#i just keep having 5 second anxiety attacks over it

[fefairys]

this happens to me like once every few hours lately

[just-some-random-blogger]

Tormented Spirit | 6

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

"Is it such a sin to stand up for yourself?" you mutter as tears blur your vision. The way he reacted was visceral, instinctive even. "You never have to stand up for yourself ever again," says Daemon, reaching a hand to you, "come."

Daemon Targaryen x Hightower!Reader | 5k+ | cw: fem!reader, reader has brown hair, wife!reader, twin!Gwayne, arranged/forced marriage, canon divergence, alternate universe, slow burn, smut (piv, biting, marking, mild choking) DD:DNE, violence/death, panic/anxiety attacks, mentions of pregnancy/labor, daddy issues/child abuse/family problems, mentions/depictions of mental/physical/psychosomatic illness, ye old misogyny, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: ayo my high valyrian is probably wrong so if you know it is just roll with it. girl this fic doesnt want to end wtf i- if you like my work, please consider leaving a comment or reblog as I really look forward to them | cross posted on ao3

@arabellasleopardcoat

You fall asleep in Daemon's arms as he walks back to the Keep. He cannot help himself. His lilac eyes go back and forth between your face and where he was going. There seemed to be nothing else. It was just him, the moon, and your breathing against his neck.

When he reached the door to his marriage chambers, he was taken aback by the sudden galloping of a Cargyll twin. The knight opens the door then makes way. Daemon turns over his shoulder and realizes both brothers had been following him.

There is an angry annoyance that forces up his throat, but when you release an audible sigh, and he remembers it was he who had instructed them to retrieve you. He says two words before entering the room and kicking the door closed, "thank you."

Daemon lays you down and gulps at the sight of your body. Your brown hair falls over your face as you shuffle and reach out for nothing. He realizes then, as the urge to push your tresses away intensifies, that he's never witnessed you sleep before.

He removes your shoes, placing them at the foot of your bed.

And he never will.

Daemon walks off. He's five steps from making an exit when he hears the noise you make. He stills and waits a few seconds. You make the noise again.

With a line between his brows, he returns to you, peering over your body. Indeed, you were still asleep, but from the way your lips and forehead curled, you were dreaming of something unpleasant. He sighs, clasping his hands, "amīvindigon sesīr isse ēdrugon." Tormented even in sleep.

There is a discomfort that spreads in his ribs as tears leave your closed eyes. He shakes his head "mundagon riña." Miserable girl.

He sits beside you, staring for a moment before finally brushing your hair back, doing the same with your tears. While caressing your soft skin, he finds his thumb itching to smoothen out the creases on your face that seem to only deepen. Under his breath, he speaks to you the way he would Caraxes when he's overcome with emotion. He forfeits the commanding tone however and whispers each word.

At some point, both his hands find your cheeks. He is so caught up in tracing your lips, he doesn't even realize you were no longer in distress, nor does he know of your consciousness until you lean into his touch.

He is frozen when his eyes meet yours. He starts slightly when you sit up, heart racing when you embrace him. His pulse thunders so loud that you pull away and examine his face in worry. Daemon's breath hitches when your hands clutch his cheeks. Your eyes rove across his face and again, your forehead curls. You speak in the softest of voices, "what's wrong?"

He thinks for a moment. He stares at you. You just had a nightmare, yet you ask him what is wrong? He shifts and rests his hand at the small of your back. He shakes his head as his expression falls. He whispers, "mirre iksis sȳrī, jorrāeliarza." All is well, beloved.

You do not understand him.

He repeats, "all is well."

Your features slowly relax.

His face hardens as he tests the word he omitted in translation, "beloved."

His belly flutters at the faint chuckle you release. His eyes begin to widen when you slowly lean closer.

Daemon pulls his head back, intent on watching you, but he freezes when you kiss his cheek, again and again. You kiss his jaw, his jowl, his lips. Suddenly, he can smell you so clearly. Suddenly, he pulls you in.

You gather your skirts as you climb onto his lap. You sigh as you deepen your kiss. He makes a strangled sound against your mouth when you grind on his crotch. He digs his fingers into your hips before pushing your dress out of the way to claw at your thighs.

He sighs when your hands brush his chest. His breathing grows heavy at your attempt to free him of his top. He helps you get him out of his garbs, and soon he is getting you out of yours. Once you're both naked, he pulls you in, pressing his skin against yours, unwilling to part from your body. Simultaneously, he has a strong urge to examine you, to commit to memory the hue of your skin and the curves of your flesh. Daemon, in all his greed, tries to do both at once.

With you still sitting on him, he squeezes your bum, securing you on his lap as he drinks in your visage. He shamelessly moans and pants as you continue to grind on him, and now he can feel your wetness on his hardening member. As you undo the tie of his hair and comb the silver strands back, he remembers the first time you'd ever fucked.

He is hypnotized by your confidence, by how unbridled and overt your desire for him is. Nothing remains of the timid little girl he claimed on the beach. You were lust incarnate, the goddess of sex. You scratch your nails up his nape and besiege him with open mouthed kiss. He returns your fervor, scratching his nails down back, garnering out a shaky moan from your lips

He breaks away only to ogle at your breasts and he kneads them. His breath grows heavier at your continued grinding and hitches upon catching your dazed reaction. He spews out a string of High Valyrian curses before capturing your ribcage. He sinks his face into your chest and you mewl at the feel of his hot mouth on your breast, feeling restless and needy.

"Daemon," you tug at the roots of his hair, "I need you."

You are uninclined to wait for him as you lean into his shoulder while your other hand grabs his cock. Your breast in his mouth muffles the noise that leaves him as you sink down on him. You yelp when he nips your sternum, but it does not deter you from beginning to maneuver your hips up and down.

"Fuck, fuck," Daemon huffs against your chest. He looks up at you, going mad at the sight of your closed-eyed concentration. He licks a stripe of sweat building on the side of your neck and thrusts up in sync to your movements.

"N-ñuha dārilaros," my prince falls from your lips.

He moans at that. He straightens and traps you tightly in both his arms, "where did you fucking learn that?"

You squeak as his thrusts grow more vigorous, "I- mmm- in- uh- book."

Daemon licks your lower lip before biting it, "desperate hussy," he moans against your mouth, "iksan jāre naejot pryjagon ao." I am going to destroy you.

You gasp as he pushes you back like you were nothing. Your legs immediately lock around his hips as he comes atop you and your voice trembles when his hips thrust slower but deeper as he adjusts you to the center of the bed. He nuzzles into your neck, licking your jaw. He then pushes himself up and rubs your the curve of your ass.

You yield to him as he pushes your thighs back, bringing your legs over his shoulders. Using his weight to keep you down, he takes your wrists and pins them above you while the other tightens around your throat.

He fucks you thoroughly in this position and you can do nothing but whimper, arch your back, and feel your arousal drip onto the bed.

His hand brushes up your neck and soon he's tracing your parted lips with his thumb. You take him in and bite his finger. It stokes a flame in his belly, thus why he pulls away to push a hand on the back of your knees.

You are helpless as he plows into you. Daemon, in his delirium, reverts back into his mother tongue. He sings your body praises in High Valyrian. He calls you dirty names as he slaps his hips into yours with a wet squelch. Your fucked-out expression pulls out an honest confession of how pretty he think you'd look stuffed with his seed.

Of course, you cannot understand a word he's saying, nor do you know how much calling him name is egging him on.

He watches you, his darling doe. The dragon in him relishes your screwed eyes and opened mouth. You throw your head back as you chase your building pleasure, meanwhile Daemon feels his stomach tighten as his own nears.

Fuck, you were beautiful. It would be a shame to waste his seed.

A deep line forms between his brows as he imagines the child you would bear him. Fuck. He does not want it.

He grabs your jaw and pushes your head to the side. It's enough to push you over the edge. He curses as he feels you tighten around him. You're so hot and wet and divine, he grits his teeth to build his resolve. Quickly, he quickly pulls out, gliding his cock back and forth your slick folds, sequentially finishing on your pulsing cunt and belly, just as he always does.

The image is nothing new, but it drives him no less wild. Behold, the Lord Hand's dearest daughter, all dirty with his molten come. It's a wicked, wet dream made reality. It was all his.

But there was something different. Daemon doesn't just pull away and roll over. He stares at you for a while, watching you catch your breath as he does the same. He stares at the mess he's made of you, and yes, you were filthy but you were also glimmering. He gulps, before grabbing his discarded clothes to clean you up.

He wets his dress shirt with water then wipes you down. He does the same to himself and catches you staring.

His instinct is to ruin the moment, to berate you for looking so dumbstruck and to praise the prowess of his cock, but he cannot find it in him to do so with how utterly enchanting you look in the afterglow of your love m— fucking.

You reach out to him.

His heart races.

"Stay," you whisper.

If there's one thing he hates, it's people telling him what to do.

... why then was such a simple word so compelling?

You fix the pillows on the bed as your husband crawls beside you. Daemon feels his throat constrict as you throw yourself on him. He is unable to move as you press your chests together and snake your leg over his hips. He does not know why he's become petrified by your touch. You trace your thumb across his face, "you're so beautiful."

Daemon does not reply. He cannot.

His brows furrow when he thinks he notices your eyes water. They furrow deeper when you smile and laugh out, "I wish you were real."

You feel sick after saying that.

He feels sick after hearing that.

Your prince shakes his hand and takes the hand you had on his face, "I am real."

You nod and laugh again. "I believe you."

Why then do your tears fall?

Daemon lets you curl into him. You latch onto him so tightly, he feels you would not be able to push you away even if he wanted. He doesn't want to though.

You fall asleep in his arms.

You wake up all alone.

You groan at the sound your servants telling you to rise. You brush your brown hair off your shoulder and knit your brows at the feel of your night gown. A pit instantly forms in your belly. Of course it had been a dream.

Hot tears that instantly rush down your cheeks. You hide underneath your blankets and manage to croak, "leave me alone."

You weep into your pillows for you did not know any better. You did not know Daemon had slept with you. You did not know when he awoke, he watched you sleep until the last minute. You did not know he put you into the clothes you wore because you shivered without his heat.

You hear your servants fuss over you. They ask if you're ill and in need of a maester. The only response you give are sniffles and groans. They ask if you will be able to attend today's tourney.

You moan, "what?"

"It will be starting soon, milady," one of the servants say, "do you not want to see your husband joust? He is quite good."

You know she says it to entice you, but it only makes you feel sick. After all, you did not know Daemon roused early, only because he needed to prepare for the tourney. You never will.

The same servant says, "and your brother? Isn't it his last day in King's Landing?"

You push your blankets down and stare at your two servants.

"Milady," the other says softly, "it would be good to attend."

"I do not want to behold my brother in such violence," you snuggle into bed.

The servants turn to each other, and one offers, "you can close your eyes upon collision, princess."

You sigh and shake your head. You think of Daemon. You think of how he'll surely hurt Gwayne if they face each other. Your think of how he'd done so in a tourney once before. You shake your head, "I do not want to go."

So you do not.

When the tourney commences, Daemon is most eager to make his entrance. One by one, the players are called, and upon his turn, he trots on his horse with a look of pride. He basks in the cheers as his eyes fall to the main balcony, where he quickly spots the king. His expression further brightens at the sight of his brother's smile and his niece's grin. When he spots your sister and your ugly father, he looks the crowd once over, looking for you. His lips flatten when he realizes you're not there. He awaits your arrival, forfeiting the first pick to witness your entrance, then he realizes, you wouldn't be coming. Suddenly, it was as though he never woke up in a good mood.

Meanwhile, you were aimlessly roaming the castle with one Cargyll twin trailing behind you. You do not know who it is, as you cannot find it in you to speak to him. You knew if you did, you'd end up asking him what happened after him and his brother found you in the temple. You did not want to be disappointed by the reality you'd dreamed up Daemon, so you hold your tongue.

You are torn from your lonesome trance when you hear wailing across the hall. You find yourself drawing near to the source, and you realize it was coming from Queen's chambers. Your feet falter when it dawns on you she was now in labor.

One of the servants spots you and curtsies, "princess. Have you come to visit the queen?"

You release a shaky breath, "I-"

"Who is it?!" Aemma snaps loudly then sighs.

You step back, heart racing. You gasp when you knock into Cargyll's chest plate. Another gasp comes when you turn forward and find the face of the queen. She looks distraught and yet she laughs, "your husband visited me just this morning."

You watch as she groans and rubs her belly, "he requires your attention more th-" she winces, "than I."

You cannot help but take her arm, "s-should you not be in bed, my queen?"

Aemma sighs, squeezing your arm in return, "walking can help speed-" she does not continue as her face curls in discomfort.

You feel your breath hitch as she squeezes you tighter, "sh-shall we walk to-together?"

She looks at you, a deep line between her brows, "Daemon was very excited for today's tourney. You should be there cheering for him."

"But-"

Aemma lurches forward as a particularly painful contraction hits her.

She is taken by the midwives and lead back into her chambers. You are so stunned by the encounter, your ward has to reel you back and shake you.

"My princess," he takes your shoulders.

You look at him, unable to speak. Your eyes become glassy but you manage to take deep breaths to calm yourself.

"Do not distress," he says, rubbing your arms, "the queen has everyone she needs at her disposal."

Your lips wobble, "her p-pain must be unbearable."

He cannot help the twist of his face nor how his face reaches out for your cheek, "you need not think about anyone else's pain. You have far too much of your own."

You do not respond to him until you find yourself in the gardens. You are grateful he did not think to lead you into the maester's ward, and guilty that you still do not know who it was accompanying you.

"Erryk?"

"Yes, my princess?"

You turn from the flower bushes to him, "did I get it right?"

He knits his brows and nods, "yes, my princess."

"Apologies for not speaking to you earlier. I... was not in good spirits."

"You needn't apologize for doing what is best for you."

You lower your head, "you are too kind to me."

"I really ought to be kinder," he says, taking your hand in both of his.

You look at him as he rubs your knuckles. You smile and cover his hands with yours.

"I would tell you to watch the tourney if I were kinder," Erryk says.

You laugh, "it is precisely because you are kind that you do not tell me to do such things."

Erryk thinks how inappropriate it was of him to act this way, to hold your hand, to impose his opinions upon you. If he was kinder, he would not be so apparent with his fondness. He mutters, "I am dutiful, my princess, but I am not kind."

You knit your brows at that.

He does not clarify and pulls away, "perhaps you would like to go out and pick flowers again?"

You smile at the thought, but remember your brother, "I do not want to miss my brother. He will leave today before sunset no matter what."

He nods. If he were kinder, he'd offer to take you to the tourney to see your brother while he is still here, but he also does not want to bring you to your husband.

You think of the tourney nonetheless, as well as the queen's words. You sigh and shake your head, "would it be inappropriate to watch the games at this hour?"

Erryk is surprised by your question.

"I do not want to appear as though I meant to make an entrance."

"I assure you," he shakes his head, "no one would think it. It is not your nature."

You chuckle to yourself, turning to your feet, "you're right. They'd probably assume I was subject to the horrors. As it is my nature."

"That is not what I mean-"

"A jest," you smile, "a mere jest."

When you arrive at the tourney, your father immediately assumes exactly what you said, and looks you over in concern. You simply agree with what he assumes to save yourself the trouble but reassure him you were better. You then assume the seat beside Alicent.

It's harder to reassure her, as her worry is more frantic than your father's. She secures her hand in yours throughout the event, and tells you which players she thinks will do poorly so you are not so shocked if they end up on the ground.

You are glad of it, but in truth you pay little attention to the violence. You let your mind wander, counting how many birds fly overhead. You daydream about flying on Caraxes. You daydream about embracing Daemon from behind.

You are only pulled back into reality when you hear your brother's name announced.

Alternatively, Daemon rolls his eyes as he dawdles around his tent, waiting for his turn to bash someone in with his lance.

You perk from your seat, watching the man with the Hightower sigil gallop across the stadium, all the way to you. Gwayne removes his helmet and smiles. He calls out, "I am glad to see you, sister. I was concerned you would not come."

Daemon stills when he hears this and looks out his tent.

"Cast away your concerns. Focus on staying on your horse," you call back.

Gwayne offers his lance, "perhaps your favor will keep me upright, princess."

You roll your eyes at your brother's teasing regard. Still, you stand and throw him a wreath, "do not dare fall off your horse, ser."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he puts his helmet back on.

As the Hightower twins were speaking, Daemon exited his tent and mounted his horse. Without even looking at the man who meant to go against Gwayne, the prince announces he will have his turn and gallops off, leaving everyone nothing else to do but follow.

Daemon replaces your brother, huffing as he halts before you. He looks up at you and your parted lips, your braided brown hair, your terribly modest dress. Suddenly, his chipper mood returns to him. He licks his lips and grins, calling out your name.

Alicent turns to you, gripping your hand. Rhaenyra turns to you, chuckling under her breath. Otto turns to you, clenching his jaw. Viserys turns to you, smiling softly. You turn to Daemon, voice breaking, "husb-and."

Your husband releases a breathy laugh. His stomach feels fuzzy, "I am gladdened by your appearance."

Your throat tightens yet your jaw slacks. He is?

Daemon watches you. He waits for your response but receives none. It makes his brows furrow, but his smile remains. He points his lance, "give me your favor."

"I-"

"He's already given her favor, uncle," Rhaenyra says, leaning forward.

Daemon's eyes remain on you, "then she'll give another."

The princess laughs, "she cannot favor two knights. Especially not two knights jousting against each other."

Daemon finally turns to his niece. She smiles at him as he huffs, "fine," but the prince turns to Alicent, "if I cannot have my wife's favor, her sister's suffice."

Rhaenyra turns to Alicent. Alicent turns to you. Your eyes do not leave Daemon. Your sister pulls away and takes the wreath, dropping it on his lance, "I do hope fortune finds you, my prince."

Daemon nods at her.

Alicent sits back down, turning between her friend and her sister. The former looks sulky while the latter looks agitated. Your heart pounds as Daemon smiles at you once he is positioned opposite Gwayne. You misinterpret his expression. Alicent takes your hand, and this time you squeeze her tightly as you turn to your twin, "he will hurt Gwayne."

Your sister watches you gulp and rubs your hand, "it's a tourney."

You turn to Alicent with wide eyes, "precisely," you rapidly shake your head, "I should not have come."

Alicent lowers her head to offer you a solemn expression, "our brother is not made of glass. He is knight and a formidable player in his own regard."

You smile at your sister and nod, trying to find comfort in her words. You look back at Daemon, finding him already looking at you. His grin is renewed and you feel your stomach churn. You shift on your chair and avert your gaze to your brother. Gwayne is already faced forward with his helmet on. You mutter a prayer of protection under your breath.

Daemon's brows knit when you do not turn back to him. He tries to will you to look with his mind, but you do not, not even when the horses begin to run.

Gwayne manages to hit him, the cunt's lance colliding with his chest where his own misses. A point is called and the crowds cheer. Daemon turns to you and finds a look of relief on your face. It causes his lips to tighten. He barks as he charges the second time.

Gwayne hits him again, this time, nearly dismounting him. Daemon skids on the railing but manages to get himself upright.

The prince huffs, eyeing his opponent darkly. His eyes trail back to you, finding you looking out to him in concern. Part of his anger dissipates, but then you turn to your brother, gesturing vaguely. Your twin gestures back and you roll your eyes at him. Daemon doesn't understand what it means, but it irritates him all the same.

He huffs and decides to be done with this bother. The prince is silent until the horses start running again. His lance expertly makes the hit, causing the horse to topple forward, effectively sending the ginger cunt flying off. The heavy crashing and loud gasps are music to his ears. Daemon looks back at his opponent and laughs. He chucks his splintered weapon to the side and entices cheers with his victory scream.

