#i dont want to think about food
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i hate cooking i hate meal planning i hate chopping ingredients i hate doing dishes i hate having to decide i hate needing to think of healthy meals i hate it all so so so much :(
and i cant stand to eat my regular meal prep meal anymore and i cant seem to find a replacement (i can eat the same meal for months until i Suddenly get sick of it and cant stand it anymore for a few weeks/months)
and i cant cook everyday, i simply cant, its soul sucking, its killing me, i cant do it, im not strong enough
so right now im eating a bunch of frozen foods and im getting sick of them too, im getting sick of frozen french fries which is appalling because they are my go to food
sobbing
why is it so hard
and i discovered couscous and i was so happy and i made a big batch and then two days later it went bad? it literally went bad. cant eat. a big pack of couscous. heartbreaking
im even getting sick of grilled cheese that i eat for breakfast on weekends what the fuck man how is that physically possible?
what am i supposed to eat, i hate it here
#sob i need to go grocery shopping so i need to sit down and think of meal ideas but i just dont know#im so tired#i dont want to think about food#im so sick of it all#i need something new i need to cook veggies but im so tired of making food i cant deal#and i cant just drink liquid meal replacements either because i need to chew food#aaaaaaaaa#had a period of making spaghetti bolognese for weeks but i cant stand the thought of it#literally cant think of ANYTHING appealing that would convince myself to go thru the effort to make it#wtf man#i love food i love eating but im so so so tired of thinking
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maffhew who refuses to say runebergin torttu because he knows hes gonna butcher it so bad he might be kicked out of the country the second he tries and staunchly avoids that by going "the one dessert that barky is going to have to explain 😃"
sasha who gets faced with the most generic description of everything hes ever eaten in his life so far because of maffhew and going "???... oh you mean runebergin torttu!"
"he did good he liked the food and he likes the finland so far so its good" sasha says with so much pride now that all the anxiety has left his system that his husband teammate is enjoying his country and doesnt hate it
media availability | 10.29.24 (x)(x)
the smile of a man who knowlingly doomed his husband and said husband using all his brain power to context clues his way to whatever the fuck he just got asked that his brain is running hotter than a mid 2012 macbook air thats somehow still alive in the year of the lord 2024 but girl does she chug along shes louder than a fighter jet
#matthew tkachuk#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#2425#the famous vanha kauppahalli date™#we know how bad he is at pronouncing words not in english he does not want to fuck up his husbands language in front of him#(the nhl stars try to speak german video has entered the chat)#different attitudes here lmao#“he did good” mate he was... eating food... what... what is there to praise here..?#i shivered sweet mary and joseph sasha this is how you praise maffhew? yeah id be an annoying little shit about it too#whatever they have. unexplainable. i wont even bother#im glad to see pie and cake are still very confusing for esol#somehow ive had the conversation with several different people in my lifetime and realised even i dont know what the fuck it is#in the sense that when i translate pastries into english for my american friends i just pause and go#wait... i think this is a pie... but its called a tart in spanish but its also kind of a cake? and- [windows reboot sound]#ive had to do this with pastafrola and im like please just eat it dont make me explain im gonna cry if i do#I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT BECAUSE IT DOESNT EXIST IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT TO ME JUST EAT IT#“so whats the difference between a torta and a tarta and isnt a tarta kinda like a pie-” “stop asking questions you dont want answers to”#you have no idea how upset i get trying to explain#im glad sasha at least protrays a little of that frustration by going “i dont know english word” girl SAME
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me omw to scare mormons out of a wendys!! 🍂🖤🍟
ootd from like 2 weeks ago and yes that really happened
