#i dont know what it is about having a ''scary'' mental disorder that makes people act like

[rxttenfish]

shoutout to all us personality disorder bitches who have been constantly accused of making the lives of everyone we're close to worse, or even abusing them, by doing nothing other than being severely mentally ill.

[schizopositivity]

Hearing people throw around the words "delusional" and "delulu" so often when they clearly don't know what it means is so silly to me at this point, but also a little frustrating.

Like I heard someone in a video say "she's the worst type of delulu, where she actually is in a different reality" while describing someone being cocky and overconfident.

As a reminder, delusional means someone is holding a belief or altered reality that is persistently held despite evidence or agreement to the contrary, generally in reference to a mental disorder. Delusions are typically beliefs that exist outside of objective or common reality (so not something subjective like "this art is good"). It is often unshakeable, people can't be talked out of their strongly held belief even if it is completely nonsensical. They typically cause a disturbance to your life, unlike a spirituality or religion that you enjoy.

So someone saying "I'm the most attractive and most talented person in this room" might be annoying, but it is that person's subjective belief. It's your subjective belief that they are not, but neither is right or wrong because it is subjective.

Having a crush on a celebrity and wanting to marry them and imagining that happening is a conscious choice, it's a daydream. Meanwhile delusions are not conscious choices, it is a symptom a person has whether they want it or not.

It's important to uphold the true meaning of this word, because it describes a mental condition that impacts many people. Having the words definition change by making it mean other things does harm us. If we want to open up to a friend about a serious mental problem in our lives by saying "I have delusions", that person should know the gravity of that, and not think it's some fun quirky personality trait that everyone has.

Also the way people misuse the word tends to be in a negative or insulting way, aimed at the delusional person. But delusions dont indicate anything about the delusional persons personality and morals. The delusions are caused by a mental health problem and not chosen by the person. This is important to remember when people have strange, mean, self centered, taboo, or scary delusions, it doesn't mean that a person wants to believe that, they can't control it.

So please try and use the words "delusion" and "delusional" correctly, don't give it a cute trendy nickname like "delulu". And try and educate the people around you about the actual meaning of these words, and the impact of misusing them.

[steence]

im gonna speak up on this. i never do and ive never mentioned it before, but im gonna do it

dear systemscringe,

stop fucking talking over us. stop trying to "help" us. ive been trying to figure out if ive had this disorder for six years. and i probably would have figured it out by now if every time i ever felt the slightest bit of denial i didnt go on your stupid subreddit and scroll. for. hours.

the only person ive told about my questioning is my girlfriend. and even she has said that ive gotta stop worrying that she'll find me "cringe".

every single time i experience a symptom its immediately followed up by me wondering if it was real or if i was somehow subconsciously faking it. everytime i find something i dont remember making, or posting, or doing. my first thought is "how could i managed to have faked this".

i couldnt.

im more than willing to acknowledge that i might have a different disorder. ive done research. i know everything from schizophrenia to autism can be misdiagnosed as osddid.

but ive been denying my symptoms for so long because of your community. because of your people who have to go out of their way to mock people who are very clearly mentally unwell.

i dont care if you have new mods now. i dont care if you've done the research. i dont care if you have "actual systems" who approve of what youre doing. i do like the possum guy though. possum guy rock on.

and the reason i like the possum guy is because they never say someone's definitely faking. they look through their posts, find misinformation, and correct it.

its very scary to post this. im afraid i'll be judged or mocked or cringed at. but whatever im done being cringe.

[sualne]

Listen as someone who has been obsessed with vampires like my entire life (but not in a ooh there sexy way its like the symbolism man of what vampires can mean) i am a huge fan of your op vanpire au.

I know you just made a post with lore (amazing art btw) but is there anything else about the au you want to talk about. Id love to hear everything

there's a lot of things i want to talk about the au!! im going to use the frantic energy from the year to get myself some bravery and say some of it is inspired by my own experiences with hallucinations and delusion (dont ask about it pls), with the au i want to explore what it would be like having the person who changed you being very literally stuck with you.

i love stories where characters end up sharing a mind and/or body, i also really dont like when its just good person vs bad person, nuance is a lot more fun lol. the relationship luffy and mingo will be forced into stuck as they are is something important to me. mingo is an awful monster but since he can feel everything luffy does he ends up trying to teach him how to live as a vampire, how to take care of himself. im also very found of the concept of parasite (they're literally the worst thing ever and so fucking scary, so naturally they keep coming up in my stories).

it's also about luffy's body and mind failing him, because of the mindlink he has a hard time knowing where he is, sometimes who he is, what is relationships were supposed to be with others, it gets complicated for him! how hard it is to go through one's daily life when your sense are all messed up! (mingo also struggles with that a bit, but this isn't about him, even thought it's new for him too he get used to it much more easily for plot convenience).

other's ppl reaction to the situation also, i feel, completely unconsciously was also incidentally inspired by my own fear of being seen as a monster or dangerous, something to be put down or locked away!

there's also a few jokes in that lore post that reflects this here:

bugs are a pretty common brand of hallucination, be they crawling in the corner of your sight or inside you, making you feel like a walking hives, this was a funny reference to that!

"surprisingly he doesn't start biting people or become violent." this is my not very subtle "mentally ill and neurodivergent folks aren't inherently dangerous pls stop killing us". the occasional euphoria from bloodthist is vaguely inspired by some manic episode, the happy kind.

there's more, about the way this is about trauma and feeling alienated, i guess this is also a "character realize they've got a disorder/develop one and now has to live with it" kind of story.

[scaphismpriest]

Tiktok is a cesspool of ableism against narcissists and usually I shake my head and roll my eyes, but i just saw a Tiktok comment that made my blood boil.

Keep in mind that this was on a cluster B safe post, and someone manages to think its okay to blame abuse on NARCISSISM. I am a person with BPD and NPD, im not going to get personal in my life because this is the internet and not everyone needs to know what ive fucking been through, but i know for damn sure that "narc abuse" is not a fucking thing and generalizes narcissists to be abusers and dangerous people. Sure, you can get abused by a narcissist, but you can also get abused by literary ANYONE, this is why you dont see people say "im suffering from blonde abuse" or "im recovering from christian abuse" because nobody in their fucking right mind would use someones appearance, race, mental health, religon, physical ability, gender, sexuality, ETC as a excuse to label and generalize a group of people to describe abuse. I had a ex girlfriend who would abuse me and she had BPD, I have a mother who also emotionally and verbally abuses me and shes schizophrenic. You dont see me say "im recovering from borderline abuse" or "im suffering from schizophrenic abuse" because that generalizes people with BPD and schizophrenia to be abusers. Do you see the fucking problem here yet? Oh but when its narcissists, or people with "scary mental disorders" like ASPD, then its suddenly okay to label us as scary abusers or dangerous people? Some of You claim to be advocates for mental health but when it comes to us then you suddenly give up because we're "too much for you to waste your time on" or that we're "Hopeless" and "Helpless" if you so called "Empaths", egotypicals, and neurotypicals actually gave a fucking shit about us, you would understand that we've also been hurt, we've been treated like shit and neglected by the world, we bite because we are scared, we are constantly in a battle of self hate and fake ego, we are insecure, we depend on attention and success to survive, we are neglected children at our core. if you really gave a shit about mental health and our well being, i wouldn't be here thinking "wow man i should really rid myself because the world views me as nothing but a monster so therefore i should off myself!" "but you've also hurt people!" I know, I am aware, I've already taken that accountabilty and MAJOR steps into becoming into a better person and have recovered greatly these past months and you dont know or understand me more than the people ive hurt personally, you dont get a say in what happens because thats NOT your ground to stand on and say whatever YOU think and ive had people disrespect that. I am FORTUNATE to even be loved and cared for still by the person ive hurt, and even I myself dont feel like I deserve that such mercy, I am forever grateful but It also makes me truly sad, not for myself, but for the person I love the most. I genuinely cried writing this, this is more so a vent but I hope someone sees this and atleast understand me on a true empathic level, instead of a perception. I hope i dont regret posting this, because this is the most youre gonna see me vulnerable for a LONG time.

