#but im starting to feel better so in an effort to let myself feel better im doin more self indulgent art

[employee052]

this is your reminder to make ur cringy n self indulgent art bc cringe is dead and you gotta live life (I say, despite the fact i still feel a bit cringe but im being so brave abt it)

lettin myself post n do more art for myself so apologies for the more selfshippy art than usual

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[mgs3dickeater]

ohh

[itsalwaysdark]

whining hours . sry

[housecow]

i have knee problems stemming from an injury when i was younger. if i step wrong and fall in a certain way, the pain is so bad i can’t walk. but sometimes i like to fantasize: what if something even worse happens and i can’t walk for weeks? what if i happen to be in regular close contact with my feeder?

it’d be hard being told i have rest and let myself heal. there are plans coming up that have to be cancelled, the few active hobbies i have left take a hit. but…it’s so easy to accept every snack brought to me. after all, i sought out a feeder—this lifestyle is the one i’ve eaten myself towards. and he knows i have an inclination towards eating too much. that first week goes easier than it should; weight starts to pile on. but i miss going out, even running errands sounds nice. in the few moments my hands are absent of food or a shake i am regularly in contact with my friends.

the next week i’m better but… i feel slow. my feeder has started to keep people away because i need to rest and he’s right, healing is taxing on the body. i start responding less to others, too. our funnel has gotten so much more use in the last few days. the sugar and constant snacks step up and i can tell there is an agenda behind it all but *god* it feels good to be doted on. he helps me through the necessary exercises but trips across the house are rare. i notice how difficult it is to lift myself up now—how sedentary have i been?

that question doesn’t cross my mind again, there are better things to focus on. my feeder knows how to use my adhd to his advantage—food, sex, TV, and games all provide the dopamine hit needed to keep me distracted. the 3rd week is similar enough to the 2nd: ritualistic feeding becomes the norm. we don’t need a valve to control the flow on the funnel anymore, he knows i can finish everything. my belly is swollen out into my lap all of the time now, if i hold my boobs aside i can see new stretch marks creeping across my expanding hips. i expect the snacks, “babe, can you grab me something from the fridge?” is a phrase heard several times in the day. and my feeder obliges.

the 4th week we have an appointment and im told i should walk and start being active again. the doctor looks nervous though and tells me i need to watch my weight, he says something like “its alarming how quickly this happened,” but i blocked it out because—i can’t even see how much i weigh? my belly blocks the view now. oh my god.

in the car afterwards my feeder expresses doubt at the situation: “you don’t look so steady on your feet, i think you should still take it easy.” his eyes meet mine and i don’t miss the brief glance away, desire obvious at the sight of my rounded figure that’s entirely his fault. i know what he wants and i can’t deny myself that want, either. and he knows better in these situations, i trust his judgement. maybe it is best to stay in. plans can be pushed further back… the walk back to the car was a little difficult, too.

the next weeks—or does it span months?—pass in a blur. staying in is all i want to do. although i’m supposedly healthy again, i rarely get up and walk around more than needed. “needed” means a slow, clumsy walk to the fridge and back to either the couch or the bed. when my feeder is not there to feed me himself he takes time to order food to the door. bending down to pick things up is a monumental effort for me—a heavy, wide belly pressing into my fattened thighs. my swollen tits obscure my vision but serve as an excellent table when i need.

my feeder comes home one day and im asleep, taking up more than my fair share of the couch. my breaths are not easy and its obvious how much i ate beforehand: mostly-empty 2 liters, takeout containers haphazardly stacked on top of one another as they were finished, countless snack packages balled up and stuck between the couch cushions because sometimes i like to squirrel stuff away. as if there was a chance of hiding these habits my feeder built.

but the best part of it all is the empty pitcher sat against the corner of the couch, because i couldn’t reach to the coffee table to properly set it down with so much fat making every movement difficult.

the remnants a weight gain shake. our usual ingredients of cake mix, melted ice cream, strawberries, chocolate syrup, nutella, crushed oreos. it was hastily made, however, and it’s obvious by the chocolatey powder on the sides of the container that it was about the calories this time, not the taste. he can see where some escaped the pitcher and poured down my overly plump, round face and past the lovingly cultivated double chin. it dripped onto my breasts, lovely puddles of calories he wish made it inside of me even if the sight is wonderful. after that thought, an idea comes up. how deep are the rolls he’s gifted me? a cow this size needs to be used.

[honeytonedhottie]

what i learned during my reflection period⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🧖🏽‍♀️🎀

as you may or may not have noticed, i've been hiatus for most of the month now. and i disappeared because of personal reasons, and one of those reasons being that i felt i needed to reflect. here are some things that i've learned and realized during my reflection time.

this is quite personal to me, but i wanted to kind of have a heart to heart with you guys and im sure that someone is probably struggling with what i mention in this post so i hope this is comforting...💬🎀

WHY I FELT STUCK IN MY LOA JOURNEY ;

i was literally doing the most and it felt like such a chore at the time. i would force myself to affirm in ways that felt unnatural, i was letting myself get bullied by the 3D, even though i KNOW i dont have to do a thing. i was putting way too much effort in the wrong way.

WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;

i took a step back and RELAXED. i did what felt natural again and enjoyed manifesting again and because of that i've had success story after success story...💬🎀

DOING A SELF AUDIT ;

i wanted to take a second and expose toxic behaviors and patterns that i noticed i exhibit and that have started to affect not only my physical but my mental in a very very negative way.

i'd been struggling with regulating my emotions and managing them so i was a walking ball of stress 💀. a beautiful ball of stress but stress nonetheless. i just felt so stuck.

WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;

i went through the motions and after having a total meltdown and doing a bit of journalling i released everything, giving myself a completely clean slate once more.

i did a bit of a refresh and did miscellaneous things to make myself feel like im starting again. things like self concept work, changing the theme of my phone, taking an everything shower + bubble bath, having a pinterest makeover and getting a trim on my hair.

i forced myself to drink more water, and go for long walks not only to get some sunlight but to get my heart pumping and push myself out of the depressive rot that i had been in for months internally, but had pushed itself out as soon as summer started.

THE DEATH OF A SITUATIONSHIP ;

i got really attached to this boy 😭 but he was such a piece of work. like he did that hot and cold shit, but i rly rly liked him so i ignored the obvious red flags. but i got to a point where i just felt used and embarrassed. upon further reflection i think i didn't wanna let him go because he was so fine 💀, like 6'5 muscular kind of fine.

no matter how handsome a guy is if he has an ugly personality or if he just treats u badly then hes not fine at all...💬🎀

WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;

i went no contact. thats like the easiest way to get over someone i think lol. i went no contact and i just manifested better things for myself. like being asked out by a bunch of guys and wingstop to comfort myself 🧋

also i focused on what i got out of the whole thing. i got the redirection that i wanted, PLUS i was filled with inspiration for my song writing.

SONG RECOMMENDATIONS ;

i want war (BUT I NEED PEACE) - kali uchis

eternal sunshine - jhene aiko

let you go - clara la san

needy - ariana grande

AT THE END OF THE DAY ;

i wanted to include this section as a reminder that everyone goes through shit. things happen. its okay to be affected by it and its okay to be sad. the most important thing is to not dwell on it too long. remember that you are not a victim and remember how amazing you are BECAUSE YOU ARE. you are amazing and no matter what happens, regardless of anything your gonna be okay and your gonna be in a much better place, it starts with putting one foot in front of the other...💬🎀 (love honey)

[tooscaredtopostonmainrip]

Hi bbg can u write a reverse comfort with Lilia and Ruggie (comforting lilia + ruggie ) where they think the reader does NOT like them back because they’re always seen with another person so They confront them and turns out they like each other !! Basically it’s overall fluff + angst !!

a/n: MY FAVOURITE READER HAS ARRIVED ,.,,,,,, i MAY be biased. ANYWAYYYY HERE U GO ALSO IM SO SO SO SORRY I GOT WRITER'S BLOCK. IM EMBARRASSED OF MYSELF SORRRYRYRYYR --- ALSO ... I TWEAKED IT A LITTLE BIT TO FIT THE WAY I'D THINK IT WOULD GO, SO SORRY IF ITS NOT TO UR LIKING

CW; BOOK 7 SPOILERS IN LILIA'S PART (if you dont want to read it, skip the first and second paragraph!!!)

🦇 LILIA VANROUGE

Lilia never really had time for romance. Between the war and the constant paranoia of being on the receiving end of an ambush, he never let himself lower his walls - to truly form an intimate bond with somebody that wasn't immediate family.

Infact, during the war, falling in love was one of the worst things that could happen: It meant having an open weakness. And if that person never came back, you wouldn't have time to wallow in despair since they'd immediately call you next to the front lines. It was one of the worst things to happen to somebody, and Lilia, therefore, found no interest in bonding in such a way. It would be truly unwise, especially since he had to lead an army. He'd have to split his attention between the army and the partner of choice, and he wasn't gonna add to his workload just for fun.

