#i could go on for hours just in a loop
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Edwin, coming back from Hell: Is this the real life?
Charles, dying in the corner:
Charles, also a Queen fan: Is this just fantasy?
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jklpopcorn · 8 months ago
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crying and sobbing i was supposed to draw doodles of my ocs but instead all there is is Siffrin
they're so shaped i have to draw them
also
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100% :)
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statementlou · 1 year ago
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the other day I was looking for the Zayn interview from a few years ago where he tells the interviewer he's going to the bathroom and then they look over and are like "oh um he's in the parking lot... oh. aaand he's getting in a car and leaving" and I found it (GQ) but on the way I ran into the interview where Vogue (who run the met gala) are like so did you like the met gala wasn't the met gala fun and he goes off for like 4 paragraphs about how much he disliked it and how it's the epitome of everything he dislikes about being a celebrity and then at the end is like oh wait shit... I mean Gigi was good though, and that was also the interview where he said he'd made his peace with there always being paps in front of his apartment when he realized that instead of doing promo he could just go out his front door for like two minutes and call it done and my point is: I know many of you are new, maybe are just here for Louis, but I need you to know HOW FUCKING FUNNY Zayn is, like genuinely he is SO FUN to follow and I just really recommend, 10/10 celeb entertainment
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lover-of-mine · 1 year ago
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It's in my heart and in my head, you can't take back the things you said...
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xxplastic-cubexx · 2 months ago
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need a comic book wrapped or something so i can reflect on how obsessive i was
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doctorwhoisadhd · 2 months ago
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theres just so many interesting things you could do if you staged chimes of midnight tbh....
#two actors for edith (older and younger) and having the older sing behind other dialogue#separate actor for edward grove so when he possesses shaughnessy the two actors speak at the same time#to be honest you could have two actors for just about everyone except maybe the doctor#and probably not shaugnessy since he doesnt die. but whenever the others die have understudies either play the corpse or stand around in the#background outside the lights. so theyre just visible but clearly shelved#as the mystery gradually becomes clear slowly have the older edith shadowing the staff as they say things that were said to her#the screams when the older edith is explaining - just have younger edith and mary and mrs baddeley and whoever else offstage and scream with#with their mics off - then you get a surround sound effect too - esp if you have them offstage behind or to the side of the audience#YOU COULD HAVE A DOLLHOUSE IN THE PARLOR WHEN THE DOCTOR'S CALLED UPSTAIRS TOO#itd be even more effective if you showed it at the beginning#maybe as the audience is filtering in you just have the lights up on that set so they SEE it yk?#then once everyones seated have the lights go off suddenly (maybe even play the theme song)#idk how youd do the jam jar im not a theater person. maybe red fabric for the jam that can 'spill' all over charley in a concerning looking#way (that can look like how edith looks when she kills herself) but that doesnt necessitate a costume change or any sort of cleanup for the#stage itself. BUT. the problem is the jar. i wouldnt want to use breakaway glass bc 1) cleanup 2) id want to have something you could put#back together quickly that would be indicative of the time loop#but again im not a theater person so i dont know stuff maybe that would be easy and you COULD use breakaway glass. or whatever im NOT a#person who knows really much at all about theater#ari opinion hour
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passerinesoncaffeine · 3 months ago
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tonight on thinking about homura and madoka.
