#i dont usually post anything so this is kinda weird
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I have this! Im not sure if it is genetic or acquired through (surgical) trauma though. I had multiple eye surgeries before I was 1 year old... cataract removal as well as drainage tube implants due to developing glaucoma as a complication from cataract removal. I have had subsequent followup surgeries as well. You can even see the scar tissue in the corners of my eyes!
As for my vision, it is not great. I have no lenses in my eyes so i must wear strong bifocal glasses. Sadly, I am not a candidate for intraocular implants: my surgeon feels the risks for more serious vision loss are too high.
I also experience light sensitivity, tunnel vision, difficulty focusing, poor depth perception and double vision that gets worse if I'm tired. My right eye's vision is noticeably darker and has a smaller FOV.
One other cool thing is that the drain tubes were expected to only last a decade before failing, after which I would be old enough to manage my glaucoma myself with medication. But they never failed! I still have them 24 years later to the amazement of every opthalmologist I meet.
Polycoria, apathological condition of the eye characterized by more than one pupillary opening in the iris.
#i saw a lot of people asking questions in the comments so maybe they will find this helpful#i dont usually post anything so this is kinda weird#EDIT: I am wearing contact lenses in that pic so thats what the faint circles on my iris is from
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Ik two days gone isn't a huge deal to other people but it is to me, since I feel like I woke up in a completely different world. It felt wrong to come back and blog and act like nothing happened, re: current events. I still feel pretty numb and empty about it all, along with many other emotions. I couldn't bring myself to look at any social media bcs it was like rubbing salt in the wound, and it still feels like its take a bit before I'm gonna be able to truly enjoy all the things I enjoy again. I was gonna write some long post about my feelings about it all but, I feel like atp I'd rather just try to indulge in what makes me happy I guess. Thankfully the fomo of not getting to commentate on all the F1 things that have happened have brought me out of the anxious slump I was in(new driver?? GPDA??? Zhou out??? Send me posts???)
On a completely unrelated note. Anyone interested in adoption?
#icl i took a long nap by accident and woke up feeling better#not completely undepressed and unanxious like the nightmare mental state ive had since monday basically#but more at ease i guess#idk ik i don't owe anything to anyone but#it felt weird to reblog anything and not address this#and also its still going to be a while till seeing things about what happened dont make me immensely upset#as i said. salt in the wound.#i know i know two days is nothing in the scheme of things but it is to me#even though i feel like i absolutely have to make this post before i feel comfortable reblogging and indulging#i still feel like people are gonna find this overly dramatic and annoying so. please don't thanks :)#like usually i just doomscroll when im upset but this was just total lack of interest#and anxiety about literally doing anything i like#so to be able to get out of that is good. and i must say it for my own peace of mind#i just cannot engage at all w the news and that kinda thing so its made me really anxious to scroll anything#gah. even thinking about scrolling even just to read about f1 things is making me very anxious#catie.rambling.txt
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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im so disappointed in my art lately . im not a beginner artist, but i feel like everything i do looks like i am . i feel like it would only be acceptable for a beginner . i havent made any progress since i was 11 . today is not a good day
#artist problems? except i barely even count as an artist atp#non serious vent sorry#i dont usually textpost because i much prefer just sticking it in the tags and hoping i forget about it#but i dont have anything to post. i literally have not been able to make anything at all.#does any other artist feel like this?#i know everyone says they feel like this but i cant decide if its comforting or condescending#all the other artists say “oh i hate my art!” when their art is good because its just the artists eye or whatever its called#and on one hand its comforting because everyone hates their art#but on the other hand its so discouraging because if you hate your art so much#how does mine look? how bad is mine?#i dont like talking abt weed bc its kinda weird for a 14 year old but i feel like the only times i can draw without crying -#- is when im high#i dont know i need to take a break or something#might focus on writing but everything is just so frustrating to me lately#i cant promise literally anything anymore because everytime i get excited to create its just GONE so fast#becaus i cant like anything i make#i keep searching for some kind of art advice that will actually help but i never can figure out how to apply it#and most of it is just “keep practicing!” as if i havent been practicing since i was 8 years old#i feel like at this point i have to just start all the way over but i dont even know how#at this point i would rather art regress than keep churning out the same mediocre garbage ive been drawing since 2022#and its not even that im pressuring myself to draw. its that all my art has just looked the same for so long and im so frustrated#i literally cannot draw anything without crying anymore its really upsetting#anyway sorry for the negativity on main :( this blog has kinda become my diary and im just an overdramatic teenager or whatever i dont know
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throughout the series of drake and josh it pretty consistently implies that josh nichols is a christian (josh peck is jewish) and in the finale of the series helen (played by yvette nicole brown, not jewish[?]) is portrayed as a practicing jew
