#i took the time to explain it to him
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
When Diana and her twin Jason was born after her, Jason was left to be disposed off in Amazon, only for him to disappear a second later.
Clockwork saw the possibility and took the freshly wet newborn swapping him with The Fenton's stillborn.
For what he saw in the possibility of the future was nearly endless as he did what he had to do.. for the best outcome to come forth..
A pebble here, a rocket ship toy there, an inch of furniture moved then so that incident doesn't happen, a poster paper on that tree. Minor tiny changes to help bring the visual to the present.
All leading to clockwork giving 19 year old sleep deprived danny an small yet important task to deliver a scroll in another dimension leading up to his body regressed in that dimension timeline the moment he slipped in and out the portal.
Diana knew she had a twin brother out there.. and she was going to find him.
What she didn't know that he was literally falling into her arms, when she and Superman went to check on the Glowing lararus pit portal made near metropolis.
Tiny little boy who look completely tired as he went unconscious holding a purple and green scroll in his hands, wearing clothes 3 times his size.
#dc x dp#dpxdc#danny phantom#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc#dc x dp prompt#dcxdp#danny is the ghost king#de aged danny#diana had a twin brother name jason#i put a spin on Clockwork having a personal room where all his descendants childrens lifes to watch like tela neuva#he took a chance on danny and saw endless possibilities#batman in the background hiding adoption forms if diana doesn't want him#diana has a spray bottle of ice cold water with your name on it bruce#she ain't handing her twin brother no matter how old he be#the age regress limit is up to y'all#danny is a little shit#this boy has so much trauma and chaos packed into him like a overstuffed about to rip bag of candy#it would explained while ellie came out a girl when vlad tried to clone him that one time
785 notes
·
View notes
Text
Au where Balinor lives, banishes Kilgharrah, but then Merlin has to smuggle him out of Camelot and he goes back on the run because despite him saving everyone he's still a dragonlord and Uther is going to Uther. Before he leaves Merlin tells him to at least stop by Ealdor and see his mum cause she still loves him and deserves to at least know he's still alive. Balinor does go to Ealdor but a mix of needing to hide due to being a wanted man and nerves over seeing Hunith again ends up with him hiding in her garden trying to work up the courage to knock on her door. Hunith, hearing a ruckus outside her house, goes to investigate, and when she sees a suspicious man hiding out in her garden she starts whacking him with a broom. Balinor calls out for her to stop, telling her it's him, and when she does the two actually see each other for the first time in so many years. For a while, they just stare at each other until Balinor speaks in a stunned breathless voice "Dear gods, you're as beautiful as the day I left." Hunith blinks and it registers that she's not imagining things, he's really there. She blushes slightly then whackes him over the head with her broom again. "You disappear for over 2 decades and that's what you have to say to me?!"