The only reason his celebration stops is because he hears shrill scream from the balcony. He turns and finds you standing by the railing, calling out to your brother. Your father and sister are stood behind you, trying to calm you down. You thrash against them and manage to slip away. Daemon watches you leave the balcony and the Cunt Hand gives an apologetic look to the king.

Erryk follows you as you make your way down the arena to Gwayne's tent. He is uneasy by how distressed you were, and though he knew your distress would not wane until you see the condition of your twin, he did not like the idea of you coming to him, lest it inspire the rage of your husband, who was rather happy to watch your brother crumple to the ground.

You find Gwayne laid on a cot, attended by some squires. His helmet is removed and his pained expression makes you run to him.

"Brother," you come to his side, finding relief in the maester that enters his tent.

You tense when your brother calls your name and you worriedly wipe the blood that trickled down his philtrum with a towel.

He groans and you pull away, allowing the maester to inspect him. His bent breastplate is removed and you see bruises on his pale chest. The measter presses his ear against his chest and turns to you, "Lord Gwayne is strong. He will be fine."

You breathe a sigh of relief and nod, "thank you. Thank the gods."

"You should not be here," Gwayne groans as he sits up.

You glare at him, gripping your skirt.

"Get her out of here, Carygll," he motions vaguely. Erryk comes to your side on cue.

You scoff, "hypocrite. If you were in my place, would you leave if I asked you?"

"Please," he looks up at you with tired blue eyes, "I do not wish to quarrel."

"Then do not wish me away!" you shake your head, "I-"

Your attention is stolen when your name is called again. You, as does everyone else, turn to the man who walks into the tent. Daemon knits his brows, gaze lingering on your twin before turning to you. He brings his hands behind him and sighs, "See. I did not kill him. You needn't be so worried, darling."

The pet name makes you feel sick. Erryk clenches his jaw.

"Come," he reaches a hand out to you, "your heart will only heavy with worry if you stay here. There's plenty of space in my tent."

Anger builds in you at his callousness. Gwayne recognizes it and curses under his breath. He watches you intently, noticing the twitch of your face twitches and the very moment you resign yourself to your husband's whim. He stares at his lap, unwilling to witness the bitter tears he knew would come after you take his hand.

Daemon shoots Gwayne a shit-eating grin as he walks out of the tent, but the cunt does not even see it. Still, he is pleased as he brings you to his tent and immediately pours you a cup of wine. The prince freezes when he realizes you had been silently sobbing. You stand there aloof as tears wet your face.

The prince drops the cup he meant to offer you and captures your cheeks. He gazes at you in concern and repeats what he had already said, "I did not kill him."

Your eyes focus as he swipes your cheeks. The coldness in your gaze unnerves him, "you did not have to be so cruel."

He pulls his head back, "cruel?"

You say nothing.

Daemon chuckles dryly, releasing you, "we were both in a tourney," he chuckles again, "girl."

You flinch when he calls you that. Your father's face appears in your head.

The prince is riled up by your silence. His stomach is uneasy by the steady flow of your tears. He scoffs, "your brother lost, but your husband-" he enunciates, "won."

You sniffle and wipe your cheeks, "yes," you offer him a smile, "apologies. Congratulations, my prince."

He stills at your words. He finds no satisfaction in it. His jaw feathers and he scoffs again, "do not congratulate me. I've still others to defeat."

You nod and step forward, "yes," you place your hand on his shoulders, "you are not injured at all, are you?"

It's as though your hands were heating his armour. He flinches when you touch his face. You pull your hands away ready to apologize for the intrusion but then he barks, "I am not feeble like you and your twin."

His anger is familiar. It is no worse than that of your father's, thus how you sustain your stillness.

Somehow it is worse that you do not react.

Daemon clenches his fists at your blankness, "say something, damn it."

You are taken off-guard by the desperation you discern, "w-what do you want me to say?"

"..."

"..."

"Do you have nothing more to tell me than I am cruel?"

The softness of his voice strikes a fear in you that you have not yet known. Your hands begin to tremble.

In a second, his softness is gone, and he snaps, "if you love that cunt so dearly, you should have married him instead."

You are stoic as Daemon storms off. The prince glares at Erryk, who had been waiting outside his tent the whole time, "get that bitch out of here."

Your ward's face contorts in contempt as your husband walks away. When Erryk makes his way towards you, he is unnerved by your stillness. He reaches for your arm, "princess?"

You turn to him and suddenly, you're laughing.

Goosebumps form underneath Erryk's armor.

"He said I should have married Gwayne instead," you turn to him.

He is tense at your eerily jovial expression. He mutters, "I heard."

"I do not ascribe to the unorthodox ways of his house," you shake your head. You laugh again but tears begin to flow after, "he thinks I'm stupid, doesn't he?"

The man gulps at your words and frowns, "even if he thought your skin was green, it would not make it so."

You laugh, but it is not so unsettling this time.

Erryk leads you out of the tent, "where to, my princess?"

"I... would like to go for a swim."

He takes a moment to think but then nods, "there is a stream that not many know of. We could go there. It is no very far."

As the tourney progresses, Daemon takes out his anger on his opponents. The is no satisfaction in any of his wins however, as each time, the looks over his shoulder to search for your face, and each time he is reminded you are not there.

At some point, he's so distracted that one vermin opponent manages to dismount him. He rages and screams for his sword. His foe grabs a flail. In the end, the prince is overpowered and forced to yield. It takes everything in him not to lunge at the stupid fuck as he walks towards the princess and her friend.

He storms to his tent, unwilling to be attended by anyone. He barks as a trembling squire, "I want my wife."

"S-she left with ser Car-"

Daemon kicks his table down.

"I-I— I will go call for her-"

He groans in pure vexation as he removes his armor. He looks down at himself, finding dirt, bruises, and small cuts on his body. His eyes water, but not in pain. You would clearly spare him no sympathy for his injuries. He did not even win. His breathing grows heavy in anger. It doesn't take long until he is overcome with emotion. Instead of drinking the cup of wine he poured himself, he slams it to the ground then proceeds to raze the other furniture in his tent.

[raverinalavara]

Unfair Love

Your fingers were cramping from how hard you were holding the door. Your eyes mad to be deceiving you, Regulus fucking Black cant be standing in front of you. The guy you loved from the simply age of 5 all the way until the end of school. He had been your best friend, the guy you pined over for years and years while he pushed you aside every time he got a girlfriend. Only to suck you right back in when he got bored. 

“No..” You said moving to close the door to your brother's manor. Tom, Mattheo and You were triplets. Magical beings already formed crazy connections but the three of you could literally feel each other and each other's major feelings. So the shock and pain of seeing Regulus had pulled them from the upstairs living room to the top of the stairs. Leaning against opposite walls, Tom positions so he could see down the stairs easily keeping an eye on you while being positioned in a way to be easily overlooked. 

When Regulus pushed his way in, it took everything in both of them to stay put but your voice stopped them. “Tom is home. If that's not bad enough, so is Mattheo. Do not come any further into my home Regulus.” Regulus paused just inside the door, while he had been friends with both boys in school. He also knew they were fiercely protective of their ‘baby’ sister. They would kill each other if the other hurt her, so they would easily Avada him if he pushed to hard. 

“Y/n.. Dont marry him.” He said in a nonchalant tone. Acting like he wasnt rocking her world and trying to crumble her relationship to pieces. “ Regulus.. Your being a dick.” You said unconsciously stepping towards the stairs and pulling your hands up to your chest. He stepped towards you and smiled in a cocky way that made you want to slap him “Come on y/n/n, you know you its always been me.. Dont marry him.” 

Those words sparked anger in your gut. 

Stepping towards him this time you sneer. “I was second to every single girl that even looked your way in school! You literally asked me to the yule ball and then FORGOT and went with some girl from Ravenclaw! I cant.. I wont.. I.. I..” It felt like a let down to your last name when that spark died and never turned into a fire as you started to almost hyperventilate. Every time he broke your heart played through your head as his eyes flicked above your head. 

You didnt need to turn around to know your brothers were coming down. Mattheo was past you quickly, having moved before your breathing even got uneven. Tom wasnt as familiar with panic and anxiety attacks as you and he were. He didnt stop to comfort you as he grabbed his old friend harshly and jerked him out the door. He didnt slam it on his way out knowing that would just startle you and make it worse. 

Tom had always for some reason been the one you went to for comfort. You thought it was probably just because he was the ‘oldest’. He was the one who retucked you into bed when you had bad dreams even though he was the same age. He had always just carried himself in a way that gave big brother vibes. Every where you went people thought you and Matt were twins and Tom was the older brother. 

He would always have a hard time dealing with others feelings but he always made the most effort for his siblings. When you collapsed onto the stairs and started sobbing he moved the rest of the way to you quickly. He tries to get you to calm your breathing but its like you cant hear him. He does the only thing he knows too, the same thing he use to do when you were children and he couldnt wake you from a nightmare. Pressing his forehead to yours he gently entered your mind. it was easy to find you in panic because when all the thoughts finally formed into a picture you were stood frozen while everything moved around you. 

Him saying your name broke your focus as you turned confused then relieved to see him. “Tommy” You said in a broken whisper as he reached for you, tucking your head against his shoulder and hugging you he looked around. “Lets walk through all this, yeah?” Nodding against his chest “I just feel so much right now.. Im so mad at Regulus. Ive tried my entire life to be what he wants, to be someone he sees but he never did. I was just someone to placate his ego in between relationships.” 

Tom watches as memories of you crying, of Regulus manipulating you and leaving flash around him and he squeezes tighter. “He hasnt spoken t-to me in years and then he just shows up here the night before Im supposed to get married?!” You sob and then suck in a harsh breath “Oh my god. Teddy.. Whats he going to think when he finds out I was crying over another man when im supposed to be relaxing and getting ready to marry him!” 

You pull away and pull out of your head and then away from Tom in the real world. Standing you start to pace and pull at your hair. Tom sighs and stands to try and stop you but the door flies open. Mattheo running in frantically looking for you, only to be shoved out of the way by your tall sandy blond fiancee. “Tesoro” He barley whispers as he rushes to pull you into his arms. Your knees giving out again but he keeps you up. His huge hand cups the back of your head and neck as he shushes you gently. 

Theo swears his heart is breaking as your shoulders rack with sobs. He turns to look at his other best friends, Tom is staring at the door, clearing pissed and trying to stay put. Mattheo is pulling at his own hair when he sees the questions in his friends eyes. Hes struggling because he wants to tell him so he can better comfort you, but he doesnt want to betray your trust. Thankfully he doesnt have to, you can feel his panic and pull away just enough too look up. “Regulus was here.” 

Theos head snaps back to you and he tries to reign in his feelings quickly knowing that they will all play out on his face. His first feeling was worry, he had worked so hard to show you how you should actually be treated. So many dates where he couldnt even hold your hand yet. Regulus had treated you so poorly from day one that his nontoxic love was foreign and unwelcome. 

You had grown up in vastly different environments. Birthing triplets had killed your mother. While your father wasn't horrible or abusive, he was unattentive. He would rather you have a nanny (who he sleeps with before replacing and repeating) then try and raise you alone. While Theo grew up with parents who not only loved him but each other. 

Next was anger at the audacity. Then was worry again but this time for you. Taking a deep breath and taking your cheek in one hand he wipes your tears away. “Ok, tell me why your so upset by that. We have to be on the same page to talk through this. Can we go sit down?” you shake your head and pull him up the stairs, away from your brothers to your room. You let go of his hand and keep walking straight for your bathroom. 

After a few mintues long arms wrapped around you, crossing over and gripping your upper arms. “Im here, Tesoro. Whenever your ready.” You didnt register any measure of time as you stood under the water with him holding you and pressing kisses to your neck and shoulder. “I dont deserve you theo..” you say so quietly he almost doesnt hear. Before he can ask what you mean your already speaking. “Here I am, the night before marrying you, crying over some other guy.. God im so horrible.” 

Before your hands can cover your face, Theo has spun you around and is tilting your face forcing you to look at him. He looks just a little annoyed as he speaks, “Dont say that. Do you remember what Tesoro means?” You sniffle and nod but he raises his eyebrows waiting for you to say it. “It means treasure.” He nods and smiles just a little “So.. My Tesoro couldnt be horrible.. I get it darling.. He was your first love, theres a lot of trauma there. I know your not crying because you miss him, your crying for 17 year old you, for 15 year old you and so on. And thats ok, because thats how we heal.” 

Theos heart warmed as you stare up at him in awe. “I know its difficult for you, my love. That this open communication and understanding isnt something that comes naturally too you. So youll have to give me just a little grace while I continue to learn to navigate you. I promise one day Ill be an expert.” He leans in and kisses your forehead, staying there for just a moment to give you both a second to pull yourselves together. 

When he pulled back the smile he loves was back on your face. He sighs happily and kisses your nose before looking at you. Everything was right in his world again, all he needed to do now, was wait for you to go to sleep. Because Regulus.. Well Theo completely understood where YOU were coming from. But Black? Nah. While tending to lean towards his mothers Hufflepuff nature, sometimes he needs to remind people why he was sorted into Slytherin. Why he became friends with The Dark Lords children. Why he and your brothers trusted him to care for you. And tonight, it would be Regulus` turn to learn. 

[mirisss]

Chapter 11

Stray Kids OT8 x hybrid! afab! reader

Warnings: some more spicy thoughts though nothing really explicit, descriptions of someone being shirtless, nightmares, anxiety, like on or two mentions of someone being tortured (not described how), lack of sleep, anxiety/panic attack, someone collapsing/falling unconcious, 

Wordcount ≈ 3.1k

Sorry for the long wait, life has been crazy during the last few months for me but here is the long-awaited eleventh chapter! I hope you all enjoy it! 

Please reblog! 

taglist, some tags aren't working and I don't know why 😭:

@ayoo-bangtan, @lose-lose07, @kingcarrot-thecarrotking, @starjane312, @reighlee-greaves, @hi-39024, @queenmea604, @septicrebel, @justayoungandwisefangirl, @imasimplol, @k-p0p-4ever, @detectivedoodle, @hehe-24-hehe, @jinnie-ret, @0325tiny, @borahae-reads, @shycreationdreamland, @kiaralynn3838, @blondechannie, @theydy-madamonsieur, @boi-bi-ahaha, @riri321, @3rachasninja, @kkamismom12, @yuki-sama6, @fun-fanfics, @turtledove824,

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10,

Changbin fell back asleep almost instantly, (Y/n) stayed awake for a couple of minutes but eventually, thanks to the warmth and the safety of his strong embrace, the dream world welcomed her as she fell into a deep slumber.

Third person POV

Once morning came, (Y/n) jolted from the bed as Changbin’s alarm set off, the bunny almost fell off the bed however Changbin’s strong arms held her up even in his tired state. “Morning, (Y/n),” (Y/n) looked up at the rapper, she had almost forgotten that she had fallen asleep with him in his bed, the hybrid thought she would feel ashamed at this but she didn’t. No, she actually felt happy and she yearned to fall asleep like this again.  

“Good morning,” “Did you sleep well?” (Y/n) hesitated for a second before she answered, “Very well,” Changbin smiled so widely that his cheeks began hurting, “I’m glad to hear that, now, how about some breakfast? We need to leave for the company soon,” “Can I have a smoothie? Like the one I got a while ago?” “Yeah, I’ll fix that for you, but you’re eating something more than just that, Minho-hyung won’t be happy otherwise,” “Maybe a sandwich as well then,” “That’s better, go get dressed, it’s a bit rainy today so dress a bit warmer,” 

(Y/n) got up from the bed and went over to Jeongin’s room only to find it empty so she headed over to Felix’s room instead but he too was nowhere to be found. Thanks to her hybrid senses she could hear Seungmin moving around in his room, so (Y/n) went to his door and gave it a tiny knock. “Come in,” Seungmin said from inside, (Y/n) carefully opened the door and peeked inside. “Hey, (Y/n)!” “Hey, um, I can’t find Jeongin or Felix, they usually help me with my outfits,” Seungmin looked a bit shocked, but then he nodded and smiled. “Innie had to leave earlier for a personal schedule so he left about 2-3 hours ago, he’ll meet us at the company after lunch, Felix is probably helping Minho-hyung with the breakfast. You have most of your clothes in Jeongin’s room right?” “Oh, he must be tired if he left that early, but, um, yeah, mostly with Innie and some in Felix’s room and a few things in Hyunjin’s,” 

Seungmin grabbed a hoodie from his wardrobe before he signaled to (Y/n) that they were leaving his room. They walked down to Jeongin’s room and went inside, over to the new wardrobe they had put up to keep (Y/n)’s clothes in. “Alright, let’s see, how about a hoodie and jeans? Or would you rather have yoga pants for the most comfortable outfit?” (Y/n) looked at Seungmin’s outfit, and then out the window, before returning her gaze to the wardrobe. She thought back to previous days at the company building, most people wore expensive and impressive-looking outfits, while she did want the yoga pants because they were comfortable, she didn’t want to make SKZ look bad because she didn’t dress up. “Wouldn’t jeans or something like it be the most presentable option?” 

Seungmin was a bit confused but then noticed how the bunny looked at his outfit and her wardrobe. “I mean, sure, if you were coming with us to schedules where you must appear on screen, then yes a more dressy outfit would be better but for a day like this, a hoodie and yoga pants, are perfectly fine to wear,” “But you look so much more dressed up than I would,” (Y/n) was pouting, which Seungmin thought was adorable. “I’m gonna stay behind after practice and go live for a little bit, hence, my outfit,” Seungmin thought that would be enough but then he thought about what the others would be wearing, “the others will be dressed more comfortably, well, I think so, we’re all so used to dancing in all different kinds of outfits so we sometimes wear jeans and stuff like that to practice as well,” (Y/n) admired how hard Seungmin tried to comfort her whilst also staying truthful to the fact that anyone of them could show up in a performance grade outfit. 

(Y/n) was thinking hard about this, should she choose her own comfort and risk making SKZ look bad or should she choose the presentable outfit and be uncomfortable all day? Some bad memories from the past began surfacing in her mind, choosing herself never ended well. But it’s different now, she tried to remind herself. Her family is not like the monsters from her past. (Y/n) took a deep breath, “I’ll take the yoga pants,” She was nervous to actually say it out loud, but once she had, it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Seungmin smiled at her, “Then yoga pants it is!” Seungmin took a pair of black yoga pants out of the wardrobe and a light blue hoodie, along with a pair of socks. “Here ya go! Get changed and then come to the kitchen, breakfast should be about done,” Just before Seungmin turned to leave the room, he bent down and kissed (Y/n) on the crown of her head, and then he walked toward the kitchen. (Y/n) stood in shock for a second, her whole face was as red as a tomato. 

(Y/n) couldn’t understand the way she was feeling, kissing Hyunjin and Jeongin made her feel a little embarrassed and tingly but this, this kiss made her feel so weak in the knees from warmth that she thought she might pass out. After a minute, she managed to shake of the shock and she got changed before she walked out of the room and headed to the kitchen. 

The kitchen was noisy, (Y/n) could barely make out the 30 different sounds coming from behind the kitchen door with her enhanced hearing. She gently pushed the door open and walked inside, Minho and Changbin were rushing around making sandwiches, smoothies, and whatnot for everyone. Felix was sitting at the table, eating a sandwich in big bites, (Y/n) noticed his lack of a shirt and that he was wearing pyjama pants so he was probably eating quickly to then change into his work clothes. The hybrid blushed as she saw his sculpted, muscular back, she couldn’t even imagine how his torso would look. Suddenly, she was very grateful to the fact that he wasn’t facing her. 