#i dont have a problem w either of those things necessarily i just find it interesting#if i had to guess. drake and josh was a mainstream that didnt wanna touch on religion generally#but josh was kind of a dork and usually when josh's religious beliefs are implied it is in dorkish ways#such as praying and thanking the lord after he has his first kiss.#but since dan schneider is jewish perhaps he wanted to make helen have a jewish wedding in the finale?#not that there needs to be a reason. but u do notice occasional jewish-related jokes in d&j but none of them are what you could call#offensive. in good faith that is. 'eric is a pacifist' 'i thought he was jewish?' like come on#text post#i have been rewatching drake and josh recently and i have had so many thoughts#im almost done. i just have left that stupid dance episode that they premiered last for the stupid reason#of a special dance-themed premiere night in fall 2007. they premiered the third episode of icarly and a new zoey 101 on the same night#which i think is so stupid. they should've aired really big shrimp last. it messed w my understanding of the series at the time lol#i remember not really knowing that the show was ENDING. like i knew icarly was starting & miranda was doing that#i thought really big shrimp was like just another special like go hollywood.#and then like two days later they premiered the helicopter episode for some reason#and i was like why is drake not famous in this. he just had a number 1 song in a superbowl commercial#and then a month later the dance one. which. if anything is satisfying about that as a final episode it's just that#that unnamed girl from the blues brothers episode who is obsessed w drake shows up again and congratulates them#and the very final line of the series is 'who is she?' because. because really who IS she?#that's a funny enough throwback to wrap things up with i suppose#drake and josh wasn't a highly serialized show so i can see how they could air those after the intended finale and act like it didn't matte#but i have to tell you it did fuck with my brain a bit at the time. lol. i still think of those episodes as having 'happened' after#and on paramount plus those episodes are still placed after really big shrimp. the injustice#but thats kinda messy. what a weird way to end such an influential and popular sitcom#season 4 had a few lowpoints while still also having some VERY solid episodes.#idk. ill have to continue my series review another time im getting way too longwinded here#helen dubois is jewish
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tbh i do think changeling jack would have been a better option like. first of all i think just actually sticking to the changeling plot, rather than the antagonists being the changelings and the borg in an alliance that i guess doesn’t not make sense but ultimately brushes aside the changeling stuff at the end probably would have been better, but i also think there’s some potentially interesting stuff in there. again with the caveat that this is kind of operating off of like...not totally changing the setup but trying to do something better with the same beginning.
like ok loose concept 20 years prior to ep 1 beverly picks up this kid while she’s on a mission in the wake of the dominion war and initially doesn’t know he’s a shapeshifter or anything, just that he’s a child who needs help. he’s on her ship for a while and she gets kind of attached to him, especially when he shows an early interest in medical stuff, but at some point she gets confronted by some subset of starfleet that’s after him, and it comes out that he’s a changeling who did something bad in an attempt to escape capture by starfleet and they’re here to take him back.
and like. she’s gotten to know him, and she feels protective of this kid and she believes he was genuinely acting out of fear and possibly reacting to mistreatment, whereas their charges seem. kind of questionable? they feel like the result of paranoia in the wake of the dominion war and she doesn’t trust the people that are going to bring him in to treat him fairly, and she’s already somewhat more disillusioned with starfleet than she used to be because she’s already lost one son to starfleet ideals and is starting to regard jack as another, so that questioning really gets kicked into overdrive here on a broader scale. she makes the choice to protect this kid that she’s gotten attached to and they escape, but they have to go on the run, and that’s why she’s been off the grid for so long. she raises him, and they do their medical thing, but eventually they run into trouble and she doesn’t know where else to turn, so she reaches out to picard and tells him not to involve starfleet (both because they’re potentially compromised but also because her trust in them is still not at an all time high)
and then also since that’s dealing with the dominion war and that story belongs to ds9 i would have loved to bring back sisko (probably like. as at least a 2-3 episode arc, one of which replaces the episode w/ro laren bc i love her and all but she deserved better and we could have made the points that were made there in other ways). like. put him face to face with picard for the first time since the ds9 pilot and have them reassess each other after this time. i don’t know exactly how i’d see that dynamic playing out but i think bringing them back together to try to negotiate a threat would be super interesting AND like. i would really love to see picard going to sisko for advice about fatherhood tbh. maybe picard has read jake’s work and is familiar with the fact that they have a very close relationship so in trying to bond with jack he realizes sisko could be a really good person to learn from, even if they’ve had personal struggles in the past (and even if they’re never like Friends now). idk feels like a way to bring sisko back in and give him some closure that would have worked thematically on multiple levels.
like idk i dont have a whole plot seeing as ive been thinking about this for. not very long. but by focusing more on the changeling plot and giving it personal relevance we can focus on questioning starfleet and the federation, and how having to question these things picard has dedicated his whole life to affects his identity, but ideally to me the conflict would be one that shows the potential for positive change.
