#im sure it carries plenty of issues as many things will

[gay-artificer]

I've seen people be like downpour ruined how people see five pebbles and im gonna be honest if you were here for any number of years pre-downpour the fandom was always god-awful with the nuance in his character. thats not a downpour thing thats a fandom thing

[mechs-headcanons]

if were talking about disabled mech i have plenty of headcanons to share

ivys nerves dont hook up to her mechanism 100% right so she has what im sure is a whole slew of neurological issues. her cranial nerves are mechanized though. i also usually draw her with something weird kinda like cochlear implants but fully removable since she can just unplug it or plug it back in her head

i think itd be funny if nastya was chronically dying of mercury poisoning. but even funnier if she has anemia because yep. no blood there. (it would make sense tho since i cant imagine mercury is that good at carrying oxygen). and she definitely has pots and hemophilia. also raynauds. which would probably be hell actually since most people headcanon shes really cold so i imagine shed just be having flareups all the time and never have any blood in her hands or feet. anyway i also think shes got me/cfs and maybe eds. and a nonexistant heat tolerance

Jonny's got pots and pre-mechanization had a heart defect but yk she doesnt have that heart anymore. oh and costochondritis. i headcanon new texans as nocturnal so i think hes got real bad photophobia (the eyeliners to keep the light outta his eyes) and heat intolerance. & maybe even a sun allergy.

Marius i like to think has mcas but i have no idea where that idea came from. imagining him with crutches for his knees is a lovely idea as well. i dont have too many thoughts here because thinking about Marius and medical stuff just leads to me imagining their horrible doctoring

The Toy Soldier has never been in long term possession of flesh other than the Angels vocal chords and so cant be considered disabled as such but it does occasionally pretend to have joint pain, as its joints have a lot of wear and tear and need frequent repair.

Tim i feel like has arthritis. also he's got chemical burn scars from the gas attacks. mustard gas does that. i thought i had more thoughts bout him but guess not

Raphaella's got akylosing spondylitis and lupus as well as axtually sorry no im about to pass out its about 2am here so skrry you dont get the end of raph thoughts or any of my ashes and vrian thoughts sorry. og wow i just said sorry three times

also, in my human au, among other things, raph is a wheelchair user and marius has an elbow disarticulation + at least one of their knees replaced. thats far from the only phys disabilities in it but giving an exhaustive list would take way too much time

YES AGH 🙏🙏🙏🙏

now i need to write a disabled mechs fic,,,

and dude sleep is important make sure you do that

[brokenntable]

Haii, i am a new luvity. Can i request about them? Could you please write how cravity reactions when ycomforting you if you worried so much? Thank you ^^

welcome! ofc I can, please- I'm writing this with a high fever... I'm sorry if I make any mistakes. ALSO HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY ALLEN 🐧

Cravity Members Comforting You

Serim

as a leader, I'm sure Serim has seen plenty of stress and worry in all sorts of formats. I can imagine at first meeting you he'd start noticing small details about your emotions, things you didn't know about yourself. so if one day he saw how distressed and panicked you were, even if you thought you held it well, Serim would be the first to pull you aside and ask you to talk about how you were feeling. I wouldn't allow you to bottle up your feelings. I think he would really try offer solutions but as well be there to be a shoulder to cry on. he'd allow you to let it all out before picking you up off your feet and wanting you to do something fun to relieve you of your stress. I can see him suggesting you join a yoga class or something of the sort for no apparent reason.

Allen

fixer-upper, fix-it Allen indeed. Allen is for sure going to try and break down your worries and do his best to try and fix them, he doesn't like to see you worrying so he'll try and manually take it away. worried over an exam? Allen will sit and help you study until you're fully confident. worrying about a presentation? he will ask his members to join him as you do your presentation in front of them all. start off small, aim bigger. his love language is acts of service im sure, there's no escaping it.

Jungmo

I can imagine believing Jungmo would be awkward at first hearing you're panicking over something but I really think he would have such a caring approach, especially after seeing how much stress you're under. don't think you can escape his grasp, you'll be locked in his affection and hugs until he's ready to let go. Jungmo isn't very good with words so I can imagine he'll try his best in every other way to help. he'll play with your hair, order your favourite food, check in on you as much as possible.

Woobin

you know what's one of the most comforting things; food. and when I tell you, woobin would cook the most scrumptious, mouth watering comfort food ever. you would cry eating it. all jokes aside, good food and a heart to heart would solve so many issues and I think that would be woobin's approach if he saw you worrying one day. and, if you weren't ready to talk about it, that would be completely okay too, he's happy to just stay by your side and assist to make sure your as okay as he can possibly get you to. I'm also positive he's memorised all your favourite foods to.

Wonjin

I have watched enough produce x 101 to tell you, if you're worried, Wonjin will do anything in his power to help you in any shape he can. he cares so much about everyone he will try and carry your burdens giving hugs, distractions, solutions. you name it, he'll do it. he's also super sentimental as well, he will definitely try and talk it out with you until you realise most of your worries were irrational. you walk out after a conversation with Wonjin thinking you can take on the world.

Minhee

minhee's such a difficult one because he's so unpredictable. if he found out you're worried I can imagine he'd definitely knit his brows together and think what he can do to help. Definitely pats you on the back (like one of those dad pats). I also think though that Minhee notices very small details about you too. like when your sad you only eat a very specific flavour or type of food. or ur at ur most happy when you drink a specific drink. he would go out of his way to go get them without you even being aware. or if you were stressed and couldn't keep on top of things, he would do small things like your washing, or make your bed to ease your burden.

Hyeongjun

at first, Hyeongjun seeing you panic would definitely make him panic. he's someone who will reflect how you're feeling but he also cares a lot about you so if you're worried he'd try really hard to distract you from your worries. he's the type to drag you out of your room to go do fun things, take you out for desserts or a karaoke bar. no better stress relief then screaming down a microphone. and not to forget either, hyeonjun gives the best hugs, no doubt he will be hugging and clinging onto you all day too.

Taeyoung

I can see him definitely encouraging the both of you at least once a week to talk about feelings and emotions with each other. even if it isn't something deep, I think taeyoung would be a really efficient communicator. besides all the jokes and laughs, if you stress to him you were stressed and worried I think he would try to work through it together. he's another member who will try and break down how you feel and try and help you but he also definitely keeps it light hearted and can't help crack a joke here and there because he also wants to see you smile.

Seongmin

another panicker me thinks. I think Seongmin would be happy to help you though if you're worried as I think Seongmin would go all out. at first he would take you out to take your mind off of thinks. you go clothe shopping, you eat ice cream and take pictures together. then, when he knows you're in a better position, he'll ask what's bothering you and he will offer to help the best way he can.

I have irlens syndrome, if anything is spelt bad its because I can't read. have a nice day <3

[magnoliamyrrh]

Is it possible for childhood sa memories to never consciously resurface and the victim spend their entire life unaware of what happened to them?

...... i dont see why not really. i dont know how common that is, but id place my money on it happening at least to some

i mean, there's plenty of cases of people figuring out/theyre told they have trauma-based disorders such as DID in their 50s,60s,70s etc - so, most ot their life they remembered only small or certain parts of trauma compared to the full scope, or perhaps not much of it at all; they may spend most of their lives with entire gaps of years in their childhood memory without knowing... and the DID will protect the most active or "host" part of them from the worst ptsd symptoms for some time. i dont see why its not theoretically possible for someone to take this to the grave never knowing really. i have also heard of cases of peoples trauma of csa not coming to them until their abusers are dead and they know theyre dead, and thus the brain finally feels safe (especially heard this in the case of family members) - so, this may come when they are in their 40s, 50s, or older. its actually rather common from what i know for people to become aware or to accept these sort of traumas later on in life

...... id say tho, DID&OSDD are particular cases in extreme and repeated early childhood trauma induced disorders which create more of a.... level of protection than many have against the trauma (for some parts, while other parts carry the burden). but even without the development of such disorders its rather common for the brain to shut down/repress memories like that, and for the brain to "give them back" later on during teens, early adulthood, or adulthood depending on the individual - either because something has triggered the individual and memory, or because the brain finally feels safe enough to start breaking down those barriers...... i think in Many cases (idk if most but.. maybe most) the brains barriers start breaking down at some point, but perhaps in some cases they do not - perhaps if the individual never feels safe enough for this to happen, or doesnt encounter a particular trigger?

..... it may be the case as well that someone will experience symptoms which stem from csa, or maybe even forms of flashbacks, and that they will have behaviors infleunced by said trauma, but be unable to accept it their entire lives. they may simply keep repressing them and being unwilling to even entertain the idea that anything like that ever happened - in this case maybe there will be a tiny part of them which knows and understands, but for the most part its never processed or accepted. they will just keep building those walls up and pushing it further down - perhaps some can do this their whole lives. they may have intense nightmares or flashbacks, and obvious symptops, but still deny it completely. im sure this sort of thing can be taken to the grave too

...... id also say, this might be the case if were talking about.... earrrrllly earllly csa. i guess im a particular outlier(?) maybe for remembering things, not just trauma, from when i was two years old (i reckon the dissociation has something to do with it too). but many people do not remember much at all, good or bad, from before they were 3-4 years old..... this doesnt mean that csa at those ages wont have lasting impacts and lead to things - some part of the body and mind and subconscious remembers and reacts nontheless - but that it may be harder or perhaps in some cases impossible, to remember details or to make sense of certain symptoms one may be having... (a particularly horrible parallel example of this - of very early intense trauma at least, would be that babies used to get... fucking surgery without anesthesia. horrible. these ppl as adults cant remember this, but theyre still scarred for life and have many many issues. another would be that infant neglect and feeling uncared for, scared, alone for too long as an infant or young toddler is something most may not ever remember, but it still often has consequences).......... maybe my brain in particular is weird af bc osdd&did... and because of psychadelics... and meditation..... ill just say. personally.. i dont think any of us truly, truly ever "forget" anything from the time we are born....not really. somewhere its still there ....... though i would say generally, it is uncommon, maybe very uncommon, for ppl to fully remember much of csa or trauma at those ages. perhaps in these cases it is more likely for someone to go their whole life never really having an idea of what happened to them or why they may have certain issues

,,,,,,, idk. all in all id say, i do think its possible. weather its someones brain never cracking more than just a bit, or repression on top of repression, or taking a dissociative disorder like DID to the grave and having a v exteme case,,, i reckon theres still symptoms in one form or another and infleunces, and it likely come out in dreams and nightmares in some form or another... but i do reckon its possible there have and are individuals who go through life until the end never really knowing or processing it beyond a repressed and subconscious level..... how common that is tho? i really have no idea

[absolutelyfizzing]

angels and demons

warren worthington x reader fluff

@shuckfaced-fangirl Hi! can I request a warren worthington x female mutant reader where her powers are shadow summoning? So I guess everyone in the school kind of views her as some sort of demon? With a lot of fluff? Thank you!!

Description - Y/N is a shadow summoner and is isolated from her peers. Warren helps her see that not everyone fears her and that she is worthy of affection.

warnings - its so fluffy. fem pronouns. some angsty stuff (isolation, depression, sadness), one innuendo, devastating fluff, warren being an angel. i tried to make it POC inclusive, please let me know if it feels restricting or excluding and i will edit it.

word count - 3700, i got carried away

A/N - im so sorry this took so long, i took a break from writing while i am working on moving to college. i will still be spotty for the next few weeks but hopefully, i will post a few more things in that time and then get back on a normal schedule. also, thanks so much for this request, i had a lot of fun writing it and i hope it is something you enjoy reading!

MASTERLIST

You walked through the halls with a lowered head. You knew that you made others uncomfortable and so you chose to try to make yourself as small and unthreatening as possible. You had been 'gifted' powers with which you could manipulate and create darkness. You were a shadow summoner. That wasn't a name that many found reassuring or comforting.

There were a few who could see past it and who was close to being what you might call friends but those people were few and far between. There were overwhelmingly more people who believed that you must have been a scary and mean person, that you were some sort of demon. This couldn't have been further from the truth if one were to look past appearances. Your shadow was larger and darker than that of your peers and it trailed behind you with a mind of its own, moving and growing without you even meaning for it to happen. Your hands were constantly covered in something darker and dustier than the rest of your skin, a deep and pure black. It trailed from the tips of your fingers and faded on your forearm so it looked as though you had just dipped your arms into a chimney or that shadows were crawling up your arms.

When you first got them, you thought they were sort of cool. They made you look sort of goth and that was fun. That feeling quickly faded when you saw how others, even your family, reacted. They said it was a curse from hell. You were barely convinced otherwise.

You sat away from others at the school during free periods. During lunch you sat alone and in the sun when you could, you hoped it might make others be less scared of you as it might make you look brighter but your shadow, dark and ominous, maintained a spot near you. You wore clothes that made you look more approachable to try to maintain that you weren't scary. Your brightly colored outfit didn't ever seem to work though, no matter how hard you tried.

You looked down at the food in your hands, the sandwich only half-eaten, and you noted your hands. They were so normal looking, your nails were well kept and you thought they were a good size. That they might even be a good size for someone to hold. The only thing was the unnaturally colored dust that seemed to cover them. It was a cool black, it glistened and sparkled in the sun when your fingers moved. It never moved or transferred to anything else, always stuck securely to your skin. You were distracted by the way your fingers seemed to shine when a shadow came near yours, wings outlined in it. You looked up to see a tall blond boy above you with curly hair and bags under his eyes. He nodded to a spot on the grass near you.

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

You shook your head and even scooted away from the spot to give him more space despite the fact that you were in a large field.

"Do you want me to move?" You asked gently, wondering if maybe he wanted this particular spot and you took it from him unknowingly.

"I mean, I think that would sort of take away the whole point of me trying to sit with you." He smirked and you felt blood rush to your cheeks. "I like your hands" He hummed and you looked at him in shock. When his eyes met yours you tilted your head a bit.

"They don't bother you?" You tried to speak softly.

"No, I think they're awesome. They make you look punk." He smiled and you felt the corners of your mouth tug up a bit too.

"I like your wings." You almost mumbled as you allowed your gaze to move to the large feathery wings behind him. They moved in the wind and you found yourself wanting to run your fingers through them. "They make you look like an angel." You smiled and he groaned dramatically.

"I'm trying to look grunge." He pouted and you giggled a bit. At the sound, he looked up at you and blushed a bit. "Maybe we should trade."

"If I could trade you I would. Everyone is scared of how I look." You gazed back at the grass.

"I'm not." His simple statement made butterflies erupt in your stomach and you smiled a bit. You looked back at him and made eye contact for a moment.

"What's your name?" You asked and he maintained his gaze into your eyes. It was the most contact or conversation with someone else you'd had in a long time.

"I'm Warren." He smiled a bit and stuck a hand out to you to shake. You looked at his hand in shock. Nobody ever voluntarily touched your hands. Most of them worried that whatever was on them would spread. You hesitantly brought your hand to his, purposefully giving him plenty of time to remove his hand if he felt uncomfortable. But he didn't. Instead, your hand reached his and he shook it before letting go as if it was no big deal.

"I'm Y/N." You smiled a bit more and you felt a giggle come out of you from the joy of realizing this wasn't a dream, that someone was trying to talk to you and they weren't afraid.

