#i do try on occasion to tag shit i just also am bad at it

[ourceliumnetwork]

hilariously while looking up the file name for this i realized i mislabeled it because a different image came up.

been feeling black and red recently. easy contrast and pop i guess lol.

my pain has been Ridiculous this week, and a lot of it has been older injuries flaring up really bad, among the other standard pain i experience. and i'm really angry and bitter that it's gotten to this level because no one listened when i was younger.

so i did art about it.

and now i'm off the hook for 1k words today.

[seulszn]

Listen I love TLOU and the fandom very much but a lot of people (not calling anybody out) need a reality check and need to grow up. I wanna say my two cents on things that bother me in this fandom.

1. Boycotting for Palestine

I have seen multiple times on multiple occasions where people would sit on their phone and complain about why writers are “flooding the tags with this boycotting bullshit” and honestly all I have to say is your super childish you can’t take a hour or a week out of your day to raise awareness on a important topic that is affecting millions of people? Your so horny so down bad for pixelated characters that you don’t care about the innocent children, women and men that are dying in Palestine? The boycotting isn’t gonna stop just because you want your needs filled, the boycotting isn’t going to stop because you think it needs to, it’s not gonna stop until Palestine is free. And if you wanna read things that bad then read nobody is stoping you but a take into ignition that if a writer is spreading awareness then don’t be ignorant and say stupid shit

2. Less Sex and more angst or other genres.

Listen I love Abby and Ellie just like everyone else and I read a lot of smut about them but does that all y’all see when y’all look at them? As sex objects? Like I’m not saying that you should stop writing smut for those characters but write other things to that don’t involve smut, like angst I see a lot of people under that tag say how they wish writers would as write other things that isn’t just smut and majority of the time when they say that they get hated for it. It lowkey gets boring reading fanfics where the whole plot is smut, smut, smut. And again I’m not saying to stop writing smut but please for the love of whatever you believe in write other genres.

3. Black inclusivity

As a black writer and a black person TLOU tag isn’t inclusive enough. I know you must be thinking “Why are we speaking about this again?” Because I’m honestly so tired of how uninclusive the fandom is like I said before Ellie dates WOC if you don’t know what WOC is it’s Women Of Color all of Ellie’s girlfriends where WOC now I’m not saying you can’t write for Ellie as a white person and I’m not saying that never did all I am saying is once again all of Ellie’s girlfriend where POC

Riley was a Black African American who Dated Ellie

Cat the girl who wasn’t mentioned alot but is in the game is Asian American who also dated Ellie

Dina is a Jewish (Mexican, Middle Eastern ) American who dated Ellie

Also yes we know when the reader is white coded so don’t try a put that you don’t mention when race mentioned cause you do and we can tell when you do “She’s Petite and cute with her long blonde hair” or whatever you bitches be saying we know when you guys aren’t inclusive the whole point of fanfiction writing is to be inclusive is to make sure that readers can see themself in your xreader so if your putting all these “white things and then labeling your story as “the readers race is not mentioned” or that OC stuff that y’all do then just label the story as a white reader or a OC reader

4. Futa, trans and masc

Now here I’m gonna discuss two or three things starting off with Futa and Trans. Now I don’t know when “Futa” or “Trans” Ellie and Abby came from but a lot of you readers need to understand and learn the difference between the two because they are both very different things.

Futanari: is the Japanese word for hermaphroditism, which is also used in a broader sense for androgyny. Beyond Japan, the term has come to be used to describe a commonly pornographic genre of eroge, manga, and anime, which includes characters that show primary sexual characteristics from both females and males. In today's language, it refers almost exclusively to characters who have an overall feminine body, but have both female and male primary genitalia (although a scrotum is not always present, while breasts, a penis, and a vulva are). The term is also often abbreviated as futa(s), which is also used as a generalized term for the works themselves.

Transgender (often shortened to trans) is someone whose gender identity differs from that typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth. Some transgender people who desire medical assistance to transition from one sex to another identify as transsexual. Transgender is also an umbrella term; in addition to including people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex (trans men and trans women), it may also include people who are non-binary or genderqueer. Other definitions of transgender also include people who belong to a third gender, or else conceptualize transgender people as a third gender. The term may also include cross-dressers or drag kings and drag queens in some contexts. The term transgender does not have a universally accepted definition, including among researchers.

Mind you I am not transgender I am nonbinary but I see a lot of transgender people speak up about how offensive it is to write a character as Transgender but it’s not really transgender but a Futanari remember a Futa is a character who is assigned a gender at birth but just has extra sexual parts like a penis.

Now another thing that bothers me is how y’all Masculinize Masc Lesbians as if they still aren’t women themselves like every time I read a fanfic with Ellie or Abby or even Vi and Sevika from Arcane you guys like to ignore they fact that they are also women themselves like it’s not gonna kill you to give those characters feminine compliments there shouldn’t be a reason why your calling these women “handsome” or other Masculine compliments and also a lot of Masculine women where makeup it’s not just a feminine woman thing. Masc Lesbians are women they aren’t men so stop treating them as if they are men and ignoring the fact that they are women

5. the Innocent childish reader gotta stop.

They title says enough I don’t think I need to say too much but a lot of y’all get innocent and corruption mixed up but a corruption kink is When you find the idea of "corrupting" someone, mostly in a sexual way, like taking virginities or introducing people to stuff like bdsm etc. It's the idea of having someone "pure" do "bad" things under your influence. And innocent is not corrupted or tainted with evil or unpleasant emotion; sinless; pure. not guilty of a particular crime; blameless. (From the dictionary)

Y’all need to understand yes not everyone knows what sex is but everyone knows what a vagina is what a penis is, what a orgasm is and what sex is but they may not knows what happens when you have sex so making the reader what y’all call innocent isn’t innocent it’s honestly to me perverted cause the only one who would say something like “my cunny feels weird 🥺” or that “what is sex 🥺” is a child. Children don’t know what sex is children don’t know what pleasure or orgasms is and when y’all say “the reader is a Bimbo” is also funny cause Bimbos know what sex is as well yes they may be stupid but they aren’t slow so before you make a innocent reader please think “am I making my reader act like a child or am I gonna make her really innocent like how regular grown ass adults act?” so don't get not knowing and "innocent" mixed up

6. The stories where they have sex inside a church also gotta stop

Now I’m not a Christian but these stories are honestly really bad and are Blasphemy a lot of people have come out and said that they don’t like the fact that people are writing stories about church in a sexual way like their shouldn’t be any reason why your characters are fucking inside a church, that’s like stomping on someone’s dead grave. You guys do shit like this and then wonder why Christian’s don’t like us. Religion isn’t something to be sexualized it’s not something to be playing with either this idc how much you hate Christianity you can be a Atheist, or Catholic or Jewish but please for the love of whatever you believe in don’t sexualize people’s religion.

That’s all I can think of at the moment if I think of more I’ll of course make a part two to this but don’t take anything I said here to heart it’s just my blunt honest opinion on things in this fandom and if I get hate for this 🤷🏾‍♀️

[ghastlyfilters]

random lost boys headcanons that i constantly think about!!

pairing(s): none!

warning(s): mentions of weed, religion, paul being a dirty little shit when it comes down to magazines

(here’s some random headcanons no one asked for but i literally think about these all the time and can’t get them out of my head. and yes, i know some bands and music artists mentioned in this were in their prime after the lost boys was set. but fuck it there’s no need to put dates on things when it’s all just for the sake of fictional writing. ALSO BONUS POINTS TO ANYONE WHO GETS THE OG BRANDON ROGERS REFERENCE IN THIS)

gifs not mine!! (if you know the original owner please tag them!!)

DAVID

• This man smokes like ten packs of cigarettes per day.

Think of a mukbang video but instead it’s just David smoking a shit ton of cigarettes packs.

Max has came to the conclusion that if David were not a vampire, he would in fact be a cancer patient.

• Him bullying someone is just his poor attempts at flirting.

• Makes multiple attempts at destroying Christmas decorations in every store he goes to during winter. When an employee looks in his direction upon hearing the crashing sound of tree baubles, he stares at them with that icy glare, looking personally offended that the employee is giving him the “Did you just do that..” look.

He’s a dumb shit that couldn’t care less what anyone else sees him doing. The employee could literally catch him smacking a glittery bauble off their mini Christmas tree with the back of his hand and he’ll glance over at them, blinking repeatedly.

“It was an accident.”

