scrambledjenny

[scrambledjenny]

I think yesterday’s medical news has really fucked me up.

Partial because I don’t think it’s fair.

Like seriously.

Plus I’m also in a heighten emotional state with HRT, and from having to relive the trauma of my abusive ex all for a stupid news story that I didn’t even get 100% on.

But like dealing every day with chronic pain, feeling like a monster from gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia, and then getting my liver cancer diagnoses already this year…

To now find I need to get tested for growths in my brain… and if I don’t have that then there’s something even more wrong with me.

And I can’t talk about cause everyone in my life is children, or I take care of them.

So either it makes them worry, which then creates more pressure for me, or they are stupid selfish children that can’t handle anything outside of themselves and their own selfishness.

Toss in where getting to the end of the semester and school work is just ramping up more and more.

Like this week we are getting our final assignments.

I’m so stressed with all this, and there’s no time to process it all.

Going to see my counsellor on Friday, but yeah, it’s not like it’s going to matter.

There’s so much stuff, and I only get like 45 minutes of talking before I have to spend the last 15 pulling myself back together.

To mask up and preform as a functional person. Like a person that’s not falling apart, wishing for the sweet release of death to put her out of her suffering.

Before anyone say anything, no I’m not going to self harm, I’m just tired and want a break from life constantly punishing me for existing.

So if I stop posting for a bit, stop being on here it’s cause I’m working through some stuff and I just don’t… I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m tired of there always being something.

Also, I hated no one asking me about how my concert was yesterday.

Just was a reminder that I will disappear one day and never be remembered, never cared for, never loved.

One day I’ll just go missing and no one will notice or care.

It’s fucked up that I have started making plans for my own funeral because I know there will be no one else to do that when I’m gone.

And the way my health is going… I don’t think I’m going to be here all that much longer.

I’d be shocked if I made it to 40.

Okay, enough venting/rambling.

Goodbye for now

[scrambledjenny]

I’m pretty sure my body wants me to be dead.

Like, this isn’t hyperbole.

Dealing with early stages of liver cancer…

And as of 3 hours ago I have to now go get some scans to see if I have growths in my brain.

Growths not related to the cancer.

Just something more.

Maybe I should just give up.

Drop out.

Lay down and accept my eventual slow painful death from my body betraying me

Sorry for being a bummer

I hate this too

[scrambledjenny]

[scrambledjenny]

I’m so tired of going to bed alone

[scrambledjenny]

[scrambledjenny]

10/10 would bang. But also: 10/10 would care for you 10/10 would tuck you in 10/10 would cuddle 10/10 would make sure you get to sleep okay 10/10 would make you breakfast in the morning

[scrambledjenny]

People should tell me they wanna fuck me more

[scrambledjenny]

Tummy hurts. I’m sad. Working on homework for a speech I have to give Tuesday. Should be writing commercials instead, but not in the mood after writing like 11 pages for a marketing campaign for an event that will never exist.

[scrambledjenny]

Reblog to give prev a fucking break holy shit y’all

[scrambledjenny]

I hate being an unlovable gross monster

And I know once I’m real me I won’t be any more lovable

I’ll just be alone forever

[scrambledjenny]

resting on her shoulder…❤️😴

[scrambledjenny]

Nakey ;3 really enjoying the copper eye shadow lately

[scrambledjenny]

all the girls i follow are so pretty i wish u all the best in life

[scrambledjenny]

[scrambledjenny]

How to jack off

Jacking off for first time

Jacking off dangers

Jacking off death toll

[scrambledjenny]

nosy anons let's go

0: Height

1: Age

2: Shoe size

3: Do you smoke?

4: Do you drink?

5: Do you take drugs?

6: Age you get mistaken for

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

9: Got any piercings?

10: Want any piercings?

11: Best friend?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if…

17: Someone you miss

18: Most traumatic experience

19: A fact about your personality

20: What I hate most about myself

21: What I love most about myself

22: What I want to be when I get older

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

25: My idea of a perfect date

26: My biggest pet peeves

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

30: What I hate the most about work/school

31: What my last text message says

32: What words upset me the most

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

37: One of my insecurities

38: My childhood career choice

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

40: Who I wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

42: The last thing I ate

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

44: A random fact about anything

[scrambledjenny]

smack