#for context the answer to 'why are you writing so many long ass posts' is usually a combination of mild hypomania + writing going badly#so you can just. act on that assumption in the future lmao.#like i said in the last post i dont really like the setup but even with it there were more interesting things that could have been done#and like...idk weird changeling kid jack trying to figure his shit out in the space where the dominion war is over but people are still#kinda weird about people like him is infinitely more interesting to me than specialest borg guy jack#even if ultimately i would prefer that they just. didn't do a secret child plot at all lmao#(as a side note i dont love the ds9 episode that comes to a kind of like. well people will always just be prejudiced conclusion#but i do think there's a difference between 'that's just always how it'll be' and showing people actively making an effort to be better)#i honestly have no idea if anything i've said today makes any sense wahoo but here we are babey!!#pic#picard spoilers#san rant#changeling!jack
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Do you ever like psychologically analyze yourself at 8 in the morning
#like my insistence on emotional independence#and refusal to express vulnerable feelings like sadness anxiety insecurity etc#has lead to it being like extra fucked when i do break and get emotional#im fine rn#but last night i was like ‘wow i really wanna talk to someone. oh but im brain weird right now so i shouldn’t’#and it’s like. why not? but the answer is that like#i dont have many people to talk to#and the ones i do. theyre either on the ‘dont be vulnerable with them’ list#or the ‘has already seen me break and get emotional so i cant make them think its for attention’ list#which is like. kinda insane because i did want attention yknow#just like. acknowledgement and to hang out a bit#but if im in a weird brain state it’s like. there’s a good chance ill get emotional and weird#and i always feel like i sound manipulative and attention-seeking when i let people see me like that#i REGULARLY think about the time i got like that with a group chat one time ages ago#where i was like ‘hiiii brainweird. chat?’#and then something upset me and i got really annoying about it#so now i just like. low key refuse to go near anyone from there when im at all upset or in a weird brain state#just in case it’s the last straw yknow#blegh i always feel gross writing venty posts but like#if i dont get the thoughts out ill explode#i especially feel gross if there’s a chance that like. someone i talk to or a friend will see it#like even though i dont think anything of other peoples vent posts#im like. oh god. you dont need to see this#vent#edit follow-up: im also bad at gauging how people are actually reacting to me#so i usually overreact and get really upset if i think someone is mad or annoyed at me#but then i also cant tell if im being too much#or making someone uncomfortable#and its like. aghhh i cant talk to people until i Fix This!!!
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#its so weird when i see people on my dash talking about the thing i do for work lol#kinda like watching a cameo in a movie like oh!!! thats me!!!#but also u people dont really know what ur talking about#this also applies to people talking about the things happening in my state but thats usually slightly more accurate#like i am suddenly the expert and i can see the exact level of media literacy everyone in this post has#like.#seeing an educational post about not my field: ooohh cool fun interesting!!#seeing an educational post about my field: uh. wrong. wrong. closer. not exactly. no.#but also get this shit off my dash my job sucks i dont want anything work related here go AWAY#the second i open this app i have no job no braincells NOTHING#head EMPTY
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Of course I'm gonna remember the fucked up dream I had today that didn't let me continue sleeping when I'm about to fall asleep.
#my posts#my dreams#i will write it here#it has gore and harm to a small kid/toddler so uh#saying that in case someone's curious to read. ony#only* keep reading if you are okay with thoae. but i want it out of my brain so ill write it here#after draming i got lost and stuff in a different place than the one i usually dream off and with bad weather‚ i got 'home'#not really how my house nor my neighborhood looks. kinda more like a countryside slightly older american house i guess? maybe not old but#made at some point last century#its raining but not as much as before. and something in me is like 'close every door and window. the which is done. shes about to be free.-#-dont let her in' so i closed everything. but that meant that the dream neighbor lost against her.#apparently it was a huge kinda doll house place and in it only lived a child. about 2-3years old. could walk and talk but still had diappers#i say doll house bc it was open. i could see the inside like that. and something in it looked like a doll from tbe torso up#as big as a bedroom i think? placed in a way it reminded me of a chimney#anyways the child is on the top floor screaming 'YES I WON'. she didnt tho. she just didn't know#two women in maif clothes (not the cure maid that can look sexy. the maid thats almost also nurse clothes for older people) come for her#apparently tho she lived alone she did have them to care for her#one of them picks the girl from the floor. a noise of something tearing can be heard#she says 'oh weird did your diapper break?' but the girl doesnt really say anything anymore#as shes being carried away a noise of something falling from the floor happens. a wet slapping sound#and its just.. meat. chunks of meat and organs and intestines falling out of the girls diapper bit by bit. all bloodied pieces of everything#that woke me up#and them i couldn't go back to sleep and then i tried to forget but i just remembered#im. gonna try to sleep anyways bc its almoat 3 am but.. yeah it wasnt fun lmao#the first half was decent but... no yeah no lmao
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its like. i KNOW, on some level, that its kind of fucked up that dad and mom are like. not talking to me or reaching out and they never have ven when i was a kid, and i know on some level its pretty fucked up how little they care about me yet somehow want a say in EVERYTHING in my life
and its kinda fucked up that i asked my dad about a hypothetical scenario where i rent that really shitty apartment he has in the basement for a little while after finally getting rid of the house i currently live in. just so ill have somewhere to live until i find a better apartment somewhere. and somehow my brother gets 12k a month and only pays 4k ish but i make 18k a month so i should ay 10k in rent just cus