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#........................................dude#head in hands#ALMOST A HUNDRED FUCKING TIMES SHE WAS TRAPPED IN THE LOOP ALMOST A HUNDRED. FUCKING. TIMES#god#they give me so many emotions#theres something about doomed timeloops where over and over again you have to watch the one person you gave everything to save#die over and over and over. and you just have to get back up again knowing that you wont be able to save them#but you get up anyways and you try again even as you slowly lose yourself to the point they dont even recognize you anymore.#they barely know you at all. but thats okay because it was always for them anyways so who cares if they dont know you as long as theyre saf#it was always for them. because they were everything. and without them you are nothing at all. even if they dont know you.#at one point they did. at one point they loved you. and it was everything.#and holy FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKk#you guys I could talk about homura for hours#SHE SPENT 12 YEARS IN THAT LOOP. 12 YEARS.#GUYS. SHE WAS 14 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE MADE THE WISH. 14. SHE WAS 14 FUCKING. YEARS OLD.#i love homura. she is my daughter she is aksifhmkjhsngkjnhajfsjkgnskjgh#augh. doomed yuri. my doomed daughters. they just wanted to protect each other. and it cost them everything.#pmmm#raven rambles#theres a pattern here. you see. you see how my favorite characters are always the ones who only live for one other person#to the point it kills them. it leads them to kill. they felt unconditional love for the first time and it is their death.#they know it is. and they walked into hell willingly but they couldnt die. not if there was a chance they could have that again.#not if there was a chance the one who loved them could be safe from that pain. do you see. theres a fucking pattern here#they'll watch themselves become someone they hate but someone who might be able to save them this time. do you understand#augh. okay I'll shut up and go to bed#Im just having Emotions tonight ig
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svtskneecaps · 9 months ago
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friends and fiends if this truly spells the Over for the qsmp i may let the brainworms that have been festering in me for MONTHS--A YEAR, EVEN--win.
i may summarize the goddamn fucking lore.
#i CANNOT make an 8 hour summary i CAN'T i SHOULD NOT that is SO MUCH CONTENT#and i still only speak like 2/4 qsmp languages MAYBE 2.5/4 if we're REALLY stretching it#but GODDAMNIT I'M DOING SOME CURSORY RESEARCH ANYWAY BC I WANNA WRITE THAT FUCKING TIME LOOP#qsmp#maybe just the fed lore. haha. eye twitches. maybe just the iverall server lore. maybe i'll even bother caring about the qsmp livestreams.#haha. eye twitch. fucking. eye twitch.#solo lore is B E Y O N D me but MAYBE shit that affected Most or All lore i could do#like code lore and shit. obv it knots in with other lore but FUCK IT WHATEVER#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i'm not even gonna worry about it#yknow what. not even gonna worry about it. i gotta do the research first 🤪 whatever bro#if the research gets done i'll think about alllllllllllll the rest of this but this is a YEAR OF CONTENT#mother FUCKER dude it's not possible there's no way#this is a year with like 80 hours of streams per DAYYY at peak who could do this#who could. no wonder no one could keep up. no wonder i had to LIVE in the tag to keep up#good lord GOD i shouldn't do this. i'm not committing. god i want to though. god i shouldn't.#shut up vic#block game brainrot#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#WHATEVER HAHAHAHA WHATEVER AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#i will beat this storyline into SUBMISSION i will beat it to DEATH i will FORCE IT TO MAKE SENSE#I WILL PRUNE IT LIKE THE WORLDS WORST BONSAI I SWEAR TO GOD#i'm unhinged i can't i have so wanted to do this but i swore to myself i wouldn't#bc i know i'll go insane and i know it will take FUCKING YEARS and there is no fucking way i'll see it to the end#but goddddddddddddddd i want to i SO FUCKING WANT TO#listen. if there's no more lore. i may summarize the fucking lore. someone will beat me to it 100% bc i take fucking a million years#but people are suckers for long video essays and summaries IT'S ME I'M PEOPLE#anyway if you got this far and have the screenshot of mariana messaging slime to tell him their daughter is dead please send it#i can't find it via google and i don't have twitter and i know it was posted there at some point :(#i want it :( i want to throw it back in slime's face in the time loop because repetition is fun and heartbreaking >:D
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wormblog · 14 hours ago
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he's getting upset at me again for how often I use discord/ how much "space it occupies" in my mind.
