#i don't think i've ever felt more alone
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fallenalienz · 1 year ago
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:(
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thetardisisnotourdivision · 3 months ago
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Hey did I ever tell y'all about the time I dreamed that I had a baby daughter called Ellie that began with my finding out I was pregnant and ended on like her third birthday?
I legitimately woke up thinking "I should go check on Ellie" and then realised she was never real and when I tell you I SOBBED. I've been haunted by an implacable sense of loss ever since. Did I travel to another dimension? Wtf happened because that was insane.
#I'm not even joking when I say it felt REAL#I have this baby doll (it was my mum's when she was a kid and I have it now) that sometimes I just hold and it makes me feel better???#Did I astral project into another life?????#Was it just a really fucking intense fever dream??????#For the record I was like fifteen I have never even done the do let alone had a pregnancy scare#But yeah my little Ellie#And she never fuckin existed#I woke up halfway through planning her birthday party like baking a cake or sm and I was thinking#“I'll give her the little green cardigan I knitted”#Woke up to a silent house and was like “she's never usually quiet this time in the morning”#Then realised what had happened and started CRYING#idk man it's insane#From a psychological point of view it's fascinating but I've tried and tried to analyse the dream and?????#I always come up with something different???? I can't pinpoint the actual cause and effect of the whole thing?????#Madness honestly#And it was just a normal day too nothing weird had happened it wasn't a coma and I wasn't knocked out it was just a Dream#A very very real one#For the record I don't think Ellie had a father#I think it was just an immaculate conception that nobody ever questioned#Might have been IVF now I think about it#That would make more sense#dream#weird dreams#Ig I should add a grief trigger warning???#tw grief#one time i dreamt#Very confused and it's been like two years so wtf yeah that was... Intense#The most dream of all time#Maybe I'm just fucking insane lol but yeah
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platypusisnotonfire · 29 days ago
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well.
I'm 30.
#one minute ago#damn I really REALLY thought I'd have my life more together#I mean to be real I 10000% did not expect to live until 30 good grief#but in my day dreams of 'what I might have been like if I lived to be an adult' this was not it#not still living like an emancipated minor in a 1 1/2 that's not even official it's more of a charity by the people who own the garage#that it's built in#not remembering to eat every day and eating the same 'gotta eat something' random assortment of whatever is in the cabinets#that I've been eating since I was 4#still working 4 jobs and not having my phd yet#literally never gone on one date and still feel too young for a relationship because I don't ever EVER want to be that guy#who doesn't know how to do anything and expects their partner to take care of them#I can barely do laundry and I straight up refuse to do dishes#I buy paper plates and cups#I'm not going to impose that on anyone#I keep thinking when I grow up I can have a relationship but I'm not old enough yet#but buddy I'm a freaking grown up now#30 is no joke#it's official#I just suck.#it's not about age its about being a garbage person#like i would never ever EXPECT my partner to take care of me but in practical terms I would fail at keeping the house clean#and they would pick up the slack becuase they don't want to live in a trash hole and would get mad and/or bitter with me for making them#living alone my bad choices only effect me#when i've lived with roommates in the past this has always been a key point of breakdown#even when I've tried to be extra dilligent I would forget a glass somewhere becuase I planned to reuse it and my roomate would wash it#and be mad that I felt entitled and expected them to clean up after me when I absolutly did NOT in fact I was horrified#that they needed to clean something up after me- I just simply lost track of it. and that was 10000% unfun for everyone involved#I was ashamed 100% of the time and they felt used 100% of the time and no one had a good time
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wolfsong-the-bloody-beast · 25 days ago
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First of all, a delightful name for a quest. Love it.
Second of all, this honestly should've been a short quest where you collect clues and have some banter, which would culminate in this conversation. I think as such this conversation is perfectly fine. (Well, at least with my limited knowledge of the topic as a cis woman.) However, just going there and having this talk, without more context and a little more build up, feels... a little abrupt, and (maybe I'm dense but) I was confused about how Taash arrived at the conclusion that the Antaam was blighting dragons. (Then again, when playing a new game, I can get distracted, so I might have missed something before.) They identify the Antaam by finding the ropes, which makes sense to me, but the rest seems less clear. I do appreciate what they're trying to do with Taash and the kind of story they're trying to tell, probably knowing full well how that's going to go, considering the state of the internet these days. I think that's great, and I really enjoy Taash as a character. But I said in my "review" before that Taash could use more questing, and I wanted to show what I meant. This is one of those moments when I thought, "This should've been a short quest instead of just a dialogue cutscene." Then again, I like dialogue cutscenes, so I can't complain too much, but I do think that if there were some more clues and banter leading up to this conversation, it would help us better understand the situation with the blighted dragons, because that tells us something about the methods of the main villains which connects it to the main plot, and also Taash as a character that is working through something very difficult which is undoubtedly a process worth showing.
#Dragon Age#Dragon Age: The Veilguard#DATV#Veilguard#Taash#DATV spoilers#Veilguard spoilers#honestly I can barely imagine what it's like to be figuring this all out in real life with access to the internet#let alone in a universe where you have maybe some books and a word of mouth - thankfully we have Neve's connections#but I've got to say that the stuff Taash is going through is surprisingly relatable... except for them it's an identity thing#and for me it is... was... internalized misogyny I guess... and norms and stereotypes#'nobody likes to be a woman'#'she said I act more like a man than a woman. why does it feel right?'#like I know this feeling and I'm a cis woman#funnily enough I was told I'm 'worse than a man' just a couple of days ago because I was angry haha#like this whole thing made me think about what being a woman even means to me and fuck if I know#like I'm not questioning my gender‚ I'm fine in that department#but when I had my Rook say 'I do like being a woman' I thought 'do I?' don't think I've ever felt so strongly about it as to say I like it#but it's like... fine I guess#it definitely sometimes feels like I'm a woman in a different way than... well... most women I know#not in a 'not like the other girls' kind of way I mean. more like a bull in a china shop way in comparison#like I don't feel 'feminine' shaped enough or 'feminine' flavoured enough or whatever#like I want to be pretty and look good in a dress and I envy some women's 'feminine' beauty but at the same time... couldn't be me#I mean it's all bullshit isn't it? it shouldn't matter#but like I get it#I get where that is coming from
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softdreamlesssleep · 5 months ago
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God, "I missed you" sex is the best
#eep.txt#as soon as we were alone he kissed me hard and just couldn't get close enough#we went to his room and he immediately attacked my neck i don't think i've ever had so many hickeys at once#he kept grinding for so long against me on his lap 😵‍💫 i was very desperate for more but he just wanted so feel my skin against his#he was sososo cute with his messy hair and the way he kept saying i love you!#i could see myself in the mirror in front of his bed i didn't think i was this fucked out lmao#maybe the first time i moaned this loud and talked this much too#usually i have to keep quiet even though it's hard cuz there's other people but it was so nice having him aaalll to myself#when he finally put his fingers in it felt like heaven i'd been so long#and same he just kept going so deep and so fast my god he said he liked hearing me again#i had to stop him cause i was getting really overstimulated but it was so good#i'm pretty sure it's the first time i've actually like moaned his name without meaning to do it#apparently i didn't realise i was babbling and scratching his back so hard#god i love being a power bottom and calling him cute or my sweet boy and getting him desperate but...#when he goes feral like that after not seeing me for a while? it's the best. i'm so lucky to have such a service top#so happy to be with him again#after we cuddled and we showered and we cooked and then watched videos and then talked and laughed#i'm so happy right now to even see him sleeping next to me :]#sorry i meant to do a sexy post but i guess this is more positive venting i'll make a proper one later#still new to this writing thing i'm probably very bad at it but it's nice to have a place to write down my memories and experiences
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sskk-manifesto · 5 months ago
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Finally got around to watching ep 11 (´;ω;`)
#I'm late...#I'm sorry I wasn't able to watch the episode by time last week but again. Food poisoning. And then the new chapter came out#I feel like I had much more to say when I started watching it last week...#Mmmmhh. I really like when bsd animation uses the colored lineart effect for flashbacks / subspaces (Anne's Room‚ Poe's books).#I think it's one of the prettiest and most original things of the bsd animation.#I've always felt like the Natsume reveal was a bit coming out of nowhere lol.#Here's this legendary ability user everyone knows but no one has ever seen with this immensely unthinkable powerful ability...#That the reader literally wasn't ever made aware of in the previous 49 chapters lol#After all that build up‚ his ability even feels a little underwhelming.#Which I suppose was the intended result‚ but I'm not sure it really works all that well in the end.#Then Naomi's words “Come to think of it‚ the things that happen when Mii-chan vanishes [...]‚ disasters are stopped every time”#really feel soooo out of place when so-called Mii-chan was never before mentioned up to this episode (╥﹏╥)#But I'll stop complaining. It's nothing big really#Fukuzawa and Mori's relationship is very homoerotic. Tbh#I looooove the ss/kk I don't even have much to say just watching scenes of them interacting together fills my heart of a warm feeling :')#The animation quality is very poor and the drawings are very undetailed but really I love ss/kk too much to care.#A lot of emphasis is put by the fandom on Atsushi's cruel remark towards Akutagawa in this ch/ep and it *is* cruel but really...#Akutagawa had literally just attacked Atsushi in a death-threatening way‚ futilely and completely unprompted#I can't find it in myself to blame Atsushi if he was irritated and lashed out at him.#And all their other moments are just so cute. What do you mean Akutagawa is deeply interested in understanding Atsushi's motivations.#What do you mean Atsushi can't get Akutagawa out of his mind!!!! They're so cute#So many more cute moments were cut out too rip lawnmower line you'll always be missed rip date line you'll always be missed#I feel like Pushkin's character is another instance of‚‚‚ Wow me and the author's morals really don't align at all#I really don't like the narrative of “weaker people will constantly try to harm and take advantage of strongest ones”#random rambles#Fun fact when I watched this episode for the first time I asked my mother to join me. Because I know a ss/kk scene was coming and I really–#didn't want to watch it alone. Well as it turned out the whole first half of the episode was dedicated to old man fighting–#and she gave up after that 😂😂 But I'm still grateful to her for trying.
