#i dont wanna know how to live
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WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??@??@?@
HEESEUNG COVERED LOVE WINS ALL BY IU???????
no because what the fuck wait wait wait i need to process this wait waitttttttt
gimme a minute a single minute
*inhales* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*exhales*
#i seriously need help#i cannot do this#heeseung please send me to heaven rn#or hell idc just come kill me#how does he sing like that#trust me i cried actual tears#sniffling as i type rn#they second he said 'my lover' i quite literally broke down#heeseung i love you to the sun and back#NO BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE SANG#THE LOVE WINS ALL#BY THE IU#idk if im even alive rn#idek how to breathe atp#i dont wanna know how to live#i just don't care if i die rn#my heart started beating too fast#literally physically it hurts#oh heeseung you're a godsend#how dOES HE SING LIKE THATTTT😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i have lost the will to live#he's so so beautiful actually#i love his voice so much#the urge to kiss his whole face#and give him a tight hug#and die in his arms#kayz talks!
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Bisan is calling for another global strike!
I saw some posts just outlining Jan 21st, and wanted to clarify that Bisan has called for a full seven days of action.
What a global strike would look like is:
calling in sick to work
purchasing bare essentials ahead of the week so you can observe the general boycott of goods / buying as little as you genuinely can
putting in a concerted effort to elevate Palestinian voices and make it clear that this strike is in support of a permanent ceasefire!
For those who will have to purchase necessary goods during this time, please observe the brands that the BDS movement is asking us to boycott!
♢♢♢
Right now is also a good time to mention some better uses for your money during this week.
Available e-sims in Gaza are running low!!
Mirna El Helbawi and her team are working round the clock to continue to connect Palestinians as Israel does its best to cut them off from the rest of the world.
You can learn how to purchase and send e-sims here, and below you’ll find a list of what is currently needed (the areas in brackets indicate what region you should select to buy e-sims in).
--
CareforGaza is an organisation that does verifiably good work, distributing supplies directly to Palestinian families.
They have a Gofundme set up at the moment, but because of Gofundme’s poor track record regarding refusing to transfer funds to Palestinians, I’d recommend continuing to donate directly to their PayPal here.
Good luck to all of you. Don't turn away from Palestine!
#i know that for some people their first instinct will be to scoff. how can anyone just not buy things for a full week?#what about groceries? rent?#and personally. i wanna say yes. there are some things that we have to spend money on to survive.#but it is possible still to make a concerted effort in your life#to carve out seven days where you can minimise that amount of money#i know its a lot.#for some people who are living on a tight budget. i know its not possible and i dont fault you for that#but i know for a fact that so many of us would be able to take out a few daily purchases in observance of this strike#do your best#dont turn away from palestine#free palestine#palestine#from the river to the sea#call to action
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Your post war megop au has me in shambles please let them adopt me
#YOU DONT KNOW HOW BADLY I WANT THEM TO ADOPT ME TOO 😭😭#AND YES DAD BOD MEGS KSJSKSKS#it gives me a reason to live#i love him#megop#megatron#optimus#Orion#au#oc#megatron x optimus prime#M E N 👁️👁️#i wanna hug them so badly#that image made me laugh lmao i love it cause thats literally me when Megs ksjdlsksks#i love them a bit too much lmao#im normal#ksjslajdlsjdkskmsjsksjalajalsjskjdkdjdkdjlskslfjdlsjfjfkkdkfjdkkskajdjdkskfjsldjksjsksndnsmjdjsls#edit: i forgot orion's antennas lmfao ignore it pls pls pls lmaooo 😭😭😭😭
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North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)
#detroit become human#north wr400#simon pl600#markus rk200#josh pj500#jericho is just... so funny to me as like. how they function (or dont)#like im v glad that i did a Good Job my first run and no one hated me but i also felt like a very distraught parent#in regards to how markus is just able to either hurt them (by suggestions OF THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP)#or help them because hey what the fuck i just dragged simon to safety and now north wants me to kill him#and then simon like oh no north got shot you should leave her BUT ! i saved her and made simon happy#so its like you know what they have to have some animosity but also respect#i feel like i wanna see more of north and simon being buddies ... and i might have to do that myself#but i also apologize if this is ooc for them because i really did only just play through once and got a not good end#i probably missed a lot of lore and stuff so im v sorry if im Messing Them Up#its currently just me liking their designs and vibes and hoping im not ruining other fans lives by being wrong#and i honestly dont know when north would kill simon but hes on her possible victims list#so since both of their victim lists include themselves for suicide it just reminded me of the meme#with im so mad im gonna (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health)#and it was like yeah watch north be like im gonna (well if i cant kill myself because markus said no suicide) murder someone
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You know what we should bring back?
