#i dont care for it anymore. ive moved on
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cries wanting to follow n artist but half of what they post is h*mestuck or fucking m*geko
#cliffnotes/.txt#i am a recovered hs fan ok i dont remember shit that happened and i read the whole thing#i dont care for it anymore. ive moved on#i mean i have the tag blocked but ugh#and m*geko stuff is just. puts me off in general#i wont lie i still do think sone of the chars r cute but u really cant separate em from the games man.#y*safire im so sorry
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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i dont think regular people can grasp how isolating it is to be that person who is always single in a society and environment where people are always dating, and dating is so culturally relevant. all my friends have had longterm/serious relationships and even when theyre single they are usually seeing someone. im seeing someone maybe 2 months a year on average but im „true single“ most of the time and dont really get into relationships at all. and its always been this way.
and with age and thanks to getting more into feminism i know that my selfworth and value as a person does not rely on dating. in fact most relationships i see are dysfunctional or with men i would not want to be with (im saying men because they are usually the problem, but also because most men are just unattractive on top). and i think that promoting to women that being single is okay and good actually is really important. that you can very much be happy without a relationship.
nonetheless there is of course the human need for affection, a longing for romantic/sexual companionship (i know some people dont have that and it doesnt make them less human but i think its normal human desire that cant be unconditioned, and i dont even think that should be the goal). and you can barely protect yourself from sociocultural messaging which is additionally enforcing it. even if you rationally know that there is nothing wrong with being single, especially as a woman its difficult to shake this feeling of being a failure. always seeing your friends go through the motions while you remain the same. etc
anyways im really vulnerable right now if any insane women want to take advantage of me…
#personal#how do they even meet all these people who are mutually interested in them?#especially now that im not doing one night stands and casual hookups just for the sex anymore im moving towards restoring my virginity#and im a really rare case too because my ‚body count‘ is way above average (not counting prostitution for obvious reasons)#but ive more or less always been single#i dont want the people who want me and with the people i want it never works out#and i know it doesnt help im mentally ill and sexually and otherwise traumatised and loud and annoying and harsh but i swear im such a#loving and caring person to the people close to me and i have so much love to give#and it only happened recently i decided i actually want a relationship i was always very anti relationship#my friends are shocked about my change of heart! but alas my life carries on as it was
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I've seen people be like downpour ruined how people see five pebbles and im gonna be honest if you were here for any number of years pre-downpour the fandom was always god-awful with the nuance in his character. thats not a downpour thing thats a fandom thing
#niche comparison but if any of you know angela from lobotomy corporation/library of ruina#in the years prior to LOR angela was probably one of the most demonized characters ive ever seen in my goddamn LIFE#NO ONE was going to bat for this girl as anything other than a absolute villain and bitch#i was and im sure some others were too but the vast vast majority fucking hated her#because she spends most of the game being mean to you and then betrays you at the end#and you had to read between the lines to get to “wait a minute whats happening to her is kinda immensely fucked up”#and this is someone betraying you at the end of a very /very/ hard game to 100% and beat proper#then LOR came out and fully explored the depths of her trauma and anger at the situation she was put into#how desperate she was too take something for herself and how little she cared about how the effected others because she was not given that#and suddenly it clicked for everyone!#suddenly she wasnt a heartless bitch anymore! but of course now you had the#'literal infant' crowd because it also explored some ideas of parental trauma/lack of experience with the world#but god it was way more refreshing to see people actually move on from 'theyre an evil bitch' even if it came with 'so shes like a kid?'#and i feel that way about pebbles tbh#i dont get super super into the iterator lore so i cant speak much for the quality across downpour#and its higher focus on them and their stuff#im sure it carries plenty of issues as many things will#but god people sucking at reading the room on the iterators is not new lmao#actually five pebbles and angela are shockingly similar....#huh?
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You know what? I'm not done.
