#i dont wanna start a thing this is just how it looks to me
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pairing: Bestfriend!Heeseung x Fem!Reader
Including: smut, MINOR DO NOT INTERACT, kissing, pussy licking, virgin reader, fingering, pet name such as like good girl & baby
Synopsis: You just broke up with your boyfriend who cheated on you and Heeseung trying to be by your side as your bestfriend since you still kid but turns out everything goes wrong when he tried to help
Heeseeung and you already know each other more than 15 years. Both of you grew up together, going to the same school and collage. Of course that makes heeseung and you grew up as a best friend, you always share everything to him and he did the same thing too.
One day, you just broke up with your boyfriend and you just know that he cheated on you. You cry as hard as you can in your bedroom while heeseung lean his back on the wall rolling his eyes to back. It’s not because he didn’t care at all, but he’s too tired seeing you cry over that dick
“come on y/n, will you cry over that shit till your tears turn to blood? You deserve better dummy!” he said with sulky tone and then went closer to your bed to sat on the edge of it
“y-you wont understand!! Ughh just go away please” You answer his sentence that for you sounds very annoying. With frustrated eyes you raise your head up to face him, he looks sad with what you feel but cannot say lot of words
“Yeah yeah.. but please you already let your tears dropped almost for 2 hours” He looks very worried and then crawl closer to you on the bed before let his ass sat on there beside you
“Hmm how about we did something much more fun? You know theres a lot way to start forgetting about him since now!” heeseung try to convincing you right now, his right hand went to your cheek to remove any tears that will drop again
He never shows his affection like this before, this makes you feel something new on your stomach, the feeling were your face and body suddenly hot. You look at his fingers that remove a tears from your cheek making you swallow your salvia hardly
Before, you never care about his appearance but right now and right here you feel something weird in your stomach everytime you be with him. You glance at his long pretty fingers, that fingers also give a weird feelings in your stomach
“Hey answer me? You deaf after breakup huh?” heeseung teasing you and get rid his hand from your face before laugh softly “o-oh yeah sorry..” you answer with your words suddenly stuttering. “Maybe we can watch movies or baking! I know you love baking!” The man beside you said, heeseung know how much you love doing all activities he just mentioned
“Nah.. not in the mood” and this is how you reply to his offer making him more frustrated “You know what? Im very very hopeless now! How can he cheated on me after we date each other almost for one year? I don’t understand.. am I not good enough for him? Should i be prettier or should i—“
Your words cut off suddenly when something already pressed on your lips. It was heeseung’s lips on yours. On yours.
Slowly but gentle, his lips begin to move sucking your lower lips while his eyes closed. You are full of surprises now but his kiss feels goddamn good. He ran his fingers on the back of your hair before cupped your face so he can kiss you in better position . Heeseung push your body slowly to lay on the bed without breaking the kiss
“You dont know how long i hold this feeling… i dont wanna see you hurted for man like that” Heeseung murmur while slowly went to kiss your neck “You dont know that i can treat you better then him.. i can make you feel good everytime” His hand went to slowly undo the pajamas button of yours without stop kissing your neck
“i love you y/n and i dont want them to make you feel worthless” He keep talking few sentences that makes your face already red like tomato and now his kisses down to your chest and stomach. He also add his tongue while kissing your stomach and chest area
“h-heeseung? What are you doingg” your voice sounds very melty in his ear. The way you try to talk normally mixed with your heavenly moan that you try to hide but it fails tho
He raise his head up with a cheeky smile and soft giggles “im gonna teach you how to forget about him.. about that jerk. Gonna eat you all this night for me, for my own” His hand fastly went to undo your short pants and throw it away. He leaves you with your pajamas that already unbuttoned and your pink panties with small ribbon on it
He laughs seeing the sight of your face got even redder “h-heeseung we cannot do this.. friends dont do the way we did” You said as your breath getting heavier time by time especially when he begin to tug your panties aside, showing your cutie cunt that was clean and shaved
“Oh yeah?” He ask mockingly “Is that mean friends didnt do like this too?” he ask and then bring his finger to draw circle on you clit making you throw your head to back “Even like this? Did they do this?” he ask again but this time he enter 2 fingers inside you making you let out a pretty loud moan
“Fuck baby.. you are wet but also tight, never touch yourself before hm? Your ex never touch you before?” his voice sounds like he is very proud to be the one who touch you “Answer me baby..”
“Eumhhh.. n-never! I never touch myself before and else” You answer with your eyes teary feeling for the first time someone stretch your hole.
“Fuck fuck fuck.. so tight even around my fingers” Heeseung look so proud about the fact he is the one who stretch you before he start move his fingers slowly in and out from you. You still very very tight.. like very tight
“h-heeseung it hurts! Awwwhh~” another whined cames out when he start to move his fingers. You are not overdramatic but you literally just being stretch for the first time when you already live as a girl for 20 years
“I know i know.. be a good girl for me okay? I know you can take it baby” He said and slowly lean a multiple kisses on your clit while still moving his fingers inside and out from you. While he kiss and teases your clit, you just get even wetter making him moving his long fingers faster
You already cried from the feeling that you felt now. It was amazing, its really amazing especially when his fingers begin to hit every special spot inside you
“i-im cumming!! I feel— i feel like im very close!!” Your body already trembling a bit as you keep force your legs open “is that so baby? Cum for me..” Heeseung just being more crazy. He move his fingers more faster and slowly lick your clit harder and even bite it very gently making you can quickly reach your climax. When you reach your climax he took off his fingers inside you and watch the way those juices dropped from your pussy
“Good girl.. i love you so much” he went to kisses your cheek before laugh “You such a good girl.. or maybe a good friend?” He ask before laugh teasingly
#:3#enha smut#enhypen#enhypen x reader#heeseung#smut#heeseung x reader#lee heeseung#smut fanfiction#enhypen hard hours#enhypen hard thoughts#fanfic#kpop#im stil new in writing so im very sorry if there will be a lot of mistaken!