[terror-punk]

be openly scary bro nobody is scared people just get second hand embarrassment , id tell you to go outside but i dont want more innocents smelling your unwashed ass from 3 miles away

Okay, let's see that post you're talking about here and ignore your attempt at an insult that proves you know nothing about us and what our offline life is like.

The post talks about highly stigmatised mental illnesses such as personality disorders and psychotic disorders. People "just" get "second hand embarrassment" from them? Please explain to the people who have had their friends shy away from them the moment they mention they're mentally ill in any capacity. Please explain that to people who end up forcefully institutionalised. Please explain that to the people who couldn't fathom even being friends with someone with such a stigmatised, scary disorder.

The post talks about trans and queer identities. Do you really think people just get second hand embarrassment from that? Is the fearmongering of "protect our kids" all second hand embarrassment? Is the "trans women want access to spaces they make others unsafe in" just.... a reaction to internally cringing?

The post talks about nonhumanity and alterhumanity at large, which even if it's seen as "cringe" or "embarrassing", alterhumans are lumped in with psychotics and commonly treated similarly.

People are scared of the mentally ill, people are scared of those who are queer, people are scared of alterhumans--that's the reason for a good chunk of the hate. In fact, it would be so much safer for us to be us if they were just embarrassed for us and nothing else. If people weren't scared of anything remotely different, maybe people would even cringe less, because we would be normalised and allowed to be more open.

I'm responding to this because you're almost an example of my point. You may truthfully not be "scared" (though if you weren't scared of something, even if it's just a block, why exactly are you on anon?), but if society were better, people wouldn't feel the need to send anons like this to people trying simply to exist. You likely wouldn't even bat an eye. We simply want as much of a right to exist as possible, and if people are scared, that's solely a them problem. It might not be safe for everyone to be "scary" or "cringe" right now, but we should be allowed to. That's the point.

Thank you for being an example of what ideas we're aiming to dispel.

[kiruliom]

you know what mental disorder people make hard to talk about even within communities built on it, besides paras?

munchausens.

and I get the reasoning, its scary. even if the whole disorder's thing being faking another disorder/illness/trauma wasnt doing it, fakeclaimers love to abuse the word until it loses its meaning.

so as someone who actually has it Id like to clear some stuff up

first of all, this doesnt mean Im faking any of my conditions, maybe not all of them are entirely accurate, but thats because I havent been able to find disorders that better describe it. Ive researched each of my conditions religiously, and talked most of them with my psychologist, who we already agreed I shouldnt get a medical diagnosis for because it could literally ruin my future where I live.

we're not "transabled", yes a portion of our community unfortunately does swing that way, but thats because thats the only community that wont immedietly flip its shit when you say "hey I dont actually have this disorder but I feel like I should have it" and thats so fucking sad. Im very anti-transabled and similar things. hell, even I was terrified of bringing it up until now.

its not a delusion, not for me, at least. I know I dont have the disorders I feel like I should have. so its not a mental equivelant of BIID. most of us feel that way because we're neglected, or feel we should have been affected worse, and some part of us grips to the false fact that maybe if we were hurt worse people would actually care, even if deep down we do know better.

it is incredibly rare. rarer than plurality even. so most fakeclaimers who immedietly resort to blaming munchausens for disabled people they claim are cringe, guess what!! that shits even rarer than whatever bullshit you claim cringy teens are faking.

if you believe someone is faking a disorder, let them!! ignore them!!! personally Id let 1000 people get away with faking shit than fakeclaim someone who actually has that disorder you claim theyre faking. and similar to delusions, it often makes us 'get into character' even harder, and just ruins our mood and makes actually disordered people around us insecure as well. there is no 'right' way to be disordered.

me, personally? Ive never gone as far as to fake a disorder, but god damn did I have the urge to and still do. I would be that whole 'he has every mental illness' meme if I didnt have as much self control as I did. but honestly would you even know if I did? I wouldnt tell you. because that means Id no longer get the attention I already wasnt getting because realistically no one cares and those that do are annoyingly pitying about it.

if any of you have questions about this, dont be afraid to ask, as long as you dont accuse me of shit Id love to talk about it. I just want more information on us out there :(

fakeclaimers fuck off or Ill rip your throat out

-Reggie and Velvet

[kei-maki]

Thank you for doing a matchup trade with me <3 here's my matchup!

FANDOM: I would like a ADULT MALE MATCHUP for hazbin hotel, please. I don't wanna be matched with angel dust or husk (I have no problem but I don't see myself being romantic partners with them)

ABOUT ME: My name is Jaxrel! People call me "Jax" for short. also use other names like Himawari, Rin, etc, He/Him (They/Them is acceptable), I'm a Trans Man who's pansexual and I've been diagnosed with mental illness and disorders that I do not wish sharing ATM.

Personality(+ Notes): I'm a ENTP Ravenclaw, 5w4, Extroverted. I'm a very chill and intelligent person, I'm very polite and sweet! at first awkward, shy and distant when meeting people, extremely independent, when comfortable I talk about a lot of stuff for hours, loud talker, emotions come off as sarcastic or silly (due to autism), confident, straightforward (I have a urge to correct someone of faulty information), uses "big" words, good sense of humor, playful, entertaining, optimistic, mischievous, curious(l'm nosy and I love gossip), i can be a rule breaker(sometimes don't mean to), dad/ tharapist friend, when | go out | bring water bottles, first aid kit, chapsticks) just in case, chill but some people would say I have some "repressed anger issues, get a reallyyy overractive Brain, tend to get deep and philosophical when I'm left on my own for to long, I can be verbally aggressive when prevoked. If this helps more the characters I kin a lot are: Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice), Tei (Nameless), Cutthroat (Akudama Drive, Except the Bloodlust cutthroat has.), Ranpo Edogawa (Bungo Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungo Stray Dogs), Space Ishtar (Fate), Okita Souji (Fate), Langa Hasegawa (Sk8 The Infinity), Sherlock Holmes (TGAA), Zack (Final Fantasy 7), Vash The Stampede (Trigun), Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist), Otonashi Yuzuru (Angel Beats), Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom), Vanitas (Study Case of Vanitas), Zoe Hange (AOT), Shinoa Hiragi (Seraph of The End) + more

