#i cant change it but i can dream
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Merlin to Kilgharrah: Where does it say my destiny includes murder?!!
MERLIN. merlin, honey. Its been 12 episodes since the show started and i can think of at LEAST 3 where youve commited murder. And thats just what i can think of I know there is more!!!
#1. flying axe to edwin#2. thanos snapping sophia and her father#3. all that sword slingin merlin was doing at ealdor#sOOOO WHY do u care when its uther????#i dont even need to ask i already know why#its arthur#merlin doesnt want to hurt arthur#merlins love of arthur is the downfall of everything ;n;#âFREE THIS LAND FROM TYRANNY MERLINâ#uther shouldve died here and the next 4 seasons would be merlin as court sorcerer#i cant change it but i can dream#i can dream and write fanfiction :')#bbc merlin#merlin#bbc uther#uther pendragon#kilgharrah#my post#s1 e12#s1
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
based on a dream i had some nights ago
it was a pretty fun experience this was me after
#my art#digital art#comic art#it was fun i had a good time#also auRHGH this was a longun to make#i cant do the dream justice it was really surreal#maybe this advice can help someone out too#we dont gotta rush life dont gotta know who we are right away#i think the question of who am i is somethin thatll never have a single unchanging answer#cuz we're creatures that always change#so#yeah#ok goodnight kissie smoochie for your head thank u for lookin at my art
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
the company i work for decided that its switching from the german formal "You"(Sie) to the informal "you" (Du) in all of our websites so now we have to scour the entire database to change it and i quite frankly hate that, not just bc the unecessary extra work but especially bc its such a weird and unecessary change
i bet its bc everything here is getting englishfied (both literally and culturally it feels like, when my new boss talks its half in english bc every second german word is just replaced by an english one despite there being perfectly fine words for it in german too, its so annoying) and bc they want to sound more personal in hopes of getting more clients bc 'company is your fwiend uwu!!', i know this here is the amercian tm site so you wouldnt understand really but i do not want to be greeted with 'du' by companies, no, thats too personal, you dont know me and im not giving you my data, stay away!!
i guess thats how i would describe it .. the formal you is like a polite distance, like someone you dont know staying outside your personal space, but when its the informal 'you' it feels invasive unless i told you you can call me that, and that goes double for companies
maybe its a small thing that doesnt seem important but i cant stand it, im just a little part time worker doing data work so i got no say in it but the companies founder also announced hes giving his post to his kids some time ago so ...... since then theres been alot of changes and new projects that solely aim to imitate whats popular and whats done by other companies, despite ours being one that is, or used to be, intentionally different, like, that was the POINT, but i guess chasing trends is just too appealing for CEOs
#ganondoodles talks#personal#rare personal rant#theres more and more changes that feel so weirdly forced#like man#i thought being different was the whole point#like climate and ethics are .. or were .. the core idea and now i guess its just fine to do whatever conventional companies are doing#yeah woohoo lets also do an app thing that forces people to sign up if they want reasonable prices!#smartphones the standard everwhere!#who needs anything physical if you can put it in an a phone so syphon off data directly out of people fingertips!! yea!!!#lets use AI pitcures bc we refuse to hire more graphic desingers and they are jsut so overworked uwu#climate? ethic? whats that#argh#sorry this needed to get out#recently had a stupid conversation with a coworker bc i asked them why we are okay with AI shit now when it goes against what this-#company was presumably founded on#and he was rly defensive and said welll we dont have time and its cheap and also maybe we should got WITH the time#like that last thing especially pissed me tf off#but i cant afford to lose this job#im starting to hate it more though so the dream of being able to stay like this might not be real#i cant get a job in this place that is as nice to my mental health so idk man#i wish i was good enough at merch and online stuff so i could live of that#but even trying to find out how taxes work on that stuff is a nightmare to me
89 notes
·
View notes
Text
HhHhH Dreamtale brainrot...