and somehow im just a trash heap so when i moved into the house i got a bunch of crap my parents just didnt want. my old stuff from when i was a kid?? okay thanks for the toys but can i ssell them or give some of them to my little sister? NO. what if my little sister comes to visit. they dont fucking visit me more than once a year at most and they only visit my neighbours or show up when im not around. baby pictures??? stuff i had when i was a baby like a toy and some shit drawings from when i was a kid???? WHY WOULD THEY GIVE ME THAT. its stuff that should be sentimentally important enough for dad to keep, not give to me cus theyd feel bad throwing it away or give to me cus it was taking up space. mom kept the big photoalbum books i had to go get from dads house before they sold it even tho it was all packed away and probably hadnt been in a bookshelf for a while and i didnt even get my own babypictures or the album even tho mom said i was gonna get it when i moved out some furniture and shit?? mom didnt wanna get rid of a fucking bench with drawers so he asked me if i wanted it?? i said okay but like if i try selling it is she gonna want it back? and she even tried buying an unopened box with a dresser in it (i dont have space for it anywhere. YET.) from me even tho i said i needed it. she couldve just asked where she got it or some shit, they literally still sell it at the store and you can order it online and dad and stepmom came with some mats and lamps for me "in case i needed some" so thats lying in the garage taking up space cus i dont have any use for them. they even gave me a fucking roomba even tho i didnt think itd help and i never used it and now they want it back cus they wanna give it to grandma. like i get the logic but why give it away if you want it back.
and like. most of my shit is secondhand from family. because the solution to all my problems is apparently not getting me the fuck out of that house, its Giving Me Things. i just got picked up from the psychiatrists office or i have a headache and feel awful or i almost had a panic attack, but dad cant drop me off at home or even at moms house cus that takes 10 minutes extra so instead i get a soda. cus that makes up for him just letting me have a headache or literally driving me aorund for 3 hours cus hes got "chores" (checking out used car dealerships for more cars he can buy so he can fix them cus his hobbies are so important he cant just put them aside and make sure were fed or have clothes, thats mom and grandmas job)
so instead of actually trying to help me or spend time with me they give me shit. i dont see people for literal months and im literally crying daily for hours in the middle of fucking winter and nobody even fucking talks to me but the best way to fix that?? give me a christmas tree and ornaments. give me some of their old decorations too. bail on me to stay home for new years eve but thats okay cus i got a christmas tree they bought for me cus that fixes everything i dont have a table and chairs to sit in the livingroom or kitchen and im almost having a mental breakdown cus i think THATS whats missing and having more furniture is going to fix the complete lack of any connection with other people cus if i have a big house and i have stting space people will actually bother visiting. so ofc dad gives me their old furniture from their cottage, theyve been meaning to get rid of it so they can replace it anyways. literally giving me their unwanted shit cus its easier. going to the thriftstore with me is too much work and i cant get to any of the more remote but cheap furniture stores but thats okay cus they dont care and for as long as they dont have to drive me or spend time with me all is well.
like it is no fuckin wonder im struggling to even save up money when i keep buying shit cus thats literally what always happens when im with family. we go on a daytrip somwhere to buy shit cus there no fucking connection there thats worth even trying to deal with, so the whole idea of an experience or bonding isnt really applicable. being a kid and hanging out with the paternal side of the family was literally always a shopping trip where we bought new clothes. cus dads cheap and didnt wanna spend his precious hobby money on clothes, he wants to fix cars for months then sell them for a couple extra hundreds, and my uncle and aunt and cousin only visited for weekends every now and then so it wasnt often either. but it was practically every time.
like even when im alone in the city or somewhere i wind up spending money on shit cus i just. dont have the self control and who gives a shit anyways its not like ill be able to ever save up for anything and atleast this way i get something i want besides just groceries or whatever. and maybe if i buy the right things ill have motivation to actually do shit like having hobbies or fixing my life and if i have the right aesthetic ill atleast feel less like all my shit is embarrassing and childish and i wont get tired of it as easily ig. but also like whats the fucking point of anything. it feels like im no allowed to get things i genuinely want or thhink would help and im not allowed to switch things out when theyre not working. im not allowed to get a new desk cus i have an old one i dont want and never use, i have a new one ive never used and thats driving me insane because of the size and how can i know it doesnt help or work or makes me wanna draw if i havent even tried it. so i already have stuff so im not allowe dt get new things or nicer things.
except a new desk would atleast let me clean my room properly and itd give me more space and maybe if i was allowed to do that id finally draw again us id have somewhere to put my art stuff and somewhere nice to sit. maybe itd make stuff easier and nicer for me?? is that not a good reason. especially considering everything else. im fuckign depressed, ive been for years and im only now starting to get a little better, i have a house i dont wanna fucking live in most of the time cus its just one big boring fucking chore and i cant even afford it. i cant even clean it properly or fix anything cus why bother, i dont wanna fucking be here i hate it here. it sucks and its lonely and its not even functional and nothing works and i cant even decide on a wallcolor without everyone else giving me their input whether i ask for it or not. i have 40k in an account and im not even allowed to look at it and i didnt even know i had it cus mom never fucking told me about it. i literally just wanna get rid of everything and start over and move somewhere and actually have a car and a job i enjoy that i actually get paid for and some mental stability so i can go to the job and get dishes and laudnry done without it being a fucking struggle every god damn time.