Hyunjin sat in front of Felix, drinking what looked, and smelled, like coffee, (Y/n) scrunched her nose at the scent, it wasn’t her favorite. Jisung sat beside Felix, resting his head on the other's shoulder. He must be tired. (Y/n) thought. Bang Chan sat across from Jisung, drinking a smoothie, it looked delicious, making (Y/n)’s mouth water. Seungmin stood in a corner, looking down at the coffee maker, waiting for it to finish filling his cup. (Y/n) searched for Jeongin, but then she reminded herself that he wasn’t home, it felt weird, it felt a bit empty not seeing them all together. 

Minho looked up from what he was doing and noticed (Y/n) standing by the door. “Good morning bunny, come on, grab some breakfast, we don’t have long until we must leave,” (Y/n) walked over and grabbed a sandwich from Minho before she turned and looked at Changbin, she smiled expectantly at him, her eyes so wide and bright one could only describe them as puppy-like. Binnie chuckled at the realization, their bunny hybrid giving him puppy eyes. “Here is your smoothie, as promised,” “Thank you,” (Y/n) said as she accepted the glass from Changbin. 

The bunny walked over to the table and sat down beside Jisung, doing her best not to steal any glances at Felix’s bare upper body. All the boys at the table mumbled somewhat of a “good morning”, some had their mouths filled with food or drinks, and some were just really tired. “Hi,” (Y/n) answered back before she took a big gulp of the smoothie Binnie had made for her. It was full of delicious fruits, she felt mango and strawberries the most, and maybe a hint of peaches? “Mmmm,” “Was it as good as the first one you got?” Changbin asked before he emptied out his own glass that was filled with a smoothie. “Well, the first one will always be the best because it was the first one I ever got, but this one is really tasty too!” 

All seven boys who were in the room with the hybrid felt their hearts swoon at the happy smile that rested so naturally on the bunny’s lips and the spark in her eyes as she enjoyed her second ever smoothie. To think that there were people out there who had harmed such a beautiful and kind soul. 

“If you ever want another smoothie, just ask for one, next time, I might be able to teach you how to make one even, so that you can do it for yourself if we can’t help you,” “Thank you,” Minho walked over and looked down at the table, noticing that (Y/n) hadn’t taken a single bite out of her sandwich yet and neither had Jisung who was as good as asleep on Felix’s shoulder. Lee Know lightly hit Han on the head to wake him up and then he gently put his hand on top of (Y/n)’s head, making the bunny look up at him. “Eat your sandwiches, you two, and Ji, no sleeping at the table, also-” Minho turned to Felix, “you, go get dressed,” Felix gulped down the last of his breakfast before he stood up and walked out of the kitchen. 

(Y/n) couldn’t help her wandering eyes as she watched the dancer stand up, the way his muscles flexed and stretched, she felt tingly all over and she suddenly felt very thirsty but she thought that was because of the sandwich she was eating and not because of Felix. 

Both Hyunjin and Chan noticed the way that (Y/n)’s turned red, the sudden big gulp, the wandering eyes. No one can deny that Felix has a good body, and apparently, their little bunny finally noticed it too. Hyunjin felt his lips tingle a little as he remembered how soft the bunny’s lips were, and how he wished he could kiss her again, for real this time. Chan looked down to (Y/n)’s lips, seeing her tongue run over them to catch a stray crum from the bread, he didn’t want to rush her but damn did he want to feel her lips against his, would they feel as soft as they seem? Would she taste as sweet as she looked? He knew it might take a few days, weeks, months or even years before she would be comfortable to do things with all of them, maybe she wouldn’t ever want to be with all of them in that way, and that’s okay. However, he couldn’t deny the yearning that he felt deep inside for her. Her soul was so beautiful, so pretty, so kind and warm, not to talk about her looks, Chan sometimes forgets that she isn’t even human because she looks more like a goddess in his eyes. 

Jisung didn’t notice what everyone else saw, he was way too tired to even keep his eyes open. That night he had dreamt nightmare of (Y/n)’s past. He hadn’t even been there, experienced what she had gone through, but whenever he had closed his eyes, all he saw was dark shadows chasing (Y/n), they held weapons in their hands, eventually, she couldn’t run any longer, and the torture began, Jisung would jolt awake as he heard her scream. After the fifth or sixth time it happened, he gave up on sleeping. He wished he could have checked in on (Y/n), to see if she was sleeping, but he didn’t dare disturbe her or Changbin if they were asleep so he waited and waited until morning came to see if (Y/n) was alive and well. Deep inside he knew she was okay with them, but the anxiety from the nightmares clouded his mind with doubt of her safety. 

After a few bites of his sandwich, Jisung’s head once again felt heavy with exhaustion, he couldn’t hold it up anymore and eventually, he let it fall and it landed on (Y/n)’s shoulder. He fell asleep almost instantly as he inhaled her sweet scent, seeing her awake and smiling, hearing her talk and be so lively, so different from when they just met, he felt relieved, part of his anxiety slowly washed away as he rested on her shoulder. 

(Y/n) was surprised when Jisung’s head landed on her shoulder, but she welcomed the closeness, until she felt unease rush through her veins. His breathes were shallow, stressed, his body felt like it was burning up, her sensitive nose picking up something that smelled awful, she couldn’t even describe it, all she knew was that the scent came from Jisung, from inside him. (Y/n) gasped, catching the attention of everyone in the room. “What’s wrong, (Y/n)?” Seungmin asked as he walked over. “Jisung,” (Y/n) couldn’t form a coherent sentence, she was stressing, anxiety filling her own body. She didn’t understand what was wrong with Han, what if it’s something serious? 

Chan looked between (Y/n) and Jisung, only now noticing how exhausted and stressed Jisung looked, he looked sick. “What’s wrong with him? Can you feel something?” Chan asked. “I… I don’t…. know… um, scent, warm,” “Shhh, it’s okay, calm down, everything will be okay,” Minho immediately walked over to (Y/n) and enveloped her into his arms as Seungmin gently moved Jisung’s head away from the hybrid. “He’s burning up, hyung,” “This seems like a reaction to an anxiety attack, remember, he used to get like this often back when we just debuted?” Chan said as he too walked over to the younger rapper. Jisung was unconscious yet he seemed like he was in the midst of a panic attack, his breathing hurried, sweat forming on his forehead, body shaking and feverish. (Y/n) was shaking, her eyes couldn’t focus on anything, her temperature rising from the panic, tears silently falling down her cheeks. 

“Minho, and Jinnie, can you two take care of (Y/n) whilst Seungmin and Changbin take Jisung back to his room? I’ll go call the company and say that we might not come in today because of this, I’ll ask Felix to message Jeongin so that he knows what’s going on,” Everyone just nodded before getting to work. 

(Y/n) was shaking in Lee Know’s arms, so worried for Jisung that she internalized his own sickness onto herself. “This is similar to how she was when I found her, shaking, scared, confused,” Minho said as Hyunjin came over and gently scratched (Y/n)’s head, right by her long and soft bunny ears. Something she once mentioned calmed her down. “Yeah, it’s kind of how she got in the elevator too,” Hyunjin stopped his sentence to wipe away some of the tears from (Y/n)’s face, “it must be stressful to see someone in her newfound family collapse like this,” “(Y/n)? Should we at least move to the living room? So that you can sit down comfortably on the couch?” 

(Y/n) could barely hear what the two dancers were saying, it sounded like she was under water and they were above the surface talking. All she could do was just grip onto Minho’s shoulders just a little harder and hope that was enough of an answer to whatever question he had asked her. Minho tried to stand up as gently as he could with (Y/n) clutching on to him, Hyunjin helped with stabilizing the bunny and holding the door open for his hyung. They sat down on the couch, (Y/n) half in Minho’s lap and half on the couch, Hyunjin leaned over so that the hybrid was sandwiched between them and he once again began gently scratching her head. 

This had been one shaky morning, it started out so good but it quickly turned bad. Maybe a free day would do them all so good. The company wasn’t happy with them but they approved the sudden day off once Chan promised to work on some songs at home. Once Felix managed to reach I.N, the maknae hurriedly finished his personal schedule so that he could rush home as fast as he could. They all wanted to be there to comfort their family. When Jeongin got home, he found Minho, Hyunjin, and (Y/n) asleep on the couch with some low music playing in the background, Chan, Felix, and Changbin were sitting on the floor of Jisung’s room, half asleep as they watched over their brother, and finally, Seungmin was in the kitchen, cleaning up from the breakfast and prepping to make tea for everyone once they woke up again. Jeongin joined Seungmin in the kitchen, helping with the final pieces of the clean up, before he went to the living room, joining the hug-pile on the couch and letting himself fall asleep as well. Perhaps, the afternoon, will be kinder on all of them. 

And that was this chapter, I hope everyone enjoys it, what do you think will happen next? Will Chan get his moment to kiss our dear (Y/n)? Or will someone else perhaps steal her next kiss before him? Will Jisung be okay? I guess we will see, next time! 

[midnightdevotion]

Hang in There

Request: Hi I saw you opened and requests and I can’t stop thinking about Rooster finding fem reader passed out somewhere after training because she’s pregnant with Hangman’s baby 👀 Maybe she’s been off a while and hangman is still ✈️

a/n: hi guys! it's been forever since i posted something- i will update all my fics soon just needed some inspo from requests to get my mojo back. Thanks for understanding loves.

Pairing: Jake Seresin x female reader(Callsign Daisy)

Life has a way of kicking your ass in unexpected ways. After waking up sick for two weeks in a row you went to the doctors, only to find out you were pregnant. 8 weeks pregnant no less.

Now your approaching 10 weeks and you still don't know how to process that your pregnant, let alone tell your boyfriend. You know you want kids, but this is definitely not how you envisioned it happening.

The fear of telling Jake and losing him for this is something that has you up all night, every night. You can't help but thank you're lucky stars he's been on a mission for the last month because after waking up sick every day and hardly sleeping from the stress of it all, he would've figured you out. He should be getting home later today and you don't know what to do.

Logically, you know that while he plays the part of jackass cocky pilot, he worships you, and he would never be so low to leave you and your baby. His Texas roots would never let him. However, you're pregnant so your hormones don't let you settle the anxiety with logic.

Flinching as a door slams it knocks you out of the anxious spiral that has been your mind for the last few weeks.

"hey daisy you ready to kick some ass today?"

"when am I not" you send what you hope is a convincing smile towards rooster. You move around him grimacing as you walk into the sweltering southern California heat.

___

If there's one thing you can count on, flying is the one thing that gets you out of your head. It takes away all your fear and keeps you exactly in this moment. Nothing outside of being in the pilot seat matters. Not being pregnant, not every stress that comes with it being unplanned, and certainly no anxieties about what comes next.

There's no space for any of that. The second you climb that ladder, your life and everything about it falls away.

Today you are just running team trainings, and they are always your favorite. You have no upcoming mission scheduled so it's just to keep your skills refined and ready for when there is a mission.

"hey daisy, you know it's not fair when they team you up with Rooster, you should just let us win" coyote's voice crackles over the comms.

"Coyote how will you ever get better if I don't humble your ass every time i can?" your sarcastic reply echos back.

"C'mon just once! I've got a date tonight and I want to brag about being the winner"

"Tsk tsk you should know women don't want to hear you brag on the first date coyote. Maybe this is why you never get a second date."

"You can't seriously tell me the girl dating hangman told me not to brag right now."

Laughter crackles through from everyone, and you shake your head. Rooster gives you a signal and you move to his left ready to attack.

If there's one thing the dagger squad knows it's that when you and rooster fly together there is ultimately little to no chance for survival. Nobody expected the duo with callsigns rooster, and daisy to be such a lethal pair but you guys can read each others minds.

This is true on the ground too, which is why you've been avoiding rooster for two weeks. You know he can tell something is up, but if you avoid him, he can't figure out what.

"how quick do you think we can get them out today?" Roosters voice rasps.

"I reckon we will have them grounded in t-5 minutes"

"god not you too with the Texas talk" he groans.

"What you don't think it's charming?" he flips you off and you laugh.

Before you can respond you see coyote and payback flying. Dropping back to cover rooster you grin under the face mask. This is your favorite part of everyday.

Being up in the air with your best friends you feel invincible. Which is ironic considering this is actually a dangerous job.

"rooster, plan c"

"roger that" He goes shooting forward and you fall back. You laugh as you watch them chase rooster, it's symbolic in a way kids chase chickens and then get pecked.

You stay behind them until you move to get a shot. The sweet sound of missile lock rings out and payback drops off. Now that Coyote is onto you, the plan changes, and you become the bait.

You and Rooster know that he wants to air 'kill' you the most, which is why this plan will work. The temptation of you being right there will be too much for him to think about where rooster disappeared too.

So when rooster swoops in and gets the missile lock on coyote, you can't help but laugh. You and rooster devised this plan specifically for Coyote because he always complains when you two are teamed up together. So seeing it come to fruition and even better hearing Coyotes swearing, is the highlight of your day.

Grinning as you climb down from your jet, you search out rooster. You see him hopping onto the tarmac and walking over your way.

"roos we killed that!" you shout out at him. When you feet hit the tarmac, a rush swoops over you. Shaking it off you go to take a step and suddenly the world spins incredibly fast. Yet it feels like everything is going in slow motion, your vision goes spotty and you hear Rooster shout after you. The last thing you register before the world goes black is the sound of boots hitting the ground.

--

Rooster has never felt more scared to make a phone call in his life. How does he call Hangman and tell him that his girlfriend passed out, and is in the hospital bay when he has no idea why.

It's been four hours already, you haven't woken up and they won't give him any answers. His hair is a mess from stressing about his best friend not being okay while simultaneously worrying about how to tell the guy he knows would move heaven and earth for you.

His leg is bouncing up and down as he stares at the number dialed on his phone screen.

The fact of the matter is Hangman is probably still flying and won't be able to be contacted for a few more hours. The mission was a success, and then it was extended to have them run drills while at sea.

Bradley knows he has to make the call, but he's terrified that once he does it all feels more real. He's terrified to lose his best friend, He's lost enough already.

Sighing he rubs his hands down his face, picks back up his phone and hits the green call button. The ringing feels like the worst anticipation of his life. When it goes to voicemail his hands are shaking, and he doesn't know what to say so he just hangs up.

Next resort is to call the ship. A commander on board will contact hangman and deliver the bad news, and oh how he wanted to avoid it coming from anyone but him.

He feels a hand land on his shoulder, looking up and glancing at Mav he sighs.

"It's going to be okay Bradley"

"How could you possibly know that" Maverick sighs, and sits next to him.

"let me make the call." maverick opens his hand for him to hand him the phone.

"no- no I need to be the one.. just what do I say mav"

"you tell him the truth, you don't know yet what happened, she's stable but the doctors are finding out what happened and he needs to get back as soon as he can"

He swallows and it feels like steal is coating his throat. Nodding as he stands up he paces in front of mav.

"she's gonna be okay, she has to be okay. We take risks every day all day up in those jets, this can't be how she goes mav. She has to be okay."

"and she will be, but take a deep breathe and find yourself because when you get ahold of Seresin he needs you to be his rock, he doesn't need to hear you panic" Rooster sighs because Maverick is right. He grabs his phone and dials the ships emergency contact number.

It takes a few minutes, jumping through hoops, getting in contact with one person to be transferred to another. Rooster curses Jake for being so hard to get ahold of.

"This is warlock"

"Admiral, sir, this is Lieutenant Bradshaw. There's been an accident with Lieutenant y/l/n today and we need to get contact with Lieutenant Seresin."

"Jesus- is everything okay?"

"We're not really sure yet sir but Jake- he needs to know."

"He's in the air at the moment let me see if i can get him back on ship."

"thank you sir"

The minutes feel like hours as rooster is waiting. He hears chatter from his phone and he knows they are trying to get hangman back on the ship and available for the phone call but roosters not sure if he isn't ready to deliver the news or ready to get it over with.

What feels like an eternity later but is actually only twenty minutes he finally hears hangman in the background. He swallows hard.

"Rooster whats going on?" if there's one thing pilots know, they are never called down unless something bad happened.

"Jake. Something happened with daisy... she... she just passed out.."

"in the Air?!! Rooster tell me shes okay!"

"No no! not in the air.. we had just landed and i was walking over to her and she passed out. She's in the med bay now but we haven't heard anything about her condition yet."

"Fuck!..... Fuck!" in the background he hears jake asking how far from land they are. Ultimately needed to be there for you, needing to see you for himself. Bradley hears jake curse when the answer is still 3 hours out.

He hears a slam and then yelling before the line clicks dead. Rooster looks at maverick worried.

"what do you think he's gonna do"

"one way or another? getting a jet and flying here faster." is mavericks reply. Rooster can't help but agree, if he was 150 miles away from land on a boat that moves about 50 mph holding jets that move at 1,000 mph then he knows what option he would choose too.

----

It takes about 30 minutes for hangman to come rushing into the hospital bay.

"How is she, have we heard anything, what happened" He rapid fires off questions.

"the doctor came out and told us she passed out because she's sleep deprived and is showing signs of dehydration and that she hasn't eaten anything today."

"why- why hasn't, she knows she needs to eat- she's so good with drinking water... I don't understand." confusion crosses his fingers because none of that sounds like his girlfriend.

"when can i see her?"

"the doctor is going to come out soon and let us know what room she is in, they had to finish the tests to see if everything is okay."

Hangman nods and paces the floor where rooster paced about calling him. It only takes a couple minutes for a doctor to come out and call your name and everyone shoots up.

"Okay, well, I'm glad she has a support system but only one visitor at a time please, she does still need to rest and recover. She is in room 302"

Hangman takes off in a dead sprint towards the room.

---

Beeping is the next thing your mind registers, and it takes you a minute to open your eyes. Yawning you try to bring your hands up to rub your face but one is being held by something.

Looking over you see Jake studying your left hand.

"you know you scared the shit out of me today"

"Jake I-"

"why weren't you taking care of yourself?" this has you confused and furrowing your brows.

"I have been-"

"You were dehydrated, hadn't eaten and sleep deprived. It's why you passed out!"

"jake you've been gone! You don't know what I've been doing! I did eat breakfast and drink water this morning but I threw it up!"

"god darling daisy if your sick don't come to work!"

"I'm not sick!"

"some would say puking means your sick!"

"not when your pregnant!"

"you- you're pregnant?"

"Yes Jake! I've been throwing up for weeks because of stupid morning sickness and I haven't been sleeping well because oh my god I'm pregnant and that is the scariest thing, and I was worried to talk to you about it but I guess that's out now isn't it." Theres a silence that lingers on after your words, and it feels like ice pumping into your heart the longer it stretches on.

"oh- oh my god" your throat feels thick at his words, he's looking down at your still clasped hands and you watch him to gauge his reaction.

"we're having a baby?" he finally looks up at you and his eyes are welling with tears.

"yes- we're having a-" and your cut off by his lips crashing against yours. His laughter peels out of him as he pulls away.

"were having a baby!"

"wait... you're happy about it?"

"Of course I'm happy about it! You're the love of my life! I want everything with you. The house, the kids the marriage, the dogs the fights, and the stress"

His words make your eyes tear up.

"honey I hate that you were so stressed about telling me you weren't sleeping. I was sitting here, looking at your left hand thinking about how wrong it is that something happened and the doctors didn't immediately call me, that if something were to happen to one of us I never got the chance to put my ring on your finger." His words left you speechless.

"jake... what are you saying"

"I'm saying marry me."

"isn't that supposed to be a question?"

"No. Its a demand, marry me, make me the happiest man, have my babies and marry me and call me out on my shit and shoot me down in the sky I want it all. I know this is so not how i planned to ask you, but please, marry me." You laugh a wet laugh, because this makes sense, you two would get engaged in the weirdest way, and do it all out of order, but you love this man with your whole heart so you embrace the chaos.

"Of course I will marry you" and he kisses you with every emotion he's felt in the last few hours, but you both wouldn't change it. Even if he already has the ring at home in his sock drawer waiting for the perfect moment.

