#i am so fucking selfish
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I’m so sorry I don’t act like I’m obsessed. I’m so sorry I left you. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I know it’s my decision and I’m the one at fault. I know you tried to keep me from doing this. I know I made you sad with my decision. I’m so sorry for making you feel unworthy. I’m so sorry. I know you blame me for the current situation. I too blame myself. But i just don’t have the courage to do it.
It hurts to see you like this. To see us like this. I know I am the one because of whom you’re struggling so much. I’m the one at fault.
I know we talk but it hurts to see us like this. I’m so sorry for not showing my obsession and being at fault and hurting you and breaking us.
I’m so sorry for breaking us up. I am so sorry for making you sad. I’m sorry for making you feel like this. I’m just sorry.
#I hope we become friends and don’t lose each other ~ atleast as friends#it hurts so bad#you can blme me but please know that this isn’t easy for me too#I’m a coward#I can’t deal with real life situations#so I just decided to run away#i am so fucking selfish#I could’ve stayed with her#I feel like I’ve used her#I did not.#but why do I feel like i did?#my head isn’t working Nu more I’m sorry for making this decision#I’m sorry for everything.#she deactivated her account so i can rant here#i’ll remember her forever#her
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Wowie rly digging the yandere clone headcanons… how would each react if their darling tried to run away from them?!
You said tried so I assume this was a failed attempt!
Short answer: they get really upset and try making it your fault (shocker.) Ain't no way any of these mfs think they're the problem. Good news! you're mostly unharmed and alive.
This will just be purely writing bc i mostly had thoughts! sorry no drawing this time!!
[cw! mentions of potential harm to reader (no actual harm done), manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics (yandere flavor), obsessive behavior]
Sekido
You're always being hunted the moment the sun comes down and you don't return home in time. Reasons like that are exactly why he hates it when you part from him.
This time is different.. he can't find you in your usual spots. There's no fucking way, right?
How could you.. No, how DARE you? Do you think that he's some joke? That his feelings for you are something that you can run away from like it's nothing?
The second he's sure the sun won't harm him, he's already white knuckling his khakkhara, swinging at anything and everything in his path until he gets to you.
They know how to sense if you're near or not, hell, they probably know how your specific blood type smells like.
Did you think cuddling up to you and memorizing every detail about you was for nothing? Don't be stupid. All he needs is a trace of you and he's gone in the blink of an eye.
You better enjoy running while you can because when he catches you, and he will, those legs of yours won't have much use after he's done with them.
Sekido doesn't WANT to do this, but you honestly give him no choice. After he trusted you enough to stop looking over his shoulder, you do this? How can he ever put any faith in you again!?
On the bright(?) side, Sekido's rage wouldn't be solely on you, it'll ricochet onto everyone, especially the other clones and himself.
They were supposed to be looking after you! But they can't do anything right, even a task as simple as this.
And why did he think it was a good idea to trust them with something of big importance when all they do is fuck everything up!? Everyone's idiocy is rubbing off on him!
The entire time on his search for you, he's cursing and wanting to crush anything he can get his hands on, especially your bones.
He doesn't even bother with speaking to the others, too busy spewing out all sorts of hurtful and frustrated comments about everything.
The brutal thought that you’d rather run away than be with him isn't one he wants to entertain, but it's echoing in his head.
At least, once the other clones get there, Karaku and Aizetsu brawl with Sekido so you're unharmed while Urogi carries you overhead.
Sekido's jealousy flares up when he sees you in Urogi's arms, making him even more pissed if that's even possible. Great, now he looks like the bad guy and the other three, the saviors. Fucking perfect.
There's a lot of yelling and a lot of blood, especially with Urogi making things so much more annoyingly difficult in the air. Karaku and Aizetsu aren't helping. Why is Sekido suddenly the problem?! You ran away!!
But when he calms down enough, he's cursing at everyone through clenched teeth. Sometimes trying to convince the others that you don't even need your legs anyway!!
Once you get back home (or temporary prison until you somehow regain favor), Sekido will eye your legs while gripping his staff from time to time.
Exactly why he's forbidden to be in a room alone with you for a while until he settles down..