"Is my name that funny?" He teased.

"No, I just-" you paused to think, "it's been so long since anyone has done this with me."

"Talked to you?" He questioned, obviously expecting you to say no and explain what you meant. Instead, you just nodded and his heart clenched for a moment. "Well, you can stick with me then."

"I don't know if you want your reputation to take a hit like that."

"My reputation is 'the angry and damaged kid', I'm sure it can handle the breaking news of me talking to a nice and pretty girl." He reassured before he even realized what he was saying. You could have cried at the feeling that rose up in your chest.

After that day, you stuck to his side like glue and he took no issue with it. The more you got to know him the more you appreciated the fact that he had taken you in. With his help, over the coming months, he helped you develop a stable friend group. That group included people like Ororo and Jane who had heard rumors about you and never bothered to check and see if they were real. They apologized profusely, especially Jean as she felt like she could have easily found out that you were kinder than she thought with her abilities but just had never done so, and you gladly accepted, just happy to be within a group.

You and Warren had developed a reputation. He was overly protective and gruff while you were overly nice and empathetic. You balanced each other well and if you were honest, you were in love with him. That always felt weird to say, you'd never been in love with anyone before but every second you spent with him made you more and more sure of your feelings.  

When you and Warren were together, you would daydream about what it would be like to be in a relationship with him. Being held by him and wrapped in his wings. Getting to play with his unkempt hair. Holding his hand.

Sometimes he would try to encourage you to hold his hand. He would hold it out to you when he was helping you jump down from somewhere high. He would ask you to hand him things and then make decisive contact as he took it from you. He knew that it meant a lot to you, you practically gasped and blushed every time he did it. He had never met anyone so touch starved. He wanted to give you all the affection that you craved.

Unfortunately, Warren was rather oblivious, especially towards things like feelings and emotions. He had no clue that you had any interest in him, even though he hoped you did every day. If he wasn't so attached to your friendship, he might ask you out. Instead, he tried to maintain a friendly distance so he didn't cross any lines while also being as affectionate with you as he could be. You followed a similar path.

The person caught in the middle of this was poor Jean Gray. she had watched you pine over each other since you met and had heard every thought that went through both of your heads. She knew you would never complain or ask for help about anything so she liked to keep tabs on your thoughts every once in a while to make sure you were okay. Still, she tried her best to not listen very often or when you were thinking about anything very personal, she honestly did. But she was a romantic. All she wanted was for you two idiots to get together but you were both oblivious. She decided, probably 3 months into you becoming friends, that she had to do something about it.

She was sitting on your bed while you sat across your bedroom on your small couch. She fiddled with her thumbs while she tried to ignore your constant thoughts about Warren, his hands, his wings, his smile. She was exhausted. she took a small breath while she planned how she would try to say this to you.

"Do you want to know what I heard today?" She called and you looked up at her from the book you were pretending to read.

"Do you mean heard or 'heard'?" You laughed and she rolled her eyes.

"Either." Then she tilted her head. "Both."

"Yeah, I wanna know! What's it about?" You asked while leaning forward in your seat. Jean always had the best gossip to tell because she could literally hear it.

"Warren." She stated simply and watched your reaction. You flushed and stopped breathing for a moment.

"Wha-" you stuttered, "what about him?"

"That he has a thing for you." she winked and you flushed even more.

"You're lying." You assured, a questioning look on your face.

"I'm not and I'm tired of watching you two longing after one another while the rest of the school watches." She smiled and your heart picked up.

"I thought I told you not to look in my head!" You scolded but you weren't actually all that upset. You knew that it was very hard for her to control.

"I cant help it! Both of you think so loud. And I wouldn't have to anyway, Ororo mentioned it to me the other day and she definitely cants read minds." She giggled and you smiled a bit.

"Does he actually like me?" You almost whispered in disbelief.

"Yes! He's been obsessed with you since you started talking."

"But like he would want to actually go-"

"Y/N, I swear to god. If you don't go and talk to him right now I'm going to have a fit." She laughed and you glared at her.

"Okay okay fine, I'm going," you grumbled as you stood and walked toward your door. "If you are wrong I'm gonna be so upset with you."

She just laughed again and you started to walk down the hallway. You thought he might be in his room or outside. You decided to check his room first.

You knocked on his door but you were met with silence. You tried the handle and it moved.

"Warren?" you paused, "I'm coming in," you warned and pushed the door open. When you looked inside, he wasn't there. You took a moment to gaze around his room, it wasn't the first time you had been in there but every time was a bit exciting as you got to see all of the things he had that represented him. He had a boombox and a CD collection on his dresser. Some of his clothes were thrown around his room haphazardly and some of his drawers were open. You looked at the wall next to you where he kept photos that you took. You would carry around a camera or take pictures on your phone of everyone around campus. He always asked for them and then printed them out so he could hang them up. He had even managed to get a couple of you. You smiled a bit before heading back into the hallway, closing the door behind you.

You instead moved towards the door to get out onto the lawn where you thought he would probably be. He often sat under the big oak trees or on the roof if he wanted to get away from people. When you made it outside, you looked around for him.

"Y/N!" you heard him shout. You turned to look for him and saw his silhouette flying from the roof. You paused to admire him and his wings. He always looked so angelic to you. So powerful. You thought about how your power emanated darkness. That you would never appear angelic to someone and would more likely look like a demon. You looked down at your hands for a second, a habit you had when you were thinking about your powers. They sparkled a bit in the sun but it did little to quell the distaste in your mouth.

Suddenly there was a shadow in front of you that was not part of the darkness that surrounded you.

"Y/N?" he asked gently. "Are you okay?" he tried not to startle you. Being empathetic wasn't something that came naturally to him, but he tried extra hard around you. he noticed the way you were staring at your hands. The growth of your shadow as you thought about your powers more. He moved to touch one of your hands but you flinched back a bit. He brought his hand back and looked at you with concern. "Whats wrong, angel?" He asked lightly and you looked up at the pet name. He had started calling you that soon after you became friends. You thought it was out of irony but he really was convinced that you were some sort of angel. He also loved the way that your eyes would light up when he said it. You stared at him for a moment in silence.

"Do I scare you?" You asked quietly and your voice shook. He looked surprised by your question and you were surprised too. You didn't know why you were suddenly getting emotional. Why this was now all you could think about. Why it had to come up now when you were trying to express your feelings for him. Instead of responding he reached out to your hand, holding onto it when you let him, despite flinching away slightly. He started to walk, leading you toward the same tree you had met under. Once you both reached it he sat down and looked up at you, waiting for you to sit down too. You did, maybe a bit farther away from him than you needed to be.

"Do you think you scare me?" he asked genuinely and you took a second to think, looking back down at your hands which were now pulled back into your lap.

"I scare me," you stated simply and paused.

"That's not what I asked."

"I don't know." You mumbled. "I think I freak everyone out. Including you I guess." Your voice was quieter than you meant it to be. you really hadn't thought about it in a little while. It had been on your mind plenty when you first started talking to him. You were extra conscious of not pushing him to be around you or near your shadow. You knew that he would move away if he needed to but you also had so many memories of everyone around you fearing you, running from you, telling you that you were a curse. Instead of responding he held his hand out in between the two of you, palm up. You knew that he was inviting you to take it but that he wouldn't push you to. Instead of taking it, you placed your hand near his on the ground and he left his next to yours, not trying to take it if you didn't want him to.

"You don't." He let out, sounding sure of himself and slightly pained. "You don't scare me." You looked at each other. He had tears in his eyes. He was never one to get emotional so you were surprised. "Do I scare you?" he questioned, already knowing your answer but trying to prove a point.

"Of course not." You sighed.

"You have a lot more reason to be afraid of me than I have to be afraid of you." he looked at your hand again. "I'm the one who has a rough history, I'm the one who is angry and has a reputation of being aggressive."

"But, Warren, your mutation is-"

"Mutation has nothing to do with it, Y/N." he sighed. "You have control over your abilities, I have control over mine. The only difference between us is our personalities and I have never had any reason to fear you or dislike you. You're the kindest person I know and everyone in your life who has let you think that there was something wrong with you was terrible. And that was on them."

Your hand reached for his and you laced your fingers together. He squeezed your hand and ran his thumb over the back of it.

"I love you." The words came out of your mouth faster than you could think and you sucked in a breath, almost hoping he didn't hear you. When you glanced up at him he had a gentle smile on his face. He brought the back of your hand up to his face and kissed it before placing it against his cheek.

"I love you too, Y/N" He reached out for your waist and pulled you toward his lap, giving you plenty of time to give him a sign that you were uncomfortable. Instead, you put your leg over his waist so you were straddling his thighs. You held one of his hands in between you and fiddled with his fingers, admiring how your hands contrasted with his. Somehow, him holding your hand made it seem less out of place. You almost felt pride.

You were suddenly surrounded by warmth and shadow, the sounds of the quad around you becoming muted. You looked up around you and his wings were wrapped around the two of you, closing you off into your own little world. You felt the urge to reach out to them but you had never asked. You had never seen him let anyone touch them and you didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

"Go ahead." your eyes snapped to his in shock.

"Warren, you never let any-"

"I want you to," he admitted and it was true. He had thought many times about asking you to run your fingers through his wings. He would never complain about it but they were a little high maintenance and also sensitive. He never let anyone touch them because most people weren't gentle or he didn't trust them. He knew though that you were the gentlest person on Earth and that he could count on you to be careful.

At his reassurance, you smiled a bit. You reached a hand out to the part of his wing next to his shoulder. You both gasped a bit when your fingers made contact. Warren was a bit surprised at how sensitive they were to your touch and it had been a long time since anyone but himself had touched them. You were entranced by how soft they were. The feathers were delicate and there were so many. You were very careful in how you moved your hand along his wing, looking at him often to see if he was uncomfortable. As you were carding your fingers through his feathers, one came out. You gasped slightly horrified that you had hurt him.

"Hey, it's okay!" he rushed out as he saw your panic. "They just sort of... shed sometimes." He almost seemed embarrassed. Feathers would come off occasionally and he would often have to brush through them himself to release all of the loose feathers, sort of like brushing your hair. He reached to pick up the feather and held it in front of you for you to take. You gladly did and you twirled it in your fingers. "Maybe sometime, if you wouldn't mind, of course, you could help me brush through them?" he asked quietly and you smiled.

"Yeah of course. They seem like they might be a lot of work." you were touched that he trusted you to do that and you thought about how hard it must be to take care of them by himself when they were so big and most of his wings were behind him.

"You should see what it's like to shower with them," he grumbled and then his eyes widened at what he had said. He hadn't meant it to be an innuendo but now he was worried he offended you. Instead, he looked into your eyes and you fell into a fit of giggles.

"I might have to take you up on that offer." Your gentle gaze made him blush. He had never felt this comfortable with anyone. This safe. He decided right then that he would do anything you ever asked of him.

After that day, you and Warren became the cutest couple at the school. You were opposites in multiple ways and your relationship was more wholesome than any of your friends could handle. You got more confident in yourself and your abilities and he allowed himself to be more vulnerable. everyone agreed that you were a match made in heaven.

[9tzuyu]

children of tragedy (rewrite)

note: heyo, rewriting an old fic of mine. i hope to be able to rewrite all 5 chapters quickly. if you guys don’t like it, i won’t continue because its kinda dark and idk i feel like no ones gonna like it anyways. please leave feedback though, im on my knees begging for validation. also sorry if its ooc, please forgive me.

++ sorry the beginning reveals how rusty my writing is </3

(*** i wrote this as as a fem reader fic because it worked easier with how i wrote things.)

+ please remember that this is purely a way to get out my own feelings/struggles in a healthy way. also i’m sure this works better as a ship fic, but someone asked for this version so yeah :).

** mistakes are mine im too tired and lazy to proofread right now.

warnings: talk of alcohol abuse, slight mention of domestic abuse.

🏷 @peggycarter-steverogers

ch.2 | ch.3

[love, fragility, and the memories that eat us alive.]

meeting wanda changed everything for you. she wasn't like anyone you’d ever known. she was always kind, never quick to lose her temper or scream and yell at you for things you couldn't possibly control. she was warm, tender with everything she did.

your relationship with her was very new to you. it was much different in comparison to your past experiences — and you weren't quite sure what to think of it. there was no doubt that you appreciated her and everything she did for you, but you were still waiting for her to snap. it was almost like a need burning throughout your body. being able to grasp the idea that someone could ever really, truly be gentle with you was out of the question. in turn, you’d push all of her buttons, hoping that she would get mad enough and get it over with.

no one could really fault you for it. the steady stream of abuse was the nearly the entirety of your life, both physical and mental.

lately wanda was having to pick you up from wherever she could find you, most of the time in the alleyways of of bars you’d been kicked from.

once you were drunk enough (anyone really) you weren’t afraid to say the first thing that came to your mind, offensive or not – which meant it was no surprise when you’d been involved in fights. the alcohol numbed a majority of the pain anyway, so didn’t really make much of a difference to you.

with this happening so many times, you figured wanda would be angry with you – perhaps so angry she would find it within her to hit you. but each and every time wanda brought you home, she made sure you were comfortable before tending to your inuries.

what you didn't know was that being so worried for you all the time, every second of everyday, was beginning to take a toll on her. wanda only wanted to fix you, but you were making it more than difficult for her to do that.

she knew very little about your past, simply because you didn't like talking about it and she didn't want to push. but there was no denying the fact that wanda was curious.

sometimes she would ask questions, only between the soft moments the both of you shared. much to her dismay, most of her curiosities were turned down. on the rare occasions you shared brighter memories of your childhood, wanda would bookmark them in the back of her head.

no harm would ever come from her, but you didn’t know that. at least not right now.

too many times had your exes used the trust you’d so politely given against you. to be fair with wanda though, you shared only the brightest parts of your childhood. they were very seldom, but the ones you could remember were the ones you enjoyed talking about the most. 

despite her limited knowledge, it wasn’t hard for her to tell that you’d already been hurt plenty of times before. apart from the fact that wanda was overall truly a good person, it made her even more gentle with you than she’d ever been with anyone before. 

on top of that, wanda wasn’t stupid. she picked up on every little flinch you tried to hide, or the times you had to ask her if it was okay if you could do something on your own free will, and she definitely didn’t forget about the countless times you berated yourself over small, humanly mistakes. a frown never failed to decorate her face when these things happened. 

wanda tried her hardest to make it known how much she loved you, and how she would never intentionally hurt you. she never once lifted a hand on you or raised her voice in the slightest, even when she felt like she’d met a breaking point.

the last few weeks seemed to be putting more stress on her than usual. the gashes on your body seemed to be cutting deeper and the bruises on your jaw and rib cage were beginning to turn a darker shade of indigo as each fight became more aggressive. your knuckles had been swollen, irritated to the point your hands trembled when your palms were held open.  

you completely missed how drastically wanda’s mood had changed. she became quiet, seemingly lost in thought most of the time until she needed to take care of you. she grew tired, a purple tint claiming a spot below the lip of her eyes. fifteen pounds of weight had shredded from her body and her head grew dizzy every time she stood up. none of that mattered to wanda though, you were her number one priority.

alcohol was the biggest issue in the way. if wanda could get you to stop drinking for just one night she might be able to reason with you. 

the brunette knew that was out of the question though, because she knew no matter how many times she told or expressed her love for you, you wouldn’t stop until you wanted to, not when she wanted you to. 

you never allowed yourself to be vulnerable around her, so she never knew how you truly felt about the things going wrong in your life. there was an unbearable amount of pain when it came to confronting what you tried so hard to push away. the idea of allowing yourself to heal, to mourn the things taken away from you caused a lump in the back of your throat. living in denial was the easiest way to cope - that was as long as you could bear the damage it created.

