#but im starting to feel better so in an effort to let myself feel better im doin more self indulgent art
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call-me-lemon · 2 days ago
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Fuck it ill answer all of them in order
01: hah, no.
02: my cat
03: yup
04: Oh, very
05: Single
06: Im not picky
07: One single buttery round cracker
08: hah, no.
09: not anymore
10: hmm.. has to be several years ago now
11: yup.
12: Longer, even, just to prove that I could.
13: I hate several people.
14: I miss everyone.
15: Several!
16: My stomach hurts but my spirits are high. Im being very brave.
17: nope
18: Not as much as I used to be, but yes.
19: Nah, im good how I am. Things happened how they happened and theyre going to keep happening, so theres no point in meddling.
20: never snogged a day in my life
21: Exist and find joy in the moment. I never plan anything.
22: Nope
23: Nope, I only wear clipons.
24: uhhhh being gay.
25: A few, yes. My friends from elementary school (Primary for the brits)
26: Im not craving anything at the moment
27: I cant imagine so, im not desirable.
28: I can imagine so. My first bf was always flirtimg with anoother guy in front of me and when I told him it made me uncomfortable he just said "Dont worry about it" and we never spoke of it again. I think that counts.
29: Cannot confirm or deny, but its likely.
30: My feet kind of hurt.
31: I hope so.
32: Yellow. Pastel yellow, specifically.
33: Who can say for sure. I cant self-diagnose that kind of thing.
34: Trying to kill my mom in a fit of rage, but nothing I did had any effect on her and she talked down to me the entire time which only made the fit worse.
35: I dont remember.
36: Maybe. I dont like holding grudges, too much effort on my end.
37: for me, forget.
38: Who knows, its barely started.
39: probably either teen or preteen.
40: No.
51: (Fuck it ig we doing 50s now) Fetucinni alfredo
52: Probably not any reason higher than just the way the world is. There is no divine purpose and life is what you make of it.
53: I took my cat to the bathroom and gave her a piggy-back ride back into my room as was her will.
54: Nothing is black and white, but you'd better have a damn good reason or you get put into the pit.
55: Oh, very.
56: Like one or two at most and I did not do well.
57: Nope. In fact, I dislike the idea of having this one true love tied to you by fate. It takes all the choice out of the relationship. Either be with someone the strings of time have chosen for you, or be alone forever. Thats horrifying.
58: Snow and rain. Makes me sleepy
59: Love it.
60: I dont really care either way
61: Nope. I dislike that pet name even tho I use it personally for my cats, but it feels a little bit to demeaning to be used for a lover since in my experience its always been used from a position of power.
62: Living and being free to live.
63: I dont really like my name but I dont have anything I actually do like to change it to. I guess I just dont like being percieved.
64: I would rather kill myself actually.
65: God, I wish.
66: yes. Mostly. For the most part.
67: hermm... The owner of a warrior cats long term rp server.
68: I dont remember, I tend to say extremely deep sounding things at random. Im the stupidest bitch alive but it lets me spout sage wisdom once in a while.
69: No. Love is what you make of it.
70: I would die or kill for anyone I actually care about no questions asked.
70 horrible questions ... Fuck it
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?
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employee052 · 7 months ago
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this is your reminder to make ur cringy n self indulgent art bc cringe is dead and you gotta live life (I say, despite the fact i still feel a bit cringe but im being so brave abt it)
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lettin myself post n do more art for myself so apologies for the more selfshippy art than usual
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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mgsdeltasnakeeater · 1 year ago
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ohh
#i very rarely talk about stuff like this because i tend to be a very personal person on social media but#ive only really just realized that i guess its true most people will let things fade away on purpose if they dont deem the friend important#and that theyre not like me and will be happy to jump right back into conversation after not speaking for years#ill do anything to keep a friendship and im starting to think thats a problem? that its abnormal?#i dont know. ive always been the one reaching out to try to rekindle something. and after so many turn downs and no effort to hold#conversation i really dont have much of an option to assume that its being done on purpose#believe me im really not the type to immediately assume negative intention in fact quite the opposite#which again... i cant really ever tell when im unwanted versus just feeling unwanted#i think the worst thing is that looking back on conversation i wasnt always the best friend. not the best conversation partner#so then naturally ive got to be like... well... youve made your bed‚ i suppose#its really funny how many times in my life ive found myself thinking 'i really wish i had the insight back then that i do now'#unfortunately it was hardly ever a conscious decision i ever made to act like that. but saying i didnt know any better feels like a cop out#i really did try to know better‚ though. growing up felt like violently clawing my way into trying to understand anyone and everything#i dont know. a lot to think about
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omegasmileyface · 10 days ago
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starting 2 hate myself in a way i havent since high school, with an intensity i havent since middle school, and with a level of "this is straight up the behavior of a morally bad person" i usually save for my elementary school self. so thats fun
#im fine though really its just. yknow. one of those things#being in my 20s i guess#had a high period in college but now im back and realizing that i apparently havent gotten any better at the things i have struggled with#and have in fact gotten worse at several things#or discovered that something i thought i didnt struggle with im actually bad at#so i keep making promises to myself and others and not delivering on them#just like when i was in k12#and im really coming up on 10 entire years with seemingly no progress actually delivering on any of thise promises#and its just. making me a shitty person to put any faith into. from others and from myself#and most of my life ive been able to practice a good degree of self-compassion there and patience#and yknow just keep trying. do my best. remember that im loveable anyway. dont hate myself for it#but its starting to feel like im just making excuses for myself. letting myself off the hook for constantly actively making things worse#i just. eventually i cant atand for it anymore#this is the point where id break off with a friend or stop contacting a family member. id say enough is enough#but im stuck with me and im still not becoming a better person by any definition of the word 'better'#im just so tired#im just so tired.#but yknow its not like im in a big hole or anything. im actually doing pretty well all things considered#im having some absolutely wonderful days recently#its just Yeah.#i really feel stuck with myself. pinned down by who i am. burdened with someone who ignores and mistreats and neglects and indulges#and never puts any effort into anything#i wish she'd just care enough to put in the work for more than a short burst. sometimes you have to keep caring. and keep trying. why doesnt#she realize that
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itsalwaysdark · 3 months ago
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whining hours . sry
#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i#just cant imagine it happening again#like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g#to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t#go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation#+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out#rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking#out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that#and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache#way too quickly and then explode or something. idk#i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots#and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont#have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me#+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk#theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have#stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is#for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part#makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny#it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very#aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate#conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think#itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th#weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk#i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up#<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im#just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but#wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me#like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to#talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings
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housecow · 8 months ago
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i have knee problems stemming from an injury when i was younger. if i step wrong and fall in a certain way, the pain is so bad i can’t walk. but sometimes i like to fantasize: what if something even worse happens and i can’t walk for weeks? what if i happen to be in regular close contact with my feeder?
it’d be hard being told i have rest and let myself heal. there are plans coming up that have to be cancelled, the few active hobbies i have left take a hit. but…it’s so easy to accept every snack brought to me. after all, i sought out a feeder—this lifestyle is the one i’ve eaten myself towards. and he knows i have an inclination towards eating too much. that first week goes easier than it should; weight starts to pile on. but i miss going out, even running errands sounds nice. in the few moments my hands are absent of food or a shake i am regularly in contact with my friends.
the next week i’m better but… i feel slow. my feeder has started to keep people away because i need to rest and he’s right, healing is taxing on the body. i start responding less to others, too. our funnel has gotten so much more use in the last few days. the sugar and constant snacks step up and i can tell there is an agenda behind it all but *god* it feels good to be doted on. he helps me through the necessary exercises but trips across the house are rare. i notice how difficult it is to lift myself up now—how sedentary have i been?
