#I did this last year too i made a post like this and ranted to myself in the tags EXPECT ONE NEXT YEAR TOO

[theblacklewinsky]

Note: now branching into Tyrone. watched the movie a year ago, but now I'm writing! <3

TRAPPED. | JOHN BOYEGA.

Plug! Toxic! Tyrone x Black! Female Reader.

Warnings: MDNI!! this story is 18+ with depictions but not limited to; sexual content ( you're being recorded! penetrat!on (unprotected p in v, don't do that!), breath play, water sports, slapping/hitting, degradation, he finishes on your face ), extreme language (cursing, use of b-word and others.) slight daddy kink if you squint. Tyrone's the plug! Mentions of a Glock. Not proofread.

Summary: in which Tyrone stakes his claim on you, for another to view.

girl, it's all over your face, there's someone taking my place,

guess that's something that I'm dealing with now.

Tyrone's face contorted into one of complete irritation as you babbled on and on about how he shouldn't be concerned about what you were doing, posting on social media, seeing other people—all because you were broken up. His top lip quirked up, his head tilted and eyes narrowed as he stared blankly at you.

Even in the heat of your rant he looked so good. Too good. Coming to your house looking way too good hair freshly braided (and who was playing in his hair, cause it surely hadn't been you). The spider branded sweatpants slouching off his frame just a bit, the mismatched black tee he accompanied with it, risen just a bit to where you could see the waistband of his Jockey branded boxers, handle of his peanut butter block exposed. Only big dick niggas wore Jockeys. But that wasn't your aim today.

"- you so worried about what I'm doing! Worry about you, last time I checked you had so many bitches in them instagram comments," you rambled on, giving away your indifferent facade, you'd stalked his socials just a little bit in the midst of your four week break up, so what. "Not to mention, them thirsty ass hoes in your messages, 'bring me a three five,' " you mocked the recantation of the text message in a high pitched voice before rolling your eyes, "whole time you probably was over there droppin' dick off."

Tyrone kissed his teeth in response to your drawn out rant, your words falling on deaf ears, you knew what he was here for. "Man, you' talkin' bout some whole other shit I don't care about," he bluntly replied, "is you fuckin' that nigga or what?"

"Who?" You chirped, furrowing your brows. Playing your little coy act. You didn't need to ask who, you knew you weren't fucking anybody. This toxic, exhausting, and dare you admit, exhilarating roller coaster you and Tyrone stayed on wasn't near over, and you didn't get get back in giving your pussy away. But, you did like to make him sweat.

Who was Issac, of course. Isaac was his most sworn opp, and even though it was surely fucked up for you to even politic with this man—this cycle of toxicity had you doing the most obscene things to be seen. Of course his homeboys had seen you, you'd damn near made it obvious. Hopping out of his blacked out GMC Terrain in the middle of downtown, with a pink ruffled mini skirt that barely covered your ass, and a crop top with the words Ed Hardy sprawled across the top, paired with the expensive sneakers you'd asked Tyrone to buy you. You were wearing shit he bought you, on a date with a different nigga. His opp. That shit was a violation in itself.

His homies wasted no time in being absolutely federal, taking pictures and even starting a verbal confrontation with Isaac when you left the restaurant. It was only dinner for you. You weren't the slightest bit interested in Isaac—this was mostly for the anger of Tyrone, all the chaos he'd put you through with different women you seen in his phone, this was his payback. But, you couldn't deny that the attention felt nice. Still, you compared Isaac to Tyrone on a daily.

But you wouldn't tell him that. Right now, you were in some toxic shit of your own. The back and forth cycle between you two was a normality now, and your circle of friends and family knew that too. One day the both of you'd be walking around, saying fuck one another, and the next day ducked off, fucking one another.

"Fuck you keep playin' with me for?" He asked inching closer toward you, his hands clasped together in front of you. He was so sexy like this, intimidating and fuming. Damn, you were such a slut for shit like this. You ignored the throbbing in your pussy at the edge in his voice. "You know who I'm talkin' about. You runnin' round with the opps doin' weird ass shit with this lame ass nigga."

"Now I'm doing weird shit, but it wasn't weird when you were leaving the house at four in the morning talkin' about plays," you emphasized, using your fingers for air quotations, "but really you was goin' to see bitches."

"Is you fuckin' this nigga or not?" He simply repeated, not even giving a single reply to the accusations you posed against him. Had any of the shit you spurred out been true—you wouldn't even be here, allowing him the liberty of being in your apartment, in your space.

Everybody knew Tyrone was a charmer, a ladies man by default, bitches loved watching him pull up in that bright red Camaro, engine rumbling, him making quick small talk while he waited on an impending cashapp from his customers—a nice portion of his patrons being women.

But he wasn't a cheater. Not in the slightest. He had a flirty personality sure, but he knew boundaries and he never allowed bitches to feel comfortable enough to even think they had a one up on you.

The messages you read in his phone, prior to your breakup told a different story though. A couple of women felt a little too comfortable, nobody should've been texting your man about weed at close to four in the morning. And no amount of money, should've coaxed this man to leave your bed.

He'd been coaxed out of his slumber by your constant tossing and turning and angry muttering. Which then prompted a huge argument when he decided to ask what the problem was, only for you to boldly expose what you found in his phone, to which he angrily asked you why you felt the need to look through his shit. That prompted more angry yelling, and years of frustration from you, because why was your man yelling at you? And that led to Tyrone, breaking things off once again.

One thing was clear and true about the both of you, you'd both never experienced healthy relationships. Insecurities, and immaturity clouded your relationship, and nearly made it impossible to have any sense of stability and healthiness in your relationship.

However, the two of you were dangerously enthralled with one another. The toxic bond you two shared made it impossible to just break away. No contact for the two of you, was constant contact. Who could make who jealous? Who could make who cave first? There was never not any contact. Whether it be subs on social media, or persistent angry text messages.

Still, you wanted to carry this on. Wanted to see how far you could really push him. Couldn't he see that you'd done all this because you missed him? How desperately you wanted his attention you dabbled with his enemy in public? It was a power move on your end, he had to cave first. And just as you suspected, he did.

Shrugging your shoulders you avoided his impending gaze, "I don't see how that's any of your concern." You bleakly murmured.

But it was all of his concern. That much was evident when you found yourself sandwiched between him and your creaking mattress. His mushroomed tip plunging constantly against the spongy spot right in the back of pussy, that spot he hit every time he bottomed out. His strokes were deep and rushed, the absence of hesitance in his strokes showed you that he missed you the same. " 'm so wet daddy," you mewled, lowered eyes glancing back and forth between your sopping pussy, squelching and leaking all over his dick, and him watching you earnestly on the iPhone camera he was recording on.

You couldn't care less about that fucking camera, way too blissfully fucked out to care about whatever he planned to do with that video. And neither did he as he continued his assault on your spasmodic pussy, slight rushed breathing and grunts letting you know he was enjoying this just as much as you. His left hand came down to press on your lower tummy to hold your squirming body in place, the pressure seemingly weakened your bladder, the loud sound of your arousal splashing around his dick filled your ears, drowning out your pretty, drawn out moans. Tears brimmed in your low eyes at how good you were feeling, the curve in his dick continually attacking that same spot in you. "Missed you so much, daddy." You whimpered.

"fuck up," he simply replied kissing his teeth, hand that was pressed against your lower tummy now coming up to slap firmly against your exposed cheek repeatedly, "you got this nigga' takin' you out on dates, spendin' money on you, thinkin' he got a chance..just for you to be wettin' my dick up the same night, sayin' you miss me." He t'skd. "Slut ass bitch."

The edge in his tone only furthered your arousal, bringing you closer to your undoing. His hips undeterred as he kept fucking into you, consistently. His left hand now fisting the material of the neckline of your crop top, using it as leverage to plow into you. Your bottom lip trembled, teeth chattering, eyes going cross as you tried to ward off your quickly approaching orgasm. You knew the rules damn near better than he did, he controlled every bit of pleasure you received, orgasms included. You tried your best to ignore how loud and audible your arousal was, tried to ignore how loudly the bed was creaking, tried to ignore the loud claps your skin produced when you clashed together. Your mind was fuzzy, breathing erratic and voice unstable, you found enough consciousness to mutter out the words, " 'm not with him d-daddyy!" You stuttered out through a moan, words spewed out in between heavy breaths and gasps.

The statement brought a sense of satisfaction to Tyrone, a soft groan slipping past his lips, the way you squeezed around his dick let him know that you meant everything you managed to get out. Your pussy was almost molded for him, the most snug, comfortable fit. He knew you weren't with Isaac, he knew you weren't fucking him, and even if you had, any future thoughts would be hindered when he received this video. "Yeah? Say that shit again—look at the camera and tell him you ain't his bitch while you squirt on my dick," he cooed, the vulgar words in such contrast with the sickening sweetness of his tone had you tumbling toward the edge. Your breathing halted as you felt Tyrone's fingers dancing across your clit.

The sound of your was arousal even more audible as he continued fucking into you, your hands shot up from their original vice grip on the sheets underneath you out to the broad arms of the man on top of you, acrylic nails sinking into the flesh there. "Ooouuu, shit daddy!" You cried out, voice hoarse and broken, as you tried to focus your hazy vision in on the camera perfectly angled above you. But you couldn't see anything, not that damn camera, not Tyrone, not even the high ceilings of your bedroom. White stars danced against a static background behind your eyes. Your brain was completely mush at this point but you knew you couldn't cum until you uttered the words, "m' not your bitch, fuckimcummin!" You rushed out. Your breathing halting once again, no sound seemed to be able to accommodate the way your juices spurted out, almost on a steady stream as it soaked the both of your lower half's.

Tyrone's lips coaxed into a smirk as he continued recording you, a soft chuckle slipping past his lips as he watched you come undone right in front of the camera and him. The sight before him was too good not to marvel on, "look at 'er," he chuckled, "you thinkin' you got my bitch, showin' her off and she over here squirtin' and goin' dumb on my dick," he taunted, his tone patronizing and rough, he took his eyes away from the screen momentarily. Taking the time to look at your almost limp body, his hand smacking against your cheek repetitively. "Get back here bitch, ain't none of that zonin' out. Look at me while you cum, wanna see them pretty eyes while you squirtin' on me," he roughly spoke to you, grabbing your slackened jaw in his hand and spitting down right into your agape mouth.

That seemed to ground you somewhat, bringing a gust of air back into your lungs as you remembered to how to properly breathe. Your now blurred vision meeting his, faint strobes of colors you couldn't put a name to, and stars still clouded your vision. You felt like you were coming down off the wildest trip you ever had, like psychedelics had altered your perception. This shit was witchcraft, whatever he had on you. This shit was dangerous.

His strokes never halted, even when he was sure you'd rode out your previous orgasm, he watched your watery, low, dazed gaze as he continued his assault on you. Hand now firmly clamped around your neck, tight enough to where it fully restricted your airways, your hands immediately wrapping themselves around his wrist, "fuck off me," he spat firmly, ignoring the tears of overstimulation brewing in your lash line.

Everything was beginning to feel like too much. And it felt like too much earlier, it felt like way too fucking much now. You were completely overstimulated, the sensation which was now pleasure was now contorted into a mix of pain and pleasure. "Can't breathe pa," you managed to get out through a choked voice.

"You know what you need to do then, get this nut up outta me first," he smugly replied, moans and expletives following his statement as he watched the color in your deep brown skin flush to a dark tint of red, eyes watering due to lack of oxygen. But that didn't stop you from squeezing around him as tight as you could, attempting to thrust back against him in your folded position, fucking yourself dumb against him to feel the flush of oxygen back into your lungs.

And just when you thought you were so close to passing out—when the colors behind your dazed face started to fade to black his slurred, loud groans accompanied his rushed out statement, "fuckkkk bitch, I'm finna nut—where you want it?" He panted, quickly pulling out of you with a loud squelch.

Your breath seemed to come back to you in one big gasp, as he finally freed your neck from his vice grip. You still managed to give him a response between heaping breaths. "on my face daddy, please nut on my face," you gasped heavily inhaling through your mouth as you watched him stroke right over your face. Thick, warm ropes of cum painted your pretty features, Tyrone's lousy guttural groans and grunts accompanied his orgasm, he made sure to capture that part on camera especially.

He sent the video from your phone to Isaac before he got you all cleaned up. He smirked seeing the read receipts pop up immediately.

He definitely hated the both of you now.

i hope you enjoyed <333

no tag list bc I wanna see how this performs!

[froschli96]

You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)

remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?

and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)

also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)

altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???

oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)

they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))

and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!

(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)

with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!

and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)

and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))

but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.

god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?

basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.

because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!

it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.

like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.

like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.

the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)

like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.

so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh

[hermitsdump]

I wish all jujutsu kaisen fans a very media literacy and manga reread

[castingcomets]

Every summer I feel like i've grown a lot and I'll do better this time around but then the Autumn hits and the specific way it makes me feel has changed and grown and compounded too and now like every year im sitting here with so much homework feeling so lost and uncertain. And I want to make cookies

[sleepatterns]

today has been. hnngngnfhskakdhhhhhh so many weird feelings and not fun thoughts. things our mom said to us + going back to grandparents house was a weird combination. also the conversation we had with our mom had the exact Opposite effect of what she was intending i think because wow holy shit we feel so so fucking awful

[freebooter4ever]

Alright i googled intentionally negative reviews of the book and yeah it sounds like the sexualization of the dude's youth only gets worse in even more descriptive ways so im forcing myself to quit the book here :/ honestly i didnt expect to be so triggered by the damn thing. The synopsis and 90% of the reviews online are so positive: they talk about the main female character as this empowered art gallary owner who jet sets to festivals and biennales and the pop star dude kinda tags along. It sounded exciting and fun and kinda a tables turned version of nicole and steve's jet setting romance. And i am all too aware of the hostile art world that the main character has established herself in and i was excited to revisit that.

Absolutely none of that happened. Instead it was gross and triggering and frankly just sad :( im disappointed, lol. Especially because so many of my favorite male celebrities are in or were in this kind of age gap relationship. Steve and nicole: 14 yrs? Justin and ally: 12 or 13? Rami hasnt dated anyone less than 10 years younger than him since he was like 35 or something. I remember when taylor started dating hiddles and how odd it felt because i myself felt too young for hiddles. Diego and suki were a 12 years difference or something. And yikes i still remember when norman was dating that 19 year old in his 40s (thank GOD for diane lmao). Like there is definitely a trend. It is noticable. And i absolutely do not think those relationships were absuive - they happened when the women were well established in their 20s. So, i dunno, it would have been nice to read about the ages flipped in a way that was truly a romance instead of an age and youth obsessed confidence boost for the older woman. It makes me sad.

im listening to the book version of the anne hathawa*y rom com and it is even worse, my goodness, this female main character is a self obsessed elitist snob o.O

she also extremely fetishizes the male lead's youth in the same way my abusive ex did that is grossing me out. she talks about how beautiful he is with his smooth skin over and over. they have zero things in common beyond sex. dude run away from this woman. if she is only with you because of your tight skin and quick refractory period.... RUN.

like it would be one thing to read an age difference book where it truly was a meeting of hearts and minds and falling in love... but this aint it. :( i wanted a book that gave me hope about falling in love in my 40s since i squandered my 20s (abusive idiot), and my 30s (workaholic, unemployed). instead this is just squicking me out and making me never want to touch anyone else ever again -_-

[fetusgooseandjuice]

Perfect

Pairing(s): Knight!Natasha Romanoff x Princess!Reader

Summary: Natasha becomes insecure about her place in your life.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: Tony Stark being a jerk

Authors Note: This is another mini-oneshot to my fic “Soulmates”. I’d recommend reading that one before this for context to be able to grasp the storyline! Also I have deleted this post and reposted it so many times because it wasn't showing up in the tag at first lol

Mini-oneshots: Forever | Promise

(Takes place before Natasha proposes in Forever)

“Great work today everyone, but stay behind just for a moment as we should have a guest arriving any minute now.” commander Fury said.