Tag list:

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[christhopersturniolo]

୨ pregnancy test ୧ matt

summary: y/n finds out she’s pregnant for the second time.

notes: english is not my first language, so i’m sorry for any mistake! 1.2k words.

warnings: fluff, cussing, sad, panic attack.

୨୧

Me and Matt have been dating for the past 5 years, we live together and we also have a 2 years old little kid, called Evie. Well, being honest, Evie wasn’t really expected, but she was never a problem. We do love having Evie at home, even It being a little bit exhausting.

Lately my stomach has not been the best. I've been feeling nauseous all the time. I throw up almost every night, and on top of it, my period is late.

Am I pregnant?

I didn’t told any of this to Matt, and honestly, I really don’t know how he would react. I mean, we never talked about a second child, he never talked about another child, he probably doesn’t even want another child. Fuck really I gotta stop overthinking.

Now, In bed, Matt just fell asleep. And I’m struggling to. I just can’t fall asleep thinking that I can possibly be pregnant.

I get up quietly, trying not to wake up Matt. I go over to the bathroom and I close the door behind me. I look at myself in the mirror. I look tired. I take a deep breath. With shaky hands, I reach out for the pregnancy test that I bought yesterday. I do the test. I wait and wait. I bit my nails stressful. I start getting anxious.

As soon as I check the test, positive. Holy fuck. There’s no way this is actually happening.

My vision blurs, the whole room feels like It’s spinning. I sit on the floor, trying to stay calm. Each breath comes in short, ragged gasps as I fight against the suffocating weight of my anxiety. Tears stream down my cheeks uncontrollably as my heart races. I need Matt. I need to be in his arms. But what will he say?

Im sobbing completely, I can’t see a shit, my panic attack is just getting worst.

I start hearing steps in the hallway. I know it’s Matt, I hide the test behind me. He opens the door. “Babe why are you not in bed-“ Matt's sleepy and concerned voice trails off as he notices me crying on the floor, he automatically sits down next to me and pulls me into a hug, his arms wrapping around me with a comforting strength that I desperately need in that moment.

I bury my face against his chest, my tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt as he holds me close. I cling to him desperately, my body shaking with sobs as he holds me tight.

"Shh.. It's okay.. I'm right here for you.. Focus on me babe..” I keep sobbing and crying aggressively, non stop.

Matt cups my cheeks with his hands, lifting my head from his chest. “I need you to take a deep breath in..” He demonstrates how to do It. “Now, let it out..”

After a few moments of breathing, he asks. “Can you please tell me what’s going on love?”

With tears still streaming down my cheeks, I swallow hard, and I finally start talking. “I.. Took a pregnancy test..” With trembling hands, I reach for the pregnancy test hidden behind me, my heart pounding in my chest as I hold it out for him to see.

Matt's eyes widen. Then, without a word, Matt gently takes the test from my trembling hands, his gaze fixed on the plastic stick.

I start feeling desperate, loosing my breath again. “I think I’m pregnant, I’m sorry..”

Matt's expression softens as he looks at me. "Don’t cry.. it’s okay.. It’s not a bad thing.." He murmurs, pulling me into his embrace once more.

"It is a bad thing, Matt" I finally manage to choke out. "I know you don't want this kid."

Matt's arms tighten around me, his embrace a comforting me. "Hey.. hey.." He murmurs softly, his fingers gently tracing circles on my back. "I never said that..” He pauses “I know.. Hmm.. I know It wasn’t the plan, but I do want this kid, okay?” He says looking into my eyes.

"It's not that simple, Matt.." I whisper, my voice barely audible above the pounding of my heart. "I can't just pretend that everything is okay when it's clearly not.” I sob, loudly.

He looks at me sadly, not knowing exactly what to answer. “Why don’t we go back to our room and talk better there? Huh?” He says in a comforting tone.

I nod, sniffing. He helps me getting back up and we make our way to the bed. We lay down, I cuddle with Matt, my head on his chest, like a pillow. I cry. He strokes my hair, trying to comfort me. “Are you mad at me?” I lift my head, facing him.

His hand strokes my hair softly as he looks into my eyes. "Hey, listen to me" he murmurs, his voice gentle. "I could never be mad at you, okay?” He pulls me closer. “I could never be mad at you for something like this, don’t overthink It..” He kisses my forehead.

I let out a shaky breath. "I’m scared.." I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "What about Evie, Matt?”

He spreads kisses on my face, and wipes my tears away with his thumb. “Evie will love to have a sister, I promise you.”

“I’m not ready Matt.. What if she feels left out, or if we can't give her enough attention with another baby?” I sniff, sadly. “I’m not even a good mom.." Words catching in my throat.

He pulls away slightly, his brows furrowing with a mix of confusion and frustration. "What do you mean you are not a good mom?" He asks, like I’m lying to his face. "Where is this coming from?"

I stay silent, feeling the weight of his words sinking in. Matt's tone is firm, his frustration evident as he waits for my response.

“Look at me. I don’t wanna hear those words coming out of your mouth ever again.”

"You're an amazing mom. Evie adores you, and so do I. You do the best you can, and that's all that matters. I don’t wanna hear that stupid shit again, do you understand that?”

I struggle to accept his words, the weight of my insecurities. "I'm sorry Matt.." I whisper, tears streaming down my cheeks once again. "I'm trying, I really am, I swear... But sometimes, it just feels like I'm not enough.." I completely break down again, crying even more than before.

As I break down in tears once more, Matt pulls me even closer, his arms a comforting shield around me. “Shh..“

“I love you so much, I don’t want you to leave me..” I say sobbing, hugging him the tighter and tighter.

“I love you too.. I’m not leaving you, I’m not going anywhere.” I cling into his body, leaving stains of my tears on his shirt.

"I'm just so scared" I admit, my voice trembling with vulnerability.

“You are safe with me, I’m not leaving you ever.” He keeps looking into my eyes while I avoid eye contact.

I shake my head as a no, getting more overwhelmed about all of this. “I don’t know If I can do this.”

“Everything will be just fine, I promise you.”

After some good twenty minutes, still with his arms around me, I start relaxing again. Tears continue to fall, but they're softer now. He continues to shower me with affection, leaving my face with gentle kisses and soft caresses, his fingers on my hair, I feel the tension slowly melting away, until we both fall asleep.

୨୧

i was so confused about what to do at the end, i hate this sm but i don’t have anything to post 😭😭

[daryl-dixons-wife2211]

SURVIVING TOGETHER

Daryl Dixon X f!reader

Chapter 1:Invisible strings

When I moved to Georgia, I didn't expect to be living in Hell. I moved under the impression that I could reinvent myself amongst the peach trees and the southern hospitality. Instead I'm cowering in my van with my dogs, listening to the sound of the end of the world- the sound of the walking dead.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------

I shouldn't have made so much noise. I thought we were safe out in the woods, but each day that goes by is a harsh reminder that nowhere is safe- nowhere. I'm out of breath from running, but my two dogs and I managed to make it to the van without being eaten alive. The only thing is, now the van is surrounded by the dead. The dogs, a five year old husky and his German shepherd little brother, are perfectly still and I try to mimic their silence. The windows are shrouded by curtains that I'm glad I hung yesterday. Maybe if we're quiet, they'll go away? I'm at least hoping that's the case. I'm still trying to learn the rules for these freaks.

Hours pass as I lie low, but the dead persist, their relentless scratching becoming almost rhythmic. Amidst the chorus of frogs and rustling leaves, their dreadful moans are all I can focus on. After a while, the scratching seems to lessen, but there's still at least 5 of them surrounding the van. I'm too tired to care anymore- I'm not going anywhere soon and neither are they, so I finally close my eyes to attempt at least a nap. The peace is fleeting, lasting all of 3 minutes before I can't take it anymore. I fling my eyes open. I guess we'll be here all night.

I sit for what feels like several more hours, thinking about what to do if these freaks aren't gone by morning. I'm about to start forming Plan F, when I feel the dogs start to perk up. I wouldn't pay much attention, if it weren't for their ears frantically swiveling like little satellites. They hear something, and it's not anything dead.

I sit up as much as I can, and try to peek through the corner of the window. About 30 feet away I see two figures hiding behind a couple trees. I watch as they stealthily bob and weave closer- one with a gun, the other with a crossbow. This could either be really bad, or my saving grace. The dogs get restless as the gun shots start to sound. They're being so good, so quiet, but I can feel the anxiety rising up in them.

More gunshots and a few arrows later, the dead are all...well...dead. I quietly grab a rifle I keep under the passenger seat, anticipating the worst. I can hear them now that the freaks aren't making noise. Those figures turn out to be two men- great. I prop the gun against my shoulder and listen as they start to argue.

"Who the hell cares? Let's move on." the shorter one with the crossbow says. "That damn van has somethin' in it. Why else would they be around it like that?" the second man bites back. I freeze. I did not like his tone- this is not going to be good. "The sons a'bitches are stupid. There's nothin' in there." the first man hurls back. I can't make out what the taller one replies, but whatever it was, it irritates his friend. The shorter one stomps over to the truck and I tense with fear and anticipation. Mumbling curses the whole way, he reaches the van and the dogs get into position, waiting for my command. The man puts his hand on the door handle and I place my finger firmly on the trigger. I take a deep breath in and the man rips the door open.

We both freeze, crossbow and rifle pointed at each other. He looks a little surprised, so I'm not sure he really expected to see anything, or anyone, in here- much less two big dogs. The dogs don't growl, which is unusual for them, but their bodies are still stiff with anticipation in case I give the signal to attack.

The man and I just look at each other. I can't read his expression, but he's not making any other move towards me, so I don't make any towards him. An unexpected stillness settles between us. The longer this goes on, the more I'm able to take him in and, quite frankly, he's gorgeous. Not like, Hemsworth brother gorgeous, but like, random stranger you cross paths with at a gas station gorgeous. Hot enough that it momentarily erases the danger I felt before. His eyes, a piercing blue, betray no malice. Men usually trigger some sort of fight or flight response from me, but not this one. I have no idea what makes me feel this way, but he seems...safe? He keeps staring deep into my eyes and I'm ensnared. Silently, he puts one finger to his lips, signaling for me to stay quiet. His steely blue eyes look me and the dogs up and down and he slowly lowers his crossbow. The way he's looking at me is so soft, so gentle. I can't tell what he's thinking, but against my better judgment, I lower my rifle. He looks so deep into my eyes I forget where I am, until, that is, I hear his friend yell "You find anything? What's in there?". I wait for the man to sell me out, but he doesn't. "Nah. Nothin' in here. Just a few empty beer cans" he calls out in the raspiest voice I've ever heard. I swear I even see him smirk a little as he closes the door and joins his friend. I watch out the window in disbelief as he fades into the night. After they're gone, it takes me until almost daybreak to settle back down. My mind races, and I can't stop thinking about it.

I get the feeling that man saved my life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days had passed and, thankfully, I hadn't crossed paths with the men again. That is, until the screaming started. I had been sprawled across the front seats of my van reading a book, my favorite in fact, when the shrill sound echoed amongst the trees. I drop my battered copy of Pride and Prejudice on the floorboard and jolt to a seated position. I was born with a crippling need for peace and justice, so deciding to investigate and potentially solve a problem for someone was a no-brainer. I hop out of the driver's seat and slide the van door open. Gesturing inside, I call for the dogs. Maverick and Kai both leap out of the woods, following my command. They leap in the back of the van and I slide the door shut, then climb back behind the wheel.

With all the echoing, I can't pinpoint the sound of the screams, so I just drive in the general direction. I find a dirt road that seems to be following the path nicely, so I hop onto that. I seem to be getting closer to the cries for help and soon come upon a circular clearing about an acre around. The screams all make sense now, as I gaze upon not just one person, but a whole group of people- the most I've seen since the world was engulfed into madness. Men, women, and even children are huddled back to back in a circle, surrounded by the dead freaks. They're fighting as hard as they can, but they're never going to make it. There's too many of them and they don't have very much to defend themselves with. Desperation is written all over their faces, but for me, this will be cake. I might even have time to read some more before it gets dark.

I drive further into the clearing and stop about 50 yards away. No one even notices me until I get out of the van, which, coincidentally for me right now, is actually a police van that I stole out of the Atlanta P.D. parking garage when everything went down. I've never gotten to use any of the toys inside it, so this will be fun. I slide the back door open and look my sweet boys in the eyes. "If you boys do a good job and help these people I'll give you both some peanut butter." I say, cradling their snouts in my hands. I let them jump down onto the grass and giggle as they wait, tails wagging furiously, for my command. "Alright boys- CAST".

The dogs speed off towards the group in peril as I work on turning the red and blue lights atop the van on. I grab the old iPod I scavenged and plug it up to the van's speaker system. At this point the dogs are running in circles between the scared people and the walkers that surround them. I watch as the people look stunned, but no less scared. I almost giggle to myself, as I think about how shocking the sight must be, but then I notice something. Amongst the group of people is the man with the crossbow. You've got to be kidding me- I haven't run into people in a week, how have I run into this man twice in 4 days?

I guess at this point I owe him one, so I'm filled with an even greater sense of need to help these people. I grab my iPod again and navigate to the first song I see, "American Idiot" by Green Day. I grab the hand held microphone connected to the van's megaphone and call out, "HEY FREAKS! OVER HERE!" I hit play on the song and turn the volume up to the max. It roars across the clearing, causing most of the undead to slowly turn and begin their crawl towards me. "Mav, look back. Kai, come by" I command the dogs, instructing Maverick to catch the stragglers and Kai to keep herding the main group as they limp towards me. I wait until the herd gets about halfway to the van before I turn it around and creep slowly away. The freaks have completely abandoned the frightened group and have eyes only for the flashing lights and music pouring out of the van speakers. Mission accomplished.

"Alright boys. Come here." I use the megaphone to call again. Maverick and Kai race back to the van and leap in through the side door I left open. "Good boys." I praise them. We drive off with the freaks following us, never letting them get too close. I shoot one last look at the group we just successfully saved. Their puzzled expressions amuse me, but I can't help but picture what would have happened if I wasn't there with just the right equipment at just the right time. I used to think the world was scary. Now, it's a living nightmare.

After 30ish minutes of driving the herd away, I decide to lose them and speed up, turning the lights off and the music down. I can't stop thinking about the man with the crossbow. I guess we're even now, but I don't want even. I want to figure him out- I want to be near him. Why do I feel this way? I should just be grateful I've survived another encounter with him and move on, but I have a gut feeling this won't be our last meeting. As I drive I think about his captivating eyes raking my body up and down and how I wish they'd do it again.

Looks like I was right. I do have enough time for another chapter before dark.

—--------------------------------------------------------------

I didn’t sleep well last night. Yesterday’s events have been replaying in my head relentlessly. I moved to Georgia to be alone. I wanted that. After everything I had gone through, I just needed space, but now I can’t help thinking about my family back home. Can’t help but wonder if they’re even alive, or if they faced a scene similar to what nearly happened to that group yesterday. Did they have someone looking out for them, too?

I should’ve been there for them. I shouldn’t have left. I’m trying not to beat myself up about it- after all, how was I supposed to know the world was going to end? The isolation is getting to me though- I just want my family back. I dry the tears that have been slowly running down my face for the past hour and look out amongst the woods from the tree I climbed and settled in earlier. I don’t know where the dogs have wandered off to, but I hope they’ve found themselves a rabbit or something. They wouldn’t eat yesterday, no matter how many times I tried to feed them the cans of spam and vienna sausages I had. It's almost like they know I don’t have much food left. I’m not really sure what my gameplan is out here, but I do know I don’t plan on outliving these dogs for very long. With my family being on the other side of the country, these sweet dogs are all I’ve got keeping me going right now.

My pity party is interrupted when I start hearing footsteps. My eyes scan the woods below until I see a man crouched behind a rock and rub my eyes again. I have to be seeing things, because there’s no way I have run into the crossbow man for a third time. I follow his line of sight and see the object of his fascination. It’s a deer, and a beautiful one at that. I watch as he lifts the scope to his eye and takes aim. He’s never going to make that- there’s too many trees, he doesn’t have a good vantage point, and there’s a slight breeze. He settles in, waits a few seconds, and pulls the trigger. His arrow goes soaring towards the animal, but hits a tree about 3 feet from it. “Dammit.” I hear him mutter to himself.

With little to no thought, I decide to do something crazy and aim my rifle at the deer. He’s going to need this deer for his group and I’ve got a perfect view. I line the shot up, take a breath, and pull the trigger. The deer goes down from an absolutely flawless shot, if I do say so myself. I quietly celebrate my success and look down to find the crossbow’d man is not only very surprised, but he’s not alone. I should’ve thought this through a little more.

I count about four men total. “Guess you guys weren’t holding me up after all. Which one of you just shot that?” my mystery man asks. The other three just stare at him. “We were together the whole time and none of us shot anything.” one man wearing a baseball jersey says, very nervously. “Where’s my brother? Must’ve been him then.” he surmises. The man with his shirt tucked in replied in a thick drawl, “He went to piss. Left his gun with us.” They all look at each other perplexed. Wordlessly, they all take up their respective weapons and start scanning around them. Three of them keep their eyesight level, but Crossbow Man starts scanning in the trees above. He must be a hunter. I quietly sigh- I didn’t really consider what might happen after I shot the deer. I guess I’m going to have to do a big reveal before Crossbow Man sees a dark figure in the tree and shoots me down. If I’m going to get shot I’d at least like credit for the deer first.

I grab my backpack I had lodged in between branches, toss my gun on my back, and make the descent. I’m almost completely down before they even hear my movements. They all whirl around and watch me plop on the ground. Only two of them have guns, but they’re both pointed at me, so I put my hands up in surrender. Crossbow Man, however, is looking at me with a mix of wonder and amusement, crossbow dangling at his side.

“Who the hell are you?” the one with the drawl demands. “Hey! It’s Green Day!” baseball jersey laughs. “What the hell are you talking about Glenn?” the same man questions. “She’s the one who saved us yesterday! The girl with the dogs!” Glenn says, getting more excited with every word.

“Why the random acts of kindness? What do you want? Where are the dogs?” the first man rapid fires questions, gun still drawn and taking a step towards me. All valid questions, but I don’t enjoy his vibe. Something about him seems off, but I can’t quite figure out what it is.

“Nothing- I swear. Look, I just saw your friend miss the shot and I had a clear view so I thought I’d help. I know you guys have kids. It’s not a big deal, really. I’ll leave now. The deer is all yo-” I get cut off by two long, low, disembodied growls. Dang it. The boys are back.

The men all jump and look like they’re about to pee themselves. One man even drops his gun. “Eeeeeasy boys. These guys are our friends.” I say to the dogs, still hidden somewhere waiting for their cue to “handle” the situation. “You guys might want to lower your guns, they make the dogs nervous.” I warn.

“Shane, she was up in that tree and we didn’t even know. She could’ve gunned us all down and she didn’t. She saved us yesterday and she didn’t have to. She doesn’t want anything.” Glenn argues. “Just put your gun down before we get mauled.”

“I’m sorry, they’re just protective. They won’t actually hurt you without me giving the order. Boys, heel.” I call, slapping the outside of my thigh gently. Maverick and Kai reveal themselves and heel to my sides, heckles still slightly raised. “I’m leaving now. Shoot me if you must, I guess.” I say, turning around slowly. I take all of three steps before Glenn yells for me to wait. I turn back around to see him whispering something to Shane. He signals for the other two men to join and I wait while they furiously discuss something, Shane still pointing that stupid gun at my torso. It looks like whatever it is, Glenn is winning. I suddenly remember the Crossbow Man, and glance over at him. He’s watching me very closely. My cheeks heat up, and I tear my gaze back towards Shane and Glenn. Shane finally looks at me again, and slowly lowers his gun.

“Glenn over here seems to think you’d be a good addition to our group.” Shane says, clearly irritated. “How’s about you stick around?”