things I love about myself: when someone is going through anything or needs help with anything they will call me before anyone else, i have an ugly laugh so guaranteed if i laugh someone else will as well, how much i love animals if i see a stray around my house i will adopt it immediately, if i see a stranger crying in public my eyes will not leave them alone until i get the courage to walk up to them and ask whats wrong, i am very confrontational i will always stand up for whats right no matter how scary the situation may be, how greedy i am for money but when i love someone i will spend the world on them, how excited i get for little things like when someone buys me redbull, monster, cherry pepsi or chocolate pretzels/strawberries my day cant be ruined, how in touch i am with being grateful if someone helps me in anyway or does something in general to benefit me i will never forget it, dont take people for granted, ive been told anytime someone hangs out with me that being with me feels safe and peaceful, pay attention to the little things, how even though i dont care about plushies i have been given some and i make sure to kiss them all goodnight in case they are actually real and see what happens, if i know someone is having a hard mental health day i will clean for them/ get them icecream and be patient till they are ready to talk about it, without fail a quiet person will always be loud with me, i am the type of person who just wants people i love to be happy even if its not with me, i will always choose them i dont say i love you until i mean it i will celebrate the people i love, i am very observant if i see that someone wants something i will get it for them no matter what, i will make it my mission to compliment a stranger that looks like they are having a hard time so their day is a little better, how i say i love kids even though if they can be annoying i will protect them with my life and im so gentle with them, I am not ashamed of what i love like anime for example even though when I was teased for it when I was little i never once hid that i loved it even if i dont like a song that someone shows me i will be hyper while listening to it so they dont feel small and embarrassed around me, how soft i become when someone holds my hand, I love psychical affection a lot so it's not a problem for me, i love how hardworking i am, whether its how much i love actually working or just getting out of bed knowing how hard my mind is fighting i love how i have gotten up everyday despite how challenging it is to, i am an emotional person but i will always cry for a sad scene in a movie, if i love someone, they'll be seen.

MORE KINS: hiyori tomoe (enstars), yoosung kim (mystic messenger), jumin han (mystic messenger), hanako (tbhk), felix kranken (twf), albedo (genshin impact), shoya ishida (a silent voice), tom (eddsworld). eridan (homestuck), karkat (homestuck), shu itsuki (enstars), miyamura izumi (horimiya), micheal afton (FNAF), lolbit (FNAF), mangle (FNAF), natsume sakasaki (enstars), sora harukawa (enstars), urumi akamaki (alice in borderland), V (mystic messenger), hagumi kitazawa (bandori), matsubara kanon (bandori), shinji ikari (neon genesis evangelion), minami kotobuki (oshi no ko), lain iwakura (serial experiments lain), hajime hinata (danganronpa), k-angel (needy streamer overdose) and more LOL.

Looks: Half Polish and Vietnamese and Half Middle Eastern(Iraqi)/Filipino, I'm very skinny like just flat, I have hazel eyes and some slight flecks of amber and blue, I have upturned eyes but they seem like they are almond shaped but they aren't too noticeable, I think I have a heart shaped face but from different angles it looks more diamond shaped(?), I'm approximately 5'8, 1 have a dimple only on my chin, I have dyed black hair, I also have bangs too, my clothing style tends to stretch widely from comfy to... a lot like this! I wear gyaru (hime gal, himekaji, agejo, gyaruo, rokku, manba, banba, kogal, tsuyome, and kigurumi), goth (trad goth, romantic goth, mall goth, cyber goth, and victorian goth), scenemo/emo (ofc), & vkei ouji and lolita, I can also pull off a kpop idol look, i also wear a lot of cool dresses and suits, I also wear Y2K and I also dress in alternative clothing a LOT, I wear a lot of other harajuku styles such as, jirai kei, decora and more so on, I’ve also been told I look like choso (JJK) and dazai osamu (BSD).

hobbies: gaming, anthropology, pathology, theology, zoology, music, dancing, filmmaking, art (drawing, painting, pottery, digital art, etc), learning different instruments/languages, cosplaying, skateboarding, tabletop RPG's, taking pictures of things that I think are pretty, collecting figurines/stuffed animals and puppetry, science/history, soccer(football)/volleyball/ basketball and swimming, cooking/baking, art is definitely my main hobby I dedicate a lot of time to it, I can play 5 instruments which is the piano, cello, koto and bass/electric guitar, I know 6 languages (look in my bio hehe) and I'm learning more right now (which is hindi, vietnamese and taglong if your interested).

Likes: Chocolate, Strawberries, Iced Coffee and Boba Tea, Anime/ Manga, Music, Food, Winning in arguments online or irl, Reading, Cats, Sharks, Animals in general, Cold/or Rainy Weather, Shopping, Abstract or Romance movies, Kdrama(pretty much any asian dramas), Spicy or Sweet Food, Ramen.

Dislikes: Loud Noises, Slow Walkers, People who don't know when to close their mouths when chewing and hot weather.

Love Languages: all of them, LOL. (giving). gift giving, words of affirmation & physical touch (receiving).

Thank you so much! Have a good day!

IM SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONGGGGG

But based on the information you’ve given me, I match you up with…

🐤❤️Lucifer ❤️🐤

I KNOW YOU SAID YOU LIKED HIM BUT I HAD HIM IN MIND BEFORE YOU SAID THAT, LET ME EXPLAIN

- First of all, would go shopping with you if you ever asked if he wanted to, might be a bit skidding since it’s you know, OUTSIDE, but if it’s for you he’ll do it

- Doesn’t care what you’re wearing, he thinks you look amazing regardless and will heavily praise you

- PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE P L E A S E Spoon him, especially since you’re taller, he will literally melt in your arms, whisper sweet nothings into his ear before bed while you do and he’ll start crying from feeling so loved

- Honestly pick him up and he won’t even question it, he’ll just be like “oh ok”

- Will definitely show off his wings to compensate for the height though

- He has given you a duck of every kin you listed, and overall just for everything you like or represents something you like, all presents, he just came up to you blushing, like a penguin with a rock, one day and was like “here” and he hasn’t stopped since, and probably never will

- I feel like speaking of presents, that’s a good transition into love languages. This man will gladly accept all of them and definitely needs it. As everyone can tell he needs words of affirmation and physical touch he is touch starved, so like previously said, hold him and tell him he’s the best and he’ll melt. And gifts? If you’re from you they’re the best thing in the world, even if it’s something like a cracker with a flag on it he’ll call it cute and share it with you. Will spend all his time with you, being the shut in he is, and is beyond grateful for you helping around the palace, it helps take away the thought of some of his responsibilities so he can just rest and spend time with you

- As for YOU he will definitely return the favor, always telling you you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, that you’re his entire life, all while constantly cuddling you and peppering kisses all over your face, and giving you the most extravagant things He’ll has to offer, but if that’s too much for you? Don’t worry, how’s a chocolate scented cat shark plushie sound? Or how about that new manga volume you told him about that you wanted?