Now, it's all different. Times have changed, and instead of worrying about whether you'll survive the day tomorrow and what you will eat, you worry if your homework is due today or tomorrow at midnight, and if the test's results are gonna be coming back soon. Yes, almost everything has changed, but Lilia never really let his past ways go. Old habits die hard, as they say. (Especially after Meleanor and Levan...)

Well, they did until he met you. Sure, it wasn't love at first sight - more like, interest at first sight. But with time, he truly did feel as though you were an old friend. With time, he started letting his walls down and truly enjoy life with somebody beside him.

Now, he knew of your little crush on him. Why? Well, it was quite obvious. The way you'd fidget when you were around him, or how your eyes seemed to shine when you saw him loitering around in your peripherals. Yes, it was quite obvious. But on the other side, his own affection was, on your end, left unnoticed. It was fun to flawlessly conceal his own beating heart and the blinding grin he'd let out whenever you gave him a compliment - while also, at the same time, giving you mixed signals. He'd have no hand in you later realizing he was a lot more buddy-buddy with blurred boundaries with you than others, even though he denied all allegations. The game of cat and mouse was just too amusing, and he wanted to keep it going for as long as he could.

Everything you did drew him in, and your sweetness left him wanting for more. In his old age, he didn't feel like he should indulge in this, but your honeyed smile and warm embrace held a tight grip on his heart, and so he relented. The heart wants what it wants, he'd say.

Well, for as long as he could, that's true. He knew it would have to end someday, but it would've been better on his own accord. Well, he'd muse. Guess the fun has to finish one day. And today's the day, as much as he may loathe it, somewhat.

Recently, you've been hanging out with someone. He didn't even bother remembering their name, as they were so unimportant he just didn't feel like even putting the minimal effort to put an identity to that face. He didn't want to be petty, but when the person's "hanging out" times bled into his own alone time with you, that truly did the trick. Behind a toothy smile hid a thin-veiled annoyance that stuck to him like tar and ink. It made his nose twitch in annoyance, but he quickly smoothed it all over and kept his composure. He'd let the person have their fun with you for a while, but if they overstepped they'd be done for.

But at the same time, he'd started doubting himself. If he were his past self, he'd be absolutely scandalized that he'd let himself stoop so low as to not trust his own instinct, and he was sure that you were still somewhat interested in him, but the way you kept spending time with that person, and the way you'd immediately stop everything and help them, and the way you'd share laughs with them almost like you did with him... It was getting increasingly harder to keep his calm. (he's in denial, he was never calm.)

Next course of action? Talk to you. For the first time in a while - he'd open up to you, and tell you what he truly felt. He didn't want to be the one to talk about this, but since the problem wasn't going away, he'd have to take drastic measures. At the time he was sure you did like him back, but now it was all up in the air due to that uninvited variable. Maybe he was still sour about the game you were playing with him having an early end. (No, he's sour about someone trying to steal you away. But he knew that very well.)

And that leads to... Right now. The wind seemed to be trying to soothe him, but his thoughts were entirely elsewhere. On another dimension, where he thought about the way you talked to him and the way you always seemed joyous with him. But... Maybe he read it wrong? He scoffed at his own insecurity, but in a silent, small part of his mind... He'd still think about it. No one can grow if they don't admit they're wrong once in a while, yeah? Even though he thought he did all the growth he needed in his youth. Guess there's always room for improvement.

His bat refined hearing immediately picked up on you jogging over to him, and he quickly went back to his bright persona, but unlike with others, it was a little more relaxed. Dare I say, more real.

Your beaming smile, and your soft demeanor made him feel a little less on edge, and he thought that maybe, it'd be alright. That you truly did see something in him. He loathed being so vulnerable, but this wasn't a war zone. You wouldn't mercilessly use him and his feelings, you weren't the kind of person to do that. So, he waited for you.

On your end, you were excited to see Lilia. With all the hanging around you did with your new lab partner you'd been randomly paired with, you hadn't had time to give him the attention you desperately wanted to give him. He wasn't used to you not spending every bit of your day with him, you'd joke to yourself. Maybe he will demand an explanation, with a dramatic flair, of course. He'd always had a penchant for the theatrics.

But the moment you stepped in front of him, you noticed... something, in his expression. Now, everyone who'd hear you say that would side eye you because, on what basis are you saying that? Well... The vibe was off. He wasn't as cheerful as usual, and with how long you've been talking with him, you knew a few of his tells. All of this, on what basis? Well, on a best friend basis, of course. Even though, you'd prefer a title more intimate... But that's something that no one will catch you dead saying.

"My dear bestie!" And thus, his theatrics ensued. You cringed a bit at his use of modern slang, but it was endearing nonetheless.

You chuckled a bit but still greeted him with a quick "Hi Lilia!", afterwards - addressing the elephant in the room. "What's up? Any news?" You inquired.

His grin beamed, and he played up his tone of voice, making it a bit exxagerated. "Oh there is something up!" You definitely agreed with him. Something was up. And it was something wrong.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"You left me alone for oh so long! You'd do that to a cutie like me?" Why was he being so weird?

You were a bit put off by him acting so weird. "Lilia, what's really up? Please tell me."

His face soured, and the thin curtains opened for a second. You saw how he was internally berating himself for something, and how he was truly annoyed. It was a mix and match of emotions that you didn't quite get, so you waited for Lilia to explain himself when he'd be comfortable doing so. The curtains closed, and his eyes kept boring holes into you.

"What do you mean? I'm perfectly okay!"

You bit your lip, and tilted your head slightly. "Come on, what's up?" You squinted your eyes, and he decided that enough was enough, no more games.

"Do you like your new friend?"

The question shocked you, but you didn't let it show. Looking at his face... It didn't seem like he was joking... What was the best course of action? You didnt know, but you decided to stall the conversation to understand what was going on.

Your question was probably futile, but you tried anyway. "As a friend?"

"You know what I meant."

You glanced around, and feeling a bit embarrassed you tried to reason with him. "Come on Lilia, I-" The cutoff was quick, and he immediately asked the question again.

"Do you?"

He wouldn't let it go if you didn't tell him the truth. And so, with a bit of red dusted on your cheeks, you answered his query.

"No, I don't."

The silence was overbearing, and the way Lilia studied you made you want to hide in a hole and forget all of this. But you soldiered on, keeping a brave face and waiting for his move.

His eyes seemed to light up after a while, and you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"Why so tense?" His light chuckles helped to alleviate the tension in the air, but you still thought that maybe... It was time to pop the question.

Lilia would've never, ever seen that coming. "Now why would I answer that first? You first-"

"Do you like me?"

And with renewed courage, you answered.

"I do."

His shock shined through, and he dropped all notions of dancing around the topic. His jaw was almost ajar, and he looked at you like a newborn hearing the sounds of nature for the first time.

Then, his grin came back at full force. But this version... It was sweeter. Like a childhood blanket enveloping you. Or your favorite candy from your childhood.

"I love you too."

And with that, he held your hand and smiled at you, the best smile you'd ever seen. He didn't need to know who was near you all the time, because he knew your heart belonged to him. And so did his, to you.

BONUS

("I knew it! Never shall I doubt my instincts again!"

"Uh oh... Your ego grew 10x in size."

"You say that, but you're still here!"

"Yeah, I am <3" )

🦇

Being from the slums isn't for the weak hearted, to put it lightly. Falling in love was a luxury few could afford - while sharing meals with somebody and having more manpower sounded cool and all, you're never truly sure if the other will one day just up and go with all the stuff you've gathered. Ruggie never wanted to gamble when it came to his belongings, so he didn't take the risk during those times. When he came to Night Raven College, he still found no reason to fall in love, it wasn't like people would really lower their walls easily, and he didn't feel like putting all the effort in doing just that. Plus, everyone was all so slimy, and to love you'd have to also lower your own walls - no doubt they'd take advantage of him. Overall, not an advantageous position, so no way.

🐆 RUGGIE

That's what he used to think. You... changed his view, somewhat. Of course, he didn't fall immediately like some fairytale. Unlearning all his instincts would be a death wish, and that would've been an insult to every hyena and beastman that was from the streets - he just had a bit of interest. He knew the stakes, so he didn't try his luck too much.

You showed him kindness, a warmth that was rarely, if ever, genuine. You weren't a happy go lucky like those snobs from Royal Sword Academy, but you weren't exactly gloomy either. You were, different. You showed him a world he'd never dreamt of seeing, and you were way too in the role to be lying to him. Still, being cautious was never a wrong move.

To be honest, his first thoughts were to just use your kindness. He, at the time, held no hard feelings about taking advantage of you. Lets be real, he never expected someone to just blatantly give him some warmth and not be expecting him to not even have at least one thought about what he could do with that, and not in a nice way.