“For what? To be an extra three mouths to feed? If you haven’t noticed, the dogs are a little attached to me. It’d be a package deal.” I counter. Now they’re the ones making me suspicious.

The last man, the one that dropped his gun, finally pipes up, “With a shot like that, you seem like you’d pull your own weight. I’m Jim by the way. What’s your name?”

“...Y/N”, I confess, looking at the three of them. Glenn certainly seems safe. Jim seems alright. I definitely don’t like Shane, but I’m not sure if he’s necessarily dangerous. I look back at the crossbow’d man, still watching me closely, and ask him, “what do you think?”. I can tell the question throws everyone off a bit. He takes a second, looks at the other men, twitches his jaw, then says, “these are good people.”

Good enough for me. I’m about to say as much, when a fifth man emerges from behind the group and says “Well hello Miss. Officer. Fancy seeing you way out here without any of your asshole bodyguards. You still got those handcuffs? Me and you might need those later this fine evening.”

“...MERLE DIXON? You’ve GOT to be kidding me.” I blurt out loud.

“Wait- you know each other?” Glenn asks?

“Unfortunately,” I reply, my voice dripping with disdain, “I hope that doesn’t change your mind.”

Merle waltzes over to me with a shit eating grin, but before he can get anywhere close, both dogs start barking their heads off. He gets the message and backs away, hands up in surrender.

Glenn just smiles, happy as can be, “Nope! You can still come!”

“Cool- I’ll come,” I say as nonchalantly as possible- don’t want to get too excited and make Shane even more suspicious. “My van isn’t far. If you guys work together we can throw the deer in the back and drive it to wherever you guys are staying.”

“You’re not going to help?” Jim says, looking at me.

Hmm. Maybe Jim needs to be on my watch list too. “I shot it? Do I have to do everything?” I throw back at him.

Crossbow Man laughs. I almost forgot he was there, but looking at him again suddenly has me putting the puzzle pieces together. I look at Merle in shock. “Daryl?” I say pointing at the man with the crossbow. “Yes Ma’am. Told you I was the good lookin’ one.” He says. I cannot believe society has collapsed and animated corpses are roaming around feeding on living flesh, yet I have still managed to run into Merle Dixon in the middle of the woods- and to top it all off, the mystery man I’ve been daydreaming about comes from the same gene pool.

Fantastic.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------

[edupunkn00b]

Go Back. Move On. Repeat.

Logan would do anything to fix the mistakes of the past. Anything to bring Virgil a peaceful night's sleep. Anything to take away the pain.

Anything.

Written for @tsspromptmonthevent's Sleepy Bean Fanfic Café, for @amateurmasksmith. Prompt: analogical, QPR-style canon-verse time travel, anything but crack or hurt/no comfort. Mutual pining, childhood best friends. If possible 5 & 1, & time loops, y’all are the experts, so feel free to be creative! -

The first night Virgil appeared at his bedside, black shadows stretched half-way down his face, Logan had simply peeled back his covers and patted the mattress next to him. Virgil had leapt in, hood still pulled down to his eyes, and curled into Logan's embrace.

"Shadowling?" he'd murmured, tightening his arms around him. "Have you had a nightmare?"

Virgil nodded his head, hands gripping Logan's pajama sleeves with such strength Logan heard two stitches pop.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Virgil shook his head, just as fervently.

Humming, Logan nodded his assent. Even in the safety of his room, where logic and fact and truth would tamp down on even the most fantastical of Virgil's fears, putting words to the images of a fresh nightmare could have deleterious effects.

"Very well," Logan had said softly. He pulled the covers up over Virgil's shoulders. "Would you rather I left the light on?"

Safe in his arms, Virgil had already fallen back to sleep. Settling back against the pillows, Logan closed his eyes and whispered. "Goodnight, Shadowling."

The second night, Virgil trembled in his arms, breath hitching as he fought back a sob.

Logan pushed, carefully. "Are you quite certain you would not benefit from sharing at least part of your dream?" He did not need to say aloud that the repeat nature of this nightmare seemed to be his anxiety's own way of raising some sort of issue Thomas—and therefore all of them—needed to work through.

Virgil looked up at him, unshed tears glittering in the low light. "You…" He looked away, burying his head under the covers. "I dreamt we were back there."

Heart caught in his throat, Logan remained silent and listened. "Like… like after the video we started. When…" He peeked out, shadow covering his cheeks. "The Guys and Dolls video. The one… You know…"

"Oh, Virgil…" Logan held him close, brushing back his hair. "We're all here and safe," he said gently, the words carrying a special weight in his room. "We're never going back there," he promised. "Never again."

"I know," Virgil nodded, holding tight as though no-one had informed his hands that Logan would remain by his side. "I know."

The third night, Logan was waiting for him. Arms curled tightly around Virgil as he slept, Logan lay awake all night, replaying the events of that day—well, days and weeks—in his mind. Patton's tears. The phone call. Virgil's panic attack.

Thomas' breakdown.

It had taken Janus a week to convince Roman to even open his door and it was months before he would even attempt to influence Thomas' decisions again. Disguised as his brother, Remus had stepped in, and Janus had had to work overtime to keep him sufficiently reined in so that Thomas could continue his livelihood and create enough to meet his financial obligations.

More than a year passed before Virgil would listen to him, let alone heed any of his advice.

The more he considered the events that had led to their near destruction, the greater Logan's conviction there was something else he could have done. If he'd tried harder, Logan was certain he could have stopped Thomas from speaking to his ex. He could have found another channel for Patton's broken heart, which would then have permitted Roman another mechanism to be their hero. With enough planning and effort, Logan could have prevented The Incident.

If he'd tried harder, he could have kept Virgil's trust.

Over the past seven years, through effort and patience and consistency, they'd finally gotten to where they were now. Virgil trusted him again, perhaps even more than he ever had.

But what if he'd never lost that trust in the first place? What if none of them had needed to fight back from the brink as they had?

The next morning, after ensuring Virgil had eaten and was safely occupied with a small trip in the Imagination with the others, Logan returned to his room and locked the door.

He approached his bookshelves and pulled down the books in the precise order. A Wrinkle in Time. The Midnight Library. Letting out a slow breath, he pulled down the last, This Is How You Lose the Time War.

The wall next to him shuddered and a tall thin strip cut through the plaster and wood. Bright light spilled out and Logan set the books down on his bed and approached. Pushing firmly on either side of the crack, he widened it until he could fit through. Peering in, he confirmed he'd found the correct moment.

His past self stood in his usual spot, past Virgil by his side on the landing, past Thomas in his own corner. Logan's voice dominated the room. "Thomas, it is time to move on. I feel like I'm... Heh, listen to me, 'feel like...'"

From his new vantage point, this time Logan caught how Virgil winced under the weight of his sarcasm and it took effort to hold himself back from leaping right in without preparing. "I feel like I'm... nearly out of productive things to say on the matter. I'm just frustrated."

Just as Logan remembered, Patton chose that moment to join them. "Hi, Just Frustrated, I'm Sad. I mean...

Cliched adages sometimes held wisdom and it was through the lens of crystal clear hindsight that Logan now saw the thinly masked pain in Patton's eyes. This! This was the moment he could change!

He took a deep breath and leapt in. "Patton?" he asked, truly giving the Moral side his attention. "Are you.." Gravity and entropy push-pulled him, fighting his effort to change the past. "Are you quite alright?" he finally managed.

"What?" Patton asked, eyes darting between him and Virgil. Avoiding Thomas'. "Of—of course I'm alright. I'm Patton!" he said, smile sufficiently bright to see from space.

"Yes," Logan agreed, glancing over at Virgil and Thomas. He played with his hoodie strings, but watching their interaction. Thomas had moved closer, peering closely at Patton. "You said you were… sad."

"Ha! I did! Slip of the tongue, there, Kiddo," Patton laughed, thin and brittle.

"Pat?" Thomas said, sitting down and tugging Patton's hand until he joined him. "Buddy, I know how I'm feeling and you…"

"Aw, Kiddo…" Patton pulled him into a long hug. "What's got you down?"

"'Never trust a hug,'" Virgil muttered. "'It's just a way to hide your face.'"

"Fantastic Doctor Who reference, but first…" Logan refocused on why he was there. "Patton," he said, overusing his powers a bit. "Patton, you are crying."

"Wha—I'm not—"

Thomas pulled back and searched Patton's eyes. Tears sparkled in his lashes. "Pat?"

Roman popped up. "I've got it! Thomas, you write down all of your thoughts and feelings in an eloquent letter and deliver it to him in a basket full of his favorite things."

"Oh?" Patton scrubbed at his face, sniffling. "That… that might be nice. Y'know…" He fidgeted with the velvety paws of his onesie. "To hear his voice again?"

Sitting up straight, Thomas radiated surprise as he looked between his Heart. And his Hero. "Yeah… Yeah, that's a good idea. I could—"

"WHOA, whoa, whoa... what?!" Virgil jumped into the center of the room. "You can't do that, Thomas!"

"He's been brainstorming all day and he has yet to come up with one productive, non-creepy idea." Logan's words spilled out on their own accord, the grooves of history too strong to fight.

"I'm not creepy, I'm joking, alright?" Roman sneered at him. "You just don't understand love."

His own anger layered over with his past self's reaction, fists at his sides. "I understand that it's—"

"He's right," Thomas interrupted, eyes still fixed on Patton's face. He'd begun to cry again, and Thomas was wiping his own tears away. "You just don't understand what it's like to love someone and to lose them."

Virgil's eyes on him were heavy and he couldn't quite force himself to meet them. "Thomas, no, this is categorically unwise. You—"

"Look at Patton!" Thomas cried. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks and they all felt the sharp cut of his pain. "I have to do something!"

Roman slid into the spot on Thomas' other side. "Why don't you call him?"

Virgil growled next to him, shaking his head. They exchanged a glance and Logan nodded, stepping closer.

But before he could find the words to dissuade Thomas from making quite literally the biggest mistake of his life, Thomas nodded. "Yeah," The scene replayed, the past repeating just as it had the last time. "Yeah, I should call him," he murmured, scrolling through his contacts until he'd found the right number and pressed Call.

The world collapsed onto itself and Logan found himself back in his room, the books still on his bed even as the crack was sealed as though it had never existed. He examined his memories, shaking his head. Everything played out the way it had in the past. The phone call, the meeting, the next failed date.

The hospital.

Dragging both hands down his face, Logan sighed then checked his watch. Barely ninety seconds had passed since he'd returned to his room.

He tried again.

...

"Look at Patton!" Thomas cried. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks and they all felt the sharp cut of his pain. "I have to do something!"

Roman slid into the spot on Thomas' other side. "Why don't you call him?"

"No!" Logan marched across the room and plucked Thomas' phone from his hand. He threw it to the floor, stomping on it. Glass and plastic crunched beneath his shoe.

"Logan! What are you doing?" Roman cried, shoving him away. "You are interfering!" he said, stooping down to scoop up the remains of Thomas' phone.

"Never fear, dear Thomathy!" Roman said, rising up with a gleaming phone in his hand. "What one part of your mind can destroy, another can repair. Here," he said, pressing the phone into Thomas' hands and casting narrowed eyes at Logan. "Call him."

Once again, Patton's room dissolved into black and Logan was alone in his room.

Logan tried again.

"It is illogical to call him when we have a full and complete understanding of why he broke up with us in the first place! Put down the ph—"

"Forcing him into a relationship with us will only lead to heartache and further pain. You must stop this, Thomas, you must—"

"Stop it! I must insist! It is unreasonable to believe that trying again will end in anything but—"

~

Logan failed. Over and over and over again.

Head in his hands, Logan sat on the edge of his bed. Perhaps he was focusing on the wrong moment to change.

He stood and reset the books. Then, centering his thoughts on a different exchange, he pulled them down once again.

A crack opened on the opposite wall and Logan peeked through. Patton was wearing his old grey cardigan, the proper one, not the onesie. He was smiling at Thomas, but had twisted his cardigan sleeves so tightly around his fingers they'd begun to turn white.

"… Virgil's room is where I have to go in order to heighten my anxiety." Thomas grinned excitedly at Patton. "I gotta think that your room is literally sunshine and rainbows.

Logan didn't need the vision of hindsight to see the panic washing over Patton's face. "Wha..." Remembering himself, he laughed. "I—" Eyes begging for support, he looked at the rest of them. "It's- It's not quite like that, uh..."

Thomas didn't see it. "Still, you're at the core of a lot of my happy feelings."

"I'm at the core of a lot of your feelings." Patton emphasized.

But Thomas wasn't listening. "Maybe going there and enhancing those happy feelings is what I need."

Virgil bounced on his toes, hoodie up. Logan met his gaze with a reassuring smile. "Everything will be okay," he whispered, then moved into the center of the room. "Thomas, I must object. This is a terrible idea in your current state."

"He's right!" Roman cried from across the room.

"I am?" Logan parroted. "I mean," he said, shaking his head and turning to face him. "I know I'm right, but you agree with me?"

"Yes, I'm just as surprised as you are, Erlenmyer Task," he said with a dismissive wave as he moved to Thomas' side. "Why waste your time wallowing in the past when you can be thinking about your future?"

"My future?" Thomas asked as Patton's face lit up next to him.

"All you need do is seize it!" Roman said, grabbing at the air like he could pluck dreams from the ether. "Call him!"

Virgil stood, feet frozen to the carpet, shaking his head. "Guys, this is a really bad idea…"

"Oh, he's right, Thomas!" Patton continued as though Virgil hadn't spoken. "Your future!" Patton and Roman grinned at each other and the rest of their plan spread through the Mindscape. "Your future with him!"

"Wait, Thomas, no!" Logan began, but Thomas had already pulled out his phone.

"My future," Thomas said, tapping at the screen before putting it up to his ear. "It's ringing!" he cheered.

And the world went to black.

"Dammit!" Logan roared, kicking his desk chair. It rolled away and hit the foot of his bed, spinning ineffectually. Just like him. Forcing calm, Logan closed his eyes and reviewed the new past few years. It hadn't worked. If anything, he'd managed to make everything worse. He looked around his room.

Gone was the extra chair by his desk, the extra nightlights he'd installed missing. The shelves were filled with more books, but the little nook he'd set up for him and Virgil to read together sat cold and desolate. No pillows, no blankets.

His heart heavy, Logan felt the loss of his old closeness with Virgil like a wound. Aching and not quite closed over.

He had to try again. But perhaps, this time, he might seek out help.

~

Janus' door was no longer next to his. For that matter, neither was Remus' Logan stood staring at the blank spot on the wall between his and Virgil's rooms for an unreasonably long time. Finally, he walked to the end of the hall and turned into the shadows. Remus' door, dimmer than usual, was the first he saw, followed closely by Lucas'. At the very end of the darkened hallway lay Janus', lightly glowing, the only source of light in this section of the Mindscape.

Logan knocked and a surprised voice answered. "Can I help you, Logic?"

"Well…" His formal address unnerved him, but he carried on, straightening his tie before answering. "Yes, I thougth that would be obvious given the fact I've come to see you, J—" His mouth snapped shut. "Dj—" he tried again. Realization hit and he stood a little straighter. "Deceit."

Janus opened the door, eyebrow raised. "Now that was interesting," he purred. "Do come in, my dear Logic. It's a pleassure to have you."

Taking his invitation at face value, Logan nodded his head and moved inside. Janus' room was colder than it usually was. Though, Logan had never actually gone to see Janus in his room before he'd been accepted, so perhaps this was how it always had been. He shivered, looking over the cold-blooded Side and frowned. "Thank you," he said, taking a seat where Janus indicated. "Deceit, I've…" He pursed his lips, loathe to admit a failing, but the ache of missing memories—and the sight of Janus settling a heated blanket over his lap in his own room—drove him forward. "I've made a mistake and I believe I need your help to repair what I've done."

"Really…" Janus murmured, sitting back in his seat, gloved fingers steepled before him. "Do tell. How has the great and mighty Logic erred?"

He supposed he deserved that. Swallowing back a retort, Logan told Janus everything. He told him of Virgil's nightmares, watching his snake eye expand and contract with hidden emotion. He told him of his plan to prevent The Incident and how he'd only succeeded in exacerbating the situation.

He spoke until he'd run out of words and sat there, quietly watching Janus think.

"So your plan has been to counter Thomas'—and Patton's—emotional need to connect with this man with an appeal to Logic?" he finally said, one eyebrow cocked.

"Well, yes." Logan blinked back at him, uncertain where he hadn't been clear. "And it failed."

Laughing, Janus shook his head. "Of course it failed. You're fighting emotion with ration and thought." Waving his hand, Janus conjured a small tea tray and pushed it closer to Logan. "Youngest pours, you know."

Accepting his task with a frown, Logan poured Janus' cup and then his own. "So how do I—"

Smiling over his tea, Janus raised both eyebrows.

"We," Logan corrected, suppressing an eyeroll. "How shall we fight an emotional reaction we know is doomed to fail?"

"My dear Logic," he purred as he lifted his cup. "We fight fire with fire."

~

Back in his own room, Logan faced the glowing crack in his wall, Janus at his side. "Are you quite certain of this?"

"Of coursse I am," Janus murmured, tugging at each of his gloves in turn. "Are you certain you can maintain your role?"

He stared at the empty spot where Virgil's chair usually sat, a metaphysical manifestation of the emptiness in his chest. "I am certain," he said and stepped through.

Logan held his tongue and listened as Thomas excitedly explained his idea to Patton. "Maybe going there and enhancing those happy feelings is what I need."

"Honestly, that does make sense," Roman quickly interjected. Logan scanned the room. There was no sign of Janus anywhere. "…everything in the past that you've cherished. I mean, it is PEAK proud papa."

Logan's eyes widened as he stared at Roman—not, Roman, though, but Janus. His eyes flicked down to the bit of black peeking out from beneath Roman's princely white tunic and Roman-Janus winked at him.

Virgil's knee bounced and he gnawed at his thumbnail, watching them all like they were a horror movie. Patton was equally unconvinced.

Ordinarily, any time Patton and Virgil agreed, Logan might be inclined to heed their wishes. But he'd seen the world where they remained here, trying to work this out. He stepped into his role. "Patton, don't you want to help Thomas move on?"

Patton blinked at him in surprise. "Well, yeah. Of course. I would love that, but I..."

"Good," he said, cutting off his objection and fighting to ignore the buzz of anxiety Virgil was barely suppressing. "Then it's decided."

~

The fuzzy veil of Patton's room fell over him, dulling his thoughts and pulling him into a haze of nostalgia. Despite his current artistic pursuits, the vast array of memorabilia from Thomas' education was solid proof of his continued acknowledgement of the importance of genuine learning. Lost in an unsubtle sense of vindication, it barely noticed Janus' slip when he described how difficult it had been to keep Thomas in denial during his teen years.

And it took him an unconscionably long time for him to notice Thomas'—and Virgil's—growing distress.

"Virgil?" he asked quietly, hand reaching for him nearly of its own accord. "Are you okay?"

Remaining silent, Virgil merely shook his head.

Glancing back at Roman-Janus, Logan caught his tiny nod as he played tunelessly on Thomas' old recorder.

No. He couldn't leave now. Not with Virgil so upset.

He began to explain. "...Nostalgia can have an adverse effect on their overall mood. It can sometimes cause them to look at the past compared to the present period in their lives and cause them to ruminate even more on how their present situation "pales in comparison", however incorrect that outlook may be."

Logan nodded hopefully as Thomas' expression shifted. Surely he could see Virgil's distress. "Their Anxiety worsens." Perhaps he could convince everyone to leave. Perhaps this time basking in the halcyon glow of Patton's keepsakes had been sufficient to steer Thomas away from attempting to rekindle am old flame that had been rightfully extinguished. Perhaps—

Thomas peered closely at his Anxious Side. "Virgil, that's not happening, right?" Virgil's tempest tongue spilled out. "No."

