face, he finds out they’re pairing him with Dr. Ratio. What purpose is he supposed to serve, suicide prevention? Too little, too late, in his opinion. 

The doctor doesn’t look too thrilled about the fact either. It makes Aventurine feel somewhat better about this whole situation. 

“You’d best get your affairs settled before we leave, gambler. The odds that you make it back alive from this mission aren’t as you’d hope they’d be.”

“Ooh, well I do like the sound of that.”

A glare sent his way makes Aventurine roll his eyes, but he shuts up anyway. Plans are made and discussed for what role each of them will be playing before it’s time to leave. 

“Well then, I look forward to working with you in Penacony, Doctor.”

“Just don’t act like a complete idiot and we’ll be fine.”

The two men head their separate ways. Ratio’s advice to settle his affairs lingers in his mind, though. That means there’s a will he has to sign, assets he has to distribute, funeral arrangements to be made, and more. Of course, most, if not all of it, will be going toward you. You’d be set for the rest of your life, never having to work a day again if you so chose. 

He heaves a sigh. Ah, it’s all so tedious. It was all so much easier before you came along. He had no will to worry about. He’d toss caution to the wind every mission and wind up sorely disappointed when he returned, still alive. If he did end up dying, his assets would end up being pawned off and most likely make their way back to the IPC somehow. So what even was the point then?

With all that being said, he didn’t mind putting in all that extra work for your peace of mind and so you’d continue to benefit, even after his death. 

Still, the stakes this time around are higher, and he has you to consider now before placing his bets. One wrong move and you’d be left without someone to welcome home. And then there’s the consideration of whether he’d be willing to die when the moment came. Sure, he’d attempted several times before but they’d all failed. Would he be able to take the plunge this time, should the opportunity present itself? 

“Hey, Doc?”

Ratio is about to leave, but the uncharacteristic hint of hesitation in his voice makes him stop and look over his shoulder.

“... How can you tell if you’ve lived a life worth living?”

Ratio stares at the blonde in silence in disbelief over what he’s hearing. Aventurine chuckles, trying to dispel the awkwardness that’s settled in the air.

“No answer? Never mind-”

“That answer will vary from person to person. However, if you were to ask me personally…”

The doctor’s golden eyes flit over Aventurine’s frame, narrowing in contemplation- and perhaps a hint of resignation. 

“Ask yourself this question: can you die today without any regrets?”

“Can I die today without any regrets?” Doctor, what were you thinking when you posed that rhetorical question on me? Obviously the answer would be no!

Expensive leather shoes click against stone as Aventurine hurriedly makes his way through the Dreamscape. The weight of having mere hours left to live looms above his head like an anvil, leaving him scrambling to figure out how to cheat death- not for the hope of living to see another day, but so he can carry out his mission. 

When confronted with death, even a suicidal man will cling to the urge to live for one reason or another. 

He’s hardly paying attention to where he’s going, muttering out half-hearted apologies to those he bumps into as he stumbles through the Dreamscape before he ends up in a secluded area. The kaleidoscopic iridescence in the corners of his vision makes him stumble and he audibly groans when a searing pain flashes through his temples, the Harmony’s brand on his mind assailing him again. 

Dammit… am I really at the end of the line now? And before I could do anything meaningful either…

He hears the sound of a… child humming some distance away? That’s strange, there’s no one else here. 

“Mister, are you lost too?”

That voice. 

He turns around slowly, as if that would change anything. Aventurine’s eyes dart across the boy standing before him, with rags for clothes and scraped knees. The child in front of him is everything he is not- or rather, what he was, but is no longer. Optimistic, with bright shining eyes. Hope still exists for him. 

Those eyes. Oh, it’s himself. 

Aventurine thinks he’s about to be sick. 

“Woah, you have such pretty eyes! Can I call you Mr. Pretty Eyes?”

Aventurine stiffly nods. 

“Sure. Call me whatever you want, kid. What’s your name?”

“It’s Kakavasha. Nice to meet you!”

And that’s the final nail in the coffin confirming his suspicions. 