Natasha wiped her forehead with a towel before taking another big gulp of water. Her and the rest of the knights had just finished their weekly training session, and were now cleaning up to return home.

“If it’s another one of his war buddies coming to help tell all of their ‘stories in battle’ again, I’m slipping out the back gate.” Clint muttered.

The redhead rolled her eyes and chuckled, “You act as if you actually have somewhere else to be that’s not here.”

A playful scoff left the man, “I’ll have you know that I have a date later, and I’d prefer not to smell like dirt and sweat when I see her.”

Clint Barton was the first friend Natasha made when she began training to become a knight years ago. He specialized in archery, and would often help teach the trainees the ways of the bow and arrow.

He met Natasha after the arrow she’d shot nearly took the man’s head off— hence why her area of specialty was always hand-to-hand combat.

That was the first and last time he chose to stand off to the side whenever she held the weapon. From then on, he made a point to always stand behind her instead.

“Oh, so Laura finally agreed to go out with you?”

He shrugged with a smug smirk, “She was bound to say yes eventually,”

“May I have your attention everyone!” commander Fury’s booming voice sounded, interrupting their conversation.

Beside him now stood a familiar face.

“This is Lord Tony Stark,” he began, “He has been so kind to take the time to design us some new armor and weapons, so make sure to pick yours up from the armory at some point and thank Lord Stark on your way out. You’re all dismissed.”

At that, everyone moved to finish packing up and begin heading out.

Natasha was acquainted with the noble. His name had sometimes come up during your rants about the meetings you’d attended that day. Needless to say he was a genius, but at times could be a little self-absorbed and insensitive.

“As smart as that man is he sure can say some really dumb stuff.” Natasha remembered you saying.

She quickly grabbed her bag and made her way toward the exit of the training grounds, leaving Clint having to jog to catch up with her.

“So now you seem to have somewhere to be too,” he teased.

The redhead didn’t have the chance to make another playful remark as a smile overtook her features that’d be difficult for anyone to miss.

“Y/n is coming home from her trip to the neighboring kingdom tonight, and I want to do something nice for her.”

Clint raised his eyebrows, “Does this ‘something nice’ have anything to do with that ring in your bag?”

She’s had the ring for almost a month now. Yelena and her mother helped to pick it out, but she was still thinking about how and when to pop the question.

“Not yet,” Natasha said, “I haven’t spoken to the King and Queen about it, and I want it to be perfect when I ask her so I still have planning to do.”

The archer scrunched his nose in a faux look of disgust, “God, when did you become such a romantic? What are they feeding you over there in that castle?”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “You’ll understand if things work out between you and Laura.”

As they approached the exit gate, the face of Lord Stark became clearer. He was exchanging a few words with each knight as they left, some deciding to shake the nobles hand as well.

When it was their turn, Clint gave a firm nod of his head and held out a hand for Lord Stark to shake.

“I wouldn’t suppose some new bows and arrows were included in this upgrade as well?”

Lord Stark raised his eyebrows, “Wouldn’t be much of a weapon upgrade if I left those out now would it?“

As Clint thanked him, Starks eyes now focused on Natasha when she stepped up, giving him a small smile of gratitude.

“Thank you for helping us out. It is much appreciated.” she said.

“Of course,” he gave a nod of his head. Just as the pair of knights went to leave he spoke up again, “Romanoff, right? The one with the Princess?”

Natasha turned back to him with a look of confusion etched on her face at the reason for his question.

“That would be me,” the redhead answered. “May I ask why?”

“No reason. Just surprised you two are still together is all.”

“Excuse me?”

Lord Stark laughed lightly, “Oh don’t get me wrong it is adorable. You know, the whole childhood sweetheart thing.”

“So what seems to be the problem?” a displeased frown settled upon the knights eyebrows.

“I’m only shocked she isn’t bored of you yet with how long you’ve been together.” he chuckled, “I mean she is the Princess. Plenty of people have their eyes on her, and who’s to say she hasn’t been looking at them too?”

“What’s it to you?” Natasha snapped, “What is the point you’re trying to make here?”

She didn’t even know why she still standing there listening to him, much less engaging in the frustrating conversation.

“Relax, I was only joking. No need to get so defensive.” the noble chuckled.

“Well then I guess I failed to understand what was funny about anything you said,” Natasha said as she readjusted the bag on her shoulder, “Have a good rest of your day, Lord Stark.”

With that, the redhead brushed past the man and stormed out of the courtyard.

She didn’t know how she managed to stay talking to him for that long, but she knew if she stuck around any longer things probably wouldn’t have ended the best way for either of them.

The archer was quick to catch up to his best friend, a look of concern now sat on his face.

“Are you alright, Nat?” he asked, “The nerve of that man is insane.”

Natasha nodded, “I’ll be fine, I just needed to walk away.”

“You know nothing he said is true, right?” Clint assured, “Y/n loves you and everyone can see that. They’re blind if they don’t.”

“I know,” she said, “I just want to get back and clean up before she gets home. You should probably do the same.”

As hesitant as he was to leave his friend alone, she was right. “Okay, but I’ll see you tomorrow alright?”

Natasha agreed and said her goodbyes to the man before they went their separate ways.

When you arrived home in the evening, the knight had asked the cooks to prepare your favorite to eat. She’d gathered both of your families in the dining room to share the meal, knowing how much you enjoyed family dinners after being away.

Everything appeared to be just as you had left it. Your mother and Melina were busy with their normal chatter; your father and Alexei chiming in as well. Natasha and Yelena were engaging in their everyday sibling banter.

But despite that Natasha didn’t seem like herself.

You couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was wrong, but it was clear that something was up based on the way she’d occasionally zone out. You’d have to call her name multiple times to gain her attention again.

Even then, she was tense and had a distant look in her eyes. As if she was afraid to look at you for too long.

“Is everything okay, Nat?” you’d asked her several times throughout the night.

Each time she flashed you her usual charming smile that always made you melt, and responded with an “Of course I am, princess. Why wouldn’t I be?”

You weren’t totally convinced.

The suspicions you had were confirmed as everyone was finishing up the last of their dinner and began cleaning up. The redhead had excused herself from the table, but never returned.

About a half hour had passed when worry had finally got the best of you, and you decided to search for your girlfriend. You first looked in the places she frequented most in the castle, but every room you searched you came out empty handed.

With one last place in mind, you made your way through the halls and out the front doors of the castle.

~ ~ ~

Natasha nocked the arrow onto the string and drew it back just as Clint showed her many times before, her eyes locked in on the target set up across the training grounds.

She took a deep breath in, releasing it completely before letting the string go. The arrow slid off her fingertips as it shot through the air and past the target, missing it completely.

The knight huffed and let her arms drop down to her sides as she stared at the still untouched bullseye despite her having shot four others before that.

“I think you’re supposed to be aiming for the target, you do know that right?”

Natasha turned to see you making your way over to her. She laughed and set the bow down as she sat on the grass. You joined her, deciding that this was more important than your mother lecturing you over the dress that would inevitably become dirty.

“I guess today is just not my day,” she shrugged.

“Anything you want to talk about?” you wondered, giving her the floor to speak freely, “You weren’t exactly acting like yourself at dinner.”

Natasha should’ve known she wouldn’t be able to hide this from you. You knew her like the back of your hand, and vice versa. Nothing ever got past the other.

“I just missed you is all,” she answered, giving you a small smile for extra reassurance.

Once again, you weren’t fooled.

“I missed you too, Nat. But that doesn’t explain it since I’m home now.” you said.

The redhead went silent, chirping from the crickets hiding out in the trees filling the air instead. She had no grounds to deny your words because she knew you’d see right through her.

“So what’s actually going on? Did something happen while I was gone?”

Natasha shook her head, “It’s nothing, really. I don’t want you to worry.”

“Well it’s a little too late for that,” you lightly chuckled, “And it’s clearly something if it’s bothering you this much. Was it something I did?”

“No!” she quickly assured, “God no, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“So then talk to me, my love. Please,” you pleaded and reached to take her hand, your thumb stroking over the back of her palm.

The knight sighed and forced herself to look straight ahead. The gentleness in your eyes made her want to tell you everything.

Every thought she’s ever had, every secret she’s ever kept, every feeling she’s ever felt. That’s just the effect you had on her.

You made everything okay.

The worries and stresses plaguing her mind just seemed to dissipate little by little until they were gone whenever she was with you.

And as much as Natasha fell in love with you because of that, she was now questioning if she even deserved to have you look at her the way you were.

“Do you ever think about what it would be like if you’d chosen someone else to be with?”

Your eyes slightly widened as your mouth opened just to shut again multiple times in disbelief.

“What?”

Out of all the things you could’ve predicted her to say, that was not one of them.

“You’ve never been with anyone before me. We became exclusive as teenagers, and you just stuck with me.” Natasha explained, and you nodded to confirm what she said was true.

“Do you not ever wonder what it’d feel like to be with someone else?”

“Nat, where is this coming from?” you asked, “Have you been thinking about that for a while, or did someone say something?”

The redhead finally looked at you, sadness evident in her gaze, “Lord Stark stopped by during training.” she said, and you had a good idea of where this was going now.

“He made us some new equipment and when I went to talk to him, he said he was surprised you were still with me. That he was shocked you hadn’t gotten bored yet.”

You had first hand experience working with the noble during council meetings for the kingdom and his ideas were beneficial, but he was also notorious for his filterless mouth.

A sigh left your lips and you squeezed her hand, “Nat, I don’t think Lord Stark has ever kept a woman around for more than a few weeks, so he’s probably familiar with people getting tired of him.” you chuckled.

Natasha cracked a smile, but it was short lived.

“You don’t think he has a point, though?”

“No, I do not.” you said. You wish you could slap Lord Stark for making her feel like this. “I’ve never wanted anyone else because I found everything I need in you.”

The redhead looked down at your connected hands, fighting the urge to fidget with your finger she hoped to soon have decorated with the ring in the bag lying next to her. She opted to interlace your fingers instead.

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to settle for me just because I’m your first relationship.”

“Oh, Nat. Come here,” you tugged on her hand and guided the knight to lay on her side, her head resting safely in your lap. “You don’t understand how perfect you are.”

Your fingers began to run through her messily braided her, brushing back the loose strands from in front of her face. Natasha immediately relaxed under your touch.

“Perfect might be a bit of a stretch,” she murmured.

“I don’t think it is,” you disagreed, “You look out for your parents, and Yelena, and the people you love. Even people you don’t know because you’re so selfless.”

Now that you’ve started, you could probably go on for hours about all the reasons you chose Natasha Romanoff over anybody else. You probably would because it’s clear she needs to hear them in this moment.

“And you’re just as sweet with me. The way you take care of me. The way you always know what I need before I even know myself. It’s like you have a sixth sense,” you giggled and you felt the redhead chuckle against you too.

“Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you because to me you’re just so perfect in every way imaginable.”

That was when Natasha decided to maneuver onto her back instead, now staring straight up at you.

“There you are,” you grinned softly down at her.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

Your head tilted as your fingers continued to card through her red strands, “For what?”

“I don’t know why I was acting like that. I was being ridiculous.”

“Nat, you were not being ridiculous. You were feeling vulnerable and that’s okay. You don’t have to act like you’re fine when you’re not around me.”

“I know,” Natasha said and took your freehand to bring it up so she could press a kiss to the back of it. “I know, princess. I love you so much,”

You smiled softly at her and leaned down enough to connect your lips. It was slow and gentle, you just wanted her to know you were here and not going anywhere.

When you pulled back you didn’t go very far, your face still hovering centimeters above hers, “Hey,” you mumbled.

She opened her eyes at that to meet your gaze.

“It’s you, and it’ll only ever be you. Okay?”

Natasha softly smiled against yours lips and nodded, “Okay,”

You gave her one last peck before urging her to sit up when you began standing, “Alright, now show me how it’s really done.”

The knight stood up as well and watched you pick up her bow along with another arrow from the bag. She rose an eyebrow and crossed her arms as she looked at you amusingly.

“What are you doing?” Natasha chuckled.

You pushed the weapon into her hands before backing away, “I want to watch you practice,” you answered simply.

Natasha shook her head, “As much as I love it when you watch, I think you’d just be disappointed.”

“Come on, just try one more time, please?”

Of course, the redhead struggled to say no to your face. Natasha sighed and turned towards the target once again, correcting her stance like she’d done earlier and nocked the arrow.

Drawing back the string, she precisely aimed the arrow and exhaled a deep breath before letting go. The knight expected it to miss by a long shot like they had earlier, but was proven wrong when it landed dead center in the bullseye.

You had an innocent smile on your face when Natasha turned to look back at you, like you had known she’d hit the bullseye when you first forced the bow into her hands.

“What was that about today not being your day?” you wondered.

God, you really did make everything okay.

Natasha broke into a big grin and motioned you towards her, “Come here,” she said.

Your head tilted slightly at her request, but still made your way over to her, “What?”

She just chuckled. “I want to show you how to shoot a bow,”

The redhead was now realizing that she’d probably be needing that ring much sooner than she originally thought.

~ end ~

Authors Note PT 2: I don’t know if I like this one but here it is! Also I finally decided to give the commander a name and add in Clint bc you can’t have a Natasha series without her best friend ofc

[pruneunfair]

Tropes in manhwa are awful yet people still defend them

I'm in a bad mood right now so what better way to release all that pent up anger by ranting on what can ruin a good story.

1: Slavery being inserted only for cheap plot and slaves being demonized as obsessive/greedy monsters for "not knowing their place"

Theres nothing wrong with wanting to insert slavery in your story AS LONG as it's not just cheap plot to make your MC look "better" by buying from a single to all of the slaves because let me tell you this: there is no such thing as a good slave owner, you cannot morally own another human being. A lot of manhwa like to have slavery be a part of their plot completely ignoring that just because the MC goes "wow this is terrible" doesn't make them a good person after they buy a slave.

Remarried empress does this with its villian Rashta by pushing the notion that she's being greedy for not wanting to stay in poverty so Navier won't suffer because apparently a slave wanting what the silver spoon mouthed nobles were born into is so terrible not to mention they justify slave owners and slavery in general as a punishment for criminals (neglecting the fact that children can be sold by their parents)

The villainess has fun again justifies a child slave being bought by the lead and he becomes an obsessive shouta love interest, fans continously justify by using the ancient lolicon excuse "he may look young but he's actually 99182823 years old!"

In divorcing my tyrant husband, Robelia buys 30 slaves and the only 2 that consistently show up have no other personality other then "we love you FL we will worship you till the end of time!"