 (and whether wanda knew it or not, knowing that you were causing her so much misery was the worst feeling you’d ever faced. all she had ever given you was love and in return she was met with destruction.)

so once again you found yourself walking alone, a slight stagger between steps. it was cold, each breath exhaled from your lips could be seen vaporizing into the air. every movement ripped what balance you thought you’d gained right out from underneath you. the feeling of numbness in your fingertips brought your attention away from the fact that you didn’t know where you were. 

the buildings all looked familiar, but everything was hazy. being drunk wasn’t always the fun everyone bragged about. too tired to carry on, you found yourself slumped in the back of an alleyway next to a dirty garbage bin. it reeked of sour, expired food, but you’d given up on caring about anything else other than trying to drink yourself numb. 

your mind began to wander. flashes of early mornings with wanda’s hands wrapped around your waist, breath tickling the back of your neck while the sun began to rise started filling your thoughts. the warm feeling wanda gave you outweighed every bad emotion you could possibly think of.

but as you stared at the ground beneath your feet things began to spiral. your throat contracted, the guilt you tried so hard to swallow began clawing its way out of your body.

(and holy fuck you could not deal with this right now.)

you curled your head between your legs in an attempt to shield yourself away from something that was born from the inside.

it was too much.

without a chance to stop what was happening, your stomach began heaving. a mix of bile and alcohol drooled from your mouth as you continued to vomit.

you missed the sound of footsteps coming from behind you. the feeling of a hand on your shoulder caused you to jerk back, slamming your back into the brick wall.

“hey, hey, it’s me. you’re okay. it’s just me, wanda.” she cooed.

through teary eyes, you looked up at the woman in front of you.

she’s your girlfriend.

(but you weren’t sure that you deserved to call her that after everything you’ve put her through.)

“what are you doing here?” your voice wavered as you wiped your mouth free of excess vomit. you sniffled backing away from her.

she tilted her head, desperate to read what your eyes would give away. “i’m here to bring you back home. can you stand up for me?” you shook your head. you were too exhausted and dizzy from the alcohol to even think about standing.

“that’s okay,” she whispered. “here, i’m going to pick you up, okay? wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my hips.”

“mkay.” your speech was still slurred, but at that point all wanda cared about was getting you home safe.

you didn’t remember the ride home or wanda carrying you out of the car to lay you on the couch. by the time she got the supplies she needed to wrap and tend to your wounds, you were completely passed out.

when you woke up you were greeted with a glass of water and an over the counter pain medication. you swallowed the pills and moved to set the glass on the coffee table, but wanda beat you to it and took it out of your hands. she smiled down at you, taking a seat next to you. she tucked your hair behind your ears, giving your face one last gentle stroke.

thats when you noticed her eyes were red.

you immediately sat up, crossing your legs and moved closer to her. you’d hoped to comfort her somehow, but the shake of her head broke sonething inside you.

you bit your lip, anxiety shooting throughout your body. she sensed your nervousness and took your hands in hers, rubbing circles on the outside of your wrist with her thumbs.

“i love you, you know that. at least i hope you do,” she let out a soft laugh. “but i can’t keep doing this.”

your heart dropped, and you could feel the all too familiar feeling of guilt building its way back up. you tried to speak, but wanda cut you off.

“i need you to hear this.”

when you didn’t respond she took the opportunity to continue saying what she needed to get out.

“i have exhausted myself to a breaking point. i can’t keep worrying about you every single night you’re gone. i can’t be there every time you need saving. i’m losing myself.”

she paused to check and see how you were handling her words. for once you weren’t shutting down. you were genuinely trying to process what she was trying to say.

(and she was so proud of you for that. she almost considered giving you another chance. but she knew for the better, she couldn’t do that. not to you, not to her.)

“i’ve packed your things. you can leave tomorrow morning if you wish, i don’t mind having you for another meal or two.”

she squeezed your hands and got up from the couch, allowing you to take in what she said. it was in that moment when you realized that even when she’d finally drawn the line, had enough, she didn’t yell at you. she wasn’t angry, she was just sad.

you were chasing after something that wasn’t there, and it never would be there.

and now you were able to register just how much you’d fucked up the one good thing in your life.

[pocmuzings]

hello hi , it is g , ur friendly local neighbourhood hindu indian ( as in south asian  ) ! so a few people requested that i just make a guide-esque sorta thing on hindu  indian characters ! im not really good at guides , so instead , these are just little things i’ve noticed or picked up on that could really potentially strengthen the next indian character u ( pretty please ! ) pick up ! 

disclaimer : i am writing this from my perspective and it is NOT definitive , nor do i speak on behalf of all hindu indians  ! i am a 23-year-old bisexual cis female hindu indian , with one older gay brother, and a Train Wreck middle brother . my mother is from new delhi , and my father is from nairobi but has indian heritage ( not sure which part of india bc he’s an Engima ) . i have extended family in india and have visited india about 10-15 times throughout my entire life .

so firstly , im so glad u all are here and want to write more hindu indian characters ! please please do so !  i hope this helps , encourages u , and isnt too confusing !! 

psa : i need everyone to know that this is a very basic ‘ guide ‘ and theres a lot it DOESNT touch on or address bc i didnt want to get too Extensive and Detailed and have people Turn off and not Read it . this is just written in the terms of hopefully helping build  character / be relevant to characters a bit better that ive employed into writing my OWN hindu indian character creations !  but if u have any other questions pls reach out to me or any other indians in the rpc and im sure we’ll try our best to assist u !

FCS: 

one thing i’d really like to say is that its great to see fcs like dev patel  , deepika padukone and avan jogia picked up every now and then in rps , but there’s actually a LOT of other indian fcs you could be and should be using ! the main reason people don’t seem to know them is because they’re not ‘ hollywood ‘ stars per se ( it was a super big deal when pr*yanka broke out of bollywood and into bollywood but we don’t talk about her on this Blog ) . they’re usually bollywood stars and i don’t really see bollywood discussed that much in the rpc ! 

if you’re after MORE indian fcs , i have a tag of indian females here , and indian males here . the fcs on my blogs are also not ALL that exist . there are plenty of other blogs out there that post indian fcs , such as sonamhelps &  bollymusings !!! there’s also some really great faceclaim directories out there that include a LOT of indians with resources !

 unfortunately , i do not know of any trans indians or nonbinary indians but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist . indian cultures and beliefs are still quite Old School and not super progressive . india only just had it’s first wlw mainstream bollywood film released last year . lgbtqia+ issues are NOT really spoken about in india or within indian families at ALL , and if they are - they’re usually dismissed or reacted to Very Very Badly . ( again this isnt definitive and im sure and hopeful that some indians have had GREAT coming out stories and been accepted by their families but this has not been a common thing ive seen or witnessed from my cousins my age , indian friends , myself and my brother who are lgbtqia +  ) 

FOOD : 

we do eat with our hands and we eat like PROS with our hands . we can shovel it so easily and quickly . i don’t know how to describe it but you use the first three fingers of your hand to place the Food there , and then use your thumb to kinda scoop it off and into your mouth . this is NOT unhygienic because indians wash their hands very regularly and most of the time we aren’t actually touching our mouths to our hands ! 

indian food is MADE to be eaten with your hands for the most part . it is literally NOT practical to eat food with a knife and fork . here’s a really great article explaining things more in depth re: indian food and using our hands !

cows are seen as Very holy beings in hindu indian culture , and for that reason - there isn’t a lot of beef being eaten or consumed. sure , some indians DO eat beef but i don’t think its super common, but in my personal experience as a non-beef-eater this results in A LOT of me asking ‘ oh ,  sorry what sauce does that pasta come with ? ‘ ‘ oh those are beef sausages ? sorry i can’t eat them ‘ etc etc . beef is in a LOT of things , and this makes me very very careful and almost pedantic about what i do eat and ask about , food wise  !

indian food is seen as stinky by a majority of white people . it has a very very strong smell as im sure u know , and opening ur lunch box as a little kid to a Curry or Dal ur mum has made u ? one way street to being bullied . i also remember a time a real estate agent continuously told my dad nobody was interested in buying our house bc it smelled too much like curry,  despite my mum not having cooked curry in Weeks ( just say what u Really mean ,  bitch ! )

 indian curry exists but so does dal / daal . this is curry-like dish that is usually made out of lentils . so if ur going to talk about indian food and u know curries and samosas . . pls also bring up dals . and sabji ! ( sabji is usually just boiled vegetables plopped together . a lot of potato usually )

desserts are what we call Indian Sweets  . this is stuff that is usually very VERY sugary and a bit of an accustomed taste . theyre very colourful and LOOK beautiful but even i , for one , can not eat many indian sweets bc they are a Lot of Sweet and Sugar    . examples of indian sweets that u can google  : gulab jamun , burfi , rasgulla , jalebi etc . here’s a great link for more !

give me spiced food or give me death . literally . . put some cumin in . . put some garam masala . . put some chillies . . flavour ur Food for my Indian Taste Buds 

FAMILY : 

if you are the oldest son of an Indian Family . . congratulations . you are now the Head of the family and must carry every weight and burden alone . it is extremely isolating and taxing on you ( my dad is the oldest indian son , and also - so is my eldest brother , obvs ) . there is a LOT that is expected of you to do . you are expected to quite literally run the family and be the ‘ man of the house ‘ by yourself . 

if you are a daughter . . . even BIGGER congratulations ! you are basically a maid to every male or guest who EVER comes over to your house . you must be a Hostess , you must be in the kitchen cooking , serving snacks, bringing tea , and then washing up and basically waiting on Hand and Foot . you will not be included into a lot of dialogue or engaged in a lot of conversation and TRUST ME ! THAT WILL GRIND UR GOD DAMN GEARS IN THE 21ST CENTURY ! 

if you are a boys’ boy ( aka straight and Sporty ) , then congrats ! you get it the easiest : you are the favourite of every social event . the uncles and cousins love talking to you and dude-ing it up with you , and the aunts fawn over you and think you’re the Best Thing since sliced bread . sit back , put your feet up , and expect to be treated like a God. you can do absolutely no wrong . ( my middle brother is this to a T and listen . . he’s been in and out of jail for physical violence and ab*se for over 5 years . and family still FROTH over him . my teeth are gritted to dust thinking of this again ) 

indian aunties are lethal . they gossip like teenage girls . they will find out everything . they will bitch behind your back . they can NOT be trusted .

everyone is ur uncle or aunt, sister or brother . literally everyone . ur cousin ? no. thats ur sister . ur dads friend ? no , thats ur uncle . you will call them as such . EVERYONE is family .  

family is in general a VERY BIG THING in indian culture , too . ‘ what will it Look like to everyone else if we don’t all arrive together ? ‘ my dad usually asks dskjdfjn . it’s all about Looking Right and Standing As A United Front  . that being said , indian family has undying and unwavering loyalty for one another , they just show it in a very Weird way .

FASHION: 

female hindu indian formal  clothes are usually really embroidered to hell and back and this makes them very scratchy , uncomfortable, and HEAVY . you aren’t running anywhere anytime soon in a full blown lehenga or saree 

most ‘ modern ‘ hindu indian women do not wear full Indian Clothes all the time . some do , but usually it’s a lot of wearing a kurti tunic with jeans , or just normal everyday clothing . again , this is going to be different based on which parts of india your character is from , though ! 

usually , older women and married women  wear traditiona hindul indian clothing quite often . i know my mum wore a sari AT HOME everyday when i was growing up, until i was like 13 and took her shopping with me to get something Else to wear . 

bindi’s just stick right onto ur forehead but they do fall off a lot , especially when ur wearing makeup or sweating . again , you don’t need to wear a bindi everyday , unless thats ur preference . i usually only wear them for festivals . ( festivals means indian celebrations , not like . . coachella  ((which u should not be wearing a bindi to , if ur not indian fyi )) )

male formal clothes are usually just literally anything Formal and buttoned up for the most part , and u can get away with that , or you can wear a really nice kurta

indians wear white at funerals , not black  ( not sure if this should go in the fashion section but this entire thing is being organised into a Mess by now anyways ) . you CAN wear black to a funeral of course , but its common to wear white !

DATING ( tw’s for islamaphobia ): 

modern day indian / desi fuck boys exist and my god they are Something Else . hasan minhaj did a really good piece about this and explaining them to a T ( starts at 1:43 )

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT WILL MENTION ISLAMAPHOBIA AND HOMOPHOBIA ! ) basically according to Older  indians , ,  ur dating options  in 2020 go like this ( if ur a cis female like me ) : hindu indian men are god tier , white men are Not Okay But I Guess So Bc We Have To Accept They’re Everywhere , females / being lgbtqia+ is not Taken Seriously , and muslims are literally not even close to being an option or Accepted  . again this isn’t definitive but based on a lot of  indian media i’ve consumed and seen how they portray muslims in general as well as Dating Options , as well as talking to other indians  , both who are older / traditional and hold these ideals , whereas Younger gens generally do NOT hold these ideals  / actively are Against these backwards ideals.   i remember when i was in year 6 and had my first boyfriend . . he was a muslim and my dad FLIPPED the FUCK out  . it’s not even that i was dating someone / young / his only daughter . . it was mainly because i was dating a muslim . again , this is a very OLD SCHOOL and traditional way of thinking and it is NOT CORRECT .  pls don’t take this as a note to be islamaphobic if u write an indian character bc . . thats literally the opposite of what im trying to tell u here . 

yeah arranged marriages are definitely still a thing for us , even now in 2020

YES if u are an unmarried / single indian ( ESPECIALLY if ur a woman ) about to enter ur 30s . . ur in DANGER and u are the black sheep and theres probably something Wrong With You bc why are u still single ?

