#and yknow just keep trying. do my best. remember that im loveable anyway. dont hate myself for it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

omegasmileyface · 18 days ago

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starting 2 hate myself in a way i havent since high school, with an intensity i havent since middle school, and with a level of "this is straight up the behavior of a morally bad person" i usually save for my elementary school self. so thats fun

#im fine though really its just. yknow. one of those things #being in my 20s i guess #had a high period in college but now im back and realizing that i apparently havent gotten any better at the things i have struggled with #and have in fact gotten worse at several things #or discovered that something i thought i didnt struggle with im actually bad at #so i keep making promises to myself and others and not delivering on them #just like when i was in k12 #and im really coming up on 10 entire years with seemingly no progress actually delivering on any of thise promises #and its just. making me a shitty person to put any faith into. from others and from myself #and most of my life ive been able to practice a good degree of self-compassion there and patience #and yknow just keep trying. do my best. remember that im loveable anyway. dont hate myself for it #but its starting to feel like im just making excuses for myself. letting myself off the hook for constantly actively making things worse #i just. eventually i cant atand for it anymore #this is the point where id break off with a friend or stop contacting a family member. id say enough is enough #but im stuck with me and im still not becoming a better person by any definition of the word 'better'#im just so tired #im just so tired.#but yknow its not like im in a big hole or anything. im actually doing pretty well all things considered #im having some absolutely wonderful days recently #its just Yeah.#i really feel stuck with myself. pinned down by who i am. burdened with someone who ignores and mistreats and neglects and indulges #and never puts any effort into anything #i wish she'd just care enough to put in the work for more than a short burst. sometimes you have to keep caring. and keep trying. why doesnt #she realize that

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