The last two pics are from @dadmareau's Dadmare AU. Im obsessed.
#As you can see my art style changes every second#I freaking love dreamtale#i would die for it. Huhuhhu#dream and nightmare are sych tragic characters that i just-- eat it all up#Dadmare is my ultimate favorite.#the last pic was from a post of dadmareau where the positions were switch-- so basically its adult dream taking care of bb nightmare.#AND I LOVE IT#i cant shut up about them. hhhh#undertale#nightmare sans#utmv#sans the skeleton#undertale aus#dreamtale#dream sans#dadmare#timelines art
436 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sonadow Fic Rec
Okay, before you jump down to the masterpieces listed below, I just wanted to state this:
These authors have given this phenomenal content for free, baked with time and effort. I have never once ignored this, hence why I try and comment on each and every one of these fics. However, my energy and ability to be verbose differs day to day. Some of these fics I have not given proper comments for, despite this, I will be on it the moment I can be. In the time being, (once I am able to find my comments on each of these fics) I will be sharing my adoration for them further in other posts (and most likely link back to this one).
With that being said, please, PLEASE take your time to check each of these fics out. If they're not your cup of tea? Valid! But hands down I have never dedicated myself to making a fic rec like this until now. But I MUST share and spread these works, they are much too dear to me not to, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
(All fics are listed by order saved in my bookmarks, not in the order read)
tangled threads and bite-marked shoulders by @rubyiiiusions
Words: 32,287 | Series | Complete
Shadow hissed in pain. The laser had just grazed him, but it still stung, and he instinctively gripped the wound it left on his arm. âYou dare-â He stopped. The laser hadnât hit him. In fact, it had struck Sonic, right on his lower left arm. So why did his forearm feel like it just got shot? He whipped around, fear climbing up his throat, and he suddenly became hyper-aware of something new. It was like a sixth sense, feeling the confusion that emitted from Sonicâs fur in waves as if it was his own. âWhat did you do?!â Shadow snarled. or, eggman accidentally soulbinds shadow and sonic, and no one has any idea how to undo it.
Sleepwalking by Tirainy
Words: 22,117 | Complete
'There is a strong arm curled around his torso, the appendage keeping him close to its owner, whose warm breath is ghosting over the back of his neck. Sonic is sure he went to bed alone the previous night, but he isn't worried about the intruder. After all, this isn't the first time this has happenedâŠ'
Secret Admirer by @trenchcoat-gecko
Words: 24,313 | Complete
Sonic understood well what it meant to be loved. He was a world-famous hero, after all; his presence never went unnoticed. For the most part, he lavished in that attention, he soaked it in and encouraged it. But not romantic attention. So, when the blue blur found himself falling in love? Well, the prospect was rather daunting, no matter how easy Amy had made it out to be. So maybe, just maybe, he should just take the easy way out...
Rose Drops Series by @magicstormfrostfire
Words: 122,489 | Series | Complete
Love, Intuition, and a little bit of magic ensues as Amy sends Sonic and Shadow on an unforgettable adventure.
Wolfboy by @trenchcoat-gecko
Words: 73,856 | Complete
World-famous monster hunter Shadow the Hedgehog has a job to do. It doesn't take long for the one-shot wonder to realize that this job won't be as simple as he'd expected: a small town, rumors of a lone werewolf, and a handsome, green-eyed, chronically-injured casanova who manages to worm his way into Shadow's heart... What starts off as a simple job turns out to be something much more life-changing.
Blizzard Bedfellows by @magicstormfrostfire
Words: 21,294 | Complete
When a rare blizzard takes over the island, Sonic is on the run to make sure a certain angry loner is safe and sound. Y-you know, because...uh that's what heroes do.
We never met but can we have a cup of coffee or something? by @whitejungle
Words: 3,630 | Complete
It's been almost two months since Sonic lost someone he didn't even know, but he can't stop thinking about it.
