#i feel like i need to justify everything i do

[cads-the-cat]

Sleep Token is being turned into a brand rather than a band and being commercialised to a point where it will harm them more than help them

An opinion on there being too much ST merch

Befofe starting this, i want to clear up a few things

I am aware that Vessel and ii probably have very little responsibility/say in this and it's the management/rca who is doing this

Yes, i am a fan and i support them. However, it is unhealthy and not good to blindly support every decision and action of your favourite artist, person etc without questioning them and holding them accountable

I know that earning money with music in times of streaming is hard/impossible but that does not justify those moves of tryihg to get as much money as possible out of them

This also applies to other bands, but the extent to which this aapplies to ST is extreme compared to others

We are one week into this year and there has already been a new merch drop. After 6 days. You know when the last one was? Less than a month ago. Same merch shop (US). The items? Some of them questionable (flannels??). The leather jacket? Insane (not in a good way). It looks okay but you could make one yourself and make it look way cooler and get it for less money as one of my tumblr moots said.

I remember last year up until July/August it kind of was a running joke in the fandom about the emails with obtain and how we're too broke to obtain, but now? This is not a joke anymore. Ever since last year we have gotten emails ALMOST EVERY MONTH, sometimes even several times a month about new merch releases.

Yes, there are different stores worldwide, but we live in a time of international shipping. And even for one store it's lots of releases. Plus then there's all the licensed products shops like Hot Topic, Impericon, EMP and whatever their local equivalents are, who also constantly release more merch.

What's even worse: a lot of those things are either a shitty quality (if i remember right, one of the hoodies or tshirts from the EU tour 2024 had the print peeling off after one wash) and/or really bland. Where is the cool art, the thing that makes these items special? I got a tshirt from the German Rituals 2023 with this sick artwork on it that i cherish more than anything. But compared to that most tour merch of the more recent tours has been nothing special.

Most of them just have the logo on it and it reminds me of any ither fashion brand. There's only so many jumpers and t-hsirts and sweatshirts with the logo that a person needs and the constant release of new but actually the same stuff is creating this insane overconsumption which harms fans' bank accounts and the environment and is straight up boring. There's nothing about them that makes them special and unique and cool. It feels like at this point it is a contest of how many ST logos can they plaster on an item before it looks ridiculous (on the leather jacket i counted at least four, three of them massive).

Which brings me to the next point. People just slap on a ST logo because the band is so hyped and to make money off it or get more clicks, even if it is only remotely related to them. I understand that in today's world you need to use buzzwords to make people pay attention, but with ST it has reached the most ridiculous level. The air of anticipation some magazines or brands build around some upcoming stuff with words like Worship and whatever, which everyone connects to ST, just to reveal a mid product or result is just horrible and will eventually make it less effective which can harm the band in the long run if they can't build up excitement for new releases as much as they could because everyone is 'burnt out' because it's been overused.

Overall, this insane amount of merch and using ST to sell anything or get clicks is not okay. The fan base is so dedicated and loyal and we deserve better than to be - for the lack of a better word - exploited like this just because we like and support an artist. Prices for everything have been rising for years and it's hard for a lot of us financially. We spend so much money on concerts already and then the ton of merch and everything on top is just too much. ST as a brand is used to exploit fans which is not how you should treat your fans (again want to emphasise that this is mostly on management and label, not Vessel)

You might think 'But you don't have to go to concerts or buy their merch'. That's right, you don't. But concerts are kind of the thing when you're a fan of a band, and you want to support your fave band abd wear merch and show that you like them. However, the merch and everything is limited and posed in a way that creates FOMO and everyone is always drilled to Consume and Obtain (yes that's how capitalism works and that is not good in this situation because it harms us fans so much.) I can't deny I've given in to this as well twice during the EU shows and i am now left with an underwhelming sweatshirt and a hat that i never really needed and probably wouldn't have bought if i hadn't been in this mindset so much.

'Oh but i want to support Vessel and the band.' Yes, merch does help out artists, especially in times of streaming. But how much do you think they make? Merch is using little to no lyrics or song related things that the band could earn money off due to copyright. And i don't know who owns the right to the logo (i did some research and found someone in management with three trademarks on something ST related but it never specified if that applies to just the name or the logo or the music or whatever - it was not Vessel though). Who knows how much is going to management and the label and how much the band actually earns. Right now it feels like the management and label want to make as much money possible from them for their own gain. As an alternative to support them, start buying their albums and vinyls so they earn more money off their songs.

