#i just want to belong somewhere...i change and adapt to hopefully become a part of some group but it never works

[sk3l3t0n444]

i feel like everybody hates me, but especially those who i look up to...i feel like a little kid again...looking up to those who only look down upon me, instead of picking me up and embracing me.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hey! I just wanted to ask for advice for coming out as genderfluid to very Mormon, very conservative parents. They didn't react very well when I came out as gay, and I'm frankly terrified to come out as a different gender to them. Also, I want you to know that I love your blog and you and that you're an amazing person! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Thanks for the compliment!

If I’m understanding correctly, you’re not really asking for tips on how to come out, you’ve already been through that experience once before. You’re asking for how you can present the idea that you’re genderfluid in a way that your parents can understand and, hopefully, accept. 

Here’s some thoughts: 

1) Whether you’re going to speak to them in person, record a video or write a note, I think it’s important to include the idea that you love them and you want a close, honest, loving relationship with them. 

2) You’ll need to explain what it means to be “genderfluid.”

3) It would help if you could tie this into Church in a way that makes it not seem so outside their beliefs.

4) You could have some requests, like asking them to use your chosen name and pronouns. Be clear about with whom they can and cannot share this information about you.  

5) It probably would be helpful to provide some resources they can refer to. They will likely need some time to process all this, and hopefully the resources you provide will help them.

I’ll put some ways of saying these things below, but this is your coming out experience. Think about how you want to phrase things, how you want to describe the way you feel and the reality of your experience.

—————————     

One thing I keep learning is that God leads us down paths that we didn’t imagine, or expect, or even want. God leads us to paths so we can learn, grow, and move forward.

—————————   

Sex is the biology of your parts: physical anatomy, hormones, and chromosomes. All of these can be changed to the point a person can legally alter their sex from the one they were assigned at birth.

If sex is our biology, gender identity is how we perceive ourselves. Gender identity can align with our biological sex or can be in opposition to it. Most people are familiar with the binary system, meaning 2 distinct options: masculine/male/man or feminine/female/woman.

However, there are some identities that aren’t exclusively male or female. These individuals might identify themselves as “non-binary” because they feel a mix of both male & female, somewhere in between or something completely different. Some non-binary people feel that their gender isn’t fixed, that they shift between more than one gender. They might experience more “guy” days, “girl” days, “non-binary” days, “agender” days.

—————————   

None of us comes forth from the womb fully-formed—we are all grow, transform and become. Those of us who are non-binary get to do it in a unique way. I feel like God invites non-binary people to be co-creators, like the way God gives us wheat and we turn it into dough and then different sorts of bread.

—————————  

I have a few thoughts about the Family Proclamation. I like many of the ideas contained in that document. I like the idea that we’re each divine and are loved by Heavenly Parents, that loving family bonds will continue after mortality, children should be valued and loved and their physical and emotional needs cared for, and that spouses should help each other as equals. I like the importance of following the teachings of Jesus, including forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, and work.

The Family Proclamation is what our Church leaders think is the ideal family but it doesn’t mean there aren’t other types of realities. Elder Anderson pointed that out at last April’s General Conference.

“ALL HUMAN BEINGS���male and female—are created in the image of God… Gender is an essential characteristic” - it is interesting that these two statements are together. The first part seems to mean that God is both feminine and masculine. That actually fits the definition of nonbinary. And an essential characteristic of my gender is both that it’s nonbinary and it is fluid.

I like the statement that gender is eternal. My spirit’s gender and my body’s sex don’t align. Gender being eternal means we have gender and that can include the idea that it is not fixed and can change or progress.

“Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.” - I suppose sexual orientation or gender identification would count as “other circumstances” and so I can adapt these principles to my individual situation.

Our Heavenly Parents don’t seem to fit into the roles that this document defines as what a male and what a female does. I feel like the Proclamation is focused on earthly cultural concerns.

—————————  

I don’t know what my relationship with the Church will be. Although it should be a place for all of God’s children, it doesn’t feel like it’s ready for someone like me. Both gay and genderfluid are challenges for the Church.

One thing is the Church’s handbook says is that undergoing “elective transsexual operation” “may be cause for formal church discipline.” That is the boundary of what the church thinks is unacceptable, that leaves a lot in bounds.

I could go by a different name. I can present myself in a masculine or feminine way. I can even choose non-surgical ways to alter myself, and it’s within the boundaries that the church provides.

One change the Church recently did that helps is we only split up by gender (for priesthood & relief society) every other week. Those weeks can be tough for someone who doesn’t feel like they belong in either group, but thankfully that’s not a weekly event anymore.

—————————  

I hope that you will accept & love me for who I am and not the version of a person that you wish I was.

I know that this is probably hard to understand. And I’m sure you have a lot of questions, or need some time to think about it.

Here’s some things you can read, and if you want to discuss them, I would like to talk with you again about this.

—————————  

And if you need to lighten the mood, here’s a joke that might help, “Gender was invented by bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.”

—————————  

1. Top Ten Tips from Parents from the mormonandgay website. Even though it’s about having a gay child, many of the same principles apply.

2. The Family Acceptance Project’s pamphlet for LDS families is excellent

3. This is a Facebook group for parents of transgender children.

4. Transactive LDS is a private group for transgender individuals or family members. 

———————————————————————   

I’m wishing you all the best. I hope this goes well. I will pray that your parents hearts will be softened and they’ll listen and ponder the things you share. And that their love for you will help them adjust to the changes they need to make in their understanding and acceptance of you.

[hope-for-olicity]

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - January 25th, 2019

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them. This and all previous Fabulous Olicity Fanfic posts can be found on my blog.

With the Speed of an Arrow multi-chapter WIP by @academyofshipping - Oliver Queen’s elite and silver-spoon life has taken some blows in the past few years, but he is still the carefree billionaire everyone knows of and loves. When his role in the family business is in jeopardy and he is introduced to a motley of new people, his status quo is threatened. With a changed perspective, Oliver realizes his feeling for his best friend and anchor-in-life, Felicity Smoak, may be more than just platonic. OR A modern adaption of Jane Austen’s Emma with a gender swap* and no island. *Knowing that gender is not binary https://archiveofourown.org/works/16559846/chapters/38799857

Time for a Story multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. https://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

Re-Airrow 2x14 by @lostolicityscenes - Short and sweet, Oliver tells Felicity that Diggle told him she was feeling left out in the episode. So I wrote it up, retconning it a little to fit in with the narrative I was building in my alternate timeline. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/181930230189/re-airrow-2x14

Love and Little Cupcakes multi-chapter WIP by @christinabeggs - Felicity loved sweets so much that she paid no attention to her lovelife. Until Thea Queen came into her store wanting fabulous cupcakes for her sixteenth birthday. SO ADORABLE! http://archiveofourown.org/works/12400539/chapters/28216053

Do You Remember multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - Eight years after Oliver and Felicity became teenage parents, they have everything they could have ever hoped for and more. They have a good life in a nice house. Their marriage is happy, and a second baby is on its way. The calm they have settled in is interrupted abruptly when a stalker starts terrorizing Felicity. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17409059/chapters/40978307

Will Fate Allow? multi-chapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - Seeing her parent's marriage dissolve at a young age made Felicity yearn for a healthy marriage of her own. She thought she'd finally found what she was looking for when Billy Malone showed up offering her what her heart desired. She thought she was happy and had everything she could want, but things began to unravel. Slowly she turned to someone who had become an unparalleled constant in her life...Oliver Queen. Oliver and Felicity are the definition of polar opposites. He is the mob boss that strikes fear in the hearts many, while she is seen as the sweet girl next door, but there is more to both of them underneath the surface. Along the way, they become connected to one another leading to their lives being intertwined forever. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521596/chapters/38699951