TRADITIONS / BELIEFS / SUPERSTITIONS :

idk if its just me and my family but we are SUPER superstitious . if you say anything like ‘ he hasnt gotten sick in years !’ immediately , everyone knocks on wood or their head . if you were planning on leaving the house and sneeze ? thats bad luck , stand and wait for five minutes then u can leave . we have a strong belief in drishti , or  alternatively : The Evil Eye  , and making sure we don’t invite it into our lives . a lot of our prayers are about warding drishti away .

the evil eye is kinda Complicated but basically its an ill-wishing upon an unsuspecting person . if somebody is jealous of you or angered by you , they may wish upon you or cast upon you the Evil eye ( or even just glare at u whilst ur not looking and thats Big Bad ) . 

a lot of older indians , like older people in general i guess , are not super progressive or Open . this isnt ALWAYS the case but older indians can be very very stubborn in their beliefs in what is Right and Wrong , Normal and Not Normal 

theres a LOT of hindu indian festivals and events ! tbh too many for me to even keep up with . but without fail at least once a year ill say to ONE of my friends ‘ oh sorry i cant make it . i have an indian Thing on that day ‘ and its usually about a festival , so pls be aware that there are a LOT of indian festivals and if ur writing an indian character , its perfectly understandable and Relatable for them to say they can’t make it to a party or hang out with their friends that night , for that very reason !

the main / most popular ( ? ) festivities  that i personally do celebrate every year without fail are : 

diwali ( the festival of lights , celebrating goddess lakshmi roaming the earth . in my household this is usually turning on literally every single light and lighting candles and fireworks / sparklers and saying some prayers , and eating a formal dinner all together !  )  

holi ( the festival of colours . celebrating victory and love . again personally for me , this was usually celebrated at the temple with all of us Kids running around throwing paint on each other ! ) 

rakhi / raksha bandhan ( a day of sisters celebrating their brothers . you tie a rakhi which is usually a bracelet / holy string around your brothers wrist , feed them some food , pray for their wellbeing and in return they gift you something . in my case, i usually get money from them ) .

navratri  / durga puja ( 9 nights and 10 days of celebrations but tbh u don’t have to do all the days . or i mean . . i don’t . i fast one day from morning to night and then i slide on over to boogie and dance dandiya which is literally the MOST FUN dance ever bc its based off some Historical Fight and u go faster and faster and keep going until ur absolutely SPENT bc u dont wanna lose ur place in the circle )  

there are SO MANY HINDU INDIAN GODS too . and so many prayers to all of them and to just general Life Wellness . chances are that ur character will know at least ONE aarti / gazal / prayer off by heart and have sung it at least 30 times in a monotone voice . the ones i know off by heart bc ive had to sing them 3000 times ? om jai jagdish hare , & the gayatri mantra 

GENERAL LIL THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO CATEGORISE ( tw’s for skin whitening , colorism and classism ) :

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR SKIN WHITENING AND COLORISM  ) lets hold indians accountable right now : we advertise SKIN LIGHTENING CREAM  . i think they finally stopped that earlier this year / due to BLM ( i’m not entirely sure / could be wrong ) , but thats literally how bad it is , that we would openly advertise and encourage people to literally bleach their skin rather than look darker . 

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR COLORISM AND CLASSISM ) colorism is a BIG thing in india and usually linked to class . generally speaking , the people who are Darker Skinned are usually people who work outside / labourers or homeless even , and are therefore seen as lower class / bottom class . the lighter skin you have , the more privileged and advantaged you are bc ur seen as working a Good job out of the sun and having a home . it’s incredibly classist as well as just generally Fucked Up . why am i telling u this ? mainly so u understand the importance of using a dark skinned indian fc vs a light skinned indian fc which i know is hard , bc a lot of darker skinned indians arent in hollywood / have resources , but its still something to Think About .  

i have a long Ethnic name . literally my first name is 10+ letters , which i know doesnt seem that long Necessarily but its also a Super Ethnic name with e’s and and j and n . it Flows and Sounds very clearly different from a christian name . it is VERY important to me that my name be said Correctly because i’ve spent so much time having it said incorrectly or Westernised . i also know a lot of indians my age who ( like me ) have had to dramatically shorten their REAL first name ( which is usually also pretty long . not always , but it is Common ) , to fit their name into white people’s mouths better . please put some thought into ur indian characters name !

not all indians speak hindi ! hindi is one of MANY dialects within india . there is also tamil , urdu  , bengali , punjabi , telugu and SO many more , so pls research which part of india ur character / their family  is from bc hindi won’t always be the default language for them !

not every indian is hindu ! of course ur character doesnt have to be religious at all , bc if im being honest IM barely religious but my FAMILY is and this is smth u should think abt bc religion is a pretty big thing for indians . so even if ur character isnt hindu , they were probably raised with SOME religious beliefs . have a think about which religions they would have been brought up with ! there’s a very large percentage of practicing muslims , sikhs and buddhists too ! and even christianity !

WRITING WISE / CREATING AN INDIAN CHARACTER WISE :

the first step should be to consume indian media ! listen to indian music . watch bollywood movies ! theres SO MANY  out there on everyone’s netflix . if u want some recs , let me know and i can try my best to find smth for u ! if u want smth thats Hollywood-indian . . . Hasan Minhaj is great to watch , especially his episodes on indian culture / politics , and Never Have I Ever on netflix was rlly good / relatable for me personally as an indian growing up in a western society !

i would really really love to see more indian rep in general , but i’d also like to discuss the Stereotypes that ive seen indians portrayed as in mainstream hollywood media :

indian women as soft spoken and subservient beings who are abused by their husbands and have no say in anything 

heterosexuality within indian relationships and indian dating 

indian men as sleazy 

indians in general not being seen as Sexy or Sexual beings with any sex drive at all 

Stumbling , Stuttering , Nerdy awkward messes of men who don’t know how to interact with anybody they find sexually appealing

an indian character that everybody ( usually white ) finds Uncomfortable and Weird and is seen as usually the Butt of the joke .

 i think those mentioned above could be helpful in how to plan your next indian character and think about how to SUBVERT a trope theyre often portrayed as , or create an indian thats not stereotypical !

so what and who SHOULD you write ? 

an indian character who is proudly and openly gay , or bi 

a trans or nonbinary indian ( PLEASE ! ) 

an indian character with really super accepting parents and family 

an aromantic indian 

an indian who is focused on their career first and not their dating life 

a fuckboy / fuckgirl ( honestly . . i’d love to see it )

a indian character who is a party animal 

an outspoken indian female who takes no shit and is strong in every sense of the word

a confident , smooth talking indian businessman who is Sexy and Lusted After ( not in a gross christian grey way but just . i’d love to see indian characters seen as Sexy . not in a fetishy way , either , but just because it’d be a nice change in pace ! )

a character who IS traditional / religious but also very progressive and forward thinking in their beliefs 

honestly just any character that isnt whats mentioned above

[letteredlettered]

hi! ive been following your writing for a few years now and i drop by periodically to check if you have anything new posted, and im really surprised that you seem to be enjoying the untamed? im curious what you think about the show - its story and characters, the acting, the production, etc. idk if you know, but the untamed is the most successful example of a current trend in chinese entertainment, where popular online novels centered around a gay romance is adapted into a 'safe' drama.

continued:

due to the many explicit and implicit restrictions imposed on creative media in china, many crucial plot points have to be changed (often badly) or removed, including the nature of the relationship between the main characters. the untamed is considered the most loyal adaptation so far, but like all other works in the genre, it received criticism for weak acting and queerbaiting. that's why im really curious about what you think of the show as it is, as itself, free from its context.

if you're interested, you could also check out guardian! it features much better performance and chemistry by the leads imo, but the story was heavily botched bc the original incorporates and reinvents a lot of classic chinese folklore beautifully and stuff like that is considered disrespectful and not-pc. i think it's really sad how so many great pieces of writing with complex world-building and plotlines are simplified into... idek what to call them, but just, less than what they are.

im sorry this turned into a rant. as a mainland chinese person with oh so many frustrations about our current society, it's hard to comprehensively describe my feelings about the untamed's popularity. it's the first mainland chinese show/movie to gain this much organic interest abroad so i should be glad? but, but. anyway, yes, im sorry.

There’s no need to apologize for ranting, but I admit to some confusion as to whether you want your question addressed or the rant. Because I’m me and tend to be thorough, I’ll address everything, in reverse order.

First of all, I’m sorry that this show is sad to you. I’m sorry that the popularity of it is difficult. I’m also deeply sympathetic to your frustrations about your society, as I too am deeply frustrated by my own.

Secondly, yes, I’m aware of the context of The Untamed. I’m aware that the book it’s based on is a BL novel, and that, in order to align with Chinese politics, overt queerness was erased from the adaptation. I’m aware of the censure laws of gay media in China. I’m also aware that some aspects of necromancy and morality were adjusted to make the show more palatable for general audiences, but I’m fuzzier on those details. Lastly, I’m aware that the popularity of the show calls attention to certain things, such as fanfic, and that attention results in more censorship,

The fact of this erasure and this censure provokes a lot of questions: by consuming this product, which contains erasure and censure, do we engage in the erasure and censure? By posting gifs and writing fanfic and talking about this product, do we increase its popularity, thereby encouraging additional erasure and censure? By increasing the popularity of this product, do we diminish the popularity of the original gay morally gray canon, thereby decreasing representation? Do we discourage other authors in China from writing explicitly gay morally gray material? In short, are we allowed to enjoy this media?

I don’t know the answer to these questions. However, I do know that boycott is a very effective tool when it can inflict economic pain on the producer, or when it can exert pressure on an entity to change. That said, I feel like a lot of the calls to boycott certain media these days are a lot like telling people to stop driving their cars to stop climate change: it’s suggesting that individuals can solve the problem, which presupposes individuals are the problem, and therefore fails to address the scope of the problem, or present the possibility of a real solution. Not watching The Untamed isn’t going to change laws about portrayals of homosexuality onscreen in China, partly because the laws in China are a much bigger problem.

The other part of it is that The Untamed is coded queer, so if you run a successful boycott against it, you end up with . . . less queer TV. I know a whole lot less about China than I do about the Hays Code, but if you had told gay people during the Golden Age of Hollywood that they couldn’t enjoy movies that were coded queer because they weren’t explicitly queer, they’d have said you were crazy. In fact, many people will tell you that media that was coded queer was a big reason we got more explicit queer stuff later. And as I’m sure you’re aware, the US is still fighting that battle . . . partly because it wants to sell movies to China.

So then there’s a question about whether me, an American in the US, liking something coded queer from China but not explicitly queer--does that encourage Chinese censorship? Should I only support texts that are explicitly queer? But the answer is the same--it’s not addressing the scope of the problem, and by supporting texts that are coded queer, you could be paving the way in the future for something brighter.

But you weren’t talking about boycott! You were talking about your discomfort with the popularity with this show, which I accept. I understand feeling uncomfortable. I can only hope it makes you a bit more comfortable to know that plenty of fans are deeply aware of the context and do wrestle with the question of what liking this show means in the context of a society that would never allow aspects of the original to be portrayed onscreen.

Thirdly, I’m not against trying Guardian at some point, but by comparing the acting and chemistry of the leads to The Untamed, I feel like you prove our tastes are very different in these regards. I love the acting of the leads in The Untamed; I found their chemistry off the charts. It’s okay you don’t feel the same.

Lastly, you asked my opinion of The Untamed: its story and characters, the acting, the production, sans context of the canon upon which its based and censorship laws in China.

a. I love the overall story, but the plot has deep plot holes. Quite a few segments do not actually make sense to me, because the plot is so haywire. However, I’ve never cared that much about plot, except when it gets in the way of characters and themes, and for the most part, this plot serves its characters and themes, except when the parts they leave out are so confusing that I cannot follow the story. As for the story, it feels like it’s built for me, because ultimately it’s about moral decisions and how to make them; it’s about guilt and paying for mistakes; it’s about learning, changing your mind, and remaking yourself. Really, I’m not sure there are many stories I love more--except they killed my favorite character, and I almost quit. So, that certainly put a damper on things.

b. I love the characters most of all, although the villains are really two-dimensional. However, large parts of the plot are not Hero vs Villain, they’re Hero vs Society, and then some Hero vs Himself in a way that suggests the Hero is no longer a hero. I could talk about the characters forever, but suffice it to say I think they’re really strong. Also, the relationships are really exquisite, particularly when it comes to family dynamics. Unfortunately, they killed my favorite character off. Also unfortunately, there are six women in this show, only two of them are main characters, and every single one of them dies. It disgusts me.

c. I think the two leads are exceptional, in particular Xiao Zhan . . . when he’s not being too broad, which he is quite a bit. However, I do wonder how much of this is direction and production style, because in many instances, he’s quite subtle, and the choices he makes are astounding. Then there are times where it’s like they needed more footage, or wanted to drive home a point, and he turns on the extra, and it’s awful. It could just be him, but I actually feel it’s the case with most of the actors, which does make me think it’s a directing issue. Meng Ziyi never really has that problem though, because she is the most perfect of all. But then take He Peng, who I actually thought could be incredible, but every scene was just SO BROAD that I began to feel sorry for the poor dude having to act that part. But there is nothing to be said for Wang Zhuo Cheng, who really is just terrible, which is sad, because it’s a great part.

d. Production-wise, it’s really hit and miss. So much of the locations are truly beautiful. A lot of the costumes are too, unless the shot is too close. I actually don’t mind the wigs; I love the long hair. The CGI is terrible. And then while a lot of the shots are beautiful, some of them are awkward, and the pacing is really difficult, imo. It really seems like they wanted to drag it out, and there are so, so many scenes where I’m sort of embarrassed that we’re in the same scene or that we’re still looking at someone’s face, or that everyone is just standing there waiting for the shot to finally end.

I will say that film is a language that does differ from culture to culture. It could be that both the broadness of the acting and the awkwardness of the editing are my cultural lens based on American and a lot of western film. When I watched older Hollywood films, the acting is a lot more broad and maybe a little less “true” feeling, but I understand that it’s not the case everyone in the past was a bad actor. It was just a different style, so I’m not sure I’m equipped with the cultural knowledge of Chinese acting, cinematography, and editing to be able to really judge the value of these things.

I do know how I feel, which is that the editing is the biggest hurdle for me while watching the show. However, I feel that the beauty of it makes up for a lot, and the strength of the characters and themes really carries it.

I hope I addressed your points adequately, and I wish you well.

[chokingonpaper]

Hello!! Could i get a matchup please? No need to if your too tired/busy! Sorry its pretty long ^^;

I’m Silas or Sullivan, i’m a bisexual male(he/they) who’s around 5’1”-5’2” 😔 I have short dark brown wavyish hair, brown eyes and slightly pale skin. Im pretty skinny and have elegant hands :)

Personality wise,, im an ambivert, I dont usually have a big problem talking to people but I will be shy at first. Despite being hella anxious in public im a risk taker and pretty careless, oh you dont have enough seats in your car? Thats fine i’ll go without a seatbelt drive away!~ lmao all jokes aside my love language is acts of services mainly but also kinda words of affirmation? I LOVE physical affection, give me the bare minimum and i’ll go bonkers kfjdkfjdkd. I’m a Sagittarius, I laugh at just about anything, stupid or not so uh- yeah :,) Uhh to sum it up I think im a pretty fun person and up to do just about anything.

I wear a lot of fancy-ish clothing? White button up shirt tucked into black jeans with the ever so ‘famous’ black combat boots… that I wear everywhere. Honestly I my style is a mix between dark academia and alt. I have black earrings and sharp long nails just because i thought why not,,, so now im stuck with it KDJSJDSN

I heavily enjoy camping, drawing, gaming, nature, horror and music! Drawing, gaming and music is a big part of my life since I grew up with it. Although I dont mind many things I hate loud noises, self centered people and talking about grades,, cue the mommy issues 😃 um- aside from that theres not much i dislike, I do love to cook! Im your personal chef now lol OH KDJDDN I LOVE soft things, soft+warm=top tier

I’m a big procrastinator but once i get settled to do something i’ll get so much done. Although it is a bit weird i kinda enjoy cleaning and will clean the whole house no questions asked. On the downside I have a short temper, im usually calm but I can have bursts of anger if things arent going the best hence the short temper,,, Im working on fixing it-

I dont mind children, i do quite like them as long as their pretty well behaved but im more of an animal person. I absolutely love crows/owls and dogs/cats. Uhh thats all :) sorry its so much!!!

