#i can clarify on things if it doesnt ^^;
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"we all agree that jupiter is a bad parent" i mean. i dont
#hes like. to me. quite realistic for a figure in that position#is he perfect? no#is any parent perfect? no#i think this is like. a very weird take#'he was pissed at morrigan for getting involved with wintersea' BECAUSE ITS DANGEROUS AND ILLEGAL#like i feel certain people want squall to look so good that theyre just. taking all the jupiter things out of proportion#'he leaves morrigan on her own a lot' like yeah. but not by herself. its clarified that if he isnt there she can go to fen and she has lots#of other adults to take care of her#also shes 11 not 6 like she doesnt need to be under constant supervision#nevermoor#jupiter north
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How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable
there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??
a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!
i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.
i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-
hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.
the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.
#and yes#before you ask#i have forgotten which account has which items/has done which content many a time#i think the most painful incident was forgetting to keep up the scoundrel's making waves while i was still playing nemesis with caeru#given that im trying to build it up to 12 and reset their specialization... that was uniquely painful#then again they have like 40 BDR so it wasnt actually that inconveniencing lmao#fallen london#ask#long post#sorry for the infodump + sudden villain monologue.#all jokes and personal accounts aside i totally get the apprehension abt doing that stuff again#it's not for everyone. not by a long shot.#im only doing this because im genuinely invested and in love with this silly little browser game#and way back when i started i made a (only half metaphorical) solemn oath to experience all of its ''main stories''#and truly see everything it has to offer#(bc i like. physically cant do hyperfixations by halves. i need to consume Everything abt the thing or i'll explode)#(and even then i'll probably explode anyway. it's either completely drop it or go All In until it stops taking up so much space in my brain#(and. given the track record. that is not happening with FL for a while yet)#but like. that isnt actually normal behavior. just. just to clarify.#from what ive seen a VAST majority of people do not go out of their way to play literally every ambition#and that is so valid. it is so overwhelming. you have to juggle so much.#you have to play the earlygame So Many Goddamn Times.#(as i said. served my time. did my sentence. i am my scars. etc etc)#the best advice i can give as someone who's so completely desensitized to that repetition it doesnt even phase me anymore?#the same advice i can stress to all FL players. legitimately just take ur time with it. play when you want to.#dont when you dont.#sometimes you have to grit your teeth and bear things. and when it comes to alts you Will have to grit your teeth and bear it all again#but the beauty of this being a game that one plays for fun is that unlike. say. crushing deadlines or annoying coworkers in real life#you are completely within your power to decide when where and if you want to grit and bear it all#..wow this is ADVANCED yin rambling holy shit. i actually reached the tag limit. i think this ask should be put on some kind of list
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Note to self: word prayers better when doing divinatory sessions
I think I've mentioned this before, but I do yes/no stone pulls on Sundays to ask for guidance about maintaining my health re: my commute because it's 2-2.5 hours each way via public transit if everything runs on time. It's rough on me in multiple ways and can lead to even more migraines than usual or being too fatigued to work at all, and it can be difficult to tell whether I'll have the spoons to go in person.
This past Sunday I was exhausted & stressed because of, you know, the horrors, and said my initial prayer a little differently than I usually do. I still invoked Apollo and Hermes as always, as both of them cover divination by lots, Apollo's domain covers health & disease, and he's the one I turn to for divination by default.
Now, the vast majority of the guidance and lessons Apollo has given have had to do with recognizing my physical & mental limits, especially around this issue. The answers I was getting this time around were...odd but not quite in the way they have been with just dud pulls, so I started asking clarifying questions to figure out what was going on. After a few - establishing that there was a reason for the answers but it wasn't a test or punishment or Apollo messing with me (which would have been. odd) - I realized that while I'd invoked Hermes as a god of divination by lots alongside Apollo, I had not explicitly asked him to act as a messenger and aid in communication this time around, nor had I asked Apollo to guide the divination session with the wording I usually use.
I think you can see where I'm going with this.
