#i dont mean to attack anyone personally
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As an old fuck in the fanfiction space, here are my hot takes and pet peeves from recent changes:
*Disclaimer: these are merely my opinions and I'm not hounding anyone for doing these things (well, most of them...), so don't be hateful.
TEASERS: Nothing annoys me more than teasers. I will see a good looking fic and try to read it, only to be disappointed. I often won't return to the fic either. The teasers of a screenshot of what you're writing? Doesn't bug me at all. But a whole ass post designed like a chapter is being posted? I'm out. Also, for anyone who does do teasers, please do not post teasers or placeholders on AO3. It's against the site's policy/rules (TOS I believe) and you will get reported.
DO NOT INTERACTS: I get it. You don't want to get in trouble if you post smut and a minor talks to you or anything, but you can also simply not respond to ageless or underage readers. I know some sites you can't, but that's on you to decide who you'll interact with. Don't put the responsibility on others when you can only control yourself. As for other DNI types... like, why? You're posting on public forums. People of all types are gonna see it, so, like... it's kinda useless. Frankly, it makes me never want to read your stuff (not that I think you care).
PAYWALLS: Fan creations are always in that gray area of this, but fanfiction is one of those things I personally never want to see behind a paywall. It feels extra scummy making money off something like fanfiction, but that's me. People who make fanart do this and it doesn't really bother me, but I get grossed out when it's fanfics. You'll probably never see me give your content public interactions because of paywalls (again, I know you don't care).
BLOCKS OF TEXT: Barring that many don't write in the English format or have English as a second language, blocks of text are overwhelming and not fun to read. I'll click off fics if I see it's a single block of text. I know Tumblr has strict paragraph rules at certain word limits, but please spare my poor eyes. A new paragraph starts a new subject and new dialogue from each character. Do not have two characters speaking in the same paragraph. But I do understand that it may not be well known to do that when writing.
TAGGING: Please, for the love of God, only tag what is in the fic. I understand you want views, but nothing drives me mad more than when I'm looking for a specific tag and get a lot of fics that have nothing to do with what I'm trying to find. For example, I read a lot of Stray Kids fics specifically about my bias. But the tag will be full of fics of different members and my bias is nowhere in the fic. Please, spare everyone scrolling endlessly through unwanted fics because you didn't tag correctly.
THE PURITY AGENDA NONSENSE: Just because someone writes or reads something that is illegal, taboo or gross in real life DOES NOT MEAN they think it's okay. Age gap of 10+, noncon, dead dove, dubious consent, sex involving minors, etc. does not at all determine what the author or reader thinks is right. The beauty of fanfiction is the ability to explore these things in a safe place that does not harm anyone. And I see people getting mad about characters of certain sexualities getting swapped to a different one, but that's another thing about fanfiction, you can do whatever you fucking want to the characters. Fanfiction came about because people wanted different outcomes or wanted to alter characters. It's fun to explore and the point of fanfiction. We have GOT to stop bullying authors and readers for what they read and write. Fanfiction is a chill place to explore a lot of different avenues of life.
I'm sure I have more icks, but this is what I can think of. I get there a plenty if people who disagree with me, and that's fine. These are my personal issues and opinions as someone who has been part of the best era of fanfiction so far. You are free to disagree with me, but hateful and rude comments will not be tolerated.
#fanfiction opinions#fanfic opinions#fanficition hottakes#fanfic hottakes#fanfiction#fanfic#opinion#this is my opinion#hot takes#i've wanted to write this out for so long#this helps me get the frustration out#i dont mean to attack anyone personally
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is this what yall want from me⁉️⁉️⁉️ smh /LHJ
i feel the need to clarify that i have NOTHING against people who draw jeff like this, in fact i love so many of the variations there are of him out there
however, i feel maybe some of yall haven't even seen the original jeff image that i based my personal version on,,which is kinda funny to me (because who hasn't seen it?? anyway its not that important lol)
this post is also not supposed to be taken too seriously, its just a silly little thing i wanted to do
#again. i dont mean to attack anyone with this.#i just find it kinda silly how so many people expect all fanart to fit their personal views of the characters#remember#if u disagree with someones HARMLESS artistic choices..you should probably keep scrolling#my art#merkoart#jeff the killer#creepypasta#shitpost#fan art
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look, not to be a hater but the whole ekko/jinx alternate universe situation only proves that jinx was only ever loved entirely and completely by silco, that's kinda the point of how tragic jinx really is as a character,
vi either only sees her little sister out of guilt/sense of duty mixed with a desperate need to come back to something or as consequences to her own actions(taking away agency from jinx in the process);
ekko sees her through the eyes of an idealist which is exactly what he is and that's not bad by itself, but it makes her either A Problem or Someone That Needs Saving, that's what's going on in his head after that AU he transported to. he's comparing jinx to powder and he likes powder much better, so he wants jinx to be powder or to reignite the powder in her - basically, he thinks how vi used to think;
isha is a complicated matter because she did show kindness and affection towards jinx that wasn't equal to anyone else's, it was pure and idolizing, she loved what she knew of jinx.