#This was inspired by the scene of Stoick seeing Valka again for the first time in years#I also imagine Hunith finding Balinor hiding in her garden and whacking him with a broom is how they first met#Balinor grabbed the broom to stop her hitting him and explained he just needed somewhere to hide from Camelot knights#Hunith then took him inside fed him and gave him a place to sleep because fuck Uther Pendragon#Balinor repaid her kindness by making a start on the chores before she woke up the next morning and she decided he'd earned his keep#They're unintentionally recreating their first meeting#bbc merlin#merlin#balinor#hunith#merlin emrys#uther pendragon#fuck uther
291 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been binging Batman Beyond recently (Terry ily so much) and thought about how- bc of the JLU twist which I think isn't even canon to the comics BB verse but shhh bare with me- he'd technically be Damian's half brother??? Which is just so ridiculously soap opera to me. I need them to interact in a silly time travel adventure so bad you don't even understand (ID in alt)
#dc comics#damian wayne#terry mcginnis#batman beyond#batman and robin#mine#also feat the mild damian uniform redesign i like playing around with. it's fun i like her. i love u classic robin colours#the backstory for this image in my mind is that Terry knows of Damian/has maybe met him#in the future (whether we're going w the rebirth ''damian rejoins the league'' angle that i. don't love conceptually but can't judge-#-bc i haven't read. or if we go w/ some other potential future route for damian) and Terry is like. experiencing whiplash at meeting him-#-as robin. like you are 5 feet tall why r u so bossy. where is your dad good god. this is why i don't have a robin (?this is pre matt-robin)#but Terry's in an unfamiliar time trying not to cause a paradox so he puts aside his indignitude(?) at being bossed around by a kid#just long enough to make sure nothing goes horrifically wrong. hence this image takes place#<- i could've been a lot more eloquent explaining this but it's very late and i should've been asleep ages ago#anyway. absolutely crazy to me that Damian has had multiple flavours of secret brother plots and terry is a potential addition. rip damian#(also in my ideal future damian took up the nightwing mantle (EVERYONE READ NIGHTWING MUST DIE!!!) before retiring(#idk what his future career is. lowkey hes a webcomic artist in my brain but that's so horrendously self indulgent i can't condone it#also i decided to try my hands at lineart again. evil. how are you so stiff looking and difficult to do. waughh#anyway if things look weird. no they don't
828 notes
·
View notes
Text
Missing Limbs - Espera, Vessel and the crowd 🥺🩷💙
The girls look so so beautiful here and LISTEN TO THEM. Vessel sobs HARD at the end 🥺💔
#ignore me singing ignore the glitches etc etc#this is probably my most favourite video of last night (from the ones i took)#they were incredible. Espera are so amazing it's unreal. Their voices simply carry over the arena with such a beautiful grace#and Vessel? well#it's extremely hard to put into words just how that much more in love with that man i am#he was so! idk guys. it was surreal#if he sounds amazing here imagine irl. it really is a completely different experience#i am so so thankful and proud of that guy it's insane.#he really puts 1000% of himself there and it SHOWS and you can tell and it's just amazing#and the crowd. guys. it was beautiful 🥺💖#i kinda have no words rn to fully explain it. i'm simply in awe. my heart was real tight the whole time 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#AAAAAAAAAAA i love him so much and i love you guys and the girls and the rest of band SO SO MUCH and the crew and aaaaaaaa#yeah 🥹💖#sleep token#sleep token vessel#espera#sleep token tog tour#london ritual
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have been a tommy-is-abby’s-tommy truther from the start idc about “ooh well why wouldn’t she know anyone at the 118” or “oooh why wouldn’t she have mentioned her ex was also a firefighter” idgaf it would be so fucking funny and im manifesting that this is one of the bucktommy hurdles let us all join hands in prayer 🙏🏻
#it’s not even buck’s jealousy that jumps out#he’s upset that tommy ended things while abby’s mom was so sick#and how abby took over a year to get over him#(and a little bit that she took seemingly little time to get over buck)#and then he struggles with the ‘you were lying to her’ bc tommy was never attracted to/in love with her#and therefore we have the josh of it all bc josh explains what being in the closet is like#what being queer before the 2020s was like#bc buck was never closeted! he was stuck behind some coats for all of five minutes!#and allyship is not the same.#but josh is in his forties and has been ‘out’ since childhood#tommy was a gay man in the army during don’t ask don’t tell#like fuck i remember how hard it was ten-fifteen years ago when i came out and that in canada#with federal marriage equality and all that jazz#all this to say there are some things buck — who has never really spent time in the closet — has to work to understand#and i think it would be a really compelling first fight/transition from the honeymoon phase#do you see my vision can anyone hear me
95 notes
·
View notes
Text
College (uni??) AU catering to my own interests as it should always be hehe :)
#projecting my major on Vash because them mfs who have changed from the med field majors to that one have some tragic things to tell#and also because I think that Vash would be such a wonderful designer I don’t know why it’s a gut feeling#Nai the law major because of course he would have you seen the guy#he would be a personal injury lawyer because lore#fun fact Nai rested for a semester after the incident with Vash while Vash took two.He never told Nai he would be changing majors#so it was a big big shock for him. they fought again but yk I’ll explain more on that if anyone is interested#as to Kni and WW I thought it’d be funny if they shared a common subject that required a lot of team assignments#and they can NEVER work out together. being an absolute nightmare to the rest of their group#separately they are great to work with. even if Kni can come off as too bossy sometimes he is actually a great leader#and WW would always deliver things on time exactly as it was asked from him#but Kni and WW just never really matched. Kni was too rude at times when WW made a mistake and WW would always clock him if he passed a line#like insulting his reasons for wanting to study security#one day Kni tells him at the beginning of a new semester where they both have unfortunately landed on a shared subject again#“you are not suited for that sort of job Wolfwood. you should simply give up and why don’t you go play role model to your little kids’’#then WW beats him again and then is like hey yk what you’re kinda right. and changed majors and he feels so much more at home studying#education/teaching than security. he fucking hates some things but the end goal makes it worthy#Trigun Uni! AU#because I don’t know how differently a college and a uni work#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#vashwood#trigun fanart#wolfwood#vash#Nai saverem#millions knives#lenssi draws#pen!