#ootd#doodles#art#illustration#fashion#fall#autumn#autumn vibes#cozy vibes#self portrait#artists on tumblr#i havent done an ootd drawing in a while and i just wanted to Make Something#the mormons story: my friend and i stopped at a wendys and there were these two Stock Image Of Mormons dudes sitting at a table#and me and my friend are obvious gay and in different directions. you can tell we are Queers(tm). i look like This and he has#long curly hair and huge earrings. we are the poster children of what mormons prolly show kids and say 'these people are going to hell'#you'd think we had walked in holding signs that say WE LOVE GAY MARRIAGE AND ABORTlON with the way they stopped and started#muttering to each other while looking dead at us in the checkout line. like the entire time. and after a few minutes of whispering to#each other they pick up their food and book it tf out of the restaurant. still looking at us *as they go out the door*#it was so fucking funny. anyway then we stole their table#good! gtfo. i dont want cultists with my fries thanks#im glad my gay autistic aura is strong enough that i scare freaks like that by just Standing There thinking about a crispy chicken BLT#sounds like a 'and then everyone clapped' story but that really did happen to me and ive been laughing at it for 2 weeks now#what Isnt true is that i pulled a whole leaf out of my pocket. that shit was in pieces. and i dont know where it came from
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SORRY this is MORE dialogue from lucanis’ recruitment quest i just need people to be going through this with me
#combined with the sort of wondering way he repeats ‘caterina’ back to you when you first meet him if you’re not a crow#like it’s something far away he. well. barely remembers#man.#lucanis dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#and even with his memories of her shot through#and a year of imprisonment and torture behind him and a literal demon in his head. he still gets up and goes to work#because she asked!!#because he *heard* that she asked#and she was never even good to him.#rooks line is catastrophic here btw did laugh#oh you dont want to talk about your torturer. thats fine. lets talk about (spins wheel) the woman who used to beat you and withhold food and#water from you#jesus christ rook think of anyone else#i guess they don’t know. still!#sorry please excuse all of this.#october is going to be a very normal month for me
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i just want him to eat pink colored things
#wuthering waves#wuwa scar#wuthering waves fanart#my art#wuwa#wuthering waves scar#i dont think we've actually seen him surprised in any of the story so far so this was kind of hurting my brain to imagine#just a little bit#i always wanted to start drawing semi realistic foods and packaging so this is a cool start#im normal about him#you can tell by the cowbell
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some other liyue girls redesigned! i really wanted to draw xiangling since her color palette is very nice^^ +yelan with outfit designed by mutual
#xiangling ties her sleeves with ribbons to avoid making them dirty#also her ornaments resemble hot steam from food and edible seeds and plant roots and sprouts#i think xiangling's outfit should be pretty simple and i used duan da as a reference for her clothing here#not much to tell about qiqi though... i just wanted her dressing to be longer and less layered aha#theyre quite opposites aren they? very lively girl and very dead girl#also...i dont really know why i wanted to draw xiangling fat.. i saw a woman on the street that reminded me of her somehow..that was a main#inspiration i guess... i hope it doesn't come as offensive as her character is so heavily food inspired..#btw i really want to xiangling and yelan to become friends..or at least develop some reliable relationships... idk why.. they are so#different but they're not opposites..! and i want more girl&woman duos#genshin impact#genshin redesign#redesign#xiangling#xiangling genshin impact#qiqi#qiqi genshin impact#yelan#yelan genshin impact#xiangling & yelan#my art#fat art#fat positivity#fat xiangling
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One of my mutuals opinions is the "bro code" thing, that Curly is one of those guys who wouldn't care about the victim because the perpetrator is his friend and I'm really banging my head on the wall like that other anon. I've only played through the game once but Curly's behaviour/reactions etc read completely different from the "bro code" thing and I have to wonder if my mutual and I even played the same game.. like the constant digs at him from Jimmy, his body language in his face reveal and so on like you mentioned in your post. While this game is a little different obviously, it kind of reminded of a point in Alice Madness Returns that makes it very clear that Alice's pain blinded her to the abuse of the other children and her failure to act earlier because of it. Curly is guilty of a similar inaction but it doesn't change the fact he was a victim of Jimmy too. I don't think I can look at it any other way because both of these games have really stuck with me.
I genuinely think it really is the idea that people want a simple easy to blame problem and the idea that the only relatable victims of abuse are those that "surpass" it or do a lot to help others. When it comes to victims, especially those that don't fit the typical demographics, who either accidently perpetuate it, enable it or aren't ideal in some way shape or form, people jump to ignore what they went through as it's easier than dealing with those conflicting sentiments.