So, what do i want? Obviously i don't want fans to stop buying merch because it does help artists to some degree. However, I want less merch releases, one or maximum two a year per merch store (so AUS, US and UK/EU). We can have a few simple designs with the logo on it, but i also want some cool pieces with art or something else that makes them special. I know artists are expensive and stuff, but that's why you make less items but higher quality. Make them available in larger quantities so that more people can buy them and they will still get their money. Plus you always have extra tour merch, which is another extra release. Make the merch special again and make it mean something to people instead of just being another logo like a fashion brand.

If they continue like this fans will eventually be unable to afford stuff, people will turn away from merch because they realise it's all the same, and the effect of using ST as a brand/connection simply to sell stuff will harm their reputation (it already is). Whoever is responsible for this merch insanity needs to put a stop to it. Please!

This is just my opinion. Disagree if you want to. Some things, especially the effects of the situation, are portrayed slightly exaggerated, but this is how it makes me feel and I truly believe this is not a great situation we're in right now with the merch.

(Not taking any responsibility for typos)

[okasuka]

Part two of my last post -

A few days after your first visit to Wayne Manor, Damian invited you over again. It was a Saturday afternoon, and you were looking forward to spending time with him in a more relaxed setting. As you arrived, Alfred greeted you with his usual warmth, and you felt yourself growing more comfortable in the lavish home, which now seemed more like a second home rather than an intimidating mansion.

This time, you weren’t just hanging out in the living room. Damian had insisted you join him in the training room, a large space filled with various pieces of gym equipment and a few sparring mats. You were sitting on one of the benches, watching as Damian practiced his martial arts routines with a practiced grace, his movements sharp and fluid.

As you were chatting, trying to keep up with the complex martial terminology he kept mentioning, the door suddenly opened, and in walked a man with a friendly smile, his features undeniably handsome. He had a youthful energy to him, and his playful demeanor made him seem more approachable than most people you’d met.

“Well, well, what’s this? The elusive Y/N?” The man said, his voice laced with humor. You turned to see a tall, athletic figure leaning against the doorway, clearly amused.

Damian froze, his entire body tensing as soon as he saw who it was. “Dick,” he muttered, sounding like he’d just been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

You blinked in confusion, trying to piece it all together. “Uh, hey there,” you said, offering a small wave. “I’m Y/N.”

Dick Grayson—Damian’s older brother, as you quickly learned—grinned and walked in, his eyes darting to Damian. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Y/N,” he said, his voice warm and teasing. “Damian talks about you more than he lets on.”

Damian scowled, rolling his eyes. “That’s not true,” he said quickly, though the slight flush on his face betrayed him.

Dick smirked, glancing down at the bracelet on Damian’s wrist. “That’s not what it looks like to me,” he said with a raised eyebrow, reaching out to gently tug on the bracelet. “Matching friendship bracelets, huh? Is that what we’re calling it these days?”

You felt your heart skip a beat as you saw Damian’s face turn bright red, clearly uncomfortable with his brother’s teasing. You could tell that the teasing wasn’t meant to be mean-spirited, but Damian’s reaction was enough to make you feel a little awkward.

Before you could say anything to ease the situation, another voice entered the room. “Is it true? Does our little bro have a soft spot for someone?” Jason Todd, the third Wayne brother, walked in, wearing his usual casual attire, a smirk playing on his lips. “I can’t believe it. This is actually adorable.”

Damian’s glare shot from Dick to Jason, and you could see the flush on his face deepening. “This isn’t funny,” he muttered, his voice low.

Jason crossed his arms, looking from Damian to the bracelet. “Oh, come on, man. It’s cute. Who knew you could be this… human?”

Dick chuckled and glanced over at you. “Does it feel like you’re dating a brick wall yet? He’s not exactly easy to read, but hey, he’s got a heart under that tough exterior, I promise.”

Damian’s patience finally snapped, and he yanked the bracelet off his wrist. “I don’t need this,” he muttered under his breath. His actions were swift, and before anyone could stop him, he threw the bracelet into the trash bin with a frustrated sigh.

You stood frozen, the lump in your throat growing as you watched Damian angrily rip the bracelet from his wrist and throw it into the trash. The simple action stung more than you anticipated, the weight of the gesture sinking into your chest. You had poured effort and care into making that bracelet, and now he was discarding it without a second thought. It felt like a rejection, like everything you’d built up between the two of you had been undone in an instant.

Damian turned to face you, clearly irritated but avoiding your gaze. “It’s stupid,” he muttered, as if trying to justify his actions to himself more than to you.