I match you with: 📷Brian/Hoodie!📷

- Prepare to be picked up and carried everywhere, he’s extremely affectionate and he loves picking people up

- 👏hand holding👏

- He‘ll attempt to present the logical side of a decision or action to make sure you don’t get yourself hurt. He’s quite protective, so he tends to hover around you a bit

- Compliments and words of affirmation are constantly being said in this relationship

- This man is basically a huge teddy bear, you will be wrapped in a hug most of the time

- Your clothing styles are complete opposites, but if you’re ever in need of an oversized tee shirt, he’s got plenty

- He enjoys cooking as well and is more than happy to help you out in the kitchen

- You like soft and warm things? Perfect! He has a small collection of fluffy blankets and he’s naturally very warm himself, he’s practically made for cuddling!

- He’s a very calm person and doesn’t mind your short temper much. He’s patient and he’ll listen to what you have to say before trying to ease your anger

[deliciously-yeeted]

I was in desperate need of some beel fluff, so i wrote some. As one does. Uh, ive never done this,(posting fanfic, i normally jus write small things for myself tbh😅) before so please have mercy lol

I hope ya like it though, it put a smile on my face so im hoping it does the same for you♡

____________________________

You started filling the hem of your shirt with snacks, as many as you could fit in the scrunched up fabric that is, a tired but playful grin on your lips, as you thought over what you planned to do, mentally prepping yourself.

Normally, you're not so bold about seeking out comfort and such, feeling shy about showing vulnerability...but today, ugh, today had you particularly worn down. You needed something, affection preferably. You'd settle for a warm bath and some melatonin if you had to. Though, you really didnt want too.

You were tired of self soothing all the time. And Asmos care packages could only help so much. But you knew how to make it all magically better. There was only one option in times like these .

You worked quickly, excitement bouncing around in your gut, making your hands a little shaky.

Having grabbed all you could you carry, you practically dashed from the kitchen. Your mind set on finding a certain big demon. Last you heard, he was headed to his room for a bit. You hoped he was still there.

When you finally reached his bedroom door, you found yourself in a tad bit of a pickle. Your eyebrows furrowed, the realization that you wouldn't be able to open the door making you frown at the closed door briefly. You cursed yourself slightly, for not thinking that far ahead. You forgot in all your excitement.

Briefly you considered trying to use you feet before dropping the idea. Guess you've got no choice.

Dang it! You felt kinda bummed that you'd be losing the element of surprise, but the grin soon returned, thinking about seeing Beel always you happy, regardless of the circumstances.

"Beeeeellllllllllll!" You called out, letting a bit of a whine into your voice, hey, who knows? Maybe it'd get him in front of you faster?? He tended to be on the slower side of answering his door, sometimes he simply didnt hear it. Especially if he was working out or watching tv.

Apparently, whining his name did not speed him up:(

You were about to call out again, worried he hadn't heard you, when the door clicked open. The mere sound making you feel slightly giddy. Your eyes snapping up to meet his briefly. You soaked in as many details of him as you could, without just straight ogling him, before flicking your eyes back up to meet his.

"Y/n?" He seemed pleasantly surprised, dressed in a black tank top and grey sweats (you were happy to see him wearing them, because while he looked like a whole ass meal in them, it also meant he had no plans of leaving the house tonight).

His eyes were quick to find the odd lumps wrapped up in your shirt, as well as the bit of tummy peaking out. The position you held your shirt in had caused the bottom of your stomach to show, something you had worried about on the way here, anxious about a different brother catching a glimpse of you. You could feel his stare burn against your skin, he was about to say something, but then his nose twitched, and his eyes fixed on your bundle of snacks instead.

-

Not that you minded his staring your stomach, not with Beel.

The others...maybe.

Your tummy was one of his favorite parts about you, he's hands finding their way under your shirt to touch and squeeze the soft flesh more often than not. Always gentle and non intrusive. I think he'd full on cry if he accidentally upset you somehow tbh.

Boy had absolutely no shame about it, once he learned you didnt mind much.

Especially when you seemed to be a bit shy about showing your stomach, with the others, or just in general. He made sure to let you know how much he loved your squish. Be it at RAD or just casually in the house.

The only person who ever raised a fuss over it was Mammon, although, he tended to fuss over everything you did anyways;; His protests did absolutely nothing to deter you or Beel, much to his dismay.

Sometimes, if Beel was hungry and needed a distraction or a quick 'pick me up', he'd scoop you up and just shove his face into your tummy. (Much like what I do with my cat when I'm bored and/or sad) Then he'd just hold you there until he absolutely had to let you down.

Relishing in the feel of your softness and you heart racing under your skin, fluttering so delicately under his lips, pressing his face against you was an instant mood lifter for him.

You loved it, a surprised but delighted laugh always ripping from your chest, almost subconsciously. You couldn't hide your happiness in his affections, not that you would want to (thats a lie, you cant help but be embarrassed at the end of the day by the intensive joy you felt whenever you looked at him). Which only seemed to motivate him even more, and soon each time he scooped you up, he'd kiss all over your tummy, making you giggle because it tickled, before hugging you close with a small sigh.

-

"I brought snacks, and some cuddles. So uhm, can I nap on you for a bit? 'M tired. Unless your busy or something..." you beam up at him, starting to hesitate toward the end, suddenly a little unsure.

"Pretty please?? I wont bug ya, I promise." You plead, pulling your best puppy dog eyes, shifting from one foot to the other nervously. His eyes widened as his brain processed what you said, and the cute sight in front of him. If he was being honest, it made his brain stop for a split second.

He chuckled at you and lifted you up by the back of your knees, holding you carefully to his chest, mindful of your full shirt. A small startled squeak coming from you as he did so, a sound he never got tired of hearing.

You glanced in the room as he closed to door, he had papers sprawled over the small coffee table in the middle of the room, and a few (you spotted more in the trash bin in the corner) empty food wrappers around his work space. He plopped down in front of the table again, taking only a few steps to reach it. You were kind of jealous, your short legs never being a fair match against his. Luckily he enjoyed carrying you, which solved that issue right quick.

"You can keep me company while I finish my homework." He says, shifting you into his lap and keeping a loose hold on your lower stomach, fingers splaying out to get a small feel of your exposed skin. Glancing around, you dont see belphies mop of hair in his bed, he was probably sleeping in the attic or the observatory, you quietly hum to yourself, abit happy to have Beel all to yourself for the moment. Shifting forward, Beels hands refusing to let you go and setting on your waist, you hold your shirt above the edge of the table, and let the snacks spill from your shirt before smoothing the garment back down, missing Beels frown as he looses sight of your tummy. Quickly moving to organize the snacks a bit, so that they were within reach and not scattered all over his papers and in the way.

"Thank you, your the bestest!!" You say, the dull ache in your arms more than worth the effort in your opinion.

You tilted your head back so you can look up at him. Making eye contact with him made your brain kinda just...mush. Your hands slowly squeezing his on your waist, lifting them so you move a bit.

You tore you gaze from his, before turning around and wrapping your arms around his nack and your legs around his torso,(like a koala in his opinion).

Scooting as close as you could get away with, (your not as stealthy as you give yourself credit for, he knows, he just too nice to tease you for it, and he doesn't want you to stop), so you could snuggle up to him and be comfy at the same time. Which wasn't all that hard to do with him, being the teddy bear he is.

Your eyes glazed over slightly, and you were distracted as you mind pulled your attention away.

Ah, you were in pure bliss, you could die happy like this~

You had grabbed plenty of snacks, being sure to vary in your choices, knowing Beel would like to have options, and hoping to be able to buy some extra time with him and a cute Beel smile as a reward for your effort. Tho, youd do it anyways.

Not that you'd ever admit to that. Nuh uh, no way. Unless he asked nicely, you'd give in embarrassingly fast if he ever did, the realization making your face heat up.

But...

Embarrassment be damned, youd never tell Beel 'No'.

He looks down at you, face going all blushy and soft at your slightly dazed and flushed expression. Your thoughts getting the best of you for a moment. Shaking your head slightly and letting out a resigned sigh.

"Of course you can," you snap out of it when he speaks up, looking up at him, quick to give him your full attention. "I love when you cuddle up with me, it helps me focus a bit. You didn't have to bribe me, though, as long as its you, my cuddles come free-" wrapping his arms around your shoulders, giving you a snug hug, he moves to continue. "Not that I'm complaining-" you cut him off, feeling slightly guilty about it. You were already flustered, and his sweet words weren't helping your predicament one bit. That was until your eyes actually focus on his face, oh sweet hell, hes so precious!!! Your heart thumps nearly painfully for a moment, nerves biting into your thoughts.

Your face was definitely beat red now, you could feel it at the tips of your ears even. Yet you refused to move, your eyes locked on his. A rare occurrence, one you could tell he was basking in, his eyes were glued to your face, studying it. His flush deepening slightly.

Squishing his cheeks and "shushing" him gently. Your basically cooing at him, to tired suddenly to care much about how your words or actions came off. The nervousness slipping away from your voice and movements. "Its not a bribe hun, I just felt like seeing you smile before I fell asleep on you. Heh, your smile is my goodluck charm for good dreams, ya know?" You tiredly rub his cheek with your thumb, eyes lit up happily and content. Giving him a small breathless laugh at the end.

He really did calm you down, your mind slowing down as the excitement started to fade, a fact you became overly aware of quite suddenly, your eyes feeling quite heavy now that you felt safe.

You yawned, your weariness catching up to you.

Beels quick to notice, taking note of the bags under your eyes. Dont worry, he'll make sure you get some good sleep, no bad dreams were gonna plague you on his watch. He glances over at the snacks you brought, unbelievably happy. Seeing you so cutely curled up to him, the fact that you brought him as much food as you could carry(a sight he nearly died from when he saw it) and your sweet sweet words, it definitely warmed his heart to say in the least.

He loved that you actually came to find him, just so you could cuddle. His adoration for you is bottomless, just like his hunger.

So, Beel wraps you inna big bear hug, pulling you closer and peppering the top of your head and face with kisses. He gives you a big grin, his eyes sparkling happily. "Nap, I'll wake you up when I'm done and we can hangout till dinner."

You tiredly nod, relaxing against him.

Grabbing a baggy of chips, he smooches your forehead, before tucking your face under his chin so he could munch, and see his work(not like that was much of an issue, beels a big boy after all👀), without completely covering the top of your head in crumbs (you'd told him you didn't mind, especially since he always ruffled your hair to get then out, and you loved that...but he still feels bad about it and tries to avoid it to some extent) and being able to rest his chin on top your head was just the cherry on top for him.

💗Happy beel mode activated💗

Sighing happily, you close your eyes. Beels cuddles making all your stress melt away, just like they always did. Slowly, you start to drift off, listening to the soft scratch of his pen as he starts to work and his deep breathing, letting it lull you into sleep.

I dont know why my brain wanted me to got all out on this. I literally jus couldn't stop tweaking with it. Imma post if before i decide to change it. Imma just conveniently forget i wrote this now, maybe ill like it more after a week or two... :/ also if theres any spelling or grammar issues plz tell me, its like 2am rn so im sure i missed something

[mirrorballls]

* madison bailey, cis woman + she/her | you know malia serrano, right? they’re twenty, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, twelve years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 20 something by sza like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that curly hair precariously tied back with an old bandana, never quite contained, little tattered diary locked shut with care, roots buried deep in the sand, a security blanket by the sea thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 2nd, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

last one i promise.

ok so i. am going to be honest. i have a worm’s brain so i’m going to promise i will message back everyone i’ve left hanging. i love making as much work as possible for myself which is made evident by this being my sixth muse <3

basics.

full name:  malia alexis serrano. birthday:  december 2, 2000. big three:  sagittarius sun. cancer moon. libra rising. sexuality:  bisexual. occupation:  cook at cutie pie’s. neighborhood: lives in her childhood home in delphinus heights.

bio.

malia is an aspiring cook and has a ratatouille style backstory of having a lifelong love and passion for food, so i’m going to issue a general food tw. here up front, for mentions of her emotional attachement to cooking and food, just in case.

death tw.  malia grew up the absolute center of her father’s world. her mother passed away when she was a toddler, before malia even got to know her, and her father took this as a call to action: he was all his daughter had, and he was determined to make sure that was more than enough. and it was.  while there’ll always be part of malia that’s disappointed she’d never had the mother-daughter experience so many of her friends did, she had her dad, who cared about her more than anyone should be allowed to care about a person, and that was enough.

so,  while the start of her life was impacted by a sense of tragedy, for the most part, her childhood was idyllic. when she was eight, she moved in an apartment in delphinus heights that was full with love and music and food ----  lots and lots of food. her father was a chef and, for most of her life, the owner of what he swore up and down was irving’s first and only truly authentic italian restaurant, terra & mare. being able to open the restaurant is what brought them to irving in the first place. overall, food was a huge part of their household: it was the job that kept the lights on, little treats for breakfast and dessert were a love language, and cooking dinner together every night was their daily routine. it’s one of her favorite childhood memories, and something that definitely left an impression on her.

her father had no problem letting her pitch in around the restaurant. she started waitressing when she was fourteen and after a few years of putting her time in upfront, he let her back into the kitchen with the big dogs. she did mostly prepwork, but she loved the electricity of the kitchen: getting to hear orders come in, the little dance they all did to make do with what limited space they had, and watching plates go out, a little work of collective art just waiting to be eaten. she wanted to carry on the family business, step up into her father’s footsteps as head chef one day. she wanted to keep the feeling of being apart of that kitchen team forever.

in her personal life, things kept that magical tone, for the most part. because she was the apple of her father’s eye, he tried to shelter her from as much as possible. thorough high school, she was just a fun, nice person to be around because she was just a genuinely very happy person. the biggest rebellion she had was the week her father first floated the idea of dating again past her, because she was very protective of their little thing, but in the end, they worked it out and within a few years she ended up with a step-mom she gets along just fine with. 

but one day, all that magic fun idealism had to end. her junior year of high school, as she started wide-eye scanning the pamphlets of any culinary school in a hundred mile radius, the rug was pulled out from under the serrano’s. her father had never mentioned it to her, as not to worry her, but the family had gone bankrupt trying to keep terra & mare afloat. the restaurant would close, college was likely not an option for her anymore, and her father had worked himself near ragged trying to keep it all afloat, only exasperating issues he’d already had with a bad knee and high blood pressure.

all at once, malia’s world kind of came crashing in on her. she couldn’t hold it against her father, for the most part, because he was only trying to make what she had left of her childhood was carefree. but she wished she had a little warning for how abrupt the rug would be pulled out from under her feet, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t help anything to hold it against him. 

since she graduated, it’s just kind of been a game of putting her nose to the grindstone and hoping for the best. she’s trying to get back to that sense of security she once had, but it’s hard. to go from this picture perfect, for what it was, life to a sense of panic that she’ll be helping her dad dig himself out of this hole for a while, putting her dreams on hold in the long run, has been an adjustment.

instead of going off to school, she started working as many hours as she can at cutie pie’s and taking odd jobs here and there to try and pull it together. she’s still got her big plans: in a perfect world, one day, she’ll bring back terra & mare, but she’ll settle for any kitchen that allows her to play around a little more than burgers and fries.

connections

malia is an advocate for the gig economy. please fucking hire her. yardwork, babysitting, helping you clean your closet, it’s well known she’s down to just about anything (dont be gross.) for a decent rate.

besties!!! i imagine malia to be a historically really social person who’d have accumulated plenty of friends in her lifetime in irving.

maybe a step-sibling?? if u could see ur muses step-dad being an older italian-american gentleman who will not shut up about how much he hates fast casual dining, perhaps he’s the guy for u

im so bad at listing these out but. like i said i’m going to make a whole day of responding to plotting messages and getting things in place not just for my new muses but the old ones we are going to get some plotting done okay go team irvinghq

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

heyy could i pls still get a star match up if u still do them? Im aries sun, aquarius moon and capricorn rising. my mbti personaly type is intp (if that matters) my general aesthetic would be basic with nerdy elements and i would self-ship myself with Hirugami, Oikawa and maybe Atsumu

𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕦𝕡 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙 ℍ𝕚𝕣𝕦𝕘𝕒𝕞𝕚

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑠 🪐

Aries is ruled by the Planet Mars (Passion) and Aquarius is ruled by the Planets Saturn (Karma) and Uranus (Rebellion).