Older christianity. I mean the anti government, anti military, community based christianity. The one that cared the most about peace, equality, mercy, kindness, and radical love. The one with shared property. The one that didn't conform to society but instead existed mostly outside of it. The one where noone considered one sin worse than another because in the end, we are all sinners trying our best to be better.
#“progressive christians are ignoring the bible except for ”love thy neighbour“”#yeah well LOVE OVER VERSES#quit it. im tired of this. just. can we just be nice to everyone?? please?? peace and love on planet earth??#“being gay is a sin tho” “wow this is so immodest” do i look like i care? does jesus look like he cares? i dont think so.#go stab out your eye or smth if you wanna live by the law so badly huh???#funny how suddenly it isnt literal and shouldnt be done because humanity learned and grew since that was written#*points to the verses used to justify homophobia* i mean literally this whole concept changed since then it isnt even the same thing#screaming at the top of my lungs while punching the wall like please please dont cherry pick the bible#“*blank* is a sin” do you like seafood tho?? is your clothing from mixed fabrics?? did you shave??#im just saying that maybe you should let the spirit guide you instead of following the law blindly. what do i know tho. im just a stranger.#queer christian#progressive christianity#i guess??#my religious rants#leftist christianity? anarchist christianity? i do not know??
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doodles of my fav sillies
anton belongs to @poicyss
#my brain is a barbie dreamhouse and theyre all just living in it#im especially fond of the second one because my mom used to hold me like that all the time <3#im drawing them a lot lately because im being crushed by the horrors and have to compensate for it somehow#homemade comfort blorbos......#watch me draw anton inconsistently bc i can never decide if i wanna draw him close to how he actually looks#or yassify him and give him soft fluffy hair and kind eyes and defined features. head in my hands#i dont really have a lot of drawing ideas for them bc they dont have like. a canon storyline or anything methinks#its just stuff me and bow toss around and giggle abt thru messages lol. maybe ill draw infant vincent one of these days#i just come up with stuff and draw them doing it. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside#cuz like anton works for lobocorp as an abnormality BUT hes super duper chill and cute and does his funny little tasks so its fine#AND hes unkillable. auggie is an oc ive had since like 6th grade and i smushed them together. and vincent was for fun but i got attached#i dont have much of a read on anton either bc i think hes meant to be more of an insert character??? if im using that right#on one hand i dont think too hard abt anything being ooc since im not taking it seriously. on the other hand i just hold them in my hands#and stare into space until i can come up with something to draw since i dont have much to go off of. but its fun to build on small tidbits!#i think bow called it an au so i guess??? its an au????? im not really sure. bow if youre reading this im just willy nilly#the only thing i know for sure is that they boink like rabbits. im talking gomez and morticia levels of boinking#maybe ill go back and look at my old doodles for them and redraw em lol#myart#my art#my oc#oc#friend oc#augusta#anton#vincent#sillies family#doodles
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A frustrating development with the growing lack of reading comprehension I've personally noticed is an emerging fervor of insisting things aren't canon unless they are explicitly stated beyond all reasonable doubt.
I can not emphasize enough how harmful a mindset this is to have. Yes, it's wonderful to have characters outright say "I'm trans," but to deny a character's identity for not saying that is dangerous.
Plenty of real people prefer not to use specific labels. Historically, people didn't have our modern terms or modes of expression. Many modern cultures don't use these terms, either, and plenty of people within those that do can't safely openly identify.