But you were clever. You didn't let him take any chances, and you didn't let him backstab you. You were always one step ahead, and to his attempts at stealing and using you? You didn't bat one eye. He should've been deterred, but... Why? why are you making him feel so protective over you? Was it a mishap during potionology? What's this... warmth?

With time, he began to begrudgingly accept your kindness as it is, with no catches. He didn't try to find any flaws in your walls, and didn't try to use you as much as before. Food was game, though. You couldn't delete that part of Ruggie even if you tried. It was hardwired into his skull since day one.

He was in constant denial of his feelings, escaping all confrontation inside and outside his mind, and living "blissfully unaware" until it came to bite him in the ass. And when did that happen? You guessed it. Today.

Not exactly today, your switch up happened a week or so ago. It was more like, his tolerance ended today.

Long story short? you began hanging out with this no name low rep student, and you ditched your (self proclaimed) best friend. Now that was the plot twist of the century!

Had you... began to think he's using you? Well, the food part is obvious. But he never used you in other aspects! Well... You didn't give him a chance to, but that's just details. And now he's so attached (hurts to say, but denial cant go any longer) so even if he uses you he doesnt know how'd that end on his side. Seeing you get all chummy with... that. hurt him more than he'd like to admit.

He wasn't sure if he should've talked to you and just upped and confessed, but he also reasoned that he'd lose the free food. (and something more.), so... he waited for a bit. And he waited. And waited...

Each day, he felt more and more high strung. What was that no good scum doing? Why was he hogging you all to himself? What was he planning? Now, you don't even come over at lunch and hang out with him while giving him some of your food. You just... Go and sit with that idiot.

That's it, he thought. He would tell you that he wasn't okay with you breaking your (made up) deal of giving him food. Using stupid excuses, of course. You'd see right through him, but he'd try anyway.

And then, came the fateful day. He texted you to come over, and you did. The classroom was empty when you arrived, other than the hyena beastman looking a bit nervous.

He looked at you and gave you his trademark grin, before breaking into an exasperated facade, shrugging his shoulders and acting like a parent with a child.

"Wow, have been so caught up hanging out with your newest 'friend' that you forgot about the original!" He found himself emphasizing the word 'friend' with a slight snark that'd be missed if you hadn't known him for so long. That immediately caught your attention, but to be sure, you let him speak to hear what he had to say.

Ruggie noted the silence and kept going, finding no reason to just make the conversation die already. "Listen, you can't go back on our deal-" "-I chose to give you food out of my free will-" "-and expect me to not say anything!" Cutting you off while talking was uncalled for, you'd think. But you didn't care all that much. This was pretty amusing.

His stance changed, and he furrowed his eyebrows while folding his left arm near his chest with a dramatic flair. "Gotta eat someway! How could you just leave poor ol' me to fend for myself? Did you realize how hungry I was?-" "-I saw you stealing food-" "-How could you be so cruel!" His ear twitched, and with time he realized he wasn't getting anywhere. You weren't buying it, as expected. But... You looked amused. He was glad you were enjoying yourself. Wait! Focus. He wanted to get rid of that person stealing you, and he got into the role so he had to see it to the end. Definitely not doing this for you to have fun, too.

"So, you wouldn't let your poor friend starve, right?" ... "Well, tell you what, I know a way to let you save me.

"Well, I cant."

What?

"What?" Inside his mind, he was panicking. Did he just lose his chance? He needed to keep a cool head. But... It was getting increasingly harder. Why? Why can't you?

"Come on... I know I don't have the best reputation, but give it some thought? Please?"

"Sorry, but can't." For now, at least. you thought.

He was getting more and more desperate, something new for him. He'd never been desperate for anything but food and money. Being desperate for a person? Now that was new. And he wasn't sure how to take it.

But right now, he knew that his friendship (gosh how he hoped for more...) with you might be in danger, and he had to find a way to keep you with him, and fast.

"Hey hey hey. What about, I give you 5% of all my income? pretty good odds, right?" His trademark grin would've persuaded you, if it hadn't a hidden side to it. He seemed nervous. You thought it was funny how desperate he was for the miniscule bits of free food.

"Not interested, again. Sorry, but can't really negotiate this."

His grin wavered, and his eyes kept looking at you, looking more and more weary and worried by the minute. "Hey. Think about it." His voice was about to crack, but that wouldn't have been very persuasive, wouldn't it?

Free food, huh. you thought. Why is he so adamant on this?

"Please." His pleading made you stop what you were thinking. What? That sounded way too real. Why?

"Why are you so insistent?"

"Because I love you!"

The silence in the room was overwhelming, and your shocked expression made him like he did the dumbest thing ever. Before he could say that it was a joke, you immediately replied.

"I love you too, Ruggie."

Another whiplash. He... Didn't expect to lash out like that.

"Funny joke. Real funny." His unbelieving gaze kept its place looking into your eyes, searching any tells of you lying. But... You didn't seem to be lying. His shock must've showed on his face, because you immediately rebutted.

"Ruggie, I love you. I truly do, I love all of you." Your gaze kept firm, and for the first time in a long time, Ruggie felt... Loved. Safe? It... was difficult to sift through and understand an emotion newly discovered. He never thought something like this would happen to him someday. He was still expecting you to get out a camera and say that it was all a joke. But as he waited, you... Didn't seem to have anything like that in mind.

He didn't cry, but you held his hand. And you promised to not leave him. And you told him that this wouldn't change anything, and that it's okay that he was jealous. It was weird for him, but he felt... Content.

Somehow, you made a hyena from the streets, one of the most elusive and mischievous species living on the streets, infatuated with you. Guess he did get a happy ending he never even dreamed of, huh?

BONUS

(Later that day, he found out that the person who led to all of this was actually a friend that was helping you set up a shop outside school so Ruggie could also work a bit at an honest job. Cue to him getting embarrassed and trying to brush it all off)

🐆

[greenunoreversecard]

Don't hide your pain

-> Angel dust x reader

A/N: I made this of my own violation. I needed to therapize myself

Reader POV, ftm male, who's ✨️traumatized✨️

It always starts like this.

Things go well for a while. Things go great, even.

And then it gets bad. And it stays bad, and i ruin every close relationship and im alone.

And then it repeats.

I just wish I could be better. I guess that's why I'm at the hotel.

Things have been good for a while, so good, infact I though the cycle could be over.

Angel brought so much light to my life. He made me feel so happy, and wanted and needed.

And I was so much better. But it seems like the happier I was the worse i fall.

I sigh, rolling over in my bed, grabbing my phone. Fuck it's late in the day. Charlie will be upset, but i cant seem to care. I just- I don't wanna leave my bed.

I look away from my lockscreen, a blurry picture of angel in my Hoodie chasing after nuggets, who has his phone in his mouth, trying to run away with it. It caught angel off guard, and i was laughing so hard i couldnt get a steady photo.

Its one of my favorite memories. I feel a small smile tug at my lips, but my body and my face feel like led that I can barely move.

Theres a knock at my door.

"Hey, baby. Are you ok? Haven't seen you in a day, and I wanted to make sure ya alright.." I hear his quiet voice as the door squeaking lightly as Angle peeks in, silhouette gently illuminated from the light in the hallway.

I grumble in reply and roll over. He sighs, and for a moment I think he leaves but i feel him sit on my bed, next to me. I can feel his warmth. Despite having the features of a cold-blooded spider, he's always run rather hot.

He rests his hand on my back.

"Baby, I can't help you if you dont talk ta me"

Irritation rises in me.

"Don't. I dont need you. I dont need your fucking pity. Just fuck off, please." I say, voice rough and shoulders tense.

His determination doesn't deter, though.

"I don't pity you, love. I just wanna help."

I know my irritation is irrational, logically. But I can't help being angry. Angry I am this way, angry I'm so helpless. And I'm ahry he has to see me like this, considering he has it so much worse. He deserves better than this. Better than me. But I can't seem to stop the slow of my defensive anger, vomiting out words I'm uncertain seraid him I know they do me coming out my mouth.

"Don't pretend, angie."

"I'm serious, though. I want to help."

"Don't play with me. I don't need you, and I don't need your pity."

"Why are you doing this?"

This freezes me. I tense. I don't know why I do this. I don't know why I'm hurting him. I don't know why I'm hurting myself by hurting the only person thats treated me like a fucking sentient being..

I realise, at this point, he's as rigid as a brick, and I look over at him. He tears in the corners of his eyes, eyes slighrly red from the effort it takes to stop his tears. His hair is a mess, and he's shaking, God's he's shaking.

"I- please, sugar. I just wanna help you but- but I can't if you push us away. I you push me away. I- I don't wanna lose you. I can't fucking lose you. And I can feel you sliping and its- it's scary. Please, if not for you then for me."