#talkies#long post//////////////////////////////////////////#so yeah. im gonna go do laundry and maybe ill make macaroni for dinner. idk what ill put in it tho. maybe cheese or some shit#anyways the point of the post was i know on some level hat this shit is kinda fucked up. but im used to it so i dont actualy know how much#and its hard to feel like im allowed to be upset due to neglect + emotional abuse and so on cus i wasnt allowed to have feelings other peopl#people didnt want me to have. and i was usually yelled at for bing upset about literally anything ever no mater what it was#and im so used to being treated this way that i feel like its my fault cus im worthless and its selfish to want people to actually care abou#t me. and it feels weird cus its like. am i allowed to be upset about this. is this my own fault? am i an asshole for all of this? it feels
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this one is kinda nsfw/tmi, apologies in advance u_u gonna try and keep it as short and detail-less as possible
i live at college and i have a roommate. sometimes, as many humans do, i want to masturbate. i do so in bed, either at night or (sometimes) really early in the morning if i wake up early. my roommate is usually also in the room, in their bed, hopefully but not definitely asleep. im super quiet and i dont think you can like, Hear anything weird, but its a small room and i worry sometimes my roommate knows what's going on. i saw a post on my college's gossip account the other day about (hopefully) someone else's roommate "touching herself" while she thought the poster was asleep and it made me concerned that maybe part of roommate etiquette is never doing that at all?? if my roommate is uncomfortable i doubt they'd say anything-- all my love to them but they are Not very communicative especially about anything they find embarrassing. it took me Forever to convince them to Actually Talk To Me when they were going to have their girlfriend over instead of just scuttling out of the room like a frightened beetle when i accidentally walked in on them (they were always way more embarrassed than me).
reasons i think i might be the asshole: like i said my roommate gets embarrassed easily so if they do know what's going on they're probably uncomfortable. it is a small room and they're probably awake usually. post on college gossip account.
reasons i think i might not be the asshole: i talked to my mom about this concern before leaving for college (we're a very sex positive family lol) and she said as long as you're quiet it shouldn't bother anyone. like i said i'm very quiet and it doesn't happen all that often. there is no other time i could do it that would be less awkward and i'm not a puritan so i don't think Complete Abstinence is the answer either.
school is over in a couple weeks and fingers crossed i'll have a single next year so i won't have to worry about this again. still bc of that gossip post im worried that i may have violated some unspoken social rule (wouldnt be the first time) so: AITA?
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ty! \(^_^)/ feelin good so ill try answer in detail for ya!!!!
most of the time i just do basic cell shading. here ill explain my rendering process after i choose my base colours, ill try keep it short & sweet!! nvm warning buckle up its really super long.
flat colours -> fully shaded!!
⭐️Picking shading colours!
usually it's just the base colour with +saturation OR a hue shift! i dont really lower brightness.
This is what i mean by HSB, i never use the colour wheel i prefer the sliders!!!
i like my art to look super colourful so i do things like shading pink with blue instead of with a darker pink or red, as shown in the above callie piece.
examples ft lumity:
skin: i always keep it very simple & cartoony! over the nose, below the eyes, the neck & sometimes the tips of the ears is where i'll put shading
hair: as u can See, it's not darker than the base colour at all!! for dark hair like luz's, i brighten & saturate the colour, and for light hair like amity's i just shift the hue a little!
⭐️more kewl tips:
colourpick from yourself!!!! instead of making a new colour for everything, try using a colour u already have down!!!! like below: by limiting my colour palette, it looks more harmonious
really messy image but i hope u get what i mean. also the "off white / black" thing is a separate choosing base colours thing!! i can expand on that if anyone's interested 😙
shove halftones in wherever they fit. here are the 2 pngs i use!! there a rlly good alt to gradients, i used a LOT of them in that callie piece!!! clipping mask over where u want it & alpha lock to change colour.
⭐️here's a WHERE i put the shading:
look st the environment ur guy is in!! pick where your light source is coming from & look where that light will hit and where it is blocked by something.
bounce light: the sun's light is also shining on the grass! so powerful the green reflects right back!
this is kinda more realistic lighting now.
i kinda just put a circle wherever theres a corner!
and i put that Beautiful Shape a lot wherever. i change it a little depending on the character, sometimes its triangular or squarey but thats the base shape! i dont even know what its called but i love it.
look at this hello weird shape guy!!!
actually, my grandfest art are probably some of the most detailed art i have! u can see urself where i put shading & stuff - they do have more desaturated colour palettes though:
& here are some additional examples ^_^ flat colour -> shaded -> multiply layer -> lighting
in this one u can see the hand & leg at the back are completely in shadow too :)
anyway i think that's kinda it? i dont really know how to explain it, i just do what feels & looks right to me??? remember that im Not an expert & this is just how i do things :)
i will always repeat my no1 tips tho: keep drawing!!! and copy ur fave artists!!!!!! it really will hell u find what u like!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope this post helps a little & answers ur question😇 never be shy to ask me anything cuz i love answering & chattin w u guys!!!!