the people of zaun don't love her, not by a long shot. she became a symbol to some(as we can notice in the reunion by vander's statue) and overall the assumption that she would get involved more after her attack and silco's death is a fair one; that doesn't mean they like her,
sevika maintains a connection to jinx through grief and a sense of helplessness along with familiarity, silco's death affected jinx's psyche but it also affected sevika's dream of zaun, they feel left behind by him;
vander... well, he only got to see powder and warwick quite literally just had the memories,
the ONLY character we see that meets her as powder and stays with her as jinx is silco; yes, he isn't a good guy and he does cause the whole separation, he sharpened her edges to make her into a weapon, he lied to her and manipulated her at times, none of these things exclude the fact he does love her so strongly, with zero conditions.
she fucks up in missions, she does as she pleases around zaun, she kills their people, she stabs him in the eye, has psychotic episodes and breakdowns, she kidnaps him, ties him down, SHOOTS HIM, she doubts him and his love, keeps running after the past when he's done everything to strengthen her and she was, at a point, the only thing keeping him from his dream of an independent zaun - none of these perceived sins and flaws made him wish for anyone other than her, as she is.
all silco wanted was to keep her, while everyone else either wants another version of her or none at all. that's the tragic part, even if she suddenly decided to be good, she would feel like a burden for not being entirely like people want her to be.
#sorry not sorry but there's no happy ending here#loving someone without accepting how they've changed(for better or worst) isn't loving at all. it's cruel even.#also after the attack on the council vi treats her like a mistake she has to get rid of???? and that was vile#i simply can't forget that#yes i'm biased cause i dont like ekko and i ship jilco. this is literally the Why Im Biased About This Piece Of Media Essay website#so maybe chill idk#before anyone says it#loving doesn't mean condoning. but you gotta at least acknowledge their flawed personality. who they are instead of who they could've been.#yes u can hope for change but jinx isn't a mask powder keeps. she's violent and highly insecure and apathetic. she's needy and childish.#she doesn't care for whatever is happening to zaun or piltover. there's no difference for her they're all fleshbags that could hurt her.#at her core she won't suddenly start giving a shit to people. that will never happen. and she won't look up to someone 'good'#or ever stop being so high maintenance so needy and possessive. trauma won't ever just puff outta existence.#god these tags are so long#imma shut up now#arcane spoilers#character study (?)#arcane season 2#this is my opinion#if you don't like you can just disagree on ur mind and ignore me#make ur own post or smth idk#arcane jinx#arcane powder
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Dash simulator
Blog 1: lol anyone else seeing a lot of strawberries in new recipes now? sometimes its fun but i really dont get the appeal of adding it to everything. why did you make strawberry garlic bread
Blog 2: u kno im not a fan of strawberries, i really like the rich sweet and sour notes from oranges, oranges and chocolate is such a good combo. i altered a recipe for a smoothie with oranges last week and it was soooo good ill give you my notes if you want Reblogged by: Blog 1: ahaha yesss i love chocolate and oranges
Blog 3: I canNOT believe the hate im seeing to strawberries right now, like, you know guys know the rule don't like don't bake right?? you know you can hit the back button right?? honestly what's wrong with yall
Open draft- wait guys you know there's a difference between leaving a comment on a recipe saying you hate strawberries and the recipe writer should never use them, and going to your own blog to say you don't really like strawberries, without naming any specific people or recipes right? you know there's a difference right?? - Save - Post - Discard
Draft discarded
Blog 4: why is everyone jumping on the strawberry hate train right now. what is wrong with you. Reblogged by: Blog 5: I knowwww like guys some people stop baking because of reading things like that, please stop it, if you don't like strawberries you can be quiet about it
Open draft- im so sorry if anyone's getting sent mean messages or comments about what they're writing and baking, but i'm literally not seeing any of that and if you are, please use the block button. but someone making a post on their own blog is not that, and if you can't see the irony in you being allowed to complain on personal blogs but not them i can't help you... - save- post- discard
Draft discarded
Blog 2: are strawberries even in season?