Home To You multi-chapter WIP by @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl - Oliver Queen has never done what his family expected of him. He took a gap year after high school instead of going to college right away. He quit his fraternity sophomore year to join the student newspaper, switching his major from business to journalism. He became a photojournalist for a wire service instead of taking a place at Queen Consolidated. He went missing after six months instead of coming home for his sister’s twenty-first birthday. He survived five years of captivity in a war zone when everyone thought he was dead. He came home. But home didn’t have a place for him in it anymore. His parents were both dead, casualties of their own mistakes and a city they had turned against them. His sister was all grown up, the CEO of Queen Consolidated with a fiancé and a dog and a life of her own. Oliver didn’t belong in his old life, but there was nowhere else for him to go. He was a man without a home, without any way of finding one, until he stopped by the IT department of his sister’s company to get files off an old, battered memory card, and found a woman with curly blonde hair and bright, intelligent eyes chewing on a bright red pen and swearing at a computer screen. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12613188/chapters/28734552

Shades multi-chapter WIP by @geneshaven - Felicity is preparing to spend the holidays with her guys Chapter 1: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181215821029/shades Chapter 2: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181291236319/shades Chapter 3: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181398973624/shades Chapter 4: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181513399444/shades Chapter 5: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/181607993734/shades Chapter 6:  https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/182028355089/shades Chapter 7: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/182214818554/shades Chapter 8: https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/182265990139/shades

The Name of the Game by @it-was-a-red-heeler - Felicity decides to stir things up at her coffee shop, but she may have met her match. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11779053

Quiet Return by @juliesioux - It starts at the moment when Oliver is released and then segues into their first night and day together. I decided to write from Felicity's POV and look at the struggle she would have faced between being angry, hurt, concerned and so fiercely in love with Oliver. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17447552

Just Beneath the Surface multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow arrow - When an S.O.S signal is sent to the FBI from a woman named Felicity Smoak, Director Oliver Queen knows that she is in grave danger. He can’t help but notice the haunting similarities between what’s happening to her and what happened nine years ago; in thirteen unsolved cold cases that drove ex-agent John Diggle out of the bureau. With a race against the clock, Oliver enlists the help of his old mentor to reopen the investigation, and hopefully save Felicity’s life. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16239002/chapters/37963052

Olicity Dialogue Prompt: I’m Not Good Enough For You by @originalhybridloverfics - Oliver and Felicity make their relationship public after months  of secretly dating https://originalhybridloverfics.tumblr.com/post/182101363194/olicity-dialogue-prompt-im-not-good-enough-for

And So The Adventure Begins multi-chapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - Felicity spent her first year of college focused solely on her studies. In year two, with the convincing of her best friends Iris and Sara, she lets her hair down a bit. Oliver spent his first year partying with his wingman Tommy and living up to the status that came with his last name. He realizes he should buckle down focus on the most important part: actual school. Oliver and Felicity meet, and even though they are on different ends of the spectrum, they don't realize that they can each bring out hidden parts of one another. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15800025/chapters/36771018

| ONE | (Oliver the Footballer) multi-chapter WIP @someonesaidcake - Felicity Smoak had a plan; to save enough money to kick her monotonous job and start up the company of her dreams. She made good plans, solid plans, attainable plans. He was never part of her plan. His name was Oliver Queen, the reclusive Brazilian football star with a broken smile and a story to tell. He'd never planned on her either. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15005402/chapters/34779542

Made in Fate by @missyriver - Felicity Smoak-Queen liked to be prepared, she did internet searches, read every book, but there are some things she could never prepare for. She wasn’t someone that made rash decisions. Well, she wasn’t before she married a man after only knowing him a few days. It ended up being the best thing to ever happen to her. In less than nine months they would bring home a brand new baby Queen. But now being pregnant, she needed to prepare. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724351

Late to the Party by @diggo26 - Summary Future Olicity https://archiveofourown.org/works/11056575/chapters/26416572

My Heart is Yours by @arrowgirl20 - Major character death - Oliver gives Felicity the ultimate gift. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11746221

Hearts and Scars multi-chapter WIP by @allimariexf - This is a place for me to put Olicity drabbles and one shots. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16615763/chapters/38947613

One Last Time: Get Down by @wetsuiton - Prompt - get down. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11084547/chapters/26470494

From Somewhere Within multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - Their connection has always felt natural to them, safe and secure. But others tend to fear what they don’t understand, and as far as their enemies are concerned, the world isn’t ready to accept two people who can know each other the way that Oliver and Felicity do. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009244/chapters/37356257

As Days Go By (The Night's on Fire) multi-chapter WIP by @dreamsofolicity - After five years of fighting for her life, Felicity Smoak returns home to save her city. She intends to pursue her crusade alone but finds that a little help is needed from time to time. Enter Oliver Queen, a face from her past that she doesn't particularly want to become part of her future. But she is not the only one who has changed. Felicity finds herself growing closer and closer to Oliver as she learns more about the man that he has become and they work together to try to save the city that they both love. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11760117/chapters/26508534

Wait and Hope multi-chapter WIP by @juvinadelgreko - Oliver begins to repair Star City’s trust in him, and realizes how hard it will be. Luckily, he has Felicity to help him. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17492297/chapters/41200523

Pieces of Always multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows. Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. http://archiveofourown.org/works/8220479/chapters/18840356

Overwatch multi-chapter WIP by @it-was-a-red-heeler - A burglary attempt convinces the Mayor of Starling City to hire Smoak Technologies to strengthen his security. But between the sassy AI watching him 24/7 and the personal trainer with his own reasons to kill him, Oliver may wish he’d stuck with his baseball bat for protection. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500640/chapters/41221793

To Emiko, From Felicity by @juvinadelgreko - I wrote this assuming that Oliver and Emiko’s conversation at the end of 7x10 doesn’t go well, which I think is a valid assumption. It’s a letter written to Emiko by Felicity, asking her to hear Oliver out and give him a chance to make amends. https://juvinadelgreko.tumblr.com/post/182230931447/to-emiko-from-felicity

Re-Airrow 2x15 by @lostolicityscenes - Another short and sweet scene. Based off the scene above where Diggle and Felicity return to the cave just when Oliver is calling Felicity to warn the team about Slade being at Queen Mansion. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/182231766461/re-airrow-2x15

Secrets Don't Make Friends multi-chapter WIP by @felicityollies - Felicity stumbles upon the lair after getting drunk at Verdant. She meets the Hood, but it doesn’t go as she expects. http://archiveofourown.org/works/10938729

Dear Emiko (Extended) by @juvinadelgreko  - After Oliver and Emiko’s conversation goes south, Felicity decides it’s time to step in. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17524949

Never Far Away, Part 1 multi-chapter Complete by @onceuponanolicity - When Felicity Smoak moves to Starling City and attends a new high school, she expects things to be hard on her, she is twelve after all. But then she meets new friends and life becomes easier. What isn't so easy is growing up. Oliver Queen met Felicity when she was twelve and he treated her as nothing more than a friend, well, except for when his big brother tendencies kicked in. Until one day, something in his life changed. He looked at Felicity as she was growing up and began to realize that he didn't want her as a friend anymore. By the time, Oliver was man enough to admit his feelings for Felicity, he went away on the Queen's Gambit only for it to sink. Now that he has finally made it home. He has to win her back. This is a multi-chapter au fic that follows Oliver and Felicity through high school and into season 1. http://archiveofourown.org/works/11293257/chapters/25265796

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 //  

[notjustagirltattoopodcast]

Not Just A Girl: New York

You can listen to the first episode with Anka Lavriv here. Or you can view the footage of this interview on YouTube with English subtitles/closed captions here.

NOT JUST A GIRL: Tattoo Podcast

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Season 1, Episode 2: New York

Eddy: [00:00:00] Hello friends. Welcome to not just to go the tattoo podcast where every week I will speak to socially conscious tattooers about their lives and art practice through an intersectional feminist lens. I'm Eddy and thank you for joining me for the second episode. Today we'll be discussing adapting to social change, meditation and self discovery in art and building a community around the tattoo studio.