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chocolate-cream-soldier · 3 months ago
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-.-
#i am reading some stuff in the agatha tags#i know not a great idea#i just thought since I've been enjoying the meta posts atleast some of them I'll just keep a lookout for it#but as usual#the bs comes through#i have not seen one person who is mad coz agathario not been the focus#so either I've blocked all the idiots#or more likely people are preemptively policing others#which i guese is bound to happen but boy does it annoy me#i really don't care about them being endgame or getting happy ending or whatever#i felt the fandom as a whole also understands that and are just enjoying the ride#it's still mcu#we can be cautiously optimistic but especially with a story like agatha's#and her and rio's relationship being actually labelled as romantic antagonists#i fail to see how people even think that it's going to end as them getting some sappy happyily ever after or something like that#seriously do people really think that's in the cards#or it's just some wishful fanon thinking#i just want to enjoy the show as a show with all these interesting women characters#maybe i am alone in it but from what I've seen atleast on tumblr it feels the same for most of us here#i dunno what happens on other social media sites and i also actually don't care#it's always been like that especially wlw queer ships so yeah it kinda irritates me#i think i need to filter better and try focusing on the artsy stuff#anyways i am wondering if they will release teaser for next epi or not#I'll prefer to go without knowing anything tbh it is kind of exciting to experience it fresh without any spoilers#lets see#in the meantime i am rewatching the show and getting evermore obsessed with agatha and to some extent rio ha ha!#i am posting too much u can tell i am very invested now ...anybody want to pull me out? no? okayyy..down the road I go...!#i am so gay dude...fml#tag ramblings#for ts
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ya-gurl-emily · 8 months ago
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The awesome thing about college is that being there is miserable, and not being there is worse.
Nifty!
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lovelettered · 8 months ago
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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heymacy · 1 year ago
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hi macy :) I read about your personal experience with finding yourself too invested in the gallavich fandom to the point of feeling upset about it and I have to say... that happened to me too. the compulsory need to engage even when there's no good feeling at the end of it, the constantly thinking about it to the detriment of other activities... I don't know if it's maybe because shameless and gallavich deal with heavy topics, or just one of the ways online engagement and hyperfixations can evolve, but I felt so much better once I removed myself from it, able to find joy in numerous other activities, and fandoms too! just wanted to share this - the fact that I had the same experience - and wanted to say I'm glad you're doing better now :)
hello my love! thank you for reaching out! i'm very glad that you were able to find solidarity in what i shared. re: heavy topics - i know that for myself, not being faced with content regarding my own disease on a daily basis has been a nice change of pace for me. i haven't felt as consumed by it since i took a step back. i think sometimes the content we engage with colors our real-world experiences and that was definitely the case for me. i've never been a casual viewer of media or a casual enjoyer of things so it doesn't surprise me that what happened to me, happened. i love having the capacity now to enjoy other things - and hey, i still engage with fandom here and there! i'm loving RWRB content right now (i have just a tiny bit of brain rot regarding those two) along with some jane austen adaptations and other such things! media is beautiful and transformative and i love putting stickers on the scrapbook that is my blog! thank you for your kind words - i'm glad i'm doing better now, too. it feels good. it feels healthy and normal. and i really hope everyone can find a balance if they're feeling off-kilter. also, i love you. did you know that? thank you for popping in 💛 feel free to do it any time you please, i'm always hanging around somewhere!
#i'm really happy that my experience doesn't seem to be this unusual isolated thing and it makes me feel better knowing others like. get it!#i've been reading a lot of books and watching a lot of movies and writing my book and it just feels GOOD#and i guarantee if the gallavich/shameless spark ever reignites for me i would be able to engage in a far healthier and more casual way#it just didn't go that way the first time around#and i'm glad i was able to recognize that and make that distinction and work through it and come out the other side more clear-headed#also i feel like i should say this bc i got a message about it the other day:#i am not speaking negatively about the fandom whatsoever when i share bits and pieces of my experience#i love the fandom. i love the people and the characters and the content and the fics and the art and everything about it#it's just how MY BRAIN decided to handle things#it is not a reflection on anyone or anything else#i don't want anyone to think i'm shit-talking the fandom or shit-talking fandom in general or anything like that bc i promise i'm not#i just had an experience and i felt compelled to share it in case anyone else could relate#and also so i could maybe not feel so alone and isolated in my experience#and it seems like i succeeded which feels really good#i love you fandom i love you anon i love everyone and everything that the gallavich/shameless fandom gave me#i will treasure it forever#always in my heart etc etc etc#macy babbles#anons
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roboticchibitan · 4 months ago
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Sometimes you have to be yourself on purpose. What I mean by this is that sometimes we lose touch with ourselves and start coasting and just going through the motions. Which is fine for a while because we get tired and/or depressed and that's fine. Happens to everyone. But eventually it starts to feel bad and you get a specific kind of brainweird that's hard to describe but means that you've lost sight of who you are, what your values are, and what you love.
Leaning really hard into something that makes you go "this is the most me thing ever" helps that specific type of brainweird quite a bit! But maybe you don't know what the most you thing ever is. You are not alone! I get depressed and forget every interest I have. 100% understand that.
When this happens, it helps to remind yourself what you like and enjoy. So what do you do? Well for me, it helps to think about 1. Things I used to enjoy and 2. Things my friends Know Me For.
Like I've been feeling not myself lately and I haven't really knit or created much this month at all. But I'm the Makes Things Guy. I like making things and many of my friends not only know me as someone who makes things but a lot of my friendships specifically come from communities of People Who Make Things.
So I forced myself to pick up an old project, and that helped a bit. But what really helped was coming up with a project that combined my interests (leather jackets, art, and teapots) for me to look forward to and get really into planning for! The most ME I've felt in weeks has been the last hour I've spent planning on painting a famous fine China design on the back of my leather trenchcoat. Because not ONLY am I the Makes Things Guy, I am also The Teapot Guy. I finally feel like myself again.
I wish I had more concrete advice in regards to how you remember your own interests when you get disconnected from them, but a solid place to start is things you used to like and things your friends know you like. If you struggle consider asking a friend what things they know you like. Sometimes friends can see us better than we can see ourselves and it helps to use them as a mirror to see yourself through.