You blinked, the words hitting you like a slap. “What?” You could barely process what he was saying. “You think it’s stupid?”

Damian rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed by your reaction. “I don’t need some stupid bracelet to prove anything.” His voice was sharp, and his posture was rigid as if trying to defend himself from something. “I didn’t ask for it, Y/N. You didn’t need to do that.”

You shook your head, feeling a rush of emotions surge through you. “That’s not the point. It wasn’t about proving anything. I made it for you because I care about you,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. “I thought it would mean something.”

Damian’s eyes flashed with something you couldn’t quite read, his frustration building. “You’re being stupid.” He shot back, his words cutting deep. “It’s just a bracelet. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. You care too much, and I don’t need that.”

The sting of his words hit harder than you expected. You tried to steady yourself, but your voice wavered. “I thought I was doing something nice for you. You don’t get it, do you? You’re so afraid of anything that means something, so you push it all away. You push me away.”

Damian stood there, his chest rising and falling with frustration, but his eyes avoided yours, a tightness in his jaw betraying his inner turmoil. “You’re making this a bigger issue than it needs to be,” he said, his voice low and defensive. “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.”

You took a step back, trying to calm yourself but finding it harder to keep your composure. “I’m not feeling sorry for you, Damian. I’m just trying to be your friend.” The words felt like a punch to your gut. You were trying to reach him, but it seemed like he wasn’t even listening.

Damian’s fists clenched, his voice coming out sharp and cold. “Well, maybe you should stop being so stupid about it then.” He didn’t look at you as he turned away, his frustration building into something deeper. “I don’t need a bracelet to tell me that you care, okay?”

The anger in his voice took you by surprise. You swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. “Fine,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, a heavy bitterness seeping into your words. “If it’s so stupid, then never mind.”

You turned away from him, your heart heavy in your chest. The argument, the hurt, the confusion—it was all too much. You didn’t want to keep fighting, but the feeling of rejection was too strong to ignore.

“Y/N, wait—” Damian started, his voice softer, but the words hung awkwardly in the air. You didn’t stop to hear him out. You just wanted to leave, to get away from the pain.

“Don’t bother,” you said, without turning back. You didn’t want to hear anything else from him right now.

You headed toward the door, leaving the room behind, feeling a sinking pit in your stomach. As you walked out, the last thing you heard was Damian muttering something under his breath, but you couldn’t bring yourself to stop and listen.

The silence in the hallway was deafening as you made your way out of the manor. It felt like your chest was caving in, and all you wanted was to be far away from the tension that had just exploded. The door closed behind you with a soft click, and you didn’t look back.

You arrived home, the weight of everything still pressing heavily on your chest. The house was quiet, eerily so, as you stepped inside. Your dad wasn’t home yet—he worked late often, leaving you alone to deal with your thoughts. Usually, you welcomed the solitude, but tonight, the silence felt suffocating.

You walked up the stairs and into your room, closing the door behind you as you collapsed onto your bed. The emotions you had tried to keep in check all day came rushing out in an overwhelming flood. The argument with Damian, his harsh words, the way he’d discarded something so small but meaningful—it all weighed so heavily on you.

You curled up on your bed, the tears coming faster than you could control. The hurt burned in your chest, but there was also a deep confusion. You’d never seen Damian like that before—so closed off, so defensive. It made you question whether he really cared at all or if you had misunderstood everything between the two of you.

Just as you were trying to compose yourself, you heard your phone vibrate on your bedside table. You wiped your eyes quickly, trying to get rid of the evidence of your tears before looking at the screen. The caller ID read Damian Wayne.

Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at the phone. You weren’t sure if you were ready to talk to him. After everything that happened, you weren’t sure what to expect from him, but you answered anyway.

“H-Hello?” Your voice trembled, betraying your attempt to sound okay.

There was a long pause on the other end, and you could hear the soft sound of Damian breathing, as if he were struggling to find the right words. Finally, he spoke, his tone filled with genuine remorse. “Y/N, I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I was being an idiot.”

You wiped your eyes again, trying to stop the tears, but they kept coming. “You really hurt me, Damian,” you said, your voice breaking as you finally let the emotions spill. “I don’t understand why you threw it away. I thought it meant something to you.”

Damian was quiet for a moment, and then you heard him let out a soft, frustrated sigh. “I’m sorry. I was scared, okay? I don’t know how to… how to handle feelings like that. And I pushed you away. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

You sniffled, trying to get your breathing under control. “Damian… I don’t know what to think. I thought we were getting closer, but then you just—” You choked on your words, the hurt still so fresh.