The fact y'all white mogais fought tooth and nail to not have to put white in your bios or somewhere readily available was actually insane and confirms my already existing theory that some of you think once you have a certain amount of kins, f/os, irls, mental illnesses, xenogenders, orientation modifiers, alters and neopronouns, you lose white privilege and it absolutely shows that you do not lose that privilege exclusively because y'all have become pretty consistent white saviors lmao
Like y'all literally cried about it being too identifiable about you and being the same as doxxing like you weren't already sharing with everyone the exact percentages of your orientation attraction, age, state you live in, public name, like... I have to wonder hard how many of y'all participate in anti-racism activism to be an ally, actually understand why certain things are actually racist and help POC and how many of you exclusively do it to look better to other (white) activists and ease your white guilt.
Now y'all aren't even including byi/stance pages on top of a total lack of dni and wonder why radqueer beliefs are seeping in and every new term is basically transabled under a different name. I called it when I first saw this new batch pop up and I'm saying it now, they have their radqueer blogs with their radqueer content that you have blocked and they have their other blog named something like prxncxss-of-nxght or something with $50 worth of custom lazy caard graphic edits with needy streamer girl and 17 titles but no public stances for all their normal xenogender content. You didn't fight it so there they are. They ain't saying shit. Hell, no one said shit when ra/diomo/gai litterally reblogged a word for word transabled term. "Internal self" you realize that's just flowery language right? Like the creator themselves already said that it applied "to the soul and not the physical form". Please read a room. "#disability"? Are you actually fucking kidding me? No one batted an eye?
I don't think the community is dead because I don't follow a lot of big names anymore or because a lot of big names have deactivated, y'all just stopped caring and moved on despite all these beliefs you said you cared about. I don't really care, I've pretty much known from day one that a majority of the community is literally just full of shit about all these 8 paragraph basic feminism posts and vents crying about racism from fully white people.
I'm not someone to rip someone apart publicly for being what they say they are, then there's no need, but lieing about it? Damn, at least be shitty honestly.
Don't harass me, the creator of that term or ra/diom/og/ai over this. Just block and move on, I'm not having some public drama back and forth over a clearly transabled term.
#clover speaks#no one said a word#no call out no notes calling it what it is coiner is a literal radqueer#like yall dont care and even though i knew it im just glad i dont have to pretend to believe ur activism claims anymore#you wonder where i went i went back to my art back to things that make me happy#this community may be less trigger happy but now they are snuggling up to radqueers just like i predicted#i knew it was gonna happen and i knew the community would just keep going and its why i hooped off this train years ago#despite yalls claims of being critical inclusionists and wanting to educate instead of hate ive seen this all happen before#the inclusionist vs exclusionist saga didnt die because one side beat the other#a fuck ton of inclusionists became map supporters over night and all the exclusionists just lost interest and moved on#this is what will continue to happen to every movement the ultra progressives on this site create until you grow a backbone#yall are so scared of invalidating someone who is genuinely harmful that youve become the thing you claimed you hate#ive clocked multiple terms that were ableist or interphobic but because yall never make any effort to actually listen to us#you've allowed radqueers to basically indoctrinate you while the rest of us watch you zombie shuffle onwards#youve liberalpilled inclusionmaxxed ur way into the fucking sun#im not coming with yall yall have fun but im not going to smile to ur face and pretend you even remotely have disabled and intersex peoples#best interests at heart#the community has always been ableist#the community has always been racist#the community has always been interphobic#it wont change until any of you can accept that just cause you feel some way in passing dosent mean its a valid identity#even if