EDIT: just saying these arent set rules or anything!!!! u can see just how many times i Dont follow my own advice LOL. my artstyle is super inconsistent, i rarely draw things the same every time
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I love your TWST Monster AU, but I have a question regarding it (and I don't think I can find anything about this on your page, and I'm sorry if I'm asking something you already answered, but-).
Are Ortho and Grim included? I noticed no mention of Ortho in Idia's bio, and it feels a bit strange to have a version of Yuu with no Grim.
What happened to Ortho and Grim? Does Grim team up with Yuu as some kinda strange monster who wants to be a famous monster hunter? Does Ortho make an appearance?
I am very curious now, yes. (Sorry if I come across as weird. I'm just like this, lol)
Dont worry don’t worry! You don’t sound weird at all! If I’m being honest, Grim was actually originally included in the Monsters list post! And so was Crowley, but I ended up removing them from being scared about reaching the word limit (╥_╥)
Every character in twst is in the universe, some of them just aren’t a main focus or are just regular people staying on sages quarter (Remote island where Night Raven Foundation/The monster hunters reside)
If I remember Grims section before I deleted it, went something like this:
Grim [Species Unknown, Status Unknown]
…
“Grim… Is that you…?”
Really short, but the idea with him is Reader found him before working NRF, and sheltered him before Crewel could find him, as he is a monster. They essentially grew up with Grim, who’s personality is still the same as his canon counterpart, but he holds a little more fondness as the only reason he’s not alone or dead, is because of Reader.
And then the day they finally join NRF, the place Grim is usually kept, is empty.
Same thing goes for Ortho! He didn’t have a specific portion but he was offhandedly mentioned in Idias section. I don’t remember the exact description but it was something like this?
“Sometimes, when you watch Idia escort souls, with the whoosh of his cape, you can feintly see the resemblance of a small boy in his shadows, almost guiding him. If you mention it to him, you’ll have to rush over to help wipe away the heeps of tears that roll down his face.”
I really did want to add that in but I was so tired and wanted to post the piece already (¬‿¬;)
And thank you for enjoying Monster!Twst! I crated the Au last year and only started ACTUALLY working on last month, so i’m happy people still enjoy it!
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sephiroth w/ a little sister!reader !? I don't see many headcanons / fic / anything of Sephiroth with this type of scenario although I consider it something cute & fun x'D, specifically Seph discovering that his little and beloved (?) sister has several guys with a love interest behind her. How would Seph be in the situation, would he be a protective older brother, would he be the type that scares them away with just a deadly look? My, many possibilities! (☆▽☆)
sephiroth’s little sister hcs 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪
sephiroth (ffvii) x reader (platonic!!)
┊ ˚➶ notes 。˚ 🎼
THIS REQUEST WAS SOO CUTE I NEVER SEE LITTLE SISTER HCS LIKE THIS EITHERR. thank you for the request anon, hope i did it justice !! 💗
┊ ˚➶ warnings 。˚ 🎼
intended lowercase, mentions of pre and post nibelheim, mentions of hojo (he’s a warning within itself), possessiveness but like not in a weird way.. seph’s just crazy, lmk if i missed anything!!
. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄
❥ soooo.. starting off!!
❥ i think that sephiroth with a little sister would definitely be interesting; the war hero now being seen with an ultimately younger girl, it’d be amusing seeing such a difference between the two especially if you’re shorter.
❥ i’m not sure how being sephiroth’s sister would necessarily work considering he was an “experiment” of jenova, and from my knowledge after lucrecia gave birth to him she was crystallized in the crystal caves? but if we’re ignoring that and maybe that didn’t happen or something like that idk, i think it’d be pretty hectic, especially if you were also an experiment of jenova’s cells.
❥ both pre and post sephiroth would love you dearly. pre sephiroth would make it a mission to visit you as much as possible and would try to fit some time in his schedule to go and hang out with you. usually, he’d go take walks with you or if you like food then he’d be insistent on making a trip of trying a bunch of new places.
❥ he is honestly your biggest defender— although i don’t expect a lot of people to disrespect you while a close-to-six-foot first class SOLDIER is looming right behind you. i dont know if he’d let you out of his sight all that often when you’re around him, his instincts just kinda kick in so he’s following you around like a dog.