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ok ok ok. a post about josh, buck, and maddie at dispatch as promised. (and because i dont feel like writing a whole separate post or repeating myself etc, if im pointing something out as evidence for my autistic josh headcanon, it'll be in parenthesis like this) also this is long because im going basically line by line in some places so just be prepared for that and such.
the first thing i wanna say before anything else is that like... as far as how this conversation fits into the larger narrative, i was fairly disappointed, due to the way that including this scene like this is kinda implying that the racism was fine because of being closeted etc. HOWEVER. luckily for my sanity it is pretty clear that from a character perspective, that's not at all what's being said by josh himself here, and we can be pretty certain that he is not aware of tommy's past behaviors. in fact he has almost no facts or context about the situation, which i'll get into later.
now that the disclaimer is out of the way, im gonna move onto character analysis and will not be touching on what i think the narrative might have meant etc. any further. like this is going to be purely talking about character dynamics and dissecting the dialogue etc.
we start out right away by skipping all the exposition right into a hard cut of maddie reacting to the news that tommy and abby were engaged. LOVE this set up we get right into the important part quickly and we as the audience only have to hear information that is new to us, not the information being repeated back to the character for whom the information is new.
and oh maddie. i love you so bad. she's like DAMN thats crazy, and then makes the obvious turning people gay joke. her energy here is sooo like it didn't make sense until looking at it in retrospect, but she's shocked and invested yet not taking it very seriously as a concern for buck, because well, she's having a baby and this is objectively not that serious comparatively <3 but i do love that she sees buck's reaction and quickly reins it in and is like woah im kidding im not actually being homophobic holy smokes. which. it kinda still is a little. but i think she's allowed <3
and then... josh enters the scene. he apparently only walked in as buck was saying "-kissed a boy" so of course he had to be like huh? gay shit? something gay? boys?? what's going on over here? and i love that for him. and i love that maddie immediately is like oh hi bestie i catch u up to speed on the tea <3 the maddiejosh bestieism is so back we never lose <3 and that fact that she's like. feeding in the facts in a way to dramatically amp up the tale i love it. she really said man the things my baby brother gets himself caught up in are wild.... anyway <3 true sibling behavior is finding the perfect balance between being supportive and being so so annoying <3
and she is supportive still. like when it becomes clear that there's something deeper going on here she does try to help him work through it. and its so interesting to me the way she is sort of seriously contemplating his words and is shocked when josh not only speaks up but is being very serious and equally focused on the problem at hand. it's like... she's trying so hard to figure out how to help her brother with something she doesn't fully understand that having someone else speak up to help them kind of shocks her and boy does that say something about their lives and the buckley sibling dynamic!
side note, the way josh is jokingly like "she didn't bring her personal life to work, unlike SOME people" and maddie's little look of mock offense?? they're so cute i cant handle it.
i also really love how the shots are framed during this conversation. at first, even when she's not talking and is just listening to josh talk, maddie is still in frame, we're still getting her reaction, she's an active participant in what's going on. and then there is the one shot where she's talking and josh is out of frame, hidden by buck, because whatever reaction he might be having isn't important, it's a buckley sibling moment. (he's not an active participant at that point; he's entirely observing and reacting and gathering information, not dictating the direction of the conversation whatsoever.)
it's only when josh gets very serious and it starts to turn into a heart to heart moment just between him and buck that maddie is allowed to leave the frame. it still goes back to her in very brief cuts when her reaction is relevant, but she steps back out of focus and let's josh handle the conversation. and i love that so much. thank GOD someone else is helping buck sort out his problems that isn't his parentified sister or just generally someone more marginalized than him. it was kind of getting irritating to watch, as much as i love buck so much. like dude... the emotional labor. watch it.
and man. this conversation guys. everything about it makes me an insane crazy person. ive already mentioned this in the tags of some other posts but like... its so fascinating because on the surface it is such a cohesive conversation, but when you really break it down and analyze both of their expressions and body language alongside what they're saying, you can start to see the cracks in it. what one of them is saying is not what the other one is hearing, in both directions. they are having two different conversations and i think it's critical to analyze both of those conversations and how they are interacting with each other. what josh says, what josh hears, what buck says, and what buck hears are four entirely separate things happening alongside each other.
the first part is josh trying to get a sense for how serious this relationship is to buck. when buck falters at the question of "do you love him?", he elaborates with follow-up questions that, to josh, define "love" or close enough to it. answering "yes" to those questions is close enough to a "yes" to the question of "do you love him?".