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primofate · 6 months ago
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Where he would propose and how it happens [Genshin Men]
Warnings: haven’t written in a while please excuse and tell me about pronoun slips, I’m sleep deprived, not proofread (this will be my fixed disclaimer as a writing parent, haha)
Notes: All of these were captured by me in game. I just felt like exploring the beauty of Genshin more and this was a great way to do it while mixing it with writing. Note that you may not agree with some of these, and that's totally fine, these are my thoughts and ideas :)
Characters: Aether, Albedo, Alhaitham, Ayato, Baizhu, Cyno, Dainsleif, Diluc, Gorou, Heizou, Itto, Kaeya, Kaveh, Kazuha, Lyney, Neuvillette, Scaramouche, Tartaglia, Thoma, Tighnari, Venti, Wriothesley, Xiao, Zhongli, gn!reader
Aether
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Aether is a simple man, and though he plans his proposal he doesn't really think much of the place, somewhere where the two of you frequent, maybe on your daily/nightly walks.
It happens just as the two of you are about to go back, this is where you sit and relax for a while as the sun sets. You can see Mondstadt in the distance and the beautiful orange sky.
As you're about to turn and walk away he catches your wrist and pulls you back into the middle of those tiny pink flowers.
Now that he thinks about it... This is where his journey really started: Starfell Lake, and how perfect would it be to start a new one with you?
"Y/N, I...want you to stay. I mean, forever," the words are simple but it gets across.
Albedo
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Also a simple person. You might think Dragonspine when you think Albedo and I agree that all that snow could be romantic but I went for Starsnatch Cliff. It's a good place to see Mondstadt, and he takes you there after the sun has set.
He would probably comment about how you can see a lot of things from here, and how the world is such a great, vast place, full of things to explore and discover.
"...and yet I find myself thinking... how all that I want is right next to me. Would you do me the honour of being my lifelong partner?"
Alhaitham
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Something's up and you can tell, this isn't your usual route home, and honestly you've never stopped in these parts of the city. You've passed by it sure, but never with Alhaitham.
You ask him where the two of you are going and if there are some extra errands to run before going home. He only shakes his head and ends up leading you over right next to the glowing Padisarah flower.
He HAS planned this, so why does it feel like he hasn't? Even has a ring in his pocket (granted it is the SIMPLEST ring one could ever imagine, that's just how he is)
Ends up just taking the ring box out and showing it to you while trying to speak "I..." doesn't speak much of his emotions so has a hard time, but feels pathetic afterwards so meets your eyes straight on. "...A promise... That what I feel for you... is everlasting,"
Ayato
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That small shrine/garden/sitting area just outside the Kamisato Estate. It's just a bit more private than the sitting area INSIDE the estate.
You wouldn't think anything of it because you do hang out here from time to time.
Ayato might seem like a grand person but in the end he doesn't want to stray far from home.
"I'm...sorry if this is a bit abrupt," fishes out a ring box from his long sleeve. "I've been meaning to ask for a while now, will you share your life with me as my beloved?"
Baizhu
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That nice little hill just outside of Bubu Pharmacy, where you can find Glaze Lilies strewn about and the night view is quite nice. It's a place the two of you go just to get some quick, fresh air if Baizhu isn't feeling too well. Changsheng is left at the pharmacy from time to time, this is one of those times.
"I've been thinking...how precious time really is," he looks at you with tenderness in his eyes, yet a lot of uncertainty shrouded in them. "I don't know where this road will lead me... but you alone are my lifelong remedy. Would you accompany me on this journey?"
Cyno
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Cyno often comes here to watch the sun set, since he was a student, but he does think it's more beautiful at night.
The two of you are leaning over the railway and looking at Sumeru, just talking about the day.
Cyno doesn't really plan it. He seems to be the type to but when he feels that it's the right time, specially when he feels it strongly, there's no better time than the present.
It's while he's watching you talk enthusiastically about your day, that there's a sudden twist in his heart. This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
"Y/N--" he cuts you off successfully, wonder in his eyes. "What do you say to being intertwined for life?"
Dainsleif
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Anywhere where there is an unobstructed view of the stars and night sky, but particularly at the hill of Cape Oath, where the two of you lie side by side on the grass, staring up at the stars.
At this point the two of you have been travelling together for a while, looking for answers to his curse. To Dainsleif, the two of you are pretty much married already, but just to confirm it, every night, he asks "Is this the path that you choose? To bind your fate with mine?"
And every night, like a promise, you say yes.
Diluc
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Diluc doesn't stray far from home too. He prefers to stay close to his memories, no matter how painful they are.
He HAS planned it, but ends up proposing at an unexpected time.
It's when he's on the road home and you're waiting right by the lamp post for him. It's late. Later than usual and here you are worrying about how it's a cold night and that he should've worn more.
It's at that moment that it hits him, "Y/N, the thought of being separated...it's not something I'd want to imagine" he grips your hand tightly. "...For the rest of my life, it's you that I want to spend it with,"
Doesn't even have the planned ring on him and apologizes about the word vomit he just did. He was just overcome with emotions right then and there.
Gorou
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That small spot next to Bourou Village. Watatsumi Island is beautiful in general, but Gorou knows the good spots.
Is nervous but tries not to show it, but you can totally tell because he's way too stiff.
"Wh-What do you mean? Nothing's wrong!" When asked if everything's fine.
When standing at this spot though, his nervousness seems to go away and for a minute everything is normal until... "H-Hey, Y/N, so..." you look at him and he's fumbling with his hands, unable to meet your gaze. "Y-You, and I--We've been...You know--"
Seems to panic. He is SO uncool right now. Closes his eyes and just blurts it out when he realizes this isn't working out "With all my heart, will you marry me?!"
Heizou
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Little secret garden just next to Inazuma city. Quiet place yet you can hear a bit of the hustle and bustle in the city.
Heizou is the type to get on one knee and confidently, directly say it.
He's planned it, and gets you right in the middle of the bridge (has probably asked someone to take a photo as well)
"Y/N, beloved," grins "would you unravel the mysteries of life with me?" (thinks it was such a cool line, then hands you the ring in a box)
Itto
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Does not think about it nor plans it. Just happens and it happens because he talks about it casually. You can't really tell if he's serious.
He has this conversation with you in Chinjuu Forest, which is a naturally beautiful place, but he's really only there with you to look for onikabuto.
"You know, it'd be really cool if we could keep doing this huh?"
You ask what he means cause you don't really have any idea. You guys have been doing this for ages. Why would it stop now, is what you think.
"I mean, like, you know, forever," he says this while looking under a rock. "Like if we were just onikabuto fightin' partners forever, get it?"
You stall for a moment and wonder if he knows what he's saying, and you ask if he specifically means he just wants you as an onikabuto fighting partner.
"Oh, well, yea it's ONE of the things I like about you, but I like your kisses too. Hehe," scratches the back of his head then looks like he gets a bright idea. "Oh hey that's an idea! How 'bout we just become partners for life, Y/N?"
Yeah, that's how it happens.
Kaeya
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Kaeya keeps it simple, but also romantic. He gets that spot above the gate of Mondstadt, where you can see Barbatos' statue from a distance. He knows how much you love the city and he has a special place in his heart for it too.
The two of you pretty much keep each other warm up there, with him behind you and his arms wrapped around your shoulders.
At some point, as the two of you have been talking for ages and when the perfect silence descends, he leans into your ear and asks you to close your eyes. When you do, you feel him slip something onto your ring finger as he says "A thousand words wouldn't be enough to tell you how I really feel...Would you want to create a thousand and more memories together instead?"
Kaveh
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Kaveh thinks its only appropriate to propose at his masterpiece, but he thinks you're even more of a masterpiece than anything he's made or encountered before.
Plus the place just holds a lot of meaning and memories for him. It's beautiful too and you've always said that you're proud of him for completing it.
His is a pretty simple proposal. "I've always thought that something's been missing in my life...I think I've figured out that it's you, Y/N. It's only going to be you,"
Kazuha
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Inazuma holds a lot of memories for Kazuha, some that are rather unpleasant. But home is still home and perhaps he wanted to create more good memories there.
Truth be told he could have proposed to you anywhere, and I don't think he had really planned it. It was just something heartfelt that he wanted to say as he sees you climbing up the stairs to the shrine. The sunlight hitting you perfectly and the sakura blossoms just cascading around your form. It's perfect, he thought.
