#i dont like drinking water every day
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shang qinghua and shen qingqiu would be so funny as college roommates. because here's the thing, they would definitely both blame each other for basically everything and be like "he's the worst roommate ever!" to their respective boyfriends and then it turns out they're both actually just awful roommates. Like shen qingqiu probably sucks at domestic chores like loading the dishwasher and always does it wrong no matter how many times he's corrected, but shang qinghua is probably up all night typing abd playing music obnoxiously loud (he has one of those really clicky keyboards and also gets way too enthusiastic about typing) and leaves empty energy cans/Ramen cups everywhere. Will either of them move out, or learn communication skills? No, of course not they prefer to complain
#shang qinghua#shen qingqiu#svsss college roommate au#i think theyd probably be passive aggressive about everything#like they do like each other but theyre still very antagonistic at times#svsss#love hate roommate situation#shen qinqiu also manages to break half the appliances he tries to use somehow despite using them normally#theyve bought four different toasters#shang qinghua probably takes up a ridiculous amount of pantry space for just his ramen#also they probably have like MAYBE one set of actual dinnerware/silverware#and like they have cups but all mismatched#binghe sees their apartment for the first time and almost faints#shen qingqiu doesnt see the problem#like i dont think it would be dirty! but very disorganized#shen qingqiu has a water bottle collection by his bed in my head#or religiously drinks out of the same tumbler every single day#shang qinghua i think would have a drink fridge but its entirely mountain dew or dr. pepper
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I'm sick so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I've been thinking about the nature of myths recently as I've been exploring hellenic polytheism.
For context: I'm ex-Mormon. I was raised in the church and, because of that, was taught biblical literalism but in, like, a more subtle way than most? I was raised believing that Adam & Eve and Noah's Ark, etc., were literally true, but that the story of Job specifically was not; I also always knew evolution and the Big Bang to be correct, despite there being a verse in the Doctrine & Covenants (a Mormon-specific religious book) where God apparently told Joseph Smith that the world is 6,000 years old- a passage I didn't know existed until my senior year of high school. I didn't realize I had believed in biblical literalism until I'd left the church, actually.
Now that I'm aware of it, it's a mindset I'm actively trying to combat while I explore Hellenic polytheism. It's definitely been a task to separate the nature of the Gods from their myths, as brutal as they often are. And it's something I've noticed within the community, too, which I think is interesting. It makes sense: Christianity, at least, has had a chokehold on much of the world for a long time, and so many of us have experienced literalism as our first interaction with any sort of holy text (though, of course, Greek myths as a whole aren't that) alongside our first experience with divinity as a wrathful God whose flaws are waved away, or ignored, or twisted into positive attributes. This also means that I'm trying to re-approach several deities with an open mind (Zeus, Hera, and Ares in particular, but many of them to some extent) while also trying to un-condition myself. I was already in the process of doing this, of course, but trying to figure out how to interact with a completely different pantheon has made that especially clear.
It extends to things like prayer and offerings, too. Prayers were very formulaic growing up, even though most of the time there wasn't a strict script to follow. There was always something you ask as part of the prayer, even if it's just 'please help me do better tomorrow' (alongside giving thanks, of course), so trying to craft a prayer without adding *everything* I'm used to including in makes it feel incomplete and, therefore, disrespectful. And daily prayer is something I'm resistant to because of prior experiences with it. I don't want to offend any of the gods by asking for something or asking for too much, especially so early on, and there's always a promised offering the few times I *have* asked. Add worries about exact obedience on top of that and it's proving to be a difficult thing to untangle. And I know that the gods are difficult to offend, figuring out how to do this takes trial & error and that's okay, it'll get better the more I do it, etc., etc.; this is more an issue with my own overthinking than anything else (hooray for ✨ mental health issues ✨). I'm not really asking for advice here, necessarily, just thinking out loud because I'm not comfortable talking to people in meat space about it yet.