(which. ok. the particular choice of questions makes me insane because they do essentially boil down to "do you prefer this person to solitude and grant them an equal or greater importance to yourself?" which is sooo... it's said from the point of view of someone who greatly values their solitude and would not easily grant someone that level of importance.)
unfortunately, well, buck is NOT someone who greatly values his solitude, and puts other people before himself quite easily. buck would answer "yes" to those questions for basically anyone. josh does not know or understand this about buck and takes buck's answers at face value, while buck is taking this as sort of... it's hard to explain, and i think others have done a better job of capturing buck's perspective already tbh. he's convincing himself that he loves tommy here because josh is unknowingly handing him that information and expectation, and buck loves to mold himself to fit an expectation etc.
and then comes the second part, which... i think this is where it is most critical to realize that josh has none of the context about tommy, abby, and buck and those respective relationships. by his own admission, he didn't really know much about abby or about her breakup with tommy beyond the fact that it was upsetting. he didn't hear the way tommy talked about abby to buck at dinner, and he definitely didn't get to see any of the real fallout and damage to her psyche that tommy leaving her caused.
but buck did! im not inclined to rewatch s1 to get any exact quotes or anything but from what i remember, she either outright said or implied that she was so heartbroken because tommy left her because of her mother's illness. buck is understandably very upset because he understands exactly what she went through and how, unless abby was lying to not out him, he didn't exactly come clean with the breakup, and left her feeling like it was her fault, like there was something wrong with her or she was being weighed down by caring for her mother. he calls tommy's behavior exactly what it is: dishonest and cruel.
but josh doesn't know this. all he is hearing is a young, freshly out bisexual calling a gay man "dishonest and cruel" for having been engaged to a woman for his own protection. and he responds exactly how you'd expect! he reminds him of queer history and the fact that he doesn't really have a right to judge the people who grew up and had to survive in a world that was much less safe to come out in.
(and i said in my other post that's still doing numbers that "pre-Glee/post-Glee" is an actual queer discourse talking point and makes sense that it'd be used here, as awkward and cheesy as it seems, but it's also a win for my television/film/popular media/hollywood culture/etc. as a special interest headcanon. <3 we love to see it)
and it kills me because of course buck is just going to take this at face value and decide he needs to stop feeling the discomfort he's feeling, leading to the subsequent doubling down and over committing that is typical of his unhealthy relationship patterns.
(and then at the end of the speech josh has to literally announce that he's leaving DSJFHJKDSKJ. because walking away/ending conversations is so awkward and difficult and the easiest way to mitigate that is to lean into the Dramatic Homosexual Stereotype mask or whatever <3 i've long been of the opinion that josh is someone who uses the behaviors associated with queer men and queer masculinity as the blueprint for his neurotypical mask, which is why he often comes across as being just a little bit off from the Funny and Bitchy Gay vibes that it seems like he's going for. and boy did his exit from this scene just reinforce that headcanon so hard!)
they wrap the scene with a little bit more levity too which is kind of nice to like. move on from that. because it got kind of heavy there for a second.
overall i do like what this scene accomplished, but like i said at the start, i think it has some really unfortunate implications that weigh it down for me. still, always nice to get more josh content, especially when it's pretty consistent with his character as established AND not at all related to doing his job. we got to see him and maddie being goofy and maddie being allowed to let someone else deal with buck's problems for a second. and the whole thing was very well shot! excellent camera work going on throughout.
i don't actually know how to end this post so yknow. im gonna make a dramatic exit now or whatever <3
#my posts#911 spoilers#911 meta#911 abc#911 season 8#911 season 8 spoilers#josh russo#maddie han#evan buck buckley#long post#media analysis#dispatch#anti bucktommy#i didnt go into bucks pov too much bc ive already seen a lot of good meta about that so i didnt feel i had much to add to the conversation#there were no serious meta/analysis breakdowns about josh's pov coming across my dash yet though so of course yall have to deal with mine <
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That reminds me of back in the day when I worked at a pawnshop. Had a customer come up and wanted to pawn something, and was in a hurry, didn't want us to do any of our standard procedure checks. I was jewelery department head, and had trained folks well in the "if you don't know what you're doing with gold I put it through and I'll walk you through it, no fuck ups".
So I hear this guy rushing one of my guys telling him "I'm in a hurry (owners name) knows me just put it through" and I just got back from break and was like "he doesn't have authorization to do so, I need to check any gold that's not been through before over a certain value, he's just following protocol. I'm here and can check your items" and he started getting mad like "oh so now everyone is gonna come in and handle everything? What you never seen gold so you wanna touch the real thing? Do that to someone else does being in a hurry mean nothing to you people?".
I take one look at the chain he's trying to pawn, haven't even touched the thing and say "sir, is this the first place you're trying today?"
And he's like "no the guy down the street wouldn't give me what I need and it's more than worth it what's with the fifth degree?"
And I'm like "oh so he told you it's not real gold and you tried to come here to sell it, is that it? Are you knowingly trying to defraud us? You know we have security cameras and do press charges if we know you're knowingly trying to defraud us."
And instantly he's like "no I didn't know! I swear! I thought it was real! He offered me $100 and I needed $250 for gas to Toronto and back this weekend, I swear! I didn't know it was fake!"
And I'm like "sir I know the guy up the street I used to work with him, if he offered you $100 for this junk I need to send a wellness check his way this is clearly not real gold and I could have told you that from across the room. Bullshit."
And this dude has the absolute nerve to be like "well even if it's not gold I'm sure it's worth something. Maybe you could sell it as gold to someone else and pocket the rest or something. Please I need the money."
And I had to look this dude in the eye and say "so not only are you knowingly trying to sell me fake gold, your suggesting I cheat people out of their money, you're straight up admitting you're not coming back to pay back a loan, and you're trying to make me complicit in this? Not only am I not buying this, if you don't leave immediately I'm calling the cops."
And the dude starts yelling "I'll tell the cops you swapped my real gold for fake and are trying to cheat me! I'm an upstanding local businessman, it's my word versus yours and they'll never believe a dirty pawnbroker over someone of my status!"