If the only representation you accept as canon is within modern (and let's be honest, wealthy white able-bodied American) standards, then you are denying yourself and others a huge amount of representation and seriously limiting the media around you.
#remembering how people were like hmm its not actually canon that Steve is trans and adam is nonbinary...#steve doesnt fucking know what 'trans' is hes an unhoused time traveling cowboy like!!!#after an arc. about werewolves. and how people become werewolves because theyre unhappy with their lives.#especially specifically regarding their body/gender#and how adam explicitly says 'your family never saw you as a man'#AND THEN FOLLOWS IT UP. with referring to Steve as 'the man who chose'#like for fucks sake#you are being deliberately and willfully ignorant if you say its not canon.#your ideas of transness are extremely extremely limited if it doesnt include people who dont use the word.#god. ugh. ive been annoyed by this since that episode came out#dont even get me started on how people barely noticed adam is nonbinary.mm#they said they dont wanna be called a boyfriend. come on!!! come on!!!!#how can i make it clearer without them saying shit they woildnt say and have no context for!!!!#scream.#anyways.#delete later lol im just frustrated again.#im not even sure i worded this how i wanted to
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mmmm musical cultivator shen yuan again. Feng Xuanlu, the Wind Song. He has this well-loved wooden pipe he inherited from is adoptive father that he uses on occasion. When the traveling day gets slow and he doesn't feel like singing, when he's stressed, when night falls and he's sitting around a fire with his troupe and they've all had a little bit to drink.
His hair is long and black, always tied up into a ponytail or a braid of some sort. When he's in camp he loosens it up until its splayed messily over his shoulder. He has crows feet around his eyes that scrunch up when he smiles. His eyes are bamboo green and his hands are rough and callused from years of plucking strings and work. He has scars on his back that he won't explain the origins of.
His voice is low and warm like a fire, it gets raspy in the mornings or when he's been humming or singing for too long. He speaks like there's sunshine dripping off his tongue. He speaks soft, he speaks and his voice takes up the entire room. He's spent over a decade hearing his praises getting sung and he still gets shy over it sometimes.
Whenever he goes into town he has to have at least three other musicians with him at all times -- not his decision of course, but the unanimous choice of his companions. Shen Yuan gathers admirers everywhere he goes, and his companions have long since learned that their dear friend and leader is completely unaware of it. So they have to beat off these suitors with sticks.
#svsss#shen yuan#svsss au#scum villain#mxtx svsss#musical cultivator shen yuan#ive been thinking about a shen yuan who smokes for DAYS. do i think Shizun SY would smoke? mmmm depends on if he thinks the OG would#and he'd probably stop as a villain reformation thing. but im saying this SY smokes. he's 40 (60) years old and an immortal cultivator.#let him have this! its not like he does it OFTEN either. plus i want to kill binghe via horniness gripping.#this is mostly me just playing with character design. bc i love it <3#im waxing poetic about Shen Yuan nobody mind me. i want to talk about how long his hair is and when he speaks you can hear windchimes#and how he sings songs from his old world but wrapped in a thin paper of PIDW context. he lounges and stays up late to listen to his#companions sing drunken songs and tell stories. he complains to them about stories and inconveniences. he's just out here living his life#he complains about how he was mistaken for sqq AGAIN. 'maybe i dont look like shen qingiqu! maybe its shen qingqiu that looks like ME!'#'laoshi you've said this before hahaha' 'AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN' 'are you sure you dont wanna just take a blood test?' 'yes'#'how could we be related? it could just be a coincidence! the gods playing a joke.' he doesnt want to be related to the scum villain#that paints a target on his back! its read as SY being in denial bc he doesnt wanna think about how he could've abandoned or been abandoned#by family. they have no way of knowing if they're related and whose older.#lmao someone mistakes SQQ for the Feng Xuanlu once. he's NOT happy.
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-> September 2024 Ko-fi rewards!