He’ll even turn to his mind control, allowing the employee to believe it was either Paul or Marko. It usually ends up being Marko, and he’s standing there biting the cuff of his jacket whilst getting the shittiest lecture from the store manager. Turns out poor Marko actually loves the place’s Christmas decorations.. despite being a bloodsucker that should resent anything to do with Christ. He just likes sparkly things.. ☹️

• David is so blunt to anyone who calls him self centred. He ain’t phased in the slightest bit by it. Marko’s said it on multiple occasions after an argument broke out between them all in the cave, and everyone was throwing digs. But the boys know David’s the most brutally honest being they’ve ever encountered.

“Who else am I supposed to be centred on?”

• He’s always dreamed of owning a black cat named Salem, but he knows the cat either won’t take to him being a vampire or the boys might accidentally forget it’s around and do something stupid.

(He really just wants one to sit on his lap whilst he’s in his wheelchair acting like Don fucking Corleone)

• Went through an identity crisis and forced himself to try and look like Billy Idol for a week. (That week turned into years)

• Dwayne’s still trying to convince him that bleaching his hair was a bad decision after a clump of it FELL OUT.

• If there’s ever a child crying on the boardwalk, David’s usually the reason they’re crying.

PAUL

• Is always the “C’mon everybody!!” person at the function. Yet when he runs off excitedly, no one follows.

• Never knows what to do in a chaotic situation because he’s that used to BEING the chaos.

• Cannot sit still for shit. He has to be fiddling with something or bouncing around the place like the madman he is.

• Paul’s a ride or die Mötley Crüe fan. He’s even lured some chicks on the boardwalk by playing Mötley on his boombox for them, feeding afterwards of course. (He’s the sneakiest little shit you’ll ever meet)

If he ever met a girl whom he fell for and eventually turned, his ideal date idea would be going on his motorcycle in the moonlit night and blasting “Kickstart My Heart” with his new partner riding along with him. He’s dreamt of it for years.

(Marko’s bound to third wheel though duh)

• He’s also got a thing for Alice In Chains, and he’s spent many drunk nights screaming the lyrics to “Bleed The Freak” outside the cave whilst meanwhile inside the boys sit in silence and are forced to listen to him.

• Paul barely sees girls with lip piercings but when he does holy fuck.

Just any kind of person who can pull off facial piercings is magical to him. Whether it be a few or a lot, he’s mesmerised by whatever kind of metal is in your face.

• Says “Pspsps..” to every kitty he sees on the boardwalk then screams the biggest “FUCK YOU!” if he witnesses the cat either pad over to someone else or look at him and run away.

• He’s always got a fucking rootbeer in his hand when he’s in the cave with the boys. Aside from blood, him and Marko live off of rootbeer. Ice. Cold. Rootbeer.

• Cherry Pie by Warrant is this man’s national anthem.

• Continuously has to find new weed dealers because if he has a bad argument with one of the boys, they’ll purposely hunt down his current dealer and drain every drop of blood from their body. This causes Paul to go apeshit because when he’s not out looking for prey or pissing people off on the boardwalk, you can bet his ass is in the cave stoned.

• On the topic of his severe weed habit, he’s not much of an edibles guy. He’d rather be sat on his ass smoking the fattest joint of his immortal existence and enjoying every minute of it. He’s occasionally gotten edibles for Marko, but Marko and gummies do not mix after the Frog Brothers started creeping around again.

• Has the biggest Playboy magazine stash that he hides underneath a pile of old denim and leather jackets in the cave. No one apart from Marko knows about them. Plus they’ve always been for.. special.. occasions..

Marko can’t help himself though and starts singing “In The Heat Of The Night” by Sandra when anyone innocently mentions magazines around Paul. This causes Paul to send his boot into Marko’s stomach whenever the boys are all assing around on the bridge, and he’s the first to fall.

“….. I’m telling David about your WET DREAMSSSSS.” Marko usually screams before disappearing into the fog below.

• Him and Marko don’t celebrate holidays unless it’s Halloween or Easter. They don’t give a fuck about the religious part when it comes down to Easter though. And if they wanted to, they couldn’t. They’re just there for the chocolate. They miss the taste of it. Paul will literally start fighting children during an Easter egg hunt on the boardwalk so he can get more for himself and Laddie.

(God help the children who push Laddie out of the way)

MARKO

• Goes into Claire’s Accessories and proceeds to tell the child who’s about to get their ears pierced how bad it should hurt.

(Also steals drip for himself because hello yes he does indeed fw a Sanrio earring set)

• He’s always the one who’ll make the most guttural moaning sounds if you’re on the phone to someone.

• Him and Paul are always found in the naughty section of Max’s video store.

• Whenever a fight breaks out on the boardwalk (that isn’t started by David or Paul for once) he doesn’t know what the fuck to do so he just starts screaming.

• Whenever one of the boys is hurt or sick (yes vampires get sick), Marko’s always the one who tends to them. He’s a massive over-thinker. David came down with something one time, and it was bad. Real bad. It was extremely rare, but it hit David like a freight train. Marko thought he walked in and found him in a state where he’d never wake up, so Max and the boys were left to deal with him bawling for the rest of the evening. Even David was confused when he awoke from his slumber.

• He has a bat plushie named Boris that Paul stole for him years ago. He gets caught chewing on the wings a lot but all in all he loves his Boris.

• Paul once traveled to LA and took him to one of those haunted house events for Halloween. They got kicked out and almost left their motorcycles because Marko starting punching multiple actors. It ended up in this big ass arguement because Paul swore for a moment he saw a glimpse of Marko’s fangs in the light and his eyes momentarily changed.

• The pigeons that flap around in the cave are like his pets. He’s down for just chilling with them and petting them if they let him.

Marko lowkey loves animals.

• He likes embracing his golden, curly locks. Aside from his fashion sense, he thinks his curls are really what gives him his image. He isn’t vain, but he does truly adore his little curls.

• Marko has such a soft spot for trad goths and their way of dressing. Whenever he sees one on the boardwalk, (which he hopes he will), he’s always fascinated by whatever outfit they have on. If they walk past him and the boys, he offers a shy smile. He wishes he could go start a conversation with them, but he thinks it’d be pretty dumb considering what his.. needs are. He doesn’t wanna kill people he thinks are cool.

DWAYNE

• Has the og resting bitch face.

• He wishes he could just stay silent and wonders why it’s not enough to just show up somewhere and have giant eyes.

• Dwayne used to get so many random people come up to him on the boardwalk and tell him how good he’d suit a black or brown eyeliner.

Since that day Dwayne has never forgotten those people and he always wears eyeliner inside and outside the cave.

• Major black coffee addict despite not even needing it.

• Whenever the likes of Paul and Marko actually try to engage in activities whilst on the boardwalk, some female will waltz up to Dwayne. Their approach and characteristics through their energy will allow him to of course decide what his next move is, but if it’s some yappy person who clearly has a horrible energy, Dwayne can be just as blunt as David is.

“How can I get to know you?”

…

“I don’t want to be known.”

And then he’ll walk away.

• This man is dedicated to leopard print. DEDICATED. In his mind him and the boys are living in some lavish mansion in 70s LA with leopard print plush sofas, leopard print pillows, leopard print bed sheets, literally everything leopard print.

If he had free rein to design the places he wanted to, he’d be ecstatic. (Literally all he wants is to turn Max’s house into a leopard print and cherry red museum.)

• When Dwayne actually smiles around people, it’s the sort of smile that can heal a thousand wounds. Like him coming out of his shell is the sweetest thing to witness.

• If the boys are off irritating the fuck out of people on the boardwalk instead of trying to find a good feed, Dwayne will occasionally sneak away and visit any sort of music store he can find. He could sit and yap to the people in there for days, and that’s really where he feels the most comfy around strangers. He loves talking to others about bands and artists like Judas Priest, Type O Negative, Rob Zombie, Pantera, Sisters of Mercy, Monster Magnet and Rammstein.

• The film The Crow ended up having a really special place in Dwayne’s heart. He loves playing little bits and pieces on his guitar for Laddie from Graeme Revell’s music from the soundtrack.

HII! if you have any lost boys requests send them in!! as you can tell, i really enjoy writing for all of them!! (i’ll write for honestly any lost boys character atp) <33

[allpiesforourown]

Hey, so sorry to be using your inbox like a fuckin confessional, but getting that dream thing off my chest literally cleared my skin and I've just got this itch that needs to be addressed so I'm taking it out on you again. Reflecting on this thought the second after I had it made me think, "Oh, I get what Shen Yuan was on about now," and so here I am, typing this shit out ig. fucking embarrassing, anyway.