Before we begin, I would like to acknowledge the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. Who are the traditional custodians of this land that was stolen and never ceded. I'm honored to be on the ancestral land of the Awabakal people where this podcast is recorded and produced. I pay my respects to the elders past and present and extend my recognition to their descendants.

[00:01:00] I am so excited to introduce today's guest Anka Lavriv. Um, she's incredibly talented and is the co owner of Black Iris in Brooklyn. Um, her ethereal illustrative, um, tattoos are magical and her approach to her practice is absolutely beautiful. I had the great pleasure of meeting Anka when I guested it in his studio last year, and thank you so much for joining me today.

Anka: [00:01:39] Thank you so much for inviting me. I'm so excited about it. I'm so psyched to see you. Um, cause we were supposed to be hanging out right around this happened, so sad.

Eddy: [00:01:52] I'm so sad I missed out. I wanted to try and get tattooed by you and hang out and

Anka: [00:01:59] It was good [00:02:00] to at least see you on here.

Eddy: [00:02:02] Yeah, yeah, definitely. So like. Obviously you're in the epicenter of the pandemic in the US um, how are you going and how has the studio going?

Anka: [00:02:15] It's been like such an up and down experience. I don't know. We're kind of taking it one day at a time, you know? Um, I. Personally thought that I was going to be handling this crisis better than I am. And that was kind of like a humbling experience for me. Cause I'm always like, I'm so good in crisis. Like, you know, I figure it out and um, this really like knocked me on my ass. I was, especially the first couple of weeks I like right when we got locked out. We, um, got Corona and it was like such a horrible experience.

So when my fever broke and I came back [00:03:00] to reality, I was like, everything hit me at the same time. I just like had a complete melt down and. Yeah, it's been, ever since it's been like one day I'm just like, everything's great. Like we're going to figure it out. Like world is going to be a better place, and the next day I'm just like we're fucked.

Eddy: [00:03:24] It's all part of the grieving process though. Hey, like it's completely new and you've had everything kind of ripped away from you, like the world that we know and yeah, there's definitely like  processing the loss. Like it's, it's, it would be weird, if we would just all okay with it.

Anka: [00:03:42] Yeah. It's just, I feel like for everyone this time is bringing up like the deepest oldest trauma and fears and, you know, all of this stuff is surfacing and hopefully we can deal with it finally. [00:04:00] Cause. Chances are we never properly dealt with it and recognized it and like, you know, ascended from, hopefully... it's been an experience for sure. Being here and just like seeing these images of New York empty and, you know, going to the grocery store and seeing all the businesses close, like the empty neighborhoods, people wearing masks. It's just like such a, such a strange sight.

Eddy: [00:04:36] Yeah. It's definitely not what you imagine the year is going to be. And then it's also just not what you imagine. Like how we react to things like, I dunno, I didn't think this was ever something I considered as being a possibility.

Anka: [00:04:53] No, it's, it's wild. Um, I'm convinced that by the end of 2020, uh, the [00:05:00] aliens will attck a hundred percent sure seems like a logical conclusion to 2020.

Eddy: [00:05:10] Shits just gone out of control.

Anka: [00:05:14] Yeah. Like who would have ever thought that all the like traveling will stop?

Eddy: [00:05:20] Yeah.

Anka: [00:05:20] Just that. Was such a such a part of everyone's life, like, yeah, it's wherever you look. You know? The changes are just so wild.

Eddy: [00:05:35] Yeah. It's, it's, it's funny you were talking about like how this experience is an opportunity to heal because I remember you posting on Instagram, I think it was before all this, how you wanted to like explore your art, making more and do more healing through that. And then all of this has just happened,

Anka: [00:05:57] Like not to make this about myself, but [00:06:00] this is like the perfect illustration of my whole life. I'm just like, let me do this thing. And then I just like get swept away in a tornado.

Sorry thats not what I meant. So I turned 33. Last year and for for this year for me was like, I was like, that's it. Like I woke up in the morning, I always tried to go somewhere where I can be around like a big body of water for my birthday and I wake up early, I go to see the sunset and like set intentions for the year, and I was like, this year I'm like, shedding all the llike skin and things that are untrue things that don't belong to me. Like I want to get back to like who I really am. And you know, it was like the universe definitely heard me.

It's been a lot of [00:07:00] shedding for sure. Um, but this was like such a, i feel like. It's been such a culmination of this because I, I've never in my life had an opportunity to just be and live and not do anything and stop like in my adult life, like never ever. So it's been a lot of thinking, a lot of reading, a lot of like writing, putting things together because, I don't know, I just feel like we all took a like a hard look at our lives and I don't know, for me, like being able to step away from my like daily routine and the hamster wheel and just like, you know, more rents, more money, more expenses, and just be like. What do you really want? Like how do you see your ideal existence?

Like what are you [00:08:00] chasing? Why are you so like obsessed with like doing more and more and more like. I don't know, it like really revealed so much for me personally, even though it's been very painful.

Eddy: [00:08:12] Yeah. I feel like, I mean, even though my situation in Australia is much easier than what you're experiencing in the US like its very much the same here, like an opportunity to really, you know, while I have the privilege of a comfortable home and food on the table and all of that, like I can really just like shed my expectations and reassess what's important to me and kind of discover a new way of life that's more comfortable and more healthy and that is not going to end up with me in agony and unable to work in 10 years time.

Anka: [00:08:47] Yeah. Yeah, because it's just like, it's just a part of, you know, this culture, the hostile culture, and just like, you have to do more and, you know, [00:09:00] never sleep. Never rest. Just like go, go, go, go. And like, that's not how life works. Like you have to. You have to go through the cycles, you have to give and you have to receive and you have to like be awake and then goes to sleep. Like just

Eddy: [00:09:16] Absolutely its very toxic like this way of life I've become accustomed to. And I think for me, like just sitting at home with my cats and watching them, like they do things when they want to. They rest when they need to. They eat if they're hungry. I was just kinda like, why can't, I know its stupid, but why can't I live like a cat?

Anka: [00:09:36] That's so funny you said that because I was thinking the same thing. I was like, no. When you scratch them and they don't want to be scratched anymore, they just turn away from you. They're like, I'm done. I do not enjoy that im leaving.

So it's been really eye opening for me. I, you [00:10:00] know, I was supposed to go to back home for a while and my sister and I were planned this whole trip. We were supposed to go to Budapest and like do all this cool stuff. Like I spend one week with my sister in the past 14 years.

Eddy: [00:10:18] Wow.

Anka: [00:10:19] So I was really looking forward to it, and it was so heartbreaking to just like cancel everything, but

Eddy: [00:10:29] Oh, I'm so sorry. That would have been hard.

Anka: [00:10:32] Yeah. And the other thing is the crap with immigration. You know, it's just like doing all this stuff with green cards, but it's, again, you know, it's, it's making me think maybe its not, you know, I'm not meant to live here for forever. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

Eddy: [00:10:52] Things might change, you never know.

Anka: [00:10:55] I hope so.  Yeah. I really hope so.

Eddy: [00:10:58] Yeah. So will [00:11:00] you, for our listeners, like you were born and grew up in Ukraine? Um, yeah. And that like must have really impacted how you experience life, especially in the US like having such a different background and also like being more adaptable and stuff. Cause you mentioned that you did experience poverty as a child as well.

Anka: [00:11:24] So I was born like three years, four years before Soviet union, disassembled. And you know. I actually like talking to my parents helped me a lot to deal with what's going on right now because they were in the situation where they had like two youngkids. They're everything they knew in life, just like broke and you know the belief system, the like just, it just collapsed and they had to [00:12:00] pick up the pieces.

Like. You know, all I remember from my childhood is like standing in line with my mom all the time for like to buy bread or like milk or whatever. Yeah. And we didn't have money for a couple of years because you know, the Soviet currency was obviously done, but we didn't have our own currency. So we had these, like the temporary money that was called coupons, and like a loaf of bread costs like 2 million coupons. It was just like, so insane.

Eddy: [00:12:38] That is insane

Anka: [00:12:40] Yeah.