that question doesn’t cross my mind again, there are better things to focus on. my feeder knows how to use my adhd to his advantage—food, sex, TV, and games all provide the dopamine hit needed to keep me distracted. the 3rd week is similar enough to the 2nd: ritualistic feeding becomes the norm. we don’t need a valve to control the flow on the funnel anymore, he knows i can finish everything. my belly is swollen out into my lap all of the time now, if i hold my boobs aside i can see new stretch marks creeping across my expanding hips. i expect the snacks, “babe, can you grab me something from the fridge?” is a phrase heard several times in the day. and my feeder obliges.
the 4th week we have an appointment and im told i should walk and start being active again. the doctor looks nervous though and tells me i need to watch my weight, he says something like “its alarming how quickly this happened,” but i blocked it out because—i can’t even see how much i weigh? my belly blocks the view now. oh my god.
in the car afterwards my feeder expresses doubt at the situation: “you don’t look so steady on your feet, i think you should still take it easy.” his eyes meet mine and i don’t miss the brief glance away, desire obvious at the sight of my rounded figure that’s entirely his fault. i know what he wants and i can’t deny myself that want, either. and he knows better in these situations, i trust his judgement. maybe it is best to stay in. plans can be pushed further back… the walk back to the car was a little difficult, too.
the next weeks—or does it span months?—pass in a blur. staying in is all i want to do. although i’m supposedly healthy again, i rarely get up and walk around more than needed. “needed” means a slow, clumsy walk to the fridge and back to either the couch or the bed. when my feeder is not there to feed me himself he takes time to order food to the door. bending down to pick things up is a monumental effort for me—a heavy, wide belly pressing into my fattened thighs. my swollen tits obscure my vision but serve as an excellent table when i need.
my feeder comes home one day and im asleep, taking up more than my fair share of the couch. my breaths are not easy and its obvious how much i ate beforehand: mostly-empty 2 liters, takeout containers haphazardly stacked on top of one another as they were finished, countless snack packages balled up and stuck between the couch cushions because sometimes i like to squirrel stuff away. as if there was a chance of hiding these habits my feeder built.
but the best part of it all is the empty pitcher sat against the corner of the couch, because i couldn’t reach to the coffee table to properly set it down with so much fat making every movement difficult.
the remnants a weight gain shake. our usual ingredients of cake mix, melted ice cream, strawberries, chocolate syrup, nutella, crushed oreos. it was hastily made, however, and it’s obvious by the chocolatey powder on the sides of the container that it was about the calories this time, not the taste. he can see where some escaped the pitcher and poured down my overly plump, round face and past the lovingly cultivated double chin. it dripped onto my breasts, lovely puddles of calories he wish made it inside of me even if the sight is wonderful. after that thought, an idea comes up. how deep are the rolls he’s gifted me? a cow this size needs to be used.
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honeytonedhottie · 7 months ago
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what i learned during my reflection period⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🧖🏽‍♀️🎀
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as you may or may not have noticed, i've been hiatus for most of the month now. and i disappeared because of personal reasons, and one of those reasons being that i felt i needed to reflect. here are some things that i've learned and realized during my reflection time.
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this is quite personal to me, but i wanted to kind of have a heart to heart with you guys and im sure that someone is probably struggling with what i mention in this post so i hope this is comforting...💬🎀
WHY I FELT STUCK IN MY LOA JOURNEY ;
i was literally doing the most and it felt like such a chore at the time. i would force myself to affirm in ways that felt unnatural, i was letting myself get bullied by the 3D, even though i KNOW i dont have to do a thing. i was putting way too much effort in the wrong way.
WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;
i took a step back and RELAXED. i did what felt natural again and enjoyed manifesting again and because of that i've had success story after success story...💬🎀
DOING A SELF AUDIT ;
i wanted to take a second and expose toxic behaviors and patterns that i noticed i exhibit and that have started to affect not only my physical but my mental in a very very negative way.
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i'd been struggling with regulating my emotions and managing them so i was a walking ball of stress 💀. a beautiful ball of stress but stress nonetheless. i just felt so stuck.
WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;
i went through the motions and after having a total meltdown and doing a bit of journalling i released everything, giving myself a completely clean slate once more.
i did a bit of a refresh and did miscellaneous things to make myself feel like im starting again. things like self concept work, changing the theme of my phone, taking an everything shower + bubble bath, having a pinterest makeover and getting a trim on my hair.
i forced myself to drink more water, and go for long walks not only to get some sunlight but to get my heart pumping and push myself out of the depressive rot that i had been in for months internally, but had pushed itself out as soon as summer started.
THE DEATH OF A SITUATIONSHIP ;
i got really attached to this boy 😭 but he was such a piece of work. like he did that hot and cold shit, but i rly rly liked him so i ignored the obvious red flags. but i got to a point where i just felt used and embarrassed. upon further reflection i think i didn't wanna let him go because he was so fine 💀, like 6'5 muscular kind of fine.
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no matter how handsome a guy is if he has an ugly personality or if he just treats u badly then hes not fine at all...💬🎀
WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;
i went no contact. thats like the easiest way to get over someone i think lol. i went no contact and i just manifested better things for myself. like being asked out by a bunch of guys and wingstop to comfort myself 🧋
also i focused on what i got out of the whole thing. i got the redirection that i wanted, PLUS i was filled with inspiration for my song writing.
SONG RECOMMENDATIONS ;
i want war (BUT I NEED PEACE) - kali uchis
eternal sunshine - jhene aiko
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let you go - clara la san
needy - ariana grande
AT THE END OF THE DAY ;
i wanted to include this section as a reminder that everyone goes through shit. things happen. its okay to be affected by it and its okay to be sad. the most important thing is to not dwell on it too long. remember that you are not a victim and remember how amazing you are BECAUSE YOU ARE. you are amazing and no matter what happens, regardless of anything your gonna be okay and your gonna be in a much better place, it starts with putting one foot in front of the other...💬🎀 (love honey)
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tooscaredtopostonmainrip · 3 months ago
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Hi bbg can u write a reverse comfort with Lilia and Ruggie (comforting lilia + ruggie ) where they think the reader does NOT like them back because they’re always seen with another person so They confront them and turns out they like each other !! Basically it’s overall fluff + angst !!
a/n: MY FAVOURITE READER HAS ARRIVED ,.,,,,,, i MAY be biased. ANYWAYYYY HERE U GO ALSO IM SO SO SO SORRY I GOT WRITER'S BLOCK. IM EMBARRASSED OF MYSELF SORRRYRYRYYR --- ALSO ... I TWEAKED IT A LITTLE BIT TO FIT THE WAY I'D THINK IT WOULD GO, SO SORRY IF ITS NOT TO UR LIKING
CW; BOOK 7 SPOILERS IN LILIA'S PART (if you dont want to read it, skip the first and second paragraph!!!)
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🦇 LILIA VANROUGE
Lilia never really had time for romance. Between the war and the constant paranoia of being on the receiving end of an ambush, he never let himself lower his walls - to truly form an intimate bond with somebody that wasn't immediate family.
Infact, during the war, falling in love was one of the worst things that could happen: It meant having an open weakness. And if that person never came back, you wouldn't have time to wallow in despair since they'd immediately call you next to the front lines. It was one of the worst things to happen to somebody, and Lilia, therefore, found no interest in bonding in such a way. It would be truly unwise, especially since he had to lead an army. He'd have to split his attention between the army and the partner of choice, and he wasn't gonna add to his workload just for fun.