(Something like this visually for the plushie)

- I feel like he doesn’t like loud noises either (unless HES the loud noise, which might cause problems between you two), so he’s got noise canceling headphones at the ready to summon at a moment’s notice

- Movie/show date nights watching any anime, kdrama, or hopelessly romantic movie you want

- Will make your tea for you (and will spill it in regards to the hotel of course)

- Info dump to him and he will gladly listen, engraining every single detail to memory, asks questions and shows genuine interest as well

- With you both being mischievous and playful, and you having a contagious laugh, I can see many laughing fits over the silliest of things

- If you spoil him with gifts his heart will flutter, it’s usually the other way around

- Not at all afraid to show you off either, all the PDA in the world. Want to hold his hand? (I’ll take that hand now-) He has four now so he can do that AND hug you, no one has a doubt in their minds that you’re together, he will proclaim his love to you with a 99 power point slide on the News with no hesitation

- Will honest on his fathers name kill anyone who makes you feel like shit or like you have to hide your wonderful personality. That double Hell comment Angel made in the pilot? Yeah, that’s what’s gonna happen if ANYONE messes with you

And… I think that’s it? Lmk if you want more though! I’m not sure if this was long enough ;-; but I hope you enjoyed it! This was actually pretty fun to do!

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

[desultory-suggestions]

hi, do you have anything for arfid? i dont struggle with my self image but i do struggle with eating enough or even eating on harder days and its so disheartening when i have no energy and feel bad and exhausted and i know i just have to eat to feel better but i CANT

Hello dear one! I can absolutely offer some resources for ARFID. Compared to how we understand many other eating and feeding disorders, ARFID is often left out do discussions because it isn’t body image centered. This can make finding support really difficult! I am so proud of you for working towards a happier and healthier self and finding ways to eat, especially with such strong mental barriers trying to stop you.

Understanding whether you’re dealing with ARFID oriented more around avoidance, aversion, restriction, or a combination may be a good place to start. This can help you define what actually happens in your mind, and what you feel prevents you from eating. Did this disorder stem from a specific experience, genetics, social factors, or a mix? Answering these questions will likely be a big factor in what treatment your pursue.

As I recommend for every eating disorder, a multidisciplinary approach of therapy, nutritional support, and medical assessment is very important for recovering. This isn’t something you are making up, nor is it something you can magically stop. It’s okay to need more help, and because it’s a mental health issue you may need someone to help you work through a professional level plan.

I know many people struggling with ARFID receive support in eating and trying new foods as a form of exposure therapy. This is a very scary and mentally intense task, so it should be planned. Planning to work with a professional or loved one on a specific schedule and slowly work up to trying and eating new and more foods is a good way to press your limits. You will struggle, it will suck a lot sometimes! But you will also make progress. Don’t push yourself into a panic, it’s okay to work up to a single crumb over a period. Whatever works works. Also prepare to rest and recover from the experience. If you work up to taking a bite of a food you previously couldn’t, you are allowed to feel exhausted and need to practice self care after. This isn’t meant to be a punishing experience.

I’ve attached two articles below that offer information that could be helpful for seeking treatment. I also recommend support groups and recovery groups, which may help be a healthy motivator and reassurance that you are not alone in this.

You’ve got this!

-Evan

[lifmera]

Thank you for doing a matchup trade with me <3 here's my matchup!

FANDOM: I would like a ADULT MALE MATCHUP for hazbin hotel, genshin impact and black butler please! I don't wanna be matched with angel dust or husk I have no problem but I don't see myself being romantic partners with them)

ABOUT ME: My name is Jaxrel! People call me "Jax" for short. also use other names like Himawari, Rin, etc, He/Him (They/Them is acceptable), I'm a Trans Man who's pansexual and I've been diagnosed with mental illness and disorders that I do not wish sharing ATM.

Personality(+ Notes): I'm a ENTP Ravenclaw, 5w4, Extroverted. I'm a very chill and intelligent person, I'm very polite and sweet! at first awkward, shy and distant when meeting people, extremely independent, when comfortable I talk about a lot of stuff for hours, loud talker, emotions come off as sarcastic or silly (due to autism), confident, straightforward (I have a urge to correct someone of faulty information), uses "big" words, good sense of humor, playful, entertaining, optimistic, mischievous, curious(l'm nosy and I love gossip), i can be a rule breaker(sometimes don't mean to), dad/ tharapist friend, when | go out | bring water bottles, first aid kit, chapsticks) just in case, chill but some people would say I have some "repressed anger issues, get a reallyyy overractive Brain, tend to get deep and philosophical when I'm left on my own for to long, I can be verbally aggressive when prevoked. If this helps more the characters I kin a lot are: Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice), Tei (Nameless), Cutthroat (Akudama Drive, Except the Bloodlust cutthroat has.), Ranpo Edogawa (Bungo Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungo Stray Dogs), Space Ishtar (Fate), Okita Souji (Fate), Langa Hasegawa (Sk8 The Infinity), Sherlock Holmes (TGAA), Zack (Final Fantasy 7), Vash The Stampede (Trigun), Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist), Otonashi Yuzuru (Angel Beats), Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom), Vanitas (Study Case of Vanitas), Zoe Hange (AOT), Shinoa Hiragi (Seraph of The End) + more

things I love about myself: when someone is going through anything or needs help with anything they will call me before anyone else, i have an ugly laugh so guaranteed if i laugh someone else will as well, how much i love animals if i see a stray around my house i will adopt it immediately, if i see a stranger crying in public my eyes will not leave them alone until i get the courage to walk up to them and ask whats wrong, i am very confrontational i will always stand up for whats right no matter how scary the situation may be, how greedy i am for money but when i love someone i will spend the world on them, how excited i get for little things like when someone buys me redbull, monster, cherry pepsi or chocolate pretzels/strawberries my day cant be ruined, how in touch i am with being grateful if someone helps me in anyway or does something in general to benefit me i will never forget it, dont take people for granted, ive been told anytime someone hangs out with me that being with me feels safe and peaceful, pay attention to the little things, how even though i dont care about plushies i have been given some and i make sure to kiss them all goodnight in case they are actually real and see what happens, if i know someone is having a hard mental health day i will clean for them/ get them icecream and be patient till they are ready to talk about it, without fail a quiet person will always be loud with me, i am the type of person who just wants people i love to be happy even if its not with me, i will always choose them i dont say i love you until i mean it i will celebrate the people i love, i am very observant if i see that someone wants something i will get it for them no matter what, i will make it my mission to compliment a stranger that looks like they are having a hard time so their day is a little better, how i say i love kids btw i will protect them with my life and im so gentle with them, I am not ashamed of what i love like anime for example even though when I was teased for it when I was little i never once hid that i loved it even if i dont like a song that someone shows me i will be hyper while listening to it so they dont feel small and embarrassed around me, how soft i become when someone holds my hand, I love psychical affection a lot so it's not a problem for me, i love how hardworking i am, whether its how much i love actually working or just getting out of bed knowing how hard my mind is fighting i love how i have gotten up everyday despite how challenging it is to, i am an emotional person but i will always cry for a sad scene in a movie, if i love someone, they'll be seen.