Clean Slate by nottheweirdest
Words: 155,880 | Complete | Note: Squeal pending and I am cheering you on author!! Whatever you decide I am excited to support you!!
Shadow has lost himself before. He knows what it's like to straddle the line between reality and false memories, but this time, itâs Sonic whose memory has vanished. A premeditated set of circumstances and an accidental injury leave Sonic with no memory of who he is, his life, or more importantly, his painful history with Shadow. Itâs up to Shadow to remind the hero who he is in the midst of a global outbreak. Itâs a chance for redemption. Itâs a chance to right the wrongs of the past. Itâs a clean slate.
say i reckon (i love you, for a millisecond) by @redamancering
Words: 30,205 | Complete
Thereâs a hand on his shoulder, barely making contact. A red gauntlet glows around the wrist. Sonic blinks, the pain having evaporated so fast he feels almost weightless. âShadow?â Shadowâs breathing heavily. âProblem.â The retrieval of the ancient tech Shadow (and Sonic, in tow) has been sent to uncover takes a turn for the worst. In this case, the âworstâ means⊠becoming physically and inextricably linked to each other. For the foreseeable future. OR: Metaphysical handcuffs, and general gay buffoonery.
Judge my sins, not my feelings by yellothebeeloved
Words: 228,479 | Complete | Note: Possible one-shots pending from the author for the series, I am here to support you author!! What ever you decide I'm here for it!
Maybe he's not meant to touch. It's the newest excuse he thought of in hopes that he could prolong the game a little more; a careful ruse to enjoy the bittersweet torture of seeing the days pass them by, while he pretends he doesn't seek azure blue whenever he's restless. At first, all he wanted to do was watch: but now the desire to touch, to have, to affect is at a point where he's not sure whether reaching for Sonic would truly be fruitless. He wonders that especially when Sonic's eyes light up upon seeing him. When he corners Shadow, when he invades his space and he touches and takes and then excuses it by calling it a fight. Shadow truly wonders then: if only he was brave enough to reach out, what would his grip find? Loose stars or a battle-worn body? Standing up, he glances at Sonic again, whose eyes have now met his own. There's something heavy in the eye contact, something Shadow doesn't dare name. Neither of them say anything, and yet Sonic's eyes move away from him again, like they did. Shadow warps away, hiding from the stars once more.
Child of Prophecy by @trenchcoat-gecko
Words: 139,321 | Completed
On the night the Mobius Castle was ransacked, the Queen received a prophecy. âOne of three will not cry; send him down the river, for you can only save your kingdom if he does not grow up royal.â
Coming Home by nottheweirdest
Words: 55,740 | Completed
Shadow's life has been full of mistakes, some worse than others, but admitting his unrequited feelings to Sonic tops the list. He's spent the better part of a decade ruminating on his regret and hiding from feelings he couldn't bear to face. He never thought he'd see Sonic again, and he told himself that was for the best. Until now. At the bequest of his former rival, and in an attempt to finally get closure, Shadow has returned to Central City. The reason? Sonic the Hedgehog is marrying Amy Rose. And Shadow is invited.