Now, it's all different. Times have changed, and instead of worrying about whether you'll survive the day tomorrow and what you will eat, you worry if your homework is due today or tomorrow at midnight, and if the test's results are gonna be coming back soon. Yes, almost everything has changed, but Lilia never really let his past ways go. Old habits die hard, as they say. (Especially after Meleanor and Levan...)
Well, they did until he met you. Sure, it wasn't love at first sight - more like, interest at first sight. But with time, he truly did feel as though you were an old friend. With time, he started letting his walls down and truly enjoy life with somebody beside him.
Now, he knew of your little crush on him. Why? Well, it was quite obvious. The way you'd fidget when you were around him, or how your eyes seemed to shine when you saw him loitering around in your peripherals. Yes, it was quite obvious. But on the other side, his own affection was, on your end, left unnoticed. It was fun to flawlessly conceal his own beating heart and the blinding grin he'd let out whenever you gave him a compliment - while also, at the same time, giving you mixed signals. He'd have no hand in you later realizing he was a lot more buddy-buddy with blurred boundaries with you than others, even though he denied all allegations. The game of cat and mouse was just too amusing, and he wanted to keep it going for as long as he could.
Everything you did drew him in, and your sweetness left him wanting for more. In his old age, he didn't feel like he should indulge in this, but your honeyed smile and warm embrace held a tight grip on his heart, and so he relented. The heart wants what it wants, he'd say.
Well, for as long as he could, that's true. He knew it would have to end someday, but it would've been better on his own accord. Well, he'd muse. Guess the fun has to finish one day. And today's the day, as much as he may loathe it, somewhat.
Recently, you've been hanging out with someone. He didn't even bother remembering their name, as they were so unimportant he just didn't feel like even putting the minimal effort to put an identity to that face. He didn't want to be petty, but when the person's "hanging out" times bled into his own alone time with you, that truly did the trick. Behind a toothy smile hid a thin-veiled annoyance that stuck to him like tar and ink. It made his nose twitch in annoyance, but he quickly smoothed it all over and kept his composure. He'd let the person have their fun with you for a while, but if they overstepped they'd be done for.
But at the same time, he'd started doubting himself. If he were his past self, he'd be absolutely scandalized that he'd let himself stoop so low as to not trust his own instinct, and he was sure that you were still somewhat interested in him, but the way you kept spending time with that person, and the way you'd immediately stop everything and help them, and the way you'd share laughs with them almost like you did with him... It was getting increasingly harder to keep his calm. (he's in denial, he was never calm.)
Next course of action? Talk to you. For the first time in a while - he'd open up to you, and tell you what he truly felt. He didn't want to be the one to talk about this, but since the problem wasn't going away, he'd have to take drastic measures. At the time he was sure you did like him back, but now it was all up in the air due to that uninvited variable. Maybe he was still sour about the game you were playing with him having an early end. (No, he's sour about someone trying to steal you away. But he knew that very well.)
And that leads to... Right now. The wind seemed to be trying to soothe him, but his thoughts were entirely elsewhere. On another dimension, where he thought about the way you talked to him and the way you always seemed joyous with him. But... Maybe he read it wrong? He scoffed at his own insecurity, but in a silent, small part of his mind... He'd still think about it. No one can grow if they don't admit they're wrong once in a while, yeah? Even though he thought he did all the growth he needed in his youth. Guess there's always room for improvement.
His bat refined hearing immediately picked up on you jogging over to him, and he quickly went back to his bright persona, but unlike with others, it was a little more relaxed. Dare I say, more real.
Your beaming smile, and your soft demeanor made him feel a little less on edge, and he thought that maybe, it'd be alright. That you truly did see something in him. He loathed being so vulnerable, but this wasn't a war zone. You wouldn't mercilessly use him and his feelings, you weren't the kind of person to do that. So, he waited for you.
On your end, you were excited to see Lilia. With all the hanging around you did with your new lab partner you'd been randomly paired with, you hadn't had time to give him the attention you desperately wanted to give him. He wasn't used to you not spending every bit of your day with him, you'd joke to yourself. Maybe he will demand an explanation, with a dramatic flair, of course. He'd always had a penchant for the theatrics.
But the moment you stepped in front of him, you noticed... something, in his expression. Now, everyone who'd hear you say that would side eye you because, on what basis are you saying that? Well... The vibe was off. He wasn't as cheerful as usual, and with how long you've been talking with him, you knew a few of his tells. All of this, on what basis? Well, on a best friend basis, of course. Even though, you'd prefer a title more intimate... But that's something that no one will catch you dead saying.
"My dear bestie!" And thus, his theatrics ensued. You cringed a bit at his use of modern slang, but it was endearing nonetheless.
You chuckled a bit but still greeted him with a quick "Hi Lilia!", afterwards - addressing the elephant in the room. "What's up? Any news?" You inquired.
His grin beamed, and he played up his tone of voice, making it a bit exxagerated. "Oh there is something up!" You definitely agreed with him. Something was up. And it was something wrong.
"Yeah? What is it?"
"You left me alone for oh so long! You'd do that to a cutie like me?" Why was he being so weird?
You were a bit put off by him acting so weird. "Lilia, what's really up? Please tell me."
His face soured, and the thin curtains opened for a second. You saw how he was internally berating himself for something, and how he was truly annoyed. It was a mix and match of emotions that you didn't quite get, so you waited for Lilia to explain himself when he'd be comfortable doing so. The curtains closed, and his eyes kept boring holes into you.
"What do you mean? I'm perfectly okay!"
You bit your lip, and tilted your head slightly. "Come on, what's up?" You squinted your eyes, and he decided that enough was enough, no more games.
"Do you like your new friend?"
The question shocked you, but you didn't let it show. Looking at his face... It didn't seem like he was joking... What was the best course of action? You didnt know, but you decided to stall the conversation to understand what was going on.
Your question was probably futile, but you tried anyway. "As a friend?"
"You know what I meant."
You glanced around, and feeling a bit embarrassed you tried to reason with him. "Come on Lilia, I-" The cutoff was quick, and he immediately asked the question again.
"Do you?"
He wouldn't let it go if you didn't tell him the truth. And so, with a bit of red dusted on your cheeks, you answered his query.
"No, I don't."
The silence was overbearing, and the way Lilia studied you made you want to hide in a hole and forget all of this. But you soldiered on, keeping a brave face and waiting for his move.
His eyes seemed to light up after a while, and you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.
"Why so tense?" His light chuckles helped to alleviate the tension in the air, but you still thought that maybe... It was time to pop the question.
Lilia would've never, ever seen that coming. "Now why would I answer that first? You first-"
"Do you like me?"
And with renewed courage, you answered.
"I do."
His shock shined through, and he dropped all notions of dancing around the topic. His jaw was almost ajar, and he looked at you like a newborn hearing the sounds of nature for the first time.
Then, his grin came back at full force. But this version... It was sweeter. Like a childhood blanket enveloping you. Or your favorite candy from your childhood.
"I love you too."
And with that, he held your hand and smiled at you, the best smile you'd ever seen. He didn't need to know who was near you all the time, because he knew your heart belonged to him. And so did his, to you.
BONUS
("I knew it! Never shall I doubt my instincts again!"
"Uh oh... Your ego grew 10x in size."
"You say that, but you're still here!"
"Yeah, I am <3" )
🦇
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Being from the slums isn't for the weak hearted, to put it lightly. Falling in love was a luxury few could afford - while sharing meals with somebody and having more manpower sounded cool and all, you're never truly sure if the other will one day just up and go with all the stuff you've gathered. Ruggie never wanted to gamble when it came to his belongings, so he didn't take the risk during those times. When he came to Night Raven College, he still found no reason to fall in love, it wasn't like people would really lower their walls easily, and he didn't feel like putting all the effort in doing just that. Plus, everyone was all so slimy, and to love you'd have to also lower your own walls - no doubt they'd take advantage of him. Overall, not an advantageous position, so no way.