“I know. I screwed up,” he replied quickly, his voice full of regret. “I don’t want to lose you over something stupid like this. Please, can I come over? I’ll explain everything. I just—I don’t want you to think I don’t care.”

You hesitated for a moment, the conflict swirling inside you. You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe that he truly did care and that his actions hadn’t just been a way to push you away. You wiped your tears away, exhaling shakily.

“I… I’d like that,” you said quietly, feeling the sting in your words but also a glimmer of hope. “But I’m not sure what to say, Damian.”

“I understand,” he said, relief clear in his voice. “I just… I need to fix this. I need to talk to you.”

You felt your heart ache as you heard the sincerity in his voice. Despite everything, you knew he was trying. And as much as you were hurt, you couldn’t deny that you still cared about him.

“Okay,” you whispered. “Come over, then.”

“Thanks,” he replied, the relief in his voice almost palpable. “I’ll be there soon. Just… wait for me.”

You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. “I will.”

The call ended, and you sat there for a moment, still reeling from the conversation. You wiped your face again, trying to pull yourself together. Damian was on his way, and maybe, just maybe, he could make things right.

As you waited, you tried to calm your racing thoughts. You weren’t sure what to expect from this conversation, but you knew you needed closure. You couldn’t keep carrying this hurt around, and if Damian was truly sorry, you wanted to hear it. You just hoped it would be enough to heal the rift between the two of you.

The doorbell rang a short while later, snapping you out of your thoughts. You stood up, wiped your eyes one last time, and made your way downstairs. The sight of Damian standing at your front door, looking just as nervous and guilty as you felt, made your heart skip a beat.

He looked at you with a mixture of hope and apprehension as you opened the door. “Y/N…” His voice was softer than usual, almost unsure. “Can we talk?”

You nodded, stepping aside to let him in. “We can talk.”

As he stepped inside, you couldn’t help but notice how his usual guarded demeanor seemed to falter in your presence. It was the first time he looked truly vulnerable, and it made your heart ache with both understanding and a quiet desire to fix things between you.

You led him to your room, where the silence between you hung heavy in the air. Damian sat down on the edge of the bed, looking up at you with an earnest expression.

“Y/N,” he started, his voice barely above a whisper. “I really screwed up. I was scared. Scared of getting too close, scared of what it meant. But I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to lose you.”

You sat down next to him, wiping your eyes again, though this time the tears felt different—less full of anger, more full of understanding. “Damian… you’re not the only one scared. I am too. I just don’t want to keep feeling like I’m just some afterthought.”

He reached for your hand, his touch tentative, but warm. “You’re not an afterthought, Y/N. I promise you. I just didn’t know how to let someone in.”

You squeezed his hand, offering a shaky smile. “I just want to be here for you, Damian.”

He nodded, squeezing your hand back, a quiet understanding passing between you both. “I know. I’m sorry. And I’ll do better. I promise.”

For the first time in a while, the tension in your chest started to ease. Damian was here, truly here, trying to make things right. And maybe that was enough—for now.

The conversation had drifted into a comfortable silence after a while. Damian was sitting beside you, his fingers still gently intertwined with yours. His usual guarded demeanor seemed to have melted away, replaced by something more vulnerable, more human. The air between you was filled with a calmness that hadn’t been there earlier, a quiet understanding that you both needed time to process everything, but that you were willing to try again.

“I never really let anyone in,” Damian admitted quietly, breaking the silence. His voice was low, almost tentative. “I didn’t know how. But you… you make me want to try.” He glanced over at you, his gaze soft but sincere.

You squeezed his hand, offering him a comforting smile. “I know. And it’s okay, Damian. I get it. We’ll figure it out together.”

He smiled slightly, but there was still a trace of uncertainty in his eyes. You knew it wasn’t going to be easy for him to fully open up, and maybe it never would be. But you were willing to be patient, willing to wait for him to let his guard down completely, knowing that when he did, it would be worth it.

After a moment, the conversation dwindled down, both of you content to simply exist in each other’s presence. You felt a heaviness in your eyelids, the events of the day finally catching up with you. It had been an emotional rollercoaster, and now that the tension had eased, sleep seemed like a welcome escape.

Damian, too, seemed to grow quieter, his head resting against the headboard. You turned to look at him, noting how his shoulders had relaxed, and his usual sharp demeanor softened. He looked… peaceful, in a way you hadn’t seen before.

“Damian?” you whispered, not wanting to break the quiet but needing to make sure he was still with you.