MORE KINS: hiyori tomoe (enstars), yoosung kim (mystic messenger), jumin han (mystic messenger), hanako (tbhk), felix kranken (twf), albedo (genshin impact), shoya ishida (a silent voice), tom (eddsworld). eridan (homestuck), karkat (homestuck), shu itsuki (enstars), miyamura izumi (horimiya), micheal afton (FNAF), lolbit (FNAF), mangle (FNAF), natsume sakasaki (enstars), sora harukawa (enstars), urumi akamaki (alice in borderland), V (mystic messenger), hagumi kitazawa (bandori), matsubara kanon (bandori), shinji ikari (neon genesis evangelion), rei ayanami (neon genesis evangelion), minami kotobuki (oshi no ko), lain iwakura (serial experiments lain), hajime hinata (danganronpa), k-angel (needy streamer overdose) and more :)

Looks: Half Polish and Vietnamese and Half Middle Eastern(Iraqi)/Filipino, I'm very skinny like I look mostly flat, I have hazel eyes and some slight flecks of amber and blue, I have upturned eyes but they seem like they are almond shaped but they aren't too noticeable, I think I have a heart shaped face but from different angles it looks more diamond shaped(?), I'm approximately 5'8, I have a dimple only on my chin, I have dyed black hair, I also have bangs too, my clothing style tends to stretch widely from comfy to... a lot like this! I wear gyaru (hime gal, himekaji, agejo, gyaruo, rokku, manba, banba, kogal, tsuyome, and kigurumi), goth (trad goth, romantic goth, mall goth, cyber goth, and victorian goth), scenemo/emo (ofc), & vkei ouji and lolita, I can also pull off a kpop idol look, i also wear a lot of cool dresses and suits, I also wear Y2K and I also dress in alternative clothing a LOT, I wear a lot of other harajuku styles such as, jirai kei, decora and more so on.

hobbies: gaming, anthropology, pathology, theology, zoology, music, dancing, filmmaking, art (drawing, painting, pottery, digital art, etc), learning different instruments/languages, cosplaying, skateboarding, tabletop RPG's, taking pictures of things that I think are pretty, collecting figurines/stuffed animals and puppetry, science/history, soccer(football)/volleyball/ basketball and swimming, cooking/baking, art is definitely my main hobby I dedicate a lot of time to it, I can play 5 instruments which is the piano, cello, koto and bass/electric guitar, I know 6 languages and I'm learning more right now.

Likes: Chocolate, Strawberries, Iced Coffee and Boba Tea, Anime/ Manga, Music, Food, Winning in arguments online or irl, Reading, Cats, Sharks, Animals in general, Cold/or Rainy Weather, Shopping, Playing Tabletop RPG's, Abstract or Romance movies, Kdrama(pretty much any asian dramas), Spicy or Sweet Food, Ramen.

Dislikes: Loud Noises, Slow Walkers, People who don't know when to close their mouths when chewing and hot weather.

Love Languages: physical touch, acts of service & words of affirmation(pretty much everything LOL) (giving). gift giving, words of affirmation & physical touch (receiving)

Thank you so much! Have a good day!

HEY HUN!!! IM SO GLAD WE ARE DOING IT!!

Im so happy someone asked for black butler finally!!

I’ve decided to pair you with……. GRELLE, AJAX & LUCIFER!

She would LOVE that you are extroverted.

She finally has someone to talk to who isn’t boring !!

She also loves that you are independent! It’s what attracted her to you!

It also allows her to be able to do her job without having to worry too much for you- but DONT get me wrong. She LOVES to take care of you.

She loves to listen to you, all day every day. Talk about your day to her. My girl always has an ear out. Honestly she probably has a sixth sense when it comes to you.

She definitely is nosy asf. She wants to get in EVERYONES BUSINESS !! You guys could probably spend a week on gossiping about the same person.

She honestly also has her own problems- and DEFINITELY forgets shit to bring or do. She will rely on you 24/7. She needs someone to rant to sometimes- being a grim reaper is so harrrd!

She definitely does not mind the anger issues. Sebastian was mean enough- if anything she definitely would like it if you yelled at her!!

She probably would laugh a little bit if you started to get philosophical with her- but thats also because she literally will have no clue on whats happening. - she’d beg you to explain it to her too.

If you have an ugly laugh- she does too. You both would be CACKLING 24/7.

She loves that you care for other people- and animals too! It would warm her heart so much. Although she’d be jealous!! She wants most of your attention.

She’d buy you anything or do anything to see you happy. She loves whenever you get happy!! She’d totally buy you shit like chocolate covered pretzels and watch you eat them with a HUGE grin on her face.

Not gonna lie though. She HATES kids. But she’ll try for you 🩷

She genuinely loves that you take care of other people- and kiss your plushies?? Thats so CUTE- HER NEXT???!!

If you told her you loved her? You would hear it maybe like 1600x times a day. She’s def super clingy.

If you went out of your way to try and make her happy- she would literally want to take a BITE put of you. How came she resist?? You are just too sweet :)

She will always be there next to you in the mornings, when you have a tough time getting up. She’s been there on her hard days. She doesn’t want the same thing to happen to you.

With all those hobbies?? She’d definitely make you help her learn stuff. Piano? Teach her !!! Guitar? Oh my god ?!! LANGUAGES?? Speak to her and even if you called her a donkey she’d be all over you.

She’d love to hear about your special interests or more about your hobbies. Like ?? Teach me to skateboard?!!!

She’d cosplay with you. She’d love to do it!!

She LOVES your sense of style. Its so different compared to what she’d normally see? Like pick me? Choose me ? Love me?

Whenever you choose a new style- she’s always in the back supporting you. She loves to show off to other people too. Like- thats MY man.

She literally loves any love language. SHE IS INLOVE WITH HER S/O AND WOULD DO ANYTHINNGGG FOR THEM!!

She definitely would want to bake with you tho. She cant bake for shit, but she tries.

She also will definitely LOVE your art. She needs pictures and photographs constantly. She’d probably hang them on the fridge or put them in her pockets to look at whenever shes working.

Now to Tartie

My man….

Ajax was definitely drawn in at first by your sense of style. He would’ve been staring from across the street with a smirk on his face.

Until he see’s you again. He HAS to say something this time!

He definitely wants to listen to you talk !

You love kids?? God he already loves you? He has so many siblings! And honestly he probably wants a big ass family.

He started to become drawn in by your personality. He needs someone who can be independent while he’s constantly working with the fatui.

Let’s be honest. This man is a GOSSIP. He finna chat chat chat with you all day every day. He mever shuts up.

He loves to hear you laugh. It brings him so much joy Everytime.

Although he feels safe constantly- he knows he can trust his siblings around you,

He definitely would be more reserved when it comes to himself, he’d love that you are the dad friend.

He’s totally gonna forget shit to do- and he can’t always take care of his siblings!