Kakavasha looks around nervously.

“I was searching for my family, but I got lost. This place is so much bigger than home… Mister, do you think you could help me find them?”

Aventurine shakily extends a trembling hand out.

“Of course. Lead the way. How about you hold onto my hand so you don’t get lost anymore?

Kakavasha latches onto it and begins wandering around, calling out for his parents and big sister. Every unanswered call feels like a punch to the gut but he has a faint flickering of hope that he’ll be able to see them.

“You really love your family, kid,” remarks Aventurine in an attempt to keep some conversation going. 

“Of course! I do!”

Kakavasha pauses in his steps and thinks for a bit, eyes wandering skyward and free hand resting on his chin.

“… Do you have anyone you love, Mr. Pretty Eyes?”

“Yes, I do. Their name is (Name).”

The boy’s eyes light up, sparkling in curiosity.

“Woah, really? What’re they like?”

A light chuckle escapes Aventurine’s lips as he crouches down to Kakavasha’s eye level and ruffles his hair. 

“They’re the best thing to have ever happened to me.”

“Wow, they must be a really amazing person for you to say that…”

“They are. They're incredible.”

I don’t deserve them.

He chuckles and stands back up again, hand reaching for Kakavasha’s. The little boy continues to lead the way, until he suddenly stops and turns. 

“Would you like to meet my family? They’ve been gone for so long I think they went back home. You can introduce (Name) to them as well!”

Panic wells up inside him. Seeing his family? In this state? After all he’s done? No, he can’t. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t. Not under these circumstances!

“Kid, I don’t think-”

“It’s ok if (Name) shows up late. They’re nice people and they’ll understand.”

“No, I-”

“Come on, let’s go! They’re already waiting for us!”

Aventurine feels himself being forcefully pulled under and he instinctively closes his eyes. A blast of hot, sandy air hits him, making him shield himself. When it settles down, he opens his eyes to a familiar sight. Sand stretches as far as the eye can see. There’s minimal vegetation and he can feel the sun beating down on his back already.

Sigonia-IV. He’s returned home. 

Kakavasha eagerly tugs on his sleeve. 

“This is my home! I know it’s not much, but everyone I know and love is here. I think you’ll like it too.”

Still holding onto Aventurine’s hand, Kakvasha begins running toward the horizon. Aventurine, meanwhile, feels numb all over. 

There’s no way this is happening. Is this some sort of cruel prank? What did that chicken-wing boy do this time? But if this is just a cruel prank…

He looks around at the yellow sand stretching as far as the eye can see and the mountains in the distance.

… Then it’s far too realistic. How is this happening? If I filter out the memories of the massacre, then everything is the same as I remembered it. 

“We’re almost there!” calls out Kakavasha. “Just a little longer now!”

Three familiar figures stand in front of a tent some distance away and Aventurine feels his heart seize up in his chest. He’s long forgotten their faces, but he instinctively recognizes them.

Mom. Dad. Big Sis. 

Kakavasha lets go of his hand and sprints toward his family. He leaps into the arms of his big sister, who spins him around giddily while his mother plants kisses over his face and his father holds his tiny hands. 

As he approaches, he realizes they have no faces. Where there are supposed to be eyes, a nose, and a mouth, there is nothing. A blank canvas with dents and ridges where the features are supposed to be greets him and he feels the hairs on the back of his neck rise up in warning. 

The only exception to this is his sister, with her grinning mouth and her long blonde hair billowing in the wind- the only feature he remembers clearly about her. She takes notice of him and tilts her head curiously to the side. 

“Kakavasha, did you br▇ng a f▇▇▇d of ▇urs?”

Her voice comes out scratchy and distorted with only a few syllables recognizable. There’s a sinking feeling in his stomach when he realizes why.

He can’t remember her voice anymore. Or the voices of his parents, for that matter. He’s forgotten what they look like, and now what they sound like. What’s been forgotten can’t be restored. 

“Yeah!” exclaims Kakavasha nestled safely into his sister’s arms now. “Everybody, meet Mr. Pretty Eyes!”