There's a damn manhwa out there literally called the order of slave breeding and even when a story tries to do this correctly such as VADTD with Penelope being portrayed as a bad person for what she did to Eckles, fans have been so deluded by the idea that FL's buying slaves is "girlboss" that they think Eckles should be grateful to be Penelopes "pet"

2: ML's murdering innocent people after one guy hurts the FL

I already made a specific post about it before and I'll say it again: all this does is make your male lead/father figure look like a horrific monster. While you could say it's because its a medieval kingdom (objectively that is true that they would do this) manhwa and OI is the same place where despite in those times taking a mistress was considered normal they still view it as cheating and "how could you pick that slut when you have such a perfect wife!? 🤬" in most stories. So yes, modern morality is still inserted within these tropes. While I can get it's a way to show that the man in questions loves the FL so much he's willing to go to such lengths to protect her I think just mutilating the guy that actually did the sin would be enough because try imagining yourself as a faithful servant who was amazing at your job getting brutally slaughtered by the Emperor because your boss attacked his daughter or lover.

Into the light once again does this with Aishas dad murdering all the relatives and close friends of a count that tried to kill Ysis and Aisha, Aisha doesn't seem to care despite being in a situation where she was wrongfully executed in her past life.

Remarried empress does this too. After Navier is nearly killed by Krista's brother, Heinrey tortures and kills the dad and slaughters the servants of the zemensias. I can't remember if he also murdered the remaining family members but I wouldn't put it past him.

3: protagonist centered morality

Protagonist centered morality is the biggest indicator that a piece of media is dealing with a mary sue FL. Whatever the protagonist says is right is immediately morally correct. This is actually used to justify the last 2 examples with "it was for the FL!" Things like slavery, murder, workplace abuse, union busting, pedophilia, and being a POS to your loved ones are all justified if the protagonist finds a cheap way to justify it and you HAVE to agree with her because her backstory is very tragic 🥺. Protagonist centered morality also ruins the chance for good characters since the FL herself never has to grow as a person so she stays the same exact thing as she was just with more enablers and random characters will be treated as villains even if they aren't actually wrong about being suspicious of the Protagonist or calling out her behavior. It twists the narrative in such incomprehensible ways that you don't even know what your reading anymore. I can't even list all of the manhwas that do this given how many there actually are so I'll just list some that are at least self aware there Protagonist is awful/morally grey or isn't even a bad person but they still have flaws that can be pointed out

Villains are destined to die

My in laws are obsessed with me

Not sew wicked step mom

Depths of malice

The villainess turns the hourglass

Beware of the villainess.

4: villains being dumbed down to make the lead look smarter

This is unfortunately another common staple often used as a quick way to make the FL look smart and witty but is that really hard to look smarter when everyone else around you is an idiot? Not only does the FL not have to put in actual effort to best her enemies but you just start to pity the villain for basically being a punching bag. Dimwitted villains aren't always bad in fact they can be some of those most entertaining characters no matter much they lose but that only works when they are meant to be seen as a goofy character that your not supposed to take seriously. Villains that are written as extremely childish and stupid but your still supposed to treat them as serious antagonists on the other hand are just annoying since you wonder how the protagonist even got killed by them in the first life if they're so stupid.

Isabella de Mare while admitly having a good reason for being dumbed down (she's a teenager in the 2nd life so it's reasonable she wouldnt be as smart as her adult counterpart) is still a joke of a villainess who keeps flipping back and fourth from a snot nosed whiny brat to a mastermind only at convenient opportunities when the plot needs conflict.

Mielle from the villainess turns the hourglass was first portrayed as extremely conniving as she arranged for Arias downfall in the shadows but in the second life she fails at every scheme she has even though she has Emma and Isis to help her out.

Ragibach is a literal demon possessing the body of another woman with the goal of setting demons loose on the word to start another human vs demon war and she succeeded in that the first time, the devastation was all there so clearly she has to be a formidable antagonist right? Well no, she's another case of being dumbed down further and further so Keira can succeed and while they do understand some plot holes such as Ludwig not trusting her as much in the second life it doesn't change the drastic character change from evil genius to bumbling idiot.

In short: dumbing down your villains so your lead can look smarter is essentially going to give the equivalent of a hydrogen bomb vs a coughing baby.

5: feminine women being demonized as basic "other girls" sluts

Okay this one isn't nearly as terrible as the others on this list because we all love the good old "a demon makes itself look beautiful to deceive humans" kind of villain, in fact as you probably know by me by now, white lotuses are my favorite kinds of character and even in media outside of manhwa I always find myself drawn to angelic villains but it seems like this is less of that and more of "Oh those are all the other girls who just want a man to save them, look at how much better my badass rich boss babe is for working for herself while taking all of their men at the time 😎" in manhwa. As soon as a traditionally feminine girl shows up, comments are already calling her a two faced bitch and half the time protagonist is already skeptical of her. This is the opposite of what being a feminist really is, a real feminist wouldn't be putting down other women just because they dress with more pink with bows and skirts and while I do think for most manhwa this is unintentional I do wish that we could have more characters like Psyche, Helena, Athy, and Jennette that prove that being overly feminine doesn't make you a backpedal on feminism. This doesn't make the badass or sexy fl's bad either, it just means they can co-exist.

An angelic villain should be treated as evil for being a well calculated schemer, not because they have a light colored color scheme

6: toxic relationships being romanticized as good

You know for a large community that claims to be about girl code a good chunk sure likes to look the other way when it comes to toxic relationships as long as the abuser is "hot" and theres always the terrible excuse such as "he has trauma!" Or "he doesn't know how to show his love normally!" No just no we aren't doing that here. Cry or better yet beg has this problem with not only the narrative claiming that Matthias graping Layla is okay because she actually loves him and doesn't know it but a large part of the fanbase also defends it, the same goes with try begging, a manhwa written by Solche who also wrote cry or better yet beg and once again despite Leon being an abuser everyone's ready to justify his actions because he's just a soft little boy who ends up falling in love with Grace awww 😍 (what the hell?) Everyones all about not justifying abusers because they had a sad past until it's the "sexy" male leads with daddy issues.

7: maid slapping

This shit isn't asserting your dominance as a boss bitch it's just work place abuse. This trope has gotten so out of hand of being justified by narratives and readers that there is an entire webtoon called this isekai maid is forming a union that's all about criticizing twisted manhwa tropes that get brushed off with maid absuer being at the biggest one. It's funny because a lot of people complain that Isekai maid union villainizes the nobles too much but they never ask the same questions when a OI is demonizing maids as greedy and lazy in order to deserve a beating. This doesn't just stop at hands either it can escalate to threats of mutilation just to assert dominice which is absolutely sick. Most of the time these leads used to be office workers or terminally ill patients, they know how terrible it is to be treated like garbage by their superiors yet they continue to absue every maid who isn't getting on their knees for them. Most maids in real history would not mistreat a noble even if they were the most hated in the house and even if they did they'd be fired without a letter of recommendation so why can't the FL's just fire the rude maid if they care about dignity so much because I'm pretty sure getting violent with a maid isn't very dignified either.

8: disgusting age gaps

Very similar to #6 but in this case while the ML/FL isn't a cruel monster to their partner it doesn't change the fact that grooming and pedophilia is still a crime worthy of life in prison. You'd think "oh no way, this can't be justified can it?" You'd be wrong. Now I belong to house of Castillo thankfully has a larger fanbase of people who think that a relationship between a girl who got groomed by her knight is bad but in cases like into the light once again a lot of people like to say "Well Aisha is technically 28 so it's fine!" When it really isn't since Aisha is still mentally 14. Taming my ex husbands mad dog is another one that does this with Reinhardt grooming a 16 year old boy and its apparently meant to be "cute".

9: claiming a character as unattractive yet giving them a perfect body and appreance

I just think this is a major cop-out since there's time where they want to make a realistic story yet also wanting a fantasy fufilment. I don't think its a coincidence that the only woman in tears of a withered flower that yout supposed to support is a Victoria's secret model body type. Even though she's meant to be an overworked exhausted 33 year old woman being mocked for losing her beauty she sure as hell isn't drawn that way, the only other women around hae soo are all women with smaller boob's and in general more common body types that are either classed as stupid or jealous that Hae soo is so beautiful that all the attractive men want her

how about we don't pit all the women against each other for once? And let's especially not villainize other women because their jealous they could never be have large boob's and tiny arms+waist at the same time?

10: the commoner protagonist actually being a noble rich person all along

Look I know most of us had loved those "the hated child is the lost princess" GLMM but we need to drop it because it's kinda disappointing that the nobody who had to work their way to the top is actually a secret magical princess who had royal blood in them all along. While I did think the villainess turns the hourglass was a pretty decent read I was super disappointed finding out that Aria was of noble descent all along. I liked seeing a commoner protagonist for once and it really felt like it was critiquing the idea that all commoners and poor people who want nice things like the nobility are greedy animals. Something similar can also happen with certain saintess manhwas that decide to twist itself into "the villainess was the true saintess all along!" And I'm just sitting here thinking "well there goes the hope that you didn't need the super duper rare power to be a strong character"

I feel way better now after writing all this.

[erodasfishtacos]

Boredom & Blind Dates [pt I]

summary: yn is a good friend, who's willing to go on a blind date so that her friend can try to pull the man of her dreams. the new bigshot doctor at the hospital she's works. the dinner isnt as charming as she hoped

word count: 5k

warnings: angst

author's note: hii! this was based off a request. the rest will be posted on patreon and there’s already another part up :)

You can subscribe for $3 USD a month here

+

Victoria was a friend that YN had made in college when they were both studying completely opposite majors but happened to be roomed in the same two-bed dorm.

They clicked instantly and just like their majors, they were also exact opposite in their personalities too but it somehow just meshed perfectly together.

Victoria was a social butterfly who did not have a fear of being the center of attention, going after whoever she wanted (and typically pulling them), and her confidence was impressive.

Despite how smart Victoria was, she had a tendency to come off a bit ditzy, and has been called an air-head more than twice in YN’s presence.

The boys in more prestigious majors like law and medicine usually didn’t find her carefree attitude as appealing.

While Tori snagged the frat boys, YN steered clear of them which worked because they had never once had a crush on the same man.

After graduation, it only made sense to move in together because Seattle was a ridiculously overpriced city but their job wages were competitive.

Victoria was a nurse, she worked on a surgery recovery wing, and complained about her job constantly because of the crabby patients and long hours.

YN worked behind a desk all day, very rarely having to interact with anyone but if she did - it was all virtual from home.

She was the head accountant for a social media marketing company which was a pretty high position for the few years of experience she had.

YN had always been serious, more mature for her age, and always excelled above everyone else in her grade.

It hadn’t been a surprise when she was valedictorian or made summa cum laude in her undergraduate and masters degree with ease.

YN didn’t party, didn’t love socializing out in clubs but would go when Victoria pressured her enough to do so, and it was fine.

YN had been so involved in establishing her career, creating a successful life, and making a name for herself that she didn’t have time for the things Victoria did.

Dating app hookups, one night stands from the bar, and casual flings that only lasted a few weeks was how Tori rolled.

Typically, at least once a month, she was bawling to YN about the latest dickhead who treated her like she was disposable but kept going for the same type.

YN had empathy to an extent, always uncorked the wine and half-listened to her rants about chivalry being dead while she was still thinking about an account she needed to work on because the deadline was coming up.

YN liked to think she lived vicariously through Victoria’s stories which worked for her because then she didn’t have to experience those things herself.

+

YN had been sitting on the couch, laptop balanced on the wide arm as she scrolled through work emails while catching up on her guilty pleasure reality show.

It was nearly ten at night but she was waiting for a reply from a customer with a time difference, work could sometimes be a whole day and night ordeal.

There was no question that YN was uptight, rarely - if ever relaxed, and did not have much time for anything other than what put a hefty sum in her bank account every two weeks.

Victoria tumbled through the front door in a way that is uniquely her - like a hurricane.

Her keys jingling, her water bottle bumping and sloshing water as she drops her purse on the floor unceremoniously with a chapstick rolling out.

She tosses all of her items in a messy pile on the ground with her bag, kicking off her tennis shoes, and nearly prances into the living room.

YN blinks over at her, the excitement of her arrival was a routine now, she no longer gets annoyed that her best friend makes an entrance like that each time.

“Babe, guess what,” Victoria squeals as she sits down right next to her on the couch, still in her magenta colored scrubs and her mascara smudged near her eyes.

“What?” YN replies as she mindlessly clicks refresh in her email, wishing for this message with the information she needs to appear.

“Our new Chief of Medicine started today! He was the head of neurology at another hospital. A literal brain surgeon which, of course I’ve met others but he’s like…the best of the best. They write news articles about him, his studies in medical journals, he’s a big deal,” Victoria is still excited as she nearly bounces in her spot, shaking YN’s laptop.

YN puts a hand up to make sure her computer doesn’t topple, still nonplussed as she looks at her friend, “What does this have to do with you? Is it just because he’s famous in the medical world?”

“No, he’s fucking gorgeous too. I didn’t think you were allowed to be as smart as he is while looking like he just walked off a runway during Paris Fashion Week,” Tori giggles as her cheeks go a bit pink, “He’s the hottest doctor I’ve ever seen.”

“Tori,” YN sighs, clicking her refresh again - nothing, “Again, what is this information leading to?”

“Well I bumped into him today, literally, in the hallway. We spoke briefly, he was polite but serious, and I felt like he was flirting with me. I feel like I have a chance with him,” Her roommate tells her, that same confidence present as ever that she can pull this big shot doctor.

“Good luck with that. I’m sure he’s married with kids,” YN replies somewhat dismissively, unamused that this is how her friend spends her time.

“Nope,” Tori quips back happily, “I googled him. He just made the New York Times list as one of the most eligible bachelors in medicine. Single as they come.”

“I thought you didn’t want to date someone who also worked in medicine,” YN reminds her, clicking refresh once again to no results.

“He’s the exception. If I could settle down with a fuckin neurosurgeon, chief medical officer like come on that would be my biggest achievement,” Victoria pulls out her cell phone, tapping across the screen.

And YN just…cannot relate.

YN only fell in love once.

Where she could fantasize about a life with that person, marriage, kids, a house but it was all fantasy as they were never official in that way.

It was crushed and YN made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t let herself dream like that again.

“Do you want to see a picture?” Victoria asks as she looks for an image to show.

As a stroke of luck, YN’s work phone starts buzzing, and it’s the client she was waiting for to email her, “I’m sure he’s as attractive as you say, Tor. I have to take this.”

Her friend mumbles something about her being in a relationship with work which is honestly not that far off at this point.

However, it gives her an excuse to lock herself in her office for a few hours to avoid the ideas of love, Victoria’s fantasy world, and think about nothing but numbers and percentages.

+

The next few weeks blend together for YN.

Every few days she actually catches up on her work.

Every few days Victoria recounts her very purposefully crafted run-ins with the chief medical officer to shoot her shot.

Victoria has always been forward, asking bluntly for what she wants but with such a seemingly intimidating man, she finally has met her match.

Her roommate deems the doctor as ‘playing hard to get’ but YN starts to wonder if she’s imagining the spark between them or if it’s truly there.

She talks about times where the doctor flat out ignores her in the hallway but brushes it off that he was extremely busy on a pressing issue.

But then there are times where he will pull her aside, gently by the wrist and ask her about how her day was going, and appear to be interested in her answers.

YN loved her friend but was wildly uninterested in these events, the only thing that kept her curiosity lingering was if she was actually going to snag the head of the biggest hospital in Seattle.

She doesn’t hear much for a week or two.

At least three months have passed since the doctor started.

And this finally appears to be a payoff when Victoria comes home with her usual hurricane routine of leaving a trail of her belongings as she comes through the front door.

“Oh my god, oh my god. Close your laptop and look at me!” Victoria announces dramatically as she rushes over to the couch, taking it upon herself to close the lid of YN’s work computer.

“Tori,” YN scolds with a grumble, she really didn’t appreciate it when her friend interrupted her work flow in the middle of her meticulously constructing a report.