I re-said the prayer (correctly this time) and confirmed that it was, in fact, Hermes at first while re-doing the initial set of questions (which were much more consistent in the usual way), as well as confirming that the issue was the prayer wording. Lesson learned lol
#full transparency: shortly after the initial set of re-do questions i had a panic attack/meltdown (b/c of. again. the Horrors)#that was made worse by the third part of the session (some questions i thought to ask after the re-dos) being a dud#i did another pull wednesday morning after i had had a couple days to recover & the biggest stressor was over with#& i felt ready to re-engage with it#(& also knew that not clarifying the last part of the pull would make the Everything worse)#and i asked about each section (hermes -> commute question re-do -> the Bad Times questions)#and got *another* confirmation that it was actually hermes at first & that the middle section was accurate and (thankfully) that#the last one was not#i check my work *thoroughly* b/c tangible external things like divination are the most reliable things i have#b/c i cant always trust internal cues#coriander says#helpol#apollo#apollon#hermes#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#hellenic community#divination#also! to be clear! ymmv when worshipping/working with/etc. deities#just b/c this was my experience doesnt mean this will be your experience!#also also. i personally dont believe all of the gods might do the sort of thing hermes did. he's a trickster god#which is why the possibility that it was him was on my radar in the first place#apollo doesnt have trickster aspects afaik (i could be wrong!) so it seemed off. and hermes wasnt. like. *impersonating* apollo#i didnt ask explicitly who it was at first b/c that's not a necessary part of my process- you dont *need* to clarify by default in helpol#& now that i know why it happened i can avoid the situation in the future & have a data point to compare to in case it *does* happen again
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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another thing I'm thinking about. never got the complaint about tonetags being bad or useless because people have to memorize it and can misunderstand what it's short for like. yep it's abbreviations. that happens with them. do you also get mad when you see someone use an acronym you don't know the meaning
#tone tags arent for everyone as no accessibility thing is for everyone obviously but i dont understand people being so vehemently anti them#and every time i see someone complain they're saying to just say it in full if you want to convey your meaning. whuch obviously yeah that#works and is typically more clarifying. you are completely ignoring the reasons people might be using abbreviations though#like i feel the abbreviations part is important.#its almost like its generally considered easier to use them or smtn idk. sorry. or something i dont know#i dont even have a huge horse in this race i only use some tone tags sometimes i just think this falls in line with people ignoring how#typing/talking can be difficult for some people#again. no accessibility thing is one size fits all & your alternative for something that doesnt work for you could not work for someone else#joyousposting
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I've found that, when interacting with others (or myself), it's useful to consider the lessons I'd want to teach a growing child.
If a child makes a mistake, I wouldn't want them to feel shame. I wouldn't yell at them, humiliate them, or in any way indicate to them that their mistake is a reflection of their worth or of who they are as a person.
Instead, I'd want them to associate the process with love and joy. If they say something that hurts someone's feelings, or otherwise ostracizes someone in some way, I'd compassionately explain to them. Ideally, they'd walk away knowing why they said / did it in the first place, how to handle similar situations in the future, and would accept the consequences (e.g. if a friend no longer wanted to hang out with them).
While the consequences may sometimes be painful, I'd do my best to instill in them that mistakes are human and natural, and that the process of learning from these mistakes is an opportunity to improve connections with others and express love.
I have a tendency towards excessive guilt. Memories in which I've said / done something ignorant or hurtful are infused with this guilt and shame- but ideally, I'd feel a sense of love and peace, and perhaps happiness, when looking back on them. Because they were moments of growth, moments I learned how to be more compassionate (even if the actual learning came years later).
So I'll put this out into the void:
When you make a mistake, that is not a reflection of you as a person. It is a moment in time, a moment which was informed by your past experiences. Humans are not static labels, or monsters in an RPG game. We are social creatures who live and learn and react and grow and experience and love. Be gentle with yourself and move forward knowing you're doing so in accordance with your values.