its not in passing its still not inherently morally neutral#I'll keep being me but like literal transabled terminology is seeping in and its hitting the worst of us first but yall have never listened#so not shocking nor surprising that no one caught this and thus did not say shit#yall love to scream that your moderate personality disorder is the same as my severe autism and subsequent mental disability are the same#every july but you sure dont give a single shit when someone pretends to have our condition and makes up a word and throws some pantones on#a png and calls it valid#grow a backbone or continue being the laughing stock of the disability community i aint helping either way
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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i recently brought that story up to my mom and told her how much it ruined my life and she completely forgot she had told me and she was just like lol ... sorry
#the earrings one . SHE WAS SO DETAILED WHEN SHE TOLD ME TOO AND IT WAS LIKE JUST B4 I WENT TO GET MY EARS PIERCED FOR THE FIRST TIME .#im not actually mad its quite funny but also omg sometimes i think abtit and i like fullbody shudder and im glad i dont wear earrings#anymore... even tho i have been wanting to get repierced#ive made a rule that im not allowed to get piercings again until i 1. move out and 2. start being better at taking care of my self#when i had my piercings i was preeeetty good at taking care of them despite everything but still yk. one of my ear piercings is kind of a#mess bc i. well this is kind of narsty so tw for potentially kind of painful story#but like i tried to force an earring into it one time and Well now i have like. the original piercing and then a little branch path LOL.#its more healed now it used to be like. a noticeable lump in my ear for a while#noticeable if u touched it#but ya. idk if its fixable or not Oh well#i dont think i rly am a jewelry guy anyways rly it usually scares me sensory wise#but i kknd of miss having piercings especially my septum ....#im pretty sure i got my septum pierced b4 i got my nose pierced. idr tho#i was craaaazy back then. If u remember my septum piercing story you understand if you dont ughhh im sick of typing . pay more attention in#connorclass (joke)#or just wait until the next time i talk abt my septum i repeat myself all the time
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this is actually a reference to the zelink smut fic i wrote
#venus.txt#tiac posting#i might move it to a pseud. its anonymous rn but i dont rlly care anymore ive written weirder#cough cough. couronne
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Everytime I try to read shoujo romance I just can't take it seriously
#bleh#stuff like nana is the exception#and i count comedy like skip beat as seperate even tho the romance there still fucks me off sometimes#but idk what it is#maybe bc im an adult in a long term serious relationship#or ive never been one to take mens bullshit#but girls if youre in some stupid love triangle or situationship where the guy keeps “accidentally” making moves#but pretends it was nothing or refuses to elaborate#like girl leave#i dont have time for that shit. like are we fucking or not???#or if i reject you but you keep tabs on me and my crush? bitch grow up and let me go why do you care who im fucking#HAHAH idk people will say dont take it so seriously but i just cant lmao im not the target audience anymore#like i said nana is more my speed#neighbourhood story is also really good#damn maybe ai yazawa is just queen#also my fave manga and shojo of all time is high school debut#but again like skip beat its more of a comedy#so the serious moments hit way harder
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Okay, yesterday was for crying and despair and anger, today is for continuing to live and fight and hope
#and hopefully tomorrow too#yesterday was rough i was angry and hurting but today i can definitely feel more hopeful#i just really needed to get those feelings out because i bottle up the negativity sometimes#and it really fucking sucked feeling like all of the intense stress leading up to the election didnt even matter#like i had to avoid social media for a lot of time bc of the constant guilt tripping posts#unfollowed a lot of people the past month. and i dont regret that bc i dont have time for that bullshit anymore#we're moving forward now and we are focusing on love and community care and joy#as ive been trying to do for months now and shamed for by people online constantly#not playing those games anymore. my emotions dont make me naive and carving out happiness and peace for myself is not complacency#its necessary for survival#and i dont have time for anyone who isnt on board with that#so. yeah. back to my mostly non political blogging bc tumblr is not where i do activism lol#win rambles