At this, a sob wracks its way through my body, every viceral emotion I've held back hitting me like a dam destroyed. Apologies spewing through my lips like it's a lifeline. And in a way, it is. Because, I know hes right. And I know if I continue on the way I do, I'll be destroyed at my own hands. And I'll lose him, I'll lose my lifeline.

...

..

.

I don't know how long I cry for. It's all kind of blurry, really. I know i tell him everything ive hid from him about my life through choked sobs, and at some point he's holding me to his chest, gently stroking my hair, touch gentle but deep, afraid to let me go as if I'll disappear, or break like glass.

The good never used to last for long, but maybe this time I can make it last forever.

So long as I have him.

--------------

End note: vv rushed lmfao. Anywhore, hopes this gives a small gauge as to my writing style. I can also try my hand at different possibilities.

Hope ye likey likey

[coupsie-daisies]

Kinktober '23: Mutual Masturbation | Bang Chan

Pairing: Bang Chan x Afab GN!Reader

Genre: Smut (minors DO NOT interact), Kinktober 2023

Summary: Your boyfriend overhears you joking with your friends that men don't seem invested in pleasing their partners. He's determined to learn exactly how you like to be taken care of.

WC: 2k

Warnings: Unprotected sex (have fun, be safe), mutual masturbation, squirting, breeding kink, use of petnames for reader (baby, pretty), mention of potentially passing out near the end

A'N: Sorry that this took so long, but hopefully we'll be back at it soon here! Enjoy

Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726 // @wooyussy // @burningupp-replies // @bunnypig18 // @decaffedthoughts // @brownieracha / @ferrethyun // @snow-pegasus // @walkxthexmoon // @aesteraceae // @wonuqrtz // @mixling-blog // @wonwooz1

Main Masterlist

Kinktober '23 Masterlist

This fanfiction is property of @/coupsie-daisies, reposting on any other platform is prohibited

It had really just been a stupid conversation between friends, a silly little comment you'd made about how men always seemed to have such a hard time pinpointing what their partners liked, as if they were too concerned with themselves to put in that much effort. You hadn't anticipated Chan overheating it, let alone the confrontation that would come afterwards.

"Do I make you feel good?" He asked one night over take out. You gave him a look, not entirely sure what he was talking about or what had prompted it.

"What? Make me feel good?" You asked, taking a bite of your egg roll. He nodded with a firm, serious look on his face.

"Yeah. I heard you talking when your friends were over. And you said men never learn how to make their partners feel good. Do I make you feel good? Or is there something I should learn?"

He didn't sound angry, but the intensity in his demeanor was enough to tell you that he was being completely serious. You put down your food, turning to face him.

"Channie, if this is about you being insecure or anything, you don't need to. Im very satisfied, don't worry about that," You told him carefully. "it was really just a joke, I was just having a chat with the girls, and Chaer had been complaining about the guy shed been seeing."

Chan shook his head. "No that's not what it is, not exactly. Im not worried, I know I can take care of you. But if I can take care of you better, I wanna know. I wanna take care of you the way you do."

"Okay?" You asked, motioning for him to go on.

"So I want you to teach me." He said.

"Teach you?"

"Teach me how to make you cum. Show me how you like to be fucked."

The words set your entire body on fire, heat searing straight to your core. Your food was forgotten as you tried to wrap your head around the request from your boyfriend.

"You want me to...touch myself for you?" You asked. Chan had never been overly possessive or anything, but he was always determined to make you feel good on his own. And he was certainly good at it, you had never been let down. 

"Will you? If you're comfortable with that."

"Yeah. Yeah I can try."

Which was how you ended up propped against a pile of pillows in your shared room, spread out on the bed while Chan sat in his gaming chair at the end of the bed. It was the hundredth time he'd seen you naked, but something about it felt so much more exposed. You had stripped down, but he was still completely clothed, insistent that this wasn't about him.

"Do I just..."

"Do what you'd normally do. What you do when I'm not around to play with you." He said. You nodded, closing your eyes and trying not to be hyper aware of the eyes on you.

You started slow, your fingertips running up your stomach, over the curve of your chest and back down again, dragging your dull nails over your skin and humming at the feeling. It was nice, just giving yourself the attention. You brought one hand up, letting it dance along your collarbone, over the sensitive spots on your neck while the other flicked and toyed with your nipple. You whined lowly, basking in the light shocks sent through you at the soft tugs.

You could hear Chan, hear the way that his breath caught when you made any sort of noise, and you imagined that he was making mental notes of every spot that earned the tiniest squirms or hums of approval. He was reading you like a book, memorizing your body like it was the most important thing he'd ever learned.

The hand not occupied with your nipples slid down, teasing over your waist, along your hip. Working closer and closer to the heat between your legs that was begging for your attention. But it never strayed that far, following the path over your thighs, scratching at the sensitive skin there and making you purr.

"So pretty," Chan mumbled, and you weren't sure if you were meant to hear. You probably wouldn't have if it wasn't for the fact that your ears were already straining for signs of his presence. You moaned quietly in return, letting your legs spread open and teasing your hand higher, tracing the seam where your thigh met your crotch, brushing ever so lightly against your lower lips. You huffed out a quiet breath at your own teasing. But you knew you had to work yourself up first or you'd be chasing an orgasm that wasn't interested in being caught.

Finally you let your fingers dip through the pool of arousal you'd worked up. You arched a little from the bed, a hiss of relief coming from your lips at finally getting some friction. You spread the wetness up to your clit, brushing against the bundle of nerves just a little before slipping your fingers lower again to gather more of it. You repeated the process until the movement was smooth, easy, and you were battling the urge to give in too quickly.

So you did, rubbing tight circles around your clit, a pretty sigh coming from your lips as you chased the feeling of your fingers, strumming the nerves just right. You heard the chair as Chan shifted, a stifled groan that you just knew it was because of him biting down on his lip.

You slid your other hand down, sliding a finger into your desperately empty hole and then another quickly after, unsatisfied with your own touch after giving in to Chan's so often. Once you were pushed even further into desperation by one finger, you added a second, scissoring yourself open for him and trying to push them even deeper. His fingers filled you up better, they could reach spots yours couldn't. You whined loud and very much not content with your situation.

"Channie, please. Can't do it myself." You pouted, opening your eyes to look at him. The sight in front of you was breathtaking, Chan sitting back with his shirt hiked up to show off the solid muscle of his stomach, and his pants pushed down just low enough for him to have pulled his cock out. His hand was wrapped firmly around the base and he was rock hard, the tip of his dick was a pretty, dark shade of pink and leaking precum that trailed down along the heavy vein that ran up his length. Your hips rocked upwards into your hand, wanting him inside of you so badly that it was downright painful. "Can't make myself cum. Please, need you to do it. Want it so bad."

He groaned, biting down on his lip in an attempt to keep his focus from faltering as he watched you fingering yourself. Your hand against your clit had stalled, just putting pressure on the nub as your hips rolled against your fingers. He shook his head.

"I'm sorry, baby. Can't help, need to see how you do it. Gotta get it right." He said, brows furrowed in either concentration or pleasure, and you didn't try to figure out which it was because he was jerking himself off now, slow and steady in hard strokes. You needed to be the one wrapped around him, you needed to feel him fuck you just like that.

"Channie, I can't. Can't make myself cum as good as you can. Needs to be you, baby please. Please, it hurts. Just want you to fuck me, don't wanna try anymore. Need it to be you." You were on the verge of tears now, desperate and so worked up that you thought you might actually explode. You just needed him to take care of you. Besides, if he wanted to know what made you feel best, he'd have to be fucking you anyways. Nothing new that you could teach him.

You heard a stuttered moan, and he was squeezing the base of his cock so hard that you could only imagine it hurt.

"Can't say things like that, pretty." He muttered, already getting up and shedding his clothes like they burned him. "Beg so pretty for me, gotta take care of my baby. You tried so hard, didn't you? Just couldn't do it."

He climbed onto the bed and knocked your hand away from your dripping pussy. You quickly obliged, letting him take over. Two of his fingers dipped easily into your warmth, curling and twisting and making you moan his name so loud that you were sure to have a noise complaint in the morning. He hummed appreciatively.

"Feel better, baby? Giving you what you need?" He asked, and you shook your head, gripping at his wrist.

"Want your cock. Please, want you to fuck me. Fill me up." You said, giving him the most persuasive eyes that you could manage. He sighed out, eyes closing for a second and you could see them roll back under his eyelids, trying to keep himself in check. He always had the philosophy that you would cum at least once before he did, always the gentleman even when he was fucking you dumb. You were determined, it seemed, to test him on that today.

"So needy. Just for me. My greedy baby. Always need me to dick you down. Want me to breed you too, you always do." He was practically talking to himself as he lined himself up and slid into you. You whimpered, pure relief shocking through your body. You nodded, hands grabbing at his waist, tugging him closer and forcing his cock impossibly deep.