He glares at you more often and grows colder than before. Arguments are more common where he twists your words just to have you talk with him and be angry within reason.
Any other type of conversation makes him so irrationally upset that the others need to step in so that he doesn't lose his temper again.
Karaku
The calmest out of the group. He brushes it off as “you're playing hard to get” again, and if he makes a ruckus, you'll scamper back and beg him to stop like always!
Then it gets darker out.. and when Sekido left, he seemed pretty pissed. Like more than usual..... shit.
Karaku sprints after Sekido when it clicks that he's found you. His mind starts reeling, unsure whether he should laugh at the absurdity of your decisions or get pissed off because you didn't even bother to give a hint!
Not like that would do anything aside from give you away but regardless!
Everyone needs to relax, this is obviously something they can sweep under the rug. This isn't that big of a deal and you're just having a fit, but things like these can get you hurt, y'know?
They're fun and all, sure, just maybe give him a heads up next time, yeah? Sekido can't take a joke, you know this!!! Still.. There's a way Karaku can work with this.
He'll be able to swoop in, save you, be your hero, and remind you why staying with him is kinda important. Just in case you forgot~
You don't wanna be out and about without his charming grin and protective hold would you? Don't answer that right now, he has a feeling you'll say something wrong!
Yet.. what if you need a firmer hand to remind you of what Karaku provides? What if you got a little too comfortable being protected so you thought you'd be alright leaving them? Man, who knew you could be spoiled!
Because of this, he would purposely fumble, letting Sekido get near you just so he can stop him at the perfect moment. He purposely gets hit too and makes sure some blood gets near you. To remind you how that could've been yours.
When Sekido calms down, Karaku laughs in your face and would pinch your cheeks if you weren't up in the air with Urogi on the way home.
You should've seen your face! It was really cute~! Maybe getting scared is your thing? He'll note that for later.
He offhandedly advises you not to do things like that all the time, fighting Sekido always kinda sucks, but it's not like you actually had a chance of successfully running away so he won't chastise you too much for it.
That's not his job, and his heart hasn’t pumped that fast in a long time.. not even in a fight! You're so amazing~~
And delusional if you think he's not going to milk this “heroism” thing back there for some extra affection points with you.
Don't be so mean. he got his head blown off twice and jaw dislocated thrice, not to mention everywhere else on his body. Don't you think those parts of him need some extra loving? more than usual?
There's not that much Karaku can say after that aside from reminiscing like it was a funny story. He's not upset about it, mostly a little miffed you got kinda far without him noticing, but he gets over it.
The usual routine starts back up for him when you're back home. It's like nothing happened, but he keeps a closer eye on you since everyone's so tense.
Urogi
If you're not home before the sun sets, Urogi's clawing at the walls with stress. He usually accompanies Sekido to go find you, but this time is different. Urogi could just barely tell you were around.. When Sekido bolts, Urogi's flying as fast as he can, trying to find you first.
You're so far.. you must've gotten kidnapped!!!!!
The stress from before burns into anger, expecting to see someone having their hands on you while you're calling out in vain. How could he let this happen?! Damn sun!
He darts through the skies even faster imagining it, and when he finally reaches you, you look.. fine? and alone. and looking at him like he's the danger. He's here to save you, dummy..
Urogi falls to his knees, burying his face against your stomach and finally wrapping his arms around you again. Your fists violently hit his head and yank fistfuls of hair back, but it doesn't phase him.
Your comforting warmth is back, that's all that matters. And god, your smell.. it's almost making him dizzy. He missed you so much.
There's many holes to the story in Urogi's head as to why you're so far from home, but he fills them in with more convoluted delusions. It's just a peaceful reunion right now..
That is until Sekido finally arrives and starts swinging his khakkhara way too close to your fragile bones.
Now he's back in defense mode where he scoops you up and tries flying out of reach. This is so stressful!!! There's lightning everywhere and he keeps having to dodge the multiple staffs thrown his way.
He shields you with his wings as best he can while trying to stay in the air, so you don't get hurt during Sekido's outburst.