He loves that you have a big heart. Not many people do anymore- it caused him to truly become attached.

He’s so happy that you aren’t ashamed to like what you like- neither is he! Be proud!!

He loves physical affection too- but unfortunately is never really around much for it. He’d always give you tons of kisses on the forehead in the morning before he leaves though.

He’d also try to make ip to you with a bitch ton of presents and gifts for you. Like “ I’m so sorry sweetheart- but i hope this puts a smile on your face :)”

But if he stays at home? He’s gonna want to rot in bed with you and cuddle!

Honestly. He’d probably also have a shit ton of plushies too. But he’d get jealous if you gave them all kisses and not him!!

He isn’t really emotional- but he’ll definitely try to comfort you! I think at first he’d suck- but he has so many siblings he knows what to do!!

Your hobbies?? Always keeps him doing something with you! Like talk to me in a different language?

He’d LOVE to challenge you to sports!! Although he’ll definitely become a tadd bitt too competitive . He just gets lost in it!

He definitely makes you do some pottery with him, and drinks or eats out of the stuff you guys make together.

Probably will fall off a skateboard 16 different times.

He LOVES watching movies with you. I think he’d genuinely enjoy K dramas. This man is DRAMATIC.

He would buy you so many things to make up for lost time together :((

Luci’s Turn!

I mean come on… how could I not.

He was drawn into everything about you. Your style- your heart??

He saw the way you treated Charlie and he was like “that’s mine now.”

He would LOVE to listen to you talk while he’s making some ducks!!

I think you’d both have some rotting in bed moments though!!

Let’s be honest. He needs someone to take care of him. He won’t do it by himself. He’s too scared to even call his daughter.

He will definitely confide in you about EVERYTHING. He has nobody else that he trusts. (Other than charlie but….)

He loves to hear about anything! Gossip to him.. even though hes an old man he’d be like “she did WHATTTT?? NO WAYYY”

I think Lucifer would be pretty hard to get mad at honestly.

He also loves to hear your philosophy stuff! He’s always asking what you think about, and why. He want’s to hear the thought process behind it.

He LOVES that you are also so sweet to Charlie. It makes his heart swell.

Honestly he’s huge on physical touch. If he could he’d always have you touching him in some way. Whether it be cuddling in bed with your 1000 plushies, or having you sit on his laps while he makes a duck that looks like you!!

He LOVES your style. It makes him feel like he has something new to look forward to everyday. He also likes to guess which you’ll wear!

Personally i think Lucifer probably knows every language known to man- but he’d want you to talk to him in a different language! He’d definitely flirt with you!

Play music for this old man please!! He’d love to hear you strum the guitar while he’s doing something!

Or art!! He’d make paintings with you- although he sucks. He’d hang up pictures or drawings that you took, and frame them.

He loves that you aren’t afraid to do what you want! Or speak what you want! It allows him to feel free.

He thinks puppetry is SO COOL. Like honestly- teach me NOW. He’d probably get the strings knotted though.

He’d love to listen about your love for animals- he’d probably buy you one too. As long as it makes you happy.

He’d do anything to see a smile on your face. Buy chocolates, red bull, more plushies, strawberries? He is already on it.

Also wants you to kiss him to sleep.

He doesn’t go anywhere ever- so he’ll always be for you during your low times. He’ll help you through everything.

He’s super clingy too. He’d want you to give him quality time!

He’d beg you to watch movies or shows with you. He’d also get ADDICTED to them. Probably starts SOBBING during K-Dramas.

~~

HI LOVE!! I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY FOR YOU!! I ENJOYED THIS SO MUCH ! 🩷🩷

[sillygloworm]

We want to know genuine opinions on the popular plush brand “Plushie Dreadfuls” and how you all feel about them? Specifically the disability themed ones. Judgmental free, I respect everyone on this! If you don’t agree with my opinion, no worries at all; just don’t make a mean comment about it and we’ll be all good ^^

My opinion: I have a split view on them, I kinda feel like (some) of them are infantilizing or romanticizing some of the disorders. Dont get me wrong, they can be cute and are good plushies for expressing and embracing your disabilities. And some can be really good for that, especially the symbols and how their colors, features, etc may embrace that disorder. However, some seem a bit- too much. The autism one is loved by many, but in my honest opinion; it seems quite infantilizing. And with these becoming so popular, it may give off the idea that all individuals with autism act like babies or are childish. So that parts a bit controversial. What stubs me is how they like to make some of the mental illnesses and disorders super sweet and romanticized, until you come across one that’s so scary and makes it seem like everyone with this specific disorder is bad or scary. Such as the APD, OCD, sleep paralysis, etc; they are terrifying, imo, while other disorders such as autism, anxiety, etc; are super cute and romanticized. It seems unfair-ish or belittling to other disorders, and may make the disorder seem like it isn’t all bad and we all know how romantizing disorders goes. I really like the idea of embracing your disorders through a plush that has symbolism and such meaning behind it; and I’m glad that people are able to buy these plushies and feel a bit more comfortable with having these disorders. And before you say some shit, I plan to buy a few of them because some I do really like. I just personally have a split view on them, I like the symbolism and embracing side; but I don’t like the romanticizing and infantilizing/belittling aspect. Once again I am planning to buy several of these that I agree with and feel comfortable with, but I do still hold a strong negative opinion on a majority of them.

I really do want to hear some opinions on these plushies, it’s not for anything particular but I’m curious to learn others views/thoughts on them and what you guys think :]

[rgr-pop]

if i was a normal level of unwell right now i’d be baking a loaf of bread. i don’t want to have to leave the house tomorrow and i can’t bring myself to go to this stupid womens meeting. i have been so clear that i can’t do non constructive meetings that don’t specifically need me right now because i’m worn so thin, but if i don’t come on my sunday off i’ll lose credibility and these other orgs won’t work on the abortion fund projects. it feels like it’s always all on me to defend the value of doing repro work— and sometimes that’s okay and as you know i’m stepping up to work on this structural problem. but the problem is that if i show any signs of fragility—or god forbid say, “i need my sunday to myself this week,” or even worse, “my pet snail is dying and it’s going to impact my productivity for a week,” what i will be told is, well, you don’t have the capacity to sustain this work, so we’re going to stop working on it.

and the problem isn’t exactly that i’m the only one doing it (right now for example i have a street outreach brigade pamphleting hash bash lol in ann arbor, a political research crew prepping for the leg piece, a new Posting partnership planned for soon, the fundraiser ask is being made by someone else, plus some workings in a second chapter… look at me defending the work to you!), but we don’t have quite everyone with ownership over the project yet (which you build to) and, as i’ve said, everyone is depending all their willingness to not put up walls around this on whether or not i personally look energized and perfect and like i know everything every time they see me. meanwhile i want only one thing all the time (to kill myself). and i can’t be in this position because i’m not doing great. but i’m an ill and severely mentally ill person who can—i know—do a couple hours a week of organizing most weeks. and i believe you can build effective campaigns that bring in more people and build capacity and bolster people’s belief in the power working collectively for 2-10 hours a week can have to change people’s lives and make them feel mostly better rather than mostly worse. it’s important to me to hold that line. but i personally can’t survive being scolded by social workers (anarchists) and sociopaths (postleninists and social movement strategists) not to mention the regular misogynists who I HAVE TO PRESENT THIS TO IN A WEEK HOPING THAT THEY DONT DO SOMETHING MEAN TO SCARY TO ME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!!