Roman-Janus stared back at Logan, slapping Virgil's own hand over his mouth before the truth followed.

'You must be ready to play your part, Logic. No matter what.'

No. There was still a chance.

It took every scrap of control Logan had to not simply grab Virgil's hand and sink out together with him. He needed the others to leave, as well. "I'm going to take that as a yes. Come on. Let's go."

They simply needed direction. "It's time to end this experiment right—"

"Wait, wait, wait, we can't go now!" Roman-Janus cried, the impersonation near-peefect. "We haven't even started reminiscing about all the Broadway shows that he's seen!"

Logan stared as his command of the room slipped through his fingers.

"And all these old photos! Look at this!"

No no no no no.

Panic seized him as he tried yet another appeal to reason, but Roman-Janus interrupted with an uncalled-for ad hominem attack.

Logan exploded.

"All of this because Patton can't let go of one person?"

Everyone froze. Patton looked close to tears. "Logan, can you stop? Please?"

Roman-Janus raised an eyebrow.

Now.

Logan sank down in an exaggerated huff worthy of any of Thomas's theatrical accolades. He stood in his spot in the common room, arms wrapped tightly around his middle.

Perhaps his emotional outburst hadn't been entirely for show.

It was all up to Janus now.

Logan squeezed his eyes shut, the look of betrayal in Virgil's eyes as he's left nearly too much to bear. He could always return, feigning recalcitrance or regret.

"Or you could just hang out behind the couch," Remus' voice tore him from his reverie and Logan spun around.

He lay sprawled on the kitchen counter, pushing back his cuticles with the spikes on his Morningstar. His clothes had changed, rather, we're how he used to appear before he'd revealed himself to Thomas. Eyeshadow darker and lips lined in green, he appeared both more alluring and more dangerous. Thigh high leather boots and shorts covering fishnet replaced his leggings. His green sash  dingy, mossy and dipped in what appeared to be blood.

"Do..." Logan could hardly believe he was prepared to take advice from Remus. "Do you really think that could work?"

Remus' grin sent a shiver down Logan's back, all teeth and entirely too pleased to have an audience. "There's only one way to find out, isn't there?"

~

Thomas' stood with his phone to his ear as Logan rose up partway and crouched behind the sofa. Damn, he was too late! He gripped the back, preparing to push up just as Thomas' ex answered.

Virgil interrupted them all with his tempest voice. "Hang up!"

And Thomas did.

Logan sat behind the couch, listening as emotion fought emotion. Janus was right.

"Now, Roman," Patton's emphasis on his name led Logan to believe Patton finally realized who stood in Roman's spot. "Lying is wrong."

The Mindscape shuddered as Thomas took Patton's side. "Yeah, that's a side of myself that I would prefer not to feed into."

And Roman-Janus let everything out, arguing the case for pursuing Thomas' ex as though he really believed they should. Pushing, prodding, eggin him on.

But Virgil stood strong. "GET RID OF IT!" he shouted, Thomas' eyes glued to his ringing phone. "GET RID OF THE PHONE NOW!"

Turmoil settling, the Mindscape stilled and the remaining Sides shared stories of the early days of their relationship. Soft and calm and bittersweet, Logan nodded to himself, preparing to sink back down to leave the more emotional Sides to work out these… feelings.

Then Patton told a joke, his laugh sharp and forced.

That was unnecessary, Patton.

"You know you don't have to do that, Patton," Thomas said gently and Logan's eyes widened, listening intently.

"What?" he asked, hiding behind a laugh.

Patton you needn't hide your feelings with humor. We know you are more than simply Happiness.

"Try to... " Thomas' voice grew more certain. "You don't have to hide what you're feeling with jokes. It's okay to be sad sometimes."

"I'm never sad! I'm your happy Pappy Patton! Just a fun-loving father figure figment."

Logan said aloud, voice overlapping with Thomas' "Falsehood."

Patton paused. Had he heard him? "You… you said yourself. I'm at the core of a lot of your happy feelings."

Thomas' mouth moved but Logan's words poured out. "You're at the core of a lot of my feelings... Happy or otherwise."

After that, Logan listened, the buzz of Thomas hearing him so completely slow to fade. "When I was younger, my uncle used to take me fishing…"

The rest of Thomas' story faded and Logan found himself and Janus standing together in his room. "Did… did it work?" he asked Janus.

Janus smoothed down his cloak, the yellow bright and pristine. He flexed his gloved fingers and eyed Logan. He wondered what parts of his appearance had changed. "What is my name?" he asked.

Logan smiled. "Your name is Janus."

Nodding slowly, Janus turned to examine Logan's room. Bright fairy lights glowed from every corner and a lush, purple throw was neatly folded over one of the desk chairs. A matching indigo throw sat on the other chair. The reading nook was filled with pillows and blankets in every color. Fewer books but more journals. A larger telescope was aimed outside the window.

"Yes, Logan, I believe it did."

Their heads swiveled toward a brushing knock at the door. "Come—come in," Logan said, smiling when Virgil poked his head inside, sparkly purple shadow filled in below his eyes.

"Shadowling," Logan whispered and Virgil smiled back at him.

"There you both are!" He stepped inside and grabbed Logan's hand. "Come on, we're waiting for you!" he said.

A silly grin spreading over his face, Logan followed, stopping only when Virgil looked back over his shoulder at Janus. "You, too, Jay. Don't think you're getting out of snow day in the Imagination."

Janus blinked and Logan suspected his own memories of their reconciliation were filling in. "Well," Janus said, a crooked smile belying his sarcastic tone. "I suppose someone has to test the twins' new sauna."

"That's the spirit," Virgil shrugged. "I think."

Still, he smiled brighter than Logan could ever remember. Except… he could. A tiny, relieved smile when he spotted Logan first after their return from Patton's room. A grin when Roman woke up after Remus' introduction. Remus' introduction!?!

"You alright there, L?" Virgil asked, thumb rubbing little circles into the back of his hand as Janus led the way to the Imagination.

Cradling Virgil's hand between both of his own, Logan nodded. "Yes," he said. "Yes, I believe everything is alright."

[crazylittlejester]

You mentioned the modern heroes having different body types than canon due to different lifestyles, so how has it affected everyone? (This is a free invitation to yap about their different body types and like lifestyle writings if you'd like to /gen)

Also, since everyone is suffering with them, how do the boys deal with exams? Does the stress make Sky's epilepsy worse, and if so how do Twi and Wars help him deal with it?

Answering your second question first because it’s shorter alskkdkd (also my bad for spelling errors or weird grammar mistakes my brain is friend from finals)

Yes, exams make Sky more likely to have a seizure because one of his triggers is stress, but over the years he’s gotten somewhat better about not letting everything stack up and overwhelm him. Its not the easiest thing in the world to get Sky to stop and take a break, because if he thinks he’s being treated like glass he’ll get snappy towards people (he knows War and Twi don’t treat him ANY differently but years of teachers being like “why don’t we take a deep breath honey?” in a real condescending way have kinda just made him likely to lash out when people try to help him), but War is a good buddy for him during exams because they keep each other on track and well cared for. Apart from being friends throughout high school, they were roommates those first two years of college in the dorms before they got the apartment with Twi, so War is JUST as familiar with Sky’s epilepsy as Sky is with War’s anxiety attacks (which is the whole reason he has his cats, they were therapist recommended emotional support animals). They keep each other from getting too overwhelmed, and Sky is more likely to let War drag him away from studying to take a break and a lap around their block than he is Twi because Sky knows War most definitely needs the break too. These days they can get through exams with one anxiety attack from War and only a couple more seizures than normal from Sky

As for the others: Wind is the least bothered by exams (he’s in high school still), Four isn’t at their university technically, Wild gets so far past the point of stressed that it loops back around to being COMPLETELY calm and he sometimes needs reminders to even do his work at all, Legend wait till the last minute and then has 2-5 days where he just doesn’t leave his room because he has so many projects to wrap up, and Hyrule is in the same boat as Twi where he’s stressin’ but he’s making it out okay

NOW FOR BODY TYPE DIFFERENCES:

Time is the BIGGEST difference. In LU i hc him to be roughly 5’10 and 170lbs, a fairly big and muscular guy, but my modern au he’s 5’10 (just barely) and around 135lbs. He’s got a few chronic health issues that make it a bit harder for him to gain and keep weight, but he’s by no means weak and he’s within a healthy weight range. Malon is the one lifting and carrying shit around the ranch more often than not (with Twilight helping as well whenever he’s over), and Time can still help her carry heavier things but Malon IS stronger than him and more often than not its HER helping HIM, so he focuses more on feeding and caring for the animals

Twilight is 5’10 (closer to 5’11) and around 180lbs. He lives in the city now because he’s moved in with Sky and War to be closer to his college, but even though he’s not doing ranch work he still works out a good few times a week. He doesn’t have clearly defined muscle like i hc LU Twi would, he’s got a bit more body fat on him, but he’s very fit and he’s the friend people call to help them move shit

Warriors probably has the most similar body type to his LU counterpart (and that fact is literally the reason this whole au came about because that man has a dancer’s build and well. here we are aldkdkd), though he too is a little taller. Theres a running joke that he can’t admit he’s not taller than Twilight, which started from the fact that freshman year of high school, he WAS taller than Twilight. It’s painfully obvious now, because even with War at 5’8, Twilight is almost 3 inches taller than his ass, but Warriors has never said out loud Twilight is taller so theres a whole joke about him still being in denial. Like my hc for him in LU, modern au War has incredibly low body fat, he is mostly muscle and bone. His weight is usually around 120-125lbs and he spends nearly every waking moment basically working out. On week days he wakes up, has a protein shake, hits the skating rink for two hours, eats more for a real breakfast at 8 on his way to class, spends most of his day dancing and takes breaks for snacks and lunch, has dinner, goes to dance rehearsal, has another snack, and then goes to bed and does it all again. Even on weekends he spends like 8 hours dancing and skating, he’s CONSTANTLY moving and running around (he really needs to take a break, one of these days Sky is going to tape him to the couch)

speaking of, Sky is around 5’5 and 140lbs, his epilepsy meds mess with his weight which made him really upset when he first started taking his current medication, and he’s significantly less muscular than his LU counterpart. He runs sometimes (when Twi bullies him to), and he does love going on walks, but his version of working out is NOT hitting the gym. He goes for strolls with his gf in the park and they have a very lovely time

Hyrule is 5’4 (a bit taller than i hc him to be in LU) and around 115lbs with a small but solid frame, he spends his days running around looking for rocks and hiking. People who don’t know him or what he does in his free time are genuinely shocked when they discover he has a decent amount of muscle because he spends so much time climbing things (both trees and also the climbing wall in the gym)

Legend is 5’2 bless his heart and around the same size as Hyrule, which would be nice if they had the same clothing style because then they could share but they most certainly do Not. He has a lot of issues with chronic pain so he’s not someone who can always get up and work out or even just walk around easily, so he is usually asking Twi to come down a floor and help him move the new trinket shelf he’s bought

Wild is significantly less muscular than i hc him to be in LU, and also a bit taller (5’4). He can’t work out super easily because of his hip and he lost a lot of muscle when he had to quit skating, and he now weighs around the same as War (Which makes War’s ability to lift him when they mess around skating on Wild’s good days really impressive because War does not look like he’d be able to lift 120 so easily but he sure can)

Four is 4’11 and a liar, because you will never hear him say he’s anything other than 5’1. The others know he’s not but they let him have it because he’s the shortest so it’s not like he’s lying to be taller than someone else aldkdkkd 😭 he’s around 110 lbs and has a decent amount of muscle in his arms from being a blacksmith’s apprentice. he doesn’t really work out much, he’ll mess around and play games with Wind that require running but that’s about it

Wind is pretty similar to how I hc him in LU, (though he’s an inch taller at 5’3). He isn’t done growing and he’s a bit thin for his height currently (at around 100lbs) because he hit a growth spurt and hasn’t had the time to adjust to suddenly being taller. He’s INCREDIBLY active, he plays soccer, he begs War to take him skating and play ice hockey with him, he will go on runs with Ayrll, he LOVES going fast and just moving around CONSTANTLY. He won’t get too much taller (he’ll stop at 5’5) and he’ll grow into his height in the next few years

[pineappleciders]

heyy first of all its me the fucked up dream anon (now going by dream anon how original) second of all ive decided im going to learn about south park purely through your work so can i get some tweek (ive latched onto that boy) and whoever else you want (probably the main boys) with a reader (all platonic ofc) who's got that #anxiety? thanks even if you dont do it <33

🌌🌟/dream anon

main 4 + tweek with a reader who has anxiety; platonic headcanons

A/N: haii :3 i apologize if this like, distorts your vision of the characters or something. i am so glad you are being converted to the religion of tweek!!!!!!

TRIGGER WARNING: anxiety disorders, light mental health topics, paranoia, panic/anxiety attacks, death mention on kennys part

stan marsh

i think stan has a normal amount of anxiety. like he's so regular. he's your average joe

like he gets anxious over tests, and giving speeches, and over wendy. other than that he doesn't experience it to the extent of a disorder

so it might be a little difficult for him to imagine getting anxious over simple things like ordering food and stuff like that

he'll try his best to listen though, although he'll probably try to kinda reason with you, esp if you're feeling paranoid or something

"dude, i checked twice, it's locked. relax, man."

he'll try to distract you, by playing games and watching stuff, and just generally kinda trying to be funny to take your mind off of things

if you're having a panic/anxiety attack, he kinda panics too at first, before quickly pulling you away and asking what's wrong. he is sweating very hard

if you're unresponsive, he tries to stay calm but is honestly considering calling an ambulance. like he thinks you're having a stroke

"shit, a panic attack? uh, okay, errr.... take deep breaths, okay? in.. and out. in.. and out. okay, that's good.."

he looks up grounding techniques on his phone and relays them to you until you calm down and catch your breath. he like sends you images off of google of the 5 senses technique randomly and says he figured you'd need it someday

he tries to keep your anxiety in mind, and might slip up sometimes, but for the most part he tries to be careful with his words and actions as to not worry you. he shows his care in subtle ways!!

kyle broflovski

he tries to kinda. logic it out a bit. like if you're feeling insecure he tells you how unrealistic it is for someone to think about one random passerby's appearance forever

he does feel bad though. he doesn't completely understand, but whenever he's feeling insecure he tends to get really anxious about people at school

he usually gets anxious whenever he's doing something wrong or sneaking out. like he's actually sweating and shitting his pants thinking about what his mom will do to him if she finds out

he'll encourage you to order food for yourself, to get yourself out there more, and if you succeed he'll pat your shoulder and smile a lil

if you don't want to, he might dramatically sigh but he'll do it anyways. cuz he knows how hard it is

i do think he'd get a little anxious about asking workers for help and stuff, but he'll be the bigger person... he supposes... smh my head...

when you have an panic attack for the first time, he's like really confused and gets super concerned that you're having a heart attack, and pulls his phone out to dial your parents or 911

"i'm here for you dude! listen- hey, listen to me. it's okay. can- can you-"

he tries to talk to you to de-escalate it, but he gives up and has his hand on your back, while looking up what the fuck to do

'friend havign panjc atgack what to do'

if you're okay with it, he probably talks to your parents about it. he doesn't really trust himself to be able to always calm you down, so he encourages getting outside/professional help

he does try though, and he'll always be there for you in different ways!! like when you need help with something or just need company to distract you, he's at ur door with his xbox 360

eric cartman

you can tell that eric gets a little uncomfortable if you're freaking out or feeling anxious. whether it's because he actually feels bad or just doesn't know how to handle your emotions, you'll never know

but either way, he'll probably just like. sit next to you like "dude, what's up with you?" or in other cases he'll sneakily slip out of the room unseen

he does try to be kinda logical about it, but that's solely because he physically can't speak words of comfort.

"i mean, dude, be seriously. nobody cares about you that much to notice." you speak such kind words eric!!

he doesn't really like it when things get serious, so he'll generally try to transition the situation into something more casual. like he'll try to ease your (his) mood by getting snacks and playing games together, or even begging his mom to take you both to KFC

if you have a panic attack, all of his alarms are blaring and his brain is screaming flight!!!!! flight!!!! run the fuck away!!!!

and he probably tries to, but when you notice him and call his name he physically deflates

he awkwardly turns around and slowly strolls over. "Y/N... heeeeeeey... what's up... duuude..." you can hear the strain in his voice

if it gets to be too much, as in you won't stop hyperventilating or can't breathe, he'll probably alert an adult or take you to the nurse or something. he tells himself it's because he doesn't want to be a suspect of your death

if ur having trouble ordering food he'll gladly take ur place and make a scene to get all eyes on him. "erm excuthe me they athed for no pickleth🤓"

other than when you're voicing your anxiety, he probably treats you the same. i don't really think he'd take advantage of your anxiety unless you were like. butters or heidi or something and he was really trying to get you to do something for him or just trying to. stick himself in your mind. because he's a narcissist and he loves that!!

kenny mccormick

he doesn't relate necessarily, but he definitely understands.

he lives a lot of his life in fear of his next death, and is constantly praying it be quick and painless

kenny is more of a reserved fella, but not really shy or anxious. so if you're having trouble speaking up or ordering something he'll step up and do it gladly!!

i think he'd be pretty decent at comforting. like he'll pat his hand on your back and speak assuring, muffled words

"mm, mmph mmph mmmph! mmph mph mph mmmfmf mmf mph mph mmph!" (aww, it'll be okay. i'll walk you every step of the way, buddy!)

he tries to take your emotions into consideration more, and grabs your hand and squeezes it sometimes if you need a boost of confidence. sometimes he forgets your anxiety and says something rude and feels really bad about it

when you're having a panic attack, he's honestly really scared and expects you to start foaming at the mouth or something

he'll hesitate, but he'll pat your back and try to help you with grounding techniques. the 5-4-3-2-1 in particular is his favorite, and he'll tell you how to do it in like a rlly sweet and calming voice

he's still spooked though, and gets you a water bottle and like a washcloth. he's incredibly thankful you aren't dying or anything

kenny is very good at comforting! sometimes all it takes is a simple moment of eye contact and seeing his eyes crinkle that gives you a surge of calmness you didn't know you needed

tweek tweak

tweek is no outsider to anxiety and stress. he's literally a living beehive with all that damn vibrating

to anyone else, it would seem like tweek had a severe anxiety disorder, or even ADHD. but it turns out it's just a result of his crippling meth addiction and caffiene overdoses

he tries to think about what craigs taught him, about grounding techniques and how to handle a panic attack, and tries to apply those for you

he's shakily take your hand and wrap you in a blanket, making you hot cocoa and helping you slowly come back to your senses

"okay, okay, what are 5 things you can touch? or- no- AGH! was it 5 things you see- hear? no, ACK! i can't remember!"

most of the time if you're feeling on-edge about something, his main goal will be to just listen to you talk and validate your feelings. he doesn't really make it a point to give you advice or try to be logical, unless you directly ask for it

he's great at listening!!! he also doesn't trust his own advice enough to say it to someone else.

he really tries to think hard about what comforts him when he's anxious, and so he tries to use the tactics for you. for instance, he tries to help you get into a hobby like painting to have a bit more control over yourself

hc that tweek loves to draw with crayons so he'll make little drawings of you and him as stick figures being all happy and give them to you. as a treat

overall he is very attentive, and cares a lot. he tries his very best to be there for you, and a lot of the time that results in you two just hanging out or gaming together, so you can both get your mind off of things for a while. it makes him happy to be able to be there for someone else like craig was for him

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Hello again! =D

Here's Part 1

*looks at all the remaining screenshots and sighs* I really need to learn to take screenshots more selectively-

Warning: long post 😊😅

This is the sole reason Phum chose to ride the cycle, because we all know he brought his car.