I tlreally try to do everything he asks
but he expects me to know and pick up on things I can't
so I slink back into ok I'll just only interact with people when you want me to.
says he doesn't want me to feellike im on ice
but I literally can't do anything
he loves me and I know he struggles with expressing it but it gets harder and harder
I don't feel like I can ever communicate my feelings
and he expects so much of me while simultaneously thinking this is how it should be so it shouldn't feel like I'm sacrificing anything
but love is making sacrifices for eachother
it just seems like I'm always the one sacrificing.
he won't even watch things with me when I ask but he says he just wants to spend time with me when I do everything with him and it's always things he wants. I always have to make compromises it's always me. it's always his terms and his comfort zones. and I can't communicate because I'm immediately invalidated so there's no point. there's just no point. either make him mad and make everything worse because he can't understand me, or go along with it and have peace because he's happier.
the emotional immaturity tears me apart.
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katzirra · 12 days ago
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Every so often I gently touch my screen when I scroll past my Eva prints PSDs and the WIPs I have...
I'm going to redo them like 70% but those backgrounds, and the units themselves were so GOOD. The kids just look like hot trash to me now LMAO... and the flowers need some TLC....
But like god my computer has a fucking SHIT FIT if I try to load them....
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I WAS COOKIN'????
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I THINK ABOUT THE SHADING ON UNIT 02 a LOT, BUT ALSO MY ARTISTIC FAILINGS OF ANGLES I COULD IMPROVE ON NOW. The fact I was redoing this and my PC shut down and that's why the right side isn't fixed :))
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My ass had both a yellow and BLUE PLANNED FOR GIRLLY GIRL...
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I COULD DO YOU ALL FASTER, BETTER, AND NICER IN CLIP STUDIO NOW... I could JUGGLE YOU BETWEEN PHOTOSHOP AND CLIP STUDIO SO WELL NOW... THE TEXTURES I COULD ACCOMPLISH, THE WORK FLOW I HAVE NOW??? OUGH.
UGH.
It's yearning hours, because my PC is currently still trying to save layer files on a commission piece, and it's lagging my mouse because it's apparently confused what USB ports are.
#kat life#kat talks#I have to fucking go to the dentist and hannibals surgery is gonna be like 10k and I have a huge debt I'm still paying and I'm just TIRED!!#I just wanna buy my bougie 4k computer and 3D model a Felix to print and sand and paint for my desk!!! THAT'S ALL I WANT IN LIFE#I just want to fucking finish my old Felix model!! I got halfway done with him and my program just closed and said “nope sorry”#AND I HAVE HUNGERED SINCE BUT SHIT KEEPS GETTING IN MY WAY BECAUSE I HATE THE IDEA OF EXACERBATING MY DEBT WHEN I'M ALREADY DROWNING!!!#it's late night bitching and yearning hours#like I'm SCREAMING I'M ON A LOOP#all I do is bitch about money and health and my computer!!!#I wish I had more time for art to make my patreon actually interesting and worth it and get that to actually be financially helpful#I'm grateful to my patrons I just mm wish I had more time and energy to put into it?? I wish I had more output but I'm so stupid!!#Honestly if I could just screen record and share process videos I'd LOVE THAT BECAUSE IT WOULD MAKE IT AT LEAST KINDA WORTH IT?? but le pc#in general though a lot of my old art is very HEAVY for this PC to load still... for some reason. A lot of pieces I want to revisit and red#like their colors and layer settings give such a DISTINCT look and I wanna hone back in on that?? so much NS stuff.... ;;;;#There's so many interesting little Felix pieces I wanna finish... I had a whole ZINE PLANNED back before the p*rn ban chased everyone off#the ambition of old Kat is unmatched I swear.... god damn
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gaylightisminetocommand · 1 month ago
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do you ever end up going down a fucked up rabbit hole you can't bring yourself to look away from at 2am for the second night in a row and then realise you've had planet of the bass playing in the background for an hour
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deus-ex-mona · 11 months ago
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man. this song reminds me of physiology class
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floral-hex · 9 months ago
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Two hours. I got two hours of sleep. I’m so frustrated with myself.
