#i dont know what to do. i dont know how to undo this
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more me verbally processing my feelings on this game and it's story that i sent in discord but i know reading these things can be helpful to others processing so im sharing them here <3
even though i think i personally am able to find coherent meaning in solas's ending, specifically the status of the veil, and i do think its good and i like it, i really have to work to do it. the way its written is kind of confusing because the message is like ok. let go of your regrets. but you also have to atone for your mistakes. but solas believes he is atoning by taking the veil back down and bringing immortality back and making sure more spirits are not turned into demons? but the story tells us that version of atonement is Wrong, but why is it wrong? because people will die? but people also die because of the veil? mages are mass incarcerated and lobotimized bc of the veil, elves have been enslaved for millenia, PEOPLE AGE AND DIE, BECAUSE OF THE VEIL? so he isnt supposed to atone for that mistake by fixing it he's just supposed to accept it and let go? so are we supposed to atone for our mistakes or not? what determines whether or not we need to atone? he has to atone for what he did to the titans but not what he did by accident to his own people i guess? and he is going to atone by maintaining the status quo that he created because people have gotten used to it?
i think the answer based on the regret prison scene with rook escaping with varric's help and that banger line of varric's is to take accountability and own up to your choices, they are yours and no one can take them from you. rook says something to one of the regret statues (for me it was harding) thats like "i made a choice and so did you and you knew the risks" or something so i think that is the key. solas cannot accept his choices and so he is desperate to undo them no matter what kind of harm it may do. he is trapped in regret and the past to the point that he cant accept them and move forward, and varric is the perfect contrast of this with how readily he accepts his death as a consequence of his love and hope for his friend. even mythal accepts her own choices when she tells solas that she turned him from his purpose. and she doesnt apologize or even express regret at all, partly because shes a crazy bitch (affectionate) but partly because i think her quiet, cold acceptance is part of the lesson solas needs to learn in that moment. solas is constantly saying, "im sorry, but", "ir abelas, vhenan, but i cannot". mythal just states her actions plainly; i forced you to take a body, i brought you into war, these burdens are ours to bear together, i release you. no apology, no rumination, she is at peace with her decision even though it is wrong. i think this works wonderfully on a personal individual level of personal regrets. it is a good lesson; regret does not serve any purpose other than to hurt you. it brings no one back, it helps nothing, it does not make the world a better place. solas has to let go of his regrets so that he can become the hero that varric sees deep down in him. it is an essential part of his personal journey as a character... but it gets stickier when we are talking about systemic change. obvi a lot of dragon age's modern, young audience is very much in favor of "tear it all down!!" and i am too but i think with solas they are trying to tell a very personal and individual story of a man and his regrets rather than make a social commentary on radical change, but they also dont make that clear enough, so the two get muddied together when it comes to the question of the veil in a way that feels like they are advocating for maintaining the status quo, which i dont think was their intention.
i think this is so muddied because inquisition very much makes clear commentary on systems and institutions with the chantry, the orlesian empire, ferelden monarchy, mages and templars, and the inquisition itself being all vulnerable to corruption, and solas has a lot to say about all of this and he is very much presented as being right (like when he tells you about the corruption in your own ranks in trespasser and how hes spying on you lol) and then veilguard does not do this AT ALL, all of the issues are very personal ones of people and their identity, people and their family, people and their regrets etc. so i think a lot of us are in this mindset from inquisition of like.... yeah disrupt the status quo install a puppetmaster elf to rule an imperialist empire, make leliana pope and radicalize the chantry even if its bloody, dissolve the inquisition, abolish the circles etc. etc. and the question of the veil is very much an extension of these philosophical questions about systems and organizations. and for those of us who leaned towards dissolution of all of those corrupt structures, dissolution of the veil is the logical conclusion to a story thats sending us that message. but then veilguard just. does not even engage with these topics at all. like its not even a question. it takes the question of the veil and translates it into a personal issue of solas's psyche (which is super interesting, just different) and connects it to his past actions, his relationship with mythal, and his perception of himself, rather than a macro-level question of what is best for the world when pursuing change, and the answer for solas on a personal level ends up being different from the answer that inquisition was asking us, but it feels disjointed as a result.
so the veil staying up was the right decision because it forced solas to let go of his regrets and the game is about him. so it was an exercise in his therapy session with his two ex-gfs and some annoying kid who wont leave him alone. but the problem is it doesn't answer or engage with the greater questions and themes about systemic change that the series has been building up to.
veilguard is interesting because it wants to be dragon age 2 so bad while simultaneously being terrified of dragon age 2. solas bringing down the veil would have been the answer to the question that anders blowing up the chantry asked, but veilguard decided to ask a completely different question instead. and i think it did a good job in that specific goal, but it doesnt satisfy 15 years of build up and instead just throws it out the window in favor of something else.