#parenting#internet culture#self compassion#i'd also want to teach them critical thought of course - there are varying ideas of what constitutes mistakes or ignorance or harm#and that's a messy subject which is often a challenge to teach and is beyond the scope of this post but it's important#to avoid being subject to manipulation or becoming reactionary#but anyways#to clarify something in the tags here: it's okay of course to feel bad. that's a normal response. but it's not necessary. and a culture of#shaming people for their mistakes isn't helpful in the same ways it isn't helpful to do that to a child. people become defensive and/or#self-hating. divisive and reactionary and more easily manipulated. fearful and ashamed and avoidant. afraid of disagreements or of trying#anything new. increased all-or-nothing thinking and blowing things out of proportion. it just doesn't help in the long run#sometimes when someone says something i want to express hatred and mockery towards; i think of my trans friend who's full of light and love#and compassion. who came from a smaller more conservative community and used to have some of those same stances (and may still hold some of#those feelings/anxieties). and i remember that i can be firm on my boundaries and spread love and acceptance and safety *without* spewing#vitriol at anyone who makes even a minor mistake. i want people who were impacted by oppression and bias to have space to grow and#find safe communities and be able to think for themselves. i dont want to push them away or be another person in their life screaming at#them. there's always a person behind the screen.#like that doesnt mean i have to interact with them. in fact in most cases it's better to step away. and there are still unsafe people out#there- but yelling at them won't do any good either. saw a tip to focus on the people you want to help rather than the opposition#and that's been super helpful for me
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Here’s some moral support Rain for you
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thank youuuu i am healed & revitalized by these images
#my unbearably annoying work task lately is measuring things#so the software behaves differently depending on a measurement. as in a distance. theres a threshold of 5mm and if the distance is less#than 5mm it does one thing and greater than 5mm it does the other thing#users are coming to me and saying#hey. it did the less than threshold thing. can you measure it for me#and so i run the same code that the software uses to make the decision#and i say ok hi it was 3mm#and they say ok but should it do the greater than threshold thing because i want it to?#and i have to say no please follow the algorithm as we defined it#and just to clarify theres simply no possible way that the computer would make a mistake on a greater than/less than. it just doesnt happen#so theres no purpose to this exercise at all#if the distance was measured wrong we wouldnt know from this. im measuring the distance the same way
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I read that same fic earlier and I just straight up muted the person so their works don't show up for me anymore lmao
there was also another one like that posted yesterday because the person was mad at something qBad did a couple of days ago while not at all in his right mind and amnesiac, it was odd (not shitting on the person just confused and slightly concerned)
yeah there’s. a lot of misconceptions around qbad rn lmao. It’s one of the reasons Im so obnoxious about him, tbh, so that it’s not JUST the negativity that gets spread. He’s a really good target for the hate rn, because he has a smaller fanbase and his pvp playstyle + lore lead him to all that antagonizing during purgatory, and that gets vented out into fics.
It’s genuinely really interesting, the dichotomy that seems to exist between tumblr and twitter regarding him. Ive heard nothing but slander about bbh from twitter (again, he is not faking his illness, that is a lie), but he’s got a solid enough foothold on tumblr that ive seen more hate towards the fans that the cc, here. which makes sense, given how we take over the tag almost ever day when he logs on. genuine o7 to people who find that obnoxious but thats one of the reasons i overtag so much, for blocking purposes.
anyway i think all the bbh mischaracterization means that we just need to write about him more >:D please this is a call for more bbh centric fics from people who do not hate him/know a little bit about his lore. blease he’s such a fun pov to write i promise
#discourse#<- discussion of it anyway#idk maybe people are spreading lies over here too but i block anyone who doesnt filter their neg/go out of their way to make bad faith#arguments.#i think ita REALLY interesting how seeing all the hate towards bad had me finding myself saltier towards other fans/creators too#so i can understand why these vent fics are being put out yknow sometimes its just really fun to hate a guy#but that’s what neg tags and bashing [character] tags on ao3 are for#on tw/itter where a lot of this gets spread you dont really. Have that#dont mind me ive just been ruminating on this a bunch the past two weeks#ive never been so active in a fandom where discourse had the opportunity to actually reach me#its been p interesting to observe how thats effected the way i say and clarify things#<- rhats the main point of my other post ig because if my gifter is someone who has been seeing nothing but bbh neg after bbh neg comes her#*here and sees me swooning about bbh’s ‘only egg protector’ and ‘no one helps him’ complexes Getting Worse during the end of purgatory#then they dont have the context that im doing so strictly for fun and not putting it on other characters/blaming them for not also swooning#we have media literacy in this house i promise#i would like more characters to have flaws and feel alone and commit incredible sins#anyway. excusez-moi im verbose when im tired and procrastinating#anonymous#shape answers
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Is there a good way/is it worth trying to decrease menaces? Or should I just ram my face against problems and accept that, every so often, I'm gonna have a problem™️?