At which I had to say "first of all dumbass, once again there's security cameras, WITH sound that have captured this entire interaction. Second of all, look behind you. Say hello to officer (name), who just witnessed the entire thing WHILE IN UNIFORM cuz you're too fucking stupid to look around before being loud. You are banned from this establishment and if you dont leave immediately we will press trespassing charges."
And this dude had the fucking GALL to grab a guitar off the wall, THROW IT AT ME, and then try to run. Didn't get 3 steps but like my fuckin dude you just saw the cop not 5 steps behind you how fucking stupid do you have to be?
Needless to say he did NOT make it to Toronto that weekend
I wanna know about the guy you were talking about if no one else does lol
Spill the tea
Okay so like
If you get randomly pinged by the metal detector, we have to do everything that may have alarmed along with those additional procedures.
If you are carrying a baby with you, your baby is not exempt from security protocols. This is because terrorists don't give a shit about using kids and babies as bomb plants, not because we're soooo mean or whatever.
This guy came through the metal detector carrying his baby and beeps for both metal and a randomizer ping. I tell him sorry mate, the moment I see that, I have to do everything with you and your baby, you don't actually get any do-overs if you're pinged.
This guy instantly started screaming at me. Like top of his lungs screaming at me that he's not letting me touch him or his baby because "I dont know where you freaks have been." He's freaking out so hard, screaming that he refuses to "put up with this," calls me diseased, and then out comes "I need to protect my daughter from filthy cunts like you"
At this point I simply put the scanner down. I make eye contact with the officer at the end and point to the guys wife to round her up to the metal detector, and I tell them "because of your behavior, none of you are flying today. So you can either get out of my checkpoint willingly, and go back to your check in counter and explain to them that you cant behave yourself for a basic security check, or I can have the RCMP escort you out with permanent consequences for all future travel endeavors."
These fucking idiots still had the balls to argue with me. My supervisor was rounding the corner at this point and asked what was going on here. I told him this guy just called me a filthy cunt in response to a basic protocol and as such I am refusing the entire family their flight today, and they're choosing to argue with me instead of going willingly.
Supervisor takes out his phone and dials the RCMP and tells them we need an escort for a group of unruly passengers. This time, the switch flips with them. Oh, suddenly we're being so mean and unreasonable. Theyre having a bad day, please reconsider. I say "no, you ALL lost that right when you decided to scream personal insults at a security guard. And now you're going to wait right here with me until the RCMP brings all three of you out."
And they did exactly that, with the husband and the wife sobbing to a federal officer that they didn't mean it like that (what the fuck DID you mean it as?!) and to please oh please reconsider 🥺 they'll be so niceys this time they prommy they prommy!! 🥺🥺
I did push my luck a bit by waving them goodbye with a big smile and saying "have a nice day~!" in my old customer service voice while this escort was happening, but we don't have to tell my supervisor that.
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Marisha has admitted that Laudna is fully in the wrong so people trying to defend it is so funny. If she had a problem then she can start the conversation, not attack a party member in the middle of the night, even casting darkness because she knows how wrong it is!! Orym lost his life and his family to that blade so he absolutely also has a right in how to handle it. Laudna does not get unilateral rights because of her issues and is not the only one with trauma, even if Delilah is making her think differently.
Also Liam has said that Orym had no idea Delilah was back until Laudna started acting darker a few days/episodes later because the nod just meant if you don't kill him I will. It was never about or encouraging Delilah
regardless of is he intended it, orym should understand that that push directly resulted in delilahs presence being stronger.
laudna is in the wrong! these people dont know how to talk to eachother and i love it! truly i am here for the drama! but orym should not have just taken the sword without consulting his friends. he shouldnt assume he gets special treatment because of his family. everyone in bells hells has trauma related to otohan, and orym has no idea how badly it affected anyone cause he never asked! just paraded around with the sword assuming theyd be cool with it!
laudna is absolutely in the wrong too. bells hells are generally not very good at dealing with things. but delilah is very much in control there and the only person who seems to understand that is imogen.
BUT, looking back, both chetney and fcg have attacked the party due to forces controlling them that were/are still there within them, but were gonna get mad at laudna and not them? cmon now
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(Part of this post with older brother danyal al ghul)
...Okay, look. Sam knows she's staring. She knows very well that she is staring. And that if she doesn't stop staring it's gonna draw her unwanted attention, and that will only have to make her explain why she's staring. Which she doesn't want to do.
She's trying not to stare, which she thinks she should get brownie points for. She tries to look away, to find a spot on the wall to stare lifelessly at, maybe she can burn holes into some of these annoying socialites' heads. But eventually her eyes drift, and suddenly she's back to staring again.
Can you blame her though? Damian Wayne looks like a very close mini-me of her fucking best friend. Seriously, it's like looking into a mirror to the past. If that mirror to the past had green eyes rather than blue and a distinctive lack of a facial scar.
The first time she sees him when her parents drag her over to Bruce Wayne to butter up to him she has to do a doubletake. Then a triple take. Then a quadruple take, just for good measure that she was seeing what she was actually seeing. She was sure she looked like one of those stress toys that when squeezed had their eyes pop out comically like a Saturday morning cartoon, that's what she certainly felt like anyways.
Look, Danny's come a decent way from being that scowl-y, jerkish little ten year old she first met when he arrived like the wind to Amity Park five years ago (even if he was still occasionally scowl-y and jerkish), but one thing that's stayed the same is how reserved he is about his home life prior to being taken in by the Fentons.