They greet him with friendly waves and scratchy sounds that he thinks are supposed to be words of greeting. He almost chokes on the guilt and regret building up in his throat

“▇▇ look just like ▇▇ Kakavasha over here! ▇▇ ▇▇ ▇▇ ▇▇ his long-lost b▇▇▇▇r or something?” 

Aventurine forces out a laugh as the others join in. 

If only they knew…  

The sun is going down now, and the solar winds that blanket the planet grow harsher. They quickly usher him into the tent, telling him to make himself at home and inviting him to stay for dinner. There’s no way out as far as he can tell, so he obliges.

 It’s smaller than he remembers, he thinks as he ducks to avoid hitting his head. There’s a rudimentary kitchen setup in the back that Kakavasha’s mother is tending to as she begins preparing dinner. Kakavasha hops into his sister’s lap and shakes the sand out of his hair and gets it everywhere, to which she lightly scolds him with a tug on his cheek. 

He takes a seat on the fraying rug in the center and rubs a brightly-colored teal tassel between his fingers. The sand is already starting to seep into his clothes. He feels grains of it in his shoes and it pools onto his pristine white dress pants. Grains of it are nestled deep into the fur collar of his coat from the harsh solar winds outside that even vigorous shaking won’t dislodge.

Kakavasha’s sister smiles at him. It’s a bit unnerving, just seeing a smiling mouth with no other features.

“So, Mr. ▇▇▇ Eyes, w▇at 's your ▇▇▇ ? At least, I’m a▇▇▇ ming Mr. ▇▇▇ Eyes isn’t yo▇▇ r▇l name.”

“It’s Kaka-”

He swallows hard and kicks himself. He’s not Kakavasha. Not anymore.

“It’s… Aventurine.”

The very act of saying that name makes him feel like he’s betraying his family, stabbing them in the back. 

“A▇▇▇▇▇ , huh? What an in▇▇▇ing and pretty name!” remarks his sister. He feels the air rush out his lungs and almost coughs up a sardonic laugh from the sheer irony of it all. First his family, then his language, then his body, and now even his name? Is there anything left that he can truly call his from his culture? 

Thunder distantly rumbles overhead. Kakavasha and his sister peek their heads out curiously of the tent. She gasps excitedly and points to the darkening clouds overhead. 

“Hear that? ▇▇ sign ▇▇ your birthday is ▇▇▇ ▇!” she exclaims as she holds Kakavasha’s hands in hers.“▇▇▇ ▇▇ excited?”

… His birthday? 

Thunder rumbles overhead again and he hears the pitter-patter of raindrops hitting the tent. 

His birthday. The Kakava Festival. 

His heart sinks into his stomach as his family chatters around him. They talk about birthday celebrations and what they’ll do that day, but it’s a muffled mess in his ears. Is it really almost his birthday already? Sigonia-IV followed many beliefs that were independent from the rest of the universe, namely the Aeon belief system, and that also extended to the calendar system. Truth be told, he wasn’t exactly sure what day his birthday was in the Interastral Standard calendar system. He usually just flipped a coin and that was if he even bothered to celebrate, which he hadn’t done in many years. 

Aventurine does some quick estimating and realizes that yes, it’s almost his birthday. But how would he celebrate his birthday in this world, where all was good and he still remembered their faces and voices? 

Aventurine closes his eyes and thinks. His mother would be overjoyed to know that her beloved son finally has a lover now. She’d make him clean the tent from top to bottom in preparation for your arrival, even though the sand would find its way back inside again within a matter of a few hours. His parents would cook up a feast for your arrival while his sister would pester him to tell more stories about you- as if there were any left that he hadn’t. When the time would come and you’d nervously step through the tent flap with one hand holding his tightly and another clutching some gifts, his mother would rush forward and greet you with a kiss to the cheek, having already accepted you as family. His sister would steal you away from him to dote on you, much to his half-hearted chagrin. His father would tell corny jokes that you’d cringe at, and his mother would teach you recipes that had been passed down for generations, her warm, weathered hands resting atop yours and lovingly guiding your movements in the kitchen. 