Aquarius gets its great, progressive vision from Uranus, and its social conscience and philanthropy from Saturn.

Mars, then, can make a great addition to the mix — it brings passionate, direct action to all these lofty thoughts and ideals.

𝐸𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 🔥💧🍃🌬

Aries is a Fire Sign and Aquarius is an Air Sign.

Air fuels Fire and helps it spread; similarly, Aquarius can help Aries think up new schemes and then realize them.

Aquarius stimulates Aries intellectually, something that most of the other Signs fail to do.

Both Signs have wide-ranging interests, so mentally active Aquarius is sure to provide physically active Aries with plenty of fodder for new adventures and crusades.

𝑇𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 🤞

Trust is an important issue for Aries and Aquarius can understand that.

This doesn’t mean they will be faithful to their Aries partner forever, but they would think it is fair to keep an open relationship and tell them about their indiscretions.

Unfortunately, Aries is ruled by Mars and needs to be the only one in the world that their partner ever lays eyes on.

This could turn them into an angry, possessive person who obsesses about the movements of their partner.

When we are discussing matters of trust between them that don’t include other people, it is safe to say that they don’t have a problem.

They both simply don’t understand why they would lie when there are so many interesting truths to discover.

They need to be free to speak their mind and accept that they will never avoid conflict, but that it can be used in a constructive way to better understand each other and strengthen their relationship.

𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 🤝

Their conversations can be so exciting that many people would like to jump in.

Aries is often kind of serious and asks for their boundaries to be respected. Aquarius partner will recognize this, laugh and shake their entire world.

It is unimaginable to Aries, always moving straight, for someone to have such an open mind, going back and front, having new revelations every day and never losing energy for new, different topics.

Aries could find an idol in their Aquarius partner and full-heartedly enter any dialogue because they are excited about what they might discover and how their perspective would change.

On the other hand, Aquarius enjoys this role in their partner’s life due to their ego issues with the Sun positioned at this sign.

They will share their thoughts with their partner, trying to be as interesting as possible.

Aquarius is motivated by their Aries partner and enjoys making tiny jokes at their expense.

It is important for Aries not to take things personally when it comes to Aquarius humor and they might have a lot of fun together.

Because of their strong natures, filled with energy, they could fight most of the time.

In most cases, Aquarius will not stand for ridiculous conflicts and will build a brick wall somewhere between them if needed.

Still, they usually tear it down at the end of the day, for they cherish each other the way they are after all.

𝐸𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 😠😔😊

In order for Aquarius to awaken their emotional nature, it usually takes a partner with enough flexibility and patience to get there.

We wouldn’t exactly say that Aries is patient, so you can imagine the problem that could appear.

From the perspective of an Aries, their partner is cold, distant and has no intention of opening their heart for them.

Aquarius sees things differently and tries to stay rational at all times.

When Aries starts asking for the show of emotion, the true problem surfaces, for Aquarius might have shown how they feel the entire time, but no one would guess what they were showing.

𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑠 🤲

Although they can share a great conversation, their values go their separate ways as soon as they touch the subject of freedom.

They both value freedom by first impulse. But in time, Aries realizes that they don’t really value freedom that much when they see it at work.

In fact, they would often change everything in their lives only to take away the freedom from their Aquarius partner.

This is not a conscious need, but Aries can be like a spoiled child wanting things (and people) all for themselves.

So with Aquarius changing direction as the wind and never changing their nature, Aries can find themselves truly unhappy for they want someone to share everything with, not only what the wind carries in.

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝐴𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦𝑠 💪

Unless Aquarius suggests something truly unacceptable to their Aries partner, they will have an abundance of possibilities when it comes to their shared activities.

With so much energy, their only mistake would be to stay at home and not share a chance to get all that energy out of their systems.

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦 💕

This is a couple that lacks tenderness.

They are not two brutes who let their relationship fade as soon as their passion does, but the distant examining look of Aquarius can take out the emotion out of it.

Aries partner needs to be relaxed by their significant other, so they can melt down and show their true, warm emotional nature. In this relationship, they would have a distant partner that basically supports their primal, instinctive nature.

Although it is nice to think that the point of each relationship is for partners to accept each other as they are, in this case that would take away every chance for an Aries to grow through togetherness and learn about their emotional nature.

This is something they will never be satisfied with.

Still, every relationship with Aquarius can surprise us as much as any individual Aquarius could.

With them as a partner, there is always room for an enlightening scenario that leaves all things to free will.

In case they decide to share their lives together, they should have a screaming room they could individually visit once in a while.

This would probably do the trick.

And about that lack of emotion, they could just put in a lot of physical tenderness to begin with and let things go from there.

[starrymothwings]

Kalim and Von, Cadoc and Idia, Vladimir and Malleus.

you...you get it...prepare for the floodgates to open

(also im just gonna assume this is for romance bc friendship wasnt specified)

Kalim and Von:

so the reasons why these two would work as a couple are the same as to why they work as friends! lots of similar energies and a healthy desire to grow close to and learn about each other. these two would be that spontaneous couple who you think are always in the honeymoon stage and you wonder where they get their energy from. not to mention, but they’re both considerate and hardworking in their own rights. i mean, that’s what’s earned kalim’s dormmates’ confidence in him as a dorm leader, and i’ve already talked about the efforts that von is willing to go for the people he cares about. 

i think the main obstacle in their relationship comes in with kalim’s inability to listen, and von’s inability to speak up. much like what ended up happening in episode four, kalim didn’t really understand jamil until everything comes to a head, but at the same time jamil never really opened up about his own desires because of his station. kalim still doesn’t listen very well, and von is inexperienced enough to not quite know the ins-and-outs of setting boundaries and communicating his feelings. now, obviously, von #1 is very fond of kalim and #2 hasn’t been carrying around that spite for his entire life, so the results aren’t going to be so extreme, but this is still the biggest issue 

Cadoc and Idia:

ok so i think cadoc has respect for idia straight up because of the latter’s skills with technology, and that’s definitely what would’ve drawn these two together. these two are a kindred spirit sort of pair, with the two of them not having many others at the school that they could turn to for their unique interests. i might actually come back to this once we learn more about the ignihyde bros

gonna be honest: i just flat out don’t think these two are good for each other. like, they’re very similar in certain ways that allow them to play off of each other’s worst traits. i think both cadoc and idia need someone who is less like them than they are the same, like how ortho is able to get idia out of his room occasionally. cadoc and idia are both trapped in a shell of their own making, and they need someone to remind them that everything outside that shell may not be so bad after all. not a good relationship at all, these two

Vladimir and Malleus:

so this isn’t either positive or negative but did somebody say pining? because i’m willing to bet a pretty penny that there aren’t many others who can beat the fae out at pining, and these two are no different

okay so i’ve already established that these two would have a bit of a history, given how close their old houses are (am i allowed to use house of mouse as a reason for lore? bc that’s what im gonna do) and so i think they’ve got plenty to stage their relationship on. not only that, but i think these two could help stave off the loneliness that the both of them suffer from, and when it comes to loss--something they surely either have or will experience, it’s a matter of when considering their mortal friends--they would be able to take solace in their mutual grief. two young fae, older than even the oldest children of man, able to be comforted where their persons overlap. plus, i think these two could (and have) long conversations into the night about shared interests, like the history of things

but, see, when it comes to nobility (the matter of royalty especially) there comes the matter of passing on the crown. their potential downfall would be delivered by their stations. how much of a say does malleus have in choosing who he marries? would he really be allowed to be with someone who cannot provide an heir? their time at NRC is one thing, but how much freedom do these two really have back home?

[bethesky]

Broken Bodies and Broken Minds

Ed Moustis

I wonder if other people can feel time like I do - like how I can feel how wet a single tear droplet is as it falls down my face second by second. In specific instances in life, these moments become proportionally more abundant to me. I cherish those moments that specificity and nonspecificity meet - where someone can experience everything and nothing all at once. It means that I can feel.

I felt a single tear slide down my left cheek. It wasn’t due to anything I felt. I cried on behalf of my mom. She stood ten feet in front of me and held back the sorrow of a thousand widows. I didn’t even know how to feel. I wish I did but the person I looked to for that guidance wasn’t here. I had been the odd one out my entire life. Being unique was supposed to be a good thing but I despised it. It was like I had always been a chameleon mimicking another’s reaction.

Based on her broken response, I knew what was happening. The first time that this happened, I fell into a black hole so dense that the only way to crawl out was by tooth and nail. There were battle wounds deeper than scars could show. The teeth and nails - they weren’t mine. They belonged to my friends and family that stuck by my side on the battlefield when they didn’t have to. 

This time around, hearing those dreadful words was a tank shell that shot to the depths of my soul. The fallout was too large, my psyche shattered into another million broken pieces when I hadn't even finished scrounging up the pieces from the last time. This was the beginning of the end. The cancer was back and I would soon be deployed back into a war that I am not meant for.

After my doctor finished the discussion with my mother, his sorrowful eyes turned towards me. I would hate to be in his shoes - telling a sixteen-year-old boy that he would go back into hell. The demons he fought still cursed him and his last fight were futile - dying was for nothing. The first time his heart stopped was not the end of the war. The battle rages on and he will be sent to the front lines. Again.

Time was still. I began to experience a new level again. I noticed, my medical doctor has these exceptional specs in his eyes that made me feel warm. I had always been oblivious to their pungency. His words, as if bullets which left no visible battle wounds were undetectable to my brain. I knew I was going to go through this again - my brain was filtering the painful dialogue that accompanied the truth. Would it be another few years of chemo or a year's worth of surgeries? This drug of distress that I was on, it burned through me. His lips flopped around like a fish looking for water. My attempts to decode his foreign language were unsurprisingly useless. Even if I could understand what he was saying, I don’t think I would want to hear it. I had been using all the shrapnel from the tank shell to build an impenetrable wall that even my mother couldn’t tear down.

Once the doctor concluded his script, I noticed my mom approach me. She had always been so wonderful - a personal Joan of Arc by my side. The ferocity of this woman was simply unmatched by even an Amazonian warrior. Also, her vitality was that of a dragon. To mirror that further, she was as independent as a one as well. The troubling similarity between Joan of Arc, a dragon, and my mother was their extremely troubling tendency with being caught up in flames. 

The first time I was diagnosed, my mother became a baron of light. She crafted her whole universe for me and I was the sun - that was until she fell into her own black hole. One son was crippled with cancer while the other was crippled from a car accident. Torn in two, like her life was one brilliantly, horribly crafted medieval trap, she crumbled upon the weight of two. The broken puzzle that was my family was limited to a post-war Joan of Arc, a collapsed sun, but more fittingly, a collection of black holes.

My mother grabbed my hand. I was drafted back into reality. As small of a woman as she was, I required her to use a pinch less of her strength for the sake of my hands. I made a prolonged look at her and her hand ironically tightened. A sense of relief flushed through me though. I wanted to control this twisted world and I couldn’t. I knew she thought that she was trying to comfort me. In my heart, I recognized that she needed me as much as I needed her. The equality of our relationship was comfortable enough. 

In the auditory section, my brain still seemed to be malfunctioning. Once again, I sat in anticipation to see how my mother would react. As expected, upon the conclusion of the doctor’s final remarks, she approached him and wrapped her little arms around him. He gave a gentle, half-smile to me while she hugged him. I suppose, if I was going to be diagnosed with cancer again by anyone, I would want it to be him.

The white halls of the hospital were endless. I knew every twist and turn of this maze. I recognized the faces of too many nurses as I passed by. Children my age and younger flooded the floor. Those same children were fighting the fight I did - and will again. We were the children at war. The casualty rates were always too high and friends made here were in vain. The sudden loss of a fellow soldier would be too much of a burden to carry along with the rest. As we approached the exit of this underage morgue, a light stuck through the doors. It was always sunny when I left this bleak building. I wonder if I will see a light like this when I die someday. I hope I will. I didn’t see anything last time. 

The chatter of the world came back to me and the noise pierced through my brain. It grew louder and louder until it quickly overwhelmed me. I tried to keep my reaction to a minimum to ensure that my mom didn’t attempt to cradle me. I had a subtle feeling, under my special circumstances, I wouldn’t mind that. I could never grow the strength to let that myself succumb to my feelings. Every day I want to collapse but then I’m giving in.

Like two brick walls, we walked over to the filled parking lot. It was only when in private, in the security of our personal chariot, that she began to speak to me. I wasn’t looking at her, but I could sense the movement of her eyes dart back and forth. She was searching for the right words to say - a needle in a haystack. I began to worry she might bring up what happened inside right away. I was not processing. It would make everything too real for me to handle. I knew my mother like the back of the hand and I was well aware of the conversation we were about to have; even if I desired otherwise. As anticipated she said, “Finn, how do you feel about the procedure next week?”

I slowly turned my head toward her. I usually heard vital words like “procedure” when I spaced out. How did I miss that? “The procedure?” My face looked extremely puzzled. As soon as I noticed it, she did as well. It was my grave error that I let that slip.

A despairing breath slipped out of my chemo-damaged lungs as she questioned, “Oh… you blanked out, didn’t you? I thought that you were going to work on that with Doctor Graham?” Hearing the doctor’s name zoned me back into reality. It was to no surprise she would bring up Graham. That genius of a man was an on-site engineer, my on-site medic, that would dig me out of the debris that I got lost in. He was capable of telling me of truths that seemed so far gone, yet were true, that even Schrödinger’s cat couldn’t find. My mom sought out treatment from him after my dad passed away in a car crash. It was that same car crash that made my brother into a temporary pile of jelly. She only could pick one topic to mourn for at once. She decided to choose my brother, Parker’s, injuries since I was on the final days of my tour. Due to the raging success that Doctor Graham had with my mother, my brother Parker and I see him regularly. I quickly snap out of my personal solar system and hear my mom speak to me, “Finn?”