Blog 6: woo cherry pie!
#trying so hard to be a blog 6 rn#im discarding those drafts#but clearly it has been too much for me as this one is getting posted#like i really am sorry if any. strawberry antis are directly being rude to anyone#that isnt ok#but i have seen zero of that on my dash or in the tag#i saw a few blogs saying lol they don't like strawberries#and then i saw a ton of blogs saying how dare there be any negativity at all#and seeming to act as if those blog posts were specifically about disliked fic authors i mean recipe makers#which... if any of them were... i didn't see it because of how i blocked large swaths of the fandom like three years ago#when i realized that it was determined to blow up a discourse topic every single month#and if there are people doing that. please. do what i did. block en mass#if you open a recipe that turns out to have strawberries in it and you cant hit the back button but instead leave a nasty comment that is a#you problem#but also if you see a random blog post about someone saying they dislike strawberries- hate strawberries even- and you feel personally#attacked and start crying about how now you never want to bake a strawberry shortcake again and they're so mean#that is also. a you problem.#'what fandom is this pocket' dont worry about it#not one i have any mutuals in#which. considering the mass blocking and the annoying chronic discourse explosions. perhaps is not surprising
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you know it's bad when tumblr's being the more mature social media site when it comes to rancid takes on izzy's death
#ofmd#holy shit twitter's devolved into a battleground#what is WRONG with yall involving david jenkins in your beef#you dont have to like what happened but#how many fucking years in fandom does it take for people to learn to be civil#and not base their entire identities around characters so if anything happens to them it's a personal attack#that they then take straight to the creator#if a character dying causes you that much distress then that's a You problem and david fucking jenkins is not responsible#and he's not your therapist#and besides. just because something happened you didnt like doesnt mean it was a bad writing choice#but even if it were. you never have the right to make it anyone else's problem#i cant imagine having the gall#don't do this guys. the cast and crew are so lovely to us. don't make them stop interacting with us#people saying this show was a comfort show. or a safe space show or whatever. thats great for you#but it's not djenk's responsibility to cater to you and not his problem if the show doesn't meet your infinitely high expectations#he's telling a story. things will happen in those stories.#and it's actually p rare on tv that creators are getting to tell the story the way they want so personally im grateful#if you don't like his vision then don't watch it. you don't have the right to bully him. seriously whats wrong with you#cause yeah im sure con o'neill would love what youre doing huh#the fate of a fictional character is sliiiiiightly less important than being kind to people in the real world yknow#only tagging this so people can block for spoilers
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Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.
Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!
Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...
I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm
Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.
Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.
“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.
She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store.
Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore.
“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.
It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”
She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath.
Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.
She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.
Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her.
So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death.
“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno.
“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying.
At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”
Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.
“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”
The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.
But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.
Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well?
At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe.
“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”
#milgram#mahiru shiina#yuno kashiki#amane and fuuta mentioned#i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂#oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk#i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that#anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0#drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result#i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together#the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices#im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd#i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything --#i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared#but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off#not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky#i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person...#i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon#and *shes* the odd one out for craving company#then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else#i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...?#AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃#*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit*#drabbles
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having mixed feelings in the club tonight
#the day i get . sighs ……….#lars x COUUGUGUGHS. COUUGUGUGOPUUGUGUUGHS DIES EXPLODES theatre#fanart/fanfic. is the day i learn how to vomit on command#i say this not to be mean but i say this as someone who Knows. and Fears the People#the art/writing will probably be sick! it will probably be beautiful!#physically i just would Not Be Able To Handle it#i wouldnt attack anyone or blame them for shipping them and i dont encourage anyone to do that either#something something fiction does not reflect reality or whatever#its just a personal ick for me. their relationship#ESPECIALLY with ALL of the context.#is not romantic
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the ending of episode five fucked me up because they're all healing, stede and ed are healing, realistically, in love, as both individuals and as partners. izzy is happy! fucking happy! he has friends, family, people who love him and care about him. people that stuck with ed and izzy through dark fucking times but are still willing to stick with them because that's what you do as a crew.