He doesn't talk about it much, and Sam's come to know that he's very good at changing the subject when it gets brought up. Even after being friends for nearly four years, the only thing she and Tuck know for certain is that he has a little brother that he refers to as 'starlight', whom he cares a lot about but left on really bad terms with. And that he's never met his father, but wants to and knows who he is.
He's never told her or Tucker who he was though, and glancing at Bruce Wayne, Sam is realizing why. She can begrudgingly acknowledge all the good he's done for Gotham, but... well, if Danny told her that Bruce Wayne was his dad, she wouldn't have believed him at all.
But she's starting to see the resemblance, as subtle as it is.
And she sees the resemblance to Damian Wayne, her eyes dropping back down to him as he wears a very Danny-like scowl on his face, arms crossed behind his back as his eyes swept around the ballroom. He was five years younger than Danny, and god it was so, so weird.
His eyes turned on to her, and they locked gazes for a moment.
Involuntarily, Sam makes a startled noise and looks away. Fingers tap against her purse, black and purple and unfortunately a clutch that only held her phone and her wallet in it. She would have kept a knife on her, but her parents put their foot down and there was a security detail at the door. Only in Gotham.
Silently, she was hoping that the little Danny-me didn't say anything. Or at least, he hadn't noticed her staring. Which was a tall order if she ever heard one -- and unfortunately, her silent prayers went unanswered as her mother's eyes dropped down onto her.
"Did you say something, Samantha?" She asks in a sickeningly sweet voice, a sound that makes Sam's skin crawl. Her dad and Bruce Wayne's attention also turns onto her, and she glowers at her mom from the corner of her eye.
"I didn't say anything." Sam says, barely keeping her tone polite as she turned her head away. Her mother clucks her tongue, disapproving, but from her peripherals doesn't pester her more
Bruce Wayne, the bastard, takes that time to turn to Sam and grace her with his dime-a-dozen billboard smiles. "I've been talking with your parents this whole time, Miss Manson, you must be terribly bored. How is your schooling going?"
Sam eyes him up and down. On one hand, she immediately wants to be snarky. It's none of his business what her school life is like, she doesn't care for his fucking small talk.
On the other hand, this was Danny's whole father. Someone who she knows that Danny has wanted to meet for, what she's assuming, his whole life. He's never brought it up much, but she remembers that very quiet, solemn conversation she and Tucker had with him where he admits to having never met his dad. But god does he want to.
And... wait. Sam's eyes narrow, and she meets Bruce Wayne's eyes. Does this man even know Danny exists? She drops her gaze down to Damian, who was staring at her suspiciously, and then back up to Bruce, and she alternates between them.
Why was Damian living with Bruce, but not Danny? Why hasn't Bruce done anything to reach out to him - what was going on with Danny's biological family that Danny had to be separated from them, but not Damian? Danny's always been kinda mysterious, but now things weren't adding up.
Was Danny given up? Does Bruce just not want Danny, but wanted Damian? Why the fuck does Bruce Wayne know about Damian but not her best friend -- or does he know and just not care? He's fought for custody for his adoptive kids before, does he just not want to fight for his other biological son? Does he think Danny's not worth it?
She's never cared much about the Wayne family before, other than to hear about the advancements on WE's eco-friendly tech, but Sam thinks she's gonna have to look into why Damian Wayne was living with the Waynes.
Slowly, with a protective anger beginning to burn in her gut and crawl up her throat, a scowl slowly curls at the corner of her lip as she redirects her glare from her mother onto Bruce. "It's going fine," She says curtly, jutting her chin out defiantly. "Me and my friend Danny started a petition to fix the leaky faucets in the girls and boys' bathrooms in order to conserve more water for the rest of the city."
She eyes his face, waiting to see if anything like recognition flashes through it. And- and nothing. Sam breathes in slowly through her nose, trying to quell the red that's blurring the edge of her vision -- does he just, not know where Danny is?
Her parents however, make vaguely displeased expressions. "Our Samantha is... quite passionate about her pet projects." Her dad says, laughing low and nervously, "she's very vocal about silly things like that."
"Her friend Daniel is perhaps even worse than she is sometimes." Her mother adds on, fanning her face with her perfectly manicured hands with a sigh. "I swear, he's the one that keeps dragging her into these things."
Sam's anger turns on its head, and she whirls on her heel like a fire-breathing dragon. "It's Danyal." It rolls out like instinct. Danny's told them both that he hates the Americanized pronunciation of his name, but in a rare moment of restraint, puts up with it for reasons unknown to her. "And Danny doesn't make me do anything, it was my idea."
The name, Danyal, seems to ring some kind of bell in Brucie Wayne's head, because she sees him and Damian quietly perk up like two cats pricking up their ears. Her eyes flick onto him immediately, something dangerous rearing its head. So Bruce Wayne knows about Danny. And he's not reaching out to him. Is he? She's not sure.
She does know that she's gonna rip his throat out if she finds out that he's known about Danny this entire time and has been ignoring him while favoring his little brother. She'll hunt down Aragon herself and steal his dragon-shifting amulet and wreck house on Bruce Wayne if that's the case. Batman and his league of vigilantes be damned. Her parents don't notice her slowly turning head towards Bruce.
But Bruce does, and she makes direct eye contact with him. His smile doesn't falter, he just tilts his head like a curious puppy and looks at Sam's parents. She hopes Bruce can read minds, she hopes he can hear her threatening him.
"Danyal?" He asks, and Sam doesn't know if she hates the fact that he said it correctly or not. She just continues burning holes into him and hoping he might spontaneously combust.