There's several ways to decrease menaces, with some being substantially better than others! It all depends on where in the game you are, progression-wise.
For starters, social actions are always available and always excellent regardless of circumstance. There's tons of people in the FL community that are more than happy to send menace reductions in your time of need (including myself, if you fancy), so don't be afraid to reach out!
The second main way, assuming you're a newer player, are the bottles of menace reduction you can purchase at the Bazaar. These are very cheap and very useful in a pinch, and they'll likely end up being your go-to menace reducers for most of the earlygame.
Once you hit the midgame (aka achieve "Person of Some Importance" status) the menace reduction provided by these items falls off significantly, and you shouldn't be relying on them nearly as heavily as you were during the earlygame- because you have way more options available to you as a POSI! The Scoundrel's personal favorite is stopping by their Parabolan Base Camp whenever they get too many wounds and/or nightmares, but you can also construct a special menace-reducing building at Ealing Gardens if you've unlocked Railway content and really need the boost.
(Notably, you cannot die from menaces in your University Laboratory, so if you find yourself suffering from 15+ wounds for no reason in particular i'm sure you can dip into Parabola and take the advanced skill reduction that follows- but it will not kill you!!!)
Overall though? Menaces aren't too bad. Some storylines actually encourage or even require you to visit menace-exclusive locations, and there's a ton of stuff that can only be acquired from "menace jails" like the Tomb Colonies or the Royal Bethlehem. Reducing menaces is never strictly a bad thing- I do call the menace-exclusive zones "jail" for a reason- but raising your menaces too high is never the end of the world* and you should take it as an opportunity to see something new more than anything else.
*Except suspicion. Avoid maxing out your suspicion at all costs. Death is quite literally preferable to getting the cops called on you.
#to clarify: getting sent to jail too many times raises your criminal record#which can make quick-and-easy solutions like the ablution absolution stop working#and it's just generally a very inconvenient thing to have#(you can lower your record but that is a very endgame activity and also it's tedious and expensive)#ask#fallen london#i think virtually every ambition except nemesis requires you to visit a menace zone at one point or another#HD doesnt technically require it but you can get a VERY cool and VERY good exclusive item if you do#said item being unavailable anywhere else#so i'd say it's strongly encouraged
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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Oh you've heard of me? That's good to hear.
But I feel like no one showing up on your shift is better since then no one bothers you and such. :)
-✨ Anon (Sparkles Anon)
I keep an eye around. I try not to look at everyone else's blogs too much, but I see something here and there. I know there's you, a cat, a rabbit.. two actually, maybe? I think I saw a snail once? Things seem very chaotic over in their sphere. I'm taking my peace while I can.
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So in a very similar sense, yeah, it is I guess! When I'm not exhausted coming in, I usually spend days like that watching a bunch of crappy old movies we have stashed in the back; there are some real gems back there if you know where to look.
Not to imply they're actually good films, by the way. I do just mean astonishingly terrible. Like a car crash where all the cars involved are clown cars or something suitably stupid like that...
#hollie beat me to the player today though so she got to make the selections. fairs fair#she's the one who had to deal with me being asleep as a result anyhow#if she doesnt want to increase her work load she should make more exciting choices. just saying#pine.txt#asks#anon#✨️ anon#rp#kim pine#spto#spvtw#scott pilgrim comic#sp comic#(ooc: just to clarify incase the response comes off that way- if any of the people who sends those anons see this- those asks are fine!)#(ooc: idk quite yet how i would have Kim respond to them? but they're still welcome)#(ooc: i just feel like she would be bracing herself and trying to take what respite she can before that starts happening)#(ooc: also i do see a fair bit of the responses from other people i t h i n k? it's possible i miss some. They're very entertaining)#(ooc: just wanted to throw that out there; I think part of my problem reaching out to people now is just that I don't think Kim would 😭)#(ooc: like I think she does pop in and check on her friends and some Big Names out there sometimes? but because she knows these people +)#(+ she feels weird about it and only ever sees like a couple of things at a time)#(ooc: she mostly glances over to make sure they're not dead. maybe occasionally has to do a double-take at something she read and just. +)#(+ Sit there for a while. process whatever the hell that was)#(ooc: by big names I mean like. todd envy and lucas. not necessarily in a given order)#(ooc: incase that wasn't clear)#(ooc: currently feel like she'd be most likely to chat with stacey. scott if she was bullying/teasing him--)#(ooc: like in a reaching out first scenario)#spvtwtg
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Who is putting gay Dean vs bi Dean discourse on my dash.... I thought we got over this....