In the skies, it's much clearer to see the hurt behind the haunting glow of Urogi's eyes. Did you care about how he might feel? Did you miss him at all? Did you not feel loved enough? Did someone say something to you?
As he maneuvers the sky, he holds you as tightly as possible, lightly digging his talons into your skin.
Being without you for a couple hours is agonizing enough on its own. If you HAD left him, abandoned, cold, alone.. he doesn't want to think about it. All that matters is that your kidnappers or liars or whatever influenced you are gone, and you're back safe with them!!!
You.. you still like him, right? Of course you do, fate wouldn't force your paths together if it wasn't for a reason!
Coming back home is uncomfortably tense, especially with how violently Aizetsu kicked Urogi across the room, nearly through the wall, when he tried to lick your wounds clean. It really hurt!
When you're patched up, Urogi is ten times as clingy if that's possible. He has his arms looped around you constantly so you can't stray too far, and if his hands are busy, he always has his wings!
As happy as he is that you're back, he can't help but cry into your chest sometimes. Everything is so tense nowadays, he hates it! How could you go and do something like that? Apologize immediately! Or at least hold him too? Doubt creeps in a lot, and your attitude isn't helping..
His mood swings are stronger. From sobbing uncontrollably into your clothes to being all smiles and radiating with joy the next just because you said something vaguely decent.
Aizetsu
The demotivation started to creep in the second you left. During the day, Aizetsu sits by the door, wanting to be the first one you properly greet. Sekido and Urogi usually bring you back and he'll be the one in your good graces without lifting a finger. That sounds nice..
But as the footsteps fade and the silence lingers, Aizetsu feels miserable the longer he waits... Hold on, silence?
Before he realizes what's happening, he's already dashing to where the familiar commotion is coming from. Dread sets in as his legs take him as fast as they can whilst being the slowest of the four. This doesn't feel like they're rushing over to you after a long day, it feels.. dangerous?
What did you get yourself into..? Why do you insist on going to places Aizetsu can't follow? Are you safe? He hates not knowing.
Usually you're the one who's fine. You deal with four demons almost daily! Please please please be okay. He can't fathom it if you were hurt.
When he gets there, the puzzle pieces fall into place and Aizetsu gets even more depressed, but at least you're not hurt. Well, not if he interferes. His movements are sluggish, a perpetual frown plastered on his face as he tries holding Sekido down.
Aizetsu wants to dissolve into the floor, and he does sometimes. Not wanting to fight Sekido off anymore, he slumps over.
This could've been a regular day where you came home.. Are you serious? Leaving? How pitiful could you be to actually think you could get away? Or was it that you wanted to play some sick joke on them? Well, it's not very funny... It's terrible actually.
Aizetsu stays silent on the way home, walking with a bit more energy knowing you're near despite his heart ache.
You can feel the harrowing disappointment radiating off of him the moment you all go back home.
He's tired, annoyed, and so unbelievably upset. Aizetsu grimaced when Urogi got near your scratches with his tongue, so he “politely” ushered him away.
Knowing a human's weak points is good in battle, but he started trying to learn how to heal them, specifically because he knew these types of things might happen.
As he cleans your scratches, he's actively scolding you for leaving in a cold emotionless tone. And by scolding, he's using manipulative language, trying to make you guilty for everything you did.
He barely has the energy to live, but now that he finally found his light in the darkness, you want to leave? Is it so wrong he wants to hold onto what makes him even a smidgen happier than usual? He reminds you that he'll wither away without you, but he's not really too keen on dying just yet.
When he tries to get back into a routine, he just can't. He knows why you left, but he doesn't want to hear it. Even if you're sweet to him or not, he'll hold you from behind when you rest.
Looking at you is too much, but being away from you is even worse. Aizetsu compromises this way, but gets quieter, occasionally sniffling when he hides his face behind you.
There's too much going on and he's so tired.. If it weren't for the others, he probably would've held you so tight for so long so that you both would perish together.
Maybe that’s why he's only allowed to hold you when you're asleep. Just please don't do that again.. He NEEDS you. Please, please, please.