“Hmm?” He opened his eyes, looking at you with that familiar intensity, but there was something gentler there, something almost tender.

“Are you… staying?” you asked, your voice still soft but hopeful.

He raised an eyebrow, then glanced toward your bed. “I don’t want to leave. Not right now.” His voice was steady, though there was a slight hesitation to it, as though he was unsure of how he should handle this moment.

You gave him a small, reassuring smile. “You can stay. I—” Your words faltered, but you didn’t want to overthink it. “I don’t mind.”

Damian looked at you for a long moment, his gaze unreadable. Then, without another word, he shifted closer, lying down beside you. His movements were slow, almost as if he wasn’t sure how to navigate this kind of closeness. But then, as if something inside him clicked, he settled in beside you, his body a warm presence next to yours.

For a few moments, neither of you said anything, simply lying there in the quiet of your room. The only sound was the faint hum of the night outside and the steady rhythm of your breaths.

It didn’t take long before the exhaustion from the day hit, and your eyelids grew heavier. Damian, too, seemed to relax further, his tense posture giving way to a more comfortable one.

You didn’t know if you had ever felt this close to him before. The weight of the day’s emotions had been heavy, but now, in the quiet darkness, it felt like everything was finally falling into place.

As sleep began to overtake you, you found yourself pressing closer to Damian, the warmth of his body grounding you in a way you hadn’t expected. You could feel his steady breathing next to you, and somehow, despite all the confusion, the vulnerability, and the hurt of earlier, this felt right.

Damian shifted slightly, his arm coming around you instinctively. His touch was gentle, almost tentative, but it was enough to make you feel safe.

“I’m here,” he murmured quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I won’t hurt you.”

You nodded, your eyes fluttering closed, already beginning to drift off. “I know,” you whispered back, your voice drowsy with sleep. “I’m not going anywhere either.”

And with that, the last remnants of the day faded away as the two of you drifted into a peaceful slumber, the closeness between you a silent promise of something more, something better, to come.

The morning light filtered in through your curtains, gently waking you from a deep sleep. You shifted slightly, stretching and letting out a soft yawn. For a moment, you forgot where you were, but the warmth beside you quickly reminded you.

Damian was still lying beside you, his arm draped over your waist in a way that felt surprisingly natural. His face was relaxed in sleep, the usual tension in his features softened. You smiled, taking in the quiet moment. Everything felt peaceful, the chaos of the day before forgotten in the comfort of this quiet morning.

But just as you were about to drift back into sleep, the sound of the front door opening broke the stillness. A voice—your dad’s voice—called out from downstairs.

“Y/N? You up yet?”

You froze, your heart racing as panic set in. You quickly looked at Damian, but he was still fast asleep, unaware of what was coming. You gently nudged him, trying to wake him without causing too much of a scene.

“Damian,” you whispered urgently. “My dad’s home.”

Damian blinked awake, his eyes adjusting to the light, clearly startled at first. His gaze flickered to you and then to the door, and he seemed to quickly realize the situation. You could see the flush creeping up his neck as he sat up, scrambling for an excuse, but before either of you could say anything, your dad’s voice rang out again, this time louder.

“Y/N? You alright in there?”

You glanced at Damian, quickly muttering, “Just stay calm. I’ll explain.”

Damian’s face reddened even more, but he nodded, and you quickly got out of bed, pulling the blanket over him to hide him from your dad. You walked to the door, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Uh, yeah, Dad. I’m fine!” You smiled, hoping you didn’t sound too guilty. “Just… um, getting ready.”

Your dad’s footsteps grew closer, and you hurried to the bathroom, hoping to avoid any more awkwardness. You heard him pause by your door, and then there was a quiet knock.

“Okay,” he said, his voice filled with that teasing tone he always used when he was being playful. “If you need me, I’ll be downstairs.”

You felt yourself relax as he walked away, heading back to the kitchen. When you turned around, you saw Damian sitting up in your bed, looking thoroughly embarrassed, a hand running through his hair.

“Your dad…” he trailed off, clearly flustered.

You chuckled, feeling the tension break. “It’s fine. He won’t think anything of it,” you assured him, though you weren’t entirely sure yourself. Still, Damian looked like he needed a minute to compose himself.

“Well, that was… awkward,” he muttered, standing up and stretching.

“I’m sure it’ll be okay,” you said, grinning at him. “Besides, he likes you, remember?”

Damian shot you a side glance, his lips quirking upward just slightly. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

After a few minutes, you both went downstairs, finding your dad already sitting at the kitchen table with his coffee. He looked up and gave you a knowing smile.