🐆 RUGGIE
That's what he used to think. You... changed his view, somewhat. Of course, he didn't fall immediately like some fairytale. Unlearning all his instincts would be a death wish, and that would've been an insult to every hyena and beastman that was from the streets - he just had a bit of interest. He knew the stakes, so he didn't try his luck too much.
You showed him kindness, a warmth that was rarely, if ever, genuine. You weren't a happy go lucky like those snobs from Royal Sword Academy, but you weren't exactly gloomy either. You were, different. You showed him a world he'd never dreamt of seeing, and you were way too in the role to be lying to him. Still, being cautious was never a wrong move.
To be honest, his first thoughts were to just use your kindness. He, at the time, held no hard feelings about taking advantage of you. Lets be real, he never expected someone to just blatantly give him some warmth and not be expecting him to not even have at least one thought about what he could do with that, and not in a nice way.
But you were clever. You didn't let him take any chances, and you didn't let him backstab you. You were always one step ahead, and to his attempts at stealing and using you? You didn't bat one eye. He should've been deterred, but... Why? why are you making him feel so protective over you? Was it a mishap during potionology? What's this... warmth?
With time, he began to begrudgingly accept your kindness as it is, with no catches. He didn't try to find any flaws in your walls, and didn't try to use you as much as before. Food was game, though. You couldn't delete that part of Ruggie even if you tried. It was hardwired into his skull since day one.
He was in constant denial of his feelings, escaping all confrontation inside and outside his mind, and living "blissfully unaware" until it came to bite him in the ass. And when did that happen? You guessed it. Today.
Not exactly today, your switch up happened a week or so ago. It was more like, his tolerance ended today.
Long story short? you began hanging out with this no name low rep student, and you ditched your (self proclaimed) best friend. Now that was the plot twist of the century!
Had you... began to think he's using you? Well, the food part is obvious. But he never used you in other aspects! Well... You didn't give him a chance to, but that's just details. And now he's so attached (hurts to say, but denial cant go any longer) so even if he uses you he doesnt know how'd that end on his side. Seeing you get all chummy with... that. hurt him more than he'd like to admit.
He wasn't sure if he should've talked to you and just upped and confessed, but he also reasoned that he'd lose the free food. (and something more.), so... he waited for a bit. And he waited. And waited...
Each day, he felt more and more high strung. What was that no good scum doing? Why was he hogging you all to himself? What was he planning? Now, you don't even come over at lunch and hang out with him while giving him some of your food. You just... Go and sit with that idiot.
That's it, he thought. He would tell you that he wasn't okay with you breaking your (made up) deal of giving him food. Using stupid excuses, of course. You'd see right through him, but he'd try anyway.
And then, came the fateful day. He texted you to come over, and you did. The classroom was empty when you arrived, other than the hyena beastman looking a bit nervous.
He looked at you and gave you his trademark grin, before breaking into an exasperated facade, shrugging his shoulders and acting like a parent with a child.
"Wow, have been so caught up hanging out with your newest 'friend' that you forgot about the original!" He found himself emphasizing the word 'friend' with a slight snark that'd be missed if you hadn't known him for so long. That immediately caught your attention, but to be sure, you let him speak to hear what he had to say.
Ruggie noted the silence and kept going, finding no reason to just make the conversation die already. "Listen, you can't go back on our deal-" "-I chose to give you food out of my free will-" "-and expect me to not say anything!" Cutting you off while talking was uncalled for, you'd think. But you didn't care all that much. This was pretty amusing.
His stance changed, and he furrowed his eyebrows while folding his left arm near his chest with a dramatic flair. "Gotta eat someway! How could you just leave poor ol' me to fend for myself? Did you realize how hungry I was?-" "-I saw you stealing food-" "-How could you be so cruel!" His ear twitched, and with time he realized he wasn't getting anywhere. You weren't buying it, as expected. But... You looked amused. He was glad you were enjoying yourself. Wait! Focus. He wanted to get rid of that person stealing you, and he got into the role so he had to see it to the end. Definitely not doing this for you to have fun, too.
"So, you wouldn't let your poor friend starve, right?" ... "Well, tell you what, I know a way to let you save me.
"Well, I cant."
What?
"What?" Inside his mind, he was panicking. Did he just lose his chance? He needed to keep a cool head. But... It was getting increasingly harder. Why? Why can't you?
"Come on... I know I don't have the best reputation, but give it some thought? Please?"
"Sorry, but can't." For now, at least. you thought.
He was getting more and more desperate, something new for him. He'd never been desperate for anything but food and money. Being desperate for a person? Now that was new. And he wasn't sure how to take it.
But right now, he knew that his friendship (gosh how he hoped for more...) with you might be in danger, and he had to find a way to keep you with him, and fast.
"Hey hey hey. What about, I give you 5% of all my income? pretty good odds, right?" His trademark grin would've persuaded you, if it hadn't a hidden side to it. He seemed nervous. You thought it was funny how desperate he was for the miniscule bits of free food.
"Not interested, again. Sorry, but can't really negotiate this."
His grin wavered, and his eyes kept looking at you, looking more and more weary and worried by the minute. "Hey. Think about it." His voice was about to crack, but that wouldn't have been very persuasive, wouldn't it?
Free food, huh. you thought. Why is he so adamant on this?
"Please." His pleading made you stop what you were thinking. What? That sounded way too real. Why?
"Why are you so insistent?"
"Because I love you!"
The silence in the room was overwhelming, and your shocked expression made him like he did the dumbest thing ever. Before he could say that it was a joke, you immediately replied.
"I love you too, Ruggie."
Another whiplash. He... Didn't expect to lash out like that.
"Funny joke. Real funny." His unbelieving gaze kept its place looking into your eyes, searching any tells of you lying. But... You didn't seem to be lying. His shock must've showed on his face, because you immediately rebutted.
"Ruggie, I love you. I truly do, I love all of you." Your gaze kept firm, and for the first time in a long time, Ruggie felt... Loved. Safe? It... was difficult to sift through and understand an emotion newly discovered. He never thought something like this would happen to him someday. He was still expecting you to get out a camera and say that it was all a joke. But as he waited, you... Didn't seem to have anything like that in mind.
He didn't cry, but you held his hand. And you promised to not leave him. And you told him that this wouldn't change anything, and that it's okay that he was jealous. It was weird for him, but he felt... Content.
Somehow, you made a hyena from the streets, one of the most elusive and mischievous species living on the streets, infatuated with you. Guess he did get a happy ending he never even dreamed of, huh?
BONUS
(Later that day, he found out that the person who led to all of this was actually a friend that was helping you set up a shop outside school so Ruggie could also work a bit at an honest job. Cue to him getting embarrassed and trying to brush it all off)
🐆
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greenunoreversecard · 11 months ago
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Don't hide your pain
-> Angel dust x reader
A/N: I made this of my own violation. I needed to therapize myself
Reader POV, ftm male, who's ✨️traumatized✨️
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It always starts like this.
Things go well for a while. Things go great, even.
And then it gets bad. And it stays bad, and i ruin every close relationship and im alone.
And then it repeats.
I just wish I could be better. I guess that's why I'm at the hotel.
Things have been good for a while, so good, infact I though the cycle could be over.
Angel brought so much light to my life. He made me feel so happy, and wanted and needed.
And I was so much better. But it seems like the happier I was the worse i fall.
I sigh, rolling over in my bed, grabbing my phone. Fuck it's late in the day. Charlie will be upset, but i cant seem to care. I just- I don't wanna leave my bed.