The bro-code conversation in Mouthwashing stems from a concept I generally dislike that there had to be something about Curly that made him meet or keep being friends with someone like Jimmy. I think people genuinely underestimate how many like decent and good people just know an asshole or are friends with someone who is really bad outside of their view/established dynamics. The game makes it clear none of the inaction against Jimmy is because of a lack of care, it is a lack of understanding from the privaleged postions they have as men to not have to worry about what Anya does/went through and the type of extremes men like Jimmy will go through to cover it up. They are all too preoccupied in their own strifes.
Another thing I see being oversaturated the idea that you have to be a freak, misanthrope or have a disorder to do the thing Jimmy does. The game is an escalation, it's a spiral that I don't see people comment on that Jimmy was not likely having the mood swings and episodes of rage/frustration we were seeing in the game. This is after they all start experiencing the worst moments in their lives that he got THAT openly bad. Of course, this is just my interpretation but much like in real life, people that go to extremes like that usually live mundane lives. It's a pressure cooker affect to where the stress made them pop. It's self inflicted but still the case.
I really think people need to be more willing to acknowledge that not everything needs to be an extreme or in black and white or easy to understand. It doesn't need to be happy or have an answer or solution, especially in the cases where the abused sadly helps perpetuate what they experience. It's not he should've known better from experience or shouldn't he have known what could've happened because victims tend to not like to think in matters of the worst. Not to mention, especially in cases of abuse where it feels so personally directed that you don't expect to happen to someone else.
#i also hear the bro code thing in tandem with his comments on saying he knows Jimmy but that is also in a much different context than#if he said it when Anya was actively telling him about the dead pixel or the pregnancy or even when she told jimmy that was about himself#and getting between Anya and Jimmy as in he knows Jimmy and knows he wont try anything when hes around not that he doesnt think hes#doing anything or doesn't believe Anya and Im a bit annoyed people shorthand or try to recontextualize the statements he makes about it#cause even the let me talk to him line is more in concern of what Jimmy could be doing and less wanting to make sure hes okay and#being more worried about his friend than Anya in that moment like removing the context makes the sentiments sound more uncaring#and typically but the context is how they are deconstructed to give the story and themes a deeper nuance because Anya is happy that Curly#says that becuase he leads it under the idea of protecting her as he knows and she has likely seen/experienced it enough that Jimmy#back down/off around Curly typically as we see he does relatively subdue Jimmy's attitude before the eval and it only gets bad once the#scene at the birthday party happens when Jimmy is likely in a mode where hes not going to listen to Curly about anything after cause he fee#personally betrayed in a selfish egotistical way like the game is a deconstruction nothing is supposed to a typical one to one on the#concepts it handles. this also ties to me like getting more and more annoyed everytime is see a post making Curly the most milktoast#no opinions ever sort of guy when he does have a personality outside of enabling Jimmy and has opinions on things like the QnA's#talking about him being snow Tony Hawk flesh him out more realistically than think pieces saying he has no opinions on anything#and would never take stances like this is a immediate dire circumstance with multiple facets I dont think hed hesitate to help if he active#saw like someone getting attacked on the street or that hes a centrist that doesnt care about womans issues like this is the equivalent#of when a character gets dumbed down to their like favorite food and one defining aspect of themselves and even then I feel like everyone#else but the mouthwashing fandom has a better grasp of that aspect before they make it unrecognizable.#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#ask#anon
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☠ summer agere moodboard
#i want it to be summer soooooo bad#been thinking about baby blackbeard and izzy again.... specifically modern au...#aw and baby jim too WAHHHHH I LOVE THEM#i dont really headcanon characters as age regressors or caregivers but i do like thinking about them as kids...#meow meow meow i think they would all share oranges on the dirty step of their apartment complex#moodboard#agere#mine#summer#orange#food#toy#makeup
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if you. are making a video. you're sitting down to talk to the camera and make a video. shortform video. vertical video. less than a minute. tiktok instagram reel whatever. i have full confidence that you do not fucking need to eat right now. do not start your sentence and then shove an apple slice in your face two words in and keep talking through your apple slice. you're making yourself look so obnoxious and hateable. really truly i know you can put the apple slices to one side for the amount of time it takes to get your sentence out. i believe in you. why don't you believe in yourself
#prazardous#tiktok#instagram reels#misophonia#i dont have misophonia genuinely i do not care about mouth sounds and chewing noises#and not to sound like a boomer#but close your goddamn mouth when you eat and dont talk with your mouth full#it is so simple and so easy#unless your video is about blood sugar levels and you are diabetic and desperately need to eat right fucking now or you'll die#but you want to give us a glimpse into what that's like so you're recording it and talking about it#actually no i think even in that case you can take two seconds to chew and swallow your food before speaking again
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I'm surprised I haven't really seen anybody talking about the food sourcing theme in dungeon meshi. Like, the very first thing it made me think about when I started reading the manga was like "oh yeah, this really makes you think about food, where it comes from, the work needed to create enough food for one person, let alone a small group, to eat comfortably and nutritiously. Laios even specifically calls out that 'regular' food is also made using shit and dirt, intentionally grounding it in reality and subtly asking the reader to introspect on the food they eat and where it comes from."