#it literally is subjective and personal opinion bc the show says hes straight lol#but subtext!!!! yea ok but the subtext doesnt clarify if hes a kinsey 6 or an equal opportunist so both can be true#i know what i believe.... but it differs from person to person !!!!!!#anyway stop saying hes one thing or the other definitively bc we dont know and will never know#and your headcanon isnt more real or true than anyone elses
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god wants me to kill myself sooooo fucking bad lately lol nice try bitch im queer
#you dont even fuxking know#the number of. literally impossible coincidences that have taken place to make my life just so much shittier lately#i have been sooo strong ive written like two dozen text posts just bitching and bitching about the sheer fuxking insanity of it and i only#posted like one of them im doing so good being so strong#that said i want to fucking die today lol this shit is melting my brain#it just never ends#the past two weeks have just been... so bad lol#i havent been able to see my bank balance in weeks i just know im so in the fucking hole it doesnt even matter#i havent had a working phone in a month#my family just vacationed in hawaii and im living in a moldy trailer#and the physical and mental health just go and go and go#and the mold grows and groes and grows#my friend offered me a top of the line pc for free and it felt like offering a homeless guy who loves music a grand piano#like yeah lemme just keep that under the bridge downtown where i stay lol#itll be fine#its like all the nice things id love to experience are dangled just out of reach of my fuckin cell bars lol#might fuck around and get addicted to a third substance in light of hope being a fool's errand in a truly random universe#life isnt guarunteed to get better no matter how long you wait or how hard you try actually and that is a hard fucking truth for everyone#alcohol is free and can keep your mind off how much mold & dust you breathe daily & breathed in the past 2 years & thats also a hard truth#also reading this i need to clarify in case anyone else reads this shitsheet. i do not want to vacation in hawaii. colonizer shit#what i wouldnt fucking do for just a week up by priest lake tho :(
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I want to take this moment to acknowledge that I feel confident in my decision. Before it slips away and I start back with the "what ifs." I made the right decision, not only for myself, but the other people it would have impacted and things must get better from here. The time for action was months and months ago, all that is left is trauma and pain now. And I am right to move on. I can't let this affect me any longer.
#he many times pinned me for expecting the worst...but i knew the outcome from the moment it started#yes some of it was me catastrophizing but it was also that i was attuned with the reality of the situation from the get go#we officially ended it for the second time..and hopefully the last...just this last weekend#he asked me what i wanted in reality#i told him at this time...all i wish is that i were easier to be friends (feels impossible...im so damn wounded)#asked him what his was then#and he said friends 'at a minimum'#then walked it back and said wishes best friends#honestly i was hot and tired from walking and dont have the emotional stability and did give him the what for#i said you cant say shit like that motherfucker#lmao i cant stand myself but thats how i felt and i had no fucks to give at that moment#and reminded him that he needs to watch how he says things..to me....to anyone#explained that what is SOUNDED like he was implying that at minimum he wishes we were friends but hed like *more than friends*#he then clarified he would like to be with me but doesnt know how and cant in the way i want it to be#makes no fuckin sense actually and im done trying to understand it#'in the way i want' ?????? you mean a normal fucking relationship? lol idek#very done#hopefully i can ride the no fucks train until all the heartbreak has dissolved into a closed healed-ish wound#personal#delete later
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okay yeah this may have been yaoi
The artist urge to draw my two favorite characters who are complete opposites interacting with each other.
#well i said that first thing on twitter but . yknow . needed to clarify here.#something special to me about pairing the loudest most emotional unpredictable character with the prim and proper deadpan reserved guy#also i know barb doesnt use his future-seeing powers much ithink but Walk with me. guy who can see the future but theres That one guy#whos so unfiltered and dumb that he just exceeds all logic#and manages to surprise him every now and then.#ok sorry for the ramble but theyre so adhd x autism
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