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In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1
#oc liveblogging#ughhhhhhh i really CANNOT afford to be procrastinating rn but i know this happens when im extremelyyyyyy fucking stressed.#creative/art related classes always get me for this reason bc ill use 'wait but i need to find inspiration!' as an excuse to procrastinate.#fuckkkkkkkkkk. UGH IM NOT EVEN WRITING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH ITS JUST A FINAL REVISION BUT IM CONVINCED IT SUCKS#the worst part is hkjhkjGHKJ I HAVE TO PRESENT SOME OF THIS SHIT AT AN. INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CONFERENCE GUYS. GUYSYSSSS#anyways this post is sadly not related to that. nothing im presenting is related to my ocs [un]fortunately lmao#ive just been thinking rotating various oc stories around in my head again ourgghhhh.#and i realized this LMAO. i mean maybe technically not 2 separate stories anymore because im recycling a lot from one for the other?#one of these was already established lowkey and the other was something i made for an assignment for a class like 2 years ago#i actually don't know if petunie will be blonde in her final incarnation?? ive always imagined her as silvery blonde ig but idk#if ill keep that. she doesnt have proper colors like colin but at least colin has his design set more straight somewhat.#and all the recent petunie development is lowkey really fucking funny to think abt. i girlbossed with her character development so#hard that she really replaced lucian as a protagonist HAHAJSDHKGJ. ok well not 100% kamille's story is a shoot-off#of lucian's technically? i guess? it started becoming that and now its solidified as that lowkey bc same town same place time period people#but man if im not careful i might accidentally make kamille/petunie's arc THE default one and lucian's main one the offshoot instead#a lot remains to be seen. but also yeah the other one who's story is mostly getting recycled (myrtille) actually ALSO HAD HER MOM#COME FROM THIS SAME FUCKING PLACE BASICALLY. a few decades later but still bruh given developments for lucian's story too its just like#at this point im noticing a pattern man wtf is wrong w/ women who come from this town specifically lol. 😔🥴#this town in general is just fucking cursed though i think ahkjshkg. i mean that jokingly and literally lolololl i gotta. work on it. but y#I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE WEIRD LITTLE FUCKING TOWNS WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS ALWAYS A CONSISTENT TROPE IN MY STORIES /silly#I DONT EVEN COME FROM A WEIRD LITTLE TOWN MY HOMETOWN IS LIKE. AVERAGE NORMALISH NOT SUPER LARGE??? IDFK?????#haaaaaaa fuck i need to finish this by the end of TODAY I S2G!!! SO I CAN MOVE ON TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT I OWE FUCKKKK
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need at least 1 person to be mentally ill with in the dms about my own writing perhaps then ill be able to publish something
#its sooooo pathetique but unfortunately being that im in a 2 year ongoing Rut i kind of uh. need the external stimuli here.#plus its nice to have someone to bounce ideas with & also just care in general yk. ive got whole fics that basically just happened bc i had#a conversation w someone who could 'yes and' with me for a bit#2019 was a good year for this for me personally#very productive i had so much fun#losing it sucked lmao i just dont feel as comfortable speaking my ideas anymore#i still think theyre good. i keep plotting things in my head but they never make it past the draft#IF we get to a concrete draft at all lbr#idk how to explain it. i enjoy what i make i find it interesting but sharing has kind of lost its shine.#a lot of the people i was hanging with then moved on which is what it is + i dont think we were as close as we were in my head anyway#but ive become way more conscious of dominating spaces#idk i just miss it. i feel like everything im doing is a solo project these days#its very lonely#easy to lose steam also when i dont have much energy to start with#but mostly just very lonely.#playing dolls with myself etc etc etc its fine when its voluntary but when its not.#well. its Not.#lol.