So, like. I watch those gacha react videos on youtube. Like a concerning amount of those gacha react videos, man. I fuckin love them so much, even if I wouldn't admit to it under pain of death to anyone I know or love. I have a seperate youtube channel I made under a fake email that I made specifically to watch them. It's bad. I remember back when it was just me and the FF.net filter system before they added the 'Without' section at the bottom and trying to find crossover content in the LoZ tag between games. 10th circle of hell; my 13th reason. Gacha react videos in concept are heavensent for my inner child, and on the rare occasion I find one of those 'fandom react' series that are active or complete and well done, it grants me joy on par with nigh nothing else.

This being said, I understand that the main demographic for this content tends to be a handful of years younger than me. I've seen community posts on some channels mentioning their time in college, but these are few and far between in my experience. I appreciate these teen's artistry in putting these all together, because god knows I'm not, but like,,, --and I know I sound like an ass right now but bare with me-- it feels like with the conclusion of Arcane came a flood of reaction videos with no real substance. I've watched upward of what feels like thirty seperate videos --at least,-- on the show and its the same ten to twenty edits I've seen on repeat and I'm watching them by pressing the skip key and catching half the dialouge only to come out the other side tired and a little miffed. Then I feel bad, because they created something and all I did was mindlessly consume and feel entitled to complain. Ugh.

Now, Because I've been cycling through these almost cookie cutter videos for ages --I used Arcane vids as an example before because its recent and relevant, but I do have this take for a whole slew of the fandoms I watch react videos on, and I picked this addiction up in 2021 so it's been a minute-- I've begun predicting the dialouge before it's come up and projecting what I hope the author will say. If I see a video with, for example, Giyuu from kny seeing Sabito in a video, I hope to see shock, yes, but also to see him comment or think about how he hasn't seen his face in so long, you know? Just... things that aren't just "OMG!!" or making the characters eyes widen. I've found now that I seek out these videos for the slim chance that they'll provide me with the satisfaction I get from these moments of true understanding with the presented characters.

Yes, I know that there really isn't any "true" way to understand a character, and that while we are all entitled to our own interpretations of media, the insistence that mine alone is more "right" or "correct" is bullshit, but I'm not saying that my preference has to be law, only that I get a rush of happiness whenever something I like happens to pop up in a video that I was already checking out of because it failed to really,,,,wow me. This is my bias speaking, of course, but its also the reality of my situation borne from overconsumption of this genre.

But anyway, onto the main point of how this relates to svsss. I was watching a video just a minute ago --an Arcane video, big shocker I know-- where there was a line from the creator's Vander character about how he wasn't ready to see Vi so grown up, because to him she's still his little girl. I thought, "Yes!!! This!! He's a father! He's showing realistic reactions to seeing your child suddenly grown up, and while he's proud of the woman she became, he still loves her as she is in the moment!!" ....I then watched the rest of the reaction, and was left cold and disappointed in the end. I'd clicked for Viktor, got three videos of him in a twenty minute reaction when the rest was the same four edits of jinx on repeat. Love you Jinx, but holy fuck. I thought then, "God, what a waste of potential." The creator of the video had insightful dialouge, clearly a decent grasp on character interaction, and the drive to create the video in the first place, but settled for pumping out another copy of the same video they've released three times previous on the same channel.

Then I thought, "Oh, like PIDW."

I need to get a life, Tumblr user allpiesforourown. If your blog wasn't so damn entertaining, I might even go out and touch grass one day. Take responsibility, damn.

(ty for reading my rant, if you did. have a good day regardless.)

I think you watching gacha react videos for characterization might be the one and only thing more baffling than Shen Yuan reading porn for plot. Hope you find gacha videos of Vander teaching his daughter how to ride a bike

[tarnussy]

Ok I have to ask about the tags on the Malenia fandom post... How the hell did they try to make Godrick a pedophile

There are 2 occasions that stood out to me: According to the first one, he is a pedophile and a rapist because the dead dragon didn't consent to be grafted (like???). Then there was mention of the grafted scions as well, tho that was in a separate post if I remember correctly. (Of course, creepy kids when Godrick -> bad!!! Creepy kids when Rennala -> good) This wasn't on a small account either, and like so, a whole eco chamber decided it's now canon. Based on who this person's fav character is, this assumption was extremely hypocritical. They called out this behavior from fans against their fav character (which was right 100% to call them out) but then, they turned around and did the same behavior they resented so much, this time against people who like Godrick (I assume bc usually his fans stay quiet or just ignore it, or are bullied off the site). Second one: person had a client at work who was overly kind in a smarmy way, so he was labeled creepy and "must have been a pedophile" all based on vibes, and then according to that logic they thought Godrick was one too simply based on their personal vibes (and seeing him in the worst faith possible). They had a feeling he was like that, and so people who like him were no different (according to this person). Second person was actively making the fandom as unenjoyable as possible. Their genuine goal was to make fandom experience fucking vile for anyone who liked Godrick (or anyone that liked a character they didn't like, all which I happen to like). And not just this person but a whole group of their besties who flocked to this behavior like flies to a pile of steaming shit. Just because why not, I suppose. I do feel like my experience with ER would have been much better if I never checked the tags or the fandom ever. Which is hard bc I am a creator myself and I used to monitor main tags because of my own posts as well. Before becoming an active blog, I liked nearly every character (M@lenia was my favourite female character back then!) but I'm unfortunately the type of person whose brain holds onto bad memories a lot and also associates characters with bad apples like this. And M@lenia's apples almost all seem super fucking bad. Very similar to stans of Alcin@ Dimitr3scu, same level of witch hunts as well. At this point there is no way I could ever look at M@lenia and not immediately think of all the disgusting, hypocritical and unfair behavior a big portion of her fans have been doing for years. Which is sad bc I think she is a cool character and I think she has chill fans as well who are nice. Too bad they are overpowered by the most loud ones. And it has an extreme level of irony bc this same type of fan is the one to scream into the void how awful Radahn fans are. I can 100% tell, since I am on every single social media for my ER accounts and interact with people everywhere, that Radahn fans are nowhere near on the same level. Sure, they have their arguments or even slightly problematic behavior but it's never at a level of personal witch hunts and ganging up on others. I know a couple of people who (similarly to me) liked both Godrick and M@lenia at some point, and just altogether left the fandom because of the constant attacks and arguments her fans were doing. So this is a way bigger issue than it seems. And ofc anyone who ever dared to speak about it was either witch hunted or ganked in the tags. I had multiple people hit me up in privately about this back when it was going down, so that definitely reassured me it wasn't just my observation. And, you know, fandom should be fun. Why be a petty asshole for no reason? And to a level that is very much harmful in real life? So their "it's just a game" shit-ass argument when you call out this behavior has no place when it comes to organized harassment that affects people in real life. And somehow it's always the perps who cry wolf. And everyone else who is affected should stay quiet in fear of witch hunt against them. You see this wall of text above? This is me keeping it short. Only scraping the surface here.

[tenebrare]

Random musings from TV

Been watching Finnish military themed drama - "Conflict" and I would like to point out to some mainstream American show writers: This is how you write strong female leads (there's 2) and NOT write complete girl boss shit like in True Detective latest season. I fucking hated True Detective last season and even with FFW button it was boring badly done over the top snore fest. I hope HBO never shows shit like this on my selection ever again. Solid 1/10 season for a series that had 2 10/10 seasons (1st and 3rd) A good protagonist goes trough lessons and hurdles. In "Conflict" one of the female leads does series of bad decisions. She is over confident and suffers personal loss due it (an actual loss, not some artificial thing she can shrug off). She does not immediately 'get over it' - she learns to overcome the loss trough focusing on survival, revenge and her responsibility over her 2 surviving comrades as she is commanding officer afterall. Neither of her 2 companions is stupid or ignorant tag-alongs(the stupid ones get off the picture like in 1st moments) - foreigner born, but Finnish guy and American are offering her support forming a good team which starts off slightly dysfunctional, but they understand that there is no "I" in a team. She becomes less arrogant and goes trough personal growth in extreme situations - making her and her surviving 2 team mates extremely relatable and likeable. Team members as characters serve a purpose to counter her line of thoughts and give feedback to her decision making and actions. If viewer has an opinion, those 2 characters on occasion represent hose. They are not there to fill a space or minutes on screen, they are there to help her character to grow. None of them, not her, her team nor the other female protagonist (president) would survive without the 'teams' and people around them. Trough the growth especially the officer earns respect of the viewer and you start hoping she'll survive the ordeal while show makes clear that no character is safe from capture or death. President is accompanied by the classic 'stupid old man' foreigner minister, but even that pairing is based on reality - this is how a Finnish PM was - often too much in Tik Tok rather than in politics and crisis (COVID at time) - so it makes this pairing interesting as in many occasions the annoying old man is right, but yet this pairing shows that both extremes are bad for the community and nation. One has to come down from her celebrity status and other has to stop being stuck in some sort of old-mans-club. Dysfunctional pairing that completely deserves one another. Also Finnish Tv makers manage to make you feel sorry for every person lost. The good and bad guys alike. No the evil mercenaries are not 'obviously Russian' - they are from various countries from Europe and there is no lecturing about good and evil, there is story of characters, politics and how big countries like USA and Russia see small nations (Finland has only 5 mil population, i believe). I think this series deserves more recognition just because of its depth and actual quality. More so the premises of the 'Conflict' is based on real events from 2014 (no, it didn't occur in Finland though, but if you see the show you know which actual military conflict its based on and the series do follow the methodology of the actual take over pretty closely) Also on other note - been working on a Pin+Kirsty doodle, although I still suck at doodling Kirsty. I am trying ... while watching The Conflict.