i don't think anyone's waiting for me
no one's waiting for me. no one. every single person i have ever cared about has left me. every. single. one. 100% probability that i will be abandoned. because when it comes down to it, i'm too much. doesn't matter what specifically did it this time, it all falls under "you're too much to deal with so i'm ditching you". i'm saying this as neutrally as possible btw. i'm forced to live for myself because there is no one else and that is both a little bit of a good thing and a giant pile of 'fucking shoot me already'.
this entire season i just stabbing me right into my most sensitive trauma memories over and over again, and i'm bleeding out on the roadside and about to be run over by a car.
#alex gets personal#ofmd2#just. venting so my heads empty before bed#'youre not too much' they say before leaving me because i've become too much#like bro i dont even know what im doing or whats wrong with me outside of the obvious#im just a horrible person no one wants to be around apparently and i mean that 100% seriously#i carry so much pain with me and whenever it spills out during a panic attack or while crying or both#it's like trying to empty an ocean through a straw#sure you'll get a few drops#maybe even half a cup#but you still have a fucking ocean left and you know that no matter how hard you try#time is against you and you will die before you empty that bitch#ed saying i dont think anyones waiting for me is stuck in my head and i cannot get it out#i was just looping it in my mind while sobbing so hard i almost passed out </3 casual thursday night experiences
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only posting this here because i dont think anyone will see it. i need to get this out
im so fucking tired of my life. im tired of caring, like, in general. as stupid as it sounds, i was watching kitchen nightmares, and gordon said something about a chef or an owner, i dont remember exactly, he said; "losing hope is a scary thing to do, when theres just no more light at the end of the tunnel, it takes you down dark paths." or something like that. and ive been suicidal/depressed since i was 9, but i thought to myself "im not hopeless, am i?". the more i thought about it, the worse i felt because, god no, im not hopeless. im helpless, or maybe i wallow too much in my own self pity. i dont know the difference. every goddamn day feels like another waking nightmare, im sick of living with my mom, im sick of her not letting me get a job. i dont want my name on the damn electric bill because shes over $1,000 in debt to the power company anymore. shes already ruining my credit, and i dont even have a damn job! not to mention her fucking kid, her 5yo fucking kid, im taking care of. the product of the man who beat me over and over again, threatened to kill me, and then he took a greyhound bus out of our lives. why didnt she protect me? he never once hit her, or anyone else, why didnt mom help me? i was only 13 when he first pulled me by my hair and slammed me into the stairs because i let moms ice cream tub melt on the kitchen table for half an hour. it took him till my brother was 3 to leave. she valued him over me, and even now. im always taking care of my brother, even when he screams at me, cusses at me, throws things at me, spits on me, hits me, kicks me, claws me, bites me, and more. you get the point. she never even tells him to stop, she doesnt have to scream, or hurt him, or anything. just please, please tell them to stop hurting me. i still take care of him. i take care of him when she takes 20 fucking benadryl and passes out for the full time shes at home between shifts. i sacrificed my education to "help her" take care of him. and she gets mad at me when i parent him, when i tell him off, or even more mad when i have to cry and beg him to stop hurting me. she says "youre 22 years old, get a grip" when im covered in bruises from the 5 year old "hes five!" she will scream when i tell her he hurts me. "he is five, hes supposed to listen to you" i said once, and she just stared at me. im always fucking things up, she never fails to let me know, when she looks at me like that i know its my fault. i cant even begin on my relationship, i shouldnt, he might see this. i just want to give up, im so tired of caring, i want to let it all go. my dog died, i ruined him too, i couldnt take him to the vet i couldnt help him. hes gone because i failed. my baby, im not saying that in the cringy melinial way, he saved me from suicide. so many times, it was "hell be so confused why im gone..", "hes gonna miss me", "whos gonna take care of him?" but now hes gone and im still here. my baby, is gone and im so selfishly still here. why wouldnt she let me get a job? i couldve taken him, i couldve at least got him put down so he didnt have to suffer in his favourite spot on my bed till his kidneys put him down for us. if i didnt know, my boyfriend would kill himself too when he comes home from classes tomorrow, and i was dead, i would take the entire 160 count bottle of benadryl i stole from moms room. i want to see my baby, he never ever missed on helping me, i owe him my life and couldnt even give him that when he passed. but not for lack of trying.