Her mother waves her hand dismissively, tilting her nose up poshly into the air. "Our dear Samantha's little... foster friend from school," she says, not even bothering to hide her disdain, "a creepy little boy with the most garish scar on his face. He's a rude little thing, not good for polite company."
Scratch that, Sam mentally alternates between ripping into her parents and Bruce. She whirls on them. "Do not talk about Danny that way." She all but snarls, and they all but ignore her.
(She's tearing up the upholstery when she gets home. She's going to paint over the fine china. She's going to do something to make them pay for this.)
"Oh yes, he was taken in by that freaky Fenton family a few years ago." Her dad continues in lieu of her mom, and they both shake their heads disapprovingly. "It's just what our city needs, another menace."
"Danny is not a menace." Sam continues, raising her voice while her hands shake with rage. Her parents finally look at her, but she can already tell that they're going to scold her for raising her voice. She bulldozes over them and jabs her black-painted finger at them. "He's got a bigger heart than the both of you combined."
"Samantha, please." her mom says, exasperated. They both give her disapproving looks, Sam thinks about grabbing champagne off the tray of a nearby waiter and throwing it in their faces. "You defend that boy far too much. What do you actually know about him and his family?"
Sam sets her jaw, puffing herself up like a dragon protecting its hoard. She steps into her mom's space. "I know that he loves the stars; you can ask him anything about astronomy and he could give you an entire lecture on the formation, class types, and various gasses that stars are made up of. He can tell you how the Earth was formed, he can tell you about the visible light spectrum and about light curves, and a whole ton of other stuff that I don't really understand. But Danny loves talking about it."
Her face twists and scowls, "I know he cares a ton about the environment and about fixing light pollution, and preserving the forests and natural habitats of animals." She nearly jabs her finger into her mom's chest, "I know he loves dogs, and that there's one he feeds every day on the way to school that he calls Cujo, its a St. Bernard puppy and Danny carries him around whenever he sees him after school, and is in the middle of training him."
It's not a total lie, but it's not the whole truth either. Cujo doesn't need food, but Danny gives him it anyways. "I know he likes spicy food and loves movies but specifically only sci-fi and horror, and he hates most martial arts movies. His favorite superhero is the Martian Manhunter, but Batman comes in at a close second." For reasons to her that were pretty unknown, but it didn't matter.
"I know he loves wordplay and making puns, which I would have never expected from him when we first met, but it's so unbelievably Danny-like that I can't imagine him not making puns." And she smiles a little to herself, she remembers the first time Danny intentionally made a pun once and it got startled laughs out of both her and Tucker.
Her smile suddenly falters, and she swallows. Her lips purse up, wobbling, and she very quickly glances over to Damian Wayne, of whom is watching her with a vaguely bewildered expression alongside Bruce.
She turns her eyes back onto her parents. "And I know that he worries a lot, even if he has a shit way of showing it. I know he had a little brother that he hasn't seen since he was adopted by the Fentons, and he doesn't talk about him often but when he does he he calls him 'starlight'." From the corner of her eye, she sees Damian jerk.
"So- so, so what if he's not 'good for polite company'." Sam's voice, embarrassingly, cracks down the middle. But she's so angry over Danny's behalf that she doesn't really care. "Or that he can be mean, and critical, and stubborn. He's learning, and he's becoming kinder by the day. That's more than I can say about you."
(She remembers when Danny finally admitted to her and Tucker being his 'closest friends'. It was sometime before the portal incident, and it felt like a milestone because beforehand he only really referred to them as his companions or allies.)
(At the time, he'd looked unsure of himself. Skittish like a stray in the back of an alleyway, almost shy in his own way. It had come out stilted, slow, like an infant taking its first steps, and it would have been endearing if it hadn't been heartbreaking.)
Her parents rear back like she'd struck them, and her mother holds a hand against her chest in aghast. Sam doesn't care, she blinks the sting out of her eyes. "Samantha." Her mother starts.
Sam cuts her off, "I don't care what you have to say, you-- you pricks." she snaps, around her, there are gasps. Belatedly, she realizes she's grown an audience, but again she doesn't care. "Danny might be an asshole, but he cares. And I'd rather be around someone whose mean but cares, than someone whose nice but doesn't."