❥ if you were known by genesis and angeal crisis-core era, and genesis hits on you or even tries to flirt??? ooh sephiroth is right behind you in an instant. he is NOT letting genesis get with you at all, i’m sorry in advance to the self insert x genesis readers that had this idea in mind but i def don’t think that seph would be okay with you dating his friends. even angeal, whom he trusts very dearly and knows that he wouldn’t try anything with you, would have sephiroth feeling iffy.
❥ if you had “suitors” or if you were popular with the boys ( and maybe the ladies too if you’re just THAT suave ), ooh sephiroth would have a heart attack. he’d want you to choose who you want, of course, but be prepared for sephiroth lurking around every corner like a cat. if you bring your partner to meet him? he’s gonna look like the scariest mf regardless if he’s trying to be or not.
❥ he especially doesn’t want you to do anything with his job. if you have jenova cells or if extraordinary strength then he might feel a little better if you were to be involved with the SOLDIER program or shinra, but if you’re a civilian then he’d rather not get you involved with his duties. there’s too much on the line and he can’t risk you getting hurt, also another reason why he prefers to keep you on the down low or for him to only visit you.
❥ also another thought, but i just keep imagining zack flirting with you or meeting you and thinking you’re absolutely GORGEOUS ( because if you’re related to sephiroth.. you gotta be pretty let’s be honest that mans so beautiful ) ( we don’t talk about hojo though, there’s no way he’s related to seph. vincent gotta be the daddy ), but then once he sees that sephiroth is your brother he literally goes WHITE. starts trying to subtly be more friendly and lowkey apologize for his behavior.. spoiler alert; zack is not subtle.
❥ now whatever you do.. don’t imagine sephiroth meeting you the day before heading out to nibelheim. whatever you don’t, think imagine you guys walking at night as he talks about how worried he is for his friends, and how he thinks zack is going to do. and whatever you do, don’t imagine reminiscing after the village burns down, your mind trailing back to the last hug he gave you before he found out what he really was.
❥ if you were to still stay with post nibelheim sephiroth, he wouldn’t let you out of his sight. he can’t lose you at all, not now— not now that he knows you’re the only thing he has left. he’ll go through the motions of being very cold to you sometimes and then being very overprotective
❥ he’d come home one day from only the lord knows where, and wake you up in the middle of the night. and when you finally awake, he wouldn’t let you go. i imagine he’d feel conflicted. sephiroth was dehumanized from birth and ostracized from a normal life as he never met his true mother lucrecia and hojo had no interest in claiming him other than for his own benefit as a scientist. if you were dealt with such things as well, or maybe you were separated because sephiroth was the superior experiment, it wouldn’t matter; sephiroth contained these feelings that he didn’t know how to feel or express himself about.
❥ he wouldn’t understand why he felt this way, especially having no sort of concept of family brought to him within the early years of his life, but all he knows is that he has you
❥ he only has you— and he’s not willing to risk losing you anytime soon.
#ffvii x reader#final fantasy vii x reader#ffvii fanfiction#final fantasy x reader#ff7 x reader#final fantasy 7 x reader#ff7 fanfiction#ff7 sephiroth#sephiroth x reader#sephiroth fanfiction#ff7 sephiroth x reader#ffvii sephiroth x reader#ffvii sephiroth#final fantasy vii sephiroth#i’m just in a silly sephiroth mood guys#sephiroth crescent x reader#final fantasy 7 sephiroth#sephiroth ffvii#sephiroth#sephiroth crescent#ffvii rebirth#ffvii remake#crisis core#crisis core reunion#ODOTTIE *・῾ ᵎ⌇ ⁺◦ 💘 ✧.*#kiss kiss
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okay i lwk dont know if this is what you were wanting in ur most recent post but what if simon got hurt and had to go on leave for like a couple months and his relationship with his girlfriend/wife isnt the same as when he left? like in a ‘we havent talked in two months’ kinda way? idk this might be a stupid prompt lollll
i loved this request! thank you!! i hope this is what you meant. let me know if you want the happy ending bc there is no comfort in this muahaha
when simon came home, it usually wasn’t for very long. the two of you were usually motivated by the lust that had built up over the weeks and months without seeing each other.
the two of you got together at a young age, you were all simon knew. you were his everything. maybe it was because he didn’t have the time to find a new something.
so, when simon was injured in combat and ordered to go on leave for the next few months, things felt… weird.
the first week was business as usual, there was hardly a moment you weren’t stuffed full of his cock, completely and utterly overwhelmed by him (all while minding his injury, of course).
the second week was. awkward.
you didn’t know why you suddenly felt weird brushing your teeth in front of him or putting on deodorant.
maybe you’d grown apart without even realizing it. years had passed since you met him, the two of you growing up with stints of whirlwind feelings meshed in between.
you’d returned to the apartment one day, finding simon settled comfortably on the couch. when he heard your voice, he tensed.
“hey,” you said softly.
you wanted to sob. you didn’t know where this pressure came from, and you prayed it would stop.
“how’s your arm feeling? i know the doc said not to mix alcohol with your pain meds, but i snuck you some beer if you want one? Like old times?”
you were glad he was facing the tv so he couldn’t see the hopeful sparkle in your eyes as you recalled all the late nights you’d shared together, sitting on that very floor, eating greasy pizza and drinking cheap beer.
