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#i am. for better or worse. still human
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You really didn't think that one through huh?
idk if im sobbing, wheezing, or choking on my tea <3
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longagoitwastuesday · 1 month
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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robinsnest2111 · 4 months
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still feeling bad even after food and a couple hours of sleep. how mean
#one of these days the yearning for an understanding person to come home to at the end of a day will end me#until then i will probably have to complain about my stupid suffering#why must humans be a social species and why must i crave things i cannot have lol#why must i be stuck living with people i cannot ever trust again. want to be around people i like and who i can be vulnerable with#tbh if i still was as whiny in real life as i am on here most days i'd only get to hear 'shut up' and 'tough luck. man up'#and that is Not It. would only make me feel worse. so i keep quiet and keep to myself#which does not solve my original problem at all#maybe one day. maybe one day i can just be a beloved pet that doesn't get scolded or belittled for seeking comfort#that one thing my parents said to me 15 years ago still haunts me#'only people who deserve it get hugs' which was used to deny me comfort/affection. because apparently i am not worthy/deserving 👍#i was 13 going through the most vile shit at school but bc it affected me negatively and my parents didn't like me at my mentally illest#they just straight up denied me any type of comfort or support. took away my belongings. made me stay in my room for months on end#as corrective punishment. but none of it made me better. just made me worse. idk idk idk#all the shit they put me through. the emotional and physical punishments. the beatings borne from frustration#and still some part of me wants to seek comfort from them. BUT I SHOULDN'T. they broke my trust and my heart and soul so many times#it'd be straight up suicide to open up and be vulnerable with them again... lole running chest first into a wall of knives. no.#sorry. really in it tonight. gonna try to be more normal tomorrow
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milo-is-rambling · 1 year
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I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it
#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with#no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to#ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and#then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there#like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day)#(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this#inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m#normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans#are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of#getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and#I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage#where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not#like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my#friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the#only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so#long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy#forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s#what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is#destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)
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murobrown · 1 year
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#it's that time of the month when I just want to sell my uterus on black market with human organs#the week leading up to my period is far more worse than the actual period#it made me gain 2 kg and I can't stop freaking out about it...i know i lose them every month but my brain won't leave me alone#it's making me want to starve myself or just work out until i collapse#tmi sorry...how is your Friday evening?#I'm bored and I'm deciding between going to bed before 11 pm or let my brain torture me a little bit more#I don't even think I'm excited about the weekend anymore because it means I'll have to eat again#you just eat and work out and eat and work out and try not think about the calories because we're not doing thay anymore#but deep down my brain still knows the numbers and won't let me go over 900 calories#i perfected my body but destroyed my head even more#i shouldn't say thay but maybe it's worth it#feeling happy in my own skin is the best feeling in the world#and I know I'm shallow because of that but for the first time in my life i like my body#i actually like all parts of my body#and knowing that i did it with all that hard work feels even better#but on the other hand now I'm just too scared I'm going to lose it all if I eat a cookie after lunch#i think I'm too deep into this#is it bad that I like the feeling of bones under my skin?#am I becoming delusional?#that's what a menstrual cycle does to a emotionally unstable woman#it makes me feel angry that out of four weeks in a month i get like max two weeks when I feel good and normal#all of that for nothing#anyway maybe it's time to stop myself..
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ethernetmeep · 4 months
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BREAKING NEWS: guy who when hes sleepy says “its sleepy time. its bedtime” & sleeps with stuffed animals also has the capacity to understand large words and philosophical texts if he is given enough time to process and think about them in his own unique way. what a surprise!