You're a few steps further up from him and it makes him look up at you the slightest bit. With a shine in his eyes and a smile on his face he asks, quite sincerely "Have you ever felt like home was right next to you, Y/N?"
and before you could answer he answers his own question first. "I have, despite the storms and catastrophes I've gone through...Y/N, you're the home that my heart forever needs,"
Lyney
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Lyney plans it, but doesn't do it in a grand way. He just wants it to be sincere and special. He thinks this place is cute, what with the little sort of gazebo with a small sitting space to just sit and drink tea.
He proposes to you as the two of you sit, you've never been here before and wonder why the two of you are out here, actually.
"Oh, is it strange? Haha, I just wanted a bit of a change," Rubs the back of his neck and starts to feel nervous.
You explain that you're not complaining, just curious, but you like it!
"Oh, that's a relief. I'm...Uh..." sort of fumbles with something in his coat, really funny seeing as he's a magician and is supposed to be nimble with his fingers. Recovers quite fast and manages to do his classic "flower-behind-your-ear" trick and hands it over to you.
He does the same trick, but this time takes a ring out. "Y/N, you complete me in ways words can't express...will you..." gulps before he continues "marry me?"
Neuvillette
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Seems very posh but prefers to keep it simple. He thinks its more special rather than making a super grand gesture. He could of easily proposed in front of the Opera Epiclese, but instead did it at one of the small fountains in Marcotte Station.
The two of you are out on a nightly stroll and this is just where the two of you ended up.
Clears his throat before starting, takes your hand in his, but its his eyes that really do the talking. "I may not be the best in expressing my deepest thoughts and emotions...but there is one single thing that I am quite sure about," he stalls here and seems to look into your soul.
"And it's you, my love. As I take my next steps into this life I lead, I would be honoured if I take them with you by my side,"
Scaramouche
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Has it on his mind but doesn't particularly plans when or where he's going to say it. Just knows that he wants to.
While out on an assignment the two of you pass by Mawtiyima Forest. You've always thought it looked like such a magical place. You request to sit on a hill for a bit before moving on.
Scaramouche, as usual, grumbles about this but relents and ends up plopping next to you as well. Truth be told he also liked this particular forest and how quiet yet vibrant it was.
No words are exchanged for a while, just the two of you looking at the view. Scaramouche sneaks a glance at you and you have that stupid, wide eyed look on your face, the glowing blue mushrooms reflecting off of your eyes.
He secretly thinks its cute.
He shows that by aggressively saying. "I don't know what you had in mind when you agreed to come with me, but you're stuck with me till the end now, got it?"
Yes. That's pretty much his proposal.
Tartaglia
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Is one who would take you on a vacation off on an isolated, quaint and cute island like Petrichor with wonderful views of Fontaine's waterfalls.
Is the type to get down on one knee while this beautiful background is in sight. Totally plans it and is the cliche, basic proposal. Would totally love the townspeople to clap and cheer while this is happening too.
"Y/N, every day spent with you is a treasure, and I want it to continue for the rest of my life, will you marry me?"
Thoma
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Has planned it. Makes sure you have a good time beforehand, probably at some festival and it's when the two of you are winding down, sitting on that rock with the lamp on it that he asks.
"Isn't it magical?" he asks as a starter and you ask what exactly he's talking about. "How it's always a good time and how easy life seems when I'm with you,"
You tell him that's because he always takes good care of you and he laughs heartily at that. "I'm glad to hear it," kisses your forehead and smiles down at you.
"Every day, Y/N, I just fall deeper in love with you...Do you think, maybe, we could spend our whole lives together?"
Tighnari
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Plans it and is calm about it. Has everything under control. He chose Pardis Dhyai specifically for its aesthetics and specifically the inside in case it rains. (He doesn't want you to get wet as he proposes, but also doesn't want his ears and tail wet as it happens.)
Clears his throat before he starts, doesn't have a ring because he just doesn't seem the type, for him its more of a pact.
"Rather than talk about emotions alone, I'd want to highlight that you've been quite the mind-stimulating study partner," coughs into his hand "but of course, that's only one aspect of you that I like...it's safe to say that I like you enough to propose the pact of marriage...would that be alright with you?"
Venti
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Where else would he think was a good place to propose? Of course he would do it here.
No roundabout way of saying it. Confident in all aspects, partly because he's a God but partly because...what has he got to lose, really?
Doesn't really propose marriage cause...he's not a mortal. Forever might be a thing for him but maybe not for you.
"It's been a while since I've felt really at ease with someone, you know?"
You jokingly say he seems to be at ease with everyone, specially after a few bottles of wine. He laughs out loud at that, and remarks back that no one can make him laugh the way you do.
"It's blossomed into something more beautiful than I thought it would be, Y/N. You, me, and us. Can we stay like this till the end?"
Wriothesley
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Has planned it and has stuck to his plan. At a little vacation home at the Southeast of the Beryl Region. The two of you spent a few days relaxing there, under the guise that Wriothesley needed a break.
On the last day he surprised you by revealing that he had asked your family and friends, both from faraway regions and nearby towns to come and celebrate with the two of you.
Celebrate what, you ask.
That's when he gets down on one knee and pops the question "You know, I could still be mistaken," he grins at this but is clearly joking. "but I don't think I am and seeing as you've put up with me, Y/N, I think it's safe to say you're my forever person,"
It was days after when you realize how confident he is of this whole thing when you think about the fact that he had pre planned to invite all your friends and family over to "celebrate"
Xiao
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Also a person who doesn't stray far from home. The rooftop of Wangshu Inn is actually quite romantic on quiet nights, with a view of Liyue and a gentle breeze.
To Xiao, marriage isn't really about a ring and signing papers. It's a contract and a promise to each other.
On one of the nights, he just thinks it's the right time to say it.
He's more quiet than usual and you ask if something's wrong.
He pauses for a while before answering. "...Apologies, there's a lot on my mind..."
Xiao has become a lot more open with you through the years.
"...I... just wanted to propose the prospect of being...binded together," you ask what that means cause you're not really familiar, you end up asking if that's the same as marriage.
"M-Marriage? Uh... Yes... I suppose that's what mortals call it... but being binded together is more..." stops talking and gets red in the face. "Let's... just leave it at that,"
I like to think that the process of binding is just that your souls are entwined together...So when one of you passes, you still remember them in your next life, type of thing. Cause if you're a mortal, chances are, you'll die earlier than Xiao. Anyhow, that's a completely different story.
Zhongli
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Zhongli prefers the quiet and the nature. This is probably part of your occasional stroll when the two of you need some quiet time.
Zhongli, with how long he has lived, also doesn't see marriage as the normal get-down-on-one-knee-with-a-ring-thing, but for him, it's a contract. It's more binding than anything in the world.
"Y/N, we've walked this path countless of times before," he starts as the two of you continue to stroll. You reply saying that you like this particular area where the bamboos are.
"Is that so?" suddenly stops and looks at you. "In that case, would you care to listen to a proposal I have?"
Clears his throat when you give the approval. "As I've said, we've walked this path countless of times before..." he takes your hand in his "but for me, who has lived longer than you, I've traversed this path for even more times," he closes his eyes. "Yet, with you by my side, this path changes. It transforms into something resplendent. As if...every time had been the first time I've walked through it. It is with you, Y/N, that I discover life anew, despite the thousands of years I've lived. Would you consider forming a contract of lifelong partnership with me, and only me?"
End
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azrielbrainrot · 4 months ago
Text
A Helping Hand
Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader
Description: A seemingly innocent confession ends with you in Azriel's bed.
Warnings: Smut, fingering, some dirty talk
Word Count: 1,2k
Notes: I've been having a bit of writer's block and decided to just finish this little prompt I had in my notes since forever ago. Hope you enjoy!
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It's hard to remember how you ended up here. It's hard to remember your own name to be honest. You think it would even be possible for you to forget how to breathe when Azriel's fingers have set such a mind numbing rhythm, stretching you out so deliciously.
One minute you were confessing to your friend about how no male had ever made you finish, and the next you were lying naked on his soft mattress, his hazel eyes half lidded with desire as he cooed down at the mess you were making and all the sinful noises you were letting out.
“Are you still with me, pretty?”
You let out a loud moan at the question, one he punctuated with a deeper, sharper thrust. Hands clutching onto his soft hair to pull him in closer, his lips meeting yours, allowing you to indulge yourself for a moment. You can't believe you've lived this long without the feeling of his lips on yours.