anyway the thing is that i’m so fragile that i don’t see a way where this consciousness raising or whatever meeting doesn’t ruin my mood for the next few days, because every single one so far has been so bad it has edged on a traumatic experience. and i have to deal with that on top of everything else i have in my life (snail dying, baby, ANTS, being solely responsible for housework and most bills, feeding myself on no money, medical appointments, all my loved ones in crisis due to being poor women, eclipse???, my union, eating disorder, chronic pain, SNAIL DYING). and if you were a loser wannabe social worker you might say “it sounds like you don’t have capacity to organize” and, WRONG. i don’t have the capacity to waste two hours of my life + the bus travel on a consciousness raising meeting where someone tells me what’s wrong about me. and i disagree with the relational organizing (or even post bernie labor type) partisans a who say, that’s where the organizing happens. i disagree and i have a different theory of how this works (i may be inventing a caucus lol). and most importantly i think that i personally am more like a majority of working class women than i’m different. the main thing that makes me most different from other working class women is how much time i commit to communism. i want to change this!!!

today i need to work on things but i’m focused on my snail and the feelings around this. i’m having a hard time feeding myself. i don’t think crying on a saturday with my dying pet snail while managing mental illness during an eclipse makes me someone who can’t organize and i do NOT think getting psychologically torn to shreds by a social worker in training or a social movement strategist trying to force me to do drugs at a retreat is going to make me a better organizer.

j invited us over after the meeting and i’m overcome with guilt about coming empty handed. i miss him. i saw him in passing at the last meeting. he makes me happy and feel better. i don’t think i should be with him because i worry all i can do is complain. and he will be reminded why everyone hates me et cetera. but after i saw him that day when i wanted to die he reached out right after and said do you guys want to come over for dinner.

i can’t do the dishes. i made sniva a carrot. she got up to eat it. her trapdoor is so withered but i don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go on reddit to think about it. i want her to live six more days. i genuinely don’t know whether i’m neglecting her or should let it be. i am almost sure there is nothing i can do to fix her trapdoor. i’m going to do a small water change/replacement tonight if i can be upright enough. that’s it!! im as good as murdering her

[ihatepolice1234]

the mistreatment of people with personality disorders is so infuriating. why does no one love me. why was i the toxic one in the relationship when my partner was literally transphobic and ableist and racist. literally was friends with nazis. literally im trans and disabled and jewish. literally made me uncomfortable despite me telling him to stop. literally told me it was my fault and its not okay if i am vocal about the fact im uncomfortable. why do you hate me. why are my mood swings the end of the world.

"youre acting weird" -him "i havent been doing so good lately" -me "this behavior is making me uncomfortable and it concerns me" -him

literallyyy he said women are the "greatest thieves of a man's energy". literallyyy called his mexican friend a tacoslave. literallyyyy said to a THIRTEEN/FOURTEEN YEAR OLD "this is why your mother abuses you". literallyy told me this when he found out that 13/14 yr old was an ISTP "i cannot trust ISTPs they will attempt to hurt or destroy me" in which i said "??? (name) is like 12". "leftists are really closed off and judgmental" youu got 100% judgment for MBTI (saying this since you used MBTI to dictate all of your thoughts) and you admitted to being really closed off. called a leftist version of a nazi we knew and that im ignorant and i dont listen to other beliefs. when the conversation was either 1) unrelated to politics or 2) about people dying. "instead of hating muslims you hate christians" i think every religion is cultish.. i used to be a christian.. he had no reason to say this except for the fact i stated i was either atheistic or satanist.. "instead of hating black people you hate white people" im literally white.. i dont hate white people.. i just acknowledge that white people are oppressors.. and that racism exists.. and that white supremacy isnt good.. "you want to genocide those of differing ideologies and races" ??? where did this come from?? 'differing ideologies and races' WHO????? who and what are you referring to???????????? "you get your beliefs from jreg and sources that shouldnt be taken seriously" my interest in politics came from jreg.. sure.. but i KNOW he shouldnt be taken seriously.. thats why i dont take him serious.. thats why i spend my time learning about politics.. from actual good sources.. "why should i have to listen to you when you shut me down whenever i wish to add something" when did i do this??? maybe you were just wrong.. and saying some racist or ableist bullshit.. maybe that should be recognized as wrong by you.. but it isnt.. you make jokes about being schizophrenic, you dont care about my mental illness and how it affects me, you blame me for it like its my fault ??? like come on bru.. you misgender me after i stop talking to you.. as soon as you found out i was trans (which was NEVER supposed to happen) you called me my deadname.. "i think i understand, you dont dislike me, youre just out of control of your own emotions and need to become a better person" so close.. but so far.. "i cant separate myself from my mental illness as well as you can" -me. AND THEN HE LAUGHING EMOJI REACTS ME??? WHAT??? "i cant do the same things you can" -me "skill issue" -him. LIKE WHAT "not a lot of people understand me only (name) does" you told me you wanted to kiss me and have a future with me. you told me you wanted to go places with me and hug me and be with me forever. and then you proceeded to make fun of that person behind her back??? are you kidding? and then when she found out you told her it wasnt true?? and just a joke??? and now she isnt friends with you, because now you make fun of her, and you basically left her for someone else who even called you explosive and scary.

"vin my not understand tone as well as you do and the thing about online arguments is that theres no way to tell tone besides tone tags. i dont think he was coming off as rude (nor was he trying to, as stated by him), just different" -my friend

"ok, well some people being slow and incapable of processing social ques doesnt enable them to be cocky and belittling. there is a way to show tone, you can read it in someone's speech patterns, and if youre incapable of picking up on those tones then you simply have a bad intuition and understanding of people and how they work." -him

why are you a hater

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

So I hope you don’t mind my rant 🪻

Basically Ive been fighting my undiagnosed issue for years. I dont feel valid enough to call it an ED. But basically I went through a very stressful time years ago leading me to severely restrict my intake and only eat one meal a day which obviously lead to weekly binges. I purged everyday for several months. Lost a significant amount of weight. When the stressor left I maintained my new lower weight . the behavior persisted for years albeit to a lesser extent.

I had come to a place where while self conscious i was somewhat healthy. I ate well and enjoyed cooking and baking. I had treats without worries. I loved dancing and actually had energy to exercise and adored it. I did struggle with a constant urge to exercise though. Id been purge free for an entire year and I have been binge free for a few years

April comes and the stress of that time throws me back into restriction. At first I tell myself its okay. I make an effort to harm reduce and I eat three meals a day. Even with taking vitamins and exercising and losing weight the so called healthy way I have stomach pains and bloating, Im exhausted.