Went to the ER. Everyone was very nice. They gave me an IV bag of fluids (I was dehydrated! Sad cactus!) and a little ativan (teeny dose), which was nice at the time! Just a little amount, but the (mostly) quiet room, fluids, and meds managed to relax me a lot. Could have fallen asleep if the bed was actually comfortable. Then they packed me up, gave me another little Ativan to take home for tonight, and said they’d contact my primary. Cool cool. Got some much needed food on the way home, then took the pill and got comfy. Again, smallest dosage they make, so no feeling too good. Managed to muscle past my anxiety to fall asleep, and… 2 hours. Woke up. Tried to go back to sleep. Too frustrated and anxious and I feel like crap. What should I do? Just eat a whole gummy and hope that knocks me out? For me, that feels like playing roulette. Could work, yeah. Could make me sleepy and pliable. Could also backfire and make me feel sick and extra anxious for another 5 or 6 hours. What do I do? Roll back up to the ER? “Hewwo, I woke up and I need more benzos 👉👈🥺” haha funny, but I’ve seriously been thinking about it 😑
God, I’m miserable. Been sitting outside on the porch for a bit. Not quite an hour. Needed to get out of the apartment, but tbh, nearly 4am outside isn’t doing much for me. I just feel alone. It wouldn’t help with sleeping, per se, but just someone, I dunno, hugging or holding me for a few minutes would honestly save me a little. What a mess. Oh yeah, and apparently my kidneys are going 👎👎👎 down. Bad meat. Not great test results. Not what I’m focusing on tonight. I’m a mess. Anyway, this was my update. Sorry for all the walls of text. Suppose this is mainly for me to look back on in the future, but can’t pretend it’s not at least a little validating to put this all out into the world and knowing that maybe one or two people read this and I didn’t suffer completely without recognition. Yeah…
#this is a lot of text#not really a casual read#ok ok… I can’t sit outside forever#gonna go back inside and I dunno make a hot chocolatey drink. grab some snacks#TRY to feel good even though I don’t#YES will probably get a little high#hoping that the combo of sugar. salt. and thc will give me the sleepy tools to just pass out for awhile#just a few more hours! please!#omg I was so pissed when I woke up and thought I’d slept for awhile but realized I hadn’t#’ what do you mean the last text I sent was only two hours ago? ‘#seriously. I thought I fell asleep around 11 pm but it was closer to 1am.#stupid sexy ativan. messing with my sense of time#it really wasn’t that big of a dose! I was basically a little buzzed for an hour or so each time#but the doctor was nice and straightforward with me. I just dunno tho. I’m a big guy with a history of anxiety. .5mg is weaksauce#god I’m getting anxious just sitting here thinking about trying to sleep again#it’s feeding on itself. I’m trying to rationalize this but it’s just this feedback loop.#is this my life now? I’m outside. I feel so alone. I feel like I could die any moment. in a sword of Damocles way. it’s there and waiting.#ok sitting outside isn’t helping#after 4am and yes I see cars driving by. I hear the occasional siren. but I still feel alone in the world#please tell me life goes on? please tell me we’re not really at the end here.#I always feel like I’m staring at our final days. that we’re all barely here. fucking ghost planet. waiting to die.#there’s war and hate and everything is expensive and I can’t.. I’m not a part of this world. I’m too poor and sickly and so it all seems…#like we’re on our last leg. like the final days of a fire sale. this body feels fit for the grave. this world is the grave.#I’m scared#ok like I said sitting out here isn’t helping. Ian. please stop.#yes. yes. ok. snacks and drinks and distracting tv. let’s try this again.#sorry this is a lot#I spent the last 20 minutes writing these tags and getting progressively more anxious 😬#you can ignore this#text
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago
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this is not the exact one I watched but I saw one of these "dish scape" things at someone's house who actually has TV (like they pay for dish/cable instead of just watching stuff online) and I think they're meant to be relaxing atmospheric stuff that you mostly ignore, but I sat there for 35 minutes watching absolutely engrossed.. further proof that I genuinely think my brain is incapable of experiencing boredom lol..