The five of you, safe, warm, and alive under the sun. 

Hours after the rest of his family had gone to sleep, you’d lie side by side outside, watching the stars drift on by. Sigonia-IV is nothing like Pier Point. Free from light and industrial pollution, you’d have a stunning view of the cosmos every night. Twinkling stars shine overhead, so close you could practically pluck them out of the sky. Multicolored clouds of gas and stardust bathe the sky in their shifting hues as he tells you stories that have been passed down from generation to generation with the occasional shooting star passing by. You’d stay like that for hours on end, content to just listen and watch, until you were lulled to sleep by his voice. 

It would be cold, as all desert climates are at night, but it was nothing he couldn’t bear with your warmth nestled into his side. 

In the spring, or around now, he’d take you to celebrate the Kakava festival under the stars with a roaring bonfire. The festival itself would be a solemn and silent celebration with people murmuring prayers to the Mother Goddess and tossing sacrificial vessels into the fires, but the celebration of his birthday afterward would be loud and joyful. Bonfire sparks would rise up into the sky, carried by the hot solar winds and the rich sounds of his people’s songs. His mother would drape you in turquoise jewelry and gift you traditional clothes that she would’ve spent hours beforehand making by hand, every stitch a labor of love. He’d teach you to dance to the cheers of his family and the familiar tunes he’d hum under his breath. His movements would be fluid and graceful as he spins and twirls you around, while you stumble and flail along. He’d enjoy every second of it- even if you step on his feet the whole time. 

He would be kinder in this world, he thinks. He’d still be Kakavasha. Aventurine would be an unknown man to him. He’d wear his heart on his sleeve and his eyes would still have life to them. He’d never have to hide his left hand. 

And you’d be happier too. You wouldn’t have to sift through the layers to find the true self underneath the act he puts up. He wouldn’t be so hot and cold- practically love-bombing you one moment and then disappearing without a word for weeks the next. He wouldn’t be a dirty gambler, a two-faced businessman, a disinterested womanizer, cheating scum, an IPC mutt, a corporate bootlicker, a worthless Sigonian slut or who knows what else you’ve heard about him–

In this world, there are no Katicans. The Avigins and his family are still intact. His neck is unmarred and he speaks the Avigin dialect fluently, instead of the halting and choppy cadence that's even worse than that of a child’s. Syrupy, honeyed words spill from his mouth as he teaches you common words and phrases in his mother tongue. Have you eaten yet? How did you sleep? How was your day? I missed you. Mother. Sister. Father. Lover. Goddess. I made you something. I saw this today and thought of you. Be safe. Sweet dreams. Goodnight. I love you. He chuckles when you parrot them back to him haltingly, with your accent mixed in. The notebook you keep with various phrases, their meanings, and their phonetics grows every day. The most worn out page was the one crammed full of declarations of love that sound more akin to poetry as your mastery over the dialect grows. The ink is smeared from how often you’ve run your fingers over them, murmuring them under your breath until you’d committed them to memory. In your arms is the safest I’ll ever be. I’m lucky to call you my lover. I sleep better when I’m with you. I secretly name stars and constellations after you. I’ll kiss the weariness away from your face every night. I pray to Mama Fenge every night for your safety. I imagine her hands and embrace to be as warm as yours, and it reassures me somehow. I’ll miss your warm hands when that day finally comes. Goodnight, I love you.  

We’ll be together even in Kakava’s next aurora. 

Aventurine jolts forward with a start.. His eyes search around frantically, instinctively searching for his family and you, only to be greeted with a familiar sight that isn’t his home. Bright flashing lights, the sound of cars honking and speeding by, muffled pop music playing in the distance, and the sugary scent of SoulGlad greet his senses instead of arid hot wind that howls in his ears and endless seas of sand. You and his family are nowhere to be seen either. 

Oh. Right.

The Dreamscape.