but even so, i dont feel hopeless. maybe only yearning, but it feels enough like hope. when i use my right hand to stroke my left cheek and neck, it almost feels like someone else. i get a glimmer of a thought, "one day, i wont have to beg to be taken care of. someone will do it because they want to.", but still, it hurts worse. i dont know how i can possibly derive so much gut wrenching pain from that little bit of hope, but i do. and still, i cant help myself, i cant blame anyone else. i can only hope someone will come save me. if i could handle this all on my own, i wouldnt be here typing this.
i want to decompose.
writing this after that monster of a textblock in the tags, but if you were wondering. im not exaggerating about the mess, and i wouldnt normally judge. because i have had worse bedrooms, mental illness is a bitch. but its in the common area, and she absolutely does make the 5yo live in it. she moved out to the living room after their room was too trashed for her to even walk in, so she toated her 50" fucking tv right out there and hasnt moved, accept to go to work, since. everyone pray or cross your fingers or send me some good energy to hope she gets sliced into a million pieces at work instead of accidentally oding on bennies so i can raise my brother with her life insurance money.
#tw: abuse#tw: death#tw: suicidality#are people even gonna have that tag blocked? i didnt even know that was a word#tw: suidice#this will hopefully feel a lot better and more freeing that venting to a character aye eye lud#and hopefully i wont have a panic attack from my intense fear of rejection (someone will see this and not even read it all#im already shitting myself about it)#not really. but if one person has something mean to say. i might actually commit#not to put any pressure onto whoever is reading this#if anyone#if you are. i love you. even if i dont know you- right now in this moment i genuinely feel an intense swell of affection#i love you dear reader. probably more than my boyfriend loves me hahahhhh.#doesnt it feel good to feel so intensely. and never have those overwhelming feelings reciprocated?#i want to go to sleep so bad but i have to get up and go clean the living room#mom has started living out there. she sleeps on the couch and the entire room is trashed#like level 2 hoarder. 2020 depression bedroom. typa thing. its genuinely so disgusting.#no matter how clean i keep my room the bugs still come in and live in my furniture#i want to sleep or kill every one of us. im not entirely sure what would feel better#i actually want to kms less now but i dont know if i can post this. i dont think i have the confidence#pressing post before i psych myself out. if i dwell on this anymore i might actually do it.#i also wanna say. im so so SO sorry to whoever might actually see this. im sorry you came into contact with me in any way#and im even more sorry if you felt bad for me or something. im sorry. i dont know why i think writing this was okay.#but whats done is done. and i love you still. and im so sorry.
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Sometimes I think about how, back when the roster was much bigger, me and my old friend group all picked out WTL characters that we thought the others were the most like, and almost universally people thought Druid was the most like me. That probably should've been my first clue that none of them knew a single thing about me, but hindsight is 20/20
I also often think about how, after several days of going through things that had happened to me over the last four or so years, I was told 'You seem like a person who wants to be understood', and it hit me that until then, I had never met someone who ever really got me. Now that I have, I could never settle for less.