“Morning, Damian,” he said, casually sipping his cup.

“Good morning, sir,” Damian replied, his voice surprisingly polite as he pulled out a chair to sit down. He was trying his best to act natural, but you could still see the slight redness in his cheeks.

You sat across from him, trying to keep things light. “What’re we doing today?” you asked, eager to distract from any lingering awkwardness.

Damian shrugged, looking out the window. “I don’t know, we could hang out, I guess,” he said nonchalantly. “Just… don’t tell anyone, okay?”

You raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

He seemed to catch himself, realizing how it sounded. “I mean…” he trailed off, looking over at you. “We’re just… friends. Right?”

You felt a smile tug at your lips. “Right,” you agreed, trying to make light of his sudden discomfort. “We’re just friends.”

And for the rest of the morning, it felt like old times. You and Damian hanging out, laughing, enjoying each other’s company without any of the tension that had once defined your relationship. You ate breakfast together, joked around, and watched TV until the sound of your phone broke the peaceful mood.

It was a call from Bruce. Damian checked his phone, sighing in frustration.

“Great,” he muttered, his hand rubbing his forehead. “I have to go. It’s Bruce.”

You could tell he didn’t want to leave. He had a frown on his face as he looked at you, clearly conflicted.

“Don’t worry,” you said, standing up and walking over to him. “Go, Damian. You should answer. It’s your dad.”

Damian hesitated but finally nodded, standing up to grab his jacket. “Yeah, yeah… I’ll be back later, I guess.”

As he turned toward the door, you couldn’t help the small smile that played on your lips. Without thinking, you quickly moved toward him. You hesitated for a moment, unsure if it was the right thing to do, but then you stood on your tiptoes and kissed him gently on the cheek.

He froze, his eyes wide in surprise, and you immediately felt a blush creep up your neck.

“Goodbye, Damian,” you said softly, your voice a little shaky but filled with warmth.

Damian stood there for a second, stunned, before his hand reached up to touch the spot where you had kissed him. He gave you a soft, almost imperceptible smile.

“See you soon, Y/N,” he said quietly, before turning and walking out the door.

You watched him leave, your heart racing in your chest. The moment had felt so natural, and yet you couldn’t help but feel a fluttering in your stomach. You knew there were still things to figure out between you both, but for now, it felt like everything was moving in the right direction.

As the door closed behind him, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. You hadn’t expected things to go this way, but deep down, you were glad they had. And you couldn’t wait to see what the next chapter held.

The afternoon drifted by quietly as you and Damian spent time together, the two of you more relaxed than ever. The awkwardness from the past few days had dissipated, and there was something comforting about the way you just were together now. You sat side by side, the hum of the quiet room filling the spaces between the moments.

Damian had an intensity about him, something you had come to recognize over time, but it was different today. He was quieter, his gaze sometimes lingering on you in ways that made your heart flutter. You could feel the change between you both, and while you weren’t sure exactly what it meant, it felt like something meaningful was unfolding.

You were talking about nothing in particular, just enjoying each other’s company when, out of the corner of your eye, you caught him looking at you—his dark eyes focused on you with an almost unshakable intensity.

“Damian…” you began, trying to shake off the way it made you feel, but the words didn’t quite come out the way you intended. “Don’t look at me with those eyes.”

He blinked in surprise, and you could see a hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Why?” he asked, his voice soft but laced with curiosity.

You felt your cheeks heat up under the weight of his gaze, suddenly self-conscious. “Because…” You hesitated, trying to put into words what you were feeling. “Because you dazzle me.”

Damian’s expression softened, and his gaze deepened. He turned toward you, his posture shifting so that he was facing you fully now. His voice was quieter this time, almost reverent, as if he too was caught up in something unspoken between you. “You make me whole,” he replied simply.

The words hung between you two, warm and sincere. There was something about the way he said it, something real. It wasn’t just a compliment or a simple exchange; it felt like a truth he had been holding back. You both sat there for a moment, allowing the weight of his words to settle.

You swallowed, unsure of how to respond, but the sincerity in his eyes kept you from looking away. “I didn’t expect you to say that,” you murmured, barely above a whisper.

Damian’s lips quirked up, and he leaned closer, his gaze never leaving yours. “I don’t say things I don’t mean,” he said, his voice steady and sure. “Not to you.”

You didn’t know how to react, but your heart was racing. For a moment, it felt like the world outside your shared space had disappeared, leaving just the two of you in this quiet bubble where everything was simple and true.