Azriel pulls away far too soon, your lips chasing his in a hopeless attempt of keeping him close, a whine escaping you when he moves completely out of your reach.
“I asked you a question,” he murmurs, voice heavy with desire as he watches the way your pussy swallows his fingers greedily.
It takes you a moment to remember that he even spoke up let alone what he asked you. “Yes. Gods, yes. Please don't stop,” you find yourself begging when you do.
Azriel lets out a satisfied hum, leaning down to leave little bites and wet kisses all over your chest, almost purring when your fingers tangle in his hair, fingers alternating between massaging his scalp and pulling hard when the pleasure he's bringing you gets too much.
It doesn't take long for you to get impatient, drunk on the sensations he's bringing you, but still greedily needing more, your hips chasing his fingers, silently begging him to go faster, harder.
“Az,” you whimper when it's clear he won't listen unless you ask him to. “I need more.”
He abandons your chest with one last bite, looking up at your heavy lidded eyes, a smirk growing on his face.
“You think you're ready to cum?”
“Please.”
It's amazing how fast he reduced you to begging. You can't believe this whole thing started because you thought there was something wrong with you, or that you just couldn't cum with a partner when Azriel had reduced you to a pool of pleasure in a couple thrusts of his fingers. He hadn't even fully undressed you, simply pulling your dress up to your hips and then down your chest to keep his mouth busy. You can only imagine what else he could do if you gave him the chance.
“You don't have to beg. I told you I'd take care of you,” he says, looking down to your dripping pussy as he speeds up his thrusts, curling his fingers just right.
You were so, so close. It felt like you were staring down at the top of a precipice, only needing the slightest nudge to jump down into oblivion.
“You've been doing so good for me. Making such a pretty mess of my fingers.” He trusts his fingers in sloppily, showcasing just how much of a mess you're making, the sinful sounds echoing around the room along with your pathetic pants and whimpers. “Can you hear it?” You think you could be heard down the hall.
Azriel was never particularly talkative, even as you grew closer, he always prefered to listen rather than speak. You really could have never imagined him to have such a dirty mouth. It never occurred to you how attractive his voice was either, probably overshadowed by everything else, but now you think you could listen to him talk forever.
“You're so wet I think I could just slip right in,” he adds more to himself than to you, but it has a destructive effect all the same. A needy whimper escapes you, your cunt instinctively clenching around his fingers at the thought.
Of course, this doesn't go unnoticed by him, making him look up with a curious and feral glint to his eyes, “You'd like that?”
The reality of the situation sobers you up for a moment, realizing that this would have a noticeable shift to your friendship, one you cherished, but as his fingers threaten to slow down their pace, likely noticing the seriousness that you felt, you grab onto him.
“Yes, I would,” you confess, looking deep into his eyes.
He picks up his pace again, those burning hazel eyes never straying from yours. “I can fuck you. I can show you every little thing those bastards never did, bring you pleasure you never thought possible,” he says, “but first you need to cum for me, alright?”
Dropping a quick kiss to your lips, Azriel moves down your body, leaving open mouthed kisses as he goes, his fingers never stopping or giving you a moment to breathe properly. He stops for a moment, lingering around the waistband of your panties, sucking a mark right above where you needed to feel him so desperately.
You're not sure if he's waiting for permission, but your hand falls to his head when it's clear he won't move on his own, giving him a more than encouraging nudge. He complies with a chuckle that sends a shiver down your spine, his warm breath ghosting over your wet flesh.
When his mouth closes around your clit, you feel an overwhelming amount of pleasure rush over you, lasting only a couple slow circles of his tongue around the sensitive spot before you cum, head falling back against the mattress, back arching into him as your eyes roll back and your mouth falls open in a silent moan of his name.
Your fingers tighten around his hair though you're unsure if you were pulling him closer or trying to push him away in the middle of the mind numbing sensations. The resulting groan he releases sends vibrations over you, only adding to the already destructive orgasm you were experiencing.
It takes you a bit to come down, and when you do you find Azriel looking down at your face, pride distinguishable in his eyes, his fingers still working inside you softly, fucking you all through your orgasm.
He smiles at you when he catches you watching him through heavy lidded eyes, “So,” he stops his movements, bringing his face, still covered in your release, closer to you. “Do you still think there's something wrong with you?”
The idea is laughable to even consider now, and you can't help the disbelieving chuckle that escapes, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into a kiss.
“No, I think I just have terrible taste,” your murmur, caressing his cheek with the pad of your thumb, “Thank you for this, Azriel.”
“You don't have to thank me, love. I was more than happy to help,” he pecks your lips, a suggestive smile taking over his features, “And I still am, whenever you need me to.”
“Actually,” a grin of your own growing, your legs wrapping around his waist, almost moaning out when you felt the evidence of his arousal pressing against your sensitive heat, feeling insatiable even though he just gave you the strongest orgasm you've ever felt, “I think you just said you had a lot more to show me, right?”
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cjlouwho · 6 days ago
Text
Sick of It
in which Tommy gets sick, and he and Buck head towards making up.
The first time Buck gets a call from a number he doesn't recognize, he ignores it.
He does the same the second time too.
The third time, he waits for it to go to voicemail so he can block it.
“Why don't you just answer?” Hen asked, annoyed by his grumbling. “Might be something important.”
“No. Someone gave my number to a debt collector and I've been dodging calls for a Victor Fornell all week. It's nothing.”
He'd barely had time to block the number and resume his search for new bread recipes when Bobby was walking out of his office and calling out to him on the couch.
“Buck, Captain Dominick just called me.”
The name got Buck's attention fast. He stood. “The captain at 217? Why? Wh- What's wrong?”
“Calm down, Buck. Tommy didn't show up for work today and Dominick couldn't get ahold of him. You heard from him lately?”
“N- No. No, I- Was Captain Dominick the one trying to call me?”
Bobby nodded. “Apparently, Tommy put you down as his emergency contact a few months ago. Like I said, could be nothing,” he repeated, noticing Buck's heavy breathing, “it's just not exactly like him to not show up.”
“No,” Buck agreed. “No, it's not. Um, Boss, I-”
Bobby held up a hand to stop him. “I'm not stopping you,” he said, “but I also don't want you going alone. Chim,” he said, glancing around Buck to see all the others paying close attention, “why don't you head out with Buck and see what's going on?”
Chimney nodded, getting up and heading for the stairs. “Let me grab my bag and keys!” he called out to Buck. “I'll meet you at the car.”
Buck already had his phone pulled up to Tommy's name, typing out a text to ask if he was okay. He sent one text, then another, then another.
“Eddie, ha- have you talked to him at all? Since we, um, since the breakup?”
Eddie shook his head. “He broke up with you,” he reasoned. “I figured that's the end of that.”
“You're joking.”
“You're my best friend, Man, I wasn't gonna take his side.”
“Eddie, you've gotta b-”
“Okay, okay,” Bobby interrupted. “Buck, you need to get going.”
Buck turned his phone toward Bobby, eyes pleading. “He... He's not answering me, Bobby.”
“Go.”
*****
“His spare key is in one of these,” Buck said, lifting up rock after rock in the flower bed at the front of Tommy's house.
“We could try knocking on the door first, Buck.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Buck replied, waving Chimney off. “Try it. I'll keep looking.”
Chimney knocked three times, then waited. Called out Tommy's name, and knocked again.
“Maybe he's out?” Chimney suggested just as Buck found the fake rock.
“His car is here, Chim.”
“Could've gone for a walk.”
“When he's supposed to be at work?”
“Just trying to be positive here.”
Buck unlocked the door and entered slowly, afraid of what he might find. “Tommy?!” he called. “T- Tommy, it's Evan.”
“And Howie!” Chimney added. “You here, Buddy?”
They waited for an answer, then continued on into the house when they didn't get a reply.
It was dark inside, the only light filtering in through a couple of open windows.
It was messy too, which was unlike Tommy. He was always so put together; had a space for everything and liked it that way.
But now there were half empty glasses on the kitchen counter, dishes in the sink. Take out containers were on the coffee table in the living room.
There was also a ridiculous amount of plants on every available surface.
“I think Tommy might have you beat in the breakup grief department, Buckley.”