488 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gareth Thomas returns - still running a car hire service, now inexplicably called Tom Lewis - in Public Eye: The Bankrupt (6.1, Thames, 1972)
#fave spotting#gareth thomas#roj blake#blakes 7#blake's 7#public eye#the bankrupt#classic tv#1972#thames#gratified to find that I'm not losing my mind and GT does return playing (surely) the same character even if it took longer to get there#than I'd recalled. i mean i suppose there could be two car hire services in Eton‚ run by identical twins with different surnames.. but i#think it's safe to assume this is intended to be the same character Gareth played back in 5.9‚ with the production team presumably having#forgotten what they named the character (or that they named him at all‚ i don't think the name is used onscreen)#his relationship with Marker is much friendlier here than it seemed in 5.9 but i think that could be easily explained simply by the two#having got to know each other a little better; Frank was already established as a recurring customer in the previous appearance so#a certain amount of familiarity between them after another year is only natural (and it has presumably been a year; i always get the#feeling with PE that it's intended to have unfolded in 'real time'‚ ie. the series don't pick up immediately after one another but with a#gap roughly the same as the amount of time the show was off air between series)#this is a solid series opener‚ a fairly small story of financial skullduggery that Frank has to untangle‚ naturally without any reward for#himself. even his work on behalf of GT is pro bono‚ fairly unusual and suggesting that perhaps there is some genuine friendship between the#two and not just the surface level cordiality of two men whose work often throws them together. still‚ Frank's on spiky form#particularly once the case starts to frustrate him; this is a spiky series‚ actually‚ and the character has arguably begun a shift into#something approaching short tempered grouchiness... he's still Frank tho‚ bless him
29 notes
·
View notes
Note
god, since isaac can manipulate ink could he technically "bloodbend" a squid???
I don't remember if I ever said this (I might've just like. avoided it because I was thinking it would imply a spoiler or something) but it's less about the fact that it's ink and more than it qualifies as something that can make art in his brain. so like, if he ended up in a state of mind where he genuinely believes that a live squid falls under the capacity of his powers, maybe it would work.
several powers in ibvs are heavily based on the psychology of the user, hence why they awaken through moments of adrenaline. isaac's power in particular is fairly ambiguous, so whatever constitutes as things he can control may vary, not to mention powers in general are not very studied so their limits are unknown. the laws of human perception do get in the way sometimes, so the average person wouldn't usually be able to convince themself that their powers encompass something they normally wouldn't. meanwhile, it could also mean that someone with powers is imposing limitations on themself unconsciously (for example, if you think you can only control one thing, but you can actually control multiple things because they're made of the same thing), if they have a power that can control their environment. I dunno if that makes sense. for isaac, he needs to be able to believe that whatever he's controlling can be used to make art, and it needs to be made of water. it's a little complicated, but take with that what you will.