It continues and worsens and I restrict lower and lower. Often skipping a meal or only having one. My fatigue is terrible, I struggle to sleep and my anxiety is out of control. My skin is dry. My stomach gets painfully full easily. I am emotional. I cry all the time. I have sharp chest pains and I am cold. I an constantly dizzy and it is hard to breath when I stand up.

I am barely underweight. But I want to feel better.

Ive already been to the doctor twice but was too afraid to come forward about the restriction. Im going to a cardiologist soon.

Here is the real issue. I lied on the mental helath screening bcs I was afraid of being committted into a psych ward and My pcp recommended therapy. I made an appt and then cancelled. Since my anxiety is now so bad i cant manage i call to reschedule and try it and give it an honest effort.

Just the thought of going made me so upset I began purging again half of me wants to hide my issue from my therapist or cancel and the other half wants to come forward and see about getting help. This is also encouraging me to lose more because i feel i have to be sicker in order to get a diagnosis or be deserving of help. Im also so afraid of being committed or going to inpatient. It is my biggest fear. What do I do ?

I don't mind your rant, anon. It sounds like you're dealing with something really difficult and I think you are indeed allowed to call it an eating disorder.

I can understand your fear around being diagnosed, as it can change your life significantly. At the same time, anon, you will not be able to get help unless you take the steps to reach out for it (and follow through on them!) I know it's really hard and really scary, especially the thought of going to inpatient.

I get a lot of people saying "I feel like I need to be sicker." However, on the flipside, imagine all the people who've done lasting health damage to themselves, who may wish they'd gotten help before they'd gotten as sick as they did! An eating disorder is an eating disorder, and all sufferers deserve the opportunity to get help for the underlying cause of their disorder no matter what stage of ED they're in. You don't have to get "sick enough" to validate the fact that you're suffering. You can validate it to yourself. In fact, let me say it to you, anon. I see you. I see that you're suffering. You are worthy and deserving of help and support. I wish you healing.

(I'd like to add a sidenote here that just because you don't feel you look emaciated doesn't mean you aren't sick. Most human bodies have a LOT of safeguards against weight loss, especially in individuals who have a pattern of restricting, eating again, restricting, eating again...your body can still be struggling and deprived of nutrients even if it's stubbornly refusing to let go of pounds to try and keep you alive. It sounds as though your body is trying to express its distress to you in other ways, but are you ready to listen to it? That's up to you.)

I think you need to ask yourself what self-care steps you need to take in order to schedule a therapy appointment and stick to it. I think you know that the urge to comfort yourself by purging is counterproductive. What other things can you do to self-soothe in a healthy way? What are some small comforts you can use to show your body that you believe it deserves comfort and compassion while you work up the nerve to re-schedule?

When you do go to therapy, perhaps you could write down a script of stuff you're ready to talk about and stick to that script. A good therapist will gently push you but will also let you go at your pace and will not force you to talk about things that you're not ready to talk about. If you don't feel that connection with the therapist you meet, you can always search for another one. Yeah, I know, it's really hard to go through those steps AGAIN when you're already struggling so much. It's important, though. And when you're done, perhaps you can reward yourself with a treat. It doesn't have to be a food treat, if you are not at a point where you can effortlessly enjoy food. It can be any little thing that makes your body or soul feel rewarded, a fancy soap or a bath bomb, some art supplies or a little home decoration. Anything that helps you focus on giving yourself some love without engaging in ED behaviors.

You can go to cardiology, but until you're honest about what's straining your body, you'll only be putting band-aids on a much bigger gaping wound. I mean, still go to cardiology. But I think you know that you need to start treating the disorder, and finding ways to stay out of the disorder when stressful times come around.

I also want to address your fears around inpatient treatment. A lot of doctors and counselors will be willing to work with you around an outpatient treatment plan if you show that you want to heal and feel better and are willing to keep working toward that end. However, some people do end up in inpatient and I know it's scary to end up in a new environment and feel like all your control is being taken from you. But remember, while being able to engage in ED behaviors feels like you're controlling your life, every time you do it, the eating disorder takes more control of YOU. Think about it. You're already struggling. You're engaging in behaviors that take away the energy and time you had for the true joys in your life. You want medical professionals to help you, but you're not giving them the full range of information to help you. Do you feel like you're really in control of your life right now?

If you show willingness to work outpatient, I think your supports will probably work with you on this. However, I cannot 100% promise you will not end up needing to do inpatient. I know that's scary. You're allowed to be scared! I invite you to sit with that feeling and hold compassion for yourself and know that you're not the first person to ever be scared of going into inpatient. You also may have to talk about the possibility while seeking treatment. It's okay to be scared, I hope you know that. That's why I suggested bringing a script to therapy, so you can give your therapist a baseline for what you're able to confront right now. A good therapist will develop a rapport with you so that you feel safe working through scary topics. Healing is not the absence of fear, but knowing you have a safe person equipped with tools to help you cope with fear. Someone who will meet you with compassion, not judgment, and lay out your options for you in a way that you understand.

I wish you the best of luck in this difficult journey, anon. I hope you find healing.

[gaybd1]

15 people, 15 questions

tysm @ozais-lobotomist for tagging me, these things are fun

1. are you named after anyone?

yeah my birth name, the middle name is my grandma’s name. she died when my dad was young. my current name is definitely named mostly after chris pine tbhhhhh

2. when was the last time you cried?

don’t remember!! probs when I was getting over my major concussion a couple months ago bc I was just so out of it mentally and it was really frustrating

3. do you have kids?

21 beautiful students and a dog

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

uhhhh I played soccer for yearssss as a kid and was Not Good At All. I wanted to play rugby and football but I wasn’t allowed bc I have a bleeding disorder. I did a season of track and then did fencing a few years as a teen. now I just hike and do yoga

5. do you use sarcasm?

NEVER

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

omg idk something about the vibe like niceness/approachability

7. what’s your eye color?

who even knows, green technically?? it’s got pretty much the whole rainbow floating around in there and one of my students is terrified of them and says they’re yellow like a demon bc he’s only ever seen people with “black” eyes his whole life….

8. scary movies or happy endings?

I don’t watch scary movies At All

9. any talents?

pffft I wouldn’t be the one to ask? fine arts in general I guess. languages?

10. where were you born?

a hospital (US America rip)

11. what are your hobbies?

sleeping, hiking, drawing, writing

12. do you have any pets?

YES my dog is my CHILD, the LIGHT of my life

13. how tall are you?

175cm (what is that, 5’9?)

14. favorite subject in school?

p much anything under the social studies umbrella

15. dream job

teaching tbh. The job I have now is prettttty close to dream level, I think I’d just make it 4 days a week

tagging the first 15 mutuals that pop up lol but DONT do it if you don’t want and also if I didn’t tag you and you want to do this, great!

@leafsfromthevine @lillikoifish @sukidude @witchering10123 @apocryphiend @fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma @lesmiserablol @thatwoodenguineapig @transuncletaylor @tiredlylaughing @aboutiroh @picnicbitchsokka @biboomerangboi @zukkacore @jovialcloudqueenisnotonfire