I look away from my lockscreen, a blurry picture of angel in my Hoodie chasing after nuggets, who has his phone in his mouth, trying to run away with it. It caught angel off guard, and i was laughing so hard i couldnt get a steady photo.
Its one of my favorite memories. I feel a small smile tug at my lips, but my body and my face feel like led that I can barely move.
Theres a knock at my door.
"Hey, baby. Are you ok? Haven't seen you in a day, and I wanted to make sure ya alright.." I hear his quiet voice as the door squeaking lightly as Angle peeks in, silhouette gently illuminated from the light in the hallway.
I grumble in reply and roll over. He sighs, and for a moment I think he leaves but i feel him sit on my bed, next to me. I can feel his warmth. Despite having the features of a cold-blooded spider, he's always run rather hot.
He rests his hand on my back.
"Baby, I can't help you if you dont talk ta me"
Irritation rises in me.
"Don't. I dont need you. I dont need your fucking pity. Just fuck off, please." I say, voice rough and shoulders tense.
His determination doesn't deter, though.
"I don't pity you, love. I just wanna help."
I know my irritation is irrational, logically. But I can't help being angry. Angry I am this way, angry I'm so helpless. And I'm ahry he has to see me like this, considering he has it so much worse. He deserves better than this. Better than me. But I can't seem to stop the slow of my defensive anger, vomiting out words I'm uncertain seraid him I know they do me coming out my mouth.
"Don't pretend, angie."
"I'm serious, though. I want to help."
"Don't play with me. I don't need you, and I don't need your pity."
"Why are you doing this?"
This freezes me. I tense. I don't know why I do this. I don't know why I'm hurting him. I don't know why I'm hurting myself by hurting the only person thats treated me like a fucking sentient being..
I realise, at this point, he's as rigid as a brick, and I look over at him. He tears in the corners of his eyes, eyes slighrly red from the effort it takes to stop his tears. His hair is a mess, and he's shaking, God's he's shaking.
"I- please, sugar. I just wanna help you but- but I can't if you push us away. I you push me away. I- I don't wanna lose you. I can't fucking lose you. And I can feel you sliping and its- it's scary. Please, if not for you then for me."
At this, a sob wracks its way through my body, every viceral emotion I've held back hitting me like a dam destroyed. Apologies spewing through my lips like it's a lifeline. And in a way, it is. Because, I know hes right. And I know if I continue on the way I do, I'll be destroyed at my own hands. And I'll lose him, I'll lose my lifeline.
...
..
.
I don't know how long I cry for. It's all kind of blurry, really. I know i tell him everything ive hid from him about my life through choked sobs, and at some point he's holding me to his chest, gently stroking my hair, touch gentle but deep, afraid to let me go as if I'll disappear, or break like glass.
The good never used to last for long, but maybe this time I can make it last forever.
So long as I have him.
--------------
End note: vv rushed lmfao. Anywhore, hopes this gives a small gauge as to my writing style. I can also try my hand at different possibilities.
Hope ye likey likey
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coupsie-daisies · 1 year ago
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Kinktober '23: Mutual Masturbation | Bang Chan
Pairing: Bang Chan x Afab GN!Reader
Genre: Smut (minors DO NOT interact), Kinktober 2023
Summary: Your boyfriend overhears you joking with your friends that men don't seem invested in pleasing their partners. He's determined to learn exactly how you like to be taken care of.
WC: 2k
Warnings: Unprotected sex (have fun, be safe), mutual masturbation, squirting, breeding kink, use of petnames for reader (baby, pretty), mention of potentially passing out near the end
A'N: Sorry that this took so long, but hopefully we'll be back at it soon here! Enjoy
Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726 // @wooyussy // @burningupp-replies // @bunnypig18 // @decaffedthoughts // @brownieracha / @ferrethyun // @snow-pegasus // @walkxthexmoon // @aesteraceae // @wonuqrtz // @mixling-blog // @wonwooz1
Main Masterlist
Kinktober '23 Masterlist
This fanfiction is property of @/coupsie-daisies, reposting on any other platform is prohibited
It had really just been a stupid conversation between friends, a silly little comment you'd made about how men always seemed to have such a hard time pinpointing what their partners liked, as if they were too concerned with themselves to put in that much effort. You hadn't anticipated Chan overheating it, let alone the confrontation that would come afterwards.
"Do I make you feel good?" He asked one night over take out. You gave him a look, not entirely sure what he was talking about or what had prompted it.
"What? Make me feel good?" You asked, taking a bite of your egg roll. He nodded with a firm, serious look on his face.
"Yeah. I heard you talking when your friends were over. And you said men never learn how to make their partners feel good. Do I make you feel good? Or is there something I should learn?"
He didn't sound angry, but the intensity in his demeanor was enough to tell you that he was being completely serious. You put down your food, turning to face him.
"Channie, if this is about you being insecure or anything, you don't need to. Im very satisfied, don't worry about that," You told him carefully. "it was really just a joke, I was just having a chat with the girls, and Chaer had been complaining about the guy shed been seeing."
Chan shook his head. "No that's not what it is, not exactly. Im not worried, I know I can take care of you. But if I can take care of you better, I wanna know. I wanna take care of you the way you do."
"Okay?" You asked, motioning for him to go on.
"So I want you to teach me." He said.
"Teach you?"
"Teach me how to make you cum. Show me how you like to be fucked."
The words set your entire body on fire, heat searing straight to your core. Your food was forgotten as you tried to wrap your head around the request from your boyfriend.
"You want me to...touch myself for you?" You asked. Chan had never been overly possessive or anything, but he was always determined to make you feel good on his own. And he was certainly good at it, you had never been let down. 
"Will you? If you're comfortable with that."
"Yeah. Yeah I can try."
Which was how you ended up propped against a pile of pillows in your shared room, spread out on the bed while Chan sat in his gaming chair at the end of the bed. It was the hundredth time he'd seen you naked, but something about it felt so much more exposed. You had stripped down, but he was still completely clothed, insistent that this wasn't about him.
"Do I just..."
"Do what you'd normally do. What you do when I'm not around to play with you." He said. You nodded, closing your eyes and trying not to be hyper aware of the eyes on you.
You started slow, your fingertips running up your stomach, over the curve of your chest and back down again, dragging your dull nails over your skin and humming at the feeling. It was nice, just giving yourself the attention. You brought one hand up, letting it dance along your collarbone, over the sensitive spots on your neck while the other flicked and toyed with your nipple. You whined lowly, basking in the light shocks sent through you at the soft tugs.
You could hear Chan, hear the way that his breath caught when you made any sort of noise, and you imagined that he was making mental notes of every spot that earned the tiniest squirms or hums of approval. He was reading you like a book, memorizing your body like it was the most important thing he'd ever learned.
The hand not occupied with your nipples slid down, teasing over your waist, along your hip. Working closer and closer to the heat between your legs that was begging for your attention. But it never strayed that far, following the path over your thighs, scratching at the sensitive skin there and making you purr.
"So pretty," Chan mumbled, and you weren't sure if you were meant to hear. You probably wouldn't have if it wasn't for the fact that your ears were already straining for signs of his presence. You moaned quietly in return, letting your legs spread open and teasing your hand higher, tracing the seam where your thigh met your crotch, brushing ever so lightly against your lower lips. You huffed out a quiet breath at your own teasing. But you knew you had to work yourself up first or you'd be chasing an orgasm that wasn't interested in being caught.
Finally you let your fingers dip through the pool of arousal you'd worked up. You arched a little from the bed, a hiss of relief coming from your lips at finally getting some friction. You spread the wetness up to your clit, brushing against the bundle of nerves just a little before slipping your fingers lower again to gather more of it. You repeated the process until the movement was smooth, easy, and you were battling the urge to give in too quickly.