“Hush,” She replies, brushing off her concerns, and patting YN’s thighs, “I need the absolute biggest, most massive favor from you ever. And I really need you to agree, I’ll owe you for eternity.”

This didn’t sound good.

YN blinks at her, expression still unamused as ever.

“Okay. I am going on a date with the chief,” Victoria squeals, high-pitched and loud, “But it’s a double-date, he was telling me he’s looking for a date for his friend. I offered you and he invited us all to dinner at The National.”

Fancy.

And YN tries to settle the itching annoyance at her friend offering her up without her approval but unfortunately it was a very Victoria-like thing to do.

Despite how uptight YN could be, she had a soft spot for her friend and would do anything within her to make her happy so instead of lecturing her about setting her up, YN agrees.

YN thinks about it as the days pass until the date, what’s stopping her from actually giving this a try?

The only information she received about her blind date was that he was also a doctor, orthopedics, and his name was Mitch.

YN dresses nicer than she had originally planned, in a form fitting black dress that shaped her chest phenomenally, making her smaller tits look full and lifted.

It also defined her backside well too, making it rounded and voluminous in a way that it normally didn’t look in her regular outfits.

YN hadn’t been with anyone in over a year, not even a casual hookup because she didn’t do those - she did commitment.

Maybe Mitch would be the one.

YN wasn’t one for magical thinking like her best friend but maybe this is what optimism was supposed to be like as opposed to her normal pessimist outlook.

Victoria dressed stunning as well, albeit a bit more revealing which was her go to, cut-outs along her ribs and the hem was nearly to her bum cheeks so she couldn’t bend over without revealing all of her bits and pieces.

YN was sure that the doctor she was pining after would take her home with her that night but she also knows Victoria is possibly looking at this to become serious.

It was all up in the air.

The National was a quiet restaurant, where business meetings were held and deals were made.

Everyone dressed in expensive outfits that made YN and Victoria’s seem a bit out of place but they blended in well enough.

Neither have been to the location before because it was reservation-only and you had to have enough of a name in Seattle to bother calling.

The fact that the chief was able to get them a table, at relatively short notice was flex in itself, showing off what clout he held in the community.

YN wasn’t impressed, per se, felt like it was a bit-show off but nevertheless it was a nice experience that she’d never likely have again after this night.

Victoria gives the hostess their name before they’re being guided towards the back of the restaurant, it lit dimly enough that it would be hard to see the menu.

As they arrive at the table, there’s two meticulous dressed men sit across from one another, both handsome in different ways.

However, one has a big smile and stands up whilst the other stays seated with a scowl that seems permanently etched on his face - light wrinkles to show for it.

The man who stands up reaches for YN’s hand, kissing the back of it, and introducing himself, “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve been looking forward to it all week, darling. I’m Mitch.”

“YN,” She replies even though he already knows, allowing the kiss and giving him a polite smile back as he pulls out her chair for her.

Victoria walks around the table, somewhat awkward as her date doesn’t get up or offer to move her chair out, only a curt, “Hello, Victoria. You look nice.”

“Thanks,” Tori blushes easily, YN has to refrain from rolling her eyes at the interaction, she always fell for the rudest, douchey men on Earth.

This doctor was no different as he says back in his chair, shoulders broad, and back straight, head held high as he watches Mitch help YN in her seat.

“Thank you,” YN brushes her fingers against Mitch’s shoulder as he sits down, making eye contact with her date once again.

He had these sincere brown eyes, a shy smile, and his long hair was pulled back into a ponytail as he nods at her.

Mitch wasn’t her type, though she wasn’t picky, and was willing to give anyone a chance - he just wouldn’t be someone she would pick herself.

Maybe that’s a good thing.

“What’s good here?” YN asks Mitch as she opens her menu, it was a small list of entrees, most that YN had only seen on cooking shows or never even heard of.

“I haven’t been here. Styles here is a regular but that’s because he’s the big name ‘round here, well according to London Times - everywhere,” Mitch teases as he glances up at his friend.

Styles doesn’t even lift his lip in a half-smile, his eyes dart to YN before his friend, “The Steelhead Trout is good as is the Filet Migon.”

YN’s eyes trace back over the menu, heart seizing a bit as the numbers next to the entree - realizing that was the price was a bit of shell shock.

She knew that Mitch would pay for her but she felt guilty about ordering something that was well over a hundred and fifty dollars when she would never pay that for dinner herself.

“I think I’ll just get the thai salmon,” YN replies as she glances over, it was the cheapest option, not by much but still.

“There’s peanuts in the sauce,” The doctor tells her as he glances up from his own menu to look at YN.

YN brow furrows at him, lips turning down, and about to say something when he adds, “Victoria informed me that you have a severe peanut allergy and to choose a restaurant that could prepare your food properly.”

YN blinks to process before looking over to Victoria, “Thanks, Tor.”

“I’d rather not see freshman year thanksgiving happen again,” Victoria jokes but there is some real concern there from such a traumatic incident.

YN had accidentally come into contact with some type of nut that sent her into an anaphylactic shock.

They couldn’t find her epipen for a good two minutes until they did and were able to administer her medication until she could make it to the hospital.

Victoria had anxiety about food in their house for ages, paranoid about her own contact with the allergen, and always made sure everyone was aware of YN’s condition.

“I’ll get the filet then,” YN sighs, giving up on picking a cheap option as she closes her menu, and the waiter pours a red wine into her glass.

YN was not in the mood to drink, preferring to sip on her water instead as Victoria and Mitch emptied their first glass quickly.

Victoria’s date sipped more sophisticatedly on his, swirling it like a proper snob before taking a minuscule sip as if he was savoring it.

Mitch seemed very interested in YN, asking multiple questions about her work and personal life, he put an arm around the back of her chair which YN didn’t necessarily mind as they spoke.

From what YN could see, Victoria was not having as much luck with her date as their conversation appeared strained, her friend was doing ninety percent of the talking, and Harry was nodding with an expression of boredom.

After the soup and salads arrive, Mitch and Harry start to chat about something going on with the hospital protocols.

Victoria tries to add in, he doesn’t acknowledge her but Mitch does instead after an uncomfortable pause of silence between them.

YN stays quiet, unable to add anything, and after a moment, Mitch huffs out a laugh, “Enough work talk, we’re excluding YN.”

Harry raises his eyebrow at her, “Need to be the center of attention?”

“Hey,” Mitch frowns, rubbing at YN’s shoulder, “I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I’m sorry if I just-“

“You’re fine,” YN waves her hand dismissively, giving her friend’s date a displeased glance that Harry returns the scowl just like he’d been doing all night.

Victoria is oblivious, as she tends to be, and is much too focused on keeping her date’s attention to worry about anything else.

“What do you do for work?” Harry asks her, randomly cutting off a story that Victoria was telling about a patient that eloped recently.

“I’m a head accountant for a social media marketing company. What about you?” YN returns the question with sickeningly sweet politeness.

She felt like Harry was a pompous prick, taking pride in his rankings, education, and had a better than attitude that YN really felt was unappealing.

To act like she didn’t know shit about him was the perfect way to irritate him apparently.

It works.

The way his teeth clench together as the wrinkle between his brow deepens further, he straightens his suit jacket before leaning forward to appear casual.

“I’m the Chief Medical Officer of The Hospital of Seattle, a neurosurgeon specializing in spinal cord injury as well as stroke and trauma, I own three outpatient medical practices, as well as instruct other neurosurgeons on new techniques and equipment,” Harry boasts, to be fair, it was extremely impressive.

There was no doubt that the man sitting across from her was extremely intelligent, she’s probably never been around anyone as smart as him but it didn’t excuse his attitude.

You can be intelligent and humble at the same time.

Apparently Doctor Styles did not get the memo.

“That’s nice,” YN replies as she takes a very small sip of wine, even though she was impressed, it didn’t reflect in her bored tone.

Harry scoffs, sitting back, and licking the front of his teeth.

His eyebrow was raised as he repeated in disbelief, “That’s nice? Nothing else, huh?”

Victoria’s eyes dart nervously between the two, she grips Harry’s bicep, “I think it’s the most impressive thing I’ve heard. Not to mention the medical journals you wrote for or the volunteer work.”

YN tucks her bottom lip between her teeth, tampering down a smile at getting a reaction out of her friend’s date, just as she had hoped.

“S’really not as impressive when the person needs to flaunt their accomplishments so extravagantly,” YN shrugs as she puts down her wine glass, nonchalant as ever, and acting as if she was being casual.

Tori delivers a kick to her shin underneath the table, along with a scolding look for her to drop the attitude with Harry because it was ruining their date.

YN pulls back because she did feel guilty at getting into it with this doctor who Tori was trying to pull and she wasn’t increasing the chances with the snide comments.

Harry is about to respond, his ringed fingers clenched on the table, and there were tattoos peeking out from the cuffs of his suit that were very undoctorlike, “You know what I think-?”

“Uhm,” Mitch coughs awkwardly to break up the tension that was getting thick and cloying between everyone at the table, “Victoria, where did you get your nursing degree from?”

The conversation breaks off, Victoria and Mitch start chatting as YN and Harry remain pretty much silent throughout the appetizers.

Victoria is forward, trying to touch her date when possible.

A brush of his hand here, a squeeze of his bulky bicep there.

Though Harry doesn’t shrug her off, he also doesn’t return the favor at all.

He is nearly statuesque, unmoving, and able to sit very still for long amounts of time.

Of course, maybe that is overly obvious because of how all over the place her friend was at all times, unable to sit still for more than a few minutes without needing to adjust the way she’s sitting or fiddle with something on the table.

YN wonders if this whole thing was set up for Mitch and Harry just settled for being on a date with Victoria to help his friend out.

The thought hurt her to think about because she wanted better for her friend.

YN enjoyed having a job that paid her well, more than most people her age were making but it didn’t define who she was.

Doctor Styles seemed to be his entire job as his personality.

How boring.

When Harry manages to get the topic back onto a work issue, YN cannot help but let out a yawn that she very half-heartedly tries to cover with her hand because she could only hear so much about a spinal surgery before she’s zoning out.

Victoria is hanging onto his every word, asking questions, and being overly interested in a lackluster story in his monotone, deep voice that could honestly lull her to sleep because of how bleak and morbid he sounded.

However, when she yawns, no one at the table notices but Harry.

His eyes have darted over to her a few times while he’s been talking, almost to gauge her level of interest, and when she yawns, he visibly huffs before continuing - his words a bit more harsh and a flutter of annoyance twisting into his cadence.

YN had neglected her date during this whole time, in full honesty.

Victoria and Mitch seemed to have a great conversation.

When YN talked to Mitch, he was nice enough and easy to have a conversation with but his boss across the table was distracting and apparently felt the need to constantly be the center of attention even though that’s what he called YN out for. 

It’s rude, YN knows it is when she excuses herself to the bathroom mid-story, placing her napkin on the table before swinging her purse over her shoulder, and navigating into the dimly-lit restaurant towards the back.

YN goes into one of the many stalls, a larger bathroom, and sits down.

She didn’t have to go to the bathroom but she had just needed a break because…

What the fuck.

What the actual fuck?

YN would be crawling out the bathroom window if Victoria wasn’t with her.

YN hears the door open and she just knows it’s Victoria.

She is definitely going to give YN a piece of her mind for her attitude at the table and she really can’t blame her because she was not being on her best behavior admittedly.

When YN pushes open the stall, already starting her speech, “Tor, I know you’re probably pissed but -”

However, YN stops mid-setence when she sees that it was not Victoria standing across from her.

No, instead it was Harry, leaning back against the sinks with his arms crossed and a scowl worse than anything that he had displayed at the table across his face.

“Already dating again?” He asks unhappily, the slight crack of his deep drawl gives away the jealously laying behind those words, “That’s pretty fuckin’ rich, innit?”

“Don’t you dare,” YN hisses back, defensive and straightening up, “You don’t have any room to talk.”

“I have plenty,” Harry grits out, his gaze unwavering, his hand twitching like he wants to reach out, “You fucked everything up, not me.”

The awful thing is that YN wants him too.

“That’s not true,” YN murmurs softer, trying to keep the feisty edge in her voice but struggling.

The emotions that she was attempting to hold in at the table were much harder to bottle up when they were standing face-to-face like this.

“You like Mitch?” Harry ignores her rebuttal, his knuckles were white where they were gripping the kitchen sink, “Think he’s nice? Boyfriend material?”

“It’s none of your fucking business,” YN snaps back, finding her bravado a bit more.

“Come here,” Harry orders, voice quiet but sharp, demanding, and it sends a chill down her spine.

“Harry-” YN begins to argue but finds herself walking forward, her heart pounding hard enough that it hurts and her hands were shaking as she clung the strap of her purse as a lifeline as her heels clicked against the tile.

“C’mon, dove,” His voice is sweeter, more goading until she’s close enough to touch.

Her lips parted in nerves, excitement, dread.

His hand reaches out to curl around the nape of her neck, fingers lightly pressing into the sides of her throat and though it was gentle, it was possessive - rooted in the jealousy of what was going on tonight with their dates.

Harry brings her towards him by the hold he has on her, until her hands are laid on his chest, and he’s leaning down as he tilts her head up.

He brushes their lips together, once, twice, and on the third time, YN pulls back and takes a few steps away from him.

“You can’t just do that,” YN huffs, grabbing a tissue from the counter and dabbing at the corners of her eyes to prevent the tears from falling and ruining her makeup, ���I’m on a date. You’re on a date. It isn’t fair to either of them.”

Harry laughs unhappily, shaking his head as pushes away from the sink, heading towards the door but before he leaves, he bites back, “I don’t think you have room to be talking about fair. You obviously don’t fuckin’ understand the concept of it. Pull yourself together before you come back out.”

YN knows it immature, proves his point but gives him the middle finger before going back to dabbing at her eyes - fuck, she wishes she didn’t cry around him.

She wondered if it was worth sneaking out the window and facing the wrath of her friend later.

+

ahhhhhhh.

let me know your thoughts. this was difficult to write but im glad it turned out how i wanted it too! what do you predict?

😙😙😙

[astonmartingf]

VOODOO DOLL ; LH44

lewis hamilton x mercedes driver!reader

. . . hamilton is a penchant for opposing teammates, and after the previous one he somehow got stuck with another, but after years of dominance new emotions develop between the two.

amgf i am a sucker for yearning and fluff and this is exactly that, lewis the man that you are... also if the format is different from previous posts it's because i'm testing out formats

death of a bachelor ; masterlist

[2025]

“You called us for this?” Alonso raised his brows looking pitifully at you sharing the same expression as Nico from the left side. You groan in your palms, hiding your face from the two men.

“This is a big deal okay. Why are you invalidating my feelings?” Mumbling under your breath, you reason out hoping for a sliver of understanding. It’s been so long since you bottled your feelings, and as much as you hate to admit it, you might start-

“No one is invalidating your feelings other than yourself amor, otherwise why would you call us to convince you that you actually like-”

“Okay, okay, okay. Shut up will you, it’s like you want the whole world that I like…” You turn around, checking the surroundings. “Lewis.”

Nico pressed his lip into a thin, a short sigh leaving his mouth, “You’re in denial and in love.”

You shot Nico an incredulous look, a scoff escaping your lips, “I am not in love. Alo, tell him.”

The older Spaniard grimaced, shaking his head. “At this point, you may as well be- four years? He’s already moved to Ferrari for God’s sake and you have yet to make a move.”