Like, it's fair to say kui has the old "world builder's" spirit, it's easy to extrapolate a whole world when you're willing to both ask "how does x mundane task work?" And being willing to give it as fanciful or grounded an answer as you feel is appropriate, food is the central theme, but that sort of thinking extends to every corner of the lore and world building where you can practically begin to trace back a lot of world elements to these basic questions, like "what would happen if there were people who lived for 500 years, what would happen if you fought a creature with two heads" and I think that's really cool-
But like, that core question "where does the food that sustains you come from" is like such a relevant question that we should all be asking ourselves. I suppose it's just that I think about that often, both when I'm world building, and in modern and historical contexts.
In a lot of ways it's alienation of labor, most USAmericans (to keep it at least slightly contained in scope) don't get to know where any of the food they eat actually comes from. At best, you might buy your own groceries and maybe even be able to google some information as to the conditions at the place this food was grown, maybe you're lucky/resourced enough to grow some of your own food in like a garden. At worst you get your food premade and prepackaged and you're even completely divorced from the preparation aspect.
A major symptom of this is clearly shown in dungeon meshi's opening and especially in kabru shuro and even the canaries: when food is taken for granted, it becomes easy to neglect. The party initially wiped simply because they'd not considered how suicidal it was to press onward while exhausted, Kabru is so dissociated and focused that he shuts out most of his own biological signifiers of hunger, Shuro starves himself, equating food with leisure instead of a vital practice to sustain life and energy, and of course there's mister no desires.
It's no mistake that in all of the above cases, it's seemed to be heavily implied that food is either an after thought, or someone else's responsibility, or a simple logistical concern. Senshi's whole rant (in volume 1!!) about "oh the youths of today just buying prepackaged meat wine and bread" is especially tied in to this main theme of "do you know where your food comes from?" By taking it to the next level and asking "do you know why you're eating what you're eating?"
To take a personal side tangent, I was recently diagnosed as diabetic, and it's completely changed my relationship to food on a pretty fundamental level, but I'd say I'd always had a pretty good and healthy relationship with food (after I stopped having an eating disorder but that's a story for another day) so it was an easy enough adjustment to have to start actually thinking about how much of my diet was carbs and things like that, it just became a matter of considering what I was eating and when and why. I'm still not perfect at it and it's still a learning process but I'm working on it.
Anyways, my main theory as to why I've not seen it being pontificated on is just that in general people really hate being asked "do you know what you're eating?" Around these parts in a general fashion, but like, especially with weaponized starvation going on and very real issues of things like food desserts in America, and the fact that we all have to pay for just about every little meal, I think it's important for leftists to contemplate the political implications of meals.
An army runs on its stomach after all. Rant over
#dungeon meshi#rant#rambling#i mostly just wanted to talk about the whole#“where does the food you eat come from?”#question cause i think people just dont discuss the actual logistics of food#like meat is so crazy it takes so many resources to produce#an meat
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Okay so something I've been thinking on for awhile about Opera that I don't think I've ever seen others touch on is that although so far having only ever been referred to with and as They/Them.