The air between you thickened, and you could feel the unspoken words swaying between you both, but neither of you were rushing. You didn’t need to say anything else for now. There was a mutual understanding, an acknowledgment that the space you shared, however small, was enough.

Damian shifted back slightly, his gaze softening as he looked away for a moment, breaking the intensity. But even in the silence that followed, the connection between you both felt stronger than ever.

“Y/N,” Damian said after a beat, his voice still quiet but with a hint of that usual confidence, “Thank you. For… putting up with me.”

You gave him a soft smile, trying to steady your racing heart. “You’re not as bad as you think,” you replied, playfully nudging him with your elbow.

Damian chuckled, a real sound that surprised you. It was rare for him to let his guard down like that, but it was a moment of peace between you both. And in that moment, you knew that whatever happened next, you were ready to figure it out together.

It didn’t matter that things had been messy or complicated in the past. All that mattered now was that you were here, in this moment, with him. And no matter what, you were going to be okay.

[kiyomitakada]

I think Misa was suicidal since her parents’ death if not longer. I wonder if she regretted not letting her stalker kill her in the brief moment before Gelus’ Death Note fell from the sky and gave her a reason to keep living. I wonder if she killed herself over Light, not because he meant so much to her, but because he had been the only reason she hadn’t done it years ago. I think she needed an obsessive, unattainable goal to justify staying alive. Seeing her parents avenged. Meeting Kira. Marrying Light. I wonder if Light hadn’t died, would she have been able to find another reason to go on living? Or would she have felt she had nowhere to go from there, that no goal was big enough anymore? Misa had hundreds of years to live, a gift from the sacrifices of two gods of death, but I think the only thing keeping her alive for so long was her desperate escalating search for a reason not to end it herself

oh absolutely!!! absolutely!!!!! suicidal misa amane is one of my most solid death note opinions and it genuinely surprised me when i first came on here and didn't see anyone talking about it. i mean it's basically canon isn't it. "kill me now while i'm still young and pretty," "i was supposed to die that day anyway," everything she does just to find light, all the risks she takes in yotsuba including getting in a car with the person she knows is a creep AND a serial killer, "i would gladly die for you"… it speaks so much to me, that desperation to find something worthwhile to die for, which happens to also be something worthwhile to live for. i think suicidality and longing to live are two sides of the same knife and misa is trying so fucking hard to balance on its edge.

I wonder if she regretted not letting her stalker kill her in the brief moment before Gelus’ Death Note fell from the sky and gave her a reason to keep living.

it's actually kind of worse! in the manga at least (haven't seen the anime) all she does is stumble back, she doesn't run — probably a stress freeze response — and gelus kills the stalker but his notebook falls in the shinigami realm, so as far as misa knows her stalker just fucking died right there. this is after kira kills her parents (something i messed up in my fic but it's too late to fix lmao) so i wonder if she saw it as like… this force in the sky that wanted her to live. someone out there who loved her so much he would do anything for her. i wonder how that interfaced with her mental health and how reckless she is all the time.

and then rem carries the notebook down to misa on purpose (she apologizes to misa for giving her the notebook when misa's in prison). so now misa knows that actually it was two separate people who saved her emotionally (light) vs physically (gelus). i feel like this is probably part of why she goes ._. when rem explains the whole gelus thing to her; she wanted it to be kira who saved her. but oh well! now she has the notebook she can help kira, and isn't that even better! completely agree that was her whole reason to keep going. yes.

I wonder if Light hadn’t died, would she have been able to find another reason to go on living? Or would she have felt she had nowhere to go from there, that no goal was big enough anymore?

god i wonder the same thing all the time. what else? the coolest marriage ceremony ever? (they get engaged but never married…) kids? grandkids? some kind of summit in her career? everything hollower and hollower until she implodes in on herself?

[karinadele]

drabble on pharma x human reader

warnings: its pharma, everything is fucked

just me listing ideas and character traits so i can write...

Actions/Behaviors:

-would keep you on him at all times as if you were a pocket hamster

-600% will drug you

-preserving head and organs after you die

-mnemosurgery to pry into your brain and know everything (perhaps attempt a digital link with him so he's connected 24/7 like a sparkbond)

-physically consuming organs mainly heart/brain

-wants to cut you open while conscious to see your organs (will sew you back up after ofc) (will be sedated for no pain, but will be awake)

-propofol abuse? (maybe fuck you on and off it just to see how you react)

-will attempt to physically massage your heart in an attempt to maintain your heart rate. (and to have control over your life literally)

-would scarification his red cross on your chest (? horny tramp stamp? wow just thinking hurts)

-would withhold medication until you submit and beg (if you're too stubborn, he will slip just enough in without you knowing to keep you going)

oocs??:

-would poison you just to watch you suffer and then antidote you? (idk to make it where reader knows, or reader thinks it was a 3rd party. maybe pharma has gaslighted reader into thinking its external but always have an inkling?)