So you did, rubbing tight circles around your clit, a pretty sigh coming from your lips as you chased the feeling of your fingers, strumming the nerves just right. You heard the chair as Chan shifted, a stifled groan that you just knew it was because of him biting down on his lip.
You slid your other hand down, sliding a finger into your desperately empty hole and then another quickly after, unsatisfied with your own touch after giving in to Chan's so often. Once you were pushed even further into desperation by one finger, you added a second, scissoring yourself open for him and trying to push them even deeper. His fingers filled you up better, they could reach spots yours couldn't. You whined loud and very much not content with your situation.
"Channie, please. Can't do it myself." You pouted, opening your eyes to look at him. The sight in front of you was breathtaking, Chan sitting back with his shirt hiked up to show off the solid muscle of his stomach, and his pants pushed down just low enough for him to have pulled his cock out. His hand was wrapped firmly around the base and he was rock hard, the tip of his dick was a pretty, dark shade of pink and leaking precum that trailed down along the heavy vein that ran up his length. Your hips rocked upwards into your hand, wanting him inside of you so badly that it was downright painful. "Can't make myself cum. Please, need you to do it. Want it so bad."
He groaned, biting down on his lip in an attempt to keep his focus from faltering as he watched you fingering yourself. Your hand against your clit had stalled, just putting pressure on the nub as your hips rolled against your fingers. He shook his head.
"I'm sorry, baby. Can't help, need to see how you do it. Gotta get it right." He said, brows furrowed in either concentration or pleasure, and you didn't try to figure out which it was because he was jerking himself off now, slow and steady in hard strokes. You needed to be the one wrapped around him, you needed to feel him fuck you just like that.
"Channie, I can't. Can't make myself cum as good as you can. Needs to be you, baby please. Please, it hurts. Just want you to fuck me, don't wanna try anymore. Need it to be you." You were on the verge of tears now, desperate and so worked up that you thought you might actually explode. You just needed him to take care of you. Besides, if he wanted to know what made you feel best, he'd have to be fucking you anyways. Nothing new that you could teach him.
You heard a stuttered moan, and he was squeezing the base of his cock so hard that you could only imagine it hurt.
"Can't say things like that, pretty." He muttered, already getting up and shedding his clothes like they burned him. "Beg so pretty for me, gotta take care of my baby. You tried so hard, didn't you? Just couldn't do it."
He climbed onto the bed and knocked your hand away from your dripping pussy. You quickly obliged, letting him take over. Two of his fingers dipped easily into your warmth, curling and twisting and making you moan his name so loud that you were sure to have a noise complaint in the morning. He hummed appreciatively.
"Feel better, baby? Giving you what you need?" He asked, and you shook your head, gripping at his wrist.
"Want your cock. Please, want you to fuck me. Fill me up." You said, giving him the most persuasive eyes that you could manage. He sighed out, eyes closing for a second and you could see them roll back under his eyelids, trying to keep himself in check. He always had the philosophy that you would cum at least once before he did, always the gentleman even when he was fucking you dumb. You were determined, it seemed, to test him on that today.
"So needy. Just for me. My greedy baby. Always need me to dick you down. Want me to breed you too, you always do." He was practically talking to himself as he lined himself up and slid into you. You whimpered, pure relief shocking through your body. You nodded, hands grabbing at his waist, tugging him closer and forcing his cock impossibly deep.
"Yeah, need your cock." You agreed quickly, already rocking up to meet his hips. Any coherent thought you'd had the entire time was gone now, just chasing the sweet feeling of his hips clashing against yours in hard, hurried thrusts as both of you lost your self control.
"Look how fucking perfectly you take it." His hands pushing your thighs up to your chest, exposing the way your pussy sucked him in for him to admire. "Gonna fill you up so good. Stuff you full of cum just the way you like it. My pretty baby. Come on, cum on my dick. I know you want it, been so good. Playing with yourself for Channie. So fucking-"
His words cut off abruptly as your walls clamped down around him hard enough to have his pace slowing. Your surprised cry hurt your throat as you came, juices gushing around him and wetting the bed underneath you. He didn't last a second longer, spilling inside of you and flicking at your clit to push you through the last few spasms of pleasure that rocked you.
"Can't believe it," He breathed out, hands moving to caress your quivering thighs. "You squirted. God, you're so perfect, didn't even know you could do that."
You giggled, body feeling warm and heavy and only grounded by the feeling of Chan touching you ever so gently. You blinked a few times, looking up at him and revelling in the look of pure amazement and adoration on his face.
"Didn't know I could do that either." You said. You watched him for a moment longer, the way he touched you like you were the most beautiful thing to ever grace his presence, and then he stopped.
"Gotta do it again, baby. Gotta learn how to make you do it every time. Gotta practice."
You whined at the thought, knowing how your boyfriend got when he set his mind to something. He was going to keep you up all night at this rate, and you'd be lucky if you didn't pass out by morning.
copyright 2023 coupsie-daisies, all rights reserved
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doublequaterpounder · 1 month ago
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Hey yo potentially triggering discussion of EDs in conjunction with feedism
So yeah some posted an anonymous comment on one of my posts asking if feedism is just another form of ED and the answer is complex but short answer is NO
This kink while wonderful and i wouldn’t change it for anything has in the past had a negative impact on my EDs. when i was skinny i was in such a shame spiral with societal desires to be thin but also being really attracted to fatness and deep down wanting to be fat. this period of my life where i was really fit was real bad for my ED and my desire to be fat really affected that. in the long run letting myself get fat and enjoy myself and enjoy food has been a super healing process in recovery from my ED
but here comes the turn side of that. when i started trying to get fat on purpose i think with my previous disposition of body image i got another ED. i don’t think this form of ED has an offical title or even clinically offical but im convinced im not alone in this. when i first plumping up on purpose i became obsessed to an extent where it’d be considered disordered i was weighing myself multiple times a day and being disappointed the number wasn’t going up. i was eating as much as i could making myself super uncomfortable even chugging water so the number on the scale would move up and when i would wake up the next morning with the number being lower i would beat myself up over it a return to the cycle.
this is a super unhealthy way to approach this but cause i was so repressed with my feelings and restricting myself that when i decide to get fat and it wasn’t happening at the speed i wanted it too i got into patterns mirroring that of an ED, idk if this does have a name it’s different to a BED but just obsessive over every details of whatever makes the scale go up.
THIS DOESNT HAVE TO BE THE ONLY WAY TO GAIN WEIGHT OR ENGAGE IN FEEDISM
so for me when i first started in feedism with myself yeah it did amalgamate in the form of an ED but i learnt how to cope and exist in this kink in a healthy way for my lil brain but feedism is not an ED but i do think there needs to be more education and research into feedism induced EDs and there are other ways to gain than stuffing everyday and making yourself uncomfy and beating yourself up over scales and numbers.
currently i’ve been making sure i’ve been eating three (hearty) meals a day snacks making an effort to eat good but not going too overboard. i’ve gotten better about weighing myself and setting realistic expectations with gaining i still have a lil voice in the back of my head that’s disappointed when the number isn’t what i want but it’s a lot less loud
talking about weight gain and feedism outside of horny hours has been extremely healing as well. people don’t say gym goers have an ED but just like most things people can go overboard so there is a way to fatten yourself in good ways
sorry for the long one it’s a bit more serious and stuff but i hope this helps anyone who has struggled with this or is struggling currently and has decided gaining weight isn’t for them because of similar experiences i just wanna let yall know there are ways you can do it and there is another side and it’s pretty fat over here :)
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lookinghalfacorpse · 1 year ago
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/dsmp /rp
cuddling with dream and the many possibilities, scenarios, and obstacles you may encounter. don't let him read this. a guide by technoblade.
i'm about to blow your minds with how complex this is. i'm a master at my art (sleeping), alright? i'm an experienced craftsman (at sleeping), i perform at my best in all locations (with naps, mostly) (yes, even in the obsidian box), and i'm very good at cuddling. i'm practically built for it. i would never, ever think about writing a guide about how to cuddle with philza minecraft (or anyone else, really), but this squirmy little guy is different.