By all accounts has been confirmed that Opera doesn't align themselves specifically with any gender, beyonc Non-binary I think an argument could be had of them being (by human labels) Agender perhaps.
At the very least Opera very clearly doesn't seem to be the type to have any specific labels happy to use which ever.
I say this because of the Sukima in which Iruma asks if they are a guy or a girl and seems pretty chill with just being whatever Iruma wants/however Iruma sees them.
Oper really saying my Gender is your choice.
This lending me to believe if someone did happen to use other pronouns beyond They/Them Opera might be okay with it. At the very least seem none to bothered if someone were to just assume a gender and just shrug it off as "Well if ghats what you think guess I am"
Though I suppose it could also depend on the person.
Mostly here to say that while we may say Non- Binary Opera is just Opera and very much gives the vibes of someone who doesn't really subscribe to keeping to any labels.
Also Demons in general seem to be a very you are who you are and probably don't bother much with categorizing folks in the same way we do anyway.
#also possible tp Demons/Opera Gender doesnt = pronouns either who knows#but still#I just think its an interesting aspect i see not talked about enough#they dont just go oh my gender is neither instead Opera is very just whatever you think itis it is#not saying id want or need some other character to usr any other pronoun on them jhst food for thought you know#opera san#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun#m!ik#opera iruma#iruma suzuki
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Thinking about Lestat seeing Louis’s eating patterns as a waste of his gift/himself while Armand gives Louis food that he literally can not enjoy or digest just so he has something on his stomach
#if i had to give each of louis relationship a theme loustat would be shame and loumand would be enabling#which are both really bad ways of “helping” a partner with an ed#lestats shame and anger tactics only make louis more resentful and less likely to eat#while armand having the little drinks and exotic animals and the human food dont actually deal with louis problem head on-#cus at the end of the day louis is still not eating enough#and i think they really exemplifies both of their trauma and abandonment issues#both of them came up chronically food insecure#lestat was put into the role of provider at a very early age and stayed in that role until he died/was turned#so for him rejecting what lestat gives is like rejecting lestat cus he doesnt have anything else to make him “useful”#and lestats reaction to rejection is anger and control so he tries to shame and control louis into eating more/human#while armand has been abandoned by literally everyone he loves up till this point so for him its like#ok i can make people dtay if i give them what they want and what louis wants is to not feel bad about eating and so armand does that#but it still doesnt get to the root of the issue which is louis having poor coping mechanisms for his grief and other emotions#like either way you slice it. louis is not meeting his nutritional needs. he eats drinks from one guy eats a fox or some other small animal#when he should be having like two dudes at least#and then he has human food which according to anne rice makes vampires vomit up their whole stomach content so...#louis imma send you to my therapist shes great#interview with the vampire#iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#ldpdl#iwtv 2022#armand iwtv#armand#loumand#loustat#like armand gives louis food he cant eat just so he knows theres something in louis stomach even for a short while
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Omg your instagram story is so right! I can’t believe I’ve never even noticed that, probably because in fanon keith and shiro are so close that I’d forgotten that isn’t canon :0
Deserves this awesome quote which I had to dig out of my sideblog reblogs
#for context - i was complaining how under-served we were to listen how much shiro did for keith and how amazing their relationship is#and then were forced to watch him just recruit him for school and be a decent teacher#like any teacher should#i mean....#any.#like he was just showing basic decency for not throwing Keith away for bad behavior#keith acted as if that man hung the moon#as if he was reliable... took a few punches that were meant for Keith ....risked something for him#wanted to give up his liver or something#gave up his last food in the apocalypse to feed him i dont fucking know#Keith acted as if that guy literally saved his life and we got scenes where Shiro is emotionally manipulating him to stay in school#or to become a leader#never really asking how he feels about it or if he needs help#i thought twice before saying Keith attached to a pile of shit because it was warm#but not thrice#i've re-watched season 1 of Arcane and was so mad about it i couldn't hold it in djdjdjd#i do think they could have a good relationship but what we were /shown/ was just not it too many plot holes to fill#love that the fandom can fill the discrepancies and rewrite those relationships though#and also i was really glad people answered to that story agreeing#i was feeling weird reading all those 'keith and shiro are my fav relationship in the show'#...lance was more warm to the mice than Shiro to Keith '#i feel like it owuld make more sense to me if keith did all of this WHILE being pissed at Shiro for leaving him#or if we saw he finds him unreliable - Shiro was only useful to him as long as Keith followed his rules too#Vander doing all he did for his daughters that shit was unconditional fucking love#vi and jinx never being able to off one another had more raw pure love than that#you know what i mean??? sorry im doing it again.... end of ramble#mezzy out 💀