#I will be the first to admit that isaac's powers are complicated compared to all the other characters#it probably would've been easier for him to just be able to control water#but utmv took us here lmao#ibvsasks#I think powers that control one's environment are gonna need some exploration in the future so he's not so singled out lol#most of the characters have powers where they create or produce things with their bodies#though I guess dez is somewhere in the middle#tbh I'm vaguely explaining it because I know it'll be a long time before ibvs updates
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Beyond give and take
#hikaai#oshi no ko spoilers#oshi no ko#hikaru kamiki#ai hoshino#they could be written so well;;#ai's written pretty decent in my opinion(it's just that she doesn't appear when she should get more screen time)#as for hikaru I just. don't know.#there'd be so much to explore in terms of their mentality...I wish they handled these characters with care...#they're child abuse victims who took care of and relied on each other...they had a really strong bond...#spoilers#doodle#hikaru needs a whole book to himself. they can't explain him well enough
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
My submission for @aimportantdragoncollector's trioholders event (bonus round)!!
they are at the beach
#why? to smash childrens sandcastles and so yoichi can force third to let him give him a sand mermaid tail#jk its because yoichis pale ass needs to photosynthesise#even just a smidge of tan would be a miracle#anyways it took me 16 days but i did it yall#im gonna go cry in a corner now this was a PAIN to draw#was nearly gonna draw thirds hand on yoichis waist but then i realised i'd have to draw hands 😔#i was gonna give yoichi sunglasses but i ran out of time (ironic isnt it)#i had to make sure my first proper piece with the third ofa user was immaculate. i simply had to go plus ultra on him#....then the abs came#suddenly my will to art vanished#dont ask what happend with yoichi.... i cannot explain this phenomenon/miracle#something snapped in me after all my horrible yoichi arts i did the previous month#third only took me 3 days to draw. BLAME YOICHI FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK!!!#his prettiness became the weakness for me finishing by the deadline#mha#shigaraki yoichi#yoichi shigaraki#one for all#my hero academia#first ofa user#third ofa user#my art#Three Weeks Of Trioholders#ichisan#i swear if i forgot a tag in here im gonna cry ITS TOO DAMN MANY#being someone that overdoes everything and is a artist AND writer is so painful. limits dont exist in the eyes of tien#just like sugis many ways to store me away#YEAH YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SAFE HUH SUGI NOW EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR A VAULTER#i will escape from under your shoe. one day.
111 notes
·
View notes
Text
#maxnat#max kornthas#nat natasitt#i have dumb jokes to make. as is my brand. but i wanted this alone because its genuinely very sweet#i feel like. in general there needs to be more flexibility with couple pairings but#theyre an example of one that really works. theyve had time to grow into one another.#i also feel like the age gap works for them. they even each other out. nat jelped max mature and max took care of him#also the ambiguity of that statement “weve been together” like yes you could use it for delulu as is your right#but it also just says a lot about their friendship. like. not together as a pair just together. they do everything together.#now i need to go find that cap of nat explaining the cherry thing “they always come in pairs”
22 notes
·
View notes
Note
okay i know you probably have enough drawing ideas for giant k but i just had this idea invade me.
you know how in snow white (not just the disney version) she pushes together the beds and sleeps on like 3 or more of them sideways? anyway giant k sleeping on 3 beds pushed together. and now i'm just picturing giant k as snow white and everyone else as the various dwarves
Ohoho big brain!!! 👀👀👀 Big brain. I love this idea so much and not just because Snow White is my favourite fairy tale hdjsbdbdfh
Thank you!!! Of course I have to draw it and not just once, let's make it into a comic! Let's gooo
Giant K series #16: once upon a time, in a land far, far away...