#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#da:v spoilers#datv spoilers#dav spoilers#mine.txt#i will never stop writing essays
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they're just leaving me with nothing. i have so much and yet theres nothing left that holds me so I don't have anything really
#theres so much. ungrateful. food and shelter and material objects#but i need the drawing. i need that. i cant believe thats being broken i dont understand why that's happening#that's always been there for me so why is it being snapped in half now#this? this is what breaks that? this is what takes that away for me? this was nothing compared to so much more#but i guess i am so much more isolated now so theres less coping than there used to be#i dont know what to do. i dont know how to undo this#they are so fucking cruel and selfish and unbelievably... i dont even have a word. i cannot come up with smth to describe them#''oh she doesnt mean to hurt u and shes just trying her best'' she is incredibly cruel. and she has made life unbearable.#doesnt matter if it was purposeful. it is simply the truth and fact of the situation. she has made her child incapable of survival#and if her child kills themself it will be her fault forever. and i hope she feels the weight of it on her every miserable day she has left.#i dont know what to do now. if i cannot draw then i cannot sleep. and i cannot handle another rough night.#i can't do this. i hope someone else is able to#vent /#suicide tw#abuse tw
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Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level#for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda#changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is#don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men#his transness wouldnt change that#only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically.#Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band#is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name;#over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had#he becomes more caring more supportive#it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind#and learns how to be a kinder man.#all of which have no contradictions with him being trans!#In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences#i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways#to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring.#Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL.#at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it#so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine#i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt#but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues#and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does#again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol#AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans#do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model#I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA
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part of why I had to stay up all night is bc a few nights ago I ruined everything bc I found a lil naked baby doll on the side of the road and it distressed me, so I spent the night learning how to sew her a dress
and by 'learning' I mean googling how to sew, deciding nah I don't need that I can figure it out. then googling how to sew a dress for baby doll. but all the tutorials looked too long so I didn't read any. somehow I did actually make a decent dress
#like im shocked that it turned out ok#it looks like a dress! it tapers in a little and everything!#but theres loose strings everywhere cause idk what youre meant to do with the ends#like how you finish sewing so it doesnt undo itseld#i literally dont know how to sew guys i just hate instructions#but i got some cute fabrics im gonna try to make another one now that i know 1% of what im doing#ed mumbles#i bought a sewing kit from a dollar store 4 years ago and im finally using it lol
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taking the time to actually write down ajax's paladin arc and how it relates to his dark urge redemption and suddenly nothing is making sense 🥲
#.txt#when you dont know your own character 🥲#with vibes alone it's like. yeah this makes sense. but writing down the specifics it's becoming nonsense#also writing earned redemption arcs is hard 🥲👍#im half tempted to say that by the end of the game he's still not fully redeemed#killing his sister broke him. vengeance is not all that it's cracked up to be. but if he breaks his oath again what does that make him#he doesnt swear a new oath but. post game maybe he leans more toward the non violent side of the vengeance oath#specifically the restitution tenet#ESPECIALLY since he started all this. he has done a lot of harm#not just with the tadpole disaster but as the leader of a literal murder cult#so. he has to do work to undo all that harm. to make himself still worthy of that oath without having to lean into the violence of it#to make himself worthy of this “undeserved” second chance#now how do i write that into something cohesive. point A to point B and all that#sigh!
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Now I just feel sick to my stomach... like thinking what if I get top surgery and it doesn't fix me? Obviously it's not going to fix me, why would I even think that. It's something I've wanted so badly for so long that I don't know what's going to happen afterwards. I have problems unrelated to this and they aren't going away any time soon.
I just already feel bad, like I don't deserve this. I didn't earn this. I feel like I'm supposed to be happy and excited and satisfied about it/after it... but what if I'm not? I'm not scared that I'm making a mistake or that this isn't something I want- I'm fully certain that is- I'm just scared that there's something inherently broken inside of me. Something that I don't deserve to complain about. Something that I don't deserve to involve other people in.