Safe to say you gave them a scare. When they double down on the protectiveness, living is ten times more difficult for EVERYBODY. when you lose their trust, it's pretty difficult to gain it back, but not impossible!!
Sekido and Urogi will always assume the worst if you're gone for too long while Karaku and Aizetsu give you a little more freedom until the others drag them along into their worries.
#null rot#yandere demon slayer#yandere kny#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#Sekido#Karaku#Urogi#Aizetsu#cloaked cult member#not art#null brainwash#null gospel#IM NOT A WRITER!!!! JUST A REMINDER!!!!!!!!! JST A RAMBLER!!!!!!!!!!!!#i really couldn't think of anything drawing wise to go along with this.... but I really wanted to write for it even if I'm a bit amateur#Am I even doing this bullet thing right?? I'm not good at cohesive thoughts. but I try!! I hope I did this right..??#Also. Sekido honestly doesn't want to hurt you or even put his hands on you. he's just really scared you might something will happen to you#how the fuck is he going to live with himself if you somehow get eaten by another demon? or worse. used as bait from either demon or slayer#now that upper moon fucking four has a soft spot. its really selfish of you to run away..#don't you see how that can ruin everyone's lives including your own!? (manipulative)#why he gets more upset with any other type of convo at the end is bc it reminds him of how things were before. they were good.#but you had to ruin it didn't you? (manipulative ×2) and for sure for sure. if he holds your hand you're getting a bruise.#Karaku is hella chill bc he's wayyy too cocky that he can find you again. the little arrogance he has rearing its head again.#Hes not stupid. he knows you want to escape. but that means he has to whittle you down a little more. get you used to this. to them. to him#You can't escape. he won't let you. He belongs with you. so just try and get comfortable. yeah?#Urogi.. going through it. Hes like your ankle monitor. very fragile minded with his mood swings but extremely stubborn about letting you go#Hit him. pull at his hair. push him away. spit at him. hes sad for a while but bounces back. he always does! and he knows you will too!!#He just needs to wait.. even if it hurts his feelings sometimes. but never for long because you'll be back to loving him like before!#Aizetsu's stuck in a loop of angry -> sad until he ends up quietly crying because hes depressed you dont like them. eveything is pitiful.#he cant even move on bc youre his light. nothing will change that. even if you hurt him. all he can beg of you is to be kind to him. adjust#hes not the monsters you think he is. he can be sweet kind gentle. whatever you want.. just please.
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Also it's fucked up to yell at members of marginalized communities for acting within the two party system and not burning it all down when you don't have a plan. People are not your fucking sacrificial lambs to skewer and roast on a stick
#okay i actually need to stop but i am genuinely so angry at this virtue signalling and hyperindividualism#horseshoe theory at its finest#also it's super odd they claim to oppose genocide and we're selfish for HOLDING A CANDIDATE ACCOUNTABLE for ending a genocide when their#third party candidates dont fucking know what they are talking about and are Russia apologists?????#like are you fucking kidding me#grace rants#delete later#kamala harris#joe biden#donald trump#jd vance#election 2024#also i feel like so many stances from these revolutionary marxists are like#omfggggg i hate america it's terrible we need to overhaul everything but they fail to mention or empathize with the populations actually#living here their community members!!!! like okay you seem to hate america and americans which I AM so i dont really fuckin trust you to#fight for me
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Thinking so much about clingy, mutually possessive, filthy sex and how much I just need that rn
The kind of sex where you and Bucky just can't feel close enough to each other. You physically can't get any closer than you are, his thick cock buried so deep inside you but you still need more of him. He has nothing left to give you and you're glad because if he was any longer, you wouldn't be able to take the rest.
You're panting against his neck, whining out your frustration each time he slides home into your warm, wet body. His own groans are low, rumbling from his throat and hanging in the humid air of the bedroom you share.
"You know I can't fucking resist you. I can't." Bucky moans, grasping one of your wrists, guiding it between your bodies, encouraging you to play with yourself while he fucks you.
"I can't say no to you. Fuck, I'm yours." You hardly hear what he's saying over the obscene, wet sounds of your body accommodating his.