[problematicfactive]

New intro Post

New intro post! How exciting! This is my celebration for reaching 25 followers so fast! Thank you all for your overwhelming support in this journey, it really has been a lot.

If you're new here, my boyfriend and I are both introjected from extremely problematic medias revolving around a very bad person that lived in real life. We are both from fictional medias, bit the person of which we introjected is very much real, and We've gotten a LOT of shit for it.

Spaces that claim to be safe spaces for systems-- or God forbid, safe spaces for *problematic* introjects and alters, tend to be rude or spiteful towards individuals who are factives from problematic sources.

I firmly believe this hateful stance comes from a place of not understanding, so I've created this blog to give people who don't understand a chance to talk and speak to us without losing their cool as we also stay anonymous on this blog. They're always nice until they find out who you are /hj . Since it's creation, the blog has since turned into a big place for problematic factives to just feel safe and seen. I'm beyond happy about this, and glad my blog can serve both purposes. More under the cut!

We post a lot of everything!

We answer asks from people who have questions about us or about being problematic factives, we make positivity posts for problematic factives, problematic factive culture is... posts, and lots of other things you could think of. Feel free to vent in our askbox or message us for a chat! We'd love to have a friend.

Some things off the top of my head that I can't do on this blog (but if you end up making a blog for these things and need a mod, totally hmu!)

Stimboards/Moodboards etc. - I would literally love to do these but the problem is I know like nothing about anyone. Of you were to ask me for a Donald Trump moodboard I honestly do not know what I would do my mind would just blank. That being said, in decently good at making them so if there were a person I knew well enough to do a stimboard on, I definitely could

Icon edits - This is somthing I'm capable of doing, but it isn't something where I would want this entire blog to just turn into requests. If you're making a blog specifically for these creative requests things totally hmu

Art - I cannot draw but my hope is that that changes in the future.

-

Meet us!

My last intro post didn't really have any information on us as people let's try and fix that.

I can't tell you my name, but you can call me Anxiety. I'm the main mod and significantly less source connected/more source ashamed. I go by he/Anxiety with Anxiety being able to work in place of either a name or a pronoun. Unless the host is helping out with something, anything that isn't labeled comes from me. I'm the only one out of the two of us with the physical ability to type so when he posts something, it's a little special occasion and deserves a label.

My boyfriend doesn't have a name option other than a source one. On the blog he has only been referred to as my boyfriend, but if you need a name for him, call him NPC. He uses he/him pronouns and will sign off any post that he thinks up all on his own with -NPC and tagged with # npc posts

Tagging

Here is some of the tagging we use on this blog

# problematic factive culture = Problematic factive culture is.. posts

# kindness and positivity = Kind and Positive asks we've received

# good thoughtful questions = Good questions we received as asks

# positivity post = Positivity posts

# problematicfactive blog things = things that ate moreso related to one of the mods or running the blog than they are about problematic factives

# rainy day drafts = drafts that could be super old because I made them and them left them in the drafts so I could post when I don't have anything else to post

# queued because I am asleep 😊 / queued because hopefully I'm sleeping = posts that I queue to be 5-ish hours away from the last post. I often post somthing at 12 am Eastern Time regardless of the last something was posted, so those early morning positivity posts tend to also be queued with the tag

If you come across us and like what we do, consider boosting or realigning this post! I'd love for as many people to find out we exist as possible

# askers experience = Asks sent in where an asker tells me about their life

# npc posts = posts my npc wrote as a mod on this blog (does not apply to posts where "my boyfriend's answer" is me paraphrasing or trying to speak for him)

[jpegjade]

Synopsis:

You saved Spencer on many occasions and now, it’s his turn to save you.

Tag list:

idk man. i don’t know that I have one.

Trigger warnings:

extremely dark themes, talk about the sooweeside, dark thoughts, realistic depiction of depression, mental health struggles, and other dark shit but nothing gory. No need to hannah baker this shit.

Gender:

idk. i usually don’t mention gender but if i do, lemme know and i’ll change it.

Story Special Notes:

You know when spencer was kidnapped and almost sacrificed and it was him and garcia and she went "we need us"? This was the moment that inspired the thought.

I am indeed having a bad time in life (i’m also sick) and i wanted to write about it with something else mixed in. There’s a whole thing that I added and it’s an element that just gives high angst, low romance (until the end. idk where i’m going with it but i’m sick in bed and suffering because my best friend is living life in the outside world and i’m in my room.)

High angst Story below the cut

You’ve been here before. You’ve been in this dark place before. You’ve been on the edge of glory and in the depths of heartbreak before and this wasn’t it. Oddly enough, it wasn’t anything. You didn’t feel anything, the sounds muddled in your ears. Every feeling inside of you weighed on your chest and suddenly, it was quiet. Completely silent for a moment. Just a moment, though. Your thoughts suddenly started racing again. The voices just going until you drifted away again.

That day…

“Spencer.” You said, your voice laced with worry.

Garcia was trying to get the location from the phone while you kept him on as long as possible.

“Y/n.” He said, matter of factly.

He accepted his fate already but you couldn’t let him give up. You couldn’t let him stop fighting his way out of this.

“Spencer, I know it’s hard. I know it seems impossible. But don’t give up, okay? Don’t lose the fire you always had inside of you.” Your voice broke slightly before you composed yourself again.

“I’m going to lay down for a while. I miss my bed but it’s time for the world to swallow me whole.” Spencer said, voice steady and even.

You put yourself on mute.

“Garcia, look for graveyards. They’re probably holding him there” You looked directly at her as tears streamed down her face.

She never knew how you were so calm, how Spencer was so even when it sounded like he was about to die. The two of you never ceased to amaze her under immense, life-threatening pressure.

“Spence,” you said, unmuting yourself, “the light in your eyes can’t die, okay? Don’t let that light die.

“I’m so sorry. I just wanted to get far away from the water around me…” Spencer said, a little shuffle from the other side of the line with a distance sound of a cow or something similar.

Muted again.

“He’s away from the coast. Triangulate the ones that are far away from the water. I would say rural from the shuffling.” You said, quickly.

“Hey, y/n?” Spencer said, a shift in tone within his voice.

“Yeah?” You unmuted while watching Garcia’s fingers fly across the keyboard.

“I love you.”

The line went dead.

—

Quiet. All you heard was quiet… Such a nice sound, one you never experienced before. The burning in your lungs started to fade, the world finally fading as everything started drifting. You felt the world drift away, the sadness encompassed by something else, something you never experienced before. An eternal sense of quiet. Everything faded and all that was left was an eternal quiet. quiet. the raging storm was quiet but different that what you expected. You felt it in… Was it your bones? You felt something in the void but all it felt like was quiet. You felt quiet.

—

that day

“You’re an idiot.” You said, helping Spencer out of the coffin.

You and Penelope were able to find Spencer’s location, the team heading out as soon as the address came up and you met them there.

“You knew where to find me.” Spencer offered a half smile, something off within him.

“You’re an idiot. You idiot.” You couldn’t stop saying it, thinking it, feeling it.

“I know.” The EMT wrapped a blanket around Spencer’s shoulders and kept moving.