You groan once more, reminding yourself of the signs and signals you missed or accidentally dropped towards Lewis. “I have made a few moves…” Your voice thinning as you feel two pairs of eyes staring right at you.

“And I’m embarrassed to say that they also flew over Lewis’ head. So no, don’t ask me what I said, or did- just ignore what I said.” You rest your head down on the table, sad and moping.

Nico laughs at you, “Look at the state of you, hung over a boy.”

“He’s not just any boy Nico, gosh you’re acting like you moved on quickly from him- this is Lewis we’re talking about. Heck that was a semi-platonic relationship you had going on there, how am I supposed to cope with actually knowing that I can’t be in a romantic relationship with him?”

A gasp left your lips, hands shaking as your cover over them. Avoiding Nico’s gaze who was still laughing at you, despite your jab at his relationship with Nico and Alonso who took a sip from his cup of tea.

“So you admit it…”

Alonso broke the silence leaving you nodding to yourself.

“I actually- Fuck.”

[2023]

Lewis sits in silence, watching Nico squint his eyes from the other side of the table. “When was this?”

Gulping, Lewis didn’t think this far. He was ranting first, and then eventually spilling in some white lies in between before Nico filled in and connected the dots. He should’ve known Nico would catch on- Lewis is being too obvious. At least that’s what he thinks.

Sighing, Lewis mulled over his thoughts gathering his words before speaking it out into existence. The three words he’s been replaying over his head for the last two years- When did things get complicated?

“Two years ago? I thought about it far longer than I’ll admit. But I’ve recently come into terms with it…” Lewis nods his head, sitting in silence with Nico.

“And what happened? What’s different?”

Smiling to himself at the thought of you, Lewis goes through all the times you’ve managed to tug the tiniest of his heartstrings causing him to malfunction like the current state of their engine. It was pitiful, not just the team, but the state of his heart.

“I don’t even understand… Which makes me even more furious! How could she do that to me? I think about her all the time, she’s not even racing anymore. She’s nowhere near me, yet she’s all I think about, it’s driving me insane. And don’t get me started on whenever she’s actually on the paddock- I see her what? Once a month, I go to the F1 Academy races to get a glimpse of her. I'm such a loser. And her face! How could I not stop by and greet her, she’s always enthusiastic whenever I’m there- Not to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty good company, and we are friends but God I wish she’d take in the signs I’m putting down. I like YN- too much at this point, I can’t believe it. And you! You’re laughing at my misery.”

Lewis raises his head, far too into his thoughts only realizing that Nico has been laughing at him for the past minute. His back flushed into the seat, legs crossed with arms resting on the table.

“At least one of us is enjoying this, because I’m a suffering loser, who can’t get a grip. She’s actually doing things to my mind. I’m acting crazy because of her.”

Nico bursts into laughter, “You’re- you have a lot to say about YN.”

Lewis scoffs, giving his friend a pointed look, “That’s all you have to say? Wow, I miss talking to you, but this- this is a personal attack towards me.”

Shaking his head, Nico wheezes at Lewis, “No, no, no… Think about it- look at you. It’s just funny to me, I remember when you first talked about her. You said, and I quote, “I will never like her as a teammate.” and you also compared her to me. Look at you now. I think it’s funny.”

Lewis shakes his head, disappointed. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget it.”

“No- you’re not taking all that back. Go on- tell me more.”

Lewis raises his brows suspiciously, “What? So you can tease me?”

Nico raises his hands in surrender, “Hey if not me who else would listen to you talk on and on about YN?”

“I know Seb would listen to me without judgment, and maybe Charles…” Lewis lists the few people in and out the grid who are aware about his feelings towards YN.

Nico raises his brows laughing to himself, “Oh Lewis, you truly are living in your own bubble- you’re too good for yourself. Guess how I know what you’ve been talking to Seb about? Right, he calls me to check on you.”

Lewis pales at the realization, how Nico is somehow always available, how he calls on the right time.

“And Charles, who calls Seb, who calls me. Right Lewis, there’s three of us- and you’ll always end up with me if you don’t get your act right.”

lewishamilton

liked by nicorosberg, charles_leclerc, and 21,582,953 others

lewishamilton me when my crush finally noticed me...

view 1,648,592 comments...

user1 EXCUSE NE? WHAT HAPPENED TO HELLO AND HI?

user2 am i seeing this right?

user3 the power of yn

user4 why would you assume it's yn?

user5 i mean who else could get lewis to post like this?

user6 bro got 21 million people watching this confession

nicorosberg this is what you got from our conversation two years ago? embarrassing, even i can do better than this

sebastianvettel5 he's trying, leave him be

charles_leclerc is this what we've been waiting for the last four years? the bar is actually low

user7 what do you mean 4 years?

user8 HELP, they're actually implying that this is for YN

user9 there goes the lewyn fans going crazy it could be anyone 🙄

user10 can't a girl have their fun, jeez leave people alone

user11 it's embarrasing

user12 they're actually eating lewis up with this

nicorosberg this is your plan?

lewishamilton yeah, it's working is it not?

nicorosberg i don't think so man

charles_leclerc is she even on instagram?

lewishamilton ...

sebastianvettel5 for someone who has a crush on this person for the last 4 years i might add this is actually embarrassing behavior

user13 what is happening?

user14 i love this too much what the heck

user15 i know they're grilling him in the messages

user16 another one for the history books 😤✍️🔥🔥🔥

user17 it's blow after blow for hamilton

user18 he's a loser in love actually, does it make you stupid?

lewishamilton i don't care if i look stupid i want her to see this

amgf ahahahahaha the end! uhm... enjoy 👍 this actually had me giggling and shit wtf, maybe it's lewis maybe it's the fluff but /sighs/ the lore i can add to this fic... just you wait 😤

[luvwestwood]

"Build a Bear" - Nanami Kento

3,077 words.

note: just re-posting this as i'm no longer shadow-banned, enjoy kento slutting you out in the victoria secret changing rooms lol

content warnings: nsfw (18+), sex, breeding, dom! nanami, pet names (princess/slut, doll etc), changing room sex, hair pulling, you walk around the mall with his cum stuffed into you lol, quickies, standing sex, semi-public sex? kento sluts you out in the vs changing rooms lol

banner cred. @/yunonoai on twt/ig

Nanami was your boyfriend of almost one year, and you must say, things were going pretty well. He was a gentleman, who was able to prove 24/7 that chivalry isn't dead at all. Kento was all you could ever ask for, and usually you'd spend your days with him wondering how did you end up with a man like the Kento Nanami?

Kento loved to spoil you rotten. He was more of a giver than a receiver. Acknowledging the fact that he’s financially stable, earns way more than what he needs, of course— the rest will go to you, his beloved girlfriend. It was almost like.. he found pleasure in doing it. He always anticipated the big cheesy smile on your face when he comes home with bags full of everything. He's always eager to whip out his sleek black credit card at any given moment as if it was toy money.

Hair curler not working anymore? You’d be getting a new one the next day. Your car broke down? Look out into the driveway the next morning. He ripped your panties the night before? You’ll wake up to four bags full of bespoke lingerie, all specially made for you.

Today was Thursday, which meant either two things. One, it could just be a normal Tuesday. Two, it was Nanami’s payday. And so you know what that means…

“Anywhere else you'd like to go?" Kento followed behind you, all of your shopping bags from earlier in his grasp. Both hands full. Don't forget, he was a respectful guy. He'd never let you carry anything, even if you wanted to. "We have all the time in the world."

You let out a hum, thinking. "Hmm.." You continued, "Maybe Victoria's Secret? I heard theres a 4 for 15€ sale happening on the undies!" The two of you step onto the escalator, Nanami behind you. "And that will be it. I don't want to spend anymore."

"Doll, you already know what I'm gonna say to that." He lets out a labored sigh, looking up at you as you look down at him. You turn around and frowned.

"...I know, but.." You pause your words as Kento abruptly cuts you off. It was as if he was doing this so you speak no further about this matter which you bring up every now and then. Okay.. maybe every time Kento brings you on a shopping splurge.

"Hey- eyes forward, we're getting off the escalator." He quickly moves all shopping bags to one hand, using the free one to guide you off the escalator by gently pressing on your back. It was good timing, cause it allowed you to shut your mouth before you go on your daily rant about how he spends too much money on you, and that you would like to be independent for once.

"Okay, but.." You turn to him as soon as you enter the store; the sweet smell of the body mists and dark, sultry ambience of the place enticing you. "You never let me give you anything in return. I want to do something for you for once." You say this in a stern whisper, as it was more of a small but silly couple's quarrel, and you didn't want other customers to get the wrong idea between you and Nanami.

You hold eye contact with him as he returns the same, Kento remains silent before you see the evident glint in his eyes as an idea sparks in his thoughts.

"Alright then," He ushers you to a quieter part of the store, specifically where last season's lingerie was displayed. "You wanna do something for me?"

You aggressively nod in response. "Yes pleaseeee, anything." Tugging on his blue dress shirt, you quietly beg. Beg that he'd let you do something for him for once.

He looks around the store for a moment to see if anyone else was browsing close enough to where you two were standing. The coast is clear.

"Hmm.." The suspense was killing you. "How about, you and I head to the changing rooms.." Oh, I know where this is going. "I stuff you full of my cum, then we walk out like nothing happened."

You froze. Completely. You weren't mortified, just amazed at how he was able to come up with something like this. "Wh- Ken, are you craz-?!"

"Ah- bap bap bap- I'm not done." He shushes you immediately. "After all that, I buy you a set of lingerie that I get to choose, which you'll wear later tonight." You notice that he holds a tighter grip on the handles of the shopping bag - his sleeves were rolled up and you could see the veins straining on his forearm. Kento was most likely turned on at the thought of what he had just said.

Your own throat goes dry, causing you to swallow your own spit. With furrowed brows you approach him closer to whisper what you were supposed to say less than twenty seconds ago - "..Are you out of your mind?"

He just shrugs his shoulders. "You said you wanted to do something for me, so I gave you an idea for that exact something."

Skeptical, you frantically look side to side before you let out a blabber of words. "What is this, Build-A-Bear?!" And that's exactly what it was. Although he was a gentleman outdoors, and of course indoors; but he's a completely different story under the sheets, Kento never failed to amuse you.

He wanted to stuff you full of his cum in the changing rooms like the bears at Build-A-Bear that get violated by the metal rod that pumps out the fluff. Then, when he's happy about how full you are, he'll pull your panties back up before bringing you back out like nothing happened, choosing a new lingerie set for his eyes to feast on later tonight.

Nanami stayed silent as he watched you think. The two of you weren't talking, your feet grounded in the same position. But he knows your hard-thinking face when he sees it, and he can tell that you're considering the offer. Maybe you were tempted.

You cross your arms. "Fine. But tell me how they're gonna allow us to stay in those changing rooms for more than ten minutes. You know how they are... in a store like this."

Nanami, with his free hand, reached over to the rack beside you, that displayed cute baby-doll sets in various colors. You watched as he grabbed one in every color - he at least took five. In pink, black, red, blue and purple. "That'll give us enough time."

Your stomach fluttered at his remark, was he really going to blow your back in the changing rooms right now? Oh God, if we were to get caught I'm never showing my face in this mall ever again.

You squint at him before turning around, unable to catch the pleasurable grin he had ended your conversation with.

The two of you walked to the back of the store where the changing rooms were, with occasional glares behind you to Nanami. You were practically scolding him with his eyes. Luckily it was more secluded and closed off in the back, and the fact that it was only Thursday resulted in the mall being the complete opposite of busy. That meant no staff will continuously pester you to hurry up, as there are others waiting in the queue.

As you approached the changing rooms, a brunette girl came up to the both of you. You assumed she was a worker by the lanyard on her neck. "Hi, how many?"

You held up the hangers, smiling awkwardly. "..Six items." She weirdly ogled you due to the amount of items you had and don't forget, they were all the same item just in different colours.. As if it were her business anyways.

"Oh- I couldn't make up my mind.. I h-had to try them all." Your breath hitched as you told a lie, you heard Nanami snort behind your back as he listened to how ridiculous you sounded.

Fortunately the girl let it slide. "...Okay, follow me." She walked down the hall of changing rooms until she reaches the one at the very far end. Of course, you and Kento followed. You chewed onto the skin of your lip, gripping onto the mesh fabric of the baby-doll dresses as you walked.

The worker unlocks the door with the key on her lanyard, pulling it open and stepping aside. Only yourself enters first, and you turn around to the two of them. "You can just.. wait for me outside of the door babe." You cycle glances between the worker and Kento. The worker thinks nothing of it. Your boyfriend just nods, smiling as he stepped a bit further back from the door, leaning against the wall behind him.

The girl makes a comment before closing the door. "There's a special button on the wall, if you need any assistance with sizing. Just press it if you need anything."

You take a look at the button before smiling at her, and saying thanks. The door finally closes. You give yourself a minute, taking a look at yourself in the mirror, breathing in and out. You place the hangers on the rail, and your purse on the tiny stool in the corner.

The worker was long gone, it seems that she was occupied with stocking the body-mist shelves outside. Nanami was still waiting outside of the door, until the sound of a lock turning was heard followed by you opening it slightly. Your head poking out in the tiny gap you made.

"..C-come here." You whisper, before he moves himself away from the wall, entering the changing room with you in it.

Nanami wasted no time, immediately grabbing the door open wider with his free hand, locking it behind him. Dropping all the bags on the ground, his lips found yours first. The two of you gently move against the wall, his hands roaming all over your body - but cups your face in the end.

"Are you sure?" He had to double check. Kento wasn't the type of guy to force you into anything you didn't want to do, he always made sure you were comfortable doing it. That's another reason why you loved him so dearly.

Breathing heavily, you eagerly nodded in response. He peppers a trail of kisses from your lips down to your neck, causing you to let out a breathy moan of his name in response. "..K-Kento," You shiver as you felt him plant wet kisses just below your jaw, the obvious tent growing as you continuously call out his name. In return, you wrap your arms around his neck like a sloth, whimpering and moaning as he reaches your sweet spots.

He groans as he indulges himself in your scent, which he never fails to lose his mind about. You were just irresistible and each time he had you - Nanami just yearned for more. The way you'd be dripping wet even though he barely laid a finger on you, and how sensitive you were to his own touch. It felt like he had won the lottery by just being with you.

Considering the time you two had, Kento quickly went back to kissing you on the lips, this time with tongue. By the time he was finished, a string of spit connected your tongues as he pulled away. You look into his eyes before making a request. "..I need you in me."

"Turn around, stay against the wall." He says in short breaths as he tried to catch his own, clearly pent up by the intense make-out session the two of you just had. You obey, your cheek against the wall as he kept you in place.

You looked to your right to face the full length mirror, the cold air hitting the skin of your ass as he flipped your skirt up, followed by your panties being dragged down your legs. He kneels and places a small kiss on your dripping hole before standing back up into his original stance. He grabs a handful of your soft flesh, giving it a spank. The quiet gasps from your mouth only rousing him more.

He struggles with his belt, eager to get it unbuckled. Silently, you watch until he finally gets it, his hardened cock springing up onto his stomach as it finally was able to escape from his pants. Your heart palpitates like crazy at the sight of the arousal dripping from his pink tip, causing you to push back onto him when you weren't meant to - you needed him. Bad.

"..Be patient baby," he grins, after seeing how needy you've become.

You arch your back a bit more, putting your pussy on display to him. He did nothing but devour your body like a work of art with his own eyes. His warm hands snake onto your shoulder for support as he aligns the tip of his cock with your hole that was quite literally begging for him.