-the best approach is the Sudden Drop. walk over to him, no matter what he's doin, and just drop onto him and stay there. spare no body weight. he'll probably think it's a bit funny, and that's why it's the best one. he's more likely to humor something if it's a good bit, and having a giant piglin treat you like a sofa cushion is a GREAT bit. he'll laugh.
-(the second best approach is when he's upset or panicking or crying, and you can see him grabbing onto himself. normally that means... idk, that he wants held? Or he wants to hold something? i'll sit down, slowly, and wrap 'im up. he'll latch onto me. hard. fingers twisting my fur-- the whole nine yards)
-otherwise, he's shy with his hands. a few times now, i've grabbed his hands and put them somewhere on me because he was just, like, hovering them awkwardly. like, cmon, man. i'm laying my whole body on you, what part of your hands do you think is gonna bother me.
-but, come to think of it, sometimes he's afraid of my hands, too. if i move them in the middle of the night. if i lay them somewhere sensitive, like his sides or the small of his back.
-another scenario: he might approach me, too. i thought it'd never happen. you know that feeling with the stray dog is finally close enough to sniff your hand and you stay super still so you don't scare it? That's how i felt. he normally just walks over and leans on my shoulder, and i still can't tell if that's all he wants or if he's asking me for a better cuddle. more experimentation is needed here.
-location is key! in all scenarios, near the wall is best. i think of myself as a secondary wall and kinda close him in- if sam were lookin', he'd only see me.
-(he's so little. he's SO little. was he always this thin? i'm gonna crush the kid.)
-expect the unexpected. sometimes he'll hit you. sometimes he'll start to cry, and sometimes that means you need to let him go, and sometimes that means you need to hold tighter. it's complicated. but everyone needs it, especially dudes bein tortured in a box, so it's worth the effort.
-(sometimes i need it, too. i'll admit it, i'm scared.)
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@steddie-week Day 6 - Dizzy / Drunken Concussion confessions
i'm challenging myself to keep each of these at 660 words; see day one for more of an explanation!
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“C’mon guys, one of you’s gotta wanna ride this with me?” The others blink up at him, around at each other, “Seriously? No one?” 
“I’ll ride with you, Ed–”
“Oh no you don’t,” Robin interrupts, shutting down Steve’s very good idea about riding the Zipper with him.
“C’mon Birdie, let a man live! The fair only comes around once a year.”
“And someone only has one brain, one that’s been bruised one too many times already.”
“Pfft, you’re no fun.” he says, waving her off, “So who’s goin’?”
It’s actually Will that steps up to go with him, after Dustin’s enthusiasm for going is shot down by Steve’s “Hell no, Henderson, you’re breakable enough as it is already.”
He and Will climb into their already swinging little pod and sit down, strapping the well-worn buckles around them, “Y’ready for this, Baby Byers?”
“Uh.. Sure, Eddie, Ready!”
“Don’t be nervous little man, carnival rides are always safe.”
And fun. The Zipper’s always been his favorite at the carnival, can’t get the swoopy guts like this on just any ride.
Even Will’s having fun, no matter the apprehensive look he had when they got on.
“Okay, Baby Byers, this’s us,” he says when he feels their buggy do it’s final swoop into the loading area. He unbuckles his seatbelt, goes to stand, and gets a faceful of metal for his efforts.
The next thing he’s aware of is a concerned voice calling his name. 
“Eddie? Eddie! You okay?”
“Steve?” his eyes find the both of him rushing forward, “Stevie! Darling!”
“He was fine until the very end,” Eddie hears Will explaining from underwater, “He unbuckled just a second too soon and got thrown into the bars.”
Steve does his disappointed tsk at someone, “Ooh, you’re in trouble now.” he says to whatever unfortunate soul is on the receiving end. He can’t quite parse out who it is, probably whichever one of them got hurt on the Zipper.
“You’re the one who got hurt, Doofus.”
“He’s not Doofus, Birdie, he’s Dingus. Always getting himself dinged up.” She must be talking about Steve.. Wait.. “Stevie got hurt? Who hurt him?!” Eddie wheels around to look for the bastard who hurt his Stevie, only getting a swirl of color and a supporting arm to the chest for his troubles.
“Okay, big guy, let’s get you looked at before you do or say something stupid.” Steve says, pulling him up. “I’ll take him to the medical tent, he probably has a concussion.”
“You’re a concussion,” Eddie says automatically
“I’ve had a good couple, yeah.”
Eddie lets Steve lead him wherever it is he wants to go (“The medical tent, Eds, I’ve told you that already.”) and is soon laid back on a creaky examination bench.
“He’s gott’n a percussion, doc.” Eddie patiently explains to the volunteer nurse, “You gotta check ‘im out, he’s got an ass that never quits.”
“Never quits what, Mr. Munson?”
He’s not quite sure, actually. “Uh.. bein’ an ass.”
Someone’s doing a bad job at hiding their laughter. “Gotcha, I’ll make sure to take a look.”
“No, wait! You can’t! That ass is mine, sister.”
The nurse giggles again, “I’m sure it is, Mr. Munson.”
“Yeah you better leave, hussy–”
“Eddie!”
Oh no, Steve’s mad at him, “What?”
“You can’t call people that, especially not the ones trying to fix your head.”
“Hey, my head is great! Get compy– coplay– compli— I’m great at head.”
“I’m sure you are.”
Eddie can hear the smile in Steve’s voice, and makes a point to find it. 
It’s there beside him, surrounded by the most beautiful blush. “I love you, Stevie.”
The smile disappears, and that’s not what he wants to happen at all. He can feel his eyes start to burn with tears. “Eddie? Eddie, what’s wrong?”
“I made your smile go away.”
“No– Hey, it’s okay, I was just surprised; You’ll see it again.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” The smile is back in his voice.
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and, say it with me folks, they aren't even dating!!
if anyone doesn't know, this one on the left is the zipper
on AO3 here!
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smicksstuff · 2 years ago
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summary: Yn is back in England after the thrilling start to the F1 Season in Bahrain. She has got a week to spend before jetting off to Jeddah with her big bro. Who will be the lucky few who gets to enjoy the company of the one and only yn gasly?
read Part 1 and Part 2 here
The PitBox Crew Series
Mischief Managed
f1 drivers x yn gasly
instagram edit
8 March 2023
yngasly
Hogwarts
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liked by mickschumacher, lance_stroll and 973, 038 others.
yngasly It's wingardium leviOsa, not leviosAH. (ft the best tour guide in the world & lando)
view 567 comments
maxfewtrell ❤️
landonorris WOW i see how it is !
yngasly it is what it is
charles_leclerc next tour is maranello 🔜
yngasly cant wait!! i would love a ton of ferrari merch too #55 please 🙏🏽
carlossainz55 YESS! i found my favourite gasly!
pierregasly HEYYYY!!
charles_leclerc sorry i think the tour is fully booked 😕
yngasly itsokay then, im sure carlos or arty would bring me there 😎
liked by arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 567 others
charles_leclerc oh wait look at that my schedule is free now
sharl can we appreciate the fact that charles tried to be mean and failed miserably 😂
mickschumacher cant believe you went to harry potter world without me 💔 some kind of bestie you are 😭
schumacher47 mick being upset about not going to harry potter world is upsetting me
yngasly im sorry bestie we can go again tgt 🥺
mickschumacher you are paying
yngasly ME? FINE its on me
mickschumacher 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
yngaslyfc OMG the gasly genes are amazing! I'm in love 😻
pedrofans the hat and the nails and the fits!! her aesthetic is too die for 😍
landino yn hanging out with lando and max sounds like a new trio in the making !!