#i mean.. its not as if i am overall philosophical. im not much of anything— not to sound self-depricating. i just mean im average really#then again compared to peers thinking about bodily autonomy IS philosophical or whatever.#my friend apparently was taking philosophy & rhetoric & found it completely boring.. i couldn’t comprehend it…#anyway.. what was i saying. its true im silly & most of my interests (¿ what AM i interested in?) are nature adjacent i still find—#—things like serious topics & discussions interesting. it just is surprising because i… well.. i look like this#[gestures to a hello kitty outfit with childish socks]#im not exactly professor looking#i also don’t think i converse much about it because a lot of my personality can come off as a toxic positivity type with the—#kind of always present jolly i sometimes have. like ill be expected to say ‘nothing can stop you champ!’ after their dads death or something#except im not like that. ive been trying to appear less obnoxiously positive & be less offputting#ive also been trying to write better in the sense i dont say bland nothing burger shit like ‘everythings gonna be ok’ because. no.#what if its not.. what if it gets WORSE! plus although its the right idea with most people its just filler#instead i try to give really detailed responses & although sometimes i do come off as being more comforting than a neutral force its—#sort of apart of how ive functioned and managed to be alive for so long.#regardless i just try talking casual like human earthlings do but its hard sometimes. hope that helps!#anyway im starting to fall in and out of consciousness (tired) so goodnight. if you read this i love you man.. possible soectator.. 🫂
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seventh-district · 6 months
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man. grief really sneaks up on ya at the most random times
#Seven's Public Diary#grief#cw grief#vent#cw vent#vent post#cw vent post#cw death#cw pet death#cw pet loss#one minute ur folding laundry and the next ur sobbing over a dog that’s been dead for nearly 10 years#and the one that’s been dead for 9. and the one that's been dead for almost 5. and the cat that’s been dead for almost 3.#and the list goes on. once i start crying about one of them i start crying abt all of them#but it always starts with her. she’s always the first in my mind when something reminds me of dead pets#something. happened to my brain. when i lost her. i don’t think anything else has ever fucked me up so badly#which is saying a lot given that i’ve lost actual human family. i feel kinda bad admitting it bc like. how do u say that a pet’s death-#-hurt you more than a persons. how do u say that and not sound Wrong. i dunno#a number of factors all came together to combine into such an awful experience with losing her specifically.. that it just. was different.#kinda insane how it’ll be a decade this year and the impact of her death on me and my development is as profound as ever#losing her shaped several core parts of who i am now#at least she’s still with me in that sense. for better or for worse.#anyways. it’s not a complete mystery why it suddenly hit me. but it’s still wild how much grief hurts when it comes back to the surface#the combination of my Very late period finally being about to start aka Hormone Storm currently happening#plus randomly hearing The House That Built Me for the first time in ages… was more than enough to do me in#it’s been many months it feels.. since my last breakdown over it. so i was due for another round of remembering and lamenting i suppose#i feel better now tho. or no not Better. just emptier. good empty i guess#i’m also very hungry now though. so that's enough venting abt it.#it’s time for food and sleep now
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TW/CW: Suicidal ideations, mental illness
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I did not expect to be murdered today o - o
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pears-trinkets · 6 months
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#i just wanna have artist friends again to talk about art and hype each other up o(-(#share techniques and fandoms and have ocs together#i feel like i cant do art or feelings on my own anymore i need someone to feel it with me#but also depending on people like that is unfair so i stopped doing it and my heart was shattered into a million pieces#i had so many issues drawing the past 4 years and i only have one friend and they dont draw and are aq#are awkward with words but when i send them a photo of me trying to draw they literally didnt say anything and that was just :')#ive been struggling so much because of twitter and everyone i knew seeing my breakdown 4 years ago and knowing how many bridges i burned#and how difficult it is for me to draw at all and then share my art online and my friend told me its okay just share it with me#and when they dont say anything in me screams and feels so rejected i want to never talk to anyone ever again#im literally a shell of a human struggling with everything im a trauma response on two legs#and i wanna channel that into my two oc boys both being traumatized and leaning on each other but that also makes me feel so vulnerable#i feel like my existence is so pointless and just a burden on everyone who ever crossed paths with me#i imagine everyone i ever knew just talking badly about me how obnoxious i am and how selfish and ignorant and hurtful#and how happy they are about my downfall#im on mental sick leave and have finally a bit of time to catch my breath and im drawing again and feel better but i need to return to work#i cant do this#im so privileged and i still feel so bad and its so hard#i feel like every privilege i have will be followed by the most gruesome horrible thing because i dont deserve it and im unworthy of it#i dont think ill ever be able to build normal human relationships ever again ill shrivel up alone and die without anyone caring#while my mom is telling me im doing it on purpose and because i reject everyone#why is existing to painful and why am i doing worse worse doing it
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rehamalanqar · 2 months
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I want an opportunity to live a safe life without wars.
Hello,
My name is Reham Tayseir, I am 23 years old.I write to you from the heart of suffering, destruction, hunger, and displacement in Gaza. My life was beautiful and normal, full of hope, dreams, and hard work until the war came and destroyed everything.