Was asked to draw my beloved oc, Bazel, and some silly coalecroux for a couple kofi members :D
#kofi#my ocs#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#coalecroux#Bazel Lowe (Kheprriverse)#kheprriart#kheprriverse#tailnrr#oh my beloved bazel i hate you so much go back to ur weird basement machine god u freak#uh anyways i know absolutely nothing ab the podcast/dnd thing. my partner just wanted me to draw them so plEASE dont follow me if ur--#--expecting more content for them#this is a primarily legend of zelda and oc-story account#but like if u wanna follow me u still can just.. plz dont expect more art for legends of avantris unless im forced to by my partner#insane how completely different the vibes are between these two images#semi-evil machine-man who follows an eldritch god that lives in his basement#and the gays
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#talkys#honestly genuinely having the little hope i was granted Crushed is rly messing wit me 🫶#im pretty sure its not going to happen anymore#which was always possible but at least i had a Chance ykwim#its also my own fault for getting too hopeful but man i was already daydreaming about living peacefully.#having AC. being able to transition. being able to be Alone. finally being able to learn to cook without my#mom not letting me do so. im so sad. i dont even wanna ask for confirmation on how Over it is bc i dont want to go back to being full doome#it rly would have all lined up perfectly ! like its true‚ easiest way to get job is to know someone and i finally Knew someone#and the position would have been tolerable for me.....!#almost dream job! and a job that wld let me move out!!!#im so sad#igts not the yr of cheye after all i dont think#*i didnt gwt rejected or anything. changes at the workplace made it so i probably wont get to have an interview. didnt make it that far.
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thinkin bout magneto's lil list of aliases from that One Shot of his government file or w/e in 97 and how it lists the three main men who've played him (David Hemblen, Ian McKellen, Michael Fassbender) and kinda cackling at the idea 1.) if they included All his names 2.) having 'michael' on that list twice
#snap chats#'real name magnus' to YOU. maybe to me too idk magnus IS a cute name but not the topic#some people bemoan references to the movies in the comics/cartoons I HOWEVER think theyre always cute when it comes to the xmen...#like in legion of x- i forget who but someone was like 'magneto can do a GREAT gandalf impression just get him drunk first'#like oh im sure im sure he can... [insert rivals tank joke here]#kinda wish they called back to his other VAs or at least earl boen who played him in Pryde of the X-Men but ill live#i just like the shout outs in general..... thats so cute idc i love it when comics/shows do that#also love how david hemblen's name is the only one not fully censored vJELKJVAELKJ#rip king you'll always be iconic for your performance in 92. AND in road to avonlea <- he was in one (1) episode#anyway no please can you imagine how goofy that list would be. and how long#like 'you got two michaels on here you wanna explain' you gotta ask his ex about that one. michael a good name idk what to tell you#'ok so david hemblen ian [redacted] michael [redacted] michael. michael xavier......' loud ass eyebrow raise#ik in the tas verse mags doesnt get the opportunity to 'become' michael xavier but let me have this joke ok. just this one#didnt know charles could see into the future ... it really is so funny that a man named michael would eventually play mags tho#thats so funny .. serendipity or whatever#wait that just reminds me of when he borrows charles' last name for that 2012(? or was it 2011) magneto one shot#he couldnt have been going by michael xavier in that it was well before that time.. was he just going by 'magnus xavier'....#or just Mr. Xavier .. or charles xavier ... funny as hell i love magneto's name shenanigans#james arnold taylor deserves a shoutout. maybe not in tas but just in general WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE PLAYED TIDUS#INFAMOUS LAUGHTER TIDUS THAT ONE ????? range. he also played johnny test but we dont gotta talk about it#that fact alone has made he decide mags has an ugly laugh. like i know the context of the tidus laugh and its sad but ssh#ignore me im just. i love voice actor stuff its always so funny going down the rabbit hole#seriously tho shoutout to mr taylor he's played mags in virtually all his video game appearances. AND lego charles#thats enough outta me ok bye im gonna go
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i feel like meeting an actor who plays my fave character would be so awful. like you're supposed to be the character. inside the tv show. get back in there
#like i would not wanna see amy acker irl#i don't wanna know how tall she is in relation to me like id be unable to watch poi#this is what i dont get about cons tbh#like yay concerts and seeing fave singers live? amazing#fave writers? absolutely lets go#fave ACTORS? i dont wanna meet those people#youre breaking the immersion get back inside the tv#thankfully i only ever watch media thats not from my country so my chances of meeting those ppl irl are nonexistent p much