"Yeah, need your cock." You agreed quickly, already rocking up to meet his hips. Any coherent thought you'd had the entire time was gone now, just chasing the sweet feeling of his hips clashing against yours in hard, hurried thrusts as both of you lost your self control.

"Look how fucking perfectly you take it." His hands pushing your thighs up to your chest, exposing the way your pussy sucked him in for him to admire. "Gonna fill you up so good. Stuff you full of cum just the way you like it. My pretty baby. Come on, cum on my dick. I know you want it, been so good. Playing with yourself for Channie. So fucking-"

His words cut off abruptly as your walls clamped down around him hard enough to have his pace slowing. Your surprised cry hurt your throat as you came, juices gushing around him and wetting the bed underneath you. He didn't last a second longer, spilling inside of you and flicking at your clit to push you through the last few spasms of pleasure that rocked you.

"Can't believe it," He breathed out, hands moving to caress your quivering thighs. "You squirted. God, you're so perfect, didn't even know you could do that."

You giggled, body feeling warm and heavy and only grounded by the feeling of Chan touching you ever so gently. You blinked a few times, looking up at him and revelling in the look of pure amazement and adoration on his face.

"Didn't know I could do that either." You said. You watched him for a moment longer, the way he touched you like you were the most beautiful thing to ever grace his presence, and then he stopped.

"Gotta do it again, baby. Gotta learn how to make you do it every time. Gotta practice."

You whined at the thought, knowing how your boyfriend got when he set his mind to something. He was going to keep you up all night at this rate, and you'd be lucky if you didn't pass out by morning.

copyright 2023 coupsie-daisies, all rights reserved

[lookinghalfacorpse]

/dsmp /rp

cuddling with dream and the many possibilities, scenarios, and obstacles you may encounter. don't let him read this. a guide by technoblade.

i'm about to blow your minds with how complex this is. i'm a master at my art (sleeping), alright? i'm an experienced craftsman (at sleeping), i perform at my best in all locations (with naps, mostly) (yes, even in the obsidian box), and i'm very good at cuddling. i'm practically built for it. i would never, ever think about writing a guide about how to cuddle with philza minecraft (or anyone else, really), but this squirmy little guy is different.

-the best approach is the Sudden Drop. walk over to him, no matter what he's doin, and just drop onto him and stay there. spare no body weight. he'll probably think it's a bit funny, and that's why it's the best one. he's more likely to humor something if it's a good bit, and having a giant piglin treat you like a sofa cushion is a GREAT bit. he'll laugh.

-(the second best approach is when he's upset or panicking or crying, and you can see him grabbing onto himself. normally that means... idk, that he wants held? Or he wants to hold something? i'll sit down, slowly, and wrap 'im up. he'll latch onto me. hard. fingers twisting my fur-- the whole nine yards)

-otherwise, he's shy with his hands. a few times now, i've grabbed his hands and put them somewhere on me because he was just, like, hovering them awkwardly. like, cmon, man. i'm laying my whole body on you, what part of your hands do you think is gonna bother me.

-but, come to think of it, sometimes he's afraid of my hands, too. if i move them in the middle of the night. if i lay them somewhere sensitive, like his sides or the small of his back.

-another scenario: he might approach me, too. i thought it'd never happen. you know that feeling with the stray dog is finally close enough to sniff your hand and you stay super still so you don't scare it? That's how i felt. he normally just walks over and leans on my shoulder, and i still can't tell if that's all he wants or if he's asking me for a better cuddle. more experimentation is needed here.

-location is key! in all scenarios, near the wall is best. i think of myself as a secondary wall and kinda close him in- if sam were lookin', he'd only see me.

-(he's so little. he's SO little. was he always this thin? i'm gonna crush the kid.)

-expect the unexpected. sometimes he'll hit you. sometimes he'll start to cry, and sometimes that means you need to let him go, and sometimes that means you need to hold tighter. it's complicated. but everyone needs it, especially dudes bein tortured in a box, so it's worth the effort.

-(sometimes i need it, too. i'll admit it, i'm scared.)

[frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe]

@steddie-week Day 6 - Dizzy / Drunken Concussion confessions

i'm challenging myself to keep each of these at 660 words; see day one for more of an explanation!

“C’mon guys, one of you’s gotta wanna ride this with me?” The others blink up at him, around at each other, “Seriously? No one?” 

“I’ll ride with you, Ed–”

“Oh no you don’t,” Robin interrupts, shutting down Steve’s very good idea about riding the Zipper with him.

“C’mon Birdie, let a man live! The fair only comes around once a year.”

“And someone only has one brain, one that’s been bruised one too many times already.”

“Pfft, you’re no fun.” he says, waving her off, “So who’s goin’?”

It’s actually Will that steps up to go with him, after Dustin’s enthusiasm for going is shot down by Steve’s “Hell no, Henderson, you’re breakable enough as it is already.”

He and Will climb into their already swinging little pod and sit down, strapping the well-worn buckles around them, “Y’ready for this, Baby Byers?”

“Uh.. Sure, Eddie, Ready!”

“Don’t be nervous little man, carnival rides are always safe.”

And fun. The Zipper’s always been his favorite at the carnival, can’t get the swoopy guts like this on just any ride.

Even Will’s having fun, no matter the apprehensive look he had when they got on.

“Okay, Baby Byers, this’s us,” he says when he feels their buggy do it’s final swoop into the loading area. He unbuckles his seatbelt, goes to stand, and gets a faceful of metal for his efforts.

The next thing he’s aware of is a concerned voice calling his name. 

“Eddie? Eddie! You okay?”

“Steve?” his eyes find the both of him rushing forward, “Stevie! Darling!”

“He was fine until the very end,” Eddie hears Will explaining from underwater, “He unbuckled just a second too soon and got thrown into the bars.”

Steve does his disappointed tsk at someone, “Ooh, you’re in trouble now.” he says to whatever unfortunate soul is on the receiving end. He can’t quite parse out who it is, probably whichever one of them got hurt on the Zipper.

“You’re the one who got hurt, Doofus.”

“He’s not Doofus, Birdie, he’s Dingus. Always getting himself dinged up.” She must be talking about Steve.. Wait.. “Stevie got hurt? Who hurt him?!” Eddie wheels around to look for the bastard who hurt his Stevie, only getting a swirl of color and a supporting arm to the chest for his troubles.

“Okay, big guy, let’s get you looked at before you do or say something stupid.” Steve says, pulling him up. “I’ll take him to the medical tent, he probably has a concussion.”

“You’re a concussion,” Eddie says automatically

“I’ve had a good couple, yeah.”

Eddie lets Steve lead him wherever it is he wants to go (“The medical tent, Eds, I’ve told you that already.”) and is soon laid back on a creaky examination bench.

“He’s gott’n a percussion, doc.” Eddie patiently explains to the volunteer nurse, “You gotta check ‘im out, he’s got an ass that never quits.”

“Never quits what, Mr. Munson?”

He’s not quite sure, actually. “Uh.. bein’ an ass.”

Someone’s doing a bad job at hiding their laughter. “Gotcha, I’ll make sure to take a look.”

“No, wait! You can’t! That ass is mine, sister.”

The nurse giggles again, “I’m sure it is, Mr. Munson.”

“Yeah you better leave, hussy–”

“Eddie!”

Oh no, Steve’s mad at him, “What?”

“You can’t call people that, especially not the ones trying to fix your head.”

“Hey, my head is great! Get compy– coplay– compli— I’m great at head.”

“I’m sure you are.”

Eddie can hear the smile in Steve’s voice, and makes a point to find it. 

It’s there beside him, surrounded by the most beautiful blush. “I love you, Stevie.”

The smile disappears, and that’s not what he wants to happen at all. He can feel his eyes start to burn with tears. “Eddie? Eddie, what’s wrong?”

“I made your smile go away.”

“No– Hey, it’s okay, I was just surprised; You’ll see it again.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” The smile is back in his voice.

and, say it with me folks, they aren't even dating!!

if anyone doesn't know, this one on the left is the zipper

on AO3 here!