Your fingertips rub against your slick clit and the sensation is almost too much. "You're mine." You whine against his neck, using your free hand to claw at his back, driving him impossibly closer to you.
There's something reassuring about the feeling of his skin on yours. It's hot and sweaty but it's so comforting being naked with him, enjoying the pleasure of each others' bodies. You don't feel vulnerable communicating your pleasure to him; you feel understood.
"I am." He groans, eyes fluttering shut, lost in the way your body clings to him. "All yours. And you're mine, aren't you? My good girl."
It's a relentless build up, each stroke taking you a little further than the last and at some point, the band just has to snap.
"I am." You whine, barely able to manage any more words than that.
"You feel like Heaven. You were made for me. This warm, tight little pussy fits me perfectly." His body still isn't close enough to you, not that there's any way you could physically feel more of him.
"You take me so well, you know that? You take every drop of cum and you still beg me for more. Fuckin' love it." Just the very mention of Bucky pumping his release into you makes your walls flutter, dreaming of the feeling of his thick load shooting into you.
"I can't last like this." You hear him mutter and you're almost glad because you're not far off either. "Can't last when I can see that pretty face." His eyes meet yours and he pulls you in for a kiss that stifles your moans for a few seconds.
"Bucky, please." You groan when he pulls back, rubbing yourself just a little too quickly now that you've gotten desperate.
"Go on sweetheart, let me feel you cum for me." It only takes a few more strokes for your high to take over, pleasure rippling through you in a way that leaves your legs shaking.
You almost miss the start of Bucky's release, given how distracted you are by your own but the unmistakable throbbing of him inside you tells you he's reached his own peak if his moans didn't give it away.
#becca's thots#becca writes spice#Bucky Barnes smut#Bucky Barnes x reader smut#this was an entirely selfish piece#there's just something that hits the spot here for my possessive ass#also what the FUCK does one wear to a wine tasting event at a golf club???#if anyone knows pls dm me by Thursday#am I going to have to pretend I like golf??#and I'm at an awful stage with my hair#I'm growing it out and it's at a length that I HATE#I'm so close to just cutting it short again#but I'm half convinced I found a grey hair the other day#so I definitely need the roots touched up
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percy needs to be haunted by bianca's ghost more
#percy jackson#bianca di angelo#she doesn't even have to do it herself#he is just trapped in the horror of watching someone die and never recovering from the guilt that follows#like i thin we should talk more about how she was the first permanent death of the series and the first death he really witnessed#i think he should be more deranged by it tbh#painfully devoted to nico's health and happiness in a way that skips the border of unhealthy and jumps straight into fucked up#even better if bianca doesn't care. and nico has moved on. so the only person who is stuck in this void of misery about it is percy#and he can't emerge. no matter what he does no matter the time that passes she is always there in the back of his mind#a reminder of the first time he failed to protect someone else.#a reminder of his selfishness. his inability to follow through on promises. of his powerlessness. his uselessness.#in tbotl he finds out that nico doesn't care about him or his soul. he doesn't want percy dead. and percy is weirdly gutted by this#he needs nico to hate him and it freaks him out that nico doesn't. he's clearly upset but percy isn't centered in it the way you'd think.#nico has his own mission and percy is barely a side note in it and he's so bothered by that. it drives him up the wall#how selfish is it to be upset with someone for not hating you because you got their sister killed?#he hates himself so much. he wants to die so bad. but he can't. he has to keep going. for nico. for bianca. he doesn't have a choice#happy talks pjo#okay it is 3:36am and i am. going to try to sleep now
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something in fleabag about the names. we see the most intimate, uncomfortable, raw moments in these people's lives and yet half of the main characters don't have names. we call the main character fleabag because not one character throughout the entire series ever addresses her by name. we call her fleabag. no one's asked her a question in forty-five minutes. they make jabs about her need to be the center of attention. they never say her name. we call her fleabag.
#lane speaks#i am never going to emotionally from this#fuck this show was so good also how dare this show#GOD just something about the way they all use her as a scapegoat to project all their selfish actions onto#and they never even say her fucking name.#fleabag
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what. the fuck. is this.
how dare you.
you will constantly talk about how race affects you. how america is cruel to poc and the less fortunate. then you turn around, and scream at a survivor of fucking genocide begging you for help. not even asking for any of the hundreds of dollars, you can easily get from your fan base in less than a day. money we know you have because you spent it, on stupid non necessities.