“i’m alright.” he grumbled. “where’ve you been?”
you could tell he was disinterested, only asking to be polite.
“just lunch with audrey, then some errands. that’s all.”
“audrey? who’s audrey.”
you sighed. he’d met audrey before. you’d been friends with her for four years. she’d come over for dinner.
maybe he was just adjusting. that’s what you told yourself, and that’s why you never let him see you cry.
you were trying to be reasonable but all these questions began swirling around your head.
did simon even love you anymore? did he ever? did he meet somebody new? did he waste his life on you.
before you could say anything else he was standing and heading towards the bedroom.
“i’m going to rest.”
he closed the bedroom door, a silent way of telling you he didn’t want you joining him.
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You should make the list of ways you were correct anyways, just for fun ~
eh. sure. why not
Any time a post of mine about afton got a decent amount of notes (aside from fanart) there'd usually be comments on it complaining about how "those" fans [note: i am one of "those" fans] have no idea what his personality actually is, and that they water him down, woobify and mischaracterize him, all while listing things off that are just genuinely part of william's character. while yes, there are fans that DO do that, the stuff they talk about is almost never an actual example of this happening. this is likely due to people not viewing him as a person and just a bland cold serial killer with no personality whatsoever
obviously movie william is not 1:1 with game or book william, but they're gonna be similar in personality. so heres some stuff ive seen people complain was "mischaracterization" thats present in the movie:
hes emotional/sentimental and actually cares about things - william calls the owner of freddys sentimental when talking to mike about the pizzeria (and we all know the owner is william), he visibly regrets/is shocked by the fact he stabs vanessa, he gets really worked up when things dont go his way, very quick to anger, etcetera. one could argue that william is lying about being sentimental and just wants to give an excuse for why the place is still around, but there'd be no reason to do that, considering mike has no idea anyone even died there, let alone the fact HE killed the kids. we know williams sole motive for keeping the place around definitely isnt just sentimental reasons, but i doubt that what he said doesnt have at least an ounce of truth to it. he holds onto trophies from his kills as well if him keeping garretts toy plane is anything to go off of
he actually likes bunnies and has an affinity for them - he has a rabbits foot on his keyring and has a letter/paper holder that's rabbit shaped. the letter holder isnt actually in any shots, but it was present on set on his desk
his personality isnt one note and dull/cold, and hes superstitious & a little offputting/jittery - the rabbits foot on his keyring ties into this idea, because if he actually believes it to be a good luck charm, then it shows some "quirkiness" for lack of a better term that people adamantly refuse to admit is in his personality. this also shows how hes superstitious, which is an idea thats present in the books, and people also like to pretend he isnt. he pokes fun at mike in a somewhat lighthearted way multiple times, he has a has a FRAMED PARTICIPATION AWARD on his wall for christs sake. the kids hair colors match the animatronics they were stuffed into (minus bonnie). he matched them. he made them match he paired them up for fun. not only that, but he gets visibly nervous and antsy when he realizes who mike is, and clearly really wants him to take the job. gets kind of weird. gets a kinda strange. he likes when things match afterall (symmetry, my friend!)
he's theatrical and over the top in personality on purpose (this is also essentially an argument for the last point) - in the books he goes on and on about performance and how he viewed both dave miller & springtrap as characters he plays, and i seriously wouldn't doubt that it'd be the same here, considering how cartoonishly evil he is while wearing the springbonnie suit. the voice changer, the little flourishes he adds to his speech, the fact he wipes off the knife when there wasnt any blood on it in the first place. for what. for what reason other than for pizzazz and intimidation points. the "oh, this is going to be so much fun!" line, and especially his playful demeanor disappearing the second he takes off the mask
he cares about his kids/likes kids - his expression when he stabs vanessa and she falls to the ground says enough i think. obviously hes not a GOOD parent, but being a good parent and caring about your kids are two wildly different things. you can be abusive and still care. most abusers dont process that they are abusers but thats a conversation for another time. william prioritizes himself over anyone else, but he still looks shocked after he stabs his daughter, and i refuse to blame that on bad acting because its MATTHEW LILLARD. the training tape for mike also states that he enjoyed entertaining kids, and yes, while that could be a lie, do you seriously think the creator of what essentially is chuck e cheese would actually despise children. the fact he gives garretts toy plane to vanessa could be a point toward him in this department as well, though its also just as likely he collects them as trophies. i like to think its a mix of both
i included these points specifically because i also have a plethora of evidence for them from both the books and the games, and theyre the ones i most commonly see people stating are unrealistic for afton.
its not a lot of stuff, but its not like he has a lot of screentime. lets be real
i do ADORE how egotistical and shortsighted they made him in the movie, though everyone can generally agree on that being a staple trait of his
#william afton#steve raglan#aftonisms#this is what i can recall off the top of my head#fnaf movie spoilers
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