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Pet store clerk gives Charles a bag of free treats for his ""dog"" all while Charles can feel Erik Looming in the BG
the real mortifying day is after months of getting small bags of dog treats one day the bag of dog treats has like. perfectly normal human candies/pastries or something inside
Of Course charles is confused and impulsively asks what it is/how it's different from the usual only for the clerk to reply theyre Whatever Erik's Favorite Treat Is and its that day forward erik is adamant they just do their shopping online
#snap chats#clerk fully provides this information straight faced. by the way. and still pointing out those are for “”“”“The Dog”“”“”“”“#inviting all of you to assume the three of them became Vaguely Acquainted while charles and erik were fran shopping#like you know how you just happen to do small talk while at the store. at least five months of accidental small talk has led to this moment#'oh yeah i know these are his favorite- [Insert Food Here] right' and charles doesnt have to turn around or probe eriks mind#to know he's itching to leave the store but he cant just do that lest he validate this clerks suspicions#charles absolutely wants to try to laugh it off and tell the clerk he cant give these to his dog but the clerk Just Stares#they dont gotta say anything else ... charles dont gotta read their mind ... he wont argue he'll just swallow his shame and take the goods#anyways ... if anyone needs me ... im gonna succumd to the 3PM nap#i almost made it to 4 but alas ... i am sleepy ... then im gonna work SO im done answering asks for the evening#maybe ill answer some more tonight but i really have to focus. after my nap BYYYYEEEE#im gonna giggle about this new scenario tho ... Cherik Pet Shenanigans Somehow Getting Goofier Than Previously Thought#will have to do more thinkings of that down the line .... for now nap time 😴 cause i repeat i am five years old 😴
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every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog
#and i KNEW this which was why i insisted on not getting dogs though they keep trying to gaslight me#into thinking that i agreed on the dogs. i didnt and i wish id railed against it harder#because ill be honest i knew i didnt want to take care of a dog i wasnt in the headspace#but i also knew that if they got the dog that the actual caring duties would be foisted off to me#and the things that They would have to do ie go to the vet nd pay the bills etc theyd complain about and avoid#and thats one thjng. but oh my fucking god. my dad specifically#its like hes trying to get these dogs to die. we have several plants in the backyard#bad for dogs. i point them out. i have pointed them out Several times.#theyre his plants the gardens his thats none of my things. he just goes oh they wont get into them#THEYRE DOGS. but he doesnt want to move his fucking plants#one of the dogs is on medicine but has a habit of not eating his food in the morning#which means if u leave his medicine in hjs bowl the other dog might eat it#one solution is to give him the tablet straight. because hes good about eating it#he doesnt want to because 'thats gross'. Are you five fucking years old#the dog doesnt like the texture of dry food so another solution is to wet it#dad wont do that either because 'hes too spoiled' and 'it takes time' ONE MINUTE?????????#like i have to assume this is some kind of ploy to make me do it instead when i dont wake up that early#because if its not then hes truly just incompetent or doesnt care about the dogs#which brings me back to WHY DID YOU GET THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.#im sick of having to worry about them when he just does shit like this its wasting my time and its wasting money#but ohhhh we dont want to give the dogs away theyre part of the family 🥺#CLEARLY. because apparently u wanted kids but didnt want to take care of them either!!#im pissed off!!! im tired!!!!!!!!#i need to know im not going batshit here for being pissed off!!!!!#the dogs are getting back to back problems and at least some of it would have been mitigated by oh.#i dont know. the bare minimum?????#at least if the plants had been taken care of i wouldnt have to wonder if theyd just gotten into them#or if its an actual problem like a mass or bite. but no now i dont know#and at this rate were going to waste money going to the vet every fucking week
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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