To be continued 😉
#thank you so much 🧡 i was rotating it in my head all this time#sorry it took so long 🙇 (it will take even longer because im planning a continuation)#i did some math and looks like this princess needs at least 4 beds#and there is never enough ideas for giant k 🥺 i feel so moved that people care enough to come up with new stuff for this little series 🙏#thank you#ask#hazzybat#i based them specifically on the 7 Zwerge movie series because the dwarves are average sized men there do you get it#this ask made me rewatch the first movie and it is still so good hdjdhbshdh can i explain who is who? of course i can this is my blog#mikke is tschakko because to me there is some tschakko quality to him. even more so than jere for some reason#and he can carry his cameras in those bags#jesse is brummboss because he's the manager#lärvinen as cookie because if Käärijä has a friend who runs a cooking show then i am making a use of this knowledge#jaakko as sunny because he has this cheerful energy. allu as cloudy because he's always so cool. jukka as speedy because he's a polite fella#häärijä is bubi. the mascot the childish man the little menace#and securityman as ralphie because they are built similar i guess#yee#giant k series#käärijä#rpf#art by op#my art#fanart#also when i watched the movie as a child i always felt so sad about ralphie being constantly rejected#and this might have influenced the way i write giants up to this day. now look. this has come full circle#🥹
99 notes
·
View notes
Text
neuvillette’s favourite way to tease wriothesley is by calling him ‘your grace’ specifically outside of a formal setting.
it’s not something that happens often, for one because the two of them are rarely together off work at the same time, and secondly because neuvillette is rarely in a teasing mood, however..
the fact that this is such a rare occurrence makes wriothesley’s reaction as he stutters and struggles to maintain his cool persona all the more enjoyable.
#i like to think it happened completely accidentally at first#neuvillette has a lot of respect for wriothesley after all and never knew when it was appropriate to drop the formalities#but it clearly caught wriothesley off guard as he took an odd amount of time to explain there was no need to#call him that outside of the fortress#his reaction was odd but it was also.. unexpectedly cute#yes.. wriothesley looks very cute when he blushes. of course he should blush more often#genshin impact#wriothesley ♡#neuvillette ♡#wriolette#wriolette headcanons#mouser muses
133 notes
·
View notes
Text
So what if Andrew and Nicholas went to same college and met, what then? (Blabbering below)
My thought process was that I rewatched those FST videos and started to wonder if Nicholas just repressed the whole AI Builds thing (since Mr. Eye is telling him to wake up so like he lost control of Nicholas somehow) and yeah his mental health and experience during game development was pretty heavy for Nicholas so he just, uh, blocks it out. Again.
And I was thinking about Lethe Protocol and how that basically made Andrew forget about his old videos and partially about Chris (as a way to prevent him from going down the same path Chris did and to try and mitigate the Call of the Well.)
So uh... What if Lethe Protocol just happens post “Into the Mind?” Chris does it again because the distress this is causing Andrew doesn't seem to be worth it anymore. He changed his stance. The easier way out is better. Being persistent shouldn't lead to pain. Andrew's happy memories shouldn't be tainted with Chris' death.
But like last time, this Protocol isn't as clean as it should be (Andrew was a lot further into the Well than before.) Just like how Andrew eventually remembered and subconsciously followed the Well's call, it will happen again. Delaying the inevitable, yadda yadda.
But for the time being, Andrew forgets the channel, which actually leads to it being abandoned. RIP. Completely forgets Chris (which fucks with his memories a lot.) Wells and Minecraft in general become weird for Andrew (they bring up strange and splotchy memories that hurt) and he doesn't know why.
And Nicholas is just grappling with his dissociation issues in general. Trying to look forward when his past is so blurred and spotty. What ambition does he have if he doesn't even know who he is. Struggling with creation and trying to connect with people and so many other things. Just trying to understand how other people make living look so easy.
So yeah both of these guys meet! IDK what the hell they would do if they met (maybe make music together.) Or how they meet. Maybe Andrew is just strumming on his guitar aimlessly and Nick just so happens to be in the area. Manage to strike up a small conversation.