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what if because dust and horror wouldn't wanna be called anything aside from sans in a multiverse context and they were both good buddies they both just start calling eachother sans. i'm sans (dust) and i'm sans (horror) ahh duo
becaaause horror in his eye(s) still sees himself as sans!! he's sans!! who else is he SUPPOSED to be god 😒😒 stop attatching this stupid fake name onto him that just points out all his shortcomings in his au and also just dehumanizes him (because i get that aus are named after a key trait of something but COME ON the guy's name is HORROR it's like naming a poor person "brokie" or something,,,). horror is PROUDLY sans smh
and dust ALSO sees himself as sans!!! like,,, granted he's definitely not a better sans than he was before considering everything he did (but he still doesn't like his past self's inaction) but he's STILL SANS. nothing about him changed (really?) enough to warrant the whole identity shift. like dude dont discredit him DONT DENY HIS WHOLE LIFE!!! he IS sans no matter what,,, dust doesnt wanna think about what he became if he's not sans now anyways lul :3
now could they fight over the right to the identity of sans??? possibly,,, but also consider this: there are literally infinite numbers of sanses in the multiverse. at some point the shiny title of Sans would be something horror and dust are used to around the multiverse!!! so why fight over the name (that so many others share already so its not exactly exclusive) when they can just decide to make each other feel better!!! be delusional TOGETHER 🤞
#because a certain mutual of mine's post reminded me that this draft of mine existed#ironic how this whole post is about dust and horror wanted to be called sans. and i call them dust and horror the entire time#killer would be having the WORST DAY OF HIS LIFE being around them#SANS THIS SANS THAT HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOURE HORROR YOURE DUST AND NEITHER OF YOU ARE SANS!!! NONE OF US ARE#ohhh my god this gave me ANOTHER idea.... horror and dust's pride in being sans bothering killer..... hahahshehahageh i like that idea#what's with me and horrordust but theyre using eachother to cope with the fact that they hate their current lives so they pretend to go bac#let's see if untitled29876011111 will approve of this mtt take after they wake up....... :3#this must be like the 7th hc ive made about dust and horror trying to remain as sans together#i think its really an interesting thing to me how they both are the furthest thing from sand undertale but they still believe it so firmly#its kinda like the opposite of killer and his want to be seperate from sans#because (and dont shoot me if im wrong) killer doesnt wanna be sans because he doesnt wanna believe he could've possibly made the decision#to do whatever the hell it is for chara as who he used to think he was. doesnt wanna believe that he's still the same guy when he's been#changed against his will SO much that even he cant recognize himself. and then for dust and horror#they still wanna be sans because for the opposite but same reason???? like#dont wanna accept they they've changed that much so they cling onto the old identity. i love trio parallels#i love continuation group i'm SO glad theyre continuation group. there are other continuations but THEY are continuation group#every single little detail about them can be connected to each other...... and they barely even know each other in canon ✨✨✨✨#the characters are SO perfect together even though theyre not even from the same character or have interactions#how is it possible that 3 characters from 3 seperate creators with none/barely any canon interactions w eachother#just manage to work SO WELL TOGETHER!!!! THEY HAVE SO MSNY CONNECTIONS AND GREAT DYNAMICS AND PARALLRLS OAUGHHHH I LOVE THE MTT!!!! MY TRIO#i wasn't totally inspired by the silly sans 1 and sans 2 thing i put into my fic noooo. ok maybe i was :3#this is 500% gonna be a flop post but whatever i post for myself and the 1 person i know will 1000% see it now ✨✨✨ freedom ✨✨✨✨✨#tricule hc#killer sans#killer's not here in post but he's mentioned in tags. for today this is okay#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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I always thought that handcuffs were kinda stupid. As a little kid I would watch movies where the bad guys were hauled away in cuffs and I'd always think "alright, I guess that's inconvenient for them?" but I never really understood why they didn't just... take them off and escape
This curiosity heightened when I saw that my aunt had real metal handcuffs that locked with a real key and I quickly, before any adult could see what I was doing, shackled both my wrists with the cuffs as tight as they could go.