“You idiot. You’re an idiot. And I can’t believe you, you idiot.” You dropped your head, shoulders starting to tense up with your body closing into itself.

“I know…” Spencer knew what you were trying to say as he watched as your arms wrapped around your midsection as a reflex.

“You idiot.” Your voice growing louder as everyone started noticing.

“Hey, I’ve got you.” Spencer rose to his feet, pulling you into him, under the blanket.

“I can’t believe you.” You said, sobs racking your body.

Spencer held you as you stood there, breaking down. You almost lost the only person in the world who understood you. He was willing to lay down and let everything go to keep everyone else safe because he didn’t think anyone needed him anymore. His will to stand up was broken. And so were you.

“I’ve got you. I’m here.” Spencer held you tight but you held onto him tighter.

“You were okay with leaving me. You were just fine leaving me and you’re an idiot. You idiot.” You repeated, finally letting it tumble out.

“I’ll do anything to protect you, y/n. They need you.” Spencer said, rubbing your back.

“They need you. They need you but I need you more. I need us…” your body could barely hold you up, so Spencer did the work and just held you until you couldn’t cry anymore.

He held you until you were the only two people out there, every car had left aside from yours and garcia’s vehicles.

“I love you too…” You said, finally feeling okay again with him.

—

“Y/n.” Spencer said, walking into the apartment. It was dark and quiet, the way you hated it.

No answer.

“It’s late…I should probably not yell…” He muttered to himself, throwing his keys on the table.

There was something off. He felt a chill in his heart and he sprinted to find you. There was something wrong. Something…

“Y/N!” Spencer called, begging for you to answer.

“In here.” You moaned from your bed.

Spencer breathed a sigh of relief as he flipped on the light.

His stomach dropped out of his body when he saw you. It wasn’t sleep that made you sound groggy and drained. His body suddenly felt like it was cemented to the ground.

“Spence…” You breathed, barely audible as you drifted back into the quiet again.

“Y/n… No… Please.” Spencer found the words, his brain snapping into place once again.

—

The quiet went away. You couldn’t tell when or how or why but you drifted back to where you were before. The quiet rejected you, sent you back to where you came from. The quiet was no longer inviting, it was suffocating. You wanted to scream. You wanted to find someone. It was too dark. Where was the light? What happened to the light? It was cold and loud and…

—

“Please, just come back. I won’t leave. I promise… I’ll…” Spencer’s voice broke as the monitors started reacting to changes in your body.

Spencer’s hands started to shake, tremors racking his entire being as he was escorted out of the room.

He sat there, sliding down the wall to the floor. He didn’t know what to do, who to tell. He didn’t know where to turn. He didn’t want anyone, he just wanted you. He wanted his home. He only wanted you.

“You can come in now, sir.” The nurse said, inviting Spencer back in the room.

Spencer hustled to get up, scrambling to see you again. He just needed to reach you. He needed to…

You were awake… Blinking, hands crossed on your lap, eyes unfocused.

“Spencer, where am I?” You asked, finally noticing he was there when he stood at the foot of your bed.

“The hospital.” Spencer said, his voice breaking. Tears prickled his eyes and he couldn’t tell why.

He sounded so broken inside. His spirit returned to his body knowing you were awake but his body was so broken down.

“Oh.” You said, letting all of the weight of the situation hit you.

“Do you need something? Apple juice?” He asked, tentatively moving towards the stacks of empty apple juice cups on the tray next to you.

He loved apple juice as much as you did so he was drinking it to remind himself of you.

“No.” You said, looking at the 2am soap opera on the TV above you.

“I’m sorry…” Spencer sat in the chair he moved next to your bed at the beginning of the stay.

“Why?” You asked, your head foggy and drained. You couldn’t think. You were so exhausted that even keeping your eyes open was the hardest part of the day.

“You wanted to go and…” His voice caught in his throat.

Tears rolled down his cheeks now, his nose a little runny. He sniffled.

“You weren’t ready to let me go…” You said, wishing you had the strength spencer had in that moment.

The strength to just stick around. The strength to battle your demons. The strength to keep going.

“We need you. We’re not the same without you.” His chest tight, his hands itching to touch you.

“Bullshit.” You said, nothing behind it.

“Y/n…” Spencer could barely find his voice, begging you to look at him.

“Spencer, no one misses me. No one needs me. Sure as hell not the team. No one wants me. After all I’ve given, nothing… no one…” You looked up at the florescent lights above you.

“I need you.” Spencer said, firmly. “I need us. Together. I need you to stay with me. I need you to be here with me… Please…” He whispered the last word.

“Please hold me…” You whispered, wanting to feel warm again.

Spencer hesitated for a moment before climbing into the bed with you. He was taller than you so it wasn’t a comfortable fit but you weren’t looking for comfort. You were looking for Spencer. You didn’t really know what you needed but you needed Spencer.

“I just want to be warm again…” You said, settling into Spencer’s arms again.

The two of you sat in the too small bed, silently crying as a dramatic telanovela switch onto the tv, wondering how you got here.

[lilithsaga]

15 Questions for 15 Friends

Tagged by @emery-matsushita-vt (Thank youuuuu~!)

Are you named after anyone?

Yes, I am named after the first and most well-known succubus, Lilith. It is a common name among succubi, as I also have a great grandmother with the same name.

When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday. I've always been a crybaby. But at least it was a good cry yesterday... from someone unexpected complimenting my writing ability. 🥹

Do you have kids?

Hell no! I can't even take care of myself, let alone a kid. I'm not putting children through that.

What sports do/have you played?

Fencing... at least in University. Who doesn't want to stab people with swords? And the fencing community itself is actually really supportive and friendly. I actually met my current partner through fencing. (If you love someone, stab them with an epee) 🤺

Do you use sarcasm?

On occasion, but I don't think I use it often enough. When I was younger, I had a hard time understanding sarcasm and still struggle with it today every once in a while. It's just hard to tell sometimes whether a person is joking or being genuine/passive aggressive. When I use sarcasm, I try to go over the top with inflection to try and make it obvious I'm joking. Just want to make it easier for others.

What is the first thing you notice about people?

How they make me feel. I get this is supposed to be a physical description thing, but I usually won't pay attention to someone unless they have something that gets a reaction out of me. If they wear a shirt I like, I notice. If they successfully throw a ball of paper in the trash while yelling "Michael Jordan," I notice. If they like one of my comments online, I notice. All of those things make me feel joy and help me notice the person who did the thing. 😊

What's your eye color?

Purple 🟣

Scary movies, or happy endings?

Happy endings. Yeah, it's cliche, but I feel bad for people who don't reach a satisfying conclusion. And scary movies can be fun, but I watch them more for the story than the jump scares and grotesque aesthetics. It's great if a movie makes me uncomfortable with it's writing, but being uncomfy isn't something I like feeling.

Any talents?

None that I feel confident enough in to be deemed "Ultimate" or "Super High School Level" but I am able to write words on a page... so that's a thing, right?

Where were you born?

The American Underworld. To compare it to somewhere in the Overworld, I guess you could say I live in the Midwestern United States.

What are your hobbies?

Writing, video editing, gaming, listening to video essays, watching vtubers, reading fanfiction, daydreaming about random nonsensical things.

Do you have any pets?

Nope, never grew up with any and never felt comfortable taking care of one for the longest time. But my partner has a cat that I would protecc with my last dying breath.

How tall are you?

I am 5' 6" which is about average female height I think?

Favorite subject in school?

Creative writing. No surprise huh? English was okay, but other students made it disruptive and teachers focused more on sentence diagrams than actual storytelling.

Dream job?

I would love to do vtubing full-time, but don't think it will ever be realistic. I wish I had more time to write and create fictional worlds. But if I can't find the words, I also wouldn't mind video editing and slicing segments in a timeline to create a story that way.

.

..

...

Uhhh... oh shit! Now I have to tag 15 friends? Hmmmm... well Emery already tagged Tor and Axo... among others I know... *realizes I don't have a big friend group at all* uhhhhhh okay okay. I call upon the power of friends and mutuals!!

@yuzu-adagio @drakamut @azure-shades-of-blue @marvellovelacevt @draconick @slash-gallagher @vchuuberyl @overlord-jarvis @aurumatom @itsdracool @maidgamerclaire @saliferousanimations @moonfeatherblue @sisallacertavt @hatenayuri

Sorry if you've already been tagged or are not interested in doing these kinds of things! Totally allowed to ignore this! But I just think y'all are cool and deserve to let others know more about you if you wanna.

Thank you for reading!!