#also: the whole thing about cleanliness? as someone w/ mental health issues? Rough. very rough. what counts? how individualized is it?#if i cant get my room (where my shrines are/will be) clean does that mean i cant give any offerings?#is just washing my hands and/or veiling actually okay most of the time? even when ive been struggling to shower?#when does something require a change of clothes? or do i have to do that every time i offer something at any point in the day?#including meal/drink (ex steam from tea) offerings? i dont have that many clothes besties#if im pouring out an offering to hermes on my way home from work do i have to somehow wash my hands first b/c i just got off public transit#can i pour it directly from my water bottle or do i have to keep a little separate bottle of water just for libations?#and like. i know logically the answer is 'do whatever you can and you'll figure it out' but it hasnt sunk in yet#it's always...interesting when a new layer of religious trauma tm gets discovered#also. maybe it's just the 'tism but 'just jump in!' and 'go slow at the beginning' seem contradictory to me#like. you cant do both??? i dont think??? 'just jump in' is the answer ive been getting when i do tarot so im trying to do that#also. doubts? not offending a deity??? wild concept. just. the hardest thing to wrap my head around. mormon god's ego is FRAGILE fr#hellenic pagan#helpol#hellenic polytheism#not adding exmo tags b/c i dont have a good enough handle on the community here & im too sick to deal with people being weird about this#my post#coriander says#seeing people get into the theological weeds is cool from the outside (see: that 'can spiderman do superhero stuff on the sabbath' post)#but very stressful when there's not centuries on centuries of detailed information to draw from & everyone's just trying to figure shit out#in a world that's *very* different from the one the information we *do* have was written down in#christianity cw#mormonism cw
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shut up about your diet shut up about your diet if i hear the words 'intermittent fasting' again ill kill someone
#do people really dont fucking talk about anything else these days?#been visiting my aunt and uncle in norway for two weeks. been here for ten days and every. fucking. day. there has been talk about#intermittent fucking fasting cause my uncle is doing it now and talks about it fucking constantly.#he saw i was very uncomfortable. asked why. i said why. he said ok i wont talk to you about it.#next day. guess what was the number 1 topic of conversation lmao#now i hear him talking to his mom on the phone and he literally just told her she should try it too and then the worst fucking sentence ever#'well if you feel hungry you should drink a glass of water' i felt as if someone slapped me lmao literally could murder someone rn#like. obviously. i have no right to demand anything from anyone. but fyi if you speak to me about your fucking weight loss diet#i will flay myself in front of you <3 no hard feelings. peace and love.
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Projecting my headaches to Nova cuz I can't suffer alone
#guys its not going well#i feel like im about to pass out every time i stand up#i dont think i can even draw rn#i have headaches all day long and Tylenol is not doing SHIT#also i drink water dw#its been like one day since ive been a month clean and i already feel like fucking relapsing im done#also my sis keeps bullying me but thats everyday stuff#istg im not okay#at least i take antidepressants which liek helps a bit cuz istg im about to hang from the ceilin#anyways#send asks receiving asks makes me happy :D#m00n talks#vent stuff#tw vent
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the amount of time the weather has been like "yeah with humidity it feels like 104 degrees" and i have had to stop myself from drinking hot black coffee <- unwell about the band slaughter beach, dog's 2017 ep motorcycle.jpg
#.txt#me every day like omg its 104 degrees she drank her coffee hot and black???? :0#and then im like wait i have to walk home i dont want heat stroke. she drinks her water iced and fresh
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#had my meeting w my addiction support worker#went pretty well: cried a lot#got into some of the root causes of why i drink in excess and mostly its just bc i hate living in my brain#and my life to some extent at the moment (my partner is wonderful and my friends are wonderful but other than that my life kinda sucks#its like my parents taught me that my feelings and problems are wrong or dont matter or arent real or#and its seeped into every aspect of my life i just have no regard for my own wellbeing#i literally sat there in front of the worker sobbing when i said that out bc i’ve never realised that before#but anyway. the appointment was fine my worker is lovely#and im doing a week challenge where i try not to drink at home At All#and he also told me to drink a glass of water when i wake up every morning and brush my teeth every day#oh and he said i should do one (1) nice thing for myself this week#personal
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it's so cold but I don't wanna get properly dressed bc im scared of running out of my good clothes... water please come back I miss u......