Eddy: [00:12:41] It must be confronting like seeing people complaining about not being able to go to a hairdresser when you're like, um, I couldn't buy bread.

Anka: [00:12:49] Yeah. So, but, you know, it's like I didn't know any other way of life, so it was just like, and honestly, like most people were in the same boat. Um, but. [00:13:00] I find it so interesting that, you know, like in Soviet union it was all about kind of, you know, theoretically it was about equality and everyone having the same amount. And, and then once it all collapsed, it was just complete madness. Like people were just like murdering each other for money and yeah, it was like, yeah, human nature, like

Eddy: [00:13:26] Humans.

Anka: [00:13:28] It comes through no matter what. Um, yeah, but. It is very, it's very different here. It took me a while to get used to it. I've always loved New York and I don't think that I would have stayed here if I wasn't in New York. Cause when I first moved to US, I was in ocean city, Maryland and it wasn't my favorite place, it was a strange place to be [00:14:00] when you first get here.

Um, but then they came to me. I was supposed to go home and I came to New York for two weeks to see a friend, and I was like, I'm not going anywhere. And went and threw my tickets and stayed. And like, that's the shit that you do when you're 19.

Eddy: [00:14:23] It seems like such an amazing city to be in though if you are creative because of the possibilities around you and like all of the different cultures coming together and just the art world in general is really, it seems to be really celebrated there.

Anka: [00:14:38] The diversity like was so it was like my favorite thing because I did not experience that at home at all. But like now things are different, but not when I was growing up, it was just. You know, we had like people from peace Corps come and like we were like all going at them, like wow [00:15:00] Americans such a such a site. Yeah. So I really do appreciate this aspect of living here. And just. I dunno. I felt like, and I still do sometimes when I go places like you feel though kind of the wall of people treating you differently when you're from somewhere else. And in New York, I, I never really experienced that because everyone's pretty much from somewhere else.

And like I worked at a Mexican restaurant for many years and it was just like. You know, so many different people from so many backgrounds and everyone is just like getting along and doing this crazy thing like this, you know, high pressure, like really weird and nothing like being a bartender in New York [00:16:00] city. It was like a bootcamp of life

Eddy: [00:16:06] That's such a good way to put it. That's what I found fascinating about New York as well, because I live in quite a small city in Australia and it's very like working class white like. You know, we're a bunch of colonizers here and there's not a lot of diversity. And yeah. So when I came to New York and I was hearing all of these different languages and seeing all of this different cultural dress as well, being adapted into modern fashion, and it was fucking amazing and beautiful and fascinating. And also like seeing the museums and galleries having more diversity in like what they were displaying as well, rather than just everything by old white men.

Anka: [00:16:48] I got here and I was like, how am I supposed to like un-see this and unexperience this and just go back to like the same old lifestyle? I was like, I can't, I'm corrupted [00:17:00] right now. I can not leave. I remember the moment when I was walking on the Brooklyn bridge for the first time and I was like. That's it. Like I can't do anything about this. Like I have to stay here.

Eddy: [00:17:17] That's so good. Did you start tattooing in New York?

Anka: [00:17:21] I just started tattooing back home, actually. I started tattooing when I was 15

Eddy: [00:17:26] Oh wow.

Anka: [00:17:28] I always have been like obsessed with the idea and I really don't remember where I got the the idea in my head because that's not something I was around. It's not something that was like very developed at the time where I'm from and I just had these like little flash sheets and I would like draw on my friends and my neighborhood and then like.

When I turned 15 my dad was like, okay, you have to like stop asking me [00:18:00] for money and you have to go get a job. Like, what do you want to do? And I was like, I want to be a tattoo artist. And like, my dad asked his friend to teach me how to, yeah. Like I didn't appreciate it at the time, you know? And now I'm just like, this is really cool.

Eddy: [00:18:17] Thats awesome

Anka: [00:18:20] And, uh, like. I talked to so many clients who are like oh man and I'm like almost 40 and my mom still doesn't know I have tattoos and I'm just like, that makes me really appreciate like how cool my parents were.

Eddy: [00:18:40] That's so cool,

Anka: [00:18:42] Yeah. So I got my apprenticeship. I like literally my first day ever of my apprenticeship. I was supposed to just sit there and watch the guy and like, you know, clean the studio and stuff and his client didn't show up. And the guy [00:19:00] was like, all right, get, take the machine and like, go over my old tattoo. Like I have never seen a tattoo machine in real life. Like,

Eddy: [00:19:10] Wow

Anka: [00:19:10] I, completely blacked out. Like I just don't remember anything about it. The first day of my apprenticeship

Eddy: [00:19:21] That is amazing.

Anka: [00:19:23] It was like, you know, we were like soldering needles, like it was very, very different. And I'm sure it was very unsanitary because they had some like autoclaves, but they were like a million years old. Yeah.

Eddy: [00:19:41] That's really cool that you got to experience, I guess, that old world of tattooing like,

Anka: [00:19:47] Yeah.

Eddy: [00:19:48] Before this, like new age brought in by social media where everything's kind of changed and you just buy things in packets now and like, actually the person was smoldering needles. I've only done it once, but it's really [00:20:00] incredible.

Anka: [00:20:01] And, um, we went to get me a license to some guy's place and he was like, you know, it's gonna be this much money. And like, I gave him the money and he just like, wrote this like license for me. Like completed this training. It was just like everything was just such bullshit because it was a very different in Ukraine and yeah you can pretty much buy yoursef whatever you want, definitely a very unconventional story.

Eddy: [00:20:42] I love it

Anka: [00:20:43] But then we're like, I started college and I was like practicing on all my college friends and yeah. And then I moved here and I fell out [00:21:00] of it for a long time cause it was, you know, things are a little different here. Yeah. So, you know, it took me a while to get back to it. Like a long while, but I, I've always drawn, I always made art work and I actually started showing around Brooklyn, Manhattan and like getting invited into like a bunch of art shows and that's how people were like well, you know, she can draw, so how bad can she be at tattooing? And they was like, let me practice on them.

Eddy: [00:21:37] That's awesome. It's cool that you had the opportunity to establish yourself as an artist first. Like I think that that sometimes gives you a much stronger foundation to build a career upon. Like

Anka: [00:21:49] I still think that I still, like for me, I'm an artist first. And tattooing is just like a medium and like a way [00:22:00] of life that I'm super grateful for, but it's kind of always like second for me.

Eddy: [00:22:08] Yeah. I think that. That's a good thing in a lot of ways though, because that means your focus is on good design and beautiful art rather than making money. Sometimes people who are just tattooers by trade, like their focus is so different,

Anka: [00:22:25] But like even saying this, like making me sweaty, somebody is listening. But if its how I feel. Trying to be honest.

Eddy: [00:22:43] I had, um, how did you come to the point where you were using, like the imagery you use its like, it's very powerful, like you see a lot of goddesses represented in your work and stuff. Is that like a cultural thing or is that a personal thing? Like what's kind of [00:23:00] informed that subject matter.

Anka: [00:23:02] So it's definitely a personal thing. And, um, I usually, like, my process is usually like when I work on like bigger drawings is that like, I get the imagery from, from meditation basically. And I just get these kind of like flashing images of like how the layout is going to be and I like quickly draw it out. And at this point I kind of, you know, and I, I just know that like, if I try to like come up with something, it just, it doesn't feel right.

But when I, like when it comes to me, like it's always super smooth the process of like putting it out there. So, yeah, I do a lot of meditation and it like absolutely changed my life for so much better in every possible way and just kind of [00:24:00] like tuning into this, like, I don't want to say channeling because it's not channeling, but it's just like letting letting the process come to you versus like trying to squeeze something out because I'm sure every artist can relate to the feeling of, you know, being like come on, let's, let's create something awesome and you're just sitting there frustrated at the white page.

Eddy: [00:24:30] Absolutely, it probably what makes your work so unique and authentic? The fact that it. Literally just flowing from you and you just, you're just like this vessel to like express whatever's coming through you and you're giving it a space. That's, that's like very powerful.