#I hope you all understand how many of these I have been in call reading to my friends#How many I have tried to draw shadow and sonic for#how many of them inspire my own writing#How I have dreamed about these fics so often I wouldn't be suprised if it rivaled my time fighting sleep to finish them in mere days#Also the AMOUNT of times I've wanted to pull out my microphone and read them aloud#Even though I would be absolutely horrible at reading them like audio books but you know what? fuck it#For these fics I would read them aloud the best I can#GOD JUST#I cant imagine a world where I never read these and its scary to think if they were never shared#Mostly because they actually genuinely impacted me in meaningful ways#I've cried real tears and felt such genuine emotion that I've been changed#Even if it's int he smallest bit#But it happened ya know?#Just- god I love you fic authors sm#Your work is never lost not to me#fox speaks#sonadow#fic#fic rec#fanfiction#writing#fanfic#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic x shadow#sonic fanfiction#sonic underground#sonic universe#sonic prime
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
Despite its flaws, there has never been a more beautiful and faithful adaptation of Tolkien's work
#the hobbit#lotr#the hobbit 1977#rankin-bass#the sheer fact that they incorporated THE SONGS#the joy and relief of arriving at rivendell to a chorus of elfsong is unparalelled#and bearded elrond with a crown of stars is GOAT#i love the idea of him retaining a beard as half elven#....though in all honesty i think having become spiritually full elf his physiology wouldve followed suit#as the elven form is defined by a half spiritual body... his physiology would've had to have changed alongside his spirit#aragorn retained a strong spiritual form as well due to his elven blood... but as man did not have the full simulatenous conscious presence#and tolkienâs theology certainly wasnt dualist despite depiction of tangible spirituality... it was more âmultidimensionalâ than individual#so i think elrond's material form must've aligned to elven biology as well to posess such a spiritual nature... meaning no beard :(#but we can dream cant we#at least we got the shipwright and the ancient un-fallen elves in the West probably have beards too#they'll give elrond one when he gets there
237 notes
·
View notes
Text
confession time!!! can't wait for bt bones
#how is it gonna happen tho#dont know if i like buck prioritizing eddie over t or buck and t just now really meshing more#ooooh#or they breakup cuz t doesnt want kids#thats always good#i dont want to villianize t just because i dont like him (jk i do)#so maybe buck and t just kinda dont work out#like its not a bad breakup its just one those i like you but we wont work long term breakuos#or t says no kids and bucks empty womb is like devastaed so obviously they have to break up (bpreg got to me im so sorry)#or they full send and make t the worst person ever#like fully sides with gerrard and tells buck to play into gerrards bs (not gonna happen but if it did tim i would love you forever)#anyway#cant wait for them to breakup#wait no#the funniest thing would be an offscreen breakup#especially after all that in season 7 hes just gone with buck saying yeah we broke up#đđđ#honestly manifesting that even tho its not gonna happen#a girl can dream#okay t hater hours are over#buddie#because ofc#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#sorrh i just dont like him and i dont think canon can do anything to change that
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst
#not only does leaning down to move my stuff hurt my back#but i have to touch dirty clothes and go into the dirty room and touch the dirty machines and i have to wear 2 pairs of socks (so my#normal socks dont touch the contaminated floor) and when i lean over the washing machine my clothes touch it <-the worst part of it all#tbh. now my current clothes are dirty but i have nothing to change into and i will have to wear them all day and it makes me SICK#and i cannot talk abt how dirty the garage (where the laundry machines are) it makes me nauseous that place kills me if i never#had to go into it ever again i would and i have to carry a laundry basket (dirty) and it touches my clothes when i carry it (disgusting)#and now my clothes are even more dirty and i feel like i cant touch any of my things bc i dont want to infect them but i cant just do#nothing all day when i have to do laundry but it makes me so SICK i need smth to cover all of my clothes but everything i've tried misses#some part and my clothes are ruined and it makes me SICK how am i supposed to do school or draw or anything when it's so bad#i have everything scheduled so i can take a shower and go straight to bed after i'm done but still it's so bad and it stresses me tf out#and i have to do laundry every 3 days because i only have 3 towels to use after showering and even if i did have more towels#i still would have to do laundry as often bc i couldnt handle doing multiple loads or having bigger loads my back couldnt handle that#w the system i have set up now it's just bad it;s all bad i hate doing laundry#i dream of one day where i can do laundry in a better way i think it'd involve not having the washer and dryer down steps bc that's#dangerous for one and for two not having them in a garage bc garages stress me out and three to have smth to cover all of my clothes#and 4 to have machines that dont need me to bend down idk if they have ones like that but it hurts#anyway that's it for listening to dux complain abt smth that ultimately doesnt matter and is only a problem bc their brain#chemistry is off#k bye i have to go do laundry *explodes* and take an exam *explodes* it;s an essay exam *explodes* and then im going#to like sit around feeling sick thumbs up emoji
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
just a few little bits from the past few days