His clothes stick to his skin drenched in a cold sweat and his glasses are resting lopsidedly on his face. His whole body is shivering uncontrollably, as if he’s been plunged into ice-cold water without warning. The world is going white before his eyes and all he can hear is the loud thump of his pulse in his ears that suddenly drops. He thinks he’s about to pass out again. This is the end, he thinks. Aventurine leans against the side of a wall again, taking deep, heaving breaths to steady himself and quell the nausea swirling around in his stomach. 

When it subsides and he doesn’t feel like he’s on the verge of death (sadly), he sits back up and forces out a laugh in place of a sob. First forcing a religious consecration onto him, then dangling his family in front of his face? How much crueler could the head of the Oak Family get? 

His heart sinks and an overwhelmingly bitter feeling engulfs him. It was just a dream all along. A dream within a dream, really. Was he really that desperate for something familiar again?

(And just like that, the mask known as Aventurine is back in place.)

(But he couldn’t even say goodbye or apologize to his family one last time, even if it wasn’t them.)

It was a pleasant dream, he’ll admit. How nice it would be to live in that world forever. But he knew it was a dream because it could never happen, as much as it pained him. 

Aventurine hears the voice of Kakavasha drifting along from further up ahead and knows he’s nearing the final leg of his plan. With what little time he has left, he takes pictures with the boy for posterity and buys the child all the treats his eyes rest on for more than a second. Aventurine delights in the way his eyes light up at the first taste before he eagerly digs in for more. 

It’s cathartic, in a way. 

Before stepping on stage, he looks up at the sky. It’s perpetually nighttime in Clock Studios Theme Park, but he knows the sun is shining elsewhere in the Dreamscape. Is the sun shining where you are back at home? He thinks it’s morning for you. You must still be asleep with the cat cakes curled into your sides, blissfully unaware of the news you’ll wake up to. 

Get onstage. Fear not. Never look back. 

One last thing to do.

He sends a final text to you.

Aventurine: I love you.

It stays on delivered when he puts his phone away. It’ll be the first thing you see when you wake up, and that’s more than enough for him. 

It’s time for the curtain call.

The feeling of Kakavasha’s tiny body in his arms won’t be enough to chase away the grief. Nothing ever will be. But this’ll be the closest he can get.

Aventurine hugs the boy close, squeezing as hard as he can without hurting him. He feels how he’s nothing more than skin and bone beneath the oversized rags. No child should have to be this thin, he thinks, and he’s even more glad he treated Kakavasha to his heart’s content earlier. 

This is the end. He gives Kakavasha one last squeeze to imprint this memory into his mind and gets up, waving goodbye over his shoulder all the while. 

He never looks back. 

In a shower of light, Kakavasha dissolves into the Nihility, and with him, Aventurine’s hopes for the ideal future- the one that you deserved. The Horizon of Existence is finally devoid of all color save for himself and the dark sun beckoning him forward toward the event horizon.

He takes a step forward, and then another. The sound of his footsteps against the surface and liquid splashing echo loudly in the empty space. 

The Nihility is beginning to slowly engulf him. He feels it encroaching at the edges of his mind, eating away at his thoughts one by one until nothing remains. A hollow, empty feeling settles into his heart that weighs him down. Aventurine looks down at his hands and realizes the color is beginning to seep from his vision until he, too, would become one with the Nihility. The point of no return beckons to him like a moth to a flame. Nothingness, emptiness, worthlessness. There’s nothing left for him to do. 

“Can you die today without any regrets?”

Aventurine finally has an answer to that question. The past is gone and he’s walking toward no future.

Yes. I finally can.

enjoyed this? my taglist is open!

@ theother-victoria, do not copy, repost, modify, translate, or feed to ai

[angelicsjn]

What things could break them mentally? What are they like in that state?

YOUR SEVEN YANDERES.

A N: I really like this because some characters were easy to right, some really weren't, tbh.

A B O U T: You push them too far.

W A R N I N G S: Yandere men having a meltdown, toxicity.

— ROMAN BEAUREGARD.

Roman is an extremely tough cookie.