Anka: [00:24:49] It took a really long time to like tune into it because I I have like a complex of like, Oh, I don't have art education. [00:25:00] So I felt like really inferior for like imposter syndrome as we always, like, we all have, I'm sure. Um, and I would look at my work that looked like my work and I didn't want it to look like my work. I wanted it to look like something that I thought was better and I would just like get so frustrated.

Like, why? Why is it like this? Like why does it look like this? And until I started appreciating that, like, you know, this is how you do it. Like you can change it. You can try different ways where you always go back to that specific style. Um, like things got so much better for me.

Eddy: [00:25:48] Yeah. Oh, that's awesome.  Cause I've always been like a big believer in, if you just do what feels right for you and what feels natural then there's the space for everyone. Like we don't have to [00:26:00] compete, and you just get to be yourself and you get to enjoy the process of art making more and it it contributes in a much more positive way to the world.

Anka: [00:26:09] But I think to get to that, to be able to just let this expression fully come, like you have to work through so much, so much to learn and

Eddy: [00:26:20] That's something I struggle with

Anka: [00:26:22] So many layers of crap and like capitalistic shit. And you know, it's like I've only gotten there through doing like really a huge amount of inner work.

Eddy: [00:26:36] Yeah. Cause we're conditioned to hate ourselves and to be numb so that we just follow and do what we're told. But actually like acknowledging yourself and looking at how you feel and processing it, that is a very difficult thing to do.

Anka: [00:26:51] Yeah. And I like have been pretty like, you know, in hindsight, like I look back at my life and I'm just like. Whoa, [00:27:00] you really did whatever you wanted then. You know? Like when I was like, I'm staying here, and my parents were like, what are you talking about? Like you are 19 years old, just turned 19 like you don't have any money or any friends. Like, and that was just like, no, I feel it in my gut that I like, this is where I have to be.

And you know, you do a lot of this and like some of the decisions look very like bad at the moment, but over time you're like, Whoa, like really kind of, I don't even know what I'm trying to say, but I'm trying to say that like I've kind of trained myself to follow like that instinct, you know, when you just feel like something is right and like you have to act on it. Like even though it looks. Like kind of crazy.

Eddy: [00:27:58] Yeah. That's awesome.

[00:28:00] Anka: [00:28:00] And I think it's same thing in, in like following your voice in any kind of artwork.

Eddy: [00:28:07] Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you, I mean, you take that kind of approach with your customers as well. Like your whole process is very like, I guess, spiritual or ritualistic like, so to speak, like, um,  you know, how do you, how do you go about like, giving your customers an experience like, like that where they're able to help channel themselves into what they're getting tattooed by you?

Anka: [00:28:36] I think like our job is such a unique opportunity to connect with people on like such deep level, like right off the bat. Sometimes I like to ease the tension I like sometimes talk to people about how absurd this is that you like, come to someone that you've never met and you were like, hi, nice to meet you. Like I'm going to shave you now [00:29:00] poke you with needles for awhile and then you'll pay me or it

Eddy: [00:29:07] Next level.

Anka: [00:29:09] It's crazy. And like sometimes I just block it out because when you start thinking about it, it's it's unbelievable. Truly, you know, but I, I'm so happy that I get to do this because the genuine experiences that you have with people is like nothing else I can think of.

Eddy: [00:29:33] Yeah.

Anka: [00:29:33] And you know, people just like tell you. Things that are so personal, and I'm actually like, I hate small talk. I was a bartender for 10 years and I had to do so much small talk that I just cannot even, I can't, I cannot stand being like the weather is good.

Eddy: [00:29:58] Get to the deep stuff, Tell [00:30:00] me what your soul says

Anka: [00:30:02] Like. I do not mind. When people will share like really personal stuff with me. Like, you know, it goes into like another territory where you have to set boundaries for yourself. Because I started getting to the point where I was like, I, I love connecting with my clients. I love talking about the deep stuff. But at the end of the day, I feel like I got run over by the truck and because I am an empathetic person and I like really take everything to heart. And I didn't even realize how much it like built up in me until this time where we can just like sit home and donothing and think about our lives. And I was like, wow. Like I didn't realize how tired I was. And like, not so much so [00:31:00] physically, but. Emotionally.

Eddy: [00:31:02] Yeah.

Anka: [00:31:04] Like sometimes just sit here and like stare at the wall for like an hour and then like, I dunno, it's just like hits me like the level of of exhaustion that was there and I didn't even know.

Eddy: [00:31:20] We do so much emotional labor in our tattooing that like it does, it does take a huge hit. Like on our bodies.

Anka: [00:31:31] It's the trap where you're like, well, you know, I love what I do. I love my clients. I love, and you feel guilty admitting to yourself that like, maybe I need help or maybe I need rest. And you just like keep calling yourself. Oh, well you're just being ungrateful. Or you know, whatever. You were like being a brat. Like at least I do that. And you know, I worked enough shitty jobs for [00:32:00] years that just like made me hate my life, be so depressed and like I just never wanted to do anything else. Like, honestly, I try not like a huge broad spectrum of jobs, but like, enough different fields to just like say, I don't want to do anything else.

Eddy: [00:32:23] Yeah. Yeah. I'm the same. I think when you're a creative, like and you're not doing something that's in that ballpark. It's life is very miserable.

Anka: [00:32:34] Yeah. But then you know, you have to find a way to like recognize that you're a person too, and sometimes you need a break and. Like, I'm so amazed that like, you know, we have so many guests now and meeting a couple of people who are truly like, yeah, you know, I go and they work for like a month and then I [00:33:00] go away for three months and I rest. Its a dream

Eddy: [00:33:06] It doesn't occur to you that that's actually a possibility and that it's okay to rest.

Anka: [00:33:11] Like, why not? You know, we like this, this illusion that we're not in control of our lives and our schedules, like I still have the mindset of working for someone, even though I'm working for myself, and I always used to say like if I worked for myself, I would be so chilling all the time. And I'm like, I'm the meanest boss I've ever had. It's just like. Maybe it's time to look like what's beneath this, like, you know?

Eddy: [00:33:55] Yeah.

Anka: [00:33:56] And just like do learn to be kinder to ourselves. [00:34:00] I don't know,

Eddy: [00:34:04] Theres a lot of things to unlearn there.

Anka: [00:34:08] And for me personally, when I'm not kind to myself and the like overworked and cranky. And when someone's complaining about it, I'm like, Oh, whatever. Like you don't need to work that hard. You know? Like I stop myself and I'm like, Oh, like talking, like who's saying those things

Eddy: [00:34:30] We, we do start to judge other people through that nasty lens that like we apply to our own lives and it's very, very toxic and

Anka: [00:34:40] Yeah. How much have you produced?

Eddy: [00:34:45] Yeah. I hate that. Like we don't have to produce anything. It's okay to sit on your ass like there's other ways to contribute to society as well. I think just kindness and love and there's [00:35:00] other ways to contribute without having to make money and

Anka: [00:35:03] Yeah

Eddy: [00:35:04] Like working.

Anka: [00:35:06] Yeah. And I've been, I've had so many realizations during this time, you know, on like what really drives me here. And i, you know, like if it's not oversharing, I have been sober for four and a half years now, and that is something that I never thought that I was going to be able to pull off.

Eddy: [00:35:33] That's amazing.

Anka: [00:35:35] Thank you. Um, so proud, cause you know, it's been like a really, really long road for me and changed my life completely. But it was so much stuff was not processed and it's still not, and just like when [00:36:00] you live your life a certain way and then you can't do your usual coping mechanism anymore, like lots of things come up and you react to things in a way where you just like explode over, nothing, you know? And you're just like, what am I doing this?

And it's, it's just because you, you don't have your crutch anymore. You can't, you know, you can't just like check out or numb out. You have to actually go through the painful experiences. And I've been having like a lot of things from like the residue from that come up in this time. And just like the way I'm able to deal with things as a sober person is so much better.