Maybe they talk about butterflies and wells and how they both have weird reactions to these mundane items (If they even get that candid to other people in real life.) Then Nicholas asks Andrew to play Wonderwall.
#tropical's art#digital art#art#andrewgaming67#ai builds#animal investigator builds#Hey took long enough for some random crossover between two things I like to happen!#Both characters are surprisingly drawn towards a goal that may hurt them as they go deeper (but may lead to catharsis)#Both are trying to figure out the puzzle pieces of their past#Except one is about childhood abuse and repression and the other is about nostalgia for times gone by#Well both are about times gone by considering Nicholas longs for a time in his childhood where he was innocent and happy (the butterflyyyyy#The past is lingering closer and they don't even know about it! lol!!!!#Why is it all just a metaphor for grief and longing!!!! Ragh!!!!#Also Andrew has now leveled up to nightmares now (similar to Chris' experiences) because Smiler hates him#Which also gets confusing when combining AG67 and AI Builds since like AG67 has its supernatural elements#While AI Builds is (as far as I'm aware) grounded in the real world and is riddled with metaphor and interpretation#So uh both just exist now#It's just that being haunted while struggling with mental health doesn't help#Edit: Oh fuuuck I forgot to explain why Nicholas is 22 while being a sophomore#I imagine being busy with AI Builds and his worsening mental state kinda put college off the table#Until FST I guess (it began uploading a year after AI Builds)#So Nicholas is a sophomore
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
clown jumpscare on the dash. the clown is me. i had this whole essay written out but i decided not to post that bc i am allergic to being perceived and to ever share what's going on with me. sorry chat if i were a character in a show or book i'd be the one the fans would psycho-analyze and decide that 'he'd rather have his nails pulled out one by one than share his feelings tf???' does that mean i'd be the dreaded fan fav?? having the most outrageous takes written about me??? i am joking. but also i am not. as in i am not joking about not wanting to share beyond the bare minimum on the dash right now. gotta keep up my clown face after all JHSABJKDDF anyway!! let me be srs for just a second: the one thing i will share is that i feel so burnt out. and that in turn makes me feel so icky when i log in here. i don't know what it is but i've been on a sort of semi-hiatus for 4 months alrdy and nothing really changed. i want to write here but i also don't want to. it's sickening honestly. i am going to put this blog on an official hiatus rn when it comes to ic writing until i know what to do. you're free to unfollow bc i really don't know when i'll be writing here and i hate saying that i will and then end up not doing anything. save for maybe writing some meta posts once in a blue moon, i don't think i'll be doing much. and even that i can't promise at this point. all this to say that i'll continue to be very scarce for a while. or i'll just remake. it's all up in the air for now. we'll see what future me decides.
#out of the nether❟ ooc ✧#also to anyone that checked in on me: thank you so much fr!!#sorry for disappearing JHSDBJJ i am so slow with responding but i will!! soon!!#that meme with jlo and ... i keep forgetting his name is just so ... me-coded idk how to explain it#HJSDAJKFK i am haunted by the time i accidentally called him rupaul ... while i meant to say paul rudd...#and i was STILL wrong bc apprntly that's NOT his name ✋ all these men look the same to me not rupaul tho#like i am so sorry queen forgive me that was my mistake 🙇#sjadhjka while i was away i lit set up 3+ mock blogs ..... 😭. and some random carrds bc i was like 'what if ...'#i still want to write some canon muses tho. srsly i WANT to but the idea of writing canon muses ... idk people are so intense about some#characters fr. and not in a good way. it makes me so ??? like pls. chill out i beg ✋ it's not that srs babes#anyway my current fixation is someone from a gacha name that we won't name but he's testing my resolve so bad#he and some others. including a mother(tm). i can still hear her adsfuhhakj sorry these tags have lit NOTHING to do with my initial post 😭#to anyone that knows me you know it takes me a literal year before i commit to anything. it took me a YEAR and a half#before i made an oc multi after yapping about it for so long. the same is happening to the canon multi#i've been saying this for almost a year too .... so ?? uuhm y eah. but also i have these two new oc's i really wanna write. but another#solo blog?? i cannot handle that. esp bc elyon is STILL in jail and i need to get them out of there asap. the loml. my cunty mage.