Buck ignored him in favor of calling for Tommy again. “Tommy! You here?”
“I'll check the garage,” Chimney said, he and Buck splitting up to cover more area. Buck headed down the hallway, tilting his head a bit when he noticed a light shining from underneath the bathroom door.
“Tommy?” Buck felt anxious in a way he wasn't sure he'd ever felt before. As he neared the bathroom, he heard a weak groan, and then the sound of someone shuffling.
Every horrible thought ran through his head in a matter of seconds. What if Tommy was hurt? What if someone had tried to murder him? What if that was the murderer on the other side of the door right now?
“I'm coming in!” he exclaimed, shoving the door open as he braced himself for whatever was waiting on the other side.
And there was Tommy, lying on the bathroom floor. Not murdered, but definitely not okay.
“Oh my God,” Buck breathed out. “Chimney, in here!”
Buck knelt down beside Tommy, who was curled on his side, eyes clenched shut, practically vibrating with chills even as sweat covered his face.
“Tommy, what's wrong? Wh- What happened?” he asked, resting a hand over Tommy's forehead. He was burning up.
“I- I passed out, I think,” Tommy replied, teeth chattering. He managed to turn his head enough to look up at Buck. “I- Why're you here?”
“Doesn't matter. Chim!”
“I'm here, I'm here,” Chimney said, rounding the corner. “Whoa! Whatcha doin' on the floor, Tommy?” he asked, managing to keep his cool far better than Buck.
“I'm really... I'm okay, guys.” Tommy's weak voice betrayed his words.
“Don't think that's true, Man. Buck, mind giving us a little room?”
Buck nodded, pushing the hair off Tommy's forehead before standing and moving to the doorway.
Chimney knelt beside Tommy, putting on a pair of gloves before beginning to look him over.
“You fall?”
“K- Kinda. I felt like I wa- was gonna puke, so I was l- l... leaning over the toilet. Then I must've passed out.”
Chimney began to feel around his head and neck. “Can you tell me the year?”
“2024.”
“Your name?”
“Tommy K- Kinard.”
“And where are you right now?”
“Ugh,” Tommy groaned, a look of disgust on his face. “My bathroom floor.”
“Alright. I don't think you've got a concussion, but there's definitely something going on.”
“Ya... Ya think?” Tommy deadpanned.
“There's that humor we all know and love. I need to look you over, Bud, but I'm gonna have to move you a little. Can you turn to me a bit so you're laying flat?”
Slowly, Tommy turned, briefly glancing up at an anxious Buck before closing his eyes. “Hurts,” he grunted.
Carefully, Chimney began to feel around his abdomen. “Tommy, you still got your appendix?”
Tommy shook his head. “No."
“What first brought you into the bathroom?”
“Had t- to pee.” He sucked in a shaky breath, a bead of sweat dripping down his temple. “Then puke. Then I mu- must've passed out.”
“Mm.” Chimney felt around Tommy's midsection, stopping when Tommy practically jerked away from him. “You been having pain in your side?”
“Mhm.”
“What about your back and/or groin?”
Tommy curled back in on himself, lying sideways on the bathroom floor. “Yeah.”
“Chim?” Buck spoke up from the doorway. “What is it?”
Chimney raised a finger at him. “One second.” He turned back to Tommy, pulling a infrared thermometer out of his bag and pointing it at Tommy's forehead. He whistled when the temperature popped up. “Quite the fever you've got there. Tommy, does it hurt when you pee?”
Tommy managed to glare aback at him.
“It's important, Bud.”
“Mmm,” Tommy groaned. “Mhm. Yeah, i- it does.”
Chimney nodded. He placed the thermometer back in the bag and rested a hand on Tommy's shoulder. “I believe that you, my friend, have a kidney infection. A pretty bad one at that. How long have you been hurting for?”
“Few... Few days. Not this bad though.”
“I'm gonna call for an ambulance. Infection this bad might've gone into your bloodstream. Buck's gonna stay with you while I wait outside for the ambulance, okay?”
“It's really,” he had to stop as a wave of chills came over him. “Really no problem.”
Chimney rolled his eyes, standing and turning to Buck. “I'm afraid he might be close to septic shock,” he whispered. “He's gonna keep fighting against going to the hospital though, however weak he might be. Talk some sense into your man while I put the call in.”
“He's not my-” Chimney pushed past him and headed down the hall, “man.”
Buck moved back into the small space next to Tommy. Hesitantly, he reached out, his hand hovering over Tommy's arm. He'd touched him before, when he was checking for a fever. That had been in a rush, without much thought.
Now, he wasn't sure. Wasn't sure if he was allowed to touch.
He pushed the thought aside as another almost violent wave of chills overcame Tommy.
“It's okay,” he soothed, running his hand up and down Tommy's arm. “It's okay. Chimney's got an ambulance on the way.”
“I think... I just n- need to rest. I- I'll be okay,” he tried to insist. “It's n- nothing.”
“Tommy, it's not nothing. You're crying right now.” Buck leaned forward, gently running his thumb across Tommy's cheek, wiping away a tear. He'd never seen him like this before, and it was terrifying. “Do you wanna try to get up? Would it be more comfortable to wait on th- the ambulance in bed?”
“Don't think I can. Everything gets t- to dizzy when I move.”
“Okay. That's okay. Here, why don't I...” Buck's voice drifted off as he maneuvered Tommy and himself into a better position. One where Tommy's neck wasn't awkwardly angled down in a way that was sure to cause him more pain later.
By lifting Tommy's head slightly (and slowly), Buck managed to slide between him and the bathtub. He straightened out his legs, one on either side of Tommy, then gently rested Tommy's head on his stomach.
Tommy, still on his side, unconsciously curled his hand around Buck's thigh, gripping onto his pants.
It was quiet for a bit, then, “Ev- Evan?”
“I'm here, Tommy,” Buck answered quietly, running his fingers through Tommy's unkept and sweaty curls, softly massaging his head.
“It r-” his voice was cut off by a jerk, chills prickling up all over his body, “really hurts.”
“I know. Help will be here soon.”
“I- I tried to ignore it.”
“I can tell. Not sure that was the wisest choice.”
The side of Tommy's mouth managed to lift into a small smile, but as soon as it was there, it was gone, a grimace taking over.
“Maybe... Maybe I j- just need t- to sleep it off.”
“Well, you can sleep it off at the hospital.”
“I don't... I don't think I-”
“You're going to the hospital, Tommy, whether you like it or not,” Buck interrupted, matter-of-factly.
Tommy jerked again, a little whine slipping out as he curled in closer to Buck. “I- I'm sorry,” he said, nearly whimpering. “I'm sorry.”
Buck wanted to cry. Tommy- big, tall, strong, Tommy- looked so incredibly small right now. Like a scared child, afraid he was going to get in trouble for being sick.
Buck held him the best he could without hurting him. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Tommy.”
*****
When Tommy woke up, it was to Buck by his side. He was sitting in the visitor's chair, his head resting on the bed next to Tommy's thigh, their hands intertwined.
It made Tommy's chest ache. He wanted Buck there, wanted him to stay, but he didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve him.
Not anymore.
Tommy wiggled his fingers a bit. He didn't want to startle Buck, but he also thought it'd be best to wake him up.
Buck's head popped up quickly. He let Tommy go, using the back of his hand to wipe away the little bits of drool running down his chin.
“Good morning,” Tommy said, grinning over at him. “Or afternoon?”
“Night,” Buck informed him, causing Tommy to glance toward the window. A drawn shade blocked any potential view.
“I don't... I don't really remember getting here,” Tommy admitted.
“You, uh, you passed out in the ambulance. You'd wake up every once in a while, but you were kinda out of it.”
“Hm,” Tommy hummed. “Long day.”
“That was two days ago, actually.”
“Wow... Long week then, I guess.”
“Yeah.”
After a beat of awkward silence, Buck suddenly stood. “You thirsty?” he asked, pointing over toward the tray table. “I- I can fix you a cup of water.”
“Sure,” Tommy answered. “That'd be good.”
Buck nodded, but didn't move. He stared at the water, making no effort to actually go over and get it.
“Um, Buck?”
“The doctor said twelve more hours and you'd have been a dead man.”