Eddy: [00:36:53] That's amazing.

Anka: [00:36:54] And again, you know, just like meditating on things and being able [00:37:00] to separate yourself from like this part of you that's like freaking out and being able to. Like almost have a conversation with it and be like, what do you need? You know, what are you missing right now? Like what? What really is the problem? It's not really that email thats making you jump out of your skin.

Eddy: [00:37:22] That like internal self-parenting where you've just got to calm yourself down and be like it's ok, what's the next thing

Anka: [00:37:30] With dealing with clients so much? Cause I, I used to, like when I first started, I would like let myself get like, cranky with someone if they would, you know, not act the way I wanted. And, uh, yeah. So the past couple of years, my view on it changed so much and I'm just like. You do what you need to do. If someone's driving you [00:38:00] crazy, you go to the bathroom, scream in the roll of toilet paper.

But like because this, like, I feel like when you get tattooed, like it's such a hyper hightened experience. It's such a like hightened state. You have to be so aware of what you're saying, how you're acting, because like the smallest thing that's so insignificant to, you can set someone off like set off their, their past trauma or you know, you just have to be so careful. And then that's all they remember about their experience, no matter how amazing the tattoo is.

Eddy: [00:38:43] Yeah. And sometimes when like people's trauma is triggered during a tattoo, they can associate that trauma then with the tattoo that they have to look at on the skin every day and that it can really like compact the trauma for them. And [00:39:00] like we have, even though tattooing is not essential, so to speak, we do have a much more important role in people's lives than we realize and we have a lot more responsibility to to be cautious with how we treat people and to be more considerate and empathetic.

Anka: [00:39:21] Yeah, absolutely. It is. I don't know. You know, for me, it's, I take it as a huge responsibility because you are with the person in a very vulnerable moment for one reason or another. And that's why I think it's so damaging and toxic to just perpetuate this culture where like, just suck it up. Just lay there, you know, just shut up and sit there. Who needs this? We all have enough trauma already. Like we don't need more.

Eddy: [00:39:55] Absolutely.

Anka: [00:39:55] We dont need to be paying for an experience that's going to traumatize us.

[00:40:00] Eddy: [00:40:00] And there's lots of little things we can do to help our client have a better experience. Like I, I play music that's got like a softer beat, so that brings the heart rate down a bit, you know, keep them hydrated, you know, do everything I can to relax their body, offer them more pillows, you know, like,

Anka: [00:40:18] Yeah, absolutely.

Eddy: [00:40:20] If we're not always able to be there emotionally for our customers, like it makes sense to them. That way we can still do other things to make their experience better

Anka: [00:40:31] I always feel so happy when people say like, wow, like your space is so welcoming and they, I just feel so relieved like to me it's the biggest compliment because I get really uncomfortable where it's like crazy music blasting and like everyone's just like screaming on top of their lungs. Like I have like really shot nervous system after like so many years working in nightlife, so everything that's [00:41:00] like really, like, I can't even go to the shows anymore because it's just like, it honestly scares me and theyre not always the best environment. Yeah. I'm like so hypersensitive to everything that's like, I need it to be a serene environment.

Eddy: [00:41:23] You can, you can tell that the minute you walk into Black Iris, like it's so warm and welcoming, like the plants everywhere, the artwork, like on the walls, on the floor even the whole environment is like, I felt instantly comfortable there. And like when I arrived in New York, we'd had a hell of a time getting there driving from, um, Salem. We got stuck in a snowstorm. We were having the worst time and we rocked up to get tattooed at Black iris before my guest spot. But, and we will like on the verge of what felt like a breakdown. Like we just wanted to cry. [00:42:00] And then we got there. And I think if we hadn't had that experience in the studio and felt so safe and comfortable. I think it would have changed our entire holiday in New York.

Anka: [00:42:10] That means a lot

Eddy: [00:42:12] Yeah, it was. It's honestly one of the most incredible studios I've ever been in.

Anka: [00:42:16] Thank you. Johno and I like really put a lot of thought into how the space should be, and I think because we do a lot of community events, like I think that contributes to just like the general feel of it. Uh, cause that is like hands down my favorite thing about the studio, just having classes and events and meditation circles and you know, even people who don't want to get tattoos, like they can participate and they can be a part of the space. And um, it, like the community that it created is absolutely [00:43:00] incredible.

Eddy: [00:43:00] Yeah, and I mean community is really so much more important than I think we grew up realizing like in capitalist countries like the US and Australia with very individualistic, but when you kind of figure out how important community is, and you start to create one and create one in such a positive way, like you guys have, like what that does, not just for yourself, but for everyone around you is invaluable.

Anka: [00:43:28] I really think like, honestly, this is the only thing that like truly matters, because I'm like, this is the only thing that you can contribute to as like a regular person, not like a billionaire and see immediate result, like coming back to you. And that will like encourage you to, to put more effort into your community because you know, like, we feel so helpless by reading the news, everything is like, like we're all [00:44:00] attacked with these like huge problems that just make us feel paralyzed and make us feel helpless. And you know, you're like, I'm just a little guy like how can I, and it makes me think of Lord Of The Rings. It's like how can I stand in the face of the great evil like I'm nothing I'm a spec.

But when you make a change in your community or you know, you contribute in some way, where. People say that like, wow, this really helped me. Or, you know, it really changed my perspective. Or, you know, I just feel like I have a place to go to now. Like we had a person who said like, I just moved here and I don't know anyone. They felt really depressed. But now we can just come to these events and feel like I have friends and you know, I feel like home. So and I was [00:45:00] like ahh youre going to make me cry

Eddy: [00:45:02] I feel like thats success for me.

Anka: [00:45:06] It's powerful

Eddy: [00:45:06] That's a marker of success when you've like been able to have a positive impact on someone else's life. That's just, that's the greatest thing we can ever hope to do.

Anka: [00:45:16] It's true. And it's not like. Instagram followers or you know, like, of course, you know, it's a great tool to use as a way to reach more people and make contacts. And, but when you, when you put so much value in it, like it's, it doesn't mean anything. You need to nurture the real connections. And until I'm saying this to myself, first and foremost, you know, I'm not trying to preach like I'm still figuring this out for myself. Like don't put your energy in there. Like I'm obviously grateful for [00:46:00] that aspect and that I have a platform, but the only thing that really matters is people that are around you.

Eddy: [00:46:10] Yeah, absolutely.

Anka: [00:46:14] Yeah. You know what I mean?

Eddy: [00:46:16] Yeah. And we're so lucky to have that, like to have those people who, who do reach out and who do get involved and who do participate like, yeah. It just, it's a sad world when you see people who, who don't realize what they've got around them or who don't have respect or gratitude for it. Yeah, we are very lucky.

Anka: [00:46:41] Super lucky. I still, I can't believe it, you know, like where I came from and my life now, it's like, Whoa. You know, my parents came to visit me three times now and they were just like, you know, they were like, you have a space [00:47:00] in New York like crazy. And. Yeah. It's like when I look at Google maps and I see it, I'm still like,

Eddy: [00:47:12] That's so amazing.

Anka: [00:47:14] It's such an amazing experience,but I feel like, you know, like I got. I got the, like my dream came true, hands down like better than I could ever imagine. And, but I feel like I serve the space. Like this space is not for me to just be like, you know, be power tripping or walking around thing like I'm a business owner or whatever. It's like. I have like two needs, a sacred space and like I'm there to take care of the space and I'm there to like watch our artists grow and [00:48:00] be able to like facilitate these workshops.

Eddy: [00:48:03] You're a custodian rather than an owner.

Anka: [00:48:07] Yeah. Yeah.

Eddy: [00:48:08] That's fantastic

Anka: [00:48:09] It's an amazing experience. I will always be forever grateful for it.

Eddy: [00:48:16] Yeah. Do you guys have like, like you and Johno have any like kind of ideas or plans on how you're going to move forward, like after all of the madness has settled?