I feel like I should just be grateful but what if I can't be? Is that justified or am I a bad person? I know that I want this more than I think I've ever wanted any single thing for myself... but what if it isn't even worth it? What if nothing ever is
#sorry depression posting because im kind of freaked out#i dont know how to function like this#its like idk do any of you have anxiety about receiving gifts? well this is really fucking big gift#i dont want to say anything negative about it even if thats me asking for help because what if people think im ungrateful#im so very grateful. but im scared. and i need help#i dont know how to react and im afraid ill react wrong and my girlfriend will regret doing this for me#and theres no way to undo it so then she would just feel resentful about me. especially everytime she sees my chest#that would break my heart. i would awful too#i need this to be okay
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i will say one of my Biggest pet peeves in one fanworks is 'liam becomes the new airy.' like im sorry i respect u and ur interpretations and ur creative interests !!! im glad ppl have fun and have ideas about post canon one, theres a lot of potential there!!!! but also the moment that i see a work have liam do this i instantly stop paying attention
#not putting this in the tag cus i dont wanna make ppl feel bad!!!#and like. i HAVE seen works that mildly explore it but in a way that i kinda like#but its just. it bothers me So Bad#like it contradicts every trait liam has ever shown in the series AND all of his motivations#'ppl qct ooc under stress!' yeah but it doesnt make ppl act in ways Completely diff from who they r... like hes still liam#at that pt hes just a whole new CHARACTER#but its like. his ENTIRE motivation is that he wants to stop anyone else from going what he went thru. will do anything to prevent that#itd literally undo what makes his entire character him at all to have him go back on that. thats literally his most prominent motivation#its SO intrinsically tied to him as a character#like yeah!!! him and airy are both isolated in that world. there are strong similiarities between their characters#but they still went theu snth DISTINCTLY different.#airy died and was isolated. liam was kidnapped and then isolated. it feels just different enough that i CANT see how#liam would just end up as 'airy 2.' their experiences may be similar but theyre still extremely different#and its like. ive said it before but i think julien is meant to serve WAY more of a parallel to liam than airy is#if theres anything i think liam would do if he couldnt get home? it would be to try and try and try#until hes just... not going anywhere#his stubbornness (and juliens stubbornness for that matter) is vital to understanding his actions.#hed never stop even if it meant he REALLY never stopped. and i think thats just as emotionally impactful#and? even if he WERE to act ooc. uh#tbh? i think hes terrified of dying. he does NOT like it. i think esp after the waiting room hed dread it bc all he knows of it#is that hell just keep dying and dying. or end up just stuck there forever#but. if he were to start rly going against his established traits. i think hed more sooner off himself than start s3#ESP since it is his own concern for others that makes him act the most Against his own self in the entire series#when he tries to kill airy. bc he couldnt stand the idea of everything continuing#and airy doing this to more ppl. THAT is what is strong enough to make him go against his own personality#and i think its too deeply intertwined into his character for him to try to deal with isolation by kidnapping people#esp not owen.#suicide mention#ANYWAY. these tags r long#OK TO RB BTW if u want i just didnt tag it bc i dont wanna make any1 goin thru the tag sad or anything
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I still haven't properly used the leather journal I got back in february but partly bc the paper that it came with feels,,,,, dirty? I got it from a thrift store so I'm sure a shit ton of people have touched it and I can feel it 😭😭😭
#i was thinking of writing the japanese that i learn bc im sure this would work a lot better if i did that lmao#i wanna get sketchbook paper and rebind that leather cover but i dont really know how to do that#and i dont wanna buy what i need and then not be able to figure it out 😮💨#i do have lined paper that i could use but again im afraid if i undo everything i won't be able to put it back together
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Being emotionally mature, waiting for your anger to calm down and talk is the best way to make sure you show what you think and burn only the bridges you want and not the whole forest but damn sometimes I just wanna throw gasoline and get a dragon or something its a whole lot more satisfying
#just talked about distancing from my dad ABD DAMN WHERE DID I LEARN SO MUCH VOCABULARY#on the other hand I wish I could say that if he and his side of the family were dead my life would be a lot better and it is their fault i#dont love them and just throw a list of all the shitty things they did and how im tired of doing whats morally right instead of whats#better for me#like bro your wife keeps digging at my mom saying she doesnt pay shit! she does! and YOU are the one with a big ass salary and retirement#and I can LITERALLY count on one hand how many conversations I had w my grandpa! AND HE COMMITED DEFAMATION AGAINST MY MOM#AT A TIME THAT A WOMAN WOULD BE SOCIALLY KILLED IF SHE WAS THE ONE CHEATING#AND HE HELPED MY DAD CHEAT#MY DAD BOUGHT HIS LOVER A TUCANO#I KNOW ITS INSANE.#Family isnt supposed to make you cry more than to make you feel safe. and you can undo all this work w time and someone willing to have#a healthy relationship w you. and thats what I plan on doing. i just need to cut contact with my dad.#.#but yk. money. and w a minimun wage I would have to live at a favela if I wanna keep living at sao paulo so that cant happen too soon