And when I say tight, I mean tight. I had reaaaaal skinny wrists and I was a child wearing adult handcuffs, so you'd think the cuffs would be loose but nope. Those things weren't circular anymore, they'd folded in so much that they looked more like the shape a cat's pupils turn when they're mad.
And what they don't tell you about real handcuffs? Those suckers are sharp. The inside edges are almost bladed, I guess to discourage exactly what I was trying to do but that certainly didn't stop my curious lil neurodivergent brain, oh no no.
Anyway, after about five minutes of pulling, straining, huffing and puffing, I finally went to find the adult with the key.
I was so disappointed.
And so, so hopelessly confused.
Course, no one questioned why I had locked my aunt's handcuffs and why I needed them unlocked. And, of course, I didn't communicate my confusion in any way.
So it wasn't until way later in life, when I had quickly shimmied out of one of those indestructible water park wristbands and saw the horrified eyes of my friends watching me with morbid glee, that I discovered that, apparently, most people can't dislocate their thumbs at will.
The moral of the story here is that neurodivergent children have no concept of typical versus atypical and that I cannot be contained by your petty mortal means.
#personal#tangent#irl story#i was just thinking about this cause I saw yet another movie with handcuffs and my reaction immediately was confusion#and i had to stop. and be like 'no. that person is STUCK. they aren't just playing along because handcuffs are a universal time out rule'#because yeah. i did think that everyone was just really polite and chill about the universal handcuff timeout rule...#and not that they actually just... couldn't get out#imagine not being able to fold your hands into a perfect cylinder the same size as your wrist tho. wild. how u live like that?#it took me five minutes to get out of the handcuffs CAUSE THOSE FUCKERS ARE SHARP#anyway i don't wanna know why my aunt had those#im neurodivergent i dont ask questions
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Ngl something that really pisses me off about the way that Tumblr deals with mental health is the fact that there's this seeming disconnect between trying to be inclusive of mental/personality disorders without acknowledging the grotesque, uncomfortable nature of some of them (OCD intrusive thoughts, for example, esp. if they're POCD) and the fact that others are, in fact, the root cause for a lot of actual abuse
Like, I've been hearing a lot from my mom about how my dad is a narcissist and an abuser bc of it (she's only just now realizing how awful he is after starting therapy, and her therapist is who told her what I've been trying for years), but I'm uncomfortable talking about that because as soon as I rant on it on my own damn blog, people will jump at my throat to snarl at me about how narissistic abuse isn't real or w/ever. Hell, even hearing my mom TALK about her experiences in that light makes me feel nervous/uncomfortable bc I knew if she said that shit on here she'd get piled with hate asks for her not using the 'correct' language, even though she basically flat-out admitted that the only reason me or my siblings existed was through coercion/marital rape when she was drinking. That shit's been haunting me ever since she said it bc I genuinely did not know that it was that bad (though I should have, bc he used to be very phsyically abusive to us before my brother was born), but I knew if I said anything about my discomfort for it til now that people would get mad at me for calling my dad a narcissist, even though that is the root of his behavior and this is my own damn blog for posting these sorts of thoughts/musings. Like, cool! Here's my mom gushing to me about how grateful she is that I'm the reason she figured out she needed help, and I'm sitting here feeling some kind of fucked-up queasy fear-guilt bc she's using wording that would get her cancelled on tumblr even as it contextualizes 30+ years of abuse in a manner that is accurate, easily digestible, and assisting her in getting aid. That's not helpful. But the obsession with 'proper inclusive language' over 'respectful conduct' takes priority over actual help
I don't think all people with NPD are automatically abusers, because I know myself just how easy it is to be an abusive, manipulative asshole. It's really only bc I grew up detesting my father so much that I'm not a piece of shit, honestly. People should be judged based on how they treat the people around them, not how they actually feel or think about it. But at the same time, saying narcissistic abuse doesn't exist is just plain falsehood. No personality disorder is automatically abusive, but many of them are the source of very particular abuses, and claiming otherwise is not helpful to the people trying to be better than their brain, nor to the people who got harmed by those who never bothered to try