Anka: [00:48:29] I'm not sure yet because we're kind of like taking it month by month. Like, you know, we're still paying the rent and basically just like paying it up with our own money.

Eddy: [00:48:41] Wow.

Anka: [00:48:41] So, yeah, but you know, it's really hard to say, cause we just don't know how long this is gonna last and from what I understand, New York put tattoo shops in like [00:49:00] phase four reopening. So there is one is going to happen on May 15th so it might still be a while. Yeah, so like it's kind of like a time of where we just have to sit and wait and see what happens. But I really, I, I have confidence that we can pull through.

Eddy: [00:49:24] Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, sometimes when it does get hard and you reach out to the community, they will be there to help you get through if it comes to that anyway.

Anka: [00:49:36] Right. Yeah. But you know, at the same time. I just got to, I was like freaking out for so long and now I just kinda got to the point where I'm like, you know, whatever happens, happens. If we can't keep the business in this space, we'll just start in a new space. Like, you know, we have the [00:50:00] community, so

Eddy: [00:50:00] Absolutely, and you'll, you'll adapt.

You've adapted a million times before.

Anka: [00:50:07] For sure

Eddy: [00:50:10] Oh, that's so cool. Well, I might wrap it up there, but like it's been so amazing to speak to you and hear your story and I always, I really love your approach to tattooing and your studio and your clients. It's always a joy to see on social media and when I've got to talk to you as well.

Anka: [00:50:31] I think it's just like, I don't know if we still have time, but I really, really, really do think that we have to all approach it from, from like the, the real place, you know, not just to seem cool on the internet or for money. It's, it has to, it has to come from the right place because you, you are changing people's bodies [00:51:00] forever. Like that's a great responsibility. I don't know. I feel like we all have to remind that to ourselves all the time.

Eddy: [00:51:12] Yeah, definitely, absolutely. Well, um, this footage will be on YouTube for our listeners to watch later. So, um like for all of our listeners, you can head over to YouTube. Um, I'll put all of the like information, like how to find Anka and Black Iris in the show notes. Um, you can follow our Instagram. Uh, not just a girl underscore tattoo. Um. You know, please subscribe, follow, and share. Um, you know, let's spread the love for tattooing and for the amazing artists that we get to speak to.

Um, thank you so much, Anka, it's been so, so amazing talking to you and thank you to everyone who listened. Um, we really, really [00:52:00] appreciate it. Um, we hope you have a wonderful day and be kind to each other.

[cheonsaclaire-blog]

Who am I?

I think the world is a sea. Different schools of fish are different groups that a single fish, me, has to be part of. As this fish, I must adapt to survive. Sometimes, this adaptation is permanent and can be seen on me. My scales. What people see is who I am, through what I do, how I act, and what I believe in.

Firstly, I am a Filipino-Chinese. Sometimes, it is confusing. Where do I really belong? Will I ever belong somewhere at all?

I am proud to call myself Chinese. I am proud of my family’s beliefs and traditions. And I hope that these will be preserved for generations to come.

I am Chinese, but I know little of China itself. When I went to my ancestral hometown on my very first visit to China a few months ago, I felt like a fraud. People would look and whisper “look, an outsider”. I can speak Chinese. But I’m far from being fluent. If I can’t speak my own mother tongue fluently to communicate with my grandparents, am I really still Chinese?

I am Filipino. I was born and raised in the Philippines. Yet I can feel a divide still between me and “pure” Filipinos. Sometimes, classmates would discuss about the not so admirable deeds and actions of China and its government – but they’d turn to my general direction and say “no offense”. I truly appreciate the thoughtfulness and gesture, but to be honest, I don’t feel offended. After all, I’m not a Chinese citizen but a Filipino citizen. I guess I would always be that Chinese girl in a group of Filipinos. And there’s nothing wrong with that, for I’m proud of my ethnicity. But it’s just maybe, I’ll never feel like a true Filipino. I can speak Filipino. But why am I always scared or Filipino class? I’ve been told that I speak the language with an accent. I have a hard time reading heavy Filipino texts. Why do I dread my own language?

Secondly, I am a fan. I always told myself: K-pop is cringey. So imagine my own surprise when I started becoming interested in Seventeen. When I first became a fan, a little over two years ago, I was adjusting to a new environment in senior high and was on the brink of a breakdown. Turns out, discovering K-pop actually changed my life (as dramatic as it sounds). The feeling of being a fan of a group who is so dedicated to their art and craft – and to their fans – is a totally different experience. They cheered me up through variety shows and funny videos when I was down. Their passion for their dream is so evident in their music and it is truly inspiring.

That is why I personally get offended and hurt deep inside. When I hear people make comments on K-pop. “ay, gay” “crazy fangirls who care about nothing but oppa” (by the way, real fans don’t use oppa like that. :’() “why do girls like guys cuter than them”. As serious or as light/meaningless these comments may be, I still get affected. Because truly, even though those K-pop idols do not know me, and that I don’t really know them personally, they have impacted my life so positively.

I also don’t like any comment that imply that I’m abandoning my own cultures because I want to be Korean instead. (trivia: that mentality is called being a Korea-boo – or Kboo for short. Also known as being a creepy fan.) In fact, by being exposed to Korean culture, I become more curious and appreciative of these other cultures around me. And it makes me want to take care and appreciate my own identity, (being Chinese and Filipino) even more.

Before K-pop, I was only “meh” about being Chinese. I didn’t hate it, but I never felt any sense of pride whatsoever in my culture. After becoming a fan, for some reason, I realized how unique my own ethnicity is. I wanted to preserve my culture. (For example, on my own accord, I really, really want to improve my Chinese now.)

Third, I am a foodie. I love food. I want to be able to exchange and expand my knowledge on the many foods around the world. Where they come from, how they are made, what it tastes, etc.

It is my dream to maybe someday open a café along with my sisters. That is also why I decided to take up the Ateneo’s new course offering BS REnt. I believe that whoever is a foodie is immediately immersed in global culture. Being able to appreciate, and also cook a wide variety of cuisines is very essential, especially for a restauranteur hopeful like me. The reason is simply because that’s what the people, or the market, demand. People want something new, unique, and never seen before; however, at the same time, it should be something that is still familiar and tastes of home. That is why as interesting and “high-class” other cuisine may seem, the own local cuisine is just as important.

Food is a language that anyone, anywhere around the world can understand – because everyone loves food!

Fourth, I am a student. As a student of the Ateneo, I am taught in school values that help me become more aware of my own country. Most subjects, somehow are able to connect lessons to the Philippine context. Immersion and community engagement programs by the school help me open my eyes to my own country.

On the other hand, the Ateneo also helps ready students in becoming global citizens. Through world-class education, and even exchange student programs and opportunities to study abroad for a semester.

For me, both aspects are important. I think that as important as it is to know one’s own, knowing the outside world is just as essential so we don’t get left behind. In other words, I think that it is important that we, especially the students and youth, should take importance in being Filipino, while still maintaining a global perspective that may hopefully be used to improve our own.

For now, these are the major “hybrid identities” I can identify in my life. I am but a young, small fish. In the future, who knows what kind of scales I’ll grow in this rich world between my own, and the sea beyond.

[hope-for-olicity]

Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - December 7th, 2018

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them. 