#queen. horror incarnate. when i say i have a bias and i mention my oc's and it's not elyon? i am lying and u should put me down immediately#.. only isolde comes close to the favored bias. the rest of my muses have to settle for being 2nd sdhjafkjf#but fr. elyon has a special place in my heart. i love them sm. even when i don't write them i /always/ think about them#the rare times i think about fandom verses for my oc's elyon is the ONLY one that comes to mind. they're always on my mind. unmatched!#me mentioning elyon here fully knowing only some moots know who they are. it's ok SJKDAHJKF i have been gatekeeping them for a while ..#bc shit was getting weird.... ANYWAY!! i yap too much fr. enough with these tags. i am gonna go and try to catch up with some dm's#that have been marinating for .... uhm ... y eah. some time JHSDJK#i hope you all have a good day today!! 💃💃
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Black Hole Fantasy - Rui's Acceptance Towards Change (Character & Lyric Analysis)
Hello! This came to me in a vision. I'm either factually correct or just deranged to the point where every single song reads as Rui to me, but oh well!! I love the Crane Wives, I love this song, this album so so much. And I like Rui. So this is your sign to listen to Beyond, Beyond, Beyond in its entirety from beginning to end as intended. For me. (Please. It's also for your own good.)
Note: This is more of a middle school/main story Rui analysis but it applies to so many more of his focuses as well : ) I just didn't want to include everything or else it would end up too messy and long!
Aren't you tired of going through the motions? Is the daily grind meant to dull the mind? I sense a window somewhere closing Somewhere in the world that I just have to find
We start off by looking through the window of a depressed teenager, roughly fourteen or fifteen, slowly wearing his heart and mind away. Every day is the exact same: he wakes up, goes to school (whether he actually sits through class is a whole other story), he keeps his head down, his presence small and tiny. He melts into the background and becomes nothing more but an idea, a rumour. There is no place for him here; all he can do is watch from a safe enough distance.
And Rui knows, he knows that happiness exists. He knows it's there, but it's not here. Not for him. Maybe, in another pocket of the universe where he didn't have to eat lunch alone, but rewriting his story this way, well, that just wouldn't be his story anymore, would it?
The days blur together I watch the ceiling buckle, the walls are closing in There's a black hole in the living-room floor I keep trying to ignore, but it's growing
And even though he can try all he wants, remaining apathetic to the life he was given, he can't ignore how much it eats away at him. It's leaving holes in his chest, holes much too big for a simple fix. He'll take them with him wherever he goes, even as he leaves the rooftop, graduates, leaves the school, leaves the next one.
Even after he cuts his hair, transfers to Kamiyama, and carries on with his guerilla gigs like usual, he doesn't feel whole.
Why? Why won't it go away?
If love is just a chemical reaction Is there a pill to take? Something to quell this ache? Is this the real thing or a distraction? Is it worth the risk? My life would detonate
My knuckles hesitate an inch away from the door What happens when it opens?
It doesn't go away when Tsukasa approaches him with a generous invite, either. He's honoured, of course, but it brings him more fear and dread if anything. There's no way, he tells himself. Life has taught him that no matter how much love he has to give to the world, the world is simply not as loving. He can't take this chance, not again.
And even if it was good enough to be true, just enough good for someone like him, there's no way it would last. It's only a matter of time before they look at him like everybody else did, and all that would be left for Rui is to watch the world from above like he always did, revelling in the fact that he was proven right once more.
Even in my fantasy, I can't commit to believing That I'll get what I want, I'm afraid of what I want Even in my fantasy, I keep the car running In case I need to take off
The months blur together I watch the ceiling buckle, I wonder when it's caving in There's a black hole in the living-room floor I keep standing on the edge and looking in
After all, it's better this way! It's better this way: barely within arm's reach, always a few feet from the door, bags packed from the very beginning, ready to leave when it becomes clear to him that he is probably not welcome anymore.