[vivizn]

Re: the tags you put on my post; you don't have to figure out the gender stuff all at once. You mentioned dresses? Try wearing dresses! Try a different set of pronouns, try a new name. None of that stuff has permanent ramifications. Take advantage of your group of non-cis friends for support with the name and pronouns stuff, they'll be thrilled to help. If you're "wrong" and you're "just" a GNC cis guy? That's still a great thing to be, if you're doing it on purpose!

(Future me here, quick info. Context at the bottom, and OP this turned out kinda long so read this when you have 5min to spare.)

Oh, uh, hi

Sorry, didn't expect a feedback on that, i was kinda yelling into the void and i keep forgetting this site is made of people ^^'

First off, thanks for reaching out, always nice to see that happening. And i hope you had, have and will have a nice day. Triple kindness in your face.

Secondly, dresses. It's kind of an ironic love that i have for those? Like, i just like wearing dresses for the bit (or on rare occasions i'll wear my skirt cuz it's faster to take on/off than pants). I say i get giddied up but It's really more because of the reaction of those around me (they find it funny (not in a mean way) so i'm glad i made them laugh).

Thirdly(?), changing names / pronouns. My *checks bio* neo-gendered sibling in christ, i can't even name my OCs, what makes you think i can name ME ToT ? As for the pronouns, eh... idk, i'm fine with keeping he/him i think, keeps things consistant. Again, default settings. I definitly need to try it one day though.

Fouthly? Fourtly? Fourd? Fuck, permanence. You fool. You absolute baffoon (affectionate). How dare you think for a moment have what it takes to handle ephemerality? I literally have mlp themed stickers still in package because i don't want to deal with using them somewhere and later not having them anymore. Either I will give up after the first time someone uses another set of pronouns, or the short period of time where they did will haunt me forever because nothing came out of it. <- also work if i end up changing pronouns, my brain is good at thinking bad. (I also have a suspicious amount of ND friends. Yeah yeah, i know, the idea of seeing a therapist sounds sexier everyday.)

5 (because i'm tired, it's 3am), being wrong. That is actually something i somewhat enjoy surprisingly. Because at least that means i have something to go off of, a starting point. That's usually all i need to start working on anything that require thought (so literally everything). I'd rather have someone tell me to do a thing and then shit on the thing they told me to do than having someone tell me "just follow your heart 🥰🥰🥰". Like, cool bro, how do i do that? Bitch won't move, how am i supposed to follow it?

1/3 of 666, credits. I never know how to close off rants because i always forget the first 3 points i try to make. So uhhh thanks to your patience if you've read through that (i feel like you would), sorry for ranting/venting(?) on what was just supposed to be a positive message i think. Thanks again for trying to reach out, but i honestly think i've got to deal with my other problems before i can tackle my gender (like the o so joyful experience of finding a job. yay.) (<- monotonest voice ever).

original post + my tags for those interested in context, AKA: hi alexxel, hi malt (watch out for the rant in your name, i'm gonna steal it), probably hi gayotic

And a pic of me in a dress because i feel like it

Couldn't find a dress so all you get is a fashion disaster, feat a hat i borrowed from a friend to complete the fit.

[vethsoddities]

Veth’s Steph and Pete Headcanons

CW:This Follows The canon of NPMD the best I can so mention of funeral’s and death and the like so be warned if I forget any warns tell me and I’ll add them

and if I spelt or got any lore wrong lmk nicely thank you

Master List

A/n: I’m totally “normal” about these two I wrote these at 1 - 2 am and b4 that I tagged all of these at 1am hope these makes since I’m on new meds and they made me kinda tried and my eyes hurt so bad anyhow my requests are open check my master list it’s pinned on my profile anyway enjoy these headcanons I’m also going through and editing all this at 2:58 am so technically I’ve been working on this from 1 am to 2 am to 3 am I hope you like this

Stephanie Lauter and Peter Spankoffski headcanons

After all that happened in NPMD ie Steph losing her dad and Pete losing Richie and Ruth and Steph having to shoot him and Max stopping the bullet and doing the whole “I’m the only one who can kill you nerdy prudes” and Grace taking one for the the team by giving up what she cherished most 

Pete and Steph didn’t want to be far from each other and ending up holding each other for a while so that led to them having sleepovers at the others home Steph hated being all alone in that big house so she was glad to have Pete being there with her.

They both try to comfort the other when they start to breakdown after all that has happened Steph seems like the type who doesn’t know how to comfort someone same with Pete but they both try and they love the other for that

Steph and Pete didn’t label their relationship right away because they weren’t sure what would happen after all that went down but they knew for a fact they loved the other after a LONG and I mean a Long time of denying the fact they were in love each other like they canonically had a song about it too but after a bit calls each other their partner or girlfriend/ boyfriend thing

These two in my mind both have They in their pronouns and or possibly t4t because they aren’t totally straight in my mind Pete to me seems unlabeled but Steph is either Pansexual or Bisexual and could be gender-fluid and or She/they but either Gender fluid or Demi girl she has She/They pronouns

Pete without a doubt is trans FTM and uses He/Him and possibly on occasion uses They and or them and I could possibly see him as Asexual but I’m not for sure on that one just yet

Pete definitely drives home the fact that Steph is smart and that he’s proud of her and whatever else Solomon told her is bull shit and he loves her no matter what and that he will be their for her no matter what

Steph does the same type of thing for Pete that he is in fact cool to her and not a loser and comforts him fully and says that he’s a handsome always especially when gender dysphoria kicks his ass and will be their for him through it all

This could be me projecting but these two would probably give a little smooch on the other’s forearm and tell the other they love them

I feel like Steph would do Pete’s hair into different hairstyles, Steph definitely teases him lovingly about the bow ties still

Steph at some point mentioned thinking about doing a wolf cut or short hair and Pete supported her no matter what Steph did the same with his hair if he wanted to cut it or let it grow more either way she could still run her hands through his hair

And as Steph does in canon affectionately calls Pete a Nerd and him possibility calling her Mean Girl or probably something else it’s 3:11 am rn and I’m proof reading this when I could be sleeping to creativity is low lmfao

Homecoming was fun for both of them and as it should be I think they have photos of it both digital and Polaroid and for the Polaroids, they have the pictures hanging up on an aesthetic string and clips thing

Content warring here’s the mention of Funerals and death(ig I don’t think I say it at all but still be aware)

Now when it came to the funeral’s of Richie,Ruth it was a ruff time for both of them and seeing as they all were friends it was one of the Moments Steph comforts Pete even if it wasn’t something she was good at still

and after words they visit Ruth and Richie’s graves and leaves flowers and possibly Anime themed stuff for Richies grave and no matter what both Ruth and Richie gets flowers on their respective graves 

When Solomon’s funeral came around I think Stephanie kinda shut down having to be around her fathers colleagues friends and connecting and was going into auto pilot going through the motions of everything that she knew how to act as to make sure Solomon’s image looked good

Pete was their with her and after a while pulled her away from the people so he could make sure she was okay as she could be for what was happening and she just broke down and they decided to leave after funeral things happened

I feel like after wards of both funerals just like after NPMD but before homecoming’s they just held each other to comfort one another and saying sweet things to each other because they love each other

[weathernerdmando]

Intro post, cause why not?

Hi! I'm Jace (he/they/ey/em). I'm queer as hell, a bigender trans dude (dude with a side of agender), arospec and asexual, and the amazing, lovely @impartialbias is my fiancé! (Shes amazing, and she's also an incredibly talented artist, please go check her out and if you're interested commission her!!).

Gonna go ahead and state this to make it crystal clear - I am very much pro-ship because I understand fiction is not real life, and I'm not a fan of censorship for the most part. If that's not your jam, feel free to not interact. Or do, I don't control you, but you've been given a heads up. Along those lines, I am generally what you'd call "inclusionist" regarding the queer community - barring obvious bad faith bullshit like "MAPS" (that's not queer. That's pedophilia. Fuck all the way off with that). Labels are personal and I have experienced too much exclusionism on the basis of being ace alone to be okay with that.

I'm autistic and ADHD, and I have (at least therapist confirmed) OCD as well. Thought that was just the autistic need to line things up and have them be "right" for a while until I got stuck in a cleaning loop of a pot that I was going to try and cook hotdogs in....yeah, turns out it's OCD too.