[smicksstuff]

summary: Yn is back in England after the thrilling start to the F1 Season in Bahrain. She has got a week to spend before jetting off to Jeddah with her big bro. Who will be the lucky few who gets to enjoy the company of the one and only yn gasly?

read Part 1 and Part 2 here

The PitBox Crew Series

Mischief Managed

f1 drivers x yn gasly

instagram edit

8 March 2023

yngasly

Hogwarts

liked by mickschumacher, lance_stroll and 973, 038 others.

yngasly It's wingardium leviOsa, not leviosAH. (ft the best tour guide in the world & lando)

view 567 comments

maxfewtrell ❤️

landonorris WOW i see how it is !

yngasly it is what it is

charles_leclerc next tour is maranello 🔜

yngasly cant wait!! i would love a ton of ferrari merch too #55 please 🙏🏽

carlossainz55 YESS! i found my favourite gasly!

pierregasly HEYYYY!!

charles_leclerc sorry i think the tour is fully booked 😕

yngasly itsokay then, im sure carlos or arty would bring me there 😎

liked by arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 567 others

charles_leclerc oh wait look at that my schedule is free now

sharl can we appreciate the fact that charles tried to be mean and failed miserably 😂

mickschumacher cant believe you went to harry potter world without me 💔 some kind of bestie you are 😭

schumacher47 mick being upset about not going to harry potter world is upsetting me

yngasly im sorry bestie we can go again tgt 🥺

mickschumacher you are paying

yngasly ME? FINE its on me

mickschumacher 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

yngaslyfc OMG the gasly genes are amazing! I'm in love 😻

pedrofans the hat and the nails and the fits!! her aesthetic is too die for 😍

landino yn hanging out with lando and max sounds like a new trio in the making !!

norris4life or its a cover up and they are secretly dating 🤔

pierregasly so this is what you ditched me for ? im hurted.

yngasly its hogwarts pierre, you dont skip on hogwarts

lance_stroll did you just cast wingardium leviosa? ‘cause you’re sweepin’ me off my feet! 😍

sirlancelot what in the hogwarts is happening?

lancestrollfans oh my my lance what are you doing

yngasly its an A for effort definitely

liked by lance_stroll and 1056 others

mickschumacher @lance_stroll how do you feel right now?

chloestroll idk who that was but its not my brother i refuse to believe what i just read

scottyjames31 never ever gonna let you forget this!! its become a core memory.

ls18 lance just trying to shoot his shot

lancestrollfans a cheesy pickup line by strulovich is not what i envisioned myself waking up to.

rickybobby OMG she would have been a dannyric girl! their aesthetic just click so well!

liked by 1068 others

-

10 March 2023

lando.jpg

liked by yngasly, carlossainz55 and 956, 673 others

lando.jpg introducing my favourite people and yn

view 900 comments

yngasly WOW ! this is war now

lando.jpg you started it

maxfewtrell i feel so loved today ❤️

georgerussell63 what is yn playing

yngasly goat simulator

georgerussell63 why of all games that

yngasly lando didnt let me play on the sim 😭

lando.jpg but you were having so much fun on the goat simulator

yngasly im a quick learner! at least i didnt think that we needed to milk the goats 👍🏼

liked by lando.jpg, alexalbon, and 587 others

georgerussell63 that was low

gr63 not yn dragging george! i love her

alabono not alex liking the comment too

landino lando says “and yn” like she isnt the favourite one 😂

liked by 569 others

quadrantmania literally 5/9 of the photos has her in it

username4 he can do so much better than her fr, luisa is so much prettier than her

liked by 385 others

quadrantmania this is a hate free zone, please leave

ln4 umm is no one gonna speak about the rollercoaster pic ? or are we just assuming its yn?

landino …

username7 it better be someone else who would date her after all she did in milan

user2 what happened in milan ?

username7 why do you think she got shipped off to england?

-

11 March 2023

yngasly added to their story!

f1wags

London

liked by sirlancelot, landino, sharl, and 278, 688 others

f1wags Yn Gasly, youngest child of the Gasly family has been spotted in a cafe in London with a guy. Since her first reappearance into the F1 world at the Bahrain paddock in 2023, she has been linked with a few drivers such as the likes of Mclaren Formula 1 Driver; Lando Norris and Ferrari hotshot Charles Leclerc. What are your thoughts on who this mystery guy is ?

Who is Yn Gasly?

The 23 year old Gasly girl is the youngest of the 5 siblings. She is currently a student at The University of Buckingham studying Marketing and Media Communications. She transferred from Universita Iulm - Communications, Media and Advertising where she had been studying the past 2 years. Her transfer to England allowed her to accompany her brother at his new Formula 1 team.

The youngest Gasly grew up alongside Charles Leclerc, Esteban Ocon and Anthoine Hubert who was her best friend. Yn has always been an avid fan of racing. She used to kart with Pierre, Charles and Anthoine. Racing was not her passion however, she was always seen in the garages of Pierre, Anthoine and Charles, cheering them on at every race. Following the lost of her bestfriend, she left the racing scene and supported Pierre and Charles from the television screen. She made a return to the paddock this season sporting the Alpine colours of Pierre’s new team.

view 768 comments

lando4life that guy definitely is lando. they have been hanging with each other all week !!

landoooo i heard that she even appeared on max’s stream

ln4 i mean how can it not be lando, did you see the pictures he posted with her !!

landoo04 he posted a movie theater too on his jpg account too

sharl thats our monegasque king for sure! have you not seen the flirty comments they leave on each others post

sharl plus i mean they’d make a hot couple

landino charles hasnt been in london tho, he has been in italy all this while.

supermaxx thats our london boy lando for sure! their banter is beyond just friends.

liked by 700 others

estiebestie anyone for a second thought that maybe it was lance?

sirlancelot lance and yn have always been friends, the flirty comments is nothing new

premaagirls thats true!! they were good friends when lance was in prema

lancesgirls she and chloe have also been besties for a long time!!

f1fans how are yall so blind to the fact that she uprooted her entire life in milan just for pierre! i mean i cant believe she left milan because of pierre

yngaslyfc im pretty sure she had her reasons for transferring!

f1fans just imagine that you have to uproot your life for your sibling! she has been doing it her entire life just so pierre can race. its unbelievable the extents they go so they can race!

username3 how is this even allowed in this modern world! thats absurd!

yngaslyfc if you really read and understand pierre’s and yn’s story you will find out that yn did not give up her dreams or education for pierre! pierre and yn have always been an unbreakable duo.

yngaslyfc plus pierre has always been supportive towards yn’s aspirations, she has always been a priority for him. so i think you should get your facts right before commenting on them.

liked by yngasly and 68 others

-

13 March 2023

yngasly just posted a story!

-

credits: all pictures are found from pinterest and instagram

a/n: thank you for reading this far !! If you have any suggestions send them to me!! I would love to hear them ◡̈

if you would like to be tagged when new parts are released, drop your usernames in the comments!! 😁

[lovebvni]

“what’s stopping me?” (pap)

what’s holding up your manifestations from coming to fruition?

it’s a common question i got throughout the intuition readings. and i remember asking myself the same thing. one thing i want to preface with is nothings stopping you. the 3D is just lagging. it’s usually just how you feel that’s wondering what’s stopping you!

but in this pick a picture, we will be diving into what’s stopping your manifestations, and how to get over them in order to receive everything you want and more!

please note the phrases/alt text for each pile will have little to nothing to do with the pile you choose. do not let it affect your decision.

disclaimer, this pick a pile is not legal advice or anything like that. you can take everything with a grain of salt, because not every fact will apply to you. do not take my words as final say, as anything can change.

inhale, exhale, and let your intuition flow. now click 'keep reading' and select an image from down below. (be sure to look at the image description !!)

all image credits to their rightful owners. if you know any of them, please lmk.

Pile I — Flower Body

hello pile 1!! i hope ur doing well :) im wishing u the best!

whats holding you back is the material and ONLY focusing on it. nile heard “sitting on your laurels/hands.”

youre allowing urself to sink into the quicksand and not doing anything to fight it… when there’s a branch right in front of you to grab onto…?

like… why just sit there and do nothing when there’s something you can do? you may be stuck in your own mind, honestly. just breaking yourself down, over and over again — only allowing yourself to believe what is in front of you. you don’t trust the whimsy, you don’t trust the signs. your motto is “if i don’t see it, it isn’t real.”

im going to break the news to you, pile one, if you keep this mindset nothing is going to come to you instantly. and i hope that motivated you to stand up and do SOMETHING, because doing nothing isn’t helping.

your advice from spirit is connect with your emotions to better yourself. don’t allow this depression to gain the best of you. another thing is allow your imagination to flow — even if you don’t see it right now.

sociopath by stay loose and bryce fox came on.

i feel like you’re like “it hasn’t worked in the past, it isn’t working now, so it can’t work in the future.” which is NOT true at all. let the vast be the past, do what you can in the present to shape your future. don’t look in the rear view mirror when driving. don’t let someone else grab the wheel when you’re driving — this is YOUR car. YOUR journey. do it, and don’t let the 3D, your thoughts or ur doubts get in the way of it. run them over.

that’s all pile 1, please take care of urself and don’t listen to the voices telling you to give up — i promise it will get easier.

extra signs/confirmation : “drive. DRIVE DRIVE!”, “they’re in the past”, someone who shuts down when things get hard, scorpio, “loser/loner”, may have been bullied/put down before, not moving because you’re scared of the chain reaction, not understanding that the past is done, “quit looking at the material. it ain’t shit, bitch.”, “don’t trust everything you see!”, shifttok, complicated methods, potential, sitting on your ass, taking the punches, allowing yourself to be destroyed, crying.