All Rui needs is complete and utter freedom to make the shows he wants to make. He's convinced himself that he doesn't need other people. People are people, I am me. It's as simple as that, and there is no use in hoping for anything more.
But, deep deep down, he knows it's not true. He's known forever now that something was missing, something he can't place a finger on. This wasn't enough, it will never be enough, but he can't spit those words out himself. Admitting to the truth means accepting that you are unhappy, not like this, not forever, who are you trying to fool, you need more, YOU NEED MORE. However, for someone like Rui who has been taught to believe that he is a selfish person, a cruel, heartless thing who would do whatever it takes to get what he wants, it was easier settling with the little he had.
This is how it should be, Rui tells himself and to nobody else.
But a small, small part of him, something he left years ago in an empty room, cried for someone else to be there with him too.
And on the other side is another life A version of me with a spark in her eyes That I don't have And now she's laughing And it's killing me that I cannot see What's making her laugh From where I'm standing And I have to know So, I'm going in I'm going in
I don't exactly have a perfect way to segue this into the last verse but I just really love the imagery of a younger, sadder Rui, watching his future self from a distance, and he's laughing, smiling, and he's so full of life. Who did he meet that he could let loose and just simply be? Who is making his face crinkle up into the smile he can't even muster anymore? Who is putting the shine in his eyes, the love in his heart? He wants to turn away, it's not real, it's not true. There's nothing like that for him. Not in this life. But the more he watches the more he hurts and the more he hurts the more he feels until all he can do is take that first step forward, reach his hand towards the light, and pray that something catches him.
Let's try this again I'm on my way to your house, guided by the stars I'm pulling in the driveway, I'm turning off the car I'm running to your porch, I'm sprinting up the stairs The door swings open and you're standing there You're beaming down at me, you're reaching out for me And pull me in your arms, and I feel your heart pounding I take a step back to catch my breath And we look at each other and double over and laugh, and laugh, and laugh
And years later, it hits him. That smile, that laugh he saw, was truly only possible due to the fact HE took that first step. It was Rui who "turned off the car," he's not running away anymore, he's moving forward. It was Rui who kept his arm outstretched, Rui who carried the courage to change, Rui who decided to grow closer with Wonderlands x Showtime, his classmates, and ultimately, with true friends outside of his troupe. Had he kept his heart closed away, cold from the wind on the school rooftop, everything would have stayed the same. Rui accepted change with himself first. Rui's change started with Rui.
And, by god, how good does it feel! How amazing is that breath of fresh air, the ache in his ribs from laughing too hard, the sores in his face from smiling too wide? How astonishing is the realization that oh, this is still you! It's still you! Despite everything, all the hurt, the loss, every sliver of joy in your life, it's still you! Maybe not quite anymore, but every part of you, at least a remnant, a memory, lives on in you alone. The Rui smiling with his friends today is the same Rui who believed that there was nothing in this world left for him. He's the same Rui as the Rui three, five, ten years ago, in the smallest of ways. And he carries every single part of him wherever he goes, close to his heart. And that really means something to me.
#i should make a tag for all of my proper posts that aren't me bullshitting and balling#jay actually thinks#pjsk#project sekai#rui#kamishiro rui#rui kamishiro#outstretches hand towards you shoujo style . let's be crazy about the crane wives and kamishiro rui together#there are actually so many of their songs i associate with the purple thing but this one is just. so him.#in the many ways i explained here and more. more that i did not include#rui unlocks a demon inside of me because most of the time i will be like. frantically gestures. this thing. take it. Understand me#and then i look at rui and my brain cogs do a complete 360 and suddenly i am slamming the keys like my entire life depends on it#such is the life of. having him live in your brain for more than two years now#anyway this took some time. let me know your thoughts and i will frolic in fields with you hand in hand
18 notes
·
View notes