god if ur hearing this CLEAN WATER. FROM THE PIPES. IN MANAGEABLE QUANTITIES. 🫷😳🫸
#my neighborhood didnt flood and we still have electricity so were ok#its just the water thats still cut off#we were able to buy drinking water and the whole building collected the rain from these past few days#but its still such a pain in the ass#oh you wanna take a shit? yeah sure just remember to go up to the 21st fucking floor and bring down a bucket of water so you can flush#you wanna take a shower? go put the kettle on and sit in this tub (as in the plastic recipient you use for laundry and not a bathtub)#like we were legitimately so fucking lucky and privileged to like. still have a home and our lives and all dont get me wrong#but i think i still have the fucking right to be pissed#exploding every billionaire climate change denier and complicit politician's houses a thousand times with my mind#the worst thing is that since my anxiety is through the roof ive been picking my skin a lot more.#you know. in the worst time possible to have dermatilomania#WHEN WE DONT HAVE FUCKING CLEAN WATER TO WASH OUR BODIES OR CLOTHES WITH AND THE HOSPITALS THAT HAVENT BEEN FLOODED ARE FULL#WITH PPL WITH DENGUE AND RESPIRATORY INFECTIONS AND IDK FUCKING LEPTOSPIROSIS AND CHOLERA PROBABLY#hell world#opost#why did i even write this in english#this is abt the rio grande do sul floods#brazil mentioned#latam#rio grande do sul#i just hope this pisses other ppl off enough to motivate them to take radical action i guess#........... 😮💨#vent#ok to rb
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i have a headache. thumbs up emoji
#do not begin to suggest i am dehydrated#i am dehydrated every day and only get a headache like every few months if that#and i did have water today which i dont always have lol#before i was making an effort to drink water a lot of times id just have a big iced coffee in the morning#maybe a coke at dinner. and that was it#for like days in a row#and then i got a uti because i was so dehydrated lol#but even then i wasnt getting headaches!!!#it might be because i didnt have caffeine today????#i pretty much always have an iced coffee but i was out today#anyway jesus fuck this is unpleasant#im such a wuss with headaches because i never get them#a beast that can talk
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5 drinks to get to know me: (tagged by @goblinsbriide <3333333 luv u)
any kind of black coffee [iced/hot]: (whether that be an americano, french press, cold brew, brewed/drip coffee, straight up espresso, etcetcetc)
plain teas: ([fresh/looseleaf or teabag] ginger, green/gunpowder/genmaicha/boricha, rooibos, chamomile, lavender, oolong, herbal, etcetcetc)
water mmm mmm mmm
sweetened chai w/ milk [or alternative milks] : (ex. iced chai, masala chai [other ppls or my own that i grind from scratch every time hehehe], my kashmiri naanis kashmiri chai <333 [esp. if im drinking it while in kashmir !!])
[refer to the tags for the "5th" answer] sry not sry i am an indecisive bitch
#mehrtalks#im probably missing a bunchhhh of things but here u go#also i stopped drinking juice and soda/carbonated beverages over a year ago so if u had asked me this then ->#i wouldve prob included mango/pineapple/orange/apple juice <333 and 7up <333 and virgin pina coladas <333#and coconut water and probably smthg like those mint drinks etcetcetcetcetcetc#also white mochas/hot chocolates and caramel apple spice !! and psl type drinks (from starbucks) were my luvs but i dont drink them anymore#oh and i would gaslight myself into liking iced caramel macchiatos (or just sweetened milky coffee in general) and tea lattes omg (but ->#london fogs still kinda hit ok)#also im not rly a matcha person so do with that what u will#oh and mango dragonfruits w/ water i was obsessed w for a hot minute omfggggg i would get trentas every day when it first released whoops#and pink drinks kinda BUT SPECIFICALLY FROM THE USA#OMG AND THOSE GUAVA DRINKS STARBUCKS USED TO HAVE WERE MY SHITTTTTT BUT I USED TO ADD MANGO PIECES AND SOMETIMES MANGO DRAGON BASE I THINKK#i always rant oops anyways bye
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so wellbutrin has done a lot to counter my stress eating but i don't think anything is powerful enough to combat my PMS cravings
still a fucking bottomless pit like 5 days before my period lmao
#well i exaggerate a little#it actually is slightly less worse than before#but the salt cravings in particular#still ridiculous#and i love the useless advice for it#'make sure you're hydrated :)'#stfu i drink soooo much water#we have a 27-cup brita filter tank#and that shit has to get refilled every other day#im good#'eat a carrot it's crunchy like potato chips :)'#BUT IT'S NOT SALTY LIKE POTATO CHIPS#i dont want cromch I WANT SALT#anyway#this post brought to you by me scarfing down a turkey panini loaded with honey mustard#t: wench.txt
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got some laundry done today wooo
#i still have bad days but im so glad lately ive learned how to deal w them more especially now that i understand what pots is#drinking hella water taking potassium and magnesium every morning some other vitamins sometimes eating foods w more collagen#trying to sleep eating salt#like#im so endlessly thankful i dont feel as bad as i did last summer🙏🙏🙏 i thought i was never gonna escape that
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living on ur own is weird.
#delete later probably#ive been at my new place for a week now and its really#its a lot#i think im trying to still make it make sense in my head because i dont know what to do and i just keep doing things i know my mom does#like in the morning ill boil a kettle of water even though i only use a little bit of it to make coffee#but i know my mom does that every morning#or i made a pot of tea the other day before bed because my mom always drinks tea before bed#and like i never drink tea but ive been drinking it more because i know thats what my parents do at home#im starting to understand the sort of boring but romanticized idea of cleaning a countertop or doing the dishes or chores that i would#normally do but hate? but now im starting to see why people tolerate it#im finding home in tasks that share a commonality#if i boil a kettle of water then maybe it wont feel so much like a different place#ill wake up and not be surprised im in a different place but ill be surprised that im awake and its morning and i didnt wake up or nothing#woke me up or that theres no noise in the background#its not disorienting its just. different?#it's still different and i dont know when its going to stop feeling different
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I find it funny when people think eye bags are just from lack of sleep and will always dissappear when you sleep more.