A GENOCIDE SURVIVOR BEGGED YOU FOR HELP AND YOU COULDNT BEAR TO HOLD YOUR ATTITUDE FOR 1 SECONDS. you just had to be a fucking asshole. because you are the number one victim arent you.
all this person wanted, was for you to share their donation post. your lazy ass cant even do that? because it is "clogging your blog" ? you can re blog your own stupid horny furry art, LITERALLY eleven times in a row, but you cant repost one single palestine donation post, because that is clogging your blog. selfish. absolutely disgustingly selfish.
you are so transparently selfabsorbed. i had bile in my throat seeing these messages. a fucking genocide survivor, had to comfort a whining first world furry on the internet , only to be screamed at for asking for help to escape literally being bombed. sorry. dont you know a crying queer furry on the internet, is more important than your life and your familys life.
you care about nothing, other than yourself salem.
#i am so disgusted. i have no words.#first wis admitting to repating zionist propaganda. now salem being an asshole to a fucking genocide survivor. SELFISH.#fuck you salem.#wolfertinger#wolfertinger666#puppychan#puppkittyfan1#pupkittyfan
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naw whos the crusty ass bitch who thinks its cute to take my ocs cause what is this
#''dergu zerghed'' thats the sound youll make after i hit u over the head with a mf frying pan#jk i just fukkin reported it man im so tired#even moreso they did enough digging to find the one where i threw freckles on him for an obscure ask like biiitch?????#got a comment on twitter abt how someone loved this character on spicychat and found more art of him and i immediately was out for blood#idc abt the cod fanart being thown all over every website i knew what i was getting into with that shit but my ocs#?#you take my oc my heart n soul ive been building for 10+ years slap some dumbfuck name on him and feed him thru a Fucking AI machine#thats whats rlly boiling my blood tbh fukkin selfish behavior#i went to investigate and i was on a waitlist for it im gunna kmssssss#i am once again plagued with the frustration of the major disconnect of people going 'oh yeah ai bad >:(''#yet falling for every single ai trap there is like some stupidass koala#now my character done been sacrificed to The Machine bc mfs too goddamn lazy to make real friends to rp with#aight the ugly bitch is tryin to take the wheel i gotta stfu
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nina salazar-roberts is such a beautiful case study in comphet and I genuinely think her arc deserves so more appreciation
#female main character who does NOT end up with a guy?? whose arc is about defining her worth around her relationships with men and realizing#she is so much more as a person outside of that#who loves and adores her friends and values every one of her friendships with them with the care and intensity of a romantic relationship??#whose self worth isnt tied to being The Best because she just wants to express herself for HER and make art with her friends#because she loves them and sees the beauty in making something with the people you love even if she isnt the star#and finds the balance between caring about her relationships and having an identity outside of them#of course the fandom hates her. yall can't stand any female character who has a personality outside of her love interest#people who call her bland or selfish or whatever annoy me so much. she's a TEENAGE GIRL figuring out who she wants to be jfc#and is just trying her best and cares so fucking much about the people around her#i love her so much and am so glad she exists as a main character#hsmtmts#nini salazar roberts#olivia rodrigo#also i think liv embodies so much of her in her music#all american bitch. scared of my guitar. enough for you#she's just such a relatable depiction of the messy teenage girl experience
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thinking about dean growing up and putting everything before himself. hunting and his brother and his dad and his dad’s revenge quest for their mom. he doesn’t matter. he is entirely irrelevant. thinking about dean internalising this as just what you do, just how people behave and how they should behave. him viewing selfish as the worst thing you can possibly be.
then thinking about sam growing up and fighting. brave enough to challenge their father and rebel against him and voice something different, brave enough to focus on what he wants. dean seeing this and it stings - he could never do that. how is sam acting like that? he can’t believe that’s the right way to behave. so sam must be selfish, just in believing he has any right to his own life.