“Yeah, yeah. We’re working on it,” I said with bated breath, “What procedure?” I felt my body now firmly planted into the seat. My skin laid on my bones - a feeling only a cancer patient could appreciate. It wasn’t crawling. The thought of a procedure kept me slightly hopeful - something I rarely was. The tank shell that was shot into me earlier began to digress. The pieces slip back into me. A year of surgeries would be much better than three years of chemo. I have had plenty of procedures that called for me being surrounded by the brightest minds in the world - the one percentile of geniuses.

“They said that the procedure… it uh… it will… “ she stopped speaking. I couldn’t tell if she was choking up but the concept frightened me. My head was screwed forward onto the road. The hope I had mustered up lied in the balance of her next words. She had never had an issue breaking grim news to me and I had never experienced a situation so dark and brutal that my mother had stumbled over her words. 

This was the woman that stumbled into her dying son’s room to tell him that while they were at chemo earlier this morning his dad and brother were t-boned by a truck that ran a red light. She spoke to me, with the stillness of a mountain to not frighten me, that my father, her husband since the age of nineteen, died on impact and my brother was in critical condition with lady luck favoring him not to make it. And, if he does, then he will never take another step in his life.

“Mom, what is it?” I asked quickly. I recognized my dimwitted curiosity. My naiveness took control while I should have been bracing. Whatever came next, I was sure I was strong enough for it. I was my mom’s sun. Nothing could be fiercer than that.

“The procedure is the only way to eliminate the remaining cancer threat in your body,” she slowly whispered.

“And? That’s wonderful! I don’t have to do any more chemo or worry about relapsing again!” I said. My words grew in strength after each breath. The debris cleared completely. 

She immediately said, “The procedure has a ten percent survival rate.” The joy that came from my words was vanquished. The world stopped spinning. I flew a million miles per hour. My speed shredded my hope down to its finest atom. I had been alive for only sixteen years and six of those prime years were taken by cancer already. Now it was destined to steal my life. Even the suns have to die but at least they get to live a real life.

Time stopped when my Earth stood still. I had reached that same moment of singularity as earlier. Every lamppost, every sign, it spoke to me. I was attuned to the universe. Everything I had experienced on this Earth told me that I had already been unlikely my entire life and that, in this case now, there would be no difference in this procedure. Signing on to do this procedure is no different than making a deal with death. I wanted to be able to write my own destiny but it was road blocked by ten-percent. I would become nothing more than a statistic.

I was still in shock by the time we arrived at the house. Our car pulled up to the driveway and my mother ushered me by the arm into the house. My face was perfectly blank. She quickly sat me on the couch. 

A life I would never have flashed in my mind. I would never get to walk arm-by-arm with my mother at my wedding. That though meant she would never get to see me get married. She would never see my children and become a grandmother. I could never give a remarkable, memorable best man’s speech to Charlie, the only girl that has ever shown interest in my brother, and Parker at their wedding.

Worst of all, I would never be able to kiss Robin. The only woman in my entire life that I am sure that I have ever loved. Leaving her will be the worst. Parker and I were supposed to marry those sisters. Robin is the fourth amigo in our broken bunch. We are all supposed to get drinks with Doctor Graham when we reach twenty-one to thank him for keeping us under his umbrella of helpful advice and correctly appointed sympathy. 

As the memories of the future came and went, my mom was telling Parker. I was so convinced that he was going to rise from his wheelchair and hug me. His wheels were still on the living room carpet. He looked at my shaking hands on my knees where fingers were tapping like machine guns - bang bang bang. My consciousness was grasping at any reality that wasn’t this one. All feeling viscously vanished. I kept questioning “Do I even breathe anymore?”. 

With all the courage that I could find, I stood up. Instantly, I stole the attention, any words that floated in the room settled in the air. My feet moved for me. I wondered if this is what robots felt. In a blink, I was in my messy, teenage room. I grabbed my alarm, set it for three hours from now, and I laid down. Doctor Graham always told me that a beneficial way to relieve stress was by sleeping. After testing so many methods, that was the one that spoke to me the most. My eyes shut. Just for an instant, I felt real peace. The image of darkness reminded me of death. I was not going to come back again. I was already undead and there is no resurrection for those who have come back once. Hopefully, it would be quick and painless. The thoughts panned to troubled and painful ones in a flash. I began questioning too much about the life that was stripped away from me. I didn’t want to go. How long until I’m not talked about? That’s when I really die.

An ethereal hand shot from the sky in my dream. I was pulled into my unwelcoming reality. The alarm blared. My hand floated over it to stop the blaring. I sat up on the bed and felt my body and the sweat that covered it. I had one week to live. For once, in many years, I felt real hope. I knew what I was going to do with my last week on this Earth. I would make a death list for my broken self to live out - a scrambled last-ditch effort to achieve the things in life I haven’t had a chance to do quite yet. I scrambled over to my notebook sitting on my desk. It flew open. I couldn’t tell if it was denial that struck me or something real. I could run away and perform all these tasks. A brave adventure awaited me.

As I wrote down my last will and testament, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. After trying so hard, I couldn’t keep fighting so reluctantly, I began to sob. I didn’t want to go! My brother heard me as soon as I hit the floor and rolled into the room. From seeing his fallen, fellow soldier down in the ditches, he used any strength he could muster to leap from his throne. He crawled through his trenches to hold me. I just cried; and he just cradled me.

For a whole hour, I was laying down there as my brother comforted me. He let me cry in his arms until all of the water in my system had been flushed out. He knew there was no point in telling me to stop. I had only one week to live. When the tears were finished, we both sat up against my wooden bed frame. We sat in silence for another hour. He was next to me and that was all that mattered - my battle buddy had my back. No words needed to be spoken because the actions were loud enough. After the time had slipped away, I helped him back into his cushioned chair. When I noticed that he was looking at my notebook, my face began to flush red. He couldn’t see that. 

“What’s that?” Parker questioned immediately. He wheeled over to the notebook before I could walk over there. He was surprisingly fast in that chair.

“Nothing! Shit! Don’t look!” I pleaded. He skimmed the page with his finger. His chair was perfect reading height, unfortunately. I was expecting a long banter with him but when he was finished, he just looked at me in shock.

“Okay. But mom would let you do this,” he nonchalantly said. His words threw me off guard.

“I know. I was thinking of…”

He quickly interrupted me. I could hear the appalled tone in his voice, “Running away? Mom will find you.”

“I know. It sounds really stupid but I need this week. I need to live for once. No chemo. No cancer. Just me.”

“There is so much that could go wrong! You want to go to a high school party and go cliff diving and…”

“I’m doing it. I’m doing all of it. Me against the world,” I said with a smile on my face. I wanted to be a warrior like my mom - braving the world one step at a time. He wasn’t going to stop me.

“No,” he bluntly said.

“You literally can’t stop me,” I chuckled.

“Us against the world,” he sighed, “someone needs to keep you safe. If something happens to you, mom will kill me.”

I was surprised but seemingly not surprised at the same time. This wasn’t a solo journey. Someone would have to tell my story. A broken body and a broken mind running off to war together. This time I would be choosing and that felt freeing. I felt free.

[pixiegrl]

request for your next tangled muke adventure, the scene where they escape from the cave?

Meghna! This was so fun to write! Please enjoy my humble gift to you! And also @calumsclifford for endlessly hearing my yell about what im writing if its tangled

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26169226

Luke keeps whining about food. Michael wishes he would go back to tugging on his sleeve and asking him about everything if it means he’ll stop begging Michael for food. Michael’s not entirely sure of where they are right now and since he wasn’t planning on a trip, he doesn’t exactly have any food with him. Luke is not bothered by this at all, keeps choosing to ask Michael again and again as if the answer will somehow be different.

“Michael, there has to be somewhere to eat near here. Or something we can eat. Michael,” Luke whines, dragging out the end of Michael’s name in a way he can only describe as incredibly annoying. He turns to glare at Luke, who looks back at him with wide innocent eyes. He’s adorable and Michael still refuses to find him cute at all. He’s decided thinking of Luke as a friend was a mistake, now Luke has just decided to annoy him forever. 

Michael is relieved when the edge of a tavern comes into sight. He thinks he probably has just enough coins with him to feed Luke and get a drink for himself, so he can continue to put up with Luke’s bubbling enthusiasm. Even if the place looks a little rough for Luke to be in. Michael’s decently sure he can protect Luke from some bandits, as long as they’re not also after Michael. Although maybe Luke can just smile at them and they’ll reconsider harming him. He does have a nice smile, all bright eyes and dimples.

Luke starts bouncing on his toes when he sees it, too. Petunia peeks out of the corner of Luke’s hair, shooting him a worried look. How the fuck does a lizard manage to have so many facial expressions?

“Michael, can we eat there? Please?” Luke begs, turning to look at Michael with wide, blue eyes and a hopeful expression on his face. It melts Michael’s heart a little. He can’t stay mad at Luke for long, not when it’s so painfully obvious that the boy has never gotten to experience the world the way everyone else has. He’s so full of joy and wonder Michael can’t find it in himself to be annoyed that much.

“Only the best for you, Sunshine,” Michael says. Luke grins even wider, dimples creasing his cheeks, and laces their fingers together. He starts to swing their arms a little, humming under his breath. It’s painfully endearing. Michael’s all but abandoned his commitment to not finding him cute.

They push the door of the tavern open and Michael sucks a breath in when everyone turns to look at them. They must be quite the pair, Luke, with his incredibly long blonde hair and silky purple shirt, a lizard perched on his shoulder, and Michael, holding his hand and frying pan attached to his belt from when Luke complained about his arm being tired.

Luke is oblivious to their stares, instead tugging Michael further into the tarven, trying to find an empty spot and rambling about what food they could possibly have.

“Michael Clifford! As I live and breath,” A voice calls, full of mirth and laughter. Michael whips around in a panic, fear leaving him a little when he sees that it’s Calum, his old friend from the orphanage turned bandit, grinning and waving at him. He looks the same as the last time Michael saw him, apart from his once black curls are now a bright platinum blonde. His partner, Ashton, sits next to him, his own curls a raven black, and motioning for Michael to come sit with them.

“Who are they?” Luke whispers, curling a little into Michael, wary of new people. 

Michael tries to send him a reassuring smile, “Old friends. I promise they won’t hurt you.”

“Promise?”

Michael holds up his hand, linking their pinkies together and shaking. “Pinky promise.”

Luke looks a little confused by the gesture, but he must understand the sincerity of it and nods at him. Michael tugs them over to the table, ushering Luke into the booth first and following him. He helps Luke tug his hair in after them, earning them stares from the rest of the patrons.

Ashton lets out a whistle, looking at all of Luke’s hair. “That must be a hassle. You ever think about cutting it?”

Luke holds his hair tight to him. “I couldn’t do that. Mother wouldn’t let me.”

Ashton opens his mouth like he’s going to push the topic further, when Calum interjects, sticking his hand out towards Luke.

“Calum Hood, local bandit extraordinaire. This is my partner in crime, the slightly less good looking Ashton Irwin.” 

Ashton lets out a horrified squawk, smacking Calum. Calum laughs, eyes crinkling at the corner. 

“You married me, you idiot.”

“Only for evading the law purposes. The second they let us, I’m divorcing you and taking half the loot,” Calum says, grinning as he presses a kiss to Ashton’s cheek to let him know he’s only teasing. Michael’s forgotten how easy their relationship has always been, full of teasing and fondness. Michael’s known Calum longer and he would venture to call him his best friend (if two bandits can even have friends), but somehow when the three of them are together he’s always managed to feel on the outskirts of things. 

Luke’s watching them both, wide eyed and a little scared. Michael squeezes his thigh under the table. “This is Luke. Found him hiding in the woods. We’re going to see the lanterns for his birthday.

Calum raises his eyebrows, taking a sip of his drink. “Never known you to do anything out of kindness, Mikey.”

“That’s not true! I stole that necklace for you once ‘cause you said you liked it.”

“Fine, then nothing that didn’t require you to steal something.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not just you. They tell these half stories all the time and refuse to explain them. You get used to not getting their inside jokes,” Ashton stage whispers to Luke, grinning when Calum gently elbows him. Michael is filled with overwhelming fondness for his friends and their easy acceptance of Luke. Although Michael figures, who are a couple of bandits to question him finding a man in the woods?

“He only agreed to take me because I took his loot and Petunia keeps licking him,” Luke chimes in, producing Petunia from inside the folds of his hair. Calum and Ashton laugh delightedly at the sight of her. 

Michael pouts. “I’m getting new friends.”

“Michael, we’re your only friends,” Calum says rolling his eyes. He nudges Luke with his foot, startling him. “Do you want me to get you something to eat?”

Luke nods enthusiastically. Michael mouths a quick thank you to Calum. He smiles. “Ashton, take Luke with you and get something. I wanna check up with my old friend here.”

Ashton scoots his way out, ushering Luke over to the bar. When they’re out of ear shot, Calum rounds on Michael.

“The crown, Michael? You really thought stealing the lost prince’s crown would be a good idea?”

“I didn’t think I’d have this much trouble with it.”

Calum lets out a disgruntled noise. “That’s because you don’t think, Michael. What the fuck did you expect would happen?”

“Look, it’s just a job. We’ve taken plenty of them before.”

“Yeah, but those were just stealing from people. People who were much less notable than stealing the fucking crown jewels.”

“It’s one last job, Calum, and then I can stop,” Michael says. He’s had ideas over the years of what he would do. Travel, go somewhere far away and find a legitimate job, open his own orphanage. The possibilities are endless if he can just get this crown back and be on his way.

Calum sighs heavily, massaging his temple. He looks like he wants to say something, but is interrupted by Ashton and Luke coming back.

“Shove over,” Ashton says, raising his hands to show the drinks he’s carrying. Calum obeys, giving Ashton the space he needs to put things down. Luke’s tagging closely behind him, holding what looks like fish and chips close to his chest, a little wide eyed. Michael grabs the baskets, helping Luke, who shoots him a grateful look.

“You know you’re probably like, five minutes away from getting caught, right?” Calum says around a chip. Michael blushes at Luke’s quizzical look and Ashton’s glare. For a bandit, Ashton can be a little shit at the idea of stealing things sometimes.

“Let me enjoy this nice, hot food before you rip into me about stealing, but then still help us get away.”

Calum giggles slightly, expression fond. He’s holding Ashton’s hand on the table. It fills Michael with the overwhelming desire to have that, too. It’s always been lonely for him and while he’s happy for Calum and Ashton, he wishes he had someone like that too. 

Luke is eating some of the fish, scrunching his nose up at the taste.

“Good?”

“Different,” Luke mumbles around a mouth of food crumbs going everywhere, blushing when he realizes what he’s doing. Michael laughs, leaning over and wiping his face with a napkin. Luke never had to be presentable around other people before. It’s a miracle he’s managing to look cute while doing it.

Luke quietly feeds Petunia a small bite. Michael catches Calum watching them, a soft smile on his face. Michael sticks his tongue out at Calum when Luke isn't looking. Calum returns the gesture. Ashton snorts, covering it up in his drink when Luke looks up at the three of them. He flushes a little, clearly thinking they’re teasing him. 

Ashton waves it away, “It’s nice you have a little friend. Nice to have someone there for you when you get lonely.”

Luke smiles sadly. “Something like that.”