#both the word count screenshots are from the same day - just different sections of the text. so that was like 4000 words in#one DAY.. huzzah!! (< making up for the fact that I did 0 words the 3 days before that lol.. so its not actually an accomplishment ghjjh)#In renpy I think you can have multiple separate texty cody whatever documents and still jump between them so long as they;re#labeled properly. Rather than like... having one extremely long 60.000 line file where in some places youre in a menu within a menu#within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu jhbhj#But that was the way I started doing it lke 5 years ago when I actually made the base of everything so I feel like it'd be too much#work to change it all that dramatically now. But that means I cant just get the word count for the whole document I just have#to jump around to the few sections I worked on and highlight them to get the word count for only that portion#.. the one tiny fraction of the whole monster text wall. Though it is of course spaced out and organized into#clearly labeled sections within that because otherwise I have trouble discerning text on a screen. still.#Resuming a project that's been basically abandoned for 4-5 ish years is just always finding weird stuff like.. why did I do this that way..#why did I write that... why did I organize that in this manner... what the hell am I referencing in this note... etc. lol#Anyway... also......................cat with plum on his head.#everyone point and laugh at mr. plum head boy..!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:3c#I've been obsessed with Calico Critters' social media presence from afar (like how I mentioned one of my possible dream jobs would#be to be the person that sets the scenes and arranges all the toy animals at a tiny little table and etc. to take the type of pictures they#post on their facebook page and stuff) and I see all their photos of them posing the rabbits as if they're in a swimming pool#or on a nature hike or etc. etc. BUT I have never really seen them in person. Recently I was at a store (in a KN95 mask and not staying#very long still of course. wastewater covid levels are still high where I live (and most of the US truly)) and it just crossed my mind#to actually go to the toy section and see if I could find any....wow.... Its like meeting a celebrity.. the Latte Cats....#Of course I didnt buy them because they're like... very expensive?? like $25 - $40 just for one little pack of a few critters like#what is shown. but.... I still got to see them................ my beloved.. I want their outfits... T o T#Oh and then lastly just a pot of purple clover looking things. I just think theyre neat lol#photo diary
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
the constant internal struggle of do i want 2 take T or do i just wish i were a cis man and ill be miserable either way
#but then ill never know until i do i it#i wont lose anything#but it is so much effort n i am already so tired#also why i steer clear of any trans realization media ive finally made it out of the aching crying clawing stage and i fear it BAJH.. ..#(emotionally)#my insecurities ruin everything#i wish i could just transition and be happy#but all i can think about is will i be uglier#will it make me even worse to the public#will it make my skin rough#im more nonbinary than anything anyways n i always have been#so i dont feel pressured to or anything#but its My wants#that. r so . hard to understand#i dream of just being some guy almost everyday#but then . can i be#would i be#i wish i could shapeshift more than anything#some days i want a body more feminine and others more masculine#but neither are what i have#because theyre both perfect & attractive in my head#and ill never be that#i would like to try hrt and see if it helps. if it makes me like myself or gives me a different perspective#but im scared HJHA.. . i cant even go to the doctor for my anxiety meds#and it makes it feel so Big#and im terrified because of that ill live my life wrong but knowing exactly what was wrong the entire time#and the regret will kill me. i have the privilege to know#but im not acting on it#i already wasted 23 years of my life stuck here . unable to do anything or be myself. will i ever get out will i ever change#will i ever be ok
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Is that meant to be holly being obscured by will here or am i experiencing some sort of wheeler induced optical illusion
#trying to piece together a timeline for any of this is hard since it seems like everyone pretty much wearing the same clothes#like i think mike has changed his shirt like once? twice? in most of the leaks boy if you dont change your stinky ass#meanwhile nancy has an array of various cunty outfits like why is she getting changes but not mike đ#anyways the only reason im not sure if this is holly is the position shes sitting in looks? off like not the way a 10 year old sits lol#very much need to know if this is before or after karen gets shanked#seems strange that they would involve holly before anything goes down in the wheeler home#anyways have i mentioned how much i hate nancys dress here#i mean its very Rosemary but it just doesnt seem like nancy? whenever shes in her PRIME shes in a good ole pair of pants not#a pink dress and panty hose#seems like shes regressed in some way back to s1 nance#regardless i cant think of any more blondies unless this is just a random kid they have in the barn#OR this is linda hamilton or karen hashtag a girl can dream#holly wheeler#nancy wheeler
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because Iâm an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told youâll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or âsing with the girlsâ and then only be able to match male voices because youâre a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I canât think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because Iâm an adult whoâs more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because theyâre like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.