I'm also dealing with some physical disabilities as well - currently just got the hypermobility syndrome diagnosis, but we suspect hypermobile ehlers danlos type, waiting on a call from genetics atm to finish ruling other things out first, as well as POTS (turns out your heart rate isn't supposed to go from 65 to 110 laying down to sitting up, and then only drop to 105 when standing. And stuff like laundry, and just standing around isn't supposed to be physically exhausting....haha....). Tentatively officially diagnosed until my POTS clinic appointment hopefully summer of 2025. I do use a cane and braces.

I'm autistic so obviously we gotta mention the special interests. Star Wars is my main one at the moment but rotates out for Alex Rider, Doctor Who and a couple other things on occasion. Weather is always present in the background too lol.

I graduated college and got my first career type job!!! I work on weather stations across my state! I want to finish out my cybersecurity degree, and get a meteorology degree, probably masters, too. I was the general manager of a store (which is a whole series of events, my first manager was great, the one we unionized against I took over from after we kind of made her she quit was not), but corporate closed us and two others down, and now I work with the research weather stations! Eventually I think I want to go long term into data assimilation as part of meteorology, but that's long term.

I tag any personal events going on with "#personal shit" but unless specifically noted I don't mind commentary, reblogs, etc. I tag that to track it so i can find it more easily. I do tag stuff about pots, eds and such with pots syndrome, heds, ehlers danlos but usually personal shit as well. The most consistent tag is gonna be the personal shit one, lol.

[gayboysteve]

I just genuinely have to respond to this and I'm going to apologize in advance because I am ultimately a bitch and I don't always know how to speak without being one.

This is just a fundamentally flawed reading of the canon because it genuinely goes against... canon? The lawn mowing is described as an olive branch from Rust after the locker room fight. In the script. By the show runner. By Matthew Mccoughghgh and Woody Harrelson. It is not a calculated move on Rust's part to get at Marty. It's literally described as him trying to be neighborly. To be part of the body.

We're not supposed to see Marty's reaction and think that he's correct in the assumptions that he's making. He even gets a kicked dog look once Rust is driving off, that same look he always gets after he makes a mistake and realizes it immediately after. Rust leaves as soon as he senses the tension because he DIDNT account for Marty's reaction. (Mind you at this point Marty also already knows about his dead child and how that was what caused him to get drunk before the family dinner.)

It's also just. An average normal truck. This is NOT a big fuck off truck and I can only assume you think it is because the op of the tags isn't American. They didn't even make those kinds of big fuck off trucks in the 90s and the man just moved from another state. Why shouldn't he own a truck?

I think the way you describe the situation with Geraci is. Not an inaccurate reading of the scene but it also doesn't feel like a complete reading. Is Rust establishing dominance? Yes! But it's also after Geraci has been sitting there openly talking shit about him/to him. It's not the same thing as just going up to the biggest guy and picking a fight. Rust is responding to a perceived weakness by the other men in the precinct, and that response is a display to show he's not weak and won't just accept it.

But he lives in spaces that are aggressively not just male but masculine. Is he too good and pure to never pick up some of that patina?

This in particular is part of what inspired me to respond and not just hold my tongue. There's some unintentional language here that's very unpleasant. Essentially, "is rust too good and pure to not participate in masculinity?" We don't need to condemn masculinity as a concept when we're discussing the toxicity of the masculinity displayed.

Which brings me to Crash. Crash shows his underbelly. Sure. But getting frisked is actually not just rolling over. I'm sure at least half the people back there had to be frisked. Crash only really shows his belly to GINGER. During the robbery he's giving orders to the other bikers the entire time until the shootout starts. Just because they aren't listening to him doesn't mean Crash isn't trying to control the situation. And Rust DOES show his underbelly and let himself get pushed around- specifically by both of the Hart's. On multiple occasions! Literally even! In this very gifset! He lets them drag him into situations he doesn't want to be a part of all the time.

Also- I'm not really sure what these tags are trying to say. They're kinda nonsensical. You speak of him having a different brand of machismo than Marty and then... list the behaviors that Marty displays. And mention he has a truck.

Rust absolutely does have his own brand of machismo but a lot of it is centered more around his belief women and children need to be protected from men, his self-isolation, and his refusal to deal with his issues healthily or productively. He is undeniably a masculine character despite his placement within the narrative affording him to also exist within some of the feminine tropes. But him mowing Marty's lawn, or even just picking at Marty's fragile masculinity, is not one of those instances. I also feel like there's an inherent linking of toxic masculinity to just... masculinity existing that isn't necessary and ultimately leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Also citing a fanfiction when doing an analysis of the actual canonical facts placed in front of us is... well. That's sure not how critical analysis works as that is not canon or even supplementary canon material.

Edit to add: Laurie specifically states during dinner that she "denies him small arguments to build up his stamina" that's not a man always calculating and in control. He clearly let her push the trajectory of their relationship as lampshaded by that comment and the deleted scene.

RUSTIN COHLE

True Detective S01E03 "The Locked Room"

[crehador]

2 18 25 ! 🪱

combining these!

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

all of them no in all seriousness uhhh maybe the one that necessitated these tags

of my three appare-ranman fics two were so uwu and then there was this old man bastard yaoi lol

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

i feel like i rarely actively seek out inspiration these days, it comes from everywhere! there's too much of it in fact!! my problem has always been too many ideas and not enough time/creative ability to write them all

for icsm especially it comes from all over the place, everything reminds me of them lmao like i'll just be watching haruki play totk and my no thoughts head empty icsm only brain will be like "oh oh oh samatoki plays totk"

12) your weaknesses as an author

oh so so many and i don't even say that as a bad thing, it is always good to know you have room to improve!

i think one of my biggest weaknesses is descriptive writing. not all writing has to be Very descriptive to be good, but it is something i would like to improve on in my own work

another is... earnestness, maybe? like sometimes i worry i pull away from meaningful moments when i should be leaning in to them

also action scenes/fight scenes! i don't write them very often and would love more practice with those

13) your strengths as an author

i hope it's dialogue and comedy lol because i am always writing those a lot and they are very fun to write! lovely commenters have also said on some occasions that i am good at characterization which feels almost too generous but would be neat if true

like personally i don't think my characters (in fanfic) are necessarily always the most in-character, but i do think one of my strengths is keeping characterization consistent and believable within a fic. so even if it's maybe a bit off from canon, within an isolated fic it more or less tracks and ends up feeling (i hope) like 'good' characterization

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

many!! i don't think i have enough self-awareness to know exactly what affected me in what way, but i was one of those book-a-day kids growing up (oh to read that regularly again) and i'm sure many of those works influenced me greatly

i was also a memory-issues kid so i would struggle to remember what was most impactful though lmao

while it doesn't answer this question directly one thing i do remember is always struggling with like reading something great and thinking "this is good writing! and i don't write like this! therefore i must be a shit writer!" which is a way of thinking that is very important to unlearn lol (good writing can be good in different ways!)

so my recent journey has been more about not deliberately trying to emulate other writers too much, though i had a disastrously long phase of my youth in which i read way too many old white guys so tbh i probably write like an old white guy rn

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

the first thing that came to mind was a moment in pride (tg!au) but it's like the moment that i kind of don't want to pull out of context lol (the "i like you weird" conversation)

so i will go with a bit from stay gold that i skimmed again and don't hate:

"I would have rather had your bite," Usui admitted candidly, palming the gold coin and making it disappear into his sleeve once more. "I would have rather known you were capable of mourning your own life, of believing its loss would be worth avenging. But when you wouldn't bite down, even when I forced the coin between your teeth, even as your life bled away from you, I came to a realization. "It didn't matter if it was your bite or mine, if it was your choice or mine. There was a time when I believed the choice to live could only be made by you and you alone, and I must confess I still long for the day you'll be able to choose to live for yourself once more. "But until that day arrives, until you are prepared to make that choice, the others and I will choose for you. Because what matters to us, Taishin-sensei, is that you live."

[mokutone]

So, do you see Kakashi and Yamato as ONLY homies? I have nothing against shipping them, I just personally see them really well as just good friends.

sdgjkhsdkgjh i always feel a little silly answering questions like this, i'm not sure how well people understand what i'm trying to convey (nor that i convey it in an understandable way!)

i very much see them as homies, but i'm also not against shipping them at all, and i enjoy producing romantic content for that on occasion, especially in aus which are somewhat removed from canon, or when they're older and both of them have worked through some shit (lol)

but like mostly i am interested in like, the trust and intimacy that they have in canon and expanding upon that!

obvs i don't get upset with people who tag my stuff with those two with shiptags bc thats like, completely fine. I have some stuff which is intended to be romantic between them under the "kakayama" tag too.