Like baby girl, I can be tired in ways you've never even conceived of before
#anyway i sleep like 12 hours a day and they only get worse lol#its a combination of factors (like my thin transparent skin because EDS has to effect literally everything i guess)#but also things like quality of sleep. i sleep a lot but i also wake up frequently and have multiple nightmares every night#and i have to take sleeping pills and melatonin or i wont sleep#then theres also the fact that i need glasses very badly but dont have them so im always straining my eyes to see shit#and the fact that im chronically dehydrated even if i drink 100 cups of water because fuck me again i guess#its just a good thing i like the eye bags#they make me look emo#and also hunter lol#these are the shadows of my traumas they arent disappearing anytime soon
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#its 17 degrees and windy with possible showers through the day#i have been out every day this week working hard on magic and agoraphobia and appointments and im so tired#i dont have money and am relying on my skills to acquire my grocerie which im confident in but less so when im tired#the only point of going to the shops today would be to get a drink to accompany the snackies i got#so i will literally return home just to immediately have a cone and use the beverage i just bought#its a total roughly 45 min walk in which for 20ish minutes i will be carrying heavy carton of beverages also#but i just dont want plain water with my snackies today? but i also wanna stay home and dye my hair and relax for the day#due to the aforementioned hard work of magic and also it being the last day of my cycle i am fucking wiped tf out#personal#idkk man shops dont even open for like another 2 hours bc of the weekend but i also know#if i go out ill have a cone first to help encourage me to take the stupid walk but im running low so when i get back and have another#im just worried about how quickly that will go and if i use it all before i get to use the drink that was the whole point of going out?#ill be mad. and im trying hard lately to not be mad and reperspectivize and its going really well like spiritually#i dont wanna do anythinf on purpose that would make me mad and set me back on this particular journey bc i think its going really well#i think i will just have water like a shmuck unless someone wants to pay me enough to ubereats the beverage 👀#im kidding (no im not) but jeez just let me complain on my own blog for a bit okay ill probs do the responsible thing and have water 😒 lame#iced coffee ill miss you today mi amor
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syyyyyyyyyymgmgmgmgmg
#someone wanna bring me some food while i try to stop the bleeding. i have to cook sonethong#after sanitizing the wound n stuff#im too tired n hungry from blood loss. i dont think ill make it to the fridge to at least drink some water#i have to clean and sanitize all my blood too....#i dont have money to order anything. i do technically but its all cash. i have no bank account. thankfully theres plenty of places in walkin#distance... but i just kinda. i dont. wanna bother.#its not even a grevious wound. i could leave it and be fine if it doesnt get infected. it isnt evem that much thT i lost from that wound. bu#but i do kinda be bleeding various amounts every day. again not huge amounts but im sure all this blood loss is adding up over the years. an#i need to eat something#i dont want to make anything#i dont want to walk to the store and buy something with like8 or so dollars worth of change#... like what do i even want to do here. im not really trying all that hard......#i dont know what i want.#maybe im freaking out over nothing but i know for a fact that the amounts of blood i lose every day are like more or less fine. but for how#much longer tho.#its stupid. i should see a doctor. i finally got all the shit i needed so i can see a doctor. but its been like so lomg. what do i even say#its been so long............................................................................................................................#the most compelling reason i can think of is that i dont wanna deal with mold.#to even BOTHER with cooking that shit....#still
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maybe its bc its after 10pm but i feel weird
#i dunno man. i think im doing good? and that might be the problem??#im brushing my teeth twice a day. im leaving the house every day#im making art consistently and hanging out with my friends when i have the energy. im sleeping relatively well#im going for hour long walks a few times a week. im eating better than i usually do. im drinking more water#but my body feels the same. if anything my headaches are getting worse#and my right leg still has mild pain whenever i exert it at all#i need to get my vitamin d supplements back bc ive been off them for like a month and i think thats what im feeling#i dunno i think i keep freaking out about this bc. im having a good few weeks and its weird and not normal and i dont know how to do that#i had three good days in a row last week and shut down for like. five days bc i dont think my body could process it.#i dont know. everything feels weird but in a neutral way and its new and makes me feel. strange#i dont like new stuff#whatever. gonna go listen to naddpod#atlas screams into the abyss
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