#Using randomly gendered words because thatâs me now but hey#Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else#It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with âgirlsâ just because of your voice and realize#You CANT hit that. You canât hit the mark for âgirlâ. Youâll never achieve that without like. Hrt#Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc#Then it doesnât hurt! But nooo instead theyâre looking or âsing with the other girlsâ and you fucking canât#And it gives you a crisis at age 14#Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and arenât on something they changes ones voice#and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it#Because not enough people do. Itâs like weâre all collectively embarrassed or something#I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they wonât get it is âgirlâ#and itâs like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir#Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! Youâre GIRL. So youâre doomed to background forever :)#I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag#I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after that⊠showed me. Something#More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please#doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue#But both please because Iâm greedy and I want what I couldnât have for every kid today#(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Havenât had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back)#And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it#TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos).#I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start#Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize weâre somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the âwrongâ voice to do anything#Because it did me at first. And Iâm otherwise GLAD to be confusing#Iâve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole âwhat am Iâ presentation#But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south#It certainly does not help and can be disheartening#Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious#lionâs lair
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have to find someone from outside my university to be on my examination panel for my project (basically like a dissertation defense) but the urge to email kate bornstein, gayle rubin, and alison bechdel on the rare chance they agree to be on my panel is sooo strong but also sooo daunting
#i emailed a local professor who did her dissertation on shit#like literally shit and i thot she would be epic cuz she was following how bodily functions n laws around it have changed#but she never replied :(#so i have to look for more intellectuals related to my field#like why not try right#i would be quaking in my boots if one of those 3 agreed to be on my panek#highly unlikely but u never know#a boy can dream cant he
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes i listen to people in class and i get SO jealous and SO envious because they look so effortlessly queer and they have a deep voice that I want SO BADLY and i just am soooo. jealous. it's hard to be in a country that doesn't have gender neutral pronouns and also for a not-girl who loves to dress feminine but still wishes to be seen as a non-girl !!
#first of all my voice is way too high for my liking#on the other hand i like the way i dress !!! i dont want to change it !!!#on another hand its getting winter and i dislike hats even though i still wear them so i dont want to cut my hair in the winter#so i AM in my own way to become this but not in a way i can really change or i WANT to change#it just kind of sucks sometimes !! to see other people live my dream and i feel like i cant do anything about it in a way that i would#benefit from#jana.txt#i vent
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
love seeing this pretty ballet and going "what if i made it teeter on the edge of a nightmare?"
but its those nightmares that- your not quite scared, but if you thought about it more you probably should be
#the fable nutcracker au#fin speaks#LOOK THEY USED DREAMS!!! AND DREAMS ARE SO FICKLE!!#its just the subtle horror of being the same but looking down and your hands are different- not quite human anymore- why was that?#and looking at someone youve been around since the start and they've changed too- but their more human#and is that just as scary?#becuase your both different and you both dont notice until you do but you cant find yourself able to react#look i just love how horrifying dreams can be especially when they dont let you be afraid-
12 notes
·
View notes