A sharp inhale comes from you as you felt his thick cock stretching you out. Kento heard this, and he quickly gave you a peck on the temple before gripping onto your flesh harder. As soon as he slid all the way in, he planted a few more kisses on your nape allowing you to adjust.

He gave you nothing but sweet, slow movements to make sure he didn't hurt you. His chin laid onto your shoulder as breathy moans slipped from his lips - this had only made your knees weaker.

Still pinned against the wall, you snaked your hand to the back of his head, pulling him closer. "G-go ha-arder." And so he did. Kento knew the difference between faster and harder, and he never mixed the two up.

You grab onto the wall for support as he ruts in to you harder, his cock covered with ring of creamy white near the shaft. The gel from his hair rather non-existent from the way you grabbed for it earlier.

"F-fuck," You moaned out, it had only made him go crazier each time you gasped his name or little curses under your breath. The noise of whimpering and squelches from each thrust echoing through the rather tiny changing room.

Your stimulation reaches peak as he fondled with your breasts each time he thrusted into you, his balls making a slapping noise along with them.

He gently tugged your hair into a pony, causing you to haul your face off the wall. "Look into the mirror doll," He spoke between soft grunts. "Watch how you take my big cock like the little slut you are." Your face was messed up, along with you hair at this point too. Each hair was no longer in place with its curl, and your lipstick had been rubbed off into different directions.

You felt his pace change not too drastically, but he continuously deeped onto your g-spot. Your knees weaken and he notices this, the knot in your stomach tightening as he felt your muscle clench non-stop around him.

"K-Kento.. I'm gonna..-" You gasp as he yanked the low cut collar of your top down, causing your boobs to slip out. He pulls you back onto his chest causing you to stand up straight, interlocking his forearms around your elbows. The two of you are now facing the mirror. Warmth of his chest hitting your back as you leaned against it.

You watch as your tits bounce with every deep thrust, Nanami whimpering quietly as he feels his balls tightening. "I-I need to cum..." You whispered, at this point your voice was no longer there. "Please..."

He leaned into your face as you rest the back of your head on his shouder, you were in a moment of bliss. "I know princess, cum all over my cock like a good girl."

And that did it for you. You moaned out loud, your intense orgasm washing over you, and Kento was quick enough to cover your mouth so no one from outside would hear the filthy things happening inside of a changing room as small as this.

Not long after, his warm ropes of cum filled you up constantly as he whimpered quietly, the two of you drained from the intense session.

You use your own two hands to grab onto the mirror decorating it with handprints. Kento breathed heavily as he watched his cock slip out from your hole. Before a drop slips out, he gently pushed two of his fingers in to make sure his load stays inside of you. And kindly enough, he pulled his panties back up for you.

"Thank you baby, you're too good for me." He combs your hair with his hands, putting it back into place before giving your cheek a soft kiss. You turn around and do the same, but this time on his lips.

"I love you, Kento. So much." You smiled, still a bit overstimulated but it was nothing you couldn't take. Your legs were a bit weak though, and it was time for you two to leave.

Just a few finishing touches before leaving, you made sure to fix straighten your top again as Nanami does the same to his signature animal print tie.

You turned to the untouched sets on the rack he had taken for you earlier, giggling as you had completely forgotten they were there. "I guess I didn't get to try them on," You smiled as you bunched up the hangers in your hand.

"I'm sure you'd still look beautiful in all of them regardless," He responded, picking up the bags off the floor and opening the door. Luckily no one was wandering the halls outside.

You rolled your eyes, walking out into the open as if you weren't stuffed with his cum right now. Kento walked beside you as he caressed your soft hair from the back, giving you another kiss on your head. "Hold on," Confused, you stopped in your tracks as he walked off somewhere else, calling out for one of the workers.

She was occupied with arranging the underwear into the sizing baskets. "Yes, may I help you?" She approached you both. It was actually the same girl from earlier.

"I'd like to buy everything in this store please, for my girlfriend over here." He asked, and he was serious. I mean, he's the Kento Nanami.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⤳ © luvwestwood ‘24. all works are owned by me, and originally come from my own head. please do not re-post on a third party platform without my permission!

⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⤳ as always, thank you for the love on each and every one of my posts. 🎀🩷

[fortheloveofkonig]

Hello, hope you're having a good day/night

I was wondering if I could request the 141 x Male reader, they know alot of medical like they use their knowledge of the human body against anyone whom threatens them (or people the care about). They aren't a medic are doctor parday but have extensive knowledge of the field that helps the team. Seem cold uncaring and ruthless but if anyone of them is injured its like a total switch of 'mom bear mode' checking them over the gentle hands and worry.

(Kinda of trope of don't mess with the doctor lol)

Summary: TF 141 reacts to Reader who knows a frightening amount of medical knowledge.

Note: I'm going to do this as more of a headcanons type of post ^^ hope this is good enough! ^^ I did 95% of this all in the last 2 hours

Content: Medical speak, Injuries, Slight Torture, Slightly Bad Medical Research, But I Did Research. Roach Talks.

Word Count: 1085

TF 141 x Knowledgeable in Medic Field M! Reader

Ghost

Probably first heard about your knowledge from Soap talking to him about how terrifying it is to see it come into play

Doesn't believe him.

You've always been good at what you do but have never shown any previous knowledge or interest in the medical field so, who can blame him?

There was also no way you could've went to medical school unless you were years above your usual education range

He finally sees it come into play when you two were 'interrogating' someone.

"If you're gonna stab, don't do it right there. Price said he needs to stay alive."

Ghost looks at you, annoyed. "I've stabbed many people and seen many people survive stab wounds of surrounding areas."

"In lower places of the abdomen and with quicker medical care, if you do it there" You point to where he had the knife, pointed at the tied up man's skin. "It could puncture an intestine and we will be fucked. If you want to stab, move the knife below the belly button...about right... right there. Do not remove the knife once it pierces through."

He did as you said, with questions, but still followed your lead.

From then on he watched everything you did, even noticing that you took care of some of the rookies that ended up with minor cuts and damage that wasn't enough to bother the medics with.

Needless to say, he also ended up coming to you for some patch ups, mostly when he wanted to keep his new damage a secret from Price.

He ended up finding it kind of hot during the interrogation thing so he often asked to do things like that with you again.

Soap

Honestly, probably figured out about your medical knowledge after he was being a dumbass with explosives and almost got hurt.

"Go change into some shorts and a tank top." Your voice was in a serious tone as you went to grab a nearby first aid kit.

"Already wanting to see me strip?"

You just glared at him until he actually left and did what was told.

Despite having only a few scratches, you still cleaned them up as best as you could.

You also went on a rant about it too, about how dumb he was

"Do you realize how dumb you are? What if you actually made a big explosion and a piece of shrapnel flew and hit one of the carotid arteries in your neck?

"My What?"

"Do you realize how fast you would've died? Why weren't you wearing any protective gear?"

"I'm pretty bad at forgetting protection."

If looks could kill, he'd be dead.

That was not the last time you had to clean his wounds, he seems to be a magnet for them.

Asks you more about medical stuff, just to get an idea on how much you know.

You know a lot.

Unsure at this point if he hurts himself in new ways just to hear you yell at him for what dumb way he could've gotten himself killed this time.

Gaz

He falls out of helicopters a lot, that's the truth. What's one more time?

This time (and somehow not the last?) he ended up hurting his foot, you were there the whole time when it happened.

When the both of you were both safe in the safety of a van, you got him to put his leg up so you could check it.

"This is stupid" He mutters, "It's nothing more than it has been in the past."

"Shush, let me concentrate" You mutter feeling around his bootless ankle, nodding your head when you hear him hiss at a pointed touch.

"Any pain when you walk on it?"

"Possibly....yes."

"I'm gonna say it's a sprain for now but I think we should take you to the infirmary after we get back to base. Doesn't seem dislocated. Possible fracture though."

It was just a sprain

Was surprised when you spoke fluent...doctor to the doctor.

Honestly felt like a little kid in the doctor's office, watching his parent's converse with the Doctor telling them what was wrong.

Wouldn't have it any other way.

Price

Always knew, almost nothing gets by him unnoticed

Was probably one of the reasons he wanted you on the task force.

He knows how soap and gaz the boys are

Has you teaching rookies how to probably put a tourniquet on.

"What the fuck are you doing? That's not how I taught you."

The rookie you were speaking to just looked down at the dummy that they were working on and the tourniquet, "It looks-"

"Terrible! He's still bleeding out! Retry it."

Definitely has to sit in on these sessions, some rookies have complained to him that you take it too far.

You always just use the excuse that if those were real people and not training dummies, they'd be at fault for letting them die.

He agrees with you.

The rookie looks over at Price.

"Get to it. He told you to retry it. The man is bleeding out."

Mostly just sits in because it's less complaints now that he is showing he agrees with you in front of everyone.

Roach

This fucker needs a friend that has medical knowledge

Much like Soap, it seems like he is a wound magnet

Was probably the first of the 141 that you had to go full protective, medical knowledge out and work on him.

Man's like a tank too, no matter what the day brings to him it seems he's just able to walk it off

You don't let him

"You're limping, sit down."

He just waves it off, "'m good."

"Like hell you are." You walk up to him and grab his wrist, dragging him to a nearby chair and pushing him onto it. "Stay or I'll have Ghost lay on you."

Does not stay.

You cannot get Ghost to lay on him.

You just end up pelting pillows at him until he joins into a pillow fight, and you both end up getting exhausted.

"I'll rest right here."

"Good."

Stubborn but still okay with medical help

Often comes to you with oddly specific questions.

"Hypothetically, if a car blew up in the near vicinity of where I was at, what is the possible health issues that could arise?"

"Well, burn marks obviously, depending on the distance it could be any degree. If it was enough to knock you over, then a possible concussion. Depending if you hit the ground and hard enough, possible broken or fractured bones. Not to even mention the possible pieces of metal and glass flying, and just blast trauma in general. Could cause damage to internal organs with enough force."

"Okay, so...hypothetically, if that happened, I should go to the infirmary?"

"Roach, were you next to a car when it blew up?"

"..."

"Gary???"

You immediately dragged him to the infirmary.

[simpxxstan]

hi i would like to req cheol x fem!reader with the song you are in love by taylor swift. thank you!

congrats on 500 followers btw 🫶🏼

this is part of my 550 followers celebration event (closed now)!

thank you for this request, really hoping you like it! i'm not a swiftie so i was unsure of how to interpret the song prompt. hope i did it justice! posting very very late, thank you for being patient for so long <3 happy bday month to cheollie!!! i love him so much and this couple too. i think i might write a few more drabbles for them later lol

genre: coworkers to lovers, friends to lovers, fluff

word count: 3.3k words

warnings: reader is fwb with an oc (not seungcheol).

"you are in love!" your best friend says. "yeah, i know." you sigh, "that's why i've been ranting for so-" "no, silly! not with jay. you're in love with seungcheol!" you had laughed off her words, wondering if she'd become tipsy way too fast into your girls' night.

but when you're lying in your bed later that night, the thought lingers in your mind- the alcohol clearing up and making you progressively more sober as the cold air from the open window hits you, while your friend snores soundly next to you.

"think about it." "i am thinking ab-" "no, you've never really thought about this before. think about it clearly." you'd laughed heartily at her faux-wisdom, which always appeared after finishing two cans of beer.

but she's right. you have actually never thought about this. you've been so obsessed with getting jay to like you that you've never really given a second thought about seungcheol... and what he really means to you now.

"i'd expect more from a stats major and a data analyst, honestly. aren't you supposed to be logical and rigorous-" you slap her arm while doubling over with laughter, knowing full well that she's imitating the words of an infamous professor in your college. "i am being logical. we're just coworkers."

were you?

now that you think about it, certainly not. you're more than coworkers. more like friends. more like best friends. in fact, he's the closest friend you've made since your days in college. just coworkers don't buy each other their favourite drinks when the other has a bad day. just coworkers don't hang out for hours after work nearly every other day. just coworkers don't invite each other to parties with their separate friend groups. just coworkers don't have inside jokes that prevent you from forming friends with anyone else in the office.

your mind travels back to last thursday, when seungcheol had saved your ass for the nineteenth time this year when you'd arrived late by preventing the boss from noticing.

and the thursday before that, when seungcheol had dropped you home after he'd found out that jay had made you cry during an argument in the break room just before work got over.

and the thursday before that, when you'd gone with seungcheol to taste the menu at three different banquets because he was busy planning the wedding of his best friend, joshua, and needed an unbiased taster.

did just coworkers know everything about each other? including his dentist appointment's dates, the last time you went grocery shopping, the last time he went to watch a movie, the vitamin supplements you eat after breakfast, and so much more.

you smile in the darkness. no, you and seungcheol could never be just coworkers. you're best friends, nothing less of that.

but love?

ah, no. you'll bet your life on this one. you've been in love before. and what you feel for seungcheol is nothing like it.

_

your heart hammers in your chest as you ring the doorbell again, the weight of the melting cake heavy in your hand. you distinctly remember jay telling you that he'd be home tonight, then why wasn't he responding to his calls nor opening his door?

you're answered about twenty minutes later. you're sitting on the stairs in front of his flat when you hear him walking up the stairs... and there's someone else's voice too. a female voice.

"y/n?"

words get caught in your throat when you see mina, the new intern fresh out of a college, walking right beside him, arm looped in his, a hickey prominent on her neck, freshly bruised.

"why are you here?" she asks you, and you wince.

"i wanted to surprise you... for your birthday! sorry, i- i didn't know you had plans."

jay smiles as he looks at mina next to him, and pulls her closer. "no, mina actually surprised me too. and we went out dancing. sorry, have you been waiting for long? you should've call-"

"i did."

jay pulls out his phone and checks it. "oh shucks. you've been calling for the last twenty minutes," he takes a step forward and leans in to kiss your cheek, lightly. "you can join us for dinner? i'm sure mina won't mind." mina definitely minds, because she looks like she's going to shoot you down in a matter of seconds.

"nah, i'll just leave. happy birthday though. i can see you had a good one." would you be petty if you didn't give him the cake?

"sorry for making you wait for so long, y/n-ah."

one year and four months.

"no worries, man. enjoy your night. bye mina!" and you smile, like the stupid people-pleaser you are. at least you brought the cake with you.

_

"what's up?" seungcheol opens the door and you smell the heavenly aroma of fried noodles from his kitchen greet you.

"thank you for opening the door."

seungcheol raises an eyebrow at you. "why would i not open the door? you're literally-"

"yeah no, that's cause jay didn't. he went out with mina, it turns out." you stuff the cake into his fridge and stand next to him where he's cooking in a wok.

"mina? intern mina?"

"yeah. they made out too... so i'm guessing it wasn't friendly."

seungcheol scoffs. "mina joined, like, last week."

"two weeks."

"he switched you up for her although he's been with you for a year and a half."

"she's twenty-two, cheol. i'm pushing thirty. i'm not sexy anymore." you bite your lip as you look at the word puzzle in the newspaper on the coffee table. seungcheol doesn't reply immediately, so your heart sinks a little further. even if he doesn't subjectively find you sexy, he could just say it to console you. well, but it's a stretch to even expect that from-

"you're the sexiest woman i've ever met." seungcheol says, his voice softer, as he plops down next to you, holding two bowls filled with the fried noodles. he begins to eat wordlessly, legs propped up on the coffee table, almost inhaling the food. if you move your leg a little, your bodies would touch.

you don't reply. you can't reply. you start eating the food too, relishing the flavours in silence.