With that, she whirls on her foot and turns on Bruce Wayne, who has been silent the entire time with a surprised expression on his face. He starts to shake out of it when Sam turns to him, but she doesn't give him the chance to speak. "Enjoy your party." She snarls, and then stalks away.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danyal al ghul au#older brother danny#sam is one protective gal. this scene went differently in my head. way differently. but alas. i am not complaining.#sam: if bruce wayne abandoned my best friend i'm gonna physically transform myself into a dragon and incinerate him. how dare he.#bruce and damian got to watch in real time as a random girl who knows danny suddenly realizes he's related to them. which is comical to me#because she suddenly goes from being disinterested but weirded out by damian. to suddenly looking at bruce like she's gonna kill him#which is very funny to me bc from their pov at first its like this random girl just speedran hating bruce. and then her parents bring up he#friend danny and then she calls him danyal. and suddenly its starting to click into place like 'oh fuck wait we may just have a lead on --#-- finding danyal and his whereabouts.' especially after sam's mom mentions the scar on his face. like wow. what a crazy ten minutes.#not seen but def happened: sam gets her phone out to go text danny in the corner. she's not gonna bring up the bruce thing yet. she needs#a pick me up. related note: danny and tucker know she's gone to some gala thing with her parents but not to a wayne gala. if danny had know#he may have told her that he was related to damian wayne. just to prepare her for that. not so sure on the writing in this one folks#but i also dont wanna go through and edit anything its like half past one in the morning and i also dont wanna wait until morning to post#when i can just do it now. and get instant serotonin. i thought of this scene in various ways. like sam calling damian 'danny' out of shock#and then quickly correcting herself. and then excusing herself very quickly. or her mentioning that damian resembles her friend danny a lot#so she was just thrown off by him. because i def think that could happen if sam has no reason to think that she needs to hide danny from th#waynes. i also thought about her parents mentioning that damian resembles danny a little bit. only for one of them to go 'oh no no couldn't#- be. how insulting to damian since the daniel they know has this horrid scar on his face.' and then go from there. either way i thought#a scene like this would be fun. get to also kinda explore how danny looks like from his friends' povs. of which he is#'our lovable jerk who is an ex-cult member and whom we will maim someone over.'#not a scene that was added but i wanted to: sam mentioning in parenthesis that she and tucker think danny was part of a cult prior to the#fentons. and that sometimes danny will say something alarming and sam and tucker will stare at him until he frowns and goes#“that... isn't normal. is it?” and tucker will clap his shoulder and cheerfully go “no buddy. no it isn't” bc i think the idea is funny.#sam is so focused on the idea that bruce abandoned/ignored/was unaware of danny's existence that she momentarily forgot that bruce may have
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gg buddy am I right (ethubs doodle that I don't know what to do with)
#ethubs#Ive wanted to draw ethubs angst for so many days but art block is still hitting hard and this thing has been sitting around for awhile#hey ethubers how did you. survive#last life ethubs upsets me so much make it end#The way after Bdubs dies Etho is trying to justify to himself not having given him a life to begin with rather than#telling him to prove himself#its like he expects the others who are with him to comment on it but they dont. Etho's all "I couldn't have just given it to him you know..#without them asking about it or anything. And Etho just keeps going. god damn it Etho I feel so bad for them#dont even get me started on what Bdubs said to G about Etho grrrr GRRRR I saw that for the first time not long ago GRRRRRR#I still wanna draw proper ethubs though. someday#also the damage to Bdubs' face is supposed to be from the rocket Lizzie shot#does it make sense? No probably not but its an excuse to make him look more dead#tubby art
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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im rereading one piece (i'll watch certain arcs too as i get into OP again)
and man i forget how much i loved the baratie arc especially seeing how luffy and sanji first interact... "i refuse your refusal!" is so good and while bickering like an old married couple, they both yell at gin simultaneously i love them so much
#and i find the old art style really charming too!!#and it's just so nice to see luffy's adventure from the start again and knowing how far he's come#i cant wait to watch my fav arcs though!!#oh and this one filler arc i think is after skypiea? idk theres a lot of filler eps i wanna watch#and i just know i'll adore the straw hat crew even more#BUT im sooooo not ready to read marineford again 😭#genuinely ace's death mentally scarred me and i Kind of want to try watching it#but i dont know if i'll be able to handle it animated or even voiced#thats what im most scared of#but the asl backstory has a lot more content in the anime#which is one thing i look forward to most#idk man but i am. mentally preparing myself#ANYWAY#lusan#one piece#luffy#sanji
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"shipping saiki is aphobic because he's aroace!"
stares at you with my demiromantic asexual in a committed relationship eyes then looks at the camera like im in the office
#good thing those folks have yet to find their way into my inbox or id be at risk of embarrassing myself lol#if you wanna see more of the content you prefer...make it yourself :3 MAKE IT YOUR FUCKING SELF lol#youre so attached to the idea youll complain about it but you refuse to do anything about it even create works that you and others will sur#ly enjoy how does this even make sense#sorry for reviving this from the dead when it blessfully hasnt been a thing in the tag for a hot moment but im still irritated hahahah#seriously you know what that screams to me? virtue signalling. you wont do anything except say a few words every now and again like#the motivation starts and ends at appealing to the popular opinion. earn your brownie points. and do nothing.#what is your care made of? thoughts and prayers?#every time ive asked one of these people why they dont make the content themselves the response has been 'i shouldnt have to lol'#you shouldnt have to bully people either with your aphobic BS but look at you! aw~#yall dont wanna commit to shit you just want to tell other people how they should exist.#if you cant create for whatever reason you better be ready and willing to drop your rec list and fave artists. and i sure as shit hope your#complimenting them thoroughly.
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i like him
#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him#i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form#it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again#if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat#or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour#idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed#i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny#if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive#never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny#im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory#i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that#i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit#myart#my art#doodles#stardew valley#stardew#sdv#sdv harvey#kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat
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this is your reminder to make ur cringy n self indulgent art bc cringe is dead and you gotta live life (I say, despite the fact i still feel a bit cringe but im being so brave abt it)
lettin myself post n do more art for myself so apologies for the more selfshippy art than usual
#artswin#tsp narrator#tspud narrator#selfship#oz rambles#in the tags oz rambles go brrrrr#been hyperfocused on the numbers for a while recently which is why ive been pretty low if uve seen sdkhf#but im starting to feel better so in an effort to let myself feel better im doin more self indulgent art#with these types of things i usually make myself as a generic gray human instead of my sona (or recently my sona fusion)#(the sona fusion has my white swoop but black irl hair)#but making this made me remember how much i love drawing myself with narry n i dont wanna get rid of that#i only made the generic gray human art just bc i wanted other ppl to insert themselves which i still wanna do#but at the same time *I GOTTA LET MYSELF BE CRINGE MAN THIS IS MY OLD GEEZER I CAN BE CRINGE FOR HIM*#anywho if yall havent seen my updated intros recently. i selfship with the narrator (specifically virgil) in a bff/qpr way#so it might look hella romantic and couply occasionally were just a couple of besties /pos#gonna tag it with a selfship name tho just so i can access my posts on it easier#n so if yall wanna block me n my cringe for any reason then feel free! /gen /nf#naroz#digitalmuse#(or smth idk ive seen ppl have pretty cool selfship names so i wanna try smth similar but who knows it could change) :P
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i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.