I mean, he's used to competing under high stress levels, in daily life he's a very calm and collected person.

He rarely, if ever, loses his cool.

That once chance he does slip the mask that he fought so hard to forge and keep on. It's not pretty...

Honestly, I believe it would need to be due to a mixture of things, specifically job related.

Roman is ... hard to speak in these terms because he simply doesn't react much to anything, he's so in control of himself and his anger, he's seen as some kind of icy person, nothing phases nor bothers him.

But that doesn't mean you can get away with fucking him up or over...

Let's say his weekend isn't the best. He's so close to winning the WDC and everything has gone wrong, his rival this season is doing better and better while he seems to be stuck in some kind of loop of not doing worse, but definitely not better. Roman always needs to do better, to be on top, and that is slipping from his grasp.

He storms off as soon as he jumps out of the car, not even bothered to take off his helmet as he makes his way out of the garage and away from the cameras. Of course, you're worried because.. well... he's never like this? So you follow him.

As you try to calm him down, he completely snaps. His grey eyes are usually calm, a bit stormy, but calm — and sometimes glittered with love, but not now. They're angry, almost black as he turns your way, his mouth pointing as he spits, "get the fuck out of my face, I'm sick of you always following me around like a fucking idiot." Roman never talks down on you. Never. He's always respectful, always calm. He never raises his voice.

His words hurt you, but you weren't going to leave him alone. He's just angry. It's fine. He's human. But his words keep spewing like hot venom. "Are you fucking stupid? I don't want you here. I don't want to see you. I'm sick of you always fucking clinging onto me. Dragging me down. Fuck off."

He doesn't stop until you cry and walk off. The worst part is that he doesn't even bother to follow you. He doesn't care. He's so angry he couldn't even see properly, and hours will pass by, and there is no sign of him anywhere.

Roman is the type to need space while angry, though it's extremely rare of him to get like this — stay out of his way.

He would never lay a hand on you, but he will make you feel like the biggest piece of shit on earth, and for hours after, he won't even care to find you because he needs time to really put himself together.

Afterwards, he will crash and either to do two things, ask to sort it out later and sleep together where he will hold you so tightly you feel like your bones will snap.

Or he will find you and crumble, this is the rarest act of his, but he will cry until he can't breathe because he hurt the one he loves the most and he feels like a failure as a driver and as a boyfriend.

— LATEN REED.

Unlike Roman, it is easier to get Laten into a nasty state. He feels. Everything. When he's in love, because once he feels something, he feels everything.

Laten isn't the type to scream in your face or walk off for hours and act as if you don't exist.

No, he's the exact opposite.

He's upset. So fucking upset.

He doesn't understand why you can't just accept him? Why do you fight it back so much to accept you even find him attractive. After trying for so long to show the real him, to show that the rumours aren't true, that he is a good person, that he genuinely wants you, he breaks.

In private, you're a different person, but as soon as you're in public or around others, he suddenly doesn't even exist to you. He ignores it at first. He takes it for what it is. He knows what people think of him. Laten knew that he would be an idiot to think you'd willingly suddenly show up with him hand in hand after so long of avoiding him and his group of friends. But after some time, it starts to get old and almost offensive.

He corners you in a room in the frat. He looks upset, but his cheeks are slightly flushed from the drinks, "why are you ashamed of me?" You didn't expect those words. Maybe an argument, maybe something slightly mean, you're always waiting for him to 'show his true colours', but instead, he looks sad. You avoid the question, brush it off, and tell him to drink some water, but he shakes his head.

"You treat me like I'm nothing. Like we are nothing." And his voice is breaking, and God, he looks so sad. You can't even try to make him feel better because he's not exactly lying. You had been avoiding him all night even though it was him that invited you and your friends.

"It's not fair. It's not fucking fair, y/n." His back is pressed against the wall as he runs a hand through his hair, his lip trembles as he looks away from you for a moment. "I've tried so hard for you to want me to see the real me, and nothing is ever enough." Then words start falling from his lips between sobs. Yes, he is slightly intoxicated but these are the words he's been wanting to say for far too long now.