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sometimes i worry ppl think i say all that ahit to liek absolve him of guilt regarding what hes done or that im trying to be like auhhh he didnt wanna guysss its not his fault :(( but at the same time if someone expects that of me they probably arent worth worrying about
#ffposting#emey selchie tag#i rotate all that stuff as much as i do bc i just love analysing characters & really getting into their psyche.#emets psyche is probably like a nightmare from the paprika universe if im honest but im fine going in there#its fun & interesting for me to do all this & also knowing hes very 'what hes done is done' about it all very... not regretting per se#having regrets is pointless as he knows so he claims to not have them. do i believe him? well you can if you want. but me i dont#& i like to imagine him guilt ridden. for my amusement. all the while fully being in the belief guilt wont change anything#& that he did what was right to him at the time & he gets to have turmoil over how the him who did all that was tempered#but tempered or not it has all been done cannot be undone he would not undo it if he had the ability to either#i KNOW hes repressing some yummy shit!!! tuning hilde into an emotional vampire so he can feed on it TEEHEE#with how sentimental emet is you cannot make me believe he does not hold an ounce of remorse#even if he knows & believes its entirely futile to feel this way! many such cases! mental illness is like that too if im honest#i like that hes done bad things & knows theyre bad i like that he fucking sucksssss
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whyyyyy do people think disordered eating is healthyyyyyyy i am going to explode myself soon i cannot live around these people any more my god
#i dont even want to say what all was said lol it's so fucked up#maybe I'll just go back to starving myself and becoming more underweight just to earn mothers approval (sarcasm)#actually u know what. even if i did that she'd probably get angry at me for it lmao she'd be pissed that I'd be losing weight when she isnt#I CANNOT TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS IM HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME#THESE PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING AWFUL#I WANT OUT OF HERE I REALLY DO#I dont know how to cope w this honestly#i keep trying to twist things to be tolerable but jesus fucking christ the ED is starting to rear its head again#theyre just so fucking mean and stupid and fatphobic and i have to spend so much time around them#its impossible to block out#i keep finding myself thinking i dont need to eat veggies bc ''theyre basically poison'' and im just ARRGHHH#GET OUT OF MY HEAD PLEASEEEE I DONT WANT TO BE THINKING LIKE THIS#idk how to cope w this bc i HAVE the science disproving them and I've spent time undoing fatphobia in my own brain#and my family just keeps setting back my progress bc it is impossible to block them out entirely#i want to crawl out of my skin and jump into a deep lake and never resurface#im so tired of this all and idk what to do. tearing my hair out a little bit#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#fatphobia tw#dieting tw#ed tw#ask to tag
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shit i even have got/game of thrones filtered out...
#lol from yeaaarrsss ago from before i read them but i really hated how much ppl posted about it when a new season came out#and i think we got filtering right before the last season so i was rly excited to filter it#and now i cant be assed to undo it just do not show me#i dont even want to know what ppl outside the feminist community say about daenerys...#own
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“ WHAT GETS THEM HARD! ”
jjk men x f!reader ࿐ MDNI.
ᰔ、summary. jjk scenarios on how their dicks get hard ofc
ᰔ、tags. (ft. gojo, geto, toji, choso), nsfw, female anatomy, cunnilingus, exhibitionism, sexting, masturbation, etc.
ᰔ、a/n. these are just my silly depictions. if u dont agree idgaf lol
SATORU GOJO has the dirtiest mind and the highest sex drive. his pants definitely start feeling a little tighter at the sight of you eating a popsicle or something. specifically in public. he would have no shame in it either—casually forming a smirk on his face and dropping a snarky innuendo about the way you’re eating. “can you suck me off like that when we get home?” he’d mumble from across the table, his eyes peeking out from the top of his glasses, a smirk plastered on his lips; wet from the constant licking of his tongue. your eyes widen, a small ‘pop’ sounding from your mouth when you took the frozen sweet out to gasp at the man in front of you. “gojo! are you serious?” you’d yell in a whisper, looking around to see if anyone had heard him. “you’re right,” he’d sigh, standing up from his chair to reveal the very prominent and very obvious bulge in his pants. “we should just do it now.”