Earth 2 Felicity Q-Smoak by @cruzrogue - A look into Earth 2 Felicity's life and how she may meet Oliver http://cruzrogue.tumblr.com/post/180523358099/earth-2-felicity-q-smoak-having-fun-with-this-i

Homecoming by @alexiablackbriar13 - The journey home from Slabside is exhausting for Oliver, who is already bloody, battered and bruised from the riot. Felicity takes care of him and stops him from fracturing. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16764172

Love and Little Cupcakes multi-chapter WIP by @christinabeggs - Felicity loved sweets so much that she paid no attention to her lovelife. Until Thea Queen came into her store wanting fabulous cupcakes for her sixteenth birthday. SO ADORABLE! http://archiveofourown.org/works/12400539/chapters/28216053

Just Beneath the Surface multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow arrow - When an S.O.S signal is sent to the FBI from a woman named Felicity Smoak, Director Oliver Queen knows that she is in grave danger. He can’t help but notice the haunting similarities between what’s happening to her and what happened nine years ago; in thirteen unsolved cold cases that drove ex-agent John Diggle out of the bureau. With a race against the clock, Oliver enlists the help of his old mentor to reopen the investigation, and hopefully save Felicity’s life. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16239002/chapters/37963052

The Gate by @foreverfelicityqueen - What might have gone through Oliver's head as he was being released and seeing his wife for the first time in a while. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16768138

To Have and To Hold by anythingbutplatonic - It's been six months and twelve days since she's seen him. It’s been five thousand, four hundred and sixty-eight hours since she’s really, really seen him. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16761286

Carry You Like You Carry Me multi-chapter Complete by inlovewithimpossibility - three-shot on post-7x07, dealing with the immediate after-effects of Oliver's release https://archiveofourown.org/works/16760950/chapters/39324724

The Numbness of Disuse by @juvinadelgreko - A short one-shot about Oliver and Felicity’s return from Slabside. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16758562

(Tear Me To Pieces, Skin and Bones) Hello, Welcome Home. by @inenochian - Oliver and Felicity spend their one year anniversary in their bed. Recovering. Healing. Loving. (pure and unadulterated fluff because that's what we deserve) https://archiveofourown.org/works/16773454

With the Speed of an Arrow multi-chapter WIP by @academyofshipping - Oliver Queen’s elite and silver-spoon life has taken some blows in the past few years, but he is still the carefree billionaire everyone knows of and loves. When his role in the family business is in jeopardy and he is introduced to a motley of new people, his status quo is threatened. With a changed perspective, Oliver realizes his feeling for his best friend and anchor-in-life, Felicity Smoak, may be more than just platonic. OR A modern adaption of Jane Austen’s Emma with a gender swap* and no island. *Knowing that gender is not binary https://archiveofourown.org/works/16559846/chapters/38799857

Doppelgangers P2 by @lostolicityscenes - Oliver is taken by Faux Felicity who believes she can spice up his sex life https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/180592892411/doppelgangers-part-2-part-1-nsfw-more

Home To You multi-chapter WIP by @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl - Oliver Queen has never done what his family expected of him. He took a gap year after high school instead of going to college right away. He quit his fraternity sophomore year to join the student newspaper, switching his major from business to journalism. He became a photojournalist for a wire service instead of taking a place at Queen Consolidated. He went missing after six months instead of coming home for his sister’s twenty-first birthday. He survived five years of captivity in a war zone when everyone thought he was dead. He came home. But home didn’t have a place for him in it anymore. His parents were both dead, casualties of their own mistakes and a city they had turned against them. His sister was all grown up, the CEO of Queen Consolidated with a fiancé and a dog and a life of her own. Oliver didn’t belong in his old life, but there was nowhere else for him to go. He was a man without a home, without any way of finding one, until he stopped by the IT department of his sister’s company to get files off an old, battered memory card, and found a woman with curly blonde hair and bright, intelligent eyes chewing on a bright red pen and swearing at a computer screen. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12613188/chapters/28734552

Time for a Story multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. https://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

The Queen's Mage multi-chapter WIP by @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl - Words have power, and mages, those with the aptitude to draw on that power, are few in number. Thus, their services are highly sought after by anyone who has exhausted all mundane means of solving whatever problem is plaguing them. Felicity is reminded of this fact the hard way when she is hired by Moira Queen, the Lady Starling, to find and return to her son Oliver, who fled his family home five years ago following the death of his father. With a threat hanging over her should she return without Robert Queen's heir, Felicity begins her search. When she finds Oliver, and ends up joining his vigilante crusade while she waits for him to decide whether to return home, the last thing she expects to do is fall in love with him. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14617068/chapters/33781269

Charmed I'm Sure! multi-chapter WIP by @christinabeggs - What happens when three witchy sisters take on the evil in the world? https://archiveofourown.org/works/15852249/chapters/36922482

Hard To Find Love multi-chapter WIP by Mellowyellowdiamonds - Through a tragic twist of fate Felicity finds herself left with an orphaned young William Clayton. Keeping her promise to her friend, Felicity raises William diligently, loving him as if he were her own child, only to have Moira Queen storm into their lives several years later demanding custody of her grandson. Locked in a war with Moira Queen, things get complicated when Felicity finds herself developing unwanted feelings for William's biological father, Oliver Queen. At the same time she must try to manage her meddling 13 year old son, who has it in his head that if Felicity would just cooperate and fall for his father, everything would be right in the world. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15941786/chapters/37173917

Different People by @geneshaven - Olicity after their talk in 7x08 https://geneshaven.tumblr.com/post/180822452124/different-people

Arrow Ficlet: Oh the Past, It Wanted Me Dead by @theshipsfirstmate - post-7x07. It’s hard to believe she’s seen him look worse. https://archiveofourown.org/works/8435797/chapters/39324094#workskin

Rebels Connected multi-chapter Complete by @mindramblingsfics - Felicity Smoak is an escaped mutant on the run. Oliver Queen, leader of an underground safe house for mutants to call home comes to her rescue. Everything changes once he brings her into the organization and his life. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16014089/chapters/37369784

From Somewhere Within multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - Their connection has always felt natural to them, safe and secure. But others tend to fear what they don’t understand, and as far as their enemies are concerned, the world isn’t ready to accept two people who can know each other the way that Oliver and Felicity do. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009244/chapters/37356257

Pieces of Always multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34 - Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows. Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. http://archiveofourown.org/works/8220479/chapters/18840356

My Thoughts on You multi-chapter WIP by @rachelrenalove -Felicity Smoak is sure of 3 things: 1. She's a badass and she is damn good at what she does. 2. She hates the man in the green hood. 3. Oliver Queen is a pain in her ass and she cannot wait until the day she can quit her job at Queen Consolidated. Or Felicity Smoak goes undercover at Queen Consolidated and meets Oliver Queen. She quickly realizes that she doesn't like him and wishes she was never chosen for this mission. Outside of QC, she is dealing with her hatred towards the man in the green hood that has found out exactly which buttons of hers to press in order to piss her off. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15089954/chapters/34989344

Life's All About Changes multi-chapter Complete by Crazyreader2468 - After agreeing to plead guilty to being the Green Arrow in order to get FBI assistance in capturing Diaz, Oliver finds himself in a supermax, a maximum security federal prison, serving a life sentence. As he struggles to become accustomed to life in prison, his family, friends, and teammates struggle to live without him, as well as continually attempting to find a way to get him pardoned. Will they succeed in obtaining a pardon and will Oliver survive until they do? Mostly AU from right before the ending of episode 6 x 22 and after most of 6 x 23. https://archiveofourown.org/works/14936172

Re-Airrow 2x10 by @lostolicityscenes - Just one scene for the episode: A riff on the line that Oliver says to Felicity about Barry. https://lostolicityscenes.tumblr.com/post/180799804486/re-airrow-2x10

If I Tremble multi-chapter WIP by @smoaking-greenarrow - A collection of prompts and ficlets, with all the smut! Olicity sexy times are the best times. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15409122/chapters/35762643

seemingly impossible (but not untrue) multi-chapter WIP by @alexiablackbriar13 - Young genius historian Dr Felicity Smoak unknowingly and accidentally calls up a bewitched alchemical manuscript within the Oxford Bodleian Libraries - a book that has been lost for centuries. Descended from an old and distinguished line of witches, Felicity wants nothing to do with magic, despite her unruly and powerful abilities. But her discovery of Ashmole 782 sets the world of creatures stirring; with a mystery afoot and new, dangerous magical abilities manifesting for her to navigate, she is approached by the enigmatic vampire biochemist Professor Oliver Queen, who seems to have a deep interest in both the manuscript… and her. Based on A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16224353/chapters/37923743  

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 //