"I just want you to want me. To accept me."

The best thing to do when he breaks down is hold him and preferably change your actions.

Laten is a bubbly and optimistic person, but he also cares about what people think about him. And you're the person he values most. Of course, it hurts to see you shut down on him.

Laten may easily throw punches at people and show a nasty flair of anger when necessary, but his worst emotion to let loose is his sadness because he feels it in every part of his body, to the point where you feel that pain, too.

— JAE 'NIKO' LEE.

Jae is ... fiery and ready to pounce at all times.

You're used to him firing away, ready to argue, to throw plates and shout until the street hears, but once he loses it, he's almost like he switches completely.

Out of all the yanderes, I'd say that he's the most scariest because he suddenly becomes unpredictable, while the whole time you've known him, you can guess his next move because he's so vocal about everything.

Jae's comeback is a success, two awards already, and he's already preparing for two photoshoots with international magazines. Everything is perfect, but you. You're acting up again, and he's over it.

"Go on then." He says, sitting still at the table. You look confused. What? He's calm, too calm. Is he pretending to be Niko? He isn't. He's done.

"Walk. Go." He waves his hand away, shooing you. You're even more confused. You're not allowed to do anything without his permission, and going outside is a big one. You threaten it enough to know how Jae feels about it. But right now? He doesn't care.

"You want to leave? Go." He isn't cussing. He doesn't even bother to show any expression. So you stand there, not knowing what to do. What happens if you leave. But what happens if you don't?

So you walk off hesitantly. He doesn't follow you. Doesn't even look your way. Everything is quiet, and it almost hurts your ears. You can go days, week, even without a single word from him because he's done with you and your bullshit and just as you're starting to find your feet again in a normal life, he rips it straight from you, but this time he's worse than ever.

Jae sort of becomes like Roman in a normal day life. Which doesn't seem like a big deal until you see the juxtaposition between Jae and Roman.

You're looking over your shoulder to see what he's going to do, you almost become paranoid and that's what he wants.

He wants you to pretty much fear for your life during these moments to make you realise how much scarier he is when he doesn't react.

— KAIDAN WOLFE.

Kaidan is a lot to handle anyway, but once he loses his shit? Dear god.

He changes, his moods are erratic, and he seems to be everywhere mentally.

It's also sort of creepy.

He would break down due to reality seeping in.

He stands there, utterly shocked. Your diary? On the floor, open, ripped up. His eyes are wild and mixed with elements of anger and betrayal. You were so perfect together? What the fuck?

"All this time. Everything is a lie?" He asks, accusingly so. His hands are wildly pointing at the diary, and you're stuck as he comes close. His nose is nearly brushing against yours. "You're a fucking liar." For once he's angry, he's shouting, he's loud. He's not the usual delusional self. He's not making up excuses. He sees the truth and he's fucking angry.

He doesn't blame himself and his ways. No. It's your fault. You're the one who used him. You're fucking evil for this?

But then, after a moment to think, he switches almost. His forehead against yours, and he breathes you in, "it's okay." He says softly. Leaning up, he smiles again, and his eyes are still angry, but there's something else in them. You can't put your finger on it, though.

"Maybe I should stop being so nice."

Kaidan is used to smiling for the camera, acting different depending on who he is with, and you know that his personality switches like the weather.

With you, he's usually consistent, but now? He's wild and confusing until time passes, and he returns to his usual self, but his mind flickers back to the diary and it starts all over again.

— HAYDEN WEST.

Hayden is kind, gentle, and often sensitive.

Realistically, I see him as someone who is easily chipped at.

He doesn't react like the others, but more closely to Laten's reactions.

He's just a bit more ... touchy.

One thing that Hayden hates the most is feeling unseen. Especially by you; he dealt with many of years of not being seen and once he has taste of feeling wanted, it would send him spiralling if you ever pulled away.

It would start off simple, "Are you losing interest?" He wouldn't blame you, think that you've met someone else, he'd genuinely think that you're bored of him, done with him and want something more. You deserve more. He knows that. Some nights it's all he thinks about.