It's just, like, these are two men who trust and rely on each other to an incredibly high and really endearing degree, and who are both clearly meaningful to each other. That's lovely and I love to see it and I love to play with it! It's not at all bad to interpret that as romantic, but it also doesn't have to be, you know? romantic intimacy is not the only kind of intimacy there is!

it's not like, if i were to imagine them in platonic scenarios, suddenly i could no longer depict them as trusting or being very affectionate towards each other, or being up in each other's spaces all the time. i wouldn't have to suddenly start depicting yamato's relationship to kakashi as simply stale admiration, or worse, a constantly disrespected subordinate or something.

i'm not like this only abt kakashi + yamato either btw, this is how i feel about like, most ships, especially in naruto. i am just somebody who cares a lot about friendship!!!

[theringers]

often - charles leclerc

summary: you’re unbelievably desperate for your boyfriend all night.

request: Hope u dont mind me requesting #79 and #82 w charles or lando😃 have a good day!!

prompt: 79) "Look at you, grinding against everything, you're really desperate for it. Aren't you?" 82) "Yeah, that's it, baby, just like that."

a/n: this is short & unedited so i apologize for the lack of “story” but this just came to my brain and i needed to write it down so enjoy also sorry if the gif is malfunctioning i’m ready to throw my phone at the window so just ignore lol

warnings: nsfw, dirty talk, 18+, teasing, obvi i had to include some public stuff bc it’s my brand

The live music was loud and blaring through your ears. You had requested a few songs and enjoyed drinks while you waited for the band to get to your request.

Charles stood up from the table to head towards the crowded bar. “Need anything, mon amour?” He looked at you.

You lifted your cup and smiled. “Another?” He nodded at you and walked towards the corner of the room. He knew you had a tolerance like no other and could outdrink him on any occasion. It was just humorous to him at this point.

“Are you excited for your trip?” Your friend asked from across the table.

“Oh, so excited. Charles and I haven’t been able to get away for a long time. It’s much needed.” You sat in your bar stool day dreaming about the blue waters of the Caribbean Sea and how you were about to spend weeks out there on the relaxing water.

Your friend took another sip of her drink. “I’m insanely jealous. Too bad Pierre and I can’t tag along.” She frowned.

“Next time, I promise. We’ll plan a trip just the four of us.” You both started laughing. “Or better yet, just the two of us. Girls trip.”

After a few more laughs, Charles walked up to your table with a drink in each hand. Pierre followed with the same. “Thank you,” you smiled at your boyfriend as he handed you another. You couldn’t remember how many this had been but you were feeling good and really enjoying yourself.

You sat all the way back in your barstool, but kept your drink at the table. This was the best possible solution to avoid drinking too quickly. Every time you needed a sip, you had to scoot yourself closer to the table, take a sip, and sit back. It was working pretty well.

Charles leaned over and spoke in your ear over the sound of the loud music. “I’m going to need you to stop doing that.”

You looked at him, confused. “What am I doing?”

He waved his hand around. “This.” He leaned in closer again. “You keep rocking your hips back and forth and it’s driving me crazy.”

You sat up and moved yourself closer to the table, rocking your hips at a painfully slow, yet discreet, pace. Your eyes found his and his focus was solely on you, sipping the remains of your drink.

“Anyone want another drink?” You asked the table as you hopped out of your seat.

“I’m good, I think I’m ready to head home soon actually. Pretty long day,” Charles said.

Your friend scoffed. “Nonsense, it’s only 11 o’clock.”

Charles looked at her with his head hung, then back at you. “Fine. One more drink.” He looked at Pierre. “See, this is what we have to deal with.”

You waited in the line for drinks and returned to your table. As soon as you scooted back in your barstool, Charles leaned over. “This is our last round of drinks. I’m going to need to take you home after this one.” You didn’t look over at him. You just kept your eyes straight ahead and smiled.

After more casual conversation with Pierre and his girlfriend, Charles called the car home. He took your hand and lead you out of the bar after leaving a hefty tip for the bartender.

Sliding into the back seat of the car, he acknowledged the driver and then went silent. You followed in after him, sliding across the seats. Your short sundress rode up creating friction between your clit and the car seats. You let out a soft moan, but ignored it, hoping no one else heard you. That was not the case.

The car started to move and Charles leaned over to you. He rested his hand on your thigh and whispered in your ear. “I heard that.” It sent chills up your spine.

The rest of the ride was silent, trying to focus on getting home without jumping each other’s bones in the backseat of the car. As soon as you arrived home, you both drunkenly stumbled in the door.

You shouted at Alexa to play some of your favorite music. Often by The Weeknd came out of your speakers.

Charles sat down on the couch with his hands on his knees. A deep breath escaped his lips as he took in the dark apartment around him.

“What’s up?” You asked, walking over to him.

“Long day,” he said. You nodded in response.

Leaning down towards him, you spread your legs to straddle him on the couch. You sat back with your weight on his knees, looking at him. “I love you,” you said to him.

“I love you too, mon amour,” he said. You felt his hands grip your waist. You began to slowly shift your hips around - starting with back and forth, and a little bit of side to side.

“I had a really fun time tonight,” you said.

“Me too, I’m glad we decided to go out.”

“It’s always a good time with them.” You were lucky enough to play matchmaker for Pierre, setting him up with your best friend. It was a win-win. He got a beautiful girlfriend and in return, you got to have your best friend accompany you on vacations, to races, PR events, galas, the whole nine. It was a smart move on your part.

You looked down at Charles, focusing on his messy hair. He was always such a perfectionist about how he appeared, but that all went down the drain when he drank alcohol. You kind of loved it, seeing him let loose a bit and not care so much. You ran your fingers through his messy locks and smiled.

“That dress looks so sexy on you,” he said. His eyes absorbed your body all over and his hands began to move up and down your sides.

“I knew you would like it.” You started to move your hips with more intensity.

“You want to tell me about what happened in the car?” He asked.

“I think you know what happened in the car.”

He had a smug look on his face. “I don’t, actually. Enlighten me.”

“Well, since you want to play dumb,” you grabbed one of his hands off of your side and guided it under your dress. “I’m not wearing any underwear. And I forgot I wasn’t until I slid in the car.” His fingers massaged the skin of your inner thigh.

“That’s hot.” He dipped a finger between your folds and felt the wetness pooling. He swirled his finger around a few times before sliding it inside of you. You moved your hips slowly, meeting his finger. “Look at you, grinding against everything. You’re so desperate for me, huh?” He smirked. You rolled your eyes at him but continued to move your hips. “You couldn’t even help yourself at the bar tonight. Or in the car.”

“I just couldn’t stop thinking about fucking you,” you said. You leaned down to unbutton his pants, grinding your body against his thigh in the process. You let out a moan and he just watched you in awe.

You pulled his pants down, his hard cock springing free. You got back on top of him and hiked your dress up above your hips. You positioned yourself on top of his cock and started to slide back and forth, creating euphoric friction for both of you. Your folds were wet and warm, making him grunt. “Shit, baby,” he said. His head fell back against the couch as he guided your hips. “I need to be inside of you, now.”

You pulled away and quickly sat down on his cock. He kept his hands positioned on your hips as you ground them onto him. You wrapped your arms around his neck and let your head fall onto his shoulder.

You put the weight on your knees and began to bounce up and down on him. He placed his hands on your ass for support. “Oh yeah, that’s it baby,” he said. “Just like that.” A throaty moan escaped your lips right into his ear.

“You feel so good,” you said. The rhythm continued and he spread your cheeks. He was itching to pound into you but he loved the way you looked bouncing on his cock.

He reached for the strap of your dress, pulling it down to expose your breasts. He took one in his hand and massaged it roughly. “Shit, babe. Look at you riding my cock like such a good girl.” He wasn’t one to talk dirty too much, but with alcohol involved he was an open book.

“I’m all yours, baby,” you said, leaning back. You ran your hands through your hair while riding him and made eye contact with him - driving him crazy.

You could feel him start to thrust up into you, an indication that he was getting close. You leaned back down to his ear. “Cum for me, baby,” you said.

He finished with a grunt and a tight grip on your hips. You rolled off of him and laid your head down on a pillow. After all that alcohol, the couch was seeming like a perfect place to crash.

Charles returned with a towel and a glass of water for you. “You did so well, baby. That was hot.” He said, smiling at you and handing you the glass of water.

You giggled and stuck your tongue out. “You’re welcome.”