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me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money
me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend
#i want a corn dog so bad rn#ngl u guys im actually really struggling with turning 30 at the end of the year lmao#not lmao bc it really is bothering me which is so stupid i know I Know#but. and i know we're All struggling with this. but it's like god i have done nothing with my life#like fr. everyone says that but i literally have done nothing. ive never had a real 9-5 ive been freelancing since college#and tbh i guess that's not a bad thing? but self worth wise i feel like a complete loser.#but ive just made one mistake after another and i know that's what your 20s are for and u know what this is my tags and im not going#to keep contradicting myself i feel like shit bc i feel like shit and ive wasted my whole life thats that#i just feel like such a sham like i cant believe this is what 30 is like i on god feel like im still a teenager#not in a carefree kind of way OBVIOUSLY. which i never was anyway. but i just ?? feel like that#scary fucking episode of rugrats where tommy and chuckie become their dads and they go to work and theyre so fucked up bc#well theyre babies and they dont know anything. and even the fact that i just referenced rugrats to explain how i feel lmaooooo#relationship wise well u guys know how that is. and i truly couldnt care less about what people think about me not being in a relationship#ever and tbqh i dont give a fuck anymore either like. and here i go bringing this up again. but after my ex im like ok life truly is so#short fr i dont even care like anyway. anyway. the point is there is just no reality whatsoever where i pictured my life where i am now#once again living with the abusive relative i moved across the ocean to get away from.#no love life to speak of. fr dont care but god wouldnt it be nice to be loved fr.....#no career. living in a state i hate with all my heart. barely surviving money wise. which is everyone rn but#if i had known 10 years ago this would be my life i would have honestly killed myself.#like if i knew it would all turn out like this i wouldnt have moved i wouldve just fr killed myself and i wish i did lol#to be fair. i didnt see myself living past 18 but like. i just thought something would have saved me by now
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honestly appreciate you talking about DID stuff so much, even tho the misinformation and mistreatment is still frustrating and hurtful it’s nice to know someone else also cares AND is willing to say something about it where i usually feel too nervous or incoherent to share my thoughts . its like both offline and online spaces make us feel alienated and mistreated but online spaces are so Positive and Well Meaning about how weirdly and inhumanly they treat us so it’s even harder to speak up lmao. anyways yeah agree so much with everything you’ve posted hope ur feeling better 🫂 much love
i wuv you and YEAH! its so difficult when its people who genuinely mean the best in the world but have been fed so much false information and guidance that they treat us like a different species
i hate the mysticism of DID and i love breaking it down into simple words without metaphors so people can actually understand whats going on and then realise that this really isnt as complicated or unique as the internet led them to believe. ill be part of that movement if need be. even if im a very traumatised creature. im verbose and nobody can stop me
#i appreciate the thumbs up you are definitely top 3 dissociative mutuals i crave validation from#if hex agrees im definitely doing something right! <- the validation craving machine#ask#i do feel better i was like. really not well last night#considered changing my identity and wiping myself clean and thats a trauma response ive really had a handle on lately#so you know i was stressed#but im a boss of impulse control and self care (i really struggle with this but i really try) and i made some good decisions#and i dont think im as triggered anymore. we are moving forward. yippee#i hope youre doing ok too thanks for the support and being my lovely friend from my puter#did tag
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guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.
#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls#okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases#one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes#''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it''#so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars#and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get-#-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth#and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand)#but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude-#-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl#anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it-#-from like prayers#so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you''#so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore#but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since-#-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it#for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid-#-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo-#-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3#i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted-#-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives#like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them#or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings#or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each-#-other anyways#i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life-#-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in#i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's#-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6
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i feel like everybody hates me, but especially those who i look up to...i feel like a little kid again...looking up to those who only look down upon me, instead of picking me up and embracing me.
#i just feel like nobody fucking likes me...like everybody secretly hates me and are actively trying to make me feel bad about myself#like i know that probably isnt true...but its the only thing that make sense#like no matter what i do everybody seems to leave me alone in my own little bubble...#everybody has their little groups with their little friends...but i dont...im the one who is a small member of multiple groups...#and that gets me left in the fucking dust#i just want to belong somewhere...i change and adapt to hopefully become a part of some group but it never works#i just want someone to hold me and tell me itll be ok...and that people dont actually hate me...#ykw if you fucking hate me you can tell me anons are on...i just wanna know im not the crazy one here...#im just trying to fit it so much that ive lost myself...who am i and who is what ive become?#i try and be friendly...and hope that i get accepted somewhere but they never really care...#im like the last kitten left in the cardboard box...all the others were cuter and healthier and now nobody wants me#nobody wanted me from the start...and now im all alone#idfk#i would do anything for a hug rn#since january shit has been going downhill...died...moved...gone...and then i had some people who cared and then it all fell apart again...#i just want to belong somewhere ffs...i want to be able to have friends...not just people who tolerate me...#i would rather have one friend that 10 people who tolerate me#idfk...im going to go eat ice cream until i cant feel any emotions anymore...#if i wasnt a pussy i would be stealing my parents alcohol...they already dont like when i eat...#or maybe i shouldnt eat...then maybe someone would love me...idfk...i just want to feel loved and secure and like i fucking belong
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