#rant#rape tw#yeah I've not been handling that revelation very well!!#the only thing that makes me feel better about it is that my mom genuinely loves us#and has told us that we're her only reason for living#but by god is it disheartening to know that she also stayed for us#and that shes wasted her whole life/spent it in misery for us#like. i dont wanna call it traumadumping bc she needs this catharsis#but my mom went from one extremely abusive life to another#just in different ways#and hearing it as someone who only cares about her in my family#its...awful#like i got the second worst out of it when i was growing up but i didnt realize how bad#i thought the abuse I took was somewhat equal to my mom but its not even close#my dad at least had an idealized picture of a person in his head#that hed rage at me for not fitting#but my mom is just an object/posession to him- only there for sex cleaning and rearing his kids#he told that to her *verbatem*#its...sickening#everytime i doubt that i had it bad#i come home and then realize just how wrong i am#it could be worse physically yeah but psychologically. oh my god
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I Feel TFOne Could've Handled This Better...
Hot take but I feel like folks have been really generous with the take that OP was unable to find ~the perfect words~ in the heat of the moment (and thus should be given some grace) when he told D to stand down and "not be like Sentinel"... namely cuz I don't feel that the narrative supports this?
Like-- after all is said and done, OP doesn't reflect on that part of their split. He doesn't have a moment where he seeks validation or voices his regrets over the choice of his words, it's actually cut-and-dry. The narrative (as it stands) supports that OP saw D-16 acting up, so he called him out and stood on business, down to the last scenes where he's basically like "yeah it's a shame but y'all knew I had to do it to 'em."
It didn't have to be much! I'm not saying to absolve Megs, just show OP looking at things from a different perspective/contemplating a bit on that tough choice and the morality of the moment. Some examples of what I wish we had:
B-127 straight up blurting the obvious by later chatting with Orion like, "Wait so you told your best friend that he was acting just as bad as the guy who enslaved us for our entire lives and was torturing him like an hour ago? Oof. Seems kinda harsh." Then have some of OP's regret show on his face.
OP asking Elita-1 after Megs is banished if he did the right thing. Have Elita back his choice up, saying, "You should have seen what he did after you were... gone. It was terrifying. I know it was tough, but you made the right call." OP is grateful for the support, but a conflicted look still flashes across his face before he steels himself to look out towards the horizon... and the future.
Have OP walk past other mechs/former miners who didn't go with the High Guard saying stuff like, "Wish I could've given Sentinel a piece of my mind!" "Yeah, but I'm glad he's gone for good." "Ugh I miss everything." "Oh, it was crazy! Megatron picked him up and then he rrrrriiipped-- oops, hey there, Mr. Optimus... Prime... sir?" And have OP wave hello, looking a bit sick when they leave.
Post-credits scene with Starscream going on and on, asking Megs when they'll be back to teach the upstart Prime a lesson. Megs grabs his face to shut him up. "Patience, Starscream. The Prime thinks I'm no better than Sentinel... but I'll show him. He wants Iacon? He can have it. In the meantime we'll take the rest of the planet! Then I'll come back, crush Prime under my heel, and we'll take Iacon too. Sentinel's reign will barely be a footnote, because I'm about to become Optimus Prime's worst nightmare." The vocal performance would really need to sell this-- like picture Megs saying something like that from a place of anger and hurt, not so much a place of genuine evil or malice.
Basically instead of Orion's assertion being backed up as black and white/good vs bad, I wish we had some different opinions/reactions from the characters sprinkled in there. Like you can't tell me out of allllll the miners who weren't strong enough/willing to go with the High Guard and ended up sticking around that NONE of them were like "eyyo honestly?? Kiiiiinda glad Sentinel is dead. Wish I could have helped, tbh." like come onnnnn...