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Before the war, I was studying Public Relations and Media at Al-Aqsa University in Gaza, and I was also working in design and editing for a company in Gaza. I had many wishes and dreams. I lived a simple but beautiful life and dreamed of a bright and beautiful future. But the war changed everything for the worse. My university was destroyed,
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I lost my job, my house was destroyed, I lost family members, and I lost everything and became homeless.
https://gofund.me/7ecdec85
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I was displaced from northern Gaza to the south, thinking it was a safe place, but there is no safe place in Gaza; everything around us was destroyed and became rubble. Every day we live in a nightmare, with no opportunities for education or work, and I suffer from poverty, loss, hunger, and homelessness.
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I am now looking for an opportunity to live in a safe place outside the Gaza Strip, but this is very costly, and I am in dire need of your support and assistance. I want to provide a better future and a dignified life for myself my family.I believe that humanity and compassion still exist and that someone will respond to my painful voice. Every donation, no matter how small, will have a significant impact on my life. Your donations will help cover all the travel costs for me, my mother, and my father to live in a safe and stable place where there is no hunger, fear, or destruction, to give myself and my family a new life full of hope.Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me and my family and standing with us in these difficult times. I believe that goodness still exists and that someone shares our hope for a better life.Thank you for considering supporting me and my family. I am grateful for any help you can provide.
Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #14 )
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glimpsesofeuterpe · 7 months
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even if it is the wrong timeline I'm glad we got to meet at least
feliix i am glad too!
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coridallasmultipass · 7 months
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starsonmarsy · 9 months
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tossawary · 9 months
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One of my personal nitpicks for historical fantasy is a lack of servants, staff, subordinates, and... idk... subjects? Like, their absence is not... a total dealbreaker for me, depending on the situations the characters are in and whether or not I can just assume that other people are there in the background... but so many of the protagonists in historical fantasy stuff are higher-ranking (very often royalty), and/or have busy jobs, and/or have enormous houses that would necessitate having at least part-time staff.
Like, girl, you should have a maid! WHERE is your chaperone?! WHO is driving this carriage?! Where are your footmen? Are you trying to imply that a WEALTHY DUCHESS is taking a CAB?! You know that you probably have tenants, right? Where is your steward?! Where is your lawyer? Your accountant?! (Like, yeah, you're not going to have your lawyer living in your house, but you HAVE one, right???)
Or, man, you're supposed to be a military commander and you don't even have a single secretary?! Where is your SQUIRE?! (In the spirit of historical fiction, I am jumping wildly across time periods with every sentence here.) Man, I know you aren't looking after your own boots. Where are your GUARDS?! Who set up this tent for you?! Who is looking after your horse?! Who is making and carrying the incredibly valuable maps people are recklessly stabbing daggers into?!
SOMEONE has to be scrubbing these floors and delivering the mail and cooking the meals and doing laundry, and they're probably all DIFFERENT people! My dentist has at least three different receptionists and we can't even get ONE for our court wizard here? A sorcerer's apprentice to take notes? Someone like Sherlock Holmes could get away with just having a housekeeper and taking taxis, sure, but your character is supposed to be a KING?! Why is he answering his own front door? He's going to get assassinated. His SERVANTS should have SERVANTS.
Like, yes, I understand that a lot of servants in certain places at certain times were supposed to make their labor invisible, but there have always been servants who still had to interact directly with the masters of the house?! Yeah, there are potentially really messy ethics here, class divisions are bullshit, but I don't think that completely ignoring the reality that humans have ALWAYS been doing work for other humans is better than just including some well-paid and well-treated servants and employees? Because a complete absence of them, especially where logically for the worldbuilding there MUST be servants (and probably exploited servants, or worse, for some particular worldbuilds to work), often makes me think that your main characters just don't care enough to notice the "lower class" people or know their names.
Also, even Frodo Baggins had a gardener and Samwise Gamgee might be the best damn character in the story?! Sam saved the world?! Servants are PEOPLE. Servants are often the funniest and most interesting characters, tbh, with the most to say about a society and its workings (yes, Discworld is a very good book series, highly recommend), and also the joke of some romantic scene being carefully orchestrated by a stage crew of servants frantically diving into bushes to stay out of sight never gets old to me. Teamwork makes the dream work!