Tommy closed his eyes, readying himself. He knew where this was going. “Buck-”
“What were you thinking, Tommy? You had to have been in pretty bad pain for a few days, at least. You should have gone to the doctor!”
“I know.”
“Or you could have at least called me, or Eddie, or Chimney. Somebody! Let someone know you were sick.”
“They're not my people to call, Buck.”
“Stop calling me that, and don't say that! I don't own them, Tommy, you could have called!”
“Are you really fighting a dying man right now?” Tommy pouted, wincing as moved himself up the bed slightly.
“You're not dying anymore,” Buck corrected, “and yes, I am! Seeing you like that, Tommy, it was... it was terrifying. The idea of you not being around i- is terrifying.”
“I'm sorry. Really, I am. I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't,” Tommy paused, taking a breath. “I didn't really think about calling anyone. It's not what I do when I'm sick. You just power through, you know? I figured I'd get better. Absolutely did not plan on passing out on my bathroom floor. Would have brought a pillow and a blanket with me, made things a little more cozy.”
Buck rolled his eyes. “You're using humor as a defense mechanism.”
Tommy raised his eyebrows. “Is it working?”
“Not even a little bit.”
Tommy sighed, but gave Buck a smile. “Listen, um, thank you for coming and everything. I'm gonna be fine though, so you can-”
Buck's face fell instantly. “I swear to God, if you're telling me to leave.”
“Buck-”
“I told you to quit calling me that! To you, I'm Evan, and I'm not leaving you! I don't know what it is about me that makes you think that that's what I do, but it's not!”
“Evan-”
“And I'm also sick of everyone telling me what I should or shouldn't do, so jot that down!”
“Evan-”
“And I'm sick of you acting like you're not worthy, or whatever the hell you're doing, because it's not true. And I also know you're doing worse than I am with our breakup, which I didn't think was possible! I saw your place, it's a mess! So don't you-”
“Evan!”
“What?!” Buck yelled.
“Why don't you sit down and we'll talk, okay?”
Buck eyed him curiously. “Really?”
“Mhm.” Tommy patted toward the chair beside his bed. “I think we both need it.”
Buck stood straighter, puffing out his chest. “Y- Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He went to sit, but Tommy stopped him before he could.
“But,” he said quickly, “could I get water first? I actually am thirsty.”
“Oh, damn it!” Buck exclaimed, eyes widening. He hurried over to the tray table, pouring a glass of water and grabbing a straw. “Sorry about that,” he said with a little laugh. “Got distracted, you know, yelling at you.”
“It's fine,” Tommy assured him. “I probably deserved it.”
“Oh you definitely did.” He shooed Tommy's hands away from the cup as he brought the straw up to his mouth. “Just sip, I'll hold.”
“Yes, Sir.”
They were both silent for a few seconds while Tommy drank, and then. “Tommy?”
“Yeah?”
“I- I want to be here, okay? I need you to know that.”
Tommy stared up at him, giving him a nod. “Okay,” he replied. “I want you here.”
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httpstes · 1 month ago
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* ˚ ✦astro observations VII* ˚ ✦
Links to other astrovations: Astrology observations l, Astrology Observations ll, Astrology observations lll, Astrology observations IV, Astro Observations V Astrology observations VI
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✩ Aquarius and pisces moon's can get annoyed with others for no reason, they might even beat themselves up over it. I’ve noticed with these individuals (unless strong 4H placements are involved or cancer) that they tend to not like people who are constantly in their vicinity 24/7, especially friends or lovers, these people rlly enjoy their personal space and alone time so they recharge their social battery as well as their tolerance for others.
✩ Aqua and Pisces moons may also feel that they can’t be their real selves around others, this authentic version of them may only truly be revealed to family members or a very close friend or lover. This could also add to the need to be alone as they could feel no one will ever understand them, their mind, mannerisms and behaviour. It’s like they want someone to pick apart their brain and understand who they are at their core but at the same time they’re afraid of letting others into their internal world.
✩ North Node in the 7th house seems like a difficult placement for the NN to be in. NN in the 1st house would symbolise finding your direction in life independently, therefore being encouraged to rely on oneself. North Node in the 7th house is quite the opposite, in the worst cases, I've seen it manifest in individuals who feel like they're incomplete without a romantic life partner and never properly heal, jumping from one person to the next in order to not be alone. Positively, this placement can indicate being encouraged to work with other people and to develop deep connections to others as with SN in the 1st, you may be more inclined to do things your way. NN in the 7th pushes you in the direction of compromise and balance within relationships.
✩ Chiron and Neptune in the 3rd house can indicate troubles with speaking (speech impediment, afraid of speaking in front of a group of people etc).
✩ Chiron and Neptune in the 3rd can also show early childhood bullying or being purposefully left out/made fun of by other kids your age. I've seen quite a few people with this placement deal with this, and years later they develop social anxiety and in worst cases agoraphobia :(
✩ Going back to the first point of Chiron/Neptune- they may have felt stupid or "slower" than other kids their age when it came to school further adding to the sense of unease and anxiety when it comes to school or dealing with their peers.
✩P.S I love you Chiron/Neptune in 3H individuals ❤️, yall are so strong and you are smarter than you realise 🙏
✩Venus/Sun/Moon/Mars in the 5th house start getting into/doing more creative hobbies. Idc if it's music, writing, poems, acting, knitting, painting, dancing, fashion hell even sculpting and becoming a DJ, JUST DO ITTT. Trust you are blessed with a mind that inclines to the creative side, use this please esp if the moon is in the 5th house it will heal your inner child. Mars here could show you feeling energised from creative pursuits and hobbies, a creative career could be well-suited. Even if you don't pursue a creative career, or (from what some of these people have told me 😭) don't consider yourself creative, do anything where you can add your own twist and opinion to it. Even if you don't think so or see it yourself, others will definitely be able to see the emotion/innovation/vision in whatever you create.
✩Having a lot of placements in the lower hemisphere of the chart especially the 4th house can indicate having an introverted personality.
✩ Furthermore, this can also indicate an individual who has a lot of layers, and it takes a while to get them out of their shell. This or they choose who they want to see the real them, no matter the years you've known them or the closeness.
✩Martian ruled 12H (Scorpio/Aries) or Mars in the 12H can indicate having wild ass dreams. Might involve a lot of fighting, and chasing, honestly it's giving war-zone. Your dreams could be very, very vivid too.
✩ Martian-ruled 12H or Mars in the 12H can also indicate repressing your anger a lot. This could stem from childhood trauma and with Taurus/Sag in the first (Whole signs), you could've felt bad expressing your anger, being taught it's not a good thing to show outward. With Taurus in the 1st this could show developing a put-together and calm demeanor since a young age and not wanting to break that peace wall you have built up. With Sag in the 1st this could show wanting to or being taught to come across as happy all the time or only being positive. Sometimes I've even noticed these individuals would rather come across as wild, carefree and happy than ever admit or show their more...plotting side 😈 (scorpio12H)..ig you could say LMAO.
✩Saturn in the 6H could show an individual needing a routine to keep them mentally in check and sane. Without one, they may feel like their whole life is crumbling right in front of them.
✩9H/3H placements can get on with anyoneee I swear. Even if they don't think so or if they are more introverted in nature, others just feel they give off this carefree, relaxed vibe making it easier for conversation and getting to know them. (Unless there's like Pluto on the Ascendant lol or sumn, this placement by itself tho does give off carefree knowledgeable energy).
✩Venus conj Saturn can show your boundaries constantly being tested and the universe sending you the same people in a different font, testing your ability to blindly love others until you get it straight lolll.
✩Saturn conj Venus can also show; dating/attracting older people, those who fuck with you romantically get screwed over eventually #karma, and or being serious about love like only wanting/pursuing relationships that are long-term.
✩Saturn conj Venus can also indicate meeting your "true love" later on in life, and by later I mean whatever point in time it is societally deemed 'oh that's very late to get married' blah blah.
✩These individuals could also just have good standards for what they want from their partner/future spouse (love that for you guys)
✩Back to NN in the 1st, stop serving other people and be of service to yourself!! It's okay to be selfish sometimes.
✩Uranus in the 1H, Aqua asc, yall weird 🤓. You already know that but I just felt the need to reiterate it, love all your little quirks and hyperfixations tho ❤️
✩Mars in the 11H be up to some crazy stuff in the bedroom (notice the Aquarian themes here)
✩Saturn overlaying the 4th house in synastry, 4th house person may feel like the Saturn individual is their 4lifer and can see them staying in their life long-term.