And you can't even argue that he's not an active threat-- I don't think everyone would see things that way! It's not just about the threat he physically has, but the threat he represents and is very likely to act upon if given the opportunity! He has a proven track record of not only being sneaky and conniving, but also capable of dealing some serious damage/killing people bigger and stronger than him, plus he has the backing of the Quints. All he'd need to do is wriggle his way out of jail and run off to his sponsors, then he'd probably be back to hurt more people! (If the Quints didn't just kill him out of incompetence lmao). There's a lot of "ifs" here, but I think it's a valid argument that not everyone would agree on what is the right or wrong way to handle Sentinel once he was down long enough to, like, do something about him.
I feel the situation needed a bit of nuance. In some way I wish they had kicked the can and had D and Orion bicker while Sentinel escaped, then have D get frustrated enough by the loss of Sentinel to point fingers (and his fusion canon) at Orion, who then falls and becomes OP. (Megs could still show some of thar emotion/remorse right after he does it too.) Not only would this open the door for a sequel, but tbh the Quint might have just killed Sentinel anyways and sought to deal with the miners uprising themselves lol. (Maybe that could have been an after credits scenes too instead of the B-127 bit??)
Would love to see a moment in a sequel where they have a calmer moment after arguing for a bit. Have OP mention how Megs was out of line, that it hurt and even scared him to see him act that way, and Megs can quietly point out "you said I was as bad as Sentinel... is that really how you see me? After everything we went through?"
Then OP can fumble the bag again lmao like "D, I... I'm sorry, that didn't come out right... but you still took things way too far..."
"Why am I not surprised-- your opinion is what matters the most! Maybe that's why you became a Prime, since you're so good at acting like the world revolves around you--!"
*gets interrupted by someone else before another yelling match ensues*
#rambling#transformers one#tf one#tfo#i'll be honest a lot of this stems from how rushed i felt the last like... 3rd of the movie feels#i feel Optimus is so dismissive of Megs!! like basically the whole movie but ESPECIALLY after coming back to life as a Prime???#your best friend is Going Through It. clearing having an Emotional Breakdown.#He drops you. In the moment it mattered most he chose violence... but notice what he says right before that?#Megs says ''I'm done saving you''#Like??? y'all don't wanna delve into that a little more?????#i half expected Optimus to pop up and be like ''excuse me. i wasn't done talking. what Did You Mean By That??''#instead he comes up and IMMEDIATELY has already written off this entire relationship as well.#Megs dropped him. it was a aplit second decision. we see in the movie D leaning into these bad impulses.#Orion is supposed to mature gradually so he's more level-headed by the end. why does that equate to abandoning the friendship??#why does he suddenly wanna drop Megs too? wouldn't this be the time for ''please listen to me'' part 2?#''it doesn't matter who has the matrix. we can make a change for the better! please listen to me'' etc#also minor nitpick but lmao why was OP Talking Like That after becoming Prime?#like he goes from ''haha hey guys hows it goin'' to ''You have used your gifts for Evil and Betrayed the entire planet''#babes what. Cybertron?? we went on a 2 day road trip on foot the fuck you know about Cybertron.#like betrayed Iacon maybe but idk maybe the guys in Tarn would be cool with Megs you dont know! lmao!#if my friend and I had beef and they started talking to me like the queen of england i would literally ask where they got their soapbox.#ohhhh you think you're morally superior? stop speaking for the whole planet lmao!! already named prime and letting it go to his head!!#strange dieties lying in the core of the planet distributing magic baubles that bring you back to life#is no basis for picking a planetary leader#this has been Orion Was Right: The Movie#when i wish there was a bit more.#maybe another 20-30 min would have helped me idk hhhhh#but Megs turn felt sooooo fast... then things just kept escalating from there.#''some transformations are permanent'' sir it's been like 48 hours since y'all learned you lives were a lie.#you *really* don't think Megs could ever cool down and apologize/change his mind?? you too??? tf???
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