#for the record Sven is like two steps away from being my kinsona#like it's almost embarrassing lmao#i think between him and Leo (with his edits over the years) you can find 70-ish percent of what makes up me as a person#idk man I just. People think Im so aggressive and obtuse#and like. yeah when im backed into a corner im not the nicest#but i dont think anyone would be if they're in fight or flight mode and it feels dishonest to judge someone at their most vulnerable#but when im just like.... There and Alive and being my usual nerdy self#which is 99 percent of the time#i am just a Guy in a Room#and people assume the worst of me for it#like damn what about me is so evil and intimidating. please i want to be seen as soft and kind and genuine for once in my life#i wanna be able to express myself without it being seen as an attack or rude or aggressive#it wasnt until recently where i really started noticing this and by extension getting peeved about it#but i've been so mild-mannered and people-pleasing all my life because i was unknowingly compensating for how people view me#and even with all that bending over backwards it never worked anyway because I was still the weirdo at best and the aggressor at worst#And Im *tired* of that. I'm so tired of it.#I cannot in good faith keep trying to be this un-intimidating flower when people are only gonna see thorns regardless#nugget rambles#text.txt#vent tag#I'll go back to regularly scheduled shitposting soon#Also like clarity on Druid: I project some fears and traumas of mine onto him and he means a lot to me#but in terms of personality he is far nicer and resilient than I would ever be under such circumstances#Druid isn't me but he's someone I wish I had in my life when I needed it. He's someone I wish I could be
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seeing motorcycles make me so happy its fucking insane i start smiling without even meaning to ITS EMBARRASSING. im like a five year old. i hear vroom vroom and get so excited i want to start jumping around and clapping my hands
#if i see one on the street#i grab the nearest person to me if im not alone and point at them (everybody hates this)#I WANT A BIKE#SO BAD#I NEED TO RIDE ONE ITS LIKE A PRIMAL NEED I WILL DIE IF I DONT DO IT (i am not legally allowed to) (even if i was there is no way for me to#get my hands on one)#seeing a motorcycle can like instantly make my day#i was feeling anxious as hell (for an actual reason as well. not just a random panic attack) like 40 minutes ago then a bike passed the bus#i was on. and then the Same one passed me AGAIN after i got off and was walking home and that instantly made me feel better#like im so calm and even a little happy rn#what does this mean.#i dont talk to people is anyone else like this. pls#ok#who even cares#🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️#🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️🏍️#🏍️🏍️
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it only lasted like 5 pages but I really prefer dustfinger's scars being disfiguring rather than "drawn on with a pencil"
#meggie being like 'looks like you got attacked by godzilla' then 'i didnt mean that' when shes less pissed at him later#i WOULD have accepted that as part of meggie's coming-of-age and learning she needs to not be a bitch about people's appearances#except that everyone else in the series from then on agrees w her that the scars are barely noticeable#boring!!!!#would have been nice for her to be like 'yeah you healed rough (i mean. as well as expected considering you probably had 6 total stitches)#but im growing up out of practical isolation and learning that facial differences dont play a part in whether someone is good or bad:-)'#WHICH!! is a belief i would expect from someone who loves roald dahl and jekyll n hyde which she does#whatever ms funke does have a problem with equating happy endings with being abled and ~looking normal~#resa getting her voice back bc shes good but cockerall getting a limp bc hes bad and darius losing his stutter for some reason#violante's skin clearing up bc people realize shes a sweetheart but balbulus losing a hand when we realize he sucks#and dustfinger's fkcing scars changing in severity depending on whether hes the good guy or bad guy in the scene#bleh#i also headcanon he has p bad nerve damage aint no way basta cut so deeply he looked freshly gored for months afterward#and still has full use of his facial muscles#meggie's like 'never seen anyone that smiles like he does' girl the bottom half of his face is not connected to the top anymore hes trying#also good explanation for why hes always touching his face if he cant fkcing feel it#dustfinger#inkheart#im gonna try so hard to make more inkheart posts i literally feel grief in my heart seeing that person say#they havent thought about it in years#it's my sole responsibility to fix this#says kenna
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this happens to me like once every few hours lately