Pile II — See No Evil

hii pile 2!! i hope you’re doing well!! wishing u the best :p

for your energy, we pulled 10 of swords — which isn’t that great of a start — but at least it gives us some information. you’re someone who feels burnt out, tired, stressed and neglected. nile got a similar energy, saying she “felt a self-relinquished energy. Feeling small weak, diminished, low-power, half-effort smiling. They know things are less than okay. Telling themselves/pretending to appear to others that they're not as shaken about things being stale and scarce as they are actually feeling inside.”

you’re not reflecting your true self, which is really self-demeaning. you’re limiting yourself by hiding yourself. and maybe you’re being forced into a box — and i am being too!! find a way to cut a small hole out the box and get the fuck out without anyone noticing. find yourself, even if you just need to sit there and breathe for a while. sometimes that’s all you need to do — find one thing you love.

whats holding you back seems to be obsession, and we pulled queen of pentacles combined with 3 of swords. that’s insane.. maybe obsession of a past love?

get off their social media, block them, they don’t matter! they are not ur partner anymore. if ur friends, our distance between you two. not separate yourself fully, just take a step back. don’t let them be a huge part of ur life, they aren’t anymore. i feel like this is the reason you shut down, the reason you’re repressing yourself now. maybe they were ur out, your sense of joy.

i remember a quote i saw a long time ago, “to have a healthy relationship, there must be self love and love of the other person (or people) involved.” you wed to distance yourself and find some love for urself before u do anything else.

to get other this, you need to be angry in a way. you need to finally stand up and walk out. this isn’t serving you anymore. you need to stop. don’t let this control you. stop letting it control you. i keep hearing “get out, get out, get out.” which is scary. you’re not trapped, pile 2. you can get out. just stand up and walk out — or i’d TRULY that simple.

i love you pile 2, please work for urself and not other people.

extra signs/confirmation: “the final straw”, finally stepping out the box, red, repetition, affirming, false belief, not standing up for yourself, vomiting, crying a LOT, keeping things to yourself, looking outwardly, not confirming with yourself, needing to take a leap of faith, 999, “hopeless and helpless”, “BULLSHIT!”, “gone”.

Pile III — Black Mirror

hellooo pile 3!!! how are you??!! i hope ur well!!

your energy feels “convoluted yet diluted.” there’s so much going on, but somehow it’s so watered down and so deep down. like you can’t find yourself, because the there’s so much going on around you. it’s like you’re just caught in a tornado — being mixed in with all the mess.

im so sorry pile 3. i really hope it gets better, but let’s get onto the reading. what’s limiting you is the way you’re overworking yourself. and honestly, the solution is to work through it. keep going pushing, keep working, and don’t stop.

this is something that you are going to have to power through. the song that came on is paralyzed by nf. i’m going to link it

it’s such a touching song, i used to listen to it a lot. you’re stuck in what feels like a cycle. you don’t feel like yourself. you don’t know why, but it’s because you’re currently in a state where you HAVE to work through this. it isn’t gonna last much longer, but whenever you can take a break.

don’t overwhelm yourself, but also don’t always step back. don’t forget what you need to do. always work as hard as you can, but do not neglect yourself. and i know that is SUCH a hard reading and a complicated situation, but you will find it. you will find the balance, the key. it will work out. i’m rooting for u, pile 3.

extra signs/confirmation: chaotic life, in school or uni, being really tired, neglecting work, working long hours, not prioritizing time, sad rap, lil peep, black jacket, hopeless, helpless, not allowing yourself to find a solution, finding distractions, never doing what needs to be done until the last minute, “why is nothing working?” hyper fixating on self-pleasure and manifestation instead of what also needs to be done.

Pile IV — To See

hello pile 4! i hope you’re doing well! i feel the need to mention that ive been seeing 444 a lot, but 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

your energy is every much “the knight in shining armor”, the one who always wants to save and help others — usually neglecting themselves in the process. you stand up for those being bullied, possibly because you were bullied in the past and feel for them. you don’t want people to be broken down like you (and i relate so much — this pile lowkey feels like a callout)

your issue is that you’re holding onto the past, and allowing it to control you. u may say “i let go of that a long time ago”, well there’s a part you’re holding onto and you know it. i feel like exposure therapy may be good for you — ask someone you trust to put you in a similar situation and try to react now. like not as you were, but as you are.

spirit is saying to get over this, you must find balance and peace within yourself. you may have never gotten an apology, never gotten help, or never opened up, but you need to seek it now. cut off the past. it isn’t your friend — and it will not change. don’t allow acknowledgment to take control of you. knowing is not accepting.

that’s all i have for u pile 4!! i hope all goes well, and after you get over this and find balance, i feel like it’s going to come to you immediately. you may not even know you got out the situation!

song bc i forgot to do it earlier 💀💀

extra signs/confirmation: aries, ray of sunshine, false energy (putting our positive energy although you are feeling negatively — specifically got a visual of golden/yellow energy with grey in the center), yellow energy, spontaneous, growth is required, growth is coming, pain, ribs (?), getting over an ex, boys a liar (original).

what’s limiting you is your need for control ALL THE TIME

Pile V — Death’s Harvest

hello pile 5! i hope you’re doing well!! this is probably one of the most intense piles based off the name, but we’ll see!! your energy is very much “i’m in control, i am the man” with king of cups coming out. also kinda getting u have ur head in the clouds, and you don’t rlly see things as they are, but as u want them to be.

what’s limiting you is your need for control. you want it took much, so you have decided “i’ll just ignore everything i don’t like!” which isn’t good. you have to acknowledge the things you don’t like and find a way to change them. don’t just ignore them — stop trying to deny thing are bad? because they ARE.

to get out of this energy, you need to clear the plate. literally. you nee to decide “this isn’t fo me, i’m not having it.” and dump the table. i feel like you know how to do this, but you won’t. decide to do it, stop carrying what you don’t need. very clear message, pile 5!!! i hope all goes well :)

extra signs/confirmation: “i cleaned the plate” (u threw it in the trash), talkative guides, yapper, lots of love. your guides love you, but they really need you to know that this isn’t for you., braggy, injury (smth w a p), health issues, tiara, “homosapien, homosexual”, devil town by cavetown.

Pile VI — Earth’s Hello

hi pile 6!! you guys have such a calming energy, i must say, and i love it. i get an image of blue and green, obviously in relationship to earth. you may he a motherly figure, or someone that people can talk to easily.

what’s holding you back is “bitching and moaning, but not working.” you want things to work, but you won’t take that action. you want something, but all you do is sit and wait for it to happen. it’s like sitting at a bus stop but never standing up to get on the bus.

you’re letting yourself rot. your potential is draining out of you second by second. and i don’t think it’s truly because youre lazy or burnt out, but it’s out of confusion. dont know what to do, but because of that, you wont do anything. if you’re confused, ask for help, dont just decide to give up.

your advice is to cut down your options and hyper focus on ONE activity. don’t allow everything in your mind to jumble up at once, give yourself space to work and think. you can’t sit there forever and expect your manifestations to just fall in your lap when you don’t even have hope.

extra signs/confirmation: i felt like blood in my throat? it smelled like blood and it kinda hurt on my left side, babies, pointy shoes, TV by billie eilish, paralysis, overwhelmed, “you’ve got this!”, babies (again), not working when you need to, 777, the letter T.

Pile VII — All Seeing Cat

hii pile 7! let’s get straight in. your energy can be very calming. you’re a hard working and you work until you get the rewards. you’re not someone who gives up — you hold on until the end. u know that there’s a cycle, a method, and a way to get through it. although it hurts, you continue to push through! that’s so good!! i’m so proud of u pile 7! also you got 7 of pentacles for ur energy. which i think is kinda 777 bc of pile 7 yk but wtv. i also js saw 777!!

your limitation is your emotion and your need for emotional and even romantic attention. i feel like this so something you struggle with on and off — and so do i 😭😭 i asked for a song for clarification, and got mad hatter by melanie martinez.

you’re not in the best mindset and you know this! so why do you keep trying to go after this romantic attraction? push back these feelings, pretend they aren’t there — because they aren’t serving you. the right person will come when you need them.

for now, rely on friends and family rather than romantic interest. like i told pile 2(i think) slowly distance yourself, don’t just cut them off.

extra signs/confirmation: the colour purple, alice in wonderland (obviously), cups cards, emotional, back and forth, mood swings, “emotional wreck”, confused, “need for validation, delusions, center of attention, “attention whore.”