I'm not complaining though. In fact-

Peem, give this man all the hugs in this world. He deserves them. <3

HANDS!!

Aunt Pui Live Reaction

She ships them hehe

She's the best wingaunt 😭🫶🏼

Oh, it's his turn with the braincell finally hehe

Oh, that little kernel of insecurity making him question this :(

And it's Phum's turn to immediately refute any doubt about his feelings.

Oh yeah, telling him all the reasons you like him is the only reason you'll "have" to stay over at his place, Phum. It's not like you wanna cuddle him or anything. Pfft of course not.

Peem's reaction is so cute (no pun intended-) oh gods 😭

This is what told me for sure that Phum knows about Peem's feelings.

The way he framed this, the absolute lack of hesitation in his voice, the way he smiled, the way he looked at Peem.

Just because he doesn't confront Peem about it doesn't mean he doesn't know his feelings are reciprocated.

No wonder Peem's reaction looks so genuine 😭 (Pond improvised this part)

What do you do when the guy you like keeps shrugging off your hand? Keep trying of course! And then lock your hands so he can't shrug them off.

Mission Side-Hug Your Crush: Accomplished 😌✅️

Me:

Wait- WAIT, you're gonna leave the cycle right there in the middle of the driveway?! WHY 🥲😭

👀

Yep, same pic.

The moment I saw this I was like where have I seen this before- OH yeah.

See, now Fang isn't hesitating to call him out on it. Now he knows for sure Phum likes Peem, and it's okay to talk to him about it. But he still doesn't prod much, and only takes what Phum tells him.

In conclusion: Fang is a good brother. 😌

Others: Byee! Have a great time!

Chain: I'll play the guitar for you.

Let's be honest, who's the enabler here? Pun might come up with the strangest most complicated plans, but who's the first to go along with it?

ASKFDGHYTRUASKJNCHDFJ

WHAT WAS THIS KISS?!!!! AND WHY WAS IT TAILOR-MADE TO MAKE ME GO CRAZY?!!!!!

WINNYSTANG. I liked you before but to be very frank, I was kinda indifferent, but now you have my full attention. Make me go even more crazy.

Ooh they have a third brother??

See, up till this point, I was willing to ignore their parents (not what they did, but them as people, because they do not deserve any attention) but this? Stopping Fang from going to check on his brother? NUH UH. That's a line you don't cross.

So now, I'm handing Peem and Tan their weapon(s) of choice and letting them have a go at it. The bodies? Oh, don't worry about that, we'll handle those. :)

What I really love about this scene is that Peem hugs first, then asks questions.

Ah I love hugs so much 🥹🫶🏼

No. They can't.

And similarly, our parents can't always be right. They might always want what's the best for us, but that doesn't mean that what they do is always the best for us.

Also- I'm completely normal about the fact that Phum and Fang went to Peem and Tan - their respective safe zones. Very normal. 🥺

AND THOSE 'I LOVE YOU'S BY TANFANG OH MY GODS I-

I could write a whole essay about just these few minutes (of that PhumPeem hug and this TanFang moment) but I don't have that much time or energy 😭

I'll just go sob in the corner because this entire ep was made to attack my heart with fluff but this scene just broke me.

Also- we finally get actual wind-ruffled hair in BL hehe

Isn't he already Golden Retriever enough? 😭

[Also, at this point my anxiety spiked because I had 7 more screenshots, but I'd already done 25, so tumblr would allow only 5 more 😶😭]

Yes.

Peem finally getting his confidence and sass back! Hehe

That peck had me blinking and then smiling so wide and rewatching those few seconds at least four times.

He says no, and yet his face is tilted and eyes closed and he's all ready to be kissed so sweetly.

You betray yourself, Peem *smh*

HANDS!!!!

The day I stop screaming about hands is my last day on Earth.

This broke my heart, but this hug and Peem's reply put it back together. <33

He-

He said it. While he was awake. 😶

Listen, that nose boop and him telling Phum he'd done a good job the first time changed my brain chemistry so much I collected all the stray strands of my nonexistant giffing skills and made a gif just to put it as my header (replacing that scene from Cherry Magic that I've probably watched a million times now, and had changed me viscerally).

AND THEN THEY GIVE ME THIS.

They're playing table tennis with my heart 🥲

Anyways. Love this scene. So much.

BONUS: I couldn't upload the screenshot of this, but that horse riding scene is so funny to me, because Phuwin is the one who can ride, and Pond's the one a little scared (a little like that roller coaster scene except reversed hehe).

Also "I feel like a prince, riding my horse led by my servant." uh huh. no reference here. just a random line in a random series where the main leads acted in a series previously where one of them was a khun chai and the other worked for him. no reference at all.

Finally!

That's it for ep 12, see y'all next week!

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊

Here, have some pancakes 🥞

All my previous We Are posts.

@inonetoomanyfandoms here's part 2 hehe

[seenoversundown]

Come Back For Me : Chapter Four

Danny Wagner x Melody (Fem OC)

Warnings: 18+ Smut (you know the drill- smut warnings will be last so you can skip if you'd like) Angst, Anxious Themes/Anxiety Attack, Dwelling on the past, Sam's opinion is LOUD, Bad Coping Techniques (giggle at Danny- don't take his advice on how to manage emotions, okay?) and a healthy dose of Mother Jake.

Smut Warnings: Oral (m receiving) Fingering, Unprotected penetrative sex (WRAP IT UP, FOLKS) The vibes are.. something.

Word Count: 3.8k

Summary: Danny spends the few days after discovering Mel's child trying to process how he's feeling and handling it.. sort of.

Author's Note: This is probably the most angsty thing I've written thus far and honestly, it was such a fun chapter to put together. 😈

Ghost Of You - 5 Seconds of Summer "If I can dream long enough, you'd tell me I'd be just fine, I'll be just fine."

The last two days have been hell. 

I’ve been home, and the only thing on my mind is Mel. 

She has a kid. Seeing her daughter perched up on her hip was never something I would have expected. It caught me off guard, to say the least. But, I don’t think I ever considered that being a thing that could happen, or the way it would make me feel seeing it. 

 She moved on. Like, actually moved on. She…got over me. We spent so many years together.. not including being friends.

I guess the idea of her moving on bothered me a little more than I anticipated. Or than I’d like to admit. It’s not my proudest moment, but seeing her holding her daughter felt like a kick to the stomach. There’s no denying that Iris is hers, she’s practically a copy and paste of her mom. She is a really cute kid. 

I don’t think I could tell you the last full meal that I ate. Not that I don’t want to eat, but I keep feeling nauseous every time I go to eat. I’ve been forcing myself to eat little amounts at a time just to be safe, but it isn’t fun. 

The other portion that hasn’t been fun– listening to Sam’s opinion on the situation. 

Unfortunately for Sam, he was my emotional support when Mel and I broke up. So this whole situation isn’t sitting with him in the best way, which I suppose I can’t blame him after listening to me bitch and moan for months about how I missed her.

He’s simultaneously convinced that I’ve never actually moved on because none of my dates have worked out, and while I think he may not be completely wrong, I don’t think that’s why they end poorly. I just haven’t found girls who pique my interest enough to keep them around. 

But having the situation happen moments before Sam witnessed it makes it worse. I am personally still trying to process what happened while having to listen to everything thought and opinion that he has– whether I want to hear it. That’s what friends do for each other, I guess. 

“You know what else pisses me off?” Sam’s voice rings through the speakers of my phone. “The fact that she clearly got knocked up right away.”

Attempting to play devil’s advocate for some reason, I let out quietly, “I mean, she said her daughter was three, so maybe it wasn’t right away.” 

“Still though,” He wasn’t having any of that; he never does. “You guys were together for so long. I figured she would be a little more torn up over you, but maybe she was already on her way out of the relationship before then.”

The latter part of his complaint sends a pain through my chest, knowing that pain is coming through in my voice, “Ouch?”

“Oh shit, sorry,” He quickly says before following it up with more complaining. “It just makes me cranky that she would waltz back into our lives like nothing happened.” I can picture him just pacing the apartment with Penny following him around. 

My arm is slung over my eyes at this point; the entire situation is just stressful, and I don’t want to write her off immediately. I tell him, “I don’t know if that was necessarily her plan either, though, Sam.” 

“Well.. still. I don’t know, I just..” His voice lowers finally; the pause of him contemplating what to say is daunting when he says, “Seeing her just reminded me of everything, and..” Letting out an exasperated groan, I can feel his frustration just in the tone of his voice. 

“Yeah.. it’s a lot.” 

It’s quiet for a minute when he pipes up, “You have to be annoyed. There’s no chance that you aren’t a little mad.” 

“I don’t really know how I feel if we’re being honest,” I tell him. “I want to say that I’m not a little bothered by it, but I don’t think I can really do that either.” 

He asks, “Is it Melody, or is it her daughter?”

“I’m not sure of that part.” 

“You’re not giving me much to work with, big dog,” he chuckles. “I know it’s been a while since we talked about that one incident, you know, when-Mel-royally-fucking-sucked-and-kind-of-ruined-your-life.”

I breathe out a sigh, “Yeah, I was kind of enjoying not talking about it anymore.”

“I just think it was fucked up that–” he starts again, but I finally snap. 

I sit up on my couch instantly, cutting him off with a blunt, “Sam– I get it.”

“Sorry, I just hate that she hurt you,” his voice is small in the moment. I rarely get direct with him like that, but I just can’t listen to it anymore. 

It’s how a lot of these conversations go; Sam gets riled up, and I get overwhelmed. It’s not that I don’t appreciate him for being there for me, but sometimes I feel like he forgets that I was in the situation that he’s going on about. Which truth be told, I’ve never really said what happened to him.. Mostly out of not wanting to talk about it. 

“No, it’s okay,” I breathe out. “It’s just like I’m reliving the past and I think I need to just focus on something else.” 

He takes the hint, telling me about some shoots he has planned for work and going on about a shoot that he helped Willa with. Arguably, I didn’t mind hearing about it today– anything to keep my mind busy, really. He did manage to convince me to go grab some food with him and told me that I could have Penny for the weekend, which at least gave me something positive to look forward to. 

Once I was home for the night, I found myself laying back on my couch for the tenth time today because I didn’t know what else to do with myself at this point. I closed my eyes, and all I could see was the moment I walked into the bar, and she was there. She’s still as beautiful as ever. 

But after the conversation I just had, the moment of Sam seeing her slowly starts to replace it. The way my stomach churned when I heard his voice, knowing that the metaphorical band-aid was about to get ripped off. The stare between the two of them could kill a man. 

When he finally opened his mouth, all he said was, “Oh.” My eyes fell shut at the sound of it, knowing there was really nothing to be done to save it. Even Josh was silent, which is saying something. 

“Nice to see you too, Sam,” is all she said before she left. Which I can’t deny– it was probably the best way to handle him. 

He’s developed quite a strong opinion against her, and I don’t foresee much being able to change that. I know ever since we broke up, I haven’t been able to get him to say much other than telling her to ‘fuck off’ basically.  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

***

“Hi, baby,” I let out, leaning down to kiss her lips. The look in her eyes as she stared up at me. “How are my girls doing?”

“We’re hanging in there,” she breathes out, the smile still on her lips regardless of being exhausted. Leaning down and pressing my lips against the tiny forehead of the sleeping baby girl in her arms. “She tired herself out, so we’re napping.. apparently.” 

“I’ll take her if you have things to do,” I tell her. 

She giggles softly, “I do need to pee, actually.” 

Scooping up the sweet girl from her, letting Mel escape off to the bathroom. 

“Hi baby girl,” whispering against her cheek, pressing a few small kisses into her. I sink into the couch carefully; she quietly readjusts herself to get more comfortable. Tucked her face into my chest. My heart swelled at the sight; nothing compares to the feeling. 

It feels like seconds, but Melody walks back into the room, glancing over to us, before signing, ‘You love snuggling, dad?’ 

Feeling the little nugget in my arms nodding with a small giggle coming from her. I squeeze her tighter before tapping my fingers against her back to know that I’m signing ‘i love you’ to her. Her hand popped out in front of us, saying, ‘I love you.’ Waving it frantically around, making the both of us laugh. 

Lifting her up and blowing raspberries against her belly, listening to the sweet sounds of her laughing. The feeling of her little hands grabbing at my hair, trying to get me to stop, but we’re too busy giggling. 

She lies across my lap, trying to recover from laughing as Mel walks back over, smiling at the two of us. Sitting next to me, I feel her lips press into my cheek, leaning her body into me. 

‘Having fun with Dad?’ met with a big smile. 

She looks over at me; the look in her eyes makes me melt. 

“Are you having fun too, daddy?” She asks, her voice faint, but the sound of ‘daddy’ echoes in my mind. 

***

Abruptly, my eyes open wide, sitting up from the couch. I’m drenched in sweat.  

What the fuck was that? My heart is racing as I sit here, breathing heavily as I try to process whatever just happened. I don’t even know why I would be dreaming about .. that. I tap my phone, 11:49 p.m. 

When did I fall asleep? My TV is just rotating through the different skylines, and it’s dead silent in the apartment. I lay back on the couch, throwing an arm over my eyes and letting out a deep breath. Jesus Christ. 

I could go to the bar, but I don’t think I want to be at work. They’ll somehow know something happened. Even just a dream. I swear Josh can sniff that shit out. 

I pull my phone out and do the only thing that I know will distract me from whatever my brain is trying to trick me into. 

Me: what are you doing 

Blonde from Hinge: idk why 😏

Me: come over? 

Surely, this will help. I lie there on my couch until she shows up, just trying to scroll mindlessly on Instagram to avoid thinking about the dream. It’s only about ten minutes until the notification pops up. 

Blonde from Hinge: i’m here 

Practically leaping up, I grab my door, pulling it open to her; she looks eager and ready. Perfect. 

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

That’s about all we managed before she slung her arms around my neck, planting her lips on mine. The kiss was heated. I hold the back of her neck tight; she has to tilt her head back a fair amount to reach me. 

Stumbling back into my apartment, never detaching from the kiss, I slowly guide her to the living room. I fall back into the couch, and she’s quick to straddle my lap. Her chest already heaving just from making out, so I slip my hands under her hoodie. Feeling her skin as my hands slowly crept up her body. No bra? Sick. 

“Take this off,” I tell her mid-kiss. Her hands flew down to pull it off. 

Though they were smaller, the way her tits bounced when she did it made my mouth water. I didn’t have to do anything yet, and her nipples were already screaming for my attention. Cupping both of her tits with my hands, my mouth quickly made contact with one, wrapping my lips around her as she whines. Rubbing the pad of my thumb over the other one as I kiss and lick at this one. 

Listening to her litter the air with moans just from that, I know I have her in the palm of my hand already. I can feel my cock twitch against her as her hips press into me. 

Slipping one of my hands into her leggings, no panties either? She knew what I wanted. My fingers ran across her cunt, slick as hell. 

“So wet for me already, aren’t you, Sugar?” I taunt her a bit. 

She writhes against my fingers, moaning out, “Want your dick so bad.” 

“On your knees,” I murmur in her ear, letting my fingers barely slip into her but pulling them back. Gently clapping my hand against her cunt and whispering, “Then I’ll fuck you.” 

She drops to her knees in front of me, pulling her blonde hair up into a ponytail as I’m sliding my sweats down my thighs. Taking no time, she’s got her lips wrapped around me. My head tilts back, closing my eyes and just enjoying the feeling until I find myself wishing that it was Melody instead. You’re getting head from a girl who wants to ride you until the sun comes up. Stop thinking about Mel. Feeling myself hit the back of her throat a few times before she comes up for air and lets out a little cough. 

I sit up, leaning forward and grabbing her waist to pick her up. Pulling her onto the couch, I slide her leggings down, just past her ass, before grabbing both of her ankles with one hand and pushing them up. I run my fingers down the center of her before plunging my middle finger into her. Pumping hard and fast, listening to the wet sounds coming from her already, not to mention the whines slipping out of her mouth. My ring finger joining, as she yelps at the stretch before I start pressing into the one spot. My thumb finds her clit, rubbing it as fast as I can. 

“Please, please, oh my god,” she whines loudly. I start pumping my fingers into her fast, grazing that spot over and over, trying to hit it every time and being rewarded with a loud ‘Yes, that’s it!’ 

My other hand came down to frantically rub her clit until she finally comes for me. If my neighbors didn’t know what was going on, they sure as fuck do now. Pulling my fingers from her but giving her a couple of pats against her cunt, still throbbing from her orgasm. 

“Spread ‘em,” I tell her as she pulls her leggings the rest of the way off, and her legs fall apart. My hand is still covered with her come, stroking myself a few times before I drag my cock down her before pushing in. The way she’s falling apart, you would think she didn’t just come. 

My hips relentlessly pound into her while my hands find their way up to her tits again, teasing her. Little groans start to fall from my mouth. Mel, my hips snapping out of rhythm at the thought. God, she was always so sexy. Mel, please–  my thoughts betray me. I shake my head staring down at this girl giving me the performance of a lifetime. 

It only takes a few minutes before I’m pulling out and stroking myself over her stomach; she leans up so everything lands on her tits; she’s really trying, and I have to commend her for that. Gesturing to her to hold on for a minute, I run off to the bathroom, quickly grabbing a towel and bringing it back to her. 

“Here,” I hold it out for her. “I’m gonna–” pointing back to the bathroom as she just nods and starts cleaning herself off. 

I shut the door behind me, flipped the light on, and stared at myself in the mirror. What is going on? The longer I stare at myself, the more conflicted I feel. The water flows from the sink, helping to muffle the voice in my head, but certainly not enough. Why are you avoiding the inevitable? Was this girl worth it? Do you feel better about yourself now? Shaking my head a few times, looking down to wash my hands. 

It’s only a few minutes that I’m in there, but when I come back out into the living room, she’s gone. Well, I guess I can’t blame her. Tapping my phone screen to see the 2:16 a.m. staring back at me, I grab it off the coffee table and wander off to my bed. 

Slipping into the cold sheets, I lay there scrolling through Instagram for a minute before locking my phone and setting it next to me. I lie there in the dark, feeling very alone; my chest feels heavy as I just replay the events of the last few days in my head like a movie. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Later the next day.. 

The moment I stepped over the threshold, something felt wrong. 

I take a few steps into the bar, pausing in the same spot I did days ago when I ran into Mel and her daughter. My hand grabs the back of a chair as I stand here, feeling frozen as I can hear her voice playing in my head. 

“This is Iris, my daughter.” 

My stomach turns as it plays in my head. Seeing her standing there, her daughter who looks like a baby version of her, staring at me. 

“I think she likes your hair.” 

 The curls. She practically could be my child with how she looks. 

“She’s being shy today.”

Nothing would have prepared me to see Melody as a mom, especially after us being no contact for so long. Did she move on that fast? She would have had to get pregnant .. 

“Oh god,” slips out quietly. My blood is pumping through my body aggressively; I feel a weird chill run down my neck, and my ears start to feel hot. She.. she had a child. The nausea only gets stronger as my thoughts get louder; my mouth starts watering. I can see the look on her face in my mind, the feeling as we just stared at each other. Melody. 

I don’t know if my eyes were shut or if my sight was a little fuzzy, but I felt someone grab my arm. 

“Hey— you okay?” Jake’s voice sounds muffled but concerned. 

I shake my head, whispering, “I’m gonna pass out.” 

“Shit,” he lets out. “Come on— I got ya.” 

He grips my arm, letting me lean into him a little, walking me– more of a stumble on my part, into his office and helping me sit down. My whole body just feels sticky from sweat. I lean my head back and close my eyes for a minute. 

“Here,” Jake’s voice sounded clear this time. My eyes open to him holding out a bottle of water. As I’m sipping on it, Josh walks in quickly. 