SUGURU GETO on the other hand is a polite man. like satoru, he’s a real freak in the sheets—but not as shamelessly. the littlest things can get him hard for sure, but unintentionally seeing your undergarments would really get him going. like an accidental peek at your panties from under your skirt, or a shirt thats a little too see-through showing off the print on your bra. he wouldn’t say anything of course, not right away. you would just be minding your own business one minute and then he’s dragging you towards the bedroom the next. “sugu- what are you-?” you would ask in a confusing tone, craning your head to look at the said man who was now behind you—pushing your stomach up against the countertop; a single hand brought up to grope your breast while the other laid flat against your hip. “your bra is showing.” he’d let you know blankly; an attempt to distract you while his hand slid it’s way into your pants. you would look down in response to his comment, noticing that your bra was in-fact showing like he said. unfortunately for him, you also already noticed the hardon pressed against your back.
TOJI FUSHIGURO gets hard from eating pussy. simple as that. he will get embarrassingly sloppy—juices coating his face and dripping down his chin, loving every second of it while his cock slowly grows harder. emphasis on grows. and if you think for a second that he does it for your pleasure, think again. this man will eat you out purely for his enjoyment only. his eyes are closed and his hands are squeezing at your thighs—legs thrashing uncontrollably from the uncomfortable pressure in his pants that’s about to come undone. “toji- let me help you.” you’d beg with a whimper, dragging your hand from the top of his head down to his cheek when you noticed the constant shuffling of his legs and the crease in his eyebrow. he’d laugh darkly, the breathy snicker creating a hum between your core that made a whine escape from your lips. “im fine mama,” he’ll say cockily, pulling a hand away from your leg to undo his zipper. “ill cum soon, you don’t gotta do ‘nun.”
CHOSO is a needy guy. his face will turn red at a simple flirty text—but send him a slutty pic and he might just cream his pants. fully naked or dressed in lingerie, his favorite or not, he will definitely feel some pressure down below. he might ignore you for a while, uncertain on how he should reply; if he’s even able to. “fuck- couldn’t wait till i got home, could you?” he’d whine quietly, trying his best to keep his voice down from the bathroom of his office job; one hand holding the phone up to his ear while the other rushed to unbuckle his belt. “sorry cho,” you’d apologize from the other line, voice rather faint as you posed for another picture to send him. “when are you coming?” you ask doubtfully just as his phone vibrates with another notification from your contact. “now- im comin’ now baby.” he replies with a huff, phone almost slipping from his ear. “really!?” you try to clarify—much more excited than the first time. “no, i mean im cumming. right now.”
#my goofy ahh side coming out with the choso one#THIS TOOK FOREVER#toji x reader#toji smut#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#gojo x reader#gojo smut#geto x reader#geto smut#choso x reader#choso smut#jjk scenarios#jjk x reader#jjk men x reader#jjk smut#isamoa#jujutsu kaisen smut
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My favorite game at work is watching my coworkers doing my job for me after I already did it once
#cowmmunist#work work make that work work#gotta get my money#its annoying honestly#money#yeah money is annoying but seriously watching my coworkers undo and redo my work gets old#its not that they dont trust me#and its not that they dont think im capable#and its also not that they want it done a way so specific i dont know about it#They're just not skilled and i mean that in a nice way#fundamentally their level of understanding comes from a different background#ill give an example#if you know how to make something work youll probably be successful in doing so#but what will guarantee your success every time is understanding why somethibg works#if you know how to push a button to turn on a light#youll be able to turn that light on and off quite effectively#but what if the light breaks? all you know is how to do something.#and thats where knowing the why becomes paramount in my industry#if you know why something functions the way that it does you will be able to troubleshoot the problem#potentially fix it if not identify it#this will earn you tons and tons of respect in my book#a green guy at work was asking me why stuff needed to be done xyz at work#i took the time to explain it to him#not like i would be able to resist with this much adhd in my veins#and he imediately took to the information i was pouring into him#and now when i see that guy its fucking great#i know ill have a good day because ive got a guy that can do his job#and when something needs attention i can rely on him and not split my own from my work#we work better as a team and when we help each other out.#and when you've got that going and and people trust each other damn dude those days are the best and it feels so good to crush a shift
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Meh.
