#I cannot in good faith keep trying to be this un-intimidating flower when people are only gonna see thorns regardless | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nugatorysheep · 3 months ago

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Sometimes I think about how, back when the roster was much bigger, me and my old friend group all picked out WTL characters that we thought the others were the most like, and almost universally people thought Druid was the most like me. That probably should've been my first clue that none of them knew a single thing about me, but hindsight is 20/20

I also often think about how, after several days of going through things that had happened to me over the last four or so years, I was told 'You seem like a person who wants to be understood', and it hit me that until then, I had never met someone who ever really got me. Now that I have, I could never settle for less.

#for the record Sven is like two steps away from being my kinsona #like it's almost embarrassing lmao #i think between him and Leo (with his edits over the years) you can find 70-ish percent of what makes up me as a person #idk man I just. People think Im so aggressive and obtuse #and like. yeah when im backed into a corner im not the nicest #but i dont think anyone would be if they're in fight or flight mode and it feels dishonest to judge someone at their most vulnerable #but when im just like.... There and Alive and being my usual nerdy self #which is 99 percent of the time #i am just a Guy in a Room #and people assume the worst of me for it #like damn what about me is so evil and intimidating. please i want to be seen as soft and kind and genuine for once in my life #i wanna be able to express myself without it being seen as an attack or rude or aggressive #it wasnt until recently where i really started noticing this and by extension getting peeved about it #but i've been so mild-mannered and people-pleasing all my life because i was unknowingly compensating for how people view me #and even with all that bending over backwards it never worked anyway because I was still the weirdo at best and the aggressor at worst #And Im *tired* of that. I'm so tired of it.#I cannot in good faith keep trying to be this un-intimidating flower when people are only gonna see thorns regardless #nugget rambles #text.txt #vent tag #I'll go back to regularly scheduled shitposting soon #Also like clarity on Druid: I project some fears and traumas of mine onto him and he means a lot to me #but in terms of personality he is far nicer and resilient than I would ever be under such circumstances #Druid isn't me but he's someone I wish I had in my life when I needed it. He's someone I wish I could be

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