norris4life or its a cover up and they are secretly dating 🤔
pierregasly so this is what you ditched me for ? im hurted.
yngasly its hogwarts pierre, you dont skip on hogwarts
lance_stroll did you just cast wingardium leviosa? ‘cause you’re sweepin’ me off my feet! 😍
sirlancelot what in the hogwarts is happening?
lancestrollfans oh my my lance what are you doing
yngasly its an A for effort definitely
liked by lance_stroll and 1056 others
mickschumacher @lance_stroll how do you feel right now?
chloestroll idk who that was but its not my brother i refuse to believe what i just read
scottyjames31 never ever gonna let you forget this!! its become a core memory.
ls18 lance just trying to shoot his shot
lancestrollfans a cheesy pickup line by strulovich is not what i envisioned myself waking up to.
rickybobby OMG she would have been a dannyric girl! their aesthetic just click so well!
liked by 1068 others
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10 March 2023
lando.jpg
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liked by yngasly, carlossainz55 and 956, 673 others
lando.jpg introducing my favourite people and yn
view 900 comments
yngasly WOW ! this is war now
lando.jpg you started it
maxfewtrell i feel so loved today ❤️
georgerussell63 what is yn playing
yngasly goat simulator
georgerussell63 why of all games that
yngasly lando didnt let me play on the sim 😭
lando.jpg but you were having so much fun on the goat simulator
yngasly im a quick learner! at least i didnt think that we needed to milk the goats 👍🏼
liked by lando.jpg, alexalbon, and 587 others
georgerussell63 that was low
gr63 not yn dragging george! i love her
alabono not alex liking the comment too
landino lando says “and yn” like she isnt the favourite one 😂
liked by 569 others
quadrantmania literally 5/9 of the photos has her in it
username4 he can do so much better than her fr, luisa is so much prettier than her
liked by 385 others
quadrantmania this is a hate free zone, please leave
ln4 umm is no one gonna speak about the rollercoaster pic ? or are we just assuming its yn?
landino …
username7 it better be someone else who would date her after all she did in milan
user2 what happened in milan ?
username7 why do you think she got shipped off to england?
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11 March 2023
yngasly added to their story!
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f1wags
London
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liked by sirlancelot, landino, sharl, and 278, 688 others
f1wags Yn Gasly, youngest child of the Gasly family has been spotted in a cafe in London with a guy. Since her first reappearance into the F1 world at the Bahrain paddock in 2023, she has been linked with a few drivers such as the likes of Mclaren Formula 1 Driver; Lando Norris and Ferrari hotshot Charles Leclerc. What are your thoughts on who this mystery guy is ?
Who is Yn Gasly?
The 23 year old Gasly girl is the youngest of the 5 siblings. She is currently a student at The University of Buckingham studying Marketing and Media Communications. She transferred from Universita Iulm - Communications, Media and Advertising where she had been studying the past 2 years. Her transfer to England allowed her to accompany her brother at his new Formula 1 team.
The youngest Gasly grew up alongside Charles Leclerc, Esteban Ocon and Anthoine Hubert who was her best friend. Yn has always been an avid fan of racing. She used to kart with Pierre, Charles and Anthoine. Racing was not her passion however, she was always seen in the garages of Pierre, Anthoine and Charles, cheering them on at every race. Following the lost of her bestfriend, she left the racing scene and supported Pierre and Charles from the television screen. She made a return to the paddock this season sporting the Alpine colours of Pierre’s new team.
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lando4life that guy definitely is lando. they have been hanging with each other all week !!
landoooo i heard that she even appeared on max’s stream
ln4 i mean how can it not be lando, did you see the pictures he posted with her !!
landoo04 he posted a movie theater too on his jpg account too
sharl thats our monegasque king for sure! have you not seen the flirty comments they leave on each others post
sharl plus i mean they’d make a hot couple
landino charles hasnt been in london tho, he has been in italy all this while.
supermaxx thats our london boy lando for sure! their banter is beyond just friends.
liked by 700 others
estiebestie anyone for a second thought that maybe it was lance?
sirlancelot lance and yn have always been friends, the flirty comments is nothing new
premaagirls thats true!! they were good friends when lance was in prema
lancesgirls she and chloe have also been besties for a long time!!
f1fans how are yall so blind to the fact that she uprooted her entire life in milan just for pierre! i mean i cant believe she left milan because of pierre
yngaslyfc im pretty sure she had her reasons for transferring!
f1fans just imagine that you have to uproot your life for your sibling! she has been doing it her entire life just so pierre can race. its unbelievable the extents they go so they can race!
username3 how is this even allowed in this modern world! thats absurd!
yngaslyfc if you really read and understand pierre’s and yn’s story you will find out that yn did not give up her dreams or education for pierre! pierre and yn have always been an unbreakable duo.
yngaslyfc plus pierre has always been supportive towards yn’s aspirations, she has always been a priority for him. so i think you should get your facts right before commenting on them.
liked by yngasly and 68 others
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13 March 2023
yngasly just posted a story!
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credits: all pictures are found from pinterest and instagram
a/n: thank you for reading this far !! If you have any suggestions send them to me!! I would love to hear them ◡̈
if you would like to be tagged when new parts are released, drop your usernames in the comments!! 😁
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nicoleshifting · 18 days ago
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starting over with shifting
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my main goal for this year is to completely center shifting in my life and change my self concept when it comes to me and my ability to shift. i have come to recent realizations that since the very beginning of me starting trying to shift, I have been utterly resisting shifting. despite me having at the surface an overwhelming desire to shift, I truly think deep down I have believed I am 1) undeserving of fully and completely shifting and 2) destined to never really get the things I want, as this had been something that was a repeated pattern for most of my life.
but I am changing the narrative. during my time trying to shift thus far in 2025, I have noticed a change in the strong feeling (which I now know was resistance) I would often feel while trying to shift. however, I am still working to get rid of it entirely. one thing I have struggled with SEVERELY with shifting has been my focus. I find my thoughts drifting to the events of the day, what I have planned for tomorrow, or just random memories popping into my head, ultimately distracting me from the task at hand- SHIFTING!
my focus has already gotten better since I have started centering shifting in my life more and developing healthier habits surrounding it. i have also started doing longer meditations prior to shifting and really, really putting in effort to keep my focus on my desired reality.
i tried shifting last night, which i do not normally like doing (I prefer awake methods and shifting during the day/early evening) but felt inclined to try anyways. i didn't end up shifting to my dr, but I did get two downloads from my dr which I will take as a win!! i feel like I was given these downloads also a reminder that there are more than just two people in my dr (my two boyfriends...) and that I have so many friends and other people I am close with, and that perhaps I should stop being so single minded (well, I guess duel minded lol) when thinking about my dr. there's soooo much more there.
anyways, getting to my point, my focus stayed so on track the entire time during the meditation and me trying to shift to my dr, which I do believe is the reason I got these downloads at all.
a win is a win!
my main goal when i try to shift at this exact moment in time is try to be as present and focused as possible, without forcing the shift or feeling like I have to force something. the shift will come naturally. so often i have myself just thinking over and over that im shifting i'm shifting please just let me shift i am in my dr i have shifted i have shifted i have shifted. this intense desperation has yielded me nothing but disappointment and ultimately distressing me. no more!! shifting is so fun and easy for me and comes swiftly and naturally and with ease <3
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