✩Not an observation just a personal opinion, I love people's charts where their planets sprinkle EVERYWHERE in the chart, it's so cool IMO and these people tend to be very balanced and have knowledge on all areas of life. I also don't know why but these charts are rare for me to find. Individuals who have planets in nine different houses is crazy I wanna see your chart.
PS- The astrovations are so back 🙏
ღAll my notes are personal observations and thoughts. I am not a professional astrologer and like to have a sense of whimsy in my life by looking at peoples charts, thankyou.
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bunny-jpeg · 6 months ago
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Hi bunnyy, can I please have a blueberry muffin with a hard lemonade for Lando?💕
the bakery menu
want to submit your own order? the follow to the main post above! i am still accepting orders! these paws are rolling out the dough as we speak! as for this one,
blueberry muffins ("i don't think it'll fit.") + hard lemonade (possessive behaviour) served by lando norris (formula one)!
cw: smut/pwp, big cock!lando, possessive behavior, missionary, sweet sex, mechanic!reader
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"i don't think it'll fit, lando." you swallowed.
"shh, shh, shh." he said as he rubbed his cock up against your achy slit, "it'll fit. the more you tense up, the less it'll fit. so, relax." then flashed you a smile.
you swallowed, "please don't bruise me, norris."
he leaned in and kissed you on the cheek ever so gently, "i would never. the last thing i want is for my mechanic to not do her job."
this all started because you took a job with mercedes, leaving poor lando all by himself at mclaren (he really wasn't alone). you were his favourite mechanic, you made his car purr like a kitten and hug the curves of the track just right.
so it broke his heart that you just upped and left him. how could you!
after you left, lando made is known that you were still his mechanic. he added the possessive pronoun to your job title, even though on your resume it said that your employment with mclaren ended two months ago.
it was an event for staff that some of the drivers attended, lando included. it was for the smaller awards throughout the season for things like mechanics and other support staff. it was an excuse to let loose before the second leg of the season.
a driver was only as strong as his support team, so many of the drivers came to support their teams! but lando was glaring daggers into the back of toto wolff's head for stealing away his mechanic.
how dare he! lando had barely seen you since your departure from the team two months ago. you had been so busy getting into the groove of mercedes that it felt like you totally forgot about him and your time on his team!
after the dinner, it came time for the actual partying. while that means most got into the harder alcohol, it gave lando the chance to get closer to you.
he seated himself beside you at the table and when you looked over, he slung his arm across the back of your chair. he smiled at you, "there is my favourite mechanic."
you lit up at the sight of lando and pulled him into a tight hug. he swore you made a gleeful noise at the sight of him, which only stroked his ego.
maybe he was a little too hard on you. maybe you did miss him quite a bit. when you pulled away, you held him by the shoulders and looked into his eyes.
"oh my god, lando!" you said, your smile big as you let go of him, "i've been seeing your messages, but i've just been so busy lately! i'm so, so, so sorry!"
aw, he really couldn't be that mad at you. you were just so painfully cute that it was like being mad at a puppy for chewing up some socks.
lando smiled back at you and wiped some of the dinner you had off your cheek, "still a messy eater as always, huh?"
you blushed a little, "oh shut up, lans." you laughed and playfully pushed his chest which caused him to grab your hands and keep them on him. you said, "i have missed you though!"
then why did you leave me, he thought.
he offered to get you another glass of wine so the two of you would keep talking. he wanted to hear all about mercedes. in reality he wanted to see where mercedes was failing in comparison to mclaren that he could convince you to come back.
your voice was music to his ears as you rambled about the other team. you hardly noticed lando's hand on your thigh until he gave it a hearty squeeze. your eyes went wide, "lans!"
he chuckled and leaned in closer to you, "i missed you. i really missed you. team's not the same without you." i'm not the same without you.
"oh! don't be silly! the new mechanic that you guys got is like a million times better than me! don't make me blush!"
all he wanted to do was make you blush. he wanted to see if it went all way down. then again he wondered how hot he'd be in the face when he was between your legs.
but he made that a reality a lot sooner than he expected.
apparently you really missed him. and you felt that you missed out on your chance to be with him. but you also were plagued with self-doubt that he'd even be into you. but lando covered up that anxiety with a hot kiss at the table before you were leading him by the hand to your hotel room with key card in your other hand.
your hotel was quaint, cute in a way as he started to get you undressed. his lips would find safety on your hated skin, his cock was heavy in his pants before he took them off.
you got up onto the bed and pulled him for some soft kisses. he melted against you, loving the feeling of you. he can't believe you missed him. it made something strange curl in his gut as he got between your legs.
"how much did you miss me?" he asked as he rubbed his hard cock against your slick pussy, "did you think about me all the time?"
you nodded, "i did lando, all the time. i felt so bad when i couldn't reply. i was worried you'd hate me." you gave a small pout.
he felt a shiver run through him, "oh, no, no, no. i could never hate you. you're my favourite!!" you blushed and covered your face. but lando took your hands away and leaned in for another kiss as he dribbling pre-cum against your pussy lips, "it's true." he said.
"lans."
he chuckled as he threatened to push his cock into you. he could feel the heat rise in his body. his heart was racing it did during a race.
"what if it doesn't fit." you said once more.
"trust me, alright? just the way i trusted you on the grid. right?" he said, almost begged. he needed this, he needed you.
you nodded, "of course." you braced for impact, but tried to keep yourself relax as he slid his cock into you. the stretch felt intense for a moment before it started to feel good.
"i'd never hurt you." he said as he planted both hands on either side of you and rutted against you. you wrapped those strong legs around him. his words were a promise as he moved against you.
"i'm sorry i didn't try to do anything sooner."
"aw, don't be. you just didn't want to ruin our jobs. i understand. i guess now that you're working for the other team, now we can do this as much as we want." he laughed.
the sex between you was almost sweet. lando peppered your face with kisses as he rocked against you. you felt so good around his cock, like two puzzle pieces.
"you feel so good."
"thank you, lans."
"i missed you every day on the grid. i got a little jealous when i'd see you working on the cars. you always looked better in orange." he admitted.
"i always thought i looked like a cheez-it."
lando kissed your lips and held onto the covers under you. his lips trailed across your skin before he said, "no, no. you looked amazing in it."
you held onto his shoulder tightly as you moved against him. it wasn't rough sex, but it wasn't too gentle either. regardless it really felt nice. it was a steady pace that allowed pleasure through your body.
the kisses your shared were wet and sweet. you could feel lando's praise of you through his lips. you held onto him. part of you wished you had done this sooner.
lando on the other hand wanted his mechanic back, he wanted you in the orange coveralls and always excited to see the cars. he just thought that you were painfully cute in the garage.
you once told him that working on a car of that caliber was a like working on a high tech puzzle, and it made the job exciting. to see your hard work (and the hard work of your former co-workers) on the track was amazing!
and lando wanted to make you proud on the track! put that hard work into action. you two worked hand in hand, and now you were tumbling in the sheets together.
you felt near to your climax and held onto him tightly. you kissed at the apples of his cheeks and moved against him, "you're amazing, lans."
he held tightly onto the covers, or else he was going to dig his hands into his hips. he picked up the pace a little bit more and captured your lips in another kiss.
you cupped his face and let him rut against you. you clenched around him and moaned into the kiss as you climaxed. you held onto the driver as he continued to thrust against you.
"shit." you moaned as you relaxed on the bed and clutched onto the white hotel sheets. you looked up at lando and smiled.
that only egged him to keep going. and the sight of your sweet face allowed him to finish inside of you. with a few heavy thrusts and he finished in a huff.
it led to more kissing, his arms wrapped around you. he whispered praises you could barely hear against your skin as you both soaked in the feeling of post-orgasmic bliss.
"you're perfect." he exhaled.
"i missed you, lans."
you get comfortable under the covers of the bed and could feel lando moving around to get comfortable as well. he laid next to you and felt comfort in your warmth.
as he laid with you, tangled up in the hotel room sheets. his nose in your hair with your head on his chest. maybe he'd find a way to get his little mechanic back, make sure she's really appreciated this time. <3
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