Calum looks like he wants to press the issue further, when the tavern door bangs open, someone shouting about the palace guards. Michael jumps up, making to push Luke out of the booth. 

“That’s our cue, Luke. Lovely to see you both again, let’s do this again sometime,” Michael calls behind him as he shoves Luke towards where he knows there’s a “secret” tunnel. He can hear Calum let out an exasperated sigh, but considering he’s known him since they were kids, he figures Cal will let this one slide.

***

“So, Calum and Ashton?”

“Hm?”

“You’ve known them a while, yeah?” Luke asks. They’ve been walking down the underground tunnel for a bit, venturing deeper and deeper with only torches to help them see. Luke’s been quiet since the tavern and Michael isn’t sure whether he should be worried or not. Considering Luke’s decision to ask personal questions, the answer was that he should be.

“I’ve known Calum since I was a kid. Ashton is more of a new addition. You let your friend do one job on their own and they come back with a husband.”

Luke giggles. “You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”

“I just wish they’d invited me to the wedding. I have plenty of embarrassing stories about Calum and I’m not afraid to use them.”

“Does he?”

“What?”

“Have embarrassing stories to share with your future…” Luke pauses, shooting a glance at Michael. Michael wonders what Luke’s mother taught him about attraction and then disregards that notion. A woman who locks her son in a tower and refuses to let him out certainly won’t teach him what it means when you think boys are pretty.

“Husband. I like men. And unfortunately he does, but you’ll have to hear them from him,” Michael says. He realizes how that must sound, the implication that he wants to keep Luke around long enough to see Calum and Ashton again, to have Calum share childhood stories of Michael. That Michael isn’t ready to have this adventure come to an end, even if Luke can be a thorn in his side.

Luke looks like he wants to say something, but changes his mind at the last minute and says,  “So Michael, where are you from?”

“Nope. We do not know each other like that, you already know my name and that’s enough backstory for the rest of this trip.”

Luke pouts. “I just met your childhood friend and his husband. You just told me you like men. But you won’t tell me where you’re from.”

Michael sighs heavily. “I will tell you something about myself if you answer my questions first.”

“Sure.”

“I know I’m not supposed to talk about the hair, the mother, or the, uh, lizard?” Michael waves in Petunia’s direction. Luke nods. 

“Here’s my question. If you want to see the lanterns so badly you were willing to go on a trip with a complete stranger who broke into your home, why haven’t you gone before with your mother?”

“Mother wouldn’t let me.”

That makes Michael pause. It was implied in his initial request for the adventure, but it’s odd to hear it out loud. For all the oddness of Michael’s childhood growing up in an orphanage, he’s never been denied things. He was always allowed to go and adventure on his own terms, as long as he was responsible about it and came back in time for dinner. The idea that Luke’s mother would lock him up and refuse to let him leave seems a bit dramatic and harsh. Not for the first time, the notion of keeping Luke with him, of not allowing the boy to go back to his tower, of showing him the whole world, crosses Michael’s mind. Luke deserves it, deserves the chance to get to see what’s out there and Michael doesn’t know how he’s meant to return Luke to his prison when this is all over.

“Why wouldn’t she let you leave?”

“She claims that it’s safer for me up there where no one can find me.”

Michael opens his mouth to comment on that, when he hears a rumbling coming towards them. He turns around at the sound of shouting and sees the palace guards running towards them. Maybe Calum had a point about this being a bad idea. Michael turns to look at Luke, who’s got a look of fear and confusion on his face.

“Michael?”

“Okay, so you know how I have that crown? I may have stolen that crown and now would be a good time to run,” Michael shouts, grabbing hold of Luke’s hand and pulling him into a run. Luke, thankfully, realizes what Michael wants and follows him at Michael at an equally breakneck speed.

Michael pulls them along until they come out of the tunnel, skidding to a stop when they both realize they’re at the edge of a cliff. There is absolutely nowhere for them to go, considering they’re surrounded on all sides by open air and the guards behind them, not to mention that one horse that seems to have it out for Michael specifically. Michael hears a shout from down below and notices the Stabbington brothers have come out of their own tunnel looking up and pointing to Michael, both of them shouting. 

“So I’ve figured out the guard part, but who are those guys and why are they mad?” Luke says, clutching his hair in his arms. 

“Let’s just assume no one here likes me and work our way up from there.”

Luke frowns. “How much trouble are you in?”

“Luke, you met me because I crashed through your window with a stolen crown. You do the math.”

Michael’s at a loss for what to do or where they can go. Luke takes one look at him and rolls his eyes, shoving the frying pan at Michael. He takes his hair and swings it up, hooking it over a higher up damaged beam nearby. He tugs it once, nodding when he realizes it’s secure and hooks an arm around Michael’s waist. 

“So I’m sure this is a bad idea, but I think we have to go down?” Luke says, pointing.

“What?”

“There’s a tunnel down there and I think that might be the only way out.”

Michael looks down and he hates to admit it but Luke might be right. Luke throws his hair over a nearby beam and grabs onto Michael’s waist, giving them a running start, giving them enough momentum to take off and swing themselves down to the bottom of the ravine. They land solidly on their feet and Luke turns to beam at Michael. Michael gives him a relieved smile back and tugs on Luke’s hair pulling it down from the beam. They gather it and go sprinting off in the direction of the tunnel. 

Michael is sure they’re going to make it, until he hears the rumble and rushing sound of water fill the air. They just narrowly make it into the tunnel entrance before Michael realizes it’s not a tunnel and that there’s no exit. It’s too late for them to do anything now though, as rocks cover the entrance, leaving Luke and Michael in the dark. 

“So, this looks bad.”

“Yes, Michael, I would say that it does.”

Michael huffs, shoving Luke’s hair at him and diving into the rising water. He looks around for an exit but finds none. He pops up gasping for air, noticing that Luke’s feeling around the top of the rocks for an exit up that way. It would appear that they’re both out of luck. Michael dives down again to feel around, as Luke bangs frantically on the rocks with his pan trying to get them to break. Michael scrambles up, trying to pry some of the rocks loose. The sharp edge of one slices his hand and Michael swears loudly at the blood that starts to pool and drip from his hand. Luke looks torn between concern for Michael’s hand and fear about being close to death.

“I can’t see anything in here. I don’t think there’s a way out. Fuck, Luke I’m really sorry about all this. You just wanted a nice birthday gift and look at the mess we’re in now.”

The water is rising steadily, closing in on them. Luke is chewing at the corner of his lip, grasping Michael’s injured hand in his. Even dripping in ice cold water, Luke manages to make Michael feel warm and safe. The thought startles Michael. He hasn’t known Luke long enough to be this comfortable with him, but he is. 

“I think I have an idea.”

“Luke?”

“You told me that you like boys. I have a secret too. I have magic hair that glows when I sing.”

Michael blinks up at Luke. Michael takes it all back, all that time locked up in a tower and Luke has gone crazy. Maybe it was a bad idea for Michael to agree to this plan.

“Come again?”

Luke looks Michael in the eye, grinning at the realization. “I have magic hair that glows when I sing!”

Michael barely processes what’s happening before Luke starts singing some kind of strange song. The water finally covers them and Michael tries to hold his breath as best he can. Suddenly, Luke’s hair starts to glow from the roots to the tips. Michael almost screams in shock before he remembers that they are underwater and that would be a very bad idea.

Luke’s hair tugs towards the bottom of the tunnel, pulling their attention to a small pile of rocks. Michael pushes his way down, starting to pull the rocks away from the wall. Luke joins him and they tug away a small exit hole, the force of the water pushing them out of the tunnel and onto the shore of a riverbank.

Michael and Luke both take a gasping breath as they collapse side by side. Luke turns to Michael, grinning brightly, dimples on his cheeks, Petunia popping up onto his head. 

“We did it, Michael! We got out!” 

Michael makes eye contact with Petunia. “His hair glows.” 

Petunia looks very smug, Luke continues to cheer, grasping at Michael’s hand.

“Hair is not supposed to glow. That’s not something that happens. Do all strange men in towers have glowing hair? Is this something I was supposed to know?” Michael asks Petunia, octaves in his voice raising with confusion and concern. Petunia nods. “Why does his hair glow?!”

“Michael!” Luke calls, hands on his hips where he’s standing on the bank. He’s dripping wet, standing in the fading light on the setting sun. He shouldn’t be so pretty, but Michael thinks that might be the shock and gratitude. Even if Luke is exactly the sort of boy Michael used to dream about when he was young. 

“Luke?” Michael asks, voice strained.

“It doesn’t just glow. I can heal with it.”

“That’s strangely cryptic after you just showed me it glows. How much magic does your magically glowing hair hold, Luke from a strange tower?”

Luke huffs, coming to kneel in front of Michael. He wraps his hair around Michael’s injured palm and softly starts singing the same song. Luke’s hair begins to glow again and Michael feels a sharp tingling in his palm. Luke finishes, un-wrapping his hair, and Michael is startled to see that the cut and blood are gone.

“Don’t freak out.”

“Luke, we are well past freaking out,” Michael says, voice hitting an octave he didn’t know he could. Luke huffs again.

“If I’d known you were gonna be a baby about it, I wouldn’t have shown you.”

“Oh, so you would have died before you showed me the magically glowing healing hair?”

“Don’t be mean. I just saved our lives,” Luke says, pouting. 

“How long has it been doing that?”

Luke shrugs, “My whole life, I guess. Once, when I was a baby, people tried to cut it and take it for the magicalits magical powers. But when it’s cut it loses its color and power.”

Luke pulls back his hair, showing Michael a shorter strand of hair, dull compared to the rest of it. Michael leans forward, touching the lock softly. Luke smiles sadly at him. “It’s why I’m up in the tower. Mother says you have to protect a gift like mine. She doesn’t want me to leave because she’s worried that I’ll get hurt.”

Michael softens. It makes sense now, why Luke was up there, but it’s still cruel. No one would have to know about his hair. Why can’t he have the freedom to explore the world for himself? 

“And you still want to go back?”

“What other choice do I have? I’m safe up in the tower and I don’t think I could just leave Mother.”

“Luke, you deserve a chance to see the world and make your own choices,” Michael says, grabbing Luke’s hand and squeezing it. “I promise, that when this trip is all finished, I’ll take you on an adventure. We can travel the whole world if you want. I’ll show you everything there is to offer. Take Calum and Ashton with us. I think they liked you.”

Luke smiles a little brighter. Michael notices now that he seems to glow when he’s happy. It softens Michael. 

“You promise Michael? You aren’t just saying that because of my hair?”

“Of course I mean it, Sunshine. You’ve been a wonderful traveling companion. And I’m sure there’s plenty of floating lanterns all around for us to see.”

Luke’s smile widens. He throws his arms around Michael’s neck in a hug, “Oh thank you Michael! That’s the best birthday present ever!”

Michael blushes slightly, hiding his face in Luke’s shoulder. At least the only person around to see is Luke and Petunia. They won’t rat him out and ruin his reputation.

“Alright Luke that’s enough. It’s getting dark and we should start a fire for the night,” Michael says, pulling himself up to stand. Luke pushes himself up, coming to stand next to Luke. 

“You like me.”

“Regrettably I do. I’d like you more if you helped me get some wood.” 

Luke grins at Michael, “Only if you show me how to build a fire.”

Michael huffs, pretending to be put out, nudging Luke’s shoulder and smiling to show that he’s only teasing, “For you with the special hair, I’d do anything.”

Luke grins back, lacing their fingers together and tugging Michael in the direction of the woods to look for firewood.

Maybe traveling with Luke isn’t so bad. Maybe getting to take Luke on a trip around the world won’t be so bad. Maybe being in love isn’t the stuff of dreams, maybe it gets to be Michael’s reality.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a much better day. I feel a lot nicer. I dont feel so sad. Its good. I am also real tired and ready for a week where I dont have a ton to do and a bunch of time off. To recover. Excellent. 

After feeling so sad last night, I just kind of cried it out. And that helped me fall asleep. 

I woke up a couple times but it was still good sleep. I gave myself that extra 10 minutes and it really helped. I got up and felt good. I got dressed and James packed me a snack and a breakfast and off I went. 

I got to the museum and it was a slow morning. I helped set out chairs and did the tour walk to make sure everything was okay. I found the ink roller was taken apart and the lights were off in garment. But I sorted those things out and headed back to the breakroom. 

My school ended up being really really late, but they were a nice group! But because of them being late I felt very rushed. But they were real good kids and I had a nice time with them. And because they were nice I even took them back to the car for a minute to sit and it was a big silly fun pile of kids. 

I hung out for a while to help out with sitting the kids for lunch but soon I was able to leave for the school. 

I stopped at dollar general again for candy prizes and a birthday gift for one of our students. I also really needed to get duct tape and they didnt have it. So I headed up towards the school and went to a rite aid to grab some and lucky us it was buy one get one. Awesome. 

I got lunch at burger king. I enjoyed my podcast. It was a nice little break between jobs. 

But I got to the school and had a ton to carry. But I got inside. Got some help from my kids to bring stuff in but the door to the closet was lock and so I had to go find some help. 

But the art classroom was open and I was able to go back there and Marcus was in there with the new art sub! She's so nice! So me and Marcus half helped her and started setting up. Also just working on paperwork and other small tasks that needed to get done. I also had a nice chat with the principal. And Im trying hard to make that gap smaller and make it not so heavy. It was a good talk. 

The day with the kids was a bit though. The beginning was good. But then at recess while I was teaching some of the kids some skateboarding stuff there was a big stupid fight over on the playground. And I had to deal with so much screaming from like 10 differnt kids trying to tell me their side. And Im just like. STOP!

So when we went inside we spent like 20 minutes talking about being a community. About not solving issues with your fists. And we ended up having a really frank talk about being black in america. It was really interesting to have three little black kids continuously tell me that Im not a white person. Because to them a "white person" is a bad person, a mean person. And they kept saying "but youre not like that!" and that it hurt them when their classmates made fun of me. And that was super cute, but I had to be frank with them that there is white privilege and power structures but like I am white. And I made an effort and there will be people like that. There are good people. But not everyone is going to be good. And they had a lot of questions and I tried my best to answer them. But yeah. That was a really interesting chat with my girls. 

I brought my balance board with me to class and I had the kids working on their balance and it was a lot of fun. They really liked doing that. I may bring it again but Im going to have to get some more air for it. Its fun to be able to show them new ways to move and exercise. 

We finished up the day with some vocab and hugs and then it was time for our staff meeting. Ciaro's son was there again and he was so sweet. We found out were going to have the day off on tuesday for voting. And thats real nice. And we finished up our meeting with plenty of time for me to get to my silks class. 

And it was a good class. But we didnt do many fun photoable things. But I was able to do an inversion that made everyone go "Wow!!" and that felt good. I had a lot of fun and it was good skill building. But I forsure dont feel as beat up as I have before. Thats all good. And I might be making some friends so thats really nice. I am really glad I started doing this again.

I left there and got tacos. Enjoyed my little wind down time. And headed home. 

James and Brandon where here eating muffins. I hung out and talked to them about my day. But then Brandon left and I went to take a shower. 

Im just chilling now. I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. I am so excited to have tomorrow off. I hope you all have a great night and a wonderful day tomorrow. Goodnight everyone!