"want some more? there's more egg bits towards the bottom, i know you-"

"it doesn't matter if you think i'm the sexiest woman. clearly he doesn't."

"is jay the only person whose opinion matters?"

"are you really asking me that?"

"what i am asking you is that you've wasted one year and a half pining over a man who doesn't care for anything more than sex, and you still hope he's worth your time?"

your breath stutters. seungcheol's staring at you, and you feel shameful and self-conscious suddenly. all the fire and rage from your earlier comments dissipate and you sigh.

"you think i don't have a chance at all?"

"jay is an asshole, y/n. i think that you shouldn't care about him at all. but that's just what i think. my opinion doesn't ma-"

"shut the fuck up," you extend a hand to grab his wrist and make him look at you again.

seungcheol does look at you again but doesn't say anything.

"my best friend says i like you."

seungcheol's fork clatters in his bowl and you both turn to look at each other.

you have no idea why you say that. sure, it's been on your mind all day, all evening, and suddenly you feel like you're on your toes around him through the day. even when you two sat together at work, you'd become oddly conscious of his presence in your periphery, which has never occurred to you before.

"do you?"

and you have no idea why he says it either. in all the million possible options of things he could've said right now, you'd never imagined him asking this to you right on your face.

so you have nothing to say, except a very shaky, a very feeble, "i don't know."

_

the next day, two things happen.

first, seungcheol isn't talking to you. well, he is talking. but not properly. talking like could you press the elevator button or do you want some grapes or did you read the mail.

second, jay's talking to you a lot. he follows you into the break room and apologises again for standing you up on his birthday night.

"it's okay really. i hope you had a wonderful time with mina." you don't make eye contact, not really interested in listening to his whining, instead more focused on making the espresso you know that seungcheol craves during the afternoon.

"i... just wanted to clarify. there's nothing between us, you know. nothing going on." "you don't have to clarify that to me-" "i know. but still. wanted to know if it's all good between us." you push your tongue into your cheek to stop a curse from coming out. finally you pick up the two mugs of coffee and face him. "yes jay, all's good." jay smiles widely. "so are we on for the annual company dinner for this weekend?"

shit. you'd forgotten about that.

"umm-"

"but we go every year!" and jay throws you those puppy eyes that bring out the wrinkles next to his eyes that were the first reason you'd fallen for him.

it, surprisingly, doesn't make you feel weak in the knees.

"i'll confirm by tonight, okay? gotta go."

you head straight to seungcheol's desk and put down the cup of coffee on his desk, making him look up from his desktop.

"do you have a plus one for the company dinner?"

his eyes widen, and he responds after a moment's pause. "no. but-"

"will you come with me?"

"what?"

"will you be my plus one?"

"but you're going with jay?"

"who told you that?"

"you did, genius. that's all you could talk about on monday."

you cringe internally. you don't even know why you do that- talking so much about jay, thinking so much about jay, just... caring so much for him. is it a parasocial thing? like people crush on their celebrities and make imaginary daydreams about taking care of their crushes? because jay certainly hasn't recicprocated even a tenth of your affection.

or maybe it's because of the sex. it is natural for friends with benefits to end up liking each other. well, in your case, liking the other without the other liking you. perhaps it's the physical intimacy. perhaps it's the consolation that you may be pushing thirty but you're still attractive enough to be on the market. perhaps it's the attention he gives you during your hookups. and perhaps it's the lack of attention from anyon-

wait.

you don't have a lack of attention. you have friends.

so it's not the attention bit.

is it specifically male attention?

but seungcheol is male. and he gives you a lot of attention, but only as a friend. you may be the sexiest woman he's ever met but he would never hook up with you. he's way out of your league.

"i don't want to go with jay." you finally respond back, clicking your tongue.

"huh? isn't that like your dream?"

"seungcheol. don't push it."

"i'm the one pushing it? i tell you not to like him, and you're mad at me. i tell you to like him, and you're still mad at me. what am i supposed to say, y/n?" and he pouts. fucking pouts at you like a little boy who's not allowed to eat sweets, and your heart breaks into a million pieces. you know he's not even trying to fake his cuteness (like jay does sometimes) and yet there's something so adorable about him right now that makes you want to-

fuck.

"just answer me, cheol. please. yes or no?"

"when have i ever said no to you?"

your mouth twists as you nod. he hasn't. ever said no to you.

"i'll tell jay i'll be going with you then."

you turn around to walk away, but seungcheol pulls you back, grabbing your wrist and pulling you up close to his chest so that you have to tilt your head up to talk to him. "what?"

"is this some let's make jay jealous mission?"

"what?!" your eyes go wide and you scoff.

"of course NOT. what do you think i am? i'm not that desperate."

seungcheol sighs.

"whatever you say, darling."

_

seungcheol looks as good as ever when he comes around to pick you up and drive you to the company dinner that weekend.

"red suits you," he says, taking in the dress you've brought out from your mother's closet specially for this event. this dress is made to impress. it's the dress your mom wore at the party where she met your dad for the first time, and you've heard from dad countless times how enchanting she looked in the dress. you're hoping you'll do the dress half the justice, but clearly you haven't inherited your mother's body proportions, so it doesn't look as good as it did on her. and yet, the plunging sweetheart neckline allows you to wear pretty accessories that you hardly get to wear to work. it is really a dress to impress. somehow, something inside you wants to impress.... someone. and for some reason, you don't think it's jay.

the car ride is silent. it's extremely uncomfortable because you don't remember the last time you spent ten minutes in the same space as seungcheol without talking to him. you knew you shouldn't have raised the my friend thinks i like you shit. but you've raised it and now you can't go back. his question still lingers in your mind, and it feels like a challenge.

do you like him?

when you look at him in the moonlight, his jawline is shaved clean and his hair is slicked off his forehead. it's not like you've never realised before this how handsome seungcheol is. in fact, it was the one of the first things you'd noticed about him. he's got an aura about him that's so attractive from the outside. but as you grew closer to him, the attraction somewhat wore off into a casual comfort... where you can exist in the same space with him without double taking at his beautiful smile or wondering why his dimples are so cute.

but that's not to say that his appeal is lost on you.

under the moonlight, he looks godly.

''i heard jay's going with mina." he finally tells you when he parks into the parking lot.

"good for them." he looks at you and cocks an eyebrow, and you shrug.

you're about to open the door and step out, but he quickly grabs your hand across the car, and pulls you inside.

"umm. y/n, i don't know what you're doing. but i- whatever i said that day- look, i don't like jay because i think he's rude to you? but apart from that i'm sure he's a great guy and you should like him if you want to. and i have no right to say anything about it-"

"what?" you're so confused by his little monologue.

"sorry i'm saying this poorly. what i mean is, please don't let what i said that night make you avoid jay or anything."

"this isn't about that."

"it's not?" he tilts his head in query.

"no. this isn't about how i feel about jay."

"it's not?" he asks you again, his face more confused. you're tempted to smile at the cute confusion on his features, but you know it'll make him mad for spoiling this serious moment.

"this is about how i feel about you."

_

seungcheol does not utter any more words to you after that. there's still a very prominent confusion on his face, but he masks it well with his natural charm.

but you're not confused at all for once. everything seems to become clear to you with 100% HD clarity. for some reason, it all makes sense now. why your best friend thinks you're in love with seungcheol.

because you've never been in love before.

you've always fallen for the toxic type of person, like jay. relationships that are more about hookups and drunken fights than emotional bonds and care. and your past experience has made you feel that love is nothing smooth. it's always been a rocky path for you. push and pull, where you're both pushed around and pulled to meet to other's conveniences.

but being with seungcheol is so... different.

there's no loneliness. no push and pull, no compromise. only laughter and memories. he makes you smile you more than any of your love interests have made you smile. he makes you laugh ever so often. he takes care of you when you're sick. he cooks for you whenever he comes over because you can't cook to save your life. he wrote you a birthday card. he bought matching t-shirts from a thrift store because you both happened to like the design. right now, when you see the way he's talking to another colleague, his pretty lips articulating every word clearly, your heart warms with fondness. a stray hair sticks out, and you fix it back. he doesn't notice. or he pretends not to. when jay comes around within your periphery, he pulls you closer, and you can't help but smile again. something about everything he does is so endearing.

it's not a eureka moment.

and yet, it feels good to feel love for real for the first time of your life. you can die tonight happily, knowing you're capable of real love. because you know you do love seungcheol. for all his pouty tantrums and all his whining complaints, you love him the most in the world right now, and you simply cannot imagine choosing a life without him.

"do you want to dance?"

seungcheol's been deliberately avoiding eye contact, but now he looks at you like a deer caught in the headlights.

"no."

you giggle at the sudden reply. "why?" his frown deepens, and you tug at his lips with your fingers. "you don't look good when you frown." "it doesn't matter." "it does." "no one's looking at me." "no one's looking at me either." "shut up. jay's boring holes into your dress with the way he's ogling you." seungcheol's face flares up, and you're mildly amused. "and what about the boy i want to ogle?" "huh?" "you. you're so handsome, cheol." his eyes unfocus from jay and back at you, his eyes wide and lips slightly parted.

"what are you doing, y/n? why are you playing with my heart?"

"i'm not, though? i'm just telling you how i feel."

"and how's that?"

"i feel like dancing with you under the moonlight. i feel like going on a long drive with you. i feel like hugging you on the warmth of your couch until we fall asleep. i've never done these things, seungcheol, will you come with me?"

"never danced? fuck, you're not being treated right."

and he shows you. he takes you to the centre of the hall area, where the roof's glass so that it's slightly isolated from the result of the expanse, and the moonlight's shining in like a spotlight. there are only a few people dancing there, mostly couples. but seungcheol and you dance at the very centre, lost in each other's eyes, forgetting that this is a public place. it doesn't matter. nothing does. except him.

you are in love, your best friend's voice floats into your mind. and you smile as you look into seungcheol's eyes, realising she was right all along.

so you tell him.

"i love you, cheol."

seungcheol stutters in his step for a second. but it doesn't matter. your pace was anyway too slow. he pulls you closer against his chest, and cups your cheek with one hand. "what's that?"

"i told you this night's about you. and i've realised it now. i am in love."

and when seungcheol kisses you later that night, you're downright thankful you've finally realised your feelings. because how did you ever think you'd survive without his cherry kisses?

[nikkalick]

Veilguard Spoilers below the cut. About the Blight, the current state of Southern Thedas, and the Veil…I’ve never made a rant like this so bear with my ramblings, please

I’ve seen so many people say, “We should’ve been able to tear down the Veil” and I feel like I’m going insane every time I see that take like…

MAMA A BLIGHT IS BEHIND IT??!

You think what happened to Southern Thedas was bad this game? You have no idea what’s in store for you if you open up the fucking Veil and let that trickle of Blight become a flood.

Point of Order just to set the scene with how bad the literal Blight is

“They (the writers/devs/Bioware/EA) nuked Southern Thedas so they don’t have to deal with the lore the past content set up there going forward”

Maybe. But also the only other Blight we’ve seen in game was the Fifth Blight. By all accounts a statistical anomaly in how it acted when compared to Blights 1-4. I don’t wanna delve too deep into this because it is so not the point I’m trying to make with this post, but the Architect very much had a hand in waking up Blight numero 5 and very likely impacted it in a way that made it less volatile. Past Blights saw Darkspawn hitting big populations hard and fast. The 5th started slow, in the wilds, at Ostagar. Away from large amounts of people. It is mentioned in DA:O that this Blight “feels different”.

The Blight we see in Veilguard is more in line with the Blights that came before the 5th. Something something the Inquisitor writing “worse than we have seen in living memory” because the only living memory anyone has of a Blight was the one from 20 years ago. Which was bad, but not as bad as they usually are. Veilguard’s is bad the way Blights are meant to be (if not worse because, ya know, the Gods), and it was still ONLY A TRICKLE OF WHAT THE BLIGHT IS BEHIND THE VEIL. If the full force of the Blight escapes the prison/the Fade that’s it. Goodnight to everyone in this world both within and without all of Thedas.

Moving on.

“Solas can move the Blight into the new prison that was meant for the Gods and then tear down the Veil. That was his plan.”

Sorry, did we play the same game? We know what the Blight is now. It’s the last remnants of the Titans. Twisted, broken, angry, nightmarish. It’s all that’s left. All that’s left are the plagued dreams of ancient beings that are so devastated because of what Mythal, Solas, and the rest of the Evanuris did to them with the very dagger we now hold.

I want to take a moment to address that what I’m about to say is said as someone who’s been trapped in Solavellen hell for years. I love Solas and his character, and I believe that yes, he had a plan that would have both moved (or killed) the remaining Evanuris and the Blight to a new prison while simultaneously tearing down the Fade. But if you, like me, wanted to redeem this idiot despite everything, then pray tell how does Solas locking up the Blight offer him said redemption?

How does locking away the only thing that remains of the Titans into a prison and throwing away the key redeem him? The Evanuris fucked up when using the Titan’s, idk…life blood? To take form. Solas fucked up when he, upon Mythal’s behest, created a weapon that sundered the Titan’s (and the Dwarves as whole) from their magic, from their dreams, from their very being. And they did it because they thought they had a right to. They put themselves above the dwarves and as a result they caused the Blight. And then they hid the Blight away. Yes, they hid it away to keep people safe, and yes, locking it and the Evanuris away when they tried to use what was essentially a bio weapon to maintain their position of power was a call that kept people safe for a long time. But the Veil was a consequence of that call. And while the Blight was trapped in its prison, behind the Veil, it got angrier and angrier with every passing generation.

Removing the Veil and shoving it into yet another prison will not only piss it off even more, but it doesn’t allow for Solas to actually atone for the part he played in its creation and the part he played in destroying what the dwarves used to have. He has to uphold the current prison. He has to go to it to try to soothe it. To heal it as best he can. Locking it away elsewhere, and then trying to offer it salvation after the fact? It’s not gonna cut it.

He has to go to the Black City, he has to face what he did, and he has to put aside his favorable bias towards giving the Elves “back what they lost” (a world current day Elves don’t remember and have never known) to instead put the safety and wellbeing of every being in the current world at a higher priority. That’s part of his redemption arc by the way; learning to value the lives of the people that walk this new world he had a hand in creating. Because when he wakes up before the start of DA:I he doesn’t value anyone. Shit, when Felassan declines to help him destroy the Veil and suggests he learns to appreciate the world that has been in place for centuries, Solas kills him for it.

All that said, he can’t fully put things right. He can’t reconnect the Blight with the dormant remains of the Titans. Because, as the game tells us, we’d then be faced with a bunch of Titans the size of mountains rampaging, rightfully so, because of the wrongs that were committed against them. But Solas can put in the work to find a way to ease its agony. And maybe, if given the time and the patience, one day the Veil could come down because the Blight will have had the opportunity and been given the help it needed to actually heal from the trauma that created it. And maybe taking the time to do that will have, in some small way, allowed him to make up for the shitty hand he played in destroying the Dwarves. A race he (finally) sees as his equal. Because that’s a big part of his fucking redemption arc.