dean sublimates himself for the family and expects sam to do the fame, and his resentment and jealousy that sam doesn’t turns into anger and making sam out to be the mean one, the one in the wrong. and this never goes away. this is always what dean levels at sam - that he’s selfish, that in wanting to make his own choices he’s rejecting their family, rejecting dean……. awful. toxic. evil evil message to send to sam. entirely in character. dean wants to prioritise sam, would save him over the world. but he doesn’t care what sam wants.
selflessness isn’t always a charming character trait. it’s not the same thing as a generosity of spirit and it’s definitely not the same thing as being caring. sometimes selflessness just means you’re incapable of prioritising your life and incapable of understanding how anyone else could or should prioritise theirs. sometimes it means you still act selfishly, you just convince yourself you were objectively in the right, because doing something actually for yourself is unthinkable. sometimes it means you think the very act of having wants and boundaries is selfish, no matter whether they’re yours or anyone else’s.
anyway… thoughts on dean’s specific brand of awfulness regarding sam. what does it matter to him what sam actually wants? since when did it ever matter in the winchester household what anyone wanted? dean had to deal with things he didn’t want for the mission (for john). sam has to deal with things he doesn’t want for the mission (for dean). augh. the cycles
#& what do they get for that? sam gets punished repeatedly for being brave and attempting to have any sense of agency#it’s taken from him repeatedly by everyone around him. hes violated in every possible way. him wanting his own life is framed as selfishness#i can’t stop thinking abt this. Am i dean winchester am i on the pathway to becoming him#it makes so much sense now. of course sam is everything to me. i always always latch onto characters who fight who try to say fuck you i am#worth something. and that’s what sam tried to do. it just didn’t work. the story wears him down too much. augh.#the story + his abused/abusive brother#spn is a horror story#dean winchester#this is written with love but it is very much hashtag dean critical#spn#meta#supernatural#sam winchester#spn meta
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realizing that communication actually doesnt matter as much as ppl say it does, bc most ppl glorify it and see it as a magical solution when in fact communicating your feelings/wants/needs only work if other ppl are receptible to it. which... most ppl arent, both bc many dont want to bc it requires too much effort of them and it's easier to shift blame on others not "communicating", but also bc many many ppl just have brains that arent wired to understand others, or other viewpoints and perspectives. thus, no level of communication will make someone who isnt capable of receiving it hear you. most efforts to "communicate" are completely wasted. and it's frustrating, but what can u do?
#one of my main examples of this is...#i clearly stated in the beginning of someone expressing potential interest in me#that i have feelings for someone and i cant help that or do anything abt and its just how it is#but that person continued to call me stupid for not just stopping my feelings for my person#thats just an example *i* FEEL is obvious#even if u tell someone or warn someone or give someone a head ups#if they arent capable of comprehending it or you... it wont matter#they will still hurt / punish / get mad at u for not being what they want#so yeah... makes me wanna scream#humans are just too much fkn pain in the ass </3#i barely even see the point in being upfront or direct or honest anymore#it doesnt even fucking matter bc apparently most ppl are fkn incapable of hearing u 😒#i've always thought it so important to be considerate to others#not waste their time... not give them fair warnings etc etc#but more and more i feel like 9/10 they just fkn lash out on u anyway#maybe i should just be sketchy and dodgy and vague distant and detached and avoidant like everyone else is#and just protect myself and my own selfish desires and needs and wishes. everyone else does that.#i just am not wired to look at ppl and see what they can give me or what i can use them for#thats why i often am just upfront and honest. i dont see ppl as merchandise or their sole purpose being to serve me and my needs#im just a human and theyre a human and we have a mutual thing going#but no. nooooo. thats how *i* work. i've learned that now#most (not all but far too many im tired) look at others and automatically calculate how they can use them#what they can get out of talking to u. what they can take and get from u. how to make u act the way they want to#idk where im going with this.... uh. i just dont see the point in communicating. ppl dont listen..#bc they dont want to cummincate. they want u to shut up and act like the marionette they see u as. they dont wanna hear u out or understand#they want u to just behave and act how they tell u. thus communicating is a total waste of energy 9/10 times#like .. for example on here. i can put like warning im mentally ill in my bio. but ppl will still be personally affeonted when i act that#way to myself ... most ppl just are not capable of listening to others or processing the fact that others dont exist for them#it doesnt matter how much u try to be honest or direct or upfront bc they dont care. they dont hear it. they wont adjust or respect u.#so why even bother communicating? or warn? or be direct? none of that even makes a lick of difference its so futile