#too uppity rn#have a dull headache#my hair is tied up too tight too which isnt helping#but i did this to myself#i should have paid better attention#not been so quick to go through everything#bc now im left with a feeling i cant get rid of in the way id most prefer#bc it would be the quickest way to undo this feeling#but i was careless as usual#kinda hate how much this feeling is reminding me of when i was having really bad anxiety everyday#i couldnt even function#i guess that does actually relate to my reality now huh#just a different kind of inability to function is occurring now#i hate myself#the moments i start to feel better are also the moments i feel shame and guilt and sadness for all that happened that led me here#and the times i still continue to choose this instead of doing what would benefit me now& in the future plus my mom and her future#i hate being like this and knowing i cant really feel that emotion as deeply as i would if i didnt make myself numb to it all 24/7#i dont want to be like this forever i dont think#but i cant see any other way either#and thats completely on me and no one else#its my extreme hatred for everything about myself that completely effects the way i walk through the world and my views on it all#i wish i were a better person for my mom i just dont think i ever was in the way she says i was#idk i really fucking hate thinking#especially at this time of night#always alone with my thoughts and memories never letting me forget the things i wish would go away#and always forgetting the things i really wish i could remember and hold on to#uh oh i think i might cry#well fuck that was not the intended outcome of this at all#thoughts#personal
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the late night thoughts…(their pov 18+) 🖤⛓️
pick a pile to read more about their late night thoughts about you (could be a past or future lover).
PILE ONE
You’re under my skin, deeper than I ever wanted anyone to be. I think about the way you touch me, the way your hands roam over me like you’re memorizing every inch of my body. I feel almost embarrassed about the way you had me groaning with my hands sinking into your skin as you bounced up and down. I close my eyes, and I can almost feel it—the heat of your skin, the weight of your body pressed against mine. God, I miss you. It’s terrifying, this need I have for you. I’ve never felt so out of control, so consumed by someone else. But with you, it’s different. You make me feel things I didn’t even know were possible. Every time you touch me, it’s like fire coursing through my veins, igniting something primal inside me. I tell myself I shouldn’t feel this way, that it’s dangerous to want someone this much. But every time I’m with you, the rest of the world fades away. You’re all I see, all I need. I want to lose myself in you, in the way you make me feel like I’m the only thing that matters. Even now, in the silence of the night, I’m aching for you. For your hands, your lips, your everything.And I know—no matter how hard I try to fight it—you own me. Heart, body, soul.
PILE TWO
The clock says it’s late, but sleep won’t come. Not when every thought I have is wrapped up in you. I’ve never felt this kind of pull before, this magnetic force drawing me to you, even when you’re not here. It’s maddening, really—how I can’t seem to think of anything else but your touch, your kiss, the way you make me feel like I’m losing control. You’ve awakened something in me. Something dark, something I didn’t even know I was capable of. And I want more of it. More of you.When we’re together, it’s like the air crackles with electricity. Every look, every word between us is charged, like the tension is about to snap. And when it does... God, it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. You undo me, completely. It’s like you see right through me, to the core of who I am, and instead of running away, you want more. I can’t get you out of my head. I can’t get the way you make me feel out of my system. The way your hands grip my body like you can’t get enough. The way you kiss me like you’re starving for it, like I’m the only thing that can satisfy you. I should be scared of how much I want you. But I’m not. Because with you, I’m more alive than I’ve ever been. I dont want that to scare you. I just want to make you happy. I want to make you feel so good. Those little faces you make I want to see them while you’re under me, eyebrows scrunched, clawing at me and begging to give you exactly what I’ve been dying to give you.
PILE THREE
I think about your hands—how they know exactly where to touch, how they ignite a fire inside me with just a single brush against my skin. The memory of your lips on mine still lingers, and I bite my lip, trying to stop the rush of heat that spreads through me at the thought. There’s something about you. Something I can’t resist, even though I know I should. You push me, challenge me, make me feel things I didn’t know I could feel. You’ve become a part of me, and I don’t know if I can ever go back to the way things were before you. I hate how much I need you. I hate that you’re always in my head, even when I try to push you away. How you always have the perfect response and always know what just to say. But more than anything, I hate that I can’t stop wanting you. How every time you roll your eyes and grin at something stupid I say I imagine your eyes rolling back with your face pressed in the mattress, your hands reaching forward, whimpering that its too much and me pulling you by the waist even closer mumbling how you’re doing so good, that its yours, and that your mine so you’re going to be a good girl and take it all…
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