what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.
in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?
obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)
#and this isnt getting into how trans mothwing outside of mothpool is a really good way to read her character#sorry. remembered the shit bonefall got despite being trans as well and got annoyed#that especially annoys me bc hes got plenty of surrogacies but the second hed touch a trans pregnancy#‘’no you cant do that!!! you freak!!! obviously you only see trans people as a loophole for gays to have babies!!!’’#also my gf and i were talking and obviously take this with a grain of salt bc this is our experience#but…. i think a lot of the ppl saying this……. havent really talked to trans women?#dude some of the ones i know LOVE the idea of getting people pregnant#did you know trans women have sex? did you know trans people in general have sex?? did you know trans people irl wanna start families?#did you know that? did you? or do you black out at the idea of a trans woman being anything but strictly pure and nonsexual#and OBVIOUSLY this is not every trans woman. some do have dysphoria around the idea#but im genuinely starting to wonder how these people act around irl transgender parents#whether they had kids before or after coming out#bc ngl. the attitude that thinking about this makes you a transphobic pervert?#directed at trans people making content for themselves?#im starting to think you all just dont want us to reproduce. if we reproduce we arent ‘’good’’ trans people#because a ‘’real’’ man wouldnt carry a child. a ‘’real’’ woman would carry the child. and god forbid the gays even THINK about reproducing#and being around children!#if we have children then we’re doing things that might make cishets look at us and declare we’re not perfect#we’ve proved we’re not just identical to cis ppl!! (and therefore deserving of respect!)#idk. i think this was mostly a case of tumblr going ‘’oh someone said no to this so lets push this to an unhealthy extreme!!’’#and i cant help but notice nobody really brings up nonbinary parents at all in this discussion#not that we have it ‘’better’’ or anything for that but yknow. are we supposed to swear it off?#is the idea of us having kids inconcievable? or worse…. does it mean we ‘’picked a side?’’#so its not even worth getting mad at a pregnant nb person bc ‘’well thats a woman so who cares’’b#HMMMMM.#ohhhh i bet they also get mad if you make transfem pregnancy possible too. no winning#idk really think about it when you go ‘’you can NEVER EVER portray a trans person starting a family. bc REAL trans people would never.’’#ohhh you probably get mad when trans ppl dont get surgery for one reason or another dontcha#whether we want to or its not in the cards for us for whatever reason like cost and such#(while also getting mad if we do bc we cannot win in this no matter what)
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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they hate me for my swagger
#its nice to look in the mirror and feel good =w=bb#somehow so good that you try pixelart fr for the first time and arent completely embarrassed by it#SHITT why do i never do eyebrows T-T i ALWAYS forget them mannn#its just not a part of the face i recognize as important.... despite them being very much so imo#too late now i dont wanna change itt#sillyposting#my work#waughh this is making me think i really need to get onto eyebrow piercingss#big part of feel-goods today was my jewlery and.... i need moree......#do you think if i ask for them for xmas my parents will let me??#actually wait who am i kidding “will they let me”. they dont have much choice. im wondering if theyll PAY for itt =3=#besides the basic earlobe my whole 4 other piercings were done with little of their knowledge#god i can not imagine how tf 17 y/o me had the BALLS to get facial piercings knowing my parents didnt approve#actually i can. that was not the worst thing i had to plague my mind during that time =3=p#ououoouuu i used pixelart.com again and im kinda glad i couldnt figure out how to create my own colours....#its good for my progress to be forced to stick with an (admittedly pretty large) colour pallet.......#even if it means my hair and my face kinda blend together.....#actually thats fine ive been thinking my head is wayy too red next to my hair irl soo =3=bb#yayy#floating head bc i couldnt be bothered.#actually i really need to start doing SOMETHING in the background i cant keep getting away with boring nothingness T-T#ughhh you mean i have to try??? do something new???? ewww
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hmm...
#vent post#seari talks#i feel a little scared... just thinking about the stuff i need to do... and i got a message that i cant answer on my own and the person who#i need the answer from wasnt... helpful... i dont know what to say now... i should say i'll look into it or something... but...#sigh... the whole situation is difficult since i have to... *big sigh* fuck...#if this goes wrong... will they blame me? what will happen to me?... i did ask back in the day... i have the messages... so technically im#safe but... sigh... how stressful...#and i have to check all of this other stuff too...#... i dont like this... i so dont like this... but its okay its gonna be okay... its just the beginning that its scary but once we actually#start running everything will get easier and easier and more comfortable and.... sigh...#for now... lets do what we- fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck who sent me a message fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#i dont wanna open the message#*checks* okay everything will be okay... everything will be okay.... yes... *sigh*#IM OKAY EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!!!#i just have to focus on the matters at hand. i reported this so its gonna get reviewed now. and what i need to do is this other thing...#and study i have to do that too... and read that too... okay thats not difficult ive got this
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