His hand would rest on your shoulder as you sit next to him, his thumb gently rubbing over your skin, his fingers brushing against your collarbone and he'd watch you with careful eyes to see if you're attempting to pull away, if disgust makes its way into your gaze.

Hayden would send you more messages throughout the day and analyse your responses, read between the lines and slowly he would drive himself insane.

"Do you not like me anymore?" He finally asked, the tears threatened spill before you even registered what he just asked and that's because he's so scared for your answer.

He would continue to try his hardest afterwards.

Hayden would still be hesitant to believe you and would constantly watch you and your reactions to get a gauge on where you stand with him.

He needs time to come around to believe you, but that's simply because he overthinks.

— JOSHUA WHITE.

Joshua is a very poised man. He rarely gets affected by things, enough to break him mentally.

If he has an issue, he takes them to God and sorts them out with His guidance, so obviously God and his belief would play a massive role in this scenario.

I believe that it would have to do with something about you and either your beliefs or your way of life.

His fingers tap against the table as he thinks wordlessly. The third night in a row that you've gone out. This routine is tiring for him. He just wants to spend time with you.

He waits until you're back. He makes sure that you're safe. He helps you to bed. He does what he always does: he helps. But inside, he's bubbling like a witches cauldron.

— BLAKE CROSS.

Blake is a man of strong emotions, and he knows how to use them to his advantage.

It's that rare that his emotions get the better of him, though.

Sure, he acts out a lot. Shouts when he's even slightly annoyed, cries to gain sympathy when needed; but it's rare for him to genuinely lose his shit.

It would be over something stupid, really. Maybe you declined his gift of expensive jewellery? You said no to attending an event with him? A meal with his family, maybe?

He's seething, "why the fuck won't you make time for me? Huh?!" His hands fly wildly in the air. "Accept me! My life! Fuck!" He points around the room, showcasing his lavish lifestyle.

Even angry, he seems to brag.

"I do, Blake. I'm jus-" he cuts you off with a laugh, but it doesn't reach his eyes as he runs a hand through his dark hair.

"Bull-fucking-shit! Do you not see how I feel. How I-" he jabs his thumb into his chest. "Care for you? For us? And you give fucking nothing back. You treat me like some... like some fucking secret?!"

He seems deeply affected by it, that you're embarrassed of him. He's just some... stupid rich boy, mother's trophy, father's heir. Not him. Not Blake, the man that was madly in love with you to the point of insanity.

After that, you speak it through, and he pushes the narrative that you need to open up to him, that you're being mean. Unfair.

You attend every event, ignoring your own things. You go to dinners with his family. They're your family now. You wear the jewellery, sometimes you even match with him!

Everything is good, happy—perfect, even.

[stardust41]

. TW PERSONAL VENT!!!

(Because i cant talk to anyone about this rn)

[rudnitskaia]

yay a week until my 29th bday ✨🔥😎🔥✨

[bunnihearted]

🐰🌧️

[unisongakikoeru]

honestly ive kinda been requestioning my sexuality lately???

[binders-and-beanies]

.

[eosofspades]

okay so maybe it was just me being ahead of the curve or whatever but like. did anyone else have their ultimate misery / severe depression era during middle school instead of high school?

[michi-chelle]

“but i fear that they already got all the best parts of me” goes so hard

[peapod20001]

I actually do have very complex thoughts about many different things, it’s just a bit challenging to connect the inner voice to the outer voice sometimes </3

[castingcomets]

Every summer I feel like i've grown a lot and I'll do better this time around but then the Autumn hits and the specific way it makes me feel has changed and grown and compounded too and now like every year im sitting here with so much homework feeling so lost and uncertain. And I want to make cookies

[bubblegumbeyotch]

.

[girlscience]

the fact it's been five fucking years and i still sob like a baby any time some character comes out and their parents accept them fucking sucks

[mars-ipan]

sometimes it’s hard to remove myself from school and remember that i’ve always loved to learn