I don't want to gatekeep historical fiction, especially not historical fantasy, because the worlds don't necessarily have to conform to our own and may have magic and characters are often in very unique circumstances, but... sometimes I pick up a story and it's like... "Author, please tell me that you know there is a difference between a butler and a valet?!"
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basma-ramez · 2 months
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Save us from the genocide we deserve to live in peace
Hello,
my name is Basma Ramez. I am 25 years old.I write these words from the heart of suffering, destruction, hunger, and poverty in Gaza. My life was beautiful and normal, filled with hope, dreams, and hard work until the war came and destroyed everything.
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Before the war, I was studying Sharia and Law at the Islamic University of Gaza. I had many wishes and dreams. I lived a simple but beautiful life and dreamed of a bright future. I never tasted the joy of graduation due to the war and the mass destruction we are enduring. I intended to become a lawyer; that was my dream. My life was beautiful in the embrace of my family, but the war separated us. I haven’t seen my family for months. Now I only want to see them and fulfill my dream.But the war changed everything for the worse. It destroyed my university,
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my home was destroyed, and I lost family members. I lost everything and became homeless.
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I fled from northern Gaza to the south, thinking it would be a safe place, but there is no safe place in Gaza. Everything around us is destroyed and reduced to rubble. Every day, we live in a nightmare. There is no opportunity for education or work, and I suffer from poverty, displacement, hunger, and homelessness.
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I am now seeking an opportunity to live in a safe place outside of Gaza, but this is very costly. I am in urgent need of your support and assistance. I want to provide a better future and a dignified life for myself and my family.
I believe that humanity and compassion still exist, and that there are those who will respond to my anguished voice. Any donation, no matter how small, will have a significant impact on my life. Your contributions will help cover all the costs of travel for me and my parents to live in a safe and stable place, free from hunger, fear, and destruction, allowing us to start a new life full of hope.Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me and my family during these difficult times. I believe that goodness still exists and that there are those who share our hope for a better life.Thank you for considering supporting me and my family. I am grateful for any help you can provide.
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sneakygreenbean · 1 year
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personal observations made by a new cane user:
you do not need to be in constant pain to own a cane.
folding canes have a clasp or band to keep them folded. losing the band is a pain in the ass.
you will get dirty looks
it does not matter what age you are. you will get dirty looks.
you have to hold it in the opposite hand as the disabled leg. this is fortunate, as I am right handed, so i hold it in my left hand to support my right leg.
people will try to steal your cane from you.
when standing still, I hold it in my right hand unless i need to do something right handedly. this does not work as well as i thought it would.
being visibly physically disabled is difficult. having a mobility aid will help with pain and movement, but some people don't get them because visible disability is treated with disgust.
if someone meets you for the first time, and you don't have your cane, then they will like you more, but they will not believe you are actually disabled.
if someone meets you for the first time, and you have your cane, they will not treat you the same.
the majority of other cane and mobility aid users I have met are homeless. I live close to a big city.
People do not want to see you being disabled.
you will not hear of the benefits of using a cane from anyone who does not use a cane.
no one will prepare you for the world of being visibly physically disabled. however bad you think we have it is usually not from the disability at all. I can deal with pain and I can deal with an indisposed left hand.
the hardest part of being disabled is the fact that no one will care until you make them care.
the disabled seats on trains are a suggestion
the disabled seats on buses are a suggestion.
you will have a different experience with using a cane than I have had.
your hand will become tired. you are using it as a leg.
your cane is legally a part of your body. this will not stop some people.
you are not your disability. but it will affect you.
i love you
theres always an invisible someone who has it worse. that person will not be affected or offended by your use of a cane. take the damn ibuprofen. put the folded cane in your bag. ask your friends for help. gd knows they need help sometimes too.
you will have to learn that things will be impossible to you. you may not run as fast anymore. you may not become a skater, like you always wanted to be. you may be left behind when everyone else runs ahead.
you deserve better.
your cane handle gets dirty. wash it.
some days pain is worse. some days you will feel it the moment you wake up.
no one deserves pain. the human condition is not to suffer. we deserve better. we deserve to be loved and not tolerated. we deserve to be seen better than from the corners of eyes. we deserve to be heard better than an afterthought at a meeting.
be quick to care for yourself. I love you.
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