-would attempt to infuse you with energon/nucleon (if nucleon stops bots from transforming, what would it do to humans?)

-would try to forcibly physically put you in his spark

-would he remove limbs so you're stuck?? (i dont think so... but i do believe he will try to modify you)

-i want to see him use his chainsaw to engrave lines over reader? forming more blocky lines to resemble Cybertronians?

-probably drinks your blood, or at least taste it (maybe keep it in a vial in subspace at all time)

-permanent drug state?

-super ooc, i want to see him repaint/make reader repaint his autobot insignia with their blood

light analysis:

-pet names: dear, darling, occasionally love?? (not sweetspark??)

-ends sentences with "hmm?" / snarky

hmm? ah. tch tch, ah, ah! don't touch that! tongue clicking, lots of italics. (writing in his mind is hard...)

snarky, haughty, controlling, obsessive (to reader), does not want to see you in pain, but will actively cause you to be in it, naturally manipulative, more smirks than grins.

i want to say gaslighting, but will ease on it when he warms up to reader...?

internal personality conflict:

i see him as finding a human annoying, and originally toying, very traumatic shit, then warming up. (insert charm) not accepting that he has feelings, he pushes them into obsession. and acts them out in questionable physical actions.

thoughts:

quotes are ooc, just what i think he would justify his actions;

"no its not love, i just need them with me at all time."

"my spark isnt flaring harder because of love, its because they belong in there"

"they may not live long, but i can preserve them" (leads to infusing energon?)

soft pharma (say no tarn tcog or any incidents, or you pull him out of issues) (shit how did first aid get an evalv from rung but pharma didnt?? bro was sane then!!)

-would be tender, lots of physical affection (still)

-would organ harvest for you

-would tease you and be annoying (instead of internalizing it and coming out obsessive.)

[thestarseersystem]

Honestly, out of the term "syskid" vs "little", I prefer little because our littles are more similar to an "inner child" than to actual children.

They know of kink, they understand suicide, they know of dark and mature topics, and while yes, some seem like actual children, I can assure you that we are bodily adults, and wish to be treated with the respect and authority that adults have.

I don't want to keep reiterating this. But we're not kid safe, child safe, despite having little alters.

And finding a safe space for them is not the same as having a space for bodily children.

And yes, some systems are different, some systems want their syskids/littles to be treated like actual children, seen like actual children, be in a space for actual children.

But we've been hypersexual since we were 5 years old, and stuff like kink is comforting and is a safe space for us. It's been the only space to be openly small for a long time. In our childhood it was not safe to be a child, so child spaces with child boundaries can feel triggering.

Being a little is more similar to regressing than it is to become a child.

So I will tell you, don't treat us like children, despite the innerworld age. Until it's free and safe for us to be complete children, we don't want you to trigger our regression in any way. Be kind to systems like me, they have no choice.

We want as much choice and freedom and power that we can get. We need adult boundaries more than we need comfort.

[snails-in-spaceships]

[kaleidoscope1967eyes]

im really trying to be accepting of myself, but being acespec is yet another damper on my ability to interact with people

[mellotronmkll]

Think I've finally mastered she's an angel on accordion I'm so happy

[florbelles]

finished hera & started lady macbeth and we have got to start blaming women for shit again for real

[lorephobic]

this is the funniest thing that sits and rots in my drafts because its been four months atp and i still have not thought of a single headcanon for these two

[telesodalite]

I've got like 5+ other creative projects i want/need to do, but holiday cookies gotta be made, lol. Started with almond cloud cookies <3

Ft. A lump of soon to be choc chip cookies

[sskk-manifesto]

(´･ᴗ･ ` )

[dewgongs]

ughh why do i have to have njghtmares about them

[bylertruther]

i don't like season three when viewing it as a continuation of seasons one and two, but i do very much like season three when viewing it as the prequel to seasons four and five... hmmmmm.

[megaclubdiolis]

柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第三十八回 「まぶしき闇」 ​​​

[moonlit-escape]

us when the weird woman who is weird and has said she is weird and has shown she is weird and literally wrote multiple entire shows and miniseries to show off how weird she is, is actually pretty fucking weird