“Tilt your head up,” he mutters, placing a cold towel over the nape of my neck. “That should help.” He scurried out of the room about as quickly as he did in. 

It’s quiet for a minute as I just try to drink some more of the water. I can feel my heart still racing, but the desire to puke is going away. 

The sound of Jake clearing his throat breaks the silence. 

“Do you wanna talk about what just happened or..?” 

I just stare at him for a second, unsure of what to even say. I choke out, “I don’t know.” 

He folds his arms over his chest as he leans against the door frame. He quietly says, “You looked like you saw a ghost.” 

I feel like I did.

My jaw clenches before finally letting out, “I just–” 

The slow blink from him said enough. My eyes dart to the floor, just trying to sort out how I’m feeling. 

“I’ve felt off for days now,” I confess quietly. 

He doesn’t say anything right away but moves to shut the door carefully. Turning back to me and asking, “Is it Mel-related?” 

“No,” I spit out, sounding hesitant and then being more honest, “..okay maybe.” 

The sigh coming from him says everything, but he mumbles out, “I wouldn’t blame you if it fucked with you a little.” 

My eyes shot up to meet his. 

“Wait.. Really?” 

“I mean, the girl you spent years with and were in love with just shows up here with a child– I think anybody would feel a bit blindsided,” he tells me, and it’s oddly comforting. I guess I can’t be too shocked that out of the three brothers, Jake would be the one who gets this. 

I breathe out, “Yeah..it’s just..” 

He just waits for me to finish my thought. 

“She moved on so fast?” I let out. It’s still hard for my brain to wrap around the idea that she went and had a child that quickly. 

“But, maybe she didn’t?” His voice was getting a little lower. “It could have been an accident for all we know.” 

My heart pounds at the thought of someone getting her pregnant by mistake; my teeth clench, trying to harness some of the anger that just surged through my body. 

Jake distracting me from my own feelings for a second, “Do you think that maybe.. you still have feelings for her?” He pauses for a moment but adds, “And that’s why this is hitting you so hard?” 

My thoughts are racing as I sit here. Do I still..? No. I can’t. It’s been years. I’m fine. The weird, tense silence in the air as he waits for my response, that I don’t even know if I’m fully sure of. 

“I don’t know.. I mean.. Maybe?” I stumble over my words, and my head shakes a few times at the thought. “I don’t feel like I do.. I go on dates all the time.” 

“Not to be that person, but how does that usually work out for you?” he asks, which is a fair question despite the fact I don’t want to answer it. 

Letting out a sigh before I tell him, “Not great.” 

“And why’s that?”

The answer is instantly clear to me. I think I subconsciously always knew but denied myself because I wanted so badly for it not to be the truth. I guess because the only time I ever thought about it was in defense of why I wasn’t going to call a girl back or why I didn’t think the girl would work out. 

Jake’s hand grabs my shoulder gently as he looks at me, mumbling, “Your secret is safe with me.” 

I breathe in slowly as I move my eyes to the floor in front of me, and on the exhale, the truth finally seeps out. “They aren’t Melody.”

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Three

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[the-flaming-nightmare]

Regressuary 2024 Prompts

This is gonna be my second attempt at Regressuary, so I've decided to make prompts of my own this year! 🌞🦖✨

Everyone is more than welcome to use them (I would honestly be really flattered if you did lol), so by all means, use them if you wish! 💞

I've actually been working on some of these prompts in advance since September or October last year. I'm so SO excited!! I'm actually feeling really confident that I'll be able to complete it this year! 😁😁

I look forward to see everyone's lovely creations next month! 🥰

1. Character A comes down with the flu and ends up regressing. Character B stays over to look after them.

2. Character A is sick but refuses to admit it and rest, leading to an inevitable drop in headspace when they're poor over-exhausted body can't take the pretending anymore: in comes Character B to care for them in their time of need.

3. Character A gets food poisoning, prompting Character B to look after them when they regress.

4. Character B accidentally says a naughty word in earshot of Character A. Character C is not impressed when they return home to discover A's enthusiasm for this new word.

5. Character A throws a massive tantrum and gets put into time out by Character B.

6. Character A gives Character B a makeover–while they're sleeping.

7. After spending a week of vacation in headspace, Character B attempts to re-potty train Character A in preparation for the coming school/work days ahead. A is not having it, and shows B exactly how they feel about it by having an "accident" outside of their pull-up.

8. Apocalypse/Littles are Known AU: Character B saves Character A from a zombie attack and takes them in.

9. Littles are Known AU: Character A, who's been in and out of Little Foster homes for many years, is taken to the hospital by their current Foster Caregiver for a broken foot. Character B is A's doctor, and upon examining them, realizes their broken foot might not have been as accidental as their Foster Caregiver said it was.

10. Littles are Known AU: Character A is feeling some anxiety on their first day of Daycare, but Character B knows just what to do to ease their fears.

11. Character A and Character B are roommates. One day after spending the evening regressed while B was out with friends, A accidentally left their sippy cup out on the kitchen counter. The next day when B comes into the kitchen for their morning cup of coffee, they make the unexpected discovery. An awkward but enlightening conversation between A and B ensues.

12. Character B comes home to discover Character A lying in bed surrounded by what looks like an entire box worth of popsicle wrappers.

13. Character A gets their period while regressed and goes to Character B for help and comfort. Having taken care of a regressed A while on their period a handful of times before, B knows exactly what to do for them.

14. Character A contracts the mumps and gets taken care of by Character B.

15. Character B gets Character A the puppy they've always wanted for their birthday.

16. Littles are Known AU: After months of waiting, Character B and Character C finally adopt and bring home Character A.

17. Character C has to leave for an overnight stay out of town, leaving Character A and and Character B to themselves for the first time since A started regressing with them. B manages to keep A distracted most of the day, but it's when bedtime rolls around that C's absence really hits A hard. B ends up staying up half the night with a very distressed A.

18. Character A does something dangerous and almost gets themself gravely injured in the process, which ends in them getting a spanking from Character B.

19. Character B and Character C take Character A on a trip to the beach.

20. Character A and Character B have a sleepover at Character C's house.

21. Littles are Known AU: After Character B and Character C end up having a biological child, Character A has a hard time adjusting to the new addition to the household.

22. Littles are Known AU: Character A is left on the doorstep of Character's B and C on Christmas Day.

23. Character A and Character B get into a fight over what to watch, which ends up resulting in B hitting A. Character C has to come in and deal with the situation.

24. Character A gets their wisdom teeth removed and wakes up regressed. Character B takes them home and looks after them.

25. Character A makes Character B a homemade card/gift for their birthday.

26. Character A accidentally eats something they're not supposed to and Character B has to rush them to the hospital.

27. In attempt to pet a wild animal while out at the park, Character A ends up getting scratched/bit by it. Character B comes to their rescue and aid.

28. Character A and Character B bake a cake.

29. Character A has an allergic reaction and regresses. Fortunately, Character B is there to help.

[jewish-vents]

My right wing family likes to laugh in my face about how the left hates us. We live in a state where Neo Nazis have a compound in the woods where they shot and killed multiple Native American women and at least one black man. The right is not on our side. The left is not on our side. But all my family cares about is telling me how they were correct and I was wrong. I don't know if they think "I'm on the right!" will save them. I have no evidence to suggest that yelling that would save their lives. To a Nazi you're still Jewish and to a Hamasnik you just gave them a second reason to kill you.

I wish I had a mom who asked me if I was okay. I wish I had a dad who gave me advice. I wish my brother would stop texting me news stories of the latest celebrity that came out as anti-Jewish. I wish my sister would stop relentlessly bringing up how every musician behind every song I listen to hates me (she's a DJ, she has a lot of music knowledge). I wish I had someone to spend Shabbat with.

After having had anxiety attacks for four months of Shabbats straight, ten times so badly that I threw up, four times so badly I dissociated and don't recall 5+ hours of the evening clearly, I've stopped talking to them other than to copy and paste "I don't want to talk to you." I woke up Friday morning with physical pain in my chest. I was terrified of having to spend time with them. And then it hit me: I didn't have to, this time. I didn't have to be insulted and made fun of and have the entire dinner table laughing at me, to my face, even when I hyperventilated or cried or stopped interacting with the world and just sat there staring at nothing.

My mother texted me today telling me that not coming over had "hurt" her. I replied, "I don't want to talk to you. I want to talk to the person who raised me who actually cared how I was doing. You messed me up so badly that I'm considering going no contact entirely."

She asked me if I really wanted to be completely alone.

I said yes so quickly I didn't even have time to blink before I sent the text. I would rather have absolutely no one than my "family". The biggest obstacle in my continued efforts not to relapse into alcoholism and self-harm is them. The world's antisemitism was not unexpected. Them kicking me while I'm down again and again and again was beyond my capacity to imagine and I just can't take it anymore. I have no idea how I've stayed sober. It is a miracle that I haven't injured myself. But I can't keep going and continue to put up with this.

This last Shabbat I slept. I was so exhausted I just laid in bed and caught up on my sleep. I work for a suicide hotline, I deal with a lot at work. I don't sleep well. For the past four months, I wasn't sleeping well Thursday nights/Friday mornings, especially.

Even if the world somehow went back to normal, this last year has completely broken any bonds there were between me and my family. And even if everything somehow resolved itself, I wouldn't want them back. I don't want to be around people who used me as a punching bag during their times of stress.

I wish I had a family. I don't wish it badly enough to interact with the one I used to have.

.

[simonsrosebud]

wait i’m kinda obsessed with ur fox kid gc’s specifically abram and elliot… pls give me more crumbs

HELL YEAH I WILL

So the morning after they drunkenly make out for the first time (aka the same morning Elliot asks Abram out), Elliot showers and then right after he gets out he steals a pair of sweatpants from Abram’s dresser and instantly climbs back into his bed. There’s clean sheets put on, and Abram comes back in the room 5 minutes later after his shower in the hall since Elliot so graciously stole his bathroom.

Abram has shorts on and pauses in the doorway bc the 10 minute shower clearly wasn’t enough time to wrap his mind around this whole thing. He’s been fantasizing about him and Elliot for 7 months, hopelessly looking and wishing, and all it took was a few too many shots for it to happen.

What Abram doesn’t know is that while Elliot is laying in his bed, his mind is running a million miles a second. Did Abram only kiss him before he started it? Does he really remember? They were both pretty drunk, what if Abram feels awkward now? He probably just-

“Stop thinking” Abram is suddenly crawling back into bed, pulling the comforter over both of their bodies, and Elliot feels him grab his fingers from where they have a death grip on his pillow. He’s lying on his stomach but his face is turned towards the wall, and despite Abram tapping the back of his head he can’t bring himself to look at him.

Sharing a bed with Elliot isn’t really new, but it definitely is after hooking up the night before. Abram frowns at Elliot’s back because he knows how he gets. Talking him out of his worries won’t help, so he instead does what he’s kinda always wanted to do and pulls Elliot to him with a palm flat on his stomach, and curls his body around him from behind.

It’s different than the cuddles they’d shared before when Elliot was a step away from an anxiety attack bc those were almost brotherly and strictly an arm around the shoulder and a head on the chest whereas this is Abram pressing them flush together and big spooning him. This is him holding him intimately close with fingertips brushing back and forth along his stomach- up where it’s safe and down past his belly button where friends wouldn’t go. This is Abram kissing his skin and hoping that Elliot gets the message of i want you to be mine through it.

“Oh” he hears Elliot whisper, and Abram tries not to throw up from nerves as he kisses the nape of Elliot’s neck, and then the soft junction where his neck meets his shoulder. Abram kisses the side of Elliot’s neck until he has to lift his chin further to kiss his jaw. He knows it’s working bc Elliot has sunken into him, and Abram pushes down the blood rushing in his ears to lean up on his elbow over Elliot, tilt his head with a finger underneath his chin, and kiss him soundly on the lips.

“Why are you pulling away?” he asks and fuck, because Elliot’s such an easy read, isn’t he? “Did you only kiss me because I started it?” “I called you babe first, if you remember” “I’ve also said you’ve got a fat ass before, that doesn’t mean anything”

Abram sighs and keeps rolling Elliot over onto his back. He holds himself above him on all fours and drops down with a huff that knocks the breath out of Elliot for a second. His arms immediately, however, slide up Abram’s sides. “I meant what I said in the bathroom. I’ve been wanting this for way too long” Elliot preens at that, nuzzling his cheek against Abram’s, and Abram pulls himself back, hands pressed flat on the mattress to hold himself and softly kiss down Elliot’s throat, his chest, to lightly flick his tongue over his nipple and-

“Oh sweet jesus” Elliot inhales sharply and ignores the twitch in his dick because this can not happen right now when they’re supposed to get lunch with Annie in an hour. “Wait wait wait” Elliot sounds out of breath as he sits up, and he’s a few inches shorter like this, with Abram on his knees. Abram falls onto his butt, legs crossed, waiting. “Can I just… Can you just kiss me?” Elliot tries to hide the red in his face by looking to the side but he’s an idiot if he thinks Abram doesn’t know better by now.

“Come here” Elliot looks surprised and takes a moment to figure out Abram wants him on his lap, so he does exactly that. It’s the same position as last night just stone cold sober and a little less nerve wracking. Abram slides a hand up his neck and kisses him, and uses his free hand to keep him close with fingers peeking just below his shirt onto warm skin. They kiss like that for a while, lazily and sweet and trying little nibbles or soft touches where they hadn’t been allowed before, and when they have to stop Elliot just smiles against his mouth and drops his head on Abrams’s shoulder instead, simply hugging his boy.

the night before

[thought--bubble]

Kitty-Cat Part 5

Ettore X (Neuro-Divergent Reader)

Warnings Below

Word Count: 1,332

Kitty Cat Master List

Ettore Master List

Full Master List

Banners by @arcielee

Warnings: mild violence, drug use (I guess?), Dubious Consent, smut. Cockwarming(Kinda?)

You wake up the next morning or you think it's morning. It's supposed to be anyway.

You're still a bit sore, but you make your way down to the cafeteria closely following Boyse. You can feel tension in the air. Somethings up.

Something bad is happening

You get your tray of food and sit down next to Boyse. As always, she is rubbing your cheek as she eats and talks with some of the other inmates. Ettore continues to sit alone at the far table, but today, there is something different about him. A twinkle in his eye and a small smirk that seems to stay in place on his face.

What are you thinking about?

You all finish your morning meal and head off to your assignments. You are assigned to work with tchemy in the garden. You like working in the garden. It reminds you a bit of earth. It's the only thing on the ship that doesn't look mechanical.

You make your way to the garden. Tchemy hasn't arrived yet, and since he typically tells you what to do, you patiently wait for him to arrive. Time keeps passing, and still no Tchemy. Something is wrong, you know it.

You enter back into the ship to see if you can find him, although the second you enter, you hear screaming voices.

Your anxiety goes into hyper drive when the loudest voice you hear belongs to none other than Boyse.

This is bad. Very, very bad

When you find the source of the noise you are horrified. Ettore is on the floor smiling up at Boyse with a bloody nose, the blood trailing down into his mouth. Monte and Tchemy are trying to hold Boyse back.

"You didn't hear what he said! I'm gonna kill him!" Boyse screams angrily while she thrashes about trying to free herself.

You stand there looking down at the scene. You start to ferociously rub your face into your shoulder when dibs finally arrives.

"Bring her to my office!" She orders Monte and Tchemy.

"Let me go!" Boyse continues to thrash about desperate to free herself as Monte and Tchemy start to drag her towards dibs' office.

Ettore looks away from Boyse, still laughing, and sets his eyes on you. He still has that twinkle in his eye.

What are you up to?

"Ettore, my office. Let's look at that nose, " dibs says while looking down at him.

He nods and gets up, still smiling, looking rather pleased with himself.

After that the rest of the day went by in a kind of haze. Your anxiety was through the roof and you have had to self sooth all day.

Boyse was medicated and strapped to her bunk for "the safety of others" for attacking Ettore.

Ettore's nose was treated, and he was released to continue his duties. This was another example of how dibs favors the male inmates over their female counterparts.

When it is time for sleep, you are extremely agitated. Self soothing is not your specialty. Without Boyse, you really didn't have a choice. At dinner, Tchemy tried to help you, but it freaked him out, and he stopped.

You and the other girls enter your room. Boyse is already in there strapped to her bunk above yours and knocked out cold.

You crawl into your bunk and stare up at the bottom of Boyse's. You close your eyes, attempting to sleep.

You can hear every little thing as if it is being blasted into your ears at full volume, the light hum of the ship, the breathing of the sleeping girls around you, the scratching noise of the sheets against your skin anytime you make a slight movement.

Sleep brain sleep.

Eyes still closed hands by your sides, you feel it. There's a shift in the energy. Where it was loud just moments ago suddenly everything seems so very quiet. Too quiet.

You roll your head to the left and open your eyes. There he is. Ettore once again in his sleep shorts leaning up against the door frame. Eyes locked on you. You bring your hand back up toward your face and start to stroke your cheek only this time he doesn't stay in the door way.

He swiftly and quietly makes his way over to your bunk. He takes a peak up at Boyse knocked out and a small smile lights up his face for just a moment.

When he looks back at you, that smile is gone and replaced with a look of hunger. He pulls back the sheet that covers you and looks your body up and down twice, then crouches down beside your bed.

He gently caresses your cheek with the tips of his fingers.

"You're gonna be a good kitty for me, yeah?"

Yes

You close your eyes and nuzzle into his hand, not making a sound other than the little purring noises you usually do.

He pulls your sleep shorts and underwear down your legs and off your ankles in one fluid motion.

You falter for a moment, feeling the cold chill opening your eyes and looking down at yourself.

"Shhhh kitty," he spreads your legs apart, placing himself between them. You stare directly into his eyes with a questioning gaze.

He pushes your head back against the pillow and lays down on top of you stroking your cheek.

"Just take what I give you and keep quiet"

With that, he hikes your legs up so your knees are pointing up and your feet are flat against the mattress. He pulls his sleep shorts down to his mid thighs and quickly and roughly enters you.

You let out a squeak, and he quickly places his hand over your mouth. He puts his nose to your cheek and starts to nuzzle.

"Shhh kitty shhh"

You begin to calm and nuzzle back, so he begins to move in and out of you slowly. He removes his hand from your mouth and then pulls his face back.

He pulls himself off your chest, situating himself on his knees, grabbing your hips and pulling you toward him. Then he begins to pound into you, the only noise being the light squeaking of the bed and his slightly labored breathing.

Just take it

His hands grip your hips tightly, and his eyes are glued to where your bodies connect.

You close your eyes and start to lose yourself in the sensations you're feeling. What started off as an uncomfortable stinging and feeling of fullness has begun to morph into something else. Something that feels good.

Ettore removes his left hand from your hip and shoves it up your shirt, grabbing at your breast roughly. The pain and roughness seem to increase the pleasure that is starting to coil in your stomach.

You open your eyes and look at him, his eyes are closed, and his jaw is slack as his pace begins to falter. He takes his hand out of your shirt and pushes your legs up from under your thighs, and pushes them up against your stomach fucking you harder and deeper than before. He grips your thighs so tightly that it hurts but feels good at the same time when his eyes finally open, he's not looking at you he is looking up at nothing. His breathing is harsh, and just watching him experience his pleasure has a pressure building in your lower stomach you are unfamiliar with.

He squeezes your thighs really tight and stiffens inside you before you feel a warm sensation within you .

"Ahhh," he says quietly as he drops your legs back down and lowers himself on your chest again, trying to regulate his breathing. He doesn't pull out, just resting on top of and inside you. His head is next to yours, and he is breathing into the crook of your neck. You nuzzle your face into his, and he lets out a chuckle.

"You really are the perfect little pet"

Part 6

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