Pile VIII — New Awakening

hiii pile 8!!! 8 is the number of balance, and that’s what i’m praying for this year — balance and fulfillment. your energy is very joyful — you possibly have a yellow aura. but along with this yellow, you feel very alone. you feel distant from everyone — like you have nobody to talk to, nothing to do.

pile 8, you are not alone. you need to surrender these feelings to move forward — confide in someone. be straight up and honest. don’t hold it back anymore — TELL SOMEONE.

twisted by missio came on (cringy ass song, iykyk) and i feel like you may be saying “well they already know, so they won’t help. but they may not know the extent of it. really sit them down and talk them through it, because if you just keep it inside it’s going to be harder.

spirit is also saying “complete the goals you’ve set for yourself”. you may possibly be a fighter and you have a LOT you want to do. finish those things before deciding to move on. it could also be confirmation that your maifestations may come in before you even really confide in someone — because it could be a multiple day process.

extra signs/confirmation: gacha life (💀💀), confusion, bottled up emotions, loniness, depression, black sphere, the colour blackc, “how do i get out of here?”, spirals, 333, energetic and outgoing person, not taking yourself seriously, “do you guys ever think about dying? “ — barbie, “i can be everything i want to be!”, barbie, childhood dreams, online friends, life of the party, friendly, feeling like a fake friend, dance the night from barbie.

Pile IX — Life from Death

hi pile 9!! lotta true crime by penelope scott came on as i was finishing pile 8, and i felt like that was important to mention. the intro beat has been stuck in my head for the past few days so!! you may listen to a lot of true crime too!! lmao

you don’t have a solid sense of self, and ie always seems to be changing. from your world view to the way you style your hair — you’re having issues finding yourself. you may have traveled the world, seen so much, and heard so many opinions, but you don’t know where you fit in. you’re everywhere but nowhere, like 9 — that’s what you think. you’re lost with yourself.

when i asked for what’s limiting you, it’s the mindset that “this isn’t for me anymore.. it isn’t worth it.” it that’s literally because you feel like you don’t have any control. you do have control, pile 9. you just have to find the areas in which you do — don’t be self destructive.

oh ana by mother mother also came on and i feel like that may be an important song to this pile.

your advice is exactly what i said — find places which you have power over. do you like painting? paint what you feel!! don’t act like nothing is going your way — and if it is, THEN MAKE IT.

that’s all i have for u pile 9!

extra signs/confirmation: mother mother, red and orange, fire, childhood, death, being lonely, recent breakup, night to day, dancer/just dance, afraid, sick, vomiting, elita.

i hope you enjoy this pap!! i really hope this resonates and works out. i am hoping the best for each and every pile — and i pray that everything works out. no matter if it takes days or years — it will happen. i promise. i am living proof.

much love, abyss.

[crowvert-bird]

quick warning: i dont support the creator (u know which one) of dandys world, i just like the game, thats it

second batch lets go!! went waay too hard and spent 2 weeks instead of 1 lol, it was pretty hard coming up with redesigns for them ngl but honestly i like all of the ones i finalized!! i gotta start making sure all of them have unique silhouettes tho cuz i just realized a lot of abilities rely on that and i wanna stay true to that

first batch , third batch

waaay less aggressive rant below cut

srry for being so aggressive in the first batch and not even explaining y (i forgot to add that)

lemme explain myself, the reason im even doing this in the first place is cuz the game literally advertises itself as a mascot horror game and then proceeds to have JUST humanoid object show charatcers, which would normally be fine with me but it literally has mascot in the genre name so my expectations on the character designs were raised and after looking at all the designs i was disappointed

and i say JUST humanoid object show characters cuz they dont even do anything cool with most of the objects theyre designed after and some of the color palettes just feel so... low effort?? and that ticked me off the absolute most, i did see cool things like actually changing vees face turning it into a blue screen when hit and twisted boxs head opening up when chasing u and some of the abilities but thats all i remember honestly

like im fine with indigo parks designs cuz theyre canonically basically disney so the designs fit and they have little things like patterns on their body, and object shows are extra ok cuz theyre literal objects in an object show (no shit)

i guess the thing that fully set me off was shrimpos canon design, i get the synbolism with making him a shrimp and i really like it which is y i kept it in the redesign (bottom feeder that is at its best as a meal)!! but they just executed it so poorly??? it just feels like they didnt even try u kno? to the point that it made me wanna redesign all the characters i didnt like the design of cuz they just felt so basic and generic

i guess the problem was that i expected the game to have designs that id enjoy when in reality they had another audience in mind and a legit good and fun game to develop, it wouldve been better for them to focus on making the gameplay good instead of just the character designs (even tho its a MASCOT horror game, its still a game), especially when in my eyes i can make better designs than them, all a matter of opinion

still gonna do redesigns and play the game tho, its fun i like it!!

[unlirise]

🖋️ 240610 • mon

Is this the week when things finally happen? It better be.

that was what i wrote on my journal today, a way for me to will myself into bringing myself closer to my thesis' end. but a sponty trip initiated by my friends as well as my very willing ass may have thrown me off that track. which i dont mind. how often will i get to enjoy spontaneous trips and plans as a college student? not for long, thats for sure. part of the spontaneous trip included buying a new book (one of my friends' favourites) as well as buying overpriced pasta (!!!!!!!)

on a completely different note, im learning how to let go of academic validation by deglorifying the awards and titles one cat get in university. dont get me wrong, we bust our asses trying to get one and receiving it feels great because its crystal-clear proof of our hard work and efforts. the problem is that, especially growing up in an asian household, our efforts tend to be defined by the presence of an award. idk, do some of your parents ever just make the award seem like it matters so much more than the efforts you put into earning them? it seems like that for me sometimes, and im trying to unlearn that and im going a long way.

the moment i hit my 4th year of college i started questioning the value that latin honours has. at that point, i was still qualified to get it. but then i started asking how helpful would it be? would it make it easier for me to get a job? would i be more likely to get accepted into grad school? if i don't get latin honours, does that mean i haven't worked hard enough? does the absence of it mean that i didn't do enough? and the answer i arrived at is... no. i've been working hard, and i am a hard worker, and my output is proof of that. not some title that my university is going to give me.

it felt nice being able to accept that cum laude or not, i feel secure enough about my abilities and skills that i don't need it to define me. ik this isnt' the same experience for everyone. people perceive it in different ways from me; this is mine.

[sadstrever]

cw: 116lbs

gw: 106lbs

hw: 150lbs

hi. so my last account got banned so i realize now i should be a little more careful of what i say cuz i guess i concerned some of you. or this will just be my last post because i need to vent.

wanna hear how i started my day? i chew and spit my food into plastic bottles(i know i’m disgusting no one should ever do this) and i was opening it and it exploded fucking everywhere and the smell was putrid and it was all over me and my bedroom. and i was hungover. and it was 7am. and i threw up immediately after. anyways, i haven’t e@ten in weeks. lol. almost a month, which isn’t the longest i’ve gone so don’t worry this is not that bad lol. ALSO NO I WILL NOT BE GIVING TIPS. ever since my brother moved away it’s been pretty easy to st@rve. the hard part now is knowing where to draw the line. my best friend has broken down a lot recently because of me. i’m an awful person lol. i let them get too close and now they know too much about the disgusting things i do. i needed space because seeing him just makes me feel guilty for putting him through this with me. i tried to end the friendship 2 nights ago over a bottle of v0dka. it did not work out very well. i said some really hurtful things to him that i didn’t mean in an effort to push him away. once the alc wore off i made him a cake to apologize which now that i say it out loud, it does not feel like much of an apology at all. he somehow easily forgave me which makes me feel even shittier. he said it was because he knows im sick. i don’t know what i’m doing. the derealization has gotten worse. i tried going half sober which didn’t help. i’ve developed a laxative problem too which also doesn’t help. it’s not as bad as others though, i was just taking 3 a day for a minute(a few months)but that’s so fucking bad for you and it really made my stomach problems worse. i took 3 today for the first time after not taking them for weeks and there was really no reason. just a desperate attempt to make myself feel better. when that didn’t help, i tried to smoke but i got too high because i only smoke every other day now which lowered my tolerance. when THAT didn’t work i went to the gym and burned 460 calories and then THAT didnt work so i walked around and burned 240 more. none of it made me feel less empty. i’m so sick of it. why is it all so fucked. nothing feels right. i want to try and recover but i don’t remember the person i was before all of this. my brain just fucking can’t figure it out. i don’t feel like a real person man. i want to recover and not because i’m giving up. starving is the easiest part of my life. it’s all that seems to make me feel a little better. eating always makes me so depressed and in a worse way. it makes me aware of reality in a way that fucking kills me. i need to do it if i want to feel human, if i want to be a good friend, daughter, sister. i’m gonna wait until i’m underweight which is once i’m 109lbs. 7lbs away lol. it’ll probably take a week or two so i guess i’ll update on how i’m trying to recover. fuck i really don’t want to man. pls give me tips because i can’t die and just be a sad fucking story to everyone i love. or just fucking report me like u guys did last time, not having any safe place with people who relate will totally help too!!!