#IT'S BECAUSE there's so many little details that like you can spend minutes just scanning every corner of the image and taking it all in and#you keep finding new things! like 'oh I didn't know that blade of grass moved!' or 'I didnt see that bucket before!'. And then on top of#so many details - some things genuinely do change. The one I saw was a Beach house scene and sometimes a bird would fly by or ONE TIME kite#came out of nowhere. a sandcastle built and unbuilt itself. there's a firepit and it comes on when the sky changes from day to afternoon!!#this is like watching a sports game to me. I need weird detail oriented friends who will sit for 20 minutes staring at a barely moving pict#ure & cheer and clap with me when a seagull flies across the screen ghgj.. THERE HE IS!!!! etc!! and there's just so much to think about!!#Like how the images are layered or animated and the choices that were made (like I think the sunrise and sunset sky background images for t#e beachouse are just the same picture flipped and recolored) and trying to predict what's going to happen next (will the lights in the hous#turn off for night time? will another bird show up??) etc! I even got up at one point to walk close to the screen and get a better view of#hese paintings that were visible through the beachhouse windows. and then thinking about building a similar home in the sims! OR ALSO THIS#WOULD BE SUCH A COOL medium I think to tell a story! Like you upload a video to youtube that is framed just as a completely average moving#screensaver ambiance type of thing. It's like 7 hours long and mostly loops the same still image. However. over time at certain points you#can see some thing happen like watching characters interact through the windows. animals or people walk across the screen. certain elements#in the environment morph or change. etc. In such a way that an entire like plot is conveyed. maybe like fantasy mystery sort of thing. I WI#SH I could do this style of art / had friends who could or had money to pay somebody to. I would LOVE to collaborate on a weird surreal#It's Just Your Average Slowly Looping Moving Screensaver Video I Promise' type story.. jjhhgHH.. Or even just making one of these set in so#me of my fantasy world environments. not as a secret thing with easter eggs that tell a story but just literally an image like this tha#moves over time and etc. HHRRGRGHhhhhGG.. ANYWay!! I had to actually turn it off not because I was bored but because it was distracting me#. which is funny since again. I think for most people it's meant to be a 'just leave it on in the background' type of thing that's bland an#neutral . But it was just making me think too much ghjgh.. This is why I can't go to amusement parks or nightclubs bars or concerts like..#a moving screensaver image is too overstimulating to my brain. Could you imagine me going to an environment just full of sensory informatio#like loud noises poeple talking flashing lights etc. etc. ? hghghb... Visiting a grocery store at a slightly busy hour is like my upper lim#it... Anyway.. everything is just so interesting to me. Even if I was locked in a room alone I would have plenty to think about & amu#se myself. I am also a hater definitely like I'm a very analytical person who is critical of society and systems & everything that exists#and even generally am just very opionated and have distinct preferences - so just because everything is INTERESTING does not mean I LIKE or#enjoy everything or never get tired of/annoyed by situations or ideas or etc. But it's more just like.. I literally dont think I could ever#be bored because of the way my brain works and also I approach life with elements of childlike whimsy and constant obsessive curiosity and#attention to detail. so as much as I am an analytical bore I also love everything and the world is fascinating at all times. lol.. duality#of man. if you get it then you get it. ANYWAY.. wanted to ramble abt it. I don't like the above video as much as the one I actually saw but#I couldn't find the beach one online.. BUt.. aaHH! best viewed whilst talking to yourself narrating/cheering! ALSO I want to make one!!!
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caesarclowningaround · 2 years ago
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how am i 6k into this mickey miranda time loop fic and he hasn’t even finished his first loop????
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wearenotswans · 1 year ago
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