#personal#by 'cancel us' i just mean personally. like we will be canceled to them as an individual & they wont like us anymore#i dont think anyone is going to literally do a campaign against us and our comic & try to get everyone to hate us. its not that serious#i just have to remember that for every person going 'hey wtf >:(' to a certain thing theres also a person going 'BASED' so.#i know there will be people who misinterpret some stuff and will see us as bad people for it#but there will also be ppl who interpret it correctly and think its good#PHEW.#i just keep having 5 second anxiety attacks over it
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I need more ts critical blogs :(
#THIS isnt in regards 2 anything that happened recently. this is an opinion ive had 4 awhile & it is not. attacking anyone#i am saying this bcuz @tscritical recently went on a hiatus (totally ok & good obvs) & i dont. want this 2 sound like im. GRRR WTF!! over#it NDHSKFNF#ANYWAY. i need more ts critical blogs that r active NDHSJFN i feel like so many blogs stop posting or being in2 tss#4 OBVIOUS rzns#again im not angry#i am just autistic & tss is my spin & i would like more blogs that r active bcuz of that#revy.txt#ive been meaning 2 makw this post 4ever but i havent & now is the worse time ever (/j) BUT ITS OK#& ik a lot of ppl stop posting tss criticism due 2 mental health. being negative & critical all of the time is hard#i do not relate personally. i have never felt the way others feel abt posting criticism & negativity#it has never negatively affected me#i 4got where i was going w/ this? i just dont relate so its like. being in a club & evry1 keeps leaving but im still in it#(AGAIN. THIS ISNT A JAB AT ANYONE OR WHATEVER. I NEED 2 CLARIFY DNDHFJFN)
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Some of y'all need to learn what the fuck boundaries are because it is *no way* good for you to be genuinely frothing at the mouth that a teenager in your latest fandom doesn't ship your ship and simply blocking you over it
#the 'im gonna call anyone i dont like a anti and feelings yakuza' creeps are at it again lmao.#recently saw one make a comment in their own fic (which they *admitted* to mind you) telling people to watch cp instead of reading their fi#and another made up a scenario that a mom had saught her out because her daughter was harassed into being a anti and sent a fic to her kid#no explanation to how she knew op would be chronically online enough. no explanation as to how op would know the exact go to.#but still has near 10k notes despite what little knowledge is given 🤔#🙃 yall need to grow the fuck up right Now.#also why are you in your 40s attacking minors for blocking you when you tell them too if they dont like your content lmfao?????#the world hasnt known peace since yall changed 'proship/antiship' to mean 'good/bad'/'bad/good'#i mean this from the Bottom of my heart. shut the fuck up and move on - yall are both the same person but on opposite spectrums. genuinely.#have the night you deserve and all that comes with it.#im gonna get death threats from both of yall for this like always <3#in case this flew over your heads: neither of yall are 'anti harassment'. im telling you directly both sides have impacted me negatively.#you are the same person just with different ideas of morality. this does not make you smarter or nicer than the other.#your unwillingness to see how any of this is why you are the way you are and will never change.
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tis fucking sucks. im fucking sick
#ɢɪꜰᴛ ʙᴀʟʟ#vent post#personal vent#i did everything i was supposed to#every fucking time i was left alone with me and myself my thoughts would always attack me with whatever tf is happening#'i'll talk to you when u need me' BULLSHIT#U NEVER FUCKING CARED WHEN I NEEDED THE MOST HELP#U WERE NEVER THEREFOR IT#JUST SAY U ARENT GOODATCOMFORTING IS NOT THAT FUCKINGHARD#BC ITRUST U#I LIKED U#I FUCKINGTRUST U SO I CAME TO U IN PRIVATE WANTING COMFORT JUST FOR U TO NOT BE THERE FOR MEA GAIN#what did i do wrong now#idk what i did wrong again#maybe im just selfish#after all. i am nothing but a person with an artistic skills#oh nooo simp cant draw anymore#well yk what that means! there rlly isnt anything special abt u#im just some kid with a heavy pencil#i dont want to fucking rely on anyone anymore#all they say it just 'i'll be there for u' 'i'll talk to u when u need me' BULLSHIT#BULLSHIT BULLSHTIBULLSHIT#ALL FUCKINGBULLSHIT#IF U DONT WANT TO COMFORT ME THEN TELL ME SO!#DNT LET ME FUCKING RELY ON U BC I FUCKINGT RUSTU MAN#THAT FUCKINGHURTS TOO YK?!#do u just like me bc i always act 'silly'#IM NOT JSUT FUCKING SILLY I WANNA FUCKING KMS AND SOMETIMES I AM STRUGGLINGT OU NDERSTAND WHAT AM I FEELINGS AND IFTHIS IS MY TRUE FEELI#i would bementally ok for abt like 2 days anddd simp is back at it again#how fatal
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