[lewmagoo]

what a year it's been! sappy rant under the cut

i'll be completely honest, it wasn't the easiest. i started off the year coming to the realization that the job i had been dreaming about for the better part of a decade was actually not what i wanted, and after experiencing two years of being horrifically miserable, i finally made the decision to walk away from that job, and every single day i am grateful that i did. best decision i ever made.

i experienced a lot of loss this year. my stubborn, sweet, insufferable, lovable little beast, dash, had to be put down in the summer. he was very elderly, so it was his time, but it was hard to say goodbye to the little pup. he was part of my life for fifteen years. a few months after that, my precious grandmother fell ill, and after two months of me, my mom, and my aunts all taking care of her, she passed away. she was the most wonderful person i’ve ever known, which is not an exaggeration. i miss her every day, but i know she’s no longer suffering, and that’s what brings me comfort.

i experienced a lot of firsts this year as well. in the summer, i went on my first solo vacation. it was such a healing experience and i’m so glad i did it. it was the perfect way to come back to myself after a very traumatic few years. i also went to my first concert, which may not seem like a big deal but i was raised in a very fundamentalist, christian environment and was not allowed to do many things. going to concerts was one of those things. this year was really the first year i spread my wings and came into my own, and part of that was booking tickets to see atta boy live. through that, i got to meet sweet lewis, and i am so incredibly thankful for that opportunity. i wouldn’t trade it for the world. i also got to meet some of the tumblr girlies, which was a plus! love y’all!

i am so glad to have found this little community. it is filled with some of the kindest people i know. thank you all for engaging with my writing, allowing me to befriend you, letting me bounce ideas back and forth, sending me encouraging messages, so on and so forth. i’m eager to see what 2025 will bring, for this little community, and for mr. magoo himself! sending so much love to all of you. i hope each of you have a fantastic year filled with so much joy and good fortune. may all your wishes come true.

love,

leah

tagging some beloved mutuals, just to say i love y’all 💖

@peachystenbrough thanks for putting up with all my ramblings in the dms

@withahappyrefrain i love bouncing thoughts back and forth with you! you just get it

@delopsia meeting you was such a pleasure! so glad we got to hang out and meet our favorite lil guy together

@likearolloftape you are such a delight to talk to! i’m so glad we’ve gotten to interact a lot more these last few weeks

@sebsxphia any interaction i have with you is always such a treasure

@fragilefearnie you are so sweet and hilarious, i loved hearing your story about meeting lew 🤭

@fairyheart you are always so supportive and i enjoy interacting with you! your tags are always so relatable too, hehe

@versipellesh thank you for always liking my posts and showing your support! it means more to me than you know

@floydsmuse you are so sweet and i love seeing you on my dash. what a joy it is to share this space with you!

i could mention so many more of you, but tumblr will slap me with a tag limit. so, to the rest of you, happy new year! i hope it’s a good one.

[envyenvys]

svsss | one-shot | T | 2.4k | ao3

This is. unreasonably long for what it is. I wrote this whole thing in a day bc I couldn’t stop thinking abt it and it’s so stupid but I hope it’s also as funny as I think it is??? So here, have some post-canon bingqiu nonsense from an outsider pov

What’s His Fucking Deal

#cucumber-spotting

dick jokes

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Do you still take commissions?”]

passionate ranting

no fucking way

he’s still alive???

binghe obsession

of course this is how we find out

homoerotic undertones

maybe he really was dead and he just rose from the grave to commission art of lbh one last time

in a totally hetero way ofc

binghe obsession

ofc

passionate ranting

after a year?

homoerotic undertones

anything’s possible

binghe obsession

@ dick jokes what did he want anyway

?

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes

dick jokes

gimme a minute he’s still explaining

homoerotic undertones

still???

passionate ranting

ooo point for me

homoerotic undertones

no it’s not, that’s just how he talks

it needs to be pidw comment level ranting or it doesn’t count

binghe obsession

probably still a point for me though

homoerotic undertones

shut the fuck up

basically everything he says counts as a point for you

some of us actually need to put effort into our point collecting

binghe obsession

skill issue

your fault for picking one of the harder ones

dick jokes

how do you think I feel

binghe obsession

yeah you really fucked that one up

he’s only ever made like one dick joke

passionate ranting

famously

binghe obsession

famously

dick jokes

what the actual fuck

THERES NO WAY

he’s serious?????????

homoerotic undertones

context??

binghe obsession

what did he do now

dick jokes

he wants me to

how the fuck do I phrase this so it makes sense

he wants me to go to his stupidly expensive apartment to paint a portrait of him and his husband(???????) in sqq x lbh cosplay

📌 [passionate ranting pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.]

homoerotic undertones

how gullible do you think we are

dick jokes

IM NOT FUCKING JOKING

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Would it be possible for you to paint at least part of it in person? My husband would prefer the authenticity of a live portrait, though it can still be digital.”]

[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “My apartment would be best, our cosplay will likely attract too much attention anywhere else.”]

passionate ranting

WHAT

HUSBAND??????????????????

homoerotic undertones

oh my fucking god

binghe obsession

did he marry a lbh cosplayer

please say yes

passionate ranting

SHEN QINGQIU??????????

what the fuck HAPPENED to him while he was gone????

homoerotic undertones

maybe he got fucking

binghe obsession

lmfao he wishes

homoerotic undertones

transmigrated

let me finish??

passionate ranting

I mean……

he did get married, so

it’s likely

binghe obsession

can we go back to the part where under suggested he got fucking transmigrated

homoerotic undertones

think about it

binghe obsession

oh don’t worry I’m definitely thinking about it

passionate ranting

wait no I kinda get it

PC is kind of perfect for a transmigration romance tbh

homoerotic undertones

he’d be so good at it

passionate ranting

like imagine he ended up in pidw, he probably knows that world better than the author at this point

classic op otome isekai protag

homoerotic undertones

exactlyyyy

binghe obsession

what if we had a normal conversation for once

passionate ranting

in the peerless cucumber discord server?

binghe obsession

yeah okay point taken

then can either of you two geniuses explain the lbh x sqq shipping

homoerotic undertones

see that’s where the transmigration theory comes in

otome isekai never has the protag end up with their character’s canon love interest, but in pidw that cuts out like every woman

binghe obsession

wait hold on

homoerotic undertones

which is fine bc we’re 99% sure he isn’t into women anyway, but I digress

binghe obsession

you think he got transmigrated into fucking LUO BINGHE????

passionate ranting

wait they’re onto something here

let them cook

homoerotic undertones

what’s more of an otome isekai plotline than the protag falling in love with a character they used to hate after actually getting to know them?

PC would be basically immune to all the bullshit sqq pulls in the early chapters, and with his encyclopedic knowledge of pidw he’d notice pretty quick if there was anything different about sqq

like the brothel theory and how he treats nyy

plus with the way he writes comments he’d be able to keep up with sqq’s snark pretty easily

passionate ranting

wait why is this kinda…… 😳

binghe obsession

we are NOT shipping peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu

dick jokes

what the fuck happened while I was gone

passionate ranting

don’t worry about it

what did he say?

dick jokes

well the good news is he’s paying enough to cover my rent for the next six months

homoerotic undertones

you’re fucking joking

dick jokes

the bad news is they want me to start tomorrow

binghe obsession

LMFAOOO GOOD FUCKING LUCK

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

homoerotic undertones

@ dick jokes you have to tell us everything, we need to know if the transmigration theory is real

passionate ranting

it’s real to me

and honestly kind of compelling ngl

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

would you read the peerless cucumber transmigration romance?

☐ yes I need to know how his brain works [25%]

☐ fuck no he’d be insufferable [75%]

4 votes • 23h left

dick jokes

what happened to hello? how are you? good morning?

homoerotic undertones

good morning, how’s the commission going

dick jokes

bad

homoerotic undertones

didn’t you only get there like 10 minutes ago

dick jokes

yeah

┌ passionate ranting would you read the peerless cu…

passionate ranting

why are you all voting no

wait what’s happening with dj?

dick jokes

well first of all you’re both wrong, he didn’t transmigrate into lbh

passionate ranting

damn

dick jokes

second of all if I stop replying call the police immediately because the lbh cosplayer murdered me for looking at PC too long

it’s not like I’m a fucking artist who needs references or anything

passionate ranting

HES SQQ????

homoerotic undertones

villainess isekai……

passionate ranting

I can’t believe they sank scumcum in less than 24h

wait hold on

binghe obsession

where the fuck are you coming up with these names

also good morning

[passionate ranting created a poll.]

best PC ship

☐ peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu [100%]

☐ peerless cucumber x luo binghe [0%]

1 vote • 23h left

binghe obsession

there’s something wrong with you clinically

dick jokes

guys idk if I’m gonna survive this

homoerotic undertones

is the lbh cosplayer actually threatening you? bc I’m 100% willing to call the police right now

or book a didi to pick you up

actually what’s his address I’m coming to get you

dick jokes

fucking chill

(but ty I appreciate it <3)

I was talking abt the mountains of dog food they’re shovelling down my throat rn

binghe obsession

lmfaooo

dick jokes

I don’t think the lbh cosplayer has stopped touching PC since I got here

they’re like

nauseating

homoerotic undertones

honestly still a pretty good reason to just leave

I have the didi app open just say the word

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

binghe obsession

I can’t decide if this is ooc behaviour for lbh or not

passionate ranting

the exhibitionism is accurate at least

dick jokes

ugh don’t say that

homoerotic undertones

bingge isn’t clingy though

passionate ranting

hm good point

binghe obsession

I’m just thinking, if the transmigration theory was true and PC became sqq, it would affect lbh’s behaviour

passionate ranting

omg we converted you

homoerotic undertones

oh that’s true, PC’s obsessed with lbh and he hates sqq… if he turned into sqq he wouldn’t be able to keep the plot on track to save his life

binghe obsession

actually nvm I don’t want to think about this anymore

homoerotic undertones

noooo come on, think of it as a character study!!

passionate ranting

yeah!! even bingge was obsessed with sqq for years, there’s no way a lbh with PC for a shizun could be normal about him

binghe obsession

ugh fine

passionate ranting

!!!

binghe obsession

well to start, it would depend entirely on what part of the novel PC transmigrated into, how much freedom he has to fuck around, and how hard he’s trying to act like original!sqq

canon lbh is an obsessive, horny perfectionist incapable of self reflection in any meaningful way bc he can’t accept that his life sucks and he’s miserable. He has mommy issues, daddy issues, abandonment issues, probably an inferiority complex and a superiority complex at the same time, and who knows what else. Basically anything airplane thought would be depressing enough to introduce in the first arc but then never resolved later on

homoerotic undertones

OK Peerless Cucumber

binghe obsession

YOU ASKED????

passionate ranting

under shut up I wanna hear the rest of the analysis 😭

binghe obsession

what I was GOING to say is that if the shizun lbh was always trying to get the approval of just turned around one day and started doting on him the way we KNOW pc would, he’d direct all his issues toward pc and then it’d probably dissolve into some endless feedback loop of obsessive behaviour

so yeah, the clinginess makes sense

passionate ranting

ohh you’re so right

hopefully a bingge with pc!sqq would have a happier ending…

this sucks, now I wish the transmigration theory was real :(

homoerotic undertones

probably better that it isn’t, since, yk, PC would have to die first

passionate ranting

only a little bit

dick jokes

thank fucking god I thought I’d be trapped in there with them forever

homoerotic undertones

are you already done??

dick jokes

lmfao god no

lunch break, I’m hiding on the balcony

there’s SO MUCH shit I need to tell you guys, you don’t even know

binghe obsession

they actually gave you a lunch break?

dick jokes

tbh actually I think the only reason I get a break is bc lbh wanted the time alone to feed pc

these two are literally insane

I’m eating off a takeout plate bc they don’t have enough dishes. they didn’t even offer me anything to drink bc there’s only one cup in the entire apartment and they share it

homoerotic undertones

what the fuck

dick jokes

RIGHT?

binghe obsession

thought you’d be full from all that dog food lmfao

dick jokes

ugh don’t remind me you’re gonna make me lose my appetite

which is saying something bc this is literally unironically the best food I’ve ever tasted in my life

lbh made it and I thought he was genuinely gonna kill me when pc told him to give me some

like I’m sorry bro you’re the one who hired me?? take it up with your wife

passionate ranting

what’s his problem 😭

you don’t need to method act for cosplay

dick jokes

I don’t think he’s acting though?? like this is 100% home grown issues

he calls pc ‘shizun’ unironically and refers to himself as his disciple

homoerotic undertones

wtf

dick jokes

AND they’ve been wearing the most beautiful, intricate, clearly handmade xianxia style hanfu I’ve ever seen the entire time, didn’t even take it off to eat which is CRAZY to me

like what if you dropped soy sauce on it and it stained??? I’d kms

passionate ranting

oh they weren’t kidding abt the cosplay attracting attention then huh

dick jokes

THEY WERE NOT KIDDING, NO

homoerotic undertones

we’ve got to get you outta there

dick jokes

six months of rent

homoerotic undertones

right

well. good luck I guess

at least the food’s good

dick jokes

at least the food’s good

What’s His Fucking Deal

#general

dick jokes

hey guys?

this is gonna sound insane but

I think this might be the real luo binghe

homoerotic undertones

what

dick jokes

I think we were right about the transmigration thing

I think peerless cucumber really did die and transmigrate last year, and he brought the real lbh back with him

it’s just… something about the way they’re talking? PC keeps having to explain things to lbh but it’s only the sort of stuff you wouldn’t know about if you, say, lived in a fictional xianxia world without modern technology

also I saw his huadian glowing, like LED bright glowing

you can’t do that with practical effects

passionate ranting

are you doing okay, dj?

binghe obsession

blink twice if you need help

dick jokes

I’m serious!!! there’s something really weird about them!!!

passionate ranting

that doesn’t mean they’re transmigrators??? they’re probably just hardcore larping or something

dick jokes

see that’s what I thought at first too, but then

HOLY FUCK

homoerotic undertones

???

dick jokes

[10 seconds of shaky footage of an icy portal opening in the centre of an upper-class apartment living room. A man in xianxia style hanfu stumbles out of it, followed by a much taller man with long, dark hair, and skin tinged faintly blue.]

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???????????

binghe obsession

is that fucking shang qinghua

homoerotic undertones

WHAT

passionate ranting

MOBEI JUN???? FROM PIDW?????

what the fuck. what the Fuck

homoerotic undertones

what the FUCK

this is so

passionate ranting

oh my god. you weren’t kidding. that’s the real luo binghe

oh FUCK peerless cucumber died last year and no one even knew

AND HE GOT TRANSMIGRATED?????????

homoerotic undertones

THEYRE REAL???????????????

wait why are they in OUR world?????

binghe obsession

I think I need to lie down for a minute

passionate ranting

why is shang qinghua there???? isn’t he supposed to be dead??????

dick jokes

PC just called him airplane

passionate ranting

AIRPLANE SHOOTING TOWARDS THE SKY????????????????????????????

homoerotic undertones

imagine getting transmigrated into your own novel and your biggest hater is there too and he’s fucking your protagonist

villainess isekai protag peerless cucumber is real and I don’t know how to feel about this

binghe obsession

I just know this is your fault somehow

all three of you

dick jokes

ME???

WHAT DID I DO??

homoerotic undertones

wait oh fuck this means airplane died too and no one noticed

how did it happen twice???????

dick jokes

……….. shang qinghua and mobei jun want me to paint a portrait of them too

passionate ranting

omg….. moshang is real……..

homoerotic undertones

DJ GO HOME??

JUST LEAVE

dick jokes

they’re doubling my pay

one year of rent is worth so much more than my sanity

binghe obsession

I just remembered when like two years ago PC said something stupid on weibo

and it was one of his “lbh deserves better than this shitty novel” rants so I commented something like “luo binghe isn’t gonna fuck you, dude”

he was so pissed at me

but like

homoerotic undertones

LMFAO

binghe obsession

he really did it. luo binghe really fucked him