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Carlos on Thursday being happy with my stupid gift to him ❤️
#the results don't reflect his performance over the weekend so let's focus on the purely happy moments#look at his dorky smile#i saw this up close fucking hell#how i am alive i do not know#i have a video as well but that's for me ❤️#i'm selfish and want to keep a piece of that moment between him me guido and a few of the fans who saw it happen#i love him with my whole heart#carlos sainz#f1#f1 2023#2023 austrian gp
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"BPD makes you have low self worth" well apparently not because my brain still insists that things that have nothing to do with me surely are because of me :/
#feel horrible. this isnt about me. something terrible happened and you're more worried about feeling upset? about worrying they hate you?#this is why i hate plans. something always happens#what if they leave? what if i never hear from them again? what if they change? what if they take their life? i cant be there with them#i cant help i cant keep them safe i cant hold them i can't but its not about me why am i so selfish? why do i make it about me?#hate myself a lot rn. i wanna fix it but i cant. so what the fuck do i do? i know its out of my control but i need to do something#i know ill just make it worse im so fucking stupid#sad thoughts#vent blog#sad blogging#vent#vent post#venting#actually mentally ill#actually traumatized#personal vent#actually obsessive#bpd vent#bpd feels#bpd thoughts#bpd problems#bpd
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Your election post was the most holier-than-thou, performative, bullshit I’ve ever read. Get a grip and get some self awareness.
i will take "missed the entire point" for 500, alex
#y'all abstainers and third party voters are gonna have so much blood on your hands if this goes sideways#and a lot of that blood will be that of palestinians#but please go ahead and ignore all logic#so over it dude#tired of being nice election day is half over anyway#if you abstained or voted third party#you did the wrong thing#you did a bad thing#hope the moral high ground was worth it bud#perceived moral high ground i should say#all it actually is is selfish performative bullshit#and i am sick to fucking death of explaining why#when trans people are criminalized for existing#when palestine is flattened into nothing but debris#when people with uteruses are forced into pregnancy#and criminalized for miscarriages or still births#when lgbt protections are repealed#when every criminal in office gets a pardon#when education falls apart#when healthcare gets even worse#when our allies turn against us#when we get involved in international conflicts we have no business in#when people die#i hope you remember today and the choices you made#and i hope you never get rid of your guilt#if he wins and the world falls apart i hope you feel the weight of your mistake until the day you fucking die#you make it so hard to believe in the good in people#and i am so tired#diz says stuff
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you can run away as fast as your feet can carry you and you can get into a million other things with new characters to relate to but you can never escape the miserable reality that jeremy heere from be more chill is the most you character ever made
#AND HE SUUUUUCKS <3 not really.#its a bit of that you are so fucking SELFISH. DIE. i am __ years old meme#i am 17 years old and i want to be less depressed :) and then some part of you never stops being 17 wanting to escape.#kora.txt
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genuinely i think if i have to see taylor swift’s name one more time i’m going to start breaking things.
#i liked her casually as a kid#and i still like a lot of her music now#but i can barely even fucking listen to it anymore bc she is EVERYWHERE#like literally i don’t care about her and i don’t care about travis whoever#and i don’t even care about her in a negative way like i don’t care if she’s selfish and narcissistic and a performative activist#and her jet emissions or whatever#bc literally 90% of celebrities are like that she’s not special#i am just so tired. of people ALWAYS talking about her#and being expected to have an opinion and be up to date with whatever meaningless drama is going on#genuinely no hate to my friends that like taylor bc i don’t mind that#it is more just like. Everywhere#i cant even go on tiktok without seeing her name 300 times i cant DO THISSS#ok. rant over. 😭
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